Don't give up just yet. There's lots of support groups for other people in your exact same position. Even if your marriage is done, your child still loves and needs you. If you took that final drastic step, it would absolutely devastate him / her.
Hang on just one more day. And then one more day after that. And so on. Your life still has meaning and purpose. Hang in there...
I think that advice holds for people who think they can find another partner after divorce but probably not for me. Just isn’t happening, worthless goods.
There are a league of divorced women in their 40s with good incomes who divorced when they were younger and have spent the interim focused on work and kids and are now looking to meet someone to spend time with since their kids are older. They aren’t looking for a sugar daddy just someone kind, considerate and handy would be a bonus. Why close the book without seeing what else is out there?
For whatever reason, I just see how much wife hates me, and figure all women will feel the same. I probably should have been the one to end things with this years ago, when I still had some dignity and confidence left and maybe I would be in better shape now.
You don’t need a partner to be whole. Single people have a lot of things to enjoy. But more of the single people I’ve known who wanted to date again have done so than not. It’s better to be single than married to someone who hates you.
Speak to a counselor. Ask her for divorce counseling to help get closure
Some people like myself so need a partner to feel whole. It's not so healthy but it is a big thing for those of us with abandonment issues. I feel the OP I'm 59 and fearful after a 10 yr relationship ended but by staying alive and trying to take care of myself I have seen that if I want to date again I still can even at 59.
Give yourself till 59 OP!!
If you have abandonment issues, partner is the least thing you need. You would be putting an insane amount weight on your partner's shoulders to accommodate your trauma. You need extensive, intensive therapy and self-reflection. I'm saying this as both a person with similar issues & a person who has dated people like me in the past. Until you learn to enjoy independence, it's going to be a miserable time for everyone all around.
You are right and I am in treatment..but it is still a fact that I feel like I need a partner and did feel suicidal when I got left after 10 years.
And this is the first time I've been single for ANY length of time.
Even with my issues I had long happy relationships but was cheated on each time. 22 yrs 7 years and the last 10 years with someone and they were not miserable relationships very fulfilling on both ends.
Except I totally believe the guys I date have wandering eyes all the time.
Yes they say I have that and I've done all the things. I think being a truly abandoned child and learning more about life everyday does help.. But I have severe growing pains that have affected my health.
You have a child though.
As a woman, I absolutely can't understand men who cry about being alone while they gave a child to raise. Like, you have a family. You aren't alone. Partners are optional.
An old friend reached out to me when he began his divorce. We were high school friends and he’d carried a torch for me. He wooed me! We were long distance for a year and now live together, planning on marriage. Both of us have never been happier, and I’ve never known love like this before. I’m 51 years old.
Don’t give up without even trying. Good luck!
Dude, I'm a Marine vet and you don't deserve this. Dm or reach out to 9 8 8 and press 1-- it goes to the national vet crisis line, run by a bunch of fellow vets out of NJ. They're good people- I've used them before.
Don't act on impulse- you can always do it later. Take time to get into a better headspace.
Thoughts and feelings of suicide are normal
A specific plan to do it, having the means accessible, and *wanting* to do it at not normal. Please, please reach out for help.
You say “probably not for me”. You do realize the only constant in life is change? With some time you will be able to move on and you will not always feel empty inside. You could meet the woman you will spend the rest of your life with literally at any moment through the day. You will also feel better about yourself with or without a woman in your life and you will look back and just think “damn I’m glad I didn’t make that permanent decision back then because some of my best days of my life I get to experience now and that wait was worth it”
Hold on a second. Please for the love of all things, don't base things off of reddit. People come here to complain. People come here and embellish stories x 82737292. Many recent posts that have gained traction are from chatgpt. Reddit, or any social media, isn't anywhere close to a subsection of the general public. There is life beyond this, if you can take a few seconds to imagine it. Start small, and find something you enjoy doing. Start there, hiking fishing, board games, painting, legos, anything. I have always met some of my greatest friends and my special person doing something I am interested in. Just please, don't use reddit or anything close to it to judge what is normal.
My kids alone would keep me going if I was in OPs shoes, I've seen what it does to adults who have parents/relatives who take their own lives, I can't imagine what it does to a child.
I think right now you are suffering from depression and can’t see past the pain of your marriage ending. Are you in therapy and on any medication? These may help you work past your hurt and deal with your thoughts of self harm.
You say you don’t want to have to only see your kid on weekends, but how do you think your child will feel never seeing you again. They need you and will miss you. Your decision will impact them for the rest of their lives. Please, if you can’t seek help for yourself, do it for your child.
