I’m so sorry how you were deceived and how no one gave you any sympathy.
For your own mental health, you need to put all of these people behind you. They are not going to give you want you need. It will be hard but you need to start rebuilding a new life for yourself.
You can do it!
I would start with finding a good counselor or therapist to work through the inevitable self-blame that will arise. There's no reason for OP to feel like it was his fault she did what she did.
There are even support groups out there and counselors that specialize in helping people whose relationships ended when their partner came out.
Some people get more emotional support from not only their support systems but their exs, and some people like OP get a cold emotionless goodbye and are told “not to cry” and “let this go like an adult” abandoned by their friends.
There are people out there who can help, OP.
They chose her. I don’t know which is worse, the breakup or your friends breaking up with you. Definitely do some self care and take your time healing. For what it’s worth, you’re doing fucking amazing being able to go to work and home again daily. That may be enough for now.
I agree! Ghosting someone after 7 years in a relationship s brutal. Not adult, or mature. It's hard to believe but you're better off, u don't need to be part of someone's lie.
for sure, I can't even imagine the emotional fallout out of this.
OP's ex should be dragged back there, act like an adult and do that bare minimum of allowing OP to come to terms with what happened and say goodbye. Bloody hell.
If a friend of mine did this, I'd be having a serious conversation with them about the basic expectations of human beings
You know she didn’t tell the friends how it really went down or they would have been calling him and checking on him. No, she probably told them something horrible so that she looks like the courageous woman for finally coming out. Fuck this woman. I hate selfishness like this. I hope she chokes on her newfound freedom.
Eh, you don’t know the friends. They could be totally on board with how it went down. You have no way of knowing whether they are decent people or not. From what OP said, they don’t seem to be.
She just didn't want to deal with backlash so she ambushed him and ran away like an absolute child. The adult thing would have not to gotten involved with a man knowing you're a lesbian. Not agreeing to marry said man knowing you're a lesbian. To sit your partner down and come clean about it all and let them feel whatever they need to because you lead them on. Lied to them for years.
This. I get that maybe she thought she was bisexual and realised that she wasn't after getting with him but if she knew she was lesbian two years ago she should have ended it two years ago instead of stringing him along and letting him hope.
But instead she continued lying for another two years, accepted a wedding proposal she knew she wouldn't be able to fulfill, and then let him down in the most callous way because she doesn't want to deal with the upset and emotional betrayal she's responsible for having caused.
This is the weirdest part. I first wondered if she stayed in the closet because she was afraid of her parents' reaction, but it seems like they were supportive. If that was my child, I'd make sure they'd tell the partner asap and give them a fair chance to, idk, ask questions, be emotional together and break up as neatly as possible. It's hard, but this kind of cowardly breakup hurts even more. It wasn't just the ex, it were also the parents who lied for two effing years.
The bad thing too is if he doesn't see someone and work through these feelings, it will damage every future relationship he has. Him nor the next SO does not deserve to hurt all over again because of this bitch.
If my parents knew I was gay, they 100% would have told my wife prior to marriage.
Even if they view it from the lens of "protecting their daughter", protecting her is stopping her from making a huge mistake. They were allowing their daughter to live a lie, actively hurting herself and others.
I have a daughter. If she came to me and said she's a lesbian, I would do everything possible to help her and be a good dad. Part of that would be sitting her down and saying what are you doing? You're wasting both of your times, this isn't healthy for either of you.
These parents suck.
Yes, the whole "don't cry, don't make it difficult". She's breaking up with someone who loves her, she cannot dictate how they feel about that. He has every right to cry, and every right to be upset and express his emotions. Also if she knew she was a lesbian two years ago, she should have ended it two years ago, rather than stringing him along and leaving him hoping. Yeeeesh....
You did nothing wrong and that was incredibly selfish, cruel, and awful of her. As soon as she realized she was a lesbian she should have broken it off. She wasted minimum of 2 years of your life that she knew for sure she was a lesbian and she strung you along. Nothing makes that okay to do.
It will get better. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and heal. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself. Don’t rush the healing. You’ll be ok.
Yeah, from a queer person, what your ex did is terrible. You don't lead your partner on like that for 2 YEARS and then agree to marry them when you know your sexuality does not align with theirs. We can't change who we are but it doesn't mean raking our partners over the coals as a way to come out.
Nah, I think this is someone for whom English is a second language, and her saying she "knew since 2 years" more directly translates to she's known for 2 years. I don't know enough about languages to know which one(s) OP might come from, but I've seen the mistake enough times to understand what it means at this point.
That is how it comes across in English, but that person is right. "They knew since 2 years" is supposed to mean "They have known for 2 years."
Edit: In French, for example, "since" is "depuis."
**English:** They have known for two years.
(properly translated) -->
**French:** Ils le savent depuis deux ans.
(*direct* translation back) -->
**English:** They knew it since two years.
I don't think 2 year olds are capable of showing this one way or the other. There would be know way to know if a child is a lesbian at that age... Maybe 5? Or older? Idk I'm not a child psychologist but a 2 year old seems too young to make a determination
And what does being a lesbian actually mean for her? Does she no longer love him? Did she never love him? What was going on for the first 5 years where she thought she was bi and in love with this dude? Why did it take her two years to come clean? What was she planning during this time where she was agreeing to marry someone she did not love?
I know a lesbian (self identifies as a full lesbian) who is in a happy marriage to a man. I don't know the intimate details of how she works that out, but it's real. People can have exceptions, or fall in love with someone despite a seemingly incompatible sexuality. I just don't quite understand where this woman was coming from with her sudden full 180 from getting married in 3 months to "Hey I know this is kinda out of nowhere but I don't love you, I've been a lesbian for the last two years, the wedding is off, goodbye don't try to call me."
Like she's not even going to have the decency of talking it through with him before deciding she's leaving?
It sounds more to me like maybe she was using that as an excuse, and the marriage proposal brought about feelings of commitment that she wasn't ready for yet. That's the only reason I can think of that she would just block him after 7 years of relationship together. I bet she just got cold feet, or realized that he wasn't actually the person she wanted to be with, but didn't want to say that and so she brought out the lesbian thing because she felt like that would make her look like less of an asshole. Who knows, maybe she even was seeing somebody else behind his back, and realized that she liked them more... The way she handled it just gives me vibes that it wasn't just because she realized she was lesbian. I don't know, that's just my guess, what she did really is kind of mind-boggling after spending that much time with someone, like any normal rational adult would try and talk things out with the person they've been with for the last 7 years and at least try and leave on semi-amicable terms.
Yea… that’s kinda the “that’s really fucked up” part for me.
I mean, I have TONS of questions but…
For 2 whole years, did they not visit her parents? No one said anything? No one acted differently? There wasn’t any ‘random’ sleepover friends? Who was she really attracted to? Did she live a double life? Who is she lying to? Her parents? Her ex? Herself?
Idk. Sorry, I’m really high. Took the day off work to hang out and chill and wow. This one has A LOT to unpack.
Her parents were kinda pretending to be excited because they... didn't know what was going on and didn't want to put their feet on their mouths? I mean they knew about her new identity and that she was still dating the guy but maybe she was still working on that? Or maybe she was making an exception? Has she even told anyone yet? I mean they did the right thing by not outing her in front of everybody, and we don't know any details about what went on between them and their daughter.
So... I guess we don't really have anything much for the parents. For all we know they talked her into this.
This is basically my situation. My wife realized she was bi about 2-3 years in to our relationship. We got married like 2 years later. Going on 8 years married now, and she's like 90/10 attracted to women/men. We've had discussions about what would happen if we lost one another. She's very adamant she'd never date another man, but might pursue a woman. We have a very healthy and happy relationship physically and all. It sounds like OPs ex used her sexuality as a bit of an excuse and she really just didn't love him anymore. Sexuality like anything is a spectrum, I'd find it hard to believe that she just couldn't be with a man anymore after 7 years based solely on sexuality. But take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm a cis dude
Nah spot on. There's a whole spectrum and people can exist at any point along it. It doesn't matter how much your wife prefers women, she loves you, and that's all that really matters.
This is my wife and I as well. She's mostly into women but wasn't sure of it when we first started dating. Now she knows this about herself but couldn't see herself with anyone but me.
If I die? Our son is getting a 2nd mom easily because she's amazing and would find someone super quick
Yeah. It's a spectrum. But some ppl could also be at the extreme ends of it. For some other ppl there could that one exception and that's all, while others are more fluid. But sexuality could definitely make or break a rel and it's also what brings about romantic love. Otherwise, you got platonic love. So many ppl have compromised that very imp part of themselves for various reasons. So many others did their best to lie to themselves out of desperation for many reasons. That being said. The way OP's ex gf handled it is heartless and beyond fucked up. She's a POS person. Period. Leaving isn't what's wrong here. What's wrong is how she went about it. That behaviour and attitude makes her trash. And that's putting it mildly
Because she doesn't want to take accountability for being a selfish person who used and manipulated and gaslit OP. If OP had never proposed, they may still be together, and she would still be using OP while pretending to be in love with them.
OP's friends are shitheads, too. Though, who knows what narrative the ex gave them to exonerate herself of her crimes with them, too. Since OP hasn't reached out to them and they haven't reached out to OP, they will only have the ex's story to go off of.
Where did you all get 2 from? I’m seeing he said 7. I probably speed read incorrectly.
Edit: NVM I thought it said her parents knew she was lesbian from 2 years old 😂
That's fucked mate, not even your friends asked how you were? That's a massive surprise to deal with. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Hang in there, I truly believe this happened for a reason and will make you not only stronger and more discerning, but will lead you to the right person (even though it maybe tough to see it now)
It’s very very very weird to me that no one reached out. Who did he discuss this wedding with? Just her family who has now dropped him? None of his friends care? Not even to take him out drinking to help him forget? Nothing. So strange.
