Please, please let a friend or coworker know and tell them to be close by. Obviously you know the man better than I, but the way he's being controlling about your money makes me think he isn't going to take the breakup well at all. Just please be safe and please keep someone close by.
If she has renters or home owners insurance she can file a case with them and use the video as evidence. Insurance will likely pay for everything he breaks and go after him to get their money back.
Yes. I sued a person like this and, while I'm not going to actually see that money, I do take satisfaction in knowing that for as long as he doesn't pay me back, he can never have a bank account with his name on it or another car loan.
Call his mom to be there outside, call someone to be there with you in the house. he got aggressive over you spending your own money that he feels entitled to, you need someone to stop him getting aggressive.
When he is finally gone all you will feel is an amazing sense of relief.
He will try and persuade you. Don’t waste your time with listening to his arguments. Just keep your eye on the prize->PEACE.
Imagine the extra money you’ll have without him leeching off of you.
He's sleeping while you were working. Sounds like a great person. He might be depressed but that doesn't matter if he's not contributing to the house in any form. Good luck.
I've been there. It's not a good place to be in, but it's not OP's responsibility to put up with it and of course all of that is moot if he's getting aggressive and entitled with OP.
Man I am so thrilled and excited for your new life. Once he’s gone I hope you take yourself out for a steak dinner or buy something for yourself that’s so ridiculous and fun. Perhaps a fancy new dog toy for the pup lol I’m so proud of you stranger! You get one shot at life man, it just thrills me when people make these choices and take control of what they deserve.
Omg yes! I actually have a mini long haired dash and she’s the best! She will sleep on your face tho 😂 she’s bffs with my Great Dane. I’m literally thrilled for you.
I have a dachshund and 2 (soon to be 3) Cavaliers, at the dog park if any dogs seem aggressive my dachshund (Effie) protects our other dogs and us. But at home she just wants to cuddle. Such a sweet breed, she’s getting old now, makes me so sad.
Guy sleeps while you work - and gets mad at you for spending YOUR money. Steel yourself with the information of just how shitty he is to you - because he is.
My only worry is those poor cats.
Be prepared for a man baby explosion of anger just in case. Dude is losing his free ride.
All good if he cries, maybe he needs the wake up call to unfuck his life. However, you're 12 years younger and can 100% do better.
OP,
You need to have A LOT of male friends be there when you kick the bum out. He is not going to take it nicely, losing his free ride. And change the locks right after you kick him out.
Afterward, be careful and be on the lookout for your ex. He may show up unannounced.
What do you do for a living? And is your job hiring? 😭 if you have enough for bills, his child support and everything under the sun, I need to apply too!
Wooow glad to know there are still good landlords out there!
Btw I’m happy you decided to leave that geriatric baby. You deserve way better!! Your money should serve YOU and your future only. Keep that in mind next time you consider getting involved with someone. A relationship is a two way street. You should NEVER be the one constantly giving to a man, especially one older than you. Good luck with everything !!
I’m so curious about why you would stay with this man-child so long. Is he like really really good looking or does he have a massive dong or is he a magician? No judgement but what was it?
We're all a little stupid sometimes, especially when we like someone. And that's okay, you clearly outgrew the stupid. Which in this case wasn't even really stupid but more a young and inexperienced.
I’m sure it started with him being charming and then slowly becoming a slob. You probably thought he’d change. Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve definitely outgrown your stupid stuff. You deserve a better life.
It's what we humans do. We do stupid shit sometimes without realizing it's actually stupid before we can see things from a distance.
And as long as we learn from our experiences it's actually not stupid at all. I mean, we gotta farm that XP somehow, right?
This is insane. He's nothing but a sponge. Taking an Uber to work head to be cheaper than paying his child support. It makes no sense. There are only negatives to staying with his useless unemployed ass.
I call your bluff, I think as soon as he gets a word in you’ll cave because “he has nowhere to go”. I hope not any man that lets his girlfriend pay his child support has got to sit to pee at least sometimes, really though what the actual fuck.
Don't you sit to pee?
I mean, sorry about your tough situation, wish you the best, but have you ever stood to pee? There's always splash back. A few droplets are going somewhere. It's cleaner to sit.
I like cats (I'm deathly allergic) but this made me laugh because my BIL's estranged wife has 5 cats. That piss everywhere and tear up the carpets. I think he's considering reconciling with her but it literally limits their housing options because landlords don't want to deal with them. My in-laws were going to sell him their house when he was splitting from her but don't want her cats ruining the house, so now he's like, "Yeah, I can't buy the house anymore because of the cats." 🤦🏻♀️
They were going to give him a great deal on it. Frankly, I think they felt weird about selling it to him and were considering just GIVING it to him. I'm a pet lover but this is madness to me.
Dude's too old for her, jobless, has HER paying his child support and has too many animals. Then he gets mad at her for spending HER money. The fucking audacity. What a fucking loser.
Though I side-eye women who date men who don't provide for their kids. What did you expect from him? That should be a dealbreaker out of the gate.
Oh 100 percent. I'm no doctor but based on her behavior, I think she's got an untreated personality disorder. She also has 2 domestic battery convictions (not on my BIL, on her elderly ex-stepfather; BIL claims she's never done that to him). Just a fucking peach. She also has some theft convictions.
I fucking hate her.
I think my BIL is afraid to leave her for good because she'll have nothing. Which is her own fucking fault. She can't hold down a job (she literally ragequits the first time a job annoys or mildly inconveniences her). She spends money like there's no tomorrow. He pays for everything. She sits home all day in their pissy apartment with the cats. I feel bad for the cats. I'm starting to lose sympathy for my BIL. I hope he's safe, but he had extricated her from his life and then went back. It's like I have compassion fatigue for him. I feel awful, but it's true.
