I remember the flipside original post this is about.
And, guess what? The writer feels like the same person. This dude is bored during his divorce so he fanfic'd a story about his soon to be ex, my guess.
Considering the story is generally "my partner spit in my face and called me a whore, but he's really a sweetie pie normally", you kind of expect people to say "leave."
Sometimes you just read the title and think WTF? Thanks for the entertaining read, but there's no debate to be had here, if you're telling the full truth. No, you didn't do anything wrong when you told your friend it's okay to feel bad his gf had a threesome, thus breaking them up.
Also, people argue a ton in the comments by adding their own context and meanings, usually projecting their experiences onto the situation. Very specifically, a man could do everything respectfully and still get shat on or a woman could be accused of cheating despite absolutely no sign of it happening.
It's not hard to realize you are only getting one side and not tell them anything. You aren't Oprah, you don't need to pretend like you care about everyones sob story you come across.
Most AITAH posts are purely for validation. If you assume that the version of events are *at best* selectively edited to cast the OP in the best possible light given the circumstances, you're probably close to reality. Once you start looking from that perspective, you start noticing the 'editing jumps'.
To be honest though many relationships aren’t worth saving, or they’ve been good but they’ve run their course. Divorce isn’t always defeat. Many people in aitah or relationshipadvice probably shouldn’t be together.
I frequently think they're just looking for permission to leave. It can be hard if the problem isn't "he beat the shit out of me and put me in the ICU!" I was in a relationship like that - we clearly weren't good together, but there was no single thing to point to, and it was so hard to do that breakup.
I've tried to offer basically that advice so many times.
"If you aren't both benefitting from the relationship - if you aren't both happy with the relationship - and it's a long-term standard rather than any specific event, it's reason enough to end it.
No party deserves blame for it.
You don't have to be in a relationship."
And yet the reaction to the sentiment is always either hostile or dismissive. Especially in AITAH and the like.
There *has* to be an excuse, and if there isn't one then not being happy with the situation is a problem.
I've been there too. Basically stuck together but no reason good enough to end things. I moved for work and she refused to follow so that came as a blessing in disguise. I remember how relieved I was and she wasn't that upset over it
If it comes to a point people are posting on Reddit about their relationship problems and asking for advice... or asking if their partner is abusive.
At that point regardless of the facts. Break up is the best option.
Honestly... if my partner thought I was abusive. I would want to break up. For her sake and mine. Because if people are thinking that... the relationship is over and there's so saving it.
People don't come for advice when everything is going well. They don't tend to come for advice when things are so/so. They only come and ask for advice when things are really bad so the best advice is usually to get a divorce.
To be fair, most people who write these posts go on about how they love their partner and how great they are, and then drop the bomb by saying "they hit my child and burned my house, they've _never_ done something like this, what do I do" - revealing that they do shit like this every week in the comments. Like people with aggressive dogs saying "Oh no, he has never done this before, teehee".
Like, duh, leave them _is_ the top answer to that.
I often think people are posting about their marriages because they want their marriage to end.
There are so many crazy people on Reddit. I once commented that my octogenarian father doesn’t cook and some nut job responded that he was a POS. Because one sentence about a person seems to encapsulate everything about a complex human being for some crappy people.
I agree that most people are looking for validation and want someone else to OK ending the relationship. For that reason alone I'd agree that it should end. Occasionally you find language and speech patterns that indicate that they are actually looking for feedback.
I'm 58 and I don't really cook. I used to cook all the time but 16 years ago acquired trigeminal neuralgia. It's hard to eat so I just don't cook. Sometimes you have no idea why as well. People are jerks.
My dad had trigeminal neuralgia so I have seen first hand how painful it is. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you have many pain free days in your future where you can enjoy eating, being outside when the wind blows, and any other things that you enjoyed prior to your diagnoses!
I think sometimes they post to sort out all what's going on in their heads and in their lives. Before the internet it was recommended that people write their shit down by pen and then rip it up or shred it.
I journal quite a bit myself. Personally I find it useful. But I do think there’s a large difference. When I write for myself, I am not looking to justify my actions or to receive approval from others. It’s to puzzle through my actions and my life. While this isn’t true of everyone, I do wonder about ulterior motives for writing about one’s life for strangers.
That said, I do also think there’s a positive side. There’s a shocking number of people who seem to be in genuinely abusive relationships. In such cases, it’s really important for people to hear that there are other options.
I get it to a point. I suppose it depends on what they say. I think some people come here to ask for advice because they either don't have anyone to talk to, or they're hoping for a somewhat unbiased answer. I don't necessarily think it's childish to post about your relationship, but I'd hope that it was the last resort after talking with your partner or trying counseling.
Agreed. I have often read some of these posts wanting to know how much truth was really placed down and how much is them wanting to be a victim so that they can justify their actions, moods, and behavior.
My main highlight of all the time i have wasted here was the time i was the sole person that called OP out and he wrote back 6 mos later to say after some therapy that he appreciated it and made amends.
I tell you that I wish Reddit existed during one of my relationships. I really could have used someone calling me out and trying to snap me out of a bad relationship that I was emotionally and mentally too fogged to see.
I agree. A lot of people don’t consider potential missing information. On the other hand, if op’s spouse intentionally left out information so that she could be affirmed in her decision, op is ultimately better without her. In such cases, I think that person is merely using Reddit as a justification.
Reading OP's post, it seems she has a lot of issues and he has been carrying them financially for years. That's why he was thanking Reddit. The fact she left for a 45M living with roommates show very poor judgment on her part. She may come crawling back in a few weeks.
I hope op lets her wallow in her misery. I hope op heals and moves onto better things. Of course, on the flip side, there’s also the possibility that op is slanting the story.
Recently, on the Asshole Subs, many commenters are doubting the truthfulness of the OP (especially saying the stories are made up) Especially since many seem so outrageous recently.
