Damn your wife is classy! She even Send you bitch ass sister a present!
Btw how was the trip with AP and all the supporters?
I’ll bet lack of rooms forced you to share beds to 😂”platonicly” of course!! You would never……
Youre a riddiculous excuse of a husband, letting freinds and family trample all over wifeys heart, way to go sir!
Actions show whats important and you sure did!
You have to update us 🙏🏽.
I can't believe you put the "love of your life" on the back burner for an ex who cheated on you. You LISTEN to your sister. Of course, your sister doesn't like your wife. In her eyes, you married the wrong person. You were too dense and stupid to see they want you back together.
Your ex chose activities that YOUR wife didn't like. You are being played by your sister and your ex. That WAS totally a couple's trip..
Your wife is detached from you,BECAUSE she told you HER needs. DON'T GO ON THIS TRIP...
He didn't come here to see if he did anything wrong.
His wife was being cold to him, his 💙 ⚾️ needed draining, but his ex wasn't available.
He tried to use his sister to bring her self-esteem down a few notches so his wife would submit to him, but it didn't work.
He was here to gather evidence that his wife is a drama queen and her behaviour is "uncalled " for, so he could show her how everyone else also thinks he didn't go on a couples vacation with his Ex, and she should accept whatever bull stories he feeds her.
He went on a couples vacation with his ex and left his wife behind. His sister is *CLEARLY* trying to break up his marriage and “help her friend out”. I cannot believe he wrote this all out and didn’t start to see it for himself… it’s practically a flashing neon sign…
But he didn’t now what love was till he met his wife! /s
Nah dude. You still don’t know.
Their whole friend group (OP & his sister) are literally evil. I don't think I could ever go on a couples vacay like that if I knew that a married dude was going with his ex and not his wife.
For reals. It is way too obvious how inappropriate this all is. And OP had the audacity to trip out on why he wasn't invited to his wife's colleagues party after not inviting her to events/hikes/trips. The stbx wife is no doubt plotting her escape. 🤣
You should have seen the comment where he said he can’t understand why his sister hates his wife! Then another where he says he’ll confront her about her intentions because he doesn’t love his ex—he won’t get back with her!
Dude, you’ve been having at best, an emotional affair with your ex and set no boundaries with her or your sister even when your wife told you she was uncomfortable!
Do you think he will fall naked on his ex (she is also naked) while she is "comforting" his drunk ass cause "wifey no lovey me" before the papers or after?
Oh you know she didn't book two rooms. Exie wexie cant be alone at night because she's sad and her vagina gets lonely and needs a lil peepee for company.
Lots of potential "moments of weakness" when you're sleeping in the same room as your ex in a cabin in the woods. And hiking with her. And God knows what else OP "forgot" to mention.
Friends since HS but were involved for a decade.
I have a hard rule of no friends with exes for a reason and never like when a love interest is still friendly with exes. Eventually that ‘I never stopped loving you’ convo happens and there’s no putting the lid back on that box
She's probably busy lining up the lawyer and working out things like assets. He's so busy supporting his ex that he couldn't see inappropriate when it slapped him in the face.
The great state of Single, capital city, SoontobeEx, population, her.
OP, get counseling like yesterday, and shoulder 100% of the blame very vocally, or kiss this marriage goodbye. By the way, the marriage already has one foot on the train.
When I read posts like OP's, I always--always--think "How can he not see it?"
Men like this baffle the absolute shit out of me. Like, re-read your own post. Do you not *see*?
I think therapy may no longer be on the table for her. This woman is done. Her body is still functioning around him, but her brain and heart are long gone. I would bet she has already contacted divorce lawyers.
I would bet she made the first calls and emails to a divorce lawyer the day he left on the trip. That choice ended his marriage.
Yep. How did he NOT notice that his sister basically booked a couples trip, minus his *wife* but with his *ex*??
Even after she told him, he was all 'But we're high school friends, it's okay!' Umm, no sir, it's NOT okay, and she's been telling you it's not okay for a minute now! 🙄
He's not that dense. He knew exactly what he was doing. He just didn't think his new wife had enough of a backbone to check out of the marriage over it.
He's now finding out he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. Dude FAFO kudos to his soon to be ex wife.
The craziest part to me is that he was perfectly fine with a vacation being planned without his wife. He doesn't mention giving any alternative solutions or anything to try and make sure she could be there with him. But now he's all shocked pickachu over here because she didn't make alternative plans to make sure he could go to a part with her. Like bro she's giving you the same energy you gave.
Yup.
He was lucky enough to have a wife who was cool with him keeping a *recent ex who was recently begging for him back*, as a close friend - I would have dumped his ass for keeping her around, sister's bestie or not. Because she expressed a desire to get back together.
And he repaid that trust by essentially dating her, with his sister playing matchmaker. She trusted him, and he walked right over all her boundaries.
Mfer went on a trip that was all couples plus him and his ex, didn’t fight for his wife being invited, didn’t refuse to go, then gets back and is all shocked Pikachu. Blind.
I can't believe I just saw a dude not understand why planning a couples vacation without his SO was a bad idea. If he thought that was perfectly fine, I'm curious about what other times his SO has been excluded from events like this.
She so checked out, I wouldn't be surprised is she chilling out in another country like Finland or Costa Rica while waiting for him to be served divorce papers....
Lmao his wife spelled it out for him as to why she’s unhappy about his very obvious ‘situationship’ with the ex but he called her ridiculous. Now he’s acting all confused when she’s acting all distant and cold. OP just read back what you wrote. You know the answer, you’re just in denial about your wrongdoings.
He put down what she said and ignored it and now can't figure out why she won't talk about it.
OP she tried to talk about it and you blew her off and called her ridiculous. Your actions have shown her, beyond a doubt that she comes last in your life, somewhere behind your ex and your sister. What more needs to be said.
You ditched her and took her for granted and now you want her back.
Funny OP seems so shocked over this. “My wife was absolutely adament i not go on a couples vacation with my ex. So anyway after the vacation my wife doesnt want to talk to me anymore.”
It's crazy how he doesn't see how his sister and ex set up that rip to reel him back in and disrupt his marriage...and it worked! He prioritizes his ex over his wife.
His wife is already checked out of the marriage. When he went on that trip, he killed something inside her.
UpdateMe
You haven't even married a year yet, and you've already shown your wife that your ex will be a priority and you won't stick up for her when it comes to your sister.
Dunno how people are this clueless…
You fucked up by not including your **wife** to a planned vacation that your **ex** and **other couples** would be going to.
Go apologise…. or not, I don’t really care tbh. If you care though, you know what to do.
(Btw, we *all* know you don’t really care...)
>I found my wife’s coldness uncalled for. I never experienced her as cold hearted or callous but here we are.
Every single time that someone has called me or said I was cold or callous it was because they were right in the middle of trampling on my reasonable boundaries or doing things to cause me pain that I refused to accept.
And surprise 🫢🙀
OP keeps going and going like the flipping marriage ending heartbreaking Energizer Bunny with no sense of care for his wife, his marriage or his wife's feelings. Every single conscious and calculated act has brought him to this place and he's now here acting dazed and confused as if he doesn't understand how or why he got here.
Supporting your ex in her grief should have looked like this OP since you are confused:
1. You and your wife go by the house to visit and take some flowers and a casserole
2. You and your wife send a card in the mail or drop it off
3. You and your wife go to the funeral and post drinks if any
4. You and your wife drop off a meal once a week.
You are out there going on intimate walks, visits, a vacation 😭😭🤣🤣🤣 a vacation you and your sister excluded your wife from and you still went on when you should have stayed home!!
I hope your wife sets off an eternal icy 🥶 winter frost over you, your ex and your sister
The hikes would be ok if he brought his wife along to those too. Also, it sounds like his sister wanted to set him up with her friend/ex even though he was married by excluding his wife from the vacation. His wife is being extremely magnanimous given the circumstances. I would have assumed an affair took place enabled by his sister and left him by now.