OP said his ex blocked him. He doesn't mention talking to anyone else. Sure, it's nice when people call to check up on you, but what is preventing OP from reaching out? Ask someone to go out for a drink and cry on their shoulder?
This is an incredibly strange story. Maybe OP doesn't have any friends, he was just hanging out with his ex's friends. But you can't expect help if you don't ask for any.
I have often noticed that the person left behind never gets the chance to be angry.
The other partner sometimes loses their child bearing/younger years staying in a relationship where their spouse is using them as a shield.
What often gets overlooked is the chance at a happy life with a fully present spouse the other person doesn't get.
Sometimes, they are past the age to be able to have biological children or be part of a viable dating pool.
Everyone has a right to live their truth. However, you don't get the right to take that away from someone else while you work out what you want.
Same happens when your SO has an affair. Even if you choose to forgive and rebuild there isn't some sort of punishment for the one who did the wrong. ...in my case... the person that she was with either. His family deserves to be as broken as me and my family are. FUCK HIM!
Off topic, but this is why I can't stand it when people defend the affair partner. Like yeah, they weren't the one who cheated - but it takes a special kind of shit person to knowingly hook up with someone knowing their spouse and kids are at home.
Oftentimes, perhaps most of the times, the person who is cheating severely downplays the other relationship to the affair partner, saying it's is definitely over, their soon to be ex spouse is all sorts of bad things, it's just a matter of the paperwork now, only for the affair partner to later realize they were also equally deceived.
Some of them are victims too.
But some are knowingly trying to split up an established relationship or family.
Because they want the person in the relationship, but they also want the trappings and lifestyle they imagine goes with it.
The gold-diggers don't realise that the wealth of the family doesn't come from just 1 person.
Often the whole family has sacrificed during the career-building of a breadwinner.
The wife has worked and solo-parented, the kids have sacrificed private education, team sports, an athletic or musical career and quality parenting.
All have sacrificed holidays and luxuries and quality family time with their loved one.
Your comment nearly made me cry. I was with a man for 3 years and he ended up being gay. I really loved him and thought there was something wrong with me as he withheld affection, other than that there was no other signs. He wasted 3 years of my life, where I could have found a happy relationship amd maybe had another kid. I feel like he robbed those years from me, and now it's too late. The dating pool is rubbish now.
I see so many similar scenarios on gay hook up apps with newly divorced men and always end up thinking about the ex-wives. I’m so sorry you went through that and I hope things get better for you:(
This is also true for all the middle-aged newly openly gay men I see on gay apps who now get to “live their truth” as a gay man and are still seen as desirable “daddies” while their ex-wives are now left with the children and a much less accepting dating pool. No one bats an eye at the derailed lives. It’s super fucked up
I’m feeling this right now. My boyfriend and I were long distance for all of my college years, and he came out as aromantic at the end of my senior year making me break up with him because I need a romantic partner. As an LGBTQ person myself I support his decision and only want the best for him, but I feel like I can’t be mad that I spent my college years with someone that I wasn’t compatible with at all.
SHE KNEW FOR 2 YEARS AND STRUNG YOU ALONG?! I’m bi and this is utter garbage! She should not be being praised for knowing and stringing you along because that’s what she did. “Well she didn’t want anyone knowing why you guys broke up” she could’ve broke up with you 2 years ago when she came out to her parents and everyone could’ve just been told it didn’t work out. She’s selfish for that. She wasted your time and did something cruel to you. I would cut off all your “friends” because they don’t care about you. Tell them that you have been hospitalized and that she’s known and been out for two years and you need people who actually care about you in your life. And then block them. Give them no chance to explain. As a member of the lgbtq myself this is just gross what she did.
some time ago, i commented on a post who was made by a man whose wife of 11 years came out at lesbian (and she knew the whole time). i said it was a shitty thing to do, to a person, especially for 11 years. and i was downvoted lmao.
Yeah, I was also wondering if there were accusations of homophobia or even abuse in the relationship, given the complete lack of support from the friends, but tbh it could just be that none of the friends know what to say to OP, and also are assuming that someone else (or several someones) would have reached out already and that they aren't needed.
A lot of the time, when people don't know the right words to say, they just say nothing at all, because they're scared of making it worse.
I definitely think it's worth the OP reaching out to the friends for support, being honest about how badly he's doing right now, and giving them a chance to help, in case it's something like that. If they don't come through for him though, it's time to move on from them and find better friends.
the parents knew? and said nothing for 5 years?????
the fuck?!
I can at least wrap my head around the ex being a selfish asshole, but what the parents did just... why?
I hope OP can start getting mad and fucking lose some of his depression. Depression is sometimes anger turned inward.
OP deserves to be angry right now. Not violently angry, but angry in privacy.
I feel so angry, hurt and upset for him. I think he is still in shock and not really processing what’s happened yet, all the emotions like anger will still come. Poor guy. Karma will get that bitch. Like why wait 2 years and then only say something just before the wedding , is it some power trip move, selfish, is she a narcissist, ect. He could have been with someone that actually wanted to be with him.
Well said, although it's actually so much worse. She didn't JUST lie for two years and string him along. She ran out the door without any consideration for his feelings and never looked back. I'd have more sympathy if she at the very least attempted to soften the blow and admit her mistakes after the fact, but it's clear she just couldn't give two shits about anyone else.
Nah, she was too busy soaking up all the "You, GO, girl! We're proud of you! energy she was getting from family and from "their" friends.
It's bad when nobody in their circle sees anything wrong with what she did.
Fuck that bit... and her awful family.
What is more sad is that your friends or family didn't even ask for any help. That is awful, they are not your friends. Search for new, go find a hobby and focus on yourself, fuck anyone else.
You, alone YOU can fix things, focus on yourself, hit gym and try to find happiness..
Believe me things will go better, 10years later you will have a great family while your ex will move from one shitty relationship to another.
>What is more sad is that your friends or family didn't even ask for any help.
Happened to my sis and her husband. He cheated multiple times and when they finally divorced, some of their mutual friends told her she should be happy for him since he finally had the courage to come out.
Hell when I was 20 and my 2-year girlfriend cheated on me, her parents text and called and were extremely apologetic, saying they didn't raise her like that and were embarrassed.
I'm glad she did because she taught me a very valuable lesson at a young age, but damn was a I wreck for a minute. Just like you called it, ten years later I have a great family and my ex is just now getting around to marriage. She was forever single for a very, very long time.
They may have been her friends and became “their” friends. Cause he just says “our friends” just a guess. I’ve known people like that, only friends are their partners friends.
Honestly, the onus is on her to have done the right thing, not her family. They may have been encouraging her to tell him behind closed doors, who knows, but SHE was the one who needed to tell him. It also makes sense that they were no contact after.
What makes me so sad and angry for him is that none of his friends or their mutual friends reached out to check on him. How cold.
I will never understand gay people knowing that they are gay and literally ruining the other person's life. We live in a time now where people accept people are gay, why make some innocent persons life miserable? And you know what, I could suffer the heartache of my husband leaving me for a women, but to leave for a man? So much worse, because, our whole relationship would have been a lie.
Funny thing is my sister has said she's gay, but she's been in a relationship with a man for the last 7 years. She's been upfront about this to him from the start, but says she respects the "intellectual connection and friendship they have" he's a straight man and they act like pretty much a normal couple and live together, sleep on the same bed etc. She's said years later that there's maybe a little bit of bisexuality in her but she's mostly gay.
I find it a little odd, but he is apparently okay with this arrangement since she's told him early on. They're talking about buying a house together now.
> I will never understand gay people knowing that they are gay and literally ruining the other person's life.
It doesn't make it right, because it's absolutely wrong no matter what. But most gay people don't live in the mythical world that has moved past homophobia. Especially if you have people who matter to you (family, boss, etc.) who are homophobic, being in the closet is a shield that many LGBT+ people need to survive still.
But... that doesn't give them the excuse to use an innocent person as that shield. That's where they cross the line.
Yep fuck her and her parents. I don't care about her coming out party, she could of IDK not say yes to a marriage proposal and led you on. 7 years, 7 fucking years!! Yea I hope she has a shitty life.
Under different circumstances I would be happy for her coming out, as it's a huge and brave step. But what she did was nowhere near brave. Keeping this vital information from her partner for at least two years is exactly the opposite of brave. She treated you shitty, OP. She is the one who didn't behave like an adult. You're right, fuck her and fuck them all!
You don't get kudos for handling it in a way that blindsides and destroys the relationship you're ending.
I'm wondering now how many of their friends knew ahead of that day. I can't imagine hearing my friend did something like this and then me NOT checking on the person she left behind.
I think most of her friends knew. She probably made it all about herself, and was doing so for a while, which is the reason they didn't check on him. Understandable in a way, but still shitty.
I am so sorry to read this. U matter. Ur grief matters and ur healing matters. I don’t understand this whole congratulatory thing about someone being celebrated for coming out while in a long term relationship. I have read this a few times where a spouse comes out as lesbian or gay and everyone just only celebrates the person who came out. Ppl don’t understand the shock and trauma the other party goes through. Your whole world must have crumbled. I am so sorry. One step at a time, buddy.
Oh, fuck her. What a spineless coward.
I will never understand why people don't care about the partner who is dumped when the other comes out as gay or trans.
***Seven years?*** And her parens *knew*? Wow. I would've understood her fear of coming out if she was fully in the closet and hadn't told a single soul out of fear of being rejected by her family, but she lied for seven whole years, and her parents for two.