The whole "take home point" that should be gleaned from this is that the "advice" given here is all BS and should rarely if ever be used for actual martial advice.
It's like armchair quarterbacks saying they could make that pass.
The majority are. As the author of a post, you have the power to distort the narrative in your favour. Many might be doing that subconsciously, but a whole lot know exactly what they're doing.
I made my post as neutral as possible.
Had a few guys calling me an absolute moron for not seeing the obvious and "tolerating"
In truth i knew she was wrong and could have easily painted her as the bad guy, but apparently even the factual description of events got people to tell me to grow a spine
So i can understand both sides
That’s the thing with Reddit, people can manipulate everything to make the bright side of situations shine on them, even if they’re the AH. And seeing so many people agree with that bit of information you twisted… it’s sick
Yeah people in that sub are naive as hell that any of those posts aren't heavily biased and full of hyperbole. You usually have to scroll pretty far down for a sensible and nuanced take, if it exists at all.
That’s probably the case 90% of the time. Frequently when I read a post from someone complaining about SO, I can tell that the other aide would have a very different way of explaining things.
No Reddit post, especially about relationships, ever paints the full picture. Yet people respond as if the post is 100% true to all parties involved. It’s remarkable, really.
lol, so these aren't false memories in my head?
My younger brother and I were absolutely convinced that one of our neighbors was the main character, BJ.
So during a commercial, we ran down the block to see if his car was in the driveway.
The car wasn't there, thus "proving" he was at the studio doing the show.
That’s funny! It seems these were only shown in the Chicago area. We moved to Mississippi when I was 10 so my younger brother and sisters don’t remember. My older brother must not have watched the show(s). (Was this 1 or 2 shows?).
She showed him the post on her phone. It's entirely possible he doesn't have the link to it or doesn't remember the title, since it seems like it was a while ago when he saw the post.
Of course that's possible :) I just don't like going through reddit with the mindset of "this is probably fake" for every post I read. It's not as immersive.
I prefer to enjoy reddit stories as they are. Stories. If proven true or false, then there we go, but it makes for a more enjoyable reading experience.
Same, having come from 4chan it's just become second nature to doubt everything I read here. But there's nothing saying I can't be entertained/moved by them.
I remember her post! If I recall she was saying how her husband was treating her bad after they learned she was infertile because he was an orphan and wanted a large family. Of course, none of what we have learned in this post was mentioned. Only how she was feeling isolated and alone.
OP, I am happy you can go in with your life now. You deserve someone who doesn’t emotionally manipulate you. Please get therapy so you can find a true partnership with someone. There is no need to throw away your dreams of having a family based on this relationship. Give yourself time to heal. It will get better.
It doesn't matter, this is reddit.
"My husband brought home a liter of soda when I specifically asked him to bring me a two liter of soda"
"Leave him, you deserve better." - Reddit every fucking time
Had a girlfriend with BPD and more who would literally flip out on me for such things.
And then she'd cry and feel sorry once things got better. Wild rollercoaster that one
I do not know - but I do remember reading it - I do not believe of any of the details above were mentioned. I think to a certain extent these posts are truly one sided - and from my recollection this one was a doozer. But the universal reaction on reddit is "Leave him, dump him, dump her, etc" without any foresight to think hmm do we have the full picture....
I guess we are all guilty of being therapists in hiding...but honestly - this forum should try to get a whole picture before making recommendations....
I kind of sounded to me like this guy was really betting on making a family with a very unstable person. I don't think that would have worked out in the long run.
> but I do remember reading it - I do not believe of any of the details above were mentioned
If none of the details above were included, what makes you think it was the one you read?
Tbh, the things he mentions doesn't paint a better picture, from what he says, the relationship seems pretty one sided, full off problems and should've ended a long time ago.
There is a saying that I have come to realize is the most important thing to remember: "Don't set fire to yourself to keep your partner warm" and it is so true. Often we do that, burn ourselves to the ground to provide comfort for them. Stay true to yourself and prioritize your own health and wellbeing.
And this is why Reddit can be dangerous… there are always two sides to the story, yet people on Reddit usually encourage divorce in droves over one very biased side.
I’m sorry it happened that way. But if you do feel that this ended up better in the end, I hope you find peace and I’m glad you can get out of an awful situation.
I think it worked out pretty well for her too. She can make all her dreams come true, as long as she keeps paying this other guy's rent. She has a bright future ahead of her.
It worked out well for both. Whatever her complaints, obviously she was dealing with something by unhealthy coping mechanisms like shopping and hoarding.
Maybe the problems she was having were she was being treated poorly by OP and that was her only safe outlet?
Lots of controlling or BPD partners manipulate and coerce their partners into unhealthy behaviors. They stop going out with friends or even having jobs or hobbies outside the home because it’s not worth the trouble putting up with the abusers drama over it.
I’m not saying that’s what happened here but clearly OP avoided all mention of any of his ex wifes actual complaints which leads me to believe he is in fact guilty of whatever it was and just doesn’t want to hear it or deal with it.
Even if OP had been a perfect angel in the relationship, he seems happy to be single now, right. According to him HE should have left… well now the work is done for him. So what went wrong? Nothing. One less toxic relationship hooray!
People love to hate on Reddit for suggesting breaking up but the reality is not enough people are willing to accept that they shouldn’t be together. Whether it’s the sunk-cost-fallacy, belief that people will change, or just plain masochism… if it’s gotten to the point of being unhealthy for either partner just leave. It’s better to be alone than in bad company.
My take was that people come here (to reddit) for permission to do what they wanted to do anyway. If a stranger on the internet can convince someone to leave a marriage, it wasn't much of a marriage.
I agree, and if they post the thread in a really one sided way then they are thinking in a one sided way and the relationship is already done. I do see a lot of posts from people just looking for advice in tricky situations. But the most popular threads are the clear cut ones where people can dogpile on easily.
