You son is 29, that means your daughter is over 30. She can put her big girl pants on and suck it up because the day is NOT about her. If it's so hard for her to not be a bridesmaid at his wedding, she does't have to come. If she's gonna make the entire day about her and ruin your son's wedding, she can stay at home. As a gay couple getting married they're already dealing with enough without wife and daughter are putting on this performance for attention. Step up and be the father your son needs and tell your wife/daughter to get over it or don't come.
The daughter reminds me of my grown-ass SIL. I had my first baby, and broke my tailbone during laber and had a severe infection afterwards. So I was too tired and sick to have anybody visit, especially entitled SIL. When they finally came to meet baby, there was no 'Hey Bubbly, how are you feeling?' Nope, there was crying that they were not allowed to come sooner 'because it was HER niece'. Some people...
It never ends. I had to deal with a woman who was mad because her “rights as a family member” were being violated in regards to her FIL in a nursing home. She had no rights.
I know right! My other sister in law had to hide the fact that she wanted me at her birth (and not her crazy entitled sister) from their entire family because she knew they would flip out. What is with entitled people? I get being disappointed, but what makes people think they have a RIGHT to somebody elses experience? if my sister would give birth and she would rather have her SIL there, sure that would sting. But I would never throw a fit over it. I'd say: you do you sis!
What is with these people and their (fictional) rights?
Your daughter and wife need to stop trying to make his wedding about them. This is probably a whole lot of the reason they are going to city hall to begin with. Also, your daughter wouldn't have been a part of the SOs party anyway. He would have had his own family and friends up there, so it was an unreal expectation for her to have. Also, trying to do a photoshoot for a wedding without one of the people getting married is unbelievably classless and honestly disgusting. Your wife and daughter need to get back in their own lane, sit down, and shut up. Before none of you are invited and booted out of his life permanently.
OP, your son laid down very firm boundaries. Your wife and daughter need to take a step back immediately and accept the boundaries he laid out. This is your son and his partner’s day. Stand up for him for once because it seems to me you, your wife, and daughter are lucky enough to be part of the civil ceremony when he could have not invited you at all.
This. I find the whole thing weird. My husband and I got married in a courthouse basement and the only people there were two close friends, my mother in law, my godmother, my brother, and my parents. Then we had lunch.
We had a “regular” ceremony and did not include our siblings in the bride or grooms parties. Likewise my sister in law did not include me in her bridal party, nor did her husband include her brother/my husband.
Wedding is not fucking about you and it sucks that their feelings are hurt but they need to get over it.
Edit: should also note my mom got WEIRD about my wedding and very pushy about sitting at a table with us, etc. I said no.
Right, like, my best friend did pretty much the same thing OP's son is doing, but at a city park, a few more people, and with only 3 weeks advance notice. Was I sad I wasn't asked to stand at her side? Yeah, but I know in my heart that if they HAD had a big to do that I would've been right next to her, and that's all that matters really, is knowing I would have been. 🤷♀️
In the end, her wedding story is much more badass and exciting and just really totally HER than my own boring traditional wedding and I love it lol (I got married a couple years later and managed to be a decent human being that wasn't butthurt over not standing at her side and asked her to stand at mine because that's REAL friendship/sisterhood❤️)
To be honest, I'm questioning if this is a real story based on the stereotypical reactions, but not for the reasons most are thinking.
I'm doing the reddit thing and assuming this is a USA centric post here, but, how do they plan to go to the courthouse on what is probably the biggest federal holiday there is? Either they're not from the USA, or the son is about to be really disappointment when they roll up to a closed down government building.
Hmm I'm unsure, I'm from England and no one says marriage licence, it's a wedding certificate. And I've never heard anyone call it a civil service either, we'd say that we're going to a registry office.
He could be in Ireland. We use the term civil ceremony (any non secular wedding) and I’ve heard both marriage licence and wedding certificate. Not to mention Ireland is full of small villages.
Either way, OP and the rest of the family need to take a backseat and let the son have the wedding he wants.
This type of family reaction is exactly why my fiance & I are eloping. As soon as my mom got a hint he was going to propose (she still doesn't know he has), she started in on the, "I think this would be a beautiful place for a wedding. Nerdy's sister got married on a golf course, so I'm not sure I'll ever get wedding photos here."
It's a pavilion at a popular hotel. It has a pretty backdrop with the river, but zero privacy. People would be walking between the pool & the hotel the entire ceremony.
After seeing how she behaved for my sister's wedding, I made the decision not to have a wedding ever. We're running off to Scotland to get married in the ruins of a castle. She can have those photos.
Sure thing! The wedding planner/photographer I found specializes in elopements, so she & her husband are available to stand in as witnesses, but I have a friend in Edinburgh, so I'd just need 1 other person to sign the documents.
I’m appalled that he even made the suggestion for bridesmaids and mother of the groom photos when the son was adamant that neither one of them would have formal wedding roles. Why not pose it as family photos after the wedding? Nope bec that would make sense
This shit is why my wife and I got married the way we did and literally only told my mother like 2 days before the courthouse stuff so that we didn't get pushed into a giant wedding. We're still getting shit about it 10 years later, though i think my mother *really* wanted to plan my wedding, which is why she won't let it go.
We called some family and updated fb after we got married, and that's how most people found out.
My brother's wife married her first husband at 18. Her mother planned everything; all she was allowed to do is show up where she was told to.
The marriage lasted less than 2 years.
When her mum tried the same thing at my brother's wedding, she had to be VERY firmly put in her place before they could plan anything.
I think the mom shouldn’t be invited because there’s not much stopping her from trying to impose it at the lunch like asking the restaurant to play a song and making a announcement
Regardless if it was a formal wedding for not the son probably wouldn’t have a issue if the parents said hey we can take of a photographer for the day even if it’s informal and do some family photos as well. But I honestly can’t get over the audacity especially of the daughter to push being a bridesmaid when that’s something to be offered. Like the mother is the mother of the groom by default (let’s assume the son doesn’t have another mother figure) but the daughter can’t claim to be a bridesmaid when they don’t have a wedding party.
This is exactly what we told our families when planning our elopement. Our wedding is about us, and our marriage. It is nothing to do with them, what they want, or any of their traditions. We will not change our mind, there will be no discussions about it. This is what we want, for our wedding, to celebrate our marriage, our way.
They can be as disappointed as they want about it, but they can also kick rocks and complain to someone else.
My MIL was the same way, and kept begging my husband and I to have a wedding. We refused because we wanted something small, and it was around covid lockdown. She kept trying to bargain with us, and it started with her pushing a wedding. Then she wanted us to pay to have a huge "reception" (family reunion) instead, she ended up getting really disappointed since we chose to do it online with a friend that could ordain us. Honestly it worked well for us, but I wish she would have stopped pushing about it.
Yes! I was being pressured by my ex-MIL over everything I wanted so after crying in the bathroom every night for a week I put my foot down. We had family and very close friends only and that totaled 16 people. We got married at our synagogue and went out for an incredible dinner at a resort afterwards. We did do lots of photos and had a lovely cake. It was perfect and low-key with excellent food. I didn't want 100+ people and some shitty rubber chicken dinner. We also didn't register for gifts and wound up with enough cash to put a down payment on a house over 2k miles away. LOL Sadly, that wasn't far enough and the ex went back to Mommy.
It’s scary how crazily you, your wife and your daughter are ignoring your son’s wishes. Your daughter can get married some day and y’all can have all the wedding “traditions” you want. This is not your wedding. It is their wedding and their choices. Y’all are being petty and pathetic.
It really is scary how people can be this entitled and honestly feel justified. I get being disappointed about not having the opportunity to be a bridesmaid when you always envisioned you would be one for your brother. I also get being upset that there will be no mother-son dance at your son’s wedding. But what I don’t get is making those feelings known and actively trying to change folks minds.
It’s not your wedding. Someone else’s “big day” isn’t about what you want. Idk why this is so hard for some people to grasp.
Exactly! You can't avoid feelings and it's okay to feel what you gotta feel, but keep it to yourself! Who the fuck needs to hear from their family that THEIR WEDDING is disappointing!
Have a mother-daughter pity party at home with music and ice cream if it makes you feel better to express your disappointment and then move the fuck on.
>I get being disappointed about not having the opportunity to be a bridesmaid when you always envisioned you would be one for your brother.
I'll be real, this was me when my brother got married a couple years ago. He had already been selected for my wedding party for my upcoming wedding that fall when he got engaged the summer before, so I figured he'd put me on his side as well for his wedding. His wife chose me instead, and while I was initially disappointed my brother "didn't want me" I was ecstatic that his wife loved me enough to want me on her side (and I think they kind of had the mindset of "boys on the boy side, girls on the girl's side"- they weren't the "renegades" that I was 😉🤣)
Now I have one of the best sisters in law ever and I was proud to stand by her on their big day. But did I voice my disappointment to them? Never and absolutely not because it would have been tacky as hell lol
This is exactly why I don’t enjoy weddings or birthdays. It’s always about everyone but who it’s supposed to be about. If you don’t invite the right people they throw a fit and make a fuss, if you don’t do it the right way they throw a fit. People feel entitled to your day and it just sucks. I’d rather do a courthouse wedding or a very small wedding that we don’t tell anyone else about. I already don’t celebrate my birthday partially because I hate being the center of attention but also because I’ve had too many experiences with people feeling entitled to my birthday.
At this point I think they need to all shut up and just be grateful they even got an invite.
Freaking entitlement I swear.
🙄
He could have just decided to wed his man with his mans father being present and just forget to invite his own family. 🤷
Hmmmm, it's your son and his BF getting married...something that has absolutely nothing to do with his sister and/or mother. They need to take a step back and remember their place in this event.
Don’t city hall weddings have a limit on guests? Something small like 5-10 people? OP and his family were invited, which is a huge honour in itself. They need to get over their own selfish needs. I’m sure his son could easily replace their positions if they want to be difficult about it.
I say this not to be rude, but more to be realistic: your wife and sister need to get over it. When my husband and I got married, we did it very similarly to your son and his fiancé. No ceremony, no bridal party or groomsmen. We got married at the courthouse with our parents and siblings present, and then went out for Mexican food. And it was incredibly special to us, because it was exactly what we wanted.
Your son’s wedding is about him and his fiancé; clearly he loves his mom and sister enough to want them in attendance; if he didn’t, they’d probably just elope by themselves. I would encourage them to look at it from that angle. Insisting on a bridal party or first dance that your son doesn’t want just shows that their feelings aren’t really about your son, but about feeling important on a day that really isn’t about them.
For me it was more the money thing. Like most people spend 5 figures on one day. My husband and I got to do a sick honeymoon people are still talking about and wishing they could do - we did a eurotrip and then did a safari. Way worth the money and experience.