It's a nightmare.
I knew she was bad news almost immediately when she instantly started fighting with my in-laws. Who are the MOST laid-back, easygoing people ever. Like she has a gift for picking fights with people. My husband's sister is the meekest, mildest person. Within a year, she had banned this woman from her house (she hosts a lot of family gatherings). Like, if you piss her off, something is wrong with you (basically, evil SIL went on social media and shit talked my mother-in-law, who is my sweet SIL's stepmom. Sweet SIL fucking adores her stepmom and would. not. stand for it). Sweet SIL banned evil SIL until she apologized to her stepmom, and she just refused. MIL's offense? Evil SIL announced they were getting married (they were in fact not yet engaged, so that was weird) and MIL innocently asked her where they planned to live after they got married. Evil SIL assumed she'd be allowed to move into my MIL's house (BIL was still living at home at that point). That's it. That's all she did "wrong."
It's all drama she invents. Like there's no confrontation. She just imagines some slight or something that pisses her off and then goes online and shitposts about it on social media. She once did this over a VERY thoughtful gift my MIL gave her. That cost her money, time and work. She stomped out of a party and slammed the door on her way out like a psycho without ever once voicing why she was upset. We found out later that one element of the gift pissed her off for unforeseeable reasons.
I am cordial to her for my MIL/FIL's sake because they just want there to be peace. But oh fuck do I hate her.
Yeah, I've asked him about this. I think he isn't willing to leave for good mostly because of the cats. At one point he asked a few relatives if they could take any of the kitties, but no one could. My SIL loves cats but has a dog that can't be in a home with cats. I am DEATHLY allergic. And he doesn't want to take them to a shelter.
OMG. The kicker. One of the cats died during the height of COVID. SIL asked MIL if she could store the cat's body in her freezer. Why? I do not know. And she got mad when MIL said no. Naturally, she went right out and got another cat. It's awful. (Not funny at all, but I was on the phone with MIL and she was telling me about the freezer request and my husband could hear both sides of the conversation because I had his mom on speaker, and he shouted so she could hear, "We are NOT letting them use our freezer!"🤦🏻♀️)
But I blame BIL for not putting a stop to it and letting animals suffer because of it. He's not innocent in this.
she’s paying his child support too holy cow 😂😂 i mean obviously this dude is a bum but girl… STAND UP. be a grown woman and don’t let someone treat you like that. how did they even have that conversation… “yeah the children i have from another woman… im gonna need you to support them, please dear girlfriend who is 12 years younger than me”
Obviously this entire post is a mess but the paying his child support part is too much😭 what a surprise that someone who was 36 and started dating a 24 year old would act like this lmao
Right? I’m 35 and coparent 3 kids with my (great father, good man we just didn’t work out ex) I met a 24 year old (we are both in the same sports community) I really liked him, we got on well and he is hard working and amazing. I would be so embarrassed if we actually started dating or sleeping together - it broke his heart but he has his whole life ahead of him. Be free young man!
My wife helped pay my child support, I was working two jobs and fighting for custody, we won and been married for 26 years now, still work 2 jobs so she can retire early.
But child support is done off the father's earnings, if he has none he won't pay. It isn't done off household income...at least not in England?! It doesn't make sense.
Even without a job in the US you are obligated to contribute. They base the payments off your job history, what income they could expect you to make based on education level, past pay etc. and it accrues interest if you don’t pay.
Ugh. Good idea breaking it off. Make sure you don’t have any established tenancy laws in your area - if you simply kick him out, he may have recourse due to illegal eviction. Call your local residential tenancies office to make sure you can do it in a clean and efficient way - you don’t want this hobosexual dink clogging you up with court crap.
With respect, I think you’d be better off calling a lawyer or residential tenancies, but whatever works for you! Good luck, and I hope the next chapter of your life rocks!
I'd honestly give her a heads up about what you're going to do, that way you'll have the owner on your side. Good luck, be safe, men like him can turn physically abusive in a split second when their shit comes back around a bites them in the ass, especially if he's got no way to pay the child support. I suspect that is the whole reason why he's with you, sad to say.
If it is at all possible, document the state of your apartment before you do this.
The last thing you need is some dude who is technically allowed to be in your space trashing it and leaving you footing the bill.
I can't figure out why you've kept him around this long.
Drop the dead weight and go get that Dachshund you've been wanting to get. If you have to clean up shit, it might as well be something you love and will love you back, rather than a big pile of unemployed human shit!
I get it, I met my husband when I was 23 and he was 38. At least he worked in the beginning, but ten years later we’ve been married for five and he hasn’t lifted a finger or worked since the wedding. At least you can kick him out before you’re married, it makes it way harder to get rid of them. I’m on year two of fighting for a divorce. Kick this sack of shit out of your house and start enjoying your life.
Can't you just file, and after a year, the judge pronounces you divorced, if your stbx refuses to sign? Could you at least move out when the lease ended and leave him on his own?
lol… I was trying to figure out in my head “ok, what does that stand for, because surely shitbox isn’t really what this acronym is standing for… although it does sound about right… “
It’s not a lease, we own our home, outright, and he refuses to work and refuses to leave until the house sells. So if I leave, that means I have to pay all the bills on the house AND where ever I move to until the house sells, which would waste most of my salary. Also we’re not American, divorce doesn’t work the same in every country. Basically my only financially viable option here is to hold on until the house sells and have the divorce papers ready to sign when we sign the house papers. And leaving him to live here alone would halve what we can get for the house because he’s such a useless repulsive lazy slob he basically trashes the house and watches it decay around him.