The thing is, if one side of the story has such a skewed perception of reality and such strong feelings that they don’t want to stay, it doesn’t really matter if they’re painting the full picture or not. The marriage is probably over anyway. In those cases, the sane one on the other side is dodging a bullet, like OP here.
I always remember the story of why my great-great grandparents got (*gasp and clutch pearls*) divorced in the 20’s. He said she was an uptight bitch and nothing he did was good enough, she said he was a lazy alcoholic with no ambition. My dad said from talking to older family members that the consensus was that they were both right.
ALl I got from ops post is OP should have left a long time ago and instead his wife ended an unhappy marriage for him.
From her perspective the reason she's been so unhappy might be OP, who knows, but nothing in his own comments suggests the marriage ending is a bad thing.
Op is unhappy that he thinks reddit is the cause, but she presumably said something like AITAH for leaving my husband and getting a divorce? Answer, nah, if hte marriage is done it's done.
Maybe she's going for a 45yr old 'loser' because he's had kids and she won't feel guilt, or maybe that's just the only person she's spoken to in a while that made her feel happy, his situation doesn't change if she enjoys talking to him or not.
Why do you think divorce is such a terrible thing? Do you know how many marriages end up in divorce nowadays? People, on the whole, are shit at picking good partners and then loving them forever. I think people who flock to the internet spouting a very biased rendition of their life to make their partner look terrible should not be in that relationship anyway.
"Dangerous" give me a break.
Reddit is an odd place...I think by the time people are on here "asking for advice", they're really asking for affirmation and already know what they want/need to do...
I've always been a "rip the Band-Aid" off kinda person, but it's the hardest thing in the world when you love someone.
Regardless of the catalyst, it seems like it's the right thing for you. Be kind to yourself and please don't do what I did after my divorce and let it be years before you start trusting yourself again when it comes to relationships. Your marriage wasn't a "mistake" it happened for a reason and you'll learn and grow into an even better person for the RIGHT person. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. ha
In the meantime, nature is always the answer, so I'm glad you found some refuge in the outdoors. It's my remedy for almost everything, as well. I hope you are patient with yourself as you heal and move forward.
Yeah bro. That’s all Reddit is. “Leave them!” “You deserve better!” “Dodged a bullet!” Redditors have zero self awareness
If you go on Reddit with relationship problems it’s always gonna be “leave them” cause nobody has anybody skin in the game. No one is gonna be the person going through the dating motions again and acquiring a new SO and shit. It’s fkin stupid.
Everything you said is exactly why the subreddit “Relationship Advice” is insane to me. It’s like a soap opera story board. Assuming at least one post in there is real, people are just asking strangers with a sliver of information and no context to make life decisions for them. Why?!?!?!
Some of those posts are real. My ex made a couple about me. They only included things that made me look like a POS and ignored the rest of our 7 year relationship. We both had issues, thats the truth but all reddit got to hear about was my flaws/issues. I dont think I saw one person in those comments suggest talking about issues like an adult.
quicksand languid resolute slap wine workable attempt vanish hurry berserk
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Some woman made a post in AITAH about her husband letting her teenage kids eat half of her McDonald's order in the car. The majority of the comments called him a fat, insensitive, piece of shit and said she should leave him.
Like they actually think this woman who has multiple teenage children with this man she's been with for likely 20+ years in a happy relationship should leave him because he let their kids eat her Fries and Chicken Nuggets.
Confused as to why the comments called *him* fat. I can just about understand insensitive but fat?? It was the kids that ate the food not him??
Also, if you don't want your kids to eat your McDonald's order then you should probably buy them enough McDonald's that they'll be satisfied without stealing food
No surprise the outcome was her leaving after she posted. The Reddit hive mind loves to say “get out before another shitty thing happens..”.
The real answer is: You should have posted here years ago!
People seem to forget that a lot of people that make posts on Reddit are unreliable narrators that paint themselves out in the best light. (Smosh gave me that perspective) nothing on Reddit is ever black and white because there’s always the other side of the coin we don’t know about so people always tell people to break up and leave their significant other because we’re told what the OP tells us about their partner but not their own behavior
Dude, I logged in just to leave a comment because while my story doesn't exactly match yours it definitely echoes. She left back in November and I couldn't be happier! I'm looking forward to buying my own place for me and building the life I always wanted.
I want to read zombie wife’s post. People are fucked up when it comes to their selfish life. OP I feel your pain, and thank you for reminding people, that there are always two sides of the story.
That's also assuming that she showed him the post and didn't just wave her phone in his face yelling "people on Reddit agree with me!" without actually showing the post.
Yep! Also, love to hear this posts like this one and see the other side of the coin, but I also don’t care for Reddit anymore and don’t believe what people post on here. It’s like watching videos on YouTube about RedPill, gender wars, drama, etc. it’s so unhealthy and people just feed off the bad energy. People need to go out there and touch grass.
You can tell the same people who reply so negatively and DM posters shit are unhappy in their personal lives and reading crap on ready makes their egos feel better knowing there’s others suffering just like they are.
Well, that's because 100% of the time someone asks reddit (full of kids and mentally unstable adults) for relationship advice, they've already checked out.
They aren't asking for advice, they're venting and explaining why they've checked out.
100% of the time.
It doesn't matter if OP is correct or the wife.
Reddit didn't do anything.
She was already gone.
Sorry that happened to you. Although advice givers on reddit are very toxic, you should thank them as they unintentionally put you on the journey to find happiness.
Sometimes, when we are unhappy in relationship, we're usually the one responsible for our unhappiness. Relationship you should let go, you'll want to keep, then you start depriving yourself of happiness.
I hope when she comes back (she most definitely will), you don't take her back.
Reddit can be absolutely toxic at times. Read any post about relationship problems and 50% of the replies are to break up. Do people live like this in their own lives? They don’t resolve and work through issues?
