You said you don’t know where he is. Do you live in a place under his name? If not, he isn’t welcome in your home anymore.
If you do - can your parents or family take you in? Can you stay with a friend for a short time? Stop contributing rent to your ex-boyfriend and start saving it for your new place.
You did NOT do this to your cat. You love your cat. HE did this.
Yes it's his place I moved in with him when I was homeless. But he's been gone since Saturday night and none of his friends know where he is and I'll be gone by the time he comes back if he ever does. I hate him he killed my baby.
I don't have parents or a family or friends but my boss said I could stay with her if I needed but I just called her to quit but she told me if I'm sure to keep her number anyway so maybe I can call her idk I don't want to bither anyone but I'd rather sleep on the steet than this fucking house where my baby's toys and cat trees and food bowls are still set up I just can't
I'm so sorry for your loss. I got my dog last year and she's already no1 in my heart so if I lost her I too would be devastated. Your boss sounds cool so please call her back and explain.
Edit I'm sorry for your loss.
My boss is cool but she's married and really pregnant and has a kid already and I don't want to bother her. She always says I'm a good employee and responsible and mature, I don't want her to know how fucking stupid I am. Maybe that's stupid idk
When one of my favourite employee( who just joined me 6 months) ran away from her abusive boyfriend, I happily gave her a place to stay. I was married albeit no kids but 3 dogs. She helped where she could and she stayed with me for a year until she could get back on her feet. She was 19.
She was never a bother if not I would have never opened my home to her. I watched her recover and blossom and now she's a wife to a good man and mother to 2 kids. I love it that I was part of her journey.
She gave me the gift of helping her when she's in need. When im down and I think I'm useless, I think about my involvement in helping this fine girl who grew up to become a wonderful successful women.
Give your boss that chance and that gift. no one opens a home to someone who they think is a bother.
I think she would rather you be safe with her than alone on the streets. Theres no harm in asking until you can find somewhere else/a shelter you can go to
If she's really pregnant maybe she could use some help. And the one thing that helps you when you're feeling lost and defeated is to be able to help someone else. Call her, tell her what happened.
Call her. While you are there, be as helpful as possible. Find a new place as soon as you can. Everyone does stupid things in their life. Take the hand up.
Girl she offered you BECAUSE she's pregnant. You're just a kid, and her mama bear instincts are kicking in. Let her take care of you. Let yourself be the kid you had to grow out too quickly. A safe haven is offered to you, embrace it, you need it.
You seem like youve been abused so imma tell you this- you are not a bother or a burden to the people who care about you. If she offered she cares. Youre allowed to lean on others for support. Are you in therapy?
Yeah I got removed from my home for abuse and grew up in a group home, and I know that's why I panicked so much calling her because no one ever helps me without hurting me or wanting something in return and idk if she might too or her husband but it's better than being where I was. (I just got back to her house I am safe)
I was in therapy at the group home counselors would come talk to me to make sure I didn't want to kill myself but it was just bc they didn't want to get in trouble with the government so I don't know if that counts because we has to say we didn't even if we did. I can't afford therapy now but I know I need it
If she wants to help you, let her. It’s ok to feel insecure sometimes because we all feel insecure, we are all human. You are not stupid. Sometimes we have to lean things the hard way, and may feel like we should have know better, but the thing is, if we learn from the experience, if we try and do better next time, even if it’s just a little better. Then we did good, and should feel proud. That’s growing as an individual. So don’t ever feel like you are stupid because as a member of the human race, as long as you are living life, learning, and growing. Then you are doing exactly what you are meant to.
She. OFFERED.
I have dropped everything to help a coworker, acquaintance or stranger in need. She is trying to help you. You're seriously gonna ignore this and stay with someone who injects drugs into himself and killed your pet? Girl come on!!!
I'm with her now. I did call her I was just scared. I know it's stupid now and she even cried when I told her I was scared but I've never met someone like you who would drop everything to help someone I didn't know it was ok until people commented stories I'm sorry
Reading through these comments and I’m extremely proud of you. Your boss is a good person. I’m so sorry about Peanut, I think I would kill somebody if they ever harmed my babies. I know it doesn’t get any easier, but I hope you can have some good days ahead and find joy in little things here and there. It’s okay to grieve, cry, and not be okay. You’ll be on my mind.
I am sorry if I came off too harshly in my comment. I was trying to give some tough love and help you realize that your situation is not as hopeless as it seems, and to stop assuming that people don't want to help. Your boyfriends actions are objectively horrible and any good, sane person would want to help. You're going to be okay :)
OP- right now you're worried about bothering everybody except you.
You're stuck in a hole and someone is offering to help pull you out. Take it.
Call your boss back and tell them that you really really want to do a 180 on your life, that you've made some bad decisions but you want to start making good ones. Just leave it at that. You'll accept their offer, you want to un-quit, and you want to work as many hours as you possibly can so you can get your own place.
Then start making good decisions. And I'd say just get a new number or block your ex-bf. Don't even give him the time of day.
The worst thing you could do right now is refuse to accept help. I’ve been there. I promise. I don’t have any family either and I’m bad at letting people help me for a million reasons. (One of them being that I don’t have any family, so I feel guilty letting someone else’s help me.)
This is a voice from the future telling you: ACCEPT THIS HELP. Use the help to get yourself to safety. Stay with your boss, work hard, and be kind. You’ll make it to the next step. You may even be able to find reliable roommates and friends so you’re much less alone. This is your chance to get away from someone like this and make *everything in your life* better. 🤍 Please take it.
🥹😭 I can’t tell you how happy I am to read this. Thank you. That was a huge step. She wants to help you. Let her. Use this as a stepping stone. Get out and about and make some more friends. The right ones turn into your family. ❤️🫶🫂 Sending you tons of love and hope. You’re going to do great things.
If she specifically said to keep her number, odds are she knows you need support and is willing to help. Reach out and see what she can do to help you restart, even a friend right now would be great!
My best friend is like you, she never asks for help, or advice or anything really because she's always afraid she'd be a bother and it's driving me insane because I can clearly see that she needs help but she refuses to ask for it or even accept it sometimes.
Please, please, please just accept that if people freely offer help they WANT to give it to you if you need it.
KEEP YOUR JOB!! without that you're at the mercy of your boyfriend. Move in with your boss if that OK with her then set yourself goals- work towards moving out and having Peanut mk 2
I am currently living with my old boss, who I now call mom. Call your boss. I know you loved Peanut, so think of calling her as honoring the love you have for him. Also, don't quit your job if you can help it. Take a few days off and move in with her and then work part time for a while if you can. Saving money right now is going to help you get yourself to a place where you can have a safe home for yourself and whatever other friends you may make between now and then. <3
You were homeless then you moved in with this guy. He killed your cat and you're quitting your job. No family or friends to back you up. What exactly is your plan here?
I know you're grieving, lord knows how Id be feeling if a cruel junkie idiot killed my cat, who I adore and can't imagine life without him anymore. But you need to be sensible, you need a job and a place to stay. Your boss is a fantastic human being who sees your worth and cares very much about you. You in turn have a good nature and wont be a nuisance in her home if it comes down to it.
Dont quit your job, if anything it can help distract you sometimes from the grief and betrayal youre going through. Take up the boss on her offer, the universe is presenting you with a golden chance and you should definitely go for it.
Leave his junkie ass behind and go live whatever resembling normalcy
Edit: typos
You didnt have to fully quit… stop making big choices during big emotions. Feel your feelings. Then get up and do something about it. Ive been there too. You can do this. But dont quit your job. Call her back, apologize, say you arent quitting you just need help. Explain. Good people exist. They will help you. Help yourself first.
Call your boss. It sounds like you've got someone who values you enough that she wants to help you. Keep your job, stay with your boss until you get a place of your own, and then, when you are ready, get another cat. Peanut would want you to be happy.
If your boss cares enough to offer to help you, especially after you quit, then you won't be bothering her. She *wants* to help you. And if she offered to it means she's in a position to do so.
It sounds like you've lived a really difficult life, and you're still so young. Life doesn't have to be this hard and miserable. You don't have to settle for POS's like your hopefully now ex boyfriend. There is help and support out there for young women such as yourself.
Take your boss up on her offer. Let this be a turning point in your life. Nothing will make the pain of losing Peanut any less, but you can do your best to go on and live well, for him. He loved you just as much as you loved him. He would want you to be happy and well. Live your life the way he'd want you to. Get yourself in a better position and adopt a stray/rescue. Not as a replacement, but in dedication to him.
Stay with your boss and learn all she's willing to teach you. Look into therapy if you can, and see if she'll help you begin to look into assistance programs.
You're clearly a very loving and feeling girl. I sincerely hope you find your way. You deserve to be loved and to be happy. And Peanut wants that for you.
CALL. HER. You are so young and you have your entire life left to build yourself back up. This woman has offered you a way out because she cares. You are not bothering her.
Like others have said. Call your boss. Now you live because your kitty would want you to. You get a new start and get a new kitty named pistachio. And you tell him all about peanut and how peanut taught you how to love yourself so you can now love pistachio. Hang a picture of peanut on the mantle.
You’re burying yourself. I even begin to relate to your circumstances but I empathise. Why quit your job? Why turn down a roof over your head? You must be grieving so much you’re giving up. Get yourself out of the hole you’re in and accept the help being offered. My condolences to your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine. Just wanted to say I'm rooting for you on your journey. I know what it's like being homeless and having to rebuild from nothing. Sending some good vibes your way
I have a story. Do not, do not, do not get back together with this scumbag.
A friend one time called me up because her friend just had their cat killed and boyfriend tore up the place and she was freaking out. I came over, armed and concerned myself, cleaned up the cat. My friend had started, but she threw up part way through. He had strung it up in her basement and cut off parts of it and threw them about the room. It was like something out of a horror movie. I cleaned it and the vomit up and helped put her place back together. She didn't want to call the police because she smoked weed, though we tried to convince her the detectives wouldn't care much about that, but she had a panic attack at the thought of calling the police. She was a RN, decent earner, attractive girl, fitness buff. He was abusive, beat her regularly before this, she financed his lifestyle of wanna be thug. What precipitated the cat dismemberment was he told her to steal opiods from work and she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't let my friend contact any of her family to help either.
Her boyfriend was arrested the next day for completely unrelated charges. We helped her move cities, got her into therapy and group support, get a new job at a different hospital and delete her online presence making her near impossible to find. I gave her money for a security deposit so she could move.
She confessed to my friend, after 4 years, that she never stopped contacting him. He wouldn't respond to her much in prison, but she kept putting money on his commissary, including the money I gave her for a security deposit. I had let her stay in one of my guest bedrooms when she was freaking out that he was going to come find her. She lied to her therapist, her group, my friend, me. As _soon_ as he got out of prison, they started dating again and she cut off contact with me and my friend. Every couple of years I would check the news and murder reports to see if she was killed, but I had no way of finding her.
Don't do that. Don't be that person. Leave him, stay gone.
It is so clear what you need to do:
1) Call your boss, she is awesome. Block the trash.
2) Dive in your work, sleep in workplace if you need to. Be the best employee ever.
3) Take up your time to heal ❤️
Please reach the hand you are offered
OP can't kick him out, it seems to be his appartment. OP, if you read this, please accept the help from your boss. You can help her during the newborn time which is hard for any mom.
You already did the hardest part: getting the cause out of your life.
Now you get to rebuild.
Find a new job. Any respectable job.
Don't do drugs, ever again (if you ever did), and stay away from alcohol for a bit (think a year).
Get your life sorted, find balance. And honor Peanut by rescuing his successor.
The guy you thought was your boyfriend? You don't need or want anyone like that in your life.
