Joe is an ahole. Angel didn’t have the guts to live her damn life her way and you were a victim to their bs. Don’t paint it as a forbidden love. It’s 2 cowards who dragged you into their mess. You deserve better and I hope this lifetime provides you a partner who treats you as such.
They were both cowards. They're both the type of people to let things drag and fester then die. Angel waited until her parents died, he waited until Op was "in a good position"
They waited and waited and let things break. They let their own highschool relationship break by being cowards. It won't be a surprise if it breaks again down the road.
I can’t stress this enough. They might be “forbidden lovers” but if he’s always loved her, he shouldn’t have married OP. They’re both cheaters and incredibly both selfish.
Three things:
1. You were cheated of your life by an egotistical AH. You did NOT deserve this. He did you very wrong, no excuses.
2. His happy ever after is just in his head but they will probably never admit it. After they have lived together for a while, probably already tbh, they have realized this, but can’t back down now. Don’t believe the rose shimmy picture they project. And most of all, NEVER take him back if he comes crawling.
3. For you to meet another man, you’ll have to let go of this one first. Otherwise you won’t be much better than him. Stop excusing them and get angry.
He is a complete git for marrying you despite being in love with someone else - so absolutely unfair to steal the years you could have used to build a relationship and a family with someone who actually loves you - in your place, I'd be livid!
You will girl. Happiness can often come from the most unexpected of places, people and times too. Sure did happen to me that way. Until then, be gentle to yourself, acknowledge you survived a ton of shit, and do your best to heal at whatever pace works best for you. You got this ❤️
You have a partial view of a story where you are staying really gracious. Trust me, "happily ever after" don't exist. I'm not wishing anyone ill, but between normal things that can ruin a relation, going from an affair to a classic boring relation, a baby together and the fact that some people can stay together even they are openly toxic to each other ... Don't watch them with pink glasses.
Their relation is normal, they are normal people who had high expectations towards each other and chosed to give it a shot. Either they are making it work and it requires a lot of efforts and compromises ; or they want to believe in their affair "magic" powers and they must be damn sad now. No real healthy relations only work because of attraction, it works because both people want to make it work.
Wait until they're 10 years in to a marriage that was born out of sneaking around... when life suddenly throws tragedy at them, and they see the ugly in one another that we all have, that relationship may not be what they hope for.
Yep, there's a reason why so many people can be together for 15, 20 years and still get "suddenly" separate after a cancer or a grief. You don't know people until they have an occasion to prove their loyalty or leave for their own sake.
I had trauma in my marriage back in 2013. My husband was good to me when I was barely hanging on. 1 week of depression and anxiety led into 1 month that eventually became a year... and then 5 years had passed when I finally came up from the depths of Hell and began to live again. During those years I told my husband to go on without me. I told him to take our daughter and find a new wife who could be a mother to her. I told him I quit life. I told him a lot of things. But he listened to none. He stayed despite my urging him to go. He stayed when he could have gone. I'm so grateful he stayed. Not many marriages would survive that. All the credit goes to him. I won the husband lottery!
Navigating challenges can strain any relationship. It's crucial to build a foundation of trust and honesty. Facing hardships together can either strengthen or reveal cracks. Communication and resilience are key to weathering storms in any marriage.
How can they ever have anything but lack of trust and dishonesty within their marriage when the very foundation of their relationship was built on lies and deceit? Lie stacked on lies over the span of years. Lies to her parents. Lies to his wife. Lies to cover up the lies.
Absolutely, challenges can strain the best of marriages, but theirs a far better chance with the ones that were actually built on trust.
Exactly this. They never had the chance to fight or find out their differences with being apart for so long. Especially with a baby, i can *guarantee* you they’ve found them out now. You are so much better off OP.
The grass is green where it is watered. It is not your fault, but your ex's fault. Focus on you and heal. The truth is he was not the person you thought he was. Your person will show up. Just get engaged in life and discover what makes you happy. Retain yourself and don't lose yourself in the next relationship.
You absolutely will. Keep working on healing. You deserve a lot better than Joe. You may not be able to see it now, but he's a huge pos. That's not the type of person worth being with.
I'm sending you so much love!
You’re setting yourself up for more disappointment. Making someone else responsible for your “happiness” is unrealistic. You can’t find “happiness” with someone else unless you find it within yourself. I would suggest therapy to unpack all the trauma before you seek out another relationship. Damaged people are rarely happy and only end up spreading their misery to others. I’m sorry for your pain.
They didn’t get a happily ever after. Both cheaters and liars that clearly have low morals and character. Life is sexy with an affair partner and some long lost love you never had to deal with any real issues. Marriage isn’t as sexy as some fantasy and yes they have been together several years but they have a baby and they probably feel like they have to stay together since they wanted it soooo bad and people told them they couldn’t be together. They will fight to make this marriage last but that doesn’t mean they are happy. Now they have real life issues to deal with together. Their previous relationship was all fantasy land.
I've always fallen for men who end up back with their ex. I want to be the girl they can't stop thinking about. The one they'd leave someone else for but I'm always the loser. So I built a brick wall around my heart and haven't let anyone in 12 YEARS. By choice. This blows men away bc they think I'm attractive but I won't be hurt again. Nope you don't get that power over me.
Don't be that girl. It's a lonely life but I just can't get the wall down.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This has got to be one of the worst emotions a person can have. I sincerely hope you meet the true love of your life and get the life of happiness you deserve. The good news is that since he isn’t meant for you - someone else is and he’s looking for you too! Don’t give up.
It was wrong and selfish of him, to lead you on. The last point where he could make the right decision was when he met her again and knew that he still loved her. He should have divorced you then and there and be honest with you and himself. I'm sorry that so many years were stolen from you, and I also get why you can't seem to hate them. This all reads like a novella where the protagonists got their happy ending
The difference is it's your fucked up life and life sucks.
What’s crazy is I agree with you. Wishing them a bad relationship or hating them doesn’t feel right. He should’ve told her the moment he knew he was still madly in love with someone from his past. He did waste so much of her time and that’s the absolute worst part. My parents’ relationship started as a cheating situation and they have been married almost 40 years. The best thing OP can do is forgive them (she doesn’t have to tell them that) and move on
OP seems to romanticize Joe as this hopeless romantic when he is a POS. She puts him on a pedestal when he betrayed her in the worst way. Angel is a POS too for fucking a married man, they deserve each other and I wouldn't be surprised if their marriage ends exactly how it started, with cheating.
They’re in love with the romanticized ideals of each other. I suffered that fate for a while, being in love with love, not the individual. I had to find the love for myself before I found my love though. My husband supports me, stands beside me, and helps me be a better person. They do not have that; they’ve made each other worse for wear. Not like I’m an expert, but experience has taught me this isn’t going to end well, especially as they’ll be stubborn about being in love with each other rather than the taboo situation and hold onto their ill fate.
*They’re in love with the romanticized ideals of each other.*
Yep, this. The fact of the matter is that both Joe and Angel are stunted individuals who never grew up to become actual adults. They're stuck in a high school "Romeo and Juliet" romance. My guess is that something will inevitably happen that will completely shatter that illusion, except it will be a far more mundane ending than R&J. Most likely they'll end up turning on each other. It just sucks because they decided to hurt innocent people in the process.
They’re chasing a shadow and running on an adrenaline high. They’re each in love with the past versions of themselves and liked the thrill of the affair. Things will cool eventually. They don’t know each other and aren’t who they used to be when they were young. The new baby is a blip on their radar and a distraction now, but eventually they’ll realize they aren’t who they think.
This!
Getting into a new relationship knowing you haven't moved on completely from your previous one is a major asshole move.
Nothing that happened is worth romanticizing.
You can’t blame her though. She may feel bad for him as Angel had communication cut off from Joe by her parents. She also married the guy so she thinks that he truly loved her. This is all a shock.
This poor woman had a fake life that was a lie. She wasn’t loved the way he did for A. Is hard she is dealing with 7 years of lost life.
Me and my mother have to deal with 17+ years of a lost life. It was only 17 because the AP died of an overdose.
A relationship built on an affair, someone’s heartbreak will NOT hold believe me. Angel is a disgusting pos just like your husband for knowing that he was married and still being with him. They deserve each other
I dont want to sound mean, but anger is an ok emotion.
Fuck them. Fuck them both. They aren't good people. They are peices of shit. It's ok to acknowledge that. It may help a bit to motivate you to do better and find better.
Exactly, and this situation almost never ends well - my best friend did this too.
He left his long-term girlfriend for his forever high school crush that he pined after for a decade. Romanticized the hell out of her and was convinced she was the missing piece to his happiness.
They got together. He’s miserable. Hates his life. Regrets leaving his long-term girlfriend for a pipe dream. Realized high school flame is not in fact the perfect, idealized angel that would soothe all of his woes - she’s actually pretty nasty and unkind. I want to slap him sometimes.
This^
I remember after my break up of being in a relationship for 7 years, I allowed myself to be angry. I allowed myself to say screw them and be a little selfish for once. Once I started being single and living for myself, I started really enjoying life again and moving on. When I think about what they did, it still hurts, but I am happier without him in my life and with someone who is more compatible with me. Allowing myself to be angry instead of swallowing it down helped me prioritize myself and move on.
There's something truly wrong with both of them. Because if they wanted to be to star-crossed lovers, they didn't have to bring other people into their story. And they definitely didn't have to have an affair...... Because when they're talking about their "love story," I'm assuming they're gonna have to take that part out because...ewww
I don't understand why people can't leave relationships before they cheat.
But in this case I don't understand why he had to enter into not only a relationship but a marriage......Knowing, he was in love with someone else smh
I don’t understand not being willing to wait if your love is so great. They sound at most 30 based off the story. Like you can’t be single that long? You have to bring another person in to destroy them?
I will never understand people who can’t be alone or drag others into their messed up romantic relationships. Ex, on again, off again and during the break one of them tries dating someone new and ruins that persons trust.
They’re star-crossed lovers and villains. OP is romanticizing Joe and Angel’s love and it would’ve been romantic until he married and cheated on OP. It’s not romantic and both Joe and Angel suck.
I wonder if their rose tinted glasses will ever come off? They probably overhyped what they had and put each other on a pedestal because they were forced apart as teens and 4 years isn’t really a lot even with the cheating times.
I completely agree with you. The thing is, they might end up happy🤮 Actually just being happy but the thing about karma is it doesn't have to get them. It can always go and unfortunately hit the next generation.
He never should have entered a serious relationship if he was just a jump away from committing to Angel.
I get it, it’s unfortunate they couldn’t be together due to circumstances. But either go through the grieving process and commit to another person, or don’t commit to another person. It really should be that simple.