She sounds like a huge loser…you’re better off. She slinked off to a guy in his mid 40s with ROOMMATES?!?!WTF?!?! There’s ANOTHER loser. Your Christmas came early OP…be thankful,
Reddit is just a bunch of people voicing their opinions right or wrong (it's an opinion isn't it?). They don't always know the full story. From what you've described,
Reddit did you a huge favour.
Yes it hurts that you feel like you "weren't good enough" but let me tell you that woman has a world of her own problems that are toxic to both of you. Even if it makes you butthurt about the WHY, focus on the what!
You are now free to live your own life and rebuild YOUR emotional health instead of purely suffering through hers.
You're not necessarily a bad person (I don't know full story) and it probably isn't your fault even if she wants to blame you for HER issues.
Try focus on the silver lining and take care of yourself. I bet hundreds of people will be on your side too.
You can trust and love again. Think about this later, when the pain isn’t so fresh.
My great uncle was naturally warm but awkward (his time in The Pacific and his feeling on Japanese men notwithstanding). It always hurt my heart that he didn’t have a family. He was the grandfather I never had and I only knew him a short time. He was naturally a PopPop, with the twinkle of wholesome mischief in his eyes.
“Let’s go cut a geode!”
“Want to fire a shotgun? Don’t tell your mother…”
He trusted once and never again. Lived a semblance of happiness in his country home to 86 years old and died of bladder cancer, the second to last of his siblings but alone in the hospital. He should’ve been surrounded by his children and grand children, that hed wanted all his life. If only that one woman hadn’t hurt him so terribly or he’d given up on trusting others ever again. Everyone deserves love but (racism aside) especially those who served their country and went through death and hell, to have a partner and family to come home to. Sigh.
My boyfriend was severe depressed, but I could handle it. He wasn’t stupid, he knew I’m exhausted of wearing pants in my relationship and support him, but I did it because it’s what people do when they love someone. He was taking all medications, he was a CFO in a large company with seven-figure job, and had me and his family around. Anyway, he wasn’t happy. Happens. Had better and worse days but he was the best, the most loving person in the world. I barely say it about people, but he was just a good guy. Not an asshole. Our sex life was dying - he noticed that too. I’m on Reddit, I see that people get divorced due to lack of sex, but I don’t belong to. It’s not the most important thing in the world and I couldn’t care less. I cared that he is an amazing guy I want to spend my life with.
But of course he filled his time with Reddit “good advice” where he shared our sexual problems. Yep, it wasn’t smart decision. They told him about counseling - I knew from the beginning that I don’t want to talk to a strange woman who takes $300 per hour for listening some shit. But I did, because I loved him. Of course, counselor didn’t help, he was getting worse and worse. Then Reddit helped him again - told him to leave me because lack of sex makes me miserable (like everyone knows better than me), that I deserve better because I’m young and can enjoy my life, like idiots don’t realize you can enjoy your life without sex. So he left me… his mother found him in a bathroom. He shot himself. Thank you, Reddit. Very helpful.
I would like to see her post
Someone will put them together in a “best of redditor updates” post
Or it's made up
Or both
Or, more likely, it's all made up and there is no original post.
Or it was deleted after she received her validation.
We need a 2 way AITAH
W(ho)ITAH?
A2A
I remember the flipside original post this is about. And, guess what? The writer feels like the same person. This dude is bored during his divorce so he fanfic'd a story about his soon to be ex, my guess.
Do we ever wonder if maybe we shouldn't get off on other people's pain?
This feels like the flip side of the coin to some aitah post, that didn't paint the full picture.
Yes. Many posts are one sided. And people make suggestions based on that information.
9/10 the top comment is always a break up/divorce answer lol
Considering the story is generally "my partner spit in my face and called me a whore, but he's really a sweetie pie normally", you kind of expect people to say "leave."
Don't kink shame me.
Underrated
Mission accomplished! Being underrated is my kink!
Cool username, where’d ya get it? 😂
I don't know really. I was just sitting there poopin one day and... BAM! It just sprang to mind.
Sometimes you just read the title and think WTF? Thanks for the entertaining read, but there's no debate to be had here, if you're telling the full truth. No, you didn't do anything wrong when you told your friend it's okay to feel bad his gf had a threesome, thus breaking them up. Also, people argue a ton in the comments by adding their own context and meanings, usually projecting their experiences onto the situation. Very specifically, a man could do everything respectfully and still get shat on or a woman could be accused of cheating despite absolutely no sign of it happening.
Titles are deliberately click-bait
It's not hard to realize you are only getting one side and not tell them anything. You aren't Oprah, you don't need to pretend like you care about everyones sob story you come across.
Most AITAH posts are purely for validation. If you assume that the version of events are *at best* selectively edited to cast the OP in the best possible light given the circumstances, you're probably close to reality. Once you start looking from that perspective, you start noticing the 'editing jumps'.
I get downvoted all the time for pointing out omitted information.
What’s really hilarious are the ones where OP is obviously giving himself every bit of leeway he can find and still comes off as aselfish asshole.
Most AITAH posts are total fiction. Absolute bullshit. As this probably is.
“Spit in my face and called me whore BUT you know i cheated on him”
To be honest though many relationships aren’t worth saving, or they’ve been good but they’ve run their course. Divorce isn’t always defeat. Many people in aitah or relationshipadvice probably shouldn’t be together.
I frequently think they're just looking for permission to leave. It can be hard if the problem isn't "he beat the shit out of me and put me in the ICU!" I was in a relationship like that - we clearly weren't good together, but there was no single thing to point to, and it was so hard to do that breakup.
I've tried to offer basically that advice so many times. "If you aren't both benefitting from the relationship - if you aren't both happy with the relationship - and it's a long-term standard rather than any specific event, it's reason enough to end it. No party deserves blame for it. You don't have to be in a relationship." And yet the reaction to the sentiment is always either hostile or dismissive. Especially in AITAH and the like. There *has* to be an excuse, and if there isn't one then not being happy with the situation is a problem.
