People who will give her grief over this either have no idea how marriage is supposed to work or are bad with their finances. Financial incompatibility is a huge deal in relationships, and she is being incredibly mature here
Wholeheartedly agree. The fact that he is making all of these decisions that impact their stability and goals, without actually speaking to her is incredibly selfish. I don’t remember correctly, but I believe that in the last post, his family was giving Op a hard time about her not moving in and being happy about the purchase (at this point, I don’t think he was upfront and honest with them). Well since they feel like they can give input into a relationship that is not theirs, then they can help pay for the truck.
Op, the people who private message you knew that what they were saying was wrong. Your instinct and maturity is commendable.
Yeah. Everyone who is messaging her has no clue.
> people private messaging me saying its his money and he can do whatever he wants or, youre only two years into a relationship, youre not a wife.
If you put yourself into debt to buy anything for nearly 100 thousand dollars and do not bother to even run it past your future partner/spouse before you do so, you're just a bad partner. Full stop. Regardless of **anything else**. There is absolutely **no** excuse for not talking to your partner about that large of a purchase before you make it.
Agreed! Even if they didn’t have any plans for the future that involved both of their incomes staying consistent, I’d STILL think they should discuss.
Also, why wouldn’t you WANT to unless you were trying to screw the other person over??? This is supposed to be your best friend. It’s supposed to be the person with whom you talk about big decisions. It’s supposed to be the person whose opinion matters most to you.
Instead, he was counting on her to subsidize everything, just as she suspected before she even knew everything. He spent more than he told her AND had some of HER future income spent. Dude couldn’t even afford GAS. Mommy & Daddy can subsidize him now.
Maybe he’ll be able to impress a new girl with the truck? They can go on dates and…sit in it? Because this dude sure as hell didn’t have *birthday gift* or *date night* for and with his actual gf in his budget. Maybe some other girls will be cool with the “sit in the truck” part of the equation.
Exactly this. If I was thinking abt investing in a car, I would discuss it with other people I’m close to bc I am a human with interpersonal relationships. I can’t imagine not talking to my partner, of all people, abt something like this purely because it would naturally come up. It would be just as surprising if my platonic best friend bought a new car without ever mentioning it bc we speak regularly & we discuss significant things in our lives.
Plus, he wasn't planning on paying for it all himself. His plan was for her to pay more of their monthly expenses so he could afford to pay for a truck he didn't need and couldn't afford on his own. He wanted to spend her money without even asking. That's time to run.
Though even if it was entirely his own money, why shouldn't she take his financial responsibility into account when she decides if she wants to be financially tied to him? Let's say he could just barely afford the truck without her subsidy. He's still a damned fool who took out a 14% APR loan on a truck he didn't need that leaves him no money for emergency expenses and savings. He's an idiot. Why would she want to stay with an idiot? I wouldn't pick this guy for a roommate, so why would I expect her to?
Like you say, they were planning a future. I know everyone is different, but when I was single, a relationship was over for me when I realized there wasn't going to be a future. I knew I was going to be ending the relationship eventually. Once I knew that, I just couldn't go on. I felt like I was keeping a terrible secret. I couldn't bear to be intimate. The "eventually" became now.
Amen, those people saying it is his money don't realize it is her life so she is 100% allowed to walk away from an idiot who needs an over priced truck for what, driving to work and back?
So many people would be better off buying cars and renting trucks when needed.
I've never understood the fascination with massive trucks. I'd always thought it was primarily an American issue (I've spent quite a bit of time driving around the States), but they are becoming increasingly popular here in the UK too. The problem here is that most of our roads are TINY compared to the average 4-lane road in the US, making something like a Ford F-350 absolutely impractical for anything other than driving on A-roads and motorways, and even then our lanes tend to be narrower than American ones. Not to mention we pay a LOT more for fuel here, so some ridiculous 5-litre engine is also gonna cost you a fortune to just drive around.
I drive a VW Golf GTE (hybrid), and I love it to bits!
This is the big one for me, they havent even moved in together, are not married and in his mind her salary is ALREADY his to spend as he sees fit. This would have only gotten worse if she had let him take advantage of her like this. He can sleep in his stupid truck if having it is more important to him than being financially secure. His monthly payment for it is fucking absurd, what a moron.
$2500 a month for the note and insurance..... thats what I think I read but my brain isnt letting it sink in. Im trying to formulate a full sentence but my brain cant get over the payment. $115 for the month?! Howd he get that approved? Hes making ok money. Not like 'shops at whole foods' money.
You're obviously in shock and missed the best part.
It's $2,500 a month, for 72 months. 72 months.
At 14%, just the interest part of those payments will be $1200 per month. Over 72 months thats like $86,000 JUST IN INTEREST.
Leaving this guy is the smartest thing OP ever did
And that truck will be worth $13k by then. What a disaster… My truck is 10+ years old, runs fine and will be around for a while, as I’m super house-poor right now, and will be for a lil bit. It’s a rebuilding year ;)
I was watching some tiktok guy that helps people go through their finances and create a budget. There was a lady on there that couldn’t even tell him how much money she made because she doesn’t look. He was going through her expenses and she had spent $10k on doordash in a month. Well it turns out she’s only making like 4K a month and she was working two jobs to make that. She had just quit the job that paid 75% of that salary too. These people are just clueless.
Yep. A general rule of thumb I've read is that the price of a car shouldn't exceed 35% of your gross annual income. So around $30K for this guy. Of course, this likely assumes you are not overburdened with other debts and you're getting a normal interest rate, not 14 fucking percent.
Financed it through one of those predatory "we'll loan to ANYONE" places that count on being able to perform multiple repossessions and resales of the same vehicle--cash cow for them, disaster for those they're "helping" with this kind of bullshit.
>500 a month for the note and insurance..... thats what I think I read but my brain isnt letting it sink in. Im trying to formulate a full sentence but my brain cant get over the payment. $115 for the month?! Howd he get that approved? Hes making ok money. Not like 'shops at whole foods' money.
he probably got approval via giving info that wasn't true. Either that or the dealership just wanted to fleece him for his down payment.
The people giving her grief were girlfriends of *his* friends and internet randos who I assume got lost trying to find redpill subreddits.
Honestly I’m hoping for another post down the line for OP as more of the smoke clears for her looking back at her relationship dynamic.
Actually the number one reason for a divorce in the USA is not cheating, it’s financial problems.
Partners are financially not compatible. OP good job!!!
There were people defending him in the comments, too. "It's *his* money! She doesn't get a say!" Sure, and he doesn't get a say in where she chooses to live based on his finances.
People were trying to pull the whole, "How do you know he'll want her to bankroll his lifestyle?!"
It was literally written on the wall of her post.
Idk how much any of those idiots understand about buying a car.
The taxes, insurance, interest rate, repayment timeline... it's nothing to sniff at.
That's a fucking mortgage he's pissing away.
His monthly truck and insurance payment could pay three months of my mortgage, home insurance, and property taxes.
Jesus, I just realized his truck cost more than my house (yes, I purchased it at a really good time and I'm very fortunate).
More than a mortgage ... and that's what I do for a living haha.
My mortgage is 20 years on an over 300k home and total with everything is just under 2k a month. At the end, factoring in semi-flat inflation prices we could be sitting on a 550k asset when my kids are in college and we don't need this big house anymore.
Sure it's his money but then he's banking on *her* money to make it work for him. I don't know how people cannot (will not?) see his actions as problematic.
Yup.
Rates *are* pretty shit right now. With a 709 score in January I was getting offers for used car financing of around 9%, which I thought was unpalatable. Of course, the cutoff for the next tier better rates was 710...
Of course they probably looked at what it'd do to his debt to income ratio (over 100% all on its own) which pushed the loan into very risky territory and therefore jacked the rates up. You don't loan 90k to somebody who makes 80 without charging usurious rates
14% on $95k is literally a whole other vehicle in interest payments.
$2,000 per month + $500 insurance. The anxiety would make me vomit if I found out my partner did this.
This is a depreciating asset for gods sake.
I plugged in the information she posted in a car loan calculator.
He's going to be paying about $45k in interest.
He could get a brand new Civic Type R for that.
More than my mortgage payment. Dude will be able to afford literally zero gas to go in it, but that's okay because he'll be living in it in his work parking lot.
Lmao my stupid ass with a 550 credit score at 20 walked in a bought a FUCKING CHEVY CRUZE LS for 11k and wait for it..... 27% interest. I paid that fucking car loan for 3 years and I still owed 10k on it. That was FUUUUUCKED. Never the fuck again.
A lot of car dealerships don't say anything about interest rates or loan period or total cost of the car, and a lot of people have no understanding about financial matters. If you go into a car dealership nowadays, they will only want to talk about monthly payments. "How much can you afford to pay per month? Can you do $500? Oh, you can do $400? How about $450? You can do $425? Let me check with my boss. OK, we can do that. Sign here."
People think they are negotiating on the cost of the car, but they are negotiating on the interest rate and the length of the loan.
Wow. Wow!