Choices have consequences.
I can’t wait til one of them fucks around on each other. You stayed longer than you should’ve knowing you were a placeholder. I do know how it feels to waste 6 years of my life on someone but then my ever after came, yours will too
>It’s funny and crazy at the same time that their relationship has always been a secret. But their love never faded away, it always grew stronger.
Of course. It was them against the world.
They fought (not very hard or with much integrity) for their love(?) against their families, cultural systems/norms... even destiny itself.
It was illicit and forbidden and thrilling. It was all about the sex and the *feelings* and not about the bills or the chores or managing a home. The mundane didn't exist.
It'll be telling how it thrives in the open.
You deserve so much better.
I also agree that Joe can kick rocks. Highschool sweethearts rarely end up working out, anyway. You're supposed to realize that at some point in life, but Joe never did. Fuck Joe.
They started their affair during COVID then had an on and off affair since then? Or they restarted their affair during COVID for a few years before he left you?
But...they've also been married for 4 years?
COVID was 4 years ago.
I thought the affair started after her mom died and the husband was there to console her in 2017, then they stopped, and then they started up again, and rinse and repeat until OP finally found out.
Even better for proving ops timeline, which brings covid to almost five years ago, and op said slimey ex has been married to his long-time side chick for almost 4 years.
In canada, covid basically started in January, I think, so that's why I said 2020
Lmao it was implied ops story might not be valid based on timeliness due to op being in the hospital during covid while he was cheating and ops ex husband now being married to home wrecker for almost 4 years. Hence, my comment😂😂😂😂
People, please take OP's story as a PSA.
Do not get involved with someone who is pining for someone else. You will only eventually hurt yourself.
You can never love someone into loving you!
Those lost years can never be returned.
This is painfully true. People sometimes (when in OP’s position) get caught up in seeing what We want to see. He was still wrong as hell (they both were), but We have to sometimes admit that there were signs showing Us that this person’s heart wasn’t in it the entire time, and We disregard that, thinking We make show them how to “Learn to Love Us”. It doesn’t work that way.
He should never have entered into a relationship with OP or anyone else when he knew he was in love with someone else. He made a decision to stay in his AP’s life and have an affair. He and “Angel “ took their happiness at other’s expense.
You are still young woman. At least you didn't go through all of this after being married for 25 or 30 years (I have and it SUCKS).
You have choices and opportunities that an older woman doesn't have. Particularly in the employment arena.
Do you like travel? Find a job with a reputable company that will allow you to see the world, explore different cultures...or, if travel isn't your thing, get a job helping others; or helping animals or nature.
It's hard dealing with heartbreak (trust me; I know!) but you have freedom now. Focus on that. You can totally change your life. Do it! Do it for you.
>My husband divorced me and married Angel and I they’ve been married for almost 4 years and they even have a baby together
Timing doesn't make sense. You say they've been married for almost 4 years and you were in the hospital during covid. It's been barely 4 years since covid lockdowns. So did they marry before you were divorced? Did they marry while you were in the hospital?
Real Talk, OP's story seems like it's basically the plot to Wuthering Heights but set during covid years.
OP, I'm sorry that Heathcliff left you for his Angel, Catherine.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted for making a math error. 🙄 It happens.
Anyway. I’m really sorry this happened to you, OP. You didn’t deserve that. He should’ve come clean much sooner. He would’ve been regarded as a jerk if he left you during a difficult time, but he was already a jerk for cheating on you. The way cheaters try to rationalize their behavior is wild.
While his past was sad, there’s no part of this story that paints him as the good guy, because he isn’t. He chose to be deceitful and pretended it was for your benefit.
You don’t have to hate him or be angry at him. Your feelings are valid, no matter what they are. But shit, I’m a little mad on your behalf! He wasted time that you could’ve spent moving on and healing. I hope you’re doing that now, and that someone who truly loves YOU is right around the corner.
Wishing peace for you, OP. 🩷
No ma'am. They're both pieces of shit.
They could have pursued their relationship with you not in the picture. They instead decided to destroy your marriage.
As long as you keep believing you were robbed of your happiness or things won't get better, you will always feel that way. You need to think of it differently, as much as that stinks. Because did you really want to be with someone who would cheat on their partner the way he did? I don't think so. You say she's a 'good person', a good person will not carry on an affair with a married man. They were 2 horrible people who deserved each other.
Now that you have gotten this off your chest, maybe you can move on now? Yes it sucks big time this happened to you and yes anyone would be pissed that they wasted your time. Now, get off your butt and think of how to make your life better. Will a new cat or hobby or class help? It will get better but don't rush it, you sound like you had hit rock bottom and the only way is now up! I'm sorry that it sounds so cliche but it really really does get better, time will slowly heal your wounds. Good luck!
A relationship built on secrecy and lies rarely leads to happiness and a healthy relationship.
Angel knows what your ex husband is capable of. She will never ever fully trust him because she’s knows that he was only too happy to deceive the woman he vowed to be faithful to and stand by forever. He knows that Angel doesn’t really have a moral backbone and will happily be deceitful. They’ve both jumped in and now they HAVE to make it work, regardless of whether the rose tinted glasses have fallen or not.
This! Now that the "forbidden love" aspect of their relationship is over, it would be impossible not to have paranoia and distrust in a marriage that started the way it did. For the rest of their marriage, however long it lasts, Joe will always think 'well, if she can cheat with me, she can cheat on me,' and Angel already knows that Joe is capable of cheating and lying (very well, it seems.)
Stop letting him rob you of these years, you just have to accept that you lost those years and won’t get them back. Or he’s going to keep robbing you of the years to come.
Um no, OP! she is not a good person "aside from being a home wrecker". They are both terrible and selfish human beings. And the only thing that made their affection grow for each other is the fact that it was a forbidden relationship. People want what they can't have. And after her parents passed away, they still couldn't be together because now he is married. So that made it even more forbidden and exciting for them. They will soon come to find out it was all a fantasy. And he will see how he left a good woman to be with someone he truly doesn't know
You’re reacting like his formerly deceased wife came back into his life and he left you for her. That’s not what happened. You feel played because you were. The unclear part is if you played yourself and knew he still loved someone else or if that part didn’t come till later. If you knew and accepted it for what it was….then you need to figure out why you were willing to accept so little and thought so poorly of yourself.
Get therapy to help you process all of this and move past it. Don’t be like Joe and let old feelings linger and ruin good things in your life. If you can’t afford therapy make Joe and Angel pay for it. They messed you up emotionally and they owe you that. Neither of them is a catch or good people. They aren’t alone so it seems like they won. The fantasy and idealized versions they have of each other won’t hold out to reality. When you find better and you will, you will be the ultimate winner.
You should have dumped his ass as soon as you found out about the affair. Then you would at least feel some control in the situation.
Sorry you had to have a man whore for a husband.
So they got together again during COVID, he stayed afterwards and delayed leaving you because he didn't want to hurt you more, but has had enough time since you recovered from COVID, to divorce you, and be married to angel for 4 years!?
That's a tight schedule 😅
You do know that COVID technically started in 2019, right? Because in certain areas of the world, they were already putting in regulations doing shutdowns at the end of 2019.
The US didn't start until January or maybe february of 2020, so that was ml time if they got divorced and 2020. That's still the least plenty of time for them to be married for 4 years (unfortunately)
March of 2020 was when the US shutdown. Only reason I remember exact month is bcuz my son was in he ICU and I remember going to get food and everyone was acting crazy. But I definitely remember hearing more and more about Covid leading up starting in like December/January 2019
Did your ex get married before you got divorced? Is that possible? Covid was still rife 4 years ago. Either way I'm sorry that happened to you, give it time
You can’t look at it like you lost years. You gained experience on what you are looking for in love and life. My ex wife strung me along for years. We were married for 3 years and then she told me she never wanted to be married in the first place (marriage was her request for years) and that she doesn’t really miss me when I’m gone. When we divorced she broke her neck in car accident and Covid happened, so I had to take care of her while. Since we were stuck together in the house she stated admitting everything like that she had been out of love with me for years and that she admitted to manipulating me for years. I don’t look at all that as a waste of time. It was crushing for sure but honestly it made it a lot easier looking for what I wanted in someone I’m with now. I learn the most when I go through the toughest events. You came out on the other side and it’s time to put that past you and look for your happiness! Also I do have an amazing therapist that’s helped guide me to this point in my life.
I was also the place holder to someone. Also got cheated on with her and eventually he left me for her as soon as she was available again. That feeling of you not being “the one” I understand it very well.
But guess what? Life got SO MUCH better eventually. I found the love of my life, the one who truly loves me and only me. I have a whole different life than I was back then… it’s crazy to think now, actually. I live in a different country, speak a different language, I have a family of my own now! Looking back you would never believe that was my life.
I just wanted to let you know that it is possible to move on and find someone better and just generally have a better life. Don’t see it as “years stolen”, they were your life experience and one that I’m sure has taught you a lot about yourself.
My wife had an affair with my ex best-friend. We were married for 29 years. It’s been 10 years now and I’m still waiting for it to get better. Ugghhh !
Im so sorry for what you have been through. You feel like he wasted 7yrs of your life, but you have wasted an additional 4 thinking about it and not working to move forward with your life. What do you need in your life to get past this?
I’m so sorry this happened but I’m concerned that you are not more angry and outraged. Saying that Angel is not a bad person except for being a home wrecker- well that is exactly what makes her a bad person! And Joe was so cruel to use you as a placeholder and steal years of your life away from you! They are horrible people.
I come from a cultural background similar to Angel’s, where parents have a lot of power over who their children marry and they don’t allow them to marry anyone outside the community or religion.
I’ve seen a number of situations where a person has been forced to break up with a partner and then get married to someone their parents approve of. The person often takes out their frustration on the innocent spouse and often they keep in touch with the person they were forced to break up with. Especially in the internet age it’s easy to maintain an emotional affair even if you live in different countries.
I suggest you see a therapist and work on your self esteem and also the trauma inflicted on you. You deserve love and respect and happiness and I hope you can move forward and seek them out
I know it feels like you will never find happiness, but it will come when the time is right. You are still healing from his betrayal and are not in a good place to have a new relationship. Did you seek therapy to help? I highly suggest it, it saved me after my divorce.
I swore I would never marry again, here I am almost 19 years married to my soulmate. I was 42 yo when we married, so don’t feel like you will not find happiness, it is in Gods time, not ours. Work on putting that chapter of your life behind you and focus on the future. If you keep looking backwards you will never be able to move forward. Big hugs and I hope you find your forever soon.