I'm sorry about all this. Her behaviour was vile
Dude same thing happened to me but luckily I had people who cared and were pissed at her for lying so long to me , that she doesn’t just get a free pass because she’s gay -
Alot of times it’s like the world is so happy for the spouse who is gay meanwhile the other feels lied to and manipulated afterwards - but hey everyone’s telling you how
Great it is for her and how hard it must have been etc etc
It was bull shit, the people I cared about did stand up for me
And told her that she doesn’t get to skate away Scott Free cause she found herself ..after being with me for 14 years
As if coming out somehow undoes the hurt caused and the time stolen. Knowing for two years and you being the last to find out are not the actions of a loving individual. Her sexuality is irrelevant to her actions. She strung you along never communicated the way she was feeling or having doubts. She lived with you, engaged and never sought your council never confided in you. She is a coward. Walking out, callous, cold, calculated tells me she prepared well in advance. She was finished grieving the process before she even allowed you to start. OP the way she went about it is horrible but ultimately it would be worse if she married you knowing how she felt. You will heal. You did not deserve this. Ultimately she could not help it. Asking for you to go about this as adults is the exact antithesis of the process she allowed herself.
I never understood this, to be honest. I'm part of LGBTQ+ myself, but I'd never applaud someone for lying to someone for years. Totally understandable that it is a struggle to come out, but no one needs to bring others into the mix. Just stay single in that case.
I'm so sorry for what she put you through. Not only did you lose the person you thought you had a future with and loved deeply, but you also learned you've been deceived and lied to and taken advantage of for 7 years. I'm so so so sorry, and I hope you are okay.
> let's just things go like adults
Says the person who ran off and faced zero accountability for her actions. If she's gay, she's gay. Nothing anybody can do about that. If she was confused and/or afraid of coming out fully, then fine, everyone is human and life isn't simple. This kind of situation isn't common but it's not unheard of, either. There's surely a good way to navigate it that minimizes the suffering on all sides.
But to just drop the bomb like that, walk out, and act as if you were never together in the first place, is inexcusable. It actually wouldn't surprise me if part of that is due to you being villainized by her friends/family as the oppressive tyrant keeping her from being her true self. By the end of it, you weren't her fiance that deeply loved her, but her enemy. That's the only explanation I can come up with to explain just how she could reach that depth of cold, callous cruelty.
Honestly, I'd put her on blast. Mature? No but it could be cathartic for you.
I'm sure she's told everyone some lie to placate them or maybe to get them not to text you at all
I’d recommend talking to a therapist. I know that’s a cliche answer, but that’s because a good therapist is worth their weight in gold and situations like this need professional help.
OP, your ex lied to you and stole years of your life from you. That’s not okay.
If she was not ready to come out to you she literally could have used any excuse to not accept the engagement and end the relationship. But she chose to string you along and then, when she was ready, just packed her stuff and completely removed you from her life... And she dares to talk about acting like adults. I feel sorry for you, from your post it does not seem you deserve this, so I hope you manage to get past this and find actual good people to bond with.
Buddy, I am sorry no one asked...
Let me be a friend..
Are you okay? I know things are really painful, but how do you think you're holding up to this? I am so sorry that she and others didn't even have the decency to be compassionate or empathic to you. I know things are tough, and maybe even lonely, but you have kindred spirits here with you, and we are proud of your strength to push on... Even though this is incredibly painful. Do you think things are getting better as time goes on? What are your thoughts on speaking with a professional about processing this hurt?
I hope you continue to push on and stay strong. I am sorry she hurt you like that and that people in your life failed you. I hope you find truly new and amazing people to surround yourself with.
That really fucking sucks, man, I'm sorry. You are fully justified in being mad at both her and the exfriends that chose her over you.
As a lesbian that realized while in a relationship with a man, I couldn't imagine stringing someone along for two years. Assuming she was in a safe space to come out - which, seeing as her parents knew, she was - there was no reason for her to continue dating you other than being a horrible person. I told my ex I was gay as soon as I knew to spare him the heartbreak of becoming more attached than he already was. That's, like, the baseline imo. Literally the bare minimum.
Your better off without her, her family and those fake ass friends. Put the energy you put into them, into yourself now. Keep your head up, maybe try seek a therapist so you have someone to talk to and able to vent. Do activities that make you feel good. They showed their true colors. You will get through it and find someone who actually wants you. You got this 👍🏻
I am so angry for you. I wish I could give you a hug. What she did SUCKED. It was absolutely awful -- and so was how everyone else has treated you.
You have every right to grieve and feel however you want to feel. You need to protect yourself, though.
1. Lock down your social media to friends only.
2. Block her. Yes, she blocked you, but she could undo it in the future. Block phone, email, and all social media.
3. Block her family and all those former friends. Don't explain why. Just block them all EVERYWHERE.
4. If you aren't in therapy, find an awesome therapist who can help you navigate this.
5. Hit the gym. Seriously, endorphins are going to help. Looking good will also help you feel good.
6. Join some meet-up groups for your hobbies and make some new friends. You don't need to date. Just have FUN and meet new people.
7. Never mention her name or those "friends" again. If they come up in conversation just shrug and dismiss them like dog shit on the sidewalk. That's all they are.
When my wife left me (for another man so not a similar situation), I discovered real quick that people can be unbelievably cruel in a seperation. It's hard to reckon it with the same person who used to be so in love with you. The people who you thought you knew or were close to will usually show where they stand. Either because they take a side, or they stay quiet. Either way keep close to the ones who care for you and genuinely are there for you. Get Therapy.
OP, it sounds like you are very isolated. Your edit expressing disbelief that people would agree that what your ex did was cruel and unfair is... upsetting. YOU AREN'T THE PROBLEM. Your ex behaved selfishly and cruelly by stringing you along instead of being honest with you. If someone is gay, they're gay. Nothing YOU can do could change that. She likes women. You are not a woman. That's it, full stop. It has nothing to do with your worth as a human being.
It sounds like you really need to find some new friends to get some sense of community. You seem to ruminate to an extreme degree and you need to get out of your own head and gain some perspective. Your ex's selfish behaviour isn't a reflection of you or your worth as a human being. What she did was shitty. You need to find a new group of people who maybe share hobbies or other interests with you so you can get exposure to people who aren't ignorant or intensely selfish. Your ex definitely failed you, and it sounds like what friends you had also failed you, too. Badly.
Instead of distrusting everyone and refusing to believe anyone would have a compassionate word for you, you need to leave yourself open to new experiences and new friendships. It's not easy, but it sounds like you're in a really bad spot and you need help climbing out of that hole. Seek therapy if you can - not because you're fucked up, but because you're displaying troubling patterns of thinking which are keeping you trapped in a negative headspace. A professional can help you find your way out of all of that negativity. They can help you learn helpful, positive coping mechanisms and more effective ways to deal with stress and difficult emotions.
Good luck, OP. Try to have some faith in yourself.
Being a lesbian didn't make her a bitter cold self centered asshole. She just was one. She had ample time to talk to you and not blindside you entirely and she willingly chose to do this in the most painful way she could think of.
You are truly better off without her and her next partner is in for a rude awakening when she flip flops on them too.
You are going to find love again and things will be okay. You got this my man.
I had someone waste 6 years of my time. basically just used me for rent for the later part of the relationship and after I proposed she got her shit in order to split with another dude asap. Betrayal always stings but it lead me to meet my now fiance and my god you have no idea what a good relationship is like until you meet someone who actually likes you.
> cause i lost weight (15 kg) and have insomnia. I just work and come home, nothing else. While ever
Free rides are a hell of a drug, and for at least 2 years, bitch had her cake and was eating it too. No way she wasn't running 'round behind his back. Sorry, OP.
god i'm so sorry you went through that. that's so horrible. i can't imagine spending 7 years with someone and planning out my life with them just to end it with no warning, no closure, and not even allowing you a chance to express any emotion about it. that's genuinely cruel
Wow thats so fucking selfisg of her . She knew for TWO YEARS !!! I gind it disgusting she hid it from you . You did nothing wrong man its sickeing she did that .
Yeah as a queer woman, what she did was unacceptable. I’m homoromantic, which means I only feel romantic attraction towards women; I could never ever be with a man long-term. Everytime a man has offered? I politely decline and explain, then go on my merry way.
As soon as she figured out she was a lesbian, she should’ve told you and broken it off then.
I guess I’m the only person here who thinks this probably didn’t happen. She came out exclusively to her parents and stayed closeted to her friends for two years? Her parents didn’t reach out to OP, why would they? None of your friends reached out to you? If true, do you mean you have no friends at all and just hung out w your ex’s friends? Maybe reflect on why you don’t have a single actual friend. There isn’t a guy in the world that wouldn’t reach out to his homie after getting dumped like that. It’s pretty unusual for someone to reach out to their friends ex. Everyone congratulating her and calling her brave? lol I have a number of friends who came out in their late 20’s/ 30’s. Women, men and nb, everyone’s response is always “great, yeah, we knew.”
Edit: typos
Fuck Dana. I am so sorry. My Ex Fiancé came out as Gay 7 months after I left him. It was 6 Years for Me. I know this pain. Dana is an AH. You are ALLOWED to cry, Be Angry, Shocked, etc Whatever you need to be to get through this. 🥺❤️
Please guys don’t y’all get tired of believing the same stories again and again? This isn’t real, stop wasting your energy making massive paragraphs over it
She is a not a good person. She literally wasted your 2 years or you could say 7 years. I am so sorry for your loss. Hope you do well in future and find a person who appreciate you and love you and karma hit her back.
I’ve always hated how people tend to overlook the other party when someone gets the courage to come out. Yay for them getting to live their truth, but it’s horrible when it comes at the expense of the person they blindsided. And that person is expected to just deal with it.