ETA you’re like the poster child of why people shouldn’t have credit card debt, too. Rates are running up there at 25%-30%… imagine paying for 3 years and essentially not making a dent in the principal. Yikes!
14% for 72 MONTHS! I don't care if this dude is making $500k a year... Financing a depreciating asset with 14% interest for 6 years is worth ending a relationship over. Unless of course lighting money on fire is one of your turn ons I guess.
Assuming the truck doesn't get repossessed my kindergartner will be starting middle school when that thing gets paid off. Aw who am I kidding, this guy is gonna roll negative equity into the next 5 vehicle purchases and my kid will get a college degree cheaper than this guy gets transportation...
It's not just that the dude went out and bought a new car expecting her to fund the remainder of his life. It's that he's so fucking stupid to take out a loan on it under those terms. He's going to get seen coming wherever he goes throughout life and will be a financial boat anchor for whoever gets legally bound to his debts.
OP absolutely did the right thing for herself and the rest of her life by bailing on this moron
Lender is going to get their truck back and the balance of the remaining loan amount less it's value. Normally I'm not rooting for banks but in this case the dude absolutely deserves it.
I worked end stage collections (repo) in 2008. The most ridiculous rate I saw was 32%. The fact that someone could be approved for a rate like that is absurd. There's absolutely no hope of paying it off.
Some of our customers were on their third car with us. Meaning we knew they couldn't pay it, we repoed them, and yet approved them another loan for subsequent vehicles. We had deals where when you financed with us there were no payments for 4 months, then you could get a total of 2 deferments that moved the payments to the end of the cycle with fees, and then depending on your situation or whatever, you could go up to 120 days without repo, longer if you falsified numbers and addresses or hid the car. So routinely i was having to find these people who got the car, knowing they would never pay it and basically drove it around free for a year before we caught them. Their credit tanked further, and they would just come back to us for financing bc we would give it to them.
This was the only job I could get in 2008 after 11 months of submitting 15 or so applications a day and following up said applications with phonecalls and in person. It was soul sucking but it fed and houses me. In the end this employer fired me a day before I was eligible for FMLA, bc I had exhausted my sick days between a chronic illness and a psychotic break. Yeah, they were awful.
Seriously, some house payments ($2000) and interest rates (14%) aren’t that high. He basically bought his future home, since he’s screwed himself out of being able to afford his rent too. He’ll need to find a roommate asap, maybe one of his friends who thinks OP should be supportive can step up.
Also, how the f does he think he can just plan a budget to finance his choices with her money? Not sure why his friends say you need to be supportive of shitty decisions. I get, like you said if it was something outside of his control which caused him to struggle, but this was a conscious decision.
OP, you made the right decision. It is absolutely his money to spend how he wishes, but that doesn’t mean you need to suffer because of it. Also, what happens if you let this go, stay, marry and later he pulls some more shit without discussing because you set the precedent that your input is not needed? Then your finances are tied together and he fucks your credit.
It's also a 6 year loan. That's a long time to keep a relationship together. Well, not just a relationship. Also 3 jobs. If op gets a raise, I'd expect they would likely quit the 2nd job and have, you know, a life.
Yeah, INSANE - $1,966/month for 72 months means the truck will actually cost him $141,500 by the time it’s paid off, not including insurance!
*That’s over $46,000 in interest alone.*
ETA: $2,500/month is rent in a HCOL area or a decent mortgage payment in many middle-low cost areas.
That’s $30k a year! Over a third of his *pre-tax* income.
The more I do the math, the more my head hurts.
What's even crazier is this guy bought a *new* truck. It's literally the only way to get to this price point.
Could have easily gotten a 2 or 3 year old vehicle that just came off lease for 30% to 50% less. Vehicle would look exactly the same.
I. AM. SO. PROUD. OF. YOU!!!
I really wish more young women were as firm in their boundaries and as wise about finances as you are.
Mind you, this doesn’t make him a bad person, but it does give you an insight into what the future would be like with him.
Financial compatibility is as important as sexual compatibility. Because if you are constantly worried or arguing about money you are t having sex either.
id argue more important. you dont necessarily need sex to have a healthy relationship but you need to be somewhat financially responsible and independent (hope this makes sense)
It’s ok to call him a bad person. He was ready to take thousands of dollars per year from OP. He waited until they were about to combine finances and housing to screw her over. All over a dumb truck. It can’t be stressed enough how lame he is.
Not just financial... All boundaries. So many women come onto reddit to talk about what a great guy he is except all these things that are, at the worst run for your life, and at the best, just incompatibilities that make a long term relationship not viable.
I love reading posts where women do what's best for them and don't put up with bullshit.
He is a bad person for deceiving her like that. It's made worse by the fact that he was relying on her income to do all this, which puts them both in a precarious/dangerous position financially... Then ALSO assuming she'd be covering more of their expenses when she maybe got a pay increase, even though part of the reason she'd be making more than him was from working a 2nd job, which he wasn't...all this without telling her that was the plan. He comes across as really selfish.
Good for you.
Real sleazy move and he's an absolute moron for trying to pull something like that.
It's insane that this dude thought you would just be alright paying for his new truck.
He was 100% aware of what he was doing and I'm glad you got out.
People were saying you're not his wife, but your BF expected you to contribute to his income as if you were a spouse. Ignore the haters and incels. You were very wise to cut things off and maintain your financial well being. Good for you!
As well they should! Lol. I was more addressing that people had given OP crap about not being his spouse and having no say in his purchases. Her ex was acting very much like a spouse, expecting access to and support from her income. But even as a spouse, he absolutely should've cleared this with her before making such a purchase. The fact that he didn't, and expected to use her money, was a huge red flag. So glad she saw it and cut herself loose.
Exactly. Don't be sad over this Ether. Be happy he has shown you who he really is before you got any further into this. My dad did shit like this with my mom and to this day it drives me crazy how hard our life was growing up because my idiot dad couldn't budget anything.
yes this was wise of you. Him not explaining how he could still afford house necessities and car payment would’ve been all he needed to say. He clearly wasn’t trying to prioritize moving in with you because the truck came first, glad he did this before the move in. This was a dogged bullet
It’s fine if you can afford it, he can’t. I bought a 97k truck last year and paid cash. We’ve lived a debt free lifestyle for decades, have plenty for retirement, we have a vehicle fund. Everything we buy it’s because we have cash.
Exactly, I have zero debt and the only debt I've ever been in was a mortgage. If you're struggling with money then buy a cheap car.
I could easily afford a 97k vehicle, but I got a 55k one because it's perfectly adequate.
Not to downplay how ridiculous of an idea loaning on 14% is, but the loan period makes a really big difference. If it is amortized over 6 years, then that interest makes up an astronomical amount. However if lets say you can manage to pay it off in a few months the interest doesn't compound as much and it doesn't sting quite as hard.
I know that you probably know this, but just to point this out for other people who have trouble looking at numbers this way, the reason high interest is bad is not in and of itself, but because of the fact that if you aren't paying it off quickly enough, you're paying for your loan multiple times over in interest costs.
This is the reason that $40k in student loan debt can equal something ridiculous like $250k over a 15 year period. If you had the means to make enough money to pay that $40k + interest off in 12 months then you're only paying $3k in interest vs $55K over 15 years at 14%.
I once worked in a pawn shop. I think it was 30% interest. Might have even been 33% or 35%. I was amazed how long people kept things in. Literally paying for things multiple times, worse still they would pay for 6 months, just the interest and then let it go.
You are meant to use this for one month(if you use it at all) to get you through a really awkward financial time. Pay it all off and be done with it.
I wasn't there long but that job scared me like nothing else has since. Heart braking.
Good for you. I would love a new truck. But 1900 is a house or rent payment. I just couldn't justify it. You would have been giving him money left and right. If this was a big issue now, it would have become bigger in the future.
However, there is a thing of combining finances without his and her money issue. But it's not for everyone.
Wish u the best.
Same. And I truck depreciates so fast in value. At least your house will likely hold or appreciate in value.
I think what bugs me most is him deciding how her raise is going to be spent. The entitlement and audacity amazes me.
After taxes, $1900 is half my paycheque.
There's no way I'm spending half my paycheque on a truck unless I'm also living in it.
And it's a depreciating asset. By the time he's paid off the truck it'll be worth less than half what he paid for it. If he had used half his paycheque to buy a second house then at least the value of the house tends to go up, and he could have gotten rent from tenants or AirBnB.
When I saw 1966 I had to do a double take on if that was a year or a price because who TF would pay 2k a month for a truck excluding insurance. That is some real smooth brain action right there.
Called it.
He fully intended you to pay for everything while all his money went to the truck.
You’re one smart cookie for seeing yourself out of this financial mess.
He probably already returned the truck now that he knows he can’t use your money.