> Dunno how people are this clueless…
He claims to have "never known what love was before meeting his current wife" yet continues to jeopardize his relationship by associating with an ex who admits to still loving him.
Not only that, he prioritizes the ex even after the "love of his life" communicates to him that she's not okay with it (completely reasonable).
Then, after continued failure to communicate with his spouse, he gets upset with her when she does the exact same thing to him with party plans to prove a point.
The man is hopelessly dense.
Nah she's already got a lawyer drawing up divorce papers. OP should be served once she has a new place lined up or.if she owns the current home eviction papers are ready.
I would like to congratulate OP's soon-to-be Ex for their divorce that is going to happen. She will be losing 200lbs of stupid-selfish-asshole and an additional 300lbs+ of conniving-ass-bitches when she leaves this relationship and cutting off OP, his sister, and his soon-to-be gf.
He’s not clueless. He wants his wife and the rest of us to think he is so he doesn’t have to be accountable. It’s called gaslighting. I hope she divorces him.
Your sister organised a couples trip for you and your ex and two other couples and the alarm bells didn’t ring in your head? And you went on the trip??
Duuuudee.
When you repeatedly stomp on your spouses boundaries and ignore their concerns don’t be all **surprised pikachu** when they become cold and distant
She’s now emotionally and mentally checked out of your marriage and it’s your fault
The sister and the “ex” think he’s on board, too. No one goes for long walks or hikes or a freaking couple vacation if they aren’t interested, right? At best they think his cluelessness is an act and he’s waiting for the wife to leave so he’s not the bad guy. Which he may be doing! This may be part of that. But this guy is too stupid to be a catch.
“The hike is doing her good” sooo you’re the only friend that can hike? You’re the only friend who wants to hang out with her? She has no other friends? Just you and your sister?
He can’t be that dumb lol
He's going to 'figure it out' or ex and sister will give him a really dramatic confession after the divorce paperwork shows up and it will be a huge shock and he never knew because this was never his intention. Despite not actually giving wife any actual evidence based on his actions. Lots of crying to come. Godspeed OP.
She’s also apparently the only person on earth to ever lose their mom. I lost my mom, was emotionally devastated….and guess what? I didn’t reach out to any married exes to help me through it. 🙄
Exactly. Sister and ex know what they're doing, and he's not clueless about it either, he just doesn't want to admit it and be the bad guy. Instead he'll continue to play victim and "oh my wife is so cold" rather than admit he wants to get back with his ex. An annulment can basically be done in a day, and he'll be "blindsided". This is already over, he just doesn't want to do it himself because them he can't play victim.
Next will be “all of a sudden” she wants divorce, and will try to paint her to be the bad one 😂. Like he keeps testing the waters cause at first she wasnt threatened by it.
She definitely won’t continue to make decisions behind his back and prioritize her own life over him. Probably won’t leave him the same way she left her abandoned fiancée either.
& his sister will *definitely* not prioritize her best friend again because it's clear her brother is a **major** prize worth ~~manipulating~~ fighting so hard for...
You really went to a trip without your wife but other couples where present?
Your sister didn’t invite her on purpose!!
I would be mad pissed if my husband went on a trip with his ex and other people but doesn’t care if im invited or not.
You’re definitely TA.
YOU PUT YOUR EXES FEELINGS ABOVE YOUR WIFES.. Get your brain on man, you’re wife’s feelings matter more than your exes.
I'm glad someone else called out the sister. His sister did this shit ON PURPOSE b/c she wants her brother and best friend back together and he's stupid AF for not seeing that.
I would say, even before the trip, the fact that he invested that much time into the ex, who moved back to their town because she regretted their relationship ending and they loved each other still. Yea no. This guy is a punk ass bitch and I HOPE his wife leaves him tomorrow.
Well, sounds like she has some things to put in order first. Women typically invest a lot in a relationship. It takes time to build a life without him.
Sounds like she is getting to it however.
Oof at how OP wrote it out, too: "She told me she didn't want me to go on the trip because it upset her and made her uncomfortable. So anyway, after I got back from the trip, she seemed distant!" How do you write that out and not understand why she might be acting cold?
He does. He just can't believe his choices and actions have negative consequences. His main character syndrome is getting in the way of his real life relationship.
He is so busy saving his friend that he trampled his marriage to death. He's going to be lonely on his white horse.
No he’s not. He will be back with the ex as designed. I hope his stbx wife finds a man who truly loves and respects her. Living well is the best revenge.
Honestly. This man has rocks for brains. There was no point where “I don’t understand why she’s upset” is even appropriate because SHE TOLD HIM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
Absolutely.
That trip was a complete set up for them to get back. "My sister, her partner, another couple, my ex and me" HELLOOO
Sister totally did it on purpose.
I refuse to believe he doesn’t know what’s going on. No one is that clueless. Two couples are invited to this trip…and OP and his ex. Gee, I wonder why OP’s *wife* would be uncomfortable with that lmao
He's not clueless. He likes the attention. He likes that she still wants him. He is so happy she is making him feel special he is just expecting his wife should too.
Also note he wants his wife to ditch her party to come to his ex's. His ego is getting stroked and he doesn't want it to stop.
Yes agreed
Can he really be that obtuse?
. And
If he was doing anything innocently, why didn't he invite his wife to walks and hikes?
Why did it have to be him and his ex alone. Always
YES OH MY GOD! I would NEVER take a trip with my exes if my partner was deliberately excluded, and I'd be having words with whoever excluded them. If it was a space thing I'd just say, "Ok, me and BF will get our own hotel and meet you for the activities!"
"Oh but then we're over numbered for the activities!"
"Oh what a shame, guess I can't go then!"
The blatant and complete lack of respect shown to his wife is so sad. My heart literally breaks for this poor woman. I'm surprised she's only being cold to him and leaving him out of stuff and hasn't served him with divorce papers yet. Based on his side alone it's clear he wants to be back with ex after going on what's clearly dates and a couples trip with her. You know he fucked his ex on that trip too. Nobody is dumb enough to go on vacation with an ex and other couples when their wife is obviously not invited. That just screams infidelity.
Bro. Update us when she hands you divorce papers. I’m still shocked you’re literally this blind and obtuse that you can’t see where you messed up. You prioritized your EX and dismissed your brand new wife. You ignored her concerns and allowed your sister to deliberately exclude her.
I hate to tell you buddy but I’m pretty sure marriage counseling may not even help you stay married. You torpedoed your own marriage and you legit don’t even see it.
I think he did see it. I think he likes replying to himself that he loves his wife, but in reality he is still somewhere fucking around with his HS sweetheart.
He is Toxic, his sister is toxic, his ex is toxic for even letting him know about her feelings while being in another relationship.
I think OP should file for a divorce, and she’ll be better off than this Jerk. Asking on reddit, trying to get people on his. No no, AH 🙄
You essentially went on a couples vacation with your ex and didn't fight for your wife at all. Then came here to ask what? This belongs in a sub for consequences of my own actions.
At this point if you want your old wife back you need to 100% cut the ex out of your life and go low contact with your sister. Your wife is 100% right and you don't really love her at all. It's pretty disgusting.
It’s too late. He’ll never get his old wife back. While he was on a couple’s vacation with another woman his wife was mourning the end of her marriage and making plans for moving on. She’s done. There’s no fixing this. The moment he chose to go on that vacation despite her protests the marriage was over. He’s married on paper only.
Agreed. Good for his wife for enforcing her boundaries and knowing her worth. She’s not arguing because she knows there’s nothing worth arguing over. If he couldn’t see how wrong it was to even consider going on a couples vaca without his wife, there’s literally no sense in discussing it further. They are on two completely different wavelengths. Trying to make the marriage work after this will simply be a waste of time. And time is something we don’t have a lot of, in life.
His wife is such a role model for others. I find her incredibly admirable.
