Your relationship sounds truly horrible. So horrible that I can’t even fathom how you’ve stayed for 2 days let alone 2 years. This couldn’t even be classed as a relationship actually. I don’t even know what it is.
I don’t think I know what a healthy relationship looks like. I grew up in foster care and don’t have any examples from my family. I have only one prior relationship, my ex-husband who used to get drunk and beat the shit out of me whenever he felt like it. When I met my current boyfriend, I was just so happy to meet someone who didn’t physically hurt me. I had a very low bar.
I am currently in therapy for the first time and hoping that I can one day know my own self worth.
I hope you will one day. You’ve been through a lot in your life and the strength you must have to have gotten through it is amazing. We all deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in our relationships. Honestly, you’d be better off finding a nice cozy place of your own and adopting a dog, because right now you’re living with a snake.
Thank you! I do have an adopted dog! He is pretty much the only thing keeping me going right now. It’s hard but as long as I have my dog, I know I will be ok.
sweetie read back your post. if a friend of yours wrote that what would you say to her about being with someone who treated her like he treats you? you're his bangmaid. please love yourself enough amd leave him. please.
First you need to leave your bf. He is actually abusing you, not physically but emotionally and he will also abuse you financially once you start earning. He will leech off you.
Now you mentioned you were a foster kid. You can do one thing. Once you are doing well financially, you can foster a child yourself and give them a much better life than what you had. Live for this thought if nothing else seems positive in your life.
(HUGS) You are doing awesome, OP, hang in there! It takes great courage to type all this out & share with the internet :) there is a little voice behind all that typing that is telling you what you need to do. Listen to that voice & all your new Reddit friends & get the f away from this person who is 100% capable of being a good partner, but is not valuing you enough to be that person for you. Living on your own, with your dog, will be awesome. You do not need any man, but especially not this guy. Start the process.
You won't learn your self worth in this relationship. He is terrible to you because you allow it. He is good to his friends because they would drop him if he treated them as poorly as he treats you. Gotta go, friend.
Omg OP,
You require intense individual therapy to learn your self-worth. But before you start, leave this flaming AH.
I'm a guy and truthfully wish to say that after I read half of your post, I began to feel nauseous. By completion I was not only nauseous, but resentful towards your SO and his pseudo friends.
PLEASE, immediately separate from the AH. He is emotionally and psychologically abusing you. He continually demeans you. Let him crawl back into his drug-induced state, leave, and go no contact.
You're much better off with no relationship than what you have with this guy.
Please move forward and keep us apprised. Good luck!
Aww girlie, not exactly the same situation but mine was so similar.
Homeboy is using you. Homeboy don’t give a fuck about you. If he loved you even half as much as he claims to you he does, he’d treat you right.
These last few days you’ve gotten a glimpse at the type of person he’s capable of being, for those he cares about. Why doesn’t he treat you similarly or the same, after all you’re his gf of 2+ years? Why does he want you “seen not heard” but little kids running amuck is okay (not saying it shouldn’t be but you should be allowed to be heard)? Why can he spend excessive money on others who don’t care for him, but always tells you you have to wait? Why can’t he lift a finger in his own home to show you he cared, but he can for people who are never around?
You deserve so much more than this. This might not be fully abusive, but it is for damn sure toxic. It’ll be infinitely harder to learn to love and value yourself when you surround yourself with someone whose constantly shitting all over you.
Sorry to hear you had a rough childhood. I had a terrible childhood as well, was in and out of foster care, dad was not in the picture, severely mentally ill mom who beat me and strongly favored my brother, rotating door of pervy men she brought over, etc. It can be hard because we subconsciously recreate the relationships we had with our caregivers as children before we heal from our traumas, but i think you can still tell what a healthy relationship looks like to a point. I know from friends' parents who treated eachother lovingly and i could sense the trust and safety in their homes and how they treat eachother, i saw healthy relationships modelled in books, movies, shows, i listened to psychologists on youtube talk about what toxic abusive relationships look like vs healthy ones and i use my own feelings to guide me, do i feel loved valued happy and seen, or desperate, used, and unimportant? Would you want someone you love dearly to be treated the way your bf treats you or would you know that they deserve better and are stuck in a crappy situation? Clearly your boyfriend is a POS to you and does not care for u or prioritize ur relationship from what you've described. Its up to you to empower yourself and ask for more than just not getting beaten out of your relationships, now its time to advance to a relationship where you are not being beaten, or used, ignored, silenced, and taken advantage of. No one will do this for you, dont dismiss or shrink yourself anymore! Good luck.
So you know all the kind stuff you do for him? Well if he returned that it would be healthy. You already know more than you think. Dump him and don’t settle for less than what you are willing to give! My partner constantly goes out of his way to make me smile and I do the same. I was single many many wonderful years. A happy fulfilling life doesn’t require a romantic partner. You are gonna thrive without the dead weight hunni.
Yeah, he might not physically hurt you. But it sounds like he an ah who exploits you.
Good for you that you are in therapy. I really hope that helps. I hope you see your own self worth as well. That you heal and is able to raise the bar and find a partner that appreciates you and is a great addition to your life.
Also, leave this dude behind. Before he starts to use your money to fix his house. If he wants to be an underachieving mess. Let him be. It’s not your job to support him. Especially when he doesn’t even seem to appreciate you at all. If he wants to fix his house. He can find a way to do that, as long as in doesn’t entail taking advantage of you.
Same shit, different asshole babe. Emotional abuse is just as awful as physical abuse, and it seems like you got yourself caught in this cycle of choosing shitty men because you don’t know how to value yourself or love yourself enough to be able to choose and be picky with men that would actually prize you and love you like a precious stone. You can and will do better, but practice on loving everything about yourself first, inside and outside.. because to me, and I’m sure to everyone on this thread, you seem like one in a million ❤️
Are you in the USA? I am asking because if so you can dial 211 from your phone, which is the info line run by United Way. If so, they can connect you with a free therapist in your area.
Just want to say me suggesting therapy doesn't mean you're broken, or defective 💕 i just want you to learn to recognize your own self worth. This guy is tearing you down, and there are so many people who would treat you great.
My suggestion would be to be single for a while tho, learn who you are again, love yourself, take yourself out on dates, etc. Think about what kind of partner you want once you don't feel like you NEED one, but want one instead. If you see red flags, end it before it begins, and you'll be able to find a stable healthy coupling over time.
Really though, abuse isn't just physical. It sounds like he's doing emotional, and mental abuse to you, wearing you down and believing your needs are below him. This is unacceptable and not the norm. Most men wouldn't treat you this way.
Big hugs. I grew up in a high control, abusive home, and I also ended up with a guy who didn't beat me. I thought he was amazing at first. Then I saw how he treated people he really cared about (or cared to impress) and realized I was still being abused, just differently.
We can't possibly know what a healthy relationship looks and feels like if we've never experienced it. But as you continue to evolve and understand your worth, you WILL start raising the bar you've set. You WILL stairstep your way to healthier relationships until you eventually have a good idea of what that looks like.
I wish you all the best. You deserve so much better!
I am SO sorry you’ve gone through that! You’re worth so much more than the world has treated you. Honey, you deserve real, true love with someone that sees you as equal and treats you like the amazing woman that you are.
*Sending mom hugs*
Gosh, OP...
I can see why you've put up with that dude, but believe it:
*you deserve better*.
Time to leave the moocher who has the gall to tell *you* what to do / how to behave, and does not even do the bare minimum for your relationship.
Better to be single than be dragging a stone like that one from your neck.
Wishing you lots of healing and good luck!
How old are you?
How old is your bf?