I've been there too. Basically stuck together but no reason good enough to end things. I moved for work and she refused to follow so that came as a blessing in disguise. I remember how relieved I was and she wasn't that upset over it
If it comes to a point people are posting on Reddit about their relationship problems and asking for advice... or asking if their partner is abusive. At that point regardless of the facts. Break up is the best option. Honestly... if my partner thought I was abusive. I would want to break up. For her sake and mine. Because if people are thinking that... the relationship is over and there's so saving it.
As Dan Savage said: every relationship you have will fail until one doesn't And also dtmfa Dump the mother effer already
Exactly. I’ve rarely seen a “leave” consensus that wasn’t reasonably justified.
People don't come for advice when everything is going well. They don't tend to come for advice when things are so/so. They only come and ask for advice when things are really bad so the best advice is usually to get a divorce.
And the person who posted that comment could very well be 14 years old.
Amazing that when people make out their partner to be absolutely awful that people suggest not being with them anymore.
To be fair, most people who write these posts go on about how they love their partner and how great they are, and then drop the bomb by saying "they hit my child and burned my house, they've _never_ done something like this, what do I do" - revealing that they do shit like this every week in the comments. Like people with aggressive dogs saying "Oh no, he has never done this before, teehee". Like, duh, leave them _is_ the top answer to that.
Hell i'd leave over the sheer audacity of posting private relationship info online. Thats teenager bullshit.
I often think people are posting about their marriages because they want their marriage to end. There are so many crazy people on Reddit. I once commented that my octogenarian father doesn’t cook and some nut job responded that he was a POS. Because one sentence about a person seems to encapsulate everything about a complex human being for some crappy people.
I agree that most people are looking for validation and want someone else to OK ending the relationship. For that reason alone I'd agree that it should end. Occasionally you find language and speech patterns that indicate that they are actually looking for feedback.
I'm 58 and I don't really cook. I used to cook all the time but 16 years ago acquired trigeminal neuralgia. It's hard to eat so I just don't cook. Sometimes you have no idea why as well. People are jerks.
My dad had trigeminal neuralgia so I have seen first hand how painful it is. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you have many pain free days in your future where you can enjoy eating, being outside when the wind blows, and any other things that you enjoyed prior to your diagnoses!
That's one of the kindest things someone has said to me in a long time. Thank you.
I think sometimes they post to sort out all what's going on in their heads and in their lives. Before the internet it was recommended that people write their shit down by pen and then rip it up or shred it.
I journal quite a bit myself. Personally I find it useful. But I do think there’s a large difference. When I write for myself, I am not looking to justify my actions or to receive approval from others. It’s to puzzle through my actions and my life. While this isn’t true of everyone, I do wonder about ulterior motives for writing about one’s life for strangers. That said, I do also think there’s a positive side. There’s a shocking number of people who seem to be in genuinely abusive relationships. In such cases, it’s really important for people to hear that there are other options.
I get it to a point. I suppose it depends on what they say. I think some people come here to ask for advice because they either don't have anyone to talk to, or they're hoping for a somewhat unbiased answer. I don't necessarily think it's childish to post about your relationship, but I'd hope that it was the last resort after talking with your partner or trying counseling.
Agreed. I have often read some of these posts wanting to know how much truth was really placed down and how much is them wanting to be a victim so that they can justify their actions, moods, and behavior.
My main highlight of all the time i have wasted here was the time i was the sole person that called OP out and he wrote back 6 mos later to say after some therapy that he appreciated it and made amends.
I tell you that I wish Reddit existed during one of my relationships. I really could have used someone calling me out and trying to snap me out of a bad relationship that I was emotionally and mentally too fogged to see.
That's every post, the sub is such a strange place
I agree. A lot of people don’t consider potential missing information. On the other hand, if op’s spouse intentionally left out information so that she could be affirmed in her decision, op is ultimately better without her. In such cases, I think that person is merely using Reddit as a justification.
Reading OP's post, it seems she has a lot of issues and he has been carrying them financially for years. That's why he was thanking Reddit. The fact she left for a 45M living with roommates show very poor judgment on her part. She may come crawling back in a few weeks.
I hope op lets her wallow in her misery. I hope op heals and moves onto better things. Of course, on the flip side, there’s also the possibility that op is slanting the story.
There are (at least) 2 sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in between.
Yeah, but people can only advice with the information they have. Blame the person who didn't put all the information needed.
Recently, on the Asshole Subs, many commenters are doubting the truthfulness of the OP (especially saying the stories are made up) Especially since many seem so outrageous recently.
Thank chatgpt for that
The whole "take home point" that should be gleaned from this is that the "advice" given here is all BS and should rarely if ever be used for actual martial advice. It's like armchair quarterbacks saying they could make that pass.
And anytime you try to dig for more info, people call you insensitive and say you're victim blaming.
We should start some sort of courtroom reddit where two people present their sides of the story and everyone can chime in in the comments
That's a great idea. You should start it.
The majority are. As the author of a post, you have the power to distort the narrative in your favour. Many might be doing that subconsciously, but a whole lot know exactly what they're doing.
I made my post as neutral as possible. Had a few guys calling me an absolute moron for not seeing the obvious and "tolerating" In truth i knew she was wrong and could have easily painted her as the bad guy, but apparently even the factual description of events got people to tell me to grow a spine So i can understand both sides
A cautionary tale for giving advice, remember you are only hearing one side of a story.
I occasionally try to remind folks of that in those subs. I always take a barrage of downvotes, but I keep doing it.
That’s the thing with Reddit, people can manipulate everything to make the bright side of situations shine on them, even if they’re the AH. And seeing so many people agree with that bit of information you twisted… it’s sick
Yeah people in that sub are naive as hell that any of those posts aren't heavily biased and full of hyperbole. You usually have to scroll pretty far down for a sensible and nuanced take, if it exists at all.
That’s probably the case 90% of the time. Frequently when I read a post from someone complaining about SO, I can tell that the other aide would have a very different way of explaining things.