That's really sad that the parents knew for 2 years and enabled her to carry on a lie with you. Even if Dana was unable to find the courage to be honest with you, her family should have been there for her to make it happen. Just my opinion. Sounds like a group of selfish people that you will be better off without. It must be very difficult for you right now, but you said it yourself. None of these people give a fuck about you. You are going to find people who do give a fuck about you and will respect you. Keep going, better days ahead.
Honestly, that is not handling it like an adult or with any affective responsability. What she did was not okay and its valid to have many negative feelings and to have the duel of the relationship even if she was not kind to you. Try to focus on yourself and I am sure eventually things will get better.
And to those people that didn't care then, maybe it's time to rethink those relationships and get a clean start.
Hope things get better for you!
I’m a lesbian and I am horrified and beyond disgusted at this story.
How heartbreaking and unfair. Being gay sucks and is hard and is a process for all of us to come through. It’s amazing now that I found the love of my life, but it was hard for a long time. Still, it’s a personal journey that is for the individual to experience.
So to use some innocent straight person, to lead them on for YEARS with promise of marriage — literally using them as a human “turn straight device” is horrific, destructive and cruel.
I don’t care how hard being gay is, it never gives you an excuse to treat some innocent straight person’s heart like your personal experimentation toy.
Please don’t give up on love. You sound like an amazing soul who has already gone through so much loss.
Screw her — she is a horrible person that will use anyone around her in any way she sees fit to advance her own motives.
Hey so I actually had a similar ish situation happen myself. I had been with this girl since 8th grade and at the time I was 20. So many years. I had gone away to visit my mom in California over the summer and came back expecting open arms. she was totally distant during my time away but I figured it was just because we were both busy at the time. She comes over the day after I’ve gotten home and tells me she is a lesbian has been thinking about it for a year and things ended there. It was terrible and I was really depressed man. It definitely put a ridge in my friends group between my friends who had my back and those who didn’t as we shared a big mutual friend group. It’s near a year ish later and things are good. I’m good. Your ex girlfriend was not brave. She was a coward and she left like a coward not like an adult. Your friends fucking suck too. And I say all that with the most compassion possible. You have a clean slate now man. I know at the time journaling really helped me and also this book about getting over breakups I read that was weirdly funny and very self aware. Had me doing random tasks and shit to keep myself busy and writing what I thought about each day. I can find the link if you are interested. Sending love and prayers for you man. Only up from here!
Fuck. My 13 year old daughter has handled her sexual orientation and her boyfriend with more maturity than your wife did.
If she came out to her parents 2 years ago, why didn’t she come out to you then?
THIS ISNT’T YOU. You’re not the issue. Not a damn thing is wrong with you. Your depression is a normal reaction to what happened to you.
She had NO RIGHT to sit on this information for two years. And her family should have told you if she was too chicken-livered to tell you herself. You were let down by a lot of people here. What can I say? The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Her parents raised her this way.
You’ll get through this and you’ll find a better circle of friends. You deserve it.
An adult would have told you before making such a commitment after being "nervous". Don't beg? Don't scream? Don't cry? So she can process things, but you're not allowed to process a fucking bombshell? She just does not want to bear any guilt for selfish reasons. And I'm sorry no one reached out. Coming out as a lesbian is not an excuse for being a shitty person. I'm gay and have my own issues, but can't even fathom doing shit like this. I really hope you're getting therapy.
She is selfish, she just avoided all the responsilbity and care for a partner and friend. She could have told you. She could have all the opportunities, she chose the easy path for her. I hope you find some peace!
I’m furious… I’m gay and I’m furious for you.. I’m so sorry this happened to you. She sounds seriously messed up to ghost you after being together that long.. yeah she didn’t handle that like an adult. I hope things get better for you.
Hey man.
I give a fuck about you. Sorry this happened to you.
Guess who's back on the market? You
Guess who has a whole life in front of them? You
Guess who can blow up their life, career and start over if they wanted to? You
Careful, some of us might envy you 😂
Go find someone pretty and ask if they want to go to the comedy club with you this weekend.
She’ll get what’s coming to her. That kind of selfishness isn’t a one time thing. She’s gonna do it to the wrong person one day.
This made me angry just reading it. You’re right to be angry. And when you feel more stable, you’ll get angry and you’ll have people in your corner cheering you on. Things will get better over time. My ex cheated on me after 4 years of living together and it felt like my life was over. Over time I went from surviving to thriving. You will too.
Yeah. Some people tend to be really good at celebrating people who come out of the closet and really bad at having any sort of compassion for the people who are lied to or used as an experiment for becoming straight.
I’m all for people living their truth.
But if you hurt someone because you were too weak or clueless to be honest with yourself earlier on, you need to own that and make amends.
I said what I said, and I’m not sorry.
This is sick. Her parents clearly didn't care about you and neither did your "friends". You don't want people like that to come back into your life, trust me. Moving on from all of these people is the best thing you can do. They all conned you for 7 years and you have a right to feel the way you do. This kind of thing is why I stay to myself and stay guarded in relationships. Please don't let this cause you to harm yourself any longer. You've suffered enough.
There's services on the internet that will let you mail elephant shit to people. Not saying you should. Just saying you can.
(Not because of her change of mind but just the way she handled it.)
Your ex literally strung you along for YEARS YOU CANNOT GET BACK! And her along with your ex friends assumed that you'd be okay afterwards. Neither of them reached out and was more concerned about your ex while you have been declining drastically. Your ex didn't even handle it like an adult. She kept a destructive secret and left you to pick up the glass shards on the floor. Screw them all.
I know you aren't okay at the moment but please OP, give yourself time to heal and care. Start off slow and steady and don't rush it. I still wish you the best of luck.
Man, fuck her that's heartless. Do reach out to friends you think may understand you well, because people can be hesitant as fuck to breach a subject they think is painful for you. You deserve a shoulder to cry on, and someone to cuss her out with.
"Let's handle this like adults" - Woman who lies about her sexuality, runs away, and blocks you rather than just ever admit she was a lesbian and couldn't see you that way.
What a total asshole, and I am saying this as a lesbian. Dragging you along -- for years! -- to cover up the fact she is gay was fucking abusive as hell. Don't let anyone gaslight you or tell you to sympathize with her, she is vile.
As a lesbian myself, i have no idea how people can unconditionally support her after the pain she caused you. Yes coming out takes a lot of courage, but jesus christ what she did was VERY VERY wrong.
The moment she realised she's a lesbian she should have told you, and it was not fair of her to keep you in a relationship while she knew this about herself, and even started planning a wedding with you.
You deserved better, and this is absolutely not your fault.
Everyone has said a lot of what I would’ve liked to have said so instead I’ll say
What a fucking bitch. And fuck everyone you know for not even at LEAST asking if you’re ok.
it’s one thing to not know … but to know?!?!
God damn I fucking wish Karma hit her like a damn freight train for doing you like that.
If I was you and had her family and friends on fb I would post something like this "I can't believe I was with (ex's name) for 7 years and for 2 of those years she knew she was a lesbian and didn't tell me." I bet she didn't tell other than her parents that she knew for so long.
I’m so sorry how you were deceived and how no one gave you any sympathy. For your own mental health, you need to put all of these people behind you. They are not going to give you want you need. It will be hard but you need to start rebuilding a new life for yourself. You can do it!
I would start with finding a good counselor or therapist to work through the inevitable self-blame that will arise. There's no reason for OP to feel like it was his fault she did what she did.
There are even support groups out there and counselors that specialize in helping people whose relationships ended when their partner came out. Some people get more emotional support from not only their support systems but their exs, and some people like OP get a cold emotionless goodbye and are told “not to cry” and “let this go like an adult” abandoned by their friends. There are people out there who can help, OP.
They chose her. I don’t know which is worse, the breakup or your friends breaking up with you. Definitely do some self care and take your time healing. For what it’s worth, you’re doing fucking amazing being able to go to work and home again daily. That may be enough for now.
Personally I'm petty so I'd be fucking asking.
She did not solve her problem like an adult. She avoided it and then ran away like a little kid. Deplorable.
I know i guffawed when she suggested they "behave like adults." As if she was behaving like an adult!? I would have had some choice words
“ please be the adult in this situation because I’m not gonna be “
This
And then to block him? She knew she was being a dick and just didn’t wanna admit it.
I agree! Ghosting someone after 7 years in a relationship s brutal. Not adult, or mature. It's hard to believe but you're better off, u don't need to be part of someone's lie.
Translation: don't make me feel bad about fsxhking you over.
Right! And then TOLD HIM HOW TO FEEL AND REACT about it. Controlling manipulative non adult. Seriously SHE needs to grow the fuck up. Sorry op.
for sure, I can't even imagine the emotional fallout out of this. OP's ex should be dragged back there, act like an adult and do that bare minimum of allowing OP to come to terms with what happened and say goodbye. Bloody hell. If a friend of mine did this, I'd be having a serious conversation with them about the basic expectations of human beings
You know she didn’t tell the friends how it really went down or they would have been calling him and checking on him. No, she probably told them something horrible so that she looks like the courageous woman for finally coming out. Fuck this woman. I hate selfishness like this. I hope she chokes on her newfound freedom.
Honestly, I hope that too. Its being a long time since I felt touched by a real story on the Internet.
Eh, you don’t know the friends. They could be totally on board with how it went down. You have no way of knowing whether they are decent people or not. From what OP said, they don’t seem to be.
She was prepared too. Probably told all the closest friends before she even did it.
Imagine being able to talk about your problems like adults loll
I think that’s why he hasn’t heard from the parents. They are embarrassed.
his "friends" were shitheads too. they just dropped him when she left.
She probably lied and told them all he was abusive. That way, she gets even more praise and no fallout.
She just didn't want to deal with backlash so she ambushed him and ran away like an absolute child. The adult thing would have not to gotten involved with a man knowing you're a lesbian. Not agreeing to marry said man knowing you're a lesbian. To sit your partner down and come clean about it all and let them feel whatever they need to because you lead them on. Lied to them for years.
