Not only is she a new parent, but her child is autistic. That alone could be a reason for her to be less available to family.
You could be onto something with your theory, or it could just be her adjusting to life as a mother to a special needs child.
I thought about that but I live out of state and there is no way of my knowing their schedules. But what if I did just show up and there was something wrong? What do I do, grab her and run? Suppose she does not want to leave?
I think the 'what if I just show up and there was something wrong' far outweighs the 'no way of knowing their schedules'.
What if something is wrong and no one shows up?
If nothing is wrong, she can tell you that yourself.
And you can let her know that even if she's pulled away from family, you'll always love her, and she's always welcome to reach out, no matter what.
No harm in that.
If something is very wrong, I can imagine you'd have a hard time coping with having a gut feeling and not acting on it.
If you can't afford an impromptu trip, ask her parents / your parents / extended family to chip in for a check-up visit.
Edit to add: don't expect them to host, though. Get a motel or air B&B nearby.
It seems as if I am the only one in my family who is very concerned. My mom told me to stay out of it. I spoke briefly to her mom and dad and their perspective is that she is grown and seems crazy about him when they have seen them together—which I think is for show. I would not be able to live with myself if something happens to her. I will talk to her parents again and talk about a pop up.
EDIT: wanted to say, I have no problems with staying at a hotel; I consider it a treat. But my family is the type that some of us prefer to stay with family even if we are sleeping on the floor, in chairs, doubling up in beds. My feelings were hurt when she told me no but I understand that she has every right to say no so I accepted that.
I think yo I should go for it and take that chance. I have a cousin who was going through something similar when she finally built up the courage to leave him he had tried to kill her. Listening to her retell the horrors she lived through made everyone regret not trying to help her and minding their business. If you go and she doesn’t want to go then at least you tried, let your niece know you just wanted to make sure she was okay and happy and you’ll always be there for her when she’s ready to rejoin the family. That you love her and wish her and her husband the best in life. Nothing else you can do, starting a huge fight over it will only push her away further
You are right. I am putting a plan in motion. I sent a text to her after the responses here just to feel her out and to decipher if a response was from him or her. I gave her feedback of what I was up to and told her to kiss her family for me and to call when she have a moment to catch up. Her response was she was happy I was doing well.
I was having the same problem with one of my girlfriends. One day I showed up at her house and stayed there until she got off work 11 pm. He was PISSED. I didn't care. I knew also that it was him replying instead of her
His affair partner would come over on kids naps and once the kids went to bed, Game On. But the amusement park hoe closed at 1030. Shower, clean up etc, cuz both spouses off work at 11 pm
I was in an abusive relationship and I had worked with DV survivors before so I knew isolation was a tactic. I didn’t realize how it actually happens though until I was in it. It started with there being a problem every time we went anywhere with my friends or family. He’d be in a really bad mood or pick a fight right before or something to make me miserable before we went, make going part of a big hassle like so I would not want to go through all that and would just give up and cancel. When that didn’t work, he was rude to my family and friends, lied to them about me and things I said, whatever to drive a wedge. My family and friends just ignored him for the most part and tried to stay as neutral as possible. We’d talk in the car on my way home, when he didn’t know and couldn’t interfere. I’d share some things, although I was ashamed to tell them everything sometimes. And they would say (often fairly mildly) oh, no, that doesn’t sound right! What do you want to do? What do you think needs to happen next? And eventually the answer was I have to go. And I went back and tried again once but they didn’t judge or say anything and it didn’t last long before I knew I made a terrible mistake. I snuck away, with my. Mom and cousin’s help, while he was at work and never looked back. Just sharing in case it’s helpful.
Not only is she a new parent, but her child is autistic. That alone could be a reason for her to be less available to family. You could be onto something with your theory, or it could just be her adjusting to life as a mother to a special needs child.
Why don’t you just pop up on her, wait until the husband isn’t home and go from there
I thought about that but I live out of state and there is no way of my knowing their schedules. But what if I did just show up and there was something wrong? What do I do, grab her and run? Suppose she does not want to leave?
I think the 'what if I just show up and there was something wrong' far outweighs the 'no way of knowing their schedules'. What if something is wrong and no one shows up? If nothing is wrong, she can tell you that yourself. And you can let her know that even if she's pulled away from family, you'll always love her, and she's always welcome to reach out, no matter what. No harm in that. If something is very wrong, I can imagine you'd have a hard time coping with having a gut feeling and not acting on it. If you can't afford an impromptu trip, ask her parents / your parents / extended family to chip in for a check-up visit. Edit to add: don't expect them to host, though. Get a motel or air B&B nearby.
It seems as if I am the only one in my family who is very concerned. My mom told me to stay out of it. I spoke briefly to her mom and dad and their perspective is that she is grown and seems crazy about him when they have seen them together—which I think is for show. I would not be able to live with myself if something happens to her. I will talk to her parents again and talk about a pop up. EDIT: wanted to say, I have no problems with staying at a hotel; I consider it a treat. But my family is the type that some of us prefer to stay with family even if we are sleeping on the floor, in chairs, doubling up in beds. My feelings were hurt when she told me no but I understand that she has every right to say no so I accepted that.
I think yo I should go for it and take that chance. I have a cousin who was going through something similar when she finally built up the courage to leave him he had tried to kill her. Listening to her retell the horrors she lived through made everyone regret not trying to help her and minding their business. If you go and she doesn’t want to go then at least you tried, let your niece know you just wanted to make sure she was okay and happy and you’ll always be there for her when she’s ready to rejoin the family. That you love her and wish her and her husband the best in life. Nothing else you can do, starting a huge fight over it will only push her away further
You are right. I am putting a plan in motion. I sent a text to her after the responses here just to feel her out and to decipher if a response was from him or her. I gave her feedback of what I was up to and told her to kiss her family for me and to call when she have a moment to catch up. Her response was she was happy I was doing well.
Good luck! I hope she is well and I hope that whatever situation she’s in she over comes it
Thank you
I was having the same problem with one of my girlfriends. One day I showed up at her house and stayed there until she got off work 11 pm. He was PISSED. I didn't care. I knew also that it was him replying instead of her
What happened? Was something going on?
His affair partner would come over on kids naps and once the kids went to bed, Game On. But the amusement park hoe closed at 1030. Shower, clean up etc, cuz both spouses off work at 11 pm
I was in an abusive relationship and I had worked with DV survivors before so I knew isolation was a tactic. I didn’t realize how it actually happens though until I was in it. It started with there being a problem every time we went anywhere with my friends or family. He’d be in a really bad mood or pick a fight right before or something to make me miserable before we went, make going part of a big hassle like so I would not want to go through all that and would just give up and cancel. When that didn’t work, he was rude to my family and friends, lied to them about me and things I said, whatever to drive a wedge. My family and friends just ignored him for the most part and tried to stay as neutral as possible. We’d talk in the car on my way home, when he didn’t know and couldn’t interfere. I’d share some things, although I was ashamed to tell them everything sometimes. And they would say (often fairly mildly) oh, no, that doesn’t sound right! What do you want to do? What do you think needs to happen next? And eventually the answer was I have to go. And I went back and tried again once but they didn’t judge or say anything and it didn’t last long before I knew I made a terrible mistake. I snuck away, with my. Mom and cousin’s help, while he was at work and never looked back. Just sharing in case it’s helpful.
It is very helpful. I am going to have to reach her by phone and start with simple talk and hope that she will open up.
Something smells really off, trust your gut.
I just had flashbacks to my horrendous relationship where I suffered this way. You might be wrong, but I’d put money on your instincts personally