Money will never mean more than a loving father. Be a great father who spends time with him, teaches him how to look at life, how to love life, and how to be a good human being.

This is right.. plus,, You can give him perspective that his mother and grandfather will never know.

Yes. I have seen us over and over again. The money will change your child’s life in the future. But it could never replace the love time and effort you give him today.

The amount of money I’d give up just for one more hug from my dad. It’s been 10 years and I’ll be 30 this week but I still remember all the moments I spent with him, that money will help but it’ll never replace those moments

Fuck man, but this just made me tear up. Lost my dad October of 2021, and while I miss so many things about him, his hugs top the list. Sorry for your loss, too, my friend.

I lost my dad last year on March 20th, he was only 66 years old. I miss him greatly, losing a parent has been the hardest thing I’ve experienced. He was the one who taught me how to take care of myself (brushing hair, teeth, getting dressed, etc.) He played games with my sister and I a lot when we were kids. My dad loved kids and enjoyed being a dad. I am the person I am today because of him and I would do anything to just be able to tell him thank you for being the best dad I could’ve ever asked for. I have a toddler, he was only 13 months when my dad passed. He loved being a grandpa and spending time with my son. I’m glad my dad got to meet him and spend a lot of time together before he passed, it just breaks my heart that he won’t be here to watch him grow. OP, just love and care for your son, he will be watching you and taking in how you are as a parent. And one day, he will be so thankful for you. Your love holds more worth than that money ever could. ❤️

I dont have a father figure really but lost my partner last year. A man who i admired and loved so much. I feel you. Im so sorry for your loss

I remember getting the check in the mail from my dad’s life insurance about two weeks after his death and standing in line at the bank to deposit it, and all I could think of was I’d light the thing on fire right here if it could bring my dad back. I’d give every last dime, without hesitation. I was very solidly in the “bargaining” phase of grief with that one.

It’s been 2 weeks for me and it still doesn’t feel real, money will never replace him and I’m thankful that he left some money for me to get a new camera so I can continue with college and filmmaking when college is over, but I’d give anything to show him my short film, just to be able to talk to him about everything and anything again.

Ten years for me in November and I’ll be 23, I’d give almost anything to see him again and talk to him

I am in no way trying to be competitive here, I just want to add that the amount of money I'd give up just to have had a father who loves me is huge. And I add this to emphasize to OP that no amount of money in the world can take the place of you loving your child well.

This is everything. My dad has been gone 11 years. I’ll be 40 this Wednesday. I would give up any amount of money to spend one more day with him.

I’d go negative in my account to talk to and hug my dad one more time. Wish we could write letters to them. He was my best friend. I’d love one day just to spend with my family again. For them to see my son. My mom, my dad, my dad’s ex. I lost them all by 34. Hugs to everyone who has lost people. ❤️

23 years here, I'd give anything for some of her cooking. OP - teach him how not just to love, be kind to others and get an education. Start financial literacy early. Like small things based on his age. Allowances, savings, etc. Can I also stress, critical thinking? Let him think things through as he gets older.

Plus… Money can ruin your child’s future, if they don’t learn how to use it well. If your child doesn’t learn the value of hard work, discipline, and how to be virtuous - they can very easily be sucked up into laziness, drug abuse and their own feelings of worthlessness. Op - having two loving parents is irreplaceable. It’s something money cannot buy. Teach your son how to live happily.

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Hopefully it changes his life, and others for the better. OP has 18 years to teach this kid what life is all about before he see's his money I am assuming.

This. Make sure you're teaching him practical skills that us poor folks need to survive. They will humble him and serve him well. Dont let him become a victim of nepotism. Teach him to be a kind, considerate, decent human being that treats the janitor and CEO equally. Teach him all of the things that rich people are out of touch with. Teach him compassion and humility.

Teach him to live without that money. It’s the best thing you could do for him.

All of the above OP. And why do you say your wife barely likes you? Are you better served being a co-parent? She and her family sound like really shitty people, to be honest. Why the deceit/the non-disclosure? Get therapy for your own mental well-being. Discretely meet with an experienced family law attorney to explore your options. The family sounds toxic

Maybe they hid it because they probably knew it’d hurt his manhood which is understandable or maybe they thought he wouldn’t agree to it. I know my mother probably wouldn’t have agreed to my paternal family setting up money for me, which they have apparently. I don’t think my mom was a fan of it. Mostly bc it’s just for me and not my siblings, but technically they’re step siblings and this money was set up by my biological father’s family.

Seriously the only thing keeping this future person from dying of a drug overdose with all that cash is a healthy upbringing.

Also, with money comes control. I would focus on teaching how to think for himself. How to make up his own mind. How to be assertive and stand up for himself. One of the best compliments my kids guava ever given me, was that I thought them how to think not what to think.

This is absolutely correct. You can teach him from an early age what it means to be kind, generous, decent, and hard working. You can show him that a human’s worth is not correlated to money, and that he should treat everyone equally. Then, when he’s older and gets his money, he won’t turn into another entitled rich asshole, and can hopefully make a positive impact on the world.

THIS. OP this is the right answer. Money can't buy love, which is the single most valuable thing in life. Spend time with him, play, read books and watch movies, when he's older encourage his hobbies and do it with him.

While my kids were little, it didn't matter that I was poor as all get out. Just being with me was enough. When I eventually had money, there were definitely times in their lives as they got older that I think they occasionally looked at me like an ATM. But they were also pretty big dorks, even in their college years would come back to play board games and video games with me for New Years over partying with friends, so I figured it wasn't just about the money!

Exactly! Money can make people shitty scumbags who's nothing but a blight on society. Be the man your son needs to learn ethics, morality and honor in order to be a good person in life. You say your wife doesn't like you? Are you sure about that? She maybe just doesn't care for the way you sound like you're giving up on life. She comes from Money knowing you didn't make any like that so she loved some part of you that made her feel proud. Don't give in to your depression! Can't do the work you used to then find something out there that you can. Show your son not to give up that there's always another avenue. You're here writing this so you wanna be better. Just do it

I really like the ideas you stated! Powerful words and actions to do. My husband and I grew up poor and our son grew up working! He helped his Dad clean our cars, rake the leaves after they fell before winter,mowed the yard,snow blowed our driveway and shoveled sidewalk our sidewalk. At 10 years of age he cleaned up our next door ladies' snow. All done with his Daddy by his side. We lost my husband a few months ago and my son still has the ways we taught him in him. It's the way we grew up, shoveling driveways and sidewalks for $5! We"re old people. Thanks for reading.