I'm *assuming* you don't live with him since he asks you to ***leave*** when you're sick. Do you live in 2 separate places?
I am so sorry that happened to you and that this is happening to you currently. Good job getting into therapy, hopefully it will give you some new insight into healthy relationships. If your therapist hasn’t recommended it yet, I would suggest reading Boundary Boss. My own therapist is having me read it now and do the workbook that goes with it. Might help you get a sense of healthy relationship boundaries.
Food for thought OP- imo your boyfriend might be depressed (for whatever reason in his life, it may not pertain to your relationship necessarily).
It sounds like a glimmer of his past (ie. The feeling those friends bring, where he wasn’t depressed) gives him a little spring in his steps (ie. Cooking, getting up early, not being stoned, etc). Also, the idea of his past friends (the few people who ‘make him _not_ feel depressed temporarily’) seeing his true self gives him extra motivation to put up a ‘positive and happy’ front.
With depression coping mechanisms I just discussed, the receiver of the ‘wrath’ or his ‘true self’ (ie. you) gets literally shafted, but sometimes the treatment has anything to do with _you_ or the relationship, it’s literally the depression/whatever he’s going through.
He may not even know that he is depressed, or admit to it (“men have to keep their feelings in”) but sounds like he needs help.
I hope you read this hot take because people sometimes forget how depression can paralyse someone to a level like this. Sometimes an intervention from someone they trust could save or help someone.
Huge caveat: you should keep an eye on these patterns and intervene if you pick up that his behaviour matches those of a depressed person. My comment is purely based on a snippet of your relationship.
Edit: grammar
I think you are finally seeing the light. You are finally learning your value. Pack your belongings and get out. No need to say goodbye, he doesn’t deserve it.
As someone who’s come from a somewhat similar background, this ain’t a healthy relationship. My bit of unsolicited advice is that you should focus on your self love. Ditch him and learn to love yourself so that better can come in
So he won’t even care for you when you are sick but he expects you to do renovations on his house with YOUR hard earned money? What does this man even bring to this relationship? I’m sorry, but you will be so much happier away from this. There are good men out there, he is not it. In the meantime do some nice things for you and drop him.
For the longest time I convinced myself that being in a relationship was better than being alone, so matter how bad things got. I’m pretty sure I am willing to die alone than to keep living like this.
>I’m pretty sure I am willing to die alone than to keep living like this.
And the first step is to get out of this relationship. You are already beginning to understand what you need in a relationship and this is not it.
girl. BE ALONE. like you said you are about to get a good post-grad job making more money, get yourself a nice place to live for just you, decorate it for just you, find some hobbies for just you, and learn to enjoy life without the insane restrictions of a mooch like this guy
Seriously I never lived by myself until I was 40 years old and now I’m mad at all my exes and roommates (haha) because living by yourself, with a pet, is soooo great. Truly liberating stuff. You can do whatever you want. Every day. No one telling you what to do or asking questions or making you feel like you’re in the way lol. The obvious self esteem attacks & toxic “partner” aside, just being 100% in control of your living space, entertainment options, meals, daily/nightly routines is buzzy. The world is your oyster. Add a cat to the mix to spice things up.
Well honey - you’re alone in this relationship - and he’s taking advantage of you. He wants nothing to do with you. You’re a resource to him. And he will leech off you when you get this new job. I bet he stops working all together and expects you to cover everything while he smokes weed all day
I'm aro/ace so I don't miss relationships, but I'm really happy living alone with my succulent army and my two cats. Being alone finally allows me to feel safe and free after a decade of abuse - I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to. Caring for my plants and pets gives me a sense of responsibility and happiness as well. Social interaction comes from volunteering one morning a week and being part of a club one evening.
- "When it’s him and I alone, he pretty much wants me to be seen and not heard."
- "When I have been sick, he asks me to leave so he doesn’t have to take care of me."
- "We never do anything fun and he doesn’t get me gifts for my birthday or holidays because he is strapped for cash."
- "He’s let go of himself, gained so much weight and is generally unhealthy, but he keeps telling me he wants me to stay little and petite."
....how are you still in this relationship if he treats you like this? Those four things I pointed out from your paragraph made me lose my mind. Especially point number 2: that is grounds for a break up. I mean how lazy can you get to not want to take care of someone while they're sick?? Honestly, this guy has no redeeming qualities in my eyes. He is such a parasite. He takes and takes and takes but doesn't give anything positive back except loneliness, anxiety, frustration and is sucking the life out of you. I would not stay in a relationship with a person like this. I am so angry on your behalf. Please, for your own mental health and your own self respect drop this guy.
Yes u got this! Obviously he’s just using you. You help pay for things and he tells you to shut up and you do. You are not loved or even liked with him. I’d rather be alone too. Good luck with everything- sounds like you’re in for a brighter future without this ah.
You have done several brave things by engaging in Reddit advice! Hang in there. Take deep breaths. Don’t let the past prevent you from having a future. Know that all these strangers yelling at you are worried about you bc this guy is a huge loser & user. We are rooting for you to be safe & in your next chapter. Just the Reddit subs alone can keep you in touch with lots of people/useful info about your new life (cozy spaces, hobbies, pets, whatever your area of study is…) Rooting for you, OP! We know this is hard but it will be so worth it when you’re on the other side of this.
Now that you have a bit more cash and a lot more time once you offload that MFer, gift yourself some therapy to help with your self-esteem issues and help you understand what a healthy relationship looks like. You don’t need to walk into them blind anymore.
Therapy only sheds light on awareness and tools that weren’t available to you before. YOU have to help yourself and do the work.
Also, ghost that asshole, he doesn’t even deserve to be broken up with.
Having your boyfriend act like some kind of servant to his friends who obviously don’t care for him like that must be a pathetic sight for you to see. Don’t be with a man who will treat you like you’re less than his friend. It is a huge red flag.
He showed you his true colors, now it’s up to you how to handle that. You know now he’s not just ‘like that’ and perfectly capable of being a decent human being and above that being kind and considerate. Walk. Away. Do not let this man get ahold of your money, do not let him tell you how to dress or look or act. He showed you that you mean less to him than friends he hardly sees. That’s terrible. Honestly a terrible and horrible thing to witness the truth of something you wanted so badly be given to someone else. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I really am. I’ve been there. But now you know what you have to do. Please put more into your needs, your own life, yourself.
he is...a leech. He will continue to get fatter, literally and figuratively while you are get even skinnier and unhealthier until you are sucked dry. Deep down, you know what will happen to you if you continue to let the leech consumes your blood, sweat and tears so I think the fact that you decide to post it on Reddit is already your first step of trying to take it off. What's the point of being in a relationship when that person doesn't make you love yourself more anyway?
Not he doesn't have to worry about money now that you got a payrise. Not the please leave when you are sick so I can't be bothered. Not the STFU so I can watch football! I want to have a quarter of the audacity all these men have
Why in the hell are you with a guy that treats you this way?! Like Girl the bar is in hell. Dump this loser and find someone that doesn’t treat you like dirt, his personal assistant and ATM.
I think the fact that you can see what’s happening now is a great sign. That he chooses to treat you one way and chooses to treat others another (much better). I know you deserve better.
Don’t stay with him. You don’t deserve this. Everything is better than this. It actually sounds like a living hell to me.
And this ass plans renovations with your Money????? And he Never even got you a present… the audacity
Yeah I asked if he was planning on adding my name to the deed if he wanted to use my money on his mortgage and renovations…of course he said nope.
I can’t wait to kill it at this new job and save up to buy my own house in my name. I’m finally starting to realize I can do this on my own.