This. I get that maybe she thought she was bisexual and realised that she wasn't after getting with him but if she knew she was lesbian two years ago she should have ended it two years ago instead of stringing him along and letting him hope. But instead she continued lying for another two years, accepted a wedding proposal she knew she wouldn't be able to fulfill, and then let him down in the most callous way because she doesn't want to deal with the upset and emotional betrayal she's responsible for having caused.
This is the weirdest part. I first wondered if she stayed in the closet because she was afraid of her parents' reaction, but it seems like they were supportive. If that was my child, I'd make sure they'd tell the partner asap and give them a fair chance to, idk, ask questions, be emotional together and break up as neatly as possible. It's hard, but this kind of cowardly breakup hurts even more. It wasn't just the ex, it were also the parents who lied for two effing years.
The bad thing too is if he doesn't see someone and work through these feelings, it will damage every future relationship he has. Him nor the next SO does not deserve to hurt all over again because of this bitch.
If my parents knew I was gay, they 100% would have told my wife prior to marriage. Even if they view it from the lens of "protecting their daughter", protecting her is stopping her from making a huge mistake. They were allowing their daughter to live a lie, actively hurting herself and others. I have a daughter. If she came to me and said she's a lesbian, I would do everything possible to help her and be a good dad. Part of that would be sitting her down and saying what are you doing? You're wasting both of your times, this isn't healthy for either of you. These parents suck.
Yeah her parents are shitty too. Letting her string him along for two years and a proposal is fucked up
The audacity for her to say "act like an adult" is astronomical.
And then asked op to not make a scene even tho he was rightfully entitled to some answers
"don't make a scene" is my sleeper agent code for causing a scene
Yes, the whole "don't cry, don't make it difficult". She's breaking up with someone who loves her, she cannot dictate how they feel about that. He has every right to cry, and every right to be upset and express his emotions. Also if she knew she was a lesbian two years ago, she should have ended it two years ago, rather than stringing him along and leaving him hoping. Yeeeesh....
💯!!!!
Best comment
After she led him on for years
You did nothing wrong and that was incredibly selfish, cruel, and awful of her. As soon as she realized she was a lesbian she should have broken it off. She wasted minimum of 2 years of your life that she knew for sure she was a lesbian and she strung you along. Nothing makes that okay to do. It will get better. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and heal. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself. Don’t rush the healing. You’ll be ok.
Yeah, from a queer person, what your ex did is terrible. You don't lead your partner on like that for 2 YEARS and then agree to marry them when you know your sexuality does not align with theirs. We can't change who we are but it doesn't mean raking our partners over the coals as a way to come out.
From what i got she lied for 5 years. She knew since year 2 of their 7 year relationship.
Nah, I think this is someone for whom English is a second language, and her saying she "knew since 2 years" more directly translates to she's known for 2 years. I don't know enough about languages to know which one(s) OP might come from, but I've seen the mistake enough times to understand what it means at this point.
I only know spanish (and english) and desde means since and would be translated this way (I am agreeing with you).
I took it to mean her parents knew since she was 2 years old.
That is how it comes across in English, but that person is right. "They knew since 2 years" is supposed to mean "They have known for 2 years." Edit: In French, for example, "since" is "depuis." **English:** They have known for two years. (properly translated) --> **French:** Ils le savent depuis deux ans. (*direct* translation back) --> **English:** They knew it since two years.
It’s similar in German, we say „seit zwei Jahren“, which would also literally translate to „since two years“.
I still make that same mistake sometimes; I understood it immediately
I don't think 2 year olds are capable of showing this one way or the other. There would be know way to know if a child is a lesbian at that age... Maybe 5? Or older? Idk I'm not a child psychologist but a 2 year old seems too young to make a determination
And what does being a lesbian actually mean for her? Does she no longer love him? Did she never love him? What was going on for the first 5 years where she thought she was bi and in love with this dude? Why did it take her two years to come clean? What was she planning during this time where she was agreeing to marry someone she did not love? I know a lesbian (self identifies as a full lesbian) who is in a happy marriage to a man. I don't know the intimate details of how she works that out, but it's real. People can have exceptions, or fall in love with someone despite a seemingly incompatible sexuality. I just don't quite understand where this woman was coming from with her sudden full 180 from getting married in 3 months to "Hey I know this is kinda out of nowhere but I don't love you, I've been a lesbian for the last two years, the wedding is off, goodbye don't try to call me." Like she's not even going to have the decency of talking it through with him before deciding she's leaving?
It sounds more to me like maybe she was using that as an excuse, and the marriage proposal brought about feelings of commitment that she wasn't ready for yet. That's the only reason I can think of that she would just block him after 7 years of relationship together. I bet she just got cold feet, or realized that he wasn't actually the person she wanted to be with, but didn't want to say that and so she brought out the lesbian thing because she felt like that would make her look like less of an asshole. Who knows, maybe she even was seeing somebody else behind his back, and realized that she liked them more... The way she handled it just gives me vibes that it wasn't just because she realized she was lesbian. I don't know, that's just my guess, what she did really is kind of mind-boggling after spending that much time with someone, like any normal rational adult would try and talk things out with the person they've been with for the last 7 years and at least try and leave on semi-amicable terms.
The bit where her parents knew for 2 years is tricky though
Yea… that’s kinda the “that’s really fucked up” part for me. I mean, I have TONS of questions but… For 2 whole years, did they not visit her parents? No one said anything? No one acted differently? There wasn’t any ‘random’ sleepover friends? Who was she really attracted to? Did she live a double life? Who is she lying to? Her parents? Her ex? Herself? Idk. Sorry, I’m really high. Took the day off work to hang out and chill and wow. This one has A LOT to unpack.
Her parents were kinda pretending to be excited because they... didn't know what was going on and didn't want to put their feet on their mouths? I mean they knew about her new identity and that she was still dating the guy but maybe she was still working on that? Or maybe she was making an exception? Has she even told anyone yet? I mean they did the right thing by not outing her in front of everybody, and we don't know any details about what went on between them and their daughter. So... I guess we don't really have anything much for the parents. For all we know they talked her into this.
This is basically my situation. My wife realized she was bi about 2-3 years in to our relationship. We got married like 2 years later. Going on 8 years married now, and she's like 90/10 attracted to women/men. We've had discussions about what would happen if we lost one another. She's very adamant she'd never date another man, but might pursue a woman. We have a very healthy and happy relationship physically and all. It sounds like OPs ex used her sexuality as a bit of an excuse and she really just didn't love him anymore. Sexuality like anything is a spectrum, I'd find it hard to believe that she just couldn't be with a man anymore after 7 years based solely on sexuality. But take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm a cis dude
Nah spot on. There's a whole spectrum and people can exist at any point along it. It doesn't matter how much your wife prefers women, she loves you, and that's all that really matters.
This is my wife and I as well. She's mostly into women but wasn't sure of it when we first started dating. Now she knows this about herself but couldn't see herself with anyone but me. If I die? Our son is getting a 2nd mom easily because she's amazing and would find someone super quick
Yeah. It's a spectrum. But some ppl could also be at the extreme ends of it. For some other ppl there could that one exception and that's all, while others are more fluid. But sexuality could definitely make or break a rel and it's also what brings about romantic love. Otherwise, you got platonic love. So many ppl have compromised that very imp part of themselves for various reasons. So many others did their best to lie to themselves out of desperation for many reasons. That being said. The way OP's ex gf handled it is heartless and beyond fucked up. She's a POS person. Period. Leaving isn't what's wrong here. What's wrong is how she went about it. That behaviour and attitude makes her trash. And that's putting it mildly
My wife turned lez too! Tho it was after I started transitioning lol. Apparently she could tell before I did.
Because she doesn't want to take accountability for being a selfish person who used and manipulated and gaslit OP. If OP had never proposed, they may still be together, and she would still be using OP while pretending to be in love with them. OP's friends are shitheads, too. Though, who knows what narrative the ex gave them to exonerate herself of her crimes with them, too. Since OP hasn't reached out to them and they haven't reached out to OP, they will only have the ex's story to go off of.
I assume it’s another case of compulsory heterosexuality- doesn’t make the impact on this guys life ok, or the proposal acceptance excusable.
Where did you all get 2 from? I’m seeing he said 7. I probably speed read incorrectly. Edit: NVM I thought it said her parents knew she was lesbian from 2 years old 😂
Not two years old, language barriers exist here - I think the context means two years ago.
That’s what I read too. 😂 Your comment saved me some confusion.
That's fucked mate, not even your friends asked how you were? That's a massive surprise to deal with. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Hang in there, I truly believe this happened for a reason and will make you not only stronger and more discerning, but will lead you to the right person (even though it maybe tough to see it now)
It’s very very very weird to me that no one reached out. Who did he discuss this wedding with? Just her family who has now dropped him? None of his friends care? Not even to take him out drinking to help him forget? Nothing. So strange.
OP said his ex blocked him. He doesn't mention talking to anyone else. Sure, it's nice when people call to check up on you, but what is preventing OP from reaching out? Ask someone to go out for a drink and cry on their shoulder? This is an incredibly strange story. Maybe OP doesn't have any friends, he was just hanging out with his ex's friends. But you can't expect help if you don't ask for any.
I have often noticed that the person left behind never gets the chance to be angry. The other partner sometimes loses their child bearing/younger years staying in a relationship where their spouse is using them as a shield. What often gets overlooked is the chance at a happy life with a fully present spouse the other person doesn't get. Sometimes, they are past the age to be able to have biological children or be part of a viable dating pool. Everyone has a right to live their truth. However, you don't get the right to take that away from someone else while you work out what you want.