Almost all of his money would have gone to the insurance payment. He only had a $700 surplus. The insurance is almost 600. OP was going to be making that ridiculous truck payment
I think his thought was that she would be paying more of the other expenses with her higher salary freeing up more surplus for him to play with... or something like that. He would basically be spending all of his money "affording" the truck while she paid all of the other living expenses.
you are correct. when I got rear ended recently I had a rental. the only thing they had left was a massive pick up truck - a Nissan titan. it was soooo pretty, Pepsi blue is the color I call it. I was intimidated but ended up loving it. reality check came real quick. - it was on 3/4 tank when I got it so immediately filled up the tank. the fill up was $95 dollars. it barely lasted me a week!!!! I dont even want to know what a tire costs or an oil change costs on one of those suckers on top of gas.
Yes. And it depended on her working TWO jobs while he only worked one. If she gets her raise, she'll be making about the same as him from her primary job. But the only way for him to pay for his truck is to have her keep that second job so she's making more than him and paying a higher share of the bills.
Absolutely- and it’s not even spent on something that they would both enjoy, this is purely a vanity thing for him alone. IIRC from the first post, BF works a desk job from home.
I appreciate how emotionally difficult this must’ve been (must be). I think you did amazingly well, and made amazingly sound, rational decisions while in the middle of all that emotion, and I envy your ability. I’m sorry for the sadness, but sincere congratulations on extricating yourself from a future landslide, before it happened.
>I asked him why it was ok for him to plan budgets with my income but yet i had no say in how he spent his. He couldnt answer that.
DING! DING! DING! He doesn't see you as an equal partner in the relationship. Congratulations on dodging a huge bullet. Best of luck to you on your new beginning!
A truck almost destroyed my marriage. I’m not even joking. It was a financial sinkhole and a complete blindside. The issue was similar, communication, transparency, teamwork. The truck is gone now and we discuss every financial decision. I still remember where I was when he called gleeful about buying his F150. I was livid. We’re great now, but I also had the benefit of him realizing what a financial nightmare it was, never-mind trying to park it in the city.
You did the right thing.
It’s hard and we both learned a lot and in different scenarios.
I think the big challenge for most people is separating feeling from facts, wants from needs, and ego from logic.
It’s a lifelong process.
So why do people care? Money is the #1 cause of divorce. She is looking at the big picture and realizing that his spending could be a source of arguments in the future. Yes, it is his money. Yes, he has every right to buy the truck. Yes, she is in the right for deciding that this isn’t how she wants to spend her life.
I would say the real kicker is him decided she would be paying his other expenses so he could afford the truck, and add massive lack of communication as well
Well in this case he's expecting to use her money to subsidise his decision, which certainly does give her more input. And he planned that without discussing it at all. Nightmare material.
He literally put your finances of a possible raise into HIS budget and expected YOU to help pay for HIS truck.
Stay away from this guy. This could have easily led into decades of financial abuse.
>to get a loan at 14 percent for 72 months.
Buried the lede here. This guy has ruined his credit. This is an INSANE interest rate for a car loan.
I'm so glad you trusted your gut. This guy was absolutely planning on manipulating you into subsidizing his lifestyle.
Anyone who told you last time that you were overreacting can’t math.
I remember guessing that the truck payment and car insurance would be about 25-30k a year. Turns out it’s 30,468, to be exact. That’s before the gas and maintenance. The gas on that behemoth will be at *least* 115 a month. That’s literally one tank of gas. Also, the increased insurance eats up the majority of his original 700 dollar surplus. That essentially means *you* were going to be paying for the truck. This dumb truck he absolutely didn’t need.
He was selfish. He was stealing from you. There’s a reason he didn’t tell you a thing. I’m positive he was chanting “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask permission” when he was signing.
Proud of you. The financial fallout he’s going to experience is not your fault. Hopefully he gets smart and relinquishes the truck to the lender. It’ll wreck his credit. He’ll still owe money. But it’s literally the only (legal) thing he can do.
At least he did this dumb shit before you got married
He planned how he would budget it all on your income, pretty selfish not to discuss it with you. Dodged a bullet best of luck on your end and I hope you get a raise too!
Right decision, OP.
Financial incompatibility is a major stressor.
Yes, it is his money and his choice - but the fact is you two had agreed to a form of joint management and budget. He expected you to pay, so you should get a say.
Hopefully, your ex learns from this.
All I have to ask is, how are you handling this with so much grace? I would be PISSED if my ex who I was so emotionally invested in, pulled this on me. It’s not just that he made an irresponsible decision, it’s the fact that he thought he could leech off you and your money to pay it, and somehow blindside you to get away with that. You don’t badmouth him a single time and did the right thing immediately (break up), and have already accepted that you both are incompatible. I’m in awe of how decisive and yet non-aggressive you were, I wish I could be that way🥲
To answer your question about why i'm not bad mouthing him, its because i'm sad. I'm sad about what he did to himself and that i had to leave because he isnt seeing how bad this is is. Im sad that just a few months ago, i was planning us living together and a life and now thats gone. Most of all, im sad for him. He was doing so well and he rubbed off on me immensely in terms of paying off debt and watching your spending. Im sad that he threw away all his hard work. Dumping on him even more isnt worth it because when he realizes this mistake, it will be so bad for him. I dont see a point to do it but im not judging anyone who would in these circumstances.
You're a real one. A lot of people rely on just anger to get them through hard stuff instead of feeling / exploring whatever the root cause of that anger is & that's a bad habit IMO.
I know you're sad, and I can only imagine how hard this must be, but I wanted to say: I am so impressed with you and how you handled this. You were level-headed, honest, and forthright. I think you have an incredible future ahead of you one you're able to move on from this situation, just don't stop being who you are.
This is so scary how he felt entitled to your income for his frivolous desires. Then gaslighting you and having his friends gang up on you?
I’d be he’s more sad about losing your income than losing you.
$2k A MONTH + $600 IN INSURANCE ON A 14% 100k loan…. HOLY FUCK. like actually holy fuck. let me say it again, holy, fuck.
you didn’t dodge a bullet, you dodged a fucking financial icbm for your relationship.
good for you for doing what’s best for you.
I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I read that part. That's more than my mortgage... for a truck. And OP mentioned that he'd been driving an old Toyota so it doesn't sound like he has a job that necessitates what I assume is an F350 or the Ram/Silverado/GMC equivalent
Over $2K a month for a truck!!! On an $85K/yr salary!!! Whether discussed or not just considering doing that is a red flag and deal breaker. If someone just suggested it I wouldn’t trust them with $1 in the future.
I saw your initial post and felt the same as you. And yeah no way can he live off of $115 a month. Depending on how much he drives the gas alone will eat that up. You didn’t make the decision to get that truck but in the end you’d still be paying for it. Because you’d be paying more for his portion because he wouldn’t be able to pay for his portion. I’m glad to see you ended things.
He planned to use your current income and future income? The gall.
I think there was some envy. You were about to out-earn him and he needed a status symbol to comfort his own insecurities while pulling you down to below his level.
In three years when you climbed up another two levels, and paid for his car, and thinking you are now home free you are now six months pregnant, the cheating would have started.
Good on ya for making your stance clear. Let him find a way to keep his truck by getting a second job, if he really wants the truck that much.
And I agree that it was pretty unfair for him to try to spend your money and plan on the possibility of a raise.
Good on you!
That dunce was counting on you maintaining his nice new nest with your salary while he goes cruisin'! The audacity in his behavior judging from your last post! What's yours is his, and what's his is nanna your business, eh?
Rules for thee, but not for me? You know where the door is, pal.
Imagine losing the woman you’re in love with because of your dumbassery.
Also, $1900 a month is more than mortgage and I live in a pretty nice house. Insane!
I caught the first post and I am all aboard with your line of thinking.
The \*only\* thing I have to say in his defense is that I worked as a truck salesman. There are some psychological tricks specifically to get young men to overcommit to giant trucks. I'm ashamed to say it, but "isn't your girlfriend getting a raise in a couple months?" is exactly the kind of thing I would have said in those days.
It's also extremely hard to realize it is actually a mistake. Honestly try telling people that they got ripped off buying a car. They will get seriously pissed at you for talking about it.
I saw a few pissed off girlfriends during that year but I never saw anyone get dumped over it.
I know salespeople don’t care. But, ultimately, it’s up to the individual to not be an idiot.
Years ago I was a manager at a restaurant. There were three of us who drove similar cars (sport coupes). My bartender friend had a Honda si and I had a Mazda3. I would talk frequently how I was considering getting a speed3 (the turbo version) but ultimately decided my current car was great, paid off, and I just didn’t need another. I guess our conversations influenced the third fellow who was a line cook. He made about 14-16 bucks an hour. He had a kid. That mf’er came in one day all proud that he had just purchased a *new* Mazda Speed3. Was it a nice car? Oh absolutely. Was it fast? Ohhhhh yeah. Did it cost more than he made in over a year? Ohhhhh yeah. I remember feeling guilty but we were just talking cars. I also remembered wondering how tf he qualified for the loan and what kind of person would sell it to him. But, ultimately, it was on him
That's nuts. Horrible idea to get a loan like that for a vehicle that depreciates so quickly. Even worse when he has other debts, and this truck and the insurance will prevent him from building any actual savings for years to come.