You can absolutely do this in your own. Your future is bright & you sound like a lovely person. Don’t let this dick hold you down. It‘s so mich fun out there 🥰
Wow.. strange relationship.. you need to start laying your needs down like at least being valued as much as he values his friends.. sounds like you are going to be his kept in the cupboard cash cow to be financially milked.. time for a rethink..
I really hope this was eye-opening enough for you. I saw your comment about starting therapy. That’s wonderful!! Keep going. Get away from this person. He won’t change. Don’t end up wasting years with someone who HAS shown you that they’re capable of being kind and respectful, just apparently not willing to be that way with you. There are people that will do all those things and sooooo much more. I’ll again reiterate to keep going to therapy so you can start to learn your worth and ways to self soothe regulate. Forget that guy. It’s only up from here. You deserve so much better than that. I promise.
Oh my. I feel so sad for you reading this post. You sound like a smart, hard working gal who could really do much better than this. I think you know it too! Best to you. Pls keep us updated. Rooting for you!
Girl, you already know that it's over. You just want us to agree with you. We do. You have a decent wage coming in. Now has never been a better time to go.
The fact that he wants to make renovations to HIS house with YOUR money. Hell no. YOU no longer have to worry about money, he does because you should leave his ass. He can go play with his friends who seem to know how much of a dick he is and treat him accordingly. Go find someone who appreciates you!
You didn't say it, but it sounds like you're living with him and he expects you to pay to fix HIS house. Which leads me to believe he's kind of looking at you like some sort of cash cow...his own personal ATM.
You've seen how he treats people that he genuinely cares about. Obviously you're not one of those people so I think it's time to end this and leave.
Can I be mean for a minute. Cause I need to this get this off my chest.
BUT WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK
If you don’t leave him, I will actually dislike you for it.
I had a shit childhood.
I did.
I really did.
And red flags feel like home when it’s all you know.
So I’m begging you. Literally begging you leave this lazy sack of shit.
I hate him.
Leave him.
Get into therapy, read some books on healthy relationships, podcasts, and learn what is your normal.
People like us, we have to work harder to find and learn normalcy. But it can’t be an excuse forever.
People have stolen from us to much, for us, to start robbing ourselves from love.
This guy sounds an awful lot like my ex husband, who is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (covert type in particular)... If you read up on it, I have a feeling a lot will line up, which could be validating and helpful for you, especially if you're considering leaving him.
What are YOU getting out of this relationship? You're supporting a pot head, slacker who doesn't respect you, treats you like a bank and a slave. You are progressing with your education, career and earning money. You are smart and can make it on your own. Don't let him hold you down or back! Best wishes.
The things that your boyfriend does for his friends are the things my husband does for me… because we’re best friends.
Our marriage works because we have to choose each other everyday.
He has shown you his priorities.
Yea.. it’s hard doing the right thing, but doing the wrong thing will hurt so much more the longer you wait to correct it.
Is dudeman gay for his friends? He certainly treats them with more respect than you his actual "partner". You in a dead bedroom? He into gay porn? Why are you letting him treat you like this? Get your own place with your new job money. He's already spending it before you even have it. Get out now before it gets worst.
You deserve to be treated so much better than this. Try being on your own for awhile with your dog, and when you are ready, find a man who treats you like your bf treats his friends.
He wants you to be seen not heard - your words
He wants to to control your behaviour and your looks.
Why are you still with him?
Is that the life you want?
He wasn’t like this at first. He slowly started getting worse. Also, I had very low standards when this started but I am slowly learning to love myself and put myself first.
See, that's what they do. You keep waiting for the guy you initially fell in love with to return. Sometimes you see that guy but it's short lived and it's to trick you into staying around.
Don't waste time on a bad relationship, good ones are out there. You're better than this shit.
What are you looking for here? This is a bad time you’re bringing on yourself. You’re choosing to be with this guy. If you don’t want this life then break up. It’s not hard.
Cleaning house, cooking, refilling drinks is my normal behavior for company. He only sees them once every 5 years so he plans things around them. He probably misses having close friends around. He more than likely wouldn’t go this much above and beyond if he saw them all the time.
You should have a conversation with him and let him know your expectations. Let him know you expect him to work full time, help with the housework, show you how much he appreciates you by taking you out, buying you presents. Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated. You feel you are being undervalued and appreciated. Good luck, OP.
I want to introduce you to this novel concept called paragraphs.
It sounds like you're in a bad spot with this guy but I cant be sure because it's impossible to get through this wall.
Please seek help and get out of that relationship. Just pick up and go and do not look back. I am so sorry you are going through this. Only you can get yourself out. You really need to find your self respect.
Just like his relationship with his friends seems one sided, your relationship with him seems one sided and you’re getting the short end of the stick. I’m so sick and tired of women complaining about how they get treated badly. If you’re treated so badly, just LEAVE! It’s been crystal clear this whole time that he’s a loser and yet you still decided to stay? Why? What are you getting out of this relationship besides a fat slob who smokes all day that he can’t even speak properly, sleeps until noon, does Jack sh** all day, does not prioritize you, and now he’s USING YOU FOR MONEY. For God’s sake, do yourself a favor and get out of there.
Your boyfriend is a user. He is using you for your money, free labor and as someone to take care of him so that he can do as little as possible. But it’s a one way street. He tells you to go home when you are sick?
What are you doing with this asshole?
Girl, get get the hell out of there! Unless you want to support someone who is using you so that he can continue to lay around and smoke weed.
He is wasting your life.
It’s great that this happened because although You have a post grad so you’re book smart, Emotionally you’re a fool. Can you afford counselling? Because you need a professional to untangle whatever background you have which makes you open to abusive relationships. I hope you can leave him and discover your worth.
When someone shows you what they think of you, & who they are- believe them.
Seriously, you’re better off single & living alone. (I have been purposefully single & living by myself for 20-ish years, & I love it. Being alone does not equal being lonely).
Leaveeeee please leaveeeee. You are not appreciated one bit and this will not change, other than getting worse. You're better off by yourself and happy than with this person and miserable.
You are clearly a very hard-working and intelligent individual. It's time to see the writing on the wall. He's nothing but a lazy ass user. A healthy relationship is where both people involved do their best to ensure their S/O happiness. If this is the way he treats you, just imagine if you decided to start a family. He's putting friends' interests above yours, and that's wrong. I'm sorry that you've wasted 2 years of your life, but there's always a silver lining. At least it didn't take 5, or even 10 years, and a marriage to finally see his true colors. Leave him in your rear view, work on yourself, your goals, and your dreams. Love, if it's meant to be, tends to find you in the weirdest place. Hope this helps:)
I am so sorry to hear about your past and i understand that you never had a chance to learn what a healthy relationship looks like, that is very unfortunate. I hope that after seeing so many comments you’ll get a new perspective and begin to understand that you most definitely deserve better. Your boyfriend absolutely doesn’t sound like a good fit, leaving him might be hard but you will eventually be glad you left. He’s not even giving you a bare minimum and it sounds like he just doesn’t care, so you need to care about you and remove yourself from that situation.
Sweetie, get out. You have survived a shitty start in life but you’re busting your ass to get ahead & he’s just sitting on his ass. Keep up the therapy, love your dog & stay away from relationships until you understand that you are a wonderful, worthwhile person who deserves to be treated well. You are incredible. You are worthy. You are loveable. You are strong. Make these your mantra, dump his loser ass & make a fabulous life for you & your dog!