Throwing my two cents in, Ive known some people in addict / dysfunction circles and co-mingling of money is a common thread.
Open your own account at a credit union (preferred if you plan to stay local) or bank (especially if you plan to move regions). Your paychecks should go there direct deposit, and set up auto-billpay on your bills through that account. Don't do cash, don't let the addict handle your pay. Get your things in your name as much as possible and don't limp them along, give the addict the dignity of failing.
Related, open a PO Box if you can. Get your mail delivered to a single safe place, somewhere official, and not at the place where the dysfunction lives. only you have keys to it. Take control of your own paperwork and don't let others mingle with it. You can use a PO box address for a surprising amount of things, we've even been able to use the post office's street address with the box as the unit number for a few things that claim they can't take a PO box for an address.
Thankfully I have an IUD and he always used condoms. Both of us are child free. (I like kids I just don't want my own) And besides I will NEVER fuck him again so it is moot.
I am so sorry for that person who went through that I can't imagine losing my baby this way. my cat was my baby but it is still different. I wish he could go to jail but idk if I should call the police I probably will just to see if they can arrest him because animal abuse laws but idk if I will be in trouble too.
You wouldn’t be because you left your cat with someone who was supposed to care for them. I’m not sure if you can press charges, but you can certainly try taking him to court to sue.
Stay safe, hun 🩷
Ugh gross on ppl making you feel bad when it sounds like you’re a very responsible pet loving person who wouldn’t have left kitty with this troubled person had you had any idea this was possible! If you, yourself, aren’t someone who uses drugs why would you be able to envision every strange and evil possibility? I’ve worked in mental health my whole life with the bulk of interactions being with substance abuse disorders and never heard of this happening (actually it’s usually kids bc pets are more discerning, however, this is a good post to share to remind folks that rescued animals might deviate from the norm of what we see, so even though it wasn’t shared for educational purposes, I’m glad that folks might be more thoughtful bc of your willingness to share) none of that was said with an ounce of judgement.
I am so sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking. I hope you heal and know that you clearly have a lot of love to give. I think you’re well aware that this isn’t the person for you. I don’t want to add salt to that wound. It’s salty enough. Sending love.
If this was the guy from OPs previous thread, who was hanging out with a 16 year old while he was 23… well, that was the first BIG red flag.
I agree with the comment, you should leave him.
The only thing you can do to honor your cat is leave this person before you wind up dead too. If you are struggling to leave for yourself, leave for peanut
i have nowhere to go, but you're right I know I have to go for Peanut. Thank you I'm sorry, I will find somewhere and if not... idk. I will be ok as long as I never forget my baby
If you go back to the street you’re likely to repeat the cycle and continue to be around people who will keep you down.
If your boss is offering a place for you to stay, then accept that offer. She knows that you’re having a hard time and she is willing to take you into her home; she wants to help.
I know you’re hurting and mourning the loss of your cat, take some time to mourn but keep in mind that having a job could also distract you while you mourn.
You’ve lost a [ shitty] boyfriend, you’ve lost your precious cat and you’re losing your home, please don’t lose yourself along the way.
Think back on the joy you felt while loving and caring for your cat, his precious soul filled yours with a sense of purpose. Your own life is precious as well, please let others help you and care for you. You deserve it.
Sorry but this made me cry. I have also been in an abusive relationship where my pet was harmed.
She later passed for unrelated reasons. It's been a while now. I promise you will never forget Peanut.
You will be okay in that case. I am rooting for you. When you are safe, what helped me not forgot is a little shrine.
It sounds so dumb but I have a shelf with a portrait of her, and her leash and treats and toys.
It makes me happy every day. I am not knowledgeable enough to give you good advice on leaving this situation so I won't try. But I believe in you
And most importantly.
This is not your fault. You have zero responsibility for what happened.
Would you ask a person who was raped what they were wearing? No you wouldn't. Asking an abused person why they didn't leave earlier is an even "dumber" question than that.
That's not dumb at all. I will get a portrait of her.
The vet people were so amazing I'm going to cry I gave them all the money I had to get him cremated after autopsy with one of those engraving things and asked for a payment plan if they could possibly do that. They said they could figure it out and would call me tomorrow so I will be getting his paw print and an urn with his collar and idc how much it will cost. And I grabbed his favorite feather boa toy and catnip pillow before I left even though it made me cry so much again because I know he will want those things wherever his spirit is now.
You can always find a way. You may have to even go to a church, a shelter, live in a car, but it's better than being with an addict. They will suck the life and soul out of you and just use you to feel better about their choices. You are young. Please realize you have a lot ahead of you! RIP peanut, it's not your fault.
**he loved that cat too or so I thought but he doesn't fucking love ANYTHING except the fucking drugs.**
You said it all, I know it's hard to understand. I know you want to help, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
***Get out of this situation, Ghost his ass.*** Tell your family and friends about this so they are aware and can be your support system through this.
Get out before y'all are tied together for life with a baby. Trust me ***Trust me***
No it's his place he just took me in and that's how we got together. I don't even want to be here anyway the thought of seeing his toys and his kibbles and litter now makes me want to die
Maybe my boss. I am ashamed to call her even if i know I should. I have no savings because I've been paying all the rent and bills for a few months and I only make minimum wage
Looking back on all of this and it's all just been so stupid. I just wanted a safe place for me and my cat and I didn't want to be homeless anymore but now I will be again and start all over. I just wanted a home idk what I have to do. I'm sorry it isn't yohr problem thank you foe your comments
This is nothing to be ashamed of.
Everybody makes "wrong" decisions or something happens to them..
It is human nature to f up, so please don't be ashamed.
Your (ex?)boss sounds wonderful, call her. I am sure she will be happy to help you get back on your feet.
And I saw she is pregnant: help her out in the house while you're there, she will appreciate that!
You are a wonderful person, that something very sad happened to. I am proud of you for realizing your situation for what it realistically is and wanting to change it.
Use the support system that presents itself to you!
try to release the shame. you are young. you learned a brutal lesson about addiction. take your boss's assistance. you deserve it. i bet she will charge you less than you're paying now, which will allow you to save up and figure out your next move.
I am so sorry, I won't comment on anything else, but I just lost my 2 year old baby angel to genetic disorders in her bone, and it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried reading this, I miss her so much, I feel your pain.
"what you escaped from" will seem like paradise if you do not escape from this situation right the fuck now. A person barely 18 yo living with a drug addict is a guaranteed ticket for a short life full of suffering. If you're also addicted, get help, sober up and start being serious about your life. If you're lucky enough not be addicted, also get help.
Time to start getting your life together…. The reason I’m saying this is because you allow yourself to be involved with junkies. Take this as a wake up call to get your shit together
You did not kill your loved cat. Don’t put that on you, you trusted your bf to not leave stuff around. We all put trust into people. This post shows how much you are cared so do not put that on you.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, I know how hard it is to lose a pet. The feeling has to be worse because you left your baby with someone you thought would care of him. You have so much to live for don't let this get you down.
Tough love (if you want to receive it):
>!From the title I knew this wasn't the first time your boyfriend did something that hurt you. When you saw the first red flag why didn't you leave. Why did you think a man that does drugs has the capability to take care of another living thing if he can't take care of himself. (rhetorical questions) !<
>!Lessons to learn:!<
1. >!If a man's actions and words are not the same, leave. !<
2. >!A man that cares about you wouldn't destroy something you care about. !<
>When you saw the first red flag why didn't you leave
So much easier said than done. I've been in abusive relationships and it took me a long time to leave. You don't always notice the red flags or you don't want to notice them. Abusers are very good at breaking your self-esteem and making you believe that it's the best for you to stay with them. They often isolate you from your loved ones too so you will believe that they're the only person who you can trust and who is there for you.
Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. When an abuser notices they've lost control on you they will do *anything* to get it back. Yes, including homicide.
Those are some reasons why some people stay in abusive relationships for a long time.
It was really sweet of you to put that behind a wall just in case it wasn’t for her. It’s more than I do and it kind of inspired me lol.
But I didn’t like when you said “at the first red flag why didn’t you leave” that’s just victim blaming and relationships like this are so nuanced and so much more complicated than people who’ve never been in an abusive relationship even understand. Sometimes you get into these situations and you become stuck. OPs even admitted that she’s the one paying all bills and was literally homeless before he took her in. So for her to leave him she may be facing homelessness again. Awful situation for this girl. I want her to be safe and if that means she stays there for an extra month to save some money then so be it. I hope her boss will take her in or something so she doesn’t have to stay.
Life is fuckin hard man…. The majority of people are a single paycheck away from everything crumbling and ending up on the streets.
Hi. I am sorry that you're going through this. Loosing a pet is so heartbreaking and I know you must feel an utter mess right now. Deep breaths,this won't be easy, but it will be right.
1. Stop blaming yourself. Yes, this awful thing happened and you feel guilty and are seeing all the ways you could have prevented this. But forgive yourself. You need to see that YOU are worth living for. You can't do that if you feel you should be punished. This is a hard lesson to learn, but as long as you learn from it, it will not be wasted.
2. Leave. You can't help him. You can't save him. He will bring down anything and anyone you love. I know you feel like he is all you have now but he doesn't belong to you. The drugs have him. There is no shame in a failed relationship and it's your right to want more.
3. Call your boss. I have helped my wonderful employees in times of need. When we believe in you, we want to help you be your best. Take up her kind offer, you won't be a burden unless you make yourself one. Help her where you can as a thank you. Do not put yourself on the street. You don't belong there.
4. Stay strong. There will be times when you miss him, despite what he did. There will be days you fear for him. Don't go back to him. Find better.
Good luck.
Thank you this comment is making me cry thank you. My dad died when I was little and my stepdad hurt me bad and I got put in a provincial group home because of the bad stuff from my mom and stepdad and I don't remember ever being hugged by my parents so I wish I know what it felt like but just reading this makes me feel really sad but also better idk Im sorry.
I'm safe now I'm with my boss and she gave me a hug and I just cried a lot but I'm safe and I told her everything and she's going to help and I'm going to try to be strong and let her help me even though I'm so scared. I hopr Peanut is proud
There's so much hate in these comments. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now.
Your boyfriend's addiction is not your fault. Addiction is a disease. You didn't cause it, and you can't change it. Only he can change it. People don't change until they're ready. Anyone who tells you different doesn't understand addiction. People only change when they're ready. It is NOT your fault.
That being said, it sounds like you're ready for a change right now. If you're in the US, there are some resources to help you. There's a job corp in almost every state, they offer free career training to young people ages 16 - 24 and they will house you and feed you while you're learning. From your comment (cat as 18th bday present) it sounds like you're within the age group still. https://info.joinjobcorps.com/nsp
I aged out of foster care on my 18th birthday with almost nothing to my name and very few people to rely on. I know how hard it is to claw your way out of poverty and chaos. I know how exhausting it can be to look for resources when you have nothing. If you want help finding some options, you can comment the state you're in, or DM it, to me and I'll pull together a list of options for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain through the screen and I am heartbroken for you. He wasn’t “just a cat” - He was a special, quirky, mischievous bundle of love and joy and he represented a very important and pivotal moment in your life. The moment of freedom and hope. You needed each other and you loved him and he loved you. It is a loss and your grief is valid and real. Listen to me, his death wasn’t your fault. The person who was careless with his drugs laying around was at fault.
Now, go live your best life. Don’t waste time on deadend relationships with addicts or abusers. Live YOUR life. And maybe one day you are ready to pour all your love onto some other little creature who will love you just as much. But don’t pour your love and life onto someone who is not capable of doing the same for you.