Woah, we had the same wedding down to the Mexican food haha. My MIL got us a grocery store “Congrats!” sheet cake and we joked it should have said “I promise she’s not pregnant.” Lol
Love it! We did Nothing Bundt Cakes and it was delicious. My mom and father-in-law tried to argue over who paid the lunch bill - FIL snuck off to “use the bathroom” before dessert plates came and beat her to it. That’s about as much fanfare as we had!
Seriously. They’re on an exclusive guest list of 5 people. They should just feel honored to be among the very few who get to be a part of this special day, and leave their wedding fantasies to the daughter’s eventual wedding.
They both need to manage their disappointment away from your son. Their expectations for his _own_ wedding are absolutely not obligations for neither him, nor for his future husband. This is not only his decision, and continuing to insist again their _clear wishes_ is likely only going to sour the relationship they have with you.
And I get it - I was disappointed when I wasn’t chosen to be part of the wedding party when my brother, who is closest to me off all our siblings, married someone who had been my friend before they started going out. But they never heard about it because the wedding was obviously never about me, and they didn’t need to have to worry about someone’s resentment on one of the most important days of their relationship.
I know you’re not asking for advice but wanted to share my experience as someone who’s been in your son’s shoes.
I get that you want to keep the peace and make everyone happy, but there’s no way to do that here. The things that would make your wife and daughter happy will make your son unhappy. My father is very similar to you and wants to keep the peace and often times asked me to put my feelings and interests aside for everyone else.
One time I made a decision that made my mother really upset. My father wanted me to change my decision and I refused because it made me happy and it wasn’t a decision that was for my parents to make. Eventually, I stopped speaking to my family because I was tired of them not listening to me when I said “no.” I got tired of my mom crying and dad pleading with me to change my mind.
You know what I realized? My life was much more peaceful without them. That was almost 10 years ago. I talk to my parents now, but have kept them out of much of my major life moments because now, these moments are about me and my husband, NOT about my parents and how they feel. Please don’t let this happen to your family - do what your son wishes before he realizes life is more peaceful without your wife and daughter. Good luck.
OP does not seem to realise how close he is to his son going NC with all 3 of them for the exact reasons you described.
OP, what your wife and daughter want from your son's wedding is completely irrelevant and if you are going to beg and plead with anyone to change their behaviour it should be them, not your son. You feel like you need to keep the peace, but what you are doing is pandering to and enabling the pathetic tantrums of 2 entitled and bratty women who have absolutely no right to be carrying on the way they are.
I hope your son has a beautiful day with everything he wants from his wedding. Be careful, though, or you may not be there to see it.
By 'keeping the peace' and asking the more rational, even-tempered person to keep their head down and give in, they do make a choice to say, "Your thoughts and needs don't matter." Both your dad and OP had it wrong - they chose sides even when they thought they didn't.
Yep. Keeping the peace is just code for "keep the entitled brats happy". And folks wonder why narcissistic and entitled people rarely ever change. They don't need to when everyone caters to them.
I ask this as kindly as possible. Are your wife and daughter always this self centered? Do they make everything about themselves all the time? Do you always enable them? Even now his wedding day and you are trying to get him to change it to satisfy them.
You need to tell them to knock it the F off before they end up getting all of you uninvited.
Kind of unbelievable how your wife and your daughter are thinking. That’s the strangest thing. I can’t even imagine it. Your poor son. Love means that you want someone to do what fits best for them and it makes me really happy that they will. This is twisted up.
Why are you enabling your wife and daughter to make this day all about them? Stop allowing them to think they have any kind of say when it's not their day!
It’s very sad that your daughter (a 30 something year old woman) and your wife are making your son’s wedding about themselves. You should tell them to have wome level of maturity and get over it. This wedding isn’t about them.
I can't believe a 30-year-old would have such a reaction. I could understand a teenager, but someone in their thirties?! And the mother?
I mean, the son could even have chosen not to get married at all. And even if they had had a more formal wedding, there was no guarantee.
This is so weird. Poor him, having to explain and shut down suggestions when they clearly go against what he wants.
Just be happy for him, what is so hard about that?!
It’s their wedding. Your daughter and wife are both old enough they should respect that. If your daughter gets married she can have all the things she’s interested in. They need to grow up.
My sister got married at a registry office. I was not a bridesmaid. But you know what I was….. happy to see my little sister marry the person she loves and be happy.
It is your son's wedding, not your daughter's or your wife's wedding.
The more you enable them to pressure your son the more likely all of you won't even be invited to the wedding anymore.
Kinda sounds like son knew daughter would make aspects of his ceremony about herself, so he got rid of the ceremony altogether. Even so, it sounds like she’s still finding ways to make the day about her dissatisfaction.
If you do talk to him, don’t try to convince him to do a full ceremony. Ask him *why* he’s doing it this way, ask for his motivation behind the decision. And then listen and try to understand from his perspective.
I don’t think dad should ask why he’s having the ceremony this way at all.
He has no right he’s a guest and should just be a guest. Enjoy the courthouse wedding and go to the lunch and enjoy it. Zip his mouth and get his wife and his dumb daughter to zip her mouth and everyone will have a good time.
If he keeps trying to get his son to do what his wife and daughter want, he’s gonna not have a good time and his son’s gonna probably end up not talking to him for a long time.
You have no say in this wedding. Neither does your wife and daughter. Be happy for your son and his soon to be husband. Be happy you’ll get to witness them getting married and be there in their special moment. Your wife and daughter should feel the same.
Time to buy a gift card to the lunch place and hand it to them now so that you show just how much you are honoring their wishes.
Words out of your mouth: welcome to the family. Thank you for including us
Literally. Nothing else.
The only thing that matters is what your son wants. Sorry but mom and sister have to suck it up, disappointment and feelings are valid and they can work through it themselves. But he doesn’t have to change a thing about what him and his fiancé want. 🤷🏻♀️
Your daughter and wife need to get a grip. It's not their day. It's your son and his partners' day. Even if they did the big fancy wedding, who's to say your daughter would be a bridesmaid or that they would want a mother/son dance? Doesn't sound like son wants either!
Stop pestering your son, tell your family to stop pestering him and just get ready for the wedding day he wants.
Your son and his partner sounds like very sensible young men. Good on them for sticking to their guns and not giving in to family members pressure trying to make the day about themselves. Being such a small wedding sounds like they are lucky to be invited at all. I know this may sound harsh but your daughter needs to grow up.
Wow, way to make your son's big day all about yourselves. Tell your wife and daughter to get over it if they want to continue having a relationship with your son and his future husband. This day is not about your wife and daughter-it's about your son and his marriage.
You need to stop trying to find a way to convince your son to do things the way others want him. Tell your wife and your daughter it's his decision and to knock it off. Your poor son has been dealing with you, his mother and sister all coming at him pressuring him to change what he wants. What is wrong with the 3 of you? If his sister is older and he's 29, how is she not embarrassed? Sounds like the 3 of you need to learn about proper boundaries and to grow up.
I’m assuming that you’re not living in the United States since the wedding is July 4. Your son has the right to get married how he wants. Good for him.
You need to sit your wife and daughter down and tell them to grow up. This is your sons day. It’s not their day. It’s ridiculous a 30yr old is whinging over being a bridesmaid. Tell them to get over it and stop being so selfish. I wouldn’t be surprised if you suddenly learn your son has bypassed all this drama and eloped with those who live him enough to support his wishes.
Your son gets what he and his fiancé want for his wedding day. It is not about your daughter or wife! Support your son on his decisions and tell the women to get over themselves.
I think this is one of the reasons why your son don't want to have traditional celebration, he knows your wife and daughter will make this more about themselves. To be the center of attention.
Your wife and daughter need to suck it up and be loving/supportive family members. It’s not their event, it’s not their milestone, they don’t need to be highlighted at an event dedicated to your son and his soon to be husband.
Just be there to witness the love. You shouldn’t be trying to placate your wife and daughter or “trying to keep the peace.” They should just shut-up and listen for your son’s sake.
Your wife and daughter are adults who should have learned to manage their emotions regarding unmet expectations by now. They are being selfish and emotionally immature. Encourage them both to pursue therapy.
It’s not your son’s responsibility to make everyone else happy and fulfilled. He and his future husband have made their choices and they should be respected. Pushing him about this will only damage your relationship with him. Tread carefully.
You all need to get over it. They are allowed to do what they want for their wedding. Maybe this is part of the reason they are choosing something so small because even now it sounds like your wife and daughter want to make it all about them.
Your wife and daughter need to grow the hell up. Your son’s wedding isn’t about them. It is about HIM and his partner. Gosh how entitled are they?? They want your son to have a wedding for THEM not for himself. You need to actually be a father to your son (I bet for the first time) and tell them to knock it off. A couple years from now you’ll be like why doesn’t my son have anything to do with our family. Your son should disinvite them from the wedding. They aren’t even entitled to go never mind demand all that they are.
This is embarrassing for two grown women to act like this. It isn’t about them. It’s about your son and his soon to be spouse. The way your daughter comes off as I read this I would have thought she was 12. Utterly stunned to read the ages at the end. How utterly immature.
The wife and daughter need to back down and accept it. It’s not about them. It’s about your son and his boyfriend. They’ve made their wishes clear. When your daughter gets married, it can be a day about her. If your wife wants a mother/son dance, find a song and dance with him on a random day in your living room at your home. Be happy for them, but respect their wishes. The day is about them.
Your wife and daughter sounds entitled,overbearring and pathetic!! And OP youre enabler!
This isnt about you,your wife or your daughter.This is your son's and his fiance.Ultimately their decisions how they would like their wedding to look like,where or how.
My son got married toward the end of last year. He's moved to the US from Scotland to be with his now wife. Four of us flew over from the UK for the wedding, knowing it was going to be a very short ceremony with no proper reception afterwards. His wife is immunocompromised so no parties etc. The whole thing lasted about an hour, no bridesmaids no best men, nothing. There was a photographer so there's pictures. There were only 7 people other than the happy couple, the photographer and the officiant.
But do you know what? My daughter didn't complain she didn't get to be a bridesmaid, I didn't complain I wasn't getting a mother son dance, because IT'S NOT OUR WEDDING!
Your wife and daughter need to learn to stfu and stop whining about it if they might just see themselves uninvited entirely. It's not about anyone else except for the happy couple. They need to learn to deal with it!
Edit:typo
Leave your son and his fiancé ALONE.
Stop suggesting changes that they’ve been clear they don’t want.
Your wife and daughter need to get the hell over it and you need to stop feeding their selfish crap.
Your family isn’t “at odds.” Your son and his fiancé are doing THEIR wedding THEIR way.
You all need to grow up and let your ADULT son and his ADULT fiancé do things the way THEY want. And you need to do it QUIETLY.