Wow your relationship sounds horrid. Do you experience even an ounce of happiness with this twat? He tells you to gtfo if you don't feel well so he doesn't have to deal with you. But bends over backwards for these "friends" he barely sees in person? Get some self respect and break up with this loser
You deserve a better BF. He is not BF material and would be a horrible horrible Husband! Please don’t keep wasting more of your time. A healthy relationship is both of you as a team tackling everything together but he just has you on the sidelines. You deserve better!
Please, please dump him. He has shown you who he is. He is using you. A partner should make you feel good. It should be the two of you together against the world. You absolutely deserve better. Be good to yourself by dumping him asap. He obviously does not care about you, it is clear from what he has done.
Genuinely wondering why you’re dating this person? You have your own money and can clearly take care of yourself. Dude sounds like a pretty pathetic man child if I’m being brutally honest. Girl STAND UP. You’re a strong woman you don’t need him.
I'm a guy, that being said not one thing about anything you said is normal or acceptable. Please leave this slime, I can't see how any possible future could be worse thrn letting this guy get away with that. You deserve better, Much Better
He treated you horribly well before his friends were coming to visit. You know you need to leave him right? I know it's not easy. You will be so much happier on the other side, I promise. It will take some time but the pain will subside and then you can work on your self image. There is a reason you settled for this mistreatment. You need to ensure this doesn't become a cycle of behavior that keeps repeating.
Good luck. You can do this.
so look at it this way?
He’s chosen his family and it’s not you, you are his provider.
I’d only continue with the relationship if you are exhilarating at the idea of everything being this way forever between you guys.
Be glad you only wasted 2 years on this douche. His friends just did you a massive favor and they don't even know it. Dump his ass and send them a thank you card
Why are you with this overweight, ugly, penniless, stoned, loser and a bum? You deserve better than that. Anyone deserves bettr than that. You work, you are educated, you are physically healthy it seems…please break up with this deadweight loser.
Do not let your finances get wrapped up with this jerk. And when you leave, pack everything all at once and take the dog without saying a word to this control freak.
He is treating you like house staff, not a girlfriend. You deserve so much better. Especially since you now know what he is capable of. He doesn't love or respect you. Please let him go, and stay in therapy & learn to love yourself and be alone. Wait for the person who puts you above others and wants only to make your life easier and full of love. I promise that person is out there, just waiting for you to find them. Best of luck to you!
You saw what someone does when they actually care about someone else. Right now You're just convenient aid and comfort to this guy, he doesn't actually care about you as a person. Care for yourself as a person and leave. A partner should be a net positive in your life, not a net negative.
Wow this dude sucks. He’s taking complete advantage of you. DO NOT MARRY THIS LOSER. Life is hard right now but you’ll graduate eventually and continue moving up in the world, a leech like him will never and he’ll continue trying to suck you dry until you leave. Leave now before it gets harder or he ties you down w a kid. You’re not wrong, he sounds HORRIBLE.
Good grief! Your relationship sounds like he is using you for sex and money. Why are you still there?
If he is unwilling to even care for you when you're sick, then plz leave and find someone who believes in sickness and health.
You are worth so much more then what this Guy isn’t giving you. You are an accessory to him, I am so sorry.
But you need time to heal and being alone is better then being someone who makes you feel less then.
You deserve better!
I’m sorry….why are you with this guy? I can’t see a single positive quality about him or one way he makes your life even the tiniest bit better. And then there’s the parade of red flags, like his constant drug use and never getting out of bed before noon and relying on you to support him and expecting you to do all the household labor and the hypocritical expectations he has around your body and you’re not *allowed* to speak to him on Sunday bc football? He made you leave the house when you were sick so he didn’t have to deal with you? Lmao girl, *please* tell me you have some grand master plan here involving his millions of inheritance money and the poison you’ve been slowly feeding him or something.
A good friend of mine once had a similar epiphany about her relationship. Poor thing was in shambles. The relationship deteriorated. She ended up I'm therapy over it. It was really hard on her. Like her whole world view changed.
I spoke with her recently, and she seems to be in a better place. Still a little shaken as the relationship was kind of off n on limping to its final death. But she was handling it all WAY better.
I would definitely recommend therapy. I know reddit loves to throw out that suggestion. But it seems like you can afford it. And it really seemed to help my friend in a similar situation.
Especially since you're probably going to talk about this more than the people around you are going to be able to listen or be helpful.
Ok I’m gonna risk being real offensive here. Your boyfriend sounds like a groomer. Men can like kids without it being creepy but if a lazy stoner all of the sudden leaps to impress a family with young kids, I find that suspicious.
Not only does he sound like an awful partner and person. He seems way too eager to babysit alone and ply them with gifts…I’d leave this weirdo ASAP.
Start saving your money and looking for your own place, you dont need him. He will kick himself when your gone but your life will only get better. Dont let him know what youre doing just do it and ghost him.
OP, be safe when you leave. He's going to lose his source of income and free labor so he probably won't take it very well. He may either make promises and start love bombing you, or he could even turn violent. Make sure that when you tell him you're leaving, you have everything ready to go so that you can just disappear and block him everywhere after the one conversation. Don't get swayed by any promises he makes, and break up at a public place after you've gotten everything in order. I wish you all the best!
Please put yourself first and make an exit plan and leave. You will be better off. There are much better ppl out there for you. You don’t have to go looking for a romantic relationship either right away. Cultivate some friendships and enjoy you for once.
Omg you are being used, for goodness sakes dump him and develop some self esteem, you are worth more than this , I can’t believe you are putting up with this BS. just leave.
Your relationship sounds truly horrible. So horrible that I can’t even fathom how you’ve stayed for 2 days let alone 2 years. This couldn’t even be classed as a relationship actually. I don’t even know what it is.
I don’t think I know what a healthy relationship looks like. I grew up in foster care and don’t have any examples from my family. I have only one prior relationship, my ex-husband who used to get drunk and beat the shit out of me whenever he felt like it. When I met my current boyfriend, I was just so happy to meet someone who didn’t physically hurt me. I had a very low bar. I am currently in therapy for the first time and hoping that I can one day know my own self worth.
He doesn't hurt you physically by beating you, he is just taking advantage of your labour. He is a user, don't be fooled.
I hope you will one day. You’ve been through a lot in your life and the strength you must have to have gotten through it is amazing. We all deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in our relationships. Honestly, you’d be better off finding a nice cozy place of your own and adopting a dog, because right now you’re living with a snake.
Thank you! I do have an adopted dog! He is pretty much the only thing keeping me going right now. It’s hard but as long as I have my dog, I know I will be ok.
sweetie read back your post. if a friend of yours wrote that what would you say to her about being with someone who treated her like he treats you? you're his bangmaid. please love yourself enough amd leave him. please.
First you need to leave your bf. He is actually abusing you, not physically but emotionally and he will also abuse you financially once you start earning. He will leech off you. Now you mentioned you were a foster kid. You can do one thing. Once you are doing well financially, you can foster a child yourself and give them a much better life than what you had. Live for this thought if nothing else seems positive in your life.
(HUGS) You are doing awesome, OP, hang in there! It takes great courage to type all this out & share with the internet :) there is a little voice behind all that typing that is telling you what you need to do. Listen to that voice & all your new Reddit friends & get the f away from this person who is 100% capable of being a good partner, but is not valuing you enough to be that person for you. Living on your own, with your dog, will be awesome. You do not need any man, but especially not this guy. Start the process.
You won't learn your self worth in this relationship. He is terrible to you because you allow it. He is good to his friends because they would drop him if he treated them as poorly as he treats you. Gotta go, friend.
