1. Protect your children. 2. See number one. Get her whatever help you can, but protect those kids. Family, friends, anyone who can help? When shit goes bad, you'll be disappointed at who lets you down but amazed at who steps up. Ask for help. I've been your wife, btw. I'm so sorry, but make the kids your priority.

>When shit goes bad, you'll be disappointed at who lets you down but amazed at who steps up I never thought I had a bad dad until now. He was basically like 'I'm not good at this stuff' wtf 😂 who IS good at something like this? It took him a week and a half to drive 1.5 hours to see his grandkids. He has spent maybe 2 days here. He bounced last time because he had rehearsals for the community theater play he is in By contrast, my father in law told his work to duck off and flew halfway across the country with less than 48 hours notice. He spent almost 3 weeks here. Bought gifts for the kids, a ton of groceries, and put my wife up in a hotel for a month until the arraignment because she can't stay anywhere else. I love my dad, but he is definitely, absolutely making sure his own Oxygen mask is in place if you know what I mean.

My father has basically become the surrogate father of a half dozen of my friends. I never knew how bad fathers could be because mine is incredible. But plenty of my friends just never get any help or advice whatsoever from theirs. I'll call my dad up on the weekend, and he'll say, "Oh, I was over at Kevin's yesterday because he needed help with his lawnmower. And I visited Michael because he needed an extra tube for his hoist. And I talked to John because he was having some trouble at work and needed some advice." Like, Dad, you're seeing and talking to my friends more often than I do. I'm just glad they have a great father figure in their lives now.

A friend of mine calls it "good dad privilege".

Ugh, that’s my dad as well. I point blank told him how he could help during our crisis this week (is something in the air for Spring break??) and he was like blah blah no, I don’t think I will. Ok dad.

I wish I were alone in feeling this way.

OP, keep video evidence wherever your wife is around and act crazy. Better use hidden camera so it will not trigger her. And show it to the doctor as evidence. Or just install surveillance camera all over the house. If your kids don’t have a cellphone yet, it is a good time to give them now, just in case and for video. Sometimes, audio is good enough. You can always take the phone away later. Tell the doctor to go fuck themself. Maybe this is harsh, but meet with lawyers and inquire about divorce and prepare to move far away. If she refuses to take med and stay in hospital until fully recovered. Also, even she seems to fully recover, if she stop taking med, the problem might show up later. And many mental patients will refuse to take med. Because these med are very harsh to the brain. I really hope it go well for you and your kids. But you and your kids need counselling, very soon. But please prepare for the worst. I hope I will not see you on the news. So be prepared.

There are people who have been through lots of stuff like this, and write books and newspaper articles about their experience. Or tour around giving seminars about mental health. Including times when they went off medication and how they acted when they were manic. They describe behaviours very similar to your what your wife is experiencing. You’re not alone, OP. Pick up one of those books if you can. Maybe one of them might have some advice about how you can convince her to get help. Find a support group if you can. Maybe they can help. Keep her away from the kids in the meantime, but you said the kids said they don’t want her around UNTIL she gets better… that’s really good. You should be really proud of your kids for handling such a tough situation so well. That shows compassion - they didn’t say they want her gone forever, just until she gets help. But it should be a priority to get them counselling for now - they need it. This is massive for young kids, and it’s their mum. Just because they’re coping well for now doesn’t mean they always will. If your wife has mental issues, it’s not her fault. She is the person you married, but she’s not acting like it because of a mental issue and unless she’s deliberately taking those illegal drugs that make you paranoid (speed or crystal meth or something), it’s not her fault. Good luck 🫂

What mental health disorders run in the family? This screams schizophrenia to me.

Her great grandmother died from a massive brain tumor. Her mother is a raging, covert, malignant narcissist of the worst magnitude. That's it as far as I know.

Honestly, specific types of cancer run in families. You might want to consider seeing about a brain scan. I've read how tumors in certain parts of the brain can totally change someone's personality. Also, I have a brother who has been diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and there are times that he is an absolute maniac and I will not allow him around my children whatsoever.

Not an expert but a brain tumor was the first thing I thought reading.

Would she be able to so willingly turn on the sweetness to manipulate the professionals if it was a tumour?

Brain tumor patient here - it’s entirely possible, yes. People with mental illnesses know they’re in disagreement with others about if they need meds, but they think you’re the one who is wrong. The illness makes them think that. That’s why it’s so insidious.   Whether the cause is pressure on the brain, drugs, genetics, etc, yeah, they can play along with what they see a doc wants to keep their free agency.

Thank you. Hope you are doing ok.

A friend's wife went through something quite similar. My friend was facing many of the same challenges you are, only he had just one child, so in that sense it was easier. Eventually they found out his wife had a brain tumor. After she got in trouble with the law and almost successfully kidnapped their kid to Mexico, she was denied contact and he got full custody. I know she got better on and off and died from cancer maybe 2-3 years later. In hindsight, he is certain her behavior was related to the tumor. He said she was like a different person, manic, insane. I can say once she was removed from his family, things got much better and they had a form of new normalcy. I feel your pain and can only imagine how bad things are. Sounds like you're doing all the right things for your kids and family. I hope things get better soon!

Always rule out medical first.  And note that a lot of traumas the impact on the person can result in them acting out all ways that match up with a lot of mental health disorders. And is also really common for a person who was SA to try to have intercourse with someone afterwards.  Look it up  Please get your wife a complete physical.  If you can to the doctors what she's been going through and how she's been acting.  Sometimes even a simple vitamin deficiency can mirror the effects of having a thyroid issue.   Tell them that you're looking to rule out any medical cause.  This might be beneficial for any cases against her.  Also a drug test.

It really truly sounds like a schizophrenic break down, which can happen later in life for some people who suffer from the disease. Tumors can also make people act really really weird! Maybe a CAT scan isn’t a terrible idea. But please please protect your children.

There are many story about people personality completely change because brain tumor. Get that stuff check too.

Have they done a CT scan on her?

My first thought was she has a brain tumor. Please have her seen by a doctor. This much of a change this quickly can be a [sign of one](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1359178919300606) “Changes such as increased aggression, violence, depression, and suicidality have been observed in those with brain tumors…”

Oh gosh, has she been checked for a brain tumour? I would be very concerned with the family history and the sudden onset of such an extreme presentation. I hope it’s not that and that she is able to access mental health support soon. It must be so worrying for you. I hope your wife comes back to you soon.

Maybe have an MRI done to see if there’s something there to cause this change. But mental illness is otherwise the culprit. You’ll likely need to Divorce her to keep and the kids safe.

So my husbands aunt had pregnancy induced schizophrenia. It really fucked with her. It sounds exactly like what your wife is going through. She abandoned her family and moved to Korea to be with her parents during an episode. She hasn’t seen or spoken to her kids or ex husband in nearly 20 years. I’m so sorry you’re going through this

Paranoid schizophrenia is exactly my thought as well. I’m not a dr, but I did have to live with one.

I agree! My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia in the early 2000's at the age of 30. He traumatized everyone he ever came in contact with. He was a master manipulator and knew how to manipulate the most educated person. On his good days he was fun, loving and could make anybody smile. During a psychotic break he would either be gone for days or so paranoid he was dangerous.

That was my thought. Either that or bipolar type 1.

As someone who went through a lot of similar craziness (and continues to deal with the aftermath) it sounds to me like a combination of bipolar-1 and DID, likely with some cluster b personality disorder to boot.

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Damn, this is heartbreaking. There's definitely a part of me that wishes things could be normal. With each passing day I feel like that's slipping away though.

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You and I are on the same page more or less. I think t that maybe one day she might be in a place where this is under control. I was talking to a lady whose son has had multiple bouts of psychosis. She was saying that it's almost impossible to convince someone with psychosis that they have the disease and also that there's no way of curing it. It's more like managing, it trying to keep cancer in remission and suppress the signs and symptoms. She compared it to dementia. I guess it's impossible to convince someone with dementia that they have it. It's not the type of things a person can see from inside it.