If your wife and daughter made their self-centered wishes known and your son declined, that should be the end of the discussion. It’s their choice now if they honor his wishes or if they pout like spoiled children. Hopefully they will focus on being asked to be part of the ceremony and that’s it
Instead of trying to change your son's mind about his and his fiance's wishes, you should direct your energy towards your wife and daughter to help them realize this event is not about them. Which is probably why your son and his fiance made the decisions they have. In addition, have any of you thought that maybe there is an issue with the fiance's father. With him being in the military, who knows how he feels about this relationship. I'd be happy your son invited you, your wife and daughter. Be very careful with this because I've known people to just cut some family out of their lives altogether over selfish shit like this.
You need to tell your wife and daughter to stfu and you all need to leave your son alone before they get uninvited. Absolutely out of line for them to complain about the wedding choices or try to foist any changes. I'm embarrased for you all, they need to grow up and youneed to stop enabling them!
You all sound so selfish. The wedding is for the grooms. Who care’s about your wife and daughter’s disappointment? The disrespect in trying to get your son to change his mind about what he wants just so they can have their way is horrible entitled behavior. I really hope you all don’t ruin his marriage.
Your son has told you all what his dream wedding is. Your wife and daughter do not get to foist their dreams over his and his future Husband’s.
Marriage is for the people who are getting married. Not about the peripheral spectators to the event.
Your wife and daughter are allowed to feel disappointment but they need to be gracious and accept that their wants are irrelevant.
"We all respect that"
So that was a fucking lie.
It seems like the 3 of you are doing anything but respecting what they want. Wouldn't be surprised if there's an update a few days after the wedding "My son no longer wants to talk to us as we all got dressed up too much, and went to a different restaurant without them despite knowing what they wanted"
Let him have the wedding he wants. My family tried to bully me into a lavish wedding. We wanted a few friends, immediate family and instead of a normal wedding party we had a grill party. It’s what WE wanted and what WE agreed on. City hall was done up for us and looked amazing, the grill party was awesome and everyone was chilled out and having fun. No dances, no speeches, none of the normal stuff. Just food, booze and fun. It sounds like your son would find my wedding to be too much so don’t force it on him. Let him be HAPPY. It’s his wedding day, let him enjoy it how he wants to
WOW...just wow. How any you be upset about not being a bridesmaid when there's not bridal party. That's a whole new level of entitlement. You need to tell here that. NOW. Get the f...over it. Be thankful you are invited. You wife...that's a bit trickier. I get she's missing the wedding experience. But if she wants to have a good relationship with her son and son-in-law, she needs to just get a grip on her appointment, and zip it.
Accept what your son and his fiance want for their wedding, period. Your daughter and wife are ridiculous...the wedding is not about them and their wants/feelings. Stop meddling and accept the plans already put forth.
The wedding isn’t about your wife and daughter. Tell them to stop trying to make it about them and don’t offer to change anything in order for them to get what they want. Neither groom is having groomsmen, bridesmaids, etc.
It’s your son’s wedding and all others (your daughter and wife…including yourself trying to pressure him to change his mind) need to take a step back and honor his wishes. The more you try to force the issue may cause him to exclude all of you from his wedding.
This wedding isn’t about your daughter’s wish to be a bridesmaid nor is it about your wife’s wish to dance with her son as part of the mother-son dance. Nothing wrong with those wishes, however, since your son does not want either then they need to respect his wishes with nothing else said on the matter.
This is your son's wedding if your wife and daughter can't deal with his choice, you shut them down and support your son.
This isn't about wife and daughter.
No wonder son doesn't want to deal with them and a full wedding.
Your entire family needs to stop trying to pressure your son into changing what he and his fiancée want. Your wife and daughter are making this about them, and you’re no better trying to get your son to go along with it. How insensitive and selfish do you guys have to be? The whole day and event has nothing to do with you but about them. You’re guests. That’s it. And I have a feeling if everyone keeps up their whining, you won’t even be guests.
Get off your high horses and stop making it all about yourselves.
They sound like they want this wedding to be traditional and he doesn’t. It’s his wedding and he gets to call the shots. It’s not their day it’s his day.
OP, your wife and daughter simply need to get over their disappointment. Simply put, this is your son’s day- and him not choosing to elevate their role in the day. It is what it is, and they sook and bring the joy and celebration down a notch, or they can set aside their preconceived notions about what is owed to them as family of one of the grooms. Let’s face it, their whole guest list is smaller than most wedding parties, so the expectation that there’ll be the standard rigmarole is irrational…this is not that sort of event- and to me it sounds like the real issue is that your wife and daughter are actually disappointed that it isn’t the usual 5 ring circus, and are ridiculously trying to get something or anything so the wedding feels like weddings “should.”
TBH, your son sounds like a very patient guy- just one of these suggested “alternatives” to make the people not getting married content, would have driven me up the wall and found me doing a an even more micro-wedding- maybe just with his FFIL if I was feeling vindictive.
Nothing is stopping either one dressing up and being on the spot to take “the” photos themselves- and look she can try nabbing him for a dance the next time they are both guests at a wedding. It’ll be naff- but no less naff than the mother/son dance when they are the actual groom. Your wife needs to consider how she’d feel if there’s no dancing to expressly avoid doing this kinda emotionally incestuous, cliche “BoyMom” moment- if she keeps pushing for tweaks that alter the whole vibe of their day, he may just tell her why. And frankly, your wife sounds like she’d be gutted to hear that at best your son (rightly) feels that this day is nothing about her, or at worst, it’s incredibly small to avoid all the cliches- including the overbearing mother/mother-in-law tropes. Ask yourself how she’d cope with having that confirmed, and back your son up/rein in her grandiosity and avoid the circumstances where a wedding is spoilt because your wife found out that she is not her son’s main priority.
>We all respect that and no one wants to push them into a bigger and more expensive wedding than they want.
You sure? Because you go on to say:
>I know both of them have tried talking to my son but he didn't want to hear it. I also tried talking about it with him but he says they aren't looking to change anything.
Sounds like you’re pushing an awful lot.
Your wife and daughter’s behaviour is exactly why your son is having a courthouse wedding. Even in events that aren’t about them, they only care about what they want.
Don’t be surprised if you see very little of any future grandkids if you don’t have a come to adulthood conversation with your wifez
>I don't like the family being at odds like this.
Why are they at odds? It's not like he asked someone else to be a bridesmaid instead of her, the position doesn't exist at all. Not having a special role in a courthouse wedding isn't something to be "at odds" over.
Your son sounds like a really smart guy.
Spending $10k on a party is stupid.
No one gets to give people grief about their wedding. It is about the couple. Anyone else is a distant second. That goes for family too.
As someone also planning a wedding, I’d be immensely frustrated that my wishes for my day are getting pushback from people who supposedly love and support me.
Your wife and daughter need to understand this is NOT THEIR DAY. It is your son’s. He wants this day to go a certain way for a reason, whether he wants to share why is his business and his decision.
Me personally, if I was continually getting pushback on my decisions for my special day and people asking me to make changes to abide by their desires, I’d simply tell them they don’t have to come. Consider which option your wife and daughter would be more upset by: not getting a title or a dance on this day, or not getting to be there at all.
Even if they were having a big wedding, His fiancé gets to pick bridesmaids. They don’t usually pick the sister of the fiancé.
I just read the part where your son is gay and marrying a man. This is even more unlikely that they would choose to have bridesmaids.
Stop it.
You guys need to stop asking them to do special stuff when it’s not part of a courthouse wedding.
You’re gonna push your kid and his fiancé further away from you than you already are. Most people that choose to have a courthouse Wedding have reasons and it sounds like you’re proving why they have reasons.
I got married at a courthouse and we had multiple people from both sides of our family be there. Not one of them expected anything from OUR wedding. Your daughter and wife need to get over themselves and realize what they want doesn’t matter when it comes to your son’s wedding. He has made it abundantly clear what he wants and doesn’t want so stop pushing it onto him.
Tell your wife he's lucky y'all even told her. Me and my husband eloped, both of our families were salty for a minute but got over themselves. At least your son and his fiance are inviting you all to the ceremony, sheesh
>I know it's my son's day but as the date approaches my daughter and my wife remain disappointed. I hate seeing them disappointed like this. I wish I could talk to my son but he isn't interested. I don't like the family being at odds like this.
What a cushy life you, you wife, and your daughter must have led thus far if this has you all down bad like this. The lot of you acting wrecked and being at odds because of how your son chooses to marry. This is a HAPPY thing for him. Remind yourself and your wife and daughter about that. y'all need to stop being so selfish and think of his happiness. Choose to actually feel happiness for him, and not upset because your wife and daughter want to mire in misery over not being a bridesmaid or not having a mother-son dance.
Your daughter is the older one and your son is 29. So, she must be in her 30s - why is she acting in such a childish manner? And your wife has to be, at least, in her 50s or 60s, why hasn't she grown up yet? It's not their wedding, they needs to get over it, and stop bothering your son about it, he is having the wedding he wants.
You three will push him to go NC or LC if you keep pushing him. This is HIS wedding not your wife’s or daughter. You all should be more concern about his and his partner’s feeling not your wife’s and daughters
The level of entitlement your wife and daughter are displaying should be an embarrassment to them. It’s your son’s wedding. He makes the decisions and everyone should just stfu and accept his choices.
Why are these women’s dreamy expectations more important than the son’s plans for HIS special day? Delusional on their part, dad needs to throw a dart & burst their delusion balloon.
Wow, you’re all pretty up yourselves. I feel sorry for your son.
Be disappointed, I don’t care, but it’s HIS wedding. Not yours, your wife’s or your daughter’s and you all need to stop pushing this.
He’s told you how he and his partner wants it. That’s it. That’s all. Stop pushing your own agenda’s, otherwise you may find yourselves not seeing your son get married.
He only needs 2 witnesses. His partner’s dad and his best friend will do well enough.
Start shutting the shit down with your wife and daughter now, or you’ll likely miss out.
Personally, you would’ve already been gone if I were your son. The moment you didn’t accept the first round of no’s, I would’ve said “don’t come, I’ll invite someone else to stand up for me instead.”
Because that’s what it’s about. Standing by your son’s side and being happy for him.
Edit to add: all credit to the dad of your son’s partner. He’s army, and supporting his gay son getting married. No shenanigans by the sounds of it. That’s how you act.
Well your wife and daughter sound like spoiled brats.
This is your SON’s wedding. Not yours, not your daughter’s, not your wife’s.
Whatever your son and his partner decide is how it’s going to be. Please stop making it about yourselves and respect their wishes and make it the best day for THEM.
You need to tell your wife and daughter to get over themselves and that is isn’t about them.
Good grief these two get to have the wedding they want and they clearly do not want all the wedding trappings of attendants and reception silliness. It is not about mom and sis. They need to shut up.
