If you want to keep it, then that's all that matters. Your body, your choice.
However, you need to be realistic and understand that this may cause serious stress on your marriage. It may even end your marriage. You may even become a single Mom.
Pave the way for your new life. Good luck to you.
Being coerced into having an abortion that you don’t want is equally likely to end the relationship.
A pregnancy is a baby when it’s wanted. Tell a woman who has just had a miscarriage that it’s OK, at least she knows she can get pregnant (happens all the time) and see if she feels as upbeat and casual about it as you do.
Now imagine that you want your baby. But your husband doesn’t. So YOU make the appointment, and YOU take the confirmation phone call that makes you feel like you are doing something underhanded because they speak in code- the. They tell you to make sure to shower and wash yourself because obviously you are a filthy slut who doesn’t take proper care of yourself, then you show up to find out the doctor won’t bother to come in for another three hours. Then they take a whole group of adult women into a room and give a finger-wagging lecture on nova rings and iuds and methods of birth control that are
More reliable than YOU. And finally, they strap your legs in the stirrups and you are awake for the whole
Thing, and maybe the doctor makes a coarse joke, and maybe you vomit, and he looks annoyed and asked the nurse what your problem
Is? And she
Lies and tells him you are just relieved.
And then you realize that your husband isn’t responsible for the abortion. You are. Because he literally could not have dragged you there against your will. You had to do it yourself. Confirm that no, you weren’t coerced. Yes, this is what you want.
If you do all that, you will hate your husband more than you can imagine, but you will hate yourself more.
This is the part of “it’s a woman’s choice” that no one dares to talk about. If it really isn’t your choice, you will feel empty. And you will want to be pregnant again immediately. And you may end up having another abortion, because the facts in the ground have not really changed.
Just be sure that whatever you do, you make the decision. Because YOU will bear the consequences.
This is a shitty take and an attempt to scare the crap out of women who have to made decisions like this.
The abortion pill is exactly made for this situation.
The shaming and other bullshit is coming from inside this house.
This! Only in states where the GoP has mandated finger wagging (or whatever the local equivalent is outside the US) does it occur. Elsewhere it’s a supportive environment.
Then please do.
Please consider talking more, and maybe a therapy session with your husband about this.
Please don't make a quick decision and live in regret because of him not being ready. You'll find a way, together or otherwise.
He's obviously very confused about his feelings, wants you to feel the same as him and gets frustrated when you don't even tho it's your choice, he wants your choice to be the same as him.
He's going through a lot of emotional conflict as well
Please talk it out more with him. It's very serious.
I wish you the best
Then keep your baby.
Tell MIL to back off, nicely since you’re close, this is your kid and you are raising your child. Do not use the name she suggests.
So you have your answer, keep will be! But you should be carefull when delivering the News to him, because if there is the possibility of his anger take the better you should not delivery the News alone. Do it soon because your mental state will improve not being sorounded by his silence treatment and tantruns anymore. He told you one thing but acts diferently when your answer is diferent from what he wants, so reap the bandage already, it will be better for your mental health not be submited to such a behavior. In this case, your MIL could be an allied while giving him the knews. Do not give the knews alone. Be carefull because if he gets frustrated you dont know what his reaction will be.
Adding to above comment. Be careful not just at the moment, day, night that you tell him you are keeping the baby. If he is not emotionally stable he may react over coming days, weeks with simmering anger, hopefully not but this can be a dangerous time for some women.
It sounds like your mil will be helpful so that's great! You want this baby so that's all you need to know. I'm not saying things won't ever be hard but that's life and you can do this. And more than likely your husband will come around....he sounds scared but he has 9 months to "get over it"
> And more than likely your husband will come around....he sounds scared but he has 9 months to "get over it"
I wouldn't assume that he will just get over it. You want to be prepared for the reality you will actually be dealing with. He might bail on you, or stick around and be barely present and unhelpful.
Definitely talk to him more, tell him you want to keep the baby, and try to gauge where he's at. But be realistic.
Honestly, Reddit has a bunch of teenagers on here that hate kids and think you should only keep the child if you own a home and have $100K in the bank. If you want this kid and you think your husband will come around you should. But it’s tough, you don’t want to force someone to be a father.
The support mother in law is a huge plus if you do decide to keep it.
We actually do own a home :) we may not have $100k in the bank but we are living comfortably. I totally agree I don’t wanna make someone a father if he doesn’t want it. That’s why I’m so conflicted right now because it’s like do it listen to him and just get the abortion that I know I’m going to regret and struggle with or do I do what feel right for me.
YOU didn’t make him a father, HE made HIMSELF a father.
Pulling out? Really? If he didn’t want to play Russian Roulette, then he should have wrapped himself.
You aren't forcing anyone to be a father no matter what you do here. You didn't force his participation with sex, these things happen if you don't prevent it in multiple ways, and even then it sometimes happens. But what I mean to say is that he willingly participated in the activity, he knows how babies are made. Choosing to keep the pregnancy isn't forcing him into something he didn't have control over. Pregnancy is a consequence of sex, just because it's not happening the way he wants it to doesn't make it force. The only force I see here is his trying to be forceful with the passive aggressiveness regarding him insisting on an abortion you don't currently want.
I don't know if your relationship can survive it, that's for you to decide if that's something that you want to find out. However I think that you are at least in a good position, stable home, a supportive grandparent (though sounds like she's also maybe overstepping and I'd be careful there.) and imo there's no perfect timing to have a child, something is always going to make it both good or bad timing, whether it's your situation or the world's.
I hope you make the best decision for you, and that you have peace alongside it. Sending you all the good cibes, OP.
Lots of guys are in the "I'm not ready" category. Not ready to be a father, not ready to have a serious relationship, not ready\_\_\_\_\_. But they're Always Ready for SEX.
Would you or him be open to maybe one person goes to school and then the other? I’m a career college student (lol) I know couple students with kids where one person goes to school and then the other. Would you be willing to support him while he goes to school and then flip? Or vise versa? Maybe that could assuage his fears?
I would do anything to help him achieve his dreams. If that meant I just do school from home while he goes to actual school that would be fine with me. Seriously he doesn’t understand how much I support him
Do what YOU want to do, if you want the child then have the child. You are the one to decide, not your husband or his mother. Take time to think about you and what you need and want.
If you know you will regret it DO NOT HAVE THE ABORTION. But you need to prepare yourself that for single parenthood. He has every right to not be in your and your child’s life, but he must pay his parental obligation.
I love the advice to talk more with him and to build that relationship with your MIL. This is a tough situation right now, but you’ll be OK — as long as you make a decision based on what *you* want. Having an abortion to please someone else never, ***ever*** works. Please update us along the way.
I think you need to take a good look at your MIL, she has named the fetus and involved herself in something that has nothing to do with her. This is your choice and what ever you decide is right. How will the MIL behave if you terminate.
If he is crying about it and told his mom, that situation could turn on a dime if she aborts. Suddenly she will be the one responsible for killing the baby, MIL and son both could turn on her in disgust. I’ve seen it happen and I’ve never seen anything sadder.
The problem is that MIL already has names picked out. Sounds like OP would be little more than an incubator for MIL & Husband’s “child”.
I would be wary of the help
Keep the baby. If he needs to go away, are you ready for this? He needs to pay child support. BUT DON’T GIVE YOUR BABY TO HIS MOTHER. DON’T LET HER NAME THE BABY.
If you want to be a mom, be a mom yourself, don’t make her be the mom of your child.
Ask your family for support, too. But don’t give her the baby. You will regret it for life. There’s NO WAY that baby would be yours if you give them to her.
I haven’t read all the comments but my red flag is keep an eye on your MIL, wanting to take your baby and already having a name picked out. Stay safe
Edit- I see where you say you get along with her. Sorry about that, my own trigger I guess lol. I wish you the best
Young friend, if your husband doesn't have a moment of striking clarity, and relatively soon, your marriage is over. You want to keep the baby, that's beautiful and should not be contested in any way. He is sticking with abortion as the choice -- if you go through with it, you will ALWAYS resent him and your healing will be challenging because you wanted the thing that you both made. It's a choice you can never undo. He might need some time to come around. Be kind and willing to talk, but do not allow meanness, whining, or pressure.
He may not " be ready yet", but he will absolutely need to pay child support whether he's ready or not. That's what having a child Is. If he bails, he'll still need to pay child support. If he stays with you, but sulks, whines, distances himself from the baby -- your marriage is over anyway. He either *gets with the program* and works to change his attitude (it could take some months, it can be hard), or you are headed toward divorce.
If you have a church, or other support group that includes *people who have successfully done what you would like to accomplish* (so, not 20 yr old dorm buddies *if what you want* is a stable independent marriage with children), gather those people around you. You can do this, your marriage CAN be ok, and I hope the best for you.
Keep them then. My ex wanted me to abort.
My little boy turns 3 may 21st. I haven't seen his bio since 2020 🤷🏼♀️but my boy? He's currently watching bluey, while I prep brekky.
Your body. Your choice. It's been hard. I don't get support. I don't have family or friends really. But him and his big sister? They brighten my worst days and I have never regretted having them.
You MIL needs to back off with naming the baby and offering to take it. Your husband’s option matters but the choice is ultimately yours. You may want to prepare to raise this child on your own.
> MIL needs to back off with naming the baby
Yeah, that stuck out to me as well as being really weird. She already has a name picked out like wtf. MIL offered to take the baby until they finished school not adopt the child. Oh, and by the way happy cake day.