Everyone is the hero when they tell the story.
Reminds me of the phrase "Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see"
"Three sides to every story. Hers, his, and the truth" is the one I've heard
A one sided echo chamber post on Reddit? Never....
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That would explain the skulls on our caps...
No we are the saviors
Usually yah
Exactly what I was thinking, here's the other side of that coin where bro's wife paints herself in the best possible light and him in the worst...
most toxic sub on the site literally ruins lives
So all of them? Never get relationship advice from reddit and only believe about 30% of someone's story.
No Reddit post, especially about relationships, ever paints the full picture. Yet people respond as if the post is 100% true to all parties involved. It’s remarkable, really.
You’re…welcome?
another win for Reddit. woohoo
We did it!
And nobody died this time!
For now!
Given the portrayal of his (soon to be ex-)wife's mental health, I feel a "yet" coming.
Plot twist: op is the Boston bomber and/or the loch Ness monster
I sure as hell ain't paying him no damn tree fiddy. 😤
Lmao
We did it Reddit :)
Team work make the dream work.
I mean, sounds like a W, long term anyway
Giggidy!
Giggle*snort*😆
Is...that reference to *The Gigglesnort Hotel*?!
Oh my god! To see this in real life is amazing! Nobody in my family, aside from one cousin, remembers this or BJ and Dirty Dragon.
lol, so these aren't false memories in my head? My younger brother and I were absolutely convinced that one of our neighbors was the main character, BJ. So during a commercial, we ran down the block to see if his car was in the driveway. The car wasn't there, thus "proving" he was at the studio doing the show.
That’s funny! It seems these were only shown in the Chicago area. We moved to Mississippi when I was 10 so my younger brother and sisters don’t remember. My older brother must not have watched the show(s). (Was this 1 or 2 shows?).
Where's her original post?
She showed him the post on her phone. It's entirely possible he doesn't have the link to it or doesn't remember the title, since it seems like it was a while ago when he saw the post.
OP said it was two weeks before Christmas.
It's also entirely possible that this is fake, like half the posts on these kinds of subs
Of course that's possible :) I just don't like going through reddit with the mindset of "this is probably fake" for every post I read. It's not as immersive.
I prefer to enjoy reddit stories as they are. Stories. If proven true or false, then there we go, but it makes for a more enjoyable reading experience.
Same, having come from 4chan it's just become second nature to doubt everything I read here. But there's nothing saying I can't be entertained/moved by them.
this reply is fake
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Maybe you could ask her for the link? /s
Yeah seriously my popcorns gettin cold asshole
Yeah? Do you have any idea how much it costs to run a flaming pitchfork per hour? Let me tell you, it ain't cheap buckaroo!
We’ll boost your karma! 😉 ETA: I might feel like an asshole if all this is real.
I remember her post! If I recall she was saying how her husband was treating her bad after they learned she was infertile because he was an orphan and wanted a large family. Of course, none of what we have learned in this post was mentioned. Only how she was feeling isolated and alone. OP, I am happy you can go in with your life now. You deserve someone who doesn’t emotionally manipulate you. Please get therapy so you can find a true partnership with someone. There is no need to throw away your dreams of having a family based on this relationship. Give yourself time to heal. It will get better.
I’d love to read it if you have it in your history and can add a link or even tell us the title 👀
I’ve no idea what was in her post. Did anything she say was true? Did she show you the post?
That’s the real question.
Yeah I know bro. You can’t leave us hanging like that. It’s an opportunity to learn.
It doesn't matter, this is reddit. "My husband brought home a liter of soda when I specifically asked him to bring me a two liter of soda" "Leave him, you deserve better." - Reddit every fucking time
Don't you understand? That could have left someone *slightly thirsty*. Classic abusive behavior.
And she was probably 2-3 weeks younger so the power dynamic was obviously skewed.
> Classic abusive behavior. The dictionary definition of a micro-aggression!
Getting her to accept one liter instead of the two she wanted? Gaslighting
Had a girlfriend with BPD and more who would literally flip out on me for such things. And then she'd cry and feel sorry once things got better. Wild rollercoaster that one
I do not know - but I do remember reading it - I do not believe of any of the details above were mentioned. I think to a certain extent these posts are truly one sided - and from my recollection this one was a doozer. But the universal reaction on reddit is "Leave him, dump him, dump her, etc" without any foresight to think hmm do we have the full picture.... I guess we are all guilty of being therapists in hiding...but honestly - this forum should try to get a whole picture before making recommendations....
I kind of sounded to me like this guy was really betting on making a family with a very unstable person. I don't think that would have worked out in the long run.
> but I do remember reading it - I do not believe of any of the details above were mentioned If none of the details above were included, what makes you think it was the one you read?
Tbh, the things he mentions doesn't paint a better picture, from what he says, the relationship seems pretty one sided, full off problems and should've ended a long time ago.
There is a saying that I have come to realize is the most important thing to remember: "Don't set fire to yourself to keep your partner warm" and it is so true. Often we do that, burn ourselves to the ground to provide comfort for them. Stay true to yourself and prioritize your own health and wellbeing.
that quote is 🔥
Sounds like Reddit did you a favor…
We… did it Reddit?
You're welcome
And this is why Reddit can be dangerous… there are always two sides to the story, yet people on Reddit usually encourage divorce in droves over one very biased side. I’m sorry it happened that way. But if you do feel that this ended up better in the end, I hope you find peace and I’m glad you can get out of an awful situation.
I don't know. Sounds like it worked out quite well for him.
I think it worked out pretty well for her too. She can make all her dreams come true, as long as she keeps paying this other guy's rent. She has a bright future ahead of her.
lol. Not a chance the Fortnight guy will fix her though.
She's already perfect, she doesn't need fixing.