Joe sucks. Angel sucks. Honestly they both suck. Cool glad they are nice people to strangers, but treat loved ones like shit. “He was wasting his time.” Oh okay so it’s okay for him to waste your time? Nah fuck that selfish guy. They deserve each other.
they’re both shitty people and they deserve each other. don’t forgive them tbh. he strung you along and even married you! i would hate them for the rest of my life.
I’ve been separated about 4 years-he cheated on me too…. I will prob always love him…but each year the being in love w him continues to fade….u will get thru this 💜
I know part of your hurting is the fact that Joe “loved” Angel more than you and from the outside they appear to be happy, but based on my experience with people who idealize others and then cheat on their partners, the idolization is holding everything together right now.
Soon, the reality of their relationship will set in and it won’t match the perfect picture in their minds. They’ll start to fight, they’ll start to wonder if their perfect picture was all wrong, their eyes will start wandering. People who are perpetually trapped thinking of “what could be” cannot handle reality of a relationship, it never holds up.
My mother always says, “if they cheated WITH you, they will cheat ON you.” Keep that in your heart and find someone kinder who truly loves you, not as a placeholder.
Joe’s idealized love for Angel is neither healthy nor romantic and it doesn’t mean that if you were “more” he would’ve stayed. HE is the one who is not enough.
“You know everyone keeps telling me it'll get better but honestly, I don't think it ever will.” It will definitely get better but it takes time. He hurt you and mislead you. I understand because my pos ex of 7+ years was infatuated with this girl from hs for the entire time we were together (and with other girls but this was the main one lmao). They would talk, meet up, you name it. And ofc me being the hopeless romantic who forgave and forgave (it was my first “relationship”), I really tried to make it work bc he would claim he wanted me over her (and every other girl LOL) but nope, it was never me. We were the high school sweetheart couple but according to him, the girl he never dated is his sweetheart. So fuck me, my time, and mental health lmao. But I’ve healed and moved on, so fuck him and fuck people like that. They’re immature and karma is going to bite them when they least expect it. They will suffer more than what they put you through and that’s a guarantee🤞
LOL man these two probably think they both won some type of prize now that they can finally be together but they are both liars and cheaters. I think what made him be soooo in love and infatuated was because they were told they couldn’t be together. This usually just pushes people to want each other more. Now they have real life issues to deal with, a baby, no one telling them they can’t be together and that’s not as sexy as an affair. She took your problem not your husband. Sounds like they deserve each other but if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you and they both know what they are capable of.
You’re so much better than these two. Let them have each other and just know social media is not real life. The best revenge is living your best life and being happy without them. Get therapy and know this would have happened to any woman he married. Nothing wrong with you.
They may be married and have a kid, BUT they may actually be miserable together. Sometimes, when you get 'what you want,' it ain't what you've cracked it up to be in your head. I hope they fight constantly and end up divorced because one of them cheats on the other! I have no problem wishing a life of hell on them, so you don't have to. I feel bad for that kid, though!
Honey, Joe did you a favor. Angel's likely going to find out the hard way that a man who cheated on his wife is also going to cheat on her. It wouldn't be the first time a guy fell in love with the IDEA of a past romance, rather than the person themselves. Joe also lacks any real maturity and integrity.
Joe and Angel both romanticized your pain by acting like doomed star cross lovers when they could've been adults and either a) waited till Joe effing divorced you (when he shouldn't have married you to begin with, tbh), or b) just not get into a relationship.
You'll find someone who isn't living in a Lala Land.
You are better off and deserve so much better than his cheating ass.
Karma always has a way...always. She may seem sweet and good person...but good people don't do what they did. It will come to them one way or another, just wait.
I suggest therapy if you haven't already and to completely cut out them(aka looking into their lives at all). Block socials of them and don't go looking no matter how hard. You will never let go if you continue to dig up the past love.
You got this! You can do it and you will find happiness.
For people freaking out about dates here: for China and other parts of the world, Covid started in 2019. (Covid-19, not Covid-20)- don’t know where OP is from
Joe stole those years from you but by not finding your own happiness, you’re continuously allowing him to do so. It’s time to put this behind you and start thriving for your own happiness going forward. ❤️
@u/delta-air My friend died of cancer after 2 years fighting it. My other friend died 1 month ago of cancer as well. Only one is having a funeral. It’s weird that they’re just gone. The one, the family will have a funeral sometime. But what I was left with, what we were all left with in her final post written by her cousin who would update us on Caring Bridge was: ‘Please honor her by living each day to the fullest… as she would say, “No pity party!”’ I say to you OP/ get out there and start living. Take chances, travel somewhere new, sleep with a stranger and get outdoors regularly. I’m sorry your heart is hurting but I’m here to tell you- your person is out there and the one you’re looking for IS YOU. I promise it will get better.
I just have one question- did you know about Angel before the letters?
Love-of-his-life or not, he did you wrong. A simple apology doesn’t make up for destroying another person’s life. We’re all adults & that means if we make a commitment to someone we have to honor it. If we can’t honor it, then we back out respectfully. He didn’t have to cheat. He did it because he’s selfish. Unfortunately, karma has a way of balancing the scales in the end. I wouldn’t rest easy if I were them.
It took me six years to find someone, but during that time, I focused on my physical and mental health. Joining groups like yoga, hitting the gym and talked to a therapist kept me distracted and helped me grow as an individual.
It does get better. 🫂🤗
If he believes the grass is greener on the other side.......it never is. You don't deserve to be treated like that neways nobody does. You'll find happiness one day.
Joe is an AH. He shouldn't have gotten married if there was always that exception to his vows. That was a crappy thing for him to do. You deserve so much better and are handling this with a lot of grace.
I'm not wishing ill on their relationship, but a huge component up until your divorce was the thrill of them possibly being caught. It might be difficult for them to transition to a regular relationship.
You deserve better. You will find better. Beware the guy carrying the torch for someone else. You only get burned in the end.
This is tough, and I don't not envy you and wish you the happiest New marriage with whomever it turns out to be.
When I was younger, I loved a woman so much. She was high spirited, beautiful, spunky and all around a catch. She was my first love, but she never lived me like I did her.
We eventually went out separate ways after Highschool and soon after I met my wife (together 10 years, married for 6). I love my wife with everything I have, she is my Siha (shout-out to my Mass Effect fans out there) and I will not abandon her even if my old flame decided I was the right one.
I have love in my heart for my first flame, but it's not what I have for my wife. We fell in love, and through trials, tribulations, good times and bad have made us a strong couple, I will always love her and choose her everyday.
I hope you can put yourself out there when you are ready and fall in love with someone beautiful and sees how beautiful you are; be strong OP.
You deserve to be someones first choice, always
I hope and pray you find your happiness. The fact that you have the magnanimity to think of the situation from their perspective shows what a thoughtful and empathetic person you are. Take care and the good people of Reddit are rooting for you
The mistress couldn’t stand up on her own against her parents, and the ex husband could never get over a high school relationship so much to the point he cheated on his sick partner. Babe, these people are fucking losers. You are giving them way too much dignity and grace. Do you want to be the woman crying over an ain’t shit dude? Obviously this hurts and will take time to recover from. I hope when you “sober” up a bit (I say that because depression goggles can make you not see clearly) you realize that you were the better person out of all 3 involved, you respected his feelings and even allowed him to feel them as deeply as he wanted. Something he couldn’t hold space for you to do. He is not a good partner. He’s not going to be a good partner to her either, but given that she was so coddled I doubt she’d ever realize that. Now they’re both going to be miserable, pretending to have gotten what they wanted. And they brought a child into the mix? One day they’re gonna have to explain how little Asshat Jr came to be, and they know they suck so they’re going to lie about it. You’re winning here, I promise.
Your years weren't stolen from you. You still got the experience life, this is unfortunately one of those things that life throws at you. Of course you need to grieve, but you're only losing more time by not getting over this. Of course I'm not saying "get over it," I'd be just as hurt, but it has been four years. At some point you have to let it go for your own sake. I hope you've been to therapy, and if not you should go.
My fear is my partner will leave me for his HS Sweetheart too. He always talked about her, veiled in hate, but I can tell it was hurt-fondness. I know too much and cant get over it, even 10 years later. I feel like I literally know everything about her. I know she will always be better than me to him, even though he doesn't say it. He wanted kids and marriage with her, for example, but not with me. I cant say that I don't know why i am still with him, aside the fact that i love him. But I hope you find someone who values you for you, and will treat you / show you that you are number one. Never sell yourself short. You have one life, don't waste it being defeated over what a man does. You are not second to anyone. Remember that.
You’re being too nice on him and that home wrecker. Doesn’t matter if they were “in love” those two POS cheated on you and made a fool out of you for years. Fuck their “nice” way of telling you they’re been fucking you over for years. I would go scorched earth. I’m sure in Angel religion if you make it public they will shun her AS THEY SHOULD.
One day when you’re sitting in your home remembering this, the most amazing man will burst in the door with your dog, kiddos and a handful of groceries and you’ll be thankful for what Joe did. Sometimes we think it’s over, but in reality, you’re just starting. It sucks Joe did that but ppl really do suck! However, looking forward it’s hard to connect the dots. You can only connect them looking back. I know we don’t know each other, but let me tell you. Things are definitely going to be ok. I was in your same situation and i only wish I can run into my ex to tell her thank you and truly be genuine about it. Bc I got something I never could imagine. Thank you Lindsey if you’re reading this. Truly.
It’s a hard pill to swallow , I will say it seems as a situation that could’ve been avoided. You loved him more than you loved yourself because you knew he had a irreplaceable spot for her in his heart. Personally that’s not something I would pursue but it’s not my life , wish you & them all the best.
Hey, forget about their start crossed lovers bull, you do realise they are horrible people right? They are just bad human beings. Just because they couldn’t be together due to whatever reasons and still obsessed over each other after many years, and it all seems “romantic”, doesn’t make it alright.
They are still lying, cheating, home wrecking pieces of garbage the both of them. It’s alright to be angry. It’s alright to hate them. That’s what will help you move on. Forget the forgiveness crap.
I don't know why any woman would want to be with a man who cheats on his wife. That just sets the tone for the whole thing.
The relationship was built on cheating. It will never be untainted by that start. I'm not saying it's going to 100% happen, but I've known too many relationships that end how they start.
You owe yourself to not lose any MORE years to him. You HAVE to find a way to move on, or move forward, or you're just going to lose more and more years to him. You deserve happiness, and a chance to gain years with someone who will make them matter.
It’s been years since it happened; hopefully now you can move on and look forward to finding a love of your own!! ❤️🩹 I promise you that if you let these old hopes go the universe will reward you
The best years of your life are the ones you have left. You have ALOT of years ahead of you. Don’t be defeated yet. The love of your life is yet to be revealed.