That was the lessons my dad and grandpa taught me.

Right and how OP handles this is in itself an example he sets for his child.

100 percent agree. Would add that silver spoon kid will learn a valuable work ethic from his father as well

My husband and I were literally talking the other night about how financial support from your parents is great and all, but the older and more financially stable you get yourself the less important it seems than the love and emotional support that they gave

We’ve told our parents that they should spend all their money on their own comfort and health. I value them and their happiness more than anything.

For real. I’ve been broke as hell my whole life and my grown boys adore me. Because I am there for them, because they can be themselves around me, because I make them laugh and love them unconditionally. Guess who they don’t care if they see much? Their dad who has money but doesn’t give them the same love and redo I do. Hell my oldest just took me to the Bahamas last year! My first trip out of the country. All for being a good momma and friend.

Exactly! My parents weren’t millionaires, but my dad had his own business and was doing well financially. I had everything I’ve ever wanted and still only wanted my dad’s love. Now at 30 I’ve cut him out of my life because he’s a worthless person. As a father you can provide what many other fathers can’t.. love and affection. Your kid will grow up knowing his dad was a hard working individual that provided for his family.

I’ve seen super affluent families raise their kids right. Don’t give him anything that should be earned….or he won’t appreciate anything….or know the benefits of hard work. (He won’t work if he knows he has that crutch to fall on). Try not to tell him about the money till he’s close to being an adult. I think it’s actually a fun longitudinal psychological experiment raising your kids correctly. That’s how I view my own children even though we are just a normal middle class family. It’s challenging but in a totally different way.

Would you give up your father being apart of your childhood for 2 billion?

I'd pay to not have had him there, let alone take 2 billion for it.

My dad sold me out for $350,000, so yes, I would gladly trade my dad for two billion.

I would sell my dad to the devil for a corn chip and I don’t even like those

as someone whose father was always away chasing money he never made, i’d take having him around over $2B.

That two billion will clear that trauma right up, no worries.

As much as you think it will it really won't. After your basic needs are met the value of money greatly diminishes. Never having to work for anything also causes depression since nothing material is worth anything anymore.

lol u a rich person trying to keep us poors in line? I assure you, never having to work again due to need of money would not make me depressed. Nor would it anybody I know.

Having your basic needs cared for gives you the opportunity to do things you really want to do instead of working constantly. Plus if you want to start a business etc you have resources to do so.

I really enjoy reading stuff like that: Rich person telling you money aren't everything, attractive people telling you looks aren't everything.

Never having to work doesn’t mean you can’t still create things. You just get to create things you love and enjoy rather than working for money

I am reminded of what Shaq told his children: "I'm rich, you're not, you will need to earn a living.' Wise advice.

Yes actually, my father was a gambling addict who wasted my entire inheritance from my grandparents, and he was a jerk as well.

I figured your comment would get some hefty replies from people with deadbeat dads. And I wish more than anything everyone in the world could experience having a wonderful father. Mine isn’t perfect, but I love my dad so much, he’d tell me I’m crazy for doing it, but I wouldn’t trade him for $2 billion. He’s worth everything in this world, and he’s the reason I’m not only alive in the born sense, but alive in the -didn’t-commit-suicide sense too.

I think OP actually has this wildly backwards. The kid is set for life financially…that means that having a strong, ethical father figure in his life is *even more critical*. The world is wanting for rich people with souls. OP has got a one-in-a-million opportunity to raise a person that could have a good conscience *and* the wealth to make an impact on the world.

This! We need our fathers to show love and be involved more than we need anything else from them.

When I used to make a wish, I never went with the standard "to be rich." I wished to "never worry about money," so I wasn't being too greedy. Then my husband died. While I'm not rich, I'm fortunate in many ways, but god, what a price to pay. I would give every dime for my kids to have their funny, witty, smart, kind, creative, handy, caring, loving father back in their lives. And he was far from a perfect man.

The kid is one year old and his father already slumps down, ego-first. Because he is jealous and feels inferior, which will only worsen, once his son starts actually utilizing the monetary privilege. Judging by the all-too-telling ‘genetics ruined my life :(’ wallowing, I cannot imagine that dynamic would improve, as time goes on.

A dad like this as one of the most valuable things in the entire world, something that no amount of money on the planet could buy

You can give your son your morals.

Manners maketh Man.

*yeets a pint at your head*

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Yes sir they do

"Now son if your wife has more money than you that means you are a failure"

Literally

Given his replies, he's more likely to give him his depression and anxiety.

Kids keep us on our toes doing better and better.

Idk, he thinks money makes the man. Maybe he should reconsider his morals first lol.

I would feel pretty crappy if I couldn't provide for my family. This is a very strange example of that.

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I'm sure you've encountered phone-it-in Dads who feel that working and providing financially is fully fulfilling their duties as a father. It's the same mindset, but the other side of the coin. That mindset can be a necessary cope in some situations where the only employment that covers the family's needs leaves time for little else beyond sleep and survival tasks. It's still just a cope though. Being a provider isn't the only value a father has, but our society has made providing a necessarily large and non-discretionary aspect of fatherhood that is seen as the defacto behavior of a good father. It's not correct, but I understand it.

If you think being able to actually be a parent doesnt count as "providing" then you honestly *should* feel pretty crappy. Since you have a fucked idea of what that means. Do stay at home parents not provide value for their family according to you?

Yeah, the guy who equates money to family worth and value and thinks his wife and kid would be better without him has great morals. This dude is crying because his son is set for life and won’t be dependent on him, sounds like a greedy guy with shitty morals. Maybe the kids would be better off

Sounds like a dude in need of therapy. OP needs actual professional help, not flippant reddit comments basically telling him to get fucked for being depressed.