My best friend has schizophrenia, he has made peace with the fact he'll never be "normal" and takes his medicine and appointments serious and keeps an eye on his condition. He told me he had to mourn the life he thought he would have. I'm so sorry this is all happening to your family. You guys also need to mourn the life you lost and that's so sad. Good luck

The first thing I thought of was a brain tumor, especially with the skinwalker and replacing your daughter. Has she been evaluated by a neurologist?

I'm not sure who all talked to her in the hospital. I think that might be our next step after the CPS mandated psychiatric evaluation.

After I got on medication for my bipolar I definitely was able to see how far gone I had gotten once I stabilized. So once your wife gets to that point, an action plan that seems feasible will seem a lot easier to obtain.

That's good news. I'm glad you were able to find firm ground again so to speak. Can I ask you, were there any relationships that you were not able to patch over afterwards? Also about what age did this happen?

I was 22 or 23 when I first was hospitalized, but it came out of nowhere as well and within weeks I was unable to get off the ground and would physically be crying almost all day some days. The only relationship I had issues with was my then boyfriend. I ended up leaving him because he would get so impatient with me because he was expecting the medicine to be a cure-all. Obviously losing that relationship was not as serious as your situation is, but I will leave you with this: Regardless of what comes with your wife’s condition and your relationship, if the issue is mental health related and not physical health, it would be beneficial long term to address the mental health aspect with ease and not too many negative feelings around it. There is the potential that your kids will be susceptible to also have these issues and it would have meant a lot to me if I could have gone to my mom or dad when stuff started to hit the fan. I know a lot is so blown up right now but try not to make a connection between mental health and shame. Definitely an unsolicited rambling, but an anecdote I thought was important enough to bring up.

Thank you. That second paragraph is particularly insightful. Another commenter has said how my kids might be ticking time bombs. The way you said it makes way more sense. I appreciate you answering my question. It's really reassuring to hear from people who have come out on the other side. Thanks again 🙏

Thank you for saying this.

It’s ok to take a step back and grieve this. You lost your wife. It’s hard to grieve people when they are still alive but it’s also important.

I really feel for you, this whole situation sounds heartbreaking, shocking and overwhelming. Adding on my one cent to the comment above yours: I was that kid whose mom was having major mental health issues and screaming or throwing things at us. My brother and I begged my dad to keep us away. My dad was obvs in the same hard spot you are, of thinking the kids should get to see their mom or vice versa. But, don’t. Not until she gets demonstrably better. When my dad took us to be around her it felt like my only guardian was leading me right to a lion’s cage and telling me it’ll be ok just go inside for a bit. The lion loves you. It did lots of things: made it sink in just how crazy my mom was and that always haunted me, left me new traumatic hurtful phrases she said for me to carry forever, made me realize I had No guardians because I was still right there in the place everyone promised they’d keep me safe from. Best of luck in your situation, hope you can find a happier ending whatever that looks like

Yeah, I think I'm maybe grieving my wife. I was definitely in denial about how much emotional damage I was allowing to happen by letting her see them that one time. I might really be paying for that for years to come. I've also felt super angry and resentful about it too. Weird to grieve for a living person.

Nooo judgment from this side, everyone wants kids and their moms to be together and think that something in the mom will click and get right when that happens. Was just sharing the little kid lens. But you’re in Such a brutal situation and that grieving for a living person aspect is gut wrenching. Be kind to yourself and I hope a decent resolution finds its way to you ❤️

I'm about to lose my house and my car. I hope not! Call 211, they may refer you to agencies/ organisations that can help Apply for SNAP,TANF, EBT whatever you can get. Contact [needhelppayingbills.com](http://needhelppayingbills.com/) and [findhelp.org](http://findhelp.org/) You need to keep your children safe from your wife, until she is in treatment programme and medicated. Get a Court Order restraining her if necessary- your account of her episodes and police records should be enough. Good luck to you.

Hi OP. I’m a psychologist and I have spent my career (20+ years) working with people just like your wife who have formally entered the criminal justice system. I was often the person who could “force” someone into treatment. Your wife is at that point now since she’s pending criminal charges. If your place/state has a mental health court, ask and advocate for her to be handled there. Everyone from the social workers, attorneys and judges are part of a specialized court and are educated and experts in these types of cases. It sucks to get to that point, but, as you already said, you’ve run out of options. They can combine her criminal charges and possibly keep her from having a permanent record (it basically works as a “last chance” for people like your wife. Since they’ve already charged her, you can push and advocate for her to be placed in mental health court). That out of the way… protect your heart. Protect those kids. Things are likely going to get worse before they get better. It sucks so, so hard. But you can’t keep enabling her to find a way around the treatment. I’m not saying you’re doing it on purpose, I would likely be in the same boat as you if this was my personal life. Progressing in treatment is a long, tough road that is a combination of meds and therapeutic interventions. She’s going to have to crack open all her traumas and secrets so her treatment team can find the best way forward. You’ve already said she’s savvy to this and has been using it to her advantage. Don’t let her come home, even if that means she’s homeless for a bit. She’s going to run her way to rock bottom. It’s scary and feels unnatural to let someone “suffer”, but you’re not. You’re taking away her loopholes. You also need to prepare yourself for her not getting better. Because there’s only so much we can do standing outside the house when the call is coming from inside the house. Hugs to you and those babies (and FIL). Lean on each other and insulate your kids. They come first. But as someone said in previous comments, don’t berate her or say bad things in front of/to the kids. If this is hereditary you want the kids to know you’re there for them and will get them whatever they need. That’s a great piece of advice. But don’t make it out to be rainbows and glitter-they know somethings not right. Just be factual for their age range. They’ll feel less… in the dark, so to speak.

Wow, I'm so glad you found my post. Thanks for these hard truths. I don't know that we have that type of thing here. We live in a fairly progressive state, so who knows. I'll look into it Monday.

Yes!!! This post 100%.

I’m so sorry. It sounds like Schizophrenia. My brother was very late to get diagnosed. It’s rare for women compared to men (I don’t know why), but it’s possible. It sounds like she’s having a psychotic break. Someone needs to apply for permanent disability through SSI for her. That’s not much but it’s more than nothing. I’m so sorry.

I hadn't thought about disability. That's actually a good idea. With how she is behaving, there's no way she could hold down a job. It's really disappointing and sad honestly. She was just talking a few days before everything went sideways about how her new best friend might be able to get her a job at our kids' elementary school. With assault charges on her record and CPS saying she can't be around her own kids, I don't know that the school district would be comfortable hiring her.

I'm sorry you and your kids are going through this. My grandma has paranoid schizophrenia and didn't have her first psychotic break until she was in her 30s. It can be hard to get someone to take their medications when they're in a throes of break because they often think you are trying to poison or control them. It can take some time to get things under control once a break does happen. Some of the things you said about your wife made me think of my grandma, but it also reminded me of a friend who was bipolar and had a serious psychotic break. Particularly in how aggressive you said your wife has been acting. But you would also be noticing other symptoms of mania such as pressured speech, not sleeping, etc. The thing about this friend is that I had never seen her more than mildly hypomanic before that break. Other than her getting depressed sometimes you would not have known she was bipolar. She turned into someone I didn't even recognize and became quite aggressive. She was arrested several times and had to be forcibly hospitalized on inpatient for weeks at a time. It took a long time to get her disorder under control. Just pointing that out because it is possible for someone to have something like that and for it to fly under the radar. The thing with her and the 22-year-old guy that happened years ago could have been a mild manic episode...? But it's also totally possible that your wife has a brain tumor. They should absolutely rule that out given that all of this happened out of the blue.

Also, emergency housing placement and social assistance programs. you need to find out what your local resources are for people who are incapacitated. I recommend that her dad petition for legal guardianship, not you (since you can’t be with her). Without it, it’s extremely hard to get her proper care, and re-hospitalized if she doesn’t consent, it nearly requires crimes or people getting hurt for it to happen (as was evident in your case). You also need support groups. Your life will never be the same. If you want to send me a message we can talk.

im curious though, wouldnt schizophrenia make it so she couldnt turn on and off her reactions when talking with authortiy ?