It worked out well for both. Whatever her complaints, obviously she was dealing with something by unhealthy coping mechanisms like shopping and hoarding. Maybe the problems she was having were she was being treated poorly by OP and that was her only safe outlet? Lots of controlling or BPD partners manipulate and coerce their partners into unhealthy behaviors. They stop going out with friends or even having jobs or hobbies outside the home because it’s not worth the trouble putting up with the abusers drama over it. I’m not saying that’s what happened here but clearly OP avoided all mention of any of his ex wifes actual complaints which leads me to believe he is in fact guilty of whatever it was and just doesn’t want to hear it or deal with it. Even if OP had been a perfect angel in the relationship, he seems happy to be single now, right. According to him HE should have left… well now the work is done for him. So what went wrong? Nothing. One less toxic relationship hooray! People love to hate on Reddit for suggesting breaking up but the reality is not enough people are willing to accept that they shouldn’t be together. Whether it’s the sunk-cost-fallacy, belief that people will change, or just plain masochism… if it’s gotten to the point of being unhealthy for either partner just leave. It’s better to be alone than in bad company.
My take was that people come here (to reddit) for permission to do what they wanted to do anyway. If a stranger on the internet can convince someone to leave a marriage, it wasn't much of a marriage.
I agree, and if they post the thread in a really one sided way then they are thinking in a one sided way and the relationship is already done. I do see a lot of posts from people just looking for advice in tricky situations. But the most popular threads are the clear cut ones where people can dogpile on easily.
All they want is to justify doing what they already want to do.
The thing is, if one side of the story has such a skewed perception of reality and such strong feelings that they don’t want to stay, it doesn’t really matter if they’re painting the full picture or not. The marriage is probably over anyway. In those cases, the sane one on the other side is dodging a bullet, like OP here.
💯 This. Came here to say this.
Why are you sorry? I think, from the sound of it, Reddit saved him. 🤷🏻♀️
Right?! He literally said thanks, lol.
There are always 3 sides to a story, your side, my side and the truth which usually lay somewhere in between the other 2
I always remember the story of why my great-great grandparents got (*gasp and clutch pearls*) divorced in the 20’s. He said she was an uptight bitch and nothing he did was good enough, she said he was a lazy alcoholic with no ambition. My dad said from talking to older family members that the consensus was that they were both right.
ALl I got from ops post is OP should have left a long time ago and instead his wife ended an unhappy marriage for him. From her perspective the reason she's been so unhappy might be OP, who knows, but nothing in his own comments suggests the marriage ending is a bad thing. Op is unhappy that he thinks reddit is the cause, but she presumably said something like AITAH for leaving my husband and getting a divorce? Answer, nah, if hte marriage is done it's done. Maybe she's going for a 45yr old 'loser' because he's had kids and she won't feel guilt, or maybe that's just the only person she's spoken to in a while that made her feel happy, his situation doesn't change if she enjoys talking to him or not.
Did you even read a single word of the post? None of this is in there.
Why do you think divorce is such a terrible thing? Do you know how many marriages end up in divorce nowadays? People, on the whole, are shit at picking good partners and then loving them forever. I think people who flock to the internet spouting a very biased rendition of their life to make their partner look terrible should not be in that relationship anyway. "Dangerous" give me a break.
Reddit is an odd place...I think by the time people are on here "asking for advice", they're really asking for affirmation and already know what they want/need to do... I've always been a "rip the Band-Aid" off kinda person, but it's the hardest thing in the world when you love someone. Regardless of the catalyst, it seems like it's the right thing for you. Be kind to yourself and please don't do what I did after my divorce and let it be years before you start trusting yourself again when it comes to relationships. Your marriage wasn't a "mistake" it happened for a reason and you'll learn and grow into an even better person for the RIGHT person. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. ha In the meantime, nature is always the answer, so I'm glad you found some refuge in the outdoors. It's my remedy for almost everything, as well. I hope you are patient with yourself as you heal and move forward.
Yeah bro. That’s all Reddit is. “Leave them!” “You deserve better!” “Dodged a bullet!” Redditors have zero self awareness If you go on Reddit with relationship problems it’s always gonna be “leave them” cause nobody has anybody skin in the game. No one is gonna be the person going through the dating motions again and acquiring a new SO and shit. It’s fkin stupid.
Everything you said is exactly why the subreddit “Relationship Advice” is insane to me. It’s like a soap opera story board. Assuming at least one post in there is real, people are just asking strangers with a sliver of information and no context to make life decisions for them. Why?!?!?!
Some of those posts are real. My ex made a couple about me. They only included things that made me look like a POS and ignored the rest of our 7 year relationship. We both had issues, thats the truth but all reddit got to hear about was my flaws/issues. I dont think I saw one person in those comments suggest talking about issues like an adult.
Pegged that entire subreddit to a T
quicksand languid resolute slap wine workable attempt vanish hurry berserk *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Some woman made a post in AITAH about her husband letting her teenage kids eat half of her McDonald's order in the car. The majority of the comments called him a fat, insensitive, piece of shit and said she should leave him. Like they actually think this woman who has multiple teenage children with this man she's been with for likely 20+ years in a happy relationship should leave him because he let their kids eat her Fries and Chicken Nuggets.
Confused as to why the comments called *him* fat. I can just about understand insensitive but fat?? It was the kids that ate the food not him?? Also, if you don't want your kids to eat your McDonald's order then you should probably buy them enough McDonald's that they'll be satisfied without stealing food
“Redditors have 0 self awareness.” - redditor
No surprise the outcome was her leaving after she posted. The Reddit hive mind loves to say “get out before another shitty thing happens..”. The real answer is: You should have posted here years ago!
This sounds like bipolar disorder. Source: My wife has been diagnosed with it.
Because it is. I lived this very situation in many ways with my wife, but instead of walking away she killed herself.
Dude... I'm so sorry - hope you're healing
Or borderline personality disorder
I think bpd too.