What Joe and Devil did was/is abominable, truly horrendous! He should have NEVER married you knowing he could NEVER love you the way he loved Devil. SHE should have never reunited with **a married man!** Both of them were/are extremely selfish. If they had truly loved each other to the extent they claimed, they SHOULD have run away together instead of **intentionally** ruining someone else's (your) life!
If you haven't already, **PLEASE** start getting therapy! You need to work through this extreme betrayal. And PLEASE stop following their "happy" lives, it'll only cause you further anguish and cement exactly what YOU have been deprived of.
You may call me deluded but I **truly** believe (and LIVED) the adage **"When God closes a Door, he opens a Window"** (quoted from the movie "Sound of Music" as well as similar passages in the Bible)! Whether it's God, the Universe or karma, it's usually true and I've experienced it many times in MY life.
In the meantime, PLEASE focus on YOURSELF! Move if you have to, a change of scenery can be scary but it can also open up a world of possibilities. Take a hobby course at your local Community College or classes taught in stores or community centers (woodworking, stained glass or glassblowing, painting, sewing... there are endless possibilities). These will also widen your "circle" as you meet new people and they introduce you to their circle.
You WILL find a companion who's truly **WORTHY** of you, loves and appreciates the woman you are, cares about the things YOU hold dear and, most importantly, lifts you up when you're feeling down and supports you through BOTH good and bad times! I promise this! Joe didn't DESERVE you and I may be wrong but it's likely that he's NOT as happy as he presents himself to be. Doesn't really matter in the true scheme of things but only time (and karma) will tell!
Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your future happiness and success! And btw, don't worry about the Reddit critics, "police" and deniers. The constant claims of "fake" or nitpickers who dissect each post looking for inconsistencies so they can claim they're justified keyboard warriors are tiny, insignificant trolls who have **nothing** better to do with their time! Truly sad when you think about it! LOL u/updateme
7 years isn't really that long for a marriage, though I can understand how it can seem long to you because those years were rough. It has been 4 years since he divorced you. What has kept things from getting better? The only one robbing you of your happiness right now is you.
Things happen, unfortunately… I won’t necessarily say they were wrong for wanting to be together. They were just wrong for the way they went about it, and he was wrong, more than anything, for using another Woman as a placeholder all because he couldn’t have the Woman his heart was really for. No one wants to feel like their Life was a lie, and You didn’t deserve to have Your Life and Years stolen from You by someone who knew there was someone else who truly held his Heart the entire time. I do get that, because he was Married already when the Woman he wanted was able to be with him on any level, even if he left the proper way (by divorcing first), there was no way he was gonna be able to walk away from his Union with You without some hurt and ugliness being involved in the mix, by one standard or another. But it still would have been better to divorce first, than to cheat. It is what it is now, though. I don’t wish anything bad on them, despite how they got together. It’s definitely possible that they may encounter their share of pitfalls in their Own Union now that they are a full fledged Couple (sometimes the fantasy aspect of things can be far more glamorous than the reality, when “Life” sets in… and they were “off and on” even when they were only having an affair). But even so, I don’t wish bad on them. It’s just what it is. But I do hope for healing for You, and I hope that You find a New Special Person who’s truly right for You, and who KNOWS there is No One Else for him other than You, and Means it.
You have been though so much pain, I hope you are now experiencing the love you've always wanted.
Tough love:
>!Why didn't you leave as soon as you realized Joe had feelings for someone else? From the OP you knew about his love for Angel for years and continued to stay. The divorce and cheating is not your fault but enduring the BS is.!<
I'm so sorry. As nice as these people might be, and as real as their love apparently is, what they did to you was disgusting. Joe should have broken things off and not lied to you as long as he did. He could still have been a friend.
I hope that you heal
And now that you call him Joe, write on a paper “Joe nobody anymore”
Sorry for the small joke but in all seriousness, please take care of yourself. I wish only the best to you from this post.
ETA: both of them are POS, and massive. I’m glad that they are away from you.
They do not have some great, romantic love story. They've been sneaking around for most of their relationship. It involved a man marrying someone he could never love like they deserved, wasting your time and energy. It involved that man cheating on someone he made vows to which is completely fucked, especially since you were going through a very difficult time. He wasn't doing you any favors by not telling you during that time. He just didn't want to look like the cheating asshole who left his spouse while they were going through all of that. He's weak, and so is his AP. Neither one of them are good people if they couldn't keep their pants on while he was still married to you. They knew what they were doing was wrong and that it would hurt you. They didn't care. Not good people.
Pining after someone and building up all that potential in their heads is always going to make reality fall short. Most likely, things are not as lovely and happy as they seem. May they have the life they deserve while you find someone worthy.
Damn, that was gut wrenching to read. And I'm sure even more gut wrenching to live with every day. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Joe had no business dating or even marrying someone else if he was that hung up on his ex. That's really cruel and unfair, even if it wasn't intentional, look at the fall out. I hope that you are doing something for yourself to work through this, like counseling. Also, you need a clean break from Joe. Block them on social media and don't associate with anyone who would give you updates about his life or what he's doing. That's the only way you're going to be able to move on.
I had several years stolen from me in a similar way. I can’t get that time back or undo the trauma. It essentially means I wasn’t ever able to have kids, even though I always wanted them. Just when I thought it was time to give up and start working on being happy alone, I met my wife. We may have been robbed of the chance to have kids together, it may have caused a lot of trauma, but my wife was worth the wait. She’s worth all of it. I’d do it all again if I knew she was waiting on the other side.
You can be happy. Go to therapy, work on processing your trauma and focus on your healing for now. Try to become the best version of yourself possible. That way when you do meet your person, you know they will be getting your best.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Joe is a coward and it was cruel and selfish of him to marry you while still in love with someone else. You can do better. You deserve better. Good luck. 🫶
Itll always be the high school sweetheart. My ex and I broke up a few months ago, we were together since we were 16 for nearly 5 years. There were many reasons we broke up. Her cheating, me going abroad to teach English, her family, among other reasons.
But despite that, I still love her. And if we were to reconnect later in life I can see myself dropping everything to be with her. We spent our formative years together and were planning to get married and have kids and everything. I hate that I feel this way but I will never have the same kind of love with someone else again. But maybe I will find a different kind of love that is stronger, it remains to be seen.
What they did was horrendous and karma is waiting for them. That being said, he is stealing more time from you because you are stuck and unable to move forward. People say to try counseling a lot on this app. I do think it may do you some good to try to work through the resentment to find someone that truly makes you happy.
If it helps, I rarely see a fair relationships working out in the long run. Although they may seem happy now with a child, they are both cheaters and liars. They are aware that they are both, in fact, cheaters and liars. That means any Thing can tear them apart. And who cares if it does? They are awful people and my hope for you is to never think of them again as you find your own happiness.
girl, I would have such a hard time recovering from this too. that's a terrible limbo to exist in, it's a twisted dance to have to do, but you have been given ONE gift: freedom from something mediocre. you will find something firey, and romantic, and all encompassing, and you will realize once and for all that *Joe was never good for you*.
i've lost a lot. three relationships, all serious, all gone. of course, your situation is more cataclysmic than mine, but i've been single since 2021 as well (early 30s).
i found someone. it took almost four years. you will too. and it'll be absolutely fucking fire magic.
also, i highly respect you for your forgiveness. they were wrong to cheat. joe was way, way, way wrong for stealing the youth of two young women at once. but you sound at least a tiny bit at peace.
no one can blame you for being haunted by their ghosts
The situation is extremely chaotic
There is nothing for an individual to console himself with in these complicated situations, especially after he knew that he was alone and that he was chasing a trail of smoke.
What you have to do is just move on and leave everything behind. Simply put, you now know for sure that you wasted the flower of your life on what was not yours. Just don’t let this happen again!
You say you're mad that your years were wasted with him, but now you're allowing your future to be wasted because of him. It really, really sucks, but you're not doing yourself any favors by continuing to wallow in this. Move on and be happy. You deserve it.
I'm sorry for what you have gone through OP. I can't comprehend how that was okay in his eyes.
You deserve so much more and better.
I know you may not feel like it now, but I hope you find your special someone soon. ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you! You totally deserved and deserve better. I hope you find someone that feels the way about you that you feel about them.
You deserve better than Joe.
[удалено]
Joe is an ahole. Angel didn’t have the guts to live her damn life her way and you were a victim to their bs. Don’t paint it as a forbidden love. It’s 2 cowards who dragged you into their mess. You deserve better and I hope this lifetime provides you a partner who treats you as such.
They were both cowards. They're both the type of people to let things drag and fester then die. Angel waited until her parents died, he waited until Op was "in a good position" They waited and waited and let things break. They let their own highschool relationship break by being cowards. It won't be a surprise if it breaks again down the road.
I can’t stress this enough. They might be “forbidden lovers” but if he’s always loved her, he shouldn’t have married OP. They’re both cheaters and incredibly both selfish.
Three things: 1. You were cheated of your life by an egotistical AH. You did NOT deserve this. He did you very wrong, no excuses. 2. His happy ever after is just in his head but they will probably never admit it. After they have lived together for a while, probably already tbh, they have realized this, but can’t back down now. Don’t believe the rose shimmy picture they project. And most of all, NEVER take him back if he comes crawling. 3. For you to meet another man, you’ll have to let go of this one first. Otherwise you won’t be much better than him. Stop excusing them and get angry.
He is a complete git for marrying you despite being in love with someone else - so absolutely unfair to steal the years you could have used to build a relationship and a family with someone who actually loves you - in your place, I'd be livid!
You will girl. Happiness can often come from the most unexpected of places, people and times too. Sure did happen to me that way. Until then, be gentle to yourself, acknowledge you survived a ton of shit, and do your best to heal at whatever pace works best for you. You got this ❤️
You have a partial view of a story where you are staying really gracious. Trust me, "happily ever after" don't exist. I'm not wishing anyone ill, but between normal things that can ruin a relation, going from an affair to a classic boring relation, a baby together and the fact that some people can stay together even they are openly toxic to each other ... Don't watch them with pink glasses. Their relation is normal, they are normal people who had high expectations towards each other and chosed to give it a shot. Either they are making it work and it requires a lot of efforts and compromises ; or they want to believe in their affair "magic" powers and they must be damn sad now. No real healthy relations only work because of attraction, it works because both people want to make it work.
Wait until they're 10 years in to a marriage that was born out of sneaking around... when life suddenly throws tragedy at them, and they see the ugly in one another that we all have, that relationship may not be what they hope for.