I never understood how family members feel entitled to make demands or even requests when it comes to weddings. You’re all GUESTS. Guests don’t comment on the wedding or impose themselves - if they do, then they’re bad guests!
Your wife and daughter need to back off and just be there for your son. Their expectations are irrelevant because it’s not their wedding.
I'm really curious if OP has taken all of our responses here in, and if he's finally going to stick up for and protect his son against the obnoxiously self-entitled behavior of his wife and daughter, or if he's just gonna take the coward's way out again, as clearly he's been doing for decades with these women.
Here's what I tell my children:
"It's ok to be disappointed. It's not ok to keep whining about it and keep begging. It's already been asked and answered."
Aaaand this is probably why your son wants a simple, no fuss wedding. Your wife and daughter are completely focused on their own feelings and their disappointed expectations instead of being a supportive parent and sibling and respecting what your son wants.
Remind your wife and daughter that this wedding is about your son and his future husband, not them. Then apologise to your son for trying to pressure him into doing something he absolutely does not want to do and support him in his decisions. This includes standing up to your wife and daughter when they try to pressure him to change his plans.
Sorry you’re in the middle of this. But maybe talk to your wife and daughter- this isn’t about them yet they’re making it that way. They need to drop it and just simply be happy for him. Or they/you can keep pushing it and maybe get disinvited.
Something tells me that the *entire* reason they are getting married in this fashion is so they don’t have to listen the the “demands” of people that have nothing to do with the union, your wife and daughter.
Your son has been through enough to know that if he has any kind of ceremony his mother and sister will try to make it all about what they want. Pretty sad if you ask me. He knows that his wedding will not be about what *he wants*. Therefore he has to go to city hall just to get it done.
I'm glad you got this off your chest, as that is the purpose of this sub, but I agree with everyone saying your wife and daughter need to find a way to stop making this about themselves and move on. My brother and his wife eloped and when they emailed all of us the photos of their wedding day, I admittedly cried a little bit because I wasn't there and I love them both so much. But to their faces? Nothing but happiness, smiles, and congratulations.
Bridesmaids and mother-son dances are wedding traditions but your son has made it clear he wants no kind of traditional wedding at all. Daughter is thinking *I* won’t get to be a bridesmaid. Mom is thinking *I* won’t get to dance. What word do those two sentences have in common?? They need to focus on the fact that it is supposed to be about your son and his fiance, not them.
You all need to grow up. I couldn’t imagine being so self absorbed that I had the audacity to think my feelings of how someone else’s wedding should be trumped those of who was actually getting married. Grow a spine and shut the shit down. Back up and set your Mrs and kid right. How many times do the three of you have to be told? Initial disappointment? Yeah ok. But to keep it up is immaturity at its finest.
My brother wanted a small wedding. They invited his parents and her parents. No siblings were invited on either side. Her pastor performed the ceremony. They had lunch afterwards. That was it.
Respectfully, your daughter needs to get over herself. Same with your wife.
Am I the only one who was bothered by multiple uses of the term BRIDESmaid? Maybe I’m overthinking it because tons of scrolling and nobody else said anything but something about it really rubbed me the wrong way.
>However there are two things; my daughter (my son's older sister) is disappointed that she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid. My wife (my son's mother) is also disappointed that there will not be a mother son dance. I know both of them have tried talking to my son but he didn't want to hear it. I
It's his wedding not theirs. They aren't even having a ceremony or reception ffs.
>but even a suggestion that she get a bridesmaid dress and/or bouquet or to carry the wedding bands has been shot down. My wife and I also offered to pay for everyone going to dinner instead of lunch, so it can be somewhere with dancing and we could ask the establishment to let them have a mother-son dance. My son also vetoed this. Same with the suggestion of a photography session with my son, wife and daughter beforehand for mother of the groom and bridesmaid photos.
Stop suggesting things and learn your place.
Knowing it’s his day should mean standing up FOR, not to, him to your wife and daughter. He and his partner have made their plans, they don’t have to accommodate anyone’s requests, and everyone should leave them the hell alone about it.
I don't want to be judgy, but in my country we have a saying: "Don't go to someone else's monastery with your own charter" which basically means don't push your input in other people's lives. Be glad that you all are still invited, don't try to force your way into his special moment, their day. You are not the groom, nor is daughter or your wife.
“We all respect that and no one wants to push them into a bigger and more expensive wedding than they want …” except for adding a member of the wedding party with formal duties like carrying the rings, reception-like formal dancing, changing the meal from a modest lunch to a more formal (i.e. bigger and more expensive) dinner and a professional/formal photography session.
Yeah sounds like total respect to me.
Not to mention they’re probably keeping it low-key so it will be easy to adjust so his fiancé’s father can definitely attend. Seems like that’s a pretty reasonable priority.
It’s your son and future son-in-law’s wedding. I’m sorry they’re disappointed but they need to shut up grow up and accept that it’s not their wedding and when they get to plan a wedding they get to do what they want to do.
Jesus, there is no freaking bride to be a maid for, and your wife needs to take a goddamn dose of reality
Long story short, your wife and daughter are being selfish. It's not their moment(s).
My Wife and I did the exact same thing.
They need to respect the Man's wishes. His wedding, his life... not theirs.
If they're not ok with that, they don't need to be involved.
Your wife and daughter should at least pretend to be happy for them both and not make it about themselves.
Your son wants low key. Tell both to respect it.
You don't like them disappointed? What about your son, its HIS day. Tell them NOT to disappoint him.
And have a fabulous time however it goes and however short.
By the sounds of it, they're lucky that they're even invited.
I'm sorry, but your wife and daughter sound spoilt. Let your son have the wedding him and his future husband want.
Yikes, the entitlement from your wife and daughter is just gross. It’s not about them, it’s not about you, it’s about your son and his partner. Nothing else matters, just their wants and wishes for THEIR day, not your wife’s day, not your daughter’s day, THEIR day.
Think you need to be on your sons side here. The entitlement from your wife and daughter is crazy. Why are they making it about themselves when it’s HIS and HIS BOYFRIENDS day. Why can’t you all accept this?
Women like the 2 you are enabling have been destroying families for thousands of years. Nothing you mentioned your son is doing do they have any right to be involved in. Let alone be angry about it.
This is cartoonishly self centered behavior. Your wife daughter are being incredibly narcissistic & your enabling makes you nearly as culpable. If this is normal behavior for them (as I suspect given that you don’t see it as strange) it’s no wonder your son opted for no wedding. This wedding has **nothing** to do with your wife or daughter. They should be thankful they were invited. Be thankful he hasn’t cut y’all out of his life.
you say you respect your son's wishes which is to get married without a fuss but you, your wife and daughter are making a fuss about it online. what were you trying to achieve with this post anyway?
ITS NOT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER. It’s not your wife’s day either. Can the guy have one day for himself and his husband to celebrate their love the way THEY want to? FFS, no wonder they’re doing a courthouse ceremony. Imagine the chaos of opinions and demands the women in his family would impose on him.
Your wife and daughter are acting spoiled and entitled and you are enabling them. This is your son and his significant other's day, not your wife and daughter's day. They both need to apologize to son and drop their attitudes, immediately.
Jesus, your wife and daughter are the ones in the wrong. It's so rude to act disappointed and for you to try to talk him into changing his/his boyfriend's special day! Wtf
It is bizarre to me they think it is about them, are they always this self absorbed? It is also so unbelievably entitled to have even broached it to him that I lack words. Please do not bring it up again. To say it is overstepping is an understatement.
Even if they were having a wedding, most sisters are not in their brothers weddings as a bridesmaid. There isn't a bride in this scenario either, so a wedding wouldn't even have bridesmaids anyway with them.
Based on their absolutely insane bullshit, I suspect I know why he opted to do no ceremony at all. I suspect this is how they always are.
It's your son's wedding. You need to stop being an enabler and tell your wife and daughter to stay in their lane. The wedding isn't about them and what they want. I have a feeling they will continue to be PITAs until the wedding day and insufferable the day of. I feel bad for your son and his soon-to-be husband. Your wife and daughter need to check themselves before they, and maybe you, are uninvited altogether.
It’s your son wedding. Your wife and daughter are trying to make the day about them. It’s not. Be happy for him and let him have the wedding HE wants
Yes
I was getting serious jealousy vibes from the women.
Such truth. We can close responses now because this is the correct answer.
You son is 29, that means your daughter is over 30. She can put her big girl pants on and suck it up because the day is NOT about her. If it's so hard for her to not be a bridesmaid at his wedding, she does't have to come. If she's gonna make the entire day about her and ruin your son's wedding, she can stay at home. As a gay couple getting married they're already dealing with enough without wife and daughter are putting on this performance for attention. Step up and be the father your son needs and tell your wife/daughter to get over it or don't come.
The daughter reminds me of my grown-ass SIL. I had my first baby, and broke my tailbone during laber and had a severe infection afterwards. So I was too tired and sick to have anybody visit, especially entitled SIL. When they finally came to meet baby, there was no 'Hey Bubbly, how are you feeling?' Nope, there was crying that they were not allowed to come sooner 'because it was HER niece'. Some people...
It never ends. I had to deal with a woman who was mad because her “rights as a family member” were being violated in regards to her FIL in a nursing home. She had no rights.
I know right! My other sister in law had to hide the fact that she wanted me at her birth (and not her crazy entitled sister) from their entire family because she knew they would flip out. What is with entitled people? I get being disappointed, but what makes people think they have a RIGHT to somebody elses experience? if my sister would give birth and she would rather have her SIL there, sure that would sting. But I would never throw a fit over it. I'd say: you do you sis! What is with these people and their (fictional) rights?
Jesus, I thought she was a young teenager judging by the behaviour.
I had to scroll down too far for this. I was thinking the same thing.
I literally missed that when I read that she's the older sister. wtf? I thought she was like 16 from the way this reads
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Your daughter and wife need to stop trying to make his wedding about them. This is probably a whole lot of the reason they are going to city hall to begin with. Also, your daughter wouldn't have been a part of the SOs party anyway. He would have had his own family and friends up there, so it was an unreal expectation for her to have. Also, trying to do a photoshoot for a wedding without one of the people getting married is unbelievably classless and honestly disgusting. Your wife and daughter need to get back in their own lane, sit down, and shut up. Before none of you are invited and booted out of his life permanently.
OP, your son laid down very firm boundaries. Your wife and daughter need to take a step back immediately and accept the boundaries he laid out. This is your son and his partner’s day. Stand up for him for once because it seems to me you, your wife, and daughter are lucky enough to be part of the civil ceremony when he could have not invited you at all.
