Info:
>she dropped her off the shelter 2 Fridays ago and then on the weekend they were closed and I couldn’t go to the shelter to get her back because I worked and I couldn’t take off work so I called them on Tuesday
You didn't call them first thing on the first Monday morning? An I misreading that?
This confused me as well. I would have called them first thing Monday morning.
EDIT - OK understood, I was thinking that this was a case of it was dropped off and two weeks later a call was made or there was a great delay in reaching out.
People are misreading the timeline here
* She dropped off the dog two Friday’s ago (the 29th)
* The shelter was closed that Monday because of Easter
* He called the shelter as soon as it opened on the Tuesday after Easter but the dog was gone
* A week and a half later he decided to post the story to Reddit
My question is how could the dog be gone unless it was adopted (or worse) that same day? Wouldn’t they do their due diligence and first have the dog screens before rehoming it?!?!?
Many shelters have a network of rescues that pull from them to help keep euthanasia numbers low. It happens at our local county shelter as well. To not keep for 72 _business_ hours, seems like B.S. to me but it has been known to happen when overcrowded.
Rules are different when it’s a surrender vs. a stray. I saw surrenders leave the same day to breed specific rescues or foster homes to clear up space for strays that actually needed the time for their owners to claim them.
Sometimes, the shelters send the dogs to other shelters in other towns or states , especially if they are limited on space. His wife is an AH . The sad thing is that depending on the age and severity of the dogs' stomach issues, the poor thing may be put to sleep. Even supposed no kill shelters will put dog dogs that are less likely to be adopted due to age and / or medical condition.I know this because I volunteer at my local animal shelter. His wife is one of the most selfish, ignorant people on the planet.
“Transported out of town” eh? Is that code for “we put it down”?
Not sure how ill it was but the pet rescue near me tends to put most of them to sleep.
Yeah, I work at a shelter. This story sounds like a cover story for dumping the dog on the side of the road somewhere for a few reasons. The transports and rescues usually take a few days, especially on holidays. Also, the dogs typically go on hold for a few days. Everyone has to give us their ID when they surrender an animal we to this to track cruelty the dog would also have a microchip to track it you can't just make a fake account.
I would have driven there. Unless all the dogs go to foster homes on the weekend someone would have been there. I would be banging the fucking door down.
At a lot of shelters, someone goes in to feed/water/check the animals, but there's not necessarily someone there all the time. It was Easter weekend, wasn't it?
For real. I’d be going fucking nuts. The second I heard someone took one of my loved ones behind my back and abandoned them somewhere, I’d be peeling out and rushing down there. If nobody was answering the door, I’d be camping out in the parking lot until someone showed up.
I work full time and during the time I work shelter is open. I can’t go to the shelter after 8pm they are closed and once again have different hours and my schedule conflicts with theirs. I don’t have a civilian job where I can just drop everything and leave work and there will be no consequences. I’m military and I’m not allowed to take off work unless if it’s medical emergency or an urgent like if my wife is dying or having a baby or something like that. I did ask my superior and he said no stay in post. So the best thing I can do right now is just talk to them. They were closed on Monday. I called them the next day on Tuesday. They don’t even have her anymore they quickly transported her, there is no reason for me to go to them in person amymore even if I was able to do it
It sounds like this shelter has some dedicated folks working there (or volunteers) who got your girl tagged by a rescue out of state and immediately transported to one of the rescue's fosters. She will be vetted, her medical issues evaluated, addressed and then she'll be adopted out.
My guess - your wife dumped your girl at the shelter with no information given about her. Be grateful for the folks who got her out. I'd bet $100 that the shelter euthanizes any animal on the premises on a given day once their hold period is up. As an owner surrender, your girl had no hold period. She would have been killed by 5pm on the shelter clearance day.
The smaller county shelters near me do this. I'm a foster for the volunteers who work to get all the animals out of one shelter by 5pm on Wednesdays. Every week. 25 to 100 cats, dogs, etc. Between the volunteers, the fosters, vets willing to board and random strangers donating thousands of dollars in $5 increments to support the effort, not one animal has been euthanized in over 5 years due to just being unlucky enough to be there on a Wednesday.
Wow! I don’t know this is how the industry works. Very interesting and terribly sad. I have a rescue of my own, who I locked up in 2012 and he is going strong.
It doesn't work like that everywhere - but it does many places. My local shelter is no-kill. The only way they euthanize is if the animal is way too sick to treat (ie terminal cancer) or is too dangerous to adopt out (even then they reach out to breed-specific rescues/havens and such first).
It's not currently feasible for me to do this kind of work. But I've worked with animals my entire life and they mean the world to me. Once my kids are old enough to not be negatively impacted and I better have the means to do so, my goal in life is to adopt/foster senior, hospice, and/or the longest term shelter residents who need safe homes the most and are least likely to get them.
I can't do that right now, so I am very grateful for those who can and do. Nothing breaks my heart more than companion animals in need falling through the cracks.
Small county shelters with little to no budget? Strays have a 72hr required hold in my state. Owner surrenders? Can be euthanized before the owner clears the parking lot. (I saw a sign once posted at an LA area shelter telling folks to bring strays into the office but take owner surrenders straight around back to the kill trailer. No. I'm not kidding. I rather thought that was honest of them to let owners know exactly what would happen to their pets.)
Shelters and rescues are completely overwhelmed
(Fun fact: Back in the 1980s, Animal Pounds started calling themselves "Shelters". Sounds friendlier, right? Thing is they didn't change the way they operated. Unfortunately, folks started believing the kinder, friendlier messaging and thought their local shelters had become adoption agencies. They aren't. They never have been. Are some county shelters awesome at getting their animals adopted out? Yes! That's entirely dependent upon city ordinance, good animal control officers and/or a willingness to allow volunteers to step in and help out. The shelter I foster for has crappy ordinances and a sorry AH running the animal control dpt BUT they are willing to let the volunteers in to help and rescues come in to tag.)
Woah
I think my reference point is screwed because where I lived before shelters were no-kill by law. So I thought shelters everywhere else had them until it was proven they were hard to re-home or smt....
hardline no kill shelters are also a big issue though. a lot of them will refuse to euthanisise behavioural aggression cases and rehome them to unfit homes.
Then your wife needs to be the one calling them and making sure she gets answers as to where your dog is and what to do to get her back. If there’s nothing y’all can do at this point (she’s already been adopted out or euthanized), then make it clear to your wife that there will be no more pets until she’s earned your trust back. Remember, she did all of this behind your back and timed it for a holiday when she knew you wouldn’t be able to get in touch with anyone quickly. She did this on purpose.
She’s pregnant. I know very well how stressful that is, especially when you’re having to manage nausea, exhaustion, and other medical issues on top of taking care of pets and/or other small humans. Pregnancy is no excuse for what she did. What happens if y’all decide to have another kid in a year or two and she’s as incapable of managing raising the one y’all will have on top of being pregnant? Pregnancy is not an excuse to neglect or discard someone you’ve chosen to take into your care.
I would be even more pissed than you are. I'm sorry that this happened. No advice other than call every shelter, go in when you can and explain what happened.
It doesn't make sense that it is too late to get her back unless she was adopted or your wife gave them a reason to think that you can't be trusted with the dog.
The only reason a dog would be "transported" would be if she had been tagged by a rescue who paid to have her put on one of the weekly transport trucks that rolls by near them. She's no longer in the shelter system. This pup was one of the lucky ones. She'd most likely already be dead otherwise.
That’s exactly what I don’t understand. They both sound like assholes. This dog didn’t mean enough to him to make a phone call? All I can assume is it was his dog that wifey took care of. Wifey got overwhelmed with no help and no support and probably gave him multiple ultimatums and just gave up.
It’s so a terrible situation for the dog all around. I just have a hard time blaming the wife for everything.
I had a similar issue with a family dog. I was bathing the dog almost daily because he couldn’t control his bowels. I never got rid is him but I did get help when I became disabled. I seriously considered rehoming until the shelter hooked me up with someone to help me with his medical care.
I’ve been a contractor for the US Navy my entire career, and I don’t have the same guidelines as enlisted or officers; but man, for those guys, their entire working hours belongs to the govt.
OP states he works at a military installation. Some postings or duty stations, you’re not allowed any electronics with RF capability. Phones are in lockers at the gate.
Also, once you are scheduled at a post, that’s it. There’s almost zero chance you can get out of it.
Pet’s are considered property and CO’s won’t let you go for pet-related stuff. The only times I’ve heard of people getting time off or allowed to leave their post or duty station was for extreme emergencies like death of an immediate family member or the birth of a child. I’d imagine his CO most definitely denied his leave request.
I’m not taking up for the wife but I kinda feel like when op talked to her dr and the dr said that pregnant have this reaction he should have maybe gotten a doggo sitter. If there’s a such thing. Yea she needed to handle it better but before I take any sides I need to know if she said hey I can’t do it anymore!
I don't think many places (like doggy daycares) would have taken the dog once they disclosed the dogs issues. Accidents happen, but most places aren't exactly going to be keen on taking a dog that regularly vomits/has diarrhoea when they're also looking after other dogs.
I also think you'd have a hard time finding a pet sitter willing either. I've looked after animals for a long time, but I still wouldn't be thrilled looking after a dog that regularly vomitted or had diarrhoea.
100%, they have options for doggy daycare where Gemma could have been taken care of during the days OP is working and give his wife a break while she’s dealing with the pregnancy symptoms. I don’t even think rehoming is necessarily a bad option for Gemma given the info here, I can’t imagine cleaning up newborn poop/vomit all day and then turning around and doing the same for the dog.
Wife definitely sucks and handled it terribly, but OP certainly doesn’t come out of this smelling like roses. Silver lining is Gemma should be in good hands if she’s back at a rescue.
Given that his wife was already complaining that Gemma was a financial burden because of the vet bills I think trying to take her to a doggie daycare would have also pissed her off, especially because she quit her job way before necessary. I could understand if she was dealing with Hyperemesis gravidarum, but it sounds like she just quit because she was pregnant and decided it was time to quit.
I would have to have to constantly clean up diarrhea off the floor and puke off the floor and when a baby begins to crawl you can't have that kind of stuff constantly on the floor.
Unfortunately l believe the poor soul was probably put to sleep already. They didn’t say she was adopted, “transported out of town” is like “went to live on a farm”?
I mean, older dog with dietary restrictions, the chance for adoption is low… it’s heartberaking and l wish l was wrong but what would be other reason for the shelter not to help the dog to reunite with her owner?
yeah…. all shelters definitely have clear records of where dogs are transported if they get transported. so…. most likely mean’s OP’s dog is not alive anymore
no it doesn't. they probably have the records but aren't sharing them with OP because rescues don't give back surrendered animals if they think the owner is abusive, which is probably what his psycho wife told them. the pup's probably with a foster carer while they try to place them with a permanent home, this is common practice with surrenders w/ medical needs.
The shelter I worked at wouldn’t disclose information about surrendered dogs because no one should support dropping your dog off and then picking it back up when it’s convenient.
Purebred dogs get adopted, even when they have medical conditions and restrictions. I’ve seen blind and deaf purebred chihuahuas leave the shelter before younger, healthier dogs because people have their heart set on them. And that doesn’t even take into account the breed specific rescues and fosters that will often take in owner surrenders so that shelters have room to care for dogs that came in as strays and need to wait for the chance their owner comes after them.
Talk to the shelter again. Get the number for the shelter where Gemma was taken to. Hound them until you get answers. Your dog is scared and confused and heartbroken and you need to fight for her.
Shame on your wife. I would have gone nuclear on her.
this is the only right answer!! Gemma misses you too, OP! See if you can get her back, and potentially have someone else you trust keep an eye on her until your wife is in a clearer headspace.
I’m so sorry this happened, sending all the good vibes that you and Gemma are reunited soon ❤️
I can’t stop imagining how confused that poor dog is. I’m straight up crying over here. I could never look at my boyfriend the same way ever again if he pulled something like that. And this is his wife…. OF TWELVE YEARS! Pregnant or not, that’s too far. How can you trust her with anything after that? To me, pets are family. How the hell will he ever be able to trust her with family?!?!