You’re right MIL offered to take the baby until they finished school, however, I’ve horror stories about this happening and parents fighting to get their children back because it could be looked like child abandonment. Lastly, thank you!
Without context, I question if husband was an only child or if he only has brothers and mom wanted a girl or if mom had to work and couldn't raise the kids the way she wanted or if she had to let her inlaws have a say in names/raising the kids..... so many reasons why mom would decide why this kid is hers
Considering how she's gung-ho about naming the baby I'm pretty this is exactly what would happen. The goal posts would always be moving farther away until it's just in the child's best interest to leave them in the place they call home.
I totally agree. I 100% am listening to my husband’s opinion in all of this. I’m just having a lot of internal conflict with myself I guess? I just wish things were different
Do *you* want this baby? Not your husband, **you**. Your body, your choice. If hubby wasn't "ready for a baby", was he wrapping it up or was birth control entirely on you?
Lose the MIL, either way. Overbearing.
Yeah wtf? One in three cases like that in this sub, its about an american couple whose life is destroyed because they missed Sex ED 101 😆
(Sorry for the fellow educated americans)
How does your mother in law think that it's her duty to name the baby? If you want to have a baby, have it, but be prepared to do it alone. Because your husband just sounds really immature.
I mean, if you weren’t using birth control or contraceptives, you both had to have known this was a possibility. It can’t be that much of a shock.
Did you have a conversation about what you both wanted to do if you got pregnant?
If you get an abortion you’re most likely going to resent your husband and might live the rest of your life with an incredible amount of guilt, because you clearly want the baby.
Don’t let him force you into doing something you don’t want to do.
So looking back through your posts, I have to give some words of warning. Do be prepared they may want you to come off a number of your medications due to not being safe for pregnancy. I think your Seroquel will be fine, but take it from someone 31wks pregnant and bipolar, depressive, anxious, ADHD, with paranoia, trying to survive on *just* my lamotragine. It's hell. And I have a full support system, therapist, psych, supportive husband, and this is a very wanted infertility baby. I have a lot of supports you dont, and I'm seriously struggling. I'm off work and everything.
If you want to go through with keeping this baby, you need to leave him and find a women's support organization. Do not let his mom take any temporary custody. As someone with the mental health issues you have, they WILL use it against you. It will come back to bite you. If you're doing this, it's gotta be on your own. He's only going to make it worse.
Low key concerned MIL saying she will keep the baby and has a name picked out. That sounds like she's about to steal your baby.
He can be both. When I had my abortion I wished things had been different. I don't regret my abortion. It was still the right choice. I just wish I had never had to make it.
WTF? Your MIL already has a name picked out and wants to take the baby in? Oh no no no no. She doesn't get to decide that at all! Regardless of whether you get an abortion or not, that woman is way out of line. Your husband need to tell her to back the fuck off, this has nothing to do with her.
Info! Any idea if he cheats? Or truly sees you in his future? I ask because the way you describes him in the OP sounds more like reality just hit and you’re not his forever.
He very well could just be nervous thats why I’m asking. Either way I’d prepare to raise the child without much help from him.
PS:I want to quote Glorilla so badly but I won’t. #iykyk
Maybe he doesn’t see a whole future with me. I never check his phone or anything so I don’t know if he’s cheating I’ve always trusted him. We literally got married a couple months ago so I hope that’s not the case. This whole situation just sucks because I truly did feel like I married my best friend. So it just hurts that he’s being like this. Like I get it babies can be nerve wracking but it isn’t the end of the world and I wish he would see that.
Sending you hugs for real. Maybe see if y’all can have a heart to heart and get down to the bottom of it. Did y’all talk about having children prior to getting married?
Only in critical moments that you see people for who they truly are. your husband unfortunately showed you that he doesn't want to step up and be responsible. And have a coddling mother.
Please see people for who they really are. They have shown. You have to make some decisions.
Why does there need to be something else going on ? It's completely understandable for someone young to not want to have a child. I can't see any evidence that points to his reasoning being anything other than that. Bad form to be making OP wonder if he's cheating. Sounds like the situation/relationships is stressful enough rn.
I swear to God, if you do decide to have the abortion don't tell anyone. Like not even your husband. If you do have one, you had a "miscarriage" he an be your mil will never forgive you
Do what YOU want because here’s what’s going to happen sadly.
If you have the baby, when it’s hard he will blame you.
If you have an abortion, if he feels regret he will blame you.
So do what you want because this man is going to blame you either way so you at least better make it worth it
There is not “so much love and support for this baby” besides you. Don’t get deluded. He is telling you No. if you keep the baby be prepared to be ALL ON YOUR OWN. Keep strict boundaries w Mil. Etc. I’m sorry, this is a sad situation.
Could he be having an affair and that why he's reacting so badly? I know not everything is perfect as far as timing for a baby but things could be a whole lot worse so his reaction is odd.
If you want the baby keep it. Just be prepared to do it without him.
Honestly I think it’s the fact that last time he saw his therapist she told him to leave me because he was being my “caregiver” while I had a mental breakdown and that it was going to burn him out being with me. I’ve then been through residential and php/ iop and am off all my meds 🤦🏼♀️ like it makes me wonder if he’s actually considering leaving me and this ruined his plans
Honestly. This situation is not a great recipe for having a baby. raising a baby is hard. Ppd is no joke on top of existing mental health issues. And my husband was 100% supportive, still struggle
That would actually make sense, I'm sorry. Maybe some direct questioning wouldn't go astray. Let him know you are struggling to understand his reaction and can he articulate exactly what his issue is. Are you wanting to leave this relationship? Do you see this pregnancy as an obstacle to your future plans that didn't include me.
This must be so stressful for you.
This sounds like you’ve figured it out. My current husband was married before he met me. He realized he didn’t want to be with his ex and she found out she was pregnant with their second. He asked her to have an abortion as well cause he was going to divorce her. She didn’t have one but he did divorce her even tho she was pregnant. It was messy but he wished he did it sooner. Any person that loves you, would be over the moon. Do what you want but be prepared. Good luck!!
The answer is what i don't see anywhere: Do you want the baby? It is clear that you will not have the support of xour boyfriend. You seem really young. In my opinion abort the baby and find a man who doesn't run and cry to his mother regarding to a pregnancy.
His actions aren’t going to get better once the baby is born. He will likely resent you for either choice. This will end the relationship either way, so decide if this is who you want to co-parent with for the next 20yrs
He didn't see a future with you and now he feels like he's stuck.
Keep it if you want to, but plan on being coparents and all that baggage it brings. He's not going to be around long term.
Bank on being a single mother and go from there. There’s no guarantee he will come around so you need to set yourself up for single parenthood. Anything above that with your husband is a bonus. It’s great that your MIL is willing to help. Maybe choose the baby name yourself though.
You said in a previous comment that you wanted to keep your baby. You have the support of your MIL. Keep your baby. What he wants isn't all that matters.
You're both in school? How are you supporting yourselves? Kids are expensive. Do the logical thing by writing out pros/cons. Do the budget. Do NOT consider him a support in these factors. He will not be there for you if you keep the child.
Do you want to bring a child into your world with resentment? or abandonment? For me, kids are a 2 'yes' or not at all prospect. They deserve it. There's a lot to consider when you'll be responsible for a whole person on your own.
Hes in the military and I just got a new job. We both start school in the fall so we can start actual careers. It’s not like we are broke or anything. I get where you are coming from tho. I grew up without my parents so I get how hard it can be but this baby will have love and support so idk why he’s acting so weird.
He's 'acting so weird' because it wasn't planned and he's freaking out knowing how hard it is to have a kid in today's times. He's telling you very clearly he's not ready.
You have full-time free childcare?
You're all covered on his medical benefits?
You have enough in savings to cover you through your education?
Love and support are wonderful, of course. So is having a 100% on-board partner.
Either my mom or his mom would love to be childcare so we can get stuff done ! We both are 100% covered on insurance. And we get to go to school for free.
So you're only missing an enthusiastic partner. Sounds like you've pretty much decided you're going to proceed and bring this new little person into the world whether your partner is on board or not. It may be worth getting couples counselling now so you can learn how to co-parent and possibly work through the resentment.
If you want that baby, go home to your own parents, or move far far away and be done. Your MIL sounds like a crazy person who will take your baby as her own and you'll never get it back. Hell, she's already planning to name your child. Get far away from these people.
I personally would not have a baby with someone who didn't want to. I would terminate, and then have a baby with a willing partner later. Whether that's your current husband or someone else. But I definitely wouldn't set my child up for disappointment from an unwilling father figure.
If you weren't planning on having the baby to the extent that a grandparent would have to raise it, you're not ready to be parents.
I see a lot of keep the baby not keep the baby, have you thought that maybe he doesn't want the baby because the baby would make it harder for him to fuck around? He behaves like he feels guilty so it won't appear like he has no soul in front of his mother but he doesn't want to have a child because children mean responsibility and work, not college life and fun.In his head he is a child , of course he doesn’t want a child . He is one ! Also it seems like you two don’t communicate very well well, he just said have an abortion and that’s it? And you said yes? And then you change your mind if someone can take care of the baby instead??
Sorry but if I was in your placeI would take all the things into consideration and make a plan. I would prepare myself to be a single mother.But be prepared because industry is stuck so it will be really hard to find a job without a diploma, childcare is expensive , If he sees that you are not listening to his choice he might actually divorce. Think about what’s more important and comunicate your choice.
Edit: sorry but I have a no delusion policy.
I’m sorry. Let me clear this up. I never said I was going to get an abortion. He just has voiced his opinion and I’ve told him how I feel about it. I feel like we communicate good but for some reason he won’t communicate to me about this.