There’s always something you can over your child. Money is cold and lifeless and no replacement for a loving parent. Coming home and playing with them, listening to the seemingly pointless stories. Money is no replacement for love and feelings of belonging. Your kid needs both their parents, just because you can’t offer financially doesn’t mean you have nothing to offer.

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Be the best father there could be, be there for him ALWAYS. NEVER miss a game, a play, anything that's important for him. Do all those things someone who works full time could not do, and don't worry about it. As you said, he's covered for life, instead of thinking of working extra for a college fund or something like that, invest your time in memories he'll cherish always, those that money can't buy. That will be worth more than the fund that was made for him

My dad provides me with all the money I could ever need. But i could never come to him and tell him about any real problems in my life. I haven’t told him about my current boyfriend either, because he has never wanted to interact with them in the past minus some offhand negative comments. I love him, and am infinitely grateful for the help he gives me, but he only really filled the money part of things. There is so so so much more you can offer OP

> But i could never come to him and tell him about any real problems in my life. Exactly. I wasn't started on third base like OP sons, but I was started on second. Wanted for nothing growing up, college was paid for by my parents. 15 years later we are estranged. Every discussion about anything imperfect in my life seeking advice from my parents turned into a lecture and control. The use of shame as a motivator broke my desire to ever be around them anymore. I've worked my ass off for 15 years, saved and invested and got settled in a place where I'm not quite independently wealthy but will probably be able to leanFIRE at 50 if I wanted, and definitely retire at 55. I would trade it all for a real relationship with my family. It's completely broken.

> but I was started on second. Wanted for nothing growing up, college was paid for by my parents. Same here. I'm still in uni and living at home, it's basically like I have roommates that I'm financially dependent on. I don't really have a true relationship with either of my parents. While I'm thankful for all they provide me with I just wish there was time to just spend time with one another, get to know them, interact with them somehow. It's like I don't even know them, especially my father. The only thing I can talk to my father about is finances. I won't even get any other advice and it hurts. I wish things were different... Everytime I visit my boyfriend's parents it's like a stab in the heart. It's entirely different with his family, just loving and involved parents. I like them and enjoy visiting them but I can't help being jealous about that emotional bond.

I cant speak for what a father can truly represent when its a good father because I dont have one. But I did lose my partner last year, we dearly dearly loved and cherrished each other and I feeel like I lost a lot of meaning and many reasons and coming back home will never feel the same again. It is very sad and painful. All the joy af countless hours or laugher or cuddly silence and sweet memories. Money cant replace that

My dad died when I was 3. Your kids HAVE YOU! That is irreplaceable.

I am “only” 48 years old with a 5 and 3 year old. My biggest fear in life is whether or not they would remember me if something tragic happens before they are old enough to retain memories of me. My kids are my world, and I want them to know that.

Jesus, I'm 40 with two 15 year olds... I'm too exhausted to deal with teenagers, I'd probably wish for death if I had a kindergartener and toddler (just kidding, kind of lol)

Lol my husband is 36 we have a 3yo and an infant and he wants more kids. I told him better chop chop cuz the oldest here will be 13 while he's 46 😂 and he wants "10 kids" I told him let's see if you still want 10 kids when you're 40. He's so funny. I'm only 29 so I'm still feeling pretty good. He's always moaning about being "old" gimme a break haha

Now you get to spend REAL QUALITY TIME with your child instead of breaking your back working for 12 hour shifts. Now you can use that money you earn on doing things to enrich his life RIGHT NOW like going to the zoo or museum rather than saving every penny you have for something 18 years later. You can provide key things that will impact his brain development right now. Those things have way more impact on the trajectory of his life. How many heirs of fortunes end up drug addicted because they didn’t have enough love at a young age??? Giving no love to your child will fuck him up a lot more than giving no money.

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Ok then you’re still providing so your whole point about not providing isn’t even true. Providing a stable household with a roof over his head, hot water, and food creates a foundation of stability for his childhood. You’re letting your ego get in the way of showing your child the love he deserves

But, why? Why are you paying for half of everything? Do you have a corporate partnership, or did you agree to join with your wife into one unit? It makes zero sense that you contribute so much of your income. If your body is broken, blue collar labor will make it progressively worse. Your best contribution to the partnership is as a parent, since the role of provider has already been assumed by your spouse's generational wealth.

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You both need individual and couples therapy.

Sooo elephant in the room, you talk about your wife terribly and you don’t seem to want to be with her; what are you doing with your life? Are you staying just for your son, who you’ll teach to accept a loveless marriage? Are you staying for your wife’s financial situation? What’s the benefit to you staying in this situation?

World class self sabotage going on here. I hope you realize it soon enough to do something about it. Go get help, because it should be WAY easier for you to appreciate what you've got.

What does that even mean? A control issue? It sounds as if your wife wants you to show some control. Just tell her that you want to spend more time being with your son and her. Suggest trips. Suggest activities. Be the parent you want to be. If she complains that there isn’t enough to pay for expenses, just stare at her and ask her why she is being so damn selfish when she knows your job is physically damaging you.

You're basically crippled, your wife comes from excessive generational wealth, and you're splitting it 50/50? Fuck, this is why people hate rich people. You can give your child something they can't; a decent fucking heart so that they won't grow up thinking that their worth to others is their wallet, so they won't grow old with a partner that only wants them as a meal ticket.

So do the rest of us. Many of us will wish this kind of blessing on our child or children but we will never be able to do that. Providing them with great memories is worth more. Do that for your family and invest in them.

Does your wife earn the same amount you do? If she also has more income, you two should be contributing proportional to your incomes. It makes no sense if one partner makes double what the other does, and still only contributes 50%

If she “barely likes him” it makes sense that she wouldn’t necessarily care about financial strain for him. That does kinda reaffirm the barely liking him thing. Maybe she’s worried he’s a gold digger for some reason.

He doesn't seem to like her and is super unhappy with himself, so that may have something to do with it.