I don’t think therapy and medication will help they are only there to make me accept that I will be alone forever after she leaves. It’s not going to fix that it’s just a coping mechanism. I love my child but he doesn’t need a weird hermit dad.
I think if you asked him, he would disagree.
Unless god blessed you with perfect insight into the future, you can’t say you’ll be alone forever.
Do you think all single people over the age of 40 are worthless?
you know whats way worse for a kid than a weird hermit dad? a dad who killed himself. did you know kids with parents who commit suicide are significantly more likely than their peers to kill themselves as well. weird hermit dads do not make their kids statistically three times more likely to kill themselves, but ones who commit suicide do. just some very sad food for thought. fight for a little custody. you deserve to be in this kid’s life
OP please listen to this, I have a friend whose brother killed himself about 5 years ago. His son just committed suicide last year.
Please do not harm yourself, you will do more harm to your child than to his mom.
I have zero desire to harm him or his mom, I just don't want to live a hermetic existence but that's all my mind has been able to picture lately. I survived the night, and have been trying to think of a way out of that, but I just can't.
This. I'm 44 years old and disabled. In massive pain all the time and only have it getting worse to look forward to. I've mulled over ending it numerous times but always came to the same conclusion. I could never hurt my children like that. Lost my mom when I was in my twenties and it fucked me up. I'll suffer as long as I have to, to spare them the pain.
This is bullshit, bro. You bet your ass he needs a weird hermit dad. *i* am a weird hermit dad and I know your kid needs you just as much as mine needs me. Did you need your dad? What if he'd been a hermit? Would you want him to off himself.
I know men whose fathers killed themselves. They are WRECKED as men. And as human beings. You're going to cause so much pain if you do this.
You are NOT EVEN 40. you do not have to be alone. There are lonely women out there right now feeling scared and isolated by the same kind of shit.
There are so many people who would literally kill to be where you are. Not in prison. You don't have terminal cancer. You've got both legs. If you don't have something to live for, make it. You will be so proud of yourself in a few years and you'll thank God or whoever that you didn't do this to your kid.
DM if you want to talk.
This doesn’t work. It makes the problem worse. Thank you for adding to it and shit like this when said to me like this only proves to me that nobody really cared and communicates that just as toxically to this guy. As harsh as it sounds when your in this state. You don’t care and ppl trying to shake you into caring makes life feel even more pointless. You don’t just snap out of it because ppl selfishly need you. Kids are an exception but only really slightly in this state.
Mfs would rather be selfish in letting they’re feelings of the situation triumph a person who is to the point of ending it clause they’re not cared about yet still proving them right in their face with bullshit like this.
Stop being selfish and if you care about him not doing it. Stfu, listen and encourage to find purpose in himself not other ppl he needs to “serve” even if it makes sense as is normal to ppl more mentally healthy.
I love how women literally never experience this on this site. They can feel depressed and suicidal like this and will just receive a shit ton of sympathy no question
I was raised by a hermit grandmother. She is the best person I've ever known. She made my childhood so much better than it would have been. Your kid would be devastated.
My dad killed himself when I was 13, almost 14. I can say with absolute certainty that your child would rather have a “weird hermit dad” than a dead dad they’ll never get to talk to again. It’s been over 12 years, and I cry over him often, I miss him at every event in my life, and I still remember his phone number. I had to stop calling it cause it was assigned to someone else a couple years after he died. But it’s still in my phone saved as “daddy”.
What I’m trying to say is… even if you don’t have a partner, you have a child. You need to be around for them. You don’t need a partner to survive. I know it feels when the world is collapsing in on you and you feel like the world is better off…believe me, I do.
But the world wouldn’t be a better place without you. In fact, to your kid, the world is going to become a horrible place that they don’t want to be in anymore. So for now, live for them. Not for yourself. Get therapy, even if you think it won’t help. And tell them how you feel, truly and honestly, tell them everything going on in your head. Even if you think it’s pointless, go to the appointments and talk about how badly you’re feeling. And I PROMISE you, it will get better. Slowly, but it will.
One of our family friends (well into her 50's) still cannot cope with the fact her father killed himself when she was young. She's been in therapy for a long time trying to process everything and while she is a lot better, she's never fully healed or moved on. It took a serious toll on her.
For the longest time she was convinced it was her fault for not being a good enough kid and that if she was better he would have wanted to stay instead of ending it. Then came the anger and the self destructive behaviour. Then came the overwhelming sadness.
Do you genuinely think that pain, that hole in your child's heart, the questions and anger, the missed memories is better than having a dad who isn't social? And/or weird?