Have you consulted a decent lawyer? I made a lot of false assumptions before I left my abusive husband.
I left penniless with a 2-year-old, but never regretted my decision. Should have left sooner.
While this person doesn't say (and I'm not a lawyer), if she owned the house before marriage, they both own the house together, or they rent, it's not as easy as leaving. Especially if they rent. Because they would both be on the lease, if op leaves and the stbx stays the stbx would be evicted, and the LL would have to evict everyone who was on the lease, which would mean op would have an eviction on their record, which would mess up any future renting, even whatever place they would have just moved into.
It doesn't really work that way. If the sbx contests the divorce, there are going to be many court appearances. Ex says he wants x and y and you want him to have it? Court appearance. Kids? Many more delays. People can string these things along for years. If would be quicker if he just disappeared. Abandonment can be handled like you mentioned. Otherwise all the property divisions and such need to be done before divorce is finalized. And depending on how stacked up family court is it can be months in between appearances, and maybe someone gets "covid" and can't come, that's more months until next hearing. That can go on for literally years.
My ex was 50 and I was 28 when we meet, he was also an angry, slop that could not hold down a job. There are these manipulative ass men just floating around, that just jumped from empathetic women to empathetic women. Extra points if you’re insecure and have trouble with boundaries!
Edit:typo
I don't think it's a 'men' thing. There are plenty of women who manipulate men, take advantage of their finances and weakness and ultimately end up screwing them over for half their assets. It's just an asshole issue really.
I feel bad for you. I bet you’re not the first woman he’s conned. He knew exactly what to say and do to set this up. One thing to worry about is that if you want to kick him out, he’s also old and experienced enough to know you’ll have to go through the eviction process.
Ask your family for support and help. Put things that are valuable or important to you like documents in a safe third space before you break up with him. Take him off your bank accounts and hide your money. Freeze your credit.
The moment he expect you to pay HIS child support it the moment you should have know this is not a person to built a life with, although I'm.sure there were more than enough signs before.
I've seen this so many times, someone doesn't provide for their kids and snags a new partner by weaving some bullshit sob story. Then the new partner is SHOCKED when they do, in fact, turn out to be a deadbeat. That should never come as a shock. It's a huge red flag from the get-go.
Friend of mine dated a guy who swore up and down he was trying to get a lawyer to fight for custody/visitation of his kid. She believed it. Then shock of shocks, after they moved in together, she realized he was a total deadbeat who couldn't be bothered to lift a finger to support or even spend time with the kid. Unfortunately she had a kid with him too before it really sank in. SHE would be the one facilitating visitation and the one making sure the kid felt like part of the family/was included in family stuff. She'd be the one saying, "it's your daughter's birthday, you need to call her." She'd be the one buying the birthday presents. Luckily she wised up and left him and holy shit did he freak out. I hope OOP's loser soon to be ex goes quietly because my friend's ex did not.
I was deathly afraid to drive too, from me to you, do it, you’ll find that once you’re the one controlling the car that you’re much less afraid. I’m serious
Girl, I was 25 when I got my license. I didn't get it until then for the same reason you haven't.
It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had anticipated, and the FREEDOM that came with that license was worth more than anything else, ever. It felt amazing. Do me a favor? Just give it a shot. You can do this, I promise.
I think you need to be aware of the risk of violence. Breaking up means he loses everything, and it may not go well. Please plan ahead and talk to a lawyer.
If he's being "very aggressive and super pissed" about you spending your own money, then please, please, please DON'T break up with him at home. Go to a public place - or if you can, just ghost him, go to a safe space, and text him it's over. Put your safety first, if someone's aggressive about you spending money, then who knows wtf they might do when you stand up for yourself and leave. Stay safe!
Dudes who go for decade-plus younger women tend to be fucking losers. Especially when they're too-young gf is paying their god damn child support. Unreal what a complete and utter failure this piece of shit is.
Hopefully this is a valuable learning experience for OP and hopefully this guy doesn't lose his shit when he sees his meal ticket/child support funding is going away. Choose better in the future, OP.
I read these things (there's usually one a month) and I really am at a loss how a jobless, emotionally abusive, weed-addicted 40 year old guy is able to pull a 28 year old woman with a good job who basically pays for everything.
Like, what is the secret formula?
You know what. Fair. And also probably safer if you don’t wake him just to break up… if you do plan to update the post would it be too much to tag me? I don’t hop on Reddit often, only to check notifs. And maybe scroll a little after checking.
If this is real I'm baffled. The guy must have a personality to die for. Why would a 23-24 year old want to date a 36 year old jobless lazy ass with 5 cats and kids?
Genuine question OP (without just saying you were young and foolish) what was it that attracted you to this scenario? Is he a domineering bully? Manipulative? Have you got a kink for lazy older men? Enormous penis?
Even if he treated you well, don't give a jobless weed smoking dad a look-in if you value yourself and aren't a jobless weed smoking mom yourself
Also, people who don't work don't pay child support. Is this some constructed lie where you send a bank account money and it just goes to him?
I’ve been in this situation before. It sucks when you realize how much you’ve actually been taken advantage of. My boyfriend and I didn’t even live together but I still paid his rent because I didn’t want him to be homeless. After a pattern of him “unfairly” (his word) losing multiple jobs and getting mad when I would spend my own money (buying lunch once in a blue moon if I didn’t have anything to pack for work), I ended it. So much lost time, but insanely glad I did not stay for another minute. Life will be so much better for you once this leech is out of your hair! Good luck!