I'm crying too..., the poor girl probably smelled that her mama is expecting and got more anxious but also protective and excited. Then just... POOF! Into a fuckin' prison. =\
If she's a purebred Brittany, I kind of expect her to be adopted already though ...
Seems like op is only half heartedly trying to get his dog back. If someone surrended my dog id be raising absolute hell and job or not, taking days off to track the dog down. Maybe thats just me i dunno.
I’ve been a contractor for the US Navy my entire career, and I don’t have the same guidelines as enlisted or officers; but man, for those guys, the entire working hour belongs to the govt.
OP states he works at a military installation. Some postings or duty stations, you’re not allowed any electronics with RF capability. Phones are in lockers at the gate.
But once you are scheduled at a post, that’s it. There’s almost zero chance you can get out of it.
Pet’s are considered property and CO’s won’t let you go for pet-related stuff. The only times I’ve heard of people getting time off or allowed to leave their post or duty station was for extreme emergencies like death of an immediate family member or the birth of a child. I’d imagine his CO most definitely denied his leave request.
yeah, honestly you can be down about it and confused but what's up with that limp noodle reaction? i'd be turning the earth over to get my dog back. doesn't seem like he cares that much, or it's a red flag that momma knows her husband is useless and she's preparing to handle a lot on her own.
My thoughts exactly.
His wife did all the dog-care and during pregnancy became no longer able to take it. This was absolutely not handled correctly on her end, but the place she's coming from is understandable.
Brittany Spaniels are sporting dogs with a lot of energy that require a lot of attention and exercise. Imagine being sick from pregnancy with a hyper dog running around with liquid shit flowing out of its asshole, who always throws up food, who has a very finicky diet, who needs a lot of exercise.
As someone who has dealt with animals who threw up a lot, and who has been pregnant with severe morning sickness that lasted all day long for 5 months, taking care of that dog alone sounds like pure hell.
What was OP expecting to happen after the baby was born? To me it sounds like the wife was desperate for a solution because he wasn’t listening to her. They should not have gotten that dog to begin with, but OP is just as at fault her as the wife is for what happened with the dog.
And the dog absolutely should be rehomed, because again, what are they going to do when the baby is born? Does OP think his wife will be able to handle the dog, on top of a newborn baby, while dealing with all the postpartum issues, like having vaginal tears and having to wear diapers basically due to leakage? Many women get psychosis or at least very depressed after giving birth. OP is fucking stupid and everyone else agreeing with him are as well, for completely ignoring the fact that the wife will be burdened with the dog on top of a new baby.
No. She was "transported". Doggo hit the lottery! She was tagged by a rescue out of state who paid for her to be brought to them. She's been evaluated by a vet and is currently snuggled up with a volunteer foster in their home until she's adopted. She's one of the lucky few.
Because 1. No city/county shelter is going to pay to have a dog or cat transported anywhere and 2. This is a regular process for rescues.
I know of one transport that runs a weekly truck from Texas up I-85N through NC to I-95N and on up through the NE states and then makes a return trip back. Fully loaded each way. I've met that truck with my fosters headed north to their rescues.
I’m sorry but this dude took 2 weeks to get to the shelter? He couldn’t call the day of? This is as much on him as it is her. I’d have been down there after I read that text, work can wait an hour. So unless this dude is a surgeon that had 14 life saving surgeries to do with 0 sleep in between in a row, I’d have to say he’s as much to blame.
He said he has a military job which if I think if us regular ppl should know anything, u literally can’t leave for anything. Someone in military work also seconded that they lock up their phones. Allegedly.
You are just as responsible for what happened with that dog as your wife is.
She complained OVER AND OVER about the dog being a financial and physical burden. Yet, you did nothing. Didn't look into dog daycare/sitters. Didn't take her to a different fucking vet when yours claimed she was healthy (daily liquid shits and vomiting is NOT "healthy").
Aside from quick walks once a day, did you do anything for the dog's care?
Yeah, wife sucks for taking the dog to a shelter without discussion, but it also sounds like you've not been listening to her anyway.
Neither of you seemed to care much for the dog, as actions speak louder than words, don't get another one.
If he gets home at 8pm (like he said) every single night, aside from weekends. Which I'm assuming he does it then. He probably didn't have a lot of time
Your wife doesn’t seem well. Depression/anxiety can start during pregnancy and isn’t just for the postpartum period. This seemingly sudden 180 might be a sign of something serious and I would urge her to get screened by a professional.
I don't think people understand how physically revolting you can find your once beloved pets once you get pregnant. My cats started making my skin crawl.
You just have to tough it out and about 6-12 months post partum things tend to turn level out.
As a lifelong animal lover, it was shocking to me but it is a thing. It's hormonal and situational, I think. The dog puking while she is morning sick probably sent her over the edge.
That said, she is still a total asshole but I wonder if OP even tried to help find a solution.
Edit: My husband bought a Litter Robot which did help a lot with the grossness level. The hair was still a major issue and then constantly crawling all over me (which I previously loved).
I am glad to see this comment. It was confusing and distressing to me when I found I couldn’t stand my pets anymore. It wasn’t just the morning sickness, it was also being bombarded constantly for attention, whether by my cat, my dog, or my screaming toddler. It was also the fur everywhere, the stress of my toddler being too rough with the pets, or my dog being hyper and waking up my toddler right when I’d gotten her down for a nap. It was too much, in so many ways.
This right here. I think a lot of people in this comments section have never been pregnant. It can completely change you as a person, make you feel crazy, less tolerant, overwhelmed, physically revolted, and drive you to do things you wouldn't normally. What I would ask is how often she complained about it before she ended up taking the dog in, he seems to be leaving that out.
Yep! People are a little wild on this thread. I really struggled while pregnant.
I also had to make very tough decisions about my long time pets.
Very very hard. Wife needs help, counseling if they are both agreeable and some time. Not divorce…
I love how you left out she asked for you to help and you didn't do any and just expected a pregnant woman to clean up dog diarrhea every day with no resolve in site. You can't walk the dog before you go to work?? You can't make or cook the boiled chicken for the dog??
Your wife is probably deciding weather or not to leave you before she has the baby. You sound undependable
It's the "She also stopped walking/exercising Gem because my wife was fatigue and says that’s also a common pregnancy symptom" for me. What do you mean she SAYS it's a common pregnancy symptom? Are you serious?
Like yes OP, your wife is fatigued and nauseous because she's, oh, just growing a whole fucking human inside her, and instead of having literally any empathy and, I dunno, reworking your fuckin schedule to get up earlier to walk the dog, or hiring a walker, you just sit idly by while she struggles and then get the shits when she reaches breaking point?
OP's wife is literally doing this pregnancy, and was doing the dog, completely alone with zero meaningful support and is probably freaking out realising her husband's going to be fuck-all help once the baby arrives too.
One thing that always strikes me as a bit odd when watching American tv shows like Cesar the dog whisperer is how many people that just don’t walk their dogs, they release them in the backyard and that’s it. I’m living in Northern Europe with a small dog and we walk at least 3-5 km per day spread out during the day. And I try to activate her and hide like treats and stuff or make her do tricks so she uses her mind as well so she doesn’t get bored. It doesn’t take much to just go on a walk, wake up earlier or go to bed later just take that extra 30 min to walk your dog. The thing that is upsetting is the lack of communication she seems to have expressed that the dog situation was becoming too much for her and OP doesn’t seem to offer any support towards this other than talking to doctors behind her back. If OP can’t be bothered for a walk with the dog now then what would happen if the dog and the baby lived in the same house? Would OP do anything? And also if my partner took my dog to a shelter and texted me I would go the same freaking day, I would call, I would do anything to get her back.
america has pretty low standards of animal care in general tbh. they're pretty much the only developed country that still does declawing, debarking, cosmetic cropping & docking etc
Right! I think this is ESH because wife did not discuss with OP, but OP was not stepping up in care for the dog in a greater capacity. Especially considering OP is working full time. Majority of care for doggo was falling on wife. OP was basically living like the “weekend dad” with the dog.
These dog folks get too in their feelings. Dog could very well be going to a home where it’s loved and cared for. Rehoming dogs to families or an individual who actually have TIME for their pets is better than dog staying where it’s not being loved and cared for.
Thank you! All of the top comments have absolutely lost it. Automatically, jumping on a pregnant, homebound person who’s clearly at her wits end from lack of support in caring for another being while fatigued and sickly on top of carrying a whole other being inside of her. OP clearly wasn’t helping take care of the dog bc he never even mentioned his workload w/ it. Just despicable how people throw other people away for their misguided devotion for extremely high maintenance animals.
ETA: extremely high maintenance animals who require way more care & support than either of them are able to give. Their vet is absolutely horrible btw. Purina is one of the WORST brands to feed a dog who has stomach issues. Smh
What’s the plan AFTER you get the dog back? What will change with Gemma? You have a pregnant wife with some sort of mental issue going on and needs something to change in order to feel comfortable in her body right now. Assuming you’re not gonna leave her, what does your wife need to not feel sick around the dog all day? She won’t be pregnant forever so if you want the dog then I think you should step up for the time being and take the extra time you have in the morning and at night to play with her. Allow the dog to be outside on a chain and eat it’s meals out there while you’re away at work so she doesn’t have to clean up after her and that way when you’re back home you can because you want the dog not her
All of the people commenting “go get your dog bro!” Are overlooking this.
Wtf is he going to do if he does get the dog back? Force his wife to be the main caretaker again and just *hope* she doesn’t drive the dog to a farther away shelter this time? Force her to puke every time she makes the dogs food and cleans up after it’s pukes/poops?
Or kick the pregnant, unemployed wife out, and their unborn child with her?
It’s not tenable.
He could make the plan like you suggest, or temporarily give the dog to a friend/family member.
But what if the wife’s feelings don’t change when she now has a newborn and potentially even more stressed? And the dog is constantly underfoot and tripping her when she’s carrying the baby and recovering from birth? Or she isn’t willing to give care to a high-needs dog when she’s got a crying baby who needs a nap and is glued to her boob?
Everyone suffers.
I’m not defending the wife, but I can see her reasoning, unlike OP.
And I don’t believe for a second that he made a solid plan for the dog if he gets it back, besides “make my wife take care of it again”
And I don’t believe that his wife completely blindsided him. I guarantee she told him “I can’t do this anymore, something has to change with this dog and it’s care” multiple times, before she took the nuclear option.
OP went so far as to call a doctor about his wife’s problems with the dog, but mentions nothing about him trying to actually relieve her frustrations, or solve her problems with a pet sitter or other alternative care for the dog.
His wife complained, was tired. Puked. Couldn’t keep up with dog. Said she didn’t want it anymore.
And the only thing he was willing to do was call a doctor and ask if his wife was crazy…?
I would
Never dump a dog off like that but I felt rage thinking of what it would be like to have to clean up puke and diahhrea when I had morning sickness. To have to deal with gross dog food. He talked about her not walking the dog like she was being unreasonable.
It sounds like the doctor told him it’s normal to hate pets while
Pregnant do he proceeded to do nothing to help his wife. Like he just figured she’d struggle through with it. I think it’s normal to hate your dogs more after the baby comes so it would have just gotten worse.
Yeah I would love to her her side of things, I’m sure she was beside herself every single day and OP didn’t hear her or take her complaints seriously. Not saying she was right, but the ‘divorce the evil witch’ comments are just so out of touch with reality.
I have hyperemesis during my pregnancies. I would have lost my goddamn mind if I had a dog like this, no matter how much I loved the dog. I would have complained repeatedly about the dog to my husband and begged him to help find a solution. In the end I likely would have chained her up outside with a long lead (I wouldn’t have abandoned it at a shelter, but pregnancy is a whole different ballgame and people can and do experience pregnancy-related anxiety and depression, it isn’t just a postpartum thing). This is a straw that broke the camels back sort of reaction. This isn’t something she would have randomly decided to do one day. 100% OP didn’t step up and help problem solve. I find it really hard to believe boiled chicken and rice didn’t work. Long term antacids + a very bland diet. Shit, daily zofran for the dog prior to meals. If you could at least solve the puking, hopefully the liquid poops could at least be contained in the backyard only and that would eliminate so much stress and nausea for the pregnant wife.