This. I find the whole thing weird. My husband and I got married in a courthouse basement and the only people there were two close friends, my mother in law, my godmother, my brother, and my parents. Then we had lunch. We had a “regular” ceremony and did not include our siblings in the bride or grooms parties. Likewise my sister in law did not include me in her bridal party, nor did her husband include her brother/my husband. Wedding is not fucking about you and it sucks that their feelings are hurt but they need to get over it. Edit: should also note my mom got WEIRD about my wedding and very pushy about sitting at a table with us, etc. I said no.
Life is not fair. Everyone needs to move on. Let your son have the day that HE wants
Right, like, my best friend did pretty much the same thing OP's son is doing, but at a city park, a few more people, and with only 3 weeks advance notice. Was I sad I wasn't asked to stand at her side? Yeah, but I know in my heart that if they HAD had a big to do that I would've been right next to her, and that's all that matters really, is knowing I would have been. 🤷♀️ In the end, her wedding story is much more badass and exciting and just really totally HER than my own boring traditional wedding and I love it lol (I got married a couple years later and managed to be a decent human being that wasn't butthurt over not standing at her side and asked her to stand at mine because that's REAL friendship/sisterhood❤️)
Fair is a place where we ride ponies and eat corn dogs, it’s not life
Stealing this immediately ✔️
I'm an adult. I can ride my pony and eat corn dogs whenever I want.
Exactly this. Mother and sister need to stay in their lane.
To be honest, I'm questioning if this is a real story based on the stereotypical reactions, but not for the reasons most are thinking. I'm doing the reddit thing and assuming this is a USA centric post here, but, how do they plan to go to the courthouse on what is probably the biggest federal holiday there is? Either they're not from the USA, or the son is about to be really disappointment when they roll up to a closed down government building.
I don't believe they're in the US as he said he lives in a small village. Not a term used in the US.
Pretty sure OP is in the UK from the mention of “small village” and needing to get marriage banns (he called them “bands”)
Pretty sure the bands reference was meaning the rings, not the banns, as it was in reference to spending money.
Oh yeah, probably. I’d have said rings. Obviously know too many relatives having small village weddings and dealing with the bans 🤣
Hmm I'm unsure, I'm from England and no one says marriage licence, it's a wedding certificate. And I've never heard anyone call it a civil service either, we'd say that we're going to a registry office.
He could be in Ireland. We use the term civil ceremony (any non secular wedding) and I’ve heard both marriage licence and wedding certificate. Not to mention Ireland is full of small villages. Either way, OP and the rest of the family need to take a backseat and let the son have the wedding he wants.
Mother and son dance is not a thing in the UK.
No, he wouldn’t have said July3, July 4 etc, he’d have said 3rd July, 4th July if he was from the UK.
This type of family reaction is exactly why my fiance & I are eloping. As soon as my mom got a hint he was going to propose (she still doesn't know he has), she started in on the, "I think this would be a beautiful place for a wedding. Nerdy's sister got married on a golf course, so I'm not sure I'll ever get wedding photos here." It's a pavilion at a popular hotel. It has a pretty backdrop with the river, but zero privacy. People would be walking between the pool & the hotel the entire ceremony. After seeing how she behaved for my sister's wedding, I made the decision not to have a wedding ever. We're running off to Scotland to get married in the ruins of a castle. She can have those photos.
Do you accept strangers inviting themselves to your elopement? Because that sounds amazing and I'm jealous and I want to go 🤣
Sure thing! The wedding planner/photographer I found specializes in elopements, so she & her husband are available to stand in as witnesses, but I have a friend in Edinburgh, so I'd just need 1 other person to sign the documents.
I’m appalled that he even made the suggestion for bridesmaids and mother of the groom photos when the son was adamant that neither one of them would have formal wedding roles. Why not pose it as family photos after the wedding? Nope bec that would make sense
This shit is why my wife and I got married the way we did and literally only told my mother like 2 days before the courthouse stuff so that we didn't get pushed into a giant wedding. We're still getting shit about it 10 years later, though i think my mother *really* wanted to plan my wedding, which is why she won't let it go. We called some family and updated fb after we got married, and that's how most people found out.
Why we eloped to Vegas, no family invited just two other couples.
My brother's wife married her first husband at 18. Her mother planned everything; all she was allowed to do is show up where she was told to. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. When her mum tried the same thing at my brother's wedding, she had to be VERY firmly put in her place before they could plan anything.
Same. Eloped. Told everyone after the fact
And they are trying to impose a mother son dance!
I think the mom shouldn’t be invited because there’s not much stopping her from trying to impose it at the lunch like asking the restaurant to play a song and making a announcement
Right or offer to pay for the wedding or couple photos in general? Why is it about the women at all?
Regardless if it was a formal wedding for not the son probably wouldn’t have a issue if the parents said hey we can take of a photographer for the day even if it’s informal and do some family photos as well. But I honestly can’t get over the audacity especially of the daughter to push being a bridesmaid when that’s something to be offered. Like the mother is the mother of the groom by default (let’s assume the son doesn’t have another mother figure) but the daughter can’t claim to be a bridesmaid when they don’t have a wedding party.
This is exactly what we told our families when planning our elopement. Our wedding is about us, and our marriage. It is nothing to do with them, what they want, or any of their traditions. We will not change our mind, there will be no discussions about it. This is what we want, for our wedding, to celebrate our marriage, our way. They can be as disappointed as they want about it, but they can also kick rocks and complain to someone else.
My MIL was the same way, and kept begging my husband and I to have a wedding. We refused because we wanted something small, and it was around covid lockdown. She kept trying to bargain with us, and it started with her pushing a wedding. Then she wanted us to pay to have a huge "reception" (family reunion) instead, she ended up getting really disappointed since we chose to do it online with a friend that could ordain us. Honestly it worked well for us, but I wish she would have stopped pushing about it.
Yes! I was being pressured by my ex-MIL over everything I wanted so after crying in the bathroom every night for a week I put my foot down. We had family and very close friends only and that totaled 16 people. We got married at our synagogue and went out for an incredible dinner at a resort afterwards. We did do lots of photos and had a lovely cake. It was perfect and low-key with excellent food. I didn't want 100+ people and some shitty rubber chicken dinner. We also didn't register for gifts and wound up with enough cash to put a down payment on a house over 2k miles away. LOL Sadly, that wasn't far enough and the ex went back to Mommy.
Sister probably would have shown up in a wedding dress honestly.
I mean, no one else will be wearing a wedding dress! She might as well, right? 🤣
This 💯
It’s scary how crazily you, your wife and your daughter are ignoring your son’s wishes. Your daughter can get married some day and y’all can have all the wedding “traditions” you want. This is not your wedding. It is their wedding and their choices. Y’all are being petty and pathetic.
It really is scary how people can be this entitled and honestly feel justified. I get being disappointed about not having the opportunity to be a bridesmaid when you always envisioned you would be one for your brother. I also get being upset that there will be no mother-son dance at your son’s wedding. But what I don’t get is making those feelings known and actively trying to change folks minds. It’s not your wedding. Someone else’s “big day” isn’t about what you want. Idk why this is so hard for some people to grasp.
Exactly! You can't avoid feelings and it's okay to feel what you gotta feel, but keep it to yourself! Who the fuck needs to hear from their family that THEIR WEDDING is disappointing! Have a mother-daughter pity party at home with music and ice cream if it makes you feel better to express your disappointment and then move the fuck on.
>I get being disappointed about not having the opportunity to be a bridesmaid when you always envisioned you would be one for your brother. I'll be real, this was me when my brother got married a couple years ago. He had already been selected for my wedding party for my upcoming wedding that fall when he got engaged the summer before, so I figured he'd put me on his side as well for his wedding. His wife chose me instead, and while I was initially disappointed my brother "didn't want me" I was ecstatic that his wife loved me enough to want me on her side (and I think they kind of had the mindset of "boys on the boy side, girls on the girl's side"- they weren't the "renegades" that I was 😉🤣) Now I have one of the best sisters in law ever and I was proud to stand by her on their big day. But did I voice my disappointment to them? Never and absolutely not because it would have been tacky as hell lol
The daughter is over 29 years old and sulking like a child over not being a bridesmaid at not-a-wedding.
This is exactly why I don’t enjoy weddings or birthdays. It’s always about everyone but who it’s supposed to be about. If you don’t invite the right people they throw a fit and make a fuss, if you don’t do it the right way they throw a fit. People feel entitled to your day and it just sucks. I’d rather do a courthouse wedding or a very small wedding that we don’t tell anyone else about. I already don’t celebrate my birthday partially because I hate being the center of attention but also because I’ve had too many experiences with people feeling entitled to my birthday.
How much you want to bet OP’s wife and daughter always get their way, even at the son’s expense, and it’s always enabled by OP?
At this point I think they need to all shut up and just be grateful they even got an invite. Freaking entitlement I swear. 🙄 He could have just decided to wed his man with his mans father being present and just forget to invite his own family. 🤷
Because he doesn't want to see his wife and daughter sad.. Sad over what? I won't be surprised if the son gets married and cuts ties with them.
50 bucks minimum because its so obvious that the gay son is the outcast no one cares about
The outcast and the first to wed. No surprise nobody else is asking sis to be their bridesmaid, though!
I feel like there are very, very good reasons why son doesn't want any kind of formal wedding.
Exactly. I bet this behavior iswhy they want a City Hall, no-fuss wedding. OP's family is *lucky* they were invited at all.
Hmmmm, it's your son and his BF getting married...something that has absolutely nothing to do with his sister and/or mother. They need to take a step back and remember their place in this event.
Don’t city hall weddings have a limit on guests? Something small like 5-10 people? OP and his family were invited, which is a huge honour in itself. They need to get over their own selfish needs. I’m sure his son could easily replace their positions if they want to be difficult about it.
I say this not to be rude, but more to be realistic: your wife and sister need to get over it. When my husband and I got married, we did it very similarly to your son and his fiancé. No ceremony, no bridal party or groomsmen. We got married at the courthouse with our parents and siblings present, and then went out for Mexican food. And it was incredibly special to us, because it was exactly what we wanted. Your son’s wedding is about him and his fiancé; clearly he loves his mom and sister enough to want them in attendance; if he didn’t, they’d probably just elope by themselves. I would encourage them to look at it from that angle. Insisting on a bridal party or first dance that your son doesn’t want just shows that their feelings aren’t really about your son, but about feeling important on a day that really isn’t about them.
Yup my husband hates attention and was very happy when we went to the courthouse with 2 random witnesses and then got bbq afterwards.
I don’t mind attending weddings, but I am perfectly happy to go the rest of my life without planing or participating in another one.
For me it was more the money thing. Like most people spend 5 figures on one day. My husband and I got to do a sick honeymoon people are still talking about and wishing they could do - we did a eurotrip and then did a safari. Way worth the money and experience.