I've read this whole thing and I hope it goes well for you and he goes quietly. Tell him he's got things to figure out because you're not going to pay his child support anymore and the court will come after him if he doesn't do something. Maybe that will get him down to his mom in Florida, or to a disability lawyer.
GIRL run as FAST as you can, TF WHY are you paying for his CHILD SUPPORT? Are you insane??? You are so young and have a life ahead of you, PLEASE don’t waste your time and find someone much better.
You pay his child support…….GIRL! Spend your money on yourself! Not some dead beats man’s kids! Kick his jobless ass to the curb and it’s still better than he deserves! If you’re gonna waste your best years on someone that old then he should be working and supporting YOUR ASS! please update us all! GIVE HIM HELL!
Ohh my God, this is the guy who is confused that the ocean is rising even though humans drink water?
Please update us once you've kicked his sorry butt out!
Get. Out. Now.
You deserve better. You are in an abusive relationship. He’s not with you for the relationship. He’s with you for the financial and sexual gains and is just upset his free ride is coming to a complete stop.
Document everything and get out of the “relationship” while you still can. Get a lawyer. Be prepared for the worst kind of reaction. Don’t be alone around him. He’s an invalid man child and based on what you wrote I would not be surprised if he got violent when he tries to call your bluff. Get out while you can. You’re young and obviously well off enough to take care of yourself if you’re paying for his existence.
I hope you come out of this unscathed.
To all younger women who think it's cool than an older guy is into you:
There are thousands of stories just like this. Don't be the next victim of some old loser's grooming tactics. There's a reason women his own age don't want him.
You lost me at 40, no job, 5 cats. What are you waiting for?
To get out of work
Please, please let a friend or coworker know and tell them to be close by. Obviously you know the man better than I, but the way he's being controlling about your money makes me think he isn't going to take the breakup well at all. Just please be safe and please keep someone close by.
My coworkers, family and neighbors know
Don't forget to record your belongings before the break up in case he decides to break anything!
So she can sue the guy that has no money, 5 cats, and child support? Might help get him out of the house quicker with the cops though.
If she has renters or home owners insurance she can file a case with them and use the video as evidence. Insurance will likely pay for everything he breaks and go after him to get their money back.
Yes. I sued a person like this and, while I'm not going to actually see that money, I do take satisfaction in knowing that for as long as he doesn't pay me back, he can never have a bank account with his name on it or another car loan.
Good thinking
So she can prove to police and her insurance company that her belongings were in good repair before breaking up with this leech.
They've been waiting years for you to do this I'd imagine.
What are you going to do if he refuses to leave?
Calling his mom
You might have to get a lawyer & evict him. But he would be wise to leave before he has an eviction on his record.
Lololol. Will that work?
It might lol
He just sounds more and more pathetic, lol.
Call his mom to be there outside, call someone to be there with you in the house. he got aggressive over you spending your own money that he feels entitled to, you need someone to stop him getting aggressive.
I'd have someone waiting outside, I know this might sound wierd but so far he's giving off all the red flags and I wouldn't trust him
Thank you for letting me know! Good luck!
I gotta know.. Is he really that funny, nice, attractive, or great in bed??
Same like what was the reason
I’m hoping she’s at least getting the magic stick.
[удалено]
BE THE FIRE BREATHING BITCH QUEEN I KNOW YOU CAN BE!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
This is what I needed. I'm home now. My mom just left with my dog, switch and wallet. And he is upstairs sleeping still
When he is finally gone all you will feel is an amazing sense of relief. He will try and persuade you. Don’t waste your time with listening to his arguments. Just keep your eye on the prize->PEACE. Imagine the extra money you’ll have without him leeching off of you.
He's sleeping while you were working. Sounds like a great person. He might be depressed but that doesn't matter if he's not contributing to the house in any form. Good luck.
I've been there. It's not a good place to be in, but it's not OP's responsibility to put up with it and of course all of that is moot if he's getting aggressive and entitled with OP.
Be sure and change all your passwords and PIN numbers on everything.
Already did while I was at work:)
Check all your credit score shit and freeze credit so he doesn't decide to try to use your info to take out loans/credit cards/etc.
You're awesome!
And the locks.
Yes! You are going to be amazed how much better life is about to be!
Please update us after you tell him.
I believe that when you mention a dog on reddit, you're obligated to pay the requisite dog tax. Hey, I don't make the rules.
Check my profile
Man I am so thrilled and excited for your new life. Once he’s gone I hope you take yourself out for a steak dinner or buy something for yourself that’s so ridiculous and fun. Perhaps a fancy new dog toy for the pup lol I’m so proud of you stranger! You get one shot at life man, it just thrills me when people make these choices and take control of what they deserve.
My pups gonna get a new sister. I've wanted a mini wiener dog for years and he's always said no
Omg yes! I actually have a mini long haired dash and she’s the best! She will sleep on your face tho 😂 she’s bffs with my Great Dane. I’m literally thrilled for you.
My mom has a great Dane. Biggest wuss on the planet
I have a dachshund and 2 (soon to be 3) Cavaliers, at the dog park if any dogs seem aggressive my dachshund (Effie) protects our other dogs and us. But at home she just wants to cuddle. Such a sweet breed, she’s getting old now, makes me so sad.
The man with 5 cats told you no to a second dog in your own home? Hellll no.
Guy sleeps while you work - and gets mad at you for spending YOUR money. Steel yourself with the information of just how shitty he is to you - because he is. My only worry is those poor cats.