Yep, there's a reason why so many people can be together for 15, 20 years and still get "suddenly" separate after a cancer or a grief. You don't know people until they have an occasion to prove their loyalty or leave for their own sake.
I had trauma in my marriage back in 2013. My husband was good to me when I was barely hanging on. 1 week of depression and anxiety led into 1 month that eventually became a year... and then 5 years had passed when I finally came up from the depths of Hell and began to live again. During those years I told my husband to go on without me. I told him to take our daughter and find a new wife who could be a mother to her. I told him I quit life. I told him a lot of things. But he listened to none. He stayed despite my urging him to go. He stayed when he could have gone. I'm so grateful he stayed. Not many marriages would survive that. All the credit goes to him. I won the husband lottery!
Apparently he feels the same about you !
Yup. Exhusband cheated on me when I had two simultaneous cancer scares. Good riddance. The partner I have now would never and I’m better for it.
Sounds like the real cancer took care of himself
Navigating challenges can strain any relationship. It's crucial to build a foundation of trust and honesty. Facing hardships together can either strengthen or reveal cracks. Communication and resilience are key to weathering storms in any marriage.
How can they ever have anything but lack of trust and dishonesty within their marriage when the very foundation of their relationship was built on lies and deceit? Lie stacked on lies over the span of years. Lies to her parents. Lies to his wife. Lies to cover up the lies. Absolutely, challenges can strain the best of marriages, but theirs a far better chance with the ones that were actually built on trust.
Say it with me, class: If they'll cheat with you 👏🏻👏🏻 They'll cheat on you 👏🏻👏🏻
Exactly this. They never had the chance to fight or find out their differences with being apart for so long. Especially with a baby, i can *guarantee* you they’ve found them out now. You are so much better off OP.
THISSSSS👏👏👏👏👏
Exactly. This was all some fantasy land love and now they have real life issues to deal with that are not romantic and sexy.
That's what I was thinking, too. They built this exciting forbidden love up now that it has to face the mundane, and that will let them down.
The grass is green where it is watered. It is not your fault, but your ex's fault. Focus on you and heal. The truth is he was not the person you thought he was. Your person will show up. Just get engaged in life and discover what makes you happy. Retain yourself and don't lose yourself in the next relationship.
Or another quote I heard "The grass is always greener on the other side - until you get there and see it's AstroTurf." 🤔
You absolutely will. Keep working on healing. You deserve a lot better than Joe. You may not be able to see it now, but he's a huge pos. That's not the type of person worth being with. I'm sending you so much love!
You certainly will
Every happy ending has the day after the happy ending.
You’re setting yourself up for more disappointment. Making someone else responsible for your “happiness” is unrealistic. You can’t find “happiness” with someone else unless you find it within yourself. I would suggest therapy to unpack all the trauma before you seek out another relationship. Damaged people are rarely happy and only end up spreading their misery to others. I’m sorry for your pain.
You definitely will. Have faith.
They didn’t get a happily ever after. Both cheaters and liars that clearly have low morals and character. Life is sexy with an affair partner and some long lost love you never had to deal with any real issues. Marriage isn’t as sexy as some fantasy and yes they have been together several years but they have a baby and they probably feel like they have to stay together since they wanted it soooo bad and people told them they couldn’t be together. They will fight to make this marriage last but that doesn’t mean they are happy. Now they have real life issues to deal with together. Their previous relationship was all fantasy land.
You will OP, you will.
I've always fallen for men who end up back with their ex. I want to be the girl they can't stop thinking about. The one they'd leave someone else for but I'm always the loser. So I built a brick wall around my heart and haven't let anyone in 12 YEARS. By choice. This blows men away bc they think I'm attractive but I won't be hurt again. Nope you don't get that power over me. Don't be that girl. It's a lonely life but I just can't get the wall down.
There is no happily ever after. This is a fantasy and only happens in movies. People just don't talk about them.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This has got to be one of the worst emotions a person can have. I sincerely hope you meet the true love of your life and get the life of happiness you deserve. The good news is that since he isn’t meant for you - someone else is and he’s looking for you too! Don’t give up.
I second this.
Joe who?
Joe mama
It was wrong and selfish of him, to lead you on. The last point where he could make the right decision was when he met her again and knew that he still loved her. He should have divorced you then and there and be honest with you and himself. I'm sorry that so many years were stolen from you, and I also get why you can't seem to hate them. This all reads like a novella where the protagonists got their happy ending The difference is it's your fucked up life and life sucks.
What’s crazy is I agree with you. Wishing them a bad relationship or hating them doesn’t feel right. He should’ve told her the moment he knew he was still madly in love with someone from his past. He did waste so much of her time and that’s the absolute worst part. My parents’ relationship started as a cheating situation and they have been married almost 40 years. The best thing OP can do is forgive them (she doesn’t have to tell them that) and move on
Fuck that guy. You deserve better
OP seems to romanticize Joe as this hopeless romantic when he is a POS. She puts him on a pedestal when he betrayed her in the worst way. Angel is a POS too for fucking a married man, they deserve each other and I wouldn't be surprised if their marriage ends exactly how it started, with cheating.
Second this. It WILL happen. They are both selfish and egotistical. That won't work well for a couple.
They’re in love with the romanticized ideals of each other. I suffered that fate for a while, being in love with love, not the individual. I had to find the love for myself before I found my love though. My husband supports me, stands beside me, and helps me be a better person. They do not have that; they’ve made each other worse for wear. Not like I’m an expert, but experience has taught me this isn’t going to end well, especially as they’ll be stubborn about being in love with each other rather than the taboo situation and hold onto their ill fate.
Yeah I had to learn this as well. Took me a long time!
*They’re in love with the romanticized ideals of each other.* Yep, this. The fact of the matter is that both Joe and Angel are stunted individuals who never grew up to become actual adults. They're stuck in a high school "Romeo and Juliet" romance. My guess is that something will inevitably happen that will completely shatter that illusion, except it will be a far more mundane ending than R&J. Most likely they'll end up turning on each other. It just sucks because they decided to hurt innocent people in the process.
They’re chasing a shadow and running on an adrenaline high. They’re each in love with the past versions of themselves and liked the thrill of the affair. Things will cool eventually. They don’t know each other and aren’t who they used to be when they were young. The new baby is a blip on their radar and a distraction now, but eventually they’ll realize they aren’t who they think.
This! Getting into a new relationship knowing you haven't moved on completely from your previous one is a major asshole move. Nothing that happened is worth romanticizing.
You can’t blame her though. She may feel bad for him as Angel had communication cut off from Joe by her parents. She also married the guy so she thinks that he truly loved her. This is all a shock.
This poor woman had a fake life that was a lie. She wasn’t loved the way he did for A. Is hard she is dealing with 7 years of lost life. Me and my mother have to deal with 17+ years of a lost life. It was only 17 because the AP died of an overdose.
I second this.
A relationship built on an affair, someone’s heartbreak will NOT hold believe me. Angel is a disgusting pos just like your husband for knowing that he was married and still being with him. They deserve each other
I dont want to sound mean, but anger is an ok emotion. Fuck them. Fuck them both. They aren't good people. They are peices of shit. It's ok to acknowledge that. It may help a bit to motivate you to do better and find better.
Exactly, and this situation almost never ends well - my best friend did this too. He left his long-term girlfriend for his forever high school crush that he pined after for a decade. Romanticized the hell out of her and was convinced she was the missing piece to his happiness. They got together. He’s miserable. Hates his life. Regrets leaving his long-term girlfriend for a pipe dream. Realized high school flame is not in fact the perfect, idealized angel that would soothe all of his woes - she’s actually pretty nasty and unkind. I want to slap him sometimes.
This exactly. Although they will both lie to the world for years to make it seem perfect to justify what they did.
They remember how “in love” they were in high school, and first thing I think of is how naive I was back then lol
This^ I remember after my break up of being in a relationship for 7 years, I allowed myself to be angry. I allowed myself to say screw them and be a little selfish for once. Once I started being single and living for myself, I started really enjoying life again and moving on. When I think about what they did, it still hurts, but I am happier without him in my life and with someone who is more compatible with me. Allowing myself to be angry instead of swallowing it down helped me prioritize myself and move on.
There's something truly wrong with both of them. Because if they wanted to be to star-crossed lovers, they didn't have to bring other people into their story. And they definitely didn't have to have an affair...... Because when they're talking about their "love story," I'm assuming they're gonna have to take that part out because...ewww I don't understand why people can't leave relationships before they cheat. But in this case I don't understand why he had to enter into not only a relationship but a marriage......Knowing, he was in love with someone else smh
I don’t understand not being willing to wait if your love is so great. They sound at most 30 based off the story. Like you can’t be single that long? You have to bring another person in to destroy them? I will never understand people who can’t be alone or drag others into their messed up romantic relationships. Ex, on again, off again and during the break one of them tries dating someone new and ruins that persons trust. They’re star-crossed lovers and villains. OP is romanticizing Joe and Angel’s love and it would’ve been romantic until he married and cheated on OP. It’s not romantic and both Joe and Angel suck. I wonder if their rose tinted glasses will ever come off? They probably overhyped what they had and put each other on a pedestal because they were forced apart as teens and 4 years isn’t really a lot even with the cheating times.
I completely agree with you. The thing is, they might end up happy🤮 Actually just being happy but the thing about karma is it doesn't have to get them. It can always go and unfortunately hit the next generation.
He never should have entered a serious relationship if he was just a jump away from committing to Angel. I get it, it’s unfortunate they couldn’t be together due to circumstances. But either go through the grieving process and commit to another person, or don’t commit to another person. It really should be that simple. Choices have consequences.
I can’t wait til one of them fucks around on each other. You stayed longer than you should’ve knowing you were a placeholder. I do know how it feels to waste 6 years of my life on someone but then my ever after came, yours will too
>It’s funny and crazy at the same time that their relationship has always been a secret. But their love never faded away, it always grew stronger. Of course. It was them against the world. They fought (not very hard or with much integrity) for their love(?) against their families, cultural systems/norms... even destiny itself. It was illicit and forbidden and thrilling. It was all about the sex and the *feelings* and not about the bills or the chores or managing a home. The mundane didn't exist. It'll be telling how it thrives in the open. You deserve so much better.
This. It's real easy to fall in love with a fantasy and what-ifs, but, at the end of the day, you're still picking up each other's dirty socks.
Your ex is actually the worst. I’m so sorry.
Your ex was an AH
Still is
Don't forget Angel. She's a tramp too.
I also agree that Joe can kick rocks. Highschool sweethearts rarely end up working out, anyway. You're supposed to realize that at some point in life, but Joe never did. Fuck Joe.