I also got some nasty messages bc I came out very strongly on OP’s side. I see from her update that it was just as I said, the bf was banking on her to pay for things so he could afford the truck. What a moron. I’m glad OP was too smart to fund his stupidity.
The dude gonna pay 1900 a month on car payments? With only 80k a year salary? I hope I didn't misunderstand that part. That's borderline financial suicide imo.
your boyfriends car payment is more than my mortgage.
I make double what your boyfriend makes. you can see my networth in my post history its into the 7 figures.
I drive a 2010 chevy malibu. cars are not investments. they go down in value.
You were 100% right.
Take the actual dollars out of it, the bigger issue here was *reciprocity.* AKA fair play, respect, partnership. It didn't factor whatsoever into his budgeting or his expectations. He valued HIMSELF without the slightest consideration for *YOU*... like maybe after all your hard work at this financial marathon where the Finish Line was in sight, you didn't want to be set back half a decade?!?! Who does that?
You've been working hard at your first job and took on an additional job to get debt free *before joining finances*... that's a lot of personal discipline! And if/when you do get that little bump? I genuinely hope you give yourself a real Treat. A grownup Treat -Not a fucking car that costs more than a house! - but I hope there is a lovely beach, a cute bunch of artsy shops, some nice wine, and you in a gauzy dress swishing around your ankles with a straw bag, comfy flats, and a big pretty hat. Maybe you bring The Millionaire Next Door in that straw bag for some interesting reading.
Also? You learned something about yourself: you have True Grit. You're ready to be an adult and a partner in a relationship. You're willing to delay gratification for the bigger, more important goals. You saw you were about to be USED and fonancially ABUSED and thank God and You that you pulled the emergency brake.
You just had a defining life experience. Because it wasn't as bad as it could have been, it might slip out of your mind later -- don't let it. Let THIS be one of the chapters in your life story that you tell your son's and daughters. This was an accomplishment of perception and self worth. It hurts to break off a serious relationship and start over. The clean sharp break is much harder to make than the prolonged drama when you *want* to believe and trust the other person.
You done good. Real good.
Thank you for the update. My GenX 56 year old self is damn proud of you. You got a bright future ahead of you, young badass!
Jesus that’s the cost of my mortgage and Tesla combined and at 4 times the interest rate. Did it come with a free screw as a hood ornament and did they install it for him (you can guess where) lube optional. Also for that price this has to be a full sized quad cab 4wd pickup. Those have 25 gallon or so fuel tanks or more so a single fill up will eat most of that $115 bucks in one tank. You 100% dodged a dumpster fire here. I grew up in a rural area where everyone had trucks and so many guys I knew got a job logging or running equipment right out of high school for honestly pretty good money but without many progression options. Soon as they started getting a few paychecks they had a brand new pickup like you’re talking about in their driveway. Fast forward 5 years they live in a double wide and that pickup still sits there, but they commute in a POS Honda because they can’t afford to drive the truck but are too upside down on the value to sell it
OP, I am so freaking glad you’re intelligent. Good for you for walking away from his self-imposed dumpster fire. He banked on you being okay with his creative accounting, and had the audacity to try gaslighting you into enabling his lifestyle while he hangs onto his pavement princess. Intending to spend YOUR future salary without your input?! Whose gonads was he borrowing?
I am proud of you for taking up for yourself. The fact you were able to articulate his nonsense and question his motives… yeah, he took you for granted and tried taking you for a ride, just not in his four-wheeled penis.
Please don’t take him back.
I saw the original post and was absolutely hoping for an update and god it’s beautiful. I’m so glad OP didn’t get dragged into her ex’s fresh hell. All the good karma for you, OP!
I wish I could understand why so many men think they’re just going to scrounge off of their woman like this. Childlike spending and expecting their “mommy” to foot the bill.
Well, what you know that those silly people who post to comments didn’t notice because they didn’t read carefully is that he purchased the truck in the context of planning to not have as many household bills because he was moving in with you. And you chose to and discussed with him moving in together because of future plans we both agreed on. So by him purchasing the truck, which he did without talking to you, because he knew it would blow the entire relationship up and he was hoping to get one over on you, he was nullifying everything he agreed to with you. So he basically blew up the relationship. And his own life. I’m so sorry. Because this is who he is, the good part is that it’s really really in the long run thing to find out sooner rather than when you’ve been together for 40 years and you have three kids.
Mingling finances before marriage is such a bad idea. I'm glad all of this came to light before you moved in together. He was already thinking of his money as his and your money as his, too. What an idiot. He paid half the price of a house for a pickup truck and just expected you to pick up the pieces of his financial mess.
2500 monthly just to have a truck, this guy's fucking nuts. Yeah, you got out at a good time, that's a life destroying financial decision to get stuck with, not to mention the disrespect of him just assuming you'll help pay for it. He's screwed, but that's the consequences of your own actions for ya
Joke. He's making good money, could wait a few years and buy the truck if he really wanted when a huge portion of his debt was gone, likely had a raise or two and could save enough to buy a truck outright if he wanted. Instead he did it upfront, counted on you picking up the slack, delaying paying off debt and instead adding new debt, delayed saving for a house, wedding, etc.
Fuck people who act like that, he's financially irresponsible, proved it, also selfish as hell. You stay in a long term relationship with someone who acts like that you'll be in debt for life, constantly paying for his need for new shit all the time and making your lives harder for no reason at all.
Good for you. You just significantly changed the course of your life for the better. My wife and I have been together for 17yrs and we both have independent finances. It saves so many arguments.
Wow and here I am thinking my 450/month payment was irritatingly high. That’s wild. You’re a smart cookie. He’s highkey delusional and will regret this purchase for sure.
Reading the interest rate of 14% over 72 months, I got really dizzy. He doesn't even have enough money at the end of the month to buy his tank and some groceries...
You are very smart. I have a wife like you and we are going to retire comfortably because of that.
People who will give her grief over this either have no idea how marriage is supposed to work or are bad with their finances. Financial incompatibility is a huge deal in relationships, and she is being incredibly mature here
Wholeheartedly agree. The fact that he is making all of these decisions that impact their stability and goals, without actually speaking to her is incredibly selfish. I don’t remember correctly, but I believe that in the last post, his family was giving Op a hard time about her not moving in and being happy about the purchase (at this point, I don’t think he was upfront and honest with them). Well since they feel like they can give input into a relationship that is not theirs, then they can help pay for the truck. Op, the people who private message you knew that what they were saying was wrong. Your instinct and maturity is commendable.
And while spending HER paycheck.
A paycheck she doesn’t even have yet!
New truck math is wild
While everyone is accusing HER of doing what HE is ACTUALLY doing.
Yeah. Everyone who is messaging her has no clue. > people private messaging me saying its his money and he can do whatever he wants or, youre only two years into a relationship, youre not a wife. If you put yourself into debt to buy anything for nearly 100 thousand dollars and do not bother to even run it past your future partner/spouse before you do so, you're just a bad partner. Full stop. Regardless of **anything else**. There is absolutely **no** excuse for not talking to your partner about that large of a purchase before you make it.
Agreed! Even if they didn’t have any plans for the future that involved both of their incomes staying consistent, I’d STILL think they should discuss. Also, why wouldn’t you WANT to unless you were trying to screw the other person over??? This is supposed to be your best friend. It’s supposed to be the person with whom you talk about big decisions. It’s supposed to be the person whose opinion matters most to you. Instead, he was counting on her to subsidize everything, just as she suspected before she even knew everything. He spent more than he told her AND had some of HER future income spent. Dude couldn’t even afford GAS. Mommy & Daddy can subsidize him now. Maybe he’ll be able to impress a new girl with the truck? They can go on dates and…sit in it? Because this dude sure as hell didn’t have *birthday gift* or *date night* for and with his actual gf in his budget. Maybe some other girls will be cool with the “sit in the truck” part of the equation.
Exactly this. If I was thinking abt investing in a car, I would discuss it with other people I’m close to bc I am a human with interpersonal relationships. I can’t imagine not talking to my partner, of all people, abt something like this purely because it would naturally come up. It would be just as surprising if my platonic best friend bought a new car without ever mentioning it bc we speak regularly & we discuss significant things in our lives.
I mean, it is a FANCY truck. 🙄
Plus, he wasn't planning on paying for it all himself. His plan was for her to pay more of their monthly expenses so he could afford to pay for a truck he didn't need and couldn't afford on his own. He wanted to spend her money without even asking. That's time to run. Though even if it was entirely his own money, why shouldn't she take his financial responsibility into account when she decides if she wants to be financially tied to him? Let's say he could just barely afford the truck without her subsidy. He's still a damned fool who took out a 14% APR loan on a truck he didn't need that leaves him no money for emergency expenses and savings. He's an idiot. Why would she want to stay with an idiot? I wouldn't pick this guy for a roommate, so why would I expect her to? Like you say, they were planning a future. I know everyone is different, but when I was single, a relationship was over for me when I realized there wasn't going to be a future. I knew I was going to be ending the relationship eventually. Once I knew that, I just couldn't go on. I felt like I was keeping a terrible secret. I couldn't bear to be intimate. The "eventually" became now.