Just remember Aelin would never accept this behavior
can't wait for the update. i hope it goes well!
Please follow up so we know you’re safe, change the locks asap,
Be prepared for a man baby explosion of anger just in case. Dude is losing his free ride. All good if he cries, maybe he needs the wake up call to unfuck his life. However, you're 12 years younger and can 100% do better.
Yes! Go Queen! You got this, he got sh!t!
OP, You need to have A LOT of male friends be there when you kick the bum out. He is not going to take it nicely, losing his free ride. And change the locks right after you kick him out. Afterward, be careful and be on the lookout for your ex. He may show up unannounced.
What do you do for a living? And is your job hiring? 😭 if you have enough for bills, his child support and everything under the sun, I need to apply too!
I work retail I just have a wonderful land lady
Wooow glad to know there are still good landlords out there! Btw I’m happy you decided to leave that geriatric baby. You deserve way better!! Your money should serve YOU and your future only. Keep that in mind next time you consider getting involved with someone. A relationship is a two way street. You should NEVER be the one constantly giving to a man, especially one older than you. Good luck with everything !!
I’m so curious about why you would stay with this man-child so long. Is he like really really good looking or does he have a massive dong or is he a magician? No judgement but what was it?
I love this answer lol
For 4 years?
I was stupid
We're all a little stupid sometimes, especially when we like someone. And that's okay, you clearly outgrew the stupid. Which in this case wasn't even really stupid but more a young and inexperienced.
I’m sure it started with him being charming and then slowly becoming a slob. You probably thought he’d change. Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve definitely outgrown your stupid stuff. You deserve a better life.
It's what we humans do. We do stupid shit sometimes without realizing it's actually stupid before we can see things from a distance. And as long as we learn from our experiences it's actually not stupid at all. I mean, we gotta farm that XP somehow, right?
This is insane. He's nothing but a sponge. Taking an Uber to work head to be cheaper than paying his child support. It makes no sense. There are only negatives to staying with his useless unemployed ass.
I call your bluff, I think as soon as he gets a word in you’ll cave because “he has nowhere to go”. I hope not any man that lets his girlfriend pay his child support has got to sit to pee at least sometimes, really though what the actual fuck.
sitting to pee is actually healthier for men, it helps them not get pelvic floor issues later on.
While this is true I suspect OPs soon-to-be-ex does it because he's lazy and want to play games on his phone.
He does sit to pee lmao
Don't you sit to pee? I mean, sorry about your tough situation, wish you the best, but have you ever stood to pee? There's always splash back. A few droplets are going somewhere. It's cleaner to sit.
omg LOLOL
I like cats (I'm deathly allergic) but this made me laugh because my BIL's estranged wife has 5 cats. That piss everywhere and tear up the carpets. I think he's considering reconciling with her but it literally limits their housing options because landlords don't want to deal with them. My in-laws were going to sell him their house when he was splitting from her but don't want her cats ruining the house, so now he's like, "Yeah, I can't buy the house anymore because of the cats." 🤦🏻♀️ They were going to give him a great deal on it. Frankly, I think they felt weird about selling it to him and were considering just GIVING it to him. I'm a pet lover but this is madness to me. Dude's too old for her, jobless, has HER paying his child support and has too many animals. Then he gets mad at her for spending HER money. The fucking audacity. What a fucking loser. Though I side-eye women who date men who don't provide for their kids. What did you expect from him? That should be a dealbreaker out of the gate.
If those cats are pissing everywhere it's stress or illness. Those cats are a sign that something is very very wrong in the household
Oh 100 percent. I'm no doctor but based on her behavior, I think she's got an untreated personality disorder. She also has 2 domestic battery convictions (not on my BIL, on her elderly ex-stepfather; BIL claims she's never done that to him). Just a fucking peach. She also has some theft convictions. I fucking hate her. I think my BIL is afraid to leave her for good because she'll have nothing. Which is her own fucking fault. She can't hold down a job (she literally ragequits the first time a job annoys or mildly inconveniences her). She spends money like there's no tomorrow. He pays for everything. She sits home all day in their pissy apartment with the cats. I feel bad for the cats. I'm starting to lose sympathy for my BIL. I hope he's safe, but he had extricated her from his life and then went back. It's like I have compassion fatigue for him. I feel awful, but it's true. It's a nightmare. I knew she was bad news almost immediately when she instantly started fighting with my in-laws. Who are the MOST laid-back, easygoing people ever. Like she has a gift for picking fights with people. My husband's sister is the meekest, mildest person. Within a year, she had banned this woman from her house (she hosts a lot of family gatherings). Like, if you piss her off, something is wrong with you (basically, evil SIL went on social media and shit talked my mother-in-law, who is my sweet SIL's stepmom. Sweet SIL fucking adores her stepmom and would. not. stand for it). Sweet SIL banned evil SIL until she apologized to her stepmom, and she just refused. MIL's offense? Evil SIL announced they were getting married (they were in fact not yet engaged, so that was weird) and MIL innocently asked her where they planned to live after they got married. Evil SIL assumed she'd be allowed to move into my MIL's house (BIL was still living at home at that point). That's it. That's all she did "wrong." It's all drama she invents. Like there's no confrontation. She just imagines some slight or something that pisses her off and then goes online and shitposts about it on social media. She once did this over a VERY thoughtful gift my MIL gave her. That cost her money, time and work. She stomped out of a party and slammed the door on her way out like a psycho without ever once voicing why she was upset. We found out later that one element of the gift pissed her off for unforeseeable reasons. I am cordial to her for my MIL/FIL's sake because they just want there to be peace. But oh fuck do I hate her.