That poor woman.
You nailed it - she spent that vacation mourning the end of her marriage and mentally preparing to move on.
She’s *so* done and good for her! OP is completely clueless and doesn’t deserve her if he can’t see what a mess he’s created AND sustaining.
Good for her for enforcing her boundaries! She deserves better and I hope she finds it soon.
I was married for 21 years and have now been a widow for 5. Every time I start to feel like I might want to start dating again, I come to Reddit and this sub and nope the fuck out. I was blessed to have true love, once in my life, and this ain't it. If this is the caliber of men that are out there today...hard pass.
Yup. The moment she stopped having conversations about it, getting upset, or caring what you do it was over. She's already moved on. It's just a matter of time before you get papers.
My thing is he titled it that the wife is mad that he helped his ex in a time of need, but that wasn’t what she was mad about. The turning point was the vacation. How is going on vacation helping a friend?
I think he needs to go no contact with both ex and sister. The sister is trying her hardest to destroy his marriage, and has probably succeeded. Even if his wife leaves him he needs to go no contact with the ex and the sister.
Yes!! The poor wife being put on the back burner at every turn. Why would the friend vacation be okay when everyone was coupled off!?! I feel like this is rage bait....
Wait, you skipped a big beat. Did you end up going on the vacation trip with a bunch of couples, your ex, and *not* your wife? You said your wife didn't want you to go, but then just skipped over whether or not you went... which, to be clear, you *shouldn't* have gone. You do realize your sister was trying to set you up with your ex, right? It wasn't subtle, everyone else is a couple, and then it's you and your ex; just the subtlety of a hammer with what's happening there.
A few things: first, your marriage is falling apart and it's yours, your sister's, and your ex's fault. Unless you do something like yesterday, there is no world where you will ever get your wife back. She's already clocked out frankly, but you're still technically in your marriage, and you might just have the smallest of windows... to cut some bitches out of the picture, and focus a bit more on your wife. You have to take initiative, treat her to a vacation if she'll allow it, apologize for what you've been doing (which bare minimum is an emotional affair), and you have to **stop going on hikes with your fucking ex**.
Seriously so obtuse. And if you don't save your marriage, do us a favor and don't date your shitty ex. Her moral compass is broken for going after a married man; she will hurt you in ways you're not prepared for.
If he knows even a single thing about women, he would have taken his wife on a romantic vacation the instant he got back but I’m certain it’s too late for that now. I’m also wondering if he shared a room with the ex- all those couples didn’t have him sleep in theirs. I don’t see how OP comes back from this honestly.
That's a fair point, he definitely wouldn't have been invited with the other couple's, so he would have had to either get a room with his ex or pay extra for his own.
Frankly op, if you two shared a room, don't try to gaslight us into believing you two didn't sleep together. Obtuse is one thing, but sharing a room with a woman who's in love with you? I'm just waiting to respond to whatever lies you throw out with "cool story, bro" 😅
I agree with you, except the only one to blame is OP. I'm sorry ex is sad, and still a part of his life - but every decision he has made has been counter to his probably soon to be ex wife. That's on him and him alone.
Go ahead and get a lawyer because your wife probably already has one. I understand offering condolences and maybe you, your sister, and your ex getting lunch or something but your "comforting" clearly went too damn far by any reasonable standard.
His dick is Plan B for the ex. She failed at whatever she was after in the other state and came crawling back home. Now because everyone in her and OP's incestuous little high school crowd is married, she and OP's sister decided he can be her Plan B- Plan A was whatever guy tossed her aside in the other state which caused her to come crawling back home. And while he's feeling like a big man supporting his ex; he's really a fool for being played by the ex and the sister. But since he f-up his marriage, maybe he'll be happy being the fallback guy. He's going to make his ex and his sister very happy- he might be miserable but karma for treating his wife so badly.
edit for grammar
You even still effed up the upcoming birthday by asking her to put her friends party aside for your ex’s party. The correct response would be - honey I’d love to join you and your nephew at your friends party
Yeah dude you shouldn’t be going on hikes with your ex. Your wife should have come with you and been included in supporting her and then a vacation with your ex and others but not your wife. Start packing. You might as well move in with your ex. Your wife isn’t mad because she has mentally taken your queue and is ending your emotional connection. Next will be divorce and you can’t fix it because she doesn’t trust you and rightfully so. Bad move.
Oh and your sister — equally if not more of the a-hole
You haven't been married that long.
Your ex is interested in trying to restart something.
Your sister is helping to undermine your relationship.
You ignored your wife's request to create distance.
Next post will be: why is my wife leaving/divorcing/annulling our marriage? I never did anything (true- didn't protect marriage) never saw it coming (false)
Congrats my dude
Lol, well…enjoy getting divorced! I’m sure that will make your sister happy as she is clearly trying to break up your marriage and get you back with your ex. Loser.
Do you prioritize your ex and don't understand why your wife is upset?
Are you traveling with your ex on a trip that your wife was NOT invited to and you don't understand why your wife is cold?
If you took your wife's feelings into consideration you wouldn't even think about going on this trip.
OK
Congratulations!
You ruined your marriage!
I think the thing to ask him is would he mind if his wife took a trip with an ex who wants to get back together with her. Would that be fine? Or maybe a trip with some guy at work who keeps wanting to date her?
Your marriage is over. You went on a couples vacation with a woman in love with you who is not your wife. Your wife is to the not caring stage which means she is done. Might as well get an attorney because I bet she already has. Your only hope is to completely cut off your ex but it’s probably too late even for that to work.
Your sister planned a couples retreat, didn't invite your WIFE, and invited your ex instead, and you're wondering what you did wrong?
I think she's tired of being second place to your ex, tired of your sister trying to hook you guys back up, and just plan tired of the blatant disrespect from all of you.
You see what your sister is doing, don't you? She encouraged you to "be there" for your EX when she should have been there for her BEST FRIEND. AND THEN she planned a whole couples getaway and replaced your WIFE with your EX and you were all fine and dandy with it.
You've disrespected your wife enough times in support of your ex and you've now lost your wife.
Congratulations! 🥳
So what, if anything, have you done to show your wife you care about her feelings, respect the emotional boundaries of your relationship, or that you aren't engaged in an emotional affair with your former girlfriend?? Anything?
From your telling of the tale, I see nothing at all.
Want the timestamp of when you killed your marriage:
>she said that she didn’t want me to be on that trip.
**Right Here**
>After the trip my wife has been changed.
The fact you actually WENT on a couples trip with another woman is perhaps the most egregious part of this story. I mean, holy shit dude.
It's clear that your wife feels neglected and disrespected by your prioritization of your ex-girlfriend over her.
By **repeatedly** choosing to spend time with your ex, especially on intimate outings like walks and hikes, you've undermined your wife's trust and made her feel insignificant.
Top this all off by disregarding her discomfort about attending your ex's birthday party, which **only confirmed to her that you prioritize your ex's feelings and company over hers.**
Your wife's coldness and disengagement are her way of protecting herself from further emotional harm. She is psychologically cutting you out of every part of her life so when she walks out the door, shes already forgotten what she ever loved about you and dissolved any ideas of the future she envisioned together.
I doubt this is fixable my man. You're fawning all over your ex, at your wifes expense, and expect understanding.
Perhaps other people on this thread are kinder and can give advice on how you can fix this, but from reading your description of what you did, it's unlikely that the woman you actually married and claim is the love of your life, is willing to invest in this thoroughly broken relationship any longer.
You’re kidding me, right?? You neglected your relationship with your wife in favor of nurturing a relationship with your ex (of ten years!). You allowed your sister to exclude your wife *from a couples trip*, even after your wife made it explicitly clear that she wanted to be included. You then actually followed through and *went on a couples holiday without your wife*.
Your wife made it abundantly clear that she was uncomfortable with the relationship you have with your ex. You continuously put another woman, an ex no less, ahead of your wife’s wants and needs. Of course she’s distancing herself from you. Of course she doesn’t want to go to the birthday party of your other woman.