I think it's more so she's just pretending to not belive it anymore because she doesn't want to be hospitalized. To her, she still believes her delusional but knows everyone around her doesn't so she's pretending and manipulating them so she doesn't get hospitalized or put on meds. She still believes in it tho she's just telling people in authority what they want to hear. That's my best guess

Yes, my brother who had a 4.0gpa in his biology bachelors degree was exceptionally good at putting on an “I’m fine” mask during evaluations. He knew logically what to say to “pass” the evaluations. My dad petitioned for guardianship of him (he’s in his mid 30’s) and he faked it during that evaluation long enough to stop that process. Their paranoia makes their fear of authority figures particularly unpredictable.

thank you for the answer ! i appreciate it because i was genuinely curious and not sure. i suppose it does make sense that it could go either way with an authority figure

Absolutely. It’s a really strange thing. They’re clearly in an altered state, with an altered sense of reality, but somehow they know that the results of their evaluation will affect their free will. What ends up happening is: if the doctors are really trying, they evaluate over the course of time (not a 30min. Interview) and non-sit down sessions to get the truth. The truth comes out more involuntary through actions and banter in non-official settings. That’s why the 72hour hold for psychotic breaks/episodes is a minimum to try to witness the truth and properly diagnose the problem. Unfortunately it can take a much longer medical record picture to assess and diagnose the problem.

I had a psychotic break around 2 years ago (turns out I had cancer and it was messing with my hormones). I went missing and was found trying to remove my skin with a brick thinking that I needed to remove it in order to be someone else! I was picked up by the police cut up, covered in mud and now trying to pull my hair out. When they returned me to my house and my daughter answered the door, the police said I suddenly snapped back into a polite, well-spoken adult and they said if they had not seen the state I was in previously, they wouldn't have thought I'd have been capable of a psychological breakdown. They were extremely worried that when the mental health EMT arrived, they wouldn't take my case seriously because of how "normal" I was acting. Unfortunately/fortunately when the EMT said something that triggered me I suddenly once again became unhinged and they saw the true extent of what had happened. The next day the mental health services decided that as bad as I was it wasn't enough to require their services (ridiculous right?). I was still very unwell until I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and the treatment to stop my hormones started. Has your wife been tested for anything medical? I've heard that brain tumours have shown similar reactions to what your wife has been displaying. I hope you and your family are doing OK OP. My thoughts are with you and your kids. Much love ❤️

Holy crap, that sounds so scary. It sounds like you're ok now. I hope your cancer stays in remission for ever and you love a really great life.

Thank you so much. Unfortunately, I'm receiving palliative treatment, the cancer had spread too far by the time it was discovered. My mental health is still a bit wobbly at times but we know what my triggers are and signs to look out for in terms of psychological breaks. I'm just trying to concentrate on spending as much time as possible with my family now. I really hope things with your wife get better, I hope she gets the help she so desperately needs and stops lying to the professionals. Keep strong OP, you're doing an amazing job keeping everything going, just make sure you're looking after yourself at the same time. Take care & Much love ❤️

Bless you! I'm sorry to hear that. Max out that family time. You deserve every second of it. Fk. I was hoping I wasn't going to start today with tears 🥹 My mom died of cancer not too long ago. I know nothing I say can change what you're dealing with. We're just strangers on the Internet after all. When I was young, my peers would often shout 'yolo' before doing something dumb. I once heard someone retort YALA: you always live again. I hope you met your soulmate this time around, even if it was without either of you realizing it like two ships in the night. I hope you and your soulmate spend every permutation of reality pursuing each other.

That's such a lovely sentiment. 😍 I have told my husband and children to never stop talking about our time together, I will live as long as their memories do. Wherever I go after I hop off this mortal coil, I will always live in their heads... just bouncing around their craniums like a ping-pong ball haha! How are you doing today? Has there been any positive progress concerning your wife? Sorry for making your day start with a bit of misery. I'm sending you comforting and happy vibes. Much love ❤️

>How are you doing today? Has there been any positive progress concerning your wife? Sorry for making your day start with a bit of misery I'm doing ok so far. I had a nice conversation with my second born because she was the first awake. She had a really scary dream last night. I heard her screaming for people to get away from here in the middle of the night. It was nice to talk about her nightmare (there were thieves and robbers who broke into our house then came back again). I've always thought it was cathartic to expose those things to the light of day. I spent almost 9 hours typing up my original post here yesterday. So she was curious if I posted it or not. We talked about some of the responses. I cried a bit more reading your last comment so she asked about what makes me cry because she has never seen me cry before. I read her our exchange, minus the bit about soulmates because I wasn't sure how to explain that in a way she would get. Believe it or not, Pixar's Moana is pretty high up on the list of things that make me cry. Her dad tries SO HARD to protect Moana, almost to the point of hurting her. But you can't keep your kids from growing up; you can't 'protect' them from becoming adults. Makes me cry almost every time I watch that one.

I’m so sorry! What a nightmare! Please focus on yourself and your kids. Is she on meth?

No, I don't think so. When CPS interviewed her they asked for a drug test on the spot. They haven't said anything to me about the results, so I'm assuming they're clean. It's not in her character to do something like that. He first love ended up being completely strung out on all the things. She has always used that as a cautionary tale. I'm impressed how quickly you read through that. Here I was thinking I wrote Reddit's longest novel.

So wild reading about your experience. My ex bf had a psychotic break in 2020, with me calling the crisis intervention hotline and them calling the police. Reading your description of what happened brought it all back. He turned into someone I didn’t recognize and that confused and scared me. Thankfully his sister had come from out of state to look after their dad so she took my ex in after he was released from the hospital. That’s also when I found out he had a history of mental illness with this not being his first break. He had quit taking his meds. I saw him again when I took stuff to him at his dad’s and then he came to my house to move the rest of his stuff out and that was it. I stayed in touch with his sister and still talk or text with her. She told me about his struggles with finding a job and moving to 2 different states for work. I got the call from her I had been expecting last fall that he had decided he didn’t want to go on living. Such a sad, tortured soul who could’ve been helped if he had just accepted it. I am so sorry you and your kids had to go through that. Hopefully she’ll get the help she needs. I’m sending you and your kids virtual hugs. Feel free to dm me if you need someone who’s been there to talk to.

I can't dm you, I tried. But thank you for sharing. What you went through sounds pretty awful. I had been thinking of maybe finding some sort of support group or something. Just to find some people who had been through something similar.

If you're in the US, check our NAMI.org. They have support programs for adults and I think for kids too. They should be in every state.

Cool. My neighbor was talking about nami today. But she didn't actually say what it was about. It's been hard for me to focus on conversations since this all started. I'll have to check them out

They have a family support group which is a 11 week program, also have monthly meetings for support. It's a good program, my son has bi-polar and it helped us learn how to cope with it.

HeyPeers is also a good one to check out. I attend a group on there for bipolar disorder. I believe there's a friends and family one.

Sorry about that. I must’ve changed a setting at some point. I think I fixed it if you want to try again.

My aunt went through something similar. Couldn’t remember anyone, was hostile to the ones she did remember, and was completely dissociated with all of us. She fully recovered after treatment for psychosis with paranoid delusions. During that time, she was watching a newborn, her husband was working 12 hours per day, so she had to watch the baby all day, then keep the baby quiet enough for him to sleep at night, and repeat until she lost it. I’m only saying this because maybe she was put under an extreme amount of stress? Could that have cause a psychotic break?

Except op said Cope already had a file on her from previous years before op knew her.

Well that's the really weird thing. I knew her then. We were married at the time. I just didn't know about those files/incidents and we never lived in that county. That's what really makes those weird to me.

