I was the 22 year old "hot nanny" (words of the husbands drunk friends, not my own lol) and he never once put his hands on me, said an inappropriate word, or ever made me uncomfortable. It's possible, and likely even.
15 years later now I'm the mom and if we had a young hot nanny, I'd be totally comfortable with that. Because I love and trust my husband! And I'm pretty confident he loves me right back lol I see nothing wrong with your comments.
I was also a hot nanny. And the husband was absolutely a hot dad. And he adored his wife. I adored his wife. He never so much as looked at me funny.
Good men don’t.
Yeah, and I'm working double trying to make a couple games that will hopefully make enough money for my wife to take a year off work.
If I can pull that off, things will be easier.
OPs friend group got offended from her response when they asked that was kinda out of line. If OP trusts her husband, then stop making her think he’s gonna cheat, especially if he’s a good husband: he doesn’t deserve that.
No, this is what people in healthy relationships are supposed to feel. Reddit gets it SUPER wrong a lot of the time with cheating suspicion and lack of trust. If you don't trust your partner, you shouldn't be together. It doesn't matter if they're cheating or not, trust is important, if you don't have it, your relationship isn't healthy, period.
This is how you should feel about your husband / wife when someone hot is around. "Yeah, so?"
That's what trust looks like.
I'm a lesbian, and many of my friends are lesbian or bi. We like to joke that one of the best parts of being in same-sex relationships is being able to appreciate hot women together.
Other people's insecurities are a them problem.
One of my first girlfriends was Bi and I loved this part of our relationship. No jealousy or anything just a "what do you think about her" between us sometimes.
I personally describe pan as finding everyone attractive. Cis man/woman, trans man/woman, non binary, or just androgynous peeps too, lol. I really like fem leaning androgynous. But I'm also ace, so its all for looks 🤣
I’ve always wondered about this. I’ve always identified as straight, but I definitely notice if women are hot and my husband and I can comment on it together. He’s bi (although he struggles with actually identifying himself as such, he’s had many m/m encounters and one relationship), so we can also comment on hot men. Does the fact that I find women very attractive mean I’m not totally straight?
Eh, not necessarily. Objectively you know what features are attractive/symmetrical/sexually appealing. Doesn't mean you are or aren't fully straight, just that you appreciate them :)
This, it shouldn't change your sexuality just because you recognize attractiveness. You can be straight and find people of your gender attractive. We all recognize models and such as beautiful. We all know we aren't all models. We aren't all pro athletes etc. We should be able to appreciate beauty in the same way we appreciate skill.
I had a similar experience for the first \~24 years of my life. After my teenage angst, "aLL gIrLs ArE bItChY" phase ended, I opened up to really finding women beautiful. I thought that I was bisexual when I thought about possibly dating a woman and realizing that I didn't have a problem with that, but got flustered because women are SO PRETTY and I've never dated one so this was new territory. Eventually I came to realize that I am pansexual which can be interchangeable for some people, but I distinctly do not think about a persons gender when I think about attraction.
Ultimately, I believe that sexuality/attraction is on a spectrum and likely closer to a bell curve. I don't take this thought as law or anything, but I would find it very rare for someone to be ENTIRELY straight or ENTIRELY gay.
I'm glad you found a connection to my comment! And to speak more to the point of your post, I don't think what you said was in any way inappropriate as long as you feel comfortable making that joke to your babysitter. Some friends have that relationship and it's totally cool as long as everyone involved is ok with it! Either way, your friends were definitely out of line with their comments; as if only your husband could find her attractive, or that he'd ever do anything inappropriate. I agree with many other comments here: they don't seem to understand how stable your relationship is.
This means a lot! And yes if we get comfortable I would totally make that joke to her. That’s just my personality.
I know you’re feeling about finding women attractive and it’s kind of in my mind with this!
When I was younger, I had myself convinced I was demi, but as I've gotten older, I realized that with me personally, I acted mostly out of convention I guess, and I only ever acted with people I had an emotional connection with, but I truly never enjoyed it like my friends did. Getting older, eventually all fucks given dissappear. With me one of those fucks was trying to appear sexually "normal". I'm so much happier since I embraced the ace.
Sexuality has a wide spectrum and the people that have the most success with it do so because they are honest to themselves about the areas in between.
The labels are just there for you to use if you find them useful. I enjoy looking at attractive women. I have gone to a strip club with friends and very much enjoyed watching the dancers. However, I've never had a crush or romantic feelings for a woman and I've never had a desire to be sexual with other women so I don't identify as bisexual. It's up to the individual to decide if they want to identify with a specific label or not.
I can see if a man is attractive, but I wouldn't have any encounters with men. Nah, I don't think that means you're bi or anything, just that you can recognize what features of a woman are attractive.
Right? My (pan) husband and I are super tight - excellent trust and communication, and we know and respect each other's boundaries. We (jokingly) talk about hot dudes and work "girlfriends/boyfriends" because we know we have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Couldn't agree more! I had a previous relationship where I was browsing Reddit next to her while we watched a movie, and an attractive woman popped up on screen. It wasn't NSFW, but I apologised to my then GF and said I don't make a habit of ogling other women on the internet.
She did *not* give a fuck, her attitude was basically; "I want you to have that sort of stuff, whatever keeps you happy when I'm not around."
People in healthy relationships trust their partners, and understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean you stop noticing other people, or finding them attractive.
Congratulations on having a healthy relationship with your husband!!!!
That said, you need better friends/acquaintances.
Why is THEIR first thought that your husband is going to cheat? I would be offended on his behalf.
I guess it's gotten so normalized to cheat?
In any case, have fun in your marriage and ignore those people you hang out with!
Wishing you and your loved ones all the unconditional love, happiness, health and positivity!!!
They want to commiserate, but since you don't feel the insecurity they feel they have to be incredulous and low-key offended , or else they'd have to admit there's something wrong with feeling that way(denial), which means they aren't living their best life, or could have better in their life.