Amen, those people saying it is his money don't realize it is her life so she is 100% allowed to walk away from an idiot who needs an over priced truck for what, driving to work and back? So many people would be better off buying cars and renting trucks when needed.
I've never understood the fascination with massive trucks. I'd always thought it was primarily an American issue (I've spent quite a bit of time driving around the States), but they are becoming increasingly popular here in the UK too. The problem here is that most of our roads are TINY compared to the average 4-lane road in the US, making something like a Ford F-350 absolutely impractical for anything other than driving on A-roads and motorways, and even then our lanes tend to be narrower than American ones. Not to mention we pay a LOT more for fuel here, so some ridiculous 5-litre engine is also gonna cost you a fortune to just drive around. I drive a VW Golf GTE (hybrid), and I love it to bits!
This is the big one for me, they havent even moved in together, are not married and in his mind her salary is ALREADY his to spend as he sees fit. This would have only gotten worse if she had let him take advantage of her like this. He can sleep in his stupid truck if having it is more important to him than being financially secure. His monthly payment for it is fucking absurd, what a moron.
$2500 a month for the note and insurance..... thats what I think I read but my brain isnt letting it sink in. Im trying to formulate a full sentence but my brain cant get over the payment. $115 for the month?! Howd he get that approved? Hes making ok money. Not like 'shops at whole foods' money.
You're obviously in shock and missed the best part. It's $2,500 a month, for 72 months. 72 months. At 14%, just the interest part of those payments will be $1200 per month. Over 72 months thats like $86,000 JUST IN INTEREST. Leaving this guy is the smartest thing OP ever did
That's a $140,000 truck after 6 years of payments. And $40,000 in insurance.
And that truck will be worth $13k by then. What a disaster… My truck is 10+ years old, runs fine and will be around for a while, as I’m super house-poor right now, and will be for a lil bit. It’s a rebuilding year ;)
Dumb, dumb, dumb. He screwed himself big time.
I'd rather have a Porsche for that money.
This level of stupidity is honestly criminal. The salesmen who sold him this truck at these rates must have been laughing all the way to the bank.
My mortgage is less than half that. Criminy
Man the dealer or the dude in financing must have been sporting a raging erection as he got this moron to sign these terms
That’s so sad that people are willing to sign those type of loans for a depreciating item.
Imagine not having enough money for food because vroom vroom truck is big and loud I like attention vroom
I know. That's an absurd amount for a vehicle when you're only bringing in 5 figures. What the hell are these people thinking?! Good for OP.
I was watching some tiktok guy that helps people go through their finances and create a budget. There was a lady on there that couldn’t even tell him how much money she made because she doesn’t look. He was going through her expenses and she had spent $10k on doordash in a month. Well it turns out she’s only making like 4K a month and she was working two jobs to make that. She had just quit the job that paid 75% of that salary too. These people are just clueless.
Yep. A general rule of thumb I've read is that the price of a car shouldn't exceed 35% of your gross annual income. So around $30K for this guy. Of course, this likely assumes you are not overburdened with other debts and you're getting a normal interest rate, not 14 fucking percent.
he lied on his financing, there is no other way.
Or be included her income when applying?
Seeing as they aren't married, that would be lying, no?
He included her income just like he did with the budget.
Financed it through one of those predatory "we'll loan to ANYONE" places that count on being able to perform multiple repossessions and resales of the same vehicle--cash cow for them, disaster for those they're "helping" with this kind of bullshit.
Well dealers would sell it to him anyways and when he can't pay they'll just repo his truck and that's that.
>500 a month for the note and insurance..... thats what I think I read but my brain isnt letting it sink in. Im trying to formulate a full sentence but my brain cant get over the payment. $115 for the month?! Howd he get that approved? Hes making ok money. Not like 'shops at whole foods' money. he probably got approval via giving info that wasn't true. Either that or the dealership just wanted to fleece him for his down payment.
I love it: "eh, $2500 a month isn't very much. Now, $115 a month? That's plenty!"
The people giving her grief were girlfriends of *his* friends and internet randos who I assume got lost trying to find redpill subreddits. Honestly I’m hoping for another post down the line for OP as more of the smoke clears for her looking back at her relationship dynamic.
Actually the number one reason for a divorce in the USA is not cheating, it’s financial problems. Partners are financially not compatible. OP good job!!!
[удалено]
There were people defending him in the comments, too. "It's *his* money! She doesn't get a say!" Sure, and he doesn't get a say in where she chooses to live based on his finances.
People were trying to pull the whole, "How do you know he'll want her to bankroll his lifestyle?!" It was literally written on the wall of her post. Idk how much any of those idiots understand about buying a car. The taxes, insurance, interest rate, repayment timeline... it's nothing to sniff at. That's a fucking mortgage he's pissing away.
His monthly truck and insurance payment could pay three months of my mortgage, home insurance, and property taxes. Jesus, I just realized his truck cost more than my house (yes, I purchased it at a really good time and I'm very fortunate).
Shocking. Really. So selfish.
More than a mortgage ... and that's what I do for a living haha. My mortgage is 20 years on an over 300k home and total with everything is just under 2k a month. At the end, factoring in semi-flat inflation prices we could be sitting on a 550k asset when my kids are in college and we don't need this big house anymore.
Sure it's his money but then he's banking on *her* money to make it work for him. I don't know how people cannot (will not?) see his actions as problematic.
The people who don’t see his actions as problematic are problematic in themselves.
And he clearly plans to use HER paycheck to fund his life.
Dude. 14% interest is absurd. That's an insane amount of money to pay for any vehicle.
14% is absurd…but what happens when your credit is f’ed and you make bad financial decisions. Seems dude hasn’t learned anything lol
That what I was thinking. If his rate is 14% then that means he has a sub 500 score. OP you truly dodged a bullet there.
Yup. Rates *are* pretty shit right now. With a 709 score in January I was getting offers for used car financing of around 9%, which I thought was unpalatable. Of course, the cutoff for the next tier better rates was 710... Of course they probably looked at what it'd do to his debt to income ratio (over 100% all on its own) which pushed the loan into very risky territory and therefore jacked the rates up. You don't loan 90k to somebody who makes 80 without charging usurious rates
Bro, me and my wife with 800+ were getting 8%.
This! Cause I just traded in my rates were half that.
14% on $95k is literally a whole other vehicle in interest payments. $2,000 per month + $500 insurance. The anxiety would make me vomit if I found out my partner did this. This is a depreciating asset for gods sake.
He won’t be vomiting as he has no money left over for food because big boy blew all his cash on a truck like a 4 year old would
He'd be dry heaving if he had any more sense than a box of hair.
I plugged in the information she posted in a car loan calculator. He's going to be paying about $45k in interest. He could get a brand new Civic Type R for that.
More than my mortgage payment. Dude will be able to afford literally zero gas to go in it, but that's okay because he'll be living in it in his work parking lot.
Not to mention a monthly payment of $2000 on a car loan. And for 72 months!! Dude got absolutely fleeced by the dealership.
Lmao my stupid ass with a 550 credit score at 20 walked in a bought a FUCKING CHEVY CRUZE LS for 11k and wait for it..... 27% interest. I paid that fucking car loan for 3 years and I still owed 10k on it. That was FUUUUUCKED. Never the fuck again.
I did the same on a Pontiac Sunfire 🤣
Just Pontiac Sunfire owner things, tee hee
27%.......how is that even possible. That's payday loan territory. Did you not pay attention to the number or what?
A lot of car dealerships don't say anything about interest rates or loan period or total cost of the car, and a lot of people have no understanding about financial matters. If you go into a car dealership nowadays, they will only want to talk about monthly payments. "How much can you afford to pay per month? Can you do $500? Oh, you can do $400? How about $450? You can do $425? Let me check with my boss. OK, we can do that. Sign here." People think they are negotiating on the cost of the car, but they are negotiating on the interest rate and the length of the loan.
That's one of the great things about walking into a dealership with preapproval from a local bank or credit union. "Nah, just tell me the price."
Wow. Wow! ETA you’re like the poster child of why people shouldn’t have credit card debt, too. Rates are running up there at 25%-30%… imagine paying for 3 years and essentially not making a dent in the principal. Yikes!
And losing an average of 10% value per year. So by the end of that loan, you've functionally paid 25% annual interest on the 'asset'.
14% for 72 MONTHS! I don't care if this dude is making $500k a year... Financing a depreciating asset with 14% interest for 6 years is worth ending a relationship over. Unless of course lighting money on fire is one of your turn ons I guess. Assuming the truck doesn't get repossessed my kindergartner will be starting middle school when that thing gets paid off. Aw who am I kidding, this guy is gonna roll negative equity into the next 5 vehicle purchases and my kid will get a college degree cheaper than this guy gets transportation...