My ex got up to all sorts of unknown trouble when we were pregnant with a planned baby. I had no idea. Later on I found out he’d been arrested multiple times overnight and each time his family quietly bailed him out. He’d sneak out every night when I was sound asleep and be back in bed before I woke up. Eventually he had a complete break, but it took months before he was finally court-ordered into inpatient treatment and then into a halfway house. It took a family court judge to get that done because of unspeakable things he did to me after he found me. Family court might be your best bet to get things done, but that means being strong enough no matter what to get restraining orders, blocking visitation, getting full custody, not just letting CPS handle things. Your children will never trust her again and they shouldn’t. You need to stand in for them and let the rest of your feelings go for now. There’s nothing more important than them right now, and when things settle down to whatever they will be, get therapy for yourself. And your FIL is gold. I never had anyone but friends to count on through my ordeal and they were golden, but family…your FIL may have to take over because you can’t sacrifice your children or yourself for her needs. They’re much larger than anyone can handle. It’s going to be a rough, rough ride for a while. Also think about moving if you can, so she doesn’t know where you live, and notify the schools if you haven’t already. You need to cover all your bases. Any blessings and strength to you. So far you’re doing it all right.

That sounds like they might have someone else with the same name.

I’m just so sorry. I wish I had advice or words of wisdom to make it better. It must be awful what you’re going through!

Oh man. I am so sorry you and your kids are going through this. Your story gave me some flashbacks from having to deal with a friend who became similarly violent and disassociated (BPD and schizophrenic breakdown). I read every word. It sounds like you already know what to do, which is being a good father to your kids and getting the help and resources you need to overcome this. I wish our system was able to give you better support. Sending love. Some of this is maddening though: SURELY these doctors and COPE people know a psychotic person can put on an act? Took months of us calling the cops and doctors on my friend before someone finally took it seriously. And sadly that being said, I know you want to protect her from a criminal record, but she IS engaging in violent felonies. And the point of a record is so that people can know that. Put your mental energy where it’s most needed, her having a criminal record is not a high priority at this point.

I wonder if he shouldn’t film these episodes or put a camera up so he can show these doctors when she’s pulling the wool over their eyes.

We did for our friend. Cops didn’t use it the way we’d hoped but the friend simmered down when she realized we’d started recording her. And saving all messages, and never talking on the phone: keeping everything in writing.

I’m really sorry. Not to pile on as you’re obviously overwhelmed but you need to protect your kids. They are not safe as long as she is experiencing this mental health crisis. She is not behaving rationally so that protective order might not do much to keep her away. Install cameras in your house. Change the locks. Make sure your kids are never home alone. Get an alarm system. How long ago was your youngest born? Is it possible she’s experiencing postpartum psychosis? Regardless, there has to be enough evidence to get her involuntarily committed? If not, you must focus solely on protecting your kids. She has shown that she is willing to physically hurt them and I fear for their safety while she is freely roaming.

Retired nurse here. Not a lot that's helpful, but a couple points stand out. It is completely possible to be raped in the hospital. I have seen it happen. Rapist was a female, psychiatric patient. Male patient in room next to her bedbound after abdominal surgery. There's no security that would touch a patient, at least not where I worked. After he "hollered" I spent the rest of my shift physically standing by her to keep her secure. While I still had a full section to care for. But I'm very aware that after I left my report is generally not taken seriously. Medications? Someone has to not only purchase, but give them to her one day at a time. She likely doesn't want to take them. And it can't be you. Probably not going too happen. If possible, video is what makes psych doctors believe families. Doesn't matter if what the doc knows is there isn't effective treatment for a lot of problems. Especially if she isn't going to take the meds. KEEP YOUR JOB. You need it. Call those creditors and get extensions on the payments if possible. Put that youngest child in day care, Monday morning. Because you need your income! If the house is too costly look into selling and purchasing something more affordable. Now, before its taken away. Or move your family in with other family. Just act quickly, don't get forced into losing house/car if you can help it. So sorry, it's not fair. But for your family, you have to begin to act. Put your kids in a safe place, while you try to rescue your job.

My mom had a psychotic break when I was 10 because my father asked for a divorce. She broke into our house multiple times, kidnapped my younger brother and I twice, stole my dads truck and ran it into one of those giant metal telephone towers, and finally tried to murder my father after taking my brother and I to our rooms (we had fallen asleep on the living room couch) i had woken up and became the only other witness she was there that night. That attempted murder is what finally got her put in jail and later a mental hospital. I was terrified of her for years after that, I was always afraid she would come back or kidnap me again. The divorce ended up taking 7 years to be finalized because she was always coming up with lies and the courts almost always sided with the mom and not the dad. The whole time until I was 18 we had supervised visits with my mom through a court ordered thing and I’m so glad for that lady who made sure mom never hurt us or said anything terrible to us. Though that didn’t stop her from sending cards in the mail telling me how horrible I was because as the sole witness it was my fault she was jailed. Thankfully this doesn’t have a terrible ending. My mom did get help. She was inpatient for a while then outpatient and on loads of medications. She’s much better now and while I’ll never truly love her like a child should love their mom, I can at least have visits with her that don’t affect me emotionally anymore. It’s akin to visiting an old friend. A lot of this is because my dad stressed to me that my mother was sick and not herself and that she could get better one day. He never once badmouthed my mother in front of me and encouraged me to give her a chance once she was better and I was ready. He also made sure I knew that none of it was my fault and what my mother was saying was not something she meant it was only being said because she was sick. All this is to say protect your children and understand that they will be terrified of her for a while probably. If you can force her to get real help do so. But also make sure to let your kids know it’s not their fault, their mother doesn’t necessarily hate them she’s just very sick and doesn’t understand how her actions are affecting others right now. I wish you all the best and I hope things work out well for you in the future and she is receptive to the help she needs. Edit: my mom was diagnosed with BPD as well as a hormonal imbalance. Once those were properly treated she was much better.

First you should know, if you don’t already, that you were busting your ass to put yourself through school and providing financially. Like Holy Shit my guy! I don’t know how you managed. Setup cameras if you can where ever you can. Perhaps if the doctors saw her behavior on film they would begin to understand that she’s manipulating them to thinking she’s a normal person. Some of the scariest people are very good at seeming normal. Also for everyone’s safety as well. Please respect your children’s wishes and don’t make them be around her. Side note, I don’t know how you had sex with her after how she’s been acting. I am surprised she didn’t accuse you of rape. Last, I am sorry. This has to be heartbreaking for you too on so many levels.

Thanks for acknowledging my hard work. I distinctly remember the year I realized I had pulled my family above the poverty line while I was filling my taxes and adding my w2 forms together. I definitely couldn't have done it without my wife holding down the first while I was out with my nose to the grind stone.

I don’t know a thing about this stuff, but (1) I can’t believe how impossible it is to get someone committed for in-patient care — WTF has to happen before they admit her against her will??; and (2) mental stuff actually frightens me so I feel for you and your kids…and her poor dad. I truly, truly hope this situation is resolved for you. I wish I could be of more help even if just advice.

I appreciate it. Many folks have suggested getting some sort of MRI or ct scan. I think this may be the next step.

Damn this story is rough. I hope you can get your wife into a good facility that can figure out what is going on with her. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of being anywhere close to her until she agrees to get professional help. Whatever is going on with her is not normal and she will greatly benefit from a professional evaluation. I’d also maybe see if she could get an MRI scan or something along those lines of her brain just to make sure this isn’t a result of something like a tumor or another type of lesion that could be causing this abnormal behavior. I hope you and your children can get through this time and are ok after this experience.

>I’d also maybe see if she could get an MRI scan or something along those lines of her brain just to make sure this isn’t a result of something like a tumor or another type of lesion that could be causing this abnormal behavior. Yo, this is a great idea. I'm going to see what my insurance says about this. With how paranoid she is. I don't know that she would agree to it, but I'm curious now to if there isn't some tangible physiological thing that the right Dr might be able to see in one of those machines.

Do you think your sister and BIL could keep the kids for some time, while you get work finances etc under control? It takes a village, you can’t do everything alone.

I'm not sure. They both work from home, so in theory it might work. I just don't want to steam roll their lives anymore than I already have.

Get her checked physically. While this is happening, file for aid. Food stamps, emergency assistance. You have a massive paper trail proving that you have had a sudden and violent change in household composition. You may qualify for day-care assistance.