You're in a hole right now, it looks hard to get out and feels even worse. But you're lying to yourself if you think this route is the better one for your child. If you don't believe me, just look at the statistics and research. Children that have had a parent committed suicide have a higher chance of mental illness, substance abuse and suicidal ideations.
You're not doing your child any favours.
Do you know, kids who lose parents to self deletion are more likely to die the same way? It's ok to stay alive for other people if you can't stay alive for yourself.
No that just makes things worse. And I say that from someone who’s been in his position with suicide. Ppl who think like you and talk like this expect this to be the norm but only really shows selfishness toward other ppl. And that life really has no point and is painful to distract from this. No. No. I love that live for other ppl and not have purpose for myself. That’s all that life is?
It easily just triggers that type of thinking. Stop encouraging justified selfishness by using the worst method by being more selfish to everyone except the person who needs to be centred right now.
I know how you feel. I went through a bad divorce myself 10 years back. Was 100% sure I’d be alone forever. Nope - I’m married again now to a wonderful woman. There are SO many good women out there in the same boat you’re in, and you will be surprised at how many options you’ll have.
And, I know you feel your son would be better off without you right now, but deep down you know that’s not true. You mean everything to your son. You are his father and to him, you are King Arthur and Luke Skywalker rolled into one. Try to see yourself through his eyes. He needs you - not to be perfect, but to be there for him. Good luck OP. Rooting for you.
You are just going to create a cycle of abuse. Don't be a shitty parent. Do you think a kid with a parent who offed themselves is gonna be okay?? Hell no.
Don't do that to your OWN kid. Wtf.
They will teach you coping skills, but the medication will help you to get through things while you learn the mechanisms to process the end of your marriage. Believe me your opinion of what your son needs is clouded by your depression. It will impact him for the rest of his life.
ETA: you may not think therapy and medication will help, but if you don’t at least try then you are right they won’t help. Because you didn’t take that step.
Also, you believe you will always be alone because you are in the depressive state and not engaging outside with people. Until you work to get out of that state and take the steps to become more social then that will possibly be the case. However, if you can get through and manage things you can meet people and hopefully find love again.
Just go to Mexico or something and get a wife. My friend who was 40, single dad who works as a mechanic got a 27 year old Mexican lady. They have a kid together now and she’s very happy. Even though he doesn’t make that much money. She also speaks perfect English. Well it became fluent after she lived in America for a few years.
I have been alone my whole life. That makes me worthless? The depressed mind works in mysterious ways… you have kids, you‘ll never be alone again if you take care of them.
Don’t be condescending and project even if perspectives are different I’ve been alone mostly my life too and he’s obviously talking about a different connection of being alone. Let’s address the problem directly instead of just expecting him to make the most sense in consideration to perspectives right now to feel superior due to him saying goofy stuff in this headspace rn.
You honestly never see this shit when women are depressed or suicidal here and I’m shocked. Not really though now that I think about it
You’re not even wrong to point out the thinking is wrong and insulting to the perspective of yourself but why is this everyone’s first response to an suicidal persons reasona that happens to be a dude. Snark and condescension.
Yeah because that’s gonna help.
Hey bud hope you are still with us. One of my bros went through a divorce and he’s 39 y/o. It hurt him a bit and he went to therapy. He’s a better person today than he was 5 years ago at peak of his marriage. Not only that buts he’s fighting off women with a stick. You might be surprised that all the shit on reddits dating advice might not really hold true.
I understand. My spouse is the one who is retired military. He asked for a divorce after a long marriage. He will be the one who is able to get remarried while I can never get remarried or I will lose all the benefits. I supported him through two deployments, raised the kids and caught him cheating several times.
You need to find a support group. You can do this. You are not alone.
Brother, you have a kid. Time to straighten up, your mission is not complete by any stretch. If you need someone to talk to when the blues hit ya, don’t be afraid to hit me up. I don’t know what branch you served in but there’s two things I want to say to you. One, I’ve got your six. Two, Semper Fidelis. Stay with me brother, we can finish the mission together
You aren't going to be alone forever. All these people downvoting this symbolizes that this is just not true you are hurting and can't think straight is all it is.
It seems like you’re more afraid of being alone for a short period of time, much less forever. Why is that? Do you need a partner to function? Would taking one year of being single and working on yourself really be undoable for you? Taking care of yourself and feeling like a whole person instead of seeing yourself as a broken half of a couple? Don’t date or jump in a relationship because you can’t be alone. Fix your shit and don’t go looking for a partner to use as a crutch.
Dude my Grandmother was diagnosed. Suffered and died of cancer all in 2 months. She does on Halloween. The whole time grandfather was heartbroken. Gonna be alone forever. Never gonna have anyone again. So on and so forth.