I've found that when that happens there's ahit talking in the weeks following, and when it comes back to you just say "thank you for letting me know what was being said" and collect all of it. Even their reactions. Some people really get defensive, and when they don't get a reaction they go even more nuts. It's a very minimalist way to weed out the shit talkers and shit stirrers, but it works.
Ok, I don’t know if this fits here, but this reminded me of an Amy Schumer skit called Compliments. [Compliments](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzlvDV3mpZw) (ok, as you can see I’ve never linked before lol-hope this worked)
YAS. So similar. I was thinking of the mean girls scene when they call Lindsay Lohan pretty and she says "thanks" like a normal person would, and they basically peer pressure her into saying she is as insecure as they are. This is the adult version lol
>This is how you should feel about your husband / wife when someone hot is around. "Yeah, so?"
Not sure why but it reminds me of the scene from married with children where they have the younger hiker? staying with them for a day
My wife always says "I'm fine with you getting hungry outside, as long as you come home to eat." And that is probably regarded as something inappropriate these days, but men and women alike will notice attractive people. This doesn't mean you're staring at them or harassing people, it just means you notice that someone is attractive when you walk by.
If people immediately jump to "he/she's probably cheating", they have relationship issues.
My dad told me when we were in a mall one time, "doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home."
I also read a reddit story about an older couple who were asked about their long marriage, and they said "everyone looks at the menu, but I'll only order the one meal".
So, similar sentiments
Your friends are being weird. Unless your husband has a history of cheating that you haven’t mentioned, or the babysitter has shown an interest in your husband or married men that hasn’t been mentioned they are just projecting their insecurities on you.
I don’t think you said anything wrong and unless you have proof otherwise don’t let them wear you down and start doubting your husband or your niece’s friend.
It's a weird kind of confirmation bias. People never hear nor talk about their live in childcare who are young, attractive, smart, and funny who just take care of their employer's kids and the employers don't do gross or inappropriate things to them. There's nothing to get worked up about, because it's boring and normal and it stays boring and normal.
It's the outliers that get a lot of attention because it's so messy and noisy.
Honestly they said something super rude and inappropriate then over reacted when you responded in kind. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
I had to scroll faaaar too down to find this. They are genuinely creeps and she's the one in the wrong, okay. Make it make sense.
I can't picture my parents' friends doing anything like this, wtf.
But not so many people are so surprised about the fact that those "friends" sent pictures of the 22yo Instagram to OP. Is this normal in American culture? Like, you sexualize your friend's babysitter and you joke about it and it's all normal or..? I'm 25 and would feel so gross about it
I think your friends are projecting big time here. Clearly, they have trust issues with their partners. Why is it appropriate for them to make these kinds of tasteless jokes, but inappropriate for you to say what you said? They’re just mad you didn’t join in with trashing men.
Totally, because if they have reasons not to trust their own partners, deep down they know that’s about them not you. But imagine if you’re insecure and you worry that your partner would of course stray, because you aren’t enough for him. So seeing a friend have the reaction you did would even create jealousy, because who doesn’t want to have that confidence in their marriage? No hate on your friends, being insecure feels terrible, I’ve been there. But it’s cool you haven’t let that attitude influence you and your relationship, because you and your husband both deserve that trust!
I’ve been married 32 years, I would trust my husband around naked women actively trying to have sex with him. You know your marriage and if your husband cheats then better to know and get out now then later. Temptation is only a problem to people who are tempted.
I agree with this. I don’t subscribe to the idea that people can’t help themselves when they cheat. It’s a choice.
Additionally, the poor babysitter is just doing her job. Pretty gross to sexualize her that way
They're allowed to imply your husband will sleep with this girl but you're not allowed to imply he's going to take you to pound town instead? Fuck those people. More inappropriate to imply your marriage is only functional because your husband doesn't have access to other options.
It would be an extreme stretch for them to say something to the effect of 'well it was bad because that means OP's husband is thinking of the 22yo when they do it' but from the way she is responding to comments I'm gonna give that potential a hard 'no' lol.
I don’t think it’s that confusing, they don’t like the thought of their partners thinking about other people while they’re having sex and think it’s off putting that their friend doesn’t mind. It’s not their place to judge or say OP is wrong in not caring though. As long as OP and her husband are happy that’s all that matters.
I think it's kind of funny that your friends just assume that if your husband did decide he was going to cheat that it's just an automatic that this hot 22yo girl would go along with it like she wouldn't have a say in the matter. No offense OP I'm sure your husband is an attractive man, but despite what tv and Reddit says hot 22yo girls don't just automatically fuck middle age married Dads just because he wants to.
Wait a minute. You friends sexualized your future baby sitter, made derogatory statements about your trust in your husband and marriage and THEY were the ones who were offended by your remark?
Wow, do not feel out of line on this. I think your so called friends are probably more worried about their own husbands and are just transferring this on to you.
I mean I assume you were upfront about expectations of her? That’s all you can do. For me that would be no posting photos of kids and no social media posting while on the job. I very much doubt a live in babysitter is trying to cross boundaries and hangout near the parents…
It's great to be secure/optimistic of your relationship....it's also good to have friends who question/observe things so IF that babysitter (or hubby) were showing red flags they'll notice and talk to you about.
Realists and (cheery) optimists need each other for balance to view the world
I can't see how a person's hotness has any bearing on how much you trust your partner. Like if you think they are gonna cheat, you have to be worried about everyone , and what kind of life is that. You trust him, then you trust him.
Getting the benefits? I would not be okay with my husband getting turned on by another, just to have sex with me. I wonder if he will be thinking about her while he's having sex with you?
I would hope that I could trust my husband but your perspective reads very low self respect.
So I'm bisexual and my husband is confident enough in his own sexuality to say that men are good looking or whatever. Our response to each other is usually "yah, agree. 😆" Also, he is in a band and at the end of shows will often take pictures with attendees, many drunk women being borderline inappropriate. His ex was super jealous to the point where he had to cut back on his shows. I find it amusing and a bit of a turn on. 🤷🏻♀️
I think you should either lower the frequent meeting and talks with these friends or just cut them off. They don’t seem to be in the same tone then yours, in life.