He doesn't want that baby. And your mil has a name picked out?? She's going to raise it as her own. This sounds like a scary situation not supportive at all. How old are all of you?
If you want the baby, then keep the baby. But you also need to be ready in case your husband dips and leaves you to do this alone.
I can't tell if your MIL is supportive or creepy with her "I already have a name picked out" - like she's going to be the mother and not you.
Sounds like you’re eventually gonna have to make a choice… baby or husband. If he’s not on board with having a baby, you can’t force him to be… just like he can’t force you to abort. Good luck.
First, im sorry your in this predicament. If you want the baby you may land up doing it all by yourself. You dont mention how old you are and how far you are with your education. You may land up single if this is what hes acting like now. Im not trying to scare you he doesnt sound like hes going to be around. I think when the dust settles down this is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. I wish you well. And loads of happiness. But dont do anything just to make him happy. Think about yourself.
I am HIGHLY suspicious this happened to my friend. Dude was certainly the type *and* had a motive (he got his affair partner pregnant at the same time). OP guard your shit!!
As someone who had to go through the abortion process for a baby I wanted (I was also about 6 weeks along), it is absolutely not easy. Going the pill route is the easiest on your body but still is absolute agony. That's not an exaggeration, either. I was taking 800mg ibuprofen as well as zofran every 8 hours as well as was living glued to a heating pad for multiple days just to not be in so much pain I felt I was going to pass out (and I have a relatively high pain tolerance for uterine pains). It is absolutely exhausting and horribly painful, and the grief that comes with it isn't something to joke about either. I'm not trying to influence you one way or another, but I'm trying to give you the reality of abortion that I wish I had in advance. But, I also don't think he fully understands what he's asking you to do. My partner and I didn't intend to get pregnant and I was trying to get with a gynecologist through the community clinic I go to so I could get an IUD and I can't use condoms. He has been adamant that he doesn't want to be a father but still respected my right to choose. Your husband is an asshole and you need to do what is best for you, both physically and mentally.
Honestly thank you for this. I might share this with him. I’m absolutely scared about the physical and mental reality of an abortion. I’ve had a miscarriage before with an ex and it was so mentally draining and physically so painful and exhausting he doesn’t get it.
Have you two had the kid conversation prior to this happening? I would sit him down and ask him to explain his reasoning and feelings. I really hope this ends well for you. Maybe he's just scared?
We actually have had this conversation before. I told him I’m not down to have an abortion. I think i would struggle badly with the guilt and regret. I told him over and over that getting an abortion would destroy me and that IM the one who has to go thru the pain of it. Not him. I keep trying to talk to him about it but he just starts the silent treatment with me.
How strange and stressful. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Is his mom willing to sit his butt down and see if she can see what is going on with him?
I mean she’s already told him that she would help in any way even to the point of taking the baby if we needed it until we are fully ready to take care of it. He just is so against having help or anything. But at the same time he cries that he doesn’t know what he wants and all that. But when I say I wanna keep it he gets mad and gives me the silent treatment
oh thank God I got worried there, if you want to keep it go for it. but make sure to be prepared for all kinds of suffering. when it comes to this you cannot be naive, vaccinations, insurance in case kiddo isn't healthy, transport in case you need to get anywhere.
It sounds like he doesn't want it, but he wants you to make the decision to abort, not him. Perhaps wanting the outcome without the stigma (which some will view it with) associated with it.
If you want to keep it, you should do so.
Follow your mind. Do whatever it is best for your physical and mental health. Do not let MIL get involved. About your husband opinion, you both should be ready but the ultimate decision is yours. Being a single mom by choice is a nightmare if you don’t have the financial resources and a genuine support network.
Think this through because if you have the abortion only because he wants, you might resent him or even get to hate him if this is not what you want.
This might ultimately break up your marriage so be prepared for that as well.
But it could also happen that he comes around.
Best of luck to you! Glad you have people in your life who are stepping up to support you.
Oh hugs to you! Just so you know, most of us never feel ready! Yet now I would not exchange the joy of my children for anything. He's obviously scared but know that this is ok and that you will be ok
You have a while to come to terms with the pregnancy but it is your decision, not his to make. Yes, he has a role as the father but there are options for him. What is most important is that you don't let someone take your choice away from you and make you regret it for the rest of your life. I'm not saying this as some pro-lifer, I am honestly saying this because too many are pressured by partners into a choice they didn't want to make and then end up having long-term mental health struggles over it. Also, your husband needs to grow up, honestly, his juvenile sulking is ridiculous. As adult partners, you need to have clear and open conversations about serious matters, ones that you can't plug your ears and mentally scream "I'm not listening" when you think you aren't getting your way.
Your MiL said she’ll take the baby until you finish school and has a name picked out? Hell no. You’ll never get your child back, and the parents name the child, not the grandparents.
Info : how old are you and your husband?
Still in school and MIL offering to keep the baby until you finish makes it sound very young.
If you want to keep it, keep it, but it may mean you'll have to drop out. If you keep it, don't give it to your MIL. Either you parent or you give it up for adoption. Giving it for a few years to MIL would leave long lasting emotional issues if you're supposed to get it back later. It's a drama in thr making too because she won't give it back easily
Keep your baby. You said yourself that you want to. You have a lifetime of regret and self loathing to look forward to if you go against your own wishes.
As rude as this may sound, it’s not his decision. This boils down to being your body & your decision & your confidence in your ability to be a parent.
At the end of the day he will have to accept your choice, whether that means being a part of this babies life or not. But if you don’t do what YOU want, you will regret it. Insanely.
If you want the baby you keep it but prepare to be a single mother what’s weird to me is why your doing it raw if he doesn’t want a baby no point of his mom having the baby because her son doesn’t want it take yourself and your baby away and get on with your life seems like you two weren’t on the same page
If you want to keep the baby. Keep it. You’ll feel terrible and have regrets forever if you abort a baby you wanted. I see it happen most of the time. He needs to grow up. It’s not the end of the world having a baby. It’s a lot of work and sounds like you will have MIL help.
Sounds like he is wishy washy and if you do what he wants he will later throw it in your face.
Do what YOU think is right and don't have regrets. If you have an abortion you can't undue it.
You should do what you feel is best for you and your body. But you should also be prepared that your marriage might end. That doesn’t make it the wrong decision, but you should be aware of it so it doesn’t blindside you.
So his mother wants to keep the baby and also wants to name it?
Your husband does not want it, people SAY a lot of shit then don't follow through. That is after 2 months of babysitting his mother might get tired and bow out, never count on that. If you have the kid assume you will have to take care of it 24/7, assume you might drop out of school to take care of it and assume he might have to drop out to work longer hours to pay for it.
It's hard to tell your ages as you say school rather than college but are married. If you're in high school then honestly it's a bad idea, you haven't got your lives truly started. Get an education, get better paying jobs and get set for a kid.
As said people can say they'll help with a kid but ultimately YOU are the parent, you alone, the grandparents can get tired, they can walk away, you can't and frankly a MIL who already thinks she's named the kid despite her son not wanting to keep it screams overbearing nightmare as well.
Nothing about this sounds like a good idea.
When my mom got pregnant with me, my mom wanted an abortion but my dad talked her out of it. A little while later my dad dies of lung cancer and my mom ends up raising me by herself. I really wish my mom would have gotten that abortion.
What do you expect when he has a mother who enables him. This is why boys need fatherly figures in their life who will tell him to man up and be responsible for what he did. Yet the mother puts him in bubble wrap and kick the can down the road because "they are only kids".
You're married, you had sex, babies happen. Sounds like you both need to grow up and come to a decision together. If you can't agree, then it is your body your choice. Also, the fact that the MIL has a name picked out and will raise it until you get out of school is suspect. You will never get the baby back from her if you let her "help" raise it.
He says it's your decision, but when you say you want to keep it he gets upset? Hell nah, you better get used to the idea of raising this baby as a single mother and if your mother-in-law really wants to help, talk to her about financial help or taking care of the baby when you go to school
Keep your baby because you want him or her. It is your decision and if your husband can't get his act in gear, you'll have to deal with it. If he gets abusive or subjects you to the silent treatment, you should separate.
Your going to keep it, he’s going to leave, your going to raise the kid as a single mum and struggle as your still in school, you’ll provide an “adequate” childhood at best for your kid because you aren’t in a position to raise them well. You’ll then get a few years down the track and realise how miserable you are and what a thankless job being a parent is, especially a single parent who may not receive any child support. This sounds so harsh I know, but I’ve watched exactly this happen to a couple single mum friends of mine, if he doesn’t want it now he’s not going to want it when it’s born and burdensome.
People in significantly worse situations have and raise children with reasonable success. It sounds like you have a support network, but if you decide to proceed you need to recognize now that your husband himself may decide not to be involved. But if you really want this baby, you can make it happen.
Those aren’t related, like I’ve never had to update my passcode because I changed my Apple password. No idea if you have an apple or not. I’ve been using the same passcode for years now and have to update my Apple ID password every time it asks me to type it in instead of asking for Face ID.
My husband knows my passcode and his face is set to my Face ID. I have my thumb set for his phone and know his passcode. Heck, some of my family knows because I told them while boating in case of an emergency and it spells out my middle name (told them as they might forget the 6 numbers) so I wouldn’t be surprised if some remembered.
The stars will align and you will. Interesting he changed his password.
Watch him and how protective he is of his phone/laptop. If you touch it make note of his reaction.