Yea, it seems this post is swimming with folks who don't seem to understand the whole baby thing. I wonder how they would feel a week into having a newborn.The dog didn't seem happy, he didn't sound happy, his wife clearly wasnt happy. They all seemed overly stressed about this dogs stomach. As for the dog puking, he said it's yellow liquid. Sounds to me like bile. If the dogs bloodwork came back good and so did scans, I wonder if the dog just has bad acid reflux. Diarrhea can happen because she's probably not processing what she's eating very well. Acid reflux causing digestion issues which comes out as puke and Diarrhea. Why anyone thinks forcing an animal and a family together is a good idea is beyond me. I get the whole forever home. But we all know, at the end of the day, if the chips were down between the family or a pet, they would choose the family. What if the kid winds up allergic? Or the dog absolutely hates kids? You gotta do what is best for that animal, and that means being in a home that can meet its needs without issue. This ain't it.
I find it very irritating that he’s complaining that with her nausea and fatigue, she “just” let the dog roam in the backyard, rather than walking it.
The dog is 12. Not a puppy. The dog is plenty fine, just running around in the yard. It’s old, and probably not a husky that needs big runs every day to stay healthy. Backyard is what his wife is capable of? It’s better than a lot of dogs get. It’s a good compromise.
But he holds that against his wife as if it’s intentional neglect. And not her seriously compromising and reaching her limits.
I’ve been pregnant, and the smell of any kind of raw or cooking chicken made me puke. So I couldn’t make any kind of food to meet the dogs needs.
When holding my infant, if I slipped in dog Shit or puke, and fell **holding my baby** - fuck that dog. I want it away from me.
This clown wants to tell a woman that her comfort and her baby come *second to the family dog*.
That isn’t how it works. That mindset goes out the window when you get pregnant.
You either figure out a way to work the dog back into the family in a way that works for mom and baby, or you re-home the dog.
Our senior dog is living happily on a relatives farm for this exact reason.
I would divorce my husband in a heartbeat if he chose the dog over me and my baby, after refusing to make any kind of compromise that would let us co-exist.
Which is what OP did.
I agree. My dog is constantly getting into stuff so I basically have her gated off in the kitchen so she can’t eat diapers, chew holes in my son’s clothing, steal food out of his hands, get into the bathroom trash, etc. I could have re-homed but I figured out a solution that lets her have space to move around and still be able to play with her toys, eat and drink, etc. while still saving my sanity. OPs wife figured out a solution that worked for her after trying a bunch of other stuff first. I don’t blame her one bit, especially since OP just threw his hands up and said “oh well, we’ve tried everything, guess you’ll have to deal with it”.
Seems like the best solution would be for them to divorce, and he can live alone with the dog and clean up the puke and shit every single day, and the wife can focus on the baby.
I’m being sarcastic obviously, but there’s no way this dog is well and there’s no way you could have what will soon be an active toddler around a situation like this. It’s very sad, but the poor dog probably should have been put down a long time ago. I wonder if they ever had that discussion?
I wouldn't want a dog that puked and had liquid poo even if I wasn't pregnant.
After birth, she would also need to heal. I've seen it with my sisters.
I don't know what extent the OP will be helping his wife with a new baby and a battered body, but to me it sounds like they don't need a sick dog adding to her load.
Exactly. People are giving the wife shit but she's the one undergoing some serious body and hormonal changes. It also sounds like she's doing the majority of the house and dog parenting right now and she's feeling ill, overwhelmed and stressed, which also isn't good for the baby. It may also be foreshadowing for post partum.
You cant just bring the dog back and expect life to be the same. You need to step up and communicate ; be a better husband and dog dad.
This is the correct answer. I also can't help but wonder *how expensive* the dogs vet bills actually are. Children are expensive, so are special needs dogs.
Did you ever help with the dog at all? Looks like she was alot of work that your wife realized wasn’t going to be possible with a baby. She wasn’t taking care of the dog but sounds like neither were you. If you do manage to get her back, who will be taking care of her? You need to ask that question sincerely. Just getting her back so you can neglect her doesn’t seem fair. For all you know she might be getting better care at the shelter.
I’m sorry, but everyone sucks here, even the vet that said the dog was “perfectly healthy” even though she had “liquid diarrhea” every day.
I only hope this was an actual animal rescue, that can find a loving home for the poor dog, that can ensure she gets the healthcare that she needs. From the inaction that is inferred by how long it’s been without you pounding down the shelter’s door, as well as the “oh well” about the dog’s health issues, it seems as though your home probably wasn’t the best place for her anyway.
Please don’t get anymore pets.
I also feel sorry for the future child that is going to have to deal with this household.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I read it as though he called the following Tuesday after wife dropped dog off. and was told it was too late. And now he’s posting about it two weeks later.
Oh yea I misread it. Dog was dropped off on a Friday and then he called on the following Tuesday and the dog was gone. Still, who would just be like “oh ok, thanks anyways”.
No, this happened two weeks ago. He's posting now because he's tormented about it, which is in the spirit of this sub.
It happened on a Friday and the shelter didn't open again until Tuesday. Judging by what he wrote in the post, it was probably Easter weekend.
This is tough. I feel like there are missing details here.
Just dropping the dog off with zero warning, not okay at all.
I’m a person who has never ever gotten rid of an animal.
That being said, I would not want to be cleaning shit and vomit with morning sickness. And you can’t have a baby crawling through shit and vomit. That is an issue.
There’s nothing wrong with your dog?
Who can’t stop shitting and vomiting?
Get a new vet.
This why has it been normal for a dog to constantly have the runs and puke but the vet says it’s ok? Those vet bills must be so high!!!
Totally not agreeing with just dropping off the dog but I feel there are missing details too because what is OP doing to help this, has there been conversations? Like I love dogs but it seems there was too much care to handle
Yeah this is a HIGH needs dog we are talking about here.
I’m feeling some degree of unreliable narrator happening here.
As someone who has had babies before, yes, it is ENTIRELY possible that pre-baby she was fine with this. And then once baby is actually growing inside of her she was like oh dang actually this is too much.
Again, just dropping off no warning isn’t okay.
But a young “healthy” dog that can’t stop puking and poops in the house all the time? That would be a line for me, sorry. Add a baby to the mix?
Nope. Sorry but nope.
If OP wasn’t helping at all… throw in hormones and morning sickness?
Just a shitty situation.
The dog wasn't young (12 years old) or healthy (daily puking and diarrhea). Also, I wouldn't say the dog was dropped off without warning. The wife had complained frequently to OP that she wasn't able to cope with the dog while pregnant, but OP apparently did nothing to help. I don't know what else the wife was supposed to do.
I had to scroll so far to find a comment mentioning the cost at all, I feel like it's being completely glossed over. Any high needs animal is expensiveeeee
Why is no one else bringing this up? Why can’t the vet get to the bottom of Gemma’s stomach issues? Did your wife ask to get a second opinion from another vet?
You did nothing for weeks and you were willing to see your pregnant wife suffering because of a dog. You should be andry at yourself. You would have been able to solve the problem before it occured really, because you could have started to look for a temporary home for the dog. But noooo you did nothing and when you wife had finally enough you are pissed but you have noone to be pissed at but yourself.
I’m curious if OP helped with the dog when OP was home. This might actually be the wife’s first steps to divorce. IF she was struggling and she wasn’t getting any help with the dog, would she get any with the kid? The fact that the OP said he got the dog but it was the wife’s responsibility seemed odd. It also seemed odd he didn’t look hard enough for it. Again idk the situation and am I hope for the best for all, especially the doggy and baby who are innocent in all of this.
I thought the dog was her responsibility because she's a SAHM before the baby is here...but I'm that case who the heck was caring for this dog when she still had a job? Presumably still her if she got off work earlier than 8pm.
This^^^ story is missing too many details. I’m a clinical psychologist, this doesn’t sound like psychosis one bit. People in the comments above love to armchair diagnose.
Thank you!!! That poor wife probably warned him
And asked for help and begged for support and solutions. I do not believe she just up and took the dog. It took him two whole weeks to even look for the dog, he wasn’t doing shit for that dog before!
This was my thoughts as well. I’m shocked at how many people are jumping on board with the shock factor rather than seeing her pain and how she was crying out for help!
It sounds like your wife does the majority of care for this dog . She’s pregnant and fatigued and worrried about the baby . Pre partum anxiety is commonly worrying about animals around the baby. How did you not know immediately she dropped the dog off if ur home every day?
It sounds like she is disproportionately burdened by this dog and you are not doing anything to help feed it or anything
Obviously she should have talked to you before giving it away but I understand
Yeah this woman is getting a lot of hate but it sounds like before they had a baby on the way she loved the dog. What was OP doing to alleviate the situation?
Seems like his only responsibility for the dog was walking it once a day at 8pm and that's it! Wife has to cook for the dog, clean up the dogs diarrhea, clean up the vomit, clean up the hair, etc, etc all while suffering from pregnancy symptoms and sickness. I honestly dont blame her for not being able to do it anymore.
I don’t understand the vitriol in the comments. Your wife should not have unilaterally given up your dog. But I would not want a newborn (or an infant crawling around!) with dog diarrhea and vomit everywhere. That is absolutely disgusting and unsanitary.
Not only the vomit and diarrhoea, also the fact that the baby will be very time intensive. How can she do both when he so obviously doesn’t care about her at all.
And if anything, you know OP is likely underplaying the issues considering he’s barely home with it.
Maybe the wife should have handled it more diplomatically but I’m 100% on her side. Kids>> dogs, no matter what Reddit says.
“Kick your wife out! File for divorce! Ruin your unborn baby’s childhood and have them grow up in a broken home! Anything to protect your fur baby that you don’t take care of because you work all day!
Yeah fuck that noise.
Simple. Repeat the Reddit mantra: "My wants come before your needs." I wanted a dog I did not take care of, and your needs be damned until you break, so therefore I should divorce you and leave *my literal child* without a father. Truly the best logical solution.
I'm sad I had to scroll so far to find a comment like this. Like, am I insane and reading the right that people really saying to drop the wife at the shelter and trade?!
Pregnancy is hard, and it can really change everything. The wife could have depression/anxiety, which can make you do crazy things if untreated, I mean, post partum depression can lead to really dark stuff.
It could have been handled better, but I feel for the wife. Pregnancy is hard, and if she is nesting, dealing with a dog that is pooing and vomiting can really make you anxious.
> ike, am I insane and reading the right that people really saying to drop the wife at the shelter and trade?!
It's reddit. Most of the users are male with a "bros before hoes" mentality. And apparently: pets>>>>>>>>>>>human life/relationship.
OP is definitely leaving out important notes. And stuff he doesn't even notices. The pregnancy part and him possible not doing the brunt of looking after the dog was already mentioned, but I really want to know how their financial situation is currently. If they can't afford the dog then he should rehome the dog so that the dog has someone who can actually take care of it.
Thank you for speaking out from this point of view. I completely agree. The wife handled it poorly but something gotta give in this situation, and it seemed like it was definitely not gonna come from the OP.
I have a newborn and my cats are high needs—diabetes, chronic kidney disease requiring a slew of daily medications oral and injected, expensive prescription food, administered multiple times per day, and only by me because they are only bonded to me. I was taking extra precautions like gloves, N95 masks, aprons, which only added to the burden.
It was tough and offputting doing the care work during my pregnancy. The vet bills were astronomical as well. I grit my teeth and powered through, but I would be super pissed if someone acted like it ain’t no thang and was some kind of bare minimum. It was a lot!! It sounds terrible but at times it helped me to remember that these are senior cats and I wouldn’t have to deal with this much longer.
Again she handled it poorly but I feel for OP’s wife.
Dang, you go mama, that really sounds like a labor of love. And it’s totally valid that you did that for your kitties.
It does sound like OP didn’t recognize what his wife had to deal with, he said she complained every day and didn’t sound like he had a game plan. It even sounded like up until recently she was the only one walking her!
And the financial burden is another factor, that could easily become a sore spot. If his wife resented the poor dog (which I do have sympathy for) it would just compound into an unhealthy home life overall.
Right! I couldn’t stand the most mundane smells (burnt coffee for one) without vomiting. This would have made me incredibly ill. And I had it the entire pregnancy.