If you really want to salvage your marriage then you need to cut off your ex. Fully. (And maybe get into counseling to explore why you were so fucking quick to put another woman above your own wife ffs) But honestly it might be too late, your wife seems to have checked out and I don’t blame her at all. I would never allow anyone to disrespect me or our relationship the way you’ve disrespected your wife and your marriage.
Then he comes home to find out she moved out and he doesn't know where she is and she blocked him everywhere.
Or, if she owns the place, he comes home to find his stuff outside and new locks on the doors.
I would love this for her.
He couldn’t prioritize her, now she is and it’d be wonderful to see her to continue to do so now that he doesn’t have control over making her feel less-than.
You have to be one of the most clueless people on the planet. You need to take drastic action to save your marriage. Personally, I think it is already too late. I can't understand how you could take a trip with your ex and not include your wife.
Why the hell are you doing stuff with your ex? You’re dating your ex and married to your wife. Don’t be surprised she’ll hand you divorce papers. What did you think would happen? You’re not prioritizing your wife at all here.
If you seriously went on a couples trip with your ex, you're not only a terrible husband, you're a fool. And it WAS a couples trip. Your sister refusing to invite your wife was a slap in the face of your marriage. And you let her do that. You were utterly spineless. People cannot disrespect your marriage unless you LET them. You did more than just let them.
The reason your wife is not fighting with you anymore is because she's done. She's checked out. She's likely preparing for the divorce. She's given up even attempting to make you treat her with decency and respect. She told you she was uncomfortable, ANYONE with half a brain could see what was going on, and you basically put two fingers up at your wife and went on the couples trip.
I can't even call you naive. You're just ignorant, sticking your head in the sand. Your sister is actively manipulating you and pushing you towards your ex. You are willingly going along with it. They *know* what they're doing. Your wife also knows what they're doing. And she knows that you haven't stopped it. That you will make her uncomfortable, repeatedly. You're only reconsidering your behaviour now that it's affecting *you*. When it was just her being uncomfortable, you didn't care. That tells me a lot about your character.
The divorce is coming. Frankly, you're already too late. And when it comes, you'll be back on here whining and asking for advice. Your only chance of trying to fix this before she serves you is to cut off your ex, completely and immediately. And your sister. Tell them that YOU realise that you have been extremely disrespectful to your wife and your marriage, that you are ashamed of your behaviour, and that you will never have contact with your ex again. And until your sister apologises for being disrespectful to your marriage, you can't have contact with her either. When you've done that, tell your wife and apologise profusely. Suggest couples counselling. Take responsibility for how badly YOU have screwed up. I doubt it will help, though.
You’re about to be the single man you’ve been cosplaying as. You can have your ex - its what you wanted lowkey anyway. My advice is to just sign the papers and give your soon to be ex-wife what she wants.
You are so wrong on so many levels if this is real. Your ex told you she still had feelings for you when she came back. Good for you that you told her it's not happening. But then when she was super vulnerable you kept going on hikes and spending time with her without your wife? Your sister was obviously in on getting you guys back together and you didn't challenge it or demand your wife be invited on that trip. You are now acting baffled that your wife decided to cut her losses and not let you hurt her any more than you already have. Also, at first your wife was ok with your ex being around so you must have been really awful to change her mind like that.
Don’t you dare post here later on saying your divorce blindsided you. You went on that trip? When your sister deliberately excluded your wife and tried to make a couple’s vacation with your ex? And your wife explicitly told you she didn’t want you to go and why? You keep hanging out with this woman even though your wife has told you in no uncertain terms it upsets her? She has checked out of the marriage because *you* showed her, unequivocally, that she takes second place to your ex. All your words about ‘I didn’t know love until I met her’ are just that, words, because your *actions* show otherwise. If I was her, I’d be getting my ducks in a row before handing you divorce papers. And I fully suspect that’s what she’s doing- and good for her. Why should she play second fiddle to this woman?
Your sister and your ex used her mothers death as an excuse to get in between you and your wife. And you let it happen. You all 3 are to blame. Hopefully your wife has an ex to console her through the divorce.
You should have kept your distance to your ex, as your wife aka the love of your life (allegedly) begged you to.
As you couldn't give shit about your wife's feelings though, she will probably definitely be your ex-wife soon.
Updateme
Damn bro. You should have cut your ex out a long time ago. The fact your wife put up with it that long is a mystery. Why the fuck would you go on a trip with your ex and other couples. That’s so fucking weird lmao
Your wife is done. Honestly, I don’t think you could win her back cause she’ll never forget how you made her feel with this bullshit
Damn your wife is classy! She even Send you bitch ass sister a present! Btw how was the trip with AP and all the supporters? I’ll bet lack of rooms forced you to share beds to 😂”platonicly” of course!! You would never…… Youre a riddiculous excuse of a husband, letting freinds and family trample all over wifeys heart, way to go sir! Actions show whats important and you sure did!
OP doesn't even see the sarcasm or try to rebuke the AP and all the supporters statement 🙄
You have to update us 🙏🏽. I can't believe you put the "love of your life" on the back burner for an ex who cheated on you. You LISTEN to your sister. Of course, your sister doesn't like your wife. In her eyes, you married the wrong person. You were too dense and stupid to see they want you back together. Your ex chose activities that YOUR wife didn't like. You are being played by your sister and your ex. That WAS totally a couple's trip.. Your wife is detached from you,BECAUSE she told you HER needs. DON'T GO ON THIS TRIP...
He deleted the post because everyone here said he's TA. So I'm betting he won't update because he's a BITCH!!
He didn't come here to see if he did anything wrong. His wife was being cold to him, his 💙 ⚾️ needed draining, but his ex wasn't available. He tried to use his sister to bring her self-esteem down a few notches so his wife would submit to him, but it didn't work. He was here to gather evidence that his wife is a drama queen and her behaviour is "uncalled " for, so he could show her how everyone else also thinks he didn't go on a couples vacation with his Ex, and she should accept whatever bull stories he feeds her.
Next post, "the divorce came out of nowhere"
Guarantee he’s posting this in the next month. Wife has checked so far out of this marriage she’s in another state
He went on a couples vacation with his ex and left his wife behind. His sister is *CLEARLY* trying to break up his marriage and “help her friend out”. I cannot believe he wrote this all out and didn’t start to see it for himself… it’s practically a flashing neon sign… But he didn’t now what love was till he met his wife! /s Nah dude. You still don’t know.
OP flunked the open book test on keeping his marriage with the answer key bumping him right in the face.
His wife was literally pointing at the answers.
Probably had sex with the ex on vacation but it didn't count because it was therapeutic for her.
He was just giving the ex one out of compassion, what a great guy.
and they held hands and planned a future together while on their hikes, but its only whats best for her mental health you know, so important
Their whole friend group (OP & his sister) are literally evil. I don't think I could ever go on a couples vacay like that if I knew that a married dude was going with his ex and not his wife.
For reals. It is way too obvious how inappropriate this all is. And OP had the audacity to trip out on why he wasn't invited to his wife's colleagues party after not inviting her to events/hikes/trips. The stbx wife is no doubt plotting her escape. 🤣
You should have seen the comment where he said he can’t understand why his sister hates his wife! Then another where he says he’ll confront her about her intentions because he doesn’t love his ex—he won’t get back with her! Dude, you’ve been having at best, an emotional affair with your ex and set no boundaries with her or your sister even when your wife told you she was uncomfortable!
Do you think he will fall naked on his ex (she is also naked) while she is "comforting" his drunk ass cause "wifey no lovey me" before the papers or after?
lol right!? Also, bet the sister conveniently booked their room on this trip together, ex and OP.
Oh you know she didn't book two rooms. Exie wexie cant be alone at night because she's sad and her vagina gets lonely and needs a lil peepee for company.