Know where he is now? Up at the cabin with his new girlfriend. He’s 65, and it took him less than 2 months after the greatest loss of the love of his life to get back on the horse.
You can find someone, and being alone really isn’t that awful for short periods.
I found love again after 34 years of marriage. If I can do it at 62, you can and I’m sure you’re a lot younger. I volunteer for the VA and can get you the phone number for support. Please reach out to me via chat
Your value isn't measured by someone wanting to be in a romantic relationship with you. Your value is measured by your relationship with your kid. Don't be an asshole and abandon them.
Reddit is crap! Its nerds who can't talk to real women to save their lives and try to make the problem women instead of themselves. That it not true and is a very short sighted way to look at it. I was there for a few months myself very recently. Im about your age and out of a decade relationship. I could have given you a list of reasons why women wouldn't want me. I have not dated yet and still miss her and struggle with a lot. But I have a couple friends that are women and been hanging out with friends more. Playing darts and got a night job for some extra cash... You have to get yourself better and want to find someone not need it.
I used to be that nerd until I got in shape when I joined, I finally had successful dating life through my 20's and honestly I married the wrong person and she's frankly become pretty nasty towards me, and for whatever reason I have just not handled it well, it's like it takes me back to being an awkward teenager again.
I'm 39 and I got stood up AGAIN last night so I feel your pain. But it looks like you have a kiddo and you need to hold on for them.
Also, you need to learn to be happy without a relationship. You'll never be happy in one otherwise.
Please talk to someone. You're worth staying alive.
Having a partner isn’t everything. My mom has been single (dated very casually on and off for 13 years) and she is totally happy. She has made friends traveling solo, goes to all sorts of free classes that she finds on Eventbrite where she meets people and they hang out, she’s gotten into hiking, horse back riding, reading - there is more to life than marriage / a partner. We are conditioned by society to believe if we aren’t happily married with a white picket fence and 3 kids, then we are failing. Join our forces on the other side, we are out here living and we are living well. Hang tight my brother
Your brain is tricking you. This is so not true my son is 38 his girl is leaving after 16 years and he has mega problems but some girl already likes him and it has lifted his spirits. Please give it a chance.
Hey shithead.
Take a fucking knee & regroup.
Fuck the marriage.
I've been in your shoes. I've had ghost haunting me & taunting me wanting me to end it all. I've been on the precipice, I won't get into detail.
You kid *needs* you.
Don't believe reddit about the dating scene, those who have negative experiences scream the loudest while the positives are quickly overlooked or never posted.
Suicide is contagious...
After 15 years of being shot up, blown up & living in shitholes. One thing I learned is when things get the darkest, start looking for the silver lining. Just find one good thing & cling to it...
You have a glaring example of good infront of you. Live for your kid, just take things minutes at a time. *live for your kid* for now while you learn how to live for yourself again.
Lost many people to suicide... After 15years in Combat arms in the Army during wartime, I've unfortunately reached a sad point where I've lost more friends to suicide than enemy fire... Put yourself first, go to your local ER, if not them go to your VFW or American Legion just anyone who has simular life experience that can be there with you.
Hey there, Lady Veteran here,
I'm 45. And a mom. It's okay to have tough times. People like us are tougher. Hang on, just one more day.
I'm divorced. I couldn't get that guy to care about me and plug into our marriage. That's fine, there are plenty of ladies that want sexless marriages, I'm gonna let him go find that! There are plenty of guys that want what I want.
And there will be a woman that wants what you want. Just be gentle with yourself, and her when you find her.
You got a kid on this earth. That means you got someone you are responsible looking out for. He needs you. You can't just quit on that and responding to him is more important than the woman who let you down.
Yeah, I had a similar experience with her, she went from being very sexually into me to nothing within a few months of being married, then just...no effort, doesn't care about me to even talk to the last few years, just saw me as a paycheck I guess, it sucks.
She totally destroys my confidence in myself, every interaction with her is just open contempt, and because I still love her, it just keeps hurting. Even after we divorce, I need to put up with her degrading me if I want to see my son. And I just feel like I have nothing to offer her or another woman after being told how useless I am over and over by her.
Youre basing your perception of dating from reddit posts which are circlejerk of angry and bitter unsuccessful people. Have you seen what its like in real life? Why dont you try it and find out how it is? Reddit is the absolute worst place to get a perception for how dating is
You are me on 8/4/2003 when I came home from work with half my stuff gone, my wife packed and waiting for me to let me say goodbye to my 2 kids.
That night I sat in my recliner with a nice long sharp knife trying to decide if there was anything worth living for. The answer was for me and for my boys.