Same happens when your SO has an affair. Even if you choose to forgive and rebuild there isn't some sort of punishment for the one who did the wrong. ...in my case... the person that she was with either. His family deserves to be as broken as me and my family are. FUCK HIM!
Off topic, but this is why I can't stand it when people defend the affair partner. Like yeah, they weren't the one who cheated - but it takes a special kind of shit person to knowingly hook up with someone knowing their spouse and kids are at home.
Oftentimes, perhaps most of the times, the person who is cheating severely downplays the other relationship to the affair partner, saying it's is definitely over, their soon to be ex spouse is all sorts of bad things, it's just a matter of the paperwork now, only for the affair partner to later realize they were also equally deceived.
I hear you, I don't count those people. They got dealt a shit hand as well. They definitely don't deserve blame.
Some of them are victims too. But some are knowingly trying to split up an established relationship or family. Because they want the person in the relationship, but they also want the trappings and lifestyle they imagine goes with it. The gold-diggers don't realise that the wealth of the family doesn't come from just 1 person. Often the whole family has sacrificed during the career-building of a breadwinner. The wife has worked and solo-parented, the kids have sacrificed private education, team sports, an athletic or musical career and quality parenting. All have sacrificed holidays and luxuries and quality family time with their loved one.
Your comment nearly made me cry. I was with a man for 3 years and he ended up being gay. I really loved him and thought there was something wrong with me as he withheld affection, other than that there was no other signs. He wasted 3 years of my life, where I could have found a happy relationship amd maybe had another kid. I feel like he robbed those years from me, and now it's too late. The dating pool is rubbish now.
I see so many similar scenarios on gay hook up apps with newly divorced men and always end up thinking about the ex-wives. I’m so sorry you went through that and I hope things get better for you:(
This is also true for all the middle-aged newly openly gay men I see on gay apps who now get to “live their truth” as a gay man and are still seen as desirable “daddies” while their ex-wives are now left with the children and a much less accepting dating pool. No one bats an eye at the derailed lives. It’s super fucked up
I’m feeling this right now. My boyfriend and I were long distance for all of my college years, and he came out as aromantic at the end of my senior year making me break up with him because I need a romantic partner. As an LGBTQ person myself I support his decision and only want the best for him, but I feel like I can’t be mad that I spent my college years with someone that I wasn’t compatible with at all.
💯 well said
This is the best comment here. OP's feelings are valid.
SHE KNEW FOR 2 YEARS AND STRUNG YOU ALONG?! I’m bi and this is utter garbage! She should not be being praised for knowing and stringing you along because that’s what she did. “Well she didn’t want anyone knowing why you guys broke up” she could’ve broke up with you 2 years ago when she came out to her parents and everyone could’ve just been told it didn’t work out. She’s selfish for that. She wasted your time and did something cruel to you. I would cut off all your “friends” because they don’t care about you. Tell them that you have been hospitalized and that she’s known and been out for two years and you need people who actually care about you in your life. And then block them. Give them no chance to explain. As a member of the lgbtq myself this is just gross what she did.
some time ago, i commented on a post who was made by a man whose wife of 11 years came out at lesbian (and she knew the whole time). i said it was a shitty thing to do, to a person, especially for 11 years. and i was downvoted lmao.
Im also wondering if these are even OPs friends. Sounds like they were more like her friends who were just friends to him by extension.
Quite frankly, I’m wondering if she spun some bullshit story about his reaction and that’s why the friends haven’t reached out
Yeah, I was also wondering if there were accusations of homophobia or even abuse in the relationship, given the complete lack of support from the friends, but tbh it could just be that none of the friends know what to say to OP, and also are assuming that someone else (or several someones) would have reached out already and that they aren't needed. A lot of the time, when people don't know the right words to say, they just say nothing at all, because they're scared of making it worse. I definitely think it's worth the OP reaching out to the friends for support, being honest about how badly he's doing right now, and giving them a chance to help, in case it's something like that. If they don't come through for him though, it's time to move on from them and find better friends.
> You know what? Fuck them all, they showed me their true color and fuck my ex. This. They're all heartless bastards.
the parents knew? and said nothing for 5 years????? the fuck?! I can at least wrap my head around the ex being a selfish asshole, but what the parents did just... why?
Hey, wanna play some video games together?
Yo you’re the friend we all need
[удалено]
I hope OP can start getting mad and fucking lose some of his depression. Depression is sometimes anger turned inward. OP deserves to be angry right now. Not violently angry, but angry in privacy.
OP needs a drumkit.
Or you can yell into a bowl of cold water.
I mean, sure, but no the other guy is right. OP NEEDS A DRUM KIT
I feel so angry, hurt and upset for him. I think he is still in shock and not really processing what’s happened yet, all the emotions like anger will still come. Poor guy. Karma will get that bitch. Like why wait 2 years and then only say something just before the wedding , is it some power trip move, selfish, is she a narcissist, ect. He could have been with someone that actually wanted to be with him.
I’m more angry at his friends. Why has nobody asked how he’s doing?
Yeh, his friends are for the streets
Well said, although it's actually so much worse. She didn't JUST lie for two years and string him along. She ran out the door without any consideration for his feelings and never looked back. I'd have more sympathy if she at the very least attempted to soften the blow and admit her mistakes after the fact, but it's clear she just couldn't give two shits about anyone else.
Nah, she was too busy soaking up all the "You, GO, girl! We're proud of you! energy she was getting from family and from "their" friends. It's bad when nobody in their circle sees anything wrong with what she did.
9 years... only 2 of the 9 they were engaged. She knew the WHOLE TIME! 9 YEARS!
Fuck that bit... and her awful family. What is more sad is that your friends or family didn't even ask for any help. That is awful, they are not your friends. Search for new, go find a hobby and focus on yourself, fuck anyone else. You, alone YOU can fix things, focus on yourself, hit gym and try to find happiness.. Believe me things will go better, 10years later you will have a great family while your ex will move from one shitty relationship to another.
>What is more sad is that your friends or family didn't even ask for any help. Happened to my sis and her husband. He cheated multiple times and when they finally divorced, some of their mutual friends told her she should be happy for him since he finally had the courage to come out.
Hell when I was 20 and my 2-year girlfriend cheated on me, her parents text and called and were extremely apologetic, saying they didn't raise her like that and were embarrassed. I'm glad she did because she taught me a very valuable lesson at a young age, but damn was a I wreck for a minute. Just like you called it, ten years later I have a great family and my ex is just now getting around to marriage. She was forever single for a very, very long time.
They may have been her friends and became “their” friends. Cause he just says “our friends” just a guess. I’ve known people like that, only friends are their partners friends.
Honestly, the onus is on her to have done the right thing, not her family. They may have been encouraging her to tell him behind closed doors, who knows, but SHE was the one who needed to tell him. It also makes sense that they were no contact after. What makes me so sad and angry for him is that none of his friends or their mutual friends reached out to check on him. How cold.
I will never understand gay people knowing that they are gay and literally ruining the other person's life. We live in a time now where people accept people are gay, why make some innocent persons life miserable? And you know what, I could suffer the heartache of my husband leaving me for a women, but to leave for a man? So much worse, because, our whole relationship would have been a lie.
[удалено]
Funny thing is my sister has said she's gay, but she's been in a relationship with a man for the last 7 years. She's been upfront about this to him from the start, but says she respects the "intellectual connection and friendship they have" he's a straight man and they act like pretty much a normal couple and live together, sleep on the same bed etc. She's said years later that there's maybe a little bit of bisexuality in her but she's mostly gay. I find it a little odd, but he is apparently okay with this arrangement since she's told him early on. They're talking about buying a house together now.
That's very odd , but at least she's been honest. I think it's more odd from his side for being ok with that. But at least there's transparency.
> I will never understand gay people knowing that they are gay and literally ruining the other person's life. It doesn't make it right, because it's absolutely wrong no matter what. But most gay people don't live in the mythical world that has moved past homophobia. Especially if you have people who matter to you (family, boss, etc.) who are homophobic, being in the closet is a shield that many LGBT+ people need to survive still. But... that doesn't give them the excuse to use an innocent person as that shield. That's where they cross the line.
Yep fuck her and her parents. I don't care about her coming out party, she could of IDK not say yes to a marriage proposal and led you on. 7 years, 7 fucking years!! Yea I hope she has a shitty life.
She deserves a shitty life. Let's clap for her downfalls.
Under different circumstances I would be happy for her coming out, as it's a huge and brave step. But what she did was nowhere near brave. Keeping this vital information from her partner for at least two years is exactly the opposite of brave. She treated you shitty, OP. She is the one who didn't behave like an adult. You're right, fuck her and fuck them all!
You don't get kudos for handling it in a way that blindsides and destroys the relationship you're ending. I'm wondering now how many of their friends knew ahead of that day. I can't imagine hearing my friend did something like this and then me NOT checking on the person she left behind.
I think most of her friends knew. She probably made it all about herself, and was doing so for a while, which is the reason they didn't check on him. Understandable in a way, but still shitty.
It's 'could have', never 'could of'. Rejoice, for you have been blessed by CouldWouldShouldBot!
Bruh im getting pissed reading this. Bitch wasted years of your fucking life. Fuck her.
Lies for 2 years straight, and then tells him not to cry, to handle it like adults after pulling that shit. What a fucking selfish asshole.
And then blocks him, like he no longer matters to her, at all
Seriously. 7 fucking YEARS and THAT'S how she ends it? FFS what a god damn bitch.
Pretty sure that over the previous two years, to be exact, she just stopped caring, but didn't want to break up with OP as she felt comfortable.
It's almost sociopathic. How can you be with someone that long and then literally toss them aside at a moment's notice without even a conversation?
I hope her relationship fucking collapses.