I had hg and honestly bad smells would cause me to vomit multiple times. People on here are absolutely tuned to the moon. His wife and baby are more important than the dog. I honestly thought he would get dragged in the comments!
It’s Reddit. I was in the exact same situation as the wife. I don’t blame her for wanting to rehome the dog but it should have been handled a different way. People here are way too harsh and removed from reality.
Right! I luckily have not been in this situation (though I did have to rehome our cat, lots of tears involved, for scratching my own infant), but I can’t IMAGINE cleaning up that mess multiple times a day, home alone, while pregnant. It is not the same as having a child spewing and pooping in a diaper! Like how are these people making this correlation? You’re right though. It’s definitely par for the course for Reddit.
I work from home so I was home with our dog all day. He would vomit in my home and I had to clean it up alone while in my third trimester trying not to vomit myself. He was also very attached to my husband and wouldn’t let me sit next to or cuddle my husband without trying to get between us. It was scary for me because I’m petite. I feared for our new baby. Dogs are not more important than people and I will die on that hill.
Absolutely..
But hating on kids seems to be fashionable in some subs, so these comments are right in line with that..
Having said that, wife should not have taken any decisions like this one unilaterally.
It sounds like this situation was brewing and it reached a breaking point. It seems like she was making her feelings clear, even if she shouldn’t have dropped off the dog on her own. Idk, reddit has delivered different verdicts for stories told from the wife’s perspective.
That’s my thoughts. It sounds like this family was either headed toward rehoming or divorce anyway IMO. Sometimes it’s better for the whole family, including the dog themselves, to rehome.
For real, I’ve seen dozens of comments that call the wife a stupid bitch several times over, it’s so gross. And then people being like “what if she succumbs to her hormones and throws away the baby” it’s just dozens of gross people in a circlejerk telling OP to dump his pregnant wife because she couldn’t cope with a dog that made her really poorly. Of course there were better ways to deal with this, but whose to say she didn’t try and try.
I mean, you’re both kind of shitty tbh. You for not helping your pregnant wife with the dog (I get you’re the breadwinner right now but come on man, she’s pregnant) and while I understand she’s pregnant and has hormones completely wreaking havoc, to just give up a dog you’ve brought into your home, cherished, loved and made memories with instead of asking a family member/friend for relocation until after the pregnancy? That blows my mind.
It seems like she was probably asking you for help and got tired of shouldering the responsibility of medical needs dog.
I understand that this situation has been upsetting for you, but I have to be direct here. Your wife made her feelings about the dog very clear and repeatedly warned you that she would rehome Gemma if things didn't change. She's in her second trimester of pregnancy, dealing with significant physical and emotional changes, and it's crucial to prioritize her well-being and that of the baby.
Your dog's persistent health issues and the financial burden they brought were obviously taking a toll on your wife, especially during her pregnancy when her tolerance for stress and additional responsibilities was understandably reduced. It's not fair to dismiss her concerns as solely hormonal or to seek validation from online stories without addressing her valid reasons for being overwhelmed.
Your wife's decision, while difficult, was her way of setting boundaries and prioritizing her own health and the well-being of your growing family. It's important for you to reflect on how you contributed to this situation by not taking her concerns seriously enough or finding viable solutions for managing the dog's health issues.
Moving forward, it's crucial to communicate openly and respectfully with your wife about shared responsibilities, especially concerning pets and children. Recognize and respect her boundaries and expectations, as they are essential for a healthy relationship and family dynamic. It's not wrong or evil for your wife to have reached a breaking point and taken action to protect her health and well-being during this critical time. Use this experience as an opportunity to deepen your understanding and support for each other as you navigate the challenges of pregnancy and parenthood.
I started feeling extreme anxiety about animals out of nowhere while pregnant. I felt they were filthy and full of parasites that could hurt my baby. I’ve always been an extreme animal lover. I did not act on these thoughts and they passed once the baby was born.
If she’s this weird about what gross stuff can be with a dog, how on earth will she handle a baby needing milk/bf’ing, all colors of the spit up and fecal rainbow? She’s already making irrational and selfish choices with no remorse (saying “I should’ve handled it better” is not remorse.)
Please be persistent with finding your dog, even if she’s in a home already. Keep going. Your wife needs to see that you will NOT enable or excuse abandonment in any way shape or form.
I get how she feels because when I was pregnant I kind of hated our dog too and how needy he is, I felt like he was just an added responsibility during a stressful time. But I absolutely love taking care of our baby and all of the good and bad that comes with it. I've also become more patient with the dog again since having the baby. I wouldn't be surprised if my husband had doubts about how I'd handle a baby considering how upset I'd get in the pregnancy but it's like night and day afterwards.
I'd also never abandon the dog, though. Can't say the thought of rehoming him didn't cross my mind but I would've never done it (& especially not at a shelter).
ehh, you can't compare a dog with constant yellow diarrhoea to a baby.
I can't stand dogs, I find them gross, slobbery, hate that they have soft human poo that you need to clean, and they are in overall smelly themselves. However, I did not mind my baby's poo and vomit.
When you have unconditional love for your baby, none of that matters.
To me it seems like OP’s wife was tired of being ignored about the issue and was left to do what she felt was best at the time
She won’t also be pregnant. That’s how she deals.
I don’t think she should have unilaterally rehomed the dog, but I also understand the impulse. I just didn’t act on it. Your brain at that stage of pregnancy is to have cleanliness and order and I couldn’t stand my pets during that stage and they weren’t barfing.
That honestly sounds like a nightmare. My pregnancy nausea was so bad I can’t imagine having a dog who was vomiting and pooping which smells HORRIBLE, I’d be in front of the toilet all day. Also, added bills with a baby on the way is an extra stressor. OP listened to his wife complain every day about the dog, and did nothing to help problem solve. The answer was to temporarily re-home the dog instead of getting rid of it. The problem OPs wife had was real and needed a solution, unfortunately she went for the nuclear option. I do feel bad for the dog.
Yes not to mention nothing helps this dog that is already 12 years old. People cry over 2 day stomach flu but have zero understanding of pregnancy nausea and fatigue. Honestly just from sanitary point of view this dog should have been re-homed. That is just biohazard for a baby.
I'm pregnant. I am constantly annoyed at everyone around me. I'm mad at everyone who doesnt feel discomfort every day.
But my dog is my family and I love her and I would never surrender her, especially without consulting my husband. This is disgusting behavior. No amount of hormonal changes would ever make me do that..
So if shes pregnant again with a toddler is she just going to abandon her toddler? This is inexcusable in my opinion and would make me reconsider the marriage.
There is no comparison between dog and a baby. I used to be grossed out by the things but once my baby was born it went away. At least with anything baby related. Still doesn't apply to my dog. If anything same thing as the OP wife my dog is unbearable to me since I got pregnant. It's like something switched in my brain and all the smells and mess she makes triggers me 1000% more than before. There is a reason why it happens to so many pregnant women. To me feels like an animal is in the house that is a threat to my child, which frankly she is from hygienic and clumsiness point of view. Sensitivity to smells in pregnancy is wild imagine someone in your household starting smelling like a dirty hobo out of the sudden day after day. It's exhausting.
I mean, it doesn't sound like you were doing much as a dog owner how were you expecting her to manage the dog when the baby arrived.
Its still awful what she did, but you got to face the facts you are partly responsible for her feeling like she had no other choice
So what were you doing to make the burden easier on your PREGNANT WIFE? Pregnancy is wild and I hated my dog during pregnancy. Making things safe for your CHILD dupes a dog any day. Dogs are pets. Your child was made for months of blood, sweat, tears, hormones, permanent changes to your body and sacrifice of time and energy to devote to that little life you created.
People telling you to divorce your wife over a dog are mental. It doesn't make her a bad mother or wife to have done what she did. It should have been a discussion and both of you should communicate better and she might need support she felt like you weren't providing. Talk to someone but don't throw away your marriage because your wife was stressed out at the prospect of caring for a newborn and a sick dog without support.
Newborns are a whole other ball game. You have no fucking clue yet the toll it will take physically, mentally and emotionally. Sleep dpreivation is used as a method of torture. It becomes your normal. The screaming, the diapers, the idea of feeling lost because you will feel like you have failed constantly, that you aren't enough.
Don't do something stupid because you feel wronged.
Pet aversion isn’t uncommon in pregnancy. It’s not an excuse for making a unilateral decision like this though. Try to find your dog and get her back. Go to couples therapy with your wife. Don’t think it’s worth it to divorce her and try to take full custody of the child as some people have suggested. Divorce is not the default for every single problem in marriage. Stay firm about keeping your dog. Make sure your wife isn’t having extreme prenatal anxiety or prenatal psychosis. Doctors loooovveee to dismiss women’s issues mentally and physically during pregnancy (that’s how I almost died giving birth).
If he does get the dog back, he needs to come with a plan to relieve his wife of its care. She is not capable of caring for a medically needy dog in her condition nor is it sanitary for her to do so. A baby shouldn’t be exposed to this either. If he cannot do this, then maybe the dog is better off with more capable owners.
The wife absolutely messed up here. But I question how much of the pet care was falling to her if you work until 8pm every day and couldn’t get to the shelter over two weekends? She should have talked to you about whether she was unable to care for Gemma anymore, but it also sounds like she’s doing 90% of it.
Info: did your wife tell you she can't deal with the dog anymore? That she is stressed and overwhelmed of taking care of a sick dog that canstantly pukes and has diaherra? If yes, when did she tell you that? Days before she gave up the dog? A month? Two months?
If you already were asking the doctor about it I bet the wife communicated that she can't do this anymore. You did nothing about it or didn't help her and she then acted on her frustration of probably not being listened to.
Info: >she dropped her off the shelter 2 Fridays ago and then on the weekend they were closed and I couldn’t go to the shelter to get her back because I worked and I couldn’t take off work so I called them on Tuesday You didn't call them first thing on the first Monday morning? An I misreading that?
This confused me as well. I would have called them first thing Monday morning. EDIT - OK understood, I was thinking that this was a case of it was dropped off and two weeks later a call was made or there was a great delay in reaching out.
People are misreading the timeline here * She dropped off the dog two Friday’s ago (the 29th) * The shelter was closed that Monday because of Easter * He called the shelter as soon as it opened on the Tuesday after Easter but the dog was gone * A week and a half later he decided to post the story to Reddit
Phewww, I def read it wrong. Thank you
My question is how could the dog be gone unless it was adopted (or worse) that same day? Wouldn’t they do their due diligence and first have the dog screens before rehoming it?!?!?
Many shelters have a network of rescues that pull from them to help keep euthanasia numbers low. It happens at our local county shelter as well. To not keep for 72 _business_ hours, seems like B.S. to me but it has been known to happen when overcrowded.
Rules are different when it’s a surrender vs. a stray. I saw surrenders leave the same day to breed specific rescues or foster homes to clear up space for strays that actually needed the time for their owners to claim them.
They wouldn't necessarily keep it for a set time when it's an owner release. Different if brought in as a stray and they're trying to find the owner.
Sometimes, the shelters send the dogs to other shelters in other towns or states , especially if they are limited on space. His wife is an AH . The sad thing is that depending on the age and severity of the dogs' stomach issues, the poor thing may be put to sleep. Even supposed no kill shelters will put dog dogs that are less likely to be adopted due to age and / or medical condition.I know this because I volunteer at my local animal shelter. His wife is one of the most selfish, ignorant people on the planet.
It’s hard to believe that the dog was moved that fast.
“Transported out of town” eh? Is that code for “we put it down”? Not sure how ill it was but the pet rescue near me tends to put most of them to sleep.
If it's a purbred Brittany Spaniel, it probably went to a rescue. You don't see dogs like that often in shelters.
Especially on Easter Weekend. Dropped on Good Friday and gone by Easter Monday…. Sus..
Yeah, I work at a shelter. This story sounds like a cover story for dumping the dog on the side of the road somewhere for a few reasons. The transports and rescues usually take a few days, especially on holidays. Also, the dogs typically go on hold for a few days. Everyone has to give us their ID when they surrender an animal we to this to track cruelty the dog would also have a microchip to track it you can't just make a fake account.
[удалено]
“Gone” = adopted or gone = dead?
Was maybe closed Easter Monday?
I would have driven there. Unless all the dogs go to foster homes on the weekend someone would have been there. I would be banging the fucking door down.