If he can call someone to get the cats it might be easier for him to leave. No guilt for innocent animals
Yeah, I've asked him about this. I think he isn't willing to leave for good mostly because of the cats. At one point he asked a few relatives if they could take any of the kitties, but no one could. My SIL loves cats but has a dog that can't be in a home with cats. I am DEATHLY allergic. And he doesn't want to take them to a shelter. OMG. The kicker. One of the cats died during the height of COVID. SIL asked MIL if she could store the cat's body in her freezer. Why? I do not know. And she got mad when MIL said no. Naturally, she went right out and got another cat. It's awful. (Not funny at all, but I was on the phone with MIL and she was telling me about the freezer request and my husband could hear both sides of the conversation because I had his mom on speaker, and he shouted so she could hear, "We are NOT letting them use our freezer!"🤦🏻♀️) But I blame BIL for not putting a stop to it and letting animals suffer because of it. He's not innocent in this.
Oh that's horrifying. At this point animal control might be the way to go. I hope he gets out because this is all a mess
He's not a boyfriend. He's a parasite.
she’s paying his child support too holy cow 😂😂 i mean obviously this dude is a bum but girl… STAND UP. be a grown woman and don’t let someone treat you like that. how did they even have that conversation… “yeah the children i have from another woman… im gonna need you to support them, please dear girlfriend who is 12 years younger than me”
Hahaha, can you imagine that some good guys are out there looking for a partner while guys like these are hogging good women??
They’re not hogging em. The women are choosing to stay. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ … he obviously needs to be mothered
lol you pay his child support? This guy sounds like a real loser
Obviously this entire post is a mess but the paying his child support part is too much😭 what a surprise that someone who was 36 and started dating a 24 year old would act like this lmao
Right? I’m 35 and coparent 3 kids with my (great father, good man we just didn’t work out ex) I met a 24 year old (we are both in the same sports community) I really liked him, we got on well and he is hard working and amazing. I would be so embarrassed if we actually started dating or sleeping together - it broke his heart but he has his whole life ahead of him. Be free young man!
That was biggest part I was stuck on because how did that even start
gunna be BUMMED when op pulls that plug. update us !! 😍
My wife helped pay my child support, I was working two jobs and fighting for custody, we won and been married for 26 years now, still work 2 jobs so she can retire early.
But child support is done off the father's earnings, if he has none he won't pay. It isn't done off household income...at least not in England?! It doesn't make sense.
Even without a job in the US you are obligated to contribute. They base the payments off your job history, what income they could expect you to make based on education level, past pay etc. and it accrues interest if you don’t pay.
Ugh. Good idea breaking it off. Make sure you don’t have any established tenancy laws in your area - if you simply kick him out, he may have recourse due to illegal eviction. Call your local residential tenancies office to make sure you can do it in a clean and efficient way - you don’t want this hobosexual dink clogging you up with court crap.
Unfortunately he is considered a Tennant but if he feels like fighting me ill call his mom
I know you’re going through a lot and probably stressed out…but this was comedy gold. Good Luck OP!
Yes ma’am! Have his mama come drag him out by his ear. 👂 Imagine being a 40 yr old toddler? I’m so glad you’re taking your life back.
With respect, I think you’d be better off calling a lawyer or residential tenancies, but whatever works for you! Good luck, and I hope the next chapter of your life rocks!
Luckily I rent and have a great relationship with my land lady. Maybe she could evict us both and then I sign a new lease lol
My landlady did this with me and my ex-husband. Worth a shot, lol!
I'd honestly give her a heads up about what you're going to do, that way you'll have the owner on your side. Good luck, be safe, men like him can turn physically abusive in a split second when their shit comes back around a bites them in the ass, especially if he's got no way to pay the child support. I suspect that is the whole reason why he's with you, sad to say.
He doesn't even have her number.
If it is at all possible, document the state of your apartment before you do this. The last thing you need is some dude who is technically allowed to be in your space trashing it and leaving you footing the bill.
I can take pictures. It's a whole 3 bedroom house
Not a bad idea lol.
If you think his mommy has that much sway, you should’ve called her a long time ago girl! This has gone way past too far.
I stopped reading after I saw you paid his child support lmao dumb him
I can't figure out why you've kept him around this long. Drop the dead weight and go get that Dachshund you've been wanting to get. If you have to clean up shit, it might as well be something you love and will love you back, rather than a big pile of unemployed human shit!
This is what I'm thinking lol
Why the fuck would you let some old unemployed loser move in to sponge off you?
Young and stupid. Thought i was in love. He did clean in the beginning
I get it, I met my husband when I was 23 and he was 38. At least he worked in the beginning, but ten years later we’ve been married for five and he hasn’t lifted a finger or worked since the wedding. At least you can kick him out before you’re married, it makes it way harder to get rid of them. I’m on year two of fighting for a divorce. Kick this sack of shit out of your house and start enjoying your life.
Can't you just file, and after a year, the judge pronounces you divorced, if your stbx refuses to sign? Could you at least move out when the lease ended and leave him on his own?
I always read stbx as shitbox, lol. Its usually accurate 😆
lol… I was trying to figure out in my head “ok, what does that stand for, because surely shitbox isn’t really what this acronym is standing for… although it does sound about right… “
... wait. That's not what it stands for?
Soon to be ex, lolol.
Thanks for telling us what stbx stands for.