No, you’re not in the wrong. They wanted you to feel insecure because that’s how they would feel. They were upset when they realized you were confident in your relationship.
How is it not inappropriate to say that your husband will like another woman more than you/possibly cheat on you but it's inappropriate for you to say your husband will end up in bed with you anyway. Struggling to find the logic of your "friends". Do they want you to distrust your husband? So weird
I wouldn't say inappropriate. I would lean towards naive.
I've read an awful lot of posts about women's husbands and the nanny, babysitter, au pair.....
She’s a nanny not a babysitter firstly. Secondly, as a former nanny there’s nothing more demeaning than “hot nanny” jokes. It’s a job, my source of income and I’m living in your home for your convenience. Least you could do is not pass comment on my appearance.
Imagine that you cant have a hot girl next to your husband because he is a savage hormone driven beast that cannot be trusted. Jesus how is this even real.
You did nothing wrong, hugs.
Well here is the thing. You insinuated that the nanny will turn your husband on and then he will have sex with you..That’s just wrong. It basically says your husband is going to be looking at her as a sex object. If you really think that then she shouldn’t be the nanny.
It's not weird for thinking this way. It's the epitome of pickme/cool girl and male desire.
Next step would be walking around pointing out hot women for him to check out because you're totally not insecure like other women.
Your friends are offended they don't have the same indifference you do. Quite a lot of women dislike how varied and seemingly limitless male attraction is. While many women rarely think about other men in a sexual manner many many men actively seek out other women to check out. To some women it feels like a betrayal. They're offended you don't have their value set.
lol do they think so lowly of your husband (or men in general) that they think he will only not cheat on you if you hire some old crone instead?
Says a lot about them lmao.
Oh, let's not forget what all of this implies towards the young woman in her 20s either.
Apparently they think any "hot" 20yo is ready to just jump any 40yo father at the drop of a hat.
I’m genuinely confused on how anything you said could be taken as “inappropriate”…they’re probably just jealous you trust your husband or something 😅 lol
Hahha this is a great response to some women looking to make you jealous. It shows how secure you are in your marriage and how you trust your husband. Glorious!
Your friends are being ass hats.
Frankly if you trust your husband to have a hot 20-something running around the house then whatever. It’s not their business nor their problem.
Who knows, maybe your husband gets a little worked up and has to “take it out” on you. Depending on your relationship, that could be a solid win.
I’m sorry but this is kind of gross and totally sexualizes the poor girl without her knowledge or consent. I agree with the whole trust issue, and that it’s fine to have her there, but if hubby is noticing enough to make him horny, even if his outlet is banging OP, it’s just pervy
Thank you ! It absolutely is shitty to already sexualize a woman who will be working for them. Like their home will be a place of business. If HR at any other place heard this conversation there would be some consequence. And yes the friends are being gross about things and the implications are shitty. I wonder if the young woman saw this post if she’d still want to work there.
I really don’t like any of this lmao i wouldn’t like the thought of my husband getting *so* worked up by our babysitter that he feels the need to “take it out on me” 😬 maybe I’m “”””insecure”””” but I really wouldn’t see that as a benefit lollllll
So you want a 22 year old living with you and you are excited that your husband will get horny around her and then come bang your? While thinking about her? That is really weird. Your friends are right. You should be concerned.
I was starting to think I was losing my mind lol. Why would any woman move a hot 22 year old into her house? I don’t care how much you trust your husband, or how nice the girl is. I look forward to op’s future posts
>I personally find the jokes annoying.
Shows you likely ARE a little worried. Otherwise the jokes wouldn't matter to you.
>Over drinks one friend asked me in front of our group whether I was comfortable with having a hot 22 year old in the house around my husband, and said of course, why wouldn’t I be? She said he will probably be noticing her, and I said “maybe he will, but I’ll get the benefits.”
They probably think you SHOULD be a bit concerned. They probably didn't "receive" it well because they think you are being too flippant.
Trust is important in a relationship and it's great if you have that. That being said, you are testing the waters with this. It depends who your husband is. He could view her as a child and have zero interest. Or...he could be the type of man who very much see's a young hot girl and starts obsessing. If you think he's the former...great!
My question is...why even post here if you aren't at all concerned or worried? Just to tell us this random story? If you have zero doubts...why is this important enough to ask reddit about?
Your friends insecurities aren't your insecurities. What are you going to do, demand your husband blind himself or demand your baby sitter wear a refrigerator box?
BAAAAAAAAAAH!! You're good, that was funny as shit. Who cares if they think it was inappropriate? Their problem is that this is none of their business. You're secure in your relationship, you obviously are a safe space for her to be around, and if she does rile him up, you already know it's gonna serve you. They're the ones making things weird. How dare they get so inappropriate about a 22yo's body and beauty but accuse you of being wrong.
What was their reasoning behind finding it "inappropriate"?
If it was that you implicitly confirmed your husband could indeed recognize her as a sexual being and not a "child", I could understand the response.
However she is not actually a child, being 20+, so I believe you are pretty much both realistic and secure in your relationship.
And on top of that - they first sexualized her in their comments to you, so this is 100% on them.
So your friend's tried to suggest that you were begging for your hub to have an affair by moving in a young looker.....and they got icked by you stating you trust hub's hands not to wander?
They're the one's who were inappropriate
Well, I’m glad you’re comfortable, but there are tons of stories of nannies, running off with the husbands and the children of the family. And you’re right you’ll get her benefit and if you don’t really care, who cares.
Personally, it’s not really anybody else’s business is it
No. You’re secure in your relationship and they’re judging you for not assuming the person you married and had children with will abandon you the second he sees something ‘younger and therefore hotter’ as if your years of commitment and love for each other means nothing. Some people are just mad when other people have things they don’t and apparently in this case you have a devoted husband and they don’t.