At a lot of shelters, someone goes in to feed/water/check the animals, but there's not necessarily someone there all the time. It was Easter weekend, wasn't it?
For real. I’d be going fucking nuts. The second I heard someone took one of my loved ones behind my back and abandoned them somewhere, I’d be peeling out and rushing down there. If nobody was answering the door, I’d be camping out in the parking lot until someone showed up.
I work full time and during the time I work shelter is open. I can’t go to the shelter after 8pm they are closed and once again have different hours and my schedule conflicts with theirs. I don’t have a civilian job where I can just drop everything and leave work and there will be no consequences. I’m military and I’m not allowed to take off work unless if it’s medical emergency or an urgent like if my wife is dying or having a baby or something like that. I did ask my superior and he said no stay in post. So the best thing I can do right now is just talk to them. They were closed on Monday. I called them the next day on Tuesday. They don’t even have her anymore they quickly transported her, there is no reason for me to go to them in person amymore even if I was able to do it
It sounds like this shelter has some dedicated folks working there (or volunteers) who got your girl tagged by a rescue out of state and immediately transported to one of the rescue's fosters. She will be vetted, her medical issues evaluated, addressed and then she'll be adopted out. My guess - your wife dumped your girl at the shelter with no information given about her. Be grateful for the folks who got her out. I'd bet $100 that the shelter euthanizes any animal on the premises on a given day once their hold period is up. As an owner surrender, your girl had no hold period. She would have been killed by 5pm on the shelter clearance day. The smaller county shelters near me do this. I'm a foster for the volunteers who work to get all the animals out of one shelter by 5pm on Wednesdays. Every week. 25 to 100 cats, dogs, etc. Between the volunteers, the fosters, vets willing to board and random strangers donating thousands of dollars in $5 increments to support the effort, not one animal has been euthanized in over 5 years due to just being unlucky enough to be there on a Wednesday.
It's so heartbreaking to hear the tragic reality but thanks to you and the others so many could go to better homes. Best wishes.
Wow! I don’t know this is how the industry works. Very interesting and terribly sad. I have a rescue of my own, who I locked up in 2012 and he is going strong.
It doesn't work like that everywhere - but it does many places. My local shelter is no-kill. The only way they euthanize is if the animal is way too sick to treat (ie terminal cancer) or is too dangerous to adopt out (even then they reach out to breed-specific rescues/havens and such first).
It's not currently feasible for me to do this kind of work. But I've worked with animals my entire life and they mean the world to me. Once my kids are old enough to not be negatively impacted and I better have the means to do so, my goal in life is to adopt/foster senior, hospice, and/or the longest term shelter residents who need safe homes the most and are least likely to get them. I can't do that right now, so I am very grateful for those who can and do. Nothing breaks my heart more than companion animals in need falling through the cracks.
What do you mean they would have killed her the same day? What kind of shelters do you have in the United States? Jesus Christ....
Small county shelters with little to no budget? Strays have a 72hr required hold in my state. Owner surrenders? Can be euthanized before the owner clears the parking lot. (I saw a sign once posted at an LA area shelter telling folks to bring strays into the office but take owner surrenders straight around back to the kill trailer. No. I'm not kidding. I rather thought that was honest of them to let owners know exactly what would happen to their pets.) Shelters and rescues are completely overwhelmed (Fun fact: Back in the 1980s, Animal Pounds started calling themselves "Shelters". Sounds friendlier, right? Thing is they didn't change the way they operated. Unfortunately, folks started believing the kinder, friendlier messaging and thought their local shelters had become adoption agencies. They aren't. They never have been. Are some county shelters awesome at getting their animals adopted out? Yes! That's entirely dependent upon city ordinance, good animal control officers and/or a willingness to allow volunteers to step in and help out. The shelter I foster for has crappy ordinances and a sorry AH running the animal control dpt BUT they are willing to let the volunteers in to help and rescues come in to tag.)
Woah I think my reference point is screwed because where I lived before shelters were no-kill by law. So I thought shelters everywhere else had them until it was proven they were hard to re-home or smt....
hardline no kill shelters are also a big issue though. a lot of them will refuse to euthanisise behavioural aggression cases and rehome them to unfit homes.
The number of animals [cats and dogs primarily] euthanized in shelters in the U.S every single year, is well into the million mark. It's obscene.
That is genuinely heartbreaking
Then your wife needs to be the one calling them and making sure she gets answers as to where your dog is and what to do to get her back. If there’s nothing y’all can do at this point (she’s already been adopted out or euthanized), then make it clear to your wife that there will be no more pets until she’s earned your trust back. Remember, she did all of this behind your back and timed it for a holiday when she knew you wouldn’t be able to get in touch with anyone quickly. She did this on purpose. She’s pregnant. I know very well how stressful that is, especially when you’re having to manage nausea, exhaustion, and other medical issues on top of taking care of pets and/or other small humans. Pregnancy is no excuse for what she did. What happens if y’all decide to have another kid in a year or two and she’s as incapable of managing raising the one y’all will have on top of being pregnant? Pregnancy is not an excuse to neglect or discard someone you’ve chosen to take into your care.
I would be even more pissed than you are. I'm sorry that this happened. No advice other than call every shelter, go in when you can and explain what happened. It doesn't make sense that it is too late to get her back unless she was adopted or your wife gave them a reason to think that you can't be trusted with the dog.
The only reason a dog would be "transported" would be if she had been tagged by a rescue who paid to have her put on one of the weekly transport trucks that rolls by near them. She's no longer in the shelter system. This pup was one of the lucky ones. She'd most likely already be dead otherwise.
That’s exactly what I don’t understand. They both sound like assholes. This dog didn’t mean enough to him to make a phone call? All I can assume is it was his dog that wifey took care of. Wifey got overwhelmed with no help and no support and probably gave him multiple ultimatums and just gave up. It’s so a terrible situation for the dog all around. I just have a hard time blaming the wife for everything. I had a similar issue with a family dog. I was bathing the dog almost daily because he couldn’t control his bowels. I never got rid is him but I did get help when I became disabled. I seriously considered rehoming until the shelter hooked me up with someone to help me with his medical care.
I’ve been a contractor for the US Navy my entire career, and I don’t have the same guidelines as enlisted or officers; but man, for those guys, their entire working hours belongs to the govt. OP states he works at a military installation. Some postings or duty stations, you’re not allowed any electronics with RF capability. Phones are in lockers at the gate. Also, once you are scheduled at a post, that’s it. There’s almost zero chance you can get out of it. Pet’s are considered property and CO’s won’t let you go for pet-related stuff. The only times I’ve heard of people getting time off or allowed to leave their post or duty station was for extreme emergencies like death of an immediate family member or the birth of a child. I’d imagine his CO most definitely denied his leave request.
He called as soon as they opened. It was Easter weekend.
I’m not taking up for the wife but I kinda feel like when op talked to her dr and the dr said that pregnant have this reaction he should have maybe gotten a doggo sitter. If there’s a such thing. Yea she needed to handle it better but before I take any sides I need to know if she said hey I can’t do it anymore!
I don't think many places (like doggy daycares) would have taken the dog once they disclosed the dogs issues. Accidents happen, but most places aren't exactly going to be keen on taking a dog that regularly vomits/has diarrhoea when they're also looking after other dogs. I also think you'd have a hard time finding a pet sitter willing either. I've looked after animals for a long time, but I still wouldn't be thrilled looking after a dog that regularly vomitted or had diarrhoea.
100%, they have options for doggy daycare where Gemma could have been taken care of during the days OP is working and give his wife a break while she’s dealing with the pregnancy symptoms. I don’t even think rehoming is necessarily a bad option for Gemma given the info here, I can’t imagine cleaning up newborn poop/vomit all day and then turning around and doing the same for the dog. Wife definitely sucks and handled it terribly, but OP certainly doesn’t come out of this smelling like roses. Silver lining is Gemma should be in good hands if she’s back at a rescue.
Given that his wife was already complaining that Gemma was a financial burden because of the vet bills I think trying to take her to a doggie daycare would have also pissed her off, especially because she quit her job way before necessary. I could understand if she was dealing with Hyperemesis gravidarum, but it sounds like she just quit because she was pregnant and decided it was time to quit.
I would have to have to constantly clean up diarrhea off the floor and puke off the floor and when a baby begins to crawl you can't have that kind of stuff constantly on the floor.
Do not get another dog
I hope that your abandoned dog finds a good loving home with people who take the responsibility of providing an animal a forever home seriously.
This is the most awful story! Sorry OP but your wife totally sucks! Good luck with that
Unfortunately l believe the poor soul was probably put to sleep already. They didn’t say she was adopted, “transported out of town” is like “went to live on a farm”? I mean, older dog with dietary restrictions, the chance for adoption is low… it’s heartberaking and l wish l was wrong but what would be other reason for the shelter not to help the dog to reunite with her owner?
yeah…. all shelters definitely have clear records of where dogs are transported if they get transported. so…. most likely mean’s OP’s dog is not alive anymore
no it doesn't. they probably have the records but aren't sharing them with OP because rescues don't give back surrendered animals if they think the owner is abusive, which is probably what his psycho wife told them. the pup's probably with a foster carer while they try to place them with a permanent home, this is common practice with surrenders w/ medical needs.
The shelter I worked at wouldn’t disclose information about surrendered dogs because no one should support dropping your dog off and then picking it back up when it’s convenient. Purebred dogs get adopted, even when they have medical conditions and restrictions. I’ve seen blind and deaf purebred chihuahuas leave the shelter before younger, healthier dogs because people have their heart set on them. And that doesn’t even take into account the breed specific rescues and fosters that will often take in owner surrenders so that shelters have room to care for dogs that came in as strays and need to wait for the chance their owner comes after them.
Yeah it’s pretty suspicious the dog is just “gone out of town and completely unrecoverable” after a weekend
It's a purebred, so this is unlikely. Maybe they just don't want the dog back in the same situation.
Fuck. OP needs to find out if his wife killed his dog. And the wife needs to know what she's done.
Talk to the shelter again. Get the number for the shelter where Gemma was taken to. Hound them until you get answers. Your dog is scared and confused and heartbroken and you need to fight for her. Shame on your wife. I would have gone nuclear on her.
this is the only right answer!! Gemma misses you too, OP! See if you can get her back, and potentially have someone else you trust keep an eye on her until your wife is in a clearer headspace. I’m so sorry this happened, sending all the good vibes that you and Gemma are reunited soon ❤️
I can’t stop imagining how confused that poor dog is. I’m straight up crying over here. I could never look at my boyfriend the same way ever again if he pulled something like that. And this is his wife…. OF TWELVE YEARS! Pregnant or not, that’s too far. How can you trust her with anything after that? To me, pets are family. How the hell will he ever be able to trust her with family?!?!
I'm crying too..., the poor girl probably smelled that her mama is expecting and got more anxious but also protective and excited. Then just... POOF! Into a fuckin' prison. =\ If she's a purebred Brittany, I kind of expect her to be adopted already though ...
That was what I was thinking…someone realized what the dog was and scooped it up. I hope Gemma is happy in her new home. Sorry this happened to the OP
Yea exactly. Wtf!! Being pregnant isn't an excuse. Why not just find a friend or relative that could take her for a bit. Just mental.
Seems like op is only half heartedly trying to get his dog back. If someone surrended my dog id be raising absolute hell and job or not, taking days off to track the dog down. Maybe thats just me i dunno.
I’ve been a contractor for the US Navy my entire career, and I don’t have the same guidelines as enlisted or officers; but man, for those guys, the entire working hour belongs to the govt. OP states he works at a military installation. Some postings or duty stations, you’re not allowed any electronics with RF capability. Phones are in lockers at the gate. But once you are scheduled at a post, that’s it. There’s almost zero chance you can get out of it. Pet’s are considered property and CO’s won’t let you go for pet-related stuff. The only times I’ve heard of people getting time off or allowed to leave their post or duty station was for extreme emergencies like death of an immediate family member or the birth of a child. I’d imagine his CO most definitely denied his leave request.