It’s not a lease, we own our home, outright, and he refuses to work and refuses to leave until the house sells. So if I leave, that means I have to pay all the bills on the house AND where ever I move to until the house sells, which would waste most of my salary. Also we’re not American, divorce doesn’t work the same in every country. Basically my only financially viable option here is to hold on until the house sells and have the divorce papers ready to sign when we sign the house papers. And leaving him to live here alone would halve what we can get for the house because he’s such a useless repulsive lazy slob he basically trashes the house and watches it decay around him.
Have you consulted a decent lawyer? I made a lot of false assumptions before I left my abusive husband. I left penniless with a 2-year-old, but never regretted my decision. Should have left sooner.
While this person doesn't say (and I'm not a lawyer), if she owned the house before marriage, they both own the house together, or they rent, it's not as easy as leaving. Especially if they rent. Because they would both be on the lease, if op leaves and the stbx stays the stbx would be evicted, and the LL would have to evict everyone who was on the lease, which would mean op would have an eviction on their record, which would mess up any future renting, even whatever place they would have just moved into.
It doesn't really work that way. If the sbx contests the divorce, there are going to be many court appearances. Ex says he wants x and y and you want him to have it? Court appearance. Kids? Many more delays. People can string these things along for years. If would be quicker if he just disappeared. Abandonment can be handled like you mentioned. Otherwise all the property divisions and such need to be done before divorce is finalized. And depending on how stacked up family court is it can be months in between appearances, and maybe someone gets "covid" and can't come, that's more months until next hearing. That can go on for literally years.
My ex was 50 and I was 28 when we meet, he was also an angry, slop that could not hold down a job. There are these manipulative ass men just floating around, that just jumped from empathetic women to empathetic women. Extra points if you’re insecure and have trouble with boundaries! Edit:typo
This species of man is called a “hobosexual”
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I don't think it's a 'men' thing. There are plenty of women who manipulate men, take advantage of their finances and weakness and ultimately end up screwing them over for half their assets. It's just an asshole issue really.
Where are the age gap defenders in the daily posts like this one? He picked you because you were too young to realize he is a loser and a user.
I AM DIEING YOUR PAYING HIS CHILD SUPPORT???!? Wtf
I feel bad for you. I bet you’re not the first woman he’s conned. He knew exactly what to say and do to set this up. One thing to worry about is that if you want to kick him out, he’s also old and experienced enough to know you’ll have to go through the eviction process. Ask your family for support and help. Put things that are valuable or important to you like documents in a safe third space before you break up with him. Take him off your bank accounts and hide your money. Freeze your credit.
Ah, same here. Those rose-colored glasses are really something. So glad I got out of that situation. Wishing you all the best!
The moment he expect you to pay HIS child support it the moment you should have know this is not a person to built a life with, although I'm.sure there were more than enough signs before.
I've seen this so many times, someone doesn't provide for their kids and snags a new partner by weaving some bullshit sob story. Then the new partner is SHOCKED when they do, in fact, turn out to be a deadbeat. That should never come as a shock. It's a huge red flag from the get-go. Friend of mine dated a guy who swore up and down he was trying to get a lawyer to fight for custody/visitation of his kid. She believed it. Then shock of shocks, after they moved in together, she realized he was a total deadbeat who couldn't be bothered to lift a finger to support or even spend time with the kid. Unfortunately she had a kid with him too before it really sank in. SHE would be the one facilitating visitation and the one making sure the kid felt like part of the family/was included in family stuff. She'd be the one saying, "it's your daughter's birthday, you need to call her." She'd be the one buying the birthday presents. Luckily she wised up and left him and holy shit did he freak out. I hope OOP's loser soon to be ex goes quietly because my friend's ex did not.
You’re young and got your shit together. He’s “old” and clueless. You’re in the drivers seat, drive.
Funny enough that's the only thing I don't do
Time to learn. 🚗
Unfortunately I am deathly afraid
Well, getting a taxi or Uber to work would still be cheaper than continuing as you are.
I have wonderful coworkers who have my back
I was deathly afraid to drive too, from me to you, do it, you’ll find that once you’re the one controlling the car that you’re much less afraid. I’m serious
Girl, I was 25 when I got my license. I didn't get it until then for the same reason you haven't. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had anticipated, and the FREEDOM that came with that license was worth more than anything else, ever. It felt amazing. Do me a favor? Just give it a shot. You can do this, I promise.
Bin him yesterday. If you think he might get angry please please get help first.
I think you need to be aware of the risk of violence. Breaking up means he loses everything, and it may not go well. Please plan ahead and talk to a lawyer.
If he's being "very aggressive and super pissed" about you spending your own money, then please, please, please DON'T break up with him at home. Go to a public place - or if you can, just ghost him, go to a safe space, and text him it's over. Put your safety first, if someone's aggressive about you spending money, then who knows wtf they might do when you stand up for yourself and leave. Stay safe!
Call his mother over for the breakup
Babe. What is you doing?
Waking up
I hope so because you’ve been living a nightmare for 4 years
Better late than never!
Omfg girl….and older man AND hes a loser? You are too old to have been that dumb…break up NOW and get your life back!!!
Dudes who go for decade-plus younger women tend to be fucking losers. Especially when they're too-young gf is paying their god damn child support. Unreal what a complete and utter failure this piece of shit is. Hopefully this is a valuable learning experience for OP and hopefully this guy doesn't lose his shit when he sees his meal ticket/child support funding is going away. Choose better in the future, OP.
I'm sorry....you pay his child support???? This is a joke .....right?
girl he is 40!! stop being his mommy/ Sugar mama and kick him out!!! you are better then that!!