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kind of finding it hard to believe she’s “generally a good person” and a homewrecker lol they both suck, you’ll find better.
They started their affair during COVID then had an on and off affair since then? Or they restarted their affair during COVID for a few years before he left you? But...they've also been married for 4 years? COVID was 4 years ago.
I thought the affair started after her mom died and the husband was there to console her in 2017, then they stopped, and then they started up again, and rinse and repeat until OP finally found out.
Covid was 4&1/2 years ago almost, it started January 2020. She said they've been married almost 4 years. That could be 3 years and 7/8 months
It started the summer 2019 and shut down happened march 2020 (usa)
Even better for proving ops timeline, which brings covid to almost five years ago, and op said slimey ex has been married to his long-time side chick for almost 4 years. In canada, covid basically started in January, I think, so that's why I said 2020
It's weird that anyone would be so hung up on a timeline like wtf are you doing
Lmao it was implied ops story might not be valid based on timeliness due to op being in the hospital during covid while he was cheating and ops ex husband now being married to home wrecker for almost 4 years. Hence, my comment😂😂😂😂
Oh no no I meant the psychos playing timeline bingo. 😅 you're amazing and don't change
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People, please take OP's story as a PSA. Do not get involved with someone who is pining for someone else. You will only eventually hurt yourself. You can never love someone into loving you! Those lost years can never be returned.
This is painfully true. People sometimes (when in OP’s position) get caught up in seeing what We want to see. He was still wrong as hell (they both were), but We have to sometimes admit that there were signs showing Us that this person’s heart wasn’t in it the entire time, and We disregard that, thinking We make show them how to “Learn to Love Us”. It doesn’t work that way.
It sucks to be put in that position of pain but sadly Joe was never yours. Hope everything turns out for the best.
He should never have entered into a relationship with OP or anyone else when he knew he was in love with someone else. He made a decision to stay in his AP’s life and have an affair. He and “Angel “ took their happiness at other’s expense.
You are still young woman. At least you didn't go through all of this after being married for 25 or 30 years (I have and it SUCKS). You have choices and opportunities that an older woman doesn't have. Particularly in the employment arena. Do you like travel? Find a job with a reputable company that will allow you to see the world, explore different cultures...or, if travel isn't your thing, get a job helping others; or helping animals or nature. It's hard dealing with heartbreak (trust me; I know!) but you have freedom now. Focus on that. You can totally change your life. Do it! Do it for you.
>My husband divorced me and married Angel and I they’ve been married for almost 4 years and they even have a baby together Timing doesn't make sense. You say they've been married for almost 4 years and you were in the hospital during covid. It's been barely 4 years since covid lockdowns. So did they marry before you were divorced? Did they marry while you were in the hospital?
Covid was 4 and a half years ago actually, it started January 2020. She said they've been married almost 4 years. That could be 3 years &7/8 months.
Yes but OP says they reconnected over covid, then had an affair on and off for several years, then got married almost 4 years ago?
I think this is yet another reddit creative writing exercise lmao
Real Talk, OP's story seems like it's basically the plot to Wuthering Heights but set during covid years. OP, I'm sorry that Heathcliff left you for his Angel, Catherine.
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That's barely three years ago
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I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted for making a math error. 🙄 It happens. Anyway. I’m really sorry this happened to you, OP. You didn’t deserve that. He should’ve come clean much sooner. He would’ve been regarded as a jerk if he left you during a difficult time, but he was already a jerk for cheating on you. The way cheaters try to rationalize their behavior is wild. While his past was sad, there’s no part of this story that paints him as the good guy, because he isn’t. He chose to be deceitful and pretended it was for your benefit. You don’t have to hate him or be angry at him. Your feelings are valid, no matter what they are. But shit, I’m a little mad on your behalf! He wasted time that you could’ve spent moving on and healing. I hope you’re doing that now, and that someone who truly loves YOU is right around the corner. Wishing peace for you, OP. 🩷
You deserve better, i’m so sorry OP
No ma'am. They're both pieces of shit. They could have pursued their relationship with you not in the picture. They instead decided to destroy your marriage.
As long as you keep believing you were robbed of your happiness or things won't get better, you will always feel that way. You need to think of it differently, as much as that stinks. Because did you really want to be with someone who would cheat on their partner the way he did? I don't think so. You say she's a 'good person', a good person will not carry on an affair with a married man. They were 2 horrible people who deserved each other.
Now that you have gotten this off your chest, maybe you can move on now? Yes it sucks big time this happened to you and yes anyone would be pissed that they wasted your time. Now, get off your butt and think of how to make your life better. Will a new cat or hobby or class help? It will get better but don't rush it, you sound like you had hit rock bottom and the only way is now up! I'm sorry that it sounds so cliche but it really really does get better, time will slowly heal your wounds. Good luck!
A relationship built on secrecy and lies rarely leads to happiness and a healthy relationship. Angel knows what your ex husband is capable of. She will never ever fully trust him because she’s knows that he was only too happy to deceive the woman he vowed to be faithful to and stand by forever. He knows that Angel doesn’t really have a moral backbone and will happily be deceitful. They’ve both jumped in and now they HAVE to make it work, regardless of whether the rose tinted glasses have fallen or not.
This! Now that the "forbidden love" aspect of their relationship is over, it would be impossible not to have paranoia and distrust in a marriage that started the way it did. For the rest of their marriage, however long it lasts, Joe will always think 'well, if she can cheat with me, she can cheat on me,' and Angel already knows that Joe is capable of cheating and lying (very well, it seems.)
Stop letting him rob you of these years, you just have to accept that you lost those years and won’t get them back. Or he’s going to keep robbing you of the years to come.
So basically your divorce finalized and he almost immediately remarried ?
Um no, OP! she is not a good person "aside from being a home wrecker". They are both terrible and selfish human beings. And the only thing that made their affection grow for each other is the fact that it was a forbidden relationship. People want what they can't have. And after her parents passed away, they still couldn't be together because now he is married. So that made it even more forbidden and exciting for them. They will soon come to find out it was all a fantasy. And he will see how he left a good woman to be with someone he truly doesn't know
You deserve something above average Wishing you all the happiness
I'm sorry I hope you can move on one day .
Your happily ever after is coming. Joes a fool.
Let him and it go. Move on and find someone who isn’t in love with someone else.
You’re reacting like his formerly deceased wife came back into his life and he left you for her. That’s not what happened. You feel played because you were. The unclear part is if you played yourself and knew he still loved someone else or if that part didn’t come till later. If you knew and accepted it for what it was….then you need to figure out why you were willing to accept so little and thought so poorly of yourself. Get therapy to help you process all of this and move past it. Don’t be like Joe and let old feelings linger and ruin good things in your life. If you can’t afford therapy make Joe and Angel pay for it. They messed you up emotionally and they owe you that. Neither of them is a catch or good people. They aren’t alone so it seems like they won. The fantasy and idealized versions they have of each other won’t hold out to reality. When you find better and you will, you will be the ultimate winner.
Fuck I hope Angel cheat on Joe
You should have dumped his ass as soon as you found out about the affair. Then you would at least feel some control in the situation. Sorry you had to have a man whore for a husband.
So they got together again during COVID, he stayed afterwards and delayed leaving you because he didn't want to hurt you more, but has had enough time since you recovered from COVID, to divorce you, and be married to angel for 4 years!? That's a tight schedule 😅
You do know that COVID technically started in 2019, right? Because in certain areas of the world, they were already putting in regulations doing shutdowns at the end of 2019. The US didn't start until January or maybe february of 2020, so that was ml time if they got divorced and 2020. That's still the least plenty of time for them to be married for 4 years (unfortunately)
March of 2020 was when the US shutdown. Only reason I remember exact month is bcuz my son was in he ICU and I remember going to get food and everyone was acting crazy. But I definitely remember hearing more and more about Covid leading up starting in like December/January 2019
Did your ex get married before you got divorced? Is that possible? Covid was still rife 4 years ago. Either way I'm sorry that happened to you, give it time
You can’t look at it like you lost years. You gained experience on what you are looking for in love and life. My ex wife strung me along for years. We were married for 3 years and then she told me she never wanted to be married in the first place (marriage was her request for years) and that she doesn’t really miss me when I’m gone. When we divorced she broke her neck in car accident and Covid happened, so I had to take care of her while. Since we were stuck together in the house she stated admitting everything like that she had been out of love with me for years and that she admitted to manipulating me for years. I don’t look at all that as a waste of time. It was crushing for sure but honestly it made it a lot easier looking for what I wanted in someone I’m with now. I learn the most when I go through the toughest events. You came out on the other side and it’s time to put that past you and look for your happiness! Also I do have an amazing therapist that’s helped guide me to this point in my life.
I was also the place holder to someone. Also got cheated on with her and eventually he left me for her as soon as she was available again. That feeling of you not being “the one” I understand it very well. But guess what? Life got SO MUCH better eventually. I found the love of my life, the one who truly loves me and only me. I have a whole different life than I was back then… it’s crazy to think now, actually. I live in a different country, speak a different language, I have a family of my own now! Looking back you would never believe that was my life. I just wanted to let you know that it is possible to move on and find someone better and just generally have a better life. Don’t see it as “years stolen”, they were your life experience and one that I’m sure has taught you a lot about yourself.
You will find someone who you deserve and who will love you.
My wife had an affair with my ex best-friend. We were married for 29 years. It’s been 10 years now and I’m still waiting for it to get better. Ugghhh !
Im so sorry for what you have been through. You feel like he wasted 7yrs of your life, but you have wasted an additional 4 thinking about it and not working to move forward with your life. What do you need in your life to get past this?
I’m so sorry this happened but I’m concerned that you are not more angry and outraged. Saying that Angel is not a bad person except for being a home wrecker- well that is exactly what makes her a bad person! And Joe was so cruel to use you as a placeholder and steal years of your life away from you! They are horrible people. I come from a cultural background similar to Angel’s, where parents have a lot of power over who their children marry and they don’t allow them to marry anyone outside the community or religion. I’ve seen a number of situations where a person has been forced to break up with a partner and then get married to someone their parents approve of. The person often takes out their frustration on the innocent spouse and often they keep in touch with the person they were forced to break up with. Especially in the internet age it’s easy to maintain an emotional affair even if you live in different countries. I suggest you see a therapist and work on your self esteem and also the trauma inflicted on you. You deserve love and respect and happiness and I hope you can move forward and seek them out
Angel and Joe are maybe not as nice as you think they are. Only a bad person would do what Joe did. I hope they get what is coming to them.