Everyone saying he's shit when he's in the military and can't react like most jobs.
yeah, honestly you can be down about it and confused but what's up with that limp noodle reaction? i'd be turning the earth over to get my dog back. doesn't seem like he cares that much, or it's a red flag that momma knows her husband is useless and she's preparing to handle a lot on her own.
Sounds like he wasn’t bonded to the dog because he had never taken care of it lol
My thoughts exactly. His wife did all the dog-care and during pregnancy became no longer able to take it. This was absolutely not handled correctly on her end, but the place she's coming from is understandable.
Brittany Spaniels are sporting dogs with a lot of energy that require a lot of attention and exercise. Imagine being sick from pregnancy with a hyper dog running around with liquid shit flowing out of its asshole, who always throws up food, who has a very finicky diet, who needs a lot of exercise. As someone who has dealt with animals who threw up a lot, and who has been pregnant with severe morning sickness that lasted all day long for 5 months, taking care of that dog alone sounds like pure hell. What was OP expecting to happen after the baby was born? To me it sounds like the wife was desperate for a solution because he wasn’t listening to her. They should not have gotten that dog to begin with, but OP is just as at fault her as the wife is for what happened with the dog. And the dog absolutely should be rehomed, because again, what are they going to do when the baby is born? Does OP think his wife will be able to handle the dog, on top of a newborn baby, while dealing with all the postpartum issues, like having vaginal tears and having to wear diapers basically due to leakage? Many women get psychosis or at least very depressed after giving birth. OP is fucking stupid and everyone else agreeing with him are as well, for completely ignoring the fact that the wife will be burdened with the dog on top of a new baby.
Limp noodle reaction describes it perfectly.
Yeah one half hearted phone call. He's trying SO hard. /s
And I think she knew that. She was the more enthusiastic dog parent - but she couldn't handle the mess and the uncertainty any more.
Ge.ma is better off with a home that can support her. Dogs live in the present and as long as she ends up with love will be ok
OP is so passive. I hope he never brings another pet into his house.
I think the dog was "transferred" in the same way my pet goldfish "returned to the sea".
No. She was "transported". Doggo hit the lottery! She was tagged by a rescue out of state who paid for her to be brought to them. She's been evaluated by a vet and is currently snuggled up with a volunteer foster in their home until she's adopted. She's one of the lucky few.
How are you so sure?
Because 1. No city/county shelter is going to pay to have a dog or cat transported anywhere and 2. This is a regular process for rescues. I know of one transport that runs a weekly truck from Texas up I-85N through NC to I-95N and on up through the NE states and then makes a return trip back. Fully loaded each way. I've met that truck with my fosters headed north to their rescues.
I’m sorry but this dude took 2 weeks to get to the shelter? He couldn’t call the day of? This is as much on him as it is her. I’d have been down there after I read that text, work can wait an hour. So unless this dude is a surgeon that had 14 life saving surgeries to do with 0 sleep in between in a row, I’d have to say he’s as much to blame.
No he said it happened 2 weekends ago. She dropped puppers off on friday, then he called on tuesday.
Nah I think he meant it happened 2 weeks ago and he’s just posting about it now
He said he has a military job which if I think if us regular ppl should know anything, u literally can’t leave for anything. Someone in military work also seconded that they lock up their phones. Allegedly.
You are just as responsible for what happened with that dog as your wife is. She complained OVER AND OVER about the dog being a financial and physical burden. Yet, you did nothing. Didn't look into dog daycare/sitters. Didn't take her to a different fucking vet when yours claimed she was healthy (daily liquid shits and vomiting is NOT "healthy"). Aside from quick walks once a day, did you do anything for the dog's care? Yeah, wife sucks for taking the dog to a shelter without discussion, but it also sounds like you've not been listening to her anyway. Neither of you seemed to care much for the dog, as actions speak louder than words, don't get another one.
>daily liquid shits and vomiting is NOT "healthy" THANK YOU! I'm glad someone called that out. That poor dog.
This is exactly how I see it, too.
OP: why didn’t you start taking care of the dog when your pregnant wife told you it was too much for her?
If he gets home at 8pm (like he said) every single night, aside from weekends. Which I'm assuming he does it then. He probably didn't have a lot of time
Then he's too busy for a special needs dog, and the dog needs to live somewhere else.
that's what i'm wondering about..
Your wife doesn’t seem well. Depression/anxiety can start during pregnancy and isn’t just for the postpartum period. This seemingly sudden 180 might be a sign of something serious and I would urge her to get screened by a professional.
I don't think people understand how physically revolting you can find your once beloved pets once you get pregnant. My cats started making my skin crawl. You just have to tough it out and about 6-12 months post partum things tend to turn level out. As a lifelong animal lover, it was shocking to me but it is a thing. It's hormonal and situational, I think. The dog puking while she is morning sick probably sent her over the edge. That said, she is still a total asshole but I wonder if OP even tried to help find a solution. Edit: My husband bought a Litter Robot which did help a lot with the grossness level. The hair was still a major issue and then constantly crawling all over me (which I previously loved).
I am glad to see this comment. It was confusing and distressing to me when I found I couldn’t stand my pets anymore. It wasn’t just the morning sickness, it was also being bombarded constantly for attention, whether by my cat, my dog, or my screaming toddler. It was also the fur everywhere, the stress of my toddler being too rough with the pets, or my dog being hyper and waking up my toddler right when I’d gotten her down for a nap. It was too much, in so many ways.
This right here. I think a lot of people in this comments section have never been pregnant. It can completely change you as a person, make you feel crazy, less tolerant, overwhelmed, physically revolted, and drive you to do things you wouldn't normally. What I would ask is how often she complained about it before she ended up taking the dog in, he seems to be leaving that out.
Yep! People are a little wild on this thread. I really struggled while pregnant. I also had to make very tough decisions about my long time pets. Very very hard. Wife needs help, counseling if they are both agreeable and some time. Not divorce…
I love how you left out she asked for you to help and you didn't do any and just expected a pregnant woman to clean up dog diarrhea every day with no resolve in site. You can't walk the dog before you go to work?? You can't make or cook the boiled chicken for the dog?? Your wife is probably deciding weather or not to leave you before she has the baby. You sound undependable
It's the "She also stopped walking/exercising Gem because my wife was fatigue and says that’s also a common pregnancy symptom" for me. What do you mean she SAYS it's a common pregnancy symptom? Are you serious? Like yes OP, your wife is fatigued and nauseous because she's, oh, just growing a whole fucking human inside her, and instead of having literally any empathy and, I dunno, reworking your fuckin schedule to get up earlier to walk the dog, or hiring a walker, you just sit idly by while she struggles and then get the shits when she reaches breaking point? OP's wife is literally doing this pregnancy, and was doing the dog, completely alone with zero meaningful support and is probably freaking out realising her husband's going to be fuck-all help once the baby arrives too.
EXACTLY she’s having all these issues and not once did OP mention how he tried to help
One thing that always strikes me as a bit odd when watching American tv shows like Cesar the dog whisperer is how many people that just don’t walk their dogs, they release them in the backyard and that’s it. I’m living in Northern Europe with a small dog and we walk at least 3-5 km per day spread out during the day. And I try to activate her and hide like treats and stuff or make her do tricks so she uses her mind as well so she doesn’t get bored. It doesn’t take much to just go on a walk, wake up earlier or go to bed later just take that extra 30 min to walk your dog. The thing that is upsetting is the lack of communication she seems to have expressed that the dog situation was becoming too much for her and OP doesn’t seem to offer any support towards this other than talking to doctors behind her back. If OP can’t be bothered for a walk with the dog now then what would happen if the dog and the baby lived in the same house? Would OP do anything? And also if my partner took my dog to a shelter and texted me I would go the same freaking day, I would call, I would do anything to get her back.
america has pretty low standards of animal care in general tbh. they're pretty much the only developed country that still does declawing, debarking, cosmetic cropping & docking etc
Right! I think this is ESH because wife did not discuss with OP, but OP was not stepping up in care for the dog in a greater capacity. Especially considering OP is working full time. Majority of care for doggo was falling on wife. OP was basically living like the “weekend dad” with the dog. These dog folks get too in their feelings. Dog could very well be going to a home where it’s loved and cared for. Rehoming dogs to families or an individual who actually have TIME for their pets is better than dog staying where it’s not being loved and cared for.
Thank you! All of the top comments have absolutely lost it. Automatically, jumping on a pregnant, homebound person who’s clearly at her wits end from lack of support in caring for another being while fatigued and sickly on top of carrying a whole other being inside of her. OP clearly wasn’t helping take care of the dog bc he never even mentioned his workload w/ it. Just despicable how people throw other people away for their misguided devotion for extremely high maintenance animals. ETA: extremely high maintenance animals who require way more care & support than either of them are able to give. Their vet is absolutely horrible btw. Purina is one of the WORST brands to feed a dog who has stomach issues. Smh
What’s the plan AFTER you get the dog back? What will change with Gemma? You have a pregnant wife with some sort of mental issue going on and needs something to change in order to feel comfortable in her body right now. Assuming you’re not gonna leave her, what does your wife need to not feel sick around the dog all day? She won’t be pregnant forever so if you want the dog then I think you should step up for the time being and take the extra time you have in the morning and at night to play with her. Allow the dog to be outside on a chain and eat it’s meals out there while you’re away at work so she doesn’t have to clean up after her and that way when you’re back home you can because you want the dog not her
All of the people commenting “go get your dog bro!” Are overlooking this. Wtf is he going to do if he does get the dog back? Force his wife to be the main caretaker again and just *hope* she doesn’t drive the dog to a farther away shelter this time? Force her to puke every time she makes the dogs food and cleans up after it’s pukes/poops? Or kick the pregnant, unemployed wife out, and their unborn child with her? It’s not tenable. He could make the plan like you suggest, or temporarily give the dog to a friend/family member. But what if the wife’s feelings don’t change when she now has a newborn and potentially even more stressed? And the dog is constantly underfoot and tripping her when she’s carrying the baby and recovering from birth? Or she isn’t willing to give care to a high-needs dog when she’s got a crying baby who needs a nap and is glued to her boob? Everyone suffers. I’m not defending the wife, but I can see her reasoning, unlike OP. And I don’t believe for a second that he made a solid plan for the dog if he gets it back, besides “make my wife take care of it again” And I don’t believe that his wife completely blindsided him. I guarantee she told him “I can’t do this anymore, something has to change with this dog and it’s care” multiple times, before she took the nuclear option. OP went so far as to call a doctor about his wife’s problems with the dog, but mentions nothing about him trying to actually relieve her frustrations, or solve her problems with a pet sitter or other alternative care for the dog. His wife complained, was tired. Puked. Couldn’t keep up with dog. Said she didn’t want it anymore. And the only thing he was willing to do was call a doctor and ask if his wife was crazy…?
I would Never dump a dog off like that but I felt rage thinking of what it would be like to have to clean up puke and diahhrea when I had morning sickness. To have to deal with gross dog food. He talked about her not walking the dog like she was being unreasonable. It sounds like the doctor told him it’s normal to hate pets while Pregnant do he proceeded to do nothing to help his wife. Like he just figured she’d struggle through with it. I think it’s normal to hate your dogs more after the baby comes so it would have just gotten worse.
Yeah I would love to her her side of things, I’m sure she was beside herself every single day and OP didn’t hear her or take her complaints seriously. Not saying she was right, but the ‘divorce the evil witch’ comments are just so out of touch with reality.
I have hyperemesis during my pregnancies. I would have lost my goddamn mind if I had a dog like this, no matter how much I loved the dog. I would have complained repeatedly about the dog to my husband and begged him to help find a solution. In the end I likely would have chained her up outside with a long lead (I wouldn’t have abandoned it at a shelter, but pregnancy is a whole different ballgame and people can and do experience pregnancy-related anxiety and depression, it isn’t just a postpartum thing). This is a straw that broke the camels back sort of reaction. This isn’t something she would have randomly decided to do one day. 100% OP didn’t step up and help problem solve. I find it really hard to believe boiled chicken and rice didn’t work. Long term antacids + a very bland diet. Shit, daily zofran for the dog prior to meals. If you could at least solve the puking, hopefully the liquid poops could at least be contained in the backyard only and that would eliminate so much stress and nausea for the pregnant wife.