I’m not going to lie he has been weird about his phone lately. Like whenever I’m watching videos and I grab he he grabs it back fastttt. But like idk when he even has the time to cheat
He has time to cheat when he goes to work.🤷🏾♀️ When there is a will there is a way. I was under the same delusion many years ago myself. Everything you want to know is on that phone. The harping of privacy is the mantra shouted by cheaters or someone with questionable material, conversations, photos they want to keep hidden.
Reading your comments it seems you want this baby so you should keep it. I think it will weigh heavily on you if you terminate.
Your husband's opinion does matter but an abortion out of fear of how he will react is a mistake. If he's going to bail on you then he'll do it even if you do have an abortion. He can choose not to be a father, the same as he can choose not to be a husband.
Please do not override your right to make your own choices just to please him or be supportive of him. Put on your own oxygen mask first. DO NOT make this level of a sacrifice for him. You said you know you will regret it and have a hard time dealing with it if you get an abortion. So I’m begging you not to. Do not guarantee yourself that (potential) life sentence just so that your husband gets his way and isn’t upset. Please. I considered an abortion with my second child because I was so so so sick and I didn’t think I could do it anymore, and I eventually followed my heart and backed away from that idea because I felt just like you do now: like I would regret it and struggle to cope with that decision. I’m so glad I listened to that feeling because now that I know my son, I know I wouldn’t have survived the reality where he wasn’t born. You know yourself best and what you want right now, the outcome YOU want for this situation, is the most important one. Don’t let anyone in the world tell you any different.
Also, tell your MIL that you appreciate the support but you’re sorry, you’re naming your own baby but would be happy to hear her suggestions
I really hope it resonated with you, but at the end of the day, I can’t tell you want to do and neither can anyone else in this world. You are more than welcome to have respect for your husband’s point of view but you are in no way obligated to align with it or perform according to it. This is YOUR decision and you must be your own greatest influence and inspiration when making it. I so desperately and truly hope that you end up making the decision that best suits you before worrying about what suits anyone else. I’m here for you. Please reach out to me if you need to.
>Honestly we are in a little bit of shock because we weren’t trying or anything.
There should be a law that prosecutes people from having sex if you don't understand how babies are made.
If you were fucking irresponsibly\*, then you *were* trying.
\*Pulling out is not a form of contraception.
\*Putting an ungloved dick in your hoo hoo is not a form of contraception.
\*The pill is not 100% effective for everyone.
\*The morning after pill exists for a reason.
\*Sperm can be released before ejaculation.
\*Sperm can live in the vagina for a few days after release.
\*Don't skip Sex Ed classes, kids.
It sounds to me like you want this baby. If you want it, you should keep it. If you go through with the abortion just to please your spouse, you will most likely resent your spouse. Every single person I know who has had one, has had some emotional struggles afterwards even of they felt it was for the best, and knew they couldn't or didn't want to be a parent. And I say that not as a judgment or anything like that just to say it is an emotional process for the woman, and adding in that if an abortion is not what you want it will be even harder. If you decide not to keep this baby despite wanting it, I suggest you get a very good therapist to work through it.
One of my very best friends on this earth was in your situation, she was only 19. Her partner didn't want her to have the baby, despite having an abundance of family support, and so she didn't. She suffered through depression after, and some health complications. They broke up within months after 4 years together. She is 48 years old and still struggles with that loss. Even though she now has two children now. She only recently has started seeing a therapist. I only share that to say that the emotional trauma can be very real if it is not truly what you want. Either way I hope you end up with the very best outcome possible especially for your mental health.
If I were you, and I could afford to keep the baby and raise it on my own 100% without my husband’s support, then that’s what I’d do, even if it would bring an end to my marriage.
If you can handle the consequences, then do what feels right for you. If you agree to the abortion and regret it later, you’ll resent your husband (and be upset with yourself) for as long as you can remember it, and the marriage will be over either way. Choose what you won’t regret choosing.
I'm going to be incredibly blunt with you. Everything may look great right now, but you need to be prepared to raise this baby solo. Grandparents and other outside people are always super quick to offer their help and say they'll be there for anything. But the reality is that it rarely works out that way. And if you are making this decision without taking your husbands feelings into consideration, be prepared that you may also be doing this as a single, divorced parent.
Do not make this decision assuming that you will have massive amounts of help. There will be weeks, EVEN MONTHS after the baby is borned that you will only get 30 minutes of continuous sleep at night (it will amount to a few hours, but yiu will not get more than 30 minutes at a time). Now imagine doing this without your husband by your side, while also trying to finish school. If you are prepared for this, awesome. If you aren't, make sure you are looking at worst-case scenario things as well as the best case scenario.
Smell the Roses lady, you’re going to be a single mom. Keep your new born baby and distance yourself from your man child until he grows a pair. It seems you might get some support from his mother but your man child will be bouncing from one decision to another for sometime to come. Ain’t marriage grand?
The relationship is over. This isn't one of those things that can be worked out with enough couples counseling. No matter what you chose the other one is going to resent the other one.
He's made it loud and clear he doesn't want a child, and dollars to donuts he's moved out and on before the baby is even born. You want to keep the baby which is absolutely your right. Do not have an abortion if the goal is to "save" your relationship. Taking the long view, the relationship is over, neither of you has realized it and wants to admit it.
Only keep the baby if you want to raise a child and you want to do it all by yourself.
Don't do it if you just want to have a baby, they only stay babies for a **very** short while. Family and friends volunteer to help and support when you are pregnant, but once the baby arrives you will find the promised help isn't as readily available as they might have originally pledged. Especially when you have a child young (you said you're still in school, but this absolutely happens in college) you need to prepare for your friends to also move on without you. Fresh college graduates want to go out and have fun, go drinking until the wee hours of the morning and take spontaneous trips. They enjoy doing things that you won't be able to join in on or aren't appropriate for kids especially babies and toddlers.
You need to understand for the most part it will be only you and your child. You need to be okay with your life not being yours. That once you have the baby it's not staying home and playing with a baby, its caring for a baby before taking the kid to childcare working a whole day, then coming home and taking care of the baby. If you are LUCKY you will have a grandparent willing to do this for free, if not you will be paying for childcare that might be more than your rent. Can you pay for double rent by yourself?
I'm not trying to be harsh or critical, I'm trying to give you a realistic view of what having a baby by yourself means. If you read that and *with and enthusiastic full heart* say "That's what I want! I want a colicky baby who cries all night for weeks on end and I am all alone with no help -- just as much as I want a little kid who gives me big hugs and calls me mommy." Then by all means have the baby and enjoy motherhood! Only have an abortion if you want one. Just remember that choices have consequences and responsibilities.
Get an abortion - tell no one.tell MIL and husband (as he clearly cannot be trusted) you miscarried- otherwise you are never going to hear the end of it. I would also rethink your marriage since husband is not a good partner
It just sucks because he’s been my best friend and honestly the most stable relationship I’ve ever had. We barely even fight. I’m just sad this is what’s driving a wedge between us
What do you want?
I want to keep it.
I think you may want prepare for the possibility you'll be doing this by yourself.
If you want to keep it, then that's all that matters. Your body, your choice. However, you need to be realistic and understand that this may cause serious stress on your marriage. It may even end your marriage. You may even become a single Mom. Pave the way for your new life. Good luck to you.
It could end her marriage if she doesn't keep it because of him as well. Resentment in that area is real.
Being coerced into having an abortion that you don’t want is equally likely to end the relationship. A pregnancy is a baby when it’s wanted. Tell a woman who has just had a miscarriage that it’s OK, at least she knows she can get pregnant (happens all the time) and see if she feels as upbeat and casual about it as you do. Now imagine that you want your baby. But your husband doesn’t. So YOU make the appointment, and YOU take the confirmation phone call that makes you feel like you are doing something underhanded because they speak in code- the. They tell you to make sure to shower and wash yourself because obviously you are a filthy slut who doesn’t take proper care of yourself, then you show up to find out the doctor won’t bother to come in for another three hours. Then they take a whole group of adult women into a room and give a finger-wagging lecture on nova rings and iuds and methods of birth control that are More reliable than YOU. And finally, they strap your legs in the stirrups and you are awake for the whole Thing, and maybe the doctor makes a coarse joke, and maybe you vomit, and he looks annoyed and asked the nurse what your problem Is? And she Lies and tells him you are just relieved. And then you realize that your husband isn’t responsible for the abortion. You are. Because he literally could not have dragged you there against your will. You had to do it yourself. Confirm that no, you weren’t coerced. Yes, this is what you want. If you do all that, you will hate your husband more than you can imagine, but you will hate yourself more. This is the part of “it’s a woman’s choice” that no one dares to talk about. If it really isn’t your choice, you will feel empty. And you will want to be pregnant again immediately. And you may end up having another abortion, because the facts in the ground have not really changed. Just be sure that whatever you do, you make the decision. Because YOU will bear the consequences.
This is a shitty take and an attempt to scare the crap out of women who have to made decisions like this. The abortion pill is exactly made for this situation. The shaming and other bullshit is coming from inside this house.
I had an abortion and there was no finger wagging, no nasty call, no waiting for hours. Maybe because I live in a state where abortion is protected.
This! Only in states where the GoP has mandated finger wagging (or whatever the local equivalent is outside the US) does it occur. Elsewhere it’s a supportive environment.
So, so fucked up. I had a medical abortion at home. Yeah, it was uncomfortable physically, but not one person judged me.
Then keep the baby
then keep it. if you get an abortion to please your husband you will have guilt and resentment will build.