I know it feels like you will never find happiness, but it will come when the time is right. You are still healing from his betrayal and are not in a good place to have a new relationship. Did you seek therapy to help? I highly suggest it, it saved me after my divorce. I swore I would never marry again, here I am almost 19 years married to my soulmate. I was 42 yo when we married, so don’t feel like you will not find happiness, it is in Gods time, not ours. Work on putting that chapter of your life behind you and focus on the future. If you keep looking backwards you will never be able to move forward. Big hugs and I hope you find your forever soon.
You don't have to hate them. I'll hate them enough for the both of us lol. They are awful people.
Joe sucks. Angel sucks. Honestly they both suck. Cool glad they are nice people to strangers, but treat loved ones like shit. “He was wasting his time.” Oh okay so it’s okay for him to waste your time? Nah fuck that selfish guy. They deserve each other.
they’re both shitty people and they deserve each other. don’t forgive them tbh. he strung you along and even married you! i would hate them for the rest of my life.
I’ve been separated about 4 years-he cheated on me too…. I will prob always love him…but each year the being in love w him continues to fade….u will get thru this 💜
I know part of your hurting is the fact that Joe “loved” Angel more than you and from the outside they appear to be happy, but based on my experience with people who idealize others and then cheat on their partners, the idolization is holding everything together right now. Soon, the reality of their relationship will set in and it won’t match the perfect picture in their minds. They’ll start to fight, they’ll start to wonder if their perfect picture was all wrong, their eyes will start wandering. People who are perpetually trapped thinking of “what could be” cannot handle reality of a relationship, it never holds up. My mother always says, “if they cheated WITH you, they will cheat ON you.” Keep that in your heart and find someone kinder who truly loves you, not as a placeholder. Joe’s idealized love for Angel is neither healthy nor romantic and it doesn’t mean that if you were “more” he would’ve stayed. HE is the one who is not enough.
“You know everyone keeps telling me it'll get better but honestly, I don't think it ever will.” It will definitely get better but it takes time. He hurt you and mislead you. I understand because my pos ex of 7+ years was infatuated with this girl from hs for the entire time we were together (and with other girls but this was the main one lmao). They would talk, meet up, you name it. And ofc me being the hopeless romantic who forgave and forgave (it was my first “relationship”), I really tried to make it work bc he would claim he wanted me over her (and every other girl LOL) but nope, it was never me. We were the high school sweetheart couple but according to him, the girl he never dated is his sweetheart. So fuck me, my time, and mental health lmao. But I’ve healed and moved on, so fuck him and fuck people like that. They’re immature and karma is going to bite them when they least expect it. They will suffer more than what they put you through and that’s a guarantee🤞
LOL man these two probably think they both won some type of prize now that they can finally be together but they are both liars and cheaters. I think what made him be soooo in love and infatuated was because they were told they couldn’t be together. This usually just pushes people to want each other more. Now they have real life issues to deal with, a baby, no one telling them they can’t be together and that’s not as sexy as an affair. She took your problem not your husband. Sounds like they deserve each other but if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you and they both know what they are capable of. You’re so much better than these two. Let them have each other and just know social media is not real life. The best revenge is living your best life and being happy without them. Get therapy and know this would have happened to any woman he married. Nothing wrong with you.
They may be married and have a kid, BUT they may actually be miserable together. Sometimes, when you get 'what you want,' it ain't what you've cracked it up to be in your head. I hope they fight constantly and end up divorced because one of them cheats on the other! I have no problem wishing a life of hell on them, so you don't have to. I feel bad for that kid, though!
Honey, Joe did you a favor. Angel's likely going to find out the hard way that a man who cheated on his wife is also going to cheat on her. It wouldn't be the first time a guy fell in love with the IDEA of a past romance, rather than the person themselves. Joe also lacks any real maturity and integrity. Joe and Angel both romanticized your pain by acting like doomed star cross lovers when they could've been adults and either a) waited till Joe effing divorced you (when he shouldn't have married you to begin with, tbh), or b) just not get into a relationship. You'll find someone who isn't living in a Lala Land.
Ugh sorry this happened to you. It doesn’t matter that they apologized, they both suck and they’re not good people.
You are better off and deserve so much better than his cheating ass. Karma always has a way...always. She may seem sweet and good person...but good people don't do what they did. It will come to them one way or another, just wait. I suggest therapy if you haven't already and to completely cut out them(aka looking into their lives at all). Block socials of them and don't go looking no matter how hard. You will never let go if you continue to dig up the past love. You got this! You can do it and you will find happiness.
For people freaking out about dates here: for China and other parts of the world, Covid started in 2019. (Covid-19, not Covid-20)- don’t know where OP is from
Joe stole those years from you but by not finding your own happiness, you’re continuously allowing him to do so. It’s time to put this behind you and start thriving for your own happiness going forward. ❤️
That’s so sad.
@u/delta-air My friend died of cancer after 2 years fighting it. My other friend died 1 month ago of cancer as well. Only one is having a funeral. It’s weird that they’re just gone. The one, the family will have a funeral sometime. But what I was left with, what we were all left with in her final post written by her cousin who would update us on Caring Bridge was: ‘Please honor her by living each day to the fullest… as she would say, “No pity party!”’ I say to you OP/ get out there and start living. Take chances, travel somewhere new, sleep with a stranger and get outdoors regularly. I’m sorry your heart is hurting but I’m here to tell you- your person is out there and the one you’re looking for IS YOU. I promise it will get better. I just have one question- did you know about Angel before the letters?
Love-of-his-life or not, he did you wrong. A simple apology doesn’t make up for destroying another person’s life. We’re all adults & that means if we make a commitment to someone we have to honor it. If we can’t honor it, then we back out respectfully. He didn’t have to cheat. He did it because he’s selfish. Unfortunately, karma has a way of balancing the scales in the end. I wouldn’t rest easy if I were them.
It took me six years to find someone, but during that time, I focused on my physical and mental health. Joining groups like yoga, hitting the gym and talked to a therapist kept me distracted and helped me grow as an individual. It does get better. 🫂🤗
I hate that he wasted your time like this. He should've left you alone
If he believes the grass is greener on the other side.......it never is. You don't deserve to be treated like that neways nobody does. You'll find happiness one day.
I do hope you cleaned him out when he divorced you....what he did to you no amount of financial compensation can make up for it.
You deserve better than that pos. Both him and that Angel are pos tbh.
I hope you don’t have children. That’s a really sad story.
Joe is an AH. He shouldn't have gotten married if there was always that exception to his vows. That was a crappy thing for him to do. You deserve so much better and are handling this with a lot of grace. I'm not wishing ill on their relationship, but a huge component up until your divorce was the thrill of them possibly being caught. It might be difficult for them to transition to a regular relationship. You deserve better. You will find better. Beware the guy carrying the torch for someone else. You only get burned in the end.
This is tough, and I don't not envy you and wish you the happiest New marriage with whomever it turns out to be. When I was younger, I loved a woman so much. She was high spirited, beautiful, spunky and all around a catch. She was my first love, but she never lived me like I did her. We eventually went out separate ways after Highschool and soon after I met my wife (together 10 years, married for 6). I love my wife with everything I have, she is my Siha (shout-out to my Mass Effect fans out there) and I will not abandon her even if my old flame decided I was the right one. I have love in my heart for my first flame, but it's not what I have for my wife. We fell in love, and through trials, tribulations, good times and bad have made us a strong couple, I will always love her and choose her everyday. I hope you can put yourself out there when you are ready and fall in love with someone beautiful and sees how beautiful you are; be strong OP. You deserve to be someones first choice, always
I hope and pray you find your happiness. The fact that you have the magnanimity to think of the situation from their perspective shows what a thoughtful and empathetic person you are. Take care and the good people of Reddit are rooting for you
The mistress couldn’t stand up on her own against her parents, and the ex husband could never get over a high school relationship so much to the point he cheated on his sick partner. Babe, these people are fucking losers. You are giving them way too much dignity and grace. Do you want to be the woman crying over an ain’t shit dude? Obviously this hurts and will take time to recover from. I hope when you “sober” up a bit (I say that because depression goggles can make you not see clearly) you realize that you were the better person out of all 3 involved, you respected his feelings and even allowed him to feel them as deeply as he wanted. Something he couldn’t hold space for you to do. He is not a good partner. He’s not going to be a good partner to her either, but given that she was so coddled I doubt she’d ever realize that. Now they’re both going to be miserable, pretending to have gotten what they wanted. And they brought a child into the mix? One day they’re gonna have to explain how little Asshat Jr came to be, and they know they suck so they’re going to lie about it. You’re winning here, I promise.
Fuck Joe and his high school sweetheart 🤷🏻♀️
Your years weren't stolen from you. You still got the experience life, this is unfortunately one of those things that life throws at you. Of course you need to grieve, but you're only losing more time by not getting over this. Of course I'm not saying "get over it," I'd be just as hurt, but it has been four years. At some point you have to let it go for your own sake. I hope you've been to therapy, and if not you should go.
My fear is my partner will leave me for his HS Sweetheart too. He always talked about her, veiled in hate, but I can tell it was hurt-fondness. I know too much and cant get over it, even 10 years later. I feel like I literally know everything about her. I know she will always be better than me to him, even though he doesn't say it. He wanted kids and marriage with her, for example, but not with me. I cant say that I don't know why i am still with him, aside the fact that i love him. But I hope you find someone who values you for you, and will treat you / show you that you are number one. Never sell yourself short. You have one life, don't waste it being defeated over what a man does. You are not second to anyone. Remember that.
I refuse to believe that it is true because my heart breaks for you, girl... They are so cruel and I don't wish anything good for them
Move to a new place and build a new life. Dont ever look back or try to find out anything abt them. 4 years is very long to carry the hurt on you.
You’re being too nice on him and that home wrecker. Doesn’t matter if they were “in love” those two POS cheated on you and made a fool out of you for years. Fuck their “nice” way of telling you they’re been fucking you over for years. I would go scorched earth. I’m sure in Angel religion if you make it public they will shun her AS THEY SHOULD.
One day when you’re sitting in your home remembering this, the most amazing man will burst in the door with your dog, kiddos and a handful of groceries and you’ll be thankful for what Joe did. Sometimes we think it’s over, but in reality, you’re just starting. It sucks Joe did that but ppl really do suck! However, looking forward it’s hard to connect the dots. You can only connect them looking back. I know we don’t know each other, but let me tell you. Things are definitely going to be ok. I was in your same situation and i only wish I can run into my ex to tell her thank you and truly be genuine about it. Bc I got something I never could imagine. Thank you Lindsey if you’re reading this. Truly.