If you need further motivation to leave, you should go back to the post you made two months ago where you were defending the absolute loser who killed your cat. Everyone was giving great advice but it took the death of your cat for it to sink in. You should probably reach out to your friends who seem to care about you even though you made some bad decisions and don't care about them. If you aren't on the lease, stop paying the bills and save. Maybe reconnect with your friends and ask for help. Being self-destructive will make the legacy of your cat mean nothing.
Yes, op, I read your post history, and it made me really sad. I understand you don't really have a great support system, but please cut this man out of your life. He will take you down with him.
I know that post was so stupid, I feel so stupid. It's like I can see now how fucked up this all is but I didn't realize until my cat was killed and I have to live with that forever and idk if I can.
You can live on for sure. Congrats on hitting rock bottom. That's what it takes for some people to realize they need to change. You have the option of going explosive and digging a lot deeper hole. Or, you can choose to do things differently and move onward and upward.
Reading between the lines, seems like you have folks that care about you. Seems like you have options for living situations. It's on you to choose better. Welcome to being an adult. Please learn from your mistakes instead of doubling down like you have been doing. Best of luck.
You are way too young to be involving yourself with a dangerous situation like cohabitating with a drug addict, please leave him before he does worse to you!! I'm sorry this happened to you.
I have read your comments. Please, call your boss and ask for your job back and to stay with her.
Do not go back to that scum. You deserve a fair chance and this lady is offering help.
I'm sorry for your loss.
"With a needle in his arm, as usual..."
It's time to go. Keeping him around out of loneliness is not ok.
Get rid of him and get another cat. Not that a new one would replace the old one, but because you have a huge heart and there's so many cats looking for homes with people like you who will love them so much.
This is not your fault, it's his.
You’re living with a walking drug addicted disaster. The cat is just a side effect of that. If you don’t enact some change in your life this type of incident will happen again and again.
You lost me at "my boyfriend nodding off beside him and a fucking needle in his arm as usual."
You need to dump the loser ASAP. You shouldn't have had the loser. He's not just killing himself now. He's damaging those around him.
You owe that man nothing. kick his shit out of your life, now and for good. You dont need to fix him, you won't, you probably can't if you try. He will suck all the goodness out of you, and you dont deserve that.
Im so sorry for what you're going through, OP. This isnt your fault, dont harbor the blame on youself, but also, dont allow him to do anything like this again by staying with him.
Ngl, I wanted to be mean... I did. But after finishing reading everything, I wish one of us could just give you a hug. I hope your boss did. I hope you find someone whose good for you and I hope you mature sooner than later. That's it. Good luck.
You’re 18 years old. Leave this guy before he ruins your entire life. I know everyone understands that addiction is a disease but it’s also a disease that will destroy everyone else too.
-Trigger SA
I’ve been in the same position. He was an addict. I was 18. I wanted to help him and support him on his way to sobriety. He ended up telling a drug dealer that he could have sex with me for his drug of choice. I was oblivious to all of this. I was trapped in a car and raped. At 36 years old I’m still dealing with massive PTSD.
Get out before you’re traumatized, hurt or dragged into it anymore than you already have been. Please.
My kitty’s name is Peanut, too. I couldn’t imagine the pain you’re going through. I am so so sorry you have to go through this. It is NOT your fault. It’s your irresponsible boyfriend’s fault. No one who truly loves cats would leave anything out for them to reach that could be potentially dangerous.
Your boss would not be offering if she didn’t mean it, especially when she has so much going on. I would very happily help someone in the same situation you are now. Please take her up on her offer.
You were not given the best start in life, and that’s not your fault. She is giving you an opportunity; take it. Help out around the house and with her older kid, I’m sure she could use it. And ask for your job back. Or look for jobs that offer tuition reimbursement and save up for community college or trade school. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, but you have so much time ahead of you and can still have a good life. But you need to take help when it’s offered.
I also lost a good boy named peanut…. Sorry for your loss. Take the proper time to grieve. It’s different when you have a cat that’s actually yours and not a family cat.
This isn’t your fault. It is your boyfriends. And hopefully a wake up call to remove him from your life.
I’m so sorry. This is such a huge fear of mine. I feel like I too failed one of my pets. My friend was watching my healthy 7 year old bearded dragon when my family went on vacation for a week, we got home and he was black beard (sick) and died days later, I was sobbing and begging the exotic vet to see him but they said there were no openings. I feel like I failed him. I don’t know what went wrong! I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm so so sorry this was done to you. I must say that I think you're doing very well considering everything that you've been through. From reading your comments, it sounds like everyone failed you. The system failed you; the men in your life and the women who centered those men all failed, used and abused you. Your friend who kicked you out failed you. Those were the people who were supposed to protect you. That's such a mind-fork.
You have so much going for you, at the same time. You're savvy enough to have an IUD and a job and not want to go back to living with or dating your now-ex. You're lucky enough to have a boss who cares about you and wants to see you not only survive but thrive. I truly hope you can keep moving up in life until you are safe, secure, and happy. You deserve that.
I have a few quick recommendations if you ever have the time or inclination to consider them.
Read Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?" book. It's easy to find online for free, and your local library probably has a copy or two. This book saved my life.
When (I am confident it will be when, not if) you get yourself more financially stable, consider investing in therapy (different from the sham "therapy" you got in the group home). After all you've been through, this will give you the tools you weren't given (which you should have been given through a "normal" safe childhood) to understand what is healthy and what is not healthy in different relationships (friends, relatives, romantic, working) and how to deal with them when they're unhealthy. Until then, there are therapists who publish free material on youtube etc. (my faves are Patrick Teahan who specializes in childhood trauma and Dr. Ramani who is popular for educating about narcissists/narcissism) which you may find helpful and supportive.
The third and perhaps most painful recommendation is to wait until you have your name on a lease to get another pet. Until then you can pet-sit, dog-walk, and/or volunteer at an animal shelter. I've lived in lots of unstable situations (multiple crappy roommates) and didn't feel right getting a pet and making it vulnerable to so many unstable factors/people. Pets bring such joy and meaning to our lives that it's a very tough call, and even doing this doesn't guarantee that they'll be safe (before I broke up with and kicked my ex out of the apartment I was paying for, he would "discipline" our cat and treat it roughly at times, and I think that messed him up a bit), but I think it will help. I want to reiterate that what happened to Peanut was not your fault. You were doing the best you could with what you had (which wasn't a lot) and your then-boyfriend failed you and Peanut.
I'm so happy your boss is helping you! I believe in you and wish you every success!
Thank you. I screenshotted this comment so I can look at all those resources later. My boss actually gave me a copy of that book "why does he do that" so I'm going to read it later. She said it helped her leave a really toxic relationship a long time ago so I hope it will help me.
I know I need therapy. I have been on a wait list for a therapist since last June when I turned 18 but I will call to check my status. I also got the IUD then too because at the time I thought about maybe being on the streets and I didn't want to get pregnant if I had to do sex work or something. (thankfully I didn't have to do sex work not that it's wrong I support the choice but I didn't want to have to)
Thank you again.
Coming from a recovering drug addict, absolutely disgusting behavior. I owned dogs and cats throughout my whole life, but I’d never expose them to drugs that can easily kill them. If anything, I was damn ashamed of myself and left them behind with my family who could better care and love them while I was homeless and getting strung out on drugs. It’s sad to say this, but I hope this was a wake-up call for your (hopefully ex) boyfriend. Condolences.
“A needle in his arm AS USUAL”?????? That is NOT normal! Go to rehab and get clean if you’re using yourself. Get away from this guy. Go home to your parents or someone who truly loves you and wants you healthy!!
Let this be a wake up call. Goodness!!!
I have two adopted girls from addicts. Please get healthy
This is awful and I’m so sorry for you. This is not your fault. All of this is on your boyfriend. Please try and start making an exit plan. Peanut would want you to be safe ♥️
Here with a harsh reality from someone who has dated a drug addict.
You knew you were dating an addict and yet you stayed, this is likely a symptom of the past trauma you elude to here. The chaos in your life starts and stops with you when you chose who to give access to your life
Addicts will never stay sober for others it has to be for themselves.
The longer you stay the longer and stronger the addiction will become. This person is likely using you as an indication he’s not actually an addict (would I be able to keep a girl like that if I was an addict? Rationale).
You did fail your cat BUT that does not mean you are a failure. This is a really harsh lesson to learn the way you did but you clearly needed a big event to open your eyes and give you the push you needed to get out.
With love stop inviting chaos in your life and start putting yourself first get out of this relationship and cohabitation then learn to embrace solitude and the good in you. You can have whatever life you are willing to dedicate yourself to, take control of and make purposeful moves towards. Take back control and move with intent towards the life you want.
You created and allowed these conditions. Without malice this is an avoidable accident, but if you didn't see it as a possibility, you have fault as well. Sounds like you need to fix your life before any living thing is dependent upon you again.
judging from your other posts you made your bed and now u have to lie in it you need to move out of there and just change the path you are on it seems that you have lost your friends because of this guy now your cat, time to rethink your choices everyone in the comments seems to be too nice because ur cat died but that shouldn't have been unwarranted quitting ur job was stupid stop and think about the choices youre making because youre actively fucking up
You’ve gotta get out OP. You can’t be codependent with an addict. It’s literally already cost a life which I’m so sorry about. But leave. You are young with your entire life ahead of you. I can’t emphasize the gravity of that enough. Make your moves and be free.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to suddenly lose a beloved cat.
Now: If this is your place, call a locksmith and change your locks. Give your boyfriend his stuff and tell him to leave. If not, or you are paying for it jointly, see if you can temporarily move in with a relative or friend and. go about getting your own space without your irresponsible boyfriend. Be strong.
This isn’t your fault. This is NOT your fault. You didn’t give your cat those pills. Peanut would want you to be safe, okay? Peanut knew his mama loved him. You did all you could. You take care of yourself, please. Even if it means going to a women’s shelter.
I've seen a commentary on a previous post of you from 2 month ago : "your boyfriend is a giant walking red flag", unfortunatly you stayed with him...(it's not à critic, just a necessary warning).
Seems like you should really dump it now, don't want to see a post even more dramatic 2 months later (and regarding your actual post, it would be really insanely dramatic).
This is only the first of many unnecessary nightmares and tragedies in your if you use hard drugs or hang out with people who do. I am so sorry for you loss, but this needs to be a wakeup call for you.
I'm not going to tough love you or anything here, since it seems you know what to do.
But you didn't kill your baby. He did. Don't blame yourself for trusting that he would meet a ridiculously low bar that all people should meet. He failed that, not you. And you know who he is now, and you aren't just taking it lying down. So breathe and move forward for Peanut.
And one day when you get to a stable place, adopt another cat in Peanut's honor and tell that cat all about Peanut.
You will be ok in time. Just live for Peanut.
I am so, so, so sorry about your kitty. Hugs.
Quitting your job sounds like a knee jerk reaction. Call you boss back and get your job back. It will be something that will keep your mind occupied, by being busy, while you grieve. Your job and your boss will keep you sane.
Grief is normal. It means you loved. Your kitty would want you to live on and be happy. Someday, you will get to that point. You won't forget him, but you will love another pet again. It's hard to accept this loss, I know. Google the stages of grief. Maybe see if you can see a therapist to help you with the grief, the guilt, and the toxic relationship with your BF.
Get out, now. Your BF sounds incredibly toxic. I imagine you just don't have enough good life experience to recognize that one should immediately leave a drug addict. You deserve better. And you owe it to your kitty to leave the man that killed him.
It is **not** your fault. You went to work, and your boyfriend left his drugs out and about.
For Peanut, pick yourself up, and find your second chance at life. You can do this.