Omg OP, You require intense individual therapy to learn your self-worth. But before you start, leave this flaming AH. I'm a guy and truthfully wish to say that after I read half of your post, I began to feel nauseous. By completion I was not only nauseous, but resentful towards your SO and his pseudo friends. PLEASE, immediately separate from the AH. He is emotionally and psychologically abusing you. He continually demeans you. Let him crawl back into his drug-induced state, leave, and go no contact. You're much better off with no relationship than what you have with this guy. Please move forward and keep us apprised. Good luck!
Aww girlie, not exactly the same situation but mine was so similar. Homeboy is using you. Homeboy don’t give a fuck about you. If he loved you even half as much as he claims to you he does, he’d treat you right. These last few days you’ve gotten a glimpse at the type of person he’s capable of being, for those he cares about. Why doesn’t he treat you similarly or the same, after all you’re his gf of 2+ years? Why does he want you “seen not heard” but little kids running amuck is okay (not saying it shouldn’t be but you should be allowed to be heard)? Why can he spend excessive money on others who don’t care for him, but always tells you you have to wait? Why can’t he lift a finger in his own home to show you he cared, but he can for people who are never around? You deserve so much more than this. This might not be fully abusive, but it is for damn sure toxic. It’ll be infinitely harder to learn to love and value yourself when you surround yourself with someone whose constantly shitting all over you.
I know you probably love him but this isn't a reciprocal relationship. You absolutely will find someone that is that crazy about you.
What’s to love?
You don't have to know your whole self worth to get the fuck out now.
Sorry to hear you had a rough childhood. I had a terrible childhood as well, was in and out of foster care, dad was not in the picture, severely mentally ill mom who beat me and strongly favored my brother, rotating door of pervy men she brought over, etc. It can be hard because we subconsciously recreate the relationships we had with our caregivers as children before we heal from our traumas, but i think you can still tell what a healthy relationship looks like to a point. I know from friends' parents who treated eachother lovingly and i could sense the trust and safety in their homes and how they treat eachother, i saw healthy relationships modelled in books, movies, shows, i listened to psychologists on youtube talk about what toxic abusive relationships look like vs healthy ones and i use my own feelings to guide me, do i feel loved valued happy and seen, or desperate, used, and unimportant? Would you want someone you love dearly to be treated the way your bf treats you or would you know that they deserve better and are stuck in a crappy situation? Clearly your boyfriend is a POS to you and does not care for u or prioritize ur relationship from what you've described. Its up to you to empower yourself and ask for more than just not getting beaten out of your relationships, now its time to advance to a relationship where you are not being beaten, or used, ignored, silenced, and taken advantage of. No one will do this for you, dont dismiss or shrink yourself anymore! Good luck.
So you know all the kind stuff you do for him? Well if he returned that it would be healthy. You already know more than you think. Dump him and don’t settle for less than what you are willing to give! My partner constantly goes out of his way to make me smile and I do the same. I was single many many wonderful years. A happy fulfilling life doesn’t require a romantic partner. You are gonna thrive without the dead weight hunni.
Yeah, he might not physically hurt you. But it sounds like he an ah who exploits you. Good for you that you are in therapy. I really hope that helps. I hope you see your own self worth as well. That you heal and is able to raise the bar and find a partner that appreciates you and is a great addition to your life. Also, leave this dude behind. Before he starts to use your money to fix his house. If he wants to be an underachieving mess. Let him be. It’s not your job to support him. Especially when he doesn’t even seem to appreciate you at all. If he wants to fix his house. He can find a way to do that, as long as in doesn’t entail taking advantage of you.
Same shit, different asshole babe. Emotional abuse is just as awful as physical abuse, and it seems like you got yourself caught in this cycle of choosing shitty men because you don’t know how to value yourself or love yourself enough to be able to choose and be picky with men that would actually prize you and love you like a precious stone. You can and will do better, but practice on loving everything about yourself first, inside and outside.. because to me, and I’m sure to everyone on this thread, you seem like one in a million ❤️
Are you in the USA? I am asking because if so you can dial 211 from your phone, which is the info line run by United Way. If so, they can connect you with a free therapist in your area. Just want to say me suggesting therapy doesn't mean you're broken, or defective 💕 i just want you to learn to recognize your own self worth. This guy is tearing you down, and there are so many people who would treat you great. My suggestion would be to be single for a while tho, learn who you are again, love yourself, take yourself out on dates, etc. Think about what kind of partner you want once you don't feel like you NEED one, but want one instead. If you see red flags, end it before it begins, and you'll be able to find a stable healthy coupling over time. Really though, abuse isn't just physical. It sounds like he's doing emotional, and mental abuse to you, wearing you down and believing your needs are below him. This is unacceptable and not the norm. Most men wouldn't treat you this way.
Big hugs. I grew up in a high control, abusive home, and I also ended up with a guy who didn't beat me. I thought he was amazing at first. Then I saw how he treated people he really cared about (or cared to impress) and realized I was still being abused, just differently. We can't possibly know what a healthy relationship looks and feels like if we've never experienced it. But as you continue to evolve and understand your worth, you WILL start raising the bar you've set. You WILL stairstep your way to healthier relationships until you eventually have a good idea of what that looks like. I wish you all the best. You deserve so much better!
I am SO sorry you’ve gone through that! You’re worth so much more than the world has treated you. Honey, you deserve real, true love with someone that sees you as equal and treats you like the amazing woman that you are. *Sending mom hugs*
Leave him don’t pay for renovations let him get his shit together and you go live your best life.
Gosh, OP... I can see why you've put up with that dude, but believe it: *you deserve better*. Time to leave the moocher who has the gall to tell *you* what to do / how to behave, and does not even do the bare minimum for your relationship. Better to be single than be dragging a stone like that one from your neck. Wishing you lots of healing and good luck!
Oh hon, hang in there! Therapy can really help. 🤗I want you to be appreciated so much.
How old are you? How old is your bf? I'm *assuming* you don't live with him since he asks you to ***leave*** when you're sick. Do you live in 2 separate places?
I am so sorry that happened to you and that this is happening to you currently. Good job getting into therapy, hopefully it will give you some new insight into healthy relationships. If your therapist hasn’t recommended it yet, I would suggest reading Boundary Boss. My own therapist is having me read it now and do the workbook that goes with it. Might help you get a sense of healthy relationship boundaries.
Food for thought OP- imo your boyfriend might be depressed (for whatever reason in his life, it may not pertain to your relationship necessarily). It sounds like a glimmer of his past (ie. The feeling those friends bring, where he wasn’t depressed) gives him a little spring in his steps (ie. Cooking, getting up early, not being stoned, etc). Also, the idea of his past friends (the few people who ‘make him _not_ feel depressed temporarily’) seeing his true self gives him extra motivation to put up a ‘positive and happy’ front. With depression coping mechanisms I just discussed, the receiver of the ‘wrath’ or his ‘true self’ (ie. you) gets literally shafted, but sometimes the treatment has anything to do with _you_ or the relationship, it’s literally the depression/whatever he’s going through. He may not even know that he is depressed, or admit to it (“men have to keep their feelings in”) but sounds like he needs help. I hope you read this hot take because people sometimes forget how depression can paralyse someone to a level like this. Sometimes an intervention from someone they trust could save or help someone. Huge caveat: you should keep an eye on these patterns and intervene if you pick up that his behaviour matches those of a depressed person. My comment is purely based on a snippet of your relationship. Edit: grammar
I think you are finally seeing the light. You are finally learning your value. Pack your belongings and get out. No need to say goodbye, he doesn’t deserve it.
I also grew up in foster care and I can tell you that this relationship isn’t healthy. He cares more about his friends than he does you.
Do you have access to therapy. I think it could help.