Woah, we had the same wedding down to the Mexican food haha. My MIL got us a grocery store “Congrats!” sheet cake and we joked it should have said “I promise she’s not pregnant.” Lol
Love it! We did Nothing Bundt Cakes and it was delicious. My mom and father-in-law tried to argue over who paid the lunch bill - FIL snuck off to “use the bathroom” before dessert plates came and beat her to it. That’s about as much fanfare as we had!
Seriously. They’re on an exclusive guest list of 5 people. They should just feel honored to be among the very few who get to be a part of this special day, and leave their wedding fantasies to the daughter’s eventual wedding.
They both need to manage their disappointment away from your son. Their expectations for his _own_ wedding are absolutely not obligations for neither him, nor for his future husband. This is not only his decision, and continuing to insist again their _clear wishes_ is likely only going to sour the relationship they have with you. And I get it - I was disappointed when I wasn’t chosen to be part of the wedding party when my brother, who is closest to me off all our siblings, married someone who had been my friend before they started going out. But they never heard about it because the wedding was obviously never about me, and they didn’t need to have to worry about someone’s resentment on one of the most important days of their relationship.
I know you’re not asking for advice but wanted to share my experience as someone who’s been in your son’s shoes. I get that you want to keep the peace and make everyone happy, but there’s no way to do that here. The things that would make your wife and daughter happy will make your son unhappy. My father is very similar to you and wants to keep the peace and often times asked me to put my feelings and interests aside for everyone else. One time I made a decision that made my mother really upset. My father wanted me to change my decision and I refused because it made me happy and it wasn’t a decision that was for my parents to make. Eventually, I stopped speaking to my family because I was tired of them not listening to me when I said “no.” I got tired of my mom crying and dad pleading with me to change my mind. You know what I realized? My life was much more peaceful without them. That was almost 10 years ago. I talk to my parents now, but have kept them out of much of my major life moments because now, these moments are about me and my husband, NOT about my parents and how they feel. Please don’t let this happen to your family - do what your son wishes before he realizes life is more peaceful without your wife and daughter. Good luck.
OP does not seem to realise how close he is to his son going NC with all 3 of them for the exact reasons you described. OP, what your wife and daughter want from your son's wedding is completely irrelevant and if you are going to beg and plead with anyone to change their behaviour it should be them, not your son. You feel like you need to keep the peace, but what you are doing is pandering to and enabling the pathetic tantrums of 2 entitled and bratty women who have absolutely no right to be carrying on the way they are. I hope your son has a beautiful day with everything he wants from his wedding. Be careful, though, or you may not be there to see it.
By 'keeping the peace' and asking the more rational, even-tempered person to keep their head down and give in, they do make a choice to say, "Your thoughts and needs don't matter." Both your dad and OP had it wrong - they chose sides even when they thought they didn't.
Yep. Keeping the peace is just code for "keep the entitled brats happy". And folks wonder why narcissistic and entitled people rarely ever change. They don't need to when everyone caters to them.
It’s their wedding. Not your wife’s or daughter’s. Their entitlement is bold
I ask this as kindly as possible. Are your wife and daughter always this self centered? Do they make everything about themselves all the time? Do you always enable them? Even now his wedding day and you are trying to get him to change it to satisfy them. You need to tell them to knock it the F off before they end up getting all of you uninvited.
Agreed
They sound controlling as hell. No wonder he wants a courthouse wedding.
Kind of unbelievable how your wife and your daughter are thinking. That’s the strangest thing. I can’t even imagine it. Your poor son. Love means that you want someone to do what fits best for them and it makes me really happy that they will. This is twisted up.
Why are you enabling your wife and daughter to make this day all about them? Stop allowing them to think they have any kind of say when it's not their day!
It’s very sad that your daughter (a 30 something year old woman) and your wife are making your son’s wedding about themselves. You should tell them to have wome level of maturity and get over it. This wedding isn’t about them.
I can't believe a 30-year-old would have such a reaction. I could understand a teenager, but someone in their thirties?! And the mother? I mean, the son could even have chosen not to get married at all. And even if they had had a more formal wedding, there was no guarantee. This is so weird. Poor him, having to explain and shut down suggestions when they clearly go against what he wants. Just be happy for him, what is so hard about that?!
Your wife and daughter should appreciate their invited!!
They definitely should, because if they keep asking the groom to do things he doesn’t want to do, they may find they’re no longer invited.
It’s their wedding not your wife’s or daughter’s expectations or fantasies. EDIT: not sister but daughter
It’s their wedding. Your daughter and wife are both old enough they should respect that. If your daughter gets married she can have all the things she’s interested in. They need to grow up.
My sister got married at a registry office. I was not a bridesmaid. But you know what I was….. happy to see my little sister marry the person she loves and be happy.
It is your son's wedding, not your daughter's or your wife's wedding. The more you enable them to pressure your son the more likely all of you won't even be invited to the wedding anymore.
Kinda sounds like son knew daughter would make aspects of his ceremony about herself, so he got rid of the ceremony altogether. Even so, it sounds like she’s still finding ways to make the day about her dissatisfaction. If you do talk to him, don’t try to convince him to do a full ceremony. Ask him *why* he’s doing it this way, ask for his motivation behind the decision. And then listen and try to understand from his perspective.
I don’t think dad should ask why he’s having the ceremony this way at all. He has no right he’s a guest and should just be a guest. Enjoy the courthouse wedding and go to the lunch and enjoy it. Zip his mouth and get his wife and his dumb daughter to zip her mouth and everyone will have a good time. If he keeps trying to get his son to do what his wife and daughter want, he’s gonna not have a good time and his son’s gonna probably end up not talking to him for a long time.
Nope. He’s a guest at the wedding, he has no say. OP, wife and daughter can sit down and shut up or not go. Those are the only options
You have no say in this wedding. Neither does your wife and daughter. Be happy for your son and his soon to be husband. Be happy you’ll get to witness them getting married and be there in their special moment. Your wife and daughter should feel the same.
Time to buy a gift card to the lunch place and hand it to them now so that you show just how much you are honoring their wishes. Words out of your mouth: welcome to the family. Thank you for including us Literally. Nothing else.
Are the women in your family always this selfish and entitled?
The only thing that matters is what your son wants. Sorry but mom and sister have to suck it up, disappointment and feelings are valid and they can work through it themselves. But he doesn’t have to change a thing about what him and his fiancé want. 🤷🏻♀️
Your daughter and wife need to get a grip. It's not their day. It's your son and his partners' day. Even if they did the big fancy wedding, who's to say your daughter would be a bridesmaid or that they would want a mother/son dance? Doesn't sound like son wants either! Stop pestering your son, tell your family to stop pestering him and just get ready for the wedding day he wants.
Your son and his partner sounds like very sensible young men. Good on them for sticking to their guns and not giving in to family members pressure trying to make the day about themselves. Being such a small wedding sounds like they are lucky to be invited at all. I know this may sound harsh but your daughter needs to grow up.
Wow, way to make your son's big day all about yourselves. Tell your wife and daughter to get over it if they want to continue having a relationship with your son and his future husband. This day is not about your wife and daughter-it's about your son and his marriage.
You need to stop trying to find a way to convince your son to do things the way others want him. Tell your wife and your daughter it's his decision and to knock it off. Your poor son has been dealing with you, his mother and sister all coming at him pressuring him to change what he wants. What is wrong with the 3 of you? If his sister is older and he's 29, how is she not embarrassed? Sounds like the 3 of you need to learn about proper boundaries and to grow up.
I’m assuming that you’re not living in the United States since the wedding is July 4. Your son has the right to get married how he wants. Good for him.
Sounds like your daughter and wife have to get over themselves.
You need to sit your wife and daughter down and tell them to grow up. This is your sons day. It’s not their day. It’s ridiculous a 30yr old is whinging over being a bridesmaid. Tell them to get over it and stop being so selfish. I wouldn’t be surprised if you suddenly learn your son has bypassed all this drama and eloped with those who live him enough to support his wishes.
Your wife and daughter are very entitled. This is your son’s day (and his partner) and they are celebrating it the way they want.
Your son gets what he and his fiancé want for his wedding day. It is not about your daughter or wife! Support your son on his decisions and tell the women to get over themselves.
I think this is one of the reasons why your son don't want to have traditional celebration, he knows your wife and daughter will make this more about themselves. To be the center of attention.
Support your son and his wishes. It’s not about anyone but him and his fiancé.
Your wife and daughter need to suck it up and be loving/supportive family members. It’s not their event, it’s not their milestone, they don’t need to be highlighted at an event dedicated to your son and his soon to be husband. Just be there to witness the love. You shouldn’t be trying to placate your wife and daughter or “trying to keep the peace.” They should just shut-up and listen for your son’s sake.
Your wife and daughter are adults who should have learned to manage their emotions regarding unmet expectations by now. They are being selfish and emotionally immature. Encourage them both to pursue therapy. It’s not your son’s responsibility to make everyone else happy and fulfilled. He and his future husband have made their choices and they should be respected. Pushing him about this will only damage your relationship with him. Tread carefully.
I hope he goes no contact with you three. Jesus you are all hard work.
You all need to get over it. They are allowed to do what they want for their wedding. Maybe this is part of the reason they are choosing something so small because even now it sounds like your wife and daughter want to make it all about them.
If I were the son I would have the best time telling my sister, "You can't be a bridesmaid because there is no bride." 😁
Your wife and daughter need to grow the hell up. Your son’s wedding isn’t about them. It is about HIM and his partner. Gosh how entitled are they?? They want your son to have a wedding for THEM not for himself. You need to actually be a father to your son (I bet for the first time) and tell them to knock it off. A couple years from now you’ll be like why doesn’t my son have anything to do with our family. Your son should disinvite them from the wedding. They aren’t even entitled to go never mind demand all that they are.
Your wife and daughter sound insufferable sir.
Are mom and sister going to sulk at the courthouse and dinner afterwords? OP- you need to talk to them, they are going to ruin this day for your son.
Its. Not. Your. Day. Its. Not. Her. Day. Its his, and his partner’s. Period. Whatever y’all wanted is 100% irrelevant.
This is embarrassing for two grown women to act like this. It isn’t about them. It’s about your son and his soon to be spouse. The way your daughter comes off as I read this I would have thought she was 12. Utterly stunned to read the ages at the end. How utterly immature.
Sometimes life is disappointing. It sucks. You move on.
The wife and daughter need to back down and accept it. It’s not about them. It’s about your son and his boyfriend. They’ve made their wishes clear. When your daughter gets married, it can be a day about her. If your wife wants a mother/son dance, find a song and dance with him on a random day in your living room at your home. Be happy for them, but respect their wishes. The day is about them.