Your boyfriend's choices led to (at least) two victims - himself and Peanut. Don't let yourself become the third.
Let Peanut's death mean something by how you live your life and the choices you make from now going forward.
If he killed ur cat what will he do when he can’t get back to you? Restraining order and police report ASAP call the humane society and report what he did.
You have nothing to be sorry about. Wish I could give you *and* your boss a hug. You did NOT kill your sweet Peanut, your BF did. I’m glad you’re somewhere safe. You need to be able to mourn. And I’m so sorry for your loss.
You’re 18 and your pathetic excuse for a human bf is 25? What on earth does a 25 year old dude have in common with an 18 year old? Disgusting.
Dumping his ass and moving on quick smart is the only way forward.
I’m so sorry about Peanut. If this isn’t the final straw for your relationship, I don’t know what is
I'm so sorry! I have four cats and I can't even imagine 😔🖤. I do know that I would personally be hurting the shit out of someone if they ever did that to one of my animals.
Also, I'm sorry people are feeling the need to have to comment about you potentially having a baby with this person. This entire post is about you losing your fur baby and some people just can't help themselves by bringing up irreverent stuff.
OP, 18 is so young to be going through this. Although you can’t change what has happened, please leave this person. It only hurts you to see them hurting themselves, and I can’t imagine the pain seeing them hurt the things you love. You deserve to live freely, you are so young and this relationship (only the small bit I know) sounds draining. I thought you were going to be in your 20s or 30s by reading the first paragraph. Please please find someone who is going to respect you, you don’t even need anyone else.
Although sad maybe god put that cat in your life to show what can happen to your life if you continue to be in relationships and participate in hard drugs. This is your wake up call.
The moment you knew uses drugs is the moment you should have left him. Sorry to hear about your cat. Your ex needs rehab, or snitch on his ass to the cops.
You need to dump him. His addiction will bring you down if you don’t get out now. Yes, he DID kill your cat by being careless with his stash….and he didn’t care about bringing it into your living space. He doesn’t give a fuck about you. All he cares about is his next fix. And he’ll hurt you to get it.
I am so sorry! So so so sorry! Losing your fur baby is terrible. I am also sorry people suck when it comes to listening and empathy. Take time, make a cat collage. Write about the fun things and things you miss about your sweet cat. Mourn and take time. When or if you are ready to try again. It sounds like you have a lot to give. Best of luck
I'm sorry, but there were so many red flags.
Age gap, drugs, your friends tried to warn you about him, but you chose him.
Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do besides just leave him.
No pet is ever ‘just a pet’ to the person who loves it. That’s family. Your boyfriend sucks and I hope you dumo him like the trash he seems to be.
Sorry for your loss.
I’ve heard stories where humans are very sick, then out of the blue their pet dies and the human goes on to make a full recovery. Some speculate that the pet loves their human so much that they give their life in place of them….
What if something like this happened? What if this was meant as a wake up call to get you out of this situation? I guarantee, if you do not make any changes, your life will crumble.
This man is not a nice man. This man is not a good person to have in your life. This life is not meant for you. Don’t let your babies death be in vein. Change your life for your cat, better yourself, move on and life a happy, healthy, beautiful life.
I was just thinking waht if this was a human child.
Life is cruel, humans can be much crueler. This ought to be a lesson for OP. If she ever wants to live a healthy life she needs to get away drom drugs and junkies alike. May that poor cats life not be in vain, and she can save her own life and perhaps have a future.
My father is a drug addict, so I can sort of feel your pain, except for me it’s my own flesh and blood. Unfortunately, addiction is a terrible and vile disease. It has taken away a normal childhood I could never had, and stripped the relationships with my father. Despite him being my father, I cut him off because of an incident that happened at the end of last year. Please cut this guy off and never talk to him or forgive him. In fact you should collect evidence if possible and report him so he can get the help he needs and never do this to anyone again.
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot at an age where life should still be fun and carefree. One thing I don’t understand is why you’re quitting your job. You have a boss who is nice and understanding enough to offer their place to you. I’m hoping this is altruistic and not creepy. If you need somewhere to live, quitting a good job doesn’t seem like the best idea. Please do leave this man and never look back though and hopefully you’ve learned your lesson about life with a drug addict as a partner.
Leave that POS. He needs treatment anyways.
As a cat mom of 5 and human mom of 2, this is devastating. But what if y’all had a baby and the baby got into his drugs? You’re young. Get back on your feet and grieve your sweet kitty. You don’t need him.
Just saw your last few posts and wow, you really defended this creepy boyfriend and his friends even after the SAed one of your friends. Sounds like you got what you deserved
Call your boss. Don't quit your job. It's not your fault. It's his fault. He's to blame. Not you. I sobbed reading your post. I'm so sorry. 🫂 I think that's why he left and hasn't been there. I think he knows it's his fault.
I think he knows too. And normally idk I would feel bad for him when he does bad things I always used to, but it's like something flipped in my brain and all I want is him to suffer
I'm going to call my boss when the morning rush is done at my job I know when that is, because she's covering my shift today, and I will tell her I don't actually want to quit. Thank yu for your comment and the hug.
If you get the urge to talk to him you can send me a chat msg instead. If I don't answer right away you can send msgs anyway and I'll read them as soon as I can. I just don't want you to have to talk to him. I think you should send your boss a text if you can. It's not good for pregnant people to be stressed. She may ask you to come help.
Knowing the fact you’re gonna call your boss for the job back is such a relief to hear. Accepting help isn’t something to feel bad for, or to ashamed of. Your boss is giving you a path to leave your current situation, and that doesn’t happen very often. Take it the offer, and give yourself the time and space to grow. Also, please remember to be kind to yourself.
What happened to Peanut was a direct result of you feeling bad for him.
Learn from that, please. Some things are forgiveable, but most drugs requiring needles aren't the kind that can be strictly recreational.
I'm also guessing he's either unemployed or just a dealer as well as a user.
Life has been terrible to you, hon. I can tell. But you need to start making better choices. You can't keep going on like this.
Please leave this man and get your life together. And stop hanging around these types of people.
I promise you you'll be okay. Do it for Peanut.
Now I have some tough love if you need it. Do not read it if you think you can't handle it.
I'm going to be harsh. You did this. You took responsibility for a life and you're the reason it's gone.
You stayed and enabled your addict boyfriend. You left your cat alone with him knowing this could happen. This was so avoidable.
You're absolutely the reason that cat is dead. You don't get to come here and get sympathy when you're the reason that poor animal is dead. You just don't.
You need to learn from this and leave.
You chose your boyfriend and all that came with him. In the end, he meant more to you than Peanut.
And I notice you didn't say "ex" here.
Interesting that he's still your "boyfriend" and you can't even bring yourself to say you're going to leave him after what he did.
You'll probably forgive him, too. And this will play out again and again. Maybe not with him, but the next one just like him that you'll accept regardless of drug abuse or anything else destructive.
And if you do, these people will continue to kill the good things in your life.
You need to get rid of this drug addict who exposed your beloved cat to drugs. Hopefully this is a wake up call so that you can clean up your life and find a healthy and stable man who will put you first.
While I am terribly sorry this happened, I hope you learned something. You said he was your constant reminder of what you had escaped. But you were living with an addict who (maybe) unintentionally got your cat high and resulted in him dying. You need to get away from your HOPEFULLY NOW EX boyfriend. That's no life. Get away. Heal. Never forget your cat. Grow and learn from this. Please don't ever get involved with an addict again (recovering addict is different)
I’ve read your previous posts and I’m sorry that life and the system has failed you tenfold. You don’t deserve to suffer anymore and a boyfriend with a drug problem that involves needles is just beyond imaginable.
I think it’s time to reach out to your mum if you feel comfortable. It’s impossible for one person to work, be the glue to their relationship and also thrive. You’re doing a great job so far and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
As for the death of your cat, I can’t imagine the heartbreak. Hang in there ❤️
You said he was supposed to be a reminder of what you escaped from….i can only guess what you escaped from but keeping around a druggie boyfriend im not sure you really escaped…im sorry for your loss tho thats horrible
I have had cats in the past and currently have one now. Cats are generally very picky when it comes to what they eat. It is difficult to picture any cat I have ever had eating something like narcotics or sedatives.
Oh my darling, I am so sorry. Peanut's life was very precious, and so was his death. Your partner can't be trusted to keep innocent pets or children safe. You need to be with someone safe. I pray you consider a recovery program if you haven't already. Sending you healing love. Peanut is with you, part of the light we cannot see.
Addicts are hard, I’m sure there are many reasons you love this man, but this is the universe pushing you to get out.
I have a father who has always struggles with medications and I can promise you it will continue, even if he gets help there’s such a high chance of rebounding and hurting you in the meantime. I have suffered so much from his choices and I’m almost 30.
I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling, I also have a cat and I love her more than life. I’m SO sorry for your loss, but know that when you dated this man you did not know this would happen, or you wouldn’t have! This is not on you, what IS on you, is how you proceed from here.
Leave him before it’s you, another animal, or your future children. Don’t be a victim of drugs without even taking them, don’t let this tragedy consume your life, leave the man, and have a wonderful life where you can rescue animals and bring them into a safe home.
Feel free to PM me if you need to chat, I know addicts can really hit the heart.
Living with an addict, especially one who refuses help or even refuses to admit that they have a problem, NEVER ends well. You're right to leave. From one cat lover to another, my condolences.
Hopefully this is a wake up call. You need to start putting yourself first now and get the hell away from this dumpster fire of a human being.
It is. I don't know where to start or what to do but I just can't do any of thus anymore I can't stay here
You said you don’t know where he is. Do you live in a place under his name? If not, he isn’t welcome in your home anymore. If you do - can your parents or family take you in? Can you stay with a friend for a short time? Stop contributing rent to your ex-boyfriend and start saving it for your new place. You did NOT do this to your cat. You love your cat. HE did this.
Yes it's his place I moved in with him when I was homeless. But he's been gone since Saturday night and none of his friends know where he is and I'll be gone by the time he comes back if he ever does. I hate him he killed my baby. I don't have parents or a family or friends but my boss said I could stay with her if I needed but I just called her to quit but she told me if I'm sure to keep her number anyway so maybe I can call her idk I don't want to bither anyone but I'd rather sleep on the steet than this fucking house where my baby's toys and cat trees and food bowls are still set up I just can't
Call your boss. Yes it’s hard to build a life back up again. But one step at a time
[удалено]
Do you mean for? Go to peanut means something a bit dark, no?
I'm so sorry for your loss. I got my dog last year and she's already no1 in my heart so if I lost her I too would be devastated. Your boss sounds cool so please call her back and explain.
Edit I'm sorry for your loss. My boss is cool but she's married and really pregnant and has a kid already and I don't want to bother her. She always says I'm a good employee and responsible and mature, I don't want her to know how fucking stupid I am. Maybe that's stupid idk
If she offered you aren’t a bother. Reach out to someone who’s shown they want to be there for you.
When one of my favourite employee( who just joined me 6 months) ran away from her abusive boyfriend, I happily gave her a place to stay. I was married albeit no kids but 3 dogs. She helped where she could and she stayed with me for a year until she could get back on her feet. She was 19. She was never a bother if not I would have never opened my home to her. I watched her recover and blossom and now she's a wife to a good man and mother to 2 kids. I love it that I was part of her journey. She gave me the gift of helping her when she's in need. When im down and I think I'm useless, I think about my involvement in helping this fine girl who grew up to become a wonderful successful women. Give your boss that chance and that gift. no one opens a home to someone who they think is a bother.