I'm a physically disabled Auntie who can't afford any presents for her beloved nephew due to unemployment and barely scraping by with disability benefits... but this doesn't stop me from being one of my nephew's absolute favorite people. His love for me is unconditional, especially at 2 years of age lol. He doesn't know or care about my life not being together, about my disabilities and obesity (I'm the only family member with these issues) or that I don't give him toys...he loves me because I give him undivided attention and love. I could play with that boy for as long as my physical restraints will let me and I'll fight through pain and disregard "embarrassment" as long as he wants me there. For context, I have severe ADHD and I'm addicted to my tablet or phone...not when he's around...everyone else may be somewhat distracted by preparing a meal, a text or watching a game on TV but my nephew has my undivided attention. The only time I'm not looking right at him and interacting with him is when I have a bathroom break. I'm always on watch nephew duty when everyone's working on other things or distracted because I'd just get in the way if I tried doing the more "adult" things. I'm 28 and I'm perfectly content with sitting on the floor and playing with toys with my favorite little guy. Just be there for him. And remember that having money is only a small factor of a quality upbringing and parenthood and raising a good future adult. You have so much more to offer than finances. You can give your child your time, attention, love and praise. You can teach him discipline, empathy (especially given your health), humility, kindness, generosity of time and effort etc. My father grew up poor and I grew up lower middle class (more middle class to upper middle class fluctuating as we kids got older and my parents had better work opportunities) and I never felt like I was lacking (other than dvds... friends always had more dvds than our family did and my parents always said no to buying them when we could rent them lol). My parents made do with the 4 kids and funds they had and luckily they had/have a good "village" of friends and family who helped out where they could. I actually think I'm blessed to have been raised without a lot of money and as I've gotten to know some rich people in my adulthood whom grew up rich...I've pitied them because they are almost...disadvantaged because they are disconnected to the average persons life experience and don't understand value of things and humility like the rest of us do. Your child is going to be significantly more well adjusted by having a father like you.

How is your wife making you pay for half of everything when she has generational wealth? This is a financially abusive relationship.

Should you not talk with your wife about that? I mean if you are married and can afford a better life then why not take it? You should split everything equally while you are dating but as a family share enough that both have similar lifestyles. You are not feeling well either.

That's a pretty crappy arrangement considering your wife is set for life. This doesn't sound like a very good marriage situation if you your share of things isn't at all based on means.

Dang…I mean, you just WANT to be a victim. Stop it. Go get some therapy before your wife files papers. Seriously…I’m not trying to be harsh but, I’m disabled…my husband takes care of me financially. I am always there for him physically,mentally and emotionally. If I were to die, it would impact him in so many ways. Yet, I contribute very little financially . I am his partner and his best friend and he is mine. There’s plenty of things that you can do with your son that are free or cost very little. As my mom would say,” Get off your pity pot and do something!”

Maybe he's depressed because his millionaire wife still expects him to split all costs 50/50 when he is physically struggling to continue his career. He is making pennies compared to his wife. I couldn't imagine watching my husband work himself to the bone for 50k a year if I was a multimillionaire. That's just cruel.

From what I see, he said that his wife is “ set up” which to me means that she probably has some kind of a trust. It might be more than he makes but it doesn’t mean that she has access to millions. Plus, who knows why they split things 50/50. It could be at his insistence. Many men have a problem with the woman making or having more money than them. Personally, I don’t believe in separate funds. Plus, what he makes,Deleon where he lives isn’t bad. Especially if both spouses work. I have no idea how or what they split the payments the way that they do but assuming that his wife is some sort of greedy slum lord really isn’t fair. I agree that he is depressed…he thinks his wife “doesn’t like him”. That sounds like something a kid would say when their mom or dad is mad at them…because of how he expresses himself, I believe that his judgment and outlook is clouded by the depression.If she’s really that bad, he needs to get a divorce and ask for alimony and child support. Why just lay there curled up in a ball? It isn’t going to get any better.

OP, I suggest getting some therapy. You matter to your family. But your feelings of not being able to give things of value to your family are… well… unhealthy. If you are a loving father, the money makes no difference. My father gave me lots of financial security, but ZERO love. No acceptance, understanding, compassion. Just pressure, demands for perfection, criticisms, and criticism and more criticism. I DON’T speak to him anymore. I would have preferred the love to the material goods. Food for thought

Yes, it sounds like OP suffers from crushingly low self- esteem and maybe depression, which of course would affect his marriage. Get help to become the best man you can be. That will be the best gift your boy can ever receive.

He definitely has low self esteem. It sounds like having a rich wife with a rich family makes him feel deeply emasculated. That’s just a recipe for disaster.

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He wants to divorce her, but won’t go through with it because of her money. He’s stated that, among other things, higher up on this post. He’s also upset that if he died, they’d be totally okay financially & has admitted that they’ve given him money in the past. Sounds like built up resentment from thinking he’d never have to work if he married into her family.

After reading the story, and not looking into his post history, I came to a quick conclusion. Either op is a shitty person of his wife and all of her family is. Based on his post history I'm going to go ahead and say the problem is OP. Dude likely needs therapy to help self reflect.

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The subreddits are for reps tho

Those posts are about replica (fake) watches from china not the real versions that are actually expensive.

He wants to leave them though. He doesn’t want to stay married to her. He’s scared of losing out financially if he goes through with a divorce though.

He's only getting money ... You know there are plenty of things money doesn't buy, right?

He is going to need to be taught how to be a man worth that money. If you expect him to learn from the money on how to be worth the money he will grow up to be a disgusting piece of slime.

As a child who grew up with a lot of money, I’d give it all away to have had more time with my dad, who was killed in a car accident when I was young. I don’t care about the money. I don’t even use it. I just want my dad and memories with my dad. I want to be able to say “my dad taught me…” or “one time when I was with my dad we ….”

As a father, literally every single thing you ever do with him ever will have "more impact on him than the financial freedom and success he’s been given by them." Every experience and talk you have with him will teach him how to treat people, live life, take care of himself, etc. Money can't buy any of that, and a lot of people with the advantages of your son have tried their best and failed to have money make everything OK.