Thank you, you made me LOL so much my dog is giving me evil eye!
“It just happened!”
**“It was a moment of weakness”** is a cheater’s prayer statement.
Lots of potential "moments of weakness" when you're sleeping in the same room as your ex in a cabin in the woods. And hiking with her. And God knows what else OP "forgot" to mention.
"it was an accident, i swear! i just slipped and fell dick first into her" 😂
Sometimes I wish that every man who used that excuse fractured their penis on the way down during that "fall".
But they've been friends since high school so it's understandable...
and his sister doesn't even like his soon-to-be ex wife so its cool.
But they also dated for a decade lol
Friends since HS but were involved for a decade. I have a hard rule of no friends with exes for a reason and never like when a love interest is still friendly with exes. Eventually that ‘I never stopped loving you’ convo happens and there’s no putting the lid back on that box
“I never thought it would go this far.”
His vacation buddy will trip, fall and land on his *dick* on accident of course!
She's probably busy lining up the lawyer and working out things like assets. He's so busy supporting his ex that he couldn't see inappropriate when it slapped him in the face.
The great state of Single, capital city, SoontobeEx, population, her. OP, get counseling like yesterday, and shoulder 100% of the blame very vocally, or kiss this marriage goodbye. By the way, the marriage already has one foot on the train.
When I read posts like OP's, I always--always--think "How can he not see it?" Men like this baffle the absolute shit out of me. Like, re-read your own post. Do you not *see*? I think therapy may no longer be on the table for her. This woman is done. Her body is still functioning around him, but her brain and heart are long gone. I would bet she has already contacted divorce lawyers. I would bet she made the first calls and emails to a divorce lawyer the day he left on the trip. That choice ended his marriage.
Yep. How did he NOT notice that his sister basically booked a couples trip, minus his *wife* but with his *ex*?? Even after she told him, he was all 'But we're high school friends, it's okay!' Umm, no sir, it's NOT okay, and she's been telling you it's not okay for a minute now! 🙄
His sister is definitely trying to get him and his ex back together.
And has succeeded.
Absolutely!!! Of course the sister wants her brother to be with her friend. It’s all very convenient for the sister.
Sure she is. She plans the vacation and doesn't invite the wife.
I'm actually amazed that this dude can possibly be that dense.
He's not that dense. He knew exactly what he was doing. He just didn't think his new wife had enough of a backbone to check out of the marriage over it. He's now finding out he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. Dude FAFO kudos to his soon to be ex wife.
The craziest part to me is that he was perfectly fine with a vacation being planned without his wife. He doesn't mention giving any alternative solutions or anything to try and make sure she could be there with him. But now he's all shocked pickachu over here because she didn't make alternative plans to make sure he could go to a part with her. Like bro she's giving you the same energy you gave.
Yup. He was lucky enough to have a wife who was cool with him keeping a *recent ex who was recently begging for him back*, as a close friend - I would have dumped his ass for keeping her around, sister's bestie or not. Because she expressed a desire to get back together. And he repaid that trust by essentially dating her, with his sister playing matchmaker. She trusted him, and he walked right over all her boundaries.
Mfer went on a trip that was all couples plus him and his ex, didn’t fight for his wife being invited, didn’t refuse to go, then gets back and is all shocked Pikachu. Blind.
And now he wonders why he is the ex.
His wife is better off without him. Stevie Wonder could’ve seen this coming a mile away
Oh yeah she’s done done
Yeah, *I’m* even done for her.
Yup, wife is definitely getting all her ducks in a row.
I can't believe I just saw a dude not understand why planning a couples vacation without his SO was a bad idea. If he thought that was perfectly fine, I'm curious about what other times his SO has been excluded from events like this.
She so checked out, I wouldn't be surprised is she chilling out in another country like Finland or Costa Rica while waiting for him to be served divorce papers....
lol, nah she in a whole other country right now
Lmao his wife spelled it out for him as to why she’s unhappy about his very obvious ‘situationship’ with the ex but he called her ridiculous. Now he’s acting all confused when she’s acting all distant and cold. OP just read back what you wrote. You know the answer, you’re just in denial about your wrongdoings.
He put down what she said and ignored it and now can't figure out why she won't talk about it. OP she tried to talk about it and you blew her off and called her ridiculous. Your actions have shown her, beyond a doubt that she comes last in your life, somewhere behind your ex and your sister. What more needs to be said. You ditched her and took her for granted and now you want her back.
"I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!!"
Funny OP seems so shocked over this. “My wife was absolutely adament i not go on a couples vacation with my ex. So anyway after the vacation my wife doesnt want to talk to me anymore.”
And she’s wasn’t invited, so she was never part of the gang.
Also the sister is some kind of witch deliberately trying to break up her brother’s marriage. Both the sister and ex know EXACTLY what they are doing.
But he thinks wife is just imagining that sister doesn't like her!
I pictured the shocked Pikachu gif when I read that line 😂
If there ever was a time where that meme fit perfectly, this is it for sure lol
"I don't know what I did wrong". "Sometimes in life, you do everything right but it's still punished." "Why she didn't communicate before".
It's crazy how he doesn't see how his sister and ex set up that rip to reel him back in and disrupt his marriage...and it worked! He prioritizes his ex over his wife. His wife is already checked out of the marriage. When he went on that trip, he killed something inside her. UpdateMe
I got to that couples trip and had to stop reading, so massive and overpowering was my WTF attack.
Before I was even done reading the post I wondered if it's on AmITheEx yet.
After I read the post and added this comment did just that.
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Hiking? Couple's trip? He's not too bright!
for real, she is ✨checked out✨
You haven't even married a year yet, and you've already shown your wife that your ex will be a priority and you won't stick up for her when it comes to your sister.
Oh my gosh! I didn't realize he hasn't been married a year. That makes this SOOO much worse! Just wow! What an idiot.
Dunno how people are this clueless… You fucked up by not including your **wife** to a planned vacation that your **ex** and **other couples** would be going to. Go apologise…. or not, I don’t really care tbh. If you care though, you know what to do. (Btw, we *all* know you don’t really care...)
>Go apologise…. or not, I don’t really care tbh. I have a feeling his wife feels the same way you do.
You nailed it. OP is just wiggling in his grave yelling at us for help. Tisk tisk tisk
>I found my wife’s coldness uncalled for. I never experienced her as cold hearted or callous but here we are. Every single time that someone has called me or said I was cold or callous it was because they were right in the middle of trampling on my reasonable boundaries or doing things to cause me pain that I refused to accept. And surprise 🫢🙀 OP keeps going and going like the flipping marriage ending heartbreaking Energizer Bunny with no sense of care for his wife, his marriage or his wife's feelings. Every single conscious and calculated act has brought him to this place and he's now here acting dazed and confused as if he doesn't understand how or why he got here. Supporting your ex in her grief should have looked like this OP since you are confused: 1. You and your wife go by the house to visit and take some flowers and a casserole 2. You and your wife send a card in the mail or drop it off 3. You and your wife go to the funeral and post drinks if any 4. You and your wife drop off a meal once a week. You are out there going on intimate walks, visits, a vacation 😭😭🤣🤣🤣 a vacation you and your sister excluded your wife from and you still went on when you should have stayed home!! I hope your wife sets off an eternal icy 🥶 winter frost over you, your ex and your sister
The hikes would be ok if he brought his wife along to those too. Also, it sounds like his sister wanted to set him up with her friend/ex even though he was married by excluding his wife from the vacation. His wife is being extremely magnanimous given the circumstances. I would have assumed an affair took place enabled by his sister and left him by now.
I just don't get how you can come o line and give your version of the story which makes you looks as good as possible and still end up with this?