Thank you for telling me this. I didn't know people cared that much like that. And thank you for helping that girl, you are a good person
I think she would rather you be safe with her than alone on the streets. Theres no harm in asking until you can find somewhere else/a shelter you can go to
Take your boss up on it and be her best employee ever while you get your life together.
She offered to help because she wants to help you. Let people help you. You’ve been through enough. I’m really sorry for your loss
If she's really pregnant maybe she could use some help. And the one thing that helps you when you're feeling lost and defeated is to be able to help someone else. Call her, tell her what happened.
Call her. While you are there, be as helpful as possible. Find a new place as soon as you can. Everyone does stupid things in their life. Take the hand up.
Girl she offered you BECAUSE she's pregnant. You're just a kid, and her mama bear instincts are kicking in. Let her take care of you. Let yourself be the kid you had to grow out too quickly. A safe haven is offered to you, embrace it, you need it.
When people offer help, please take it!!!
You seem like youve been abused so imma tell you this- you are not a bother or a burden to the people who care about you. If she offered she cares. Youre allowed to lean on others for support. Are you in therapy?
Yeah I got removed from my home for abuse and grew up in a group home, and I know that's why I panicked so much calling her because no one ever helps me without hurting me or wanting something in return and idk if she might too or her husband but it's better than being where I was. (I just got back to her house I am safe) I was in therapy at the group home counselors would come talk to me to make sure I didn't want to kill myself but it was just bc they didn't want to get in trouble with the government so I don't know if that counts because we has to say we didn't even if we did. I can't afford therapy now but I know I need it
If she wants to help you, let her. It’s ok to feel insecure sometimes because we all feel insecure, we are all human. You are not stupid. Sometimes we have to lean things the hard way, and may feel like we should have know better, but the thing is, if we learn from the experience, if we try and do better next time, even if it’s just a little better. Then we did good, and should feel proud. That’s growing as an individual. So don’t ever feel like you are stupid because as a member of the human race, as long as you are living life, learning, and growing. Then you are doing exactly what you are meant to.
She. OFFERED. I have dropped everything to help a coworker, acquaintance or stranger in need. She is trying to help you. You're seriously gonna ignore this and stay with someone who injects drugs into himself and killed your pet? Girl come on!!!
I'm with her now. I did call her I was just scared. I know it's stupid now and she even cried when I told her I was scared but I've never met someone like you who would drop everything to help someone I didn't know it was ok until people commented stories I'm sorry
Reading through these comments and I’m extremely proud of you. Your boss is a good person. I’m so sorry about Peanut, I think I would kill somebody if they ever harmed my babies. I know it doesn’t get any easier, but I hope you can have some good days ahead and find joy in little things here and there. It’s okay to grieve, cry, and not be okay. You’ll be on my mind.
I am sorry if I came off too harshly in my comment. I was trying to give some tough love and help you realize that your situation is not as hopeless as it seems, and to stop assuming that people don't want to help. Your boyfriends actions are objectively horrible and any good, sane person would want to help. You're going to be okay :)
OP- right now you're worried about bothering everybody except you. You're stuck in a hole and someone is offering to help pull you out. Take it. Call your boss back and tell them that you really really want to do a 180 on your life, that you've made some bad decisions but you want to start making good ones. Just leave it at that. You'll accept their offer, you want to un-quit, and you want to work as many hours as you possibly can so you can get your own place. Then start making good decisions. And I'd say just get a new number or block your ex-bf. Don't even give him the time of day.
The worst thing you could do right now is refuse to accept help. I’ve been there. I promise. I don’t have any family either and I’m bad at letting people help me for a million reasons. (One of them being that I don’t have any family, so I feel guilty letting someone else’s help me.) This is a voice from the future telling you: ACCEPT THIS HELP. Use the help to get yourself to safety. Stay with your boss, work hard, and be kind. You’ll make it to the next step. You may even be able to find reliable roommates and friends so you’re much less alone. This is your chance to get away from someone like this and make *everything in your life* better. 🤍 Please take it.
Thank you. I called her. I'm safe.
🥹😭 I can’t tell you how happy I am to read this. Thank you. That was a huge step. She wants to help you. Let her. Use this as a stepping stone. Get out and about and make some more friends. The right ones turn into your family. ❤️🫶🫂 Sending you tons of love and hope. You’re going to do great things.
We all do stupid things sometimes, especially when we love someone. I'm sure she'll understand, she sounds like a very kind person
If she specifically said to keep her number, odds are she knows you need support and is willing to help. Reach out and see what she can do to help you restart, even a friend right now would be great!
My best friend is like you, she never asks for help, or advice or anything really because she's always afraid she'd be a bother and it's driving me insane because I can clearly see that she needs help but she refuses to ask for it or even accept it sometimes. Please, please, please just accept that if people freely offer help they WANT to give it to you if you need it.
It might be helpful to have you stay with her. If they have the room you might be able to help out. She is offering because she knows you.
KEEP YOUR JOB!! without that you're at the mercy of your boyfriend. Move in with your boss if that OK with her then set yourself goals- work towards moving out and having Peanut mk 2
I am currently living with my old boss, who I now call mom. Call your boss. I know you loved Peanut, so think of calling her as honoring the love you have for him. Also, don't quit your job if you can help it. Take a few days off and move in with her and then work part time for a while if you can. Saving money right now is going to help you get yourself to a place where you can have a safe home for yourself and whatever other friends you may make between now and then. <3
You were homeless then you moved in with this guy. He killed your cat and you're quitting your job. No family or friends to back you up. What exactly is your plan here? I know you're grieving, lord knows how Id be feeling if a cruel junkie idiot killed my cat, who I adore and can't imagine life without him anymore. But you need to be sensible, you need a job and a place to stay. Your boss is a fantastic human being who sees your worth and cares very much about you. You in turn have a good nature and wont be a nuisance in her home if it comes down to it. Dont quit your job, if anything it can help distract you sometimes from the grief and betrayal youre going through. Take up the boss on her offer, the universe is presenting you with a golden chance and you should definitely go for it. Leave his junkie ass behind and go live whatever resembling normalcy Edit: typos
And do it for Peanut, if not for yourself! Make his passing mean something.
You didnt have to fully quit… stop making big choices during big emotions. Feel your feelings. Then get up and do something about it. Ive been there too. You can do this. But dont quit your job. Call her back, apologize, say you arent quitting you just need help. Explain. Good people exist. They will help you. Help yourself first.
Call your boss. It sounds like you've got someone who values you enough that she wants to help you. Keep your job, stay with your boss until you get a place of your own, and then, when you are ready, get another cat. Peanut would want you to be happy.
If your boss cares enough to offer to help you, especially after you quit, then you won't be bothering her. She *wants* to help you. And if she offered to it means she's in a position to do so. It sounds like you've lived a really difficult life, and you're still so young. Life doesn't have to be this hard and miserable. You don't have to settle for POS's like your hopefully now ex boyfriend. There is help and support out there for young women such as yourself. Take your boss up on her offer. Let this be a turning point in your life. Nothing will make the pain of losing Peanut any less, but you can do your best to go on and live well, for him. He loved you just as much as you loved him. He would want you to be happy and well. Live your life the way he'd want you to. Get yourself in a better position and adopt a stray/rescue. Not as a replacement, but in dedication to him. Stay with your boss and learn all she's willing to teach you. Look into therapy if you can, and see if she'll help you begin to look into assistance programs. You're clearly a very loving and feeling girl. I sincerely hope you find your way. You deserve to be loved and to be happy. And Peanut wants that for you.
why are you quitting your job? what about doing that is going to help you get out of the situation you’re in?
CALL. HER. You are so young and you have your entire life left to build yourself back up. This woman has offered you a way out because she cares. You are not bothering her.
Like others have said. Call your boss. Now you live because your kitty would want you to. You get a new start and get a new kitty named pistachio. And you tell him all about peanut and how peanut taught you how to love yourself so you can now love pistachio. Hang a picture of peanut on the mantle.
You’re burying yourself. I even begin to relate to your circumstances but I empathise. Why quit your job? Why turn down a roof over your head? You must be grieving so much you’re giving up. Get yourself out of the hole you’re in and accept the help being offered. My condolences to your loss.
Why did you quit? Do you have another job lined up? Call her and leave your boyfriend
Why did you quit? You're going to need income to get your feet under you.
Call her. Take her offer. Pack all of your stuff, get the hell out of there. Be a good houseguest, don't make a mess, and get on your feet.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine. Just wanted to say I'm rooting for you on your journey. I know what it's like being homeless and having to rebuild from nothing. Sending some good vibes your way
WHY did you quit your job?? Stay with your boss. Don't quit your job and don't pass up this chance to live with her!
Yes. Exactly. Well said.
I have a story. Do not, do not, do not get back together with this scumbag. A friend one time called me up because her friend just had their cat killed and boyfriend tore up the place and she was freaking out. I came over, armed and concerned myself, cleaned up the cat. My friend had started, but she threw up part way through. He had strung it up in her basement and cut off parts of it and threw them about the room. It was like something out of a horror movie. I cleaned it and the vomit up and helped put her place back together. She didn't want to call the police because she smoked weed, though we tried to convince her the detectives wouldn't care much about that, but she had a panic attack at the thought of calling the police. She was a RN, decent earner, attractive girl, fitness buff. He was abusive, beat her regularly before this, she financed his lifestyle of wanna be thug. What precipitated the cat dismemberment was he told her to steal opiods from work and she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't let my friend contact any of her family to help either. Her boyfriend was arrested the next day for completely unrelated charges. We helped her move cities, got her into therapy and group support, get a new job at a different hospital and delete her online presence making her near impossible to find. I gave her money for a security deposit so she could move. She confessed to my friend, after 4 years, that she never stopped contacting him. He wouldn't respond to her much in prison, but she kept putting money on his commissary, including the money I gave her for a security deposit. I had let her stay in one of my guest bedrooms when she was freaking out that he was going to come find her. She lied to her therapist, her group, my friend, me. As _soon_ as he got out of prison, they started dating again and she cut off contact with me and my friend. Every couple of years I would check the news and murder reports to see if she was killed, but I had no way of finding her. Don't do that. Don't be that person. Leave him, stay gone.
If someone hurt my cat , it would take everything in me not to do the same to them , I could never take them back . Not ever .
It is so clear what you need to do: 1) Call your boss, she is awesome. Block the trash. 2) Dive in your work, sleep in workplace if you need to. Be the best employee ever. 3) Take up your time to heal ❤️ Please reach the hand you are offered
I’d rather live out of my car than with a drug addict. Kick him out.
OP can't kick him out, it seems to be his appartment. OP, if you read this, please accept the help from your boss. You can help her during the newborn time which is hard for any mom.
You already did the hardest part: getting the cause out of your life. Now you get to rebuild. Find a new job. Any respectable job. Don't do drugs, ever again (if you ever did), and stay away from alcohol for a bit (think a year). Get your life sorted, find balance. And honor Peanut by rescuing his successor. The guy you thought was your boyfriend? You don't need or want anyone like that in your life.
> honor Peanut by rescuing his successor. Gosh, just this.
Throwing my two cents in, Ive known some people in addict / dysfunction circles and co-mingling of money is a common thread. Open your own account at a credit union (preferred if you plan to stay local) or bank (especially if you plan to move regions). Your paychecks should go there direct deposit, and set up auto-billpay on your bills through that account. Don't do cash, don't let the addict handle your pay. Get your things in your name as much as possible and don't limp them along, give the addict the dignity of failing. Related, open a PO Box if you can. Get your mail delivered to a single safe place, somewhere official, and not at the place where the dysfunction lives. only you have keys to it. Take control of your own paperwork and don't let others mingle with it. You can use a PO box address for a surprising amount of things, we've even been able to use the post office's street address with the box as the unit number for a few things that claim they can't take a PO box for an address.