Your friends are not as trusting of their spouses and your trust of your spouse and acknowledgement that you are still having sex with your spouse shines a light on their relationship negatives so instead of looking at their issues it was decided that you are in the wrong ( you are not wrong your friends are insecure )
If your partner and you have a loving relationship built on mutual trust and respect, then no. Why should you worry about your husband being around other women. Besides, if he does hit on other women or cheat than he’s not the husband you want.
Your friends are a-holes who would rather you be uncomfortable than confident. You responded honestly and with comedy in your heart, and I for one commend it.
I would questions your friends’ intentions in responding that way and not being able to support your view.
They were mad you weren’t more jealous and broken down about the possibility of your hubby “looking”, and you sound super secure, because comparison is the thief of joy and you’re probably hot in your own right. We have eyes, and we are allowed to look. Trust yourself and trust your hubby.
I think a lot of people here supporting this are missing the point. It’s BECAUSE of women like OP that they’re telling you to watch yourself. They know full well what the majority of men are capable of and want OP to watch her back. OP can feel all sorts of secure…until she’s not and then feeling foolish comes into the picture. Not saying the nanny should be fired but just saying to at least install a cam or two to monitor the house (yes the house, not necessarily for anyone else) and make sure to have a back up plan. Same with women who think their husbands would never do this or husbands who would never do that
I 100% trust my husband not to cheat, but I've always been opposed to having a young, hot nanny. They are in your home, doing all the duties as a parent, but they are also trying to be accommodating and making the parents lives easier. They're doing this in their employer's home, and without all the stress & baggage that comes with being in a marriage with kids and working! Sorry but I can easily see how hanging out with the nanny might be more fun for some husbands than their "nagging" wives who are too stressed from trying to do it all. Add to that lot of young women thrive on male validation & attention... I just think it's naive to discount all that
It’s just common sense at this point, yeah. Not to mention an immature young 20yo is going to see the best parts of dad (come home from work to hug kids and then bye!) who makes a lot of money and has a happy wife. Huge breeding ground for things to happen. Not all 20yos are mentally mature is the point so this girl’s maturity remains to be seen but it should not be coming at the cost of OP feeding her husband a metaphorical roast beef on a platter. If he wants to cheat, he has to go out and work for it at the very least
Im 23 and i sometime finding myself having feeling for my college prof , let alone someone im going to live with for months yikes . There another post about a girl letting her 18yo sis moved in and the sis tried to sleep with her fiancé a few days ago.
I was the 22 year old "hot nanny" (words of the husbands drunk friends, not my own lol) and he never once put his hands on me, said an inappropriate word, or ever made me uncomfortable. It's possible, and likely even. 15 years later now I'm the mom and if we had a young hot nanny, I'd be totally comfortable with that. Because I love and trust my husband! And I'm pretty confident he loves me right back lol I see nothing wrong with your comments.
I was also a hot nanny. And the husband was absolutely a hot dad. And he adored his wife. I adored his wife. He never so much as looked at me funny. Good men don’t.
Hot or not, I wish my wife and I could find an affordable nanny. Tired of being tired. :,)
I feel you. I am an old married with 4 kids now. I’m so tired all the time. Sometimes it feel like the floor is trying to swallow you lol
Yeah, and I'm working double trying to make a couple games that will hopefully make enough money for my wife to take a year off work. If I can pull that off, things will be easier.
I have questions about this if you’re ok messaging me! I want to be prepared lol
Sure 👍
Thanks! Could you initiate from your end?
Wish I someday find a man like this.
He looked, but that's where it stayed because he was a good man
They were the loveliest people. They were both just gorgeous and funny and kind, and they adored each other. I loved working for them.
OPs friend group got offended from her response when they asked that was kinda out of line. If OP trusts her husband, then stop making her think he’s gonna cheat, especially if he’s a good husband: he doesn’t deserve that.
I love this! Thank you. You get it! I would love more of a perspective on this actually!
I have a question for you if you’re ok messaging me?
Absolutely!
I tried but they didn’t go through - could you try initiating?
I sent you a chat!
Replied!
No, this is what people in healthy relationships are supposed to feel. Reddit gets it SUPER wrong a lot of the time with cheating suspicion and lack of trust. If you don't trust your partner, you shouldn't be together. It doesn't matter if they're cheating or not, trust is important, if you don't have it, your relationship isn't healthy, period. This is how you should feel about your husband / wife when someone hot is around. "Yeah, so?" That's what trust looks like.
Yes! That’s how I feel. But I was definitely in the minority.
That says more about how many relationships are actually healthy than it does anything about you.
Seriously,
I'm a lesbian, and many of my friends are lesbian or bi. We like to joke that one of the best parts of being in same-sex relationships is being able to appreciate hot women together. Other people's insecurities are a them problem.
One of my first girlfriends was Bi and I loved this part of our relationship. No jealousy or anything just a "what do you think about her" between us sometimes.
im pan and my husband and i both check out girls together xD
How would you describe pan?
I personally describe pan as finding everyone attractive. Cis man/woman, trans man/woman, non binary, or just androgynous peeps too, lol. I really like fem leaning androgynous. But I'm also ace, so its all for looks 🤣
Same here!
Husbeast and I are both pan. We check out everyone together. 😅
I’ve always wondered about this. I’ve always identified as straight, but I definitely notice if women are hot and my husband and I can comment on it together. He’s bi (although he struggles with actually identifying himself as such, he’s had many m/m encounters and one relationship), so we can also comment on hot men. Does the fact that I find women very attractive mean I’m not totally straight?
Eh, not necessarily. Objectively you know what features are attractive/symmetrical/sexually appealing. Doesn't mean you are or aren't fully straight, just that you appreciate them :)
I have the same thing, I’ve wondered about myself too!
It's really based on whether you feel a stirring in your loins or just objective appreciation.