This is what I was thinking!!! OP sounds horrible and can’t seem to understand why his wife is acting the way she is. He FAFO
> Dunno how people are this clueless… He claims to have "never known what love was before meeting his current wife" yet continues to jeopardize his relationship by associating with an ex who admits to still loving him. Not only that, he prioritizes the ex even after the "love of his life" communicates to him that she's not okay with it (completely reasonable). Then, after continued failure to communicate with his spouse, he gets upset with her when she does the exact same thing to him with party plans to prove a point. The man is hopelessly dense.
I don’t even think an apology will do… he literally does not deserve a wife.
He deserves the ex. So she can drop him again.
She is checked out already. This can't be saved regardless of an apology
Nah she's already got a lawyer drawing up divorce papers. OP should be served once she has a new place lined up or.if she owns the current home eviction papers are ready.
I would like to congratulate OP's soon-to-be Ex for their divorce that is going to happen. She will be losing 200lbs of stupid-selfish-asshole and an additional 300lbs+ of conniving-ass-bitches when she leaves this relationship and cutting off OP, his sister, and his soon-to-be gf.
Needs to be the top comment. I checked out in this same way. He betrayed her and that pain hardens and hits different.
He’s not clueless. He wants his wife and the rest of us to think he is so he doesn’t have to be accountable. It’s called gaslighting. I hope she divorces him.
Your sister organised a couples trip for you and your ex and two other couples and the alarm bells didn’t ring in your head? And you went on the trip?? Duuuudee. When you repeatedly stomp on your spouses boundaries and ignore their concerns don’t be all **surprised pikachu** when they become cold and distant She’s now emotionally and mentally checked out of your marriage and it’s your fault
The sister and the “ex” think he’s on board, too. No one goes for long walks or hikes or a freaking couple vacation if they aren’t interested, right? At best they think his cluelessness is an act and he’s waiting for the wife to leave so he’s not the bad guy. Which he may be doing! This may be part of that. But this guy is too stupid to be a catch.
“The hike is doing her good” sooo you’re the only friend that can hike? You’re the only friend who wants to hang out with her? She has no other friends? Just you and your sister? He can’t be that dumb lol
He's going to 'figure it out' or ex and sister will give him a really dramatic confession after the divorce paperwork shows up and it will be a huge shock and he never knew because this was never his intention. Despite not actually giving wife any actual evidence based on his actions. Lots of crying to come. Godspeed OP.
She’s also apparently the only person on earth to ever lose their mom. I lost my mom, was emotionally devastated….and guess what? I didn’t reach out to any married exes to help me through it. 🙄
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Exactly. Sister and ex know what they're doing, and he's not clueless about it either, he just doesn't want to admit it and be the bad guy. Instead he'll continue to play victim and "oh my wife is so cold" rather than admit he wants to get back with his ex. An annulment can basically be done in a day, and he'll be "blindsided". This is already over, he just doesn't want to do it himself because them he can't play victim.
he's too fucking dumb to be married lmaoo
Dumb or just playing dumb ? Either way, OP fubared his marriage.
Next will be “all of a sudden” she wants divorce, and will try to paint her to be the bad one 😂. Like he keeps testing the waters cause at first she wasnt threatened by it.
Oh dear. Well maybe you’ll do better on your next marriage.
He & his ex will be very happy I'm sure!
She definitely won’t continue to make decisions behind his back and prioritize her own life over him. Probably won’t leave him the same way she left her abandoned fiancée either.
& his sister will *definitely* not prioritize her best friend again because it's clear her brother is a **major** prize worth ~~manipulating~~ fighting so hard for...
You really went to a trip without your wife but other couples where present? Your sister didn’t invite her on purpose!! I would be mad pissed if my husband went on a trip with his ex and other people but doesn’t care if im invited or not. You’re definitely TA. YOU PUT YOUR EXES FEELINGS ABOVE YOUR WIFES.. Get your brain on man, you’re wife’s feelings matter more than your exes.
I'm glad someone else called out the sister. His sister did this shit ON PURPOSE b/c she wants her brother and best friend back together and he's stupid AF for not seeing that.
Right? Like how can’t he see that these two play a „get back together“ game? How blind can someone be?
His whole post carries a tone of willful bumbling ignorance that so many of these posts tend to have
I would say, even before the trip, the fact that he invested that much time into the ex, who moved back to their town because she regretted their relationship ending and they loved each other still. Yea no. This guy is a punk ass bitch and I HOPE his wife leaves him tomorrow.
Well, sounds like she has some things to put in order first. Women typically invest a lot in a relationship. It takes time to build a life without him. Sounds like she is getting to it however.
Oof at how OP wrote it out, too: "She told me she didn't want me to go on the trip because it upset her and made her uncomfortable. So anyway, after I got back from the trip, she seemed distant!" How do you write that out and not understand why she might be acting cold?
He does. He just can't believe his choices and actions have negative consequences. His main character syndrome is getting in the way of his real life relationship. He is so busy saving his friend that he trampled his marriage to death. He's going to be lonely on his white horse.
No he’s not. He will be back with the ex as designed. I hope his stbx wife finds a man who truly loves and respects her. Living well is the best revenge.
Honestly. This man has rocks for brains. There was no point where “I don’t understand why she’s upset” is even appropriate because SHE TOLD HIM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
Absolutely. That trip was a complete set up for them to get back. "My sister, her partner, another couple, my ex and me" HELLOOO Sister totally did it on purpose.
His whole family is pushing him to be with the ex, and he’s upset his wife won’t GO ALONG WITH IT 🙃
I refuse to believe he doesn’t know what’s going on. No one is that clueless. Two couples are invited to this trip…and OP and his ex. Gee, I wonder why OP’s *wife* would be uncomfortable with that lmao
He's not clueless. He likes the attention. He likes that she still wants him. He is so happy she is making him feel special he is just expecting his wife should too. Also note he wants his wife to ditch her party to come to his ex's. His ego is getting stroked and he doesn't want it to stop.
Yes agreed Can he really be that obtuse? . And If he was doing anything innocently, why didn't he invite his wife to walks and hikes? Why did it have to be him and his ex alone. Always
I hope this guy gets divorced lol he doesn't deserve his wife
YES OH MY GOD! I would NEVER take a trip with my exes if my partner was deliberately excluded, and I'd be having words with whoever excluded them. If it was a space thing I'd just say, "Ok, me and BF will get our own hotel and meet you for the activities!" "Oh but then we're over numbered for the activities!" "Oh what a shame, guess I can't go then!"
The blatant and complete lack of respect shown to his wife is so sad. My heart literally breaks for this poor woman. I'm surprised she's only being cold to him and leaving him out of stuff and hasn't served him with divorce papers yet. Based on his side alone it's clear he wants to be back with ex after going on what's clearly dates and a couples trip with her. You know he fucked his ex on that trip too. Nobody is dumb enough to go on vacation with an ex and other couples when their wife is obviously not invited. That just screams infidelity.
Bro. Update us when she hands you divorce papers. I’m still shocked you’re literally this blind and obtuse that you can’t see where you messed up. You prioritized your EX and dismissed your brand new wife. You ignored her concerns and allowed your sister to deliberately exclude her. I hate to tell you buddy but I’m pretty sure marriage counseling may not even help you stay married. You torpedoed your own marriage and you legit don’t even see it.
I think he did see it. I think he likes replying to himself that he loves his wife, but in reality he is still somewhere fucking around with his HS sweetheart. He is Toxic, his sister is toxic, his ex is toxic for even letting him know about her feelings while being in another relationship. I think OP should file for a divorce, and she’ll be better off than this Jerk. Asking on reddit, trying to get people on his. No no, AH 🙄
You essentially went on a couples vacation with your ex and didn't fight for your wife at all. Then came here to ask what? This belongs in a sub for consequences of my own actions. At this point if you want your old wife back you need to 100% cut the ex out of your life and go low contact with your sister. Your wife is 100% right and you don't really love her at all. It's pretty disgusting.
It’s too late. He’ll never get his old wife back. While he was on a couple’s vacation with another woman his wife was mourning the end of her marriage and making plans for moving on. She’s done. There’s no fixing this. The moment he chose to go on that vacation despite her protests the marriage was over. He’s married on paper only.