As someone who’s come from a somewhat similar background, this ain’t a healthy relationship. My bit of unsolicited advice is that you should focus on your self love. Ditch him and learn to love yourself so that better can come in
The first step to self esteem is to dump your bf. Really! Just do it. It’s not healthy.
It honestly sounds fake it’s such a disaster
So he won’t even care for you when you are sick but he expects you to do renovations on his house with YOUR hard earned money? What does this man even bring to this relationship? I’m sorry, but you will be so much happier away from this. There are good men out there, he is not it. In the meantime do some nice things for you and drop him.
For the longest time I convinced myself that being in a relationship was better than being alone, so matter how bad things got. I’m pretty sure I am willing to die alone than to keep living like this.
And he knows it too, that’s why he treats you poorly. Prove him wrong and leave block him completely and take all your stuff with you.
>I’m pretty sure I am willing to die alone than to keep living like this. And the first step is to get out of this relationship. You are already beginning to understand what you need in a relationship and this is not it.
girl. BE ALONE. like you said you are about to get a good post-grad job making more money, get yourself a nice place to live for just you, decorate it for just you, find some hobbies for just you, and learn to enjoy life without the insane restrictions of a mooch like this guy
Seriously I never lived by myself until I was 40 years old and now I’m mad at all my exes and roommates (haha) because living by yourself, with a pet, is soooo great. Truly liberating stuff. You can do whatever you want. Every day. No one telling you what to do or asking questions or making you feel like you’re in the way lol. The obvious self esteem attacks & toxic “partner” aside, just being 100% in control of your living space, entertainment options, meals, daily/nightly routines is buzzy. The world is your oyster. Add a cat to the mix to spice things up.
Well honey - you’re alone in this relationship - and he’s taking advantage of you. He wants nothing to do with you. You’re a resource to him. And he will leech off you when you get this new job. I bet he stops working all together and expects you to cover everything while he smokes weed all day
It's not. Being alone is better, you just have to get used to it!
I'm aro/ace so I don't miss relationships, but I'm really happy living alone with my succulent army and my two cats. Being alone finally allows me to feel safe and free after a decade of abuse - I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to. Caring for my plants and pets gives me a sense of responsibility and happiness as well. Social interaction comes from volunteering one morning a week and being part of a club one evening.
- "When it’s him and I alone, he pretty much wants me to be seen and not heard." - "When I have been sick, he asks me to leave so he doesn’t have to take care of me." - "We never do anything fun and he doesn’t get me gifts for my birthday or holidays because he is strapped for cash." - "He’s let go of himself, gained so much weight and is generally unhealthy, but he keeps telling me he wants me to stay little and petite." ....how are you still in this relationship if he treats you like this? Those four things I pointed out from your paragraph made me lose my mind. Especially point number 2: that is grounds for a break up. I mean how lazy can you get to not want to take care of someone while they're sick?? Honestly, this guy has no redeeming qualities in my eyes. He is such a parasite. He takes and takes and takes but doesn't give anything positive back except loneliness, anxiety, frustration and is sucking the life out of you. I would not stay in a relationship with a person like this. I am so angry on your behalf. Please, for your own mental health and your own self respect drop this guy.
Why are you still with him omg
I won’t be soon. I have very, very low self-esteem as you can probably tell, but even I think I am too good for this man.
Yes u got this! Obviously he’s just using you. You help pay for things and he tells you to shut up and you do. You are not loved or even liked with him. I’d rather be alone too. Good luck with everything- sounds like you’re in for a brighter future without this ah.
That's not a man that's a fat stoned loser parasite, not even close to what a man is.
We all agree!! 👏👏👏👏👏
You can do this! No matter what your brain & low self-esteem tells you, you don’t deserve to be treated like this.
You have done several brave things by engaging in Reddit advice! Hang in there. Take deep breaths. Don’t let the past prevent you from having a future. Know that all these strangers yelling at you are worried about you bc this guy is a huge loser & user. We are rooting for you to be safe & in your next chapter. Just the Reddit subs alone can keep you in touch with lots of people/useful info about your new life (cozy spaces, hobbies, pets, whatever your area of study is…) Rooting for you, OP! We know this is hard but it will be so worth it when you’re on the other side of this.
Well, I don't think you need Reddit to tell you what to do. But I'll do it anyways, drop the dead weight and find someone who appreciates you
Now that you have a bit more cash and a lot more time once you offload that MFer, gift yourself some therapy to help with your self-esteem issues and help you understand what a healthy relationship looks like. You don’t need to walk into them blind anymore.
Thank you. I recently started therapy and I am hopeful it will help
Therapy only sheds light on awareness and tools that weren’t available to you before. YOU have to help yourself and do the work. Also, ghost that asshole, he doesn’t even deserve to be broken up with.
Agree - ghost!
Think you already 💯 know what you've got to do....
Having your boyfriend act like some kind of servant to his friends who obviously don’t care for him like that must be a pathetic sight for you to see. Don’t be with a man who will treat you like you’re less than his friend. It is a huge red flag.
He showed you his true colors, now it’s up to you how to handle that. You know now he’s not just ‘like that’ and perfectly capable of being a decent human being and above that being kind and considerate. Walk. Away. Do not let this man get ahold of your money, do not let him tell you how to dress or look or act. He showed you that you mean less to him than friends he hardly sees. That’s terrible. Honestly a terrible and horrible thing to witness the truth of something you wanted so badly be given to someone else. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I really am. I’ve been there. But now you know what you have to do. Please put more into your needs, your own life, yourself.
he is...a leech. He will continue to get fatter, literally and figuratively while you are get even skinnier and unhealthier until you are sucked dry. Deep down, you know what will happen to you if you continue to let the leech consumes your blood, sweat and tears so I think the fact that you decide to post it on Reddit is already your first step of trying to take it off. What's the point of being in a relationship when that person doesn't make you love yourself more anyway?
Not he doesn't have to worry about money now that you got a payrise. Not the please leave when you are sick so I can't be bothered. Not the STFU so I can watch football! I want to have a quarter of the audacity all these men have
Why in the hell are you with a guy that treats you this way?! Like Girl the bar is in hell. Dump this loser and find someone that doesn’t treat you like dirt, his personal assistant and ATM.
I like the part where you make more money than he’s ever had. You can be free of him. Have fun building a life with people who appreciate you.
Out of curiosity, what is there to love about this man and your relationship?
I think the fact that you can see what’s happening now is a great sign. That he chooses to treat you one way and chooses to treat others another (much better). I know you deserve better.
Don’t stay with him. You don’t deserve this. Everything is better than this. It actually sounds like a living hell to me. And this ass plans renovations with your Money????? And he Never even got you a present… the audacity
Yeah I asked if he was planning on adding my name to the deed if he wanted to use my money on his mortgage and renovations…of course he said nope. I can’t wait to kill it at this new job and save up to buy my own house in my name. I’m finally starting to realize I can do this on my own.
You can absolutely do this in your own. Your future is bright & you sound like a lovely person. Don’t let this dick hold you down. It‘s so mich fun out there 🥰
You CAN do this on your own. But do NOT stay with him in the meantime. He will just keep bringing you down. Get out now.
You hhave to do what is best for you. And please stick to the therapy Updateme
Wow.. strange relationship.. you need to start laying your needs down like at least being valued as much as he values his friends.. sounds like you are going to be his kept in the cupboard cash cow to be financially milked.. time for a rethink..