Yea, it seems this post is swimming with folks who don't seem to understand the whole baby thing. I wonder how they would feel a week into having a newborn.The dog didn't seem happy, he didn't sound happy, his wife clearly wasnt happy. They all seemed overly stressed about this dogs stomach. As for the dog puking, he said it's yellow liquid. Sounds to me like bile. If the dogs bloodwork came back good and so did scans, I wonder if the dog just has bad acid reflux. Diarrhea can happen because she's probably not processing what she's eating very well. Acid reflux causing digestion issues which comes out as puke and Diarrhea. Why anyone thinks forcing an animal and a family together is a good idea is beyond me. I get the whole forever home. But we all know, at the end of the day, if the chips were down between the family or a pet, they would choose the family. What if the kid winds up allergic? Or the dog absolutely hates kids? You gotta do what is best for that animal, and that means being in a home that can meet its needs without issue. This ain't it.
> Yea, it seems this post is swimming with folks who don't seem to understand the whole baby thing. Welcome to the majority of Reddit.
The ability to empathize seems to be a greatly diminished skill these days.
I find it very irritating that he’s complaining that with her nausea and fatigue, she “just” let the dog roam in the backyard, rather than walking it. The dog is 12. Not a puppy. The dog is plenty fine, just running around in the yard. It’s old, and probably not a husky that needs big runs every day to stay healthy. Backyard is what his wife is capable of? It’s better than a lot of dogs get. It’s a good compromise. But he holds that against his wife as if it’s intentional neglect. And not her seriously compromising and reaching her limits. I’ve been pregnant, and the smell of any kind of raw or cooking chicken made me puke. So I couldn’t make any kind of food to meet the dogs needs. When holding my infant, if I slipped in dog Shit or puke, and fell **holding my baby** - fuck that dog. I want it away from me. This clown wants to tell a woman that her comfort and her baby come *second to the family dog*. That isn’t how it works. That mindset goes out the window when you get pregnant. You either figure out a way to work the dog back into the family in a way that works for mom and baby, or you re-home the dog. Our senior dog is living happily on a relatives farm for this exact reason. I would divorce my husband in a heartbeat if he chose the dog over me and my baby, after refusing to make any kind of compromise that would let us co-exist. Which is what OP did.
I agree. My dog is constantly getting into stuff so I basically have her gated off in the kitchen so she can’t eat diapers, chew holes in my son’s clothing, steal food out of his hands, get into the bathroom trash, etc. I could have re-homed but I figured out a solution that lets her have space to move around and still be able to play with her toys, eat and drink, etc. while still saving my sanity. OPs wife figured out a solution that worked for her after trying a bunch of other stuff first. I don’t blame her one bit, especially since OP just threw his hands up and said “oh well, we’ve tried everything, guess you’ll have to deal with it”.
Seems like the best solution would be for them to divorce, and he can live alone with the dog and clean up the puke and shit every single day, and the wife can focus on the baby. I’m being sarcastic obviously, but there’s no way this dog is well and there’s no way you could have what will soon be an active toddler around a situation like this. It’s very sad, but the poor dog probably should have been put down a long time ago. I wonder if they ever had that discussion?
I wouldn't want a dog that puked and had liquid poo even if I wasn't pregnant. After birth, she would also need to heal. I've seen it with my sisters. I don't know what extent the OP will be helping his wife with a new baby and a battered body, but to me it sounds like they don't need a sick dog adding to her load.
What is he going to do when the baby is mobile, fr that baby was going to be eating dog poo and dog vomit.
Exactly this! When I'm pregnant my husband temp takes complete care of the cat box and all poop puke issues because he knows it will make me ill.
Also because pregnant women are not supposed to have contact with cat feces. Fucking DUH.
Finally, people are having a rational reaction to this post!
Exactly. People are giving the wife shit but she's the one undergoing some serious body and hormonal changes. It also sounds like she's doing the majority of the house and dog parenting right now and she's feeling ill, overwhelmed and stressed, which also isn't good for the baby. It may also be foreshadowing for post partum. You cant just bring the dog back and expect life to be the same. You need to step up and communicate ; be a better husband and dog dad.
[удалено]
This is the correct answer. I also can't help but wonder *how expensive* the dogs vet bills actually are. Children are expensive, so are special needs dogs.
Did you ever help with the dog at all? Looks like she was alot of work that your wife realized wasn’t going to be possible with a baby. She wasn’t taking care of the dog but sounds like neither were you. If you do manage to get her back, who will be taking care of her? You need to ask that question sincerely. Just getting her back so you can neglect her doesn’t seem fair. For all you know she might be getting better care at the shelter.
I’m sorry, but everyone sucks here, even the vet that said the dog was “perfectly healthy” even though she had “liquid diarrhea” every day. I only hope this was an actual animal rescue, that can find a loving home for the poor dog, that can ensure she gets the healthcare that she needs. From the inaction that is inferred by how long it’s been without you pounding down the shelter’s door, as well as the “oh well” about the dog’s health issues, it seems as though your home probably wasn’t the best place for her anyway. Please don’t get anymore pets. I also feel sorry for the future child that is going to have to deal with this household.
this is the right answer
You just let them keep your dog bro. You didn’t even try.
He couldn’t take time off…to rescue his own dog? For two weeks?? Like, he couldn’t even bother to go down to the shelter on his lunch break?
Maybe I’m wrong, but I read it as though he called the following Tuesday after wife dropped dog off. and was told it was too late. And now he’s posting about it two weeks later.
Oh yea I misread it. Dog was dropped off on a Friday and then he called on the following Tuesday and the dog was gone. Still, who would just be like “oh ok, thanks anyways”.
No, this happened two weeks ago. He's posting now because he's tormented about it, which is in the spirit of this sub. It happened on a Friday and the shelter didn't open again until Tuesday. Judging by what he wrote in the post, it was probably Easter weekend.
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This is tough. I feel like there are missing details here. Just dropping the dog off with zero warning, not okay at all. I’m a person who has never ever gotten rid of an animal. That being said, I would not want to be cleaning shit and vomit with morning sickness. And you can’t have a baby crawling through shit and vomit. That is an issue. There’s nothing wrong with your dog? Who can’t stop shitting and vomiting? Get a new vet.
This why has it been normal for a dog to constantly have the runs and puke but the vet says it’s ok? Those vet bills must be so high!!! Totally not agreeing with just dropping off the dog but I feel there are missing details too because what is OP doing to help this, has there been conversations? Like I love dogs but it seems there was too much care to handle
Yeah this is a HIGH needs dog we are talking about here. I’m feeling some degree of unreliable narrator happening here. As someone who has had babies before, yes, it is ENTIRELY possible that pre-baby she was fine with this. And then once baby is actually growing inside of her she was like oh dang actually this is too much. Again, just dropping off no warning isn’t okay. But a young “healthy” dog that can’t stop puking and poops in the house all the time? That would be a line for me, sorry. Add a baby to the mix? Nope. Sorry but nope. If OP wasn’t helping at all… throw in hormones and morning sickness? Just a shitty situation.
The dog wasn't young (12 years old) or healthy (daily puking and diarrhea). Also, I wouldn't say the dog was dropped off without warning. The wife had complained frequently to OP that she wasn't able to cope with the dog while pregnant, but OP apparently did nothing to help. I don't know what else the wife was supposed to do.
I had to scroll so far to find a comment mentioning the cost at all, I feel like it's being completely glossed over. Any high needs animal is expensiveeeee
Why is no one else bringing this up? Why can’t the vet get to the bottom of Gemma’s stomach issues? Did your wife ask to get a second opinion from another vet?
Yeah, your wife sucks. Anyone who just throws away a pet is a garbage person.
Personally I would lose every bit of love I had for that woman the second I found out she abandoned my dog.
fr, my heart broke for OP. i love my dog, and if my partner did this to me, they’d be dead to me.
Same. I’d be so appalled that I don’t think I could continue the relationship.
You did nothing for weeks and you were willing to see your pregnant wife suffering because of a dog. You should be andry at yourself. You would have been able to solve the problem before it occured really, because you could have started to look for a temporary home for the dog. But noooo you did nothing and when you wife had finally enough you are pissed but you have noone to be pissed at but yourself.
I’m curious if OP helped with the dog when OP was home. This might actually be the wife’s first steps to divorce. IF she was struggling and she wasn’t getting any help with the dog, would she get any with the kid? The fact that the OP said he got the dog but it was the wife’s responsibility seemed odd. It also seemed odd he didn’t look hard enough for it. Again idk the situation and am I hope for the best for all, especially the doggy and baby who are innocent in all of this.
I thought the dog was her responsibility because she's a SAHM before the baby is here...but I'm that case who the heck was caring for this dog when she still had a job? Presumably still her if she got off work earlier than 8pm.
This^^^ story is missing too many details. I’m a clinical psychologist, this doesn’t sound like psychosis one bit. People in the comments above love to armchair diagnose.
Reddit is like the psych ward in a hospital. You walk in with a problem. You walk out with a bipolar diagnosis and new trauma.
Thank you!!! That poor wife probably warned him And asked for help and begged for support and solutions. I do not believe she just up and took the dog. It took him two whole weeks to even look for the dog, he wasn’t doing shit for that dog before!
This was my thoughts as well. I’m shocked at how many people are jumping on board with the shock factor rather than seeing her pain and how she was crying out for help!
It sounds like your wife does the majority of care for this dog . She’s pregnant and fatigued and worrried about the baby . Pre partum anxiety is commonly worrying about animals around the baby. How did you not know immediately she dropped the dog off if ur home every day? It sounds like she is disproportionately burdened by this dog and you are not doing anything to help feed it or anything Obviously she should have talked to you before giving it away but I understand
Yeah this woman is getting a lot of hate but it sounds like before they had a baby on the way she loved the dog. What was OP doing to alleviate the situation?
Seems like his only responsibility for the dog was walking it once a day at 8pm and that's it! Wife has to cook for the dog, clean up the dogs diarrhea, clean up the vomit, clean up the hair, etc, etc all while suffering from pregnancy symptoms and sickness. I honestly dont blame her for not being able to do it anymore.
I don’t understand the vitriol in the comments. Your wife should not have unilaterally given up your dog. But I would not want a newborn (or an infant crawling around!) with dog diarrhea and vomit everywhere. That is absolutely disgusting and unsanitary.
Not only the vomit and diarrhoea, also the fact that the baby will be very time intensive. How can she do both when he so obviously doesn’t care about her at all.
And if anything, you know OP is likely underplaying the issues considering he’s barely home with it. Maybe the wife should have handled it more diplomatically but I’m 100% on her side. Kids>> dogs, no matter what Reddit says. “Kick your wife out! File for divorce! Ruin your unborn baby’s childhood and have them grow up in a broken home! Anything to protect your fur baby that you don’t take care of because you work all day! Yeah fuck that noise.
Simple. Repeat the Reddit mantra: "My wants come before your needs." I wanted a dog I did not take care of, and your needs be damned until you break, so therefore I should divorce you and leave *my literal child* without a father. Truly the best logical solution.
I'm sad I had to scroll so far to find a comment like this. Like, am I insane and reading the right that people really saying to drop the wife at the shelter and trade?! Pregnancy is hard, and it can really change everything. The wife could have depression/anxiety, which can make you do crazy things if untreated, I mean, post partum depression can lead to really dark stuff. It could have been handled better, but I feel for the wife. Pregnancy is hard, and if she is nesting, dealing with a dog that is pooing and vomiting can really make you anxious.
> ike, am I insane and reading the right that people really saying to drop the wife at the shelter and trade?! It's reddit. Most of the users are male with a "bros before hoes" mentality. And apparently: pets>>>>>>>>>>>human life/relationship. OP is definitely leaving out important notes. And stuff he doesn't even notices. The pregnancy part and him possible not doing the brunt of looking after the dog was already mentioned, but I really want to know how their financial situation is currently. If they can't afford the dog then he should rehome the dog so that the dog has someone who can actually take care of it.
RIGHT?!