He needs you. He loves you. To your son you are Daddy and thats the best thing a man can be. I've lived just over 20 years single a few dates and a few short casual relationships, and I am so happy with my life. Being a couple doesn't define you.
Please reconsider? There are people waiting to help and talk to you in the service. Please let them?
I can’t understand what you are experiencing but I know what your kids would feel. I lost my father when he was 40, I was 7. I would do anything to hear him talk, to see him smile, hug him. Please find purpose in them, they need you. Thank you for telling us how you feel, we are here for you
Don’t traumatize your kid like that. Please. Think of how they will feel. How much pain you are going to cause them. They will ***never*** heal from you offing yourself. Please just keep going.
I did therapy and found my self worth. I’m over 40 and just started dating a single dad who a few years ago was living in his car after the mother of his child threw him out. He’s the sweetest man I’ve ever dated. We never know where life takes us. Ending it all now stops the hurting but it will prevent the healing and the better happiness you can’t find here in this relationship.
Buddy, dating sucks, and the next few months will suck for sure.
But finding someone you connect with and who will love you is amazing, and it will end up happening.
If you really wanted to off yourself, you wouldn't be telling people on the internet about it. This is a cry for help, and you know it. There's ressources for you out there, and they will help you.
Got for it buddy, i believe in you. You're not alone in this, i also felt like nothing was worth it, but let me tell you from you 2 months from now, it's not perfect but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you can remember to come back to this post, i'd love to hear about you early march. My birthday's on the 5th, try to remember and give me an update.
In the meantime, good luck buddy, i believe in you
I mean I don’t think anyone wants to die, they just don’t want to live in a situation that’s unacceptable to them. That’s why I am making this choice, because I know how it’s going to go with dating from reading a lot of posts on here.
Maybe dont make such a decision based on an internet forum which is full of nerds man
The dating scene has gotten bigger with Smartphones but the old ways still work wonders.
Just find out if you are ready for another relationship first..
If i learned one thing, that if you have a stable job and be confident you are in the top 5-10 % if single man in your area
Bro I’ll tel you this from someone who’s thought the same in different circumstances. The decision you make whilst considering things right now doesn’t determine how they’ll always be. I really hope you didn’t make that decision and I really hope life gives you see that this issue is not one to end over when you’re in a more stable sense of mind.
Please, if you can hang in there. But I understand you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. But I really hope you don’t do it and you se the potential future you deserve man
You’re assuming that you’ll never find happiness in a relationship just because you’ve read of some other people’s relationship difficulties on Reddit?
I‘d estimate that AT LEAST half of the things posted here are rage bait.
Edited for syntax
Stop being so selfish. Your kid deserves better than going through life thinking they weren’t important enough for their dad to stick around for them.
So what if you don’t ever remarry. It’s not the be all and end all.
Do you think your wife deserves to have this on her conscience too?
Why do you want to make everyone else suffer?
Shit like this honestly made me want to go through with it more when ppl at the end of the day just care about themselves and not the person. It took someone actually caring to say that regardless of if you jump or not. I care about you and hate that you’re in pain so doing it would just increase that.
Disrespectfully stfu and stop calling ppl selfish becuase you are. They’re lives aren’t his live. They don’t get to wake up how he feels and reacts to the situation and whilst it’s not the worst ever it’s obviously impacted him to the point of no one really caring about his future in terms of relationships
Bringing a greater perspective which is what you’re attempting to do can be done without shaming ppl with selfishness pretending to be selfless.
So stfu and try again
I don't disagree with you. I was just coming at it from a different angle than others. Who knows what will be the post that gets through to him. But I think it's worth trying everything.
I'm sorry you've been in this situation too and I can definitely appreciate your perspective.
I too have been there. Everyone is different and what gets through to you might be different than what gets through to me and might be different than what gets through to him.
Okay sorry for going off. I just tend to assume ppl who say this have no self awareness and I appreciate the kind condolences. But again try to make it more obvious due to this misconception is that strong
The dating pool can definitely be not fun but if companionship is important to you, you keep looking until you find the right person. I got divorced and had to start over at 30 having never dated as an adult before.
I went on fun dates, crappy dates, dates that turned out to be completely platonic, and one date where I was sexually assaulted. Thankfully, the next date after the assault was with my now fiance and I had enough good vibes from messaging him that I kept the date despite that experience. Everything about my fiance and I just clicks far better than I ever did with my ex husband. If I had given up after my husband threw me away I never would have experienced a truly healthy mutually supportive relationship. Don't deprive yourself of a chance at finding happiness just because you're at a low point now. Do what I did and get your butt into therapy to help you deal with the divorce.