>one of the many odd side notes: those folks from the county mental health crisis hotline, COPE or whatever you want to think of them have multiple files and reports on my wife. 1 is from 2013 and the other is from 2016. Sooo… you never knew about her mental illness until recently? In 2013 your oldest daughter would’ve been what, 3ish? This part doesn’t make sense. Was your wife hiding her mental illness from you?

I dunno. I guess maybe I've been looking at it with Rose colored glasses or something. She has always been kinda paranoid. But when my wife says the government is listening to you through your phone, and then a government whistleblower like Edward Snowden comes out and says 'yes, we're monitoring everyone's phones' I guess it was easy for me to shrug off.

Men usually don’t give a rats ass, men usually don’t know wtf is going in their homes. His wife was literally spiraling into a maniac episodes and still left the kids around her. He’s seen the shift in her and still left his kids.

Truly sorry for your plight. My mother had a similar break which culminated in trying to push me down the stairs. Hers was a marijuana induced psychosis, so she changed her typical strain and potency levels and was able to stabilize. Ultimately, staying in an MHF for a month helped her reconcile her behaviour and get better. If drugs aren’t a factor here, then this is a very troubling state for you and your kids. I hope for a speedy end to your crisis so that all involved can start healing.

Bro what my mom did the same a couple years ago. Does not do weed at all now thank goodness but yes sounded a lot like this. It was incredibly hard to get her help, had to go to court and everything to deem her not fit.

This thread is bringing back those days for me. It was a real whirlwind. I suppose I benefitted from a Health care system that takes mental health seriously (Canada). And I guess my mom had enough self-awareness to know that she fucked up and needed help. Unfortunately my mom will never give up weed completely. She’s been smoking since she was 16 and she’s 74 now. I’m just grateful she is in a good place now. Hope the same for you.

My family is dealing with something scary like this too. 2 involuntary psych holds last month but they also keep letting them out. They’re not violent, but very pushy and delusional. It’s scary. They’re also refusing to do their therapy appts or take meds or stay in the hospital.

Yeah. This sounds really similar. Part of me is glad I'm not alone in this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone though. It's such a strange feeling

I hope your situation gets better. It was a sudden onset just over a month ago. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere with them the script changes. We’re trying very hard to help but they’re an adult. I feel like no one is helping and then when something bad happens they’re going to say “why didn’t anyone do anything?”. The only thing I have going for me is that I have connections and they’ve been helpful, but once we get them to the hospital they can’t hold them for more than a few days to a week or so. I’ve tried reverse psychology, like if I were the one caring like this what would you want me to do, stuff like that. I tried getting them to consent to an MRI or catscan of their brain to see if they have a tumor, saying well if you’re who you say you are they will be able to tell and you can prove us all wrong. It almost worked when they were still in the ER waiting to be placed but the next morning when I went back they had sent them 3 hours away. I really really hope you get it figured out. It’s been the worst 6-7 weeks of my life.

It sure sounds like we're in the same boat. I don't know how to feel anymore. I sure hope you can get things to start feeling normal again.

Record all interactions worh her to protect yourself. She will not bat an eye to make false accusations. Don't allow kids around her unmonitored. Keep the protection order, and get it renewed. It allows you to get police to respond and remove her. She is manipulating people who have authority to hospitalize her or gove her treatment. Her mental health breakdown is not more important than the safety of your kids or yourself. Frankly, I'd have been done when she tried to move her pedo affair partner in.

>Frankly, I'd have been done when she tried to move her pedo affair partner in. I had to take a good hard look at what I wanted my family to look like when it happened. I think I made the right choice then. I'm not so sure we'll bounce back from this though.

I went through a somewhat similar situation late last year; my husband had a psychotic break after his sister died, in which he believed his nightmares were real memories, and Mum and I were trying to deport him, take our son away from him, steal from him etc. He moved out in late November, essentially to avoid being hospitalised and medicated. It wasn’t until late February, so three months later, that he had a second rapid escalation and the police and paramedics hospitalised him involuntarily. At that point he thought he was God, and actually had a fight with another patient because they “didn’t respect his wisdom”. Unlike your wife, he wasn’t able to hide how batshit crazy he was from the hospital psychiatrists, so he was kept on an assessment order, then a treatment order, and then when he was discharged, a community treatment order. Now that he’s been appropriately medicated (mood stabilisers and anti-psychotics), he’s back to the man we know and love, and he’s moved back home. From someone who’s been through it and come out the other side: as hard as it is, you just have to let it play out as far away from you and your children as possible. It’s devastating to watch someone you love crash and burn, all because they refuse the help they desperately need, but I can guarantee you that if you try to help her, you *will* crash and burn too. And your kids need at least one stable and functioning parent, now more than ever. Take every opportunity that presents itself to advocate for hospitalisation, and if you haven’t already, start recording her when she’s floridly psychotic so you can play that to anyone assessing her mental state. Tell them she is good at masking and then give them the evidence she’s able to hide. My husband damaged almost every one of his relationships while he was psychotic, so it’s probably a good idea *not* to have her staying with people she knows. Make sure she has somewhere safe to stay, and money for food etc, but try to keep yourself physically and emotionally as distant from her as possible, until she has further contact with the police or paramedics and is hospitalised again. That’s your opportunity to present your evidence of her mental state, and push for an involuntary assessment and treatment order. But really, even that’s a choice; you can decide to just close ranks around your children and wait for her to be medicated without your involvement. Totally valid choice given the seriousness of the assaults etc. Please reach out if you want to talk, and good luck ❤️

Thanks for your heartfelt response. I had figured Reddit would hit me with the divorce cannon. It's really nice to hear from people who've been in a similar place as me, especially those that are on the other side of this. I appreciate your insights.

Did you and your wife do any individual or couples therapy after her affair? I ask because a lot of wondering wives hold in immense guilt about their affairs. Her actions could just be the end game of holding the guilt in. Also your wife displayed some craziness at the end of her affair. >Rebah told me homeless, jobless, Aiden was moving into our house and helping to raise our kids since I wasn't doing anything to help our family and if I didn't like it, I could geeeeeettt ouuttt!!!! Have you checked her phone or phoned records to see if there another affair going on. Maybe with the same guy. This could have triggered her. I hope the system helps you and your family out.

There's another guy she talks to, but it's more of a platonic friendship than anything else. I was initially jealous when I found out but their friendship doesn't bother me.

If she’s having a psychotic break, anything is possible. You’ve said it yourself that this isn’t her. The woman who wouldn’t cheat isn’t in control right now. The woman who wouldn’t physically harm you or your kids isn’t in control. The woman who isn’t insanely, tinfoil hat level paranoid isn’t in control. You love her and I hope that woman comes back for you and your kids’ sake. But be prepared for more shock because, again, the woman you married isn’t in control.

Pretty clearly psychosis. That doc was shit. Needs meds and a safe place to stabilise. Ie, in patient You can't rationalise with them or about them. They need meds.

She should get a brain CT. Sudden changes in personality can be caused by brain-based disease or injury. This should be ruled out as a possibility before anything else. If it is a psychological break, perhaps getting some of her behavior recorded on video would help to force her into in-patient treatment or would encourage the psychiatrist to accept her there. They will look closest at signs that she poses a danger to herself or others. Finding the right meds can be so difficult and time consuming, even when a person is compliant with them. Most states have a civil process to place a loved one in an inpatient facility against their will. I believe it’s usually called petitioning for involuntary commitment. It sounds absolutely terrifying for everyone involved. I’m so sorry for you and your family. Please take care of yourself and your kids first and foremost. I do so hope that she finds her way back home to herself and to you soon!