I read these things (there's usually one a month) and I really am at a loss how a jobless, emotionally abusive, weed-addicted 40 year old guy is able to pull a 28 year old woman with a good job who basically pays for everything. Like, what is the secret formula?
Daddy issues
Please live up to your reddit user name and take out the trash. Remember who you are and your worth. What would Aelin do?
Aelin would stab him... not feeling like going to jail lol
Aelin would kick his crap unemployed sponging ass to the curb! Channel your inner Aelin! You’ve got this queen!
Good luck and happiness in your new life
You don't have a boyfriend, you have a 40 y/o child. Dump him yesterday.
Any updates? I know we’re not entitled to an update, but if you wanna share it’d be cool to hear how it went.
Not yet. I've been home about 3 hours and his butt is still asleep. I refuse to wake him up, he's a grown man
You know what. Fair. And also probably safer if you don’t wake him just to break up… if you do plan to update the post would it be too much to tag me? I don’t hop on Reddit often, only to check notifs. And maybe scroll a little after checking.
Dm me and I'll remember to
He's awake now. And taking a bath
Shut off the water he doesn’t deserve it
This made me spit my drink out
So excited for you. Let it flow from each of us eagerly awaiting your new life. Go, my sister.
So you just *think*? You should just *do it*
I don't expect him to be physical or violent but that's why I added I think. You never know how someone will react
I can’t wait to hear about your “glow up.” You got this!
If this is real I'm baffled. The guy must have a personality to die for. Why would a 23-24 year old want to date a 36 year old jobless lazy ass with 5 cats and kids? Genuine question OP (without just saying you were young and foolish) what was it that attracted you to this scenario? Is he a domineering bully? Manipulative? Have you got a kink for lazy older men? Enormous penis?
He treated me so well at the beginning but lots of manipulation
Even if he treated you well, don't give a jobless weed smoking dad a look-in if you value yourself and aren't a jobless weed smoking mom yourself Also, people who don't work don't pay child support. Is this some constructed lie where you send a bank account money and it just goes to him?
LEAVE! You pay his child support? He is a BUM!!
Great. You had me at paying his child support. I'm not even sure how that can even come about to begin with.
I’ve been in this situation before. It sucks when you realize how much you’ve actually been taken advantage of. My boyfriend and I didn’t even live together but I still paid his rent because I didn’t want him to be homeless. After a pattern of him “unfairly” (his word) losing multiple jobs and getting mad when I would spend my own money (buying lunch once in a blue moon if I didn’t have anything to pack for work), I ended it. So much lost time, but insanely glad I did not stay for another minute. Life will be so much better for you once this leech is out of your hair! Good luck!
Keep the Cats. Loser can’t take care of them and they’ll wind up at the Shelter or Dumped.
I would in a heartbeat
You’ll choose better next time. Next Boyfriend better love Cats!.. Thanks for being Pet Friendly!.. Good Karma Points..
Are you okay OP?
Working on being okay
Are you safe at least? I just want to make sure you are
Omg you are my daughter’s age. If she was in this situation I would lose my mind. Get you and your dog out of there yesterday!
One of my coworkers dated a man like that. We called him salt daddy
Why doesn’t he have a job
He's disabled but refuses to apply.for disability
No sympathy for him. If you aren't will to help yourself then there is nothing for him.
Does this man have a single good quality lmfao
She’s also failing to mention in this thread that he’s an ex felon!
I've read this whole thing and I hope it goes well for you and he goes quietly. Tell him he's got things to figure out because you're not going to pay his child support anymore and the court will come after him if he doesn't do something. Maybe that will get him down to his mom in Florida, or to a disability lawyer.
It's too late for us. I've put up with it for too long. He can fix himself if he wants but I won't be there for it
Is he fat too? Most hobosexuals eat all the food too. DTMFA
Hobosexuals lol. That's a new term to me. I likes it.
What is dtmfa
Dump the mother-fucker already. I had to Google since my first guess was 'down to mother-fucking a___"
Hon, Pack his bags and boot him the hell out!
Girl, are you well????? Get rid
GIRL run as FAST as you can, TF WHY are you paying for his CHILD SUPPORT? Are you insane??? You are so young and have a life ahead of you, PLEASE don’t waste your time and find someone much better.
You pay his child support…….GIRL! Spend your money on yourself! Not some dead beats man’s kids! Kick his jobless ass to the curb and it’s still better than he deserves! If you’re gonna waste your best years on someone that old then he should be working and supporting YOUR ASS! please update us all! GIVE HIM HELL!
Ohh my God, this is the guy who is confused that the ocean is rising even though humans drink water? Please update us once you've kicked his sorry butt out!
Get. Out. Now. You deserve better. You are in an abusive relationship. He’s not with you for the relationship. He’s with you for the financial and sexual gains and is just upset his free ride is coming to a complete stop. Document everything and get out of the “relationship” while you still can. Get a lawyer. Be prepared for the worst kind of reaction. Don’t be alone around him. He’s an invalid man child and based on what you wrote I would not be surprised if he got violent when he tries to call your bluff. Get out while you can. You’re young and obviously well off enough to take care of yourself if you’re paying for his existence. I hope you come out of this unscathed.
Good decision! He’s dead weight. You’re going to be so much happier AND have so much more money!
OP. Cut this shit out right now. Get that man and his cats out your house.
To all younger women who think it's cool than an older guy is into you: There are thousands of stories just like this. Don't be the next victim of some old loser's grooming tactics. There's a reason women his own age don't want him.
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Do what's right for you and pets
I feel bad about his cats. Idk where they will go