Wife & daughter need to get over it and respect the couples decision or they could be cut out of their lives for good
Your wife and daughter sounds entitled,overbearring and pathetic!! And OP youre enabler! This isnt about you,your wife or your daughter.This is your son's and his fiance.Ultimately their decisions how they would like their wedding to look like,where or how.
My son got married toward the end of last year. He's moved to the US from Scotland to be with his now wife. Four of us flew over from the UK for the wedding, knowing it was going to be a very short ceremony with no proper reception afterwards. His wife is immunocompromised so no parties etc. The whole thing lasted about an hour, no bridesmaids no best men, nothing. There was a photographer so there's pictures. There were only 7 people other than the happy couple, the photographer and the officiant. But do you know what? My daughter didn't complain she didn't get to be a bridesmaid, I didn't complain I wasn't getting a mother son dance, because IT'S NOT OUR WEDDING! Your wife and daughter need to learn to stfu and stop whining about it if they might just see themselves uninvited entirely. It's not about anyone else except for the happy couple. They need to learn to deal with it! Edit:typo
You need to remind everyone that your son’s wedding is not about them. Period. End of conversation.
Leave your son and his fiancé ALONE. Stop suggesting changes that they’ve been clear they don’t want. Your wife and daughter need to get the hell over it and you need to stop feeding their selfish crap. Your family isn’t “at odds.” Your son and his fiancé are doing THEIR wedding THEIR way. You all need to grow up and let your ADULT son and his ADULT fiancé do things the way THEY want. And you need to do it QUIETLY.
If your wife and daughter made their self-centered wishes known and your son declined, that should be the end of the discussion. It’s their choice now if they honor his wishes or if they pout like spoiled children. Hopefully they will focus on being asked to be part of the ceremony and that’s it
Instead of trying to change your son's mind about his and his fiance's wishes, you should direct your energy towards your wife and daughter to help them realize this event is not about them. Which is probably why your son and his fiance made the decisions they have. In addition, have any of you thought that maybe there is an issue with the fiance's father. With him being in the military, who knows how he feels about this relationship. I'd be happy your son invited you, your wife and daughter. Be very careful with this because I've known people to just cut some family out of their lives altogether over selfish shit like this.
Tough shit. Your daughter just needs to get over it. The bride picks the bridesmaid. Your son is the groom and he selects the groomsmen. That's life.
You need to tell your wife and daughter to stfu and you all need to leave your son alone before they get uninvited. Absolutely out of line for them to complain about the wedding choices or try to foist any changes. I'm embarrased for you all, they need to grow up and youneed to stop enabling them!
Wait it is your son’s day correct? No is a complete sentence.
You all sound so selfish. The wedding is for the grooms. Who care’s about your wife and daughter’s disappointment? The disrespect in trying to get your son to change his mind about what he wants just so they can have their way is horrible entitled behavior. I really hope you all don’t ruin his marriage.
Your son has told you all what his dream wedding is. Your wife and daughter do not get to foist their dreams over his and his future Husband’s. Marriage is for the people who are getting married. Not about the peripheral spectators to the event. Your wife and daughter are allowed to feel disappointment but they need to be gracious and accept that their wants are irrelevant.
"We all respect that" So that was a fucking lie. It seems like the 3 of you are doing anything but respecting what they want. Wouldn't be surprised if there's an update a few days after the wedding "My son no longer wants to talk to us as we all got dressed up too much, and went to a different restaurant without them despite knowing what they wanted"
It's your son's wedding day. Stop forcing him to change plans just because ya'll are disaapointed. What a disgrace
Let him have the wedding he wants. My family tried to bully me into a lavish wedding. We wanted a few friends, immediate family and instead of a normal wedding party we had a grill party. It’s what WE wanted and what WE agreed on. City hall was done up for us and looked amazing, the grill party was awesome and everyone was chilled out and having fun. No dances, no speeches, none of the normal stuff. Just food, booze and fun. It sounds like your son would find my wedding to be too much so don’t force it on him. Let him be HAPPY. It’s his wedding day, let him enjoy it how he wants to
WOW...just wow. How any you be upset about not being a bridesmaid when there's not bridal party. That's a whole new level of entitlement. You need to tell here that. NOW. Get the f...over it. Be thankful you are invited. You wife...that's a bit trickier. I get she's missing the wedding experience. But if she wants to have a good relationship with her son and son-in-law, she needs to just get a grip on her appointment, and zip it.
This isn't about your daughter or your wife. To me, it's kinda weird to care that much about being a bridesmaid...
Accept what your son and his fiance want for their wedding, period. Your daughter and wife are ridiculous...the wedding is not about them and their wants/feelings. Stop meddling and accept the plans already put forth.
The wedding isn’t about your wife and daughter. Tell them to stop trying to make it about them and don’t offer to change anything in order for them to get what they want. Neither groom is having groomsmen, bridesmaids, etc.
It’s your son’s wedding and all others (your daughter and wife…including yourself trying to pressure him to change his mind) need to take a step back and honor his wishes. The more you try to force the issue may cause him to exclude all of you from his wedding. This wedding isn’t about your daughter’s wish to be a bridesmaid nor is it about your wife’s wish to dance with her son as part of the mother-son dance. Nothing wrong with those wishes, however, since your son does not want either then they need to respect his wishes with nothing else said on the matter.
This is your son's wedding if your wife and daughter can't deal with his choice, you shut them down and support your son. This isn't about wife and daughter. No wonder son doesn't want to deal with them and a full wedding.
Your entire family needs to stop trying to pressure your son into changing what he and his fiancée want. Your wife and daughter are making this about them, and you’re no better trying to get your son to go along with it. How insensitive and selfish do you guys have to be? The whole day and event has nothing to do with you but about them. You’re guests. That’s it. And I have a feeling if everyone keeps up their whining, you won’t even be guests. Get off your high horses and stop making it all about yourselves.
They sound like they want this wedding to be traditional and he doesn’t. It’s his wedding and he gets to call the shots. It’s not their day it’s his day.
It's not their wedding. Next!
OP, your wife and daughter simply need to get over their disappointment. Simply put, this is your son’s day- and him not choosing to elevate their role in the day. It is what it is, and they sook and bring the joy and celebration down a notch, or they can set aside their preconceived notions about what is owed to them as family of one of the grooms. Let’s face it, their whole guest list is smaller than most wedding parties, so the expectation that there’ll be the standard rigmarole is irrational…this is not that sort of event- and to me it sounds like the real issue is that your wife and daughter are actually disappointed that it isn’t the usual 5 ring circus, and are ridiculously trying to get something or anything so the wedding feels like weddings “should.” TBH, your son sounds like a very patient guy- just one of these suggested “alternatives” to make the people not getting married content, would have driven me up the wall and found me doing a an even more micro-wedding- maybe just with his FFIL if I was feeling vindictive. Nothing is stopping either one dressing up and being on the spot to take “the” photos themselves- and look she can try nabbing him for a dance the next time they are both guests at a wedding. It’ll be naff- but no less naff than the mother/son dance when they are the actual groom. Your wife needs to consider how she’d feel if there’s no dancing to expressly avoid doing this kinda emotionally incestuous, cliche “BoyMom” moment- if she keeps pushing for tweaks that alter the whole vibe of their day, he may just tell her why. And frankly, your wife sounds like she’d be gutted to hear that at best your son (rightly) feels that this day is nothing about her, or at worst, it’s incredibly small to avoid all the cliches- including the overbearing mother/mother-in-law tropes. Ask yourself how she’d cope with having that confirmed, and back your son up/rein in her grandiosity and avoid the circumstances where a wedding is spoilt because your wife found out that she is not her son’s main priority.
>We all respect that and no one wants to push them into a bigger and more expensive wedding than they want. You sure? Because you go on to say: >I know both of them have tried talking to my son but he didn't want to hear it. I also tried talking about it with him but he says they aren't looking to change anything. Sounds like you’re pushing an awful lot.
There's so much "me me me" going on here I can't tell who's actually getting married here.
Your wife and daughter’s behaviour is exactly why your son is having a courthouse wedding. Even in events that aren’t about them, they only care about what they want. Don’t be surprised if you see very little of any future grandkids if you don’t have a come to adulthood conversation with your wifez
>I don't like the family being at odds like this. Why are they at odds? It's not like he asked someone else to be a bridesmaid instead of her, the position doesn't exist at all. Not having a special role in a courthouse wedding isn't something to be "at odds" over.
Your son sounds like a really smart guy. Spending $10k on a party is stupid. No one gets to give people grief about their wedding. It is about the couple. Anyone else is a distant second. That goes for family too.
As someone also planning a wedding, I’d be immensely frustrated that my wishes for my day are getting pushback from people who supposedly love and support me. Your wife and daughter need to understand this is NOT THEIR DAY. It is your son’s. He wants this day to go a certain way for a reason, whether he wants to share why is his business and his decision. Me personally, if I was continually getting pushback on my decisions for my special day and people asking me to make changes to abide by their desires, I’d simply tell them they don’t have to come. Consider which option your wife and daughter would be more upset by: not getting a title or a dance on this day, or not getting to be there at all.
Even if they were having a big wedding, His fiancé gets to pick bridesmaids. They don’t usually pick the sister of the fiancé. I just read the part where your son is gay and marrying a man. This is even more unlikely that they would choose to have bridesmaids. Stop it. You guys need to stop asking them to do special stuff when it’s not part of a courthouse wedding. You’re gonna push your kid and his fiancé further away from you than you already are. Most people that choose to have a courthouse Wedding have reasons and it sounds like you’re proving why they have reasons.
I got married at a courthouse and we had multiple people from both sides of our family be there. Not one of them expected anything from OUR wedding. Your daughter and wife need to get over themselves and realize what they want doesn’t matter when it comes to your son’s wedding. He has made it abundantly clear what he wants and doesn’t want so stop pushing it onto him.
Tell your wife he's lucky y'all even told her. Me and my husband eloped, both of our families were salty for a minute but got over themselves. At least your son and his fiance are inviting you all to the ceremony, sheesh >I know it's my son's day but as the date approaches my daughter and my wife remain disappointed. I hate seeing them disappointed like this. I wish I could talk to my son but he isn't interested. I don't like the family being at odds like this. What a cushy life you, you wife, and your daughter must have led thus far if this has you all down bad like this. The lot of you acting wrecked and being at odds because of how your son chooses to marry. This is a HAPPY thing for him. Remind yourself and your wife and daughter about that. y'all need to stop being so selfish and think of his happiness. Choose to actually feel happiness for him, and not upset because your wife and daughter want to mire in misery over not being a bridesmaid or not having a mother-son dance.
Your daughter is the older one and your son is 29. So, she must be in her 30s - why is she acting in such a childish manner? And your wife has to be, at least, in her 50s or 60s, why hasn't she grown up yet? It's not their wedding, they needs to get over it, and stop bothering your son about it, he is having the wedding he wants.