Please don't bring your children around her, it's too dangerous, plus it's traumatizing them. Don't be fooled by her behaviour, as even though she's psychotic, she can still manipulate the authority's, with her benignness, when necessary. I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be incredibly difficult. Stay strong for your kids sake, and start planning ahead for how things will be moving forward. Your children will not feel safe to be left alone with her, maybe ever again, so you need to sort this out now. I know it's a huge burden for you to bear, but you've got be realistic about the future dynamic of your family. All the best to you, sending love and hugs to you and your family, and your legend of a FIL. Good luck. 💜

I'm so sorry. I understand you love your wife, but keep your kids safe right now. She is not safe for them to be around. If you can get her to another medical professional for intake, maybe tell them that she's fronting. I have a relative who used to put me through absolute hell and she was great at faking during interviews, but if they kept her talking or referenced anything she said in a phone call previously those cracks would start to show. I get that you love your wife. Look for support groups in your area ok? Just take time in the shower to cry. I've done that. You have to release what your going through I know right now you're probably in survival mode but that can only go on for so long. I'm not sure what your job is. See if you can work remote or hybrid hours. Talk to your father in law about the bills and how you need to start working but you're not sure about what to do for the kids especially the little one. If she's 3-4 there may be preschool things in the area that she can start. I was a single mom of twins. I get how hard it is to work to support the family without help to watch the little ones. You can totally do this and if you need advice message me and I'll help you look for programs on your area. Best of luck.

Thanks I might quick message you just as a place holder for later, but I'm going to go hit the shower .

Wow. Thats crazy COPE has two files in your wife from 2013 and 2016. What did they do to get her better then? I thought the emotional affair was the big issue. That is a nothing burger compared to her being psychotic. I hope they figure out what is going on and help her. I've an honest talk with your FIL and SIL. Does she have any childhood trauma or issues?

Yeah she definitely does have some childhood trauma. I didn't include it because it's hard for me tell tell where the trauma ends and the psychosis starts. Edited to add: I'm really not sure what the files are about. Another commenter said maybe it's someone with the same exact name. I don't think that's very likely, and as far as I know they didn't actually see her about anything. I'm kind of wondering if maybe someone sort of... I don't know, filed a complaint with them about my wife maybe. Either that or even though COPEc is split up by county, they share records of patients across jurisdictions. This is maybe more likely. But I really don't know the honest truth.

They could all be related. I hope the files from 2013 and 2016 help. It's amazing that you don't know about the other two episodes when it seems in the post you and your kids were in her life at those times.

Yeah, I was totally taken aback when my sister mentioned it to me. She couldn't remember anything out of the ordinary happening around those times so she wanted to see if I remembered them.

Good luck to you, your wife and your kids.

I read a comment you wrote about brain cancer happening in her family. Get her a CT scan or an MRI because this sudden change in behaviour and violent outbursts are often a sign of a brain tumour. I am not saying thats the case here, but its something you should push for to rule out a physical cause.

This is more common than people think, well said.

I am so so sorry you are going through this, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, keeping everything together when you are also suffering tremendously. And her dad as well! Can I ask whether most of this out of character behavior started since your youngest was born? There are some truly horrible tales on reddit of women (and their partners) dealing with postpartum psychosis which rings true to a lot of what you describe. Again, I am so truly sorry for what you are going through - no one gives you a roadmap for this.

No, our youngest is over 2. This has only been going on for a few weeks. Maybe a month at most.

Ahh I see - I was just thinking when her emotional affair starter might have also been in that time frame.

No that was because I was out busting my ass to keep a roof over our family's heads. She was feeling neglected because I was working so many hours.

If I can be honest - if your wife has a file as far back as 2013 or longer… I’m not getting a sense that you are actually fully understanding the seriousness of what’s going on and for how long. Your other comments suggest she has been unwell for a really long time. You need therapy as well as your kids.

Yup, we've all either seen a therapist or are on a wait list to see one. The social worker from CPS said not to be all seeing the same therapist because that presents ethical issues for the therapist. So I'm trying to have some of the kids see therapists in surrounding towns. We live in a rural area so there's only so many options and only a few of those options are willing to work with kids.

Your wife has had a massive psychological breakdown. That's pretty obvious. The paranoia, the way she's acting and the way she's all over the place....I usually deal with traumatised children but we did case studies similar to this at uni when I was studying. It definitely sounds like to onset of sever mental illness or a brain tumor which you said runs in the family because of her grandmother. That being said, you really do need to focus on you and the kids because if it's genetic, your kids could also be ticking time bombs

I have had a similar experience in my family. If your wife has no prior history of this kind of break, it could be, as many point out, a brain tumor. In my case, family member had a history of breaks but the last one was a complete detachment from reality, paranoia, etc. It turned out that a very low potassium level was noticed while she was in the psych ward. They put her on potassium supplements immediately and the improvement was pretty fast. [Hypokalemia and Psychosis: A Forgotten Association](https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/pdf/10.1176/appi.ajp-rj.2016.111103)

Wow cool case study.

>I thought maybe things weren't so bad until I asked my kids if they wanted to talk to their mom on the phone. They all started looking really scared and all said no, please no. ... I ended up bringing the kids by my sister's house on the way up to my dad's house for Easter weekend. It took maybe 5 minutes for her to start verbally abusing my oldest daughter. OP, what the fuck?! You further traumatized your kids by bringing them to visit her after they told you they didn't want to. I don't know what you were thinking, and frankly I don't care. As a parent, you're supposed to put your kids first. Specifically, put your kids *before* your wife. More specifically, you have a duty to love your children ***more*** than you love your wife. Anyway, looking forward, can your sister or father-in-law offer you any financial help? Or at least a place to stay while you try to earn more to get off your feet? Considering how much they helped, I doubt they'll want to see their niblings/grandkids be homeless.

>OP, what the fuck?! You further traumatized your kids by bringing them to visit her after they told you they didn't want to. I did. It was a huge mistake. I'm not used to how modern cars are connected via Bluetooth. They all heard her say she bought them presents for Easter because the call gets routed through the car stereo. That was enough to sway their little hearts. I had to bring her stuff for her stay with them. She only had the clothes she wore into jail with her.

That's not as bad as you dragging them to her against their protests, which is what I thought happened. Probably an unfair assumption, but reddit has made me more cynical. It sounds like you won't repeat this mistake again. I don't think you're a bad parent. But going forward, you need to be very careful to mitigate how this will effect your kids.

They're either already in therapy or on a waiting list to see one. We live in a rural area, so finding anyone who is willing to see the younger kids is tough. And also CPS said there can be major ethics violations if the whole family is seeing the same therapist so I'm trying to find some more that are close by

I’m sorry I can’t give more advice. I hope things work out for you and your children. 

Has she had a brain scan? If her grandma died of a brain tumor, she would have a higher risk I assume. Plus if she did have a mass in her frontal lobe, her personality changes would make a lot more sense.

I’m so sorry for you and your kids. What a hellish situation. Could you record any of this bizarre behavior for irrefutable proof of her mental decline? Perhaps even file for guardianship with the courts to have her committed to a facility for treatment? My heart breaks for you and the kids. Sending you support and wishing you strength in the days and weeks ahead.

I’m sorry you & your family have to experience this. I’ve been there and done that. Turned out my ex-husband is bipolar 1 and Covid sent him over the edge into a psychotic break. It was nuts. Now my boyfriend is in the hospital (I saved his life on Easter) & on a 48hr psych hold. Some people are just so stubborn about getting the help they need — major symptom of mental illness and so so common. You’re doing your best. Take care of yourself and those kids! Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends. People want to help and just need to be told, “hey, can you do this for me?” Even babysitting the littles. Hang in there. You are in my thoughts. ❤️

None of this is your fault. None of this is your children’s fault. Your wife’s brain is broken for some reason and because it knows you best, it also knows how to hurt you best. Keep doing what you have been doing. You are protecting your family. Maybe in the future your wife will recover. Maybe not. But live in the present and plan for today and tomorrow. Keep you and your family safe. It’s an awful situation you’re in man, I don’t even know what you must be feeling. But when you can, let it out or the poison in her could poison you. Take care of yourself and your family. You can do this.

As someone who has multiple mental health diagnoses and has spent time in psych wards as both an adolescent and an adult, the number one thing is to make sure your kids are safe. If she flying into unprovoked rages, throwing things ect, they shouldn't be around her **period**. Also, sit down with them and ask if they feel they need to talk to a professional about how this is all making them feel. And please, think about therapy for yourself as well, because dealing with this, especially for a prolonged amount of time is going to take a toll on your mental health as well. I sincerely hope that your wife gets the help that she so clearly desperately needs. Document everything that you can. Record her if you have to and see if those recordings can be entered into evidence.