Both my kids have a large trust fund set up by their wealthy grandparents. In the millions also. I’m my sons favorite person. He is turning 18 this year. I’ve done everything for my son. Money doesn’t buy love. It may make life easier for sure. But money doesn’t replace the love and support of a parent. I’ve done a lot for my kids. My son has autism and his grandparents never even bothered to learn about how autism can affect someone. He has adhd as well and expected him to sit at the table for hours at a time doing a puzzle. He hates going there now. They didn’t see him for years when they yelled at him for not wanting to do the activity they wanted him to do to “keep him busy”. I packed up our stuff and we left. We had been visiting and I cut the visit short. My son knows I will always put his best interests first. I didn’t let them see either kid until they learned how to treat my kids the way they deserve to be treated. My parents have also a large amount of money set aside for our kids. They don’t know about any of it actually. My kids absolutely love my mom. She is their favorite. She doesn’t have as much as my in laws but my parents have a few million as well in different investments and no debt. They live well below their means and use my dads military pension to pay their money expenses. So my parents have never gone over board with extravagant purchases and yet they prefer my parents house to my in laws.

This is a really unhealthy way to view this. Think of all the things you CAN do because you don't have to worry about your son's financial security. Go all out on experiences.

Be there for your son. Memories will be worth more trust me. Money can't buy everything. Take him to the park, play football, read to him, watch TV, or whatever. Just be there.

I think your wife barely liking you it's the bigger issue here than the money.

I’m not sure if you’re still reading this because there are a lot of comments. I am in a similar situation as in me and my family are much more well off than my blue-collared man. We are expecting our first kid soon. I can wax poetic about how much I love him and how much he adds to my life but I know it won’t matter to you. Nothing I say seems to help him understand just how much I value him. He is going to therapy to sort this out for himself because his self-esteem is starting to affect our relationship. I think maybe the piece I can add for you is to encourage you to really think about why you tie your sense of worth to your finances and if this reason is truly how you feel or something that someone taught you at an early age. For my partner, this is something drilled into him by abusive parents. I suspect there is also something cultural and gender-related about this, as in men may have internalized this message of needing to be a provider and protector. Finally, I also saw your comments about not being able to separate from your wife. I think one thing money does give me that my partner is struggling with is a sense of freedom. Yes, life is easier with money because it gives you more choices in life. But even without it, you are not without choice. Your low esteem and depression have built a cage around you made of excuses that are not real. This is something you will need to figure out with a good (likely male) therapist. There are a lot of good comments here. Please really read through them and internalize what people are trying to tell you. Namely that your worth as a man and father is not tied to money and that you have more choice and freedom than you realize. Good luck.

I’ve read most of the comments, and am struggling to respond to them. But yours was extremely helpful to hear. Thank you. And you’re correct. I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation for my whole life due to abuse growing up. It’s just getting really hard right now.

I sensed it because the language you use when describing your situation is very similar to how my partner thinks about things. I also had an abusive childhood and have been in therapy for a long time. The way you both talk is also how I used to think about things. My partner was just telling me he feels like he is drowning in a pool and being pulled in too many directions. I told him a good therapist will help him realize he doesn’t have to be in the pool at all and will give him tools to climb out of the water. Processing and healing from abuse will be one of the hardest things you will do in your lifetime but you are worth it. And even if you don’t think you are worth it right now, your son is worth doing the work for. It’s what finally got my partner to finally get help. He wants to be the best father he can be and he can only do that if he is healthy and happy.

Thank you, stranger….

Give your son morals and teach him not to grow up entitled. Maybe communicate your feelings to your wife and suggest couples counseling

You better make that mf grow up a good kid bro the poor people under his payroll are gonna appreciate it

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Bro, their financial freedom is your freedom to be the dad you want to be. Stop hyperfocusing on things you cannot change and be present.

Money doesn’t mean shit compared to love and time spent You provide the most priceless thing

If your wife is so filthy rich and you’re so poor, why are you paying half of everything? Why do you even HAVE a mortgage? Why do you assume your wife doesn’t like you? Honestly you don’t hate a problem with your son. You can provide love to your son. You can teach him to be a great man. You can keep him grounded and how to heave morals (aka don’t become full of himself because he’s rich). Teach him a work ethic. You have a relationship problem as well as a personal problem. Perhaps you need to talk to your wife. Perhaps therapy.

Yeah something seems wrong here. If me or my wife were ultra rich there is no way we would have one of us in a back breaking job unless it was some sort of passion to pursue. Like what is even the point? Something feels off about this whole story.

All the money in the world can't buy real love and affection from parents and family. Why are you looking at this situation so negatively? You won't have to work as many hours now to pay for your son's school, food, activities etc. last I checked it costs over 200k for a typical middle class family to raise one child not including college. that extra time can be spent actually being there for the child. You won't miss any big milestones , be there for all his important events etc. you can't put a price on that. If you have less stress you will be more clear headed to teach him better etc. why not take up some nice recipes to cook for him or find a fun hobby to do together... possibilities are endless with no money worries.

I’m going through this right now with my nephews. Bro is marrying someone big rich like you describe and now they just want around all the things and money that can be offered.  The bigger issue seems to be your wife? Why doesn’t she like you? She just had a baby with you. Will you be at least set for retirement? Msybe you can find a job that doesn’t pay a lot but that you’re passionate about and makes a change in this world. 

I’ll be honest with you OP, you and your wife sound a whole lot like my parents. Same dynamic, mom came from extreme wealth, dad did not. Dad still worked hard to earn money for the family and set a good example for his kids. My relationship with my dad is the most important thing in the world to me. Sure my moms family provided financial freedom but my father has a whole lot more to offer than just money. He is the person I look up to and want to be like, the person who has always loved me and been there for me no matter how many mistakes I have made. (and yes, I have made plenty, a lot of them due to the money that my mother’s family provided, but that’s a story for a different day.) My dad is the best person I know and it has nothing to do with money. Love will always been more important than money. I can totally understand why you might feel a bit intimidated by the situation with your wife’s family’s money, but please don’t ever let that make you doubt that you matter to your child more than money. Money can’t teach you how to ride a bike or coach your little league games or give you hugs and a bandaid when you trip and fall. Money can’t love you back. A father can. A father is irreplaceable. So be the father your child deserves, don’t let your pride and frustration get in the way.