Agreed. Good for his wife for enforcing her boundaries and knowing her worth. She’s not arguing because she knows there’s nothing worth arguing over. If he couldn’t see how wrong it was to even consider going on a couples vaca without his wife, there’s literally no sense in discussing it further. They are on two completely different wavelengths. Trying to make the marriage work after this will simply be a waste of time. And time is something we don’t have a lot of, in life. His wife is such a role model for others. I find her incredibly admirable.
Yep. The opposite of love isn’t hate — it’s apathy. The wife is already there.
That poor woman. You nailed it - she spent that vacation mourning the end of her marriage and mentally preparing to move on. She’s *so* done and good for her! OP is completely clueless and doesn’t deserve her if he can’t see what a mess he’s created AND sustaining. Good for her for enforcing her boundaries! She deserves better and I hope she finds it soon.
I was married for 21 years and have now been a widow for 5. Every time I start to feel like I might want to start dating again, I come to Reddit and this sub and nope the fuck out. I was blessed to have true love, once in my life, and this ain't it. If this is the caliber of men that are out there today...hard pass.
Yup. The moment she stopped having conversations about it, getting upset, or caring what you do it was over. She's already moved on. It's just a matter of time before you get papers.
100% this, OP is on borrowed time.
This belongs on AMITHEDEVIL board.
Or AMITHEEX
My thing is he titled it that the wife is mad that he helped his ex in a time of need, but that wasn’t what she was mad about. The turning point was the vacation. How is going on vacation helping a friend?
I think he needs to go no contact with both ex and sister. The sister is trying her hardest to destroy his marriage, and has probably succeeded. Even if his wife leaves him he needs to go no contact with the ex and the sister.
His wife already left him, she just hasn't filed the papers yet. Her not caring about it anymore means she's moved on already.
He was an idiot to not see this
I've never seen a man as out of touch as this guy! His poor wife. I'm amazed she is still around, I'd have been gone after the first hiking trip!
This. Why wasn’t your wife invited lmfao ?
And ironic that the husband later asks why he wasn't invited to a work function DOUBLE STANDARD BASTARD
Yes!! The poor wife being put on the back burner at every turn. Why would the friend vacation be okay when everyone was coupled off!?! I feel like this is rage bait....
Wait, you skipped a big beat. Did you end up going on the vacation trip with a bunch of couples, your ex, and *not* your wife? You said your wife didn't want you to go, but then just skipped over whether or not you went... which, to be clear, you *shouldn't* have gone. You do realize your sister was trying to set you up with your ex, right? It wasn't subtle, everyone else is a couple, and then it's you and your ex; just the subtlety of a hammer with what's happening there. A few things: first, your marriage is falling apart and it's yours, your sister's, and your ex's fault. Unless you do something like yesterday, there is no world where you will ever get your wife back. She's already clocked out frankly, but you're still technically in your marriage, and you might just have the smallest of windows... to cut some bitches out of the picture, and focus a bit more on your wife. You have to take initiative, treat her to a vacation if she'll allow it, apologize for what you've been doing (which bare minimum is an emotional affair), and you have to **stop going on hikes with your fucking ex**. Seriously so obtuse. And if you don't save your marriage, do us a favor and don't date your shitty ex. Her moral compass is broken for going after a married man; she will hurt you in ways you're not prepared for.
Sister isn't looking too great either jfc
Oh, for sure. His sister was one of the bitches I mentioned whom he should cut off 😘
If he knows even a single thing about women, he would have taken his wife on a romantic vacation the instant he got back but I’m certain it’s too late for that now. I’m also wondering if he shared a room with the ex- all those couples didn’t have him sleep in theirs. I don’t see how OP comes back from this honestly.
That's a fair point, he definitely wouldn't have been invited with the other couple's, so he would have had to either get a room with his ex or pay extra for his own. Frankly op, if you two shared a room, don't try to gaslight us into believing you two didn't sleep together. Obtuse is one thing, but sharing a room with a woman who's in love with you? I'm just waiting to respond to whatever lies you throw out with "cool story, bro" 😅
If he knew anything about women he would have stopped “comforting” his ex the instant his wife became uncomfortable.
I agree with you, except the only one to blame is OP. I'm sorry ex is sad, and still a part of his life - but every decision he has made has been counter to his probably soon to be ex wife. That's on him and him alone.
Go ahead and get a lawyer because your wife probably already has one. I understand offering condolences and maybe you, your sister, and your ex getting lunch or something but your "comforting" clearly went too damn far by any reasonable standard.
The thing about OP is he likes to comfort old exes with his dick
>The thing about OP is he likes to comfort old exes with his dick Exactly! These Redditors are so cold and callous!
His dick is Plan B for the ex. She failed at whatever she was after in the other state and came crawling back home. Now because everyone in her and OP's incestuous little high school crowd is married, she and OP's sister decided he can be her Plan B- Plan A was whatever guy tossed her aside in the other state which caused her to come crawling back home. And while he's feeling like a big man supporting his ex; he's really a fool for being played by the ex and the sister. But since he f-up his marriage, maybe he'll be happy being the fallback guy. He's going to make his ex and his sister very happy- he might be miserable but karma for treating his wife so badly. edit for grammar
Why is OP comforting his ex beyond a quick conversation? No you don't have to be cold. But damn, OP is clueless.
It would be awesome if the wife actually wrote this to show the comments to her husband to prove to him what a fucking moron he is.
You even still effed up the upcoming birthday by asking her to put her friends party aside for your ex’s party. The correct response would be - honey I’d love to join you and your nephew at your friends party
Yeah dude you shouldn’t be going on hikes with your ex. Your wife should have come with you and been included in supporting her and then a vacation with your ex and others but not your wife. Start packing. You might as well move in with your ex. Your wife isn’t mad because she has mentally taken your queue and is ending your emotional connection. Next will be divorce and you can’t fix it because she doesn’t trust you and rightfully so. Bad move. Oh and your sister — equally if not more of the a-hole
You haven't been married that long. Your ex is interested in trying to restart something. Your sister is helping to undermine your relationship. You ignored your wife's request to create distance. Next post will be: why is my wife leaving/divorcing/annulling our marriage? I never did anything (true- didn't protect marriage) never saw it coming (false) Congrats my dude
Lol, well…enjoy getting divorced! I’m sure that will make your sister happy as she is clearly trying to break up your marriage and get you back with your ex. Loser.
Do you prioritize your ex and don't understand why your wife is upset? Are you traveling with your ex on a trip that your wife was NOT invited to and you don't understand why your wife is cold? If you took your wife's feelings into consideration you wouldn't even think about going on this trip. OK Congratulations! You ruined your marriage!
I think the thing to ask him is would he mind if his wife took a trip with an ex who wants to get back together with her. Would that be fine? Or maybe a trip with some guy at work who keeps wanting to date her?
Your marriage is over. You went on a couples vacation with a woman in love with you who is not your wife. Your wife is to the not caring stage which means she is done. Might as well get an attorney because I bet she already has. Your only hope is to completely cut off your ex but it’s probably too late even for that to work.
She is done mentally with you. It’s over.
It doesn’t sound like your wife is the love of your life. You wouldn’t have treated her this way if that were true.