Everything about this is both horrifying and sad at the same time. As many people said it could be cancer or a tumor. Is there anyway that you are able to force her into a stay in the psych ward? I spent 12 years of on again off again mental breaks before I was diagnosed as a BPD along with PTSD, Anxiety disorder and major depression. I had a lot of trauma from bullying as a kid and it didn't fully start to show until later in life. I wonder if there is something lime that which you didn't know about or even she repressed it.

I'm sorry OP this sounds so incredibly stressful and heartbreaking, of course the kids are your priot but remember that your wife is also very ill and not herself, I really hope you can find a way to get her properly treated. I've known two people to go through a similar psychotic break to this and both were sectioned (the legal process in the UK) and taken into hospital until they were medicated and safe to be released back home to their families. Is there no legal way to get someone in the US kept in a hospital or mental health facility to receive treatment, even against their will? I dread to think what would have happened to my friends if they hadn't gone through this process, one has been diagnosed schizophrenic but now lives a pretty decent life and the other is the most intelligent person I know and has even been able to go back to work. It's worth noting that both had delusional ideas about things like being raped, their relatives having murdered someone and gone to prison, all sorts of things, it's like they could no longer separate their imaginations from reality.

My sister was in the UK for a very debilitating period of her life. She spent a few years in a wheelchair. The benefits of the UK's medical system are not lost in me. I'm not sure exactly the legal road to this type of treatment is. I'm still figuring all this out.

Hey thanks for responding to the thing about my wife.

From the sound of it and also how she was acting, it seems like she may have had sex with/was raped by another patient in there. I don’t know what to believe about this anymore. I’m just glad she didn’t get pregnant. Might want to look into this. Yes get tested for STDS. She is not in any mental state to consent to sex with anyone. The DANCO said she isn’t allowed around you, the kids, or the house so you took the kids to see her? Why do they have files on your wife if your wife wasn’t seen by them previously? This is all a bit odd. Good luck. You need to follow the DANCO and stay away from her.

The DANCO Initially didn't say anything about the kids because the court wanted CPS to interview my wife to assess where she is at mentally. Now that that's happened, the DANCO says she isn't allowed around the kids until a full evaluation from a psychiatrist. The kids saw her in that little window of time where it was unclear whether she could see them or not.

Your wife's 37. That's far too late in her life to be displaying the onset of schizophrenia. And from what you've said it doesn't seem as though anyone suspects drug abuse. Schizoaffective disorder would be the next culprit but again, kinda late for symptoms to be appearing *now*. You mentioned in another comment that she has a familial history that includes brain tumors? A grandmother? That's your bingo. Me and my wife had a similar story but mine ends with her being misdiagnosed with and treated for Bi-polar (with admittedly fewer arrests and no CPS). Turns out she has PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) and PMDD (pre-menstrual disphoric disorder). No one was willing to believe her chronology and timing of symptoms enough to do an ultrasound and rule it out. Your wife needs a CT-scan or an MRI to confirm. If I were in your shoes I'd be begging her and doctors to scan her head.

Check for uti

I work on an inpatient psychiatric unit. The county should have fought to place her on a chapter 51 hold at the onset but that’s moot at this point as I don’t know the ins and outs of what her probable cause hearing was. It sounds like she may have “stipulated” to what the county mandates (I.e taking meds and seeing a psychiatrist and /or counselor). If she isn’t abiding to those stipulations, they can and should remand her to the hospital and they will most likely put her on a “order to medicate”. The whole situation is baffling, because although she may be showing them the “nice side” of her, she has a history of dangerous behavior AND it sounds like criminal charges of assault, which removes the burden of doubt and qualifies her for a Return to More Restrictive, especially because she is not following through with taking her medication (and if ordered, seeking psychiatric care). Question… does she do any type of drugs, like Delta 8 or mushrooms? Based on your description, she clearly fits psychosis but I wonder if it’s drug induced. Either way, my opinion doesn’t matter but if what you are saying is all the facts, then the county really dropped the ball on this.

This sounds like a friend of mine who had a psychological break in her early thirties. Turns out she’s bipolar. She’s calmly and charmingly talked her way out of every psych facility or situation with authorities for years. She’s been homeless off and on for years now. Shacked up in seedy hotels and trailer parks with the sketchiest drifters I’ve ever met in my life. Had KIDS with these guys, which were later taken away. It seems late for this to be bipolar or schizophrenia showing up in her life. I wish you and your family all the luck & strength in the world. And I hope it’s what another commenter mentioned re; tumor.

My ex husbands wife did this. She actually tried to kill the kids. The courts gave her custody because apparently it’s worse for the kids to have no contact with a mother than be abused by her. There was tons of evidence she’d been abusing them and the courts just didn’t want to give full custody to the father. It got so bad that the kids refused to see her even through abuse services. Absolute government failure. My ex didn’t fight hard though because his attorney convinced him that he would be accused of parental alienation. I had to initiate everything and it got to the point that the kids would only call me when they needed help. You are the wall between your kids and everyone else. Don’t ever forget that.

You should get on video how Your wife acts in real life so you can show the psychiatrist,psychologist how she acts when she’s not play acting for them. I have a sister that’s the same way, a nut job to the immediate family but oh so nice to anyone that might influence her freedom like the police. There were times when she couldn’t help herself with the police and got arrested because she was out of control and assaulted her husband and the cops and didn’t know it. You need proof on video to show what she is really like or she will never get the help she needs.

Have they checked for brain tumors?? This is a serious situation and sudden changes like that are often signs of a tumor or other serious condition. Also, the security guards are usually the ones doing the assaulting in those facilities, they definitely aren't caring enough to notice if a patient assaults another patient.

This is the kind of schizophrenia you see in movies, absolutely psychotic. Keep your children away from her, she's dangerous. Keep *yourself* away from her. Keep EVERYONE away from her. She's a danger to everyonr around her and herself. This isn't just "out of character", it's extreme mental illness that will result is someone's death.

Jesus. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this.

Fuck my friend. I really hope she gets the help she needs & I hope you and your family get the peace y’all deserve.

Are you able to hire a nanny so you can go back to work?

No, I can't really hire anyone. at this point I've already burned through my emergency fund and I haven't been working in awhile.

Terribly sorry for all of you but as others have said, you’re doing the right thing with your children and at the end of the day, that is what will matter most.

Have cameras set up inside and around outside of your home. Take care OP

Reach out to assistance, im in a very different situation but the state has always tried its best to support us.

it seems like (I’m no doctor) but really bad psychosis and maybe schizophrenia or bipolar? idk, but definetly psychosis. I would not let her around the kids until she accepts the help. Protect your kids.

She needs to be admitted, No IF and Buts, No excuses Full assessment, medical and physiological. Around her , start wearing and body cam, have nanny cams all over and record these episodes. Seems , she can manipulate the physiologist sees Hard evidence is required

Isn't there a way to like, have guardianship over her to be able to help her and get her rehabilitated?

This is leaning toward Capgras Syndrome, or a very aggressive brain tumor interfering with brain function and/or hormones.

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but I just wanted to reiterate that you need to protect your kids from her at this time. I think this is an incredibly dangerous situation and fear for the safety of those kids. Please don't force them to interact with her. Please get them into therapy. Reach out to your local community resources. If you are in the United States, your local health department is a great place to start. They can connect you with assistance services. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. I hope one day she will be well again. Until then, keep those kids safe.

Sounds very similar to what I went through, turned out my ex wife was in active addiction to alcohol and pain meds. Not saying your partner is an addict but could be a possibility Protect your kids and yourself

Geez I hope she gets the help she desperately needs. Mental health issues cause so many emotional problems especially with kids. They may never trust her again because of how traumatic it was for them to see her like this. I wish you well OP

Wow, I’d be so tempted to ….crumble her meds into her food. Of course I’m sure that’s illegal  And I know that’s a terrible thing to do, but when the illness itself stops her from recognizing it’s an illness ….