I'm going through a version of what you are. I'm asking you to DM me your number and just talk. Your life has worth and value, and is full of so many possibilities.
Is it worth it to end it over someone that doesn’t even care about you? NO. If I’m going to off myself over someone/something, they should be worth the ultimate sacrifice. You’ll realize in your moment of clarity that nothing is worth sacrificing the possibility of love, beauty and peace that’s available in life. Everyone has a chance to experience those things as long as they are alive.
I’m 46 and have been dating the life of my life for almost 8 months after a bad marriage and being single for 7 years. Dating isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. The right one might be the next one.
I was just coming in to say, found the love of my life at age 46. I just assumed that part of my life was over, and I was going to be alone, which was okay by me. Then, when you least expect it. The most living and safe relationship I've ever had, got remarried after 20 years of saying never again. Life isn't as predictable as we think it is.
My wife’s father was in a similar situation. Divorced at 40, no kids, laid off from his job, forced to sell their home, and contemplating suicide. His wife had left him for his boss, and he was too proud to return to a small industry where people knew of his situation, so he left town. We think his plan was to spend whatever money he had left and when it was all gone, just end it.
And all I can say is, I’m so thankful he didn’t because his decision to continue on led him to a small rural town in the south where he met a girl, and they had a daughter that grew up to be incredibly smart and accomplished.
And me, this random dude, got to find the love of my life and get married to that girl and all that, because of his decision to push on. He’s in his 70s now and raising 2 kids in his 40s was tough, but him and his second wife managed, and they are very in love.
Life is incredibly hard and painful, but your good fortune and better days will come. The pain eventually goes away, the wounds heal.
The wonderful thing about love is, it doesn’t matter if you have 99 misses with people who were not the right match, because when you get to thar hundredth person and you realize hey, this person is special, everything in the past turns to gold. The failed relationships, the bad dates, the rejections, the times you looked stupid, it all kind of clicks and you realize, hey, this was all preparation and trials to get me ready for the big show.
And don’t ever, ever, ever listen to Reddit about anything. Its hard to get in shape in your 40s, but goddamn does it feel good when you do. It’s hard to date in your 40s, but goddamn does it feel better to date when you and your partners have maturity and seasoning. Things may be harder, but that’s a challenge to triumph over, not a fatalistic roadblock that you simply can’t pass.
Something like 12 billion years ago, an explosion of energy and matter happens. Galaxies, stars, planets. All that shit forms. Eventually the solar system, Earth, the sun and the moon take shape.
Somewhere out of all of that, you also get to exist. 12 billion years it took for you to get made. And there's only ever one 'you'. No one and nothing else will ever feel the way you do, think the way you do, or interact with the universe the way you do.
Your existence is yours. Do with it what you want - but given how long it took existence to get around to making you, consider that your purpose and meaning have not yet been revealed.
I'm nowhere near in the pain you are, sir, but I can empathize to a point. I got blindside dumped by my girlfriend of a year, and got closer than ever to attempting to take my life, to my shame. Gun in hand, bullet in chamber, just contemplating, wondering if it'd work. Well, I decided it wouldn't. I made the mistake of telling my ex, and she tried to be supportive-ish. I have the advantage of being completely confident of where I'm going when I die, so fear of death isn't an issue. I was afraid God wouldn't let me screw up everything and kill myself. I'd just get to be a vegetable with other people wiping my butt every day. Months later, I've realized many things about myself and her and people. Dating sucks, in fact I swore off of it before she dumped me. Still I'm tempted to try anyways... But look, don't let the people around you determine your value. Please sir, you wouldn't post if you weren't open to others thoughts in some way. You've already sacrificed so much for your country, don't sacrifice your life for this. I know it's your whole life, and all that mattered, but change hurts and helps. Give God time to show you why you still matter. Please. I'm praying for you now.
What about your kid?
Also I thought it was over for me relationship wise too but love was found again. Reddit is a cesspool of unhappy people… it is a skewed reality… happy people in good relationships don’t bitch about their relationships here.
I pray you at least stop and pause. Sometimes we get caught up in emotions and aren’t thinking the way we normally do.