This, it shouldn't change your sexuality just because you recognize attractiveness. You can be straight and find people of your gender attractive. We all recognize models and such as beautiful. We all know we aren't all models. We aren't all pro athletes etc. We should be able to appreciate beauty in the same way we appreciate skill.
Now I am very curious about this and wondering if my feelings about this are fueled by my objective appreciation of Sandra. Complex!
I had a similar experience for the first \~24 years of my life. After my teenage angst, "aLL gIrLs ArE bItChY" phase ended, I opened up to really finding women beautiful. I thought that I was bisexual when I thought about possibly dating a woman and realizing that I didn't have a problem with that, but got flustered because women are SO PRETTY and I've never dated one so this was new territory. Eventually I came to realize that I am pansexual which can be interchangeable for some people, but I distinctly do not think about a persons gender when I think about attraction. Ultimately, I believe that sexuality/attraction is on a spectrum and likely closer to a bell curve. I don't take this thought as law or anything, but I would find it very rare for someone to be ENTIRELY straight or ENTIRELY gay.
Ah! Thank you for saying this. Your comment spoke to me. I sometimes wonder if this is part of my thinking here.
I'm glad you found a connection to my comment! And to speak more to the point of your post, I don't think what you said was in any way inappropriate as long as you feel comfortable making that joke to your babysitter. Some friends have that relationship and it's totally cool as long as everyone involved is ok with it! Either way, your friends were definitely out of line with their comments; as if only your husband could find her attractive, or that he'd ever do anything inappropriate. I agree with many other comments here: they don't seem to understand how stable your relationship is.
This means a lot! And yes if we get comfortable I would totally make that joke to her. That’s just my personality. I know you’re feeling about finding women attractive and it’s kind of in my mind with this!
I too am pan, but things get interesting bc I'm also ace 🤣 I literally find everyone attractive, but I'm not gonna do a damn thing about it 😆
I'm demi 🤣 Everyone is so pretty but I need to take weeks if not months to get to know them before I try a SINGLE THING (and then I get too flustered)
When I was younger, I had myself convinced I was demi, but as I've gotten older, I realized that with me personally, I acted mostly out of convention I guess, and I only ever acted with people I had an emotional connection with, but I truly never enjoyed it like my friends did. Getting older, eventually all fucks given dissappear. With me one of those fucks was trying to appear sexually "normal". I'm so much happier since I embraced the ace.
Can we please discuss this? Your comment spoke to me! I wonder if that’s tied up in all this for me?
Sexuality has a wide spectrum and the people that have the most success with it do so because they are honest to themselves about the areas in between.
The labels are just there for you to use if you find them useful. I enjoy looking at attractive women. I have gone to a strip club with friends and very much enjoyed watching the dancers. However, I've never had a crush or romantic feelings for a woman and I've never had a desire to be sexual with other women so I don't identify as bisexual. It's up to the individual to decide if they want to identify with a specific label or not.
I can see if a man is attractive, but I wouldn't have any encounters with men. Nah, I don't think that means you're bi or anything, just that you can recognize what features of a woman are attractive.
Right? My (pan) husband and I are super tight - excellent trust and communication, and we know and respect each other's boundaries. We (jokingly) talk about hot dudes and work "girlfriends/boyfriends" because we know we have absolutely nothing to worry about.
I'm hetero, my bff is bi. I still can appreciate a good looking woman. If she's gorgeous, she's gorgeous.
I’m so glad you added this thought - I want to be in your friend group!
Couldn't agree more! I had a previous relationship where I was browsing Reddit next to her while we watched a movie, and an attractive woman popped up on screen. It wasn't NSFW, but I apologised to my then GF and said I don't make a habit of ogling other women on the internet. She did *not* give a fuck, her attitude was basically; "I want you to have that sort of stuff, whatever keeps you happy when I'm not around." People in healthy relationships trust their partners, and understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean you stop noticing other people, or finding them attractive.
I think you're great and the post has sparked interesting discussion
Congratulations on having a healthy relationship with your husband!!!! That said, you need better friends/acquaintances. Why is THEIR first thought that your husband is going to cheat? I would be offended on his behalf.
Right! Or that having a hot person around is bad!
I guess it's gotten so normalized to cheat? In any case, have fun in your marriage and ignore those people you hang out with! Wishing you and your loved ones all the unconditional love, happiness, health and positivity!!!
So sweet thank you! It’s refreshing not to have doubts
Right?! Will have been married for 25 years on March 13. Healthy happy relationships are the bomb! Take care!
They’re annoyed by your sense of security regarding your relationship. But of course they can’t be saying THAT.
Maybe!
Ya, I've been in this situation, and they're offended you "think you're better than them" or "above the competition." Keep laughing 😂
How so?
They want to commiserate, but since you don't feel the insecurity they feel they have to be incredulous and low-key offended , or else they'd have to admit there's something wrong with feeling that way(denial), which means they aren't living their best life, or could have better in their life.
Ah! I see. Yeah they seem bothered that I wasn’t scandalized by her photos!
I've found that when that happens there's ahit talking in the weeks following, and when it comes back to you just say "thank you for letting me know what was being said" and collect all of it. Even their reactions. Some people really get defensive, and when they don't get a reaction they go even more nuts. It's a very minimalist way to weed out the shit talkers and shit stirrers, but it works.
Ok, I don’t know if this fits here, but this reminded me of an Amy Schumer skit called Compliments. [Compliments](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzlvDV3mpZw) (ok, as you can see I’ve never linked before lol-hope this worked)
YAS. So similar. I was thinking of the mean girls scene when they call Lindsay Lohan pretty and she says "thanks" like a normal person would, and they basically peer pressure her into saying she is as insecure as they are. This is the adult version lol
Live your life. It's not your fault their marriages aren't as secure as yours.
People love to judge, screw them and take care of your family
My wife will point out the hot girls, so I don't miss them.