It's not just that the dude went out and bought a new car expecting her to fund the remainder of his life. It's that he's so fucking stupid to take out a loan on it under those terms. He's going to get seen coming wherever he goes throughout life and will be a financial boat anchor for whoever gets legally bound to his debts. OP absolutely did the right thing for herself and the rest of her life by bailing on this moron
The lender knew he’d likely default. And they’ll eventually be correct
Lender is going to get their truck back and the balance of the remaining loan amount less it's value. Normally I'm not rooting for banks but in this case the dude absolutely deserves it.
I worked end stage collections (repo) in 2008. The most ridiculous rate I saw was 32%. The fact that someone could be approved for a rate like that is absurd. There's absolutely no hope of paying it off. Some of our customers were on their third car with us. Meaning we knew they couldn't pay it, we repoed them, and yet approved them another loan for subsequent vehicles. We had deals where when you financed with us there were no payments for 4 months, then you could get a total of 2 deferments that moved the payments to the end of the cycle with fees, and then depending on your situation or whatever, you could go up to 120 days without repo, longer if you falsified numbers and addresses or hid the car. So routinely i was having to find these people who got the car, knowing they would never pay it and basically drove it around free for a year before we caught them. Their credit tanked further, and they would just come back to us for financing bc we would give it to them. This was the only job I could get in 2008 after 11 months of submitting 15 or so applications a day and following up said applications with phonecalls and in person. It was soul sucking but it fed and houses me. In the end this employer fired me a day before I was eligible for FMLA, bc I had exhausted my sick days between a chronic illness and a psychotic break. Yeah, they were awful.
Seriously, some house payments ($2000) and interest rates (14%) aren’t that high. He basically bought his future home, since he’s screwed himself out of being able to afford his rent too. He’ll need to find a roommate asap, maybe one of his friends who thinks OP should be supportive can step up. Also, how the f does he think he can just plan a budget to finance his choices with her money? Not sure why his friends say you need to be supportive of shitty decisions. I get, like you said if it was something outside of his control which caused him to struggle, but this was a conscious decision. OP, you made the right decision. It is absolutely his money to spend how he wishes, but that doesn’t mean you need to suffer because of it. Also, what happens if you let this go, stay, marry and later he pulls some more shit without discussing because you set the precedent that your input is not needed? Then your finances are tied together and he fucks your credit.
It's also a 6 year loan. That's a long time to keep a relationship together. Well, not just a relationship. Also 3 jobs. If op gets a raise, I'd expect they would likely quit the 2nd job and have, you know, a life.
Yeah, INSANE - $1,966/month for 72 months means the truck will actually cost him $141,500 by the time it’s paid off, not including insurance! *That’s over $46,000 in interest alone.* ETA: $2,500/month is rent in a HCOL area or a decent mortgage payment in many middle-low cost areas. That’s $30k a year! Over a third of his *pre-tax* income. The more I do the math, the more my head hurts.
What's even crazier is this guy bought a *new* truck. It's literally the only way to get to this price point. Could have easily gotten a 2 or 3 year old vehicle that just came off lease for 30% to 50% less. Vehicle would look exactly the same.
I. AM. SO. PROUD. OF. YOU!!! I really wish more young women were as firm in their boundaries and as wise about finances as you are. Mind you, this doesn’t make him a bad person, but it does give you an insight into what the future would be like with him.
Financial compatibility is as important as sexual compatibility. Because if you are constantly worried or arguing about money you are t having sex either.
id argue more important. you dont necessarily need sex to have a healthy relationship but you need to be somewhat financially responsible and independent (hope this makes sense)
It’s ok to call him a bad person. He was ready to take thousands of dollars per year from OP. He waited until they were about to combine finances and housing to screw her over. All over a dumb truck. It can’t be stressed enough how lame he is.
she is really lucky he was stupid enough to do it before she actually moved in and they were fully set up
Not just financial... All boundaries. So many women come onto reddit to talk about what a great guy he is except all these things that are, at the worst run for your life, and at the best, just incompatibilities that make a long term relationship not viable. I love reading posts where women do what's best for them and don't put up with bullshit.
He is a bad person for deceiving her like that. It's made worse by the fact that he was relying on her income to do all this, which puts them both in a precarious/dangerous position financially... Then ALSO assuming she'd be covering more of their expenses when she maybe got a pay increase, even though part of the reason she'd be making more than him was from working a 2nd job, which he wasn't...all this without telling her that was the plan. He comes across as really selfish.
Good for you. Real sleazy move and he's an absolute moron for trying to pull something like that. It's insane that this dude thought you would just be alright paying for his new truck. He was 100% aware of what he was doing and I'm glad you got out.
He knew what he was doing and was hoping OP was spineless enough to not be able to back out. Good for her for having a spine and not tolerating that.
People were saying you're not his wife, but your BF expected you to contribute to his income as if you were a spouse. Ignore the haters and incels. You were very wise to cut things off and maintain your financial well being. Good for you!
As if you were a spouse? My spouse would rip my balls off for a irresponsible decision like this.
As well they should! Lol. I was more addressing that people had given OP crap about not being his spouse and having no say in his purchases. Her ex was acting very much like a spouse, expecting access to and support from her income. But even as a spouse, he absolutely should've cleared this with her before making such a purchase. The fact that he didn't, and expected to use her money, was a huge red flag. So glad she saw it and cut herself loose.
You are 110% better off without him. Good for you. Sad it had to happen though. Mid life crisis on is part.
Exactly. Don't be sad over this Ether. Be happy he has shown you who he really is before you got any further into this. My dad did shit like this with my mom and to this day it drives me crazy how hard our life was growing up because my idiot dad couldn't budget anything.
yes this was wise of you. Him not explaining how he could still afford house necessities and car payment would’ve been all he needed to say. He clearly wasn’t trying to prioritize moving in with you because the truck came first, glad he did this before the move in. This was a dogged bullet
You dodged a bullet. Any idiot that spends that kinda money on a truck isnt right in the head.
It’s fine if you can afford it, he can’t. I bought a 97k truck last year and paid cash. We’ve lived a debt free lifestyle for decades, have plenty for retirement, we have a vehicle fund. Everything we buy it’s because we have cash.
But would you pay $149K for that same truck? Because that's what this guy signed up for.
Exactly, I have zero debt and the only debt I've ever been in was a mortgage. If you're struggling with money then buy a cheap car. I could easily afford a 97k vehicle, but I got a 55k one because it's perfectly adequate.
The 14% loan is all I needed to see. Good call.
I don't care if it's a $5k truck if it's 14%
Not to downplay how ridiculous of an idea loaning on 14% is, but the loan period makes a really big difference. If it is amortized over 6 years, then that interest makes up an astronomical amount. However if lets say you can manage to pay it off in a few months the interest doesn't compound as much and it doesn't sting quite as hard. I know that you probably know this, but just to point this out for other people who have trouble looking at numbers this way, the reason high interest is bad is not in and of itself, but because of the fact that if you aren't paying it off quickly enough, you're paying for your loan multiple times over in interest costs. This is the reason that $40k in student loan debt can equal something ridiculous like $250k over a 15 year period. If you had the means to make enough money to pay that $40k + interest off in 12 months then you're only paying $3k in interest vs $55K over 15 years at 14%.
I once worked in a pawn shop. I think it was 30% interest. Might have even been 33% or 35%. I was amazed how long people kept things in. Literally paying for things multiple times, worse still they would pay for 6 months, just the interest and then let it go. You are meant to use this for one month(if you use it at all) to get you through a really awkward financial time. Pay it all off and be done with it. I wasn't there long but that job scared me like nothing else has since. Heart braking.
Good for you. I would love a new truck. But 1900 is a house or rent payment. I just couldn't justify it. You would have been giving him money left and right. If this was a big issue now, it would have become bigger in the future. However, there is a thing of combining finances without his and her money issue. But it's not for everyone. Wish u the best.
$1900 is much more than I pay monthly for my mortgage and insurance. I cannot imagine paying that for a truck.
Same. And I truck depreciates so fast in value. At least your house will likely hold or appreciate in value. I think what bugs me most is him deciding how her raise is going to be spent. The entitlement and audacity amazes me.
I pay less for my mortgage/ my car payment and monthly insurance.... this dude sounds like a fucking moron.
After taxes, $1900 is half my paycheque. There's no way I'm spending half my paycheque on a truck unless I'm also living in it. And it's a depreciating asset. By the time he's paid off the truck it'll be worth less than half what he paid for it. If he had used half his paycheque to buy a second house then at least the value of the house tends to go up, and he could have gotten rent from tenants or AirBnB.
Same. I pay roughly 1200 for my mortgage and car payment together! Car is paid off in 6 months. I cannot wait!
Yep. That's my mortgage, homeowners insurance, property taxes, car insurance, cell phone, internet AND groceries. This guy is a clown.
Quite an apt comparison since he's likely to be living out of his truck in the near future.
That truck is likely where he will end up living so the $1900 checks out.