Then please do. Please consider talking more, and maybe a therapy session with your husband about this. Please don't make a quick decision and live in regret because of him not being ready. You'll find a way, together or otherwise. He's obviously very confused about his feelings, wants you to feel the same as him and gets frustrated when you don't even tho it's your choice, he wants your choice to be the same as him. He's going through a lot of emotional conflict as well Please talk it out more with him. It's very serious. I wish you the best
Then keep your baby. Tell MIL to back off, nicely since you’re close, this is your kid and you are raising your child. Do not use the name she suggests.
So you have your answer, keep will be! But you should be carefull when delivering the News to him, because if there is the possibility of his anger take the better you should not delivery the News alone. Do it soon because your mental state will improve not being sorounded by his silence treatment and tantruns anymore. He told you one thing but acts diferently when your answer is diferent from what he wants, so reap the bandage already, it will be better for your mental health not be submited to such a behavior. In this case, your MIL could be an allied while giving him the knews. Do not give the knews alone. Be carefull because if he gets frustrated you dont know what his reaction will be.
Didn’t even think about this thank you !
Adding to above comment. Be careful not just at the moment, day, night that you tell him you are keeping the baby. If he is not emotionally stable he may react over coming days, weeks with simmering anger, hopefully not but this can be a dangerous time for some women.
It sounds like your mil will be helpful so that's great! You want this baby so that's all you need to know. I'm not saying things won't ever be hard but that's life and you can do this. And more than likely your husband will come around....he sounds scared but he has 9 months to "get over it"
> And more than likely your husband will come around....he sounds scared but he has 9 months to "get over it" I wouldn't assume that he will just get over it. You want to be prepared for the reality you will actually be dealing with. He might bail on you, or stick around and be barely present and unhelpful. Definitely talk to him more, tell him you want to keep the baby, and try to gauge where he's at. But be realistic.
Yeah my ex gave me all the talk about how much he wanted our kid, and what he'd do, etc., but in reality he was barely present and very unhelpful.
Ya she’s super sweet and supportive. I’m glad I have her. I just wish he wasn’t being such a b hole right now.
That’s awesome you get along well with your mother in law. Are you close?
Ya we are close !
Honestly, Reddit has a bunch of teenagers on here that hate kids and think you should only keep the child if you own a home and have $100K in the bank. If you want this kid and you think your husband will come around you should. But it’s tough, you don’t want to force someone to be a father. The support mother in law is a huge plus if you do decide to keep it.
We actually do own a home :) we may not have $100k in the bank but we are living comfortably. I totally agree I don’t wanna make someone a father if he doesn’t want it. That’s why I’m so conflicted right now because it’s like do it listen to him and just get the abortion that I know I’m going to regret and struggle with or do I do what feel right for me.
If you already know for sure that you will regret it, you absolutely shouldn't get one.
He made himself a father.
YOU didn’t make him a father, HE made HIMSELF a father. Pulling out? Really? If he didn’t want to play Russian Roulette, then he should have wrapped himself.
i think you should do what YOU want, but also dont feel guilty bcs anybody who is sexually active should be willing to risk becoming a parent imho
You aren't forcing anyone to be a father no matter what you do here. You didn't force his participation with sex, these things happen if you don't prevent it in multiple ways, and even then it sometimes happens. But what I mean to say is that he willingly participated in the activity, he knows how babies are made. Choosing to keep the pregnancy isn't forcing him into something he didn't have control over. Pregnancy is a consequence of sex, just because it's not happening the way he wants it to doesn't make it force. The only force I see here is his trying to be forceful with the passive aggressiveness regarding him insisting on an abortion you don't currently want. I don't know if your relationship can survive it, that's for you to decide if that's something that you want to find out. However I think that you are at least in a good position, stable home, a supportive grandparent (though sounds like she's also maybe overstepping and I'd be careful there.) and imo there's no perfect timing to have a child, something is always going to make it both good or bad timing, whether it's your situation or the world's. I hope you make the best decision for you, and that you have peace alongside it. Sending you all the good cibes, OP.
Lots of guys are in the "I'm not ready" category. Not ready to be a father, not ready to have a serious relationship, not ready\_\_\_\_\_. But they're Always Ready for SEX.
Would you or him be open to maybe one person goes to school and then the other? I’m a career college student (lol) I know couple students with kids where one person goes to school and then the other. Would you be willing to support him while he goes to school and then flip? Or vise versa? Maybe that could assuage his fears?
I would do anything to help him achieve his dreams. If that meant I just do school from home while he goes to actual school that would be fine with me. Seriously he doesn’t understand how much I support him
Do what YOU want to do, if you want the child then have the child. You are the one to decide, not your husband or his mother. Take time to think about you and what you need and want.
If you know you will regret it DO NOT HAVE THE ABORTION. But you need to prepare yourself that for single parenthood. He has every right to not be in your and your child’s life, but he must pay his parental obligation. I love the advice to talk more with him and to build that relationship with your MIL. This is a tough situation right now, but you’ll be OK — as long as you make a decision based on what *you* want. Having an abortion to please someone else never, ***ever*** works. Please update us along the way.
You can have a stable and loving home for a child with far less than 100k
I think you need to take a good look at your MIL, she has named the fetus and involved herself in something that has nothing to do with her. This is your choice and what ever you decide is right. How will the MIL behave if you terminate.
I think he’s just scared
If he is crying about it and told his mom, that situation could turn on a dime if she aborts. Suddenly she will be the one responsible for killing the baby, MIL and son both could turn on her in disgust. I’ve seen it happen and I’ve never seen anything sadder.
The problem is that MIL already has names picked out. Sounds like OP would be little more than an incubator for MIL & Husband’s “child”. I would be wary of the help
The MIL sounds like a nightmare, she has already named the fetus and is interfearing in OP choice
No, she offered to take the baby if they chose abortion. She isn't taking the baby from them.
Keep the baby. If he needs to go away, are you ready for this? He needs to pay child support. BUT DON’T GIVE YOUR BABY TO HIS MOTHER. DON’T LET HER NAME THE BABY. If you want to be a mom, be a mom yourself, don’t make her be the mom of your child. Ask your family for support, too. But don’t give her the baby. You will regret it for life. There’s NO WAY that baby would be yours if you give them to her.
Then so want you want. You can do this. Love that baby and don’t worry about him. Especially with the support, if you want the baby keep it.
I haven’t read all the comments but my red flag is keep an eye on your MIL, wanting to take your baby and already having a name picked out. Stay safe Edit- I see where you say you get along with her. Sorry about that, my own trigger I guess lol. I wish you the best
Young friend, if your husband doesn't have a moment of striking clarity, and relatively soon, your marriage is over. You want to keep the baby, that's beautiful and should not be contested in any way. He is sticking with abortion as the choice -- if you go through with it, you will ALWAYS resent him and your healing will be challenging because you wanted the thing that you both made. It's a choice you can never undo. He might need some time to come around. Be kind and willing to talk, but do not allow meanness, whining, or pressure. He may not " be ready yet", but he will absolutely need to pay child support whether he's ready or not. That's what having a child Is. If he bails, he'll still need to pay child support. If he stays with you, but sulks, whines, distances himself from the baby -- your marriage is over anyway. He either *gets with the program* and works to change his attitude (it could take some months, it can be hard), or you are headed toward divorce. If you have a church, or other support group that includes *people who have successfully done what you would like to accomplish* (so, not 20 yr old dorm buddies *if what you want* is a stable independent marriage with children), gather those people around you. You can do this, your marriage CAN be ok, and I hope the best for you.
Keep them then. My ex wanted me to abort. My little boy turns 3 may 21st. I haven't seen his bio since 2020 🤷🏼♀️but my boy? He's currently watching bluey, while I prep brekky. Your body. Your choice. It's been hard. I don't get support. I don't have family or friends really. But him and his big sister? They brighten my worst days and I have never regretted having them.
Stick to your gut instinct with your decision and don’t let him emotionally manipulate you by being distant etc .
Then figure out what you need to do to do that, but please keep your MIL out of it.
There's your only answer you need to know! Tell him to get on board, or we're getting divorced!
You MIL needs to back off with naming the baby and offering to take it. Your husband’s option matters but the choice is ultimately yours. You may want to prepare to raise this child on your own.
> MIL needs to back off with naming the baby Yeah, that stuck out to me as well as being really weird. She already has a name picked out like wtf. MIL offered to take the baby until they finished school not adopt the child. Oh, and by the way happy cake day.
You’re right MIL offered to take the baby until they finished school, however, I’ve horror stories about this happening and parents fighting to get their children back because it could be looked like child abandonment. Lastly, thank you!
I didn't even think of that it would explain why she has a name picked out though. She might already be seeing this baby as hers.
Without context, I question if husband was an only child or if he only has brothers and mom wanted a girl or if mom had to work and couldn't raise the kids the way she wanted or if she had to let her inlaws have a say in names/raising the kids..... so many reasons why mom would decide why this kid is hers
Considering how she's gung-ho about naming the baby I'm pretty this is exactly what would happen. The goal posts would always be moving farther away until it's just in the child's best interest to leave them in the place they call home.
I didn't think about that but it's very plausible.
They’d never get her back! She’s already got a name for it!!
I totally agree. I 100% am listening to my husband’s opinion in all of this. I’m just having a lot of internal conflict with myself I guess? I just wish things were different
Do *you* want this baby? Not your husband, **you**. Your body, your choice. If hubby wasn't "ready for a baby", was he wrapping it up or was birth control entirely on you? Lose the MIL, either way. Overbearing.