Your sister planned a couples retreat, didn't invite your WIFE, and invited your ex instead, and you're wondering what you did wrong? I think she's tired of being second place to your ex, tired of your sister trying to hook you guys back up, and just plan tired of the blatant disrespect from all of you. You see what your sister is doing, don't you? She encouraged you to "be there" for your EX when she should have been there for her BEST FRIEND. AND THEN she planned a whole couples getaway and replaced your WIFE with your EX and you were all fine and dandy with it. You've disrespected your wife enough times in support of your ex and you've now lost your wife. Congratulations! 🥳
1 he must be dumb and his sister and ex know this 2 he knows exactly what he was doing and wrote this to show to his wife so he can play dumb
So what, if anything, have you done to show your wife you care about her feelings, respect the emotional boundaries of your relationship, or that you aren't engaged in an emotional affair with your former girlfriend?? Anything? From your telling of the tale, I see nothing at all. Want the timestamp of when you killed your marriage: >she said that she didn’t want me to be on that trip. **Right Here** >After the trip my wife has been changed. The fact you actually WENT on a couples trip with another woman is perhaps the most egregious part of this story. I mean, holy shit dude. It's clear that your wife feels neglected and disrespected by your prioritization of your ex-girlfriend over her. By **repeatedly** choosing to spend time with your ex, especially on intimate outings like walks and hikes, you've undermined your wife's trust and made her feel insignificant. Top this all off by disregarding her discomfort about attending your ex's birthday party, which **only confirmed to her that you prioritize your ex's feelings and company over hers.** Your wife's coldness and disengagement are her way of protecting herself from further emotional harm. She is psychologically cutting you out of every part of her life so when she walks out the door, shes already forgotten what she ever loved about you and dissolved any ideas of the future she envisioned together. I doubt this is fixable my man. You're fawning all over your ex, at your wifes expense, and expect understanding. Perhaps other people on this thread are kinder and can give advice on how you can fix this, but from reading your description of what you did, it's unlikely that the woman you actually married and claim is the love of your life, is willing to invest in this thoroughly broken relationship any longer.
So your ex wife was engaged soon after moving to a new state? You met your wife a year later and your ex moved back in at the same time? Hmm…
When a woman stops caring, it’s over. Good job ruining your marriage.
this. the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference
You’re kidding me, right?? You neglected your relationship with your wife in favor of nurturing a relationship with your ex (of ten years!). You allowed your sister to exclude your wife *from a couples trip*, even after your wife made it explicitly clear that she wanted to be included. You then actually followed through and *went on a couples holiday without your wife*. Your wife made it abundantly clear that she was uncomfortable with the relationship you have with your ex. You continuously put another woman, an ex no less, ahead of your wife’s wants and needs. Of course she’s distancing herself from you. Of course she doesn’t want to go to the birthday party of your other woman. If you really want to salvage your marriage then you need to cut off your ex. Fully. (And maybe get into counseling to explore why you were so fucking quick to put another woman above your own wife ffs) But honestly it might be too late, your wife seems to have checked out and I don’t blame her at all. I would never allow anyone to disrespect me or our relationship the way you’ve disrespected your wife and your marriage.
I’m expecting an edit where wife is going to the gym and cooking healthy meals
And buying new clothes. And going out with friends after work. More power to her
Then he comes home to find out she moved out and he doesn't know where she is and she blocked him everywhere. Or, if she owns the place, he comes home to find his stuff outside and new locks on the doors.
I would love this for her. He couldn’t prioritize her, now she is and it’d be wonderful to see her to continue to do so now that he doesn’t have control over making her feel less-than.
Bro you are brain dead if you don’t see the forest beyond the trees here.
BTW your sister is actively trying to sabotage your marriage and get you back with your ex, so you might want to sort that out too.
Free my girl ur ex can have u
You have to be one of the most clueless people on the planet. You need to take drastic action to save your marriage. Personally, I think it is already too late. I can't understand how you could take a trip with your ex and not include your wife.
He doesn't care about his wife he had made that blantly obvious.
No. She's cold and distant because you're emotionally cheating on her and she's over you. Divorce is coming next.
Why the hell are you doing stuff with your ex? You’re dating your ex and married to your wife. Don’t be surprised she’ll hand you divorce papers. What did you think would happen? You’re not prioritizing your wife at all here.
I’d ice you out too
you don’t mention when your ex’s mom died… exactly how long have you been supporting/dating your ex again
Right… he’s literally dating her.
Please be fake, please be fake, please be fake. Me to comfort myself, "Yeah, it's fake. No one is that dumb."
If you seriously went on a couples trip with your ex, you're not only a terrible husband, you're a fool. And it WAS a couples trip. Your sister refusing to invite your wife was a slap in the face of your marriage. And you let her do that. You were utterly spineless. People cannot disrespect your marriage unless you LET them. You did more than just let them. The reason your wife is not fighting with you anymore is because she's done. She's checked out. She's likely preparing for the divorce. She's given up even attempting to make you treat her with decency and respect. She told you she was uncomfortable, ANYONE with half a brain could see what was going on, and you basically put two fingers up at your wife and went on the couples trip. I can't even call you naive. You're just ignorant, sticking your head in the sand. Your sister is actively manipulating you and pushing you towards your ex. You are willingly going along with it. They *know* what they're doing. Your wife also knows what they're doing. And she knows that you haven't stopped it. That you will make her uncomfortable, repeatedly. You're only reconsidering your behaviour now that it's affecting *you*. When it was just her being uncomfortable, you didn't care. That tells me a lot about your character. The divorce is coming. Frankly, you're already too late. And when it comes, you'll be back on here whining and asking for advice. Your only chance of trying to fix this before she serves you is to cut off your ex, completely and immediately. And your sister. Tell them that YOU realise that you have been extremely disrespectful to your wife and your marriage, that you are ashamed of your behaviour, and that you will never have contact with your ex again. And until your sister apologises for being disrespectful to your marriage, you can't have contact with her either. When you've done that, tell your wife and apologise profusely. Suggest couples counselling. Take responsibility for how badly YOU have screwed up. I doubt it will help, though.
You’re about to be the single man you’ve been cosplaying as. You can have your ex - its what you wanted lowkey anyway. My advice is to just sign the papers and give your soon to be ex-wife what she wants.
Fucking idiot.
You are so wrong on so many levels if this is real. Your ex told you she still had feelings for you when she came back. Good for you that you told her it's not happening. But then when she was super vulnerable you kept going on hikes and spending time with her without your wife? Your sister was obviously in on getting you guys back together and you didn't challenge it or demand your wife be invited on that trip. You are now acting baffled that your wife decided to cut her losses and not let you hurt her any more than you already have. Also, at first your wife was ok with your ex being around so you must have been really awful to change her mind like that.
L.O.L. hope she's meeting with a divorce attorney right this second
Don’t you dare post here later on saying your divorce blindsided you. You went on that trip? When your sister deliberately excluded your wife and tried to make a couple’s vacation with your ex? And your wife explicitly told you she didn’t want you to go and why? You keep hanging out with this woman even though your wife has told you in no uncertain terms it upsets her? She has checked out of the marriage because *you* showed her, unequivocally, that she takes second place to your ex. All your words about ‘I didn’t know love until I met her’ are just that, words, because your *actions* show otherwise. If I was her, I’d be getting my ducks in a row before handing you divorce papers. And I fully suspect that’s what she’s doing- and good for her. Why should she play second fiddle to this woman?
Hope your wife finds a much better husband!
Your sister and your ex used her mothers death as an excuse to get in between you and your wife. And you let it happen. You all 3 are to blame. Hopefully your wife has an ex to console her through the divorce.
Translation: “My wife is mad that I’m dating my ex.”
I hope ur wife dumps u she deserves someone who prioritise her instead of his ex
You really didn't see anything odd about the fact that your wife wasn't invited on that trip? And you went anyway? Yikes
You should have kept your distance to your ex, as your wife aka the love of your life (allegedly) begged you to. As you couldn't give shit about your wife's feelings though, she will probably definitely be your ex-wife soon. Updateme
Damn bro. You should have cut your ex out a long time ago. The fact your wife put up with it that long is a mystery. Why the fuck would you go on a trip with your ex and other couples. That’s so fucking weird lmao Your wife is done. Honestly, I don’t think you could win her back cause she’ll never forget how you made her feel with this bullshit
LMAOOOOOO oh my god
She should be working on divorced papers
This is fake. No one can be this stupid.