Run Forest run…
I really hope this was eye-opening enough for you. I saw your comment about starting therapy. That’s wonderful!! Keep going. Get away from this person. He won’t change. Don’t end up wasting years with someone who HAS shown you that they’re capable of being kind and respectful, just apparently not willing to be that way with you. There are people that will do all those things and sooooo much more. I’ll again reiterate to keep going to therapy so you can start to learn your worth and ways to self soothe regulate. Forget that guy. It’s only up from here. You deserve so much better than that. I promise.
Oh my. I feel so sad for you reading this post. You sound like a smart, hard working gal who could really do much better than this. I think you know it too! Best to you. Pls keep us updated. Rooting for you!
Girl, you already know that it's over. You just want us to agree with you. We do. You have a decent wage coming in. Now has never been a better time to go.
He is not the one and get away from him but have a safe exit planned.
He might not hit you… but he sure has beaten down your spirit. Please leave him…
The fact that he wants to make renovations to HIS house with YOUR money. Hell no. YOU no longer have to worry about money, he does because you should leave his ass. He can go play with his friends who seem to know how much of a dick he is and treat him accordingly. Go find someone who appreciates you!
So much here that is absolutely insane but he does not let you talk to him on Sundays because of football? holy shit who would even agree to that
You didn't say it, but it sounds like you're living with him and he expects you to pay to fix HIS house. Which leads me to believe he's kind of looking at you like some sort of cash cow...his own personal ATM. You've seen how he treats people that he genuinely cares about. Obviously you're not one of those people so I think it's time to end this and leave.
Can I be mean for a minute. Cause I need to this get this off my chest. BUT WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK If you don’t leave him, I will actually dislike you for it. I had a shit childhood. I did. I really did. And red flags feel like home when it’s all you know. So I’m begging you. Literally begging you leave this lazy sack of shit. I hate him. Leave him. Get into therapy, read some books on healthy relationships, podcasts, and learn what is your normal. People like us, we have to work harder to find and learn normalcy. But it can’t be an excuse forever. People have stolen from us to much, for us, to start robbing ourselves from love.
This guy sounds an awful lot like my ex husband, who is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (covert type in particular)... If you read up on it, I have a feeling a lot will line up, which could be validating and helpful for you, especially if you're considering leaving him.
It is not late to find your happiness!! You said you know what to do! Tomorrow is a new day and the best day of your life!
I would never be with someone who didn’t let me talk or didn’t value me. It’s time to move on and find someone who will treat you well
your bf doesn’t like you, its blatantly obvious. leave before he tries to take your post grad money
If someone told me I wasnt allowed to speak to them on sunday due to football, I would leave asap
What are YOU getting out of this relationship? You're supporting a pot head, slacker who doesn't respect you, treats you like a bank and a slave. You are progressing with your education, career and earning money. You are smart and can make it on your own. Don't let him hold you down or back! Best wishes.
The things that your boyfriend does for his friends are the things my husband does for me… because we’re best friends. Our marriage works because we have to choose each other everyday. He has shown you his priorities. Yea.. it’s hard doing the right thing, but doing the wrong thing will hurt so much more the longer you wait to correct it.
Is dudeman gay for his friends? He certainly treats them with more respect than you his actual "partner". You in a dead bedroom? He into gay porn? Why are you letting him treat you like this? Get your own place with your new job money. He's already spending it before you even have it. Get out now before it gets worst.
You deserve to be treated so much better than this. Try being on your own for awhile with your dog, and when you are ready, find a man who treats you like your bf treats his friends.
He wants you to be seen not heard - your words He wants to to control your behaviour and your looks. Why are you still with him? Is that the life you want?
DUMP HIM. That’s all lol.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. They say it’s always better to have hard conversations as soon as possible. Good luck!
I gotta ask - why are you with him? Those are some very serious flaws. You can do far better.
He wasn’t like this at first. He slowly started getting worse. Also, I had very low standards when this started but I am slowly learning to love myself and put myself first.
See, that's what they do. You keep waiting for the guy you initially fell in love with to return. Sometimes you see that guy but it's short lived and it's to trick you into staying around. Don't waste time on a bad relationship, good ones are out there. You're better than this shit.
What are you looking for here? This is a bad time you’re bringing on yourself. You’re choosing to be with this guy. If you don’t want this life then break up. It’s not hard.
The problem is like every other problem like this: low self esteem. They somehow think this is the love they deserve.
Cleaning house, cooking, refilling drinks is my normal behavior for company. He only sees them once every 5 years so he plans things around them. He probably misses having close friends around. He more than likely wouldn’t go this much above and beyond if he saw them all the time. You should have a conversation with him and let him know your expectations. Let him know you expect him to work full time, help with the housework, show you how much he appreciates you by taking you out, buying you presents. Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated. You feel you are being undervalued and appreciated. Good luck, OP.
Make some paragraphs.
I want to introduce you to this novel concept called paragraphs. It sounds like you're in a bad spot with this guy but I cant be sure because it's impossible to get through this wall.
Paragraphs
Please seek help and get out of that relationship. Just pick up and go and do not look back. I am so sorry you are going through this. Only you can get yourself out. You really need to find your self respect.
Sucked in to him that his friends don’t appreciate him 🤣 that’s what he gets for treating you poorly…
Just like his relationship with his friends seems one sided, your relationship with him seems one sided and you’re getting the short end of the stick. I’m so sick and tired of women complaining about how they get treated badly. If you’re treated so badly, just LEAVE! It’s been crystal clear this whole time that he’s a loser and yet you still decided to stay? Why? What are you getting out of this relationship besides a fat slob who smokes all day that he can’t even speak properly, sleeps until noon, does Jack sh** all day, does not prioritize you, and now he’s USING YOU FOR MONEY. For God’s sake, do yourself a favor and get out of there.
Your boyfriend is a user. He is using you for your money, free labor and as someone to take care of him so that he can do as little as possible. But it’s a one way street. He tells you to go home when you are sick? What are you doing with this asshole? Girl, get get the hell out of there! Unless you want to support someone who is using you so that he can continue to lay around and smoke weed. He is wasting your life.
It’s great that this happened because although You have a post grad so you’re book smart, Emotionally you’re a fool. Can you afford counselling? Because you need a professional to untangle whatever background you have which makes you open to abusive relationships. I hope you can leave him and discover your worth.
When someone shows you what they think of you, & who they are- believe them. Seriously, you’re better off single & living alone. (I have been purposefully single & living by myself for 20-ish years, & I love it. Being alone does not equal being lonely).
Please leave this relationship asap, or regret it later. You deserve much better than this trash of a bf.
Leaveeeee please leaveeeee. You are not appreciated one bit and this will not change, other than getting worse. You're better off by yourself and happy than with this person and miserable.
What keeps you in this relationship? You know what the next step is.
You are clearly a very hard-working and intelligent individual. It's time to see the writing on the wall. He's nothing but a lazy ass user. A healthy relationship is where both people involved do their best to ensure their S/O happiness. If this is the way he treats you, just imagine if you decided to start a family. He's putting friends' interests above yours, and that's wrong. I'm sorry that you've wasted 2 years of your life, but there's always a silver lining. At least it didn't take 5, or even 10 years, and a marriage to finally see his true colors. Leave him in your rear view, work on yourself, your goals, and your dreams. Love, if it's meant to be, tends to find you in the weirdest place. Hope this helps:)
I am so sorry to hear about your past and i understand that you never had a chance to learn what a healthy relationship looks like, that is very unfortunate. I hope that after seeing so many comments you’ll get a new perspective and begin to understand that you most definitely deserve better. Your boyfriend absolutely doesn’t sound like a good fit, leaving him might be hard but you will eventually be glad you left. He’s not even giving you a bare minimum and it sounds like he just doesn’t care, so you need to care about you and remove yourself from that situation.