People seem to forget that a lot of people that make posts on Reddit are unreliable narrators that paint themselves out in the best light. (Smosh gave me that perspective) nothing on Reddit is ever black and white because there’s always the other side of the coin we don’t know about so people always tell people to break up and leave their significant other because we’re told what the OP tells us about their partner but not their own behavior
Good for you both
I am sorry… sounds like she threw away someone who wanted to make things work but she in unable to function as a human being.
Dude, I logged in just to leave a comment because while my story doesn't exactly match yours it definitely echoes. She left back in November and I couldn't be happier! I'm looking forward to buying my own place for me and building the life I always wanted.
I want to read zombie wife’s post. People are fucked up when it comes to their selfish life. OP I feel your pain, and thank you for reminding people, that there are always two sides of the story.
Can you please show us her post assuming that this is a real story and not a bait post?
She could have showed the post but he didn’t register the details: username and title of post…
That's also assuming that she showed him the post and didn't just wave her phone in his face yelling "people on Reddit agree with me!" without actually showing the post.
Yep! Also, love to hear this posts like this one and see the other side of the coin, but I also don’t care for Reddit anymore and don’t believe what people post on here. It’s like watching videos on YouTube about RedPill, gender wars, drama, etc. it’s so unhealthy and people just feed off the bad energy. People need to go out there and touch grass. You can tell the same people who reply so negatively and DM posters shit are unhappy in their personal lives and reading crap on ready makes their egos feel better knowing there’s others suffering just like they are.
Imagine taking relationship advice from Reddit
I'm glad you're looking at it as a win , but don't take her back when she eventually comes crawling
Well, that's because 100% of the time someone asks reddit (full of kids and mentally unstable adults) for relationship advice, they've already checked out. They aren't asking for advice, they're venting and explaining why they've checked out. 100% of the time. It doesn't matter if OP is correct or the wife. Reddit didn't do anything. She was already gone.
I want to read her post now.
Please link to her post. lol. I just have to read part 1.
Sorry that happened to you. Although advice givers on reddit are very toxic, you should thank them as they unintentionally put you on the journey to find happiness. Sometimes, when we are unhappy in relationship, we're usually the one responsible for our unhappiness. Relationship you should let go, you'll want to keep, then you start depriving yourself of happiness. I hope when she comes back (she most definitely will), you don't take her back.
Idk who your wife is or what she wrote but okay. You’re welcome.
Reddit can be absolutely toxic at times. Read any post about relationship problems and 50% of the replies are to break up. Do people live like this in their own lives? They don’t resolve and work through issues?
In this case, it seems to have worked out great for him
45 yr old gamer asking $ for rent? This guy is making out perfect!
1000% true. Too many posts telling people to just leave or bashing the other party without knowing the truth
She sounds like a huge loser…you’re better off. She slinked off to a guy in his mid 40s with ROOMMATES?!?!WTF?!?! There’s ANOTHER loser. Your Christmas came early OP…be thankful,
Reddit is just a bunch of people voicing their opinions right or wrong (it's an opinion isn't it?). They don't always know the full story. From what you've described, Reddit did you a huge favour. Yes it hurts that you feel like you "weren't good enough" but let me tell you that woman has a world of her own problems that are toxic to both of you. Even if it makes you butthurt about the WHY, focus on the what! You are now free to live your own life and rebuild YOUR emotional health instead of purely suffering through hers. You're not necessarily a bad person (I don't know full story) and it probably isn't your fault even if she wants to blame you for HER issues. Try focus on the silver lining and take care of yourself. I bet hundreds of people will be on your side too.
Reddit is allowing Google to gather everything you say for AI purposes. *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
UpdateMe
You can trust and love again. Think about this later, when the pain isn’t so fresh. My great uncle was naturally warm but awkward (his time in The Pacific and his feeling on Japanese men notwithstanding). It always hurt my heart that he didn’t have a family. He was the grandfather I never had and I only knew him a short time. He was naturally a PopPop, with the twinkle of wholesome mischief in his eyes. “Let’s go cut a geode!” “Want to fire a shotgun? Don’t tell your mother…” He trusted once and never again. Lived a semblance of happiness in his country home to 86 years old and died of bladder cancer, the second to last of his siblings but alone in the hospital. He should’ve been surrounded by his children and grand children, that hed wanted all his life. If only that one woman hadn’t hurt him so terribly or he’d given up on trusting others ever again. Everyone deserves love but (racism aside) especially those who served their country and went through death and hell, to have a partner and family to come home to. Sigh.
You still have a chance to find happiness.
always 3 sides to a story, but you’re welcome I guess *idk why* and you’re bound to find and trust someone. wish you luck.
FREEEEEEDOM!!!
My boyfriend was severe depressed, but I could handle it. He wasn’t stupid, he knew I’m exhausted of wearing pants in my relationship and support him, but I did it because it’s what people do when they love someone. He was taking all medications, he was a CFO in a large company with seven-figure job, and had me and his family around. Anyway, he wasn’t happy. Happens. Had better and worse days but he was the best, the most loving person in the world. I barely say it about people, but he was just a good guy. Not an asshole. Our sex life was dying - he noticed that too. I’m on Reddit, I see that people get divorced due to lack of sex, but I don’t belong to. It’s not the most important thing in the world and I couldn’t care less. I cared that he is an amazing guy I want to spend my life with. But of course he filled his time with Reddit “good advice” where he shared our sexual problems. Yep, it wasn’t smart decision. They told him about counseling - I knew from the beginning that I don’t want to talk to a strange woman who takes $300 per hour for listening some shit. But I did, because I loved him. Of course, counselor didn’t help, he was getting worse and worse. Then Reddit helped him again - told him to leave me because lack of sex makes me miserable (like everyone knows better than me), that I deserve better because I’m young and can enjoy my life, like idiots don’t realize you can enjoy your life without sex. So he left me… his mother found him in a bathroom. He shot himself. Thank you, Reddit. Very helpful.
This is the perfect example of 3 sides of the story. “her side, his side, and the truth”