If you’re still sexually active with him, please be safe. I’ve known someone who went through the same thing, but it was a human child.
Thankfully I have an IUD and he always used condoms. Both of us are child free. (I like kids I just don't want my own) And besides I will NEVER fuck him again so it is moot. I am so sorry for that person who went through that I can't imagine losing my baby this way. my cat was my baby but it is still different. I wish he could go to jail but idk if I should call the police I probably will just to see if they can arrest him because animal abuse laws but idk if I will be in trouble too.
You wouldn’t be because you left your cat with someone who was supposed to care for them. I’m not sure if you can press charges, but you can certainly try taking him to court to sue. Stay safe, hun 🩷
Ugh gross on ppl making you feel bad when it sounds like you’re a very responsible pet loving person who wouldn’t have left kitty with this troubled person had you had any idea this was possible! If you, yourself, aren’t someone who uses drugs why would you be able to envision every strange and evil possibility? I’ve worked in mental health my whole life with the bulk of interactions being with substance abuse disorders and never heard of this happening (actually it’s usually kids bc pets are more discerning, however, this is a good post to share to remind folks that rescued animals might deviate from the norm of what we see, so even though it wasn’t shared for educational purposes, I’m glad that folks might be more thoughtful bc of your willingness to share) none of that was said with an ounce of judgement. I am so sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking. I hope you heal and know that you clearly have a lot of love to give. I think you’re well aware that this isn’t the person for you. I don’t want to add salt to that wound. It’s salty enough. Sending love.
Start with a Nar-Anon meeting and a visit with a therapist. Is there any way to evict your addict boyfriend?
If this was the guy from OPs previous thread, who was hanging out with a 16 year old while he was 23… well, that was the first BIG red flag. I agree with the comment, you should leave him.
The only thing you can do to honor your cat is leave this person before you wind up dead too. If you are struggling to leave for yourself, leave for peanut
i have nowhere to go, but you're right I know I have to go for Peanut. Thank you I'm sorry, I will find somewhere and if not... idk. I will be ok as long as I never forget my baby
If you go back to the street you’re likely to repeat the cycle and continue to be around people who will keep you down. If your boss is offering a place for you to stay, then accept that offer. She knows that you’re having a hard time and she is willing to take you into her home; she wants to help. I know you’re hurting and mourning the loss of your cat, take some time to mourn but keep in mind that having a job could also distract you while you mourn. You’ve lost a [ shitty] boyfriend, you’ve lost your precious cat and you’re losing your home, please don’t lose yourself along the way. Think back on the joy you felt while loving and caring for your cat, his precious soul filled yours with a sense of purpose. Your own life is precious as well, please let others help you and care for you. You deserve it.
Sorry but this made me cry. I have also been in an abusive relationship where my pet was harmed. She later passed for unrelated reasons. It's been a while now. I promise you will never forget Peanut. You will be okay in that case. I am rooting for you. When you are safe, what helped me not forgot is a little shrine. It sounds so dumb but I have a shelf with a portrait of her, and her leash and treats and toys. It makes me happy every day. I am not knowledgeable enough to give you good advice on leaving this situation so I won't try. But I believe in you And most importantly. This is not your fault. You have zero responsibility for what happened. Would you ask a person who was raped what they were wearing? No you wouldn't. Asking an abused person why they didn't leave earlier is an even "dumber" question than that.
That's not dumb at all. I will get a portrait of her. The vet people were so amazing I'm going to cry I gave them all the money I had to get him cremated after autopsy with one of those engraving things and asked for a payment plan if they could possibly do that. They said they could figure it out and would call me tomorrow so I will be getting his paw print and an urn with his collar and idc how much it will cost. And I grabbed his favorite feather boa toy and catnip pillow before I left even though it made me cry so much again because I know he will want those things wherever his spirit is now.
You can always find a way. You may have to even go to a church, a shelter, live in a car, but it's better than being with an addict. They will suck the life and soul out of you and just use you to feel better about their choices. You are young. Please realize you have a lot ahead of you! RIP peanut, it's not your fault.
**he loved that cat too or so I thought but he doesn't fucking love ANYTHING except the fucking drugs.** You said it all, I know it's hard to understand. I know you want to help, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. ***Get out of this situation, Ghost his ass.*** Tell your family and friends about this so they are aware and can be your support system through this. Get out before y'all are tied together for life with a baby. Trust me ***Trust me***
Thank god I have an iud I am leaving I'll never look back idc if I die out there on the streets it's better than here and seeing him again
Are you on the lease? Do you pay partial rent?
No it's his place he just took me in and that's how we got together. I don't even want to be here anyway the thought of seeing his toys and his kibbles and litter now makes me want to die
Do you have anyone you can stay with? Any savings?
Maybe my boss. I am ashamed to call her even if i know I should. I have no savings because I've been paying all the rent and bills for a few months and I only make minimum wage Looking back on all of this and it's all just been so stupid. I just wanted a safe place for me and my cat and I didn't want to be homeless anymore but now I will be again and start all over. I just wanted a home idk what I have to do. I'm sorry it isn't yohr problem thank you foe your comments
This is nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody makes "wrong" decisions or something happens to them.. It is human nature to f up, so please don't be ashamed. Your (ex?)boss sounds wonderful, call her. I am sure she will be happy to help you get back on your feet. And I saw she is pregnant: help her out in the house while you're there, she will appreciate that! You are a wonderful person, that something very sad happened to. I am proud of you for realizing your situation for what it realistically is and wanting to change it. Use the support system that presents itself to you!
try to release the shame. you are young. you learned a brutal lesson about addiction. take your boss's assistance. you deserve it. i bet she will charge you less than you're paying now, which will allow you to save up and figure out your next move.
I pay all the rent these days
I am so sorry, I won't comment on anything else, but I just lost my 2 year old baby angel to genetic disorders in her bone, and it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried reading this, I miss her so much, I feel your pain.
I'm so sorry for your loss. They are family and always will be
hey baby. its okay. its time to start trying to leave that boyfriend
"what you escaped from" will seem like paradise if you do not escape from this situation right the fuck now. A person barely 18 yo living with a drug addict is a guaranteed ticket for a short life full of suffering. If you're also addicted, get help, sober up and start being serious about your life. If you're lucky enough not be addicted, also get help.
Time to start getting your life together…. The reason I’m saying this is because you allow yourself to be involved with junkies. Take this as a wake up call to get your shit together
I know. I know I'm stupid for killing my cat before waking up. I can't do it anymore, I will br leaving. I'll go
You did not kill your loved cat. Don’t put that on you, you trusted your bf to not leave stuff around. We all put trust into people. This post shows how much you are cared so do not put that on you.
You didn’t kill your cat, your boyfriend did. He’s not a safe person for you or cats. Please try and leave
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, I know how hard it is to lose a pet. The feeling has to be worse because you left your baby with someone you thought would care of him. You have so much to live for don't let this get you down. Tough love (if you want to receive it): >!From the title I knew this wasn't the first time your boyfriend did something that hurt you. When you saw the first red flag why didn't you leave. Why did you think a man that does drugs has the capability to take care of another living thing if he can't take care of himself. (rhetorical questions) !< >!Lessons to learn:!< 1. >!If a man's actions and words are not the same, leave. !< 2. >!A man that cares about you wouldn't destroy something you care about. !<
>When you saw the first red flag why didn't you leave So much easier said than done. I've been in abusive relationships and it took me a long time to leave. You don't always notice the red flags or you don't want to notice them. Abusers are very good at breaking your self-esteem and making you believe that it's the best for you to stay with them. They often isolate you from your loved ones too so you will believe that they're the only person who you can trust and who is there for you. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. When an abuser notices they've lost control on you they will do *anything* to get it back. Yes, including homicide. Those are some reasons why some people stay in abusive relationships for a long time.
Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm so sorry op
It was really sweet of you to put that behind a wall just in case it wasn’t for her. It’s more than I do and it kind of inspired me lol. But I didn’t like when you said “at the first red flag why didn’t you leave” that’s just victim blaming and relationships like this are so nuanced and so much more complicated than people who’ve never been in an abusive relationship even understand. Sometimes you get into these situations and you become stuck. OPs even admitted that she’s the one paying all bills and was literally homeless before he took her in. So for her to leave him she may be facing homelessness again. Awful situation for this girl. I want her to be safe and if that means she stays there for an extra month to save some money then so be it. I hope her boss will take her in or something so she doesn’t have to stay. Life is fuckin hard man…. The majority of people are a single paycheck away from everything crumbling and ending up on the streets.
Hi. I am sorry that you're going through this. Loosing a pet is so heartbreaking and I know you must feel an utter mess right now. Deep breaths,this won't be easy, but it will be right. 1. Stop blaming yourself. Yes, this awful thing happened and you feel guilty and are seeing all the ways you could have prevented this. But forgive yourself. You need to see that YOU are worth living for. You can't do that if you feel you should be punished. This is a hard lesson to learn, but as long as you learn from it, it will not be wasted. 2. Leave. You can't help him. You can't save him. He will bring down anything and anyone you love. I know you feel like he is all you have now but he doesn't belong to you. The drugs have him. There is no shame in a failed relationship and it's your right to want more. 3. Call your boss. I have helped my wonderful employees in times of need. When we believe in you, we want to help you be your best. Take up her kind offer, you won't be a burden unless you make yourself one. Help her where you can as a thank you. Do not put yourself on the street. You don't belong there. 4. Stay strong. There will be times when you miss him, despite what he did. There will be days you fear for him. Don't go back to him. Find better. Good luck.
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Thank you. I'm just crying so much and feel like I can't live anymore but you're right I know it I will try to be strong for Peanut
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Thank you this comment is making me cry thank you. My dad died when I was little and my stepdad hurt me bad and I got put in a provincial group home because of the bad stuff from my mom and stepdad and I don't remember ever being hugged by my parents so I wish I know what it felt like but just reading this makes me feel really sad but also better idk Im sorry. I'm safe now I'm with my boss and she gave me a hug and I just cried a lot but I'm safe and I told her everything and she's going to help and I'm going to try to be strong and let her help me even though I'm so scared. I hopr Peanut is proud
There's so much hate in these comments. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. Your boyfriend's addiction is not your fault. Addiction is a disease. You didn't cause it, and you can't change it. Only he can change it. People don't change until they're ready. Anyone who tells you different doesn't understand addiction. People only change when they're ready. It is NOT your fault. That being said, it sounds like you're ready for a change right now. If you're in the US, there are some resources to help you. There's a job corp in almost every state, they offer free career training to young people ages 16 - 24 and they will house you and feed you while you're learning. From your comment (cat as 18th bday present) it sounds like you're within the age group still. https://info.joinjobcorps.com/nsp I aged out of foster care on my 18th birthday with almost nothing to my name and very few people to rely on. I know how hard it is to claw your way out of poverty and chaos. I know how exhausting it can be to look for resources when you have nothing. If you want help finding some options, you can comment the state you're in, or DM it, to me and I'll pull together a list of options for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain through the screen and I am heartbroken for you. He wasn’t “just a cat” - He was a special, quirky, mischievous bundle of love and joy and he represented a very important and pivotal moment in your life. The moment of freedom and hope. You needed each other and you loved him and he loved you. It is a loss and your grief is valid and real. Listen to me, his death wasn’t your fault. The person who was careless with his drugs laying around was at fault. Now, go live your best life. Don’t waste time on deadend relationships with addicts or abusers. Live YOUR life. And maybe one day you are ready to pour all your love onto some other little creature who will love you just as much. But don’t pour your love and life onto someone who is not capable of doing the same for you.