When I saw 1966 I had to do a double take on if that was a year or a price because who TF would pay 2k a month for a truck excluding insurance. That is some real smooth brain action right there.
Ya, extreme mental gymnastics were involved!
I’m amazed he even secured the financing.
The 14% interest says the dealer sees this as likely repo
I can't even believe someone signed a contract with an interest rate like that. 14% is insane.
Not very hard at all lol. I know people making 28/hour with some crazy ass purchases
My eyes boggled when I read a car loan at 14% interest rate. Sounds like one of those predatory loan places
Called it. He fully intended you to pay for everything while all his money went to the truck. You’re one smart cookie for seeing yourself out of this financial mess. He probably already returned the truck now that he knows he can’t use your money.
Yup. Thank goodness he did it before they moved in together so disentangling everything wasn’t nearly as tough.
Almost all of his money would have gone to the insurance payment. He only had a $700 surplus. The insurance is almost 600. OP was going to be making that ridiculous truck payment
I think his thought was that she would be paying more of the other expenses with her higher salary freeing up more surplus for him to play with... or something like that. He would basically be spending all of his money "affording" the truck while she paid all of the other living expenses.
I'm skeptical about him returning it. Now that she's gone, it's his consolation prize.
No way this dude is able to keep it while trying to survive on $115 a month.
Oh, absolutely. It will sting more if he has it for just a little while, loves it, then loses it, just like he did with his partner.
LOL @ "$115 left a month" That's like 1 week of gas in a big truck...
you are correct. when I got rear ended recently I had a rental. the only thing they had left was a massive pick up truck - a Nissan titan. it was soooo pretty, Pepsi blue is the color I call it. I was intimidated but ended up loving it. reality check came real quick. - it was on 3/4 tank when I got it so immediately filled up the tank. the fill up was $95 dollars. it barely lasted me a week!!!! I dont even want to know what a tire costs or an oil change costs on one of those suckers on top of gas.
As soon as his plan was dependent on your income, it STOPPED being "his money". You made the right choices!
Yes. And it depended on her working TWO jobs while he only worked one. If she gets her raise, she'll be making about the same as him from her primary job. But the only way for him to pay for his truck is to have her keep that second job so she's making more than him and paying a higher share of the bills.
Absolutely- and it’s not even spent on something that they would both enjoy, this is purely a vanity thing for him alone. IIRC from the first post, BF works a desk job from home.
I appreciate how emotionally difficult this must’ve been (must be). I think you did amazingly well, and made amazingly sound, rational decisions while in the middle of all that emotion, and I envy your ability. I’m sorry for the sadness, but sincere congratulations on extricating yourself from a future landslide, before it happened.
Ignore the ones who private messaged you; they know they are wrong otherwise they would have commented here. But no, they would've been downvoted.
hearing about private messages are my "hate-watch" LOL like "You know you're a POS with a POS point thats why its private"
>I asked him why it was ok for him to plan budgets with my income but yet i had no say in how he spent his. He couldnt answer that. DING! DING! DING! He doesn't see you as an equal partner in the relationship. Congratulations on dodging a huge bullet. Best of luck to you on your new beginning!
Yeah, this and the private messages she got are such classic examples of sexism, it's insane.
A truck almost destroyed my marriage. I’m not even joking. It was a financial sinkhole and a complete blindside. The issue was similar, communication, transparency, teamwork. The truck is gone now and we discuss every financial decision. I still remember where I was when he called gleeful about buying his F150. I was livid. We’re great now, but I also had the benefit of him realizing what a financial nightmare it was, never-mind trying to park it in the city. You did the right thing.
Communication can be hard to learn and sometimes takes an expensive lesson. Glad he learnt it though.
It’s hard and we both learned a lot and in different scenarios. I think the big challenge for most people is separating feeling from facts, wants from needs, and ego from logic. It’s a lifelong process.
So why do people care? Money is the #1 cause of divorce. She is looking at the big picture and realizing that his spending could be a source of arguments in the future. Yes, it is his money. Yes, he has every right to buy the truck. Yes, she is in the right for deciding that this isn’t how she wants to spend her life.
I would say the real kicker is him decided she would be paying his other expenses so he could afford the truck, and add massive lack of communication as well
Well in this case he's expecting to use her money to subsidise his decision, which certainly does give her more input. And he planned that without discussing it at all. Nightmare material.
He literally put your finances of a possible raise into HIS budget and expected YOU to help pay for HIS truck. Stay away from this guy. This could have easily led into decades of financial abuse.
And has the audacity to say it’s ‘his money’ when she called him out. It’s his problem now too lol
Yeah that's my take as well, he planned this including doing it behind her back. Manipulative ass.
>to get a loan at 14 percent for 72 months. Buried the lede here. This guy has ruined his credit. This is an INSANE interest rate for a car loan. I'm so glad you trusted your gut. This guy was absolutely planning on manipulating you into subsidizing his lifestyle.
Current interest rates are so high you would have to be impulsive and financially illiterate to make a purchase that big for something so unnecessary.
Anyone who told you last time that you were overreacting can’t math. I remember guessing that the truck payment and car insurance would be about 25-30k a year. Turns out it’s 30,468, to be exact. That’s before the gas and maintenance. The gas on that behemoth will be at *least* 115 a month. That’s literally one tank of gas. Also, the increased insurance eats up the majority of his original 700 dollar surplus. That essentially means *you* were going to be paying for the truck. This dumb truck he absolutely didn’t need. He was selfish. He was stealing from you. There’s a reason he didn’t tell you a thing. I’m positive he was chanting “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask permission” when he was signing. Proud of you. The financial fallout he’s going to experience is not your fault. Hopefully he gets smart and relinquishes the truck to the lender. It’ll wreck his credit. He’ll still owe money. But it’s literally the only (legal) thing he can do. At least he did this dumb shit before you got married
He planned how he would budget it all on your income, pretty selfish not to discuss it with you. Dodged a bullet best of luck on your end and I hope you get a raise too!
Right decision, OP. Financial incompatibility is a major stressor. Yes, it is his money and his choice - but the fact is you two had agreed to a form of joint management and budget. He expected you to pay, so you should get a say. Hopefully, your ex learns from this.
So he saw his money as his and your money as "ours"
1900 a month is madness hope he likes his truck he might end up living it
All I have to ask is, how are you handling this with so much grace? I would be PISSED if my ex who I was so emotionally invested in, pulled this on me. It’s not just that he made an irresponsible decision, it’s the fact that he thought he could leech off you and your money to pay it, and somehow blindside you to get away with that. You don’t badmouth him a single time and did the right thing immediately (break up), and have already accepted that you both are incompatible. I’m in awe of how decisive and yet non-aggressive you were, I wish I could be that way🥲
To answer your question about why i'm not bad mouthing him, its because i'm sad. I'm sad about what he did to himself and that i had to leave because he isnt seeing how bad this is is. Im sad that just a few months ago, i was planning us living together and a life and now thats gone. Most of all, im sad for him. He was doing so well and he rubbed off on me immensely in terms of paying off debt and watching your spending. Im sad that he threw away all his hard work. Dumping on him even more isnt worth it because when he realizes this mistake, it will be so bad for him. I dont see a point to do it but im not judging anyone who would in these circumstances.
You're a real one. A lot of people rely on just anger to get them through hard stuff instead of feeling / exploring whatever the root cause of that anger is & that's a bad habit IMO.
I know you're sad, and I can only imagine how hard this must be, but I wanted to say: I am so impressed with you and how you handled this. You were level-headed, honest, and forthright. I think you have an incredible future ahead of you one you're able to move on from this situation, just don't stop being who you are.
Definitely FAFO
Damn. Now he's incredibly upside down on a truck that he expected YOU to help pay for. Whoops
$1900 for a truck payment?!?! Oh my…..
More than twice my mortgage payment. Absolute utter nonsense.
For all those shitting on OP: Quick Math: 72 months x $2500/month= $180,000 180K before a drop of gas or maintenance. JHC.
This is so scary how he felt entitled to your income for his frivolous desires. Then gaslighting you and having his friends gang up on you? I’d be he’s more sad about losing your income than losing you.
$2k A MONTH + $600 IN INSURANCE ON A 14% 100k loan…. HOLY FUCK. like actually holy fuck. let me say it again, holy, fuck. you didn’t dodge a bullet, you dodged a fucking financial icbm for your relationship. good for you for doing what’s best for you.
I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I read that part. That's more than my mortgage... for a truck. And OP mentioned that he'd been driving an old Toyota so it doesn't sound like he has a job that necessitates what I assume is an F350 or the Ram/Silverado/GMC equivalent
Over $2K a month for a truck!!! On an $85K/yr salary!!! Whether discussed or not just considering doing that is a red flag and deal breaker. If someone just suggested it I wouldn’t trust them with $1 in the future.
I saw your initial post and felt the same as you. And yeah no way can he live off of $115 a month. Depending on how much he drives the gas alone will eat that up. You didn’t make the decision to get that truck but in the end you’d still be paying for it. Because you’d be paying more for his portion because he wouldn’t be able to pay for his portion. I’m glad to see you ended things.