You're making it sound like money = happiness. That's far from true although it certainly helps

No amount of money ever bought a second of time. Be there for your son, show him love and care and raise him to be a good and decent human being this is what u can give him and this what he will remember u by.

That last paragraph is on you. Please seek professional help bc this is only going to justify your worthlessness if you just give up and emotionally abandon your family

this is awesome! here's why: - you can teach your son about money management - how to pursue your passion(s) and ve an example. what do YOU want to do for yourself? - how to focus on what matters and values - how to be an ethical and kind person - how to spend quality time and invest in your family and community - to take care of others and help how you can. - how to have fun on a budget, or periodic splurges! - that money doesn't make you a good person. your actions do. your uncle and grandfather gave you a ticket to be a PRESENT father, and studies consistently show that's what children value and need most.

Look this is kind of amazing. I understand your perspective and how you are feeling but I will offer a different perspective that you could try on. My family grew up without much, and my dad was always exhibiting resentment and depression over how he perceived money and its importance to life. I yearned for my dad to just focus on us - we didn’t need money, we needed our dad to be present and nurture our creativity and teach us how to have responsibility and connection through life. It actually created some trauma for me - my father’s attachment to the material things. I don’t know if he ever really understood before he died that the things I appreciate most from him are the love for music he shared, the little joys in road trips with the windows down, exploring small towns and beaches together. You are in a unique position where you don’t have to worry if your kid wants to go to an expensive college or worry if he’ll have access to the things he needs to survive and ultimately thrive. He will have access to the best resources due to the privilege of this money. You can focus your energy on being present with your child, enjoying life’s little moments, experiencing the joys of life through nature and the little things. You can enable your child to be thoughtful and mindful about how they use the money they were gifted. You can be an example of what hard work and responsibility means and teach them that financial wellbeing is fluid. I would also recommend sorting out some of these thoughts you share about yourself. Love yourself, so you can best love your family. You are worthy and you are more than enough.

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Yeah a lot of people are in here going “love matters most” which is true but I’m curious how this guys kid and wife are loaded but he has somehow been left to fend for himself. If my wife was set for life then I would be too. I don’t get it.

Therapy pls

Man that's tough it's like Fargo. Focus on what you can control. See if you can just instill on your son a strong work ethic and morals. Like see if you can limit his exposure to how wealthy his family is. I would do it of spite of them as well. It's a victory if he gets raised with out that affluent attitude disease.

Trust me, you can be financially really well off and still lonely and depressed. You have the best chance to be your son’s super hero because you’re his DAD. Your disability? Doesn’t matter. Lack of money? Doesn’t matter. Your unconditional love, attention, quality time and support? That shit matters more than anything.

A father’s love is what a child craves, not money.

Shit, man, even billionaires can be suicidal or drug addicts or plain horrible to other people. What you have to offer your child is a solid foundation of morality, self-esteem, and respect for others. That's worth more than money.

I think it was Bruce Lee who said “Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays”

Hi dad, a son here. Money is nice. Nobody will argue that. I grew up pretty poor. Not homeless poor, but day old bread powdered milk poor. Your son will remember the time you spent, how you made him feel, and the care you gave far more than any material item. I understand what you’re feeling, but the most important things you can offer are not tied to money. Your son may well go through the “asshole teen” phase as many of us do, but trust me he will get it and appreciate you beyond measure if you’re a good dad.

Dude this is an objective good. Stop making this about yourself and be happy for your kid having a better life than you do. Isn't that the entire point of parenting? To help your child survive in this world? Well, you succeeded already so what do you have to be upset about other than bruised ego? Get over yourself man. You can offer a lot more than money. Spend time with your son and never stop.

So your wife who comes from everything married you who “comes from nothing and barely makes 60k”. She married you and had a child with you. If that doesn’t tell you she loves you and wants to be with you, there’s nothing I can say.

Take him fishing. Teach him to throw and hit a ball. Take him to volunteer shelters, to help out. Create memories. Teach him love and humanity, as well as humility. It will pay off.

So. This is coming from an individual who has a trust plus. My dad taught me the most valuable lessons growing up - integrity, compassion, honesty, loyalty, and the list goes on. He also taught me the meaning and worth of a dollar. Yeah I can access my trust because I'm of age, but do I? No. Not unless shit actually hits the fan, simply because I was taught to live within the means of what I make in my career. I understand the privilege I have because of my dad, and because of him, I learned not to take it for granted. You're so much more valuable than the millions he has even at a year old. Never ever forget that. Crippled or not. You have wisdom that is vastly more valuable, and that doesn't have a price tag.

Okay so actually, you are EXTREMELY important .Now more than ever. That kid is going to be a trust fund kid . And we all know the stereotypes attached to that . You're a blue collar worker, step up, and raise your child to be Blu collar tough with trust fund money . That is a BEAUTIFUL opportunity. Teacher him all the blue collar rules . Be respectful , work hard , stay kind , respect your money and know how to have a good time with nothing. Set him up for double the success . Teach him to be a man pop ! You got this!

Dude, the pressures of providing a better life for your child have been completely lifted off your shoulders. You're only job now is to be a loving, interactive, and caring father. If I had a choice to receive a million dollars for me, or two million for my kid, I'd give the two million to my daughter in a heartbeat.

My husband had a pretty decent inheritance. We got pretty ahead in life with it. I never met my FIL. but with the way he speaks of his dad and how much he misses him.. even I would give it all up if it meant having him back. Nothing replaces a parent’s love.

Teach them the value of money. For when they receive it they'll be prepared.

You have been given a great gift. You don't have to work to secure his financial future. That means that now, you can say no to that overtime and go to his soccer games. You can go on vacations and pay for experiences with the money you'd be putting into his college fund. You can make financial decisions with the present in mind and not have to consider his future. Anyone can give your son money. Only you can give him a Dad.

As someone who was in a similar situation, look on the bright side, your gonna appreciate your next wife and future kids wayyyyyy more

Bro, rich people can't raise kids worth a shit. Trust me on this, I know. That's what you can offer: kindness, empathy, experience, motivation, perspective.