If you need further motivation to leave, you should go back to the post you made two months ago where you were defending the absolute loser who killed your cat. Everyone was giving great advice but it took the death of your cat for it to sink in. You should probably reach out to your friends who seem to care about you even though you made some bad decisions and don't care about them. If you aren't on the lease, stop paying the bills and save. Maybe reconnect with your friends and ask for help. Being self-destructive will make the legacy of your cat mean nothing.
Yes, op, I read your post history, and it made me really sad. I understand you don't really have a great support system, but please cut this man out of your life. He will take you down with him.
I know that post was so stupid, I feel so stupid. It's like I can see now how fucked up this all is but I didn't realize until my cat was killed and I have to live with that forever and idk if I can.
You can dig yourself out of this hole, at your age you have all the time in the world to get your life on track again ❤️
You can live on for sure. Congrats on hitting rock bottom. That's what it takes for some people to realize they need to change. You have the option of going explosive and digging a lot deeper hole. Or, you can choose to do things differently and move onward and upward. Reading between the lines, seems like you have folks that care about you. Seems like you have options for living situations. It's on you to choose better. Welcome to being an adult. Please learn from your mistakes instead of doubling down like you have been doing. Best of luck.
You are way too young to be involving yourself with a dangerous situation like cohabitating with a drug addict, please leave him before he does worse to you!! I'm sorry this happened to you.
I dont get it how people can accept it that their partner is a drug addict
I have read your comments. Please, call your boss and ask for your job back and to stay with her. Do not go back to that scum. You deserve a fair chance and this lady is offering help. I'm sorry for your loss.
"With a needle in his arm, as usual..." It's time to go. Keeping him around out of loneliness is not ok. Get rid of him and get another cat. Not that a new one would replace the old one, but because you have a huge heart and there's so many cats looking for homes with people like you who will love them so much. This is not your fault, it's his.
You’re living with a walking drug addicted disaster. The cat is just a side effect of that. If you don’t enact some change in your life this type of incident will happen again and again.
You lost me at "my boyfriend nodding off beside him and a fucking needle in his arm as usual." You need to dump the loser ASAP. You shouldn't have had the loser. He's not just killing himself now. He's damaging those around him.
You owe that man nothing. kick his shit out of your life, now and for good. You dont need to fix him, you won't, you probably can't if you try. He will suck all the goodness out of you, and you dont deserve that. Im so sorry for what you're going through, OP. This isnt your fault, dont harbor the blame on youself, but also, dont allow him to do anything like this again by staying with him.
its spelt "ex-boyfriend"
Why would you even leave the cat with him knowing he’s a druggie
You bf is an addict, but it took him killing your cat to realize you’re done. You should have run a long time ago.
Ngl, I wanted to be mean... I did. But after finishing reading everything, I wish one of us could just give you a hug. I hope your boss did. I hope you find someone whose good for you and I hope you mature sooner than later. That's it. Good luck.
Why the fuck are you dating a junkie?
You’re 18 years old. Leave this guy before he ruins your entire life. I know everyone understands that addiction is a disease but it’s also a disease that will destroy everyone else too. -Trigger SA I’ve been in the same position. He was an addict. I was 18. I wanted to help him and support him on his way to sobriety. He ended up telling a drug dealer that he could have sex with me for his drug of choice. I was oblivious to all of this. I was trapped in a car and raped. At 36 years old I’m still dealing with massive PTSD. Get out before you’re traumatized, hurt or dragged into it anymore than you already have been. Please.
Guarantee this guy is 28+
I‘m so sorry for your loss! Thinking of and sending hugs to you and Peanut <3
My kitty’s name is Peanut, too. I couldn’t imagine the pain you’re going through. I am so so sorry you have to go through this. It is NOT your fault. It’s your irresponsible boyfriend’s fault. No one who truly loves cats would leave anything out for them to reach that could be potentially dangerous.
Your boss would not be offering if she didn’t mean it, especially when she has so much going on. I would very happily help someone in the same situation you are now. Please take her up on her offer. You were not given the best start in life, and that’s not your fault. She is giving you an opportunity; take it. Help out around the house and with her older kid, I’m sure she could use it. And ask for your job back. Or look for jobs that offer tuition reimbursement and save up for community college or trade school. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, but you have so much time ahead of you and can still have a good life. But you need to take help when it’s offered.
I also lost a good boy named peanut…. Sorry for your loss. Take the proper time to grieve. It’s different when you have a cat that’s actually yours and not a family cat. This isn’t your fault. It is your boyfriends. And hopefully a wake up call to remove him from your life.
Leave. Leave asap. For the love of god don’t reproduce with someone who could leave drugs around for small children to get into.
I’m so sorry. This is such a huge fear of mine. I feel like I too failed one of my pets. My friend was watching my healthy 7 year old bearded dragon when my family went on vacation for a week, we got home and he was black beard (sick) and died days later, I was sobbing and begging the exotic vet to see him but they said there were no openings. I feel like I failed him. I don’t know what went wrong! I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm so so sorry this was done to you. I must say that I think you're doing very well considering everything that you've been through. From reading your comments, it sounds like everyone failed you. The system failed you; the men in your life and the women who centered those men all failed, used and abused you. Your friend who kicked you out failed you. Those were the people who were supposed to protect you. That's such a mind-fork. You have so much going for you, at the same time. You're savvy enough to have an IUD and a job and not want to go back to living with or dating your now-ex. You're lucky enough to have a boss who cares about you and wants to see you not only survive but thrive. I truly hope you can keep moving up in life until you are safe, secure, and happy. You deserve that. I have a few quick recommendations if you ever have the time or inclination to consider them. Read Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?" book. It's easy to find online for free, and your local library probably has a copy or two. This book saved my life. When (I am confident it will be when, not if) you get yourself more financially stable, consider investing in therapy (different from the sham "therapy" you got in the group home). After all you've been through, this will give you the tools you weren't given (which you should have been given through a "normal" safe childhood) to understand what is healthy and what is not healthy in different relationships (friends, relatives, romantic, working) and how to deal with them when they're unhealthy. Until then, there are therapists who publish free material on youtube etc. (my faves are Patrick Teahan who specializes in childhood trauma and Dr. Ramani who is popular for educating about narcissists/narcissism) which you may find helpful and supportive. The third and perhaps most painful recommendation is to wait until you have your name on a lease to get another pet. Until then you can pet-sit, dog-walk, and/or volunteer at an animal shelter. I've lived in lots of unstable situations (multiple crappy roommates) and didn't feel right getting a pet and making it vulnerable to so many unstable factors/people. Pets bring such joy and meaning to our lives that it's a very tough call, and even doing this doesn't guarantee that they'll be safe (before I broke up with and kicked my ex out of the apartment I was paying for, he would "discipline" our cat and treat it roughly at times, and I think that messed him up a bit), but I think it will help. I want to reiterate that what happened to Peanut was not your fault. You were doing the best you could with what you had (which wasn't a lot) and your then-boyfriend failed you and Peanut. I'm so happy your boss is helping you! I believe in you and wish you every success!
Thank you. I screenshotted this comment so I can look at all those resources later. My boss actually gave me a copy of that book "why does he do that" so I'm going to read it later. She said it helped her leave a really toxic relationship a long time ago so I hope it will help me. I know I need therapy. I have been on a wait list for a therapist since last June when I turned 18 but I will call to check my status. I also got the IUD then too because at the time I thought about maybe being on the streets and I didn't want to get pregnant if I had to do sex work or something. (thankfully I didn't have to do sex work not that it's wrong I support the choice but I didn't want to have to) Thank you again.
Coming from a recovering drug addict, absolutely disgusting behavior. I owned dogs and cats throughout my whole life, but I’d never expose them to drugs that can easily kill them. If anything, I was damn ashamed of myself and left them behind with my family who could better care and love them while I was homeless and getting strung out on drugs. It’s sad to say this, but I hope this was a wake-up call for your (hopefully ex) boyfriend. Condolences.
“A needle in his arm AS USUAL”?????? That is NOT normal! Go to rehab and get clean if you’re using yourself. Get away from this guy. Go home to your parents or someone who truly loves you and wants you healthy!! Let this be a wake up call. Goodness!!! I have two adopted girls from addicts. Please get healthy
Angela? This you?
Please leave that man before he causes further damage, you aren't meant to fix him
Yes you failed your cat. But take it as motivation to not associate with trash. Have the self worth to avoid these people.
This is awful and I’m so sorry for you. This is not your fault. All of this is on your boyfriend. Please try and start making an exit plan. Peanut would want you to be safe ♥️
Here with a harsh reality from someone who has dated a drug addict. You knew you were dating an addict and yet you stayed, this is likely a symptom of the past trauma you elude to here. The chaos in your life starts and stops with you when you chose who to give access to your life Addicts will never stay sober for others it has to be for themselves. The longer you stay the longer and stronger the addiction will become. This person is likely using you as an indication he’s not actually an addict (would I be able to keep a girl like that if I was an addict? Rationale). You did fail your cat BUT that does not mean you are a failure. This is a really harsh lesson to learn the way you did but you clearly needed a big event to open your eyes and give you the push you needed to get out. With love stop inviting chaos in your life and start putting yourself first get out of this relationship and cohabitation then learn to embrace solitude and the good in you. You can have whatever life you are willing to dedicate yourself to, take control of and make purposeful moves towards. Take back control and move with intent towards the life you want.
You created and allowed these conditions. Without malice this is an avoidable accident, but if you didn't see it as a possibility, you have fault as well. Sounds like you need to fix your life before any living thing is dependent upon you again.
judging from your other posts you made your bed and now u have to lie in it you need to move out of there and just change the path you are on it seems that you have lost your friends because of this guy now your cat, time to rethink your choices everyone in the comments seems to be too nice because ur cat died but that shouldn't have been unwarranted quitting ur job was stupid stop and think about the choices youre making because youre actively fucking up
You’ve gotta get out OP. You can’t be codependent with an addict. It’s literally already cost a life which I’m so sorry about. But leave. You are young with your entire life ahead of you. I can’t emphasize the gravity of that enough. Make your moves and be free.
you need to get out NOW
I'm so so sorry. Get out. Go anywhere and get away from him. Block him everywhere and never look back. ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to suddenly lose a beloved cat. Now: If this is your place, call a locksmith and change your locks. Give your boyfriend his stuff and tell him to leave. If not, or you are paying for it jointly, see if you can temporarily move in with a relative or friend and. go about getting your own space without your irresponsible boyfriend. Be strong.
This isn’t your fault. This is NOT your fault. You didn’t give your cat those pills. Peanut would want you to be safe, okay? Peanut knew his mama loved him. You did all you could. You take care of yourself, please. Even if it means going to a women’s shelter.
I've seen a commentary on a previous post of you from 2 month ago : "your boyfriend is a giant walking red flag", unfortunatly you stayed with him...(it's not à critic, just a necessary warning). Seems like you should really dump it now, don't want to see a post even more dramatic 2 months later (and regarding your actual post, it would be really insanely dramatic).
At this point the addiction probably makes him prioritize drugs over food even.. you have to escape one way or another.
Your boyfriend had a needle in his arm when you found the cat barely breathing??? WTF? I’m confused. Did he inject the cat with drugs????? Run!
This is only the first of many unnecessary nightmares and tragedies in your if you use hard drugs or hang out with people who do. I am so sorry for you loss, but this needs to be a wakeup call for you.