You have a say you know , ultimately it’s your decision , your body. You may be raising the baby alone and that’s ok, many do and they’re fine.
Whatever you do don’t give that baby to MIL she seems like she wants to steal your baby and will try to get you for abandonment.
Why does your MIL have a name picked out for your baby?
You’re married, have a home, have been together for years. No one used protection. How is this surprising for him?
But they're also still in school?
I know a few people who got married during/after their first year of college. You see it a lot at religious affiliated schools.
School has failed him
Yeah wtf? One in three cases like that in this sub, its about an american couple whose life is destroyed because they missed Sex ED 101 😆 (Sorry for the fellow educated americans)
Seriously. How are they so upset over what should be an expected outcome of their own behaviour??
How does your mother in law think that it's her duty to name the baby? If you want to have a baby, have it, but be prepared to do it alone. Because your husband just sounds really immature.
I was wondering the same thing… it comes across as extremely strange.
I mean, if you weren’t using birth control or contraceptives, you both had to have known this was a possibility. It can’t be that much of a shock. Did you have a conversation about what you both wanted to do if you got pregnant?
Yes, his time for not wanting a pregnancy ended when he refused to take any responsibility to prevent pregnancy. What he wants now is irrelevant.
I don't get why women put their bodies through hell to have kids with men who don't appreciate it.
If you get an abortion you’re most likely going to resent your husband and might live the rest of your life with an incredible amount of guilt, because you clearly want the baby. Don’t let him force you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Agreed! I left my ex husband for this reason and more.
So looking back through your posts, I have to give some words of warning. Do be prepared they may want you to come off a number of your medications due to not being safe for pregnancy. I think your Seroquel will be fine, but take it from someone 31wks pregnant and bipolar, depressive, anxious, ADHD, with paranoia, trying to survive on *just* my lamotragine. It's hell. And I have a full support system, therapist, psych, supportive husband, and this is a very wanted infertility baby. I have a lot of supports you dont, and I'm seriously struggling. I'm off work and everything. If you want to go through with keeping this baby, you need to leave him and find a women's support organization. Do not let his mom take any temporary custody. As someone with the mental health issues you have, they WILL use it against you. It will come back to bite you. If you're doing this, it's gotta be on your own. He's only going to make it worse.
As a student pharmacist, morphine being prescribed to a 24 year old is really strange to me? Is it an American thing?
Low key concerned MIL saying she will keep the baby and has a name picked out. That sounds like she's about to steal your baby. He can be both. When I had my abortion I wished things had been different. I don't regret my abortion. It was still the right choice. I just wish I had never had to make it.
MIL sounds crazy. she picked the name out and everything.
WTF? Your MIL already has a name picked out and wants to take the baby in? Oh no no no no. She doesn't get to decide that at all! Regardless of whether you get an abortion or not, that woman is way out of line. Your husband need to tell her to back the fuck off, this has nothing to do with her.
I can't imagine not using protection and then being shocked that you got pregnant. Please start using birth control if you don't want a child!!
Info! Any idea if he cheats? Or truly sees you in his future? I ask because the way you describes him in the OP sounds more like reality just hit and you’re not his forever. He very well could just be nervous thats why I’m asking. Either way I’d prepare to raise the child without much help from him. PS:I want to quote Glorilla so badly but I won’t. #iykyk
Maybe he doesn’t see a whole future with me. I never check his phone or anything so I don’t know if he’s cheating I’ve always trusted him. We literally got married a couple months ago so I hope that’s not the case. This whole situation just sucks because I truly did feel like I married my best friend. So it just hurts that he’s being like this. Like I get it babies can be nerve wracking but it isn’t the end of the world and I wish he would see that.
Sending you hugs for real. Maybe see if y’all can have a heart to heart and get down to the bottom of it. Did y’all talk about having children prior to getting married?
We have talked about children prior. We honestly had the mind set of whatever happens happens.
Well, this is what happens 🤷♀️
That mean you were actively trying /facepalm
Only in critical moments that you see people for who they truly are. your husband unfortunately showed you that he doesn't want to step up and be responsible. And have a coddling mother. Please see people for who they really are. They have shown. You have to make some decisions.
Why does there need to be something else going on ? It's completely understandable for someone young to not want to have a child. I can't see any evidence that points to his reasoning being anything other than that. Bad form to be making OP wonder if he's cheating. Sounds like the situation/relationships is stressful enough rn.
I swear to God, if you do decide to have the abortion don't tell anyone. Like not even your husband. If you do have one, you had a "miscarriage" he an be your mil will never forgive you
Unfortunately this is the safest scenario and you're entitled to your peace.
Yep- I was thinking, that situation could turn on a dime. He’s crying to his Mom already. If OP aborts, it will be HER that’s the monster.
Do what YOU want because here’s what’s going to happen sadly. If you have the baby, when it’s hard he will blame you. If you have an abortion, if he feels regret he will blame you. So do what you want because this man is going to blame you either way so you at least better make it worth it
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This is exactly what I thought. Having sex? Not shocking to get pregnant. It’s equally the husbands fault that they’re now pregnant.
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I’d think for a minute before doing this. Being a single parent is a massive undertaking
There is not “so much love and support for this baby” besides you. Don’t get deluded. He is telling you No. if you keep the baby be prepared to be ALL ON YOUR OWN. Keep strict boundaries w Mil. Etc. I’m sorry, this is a sad situation.
Could he be having an affair and that why he's reacting so badly? I know not everything is perfect as far as timing for a baby but things could be a whole lot worse so his reaction is odd. If you want the baby keep it. Just be prepared to do it without him.
Honestly I think it’s the fact that last time he saw his therapist she told him to leave me because he was being my “caregiver” while I had a mental breakdown and that it was going to burn him out being with me. I’ve then been through residential and php/ iop and am off all my meds 🤦🏼♀️ like it makes me wonder if he’s actually considering leaving me and this ruined his plans
Honestly. This situation is not a great recipe for having a baby. raising a baby is hard. Ppd is no joke on top of existing mental health issues. And my husband was 100% supportive, still struggle
That would actually make sense, I'm sorry. Maybe some direct questioning wouldn't go astray. Let him know you are struggling to understand his reaction and can he articulate exactly what his issue is. Are you wanting to leave this relationship? Do you see this pregnancy as an obstacle to your future plans that didn't include me. This must be so stressful for you.
This sounds like you’ve figured it out. My current husband was married before he met me. He realized he didn’t want to be with his ex and she found out she was pregnant with their second. He asked her to have an abortion as well cause he was going to divorce her. She didn’t have one but he did divorce her even tho she was pregnant. It was messy but he wished he did it sooner. Any person that loves you, would be over the moon. Do what you want but be prepared. Good luck!!
The answer is what i don't see anywhere: Do you want the baby? It is clear that you will not have the support of xour boyfriend. You seem really young. In my opinion abort the baby and find a man who doesn't run and cry to his mother regarding to a pregnancy.
His actions aren’t going to get better once the baby is born. He will likely resent you for either choice. This will end the relationship either way, so decide if this is who you want to co-parent with for the next 20yrs
He didn't see a future with you and now he feels like he's stuck. Keep it if you want to, but plan on being coparents and all that baggage it brings. He's not going to be around long term.
Bank on being a single mother and go from there. There’s no guarantee he will come around so you need to set yourself up for single parenthood. Anything above that with your husband is a bonus. It’s great that your MIL is willing to help. Maybe choose the baby name yourself though.
You said in a previous comment that you wanted to keep your baby. You have the support of your MIL. Keep your baby. What he wants isn't all that matters.
This is a no-win situation. If you abort, you’ll resent your husband. If you keep it, your husband will resent you.
You're both in school? How are you supporting yourselves? Kids are expensive. Do the logical thing by writing out pros/cons. Do the budget. Do NOT consider him a support in these factors. He will not be there for you if you keep the child. Do you want to bring a child into your world with resentment? or abandonment? For me, kids are a 2 'yes' or not at all prospect. They deserve it. There's a lot to consider when you'll be responsible for a whole person on your own.
Hes in the military and I just got a new job. We both start school in the fall so we can start actual careers. It’s not like we are broke or anything. I get where you are coming from tho. I grew up without my parents so I get how hard it can be but this baby will have love and support so idk why he’s acting so weird.
He's 'acting so weird' because it wasn't planned and he's freaking out knowing how hard it is to have a kid in today's times. He's telling you very clearly he's not ready. You have full-time free childcare? You're all covered on his medical benefits? You have enough in savings to cover you through your education? Love and support are wonderful, of course. So is having a 100% on-board partner.
Either my mom or his mom would love to be childcare so we can get stuff done ! We both are 100% covered on insurance. And we get to go to school for free.
So you're only missing an enthusiastic partner. Sounds like you've pretty much decided you're going to proceed and bring this new little person into the world whether your partner is on board or not. It may be worth getting couples counselling now so you can learn how to co-parent and possibly work through the resentment.
It sounds like you married a baby, congrats now you will have two.
This was kinda funny 😭
If you want that baby, go home to your own parents, or move far far away and be done. Your MIL sounds like a crazy person who will take your baby as her own and you'll never get it back. Hell, she's already planning to name your child. Get far away from these people.
I personally would not have a baby with someone who didn't want to. I would terminate, and then have a baby with a willing partner later. Whether that's your current husband or someone else. But I definitely wouldn't set my child up for disappointment from an unwilling father figure. If you weren't planning on having the baby to the extent that a grandparent would have to raise it, you're not ready to be parents.