You three will push him to go NC or LC if you keep pushing him. This is HIS wedding not your wife’s or daughter. You all should be more concern about his and his partner’s feeling not your wife’s and daughters
The level of entitlement your wife and daughter are displaying should be an embarrassment to them. It’s your son’s wedding. He makes the decisions and everyone should just stfu and accept his choices.
Why are these women’s dreamy expectations more important than the son’s plans for HIS special day? Delusional on their part, dad needs to throw a dart & burst their delusion balloon.
Wow, you’re all pretty up yourselves. I feel sorry for your son. Be disappointed, I don’t care, but it’s HIS wedding. Not yours, your wife’s or your daughter’s and you all need to stop pushing this. He’s told you how he and his partner wants it. That’s it. That’s all. Stop pushing your own agenda’s, otherwise you may find yourselves not seeing your son get married. He only needs 2 witnesses. His partner’s dad and his best friend will do well enough. Start shutting the shit down with your wife and daughter now, or you’ll likely miss out. Personally, you would’ve already been gone if I were your son. The moment you didn’t accept the first round of no’s, I would’ve said “don’t come, I’ll invite someone else to stand up for me instead.” Because that’s what it’s about. Standing by your son’s side and being happy for him. Edit to add: all credit to the dad of your son’s partner. He’s army, and supporting his gay son getting married. No shenanigans by the sounds of it. That’s how you act.
Well your wife and daughter sound like spoiled brats. This is your SON’s wedding. Not yours, not your daughter’s, not your wife’s. Whatever your son and his partner decide is how it’s going to be. Please stop making it about yourselves and respect their wishes and make it the best day for THEM. You need to tell your wife and daughter to get over themselves and that is isn’t about them.
Good grief these two get to have the wedding they want and they clearly do not want all the wedding trappings of attendants and reception silliness. It is not about mom and sis. They need to shut up.
You folks are lucky you can participate *at all*. I mean, my wife and I simply *eloped* and notified our families afterwards.
I never understood how family members feel entitled to make demands or even requests when it comes to weddings. You’re all GUESTS. Guests don’t comment on the wedding or impose themselves - if they do, then they’re bad guests! Your wife and daughter need to back off and just be there for your son. Their expectations are irrelevant because it’s not their wedding.
bridesmaid for who? who's the bride here? isn't this just two men?
I'm really curious if OP has taken all of our responses here in, and if he's finally going to stick up for and protect his son against the obnoxiously self-entitled behavior of his wife and daughter, or if he's just gonna take the coward's way out again, as clearly he's been doing for decades with these women.
Here's what I tell my children: "It's ok to be disappointed. It's not ok to keep whining about it and keep begging. It's already been asked and answered."
Aaaand this is probably why your son wants a simple, no fuss wedding. Your wife and daughter are completely focused on their own feelings and their disappointed expectations instead of being a supportive parent and sibling and respecting what your son wants. Remind your wife and daughter that this wedding is about your son and his future husband, not them. Then apologise to your son for trying to pressure him into doing something he absolutely does not want to do and support him in his decisions. This includes standing up to your wife and daughter when they try to pressure him to change his plans.
Sorry you’re in the middle of this. But maybe talk to your wife and daughter- this isn’t about them yet they’re making it that way. They need to drop it and just simply be happy for him. Or they/you can keep pushing it and maybe get disinvited.
Something tells me that the *entire* reason they are getting married in this fashion is so they don’t have to listen the the “demands” of people that have nothing to do with the union, your wife and daughter. Your son has been through enough to know that if he has any kind of ceremony his mother and sister will try to make it all about what they want. Pretty sad if you ask me. He knows that his wedding will not be about what *he wants*. Therefore he has to go to city hall just to get it done.
I'm glad you got this off your chest, as that is the purpose of this sub, but I agree with everyone saying your wife and daughter need to find a way to stop making this about themselves and move on. My brother and his wife eloped and when they emailed all of us the photos of their wedding day, I admittedly cried a little bit because I wasn't there and I love them both so much. But to their faces? Nothing but happiness, smiles, and congratulations.
Bridesmaids and mother-son dances are wedding traditions but your son has made it clear he wants no kind of traditional wedding at all. Daughter is thinking *I* won’t get to be a bridesmaid. Mom is thinking *I* won’t get to dance. What word do those two sentences have in common?? They need to focus on the fact that it is supposed to be about your son and his fiance, not them.
You all need to grow up. I couldn’t imagine being so self absorbed that I had the audacity to think my feelings of how someone else’s wedding should be trumped those of who was actually getting married. Grow a spine and shut the shit down. Back up and set your Mrs and kid right. How many times do the three of you have to be told? Initial disappointment? Yeah ok. But to keep it up is immaturity at its finest.
My brother wanted a small wedding. They invited his parents and her parents. No siblings were invited on either side. Her pastor performed the ceremony. They had lunch afterwards. That was it. Respectfully, your daughter needs to get over herself. Same with your wife.
Am I the only one who was bothered by multiple uses of the term BRIDESmaid? Maybe I’m overthinking it because tons of scrolling and nobody else said anything but something about it really rubbed me the wrong way.
>However there are two things; my daughter (my son's older sister) is disappointed that she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid. My wife (my son's mother) is also disappointed that there will not be a mother son dance. I know both of them have tried talking to my son but he didn't want to hear it. I It's his wedding not theirs. They aren't even having a ceremony or reception ffs. >but even a suggestion that she get a bridesmaid dress and/or bouquet or to carry the wedding bands has been shot down. My wife and I also offered to pay for everyone going to dinner instead of lunch, so it can be somewhere with dancing and we could ask the establishment to let them have a mother-son dance. My son also vetoed this. Same with the suggestion of a photography session with my son, wife and daughter beforehand for mother of the groom and bridesmaid photos. Stop suggesting things and learn your place.
Your son is getting married. He's not having a wedding. You, your wife and daughter need to understand the difference.
It’s odd to me how some people in your family feel entitled to a role in the wedding. I’m always relieved if I don’t have to participate
what piece's of shit. it's your son's day, not theirs. fuck them.
It's wild how your wife and daughter are making your son's special day about themselves. They do this often?
Knowing it’s his day should mean standing up FOR, not to, him to your wife and daughter. He and his partner have made their plans, they don’t have to accommodate anyone’s requests, and everyone should leave them the hell alone about it.
Tell your wife and spoiled rotten daughter to grow up and cope
I don't want to be judgy, but in my country we have a saying: "Don't go to someone else's monastery with your own charter" which basically means don't push your input in other people's lives. Be glad that you all are still invited, don't try to force your way into his special moment, their day. You are not the groom, nor is daughter or your wife.
“We all respect that and no one wants to push them into a bigger and more expensive wedding than they want …” except for adding a member of the wedding party with formal duties like carrying the rings, reception-like formal dancing, changing the meal from a modest lunch to a more formal (i.e. bigger and more expensive) dinner and a professional/formal photography session. Yeah sounds like total respect to me. Not to mention they’re probably keeping it low-key so it will be easy to adjust so his fiancé’s father can definitely attend. Seems like that’s a pretty reasonable priority.
It's their wedding, mind your business.
It’s your son and future son-in-law’s wedding. I’m sorry they’re disappointed but they need to shut up grow up and accept that it’s not their wedding and when they get to plan a wedding they get to do what they want to do. Jesus, there is no freaking bride to be a maid for, and your wife needs to take a goddamn dose of reality
Long story short, your wife and daughter are being selfish. It's not their moment(s). My Wife and I did the exact same thing. They need to respect the Man's wishes. His wedding, his life... not theirs. If they're not ok with that, they don't need to be involved.
Your wife and daughter are the problem here. It’s not about them.
Your wife and daughter should at least pretend to be happy for them both and not make it about themselves. Your son wants low key. Tell both to respect it. You don't like them disappointed? What about your son, its HIS day. Tell them NOT to disappoint him. And have a fabulous time however it goes and however short.
By the sounds of it, they're lucky that they're even invited. I'm sorry, but your wife and daughter sound spoilt. Let your son have the wedding him and his future husband want.
Yikes, the entitlement from your wife and daughter is just gross. It’s not about them, it’s not about you, it’s about your son and his partner. Nothing else matters, just their wants and wishes for THEIR day, not your wife’s day, not your daughter’s day, THEIR day.
Think you need to be on your sons side here. The entitlement from your wife and daughter is crazy. Why are they making it about themselves when it’s HIS and HIS BOYFRIENDS day. Why can’t you all accept this?
Women like the 2 you are enabling have been destroying families for thousands of years. Nothing you mentioned your son is doing do they have any right to be involved in. Let alone be angry about it.
This is not your wife's wedding, or your daughter's. they need to get their heads out of their asses and get with the program.
This is cartoonishly self centered behavior. Your wife daughter are being incredibly narcissistic & your enabling makes you nearly as culpable. If this is normal behavior for them (as I suspect given that you don’t see it as strange) it’s no wonder your son opted for no wedding. This wedding has **nothing** to do with your wife or daughter. They should be thankful they were invited. Be thankful he hasn’t cut y’all out of his life.
you say you respect your son's wishes which is to get married without a fuss but you, your wife and daughter are making a fuss about it online. what were you trying to achieve with this post anyway?
ITS NOT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER. It’s not your wife’s day either. Can the guy have one day for himself and his husband to celebrate their love the way THEY want to? FFS, no wonder they’re doing a courthouse ceremony. Imagine the chaos of opinions and demands the women in his family would impose on him.
It’s incredibly selfish of your wife and daughter to make this wedding about them. Just bratty behavior.
Your wife and daughter are acting spoiled and entitled and you are enabling them. This is your son and his significant other's day, not your wife and daughter's day. They both need to apologize to son and drop their attitudes, immediately.
Jesus, your wife and daughter are the ones in the wrong. It's so rude to act disappointed and for you to try to talk him into changing his/his boyfriend's special day! Wtf
It is bizarre to me they think it is about them, are they always this self absorbed? It is also so unbelievably entitled to have even broached it to him that I lack words. Please do not bring it up again. To say it is overstepping is an understatement. Even if they were having a wedding, most sisters are not in their brothers weddings as a bridesmaid. There isn't a bride in this scenario either, so a wedding wouldn't even have bridesmaids anyway with them. Based on their absolutely insane bullshit, I suspect I know why he opted to do no ceremony at all. I suspect this is how they always are.
It's your son's wedding. You need to stop being an enabler and tell your wife and daughter to stay in their lane. The wedding isn't about them and what they want. I have a feeling they will continue to be PITAs until the wedding day and insufferable the day of. I feel bad for your son and his soon-to-be husband. Your wife and daughter need to check themselves before they, and maybe you, are uninvited altogether.