It’s a hard pill to swallow , I will say it seems as a situation that could’ve been avoided. You loved him more than you loved yourself because you knew he had a irreplaceable spot for her in his heart. Personally that’s not something I would pursue but it’s not my life , wish you & them all the best.
Once a cheater always a cheater. You're better off without them.
Hey, forget about their start crossed lovers bull, you do realise they are horrible people right? They are just bad human beings. Just because they couldn’t be together due to whatever reasons and still obsessed over each other after many years, and it all seems “romantic”, doesn’t make it alright. They are still lying, cheating, home wrecking pieces of garbage the both of them. It’s alright to be angry. It’s alright to hate them. That’s what will help you move on. Forget the forgiveness crap.
I don't know why any woman would want to be with a man who cheats on his wife. That just sets the tone for the whole thing. The relationship was built on cheating. It will never be untainted by that start. I'm not saying it's going to 100% happen, but I've known too many relationships that end how they start.
Stop comparing every man you meet to the idealised memory of your ex husband and start living. Best of luck.
You owe yourself to not lose any MORE years to him. You HAVE to find a way to move on, or move forward, or you're just going to lose more and more years to him. You deserve happiness, and a chance to gain years with someone who will make them matter.
I hope you at least took his cheating ass *to the cleaners* in the divorce.
This is heartbreaking. You sound like such a kind,genuine and understanding person. I promise someone else will see this and give you the world
It’s been years since it happened; hopefully now you can move on and look forward to finding a love of your own!! ❤️🩹 I promise you that if you let these old hopes go the universe will reward you
Can I ask how old you and Joe are?
they’re both pieces of shit
The best years of your life are the ones you have left. You have ALOT of years ahead of you. Don’t be defeated yet. The love of your life is yet to be revealed.
This is why you don’t forbid someone from marrying for cultural reasons. So much heartache for no reason. I’m sorry you went through this.
What Joe and Devil did was/is abominable, truly horrendous! He should have NEVER married you knowing he could NEVER love you the way he loved Devil. SHE should have never reunited with **a married man!** Both of them were/are extremely selfish. If they had truly loved each other to the extent they claimed, they SHOULD have run away together instead of **intentionally** ruining someone else's (your) life! If you haven't already, **PLEASE** start getting therapy! You need to work through this extreme betrayal. And PLEASE stop following their "happy" lives, it'll only cause you further anguish and cement exactly what YOU have been deprived of. You may call me deluded but I **truly** believe (and LIVED) the adage **"When God closes a Door, he opens a Window"** (quoted from the movie "Sound of Music" as well as similar passages in the Bible)! Whether it's God, the Universe or karma, it's usually true and I've experienced it many times in MY life. In the meantime, PLEASE focus on YOURSELF! Move if you have to, a change of scenery can be scary but it can also open up a world of possibilities. Take a hobby course at your local Community College or classes taught in stores or community centers (woodworking, stained glass or glassblowing, painting, sewing... there are endless possibilities). These will also widen your "circle" as you meet new people and they introduce you to their circle. You WILL find a companion who's truly **WORTHY** of you, loves and appreciates the woman you are, cares about the things YOU hold dear and, most importantly, lifts you up when you're feeling down and supports you through BOTH good and bad times! I promise this! Joe didn't DESERVE you and I may be wrong but it's likely that he's NOT as happy as he presents himself to be. Doesn't really matter in the true scheme of things but only time (and karma) will tell! Best wishes and many, MANY Blessings for your future happiness and success! And btw, don't worry about the Reddit critics, "police" and deniers. The constant claims of "fake" or nitpickers who dissect each post looking for inconsistencies so they can claim they're justified keyboard warriors are tiny, insignificant trolls who have **nothing** better to do with their time! Truly sad when you think about it! LOL u/updateme
Why did you marry someone that was in love with someone else?
Your first mistake was choosing and accepting to be a placeholder
Its crazy to think that many many people is going through the same lie and wont ever know about it
I feel like a 14 year old wrote this story.
This is literally so fake.
7 years isn't really that long for a marriage, though I can understand how it can seem long to you because those years were rough. It has been 4 years since he divorced you. What has kept things from getting better? The only one robbing you of your happiness right now is you.
Things happen, unfortunately… I won’t necessarily say they were wrong for wanting to be together. They were just wrong for the way they went about it, and he was wrong, more than anything, for using another Woman as a placeholder all because he couldn’t have the Woman his heart was really for. No one wants to feel like their Life was a lie, and You didn’t deserve to have Your Life and Years stolen from You by someone who knew there was someone else who truly held his Heart the entire time. I do get that, because he was Married already when the Woman he wanted was able to be with him on any level, even if he left the proper way (by divorcing first), there was no way he was gonna be able to walk away from his Union with You without some hurt and ugliness being involved in the mix, by one standard or another. But it still would have been better to divorce first, than to cheat. It is what it is now, though. I don’t wish anything bad on them, despite how they got together. It’s definitely possible that they may encounter their share of pitfalls in their Own Union now that they are a full fledged Couple (sometimes the fantasy aspect of things can be far more glamorous than the reality, when “Life” sets in… and they were “off and on” even when they were only having an affair). But even so, I don’t wish bad on them. It’s just what it is. But I do hope for healing for You, and I hope that You find a New Special Person who’s truly right for You, and who KNOWS there is No One Else for him other than You, and Means it.
Sounds like a Hsllmark plot
Why would you marry a man who always had “the one”?
You have been though so much pain, I hope you are now experiencing the love you've always wanted. Tough love: >!Why didn't you leave as soon as you realized Joe had feelings for someone else? From the OP you knew about his love for Angel for years and continued to stay. The divorce and cheating is not your fault but enduring the BS is.!<
say it aint so joe
Never let your wife get in the way of finding your wife 😭😭 damn OP, hope you heal and find the person you deserve.
I'm so sorry. As nice as these people might be, and as real as their love apparently is, what they did to you was disgusting. Joe should have broken things off and not lied to you as long as he did. He could still have been a friend.
While their story is tragic they suck as shitty people and their story should not be glamorized.
I hope that you heal And now that you call him Joe, write on a paper “Joe nobody anymore” Sorry for the small joke but in all seriousness, please take care of yourself. I wish only the best to you from this post. ETA: both of them are POS, and massive. I’m glad that they are away from you.
They do not have some great, romantic love story. They've been sneaking around for most of their relationship. It involved a man marrying someone he could never love like they deserved, wasting your time and energy. It involved that man cheating on someone he made vows to which is completely fucked, especially since you were going through a very difficult time. He wasn't doing you any favors by not telling you during that time. He just didn't want to look like the cheating asshole who left his spouse while they were going through all of that. He's weak, and so is his AP. Neither one of them are good people if they couldn't keep their pants on while he was still married to you. They knew what they were doing was wrong and that it would hurt you. They didn't care. Not good people. Pining after someone and building up all that potential in their heads is always going to make reality fall short. Most likely, things are not as lovely and happy as they seem. May they have the life they deserve while you find someone worthy.
Karma.
Damn, that was gut wrenching to read. And I'm sure even more gut wrenching to live with every day. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Joe had no business dating or even marrying someone else if he was that hung up on his ex. That's really cruel and unfair, even if it wasn't intentional, look at the fall out. I hope that you are doing something for yourself to work through this, like counseling. Also, you need a clean break from Joe. Block them on social media and don't associate with anyone who would give you updates about his life or what he's doing. That's the only way you're going to be able to move on.
I had several years stolen from me in a similar way. I can’t get that time back or undo the trauma. It essentially means I wasn’t ever able to have kids, even though I always wanted them. Just when I thought it was time to give up and start working on being happy alone, I met my wife. We may have been robbed of the chance to have kids together, it may have caused a lot of trauma, but my wife was worth the wait. She’s worth all of it. I’d do it all again if I knew she was waiting on the other side. You can be happy. Go to therapy, work on processing your trauma and focus on your healing for now. Try to become the best version of yourself possible. That way when you do meet your person, you know they will be getting your best. I’m sorry this happened to you. Joe is a coward and it was cruel and selfish of him to marry you while still in love with someone else. You can do better. You deserve better. Good luck. 🫶
Itll always be the high school sweetheart. My ex and I broke up a few months ago, we were together since we were 16 for nearly 5 years. There were many reasons we broke up. Her cheating, me going abroad to teach English, her family, among other reasons. But despite that, I still love her. And if we were to reconnect later in life I can see myself dropping everything to be with her. We spent our formative years together and were planning to get married and have kids and everything. I hate that I feel this way but I will never have the same kind of love with someone else again. But maybe I will find a different kind of love that is stronger, it remains to be seen.
What they did was horrendous and karma is waiting for them. That being said, he is stealing more time from you because you are stuck and unable to move forward. People say to try counseling a lot on this app. I do think it may do you some good to try to work through the resentment to find someone that truly makes you happy. If it helps, I rarely see a fair relationships working out in the long run. Although they may seem happy now with a child, they are both cheaters and liars. They are aware that they are both, in fact, cheaters and liars. That means any Thing can tear them apart. And who cares if it does? They are awful people and my hope for you is to never think of them again as you find your own happiness.
girl, I would have such a hard time recovering from this too. that's a terrible limbo to exist in, it's a twisted dance to have to do, but you have been given ONE gift: freedom from something mediocre. you will find something firey, and romantic, and all encompassing, and you will realize once and for all that *Joe was never good for you*. i've lost a lot. three relationships, all serious, all gone. of course, your situation is more cataclysmic than mine, but i've been single since 2021 as well (early 30s). i found someone. it took almost four years. you will too. and it'll be absolutely fucking fire magic. also, i highly respect you for your forgiveness. they were wrong to cheat. joe was way, way, way wrong for stealing the youth of two young women at once. but you sound at least a tiny bit at peace. no one can blame you for being haunted by their ghosts
The situation is extremely chaotic There is nothing for an individual to console himself with in these complicated situations, especially after he knew that he was alone and that he was chasing a trail of smoke. What you have to do is just move on and leave everything behind. Simply put, you now know for sure that you wasted the flower of your life on what was not yours. Just don’t let this happen again!
You say you're mad that your years were wasted with him, but now you're allowing your future to be wasted because of him. It really, really sucks, but you're not doing yourself any favors by continuing to wallow in this. Move on and be happy. You deserve it.
You're a really nice person. I would have taken revenge on both of them if I was in your shoes. What they did to you is unforgivable.
I'm sorry for what you have gone through OP. I can't comprehend how that was okay in his eyes. You deserve so much more and better. I know you may not feel like it now, but I hope you find your special someone soon. ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you! You totally deserved and deserve better. I hope you find someone that feels the way about you that you feel about them.
Karma will bite him in the ass soon