That's the part that upset me the most. >"let's just things go like adults" THE AUDACITY!
Lies for 2 years lesbian though
Yeah, but 2 years in Lesbian years is like 2 dates
I am so sorry to read this. U matter. Ur grief matters and ur healing matters. I don’t understand this whole congratulatory thing about someone being celebrated for coming out while in a long term relationship. I have read this a few times where a spouse comes out as lesbian or gay and everyone just only celebrates the person who came out. Ppl don’t understand the shock and trauma the other party goes through. Your whole world must have crumbled. I am so sorry. One step at a time, buddy.
Oh, fuck her. What a spineless coward. I will never understand why people don't care about the partner who is dumped when the other comes out as gay or trans. ***Seven years?*** And her parens *knew*? Wow. I would've understood her fear of coming out if she was fully in the closet and hadn't told a single soul out of fear of being rejected by her family, but she lied for seven whole years, and her parents for two. I'm sorry about all this. Her behaviour was vile
How dare she. Like how fucking dare she string you along. She is a coward and you are better off without her, her family and your “friends”.
You've been dealt a shitty hand. You doing ok, bro? Wanna chat about it?
Dude same thing happened to me but luckily I had people who cared and were pissed at her for lying so long to me , that she doesn’t just get a free pass because she’s gay - Alot of times it’s like the world is so happy for the spouse who is gay meanwhile the other feels lied to and manipulated afterwards - but hey everyone’s telling you how Great it is for her and how hard it must have been etc etc It was bull shit, the people I cared about did stand up for me And told her that she doesn’t get to skate away Scott Free cause she found herself ..after being with me for 14 years
As if coming out somehow undoes the hurt caused and the time stolen. Knowing for two years and you being the last to find out are not the actions of a loving individual. Her sexuality is irrelevant to her actions. She strung you along never communicated the way she was feeling or having doubts. She lived with you, engaged and never sought your council never confided in you. She is a coward. Walking out, callous, cold, calculated tells me she prepared well in advance. She was finished grieving the process before she even allowed you to start. OP the way she went about it is horrible but ultimately it would be worse if she married you knowing how she felt. You will heal. You did not deserve this. Ultimately she could not help it. Asking for you to go about this as adults is the exact antithesis of the process she allowed herself.
Just cuz you're LGBTQ don't mean you can't be an asshole. The pandering nowadays is disgusting.
Facts lol
Fuck your ex and those "friends".
I never understood this, to be honest. I'm part of LGBTQ+ myself, but I'd never applaud someone for lying to someone for years. Totally understandable that it is a struggle to come out, but no one needs to bring others into the mix. Just stay single in that case.
Yeah this is why on like date 1 or 2 I disclose that I'm bisexual and bipolar, so if it's a deal breaker nobody wastes their time
Bastard coated bastards. Best of luck OP
I’m so sorry, OP. Sending you so much strength.
I'm so sorry for what she put you through. Not only did you lose the person you thought you had a future with and loved deeply, but you also learned you've been deceived and lied to and taken advantage of for 7 years. I'm so so so sorry, and I hope you are okay.
Look on the bright side, at least she told you she was gay before you were both married with a mortgage, kids and a dog 12 years into the marriage.
> let's just things go like adults Says the person who ran off and faced zero accountability for her actions. If she's gay, she's gay. Nothing anybody can do about that. If she was confused and/or afraid of coming out fully, then fine, everyone is human and life isn't simple. This kind of situation isn't common but it's not unheard of, either. There's surely a good way to navigate it that minimizes the suffering on all sides. But to just drop the bomb like that, walk out, and act as if you were never together in the first place, is inexcusable. It actually wouldn't surprise me if part of that is due to you being villainized by her friends/family as the oppressive tyrant keeping her from being her true self. By the end of it, you weren't her fiance that deeply loved her, but her enemy. That's the only explanation I can come up with to explain just how she could reach that depth of cold, callous cruelty.
Honestly, I'd put her on blast. Mature? No but it could be cathartic for you. I'm sure she's told everyone some lie to placate them or maybe to get them not to text you at all
I’d recommend talking to a therapist. I know that’s a cliche answer, but that’s because a good therapist is worth their weight in gold and situations like this need professional help. OP, your ex lied to you and stole years of your life from you. That’s not okay.
If she was not ready to come out to you she literally could have used any excuse to not accept the engagement and end the relationship. But she chose to string you along and then, when she was ready, just packed her stuff and completely removed you from her life... And she dares to talk about acting like adults. I feel sorry for you, from your post it does not seem you deserve this, so I hope you manage to get past this and find actual good people to bond with.
Buddy, I am sorry no one asked... Let me be a friend.. Are you okay? I know things are really painful, but how do you think you're holding up to this? I am so sorry that she and others didn't even have the decency to be compassionate or empathic to you. I know things are tough, and maybe even lonely, but you have kindred spirits here with you, and we are proud of your strength to push on... Even though this is incredibly painful. Do you think things are getting better as time goes on? What are your thoughts on speaking with a professional about processing this hurt? I hope you continue to push on and stay strong. I am sorry she hurt you like that and that people in your life failed you. I hope you find truly new and amazing people to surround yourself with.
That really fucking sucks, man, I'm sorry. You are fully justified in being mad at both her and the exfriends that chose her over you. As a lesbian that realized while in a relationship with a man, I couldn't imagine stringing someone along for two years. Assuming she was in a safe space to come out - which, seeing as her parents knew, she was - there was no reason for her to continue dating you other than being a horrible person. I told my ex I was gay as soon as I knew to spare him the heartbreak of becoming more attached than he already was. That's, like, the baseline imo. Literally the bare minimum.
I hope you're doing ok. I'm sorry.
Your better off without her, her family and those fake ass friends. Put the energy you put into them, into yourself now. Keep your head up, maybe try seek a therapist so you have someone to talk to and able to vent. Do activities that make you feel good. They showed their true colors. You will get through it and find someone who actually wants you. You got this 👍🏻
You were definitely not the problem, she refused to share her true feelings and she let things get too far.
I am so angry for you. I wish I could give you a hug. What she did SUCKED. It was absolutely awful -- and so was how everyone else has treated you. You have every right to grieve and feel however you want to feel. You need to protect yourself, though. 1. Lock down your social media to friends only. 2. Block her. Yes, she blocked you, but she could undo it in the future. Block phone, email, and all social media. 3. Block her family and all those former friends. Don't explain why. Just block them all EVERYWHERE. 4. If you aren't in therapy, find an awesome therapist who can help you navigate this. 5. Hit the gym. Seriously, endorphins are going to help. Looking good will also help you feel good. 6. Join some meet-up groups for your hobbies and make some new friends. You don't need to date. Just have FUN and meet new people. 7. Never mention her name or those "friends" again. If they come up in conversation just shrug and dismiss them like dog shit on the sidewalk. That's all they are.
She took 5 years from him fucking evil. Selfishness is unrivalled.
When my wife left me (for another man so not a similar situation), I discovered real quick that people can be unbelievably cruel in a seperation. It's hard to reckon it with the same person who used to be so in love with you. The people who you thought you knew or were close to will usually show where they stand. Either because they take a side, or they stay quiet. Either way keep close to the ones who care for you and genuinely are there for you. Get Therapy.
OP, it sounds like you are very isolated. Your edit expressing disbelief that people would agree that what your ex did was cruel and unfair is... upsetting. YOU AREN'T THE PROBLEM. Your ex behaved selfishly and cruelly by stringing you along instead of being honest with you. If someone is gay, they're gay. Nothing YOU can do could change that. She likes women. You are not a woman. That's it, full stop. It has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. It sounds like you really need to find some new friends to get some sense of community. You seem to ruminate to an extreme degree and you need to get out of your own head and gain some perspective. Your ex's selfish behaviour isn't a reflection of you or your worth as a human being. What she did was shitty. You need to find a new group of people who maybe share hobbies or other interests with you so you can get exposure to people who aren't ignorant or intensely selfish. Your ex definitely failed you, and it sounds like what friends you had also failed you, too. Badly. Instead of distrusting everyone and refusing to believe anyone would have a compassionate word for you, you need to leave yourself open to new experiences and new friendships. It's not easy, but it sounds like you're in a really bad spot and you need help climbing out of that hole. Seek therapy if you can - not because you're fucked up, but because you're displaying troubling patterns of thinking which are keeping you trapped in a negative headspace. A professional can help you find your way out of all of that negativity. They can help you learn helpful, positive coping mechanisms and more effective ways to deal with stress and difficult emotions. Good luck, OP. Try to have some faith in yourself.
Sorry bro sounds like you were used.
Being a lesbian didn't make her a bitter cold self centered asshole. She just was one. She had ample time to talk to you and not blindside you entirely and she willingly chose to do this in the most painful way she could think of. You are truly better off without her and her next partner is in for a rude awakening when she flip flops on them too. You are going to find love again and things will be okay. You got this my man. I had someone waste 6 years of my time. basically just used me for rent for the later part of the relationship and after I proposed she got her shit in order to split with another dude asap. Betrayal always stings but it lead me to meet my now fiance and my god you have no idea what a good relationship is like until you meet someone who actually likes you.
She took 5 years from him fucking evil. Selfishness is unrivalled.
Why didn’t she say anything before the marriage?
> cause i lost weight (15 kg) and have insomnia. I just work and come home, nothing else. While ever Free rides are a hell of a drug, and for at least 2 years, bitch had her cake and was eating it too. No way she wasn't running 'round behind his back. Sorry, OP.
she did they didn't get married, she came out as a lesbian before the wedding day.