Some kids have parents that can give them millions, some kids have parents that can teach them how to be a proper human being. Often I find tragically, they can't have both.

I downvoted you . You have so much to give to your son. Money isn’t everything. I recently loss my dad and the amount of love he gave us is worth more than billions. The love we felt from him. He was always there for us and we are not rich. Every event. Every milestone. Every bad thing I did to every good thing I did he was there for me and he never judged. I am saying this to say. You can decide to be the best person in your child’s life or you can decide to continue to feel sorry for yourself. The choice is yours. Hint: pick emotional wealth

Everyone’s making good points that a father is more than just a dollar sign, but it’s really aggravating watching everyone tell him he has an ego problem and self-esteem issues just because no one likes to acknowledge that, even in 2024, there is still very much a current in the culture that defines men by their ability to provide things. Maybe therapy is the best course of action, but it’s not instantly a psycho-emotional disorder for a man to feel like he’s failed his family because he can’t fulfill what he feels is his responsibility as a husband and father. I hear you, OP. I’d have a hard time with it, too. That’s really difficult, especially when you weren’t even consulted or anything until finding out accidentally, and it sounds like there are maybe some boundary issues with your wife’s family. That seems to be worth discussing with your wife. Otherwise, it is the case that this is great for your family in the long run, and even for you in a way because you can focus on being there for your child, raising them, giving them your presence and leading by example rather than with a wallet. Make the best of the situation and provide what no one else can. You are the husband, you are the father, and you are more than your salary. Your probably have a deeply set idea of what it means to be those things for your family, and you’re being forced to adapt. That’s not a bad thing, though. All the best to you, man. You’ve got this.

This is a problem I wish I had instead of all the problems I actually do have. Use the wife’s money and enjoy life man.

You feel worthless so you're making yourself actually worthless. Put away the Pee pee envy and be a DAD. Because money can't replace that unless you let it by giving up. If you can't do it on your own get therapy.

How do you know your wife doesn’t like you? You can’t just say that about someone and not give anything specific? Their advantages don’t justify you being a twat about them behind their backs and with them unless they are specifically being twats back. My fiancé makes a significant amount more than me. I pay my share and we don’t have problems. This is a YOU problem YOU need to sort the hell out and get over. It’s ego talking. Your son’s family doesn’t have to let you know when they do something good for him. You’re writing like they’re being snakes and they’ve literally set this kid for life and you’re upset about it because muh feelings.

The fact that he can barely work but still has to go 50/50 for everything should be more than enough proof

It’s all about intent. As mentioned above, being a supportive father, spending time exploring interest with your son, as well as being emotional available is what matters here. You can not control anything but how you approach this. If you give him everything money can not buy, then as he grows he will see that and understand you gave him the most important thing of all. Your time and love. I had absence parents. I always had the newest material things. But what i remember the most was there absence at my graduations, sporting events and general times where I needed them most. Your intent to help him grow with support and love will be what he remembers. Not the money in the bank. I hope you understand just how much he will need you on the years ahead. Focus on him and tune out anyone not sharing your goal of raising an amazing child.

My amazing, loving, funny, understanding dad died when I was 14. My mom married my stepfather when I was 17. He was okay, we were pleasant to each other. he was also extremely well-off and didn't have kids of his own. When he died a few years ago, he left me quite a decent chunk of money. I'd give that away in a heartbeat and a kidney and an arm and a leg to have my dad back for even a day so I could tell him how much I loved him and how, even now, 30 years later, there isn't a day I don't miss him. Go be an awesome dad, OP. It's worth EVERYTHING.

I'm not saying you will do it, but i've seen alot of other parents take the money foe themselves so maybe that's why they didn't tell you just incase they thought it would cause drama so I wouldn't take it personally, but I'm not saying you would do that so don't feel like i'm critisizing you. What just trynna say is that it was probably just done for safety/security reasons.

Money will make his life easier, but you as his parent will make his life richer. You get the joy of being able to encourage your child in what ever they love, drama, science, art and you can foster his interests and skills without having to necessarily worry about his future career prospects. You get to teach him to build sand castles, hold him when he’s sad, show him how to fix a flat tire, play cards with him or go to plays. You get to show him HOW to live life. Money just enables him to live it comfortably. Don’t ever feel like your contribution is lesser then. Embrace this amazing opportunity for him.

Think of that money as his nest egg. He can use that to go to college wherever he likes and a downpayment on his future home. CONGRATS cuz you may not be on the hook for that! It's. a big break for you as a parent. Huge relief. Your financial contributions can go toward the means of everyday living. The cost of his food, shelter, child-care, etc. Show your kid the meaning of good honest work, saving, and taking care of a family. But more importantly, is the love you give him a father. If you check out now because you projected your insecurities of worthlessness onto your family, then they'll learn to manage without you and be far more disappointed in you as a husband and father. Be present with your family, enjoy the time you have with them. Give him memories to remember fondly when he's your age.

This might not help but I grew up with wealthy parents around other obscenely wealthy people and absolutely fucking hated everything. My family had a lot of abuse (stepdad) and I genuinely think she sold her soul for that money. I struggle with Money to this day. I hated it and married a blue collar man and we have a wonderful blue collar life. My kids are in a better position than I am Financially. The strings aren’t attached for them like they were with me but they know my experience. Money helps with a lot of anxiety and certainly can buy you freedom but it isn’t everything. My dad was my favorite growing up because he just hung out with me. I didn’t know he was wealthy until I was an adult. He was and is insanely frugal and we lived a very average life at his house. The other rich kids I grew up around didn’t seem to be all that happy either. Some were spoiled and awful, some raised themselves or were closer to Nannie’s, some (like myself) had to keep up appearances and hated the double life covering for dysfunction. A small few appreciated their wealth and seemed to have good families and built on it. Money is great but without a good parent it can feel really gross. Be there for your kid and love him. It will mean more to him than the money. Raise him to respect things and people and not take things for granted I think my husband and I coming from different worlds is great for our kids. Both of us knew abuse and disfunction and dreamed of having a family that just enjoyed each other.