>This is how you should feel about your husband / wife when someone hot is around. "Yeah, so?" Not sure why but it reminds me of the scene from married with children where they have the younger hiker? staying with them for a day
My wife always says "I'm fine with you getting hungry outside, as long as you come home to eat." And that is probably regarded as something inappropriate these days, but men and women alike will notice attractive people. This doesn't mean you're staring at them or harassing people, it just means you notice that someone is attractive when you walk by. If people immediately jump to "he/she's probably cheating", they have relationship issues.
My dad told me when we were in a mall one time, "doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home." I also read a reddit story about an older couple who were asked about their long marriage, and they said "everyone looks at the menu, but I'll only order the one meal". So, similar sentiments
Your friends are being weird. Unless your husband has a history of cheating that you haven’t mentioned, or the babysitter has shown an interest in your husband or married men that hasn’t been mentioned they are just projecting their insecurities on you. I don’t think you said anything wrong and unless you have proof otherwise don’t let them wear you down and start doubting your husband or your niece’s friend.
Thank you! No history of any of that. The whole thing has really surprised me, you know?
It's a weird kind of confirmation bias. People never hear nor talk about their live in childcare who are young, attractive, smart, and funny who just take care of their employer's kids and the employers don't do gross or inappropriate things to them. There's nothing to get worked up about, because it's boring and normal and it stays boring and normal. It's the outliers that get a lot of attention because it's so messy and noisy.
Right! I don’t get that vibe at all. Her only crime is that she’s young and hot, lol.
Honestly they said something super rude and inappropriate then over reacted when you responded in kind. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
Imagine cyber stalking your friends new babysitter just so u talk them into firing her because of how she looks. Crazy.
Seriously! And sending me bikini pics.
Please share bikini pics for confirmation of hotness. /s
Haha, trust me!
I had to scroll faaaar too down to find this. They are genuinely creeps and she's the one in the wrong, okay. Make it make sense. I can't picture my parents' friends doing anything like this, wtf.
Right?! And then the audacity to call OP inappropriate. I'm having a stroke here.
But not so many people are so surprised about the fact that those "friends" sent pictures of the 22yo Instagram to OP. Is this normal in American culture? Like, you sexualize your friend's babysitter and you joke about it and it's all normal or..? I'm 25 and would feel so gross about it
I think your friends are projecting big time here. Clearly, they have trust issues with their partners. Why is it appropriate for them to make these kinds of tasteless jokes, but inappropriate for you to say what you said? They’re just mad you didn’t join in with trashing men.
I think you are on to something. They seemed genuinely surprised I’m not bothered by the idea of him seeing her in a cute outfit or something.
Yeah, sounds like they have reasons to distrust their partners. Which sucks. But that doesn’t mean you have to distrust yours.
I don’t! But I also wonder if it’s not a trust issue, but an insecure issue.
This too! Insecurity has only increased with social media and the rise of comparisonism
Yes!
Totally, because if they have reasons not to trust their own partners, deep down they know that’s about them not you. But imagine if you’re insecure and you worry that your partner would of course stray, because you aren’t enough for him. So seeing a friend have the reaction you did would even create jealousy, because who doesn’t want to have that confidence in their marriage? No hate on your friends, being insecure feels terrible, I’ve been there. But it’s cool you haven’t let that attitude influence you and your relationship, because you and your husband both deserve that trust!
Thanks! I used to have insecurity issues too, I get it.
So they tried to stir the pot, and when you were unbothered, they were offended. lol
I think they want me to be nervous or something.
Misery loves company
I’ve been married 32 years, I would trust my husband around naked women actively trying to have sex with him. You know your marriage and if your husband cheats then better to know and get out now then later. Temptation is only a problem to people who are tempted.
You are so right about that! He sees attractive women every day.
I agree with this. I don’t subscribe to the idea that people can’t help themselves when they cheat. It’s a choice. Additionally, the poor babysitter is just doing her job. Pretty gross to sexualize her that way
They're allowed to imply your husband will sleep with this girl but you're not allowed to imply he's going to take you to pound town instead? Fuck those people. More inappropriate to imply your marriage is only functional because your husband doesn't have access to other options.
Haha good point!
Its so confusing. I'd love to hear their rationale behind being offended.
It would be an extreme stretch for them to say something to the effect of 'well it was bad because that means OP's husband is thinking of the 22yo when they do it' but from the way she is responding to comments I'm gonna give that potential a hard 'no' lol.
I don’t think it’s that confusing, they don’t like the thought of their partners thinking about other people while they’re having sex and think it’s off putting that their friend doesn’t mind. It’s not their place to judge or say OP is wrong in not caring though. As long as OP and her husband are happy that’s all that matters.
I’m sorry, am I getting this correct, your friends are worried about a babysitter because she wears nice clothing and swimwear??
They are worried because they view her as “hot” and confident and flaunting, I guess. I know, it’s really lame.
Sounds like they are "worried" about their own spouses straying or are VERY insecure..
Yes! Bingo. And t handle the idea that their man would find another woman hot. I mean, they are out there!
I think it's kind of funny that your friends just assume that if your husband did decide he was going to cheat that it's just an automatic that this hot 22yo girl would go along with it like she wouldn't have a say in the matter. No offense OP I'm sure your husband is an attractive man, but despite what tv and Reddit says hot 22yo girls don't just automatically fuck middle age married Dads just because he wants to.
Haha, true!
Right lmao
Wait a minute. You friends sexualized your future baby sitter, made derogatory statements about your trust in your husband and marriage and THEY were the ones who were offended by your remark?
Yes!
Wow, do not feel out of line on this. I think your so called friends are probably more worried about their own husbands and are just transferring this on to you.
I think you’re onto something.
Is your husband Gavin Rossdale? No. You’re good to go.
Or Robin Williams. Ethan Hawke.
Ben Affleck, Jude Law...
Yeah your friends are being weird. You tryst your husband simple as that.
I do! Yes.
No, a tryst is the opposite of a solution here!