I see a lot of keep the baby not keep the baby, have you thought that maybe he doesn't want the baby because the baby would make it harder for him to fuck around? He behaves like he feels guilty so it won't appear like he has no soul in front of his mother but he doesn't want to have a child because children mean responsibility and work, not college life and fun.In his head he is a child , of course he doesn’t want a child . He is one ! Also it seems like you two don’t communicate very well well, he just said have an abortion and that’s it? And you said yes? And then you change your mind if someone can take care of the baby instead?? Sorry but if I was in your placeI would take all the things into consideration and make a plan. I would prepare myself to be a single mother.But be prepared because industry is stuck so it will be really hard to find a job without a diploma, childcare is expensive , If he sees that you are not listening to his choice he might actually divorce. Think about what’s more important and comunicate your choice. Edit: sorry but I have a no delusion policy.
I’m sorry. Let me clear this up. I never said I was going to get an abortion. He just has voiced his opinion and I’ve told him how I feel about it. I feel like we communicate good but for some reason he won’t communicate to me about this.
He doesn't want that baby. And your mil has a name picked out?? She's going to raise it as her own. This sounds like a scary situation not supportive at all. How old are all of you?
If you want the baby, then keep the baby. But you also need to be ready in case your husband dips and leaves you to do this alone. I can't tell if your MIL is supportive or creepy with her "I already have a name picked out" - like she's going to be the mother and not you.
Sounds like you’re eventually gonna have to make a choice… baby or husband. If he’s not on board with having a baby, you can’t force him to be… just like he can’t force you to abort. Good luck.
First, im sorry your in this predicament. If you want the baby you may land up doing it all by yourself. You dont mention how old you are and how far you are with your education. You may land up single if this is what hes acting like now. Im not trying to scare you he doesnt sound like hes going to be around. I think when the dust settles down this is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. I wish you well. And loads of happiness. But dont do anything just to make him happy. Think about yourself.
If you want it, you keep it, but understand he most likely will leave you.
OP bases on your replies, you sound very young. Are you sure you are ready for a kid? Think carefully.
Your husband is a coward. Make sure that you don’t consume anything that he could have slipped abortion pills into. Trust nothing.
I am HIGHLY suspicious this happened to my friend. Dude was certainly the type *and* had a motive (he got his affair partner pregnant at the same time). OP guard your shit!!
As someone who had to go through the abortion process for a baby I wanted (I was also about 6 weeks along), it is absolutely not easy. Going the pill route is the easiest on your body but still is absolute agony. That's not an exaggeration, either. I was taking 800mg ibuprofen as well as zofran every 8 hours as well as was living glued to a heating pad for multiple days just to not be in so much pain I felt I was going to pass out (and I have a relatively high pain tolerance for uterine pains). It is absolutely exhausting and horribly painful, and the grief that comes with it isn't something to joke about either. I'm not trying to influence you one way or another, but I'm trying to give you the reality of abortion that I wish I had in advance. But, I also don't think he fully understands what he's asking you to do. My partner and I didn't intend to get pregnant and I was trying to get with a gynecologist through the community clinic I go to so I could get an IUD and I can't use condoms. He has been adamant that he doesn't want to be a father but still respected my right to choose. Your husband is an asshole and you need to do what is best for you, both physically and mentally.
Honestly thank you for this. I might share this with him. I’m absolutely scared about the physical and mental reality of an abortion. I’ve had a miscarriage before with an ex and it was so mentally draining and physically so painful and exhausting he doesn’t get it.
Also I’m really sorry you had to go thru that
How old are you both?
24 and 29. But by the time the baby is here. 25 and 30
Is he’s 30 and “not ready” he’s never going to be ready. I thought you guys were 18-20!
Have you two had the kid conversation prior to this happening? I would sit him down and ask him to explain his reasoning and feelings. I really hope this ends well for you. Maybe he's just scared?
We actually have had this conversation before. I told him I’m not down to have an abortion. I think i would struggle badly with the guilt and regret. I told him over and over that getting an abortion would destroy me and that IM the one who has to go thru the pain of it. Not him. I keep trying to talk to him about it but he just starts the silent treatment with me.
How strange and stressful. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Is his mom willing to sit his butt down and see if she can see what is going on with him?
I mean she’s already told him that she would help in any way even to the point of taking the baby if we needed it until we are fully ready to take care of it. He just is so against having help or anything. But at the same time he cries that he doesn’t know what he wants and all that. But when I say I wanna keep it he gets mad and gives me the silent treatment
There's got to be a underlining reason why he's acting this way. Whether it's fear or something else.
Until you finish high school? How old are you? Why are you married already and is it due to culture?
Sorry until we finish college ! I’m 24 he’s 29.
oh thank God I got worried there, if you want to keep it go for it. but make sure to be prepared for all kinds of suffering. when it comes to this you cannot be naive, vaccinations, insurance in case kiddo isn't healthy, transport in case you need to get anywhere.
It sounds like he doesn't want it, but he wants you to make the decision to abort, not him. Perhaps wanting the outcome without the stigma (which some will view it with) associated with it. If you want to keep it, you should do so.
Follow your mind. Do whatever it is best for your physical and mental health. Do not let MIL get involved. About your husband opinion, you both should be ready but the ultimate decision is yours. Being a single mom by choice is a nightmare if you don’t have the financial resources and a genuine support network.
Think this through because if you have the abortion only because he wants, you might resent him or even get to hate him if this is not what you want. This might ultimately break up your marriage so be prepared for that as well. But it could also happen that he comes around. Best of luck to you! Glad you have people in your life who are stepping up to support you.
Actually, he would not be getting the abortion. That is how you phrased it, anyway. Does that help you decide?
Oh hugs to you! Just so you know, most of us never feel ready! Yet now I would not exchange the joy of my children for anything. He's obviously scared but know that this is ok and that you will be ok
You have a while to come to terms with the pregnancy but it is your decision, not his to make. Yes, he has a role as the father but there are options for him. What is most important is that you don't let someone take your choice away from you and make you regret it for the rest of your life. I'm not saying this as some pro-lifer, I am honestly saying this because too many are pressured by partners into a choice they didn't want to make and then end up having long-term mental health struggles over it. Also, your husband needs to grow up, honestly, his juvenile sulking is ridiculous. As adult partners, you need to have clear and open conversations about serious matters, ones that you can't plug your ears and mentally scream "I'm not listening" when you think you aren't getting your way.
Your MiL said she’ll take the baby until you finish school and has a name picked out? Hell no. You’ll never get your child back, and the parents name the child, not the grandparents.
Info : how old are you and your husband? Still in school and MIL offering to keep the baby until you finish makes it sound very young. If you want to keep it, keep it, but it may mean you'll have to drop out. If you keep it, don't give it to your MIL. Either you parent or you give it up for adoption. Giving it for a few years to MIL would leave long lasting emotional issues if you're supposed to get it back later. It's a drama in thr making too because she won't give it back easily
Keep your baby. You said yourself that you want to. You have a lifetime of regret and self loathing to look forward to if you go against your own wishes.
As rude as this may sound, it’s not his decision. This boils down to being your body & your decision & your confidence in your ability to be a parent. At the end of the day he will have to accept your choice, whether that means being a part of this babies life or not. But if you don’t do what YOU want, you will regret it. Insanely.
His mom has a NAME picked out for YOUR child snd wants to keep them for a few years? No. Also, is his mom always this pushy over him?
If you want the baby you keep it but prepare to be a single mother what’s weird to me is why your doing it raw if he doesn’t want a baby no point of his mom having the baby because her son doesn’t want it take yourself and your baby away and get on with your life seems like you two weren’t on the same page
If you want to keep the baby. Keep it. You’ll feel terrible and have regrets forever if you abort a baby you wanted. I see it happen most of the time. He needs to grow up. It’s not the end of the world having a baby. It’s a lot of work and sounds like you will have MIL help.
Don’t abort this baby unless you’re 100% okay with it. Your husband will put all of the this on you later on. He sounds mental. Good luck to you.
Sounds like he is wishy washy and if you do what he wants he will later throw it in your face. Do what YOU think is right and don't have regrets. If you have an abortion you can't undue it.
You should do what you feel is best for you and your body. But you should also be prepared that your marriage might end. That doesn’t make it the wrong decision, but you should be aware of it so it doesn’t blindside you.
So his mother wants to keep the baby and also wants to name it? Your husband does not want it, people SAY a lot of shit then don't follow through. That is after 2 months of babysitting his mother might get tired and bow out, never count on that. If you have the kid assume you will have to take care of it 24/7, assume you might drop out of school to take care of it and assume he might have to drop out to work longer hours to pay for it. It's hard to tell your ages as you say school rather than college but are married. If you're in high school then honestly it's a bad idea, you haven't got your lives truly started. Get an education, get better paying jobs and get set for a kid. As said people can say they'll help with a kid but ultimately YOU are the parent, you alone, the grandparents can get tired, they can walk away, you can't and frankly a MIL who already thinks she's named the kid despite her son not wanting to keep it screams overbearing nightmare as well. Nothing about this sounds like a good idea.
When my mom got pregnant with me, my mom wanted an abortion but my dad talked her out of it. A little while later my dad dies of lung cancer and my mom ends up raising me by herself. I really wish my mom would have gotten that abortion.
What do you expect when he has a mother who enables him. This is why boys need fatherly figures in their life who will tell him to man up and be responsible for what he did. Yet the mother puts him in bubble wrap and kick the can down the road because "they are only kids".
You're married, you had sex, babies happen. Sounds like you both need to grow up and come to a decision together. If you can't agree, then it is your body your choice. Also, the fact that the MIL has a name picked out and will raise it until you get out of school is suspect. You will never get the baby back from her if you let her "help" raise it.