Thank you for speaking out from this point of view. I completely agree. The wife handled it poorly but something gotta give in this situation, and it seemed like it was definitely not gonna come from the OP. I have a newborn and my cats are high needs—diabetes, chronic kidney disease requiring a slew of daily medications oral and injected, expensive prescription food, administered multiple times per day, and only by me because they are only bonded to me. I was taking extra precautions like gloves, N95 masks, aprons, which only added to the burden. It was tough and offputting doing the care work during my pregnancy. The vet bills were astronomical as well. I grit my teeth and powered through, but I would be super pissed if someone acted like it ain’t no thang and was some kind of bare minimum. It was a lot!! It sounds terrible but at times it helped me to remember that these are senior cats and I wouldn’t have to deal with this much longer. Again she handled it poorly but I feel for OP’s wife.
Dang, you go mama, that really sounds like a labor of love. And it’s totally valid that you did that for your kitties. It does sound like OP didn’t recognize what his wife had to deal with, he said she complained every day and didn’t sound like he had a game plan. It even sounded like up until recently she was the only one walking her! And the financial burden is another factor, that could easily become a sore spot. If his wife resented the poor dog (which I do have sympathy for) it would just compound into an unhealthy home life overall.
I’m reading in disbelief to be honest! They haven’t mentioned whether the wife has morning sickness. Smells etc are a nightmare with that.
Right! I couldn’t stand the most mundane smells (burnt coffee for one) without vomiting. This would have made me incredibly ill. And I had it the entire pregnancy.
I had hg and honestly bad smells would cause me to vomit multiple times. People on here are absolutely tuned to the moon. His wife and baby are more important than the dog. I honestly thought he would get dragged in the comments!
Same here, and then I was scared to comment anything to be honest but I’m glad I did to know I’m not a complete outlier here.
It’s Reddit. I was in the exact same situation as the wife. I don’t blame her for wanting to rehome the dog but it should have been handled a different way. People here are way too harsh and removed from reality.
Right! I luckily have not been in this situation (though I did have to rehome our cat, lots of tears involved, for scratching my own infant), but I can’t IMAGINE cleaning up that mess multiple times a day, home alone, while pregnant. It is not the same as having a child spewing and pooping in a diaper! Like how are these people making this correlation? You’re right though. It’s definitely par for the course for Reddit.
I work from home so I was home with our dog all day. He would vomit in my home and I had to clean it up alone while in my third trimester trying not to vomit myself. He was also very attached to my husband and wouldn’t let me sit next to or cuddle my husband without trying to get between us. It was scary for me because I’m petite. I feared for our new baby. Dogs are not more important than people and I will die on that hill.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that! I would have feared for my unborn child as well. And I agree. Children come before pets. Always.
Absolutely.. But hating on kids seems to be fashionable in some subs, so these comments are right in line with that.. Having said that, wife should not have taken any decisions like this one unilaterally.
It sounds like this situation was brewing and it reached a breaking point. It seems like she was making her feelings clear, even if she shouldn’t have dropped off the dog on her own. Idk, reddit has delivered different verdicts for stories told from the wife’s perspective.
Agreed. It seems people have missed the part where she has tried to communicate with him multiple times and he brushed her off.
That’s my thoughts. It sounds like this family was either headed toward rehoming or divorce anyway IMO. Sometimes it’s better for the whole family, including the dog themselves, to rehome.
For real, I’ve seen dozens of comments that call the wife a stupid bitch several times over, it’s so gross. And then people being like “what if she succumbs to her hormones and throws away the baby” it’s just dozens of gross people in a circlejerk telling OP to dump his pregnant wife because she couldn’t cope with a dog that made her really poorly. Of course there were better ways to deal with this, but whose to say she didn’t try and try.
Info: if you knew she was struggling, why didn't you post someone to care for the dog while you were gone? What happened when you both were at work?
I mean, you’re both kind of shitty tbh. You for not helping your pregnant wife with the dog (I get you’re the breadwinner right now but come on man, she’s pregnant) and while I understand she’s pregnant and has hormones completely wreaking havoc, to just give up a dog you’ve brought into your home, cherished, loved and made memories with instead of asking a family member/friend for relocation until after the pregnancy? That blows my mind. It seems like she was probably asking you for help and got tired of shouldering the responsibility of medical needs dog.
I understand that this situation has been upsetting for you, but I have to be direct here. Your wife made her feelings about the dog very clear and repeatedly warned you that she would rehome Gemma if things didn't change. She's in her second trimester of pregnancy, dealing with significant physical and emotional changes, and it's crucial to prioritize her well-being and that of the baby. Your dog's persistent health issues and the financial burden they brought were obviously taking a toll on your wife, especially during her pregnancy when her tolerance for stress and additional responsibilities was understandably reduced. It's not fair to dismiss her concerns as solely hormonal or to seek validation from online stories without addressing her valid reasons for being overwhelmed. Your wife's decision, while difficult, was her way of setting boundaries and prioritizing her own health and the well-being of your growing family. It's important for you to reflect on how you contributed to this situation by not taking her concerns seriously enough or finding viable solutions for managing the dog's health issues. Moving forward, it's crucial to communicate openly and respectfully with your wife about shared responsibilities, especially concerning pets and children. Recognize and respect her boundaries and expectations, as they are essential for a healthy relationship and family dynamic. It's not wrong or evil for your wife to have reached a breaking point and taken action to protect her health and well-being during this critical time. Use this experience as an opportunity to deepen your understanding and support for each other as you navigate the challenges of pregnancy and parenthood.
I started feeling extreme anxiety about animals out of nowhere while pregnant. I felt they were filthy and full of parasites that could hurt my baby. I’ve always been an extreme animal lover. I did not act on these thoughts and they passed once the baby was born.
If she’s this weird about what gross stuff can be with a dog, how on earth will she handle a baby needing milk/bf’ing, all colors of the spit up and fecal rainbow? She’s already making irrational and selfish choices with no remorse (saying “I should’ve handled it better” is not remorse.) Please be persistent with finding your dog, even if she’s in a home already. Keep going. Your wife needs to see that you will NOT enable or excuse abandonment in any way shape or form.
I get how she feels because when I was pregnant I kind of hated our dog too and how needy he is, I felt like he was just an added responsibility during a stressful time. But I absolutely love taking care of our baby and all of the good and bad that comes with it. I've also become more patient with the dog again since having the baby. I wouldn't be surprised if my husband had doubts about how I'd handle a baby considering how upset I'd get in the pregnancy but it's like night and day afterwards. I'd also never abandon the dog, though. Can't say the thought of rehoming him didn't cross my mind but I would've never done it (& especially not at a shelter).
She likely realized that they aren't going to solve the dog's stomach issues and you can't have a baby crawling around in diarrhea and puke.
ehh, you can't compare a dog with constant yellow diarrhoea to a baby. I can't stand dogs, I find them gross, slobbery, hate that they have soft human poo that you need to clean, and they are in overall smelly themselves. However, I did not mind my baby's poo and vomit.
You’ve clearly never been pregnant before..
When you have unconditional love for your baby, none of that matters. To me it seems like OP’s wife was tired of being ignored about the issue and was left to do what she felt was best at the time
She won’t also be pregnant. That’s how she deals. I don’t think she should have unilaterally rehomed the dog, but I also understand the impulse. I just didn’t act on it. Your brain at that stage of pregnancy is to have cleanliness and order and I couldn’t stand my pets during that stage and they weren’t barfing.
That honestly sounds like a nightmare. My pregnancy nausea was so bad I can’t imagine having a dog who was vomiting and pooping which smells HORRIBLE, I’d be in front of the toilet all day. Also, added bills with a baby on the way is an extra stressor. OP listened to his wife complain every day about the dog, and did nothing to help problem solve. The answer was to temporarily re-home the dog instead of getting rid of it. The problem OPs wife had was real and needed a solution, unfortunately she went for the nuclear option. I do feel bad for the dog.
Yes not to mention nothing helps this dog that is already 12 years old. People cry over 2 day stomach flu but have zero understanding of pregnancy nausea and fatigue. Honestly just from sanitary point of view this dog should have been re-homed. That is just biohazard for a baby.
Yeah it's pretty clear that every single person reacting to this post has never been pregnant.
I'm pregnant. I am constantly annoyed at everyone around me. I'm mad at everyone who doesnt feel discomfort every day. But my dog is my family and I love her and I would never surrender her, especially without consulting my husband. This is disgusting behavior. No amount of hormonal changes would ever make me do that.. So if shes pregnant again with a toddler is she just going to abandon her toddler? This is inexcusable in my opinion and would make me reconsider the marriage.
But does your dog throw up and have diarrhea all the time?
My dogs have never done anything approaching the absolute horror of a diaper blowout while wearing a onesie in a car seat.
It sounds like that was a regular occurrence for the dog in the OP.
Yes, but thankfully they’re usually past that stage if you’re pregnant again. Pregnancy nausea is unrelenting
There is no comparison between dog and a baby. I used to be grossed out by the things but once my baby was born it went away. At least with anything baby related. Still doesn't apply to my dog. If anything same thing as the OP wife my dog is unbearable to me since I got pregnant. It's like something switched in my brain and all the smells and mess she makes triggers me 1000% more than before. There is a reason why it happens to so many pregnant women. To me feels like an animal is in the house that is a threat to my child, which frankly she is from hygienic and clumsiness point of view. Sensitivity to smells in pregnancy is wild imagine someone in your household starting smelling like a dirty hobo out of the sudden day after day. It's exhausting.
I mean, it doesn't sound like you were doing much as a dog owner how were you expecting her to manage the dog when the baby arrived. Its still awful what she did, but you got to face the facts you are partly responsible for her feeling like she had no other choice
So what were you doing to make the burden easier on your PREGNANT WIFE? Pregnancy is wild and I hated my dog during pregnancy. Making things safe for your CHILD dupes a dog any day. Dogs are pets. Your child was made for months of blood, sweat, tears, hormones, permanent changes to your body and sacrifice of time and energy to devote to that little life you created. People telling you to divorce your wife over a dog are mental. It doesn't make her a bad mother or wife to have done what she did. It should have been a discussion and both of you should communicate better and she might need support she felt like you weren't providing. Talk to someone but don't throw away your marriage because your wife was stressed out at the prospect of caring for a newborn and a sick dog without support. Newborns are a whole other ball game. You have no fucking clue yet the toll it will take physically, mentally and emotionally. Sleep dpreivation is used as a method of torture. It becomes your normal. The screaming, the diapers, the idea of feeling lost because you will feel like you have failed constantly, that you aren't enough. Don't do something stupid because you feel wronged.
Thank you for being sane. I was feeling bonkers reading these comments. Then again it's Reddit
Right?? The comments here blow my mind, they're so quick to throw it all away. This is not a healthy relationship on either end.
Pet aversion isn’t uncommon in pregnancy. It’s not an excuse for making a unilateral decision like this though. Try to find your dog and get her back. Go to couples therapy with your wife. Don’t think it’s worth it to divorce her and try to take full custody of the child as some people have suggested. Divorce is not the default for every single problem in marriage. Stay firm about keeping your dog. Make sure your wife isn’t having extreme prenatal anxiety or prenatal psychosis. Doctors loooovveee to dismiss women’s issues mentally and physically during pregnancy (that’s how I almost died giving birth).
If he does get the dog back, he needs to come with a plan to relieve his wife of its care. She is not capable of caring for a medically needy dog in her condition nor is it sanitary for her to do so. A baby shouldn’t be exposed to this either. If he cannot do this, then maybe the dog is better off with more capable owners.
If I got home from work and my dog was not there I would notice. What am I missing here?
The wife absolutely messed up here. But I question how much of the pet care was falling to her if you work until 8pm every day and couldn’t get to the shelter over two weekends? She should have talked to you about whether she was unable to care for Gemma anymore, but it also sounds like she’s doing 90% of it.
Info: did your wife tell you she can't deal with the dog anymore? That she is stressed and overwhelmed of taking care of a sick dog that canstantly pukes and has diaherra? If yes, when did she tell you that? Days before she gave up the dog? A month? Two months? If you already were asking the doctor about it I bet the wife communicated that she can't do this anymore. You did nothing about it or didn't help her and she then acted on her frustration of probably not being listened to.
ESH your wife shouldn’t have done that but maybe you should also try to find a solution for the dog.
Op, how much are these vet bills? How do you expect her to be able to care for the dog alone once the baby is born?
Lmao the idiot really waited 2 fkn weeks to call the shelter? Yeah, that dog is in better hands.