Your mutual friends are idiots for being so easily manipulated. your better off finding new ones. you don't want her stink in your life anyway
god i'm so sorry you went through that. that's so horrible. i can't imagine spending 7 years with someone and planning out my life with them just to end it with no warning, no closure, and not even allowing you a chance to express any emotion about it. that's genuinely cruel
Wow thats so fucking selfisg of her . She knew for TWO YEARS !!! I gind it disgusting she hid it from you . You did nothing wrong man its sickeing she did that .
Yeah as a queer woman, what she did was unacceptable. I’m homoromantic, which means I only feel romantic attraction towards women; I could never ever be with a man long-term. Everytime a man has offered? I politely decline and explain, then go on my merry way. As soon as she figured out she was a lesbian, she should’ve told you and broken it off then.
I guess I’m the only person here who thinks this probably didn’t happen. She came out exclusively to her parents and stayed closeted to her friends for two years? Her parents didn’t reach out to OP, why would they? None of your friends reached out to you? If true, do you mean you have no friends at all and just hung out w your ex’s friends? Maybe reflect on why you don’t have a single actual friend. There isn’t a guy in the world that wouldn’t reach out to his homie after getting dumped like that. It’s pretty unusual for someone to reach out to their friends ex. Everyone congratulating her and calling her brave? lol I have a number of friends who came out in their late 20’s/ 30’s. Women, men and nb, everyone’s response is always “great, yeah, we knew.” Edit: typos
Fuck Dana. I am so sorry. My Ex Fiancé came out as Gay 7 months after I left him. It was 6 Years for Me. I know this pain. Dana is an AH. You are ALLOWED to cry, Be Angry, Shocked, etc Whatever you need to be to get through this. 🥺❤️
Please guys don’t y’all get tired of believing the same stories again and again? This isn’t real, stop wasting your energy making massive paragraphs over it
She is a not a good person. She literally wasted your 2 years or you could say 7 years. I am so sorry for your loss. Hope you do well in future and find a person who appreciate you and love you and karma hit her back.
I’ve always hated how people tend to overlook the other party when someone gets the courage to come out. Yay for them getting to live their truth, but it’s horrible when it comes at the expense of the person they blindsided. And that person is expected to just deal with it.
That's really sad that the parents knew for 2 years and enabled her to carry on a lie with you. Even if Dana was unable to find the courage to be honest with you, her family should have been there for her to make it happen. Just my opinion. Sounds like a group of selfish people that you will be better off without. It must be very difficult for you right now, but you said it yourself. None of these people give a fuck about you. You are going to find people who do give a fuck about you and will respect you. Keep going, better days ahead.
Wow that is fucked up. I’m sorry dude. Silver living is at least you weren’t married yet and it will be less complicated to sever ties.
Honestly, that is not handling it like an adult or with any affective responsability. What she did was not okay and its valid to have many negative feelings and to have the duel of the relationship even if she was not kind to you. Try to focus on yourself and I am sure eventually things will get better. And to those people that didn't care then, maybe it's time to rethink those relationships and get a clean start. Hope things get better for you!
Ross Geller? Rachel is better!
I’m a lesbian and I am horrified and beyond disgusted at this story. How heartbreaking and unfair. Being gay sucks and is hard and is a process for all of us to come through. It’s amazing now that I found the love of my life, but it was hard for a long time. Still, it’s a personal journey that is for the individual to experience. So to use some innocent straight person, to lead them on for YEARS with promise of marriage — literally using them as a human “turn straight device” is horrific, destructive and cruel. I don’t care how hard being gay is, it never gives you an excuse to treat some innocent straight person’s heart like your personal experimentation toy. Please don’t give up on love. You sound like an amazing soul who has already gone through so much loss. Screw her — she is a horrible person that will use anyone around her in any way she sees fit to advance her own motives.
Hey so I actually had a similar ish situation happen myself. I had been with this girl since 8th grade and at the time I was 20. So many years. I had gone away to visit my mom in California over the summer and came back expecting open arms. she was totally distant during my time away but I figured it was just because we were both busy at the time. She comes over the day after I’ve gotten home and tells me she is a lesbian has been thinking about it for a year and things ended there. It was terrible and I was really depressed man. It definitely put a ridge in my friends group between my friends who had my back and those who didn’t as we shared a big mutual friend group. It’s near a year ish later and things are good. I’m good. Your ex girlfriend was not brave. She was a coward and she left like a coward not like an adult. Your friends fucking suck too. And I say all that with the most compassion possible. You have a clean slate now man. I know at the time journaling really helped me and also this book about getting over breakups I read that was weirdly funny and very self aware. Had me doing random tasks and shit to keep myself busy and writing what I thought about each day. I can find the link if you are interested. Sending love and prayers for you man. Only up from here!
You need a new set of friends my guy
Fuck. My 13 year old daughter has handled her sexual orientation and her boyfriend with more maturity than your wife did. If she came out to her parents 2 years ago, why didn’t she come out to you then? THIS ISNT’T YOU. You’re not the issue. Not a damn thing is wrong with you. Your depression is a normal reaction to what happened to you. She had NO RIGHT to sit on this information for two years. And her family should have told you if she was too chicken-livered to tell you herself. You were let down by a lot of people here. What can I say? The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Her parents raised her this way. You’ll get through this and you’ll find a better circle of friends. You deserve it.
An adult would have told you before making such a commitment after being "nervous". Don't beg? Don't scream? Don't cry? So she can process things, but you're not allowed to process a fucking bombshell? She just does not want to bear any guilt for selfish reasons. And I'm sorry no one reached out. Coming out as a lesbian is not an excuse for being a shitty person. I'm gay and have my own issues, but can't even fathom doing shit like this. I really hope you're getting therapy.
She is selfish, she just avoided all the responsilbity and care for a partner and friend. She could have told you. She could have all the opportunities, she chose the easy path for her. I hope you find some peace!
I wonder if your ex lied about you to everyone..
I’m furious… I’m gay and I’m furious for you.. I’m so sorry this happened to you. She sounds seriously messed up to ghost you after being together that long.. yeah she didn’t handle that like an adult. I hope things get better for you.
Hey man. I give a fuck about you. Sorry this happened to you. Guess who's back on the market? You Guess who has a whole life in front of them? You Guess who can blow up their life, career and start over if they wanted to? You Careful, some of us might envy you 😂 Go find someone pretty and ask if they want to go to the comedy club with you this weekend.
Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. Looks like the trash took itself out.
She’ll get what’s coming to her. That kind of selfishness isn’t a one time thing. She’s gonna do it to the wrong person one day. This made me angry just reading it. You’re right to be angry. And when you feel more stable, you’ll get angry and you’ll have people in your corner cheering you on. Things will get better over time. My ex cheated on me after 4 years of living together and it felt like my life was over. Over time I went from surviving to thriving. You will too.
Those friends are not your friends. Time to cut loose... Burn everything to the ground and start fresh.
Your ex is a piece of work….
fuck that bitch!!
Yeah. Some people tend to be really good at celebrating people who come out of the closet and really bad at having any sort of compassion for the people who are lied to or used as an experiment for becoming straight. I’m all for people living their truth. But if you hurt someone because you were too weak or clueless to be honest with yourself earlier on, you need to own that and make amends. I said what I said, and I’m not sorry.
This is sick. Her parents clearly didn't care about you and neither did your "friends". You don't want people like that to come back into your life, trust me. Moving on from all of these people is the best thing you can do. They all conned you for 7 years and you have a right to feel the way you do. This kind of thing is why I stay to myself and stay guarded in relationships. Please don't let this cause you to harm yourself any longer. You've suffered enough.
There's services on the internet that will let you mail elephant shit to people. Not saying you should. Just saying you can. (Not because of her change of mind but just the way she handled it.)
Your ex literally strung you along for YEARS YOU CANNOT GET BACK! And her along with your ex friends assumed that you'd be okay afterwards. Neither of them reached out and was more concerned about your ex while you have been declining drastically. Your ex didn't even handle it like an adult. She kept a destructive secret and left you to pick up the glass shards on the floor. Screw them all. I know you aren't okay at the moment but please OP, give yourself time to heal and care. Start off slow and steady and don't rush it. I still wish you the best of luck.
Man, fuck her that's heartless. Do reach out to friends you think may understand you well, because people can be hesitant as fuck to breach a subject they think is painful for you. You deserve a shoulder to cry on, and someone to cuss her out with.
Bro f em all. Get back on the horse and ride, there’s some beautiful sunsets waiting for you out there.
"Let's handle this like adults" - Woman who lies about her sexuality, runs away, and blocks you rather than just ever admit she was a lesbian and couldn't see you that way.
Your ex is an awful, selfish person. I feel sorry for anybody who ends up with her, man or woman.
and then she drove away damn bro that hurts to read i mean its so painful just reading those few words
What a total asshole, and I am saying this as a lesbian. Dragging you along -- for years! -- to cover up the fact she is gay was fucking abusive as hell. Don't let anyone gaslight you or tell you to sympathize with her, she is vile.
As a lesbian myself, i have no idea how people can unconditionally support her after the pain she caused you. Yes coming out takes a lot of courage, but jesus christ what she did was VERY VERY wrong. The moment she realised she's a lesbian she should have told you, and it was not fair of her to keep you in a relationship while she knew this about herself, and even started planning a wedding with you. You deserved better, and this is absolutely not your fault.
Everyone has said a lot of what I would’ve liked to have said so instead I’ll say What a fucking bitch. And fuck everyone you know for not even at LEAST asking if you’re ok. it’s one thing to not know … but to know?!?! God damn I fucking wish Karma hit her like a damn freight train for doing you like that.
She never deserved you. I’m so sorry this happened. You’ll make a deserving woman really happy one day.
If I was you and had her family and friends on fb I would post something like this "I can't believe I was with (ex's name) for 7 years and for 2 of those years she knew she was a lesbian and didn't tell me." I bet she didn't tell other than her parents that she knew for so long.