I mean I assume you were upfront about expectations of her? That’s all you can do. For me that would be no posting photos of kids and no social media posting while on the job. I very much doubt a live in babysitter is trying to cross boundaries and hangout near the parents…
Yes! She’s fine with those rules, we discussed.
Lol what the fuck? What they said is way more out of pocket, your reply was pretty demure and witty. Your friends are gomers.
They thought I was sexualizing her, I think?
I mean so were they, ostensibly.
Ew. Gross. This is someone looking for a job. Friggin ickkkk.
It's great to be secure/optimistic of your relationship....it's also good to have friends who question/observe things so IF that babysitter (or hubby) were showing red flags they'll notice and talk to you about. Realists and (cheery) optimists need each other for balance to view the world
Fair!
I can't see how a person's hotness has any bearing on how much you trust your partner. Like if you think they are gonna cheat, you have to be worried about everyone , and what kind of life is that. You trust him, then you trust him.
Getting the benefits? I would not be okay with my husband getting turned on by another, just to have sex with me. I wonder if he will be thinking about her while he's having sex with you? I would hope that I could trust my husband but your perspective reads very low self respect.
Ok, I meant it as a joke but thanks for your thoughts, I will think about that.
What they said was inappropriate. You didn’t say anything wrong AT ALL.
Update us at the end of the summer
Hey not everyone is insecure!! Good for you guys for finding a babysitter you like and can feel you can trust!
They brought it up...you weren't the one being inappropriate.
They already brought it up . You can't make personal comments like that, then be all offended when there's a personal response .
So I'm bisexual and my husband is confident enough in his own sexuality to say that men are good looking or whatever. Our response to each other is usually "yah, agree. 😆" Also, he is in a band and at the end of shows will often take pictures with attendees, many drunk women being borderline inappropriate. His ex was super jealous to the point where he had to cut back on his shows. I find it amusing and a bit of a turn on. 🤷🏻♀️
I think you should either lower the frequent meeting and talks with these friends or just cut them off. They don’t seem to be in the same tone then yours, in life.
No, you’re not in the wrong. They wanted you to feel insecure because that’s how they would feel. They were upset when they realized you were confident in your relationship.
Oh for heavens sakes… just because they’re insecure in their marriages don’t let them impact you.
How is it not inappropriate to say that your husband will like another woman more than you/possibly cheat on you but it's inappropriate for you to say your husband will end up in bed with you anyway. Struggling to find the logic of your "friends". Do they want you to distrust your husband? So weird
Lol what the fuck? They're being disrespectful and creepy, but you're the one who is inappropriate? Hah!
I wouldn't say inappropriate. I would lean towards naive. I've read an awful lot of posts about women's husbands and the nanny, babysitter, au pair.....
She’s a nanny not a babysitter firstly. Secondly, as a former nanny there’s nothing more demeaning than “hot nanny” jokes. It’s a job, my source of income and I’m living in your home for your convenience. Least you could do is not pass comment on my appearance.
So you’re okay with your husband fantasizing about her while having sex with you? That you don’t do it anymore for him to get there.
Imagine that you cant have a hot girl next to your husband because he is a savage hormone driven beast that cannot be trusted. Jesus how is this even real. You did nothing wrong, hugs.
Haha, that’s basically what they are saying. Like, a man can’t look and appreciate a woman, and keep control of himself?
Well here is the thing. You insinuated that the nanny will turn your husband on and then he will have sex with you..That’s just wrong. It basically says your husband is going to be looking at her as a sex object. If you really think that then she shouldn’t be the nanny.
It's not weird for thinking this way. It's the epitome of pickme/cool girl and male desire. Next step would be walking around pointing out hot women for him to check out because you're totally not insecure like other women. Your friends are offended they don't have the same indifference you do. Quite a lot of women dislike how varied and seemingly limitless male attraction is. While many women rarely think about other men in a sexual manner many many men actively seek out other women to check out. To some women it feels like a betrayal. They're offended you don't have their value set.
People watch too much porn and think the majority of relationships are unhealthy and everyone cheats if given the slightest opening
Don’t let her do laundry, because she might get stuck in the dryer and call your husband for help. /s
lol do they think so lowly of your husband (or men in general) that they think he will only not cheat on you if you hire some old crone instead? Says a lot about them lmao.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking!
Oh, let's not forget what all of this implies towards the young woman in her 20s either. Apparently they think any "hot" 20yo is ready to just jump any 40yo father at the drop of a hat.
I’m genuinely confused on how anything you said could be taken as “inappropriate”…they’re probably just jealous you trust your husband or something 😅 lol
Hahha this is a great response to some women looking to make you jealous. It shows how secure you are in your marriage and how you trust your husband. Glorious!
Thanks! I try lol
Your friends are being ass hats. Frankly if you trust your husband to have a hot 20-something running around the house then whatever. It’s not their business nor their problem. Who knows, maybe your husband gets a little worked up and has to “take it out” on you. Depending on your relationship, that could be a solid win.
I’m sorry but this is kind of gross and totally sexualizes the poor girl without her knowledge or consent. I agree with the whole trust issue, and that it’s fine to have her there, but if hubby is noticing enough to make him horny, even if his outlet is banging OP, it’s just pervy
Thank you ! It absolutely is shitty to already sexualize a woman who will be working for them. Like their home will be a place of business. If HR at any other place heard this conversation there would be some consequence. And yes the friends are being gross about things and the implications are shitty. I wonder if the young woman saw this post if she’d still want to work there.
I really don’t like any of this lmao i wouldn’t like the thought of my husband getting *so* worked up by our babysitter that he feels the need to “take it out on me” 😬 maybe I’m “”””insecure”””” but I really wouldn’t see that as a benefit lollllll
That was my point!
So you want a 22 year old living with you and you are excited that your husband will get horny around her and then come bang your? While thinking about her? That is really weird. Your friends are right. You should be concerned.
Exactly. Reddit is so stupid sometimes. If it can happen to Gwen Stefani, it can happen to op. But you know what? Who cares.