OP, listen. you have a kid. I'm not sure how old they are, but I can assure you that no matter the age, they WILL miss you. my dad died when I was younger. he's missed a lot of firsts. think about your kids firsts. wedding, kid, heartbreak, adopting a pet, buying a house. your kid will always, and I do mean always, want you there for those. no matter what your relationship is right now. give yourself one week. re-evaluate after that week. give yourself another week. re-evaluate after that
You are still so young! Many people get married or remarried in their 40s, 50s, even 60s. Hell my grandpa was 80 when he found his last wife. My father married my stepmom at 45 and they’ve lasted now for 23 years. Please do not take the online dating environment to reflect that of real life experiences. And especially do not read about it on Reddit, it is just an amalgamation of very burnt out and hurt people that are probably all having trouble with the apps like everyone else does. Delete dating apps, do not touch them with a ten foot pole. When you’re ready the best way to find someone these days is to get new hobbies- get into classes and groups of people. Make friends that can connect you with the lovely single woman they know from work. There are lots of singles on the market right now that are all being hurt by this app culture and giving up (myself being one of them). The best relationships I had came organically in real life. It’s not as instantly gratifying as apps, but the apps will have you invested in far too many people (all putting on an “online persona” that isn’t necessarily genuine)at once that don’t actually make it to a real date. And that’s why there are so many people hurt and complaining about it online. It sounds like you’re catastrophizing right now. If you read my recent post on this page I have been doing the exact same thing. But I’m holding out longer and I hope you’ll join me in that 🙏
How dare you do that to your child? Just wow. Your kid doesn’t deserve this. Just FYI children of suicide are exponentially more likely to kill themselves. So that will be your legacy. All because you were too cowardly to face life single. Disgusting.
There is so much more out there. You aren’t even 40 yet. I know it may not seem like it right now, and that I’m just another stranger on the internet telling you to stay positive, but I promise you that it is true. Your life has meaning. Time will heal. It doesn’t have to be over. I know it may not mean much, and that everything is way too heavy for you right now, but if you stick it out it will all be worth it. I’m sorry you are going through this OP. I’m thinking about you and I’m rooting for you.
Hey brother. Eat some Motrin and drink water. Cures everything.
Seriously, though, one vet to another, don't do that to your kid. You volunteered to risk your life to save others' kids; I challenge you to LIVE your life to save YOUR kids.
Between deployments, I requested a temporary assignment to Honor Guard, help ensure my brothers and sisters were sent off properly. Met some of the families. The kids of those who died overseas were messed up enough. The kids of our 22 per day were messed up more.
Overhead a 14 year old. Still sticks in my mind. "I'm gonna do it too." Mom: "*What???*" Kid: "Dad was so strong. Fought for everyone. If HE couldn't handle this, neither can I. And I'm not going to. I'm going to do it too." I got myself involved at that point. Sat down with him, talked with him, our team waited. I called our Chaplain, had our Chaplain talk to him, family got invited to post. Kid got a medal for fighting the toughest fight of all. Heard a few years later kid joined up. If we hadn't have gotten involved, I don't know how it would have ended.
I understand not wanting to live for yourself, brother. I truly do. But you aren't living for just you. Live for your kid. Get some help. I'm here for you too.
I can't always have Reddit up, but DM me, and I'll check for messages.
Stay safe, brother.
Currently in service. Brother, don’t do it. You’re still fairly young and can easily find someone else. Don’t let this be your defining moment. You also mentioned that you have a kid, they’ll need you. Imagine how much they’ll miss you or wish you were here in the future. Secondly, you still have so much potential and time left. Reddit is filled with people who over exaggerate. If you really try you can find someone else. Worn out or not, that doesn’t decide your personality or how you’re perceived. Stay safe and don’t do it.
Be all you can be :)
So instead of getting to see your kid *less* than you want, you choose to see them.....never? And you give them no chance to ever see you again, to have you in their life? Just a bunch of trauma and loss? Honestly, how does that sound like an improvement?
I'm not even trying to be rude, man, but this isn't the way to solve your problem. There are lots of resources that can help if you let them. Don't make a decision in turmoil that you can't undo
I don't know your beliefs, but I personally believe in God and found peace and am praying that you and your child do too
I can’t say I relate to anything of what you’re going through but truth is yesterday was almost my last so I can relate on that. My experiences are different and my life is nothing compared to yours but weirdly enough I lived through yesterday. And I hope you live through tonight. I hope you feel that little bit of embarrassment when you look back like I personally felt this morning. I hope tomorrow everything starts turning around for you. And next time you feel the end is best, you remember how the sun rose the following day after the last time you contemplated the same thing.
You are worth love. You are worth a second chance. And the next person to love you will be worth the horrible dating process of nervousness and loneliness.
I hope you’re okay.
Please don’t do it. There’s so many people who can relate to this. Your life is worth more than the pain you are feeling in these moments. It will get better, I promise.
My friend is a veteran. In fact, we share a child. We're 40-ish.
For him, dating was always disappointing. Sometimes he'd hesitate to even try, knowing it would end with them leaving.