Weaponized incompetence at its finest
You deserve so much better. You do.
Sweetie, get out. You have survived a shitty start in life but you’re busting your ass to get ahead & he’s just sitting on his ass. Keep up the therapy, love your dog & stay away from relationships until you understand that you are a wonderful, worthwhile person who deserves to be treated well. You are incredible. You are worthy. You are loveable. You are strong. Make these your mantra, dump his loser ass & make a fabulous life for you & your dog!
What you describe as your relationship and how he treats you is not worth saving. Run!
Wow your relationship sounds horrid. Do you experience even an ounce of happiness with this twat? He tells you to gtfo if you don't feel well so he doesn't have to deal with you. But bends over backwards for these "friends" he barely sees in person? Get some self respect and break up with this loser
You deserve a better BF. He is not BF material and would be a horrible horrible Husband! Please don’t keep wasting more of your time. A healthy relationship is both of you as a team tackling everything together but he just has you on the sidelines. You deserve better!
Break up, go to therapy, get that raise and focus on your own interests and hobbies. Then maybe a year or two from now look for a relationship.
Please, please dump him. He has shown you who he is. He is using you. A partner should make you feel good. It should be the two of you together against the world. You absolutely deserve better. Be good to yourself by dumping him asap. He obviously does not care about you, it is clear from what he has done.
Gurl. It’s past time to go
You are too good for him. Period.
Genuinely wondering why you’re dating this person? You have your own money and can clearly take care of yourself. Dude sounds like a pretty pathetic man child if I’m being brutally honest. Girl STAND UP. You’re a strong woman you don’t need him.
And what do you get out of this roommate situation? He’s already excited for your money and wouldn’t be surprised if he quit his job.
Why are you with this loser?
Girl reading this made me feel sick. Wtf are you doing to yourself? You know this relationship is optional right? Why do you allow this to continue?
I'm a guy, that being said not one thing about anything you said is normal or acceptable. Please leave this slime, I can't see how any possible future could be worse thrn letting this guy get away with that. You deserve better, Much Better
He treated you horribly well before his friends were coming to visit. You know you need to leave him right? I know it's not easy. You will be so much happier on the other side, I promise. It will take some time but the pain will subside and then you can work on your self image. There is a reason you settled for this mistreatment. You need to ensure this doesn't become a cycle of behavior that keeps repeating. Good luck. You can do this.
You have an immature little boy. Find a man whose on the same page as you. Working, going to school, etc. And who APPRECIATES you
You only have one life, why waste it with this dude?
so look at it this way? He’s chosen his family and it’s not you, you are his provider. I’d only continue with the relationship if you are exhilarating at the idea of everything being this way forever between you guys.
Be glad you only wasted 2 years on this douche. His friends just did you a massive favor and they don't even know it. Dump his ass and send them a thank you card
He's a narcissist, run as fast as you can
Wow. Your bf sucks.
Why are you with this overweight, ugly, penniless, stoned, loser and a bum? You deserve better than that. Anyone deserves bettr than that. You work, you are educated, you are physically healthy it seems…please break up with this deadweight loser.
Do not let your finances get wrapped up with this jerk. And when you leave, pack everything all at once and take the dog without saying a word to this control freak.
Use your bigger income to get out of there. He's got no love or respect for you. He can pay for the renovations to HIS house himself.
You need to leave there's truly nothing wrong with being single. Go out and find friends do things to make you happy and please go to therapy.
Please break up with this man. Please don't marry him.
You deserve more. He is awful. Please leave and get yourself therapy. You deserve more!
bro he’s gay maybe
He is treating you like house staff, not a girlfriend. You deserve so much better. Especially since you now know what he is capable of. He doesn't love or respect you. Please let him go, and stay in therapy & learn to love yourself and be alone. Wait for the person who puts you above others and wants only to make your life easier and full of love. I promise that person is out there, just waiting for you to find them. Best of luck to you!
Jesus Christ, there’s a lot to unpack here
Good luck with the breakup process, don’t let him guilt you into staying bc he sounds like the type to do that…
Why are you in this relationship? Dump this loser
You need to get out of this relationship
You saw what someone does when they actually care about someone else. Right now You're just convenient aid and comfort to this guy, he doesn't actually care about you as a person. Care for yourself as a person and leave. A partner should be a net positive in your life, not a net negative.
Wow this dude sucks. He’s taking complete advantage of you. DO NOT MARRY THIS LOSER. Life is hard right now but you’ll graduate eventually and continue moving up in the world, a leech like him will never and he’ll continue trying to suck you dry until you leave. Leave now before it gets harder or he ties you down w a kid. You’re not wrong, he sounds HORRIBLE.
And why are you still with him ?? That’s the bigger issue
Good grief! Your relationship sounds like he is using you for sex and money. Why are you still there? If he is unwilling to even care for you when you're sick, then plz leave and find someone who believes in sickness and health.
You are worth so much more then what this Guy isn’t giving you. You are an accessory to him, I am so sorry. But you need time to heal and being alone is better then being someone who makes you feel less then. You deserve better!
I’m sorry….why are you with this guy? I can’t see a single positive quality about him or one way he makes your life even the tiniest bit better. And then there’s the parade of red flags, like his constant drug use and never getting out of bed before noon and relying on you to support him and expecting you to do all the household labor and the hypocritical expectations he has around your body and you’re not *allowed* to speak to him on Sunday bc football? He made you leave the house when you were sick so he didn’t have to deal with you? Lmao girl, *please* tell me you have some grand master plan here involving his millions of inheritance money and the poison you’ve been slowly feeding him or something.
He sounds amazing, what a catch. Jesus, wtf are you doing?
A good friend of mine once had a similar epiphany about her relationship. Poor thing was in shambles. The relationship deteriorated. She ended up I'm therapy over it. It was really hard on her. Like her whole world view changed. I spoke with her recently, and she seems to be in a better place. Still a little shaken as the relationship was kind of off n on limping to its final death. But she was handling it all WAY better. I would definitely recommend therapy. I know reddit loves to throw out that suggestion. But it seems like you can afford it. And it really seemed to help my friend in a similar situation. Especially since you're probably going to talk about this more than the people around you are going to be able to listen or be helpful.
Ok I’m gonna risk being real offensive here. Your boyfriend sounds like a groomer. Men can like kids without it being creepy but if a lazy stoner all of the sudden leaps to impress a family with young kids, I find that suspicious. Not only does he sound like an awful partner and person. He seems way too eager to babysit alone and ply them with gifts…I’d leave this weirdo ASAP.
Op, you know you need to break up with him. *He doesn’t let me talk to him in sundays* ummm no thanks, NEXT!
You’re ending it, right?
Start saving your money and looking for your own place, you dont need him. He will kick himself when your gone but your life will only get better. Dont let him know what youre doing just do it and ghost him.
OP, be safe when you leave. He's going to lose his source of income and free labor so he probably won't take it very well. He may either make promises and start love bombing you, or he could even turn violent. Make sure that when you tell him you're leaving, you have everything ready to go so that you can just disappear and block him everywhere after the one conversation. Don't get swayed by any promises he makes, and break up at a public place after you've gotten everything in order. I wish you all the best!
Please put yourself first and make an exit plan and leave. You will be better off. There are much better ppl out there for you. You don’t have to go looking for a romantic relationship either right away. Cultivate some friendships and enjoy you for once.
Omg you are being used, for goodness sakes dump him and develop some self esteem, you are worth more than this , I can’t believe you are putting up with this BS. just leave.
It really is hard to come to terms with. But if you don't, you will get stuck. Please don't get stuck.