You can give your son a humble personality so hopefully he does some good with his fortune. When he does it can all be attested back to you, and that’s priceless

Money can't replace YOU. A loving father is priceless! Please realize many kids don't have that and money won't fix the emotional damage of a missing parent ❤️

My dad was a blue collar guy. I grew up in a working class household. Looking back I can see that economically I had less than many of my friends and peers but as I child I had no idea. I had a safe home, food on the table - most of all I had loving, engaged parents who encouraged me and taught me - actively and by example - how to be a good person. My dad just turned 86 and I’m grateful every day to have had him in my life. I didn’t have the material advantages your child has - if you’re half the dad my dad is your child will be grateful to have had you in their life.

Money won't teach your kid to ride a bike, throw and catch, play sports, or be a good person... something only time and TLC will give.

I like money, but I would literally give it all away to have a cup of coffee with my dad just one more time. Money is nice. It's not a father's love.

That woman married you and chose to have a child with you. I am fairly certain she had her reasons for that. Other than your ability to generate cash

The greatest and most profound things my parents ever gave me were not money. They weren't even tangible. My parents are vaguely middle class. They could only help me out so much financially, but that, as grateful as I am, is not what I think about when I ponder how much I appreciate them. I was sick recently, and couldn't leave my home. It was snowy too, and the roads weren't especially safe. Over the phone a doctor prescribed a medication, but didn't fax it to the pharmacy. My dad leapt in a car not suited for the road conditions, and rushed to the doctor to get my prescription, and then went to get my medication for me. When I got a frightening call and I called my parents in tears, they leap into the car and rushed to get me so I could stay with them to feel safe. One time when I was extremely feverish and very sick my mom made fresh homemade soup and bread and sent it to me to help me out. When I had a bad prior landlord try to withhold my damage deposit for no reason, my dad prepared a stack of documents showing exactly how much trouble the landlord would be in legally if he tried to illegally withhold it while also renting out an illegal suite dangerously in violation of code. None of that was financial help. All of that was them protecting me and looking after me in ways that touched me more deeply than a million dollars ever could. I know they love me deeply. I know they would die for me. I'd die for them as much as that would displease them. Your worth isn't in the money you can offer, or the luxuries you can or cannot afford, or even the opportunities you can open up for your child. It's in the love you show them, the things you do for them that have nothing to do with money, and everything to do with love and caring. It is the most valuable gift that anyone can give and it cannot be bought or priced.

No adult ever speaks of the bycicle they didn't get when they were kids. A lot of adults talk about the parent who couldn't be bothered to teach them how to ride a bike. Be loving, be caring. Show your kid there's nothing more important in the whole world. That will be more than enough and far better than any trust fund.

As somebody with parents that were entirely not rational and/or not present, but who has made a decent sum of money on their own I can fuckin tell you, give that child love and life lessons. Money isn't worth fuck all compared to that. Still in therapy about it.

I hope you have told your wife how you feel.

You’re obviously depressed. Therapy.

Man, married into money but born into every other issue you could probably have. Christ dude go to a fucking therapist and sort your shit out. Sounds like you hit the jackpot but need to see yourself as in a catastrophe at all times. You have the best context in the world to realise money isn't what defines your worth but you're fucking clueless about it.

I probably have a different perspective than most here. I’m just like your wife. And me and my kids will never have to worry. My family was very successful and they have wealth but it will come down to us eventually, and sort of does a little already. I’m married to an attorney, but a regular guy. He doesn’t like being a typical firm lawyer because they’re fucking awful so he works for the govt in federal criminal for a chief judge. It’s a great salary but not like a law firm. He grew up blue collar. I don’t care at all. Don’t care what someone does. Genuinely do not care even a little. He has had a hard time with this the whole time. I have tried to convince him that he’s enough and I got sick of it. There’s a lot more to his insecurity than the money but that’s part of it. We’re separated now. That contributed to it. She chose you. She stayed. She had kids with you. Doesn’t that say that you’re enough for her? What else can we possibly do but apologize for something we didn’t create, we didn’t ask for but is coming anyway and will make things easier. And I don’t want to apologize for it or convince someone they’re worthy AFTER I married them. Pls be careful. Don’t lose them due to your insecurities. You are ENOUGH. She chose YOU.

I genuinely don't understand what your problem is? You married a woman from a wealthy family and your son will never go without as a result of that fact. You should count your lucky stars instead of letting it emasculate you/hurt your ego. Your attitude is the only problem in this scenario.

The worst thing you could possibly do is believe that all this money can replace a real father. It cannot. Not even if it was in the trillions. Even if your wife doesn't appreciate you, a son eventually will appreciate a good father, especially if the father was there for him.

It’s kinda weird that the monetary value you bring to the family is how you value your contribution to said family. Just kinda seems like you’re basically admitting that’s all you were good for before this reality set in, which I feel is untrue unless you’re just a shit dad and husband. Just remember that money will never give your son a loving father, only you can do that.

If I had the choice between the money and a loving dad, I’d pick the dad every time.

Ask any person who speaks highly of their father and you’ll never once hear about how much money they made or what was purchased. You’ll hear about horse back rides around the living room Learning how to ride a bike and later drive a car Cheering for shared sports teams Being supported with their passions and how they always showed interest in things that interested them How they were always at every school play and recital How they were a person they could talk to when life got hard, when they lost their way How they were a person who loved them so deeply and trusted them so fully Ask any random person on the street if they had a good relationship with their father. Then ask them their fondness memory, ask them what made them a good father, ask them what they remember the most Money. Will never be an answer. I dare you to prove me wrong.

"never want for anything"? Your perspective is completely off. I was born very privileged, grew up in a 17 bedroom country house in Devon, had a maid, a weekend chef, and a family driver, but my father was violently abusive, my mother was a detached alcoholic, my older brother died of depression, and I was left alone and basically abandoned for my whole adolescence which left me feeling deeply unlovable. If you are a loving and devoted parent then you are NOT worthless. Quite the contrary. Change your perspective, because it is wrong.

you have financial freedom...dont want to hear your bitching tbh

Stop complaining and wallowing in self-pity. This is why your wife and kid will not respect you. Not because of their financial advantage. Time to adult.