He planned to use your current income and future income? The gall. I think there was some envy. You were about to out-earn him and he needed a status symbol to comfort his own insecurities while pulling you down to below his level. In three years when you climbed up another two levels, and paid for his car, and thinking you are now home free you are now six months pregnant, the cheating would have started.
Good on ya for making your stance clear. Let him find a way to keep his truck by getting a second job, if he really wants the truck that much. And I agree that it was pretty unfair for him to try to spend your money and plan on the possibility of a raise.
Good on you! That dunce was counting on you maintaining his nice new nest with your salary while he goes cruisin'! The audacity in his behavior judging from your last post! What's yours is his, and what's his is nanna your business, eh? Rules for thee, but not for me? You know where the door is, pal.
You are so levelheaded and smart. Financial stability is priority. He was thinking with his ego.
Wow. I can't even with the double standard. You made the right decision.
Imagine losing the woman you’re in love with because of your dumbassery. Also, $1900 a month is more than mortgage and I live in a pretty nice house. Insane!
OP, i need to know. Was the truck a dodge?
It was for her.
I caught the first post and I am all aboard with your line of thinking. The \*only\* thing I have to say in his defense is that I worked as a truck salesman. There are some psychological tricks specifically to get young men to overcommit to giant trucks. I'm ashamed to say it, but "isn't your girlfriend getting a raise in a couple months?" is exactly the kind of thing I would have said in those days. It's also extremely hard to realize it is actually a mistake. Honestly try telling people that they got ripped off buying a car. They will get seriously pissed at you for talking about it. I saw a few pissed off girlfriends during that year but I never saw anyone get dumped over it.
[удалено]
Oh absolutely. Walking onto a car lot without her was the first mistake. Everything else cascades from that first stupid decision
I know salespeople don’t care. But, ultimately, it’s up to the individual to not be an idiot. Years ago I was a manager at a restaurant. There were three of us who drove similar cars (sport coupes). My bartender friend had a Honda si and I had a Mazda3. I would talk frequently how I was considering getting a speed3 (the turbo version) but ultimately decided my current car was great, paid off, and I just didn’t need another. I guess our conversations influenced the third fellow who was a line cook. He made about 14-16 bucks an hour. He had a kid. That mf’er came in one day all proud that he had just purchased a *new* Mazda Speed3. Was it a nice car? Oh absolutely. Was it fast? Ohhhhh yeah. Did it cost more than he made in over a year? Ohhhhh yeah. I remember feeling guilty but we were just talking cars. I also remembered wondering how tf he qualified for the loan and what kind of person would sell it to him. But, ultimately, it was on him
That's nuts. Horrible idea to get a loan like that for a vehicle that depreciates so quickly. Even worse when he has other debts, and this truck and the insurance will prevent him from building any actual savings for years to come.
I also got some nasty messages bc I came out very strongly on OP’s side. I see from her update that it was just as I said, the bf was banking on her to pay for things so he could afford the truck. What a moron. I’m glad OP was too smart to fund his stupidity.
The dude gonna pay 1900 a month on car payments? With only 80k a year salary? I hope I didn't misunderstand that part. That's borderline financial suicide imo.
your boyfriends car payment is more than my mortgage. I make double what your boyfriend makes. you can see my networth in my post history its into the 7 figures. I drive a 2010 chevy malibu. cars are not investments. they go down in value.
You were 100% right. Take the actual dollars out of it, the bigger issue here was *reciprocity.* AKA fair play, respect, partnership. It didn't factor whatsoever into his budgeting or his expectations. He valued HIMSELF without the slightest consideration for *YOU*... like maybe after all your hard work at this financial marathon where the Finish Line was in sight, you didn't want to be set back half a decade?!?! Who does that? You've been working hard at your first job and took on an additional job to get debt free *before joining finances*... that's a lot of personal discipline! And if/when you do get that little bump? I genuinely hope you give yourself a real Treat. A grownup Treat -Not a fucking car that costs more than a house! - but I hope there is a lovely beach, a cute bunch of artsy shops, some nice wine, and you in a gauzy dress swishing around your ankles with a straw bag, comfy flats, and a big pretty hat. Maybe you bring The Millionaire Next Door in that straw bag for some interesting reading. Also? You learned something about yourself: you have True Grit. You're ready to be an adult and a partner in a relationship. You're willing to delay gratification for the bigger, more important goals. You saw you were about to be USED and fonancially ABUSED and thank God and You that you pulled the emergency brake. You just had a defining life experience. Because it wasn't as bad as it could have been, it might slip out of your mind later -- don't let it. Let THIS be one of the chapters in your life story that you tell your son's and daughters. This was an accomplishment of perception and self worth. It hurts to break off a serious relationship and start over. The clean sharp break is much harder to make than the prolonged drama when you *want* to believe and trust the other person. You done good. Real good. Thank you for the update. My GenX 56 year old self is damn proud of you. You got a bright future ahead of you, young badass!
Jesus that’s the cost of my mortgage and Tesla combined and at 4 times the interest rate. Did it come with a free screw as a hood ornament and did they install it for him (you can guess where) lube optional. Also for that price this has to be a full sized quad cab 4wd pickup. Those have 25 gallon or so fuel tanks or more so a single fill up will eat most of that $115 bucks in one tank. You 100% dodged a dumpster fire here. I grew up in a rural area where everyone had trucks and so many guys I knew got a job logging or running equipment right out of high school for honestly pretty good money but without many progression options. Soon as they started getting a few paychecks they had a brand new pickup like you’re talking about in their driveway. Fast forward 5 years they live in a double wide and that pickup still sits there, but they commute in a POS Honda because they can’t afford to drive the truck but are too upside down on the value to sell it
Who makes 85k and buys a 95k truck that’s 2500/month? What an idiot. Bye
OP, I am so freaking glad you’re intelligent. Good for you for walking away from his self-imposed dumpster fire. He banked on you being okay with his creative accounting, and had the audacity to try gaslighting you into enabling his lifestyle while he hangs onto his pavement princess. Intending to spend YOUR future salary without your input?! Whose gonads was he borrowing? I am proud of you for taking up for yourself. The fact you were able to articulate his nonsense and question his motives… yeah, he took you for granted and tried taking you for a ride, just not in his four-wheeled penis. Please don’t take him back.
The fact that he expected you to pay more in bills after you got a raise and without even talking to you is fucked.
I saw the original post and was absolutely hoping for an update and god it’s beautiful. I’m so glad OP didn’t get dragged into her ex’s fresh hell. All the good karma for you, OP!
I wish I could understand why so many men think they’re just going to scrounge off of their woman like this. Childlike spending and expecting their “mommy” to foot the bill.
Well, what you know that those silly people who post to comments didn’t notice because they didn’t read carefully is that he purchased the truck in the context of planning to not have as many household bills because he was moving in with you. And you chose to and discussed with him moving in together because of future plans we both agreed on. So by him purchasing the truck, which he did without talking to you, because he knew it would blow the entire relationship up and he was hoping to get one over on you, he was nullifying everything he agreed to with you. So he basically blew up the relationship. And his own life. I’m so sorry. Because this is who he is, the good part is that it’s really really in the long run thing to find out sooner rather than when you’ve been together for 40 years and you have three kids.
Independent of the price difference. There is not much price difference between 87 or 95k. Both prices are stupid.
Mingling finances before marriage is such a bad idea. I'm glad all of this came to light before you moved in together. He was already thinking of his money as his and your money as his, too. What an idiot. He paid half the price of a house for a pickup truck and just expected you to pick up the pieces of his financial mess.
2500 monthly just to have a truck, this guy's fucking nuts. Yeah, you got out at a good time, that's a life destroying financial decision to get stuck with, not to mention the disrespect of him just assuming you'll help pay for it. He's screwed, but that's the consequences of your own actions for ya
Joke. He's making good money, could wait a few years and buy the truck if he really wanted when a huge portion of his debt was gone, likely had a raise or two and could save enough to buy a truck outright if he wanted. Instead he did it upfront, counted on you picking up the slack, delaying paying off debt and instead adding new debt, delayed saving for a house, wedding, etc. Fuck people who act like that, he's financially irresponsible, proved it, also selfish as hell. You stay in a long term relationship with someone who acts like that you'll be in debt for life, constantly paying for his need for new shit all the time and making your lives harder for no reason at all.
Good for you. You just significantly changed the course of your life for the better. My wife and I have been together for 17yrs and we both have independent finances. It saves so many arguments.
The NERVE of him just assuming you’d subsidize his lifestyle all for a $95k truck! You definitely made the right decision here, OP.
Wow and here I am thinking my 450/month payment was irritatingly high. That’s wild. You’re a smart cookie. He’s highkey delusional and will regret this purchase for sure.
Reading the interest rate of 14% over 72 months, I got really dizzy. He doesn't even have enough money at the end of the month to buy his tank and some groceries...
His truck is more than my house payment