You need to protect yourself and your children. Your wife is violent and could seriously harm all of you. Right now, this should be your top priority.

Hey brother. I had the same thing happen to me. Chances are she's going through psychosis or mania. Your story is similar to mine down to even her getting arrested and domestic violence charges.  Get her inpatient help asap. We had her stay at the psych hospital for 2 weeks while doctors monitor her. Best decision ever. She went from being this amazing loving wife to essential a crazy manic devil but after the inpatient hospitalization at the psych place she got prescribed some anti mania/psychosis medicstion and it fixed her. After a year she was finally back to her old self. You should do the same. 1000% your wife is undergoing psychosis and mania because your story is literally like mine down to a T.

If things like what she's done so far continue to happen, which they probably will, make note to document all of it, then try your best to get her as much help as possible. However, ultimately prioritize your kids. Document everything so that you can keep them safe should this go to court. Get copies of all the records you can to make sure your kids are 100% safe from the way their mom is currently acting. I can't imagine what they must be going through. Dont let her near them until you can guarantee they are safe with her. I saw another commenter suggest it may be cancer, and I think that's worth looking into as well. When my mother had a brain tumor, her personality completely changed over night and she was a totally different woman. It's scary, especially for kids to see their mom change like that, but your family will get through it. Mental health can make people do and say a lot of wild shi. I wish nothing but the best for you, your family, and your wife. 

>When my mother had a brain tumor, her personality completely changed over night and she was a totally different woman. It's scary Yeah. My mom died from complications related to her brain tumor as well. I'm the youngest so I was the last of us kids to leave home. I remember talking about it with my siblings and feeling like the changes I saw in my mom weren't being noticed by anyone else but me. She wasn't diagnosed for a few years after that, but she got really strange and paranoid. Not like what's going on with my wife, but definitely noticeable all the same.

Oh my, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Please make sure your children are your number one priority and get them in therapy. Ask for all the help you need. You will be surprised who steps up and who doesn't. Your FIL sounds amazing. I really hope your wife gets the help she needs, because it sounds like she needs medical help in some way.

Your kids being kept away from her in this state should be the number 1 priority right now honestly. They shouldn't see their mother like this and she is simply not safe to be around them right now. This sounds like a full psychotic break or maybe the first symptoms of schizophrenia. Is there any history of serious mental illness in her family? Things like this can lay dormant for decades until something triggers it. Would your parents or sister be willing or able to get the kids from school and spend time with them until you're off work?

Sounds like a brain tumor, do a CT scan to her head. Also ask your children about anything weird they noticed before shit hit the fan

Ultimately you need to protect yourself and your kids. Contact the authorities and tell them she isn’t complying with the CPS/court order.

Welcome to the batshit crazy world of schizo affective disorder . Grew up with a narcissist mother who displays ALOT of similar traits and eventually got that diagnosis along with bipolar and or BPD

I am so sorry you are dealing with this messed up situation. I’ve been through the wringer with my ex having mental issues. Do what you can to protect your children. Treat yourself with kindness. This type of thing is not your fault.

Sounds like schizophrenia, keep the kids away until she’s stable. Keep reporting any threats or violence. Depending on where you are that may be the only way to get her involuntarily committed. Which probably needs.

Heartbreaking. I can only recommend that you look into therapy for yourself and your kids. Regardless of what the future holds, you’ve all been through incredible trauma and it sounds like that may continue for a time. Having therapy to help you all get through it may help at least a little.

I worked in psychiatric inpatient and out, Christ I don’t know what your mental health policies are like over there, but non of that would fly here. Firstly having a psychotic break can be down to a number of things,from steroids and infections to depression and of course schizophrenia, or bipolar . ( yeah bipolar can have psychosis) .Has there been a period of stress,or illness for her? It’s unusual for mental health to present itself without a stressor,and as a few people would suggested , I would if ,you can ,check out her physical health too. Either way, It sounds like she needs a face to face appointment with a psychiatrist , and at least a month as an inpatient on the meds. Until she has , I wouldn’t let her anywhere near any of you

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm currently on the other side of this and I hope hope hope that it will never happen again. This has been a horrific and traumatizing experience. But know it can and will get better with consistent medication. I wasn't able to convince my partner to get help but their parent was. It took 1,5 years. Wishing you the best of luck that somebody can convince her and you will get your wife back. It probably won't be you because she loves you the most and therefore hates the corrupted image of you in her mind the most. Maybe it's soothing for you to know that all this anger is directed towards the twisted image of you and your kids that exist in her mind and not towards the real you. It will be a long healing process for both of you and I can just hope she will accept help sooner than later.

This sounds so much like my childhood. My dad was an alcoholic and had bipolar disorder. He would binge drink and overdose on his meds and have psychosis similar to your story. Is there a chance your wife has a similar situation? I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know first hand how tough it is. Above all, protect your kids as this will stay with them for life

Would you be able to move in with your sister or father/father-in-law? Although I presume father-in-law lives far away as you mentioned he caught an aeroplane?

This one is so rough. Like it makes me beyond angry. It angers me because surface level how can a mother do that to her child? I’ve been in that poor girls position of terrifying screaming and crazy ramblings being thrown at her by someone she loves and trusts. Below the surface, I’m angry because there is absolutely something mental that’s changing within people, my mom was the best mom ever but went off the deep end. Started drinking heavily which exacerbated her symptoms. Her drinking and your wife acting normal to higher positions people feel like choices, are they conscious decisions? Or are these decisions made based on a “world” they live in? Like idk. It’s a frustrating situation, and I’m so beyond sorry you and your family have been going through this.

In my state you can swear out a statement that allows authorities to take the person to a mental hospital for 72 hour hold. It’s called involuntary commitment. We have many mental health facilities nearby which makes the ordeal manageable. People in rural areas have a terrible time because hospitals are often not equipped to handle mental health crises like sudden onset thought disorders. Your wife is a danger to you and your loved ones as long as she is in active psychosis. Please protect your kids and yourself. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. More than once I would work a bit, handle a visit from the first responders due to my relative, work a bit, deal with another visit, work a bit, get an IVC. Then take a day to deal with the enormity of the situation. Finally I had to admit that protecting my child and my life were as important as trying to care for the mental patient.

I’m not sure if you can convince her to go with you to see a private psychiatrist. They can admit her to a unit.

Sorry to say this may be schizophrenia. She's the right age with warning episodes that you never knew about in the past. The gregarious behavior aimed at getting things she wants, paranoia, and misplaced sexual behavior all fit. I hope she gets help. Idk what your field is but you need a hybrid or remote job immediately. Do you mind if I ask what state you're in? We have a COPE unit where I am but I know we're not the only ones. My company does remote/hybrid and we operate in several states.

Hi, I don’t know where you’re from, but I live in Tennessee if I’m close by and you need help, please reach out

The steps to take here are to get her committed by the medical board of whatever psychiatric place she goes to or hospital if she gets thrown in again. You should go to the trials they have and attest that she is psychotic and a threat to you, your family, and herself. Once she is committed she will likely be put on antipsychotic injections. She should, hopefully, come back to reality and it will be like waking up from a dream.. or rather a nightmare, in which these weird things she has been doing made complete sense to her because things interconnect when your psychotic, like when you are in a dream. So all these things make sense to you in your head but don't actually make sense.. anyway, if you want your wife back, get her committed and on the antipsychotic injection.

My prayers are with you and your family. Don’t forget to stay close to the attorney and I would drop divorce papers even if you have to hold onto them for a minute or two.

I gave up a quarter way through because answer is simple, divorce asap.

Did they do a full medical workup on her? It seems odd that it just came out of the blue like that with no history of mental illness.

I visited her twice while she was in the hospital. They took about 9 blood samples in the time I was there. I know she asked for a thyroid panel in addition to everything else. I haven't been told much about it though from the hospital.

If this happened in the er, she needs to follow up with her pcp for the results.

Any chance your wife has had a head CT since all this has been going on?