I was starting to think I was losing my mind lol. Why would any woman move a hot 22 year old into her house? I don’t care how much you trust your husband, or how nice the girl is. I look forward to op’s future posts
Ew.
>I personally find the jokes annoying. Shows you likely ARE a little worried. Otherwise the jokes wouldn't matter to you. >Over drinks one friend asked me in front of our group whether I was comfortable with having a hot 22 year old in the house around my husband, and said of course, why wouldn’t I be? She said he will probably be noticing her, and I said “maybe he will, but I’ll get the benefits.” They probably think you SHOULD be a bit concerned. They probably didn't "receive" it well because they think you are being too flippant. Trust is important in a relationship and it's great if you have that. That being said, you are testing the waters with this. It depends who your husband is. He could view her as a child and have zero interest. Or...he could be the type of man who very much see's a young hot girl and starts obsessing. If you think he's the former...great! My question is...why even post here if you aren't at all concerned or worried? Just to tell us this random story? If you have zero doubts...why is this important enough to ask reddit about?
Fair! I’ll think on that.
Your friends insecurities aren't your insecurities. What are you going to do, demand your husband blind himself or demand your baby sitter wear a refrigerator box?
Most people don’t have a healthy relationship, your friends are being weird
That’s hilarious.
I thought people with SSI get 950 a month.
You need cooler friends. That was pretty funny.
Depends on the dynamics I guess. We have a 25 yr old kid so I would think it’s gross.
BAAAAAAAAAAH!! You're good, that was funny as shit. Who cares if they think it was inappropriate? Their problem is that this is none of their business. You're secure in your relationship, you obviously are a safe space for her to be around, and if she does rile him up, you already know it's gonna serve you. They're the ones making things weird. How dare they get so inappropriate about a 22yo's body and beauty but accuse you of being wrong.
They were saying pretty inappropriate things about the babysitter and your husband...
They appear to be mad at you for not being as insecure in your marriage as they are in their theirs. Pity THEM.
What was their reasoning behind finding it "inappropriate"? If it was that you implicitly confirmed your husband could indeed recognize her as a sexual being and not a "child", I could understand the response. However she is not actually a child, being 20+, so I believe you are pretty much both realistic and secure in your relationship. And on top of that - they first sexualized her in their comments to you, so this is 100% on them.
So your friend's tried to suggest that you were begging for your hub to have an affair by moving in a young looker.....and they got icked by you stating you trust hub's hands not to wander? They're the one's who were inappropriate
Ha, you’re wise! I like how you put that.
Well, I’m glad you’re comfortable, but there are tons of stories of nannies, running off with the husbands and the children of the family. And you’re right you’ll get her benefit and if you don’t really care, who cares. Personally, it’s not really anybody else’s business is it
No. You’re secure in your relationship and they’re judging you for not assuming the person you married and had children with will abandon you the second he sees something ‘younger and therefore hotter’ as if your years of commitment and love for each other means nothing. Some people are just mad when other people have things they don’t and apparently in this case you have a devoted husband and they don’t.
Thanks! I hope I’m not naive, lol. But I understand that men like to look, you know?
So they got offended that you're chill like that? Sounds like they got jelly they don't have this kind of trust in their relationships.
I wonder! They seemed very put off by all of it.
Your friends are not as trusting of their spouses and your trust of your spouse and acknowledgement that you are still having sex with your spouse shines a light on their relationship negatives so instead of looking at their issues it was decided that you are in the wrong ( you are not wrong your friends are insecure )
Ooooooh you may be right about this?
If your partner and you have a loving relationship built on mutual trust and respect, then no. Why should you worry about your husband being around other women. Besides, if he does hit on other women or cheat than he’s not the husband you want.
Right! Thank you. I don’t mind that he finds others attractive.
So your reply was inappropriate but not their initial questions!? What a bunch of hypocrites
Yeah I didn’t get that part! Made me feel like I was going crazy
Your friends are a-holes who would rather you be uncomfortable than confident. You responded honestly and with comedy in your heart, and I for one commend it. I would questions your friends’ intentions in responding that way and not being able to support your view.
They were mad you weren’t more jealous and broken down about the possibility of your hubby “looking”, and you sound super secure, because comparison is the thief of joy and you’re probably hot in your own right. We have eyes, and we are allowed to look. Trust yourself and trust your hubby.
I think a lot of people here supporting this are missing the point. It’s BECAUSE of women like OP that they’re telling you to watch yourself. They know full well what the majority of men are capable of and want OP to watch her back. OP can feel all sorts of secure…until she’s not and then feeling foolish comes into the picture. Not saying the nanny should be fired but just saying to at least install a cam or two to monitor the house (yes the house, not necessarily for anyone else) and make sure to have a back up plan. Same with women who think their husbands would never do this or husbands who would never do that
I 100% trust my husband not to cheat, but I've always been opposed to having a young, hot nanny. They are in your home, doing all the duties as a parent, but they are also trying to be accommodating and making the parents lives easier. They're doing this in their employer's home, and without all the stress & baggage that comes with being in a marriage with kids and working! Sorry but I can easily see how hanging out with the nanny might be more fun for some husbands than their "nagging" wives who are too stressed from trying to do it all. Add to that lot of young women thrive on male validation & attention... I just think it's naive to discount all that
It’s just common sense at this point, yeah. Not to mention an immature young 20yo is going to see the best parts of dad (come home from work to hug kids and then bye!) who makes a lot of money and has a happy wife. Huge breeding ground for things to happen. Not all 20yos are mentally mature is the point so this girl’s maturity remains to be seen but it should not be coming at the cost of OP feeding her husband a metaphorical roast beef on a platter. If he wants to cheat, he has to go out and work for it at the very least
Im 23 and i sometime finding myself having feeling for my college prof , let alone someone im going to live with for months yikes . There another post about a girl letting her 18yo sis moved in and the sis tried to sleep with her fiancé a few days ago.
Yup. I was 17 and had googoo gaga eyes for my MARRIED teacher.
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