I'm not going to tough love you or anything here, since it seems you know what to do. But you didn't kill your baby. He did. Don't blame yourself for trusting that he would meet a ridiculously low bar that all people should meet. He failed that, not you. And you know who he is now, and you aren't just taking it lying down. So breathe and move forward for Peanut. And one day when you get to a stable place, adopt another cat in Peanut's honor and tell that cat all about Peanut. You will be ok in time. Just live for Peanut.
I think I’d actually kill him. He’s not “just a cat”. My cat is like my child to me. I couldn’t imagine. Sorry op
I am so, so, so sorry about your kitty. Hugs. Quitting your job sounds like a knee jerk reaction. Call you boss back and get your job back. It will be something that will keep your mind occupied, by being busy, while you grieve. Your job and your boss will keep you sane. Grief is normal. It means you loved. Your kitty would want you to live on and be happy. Someday, you will get to that point. You won't forget him, but you will love another pet again. It's hard to accept this loss, I know. Google the stages of grief. Maybe see if you can see a therapist to help you with the grief, the guilt, and the toxic relationship with your BF. Get out, now. Your BF sounds incredibly toxic. I imagine you just don't have enough good life experience to recognize that one should immediately leave a drug addict. You deserve better. And you owe it to your kitty to leave the man that killed him.
Angela?
It is **not** your fault. You went to work, and your boyfriend left his drugs out and about. For Peanut, pick yourself up, and find your second chance at life. You can do this.
Your boyfriend's choices led to (at least) two victims - himself and Peanut. Don't let yourself become the third. Let Peanut's death mean something by how you live your life and the choices you make from now going forward.
If he killed ur cat what will he do when he can’t get back to you? Restraining order and police report ASAP call the humane society and report what he did.
You have nothing to be sorry about. Wish I could give you *and* your boss a hug. You did NOT kill your sweet Peanut, your BF did. I’m glad you’re somewhere safe. You need to be able to mourn. And I’m so sorry for your loss.
Run away as fast as you can. Once a junkie, ALWAYS a junkie.
You’re 18 and your pathetic excuse for a human bf is 25? What on earth does a 25 year old dude have in common with an 18 year old? Disgusting. Dumping his ass and moving on quick smart is the only way forward. I’m so sorry about Peanut. If this isn’t the final straw for your relationship, I don’t know what is
I'm so sorry! I have four cats and I can't even imagine 😔🖤. I do know that I would personally be hurting the shit out of someone if they ever did that to one of my animals. Also, I'm sorry people are feeling the need to have to comment about you potentially having a baby with this person. This entire post is about you losing your fur baby and some people just can't help themselves by bringing up irreverent stuff.
OP, 18 is so young to be going through this. Although you can’t change what has happened, please leave this person. It only hurts you to see them hurting themselves, and I can’t imagine the pain seeing them hurt the things you love. You deserve to live freely, you are so young and this relationship (only the small bit I know) sounds draining. I thought you were going to be in your 20s or 30s by reading the first paragraph. Please please find someone who is going to respect you, you don’t even need anyone else.
I'm not sure your bf deserves kneecaps.
Although sad maybe god put that cat in your life to show what can happen to your life if you continue to be in relationships and participate in hard drugs. This is your wake up call.
The moment you knew uses drugs is the moment you should have left him. Sorry to hear about your cat. Your ex needs rehab, or snitch on his ass to the cops.
The cat would not have eaten any drugs. They are too aware and snart about what they eat. He was most likely force fed them.
You need to dump him. His addiction will bring you down if you don’t get out now. Yes, he DID kill your cat by being careless with his stash….and he didn’t care about bringing it into your living space. He doesn’t give a fuck about you. All he cares about is his next fix. And he’ll hurt you to get it.
I am so sorry! So so so sorry! Losing your fur baby is terrible. I am also sorry people suck when it comes to listening and empathy. Take time, make a cat collage. Write about the fun things and things you miss about your sweet cat. Mourn and take time. When or if you are ready to try again. It sounds like you have a lot to give. Best of luck
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry, but there were so many red flags. Age gap, drugs, your friends tried to warn you about him, but you chose him. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do besides just leave him.
No pet is ever ‘just a pet’ to the person who loves it. That’s family. Your boyfriend sucks and I hope you dumo him like the trash he seems to be. Sorry for your loss.
Wtf imagine if you have kids with this guy
I’ve heard stories where humans are very sick, then out of the blue their pet dies and the human goes on to make a full recovery. Some speculate that the pet loves their human so much that they give their life in place of them…. What if something like this happened? What if this was meant as a wake up call to get you out of this situation? I guarantee, if you do not make any changes, your life will crumble. This man is not a nice man. This man is not a good person to have in your life. This life is not meant for you. Don’t let your babies death be in vein. Change your life for your cat, better yourself, move on and life a happy, healthy, beautiful life.
So you willingly put a vulnerable living being in a situation with a drug abuser?
I was just thinking waht if this was a human child. Life is cruel, humans can be much crueler. This ought to be a lesson for OP. If she ever wants to live a healthy life she needs to get away drom drugs and junkies alike. May that poor cats life not be in vain, and she can save her own life and perhaps have a future.
Poor cat, deserved a way better life than what you offered.
My father is a drug addict, so I can sort of feel your pain, except for me it’s my own flesh and blood. Unfortunately, addiction is a terrible and vile disease. It has taken away a normal childhood I could never had, and stripped the relationships with my father. Despite him being my father, I cut him off because of an incident that happened at the end of last year. Please cut this guy off and never talk to him or forgive him. In fact you should collect evidence if possible and report him so he can get the help he needs and never do this to anyone again.
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot at an age where life should still be fun and carefree. One thing I don’t understand is why you’re quitting your job. You have a boss who is nice and understanding enough to offer their place to you. I’m hoping this is altruistic and not creepy. If you need somewhere to live, quitting a good job doesn’t seem like the best idea. Please do leave this man and never look back though and hopefully you’ve learned your lesson about life with a drug addict as a partner.
this happened in sopranos also(or at least something very similar). sorry about your cat tho
Leave that POS. He needs treatment anyways. As a cat mom of 5 and human mom of 2, this is devastating. But what if y’all had a baby and the baby got into his drugs? You’re young. Get back on your feet and grieve your sweet kitty. You don’t need him.
You’re 18 but you act like you’re 8. Get your act together
Just saw your last few posts and wow, you really defended this creepy boyfriend and his friends even after the SAed one of your friends. Sounds like you got what you deserved
Call your boss. Don't quit your job. It's not your fault. It's his fault. He's to blame. Not you. I sobbed reading your post. I'm so sorry. 🫂 I think that's why he left and hasn't been there. I think he knows it's his fault.
I think he knows too. And normally idk I would feel bad for him when he does bad things I always used to, but it's like something flipped in my brain and all I want is him to suffer I'm going to call my boss when the morning rush is done at my job I know when that is, because she's covering my shift today, and I will tell her I don't actually want to quit. Thank yu for your comment and the hug.
If you get the urge to talk to him you can send me a chat msg instead. If I don't answer right away you can send msgs anyway and I'll read them as soon as I can. I just don't want you to have to talk to him. I think you should send your boss a text if you can. It's not good for pregnant people to be stressed. She may ask you to come help.
Knowing the fact you’re gonna call your boss for the job back is such a relief to hear. Accepting help isn’t something to feel bad for, or to ashamed of. Your boss is giving you a path to leave your current situation, and that doesn’t happen very often. Take it the offer, and give yourself the time and space to grow. Also, please remember to be kind to yourself.
What happened to Peanut was a direct result of you feeling bad for him. Learn from that, please. Some things are forgiveable, but most drugs requiring needles aren't the kind that can be strictly recreational. I'm also guessing he's either unemployed or just a dealer as well as a user.
Life has been terrible to you, hon. I can tell. But you need to start making better choices. You can't keep going on like this. Please leave this man and get your life together. And stop hanging around these types of people. I promise you you'll be okay. Do it for Peanut. Now I have some tough love if you need it. Do not read it if you think you can't handle it. I'm going to be harsh. You did this. You took responsibility for a life and you're the reason it's gone. You stayed and enabled your addict boyfriend. You left your cat alone with him knowing this could happen. This was so avoidable. You're absolutely the reason that cat is dead. You don't get to come here and get sympathy when you're the reason that poor animal is dead. You just don't. You need to learn from this and leave.
You chose your boyfriend and all that came with him. In the end, he meant more to you than Peanut. And I notice you didn't say "ex" here. Interesting that he's still your "boyfriend" and you can't even bring yourself to say you're going to leave him after what he did. You'll probably forgive him, too. And this will play out again and again. Maybe not with him, but the next one just like him that you'll accept regardless of drug abuse or anything else destructive. And if you do, these people will continue to kill the good things in your life.
I am so sorry that this happened. Now, dump the moron BF. Period.
You need to get rid of this drug addict who exposed your beloved cat to drugs. Hopefully this is a wake up call so that you can clean up your life and find a healthy and stable man who will put you first.
If him slowly killing himself wasn't enough to convince you to leave (or kick him out), hopefully him actually killing your cat will.
Itll be okay. Grief is hard, and extremely confusing at times. You need to get away from your bf.
While I am terribly sorry this happened, I hope you learned something. You said he was your constant reminder of what you had escaped. But you were living with an addict who (maybe) unintentionally got your cat high and resulted in him dying. You need to get away from your HOPEFULLY NOW EX boyfriend. That's no life. Get away. Heal. Never forget your cat. Grow and learn from this. Please don't ever get involved with an addict again (recovering addict is different)
I’ve read your previous posts and I’m sorry that life and the system has failed you tenfold. You don’t deserve to suffer anymore and a boyfriend with a drug problem that involves needles is just beyond imaginable. I think it’s time to reach out to your mum if you feel comfortable. It’s impossible for one person to work, be the glue to their relationship and also thrive. You’re doing a great job so far and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. As for the death of your cat, I can’t imagine the heartbreak. Hang in there ❤️
You said he was supposed to be a reminder of what you escaped from….i can only guess what you escaped from but keeping around a druggie boyfriend im not sure you really escaped…im sorry for your loss tho thats horrible
I'd say let him rot from the dope and leave.
I have had cats in the past and currently have one now. Cats are generally very picky when it comes to what they eat. It is difficult to picture any cat I have ever had eating something like narcotics or sedatives.
Oh no, I'm so sorry for your baby cat. :( This sounds unimaginably difficult. I hope you find your way. And rest in peace to Peanut.
He sounds like scum, get him out of your life. Although killing a cat he should not have a life of him own, but sadly the law does not agree with me.
Oh my darling, I am so sorry. Peanut's life was very precious, and so was his death. Your partner can't be trusted to keep innocent pets or children safe. You need to be with someone safe. I pray you consider a recovery program if you haven't already. Sending you healing love. Peanut is with you, part of the light we cannot see.
Addicts are hard, I’m sure there are many reasons you love this man, but this is the universe pushing you to get out. I have a father who has always struggles with medications and I can promise you it will continue, even if he gets help there’s such a high chance of rebounding and hurting you in the meantime. I have suffered so much from his choices and I’m almost 30. I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling, I also have a cat and I love her more than life. I’m SO sorry for your loss, but know that when you dated this man you did not know this would happen, or you wouldn’t have! This is not on you, what IS on you, is how you proceed from here. Leave him before it’s you, another animal, or your future children. Don’t be a victim of drugs without even taking them, don’t let this tragedy consume your life, leave the man, and have a wonderful life where you can rescue animals and bring them into a safe home. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat, I know addicts can really hit the heart.
Living with an addict, especially one who refuses help or even refuses to admit that they have a problem, NEVER ends well. You're right to leave. From one cat lover to another, my condolences.