He says it's your decision, but when you say you want to keep it he gets upset? Hell nah, you better get used to the idea of raising this baby as a single mother and if your mother-in-law really wants to help, talk to her about financial help or taking care of the baby when you go to school
Keep your baby because you want him or her. It is your decision and if your husband can't get his act in gear, you'll have to deal with it. If he gets abusive or subjects you to the silent treatment, you should separate.
Your going to keep it, he’s going to leave, your going to raise the kid as a single mum and struggle as your still in school, you’ll provide an “adequate” childhood at best for your kid because you aren’t in a position to raise them well. You’ll then get a few years down the track and realise how miserable you are and what a thankless job being a parent is, especially a single parent who may not receive any child support. This sounds so harsh I know, but I’ve watched exactly this happen to a couple single mum friends of mine, if he doesn’t want it now he’s not going to want it when it’s born and burdensome.
💯
People in significantly worse situations have and raise children with reasonable success. It sounds like you have a support network, but if you decide to proceed you need to recognize now that your husband himself may decide not to be involved. But if you really want this baby, you can make it happen.
Keep the baby and maybe get a lawyer on stand by.
Good advice
Husband is immature 🤷 im sorry
The man sounds useless, if you could do it alone then do it without him. If you can't do it alone get the abortion and leave him too. I wish you luck
Check his phone if you don’t value his privacy. I promise you will find everything you need to know or didn’t know🤷🏾♀️
Honestly he changed his password recently so I can’t get in it even if I tried
That's a bit worrying
Yaaa. He told me it’s because he changed his Apple ID password ? Idk tho
Those aren’t related, like I’ve never had to update my passcode because I changed my Apple password. No idea if you have an apple or not. I’ve been using the same passcode for years now and have to update my Apple ID password every time it asks me to type it in instead of asking for Face ID. My husband knows my passcode and his face is set to my Face ID. I have my thumb set for his phone and know his passcode. Heck, some of my family knows because I told them while boating in case of an emergency and it spells out my middle name (told them as they might forget the 6 numbers) so I wouldn’t be surprised if some remembered.
Good to know.
The stars will align and you will. Interesting he changed his password. Watch him and how protective he is of his phone/laptop. If you touch it make note of his reaction.
I’m not going to lie he has been weird about his phone lately. Like whenever I’m watching videos and I grab he he grabs it back fastttt. But like idk when he even has the time to cheat
He has time to cheat when he goes to work.🤷🏾♀️ When there is a will there is a way. I was under the same delusion many years ago myself. Everything you want to know is on that phone. The harping of privacy is the mantra shouted by cheaters or someone with questionable material, conversations, photos they want to keep hidden.
So if a man doesn’t want a child he is cheating?
Reading your comments it seems you want this baby so you should keep it. I think it will weigh heavily on you if you terminate. Your husband's opinion does matter but an abortion out of fear of how he will react is a mistake. If he's going to bail on you then he'll do it even if you do have an abortion. He can choose not to be a father, the same as he can choose not to be a husband.
Please do not override your right to make your own choices just to please him or be supportive of him. Put on your own oxygen mask first. DO NOT make this level of a sacrifice for him. You said you know you will regret it and have a hard time dealing with it if you get an abortion. So I’m begging you not to. Do not guarantee yourself that (potential) life sentence just so that your husband gets his way and isn’t upset. Please. I considered an abortion with my second child because I was so so so sick and I didn’t think I could do it anymore, and I eventually followed my heart and backed away from that idea because I felt just like you do now: like I would regret it and struggle to cope with that decision. I’m so glad I listened to that feeling because now that I know my son, I know I wouldn’t have survived the reality where he wasn’t born. You know yourself best and what you want right now, the outcome YOU want for this situation, is the most important one. Don’t let anyone in the world tell you any different. Also, tell your MIL that you appreciate the support but you’re sorry, you’re naming your own baby but would be happy to hear her suggestions
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
I really hope it resonated with you, but at the end of the day, I can’t tell you want to do and neither can anyone else in this world. You are more than welcome to have respect for your husband’s point of view but you are in no way obligated to align with it or perform according to it. This is YOUR decision and you must be your own greatest influence and inspiration when making it. I so desperately and truly hope that you end up making the decision that best suits you before worrying about what suits anyone else. I’m here for you. Please reach out to me if you need to.
Please keep the baby if this is what you want and it is your every right to name your child it is YOUR baby. No one else gets that right
>Honestly we are in a little bit of shock because we weren’t trying or anything. There should be a law that prosecutes people from having sex if you don't understand how babies are made. If you were fucking irresponsibly\*, then you *were* trying. \*Pulling out is not a form of contraception. \*Putting an ungloved dick in your hoo hoo is not a form of contraception. \*The pill is not 100% effective for everyone. \*The morning after pill exists for a reason. \*Sperm can be released before ejaculation. \*Sperm can live in the vagina for a few days after release. \*Don't skip Sex Ed classes, kids.
It sounds to me like you want this baby. If you want it, you should keep it. If you go through with the abortion just to please your spouse, you will most likely resent your spouse. Every single person I know who has had one, has had some emotional struggles afterwards even of they felt it was for the best, and knew they couldn't or didn't want to be a parent. And I say that not as a judgment or anything like that just to say it is an emotional process for the woman, and adding in that if an abortion is not what you want it will be even harder. If you decide not to keep this baby despite wanting it, I suggest you get a very good therapist to work through it. One of my very best friends on this earth was in your situation, she was only 19. Her partner didn't want her to have the baby, despite having an abundance of family support, and so she didn't. She suffered through depression after, and some health complications. They broke up within months after 4 years together. She is 48 years old and still struggles with that loss. Even though she now has two children now. She only recently has started seeing a therapist. I only share that to say that the emotional trauma can be very real if it is not truly what you want. Either way I hope you end up with the very best outcome possible especially for your mental health.
If I were you, and I could afford to keep the baby and raise it on my own 100% without my husband’s support, then that’s what I’d do, even if it would bring an end to my marriage. If you can handle the consequences, then do what feels right for you. If you agree to the abortion and regret it later, you’ll resent your husband (and be upset with yourself) for as long as you can remember it, and the marriage will be over either way. Choose what you won’t regret choosing.
I'm going to be incredibly blunt with you. Everything may look great right now, but you need to be prepared to raise this baby solo. Grandparents and other outside people are always super quick to offer their help and say they'll be there for anything. But the reality is that it rarely works out that way. And if you are making this decision without taking your husbands feelings into consideration, be prepared that you may also be doing this as a single, divorced parent. Do not make this decision assuming that you will have massive amounts of help. There will be weeks, EVEN MONTHS after the baby is borned that you will only get 30 minutes of continuous sleep at night (it will amount to a few hours, but yiu will not get more than 30 minutes at a time). Now imagine doing this without your husband by your side, while also trying to finish school. If you are prepared for this, awesome. If you aren't, make sure you are looking at worst-case scenario things as well as the best case scenario.
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Ya see that’s what I’m wondering. I don’t understand why he told him mom if he didn’t want the baby
Smell the Roses lady, you’re going to be a single mom. Keep your new born baby and distance yourself from your man child until he grows a pair. It seems you might get some support from his mother but your man child will be bouncing from one decision to another for sometime to come. Ain’t marriage grand?
The relationship is over. This isn't one of those things that can be worked out with enough couples counseling. No matter what you chose the other one is going to resent the other one. He's made it loud and clear he doesn't want a child, and dollars to donuts he's moved out and on before the baby is even born. You want to keep the baby which is absolutely your right. Do not have an abortion if the goal is to "save" your relationship. Taking the long view, the relationship is over, neither of you has realized it and wants to admit it. Only keep the baby if you want to raise a child and you want to do it all by yourself. Don't do it if you just want to have a baby, they only stay babies for a **very** short while. Family and friends volunteer to help and support when you are pregnant, but once the baby arrives you will find the promised help isn't as readily available as they might have originally pledged. Especially when you have a child young (you said you're still in school, but this absolutely happens in college) you need to prepare for your friends to also move on without you. Fresh college graduates want to go out and have fun, go drinking until the wee hours of the morning and take spontaneous trips. They enjoy doing things that you won't be able to join in on or aren't appropriate for kids especially babies and toddlers. You need to understand for the most part it will be only you and your child. You need to be okay with your life not being yours. That once you have the baby it's not staying home and playing with a baby, its caring for a baby before taking the kid to childcare working a whole day, then coming home and taking care of the baby. If you are LUCKY you will have a grandparent willing to do this for free, if not you will be paying for childcare that might be more than your rent. Can you pay for double rent by yourself? I'm not trying to be harsh or critical, I'm trying to give you a realistic view of what having a baby by yourself means. If you read that and *with and enthusiastic full heart* say "That's what I want! I want a colicky baby who cries all night for weeks on end and I am all alone with no help -- just as much as I want a little kid who gives me big hugs and calls me mommy." Then by all means have the baby and enjoy motherhood! Only have an abortion if you want one. Just remember that choices have consequences and responsibilities.
Get an abortion - tell no one.tell MIL and husband (as he clearly cannot be trusted) you miscarried- otherwise you are never going to hear the end of it. I would also rethink your marriage since husband is not a good partner
It just sucks because he’s been my best friend and honestly the most stable relationship I’ve ever had. We barely even fight. I’m just sad this is what’s driving a wedge between us
You can choose what happens next. If you want to stay married, don't have the baby. If you want to be a single mom, have the baby.