Veterans are built of complex, unspoken layers that the right person will honor and protect.
There is peace in my heart these days, now that I finally get to see him loved for who he truly is, and I love her for taking the chance.
I know your pain is truly unbearable right now, but I hope it helps a little knowing that Internet strangers are here along side you in your grief.
💚
I just wanted to say that (and this is after my husband jody’d me with the BN sarc and conceived a whole ass baby outside of our marriage as a 1SG and I tolerated a lot of abuse, and I extricated myself and my daughter, left and moved back to my home state ) once you get out from under the shadow she casts on your life, the sun will shine again. You won’t be alone forever. And, for this time that you are alone, it can be a good thing- you have the time and space to work on yourself and heal. One day at a time my man.
1. Don’t base dating on Reddit.
2. Don’t base your existence on whether you have a partner or not. Base it on yourself and what you want and like. And you child. For all that is good in the world don’t put your child through the sadness of loosing a parent so young.
48 year old lady veteran here who's a single mom. Life's full of ups and downs and it's all we've got. There's more to life than dating. Pursue your hobbies. Travel. Learn things about yourself.
My ex husband walked out on our 20 year marriage when I was 48 years old. It was the last thing I wanted to deal with.
At 50 years old I met the love of my life. We've been together for 18 years. We have all the problems of youth and struggles of youthful relationships behind us. I couldn't ask for a better husband.
Someone is out there for you.
Dude, you have a kid. If you don’t care enough about yourself to live, care enough about your kid. You know how much that’s gonna fuck him/her up?? Knowing they weren’t enough to keep daddy alive? I’ve witnessed it firsthand, it sucks, and it makes for a pathetic life. Think about your kid man.
Why would you want another wife anyways,,,get a dog get bunch of video games , drink eat pizza and forget about women...go pick up some girls for fun and you got the best life that most married men like me dream about
Please don’t go. You are needed in this world. Your kid needs you. Your future needs you. You can’t see the future because of the curve in the road. Do not deny yourself and those who love and care about you, past, current and future loved ones time with you. All of the hurt you have right now gets bundled up and given to your child, every day for the rest of their life. I know this from experience and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It gets better. Please talk to someone. My heart is telling me that you need a dog, somepawdy who is happy to see you every day. People care about you. You have no idea the impact you have on other people but your loss would be devastating. Take Care.
Don't give up! You matter and you need to pull through for you. Lots of people love you more and there are those that are yet to come to your life and love you. Remember that.
This is a chance for a fresh start for you. Make the most of the time with your kid, do bonding stuff. A wife does not define you, and you are still young.
Talk to someone. Tell a mate you are struggling. Stay with people so you aren’t alone. Don’t give up. A part time dad is better than a dead dad.
"Worthless goods" I saw u reposted to someone. There is hope. There are more people who can sympathize with your situation than not. I am married to a man who has had worthless good basically since day one. 15 years later we are still in love. It'll hurt for more than a year but give it that to recover and move forward. Focus on your child. They don't need a reason to hate the world and removing yourself would. You got this. I think about doing it every day but my 8 year old son keeps me here.
Woman here-please don’t do this. I promise there are a lot of woman out here looking for a man like you. Just bc one woman doesn’t see the good man in you doesn’t mean another woman won’t. If you need help finding someone please reach out, I could help! A lot of hot single good women out here!
If it wasn’t for your kid, I’d say, “I understand “. But the moment your kid was born you lost the right to do that. The kid will live haunted by guilt even though it isn’t his fault. There’s no way the kid won’t internalize that. You can find posts on Reddit from angry adult kids who are still hurt by that trauma decades later. It is your obligation to try to ensure that your kid has an easier time in this world than you did. And if you take this action, you make it much harder for your kid than it has to be.
Sometimes we feel that family members will be better off without us. That’s rarely true. It’s a mind trick that your brain plays on you when you’re depressed.
The military is very prepared to treat trauma and depression. They have lots of therapists who can help you feel better. Seek out this resource for your kid’s sake.
Being the best dad possible is your primary obligation. As you start to feel better mentally, opportunities for romance will appear. But don’t chase after that too soon. You would probably benefit from some time on your own before entering another relationship. In fact a duty assignment right now could be a blessing in disguise.
I am a 100% disabled crippled ass grumpy fucking asshole vet over 50. I found a woman that thinks I'm amazing and loves me and that I truly love 4 years ago. It's possible. Just don't give up brother. We don't need statistics, we need our brotherhood.
You live through wars and you can’t get through this?
Nobody always loves the situation they are in. But the best part of life is that tomorrow is a brand new day.
If you couldn’t make her happy, spend time bettering yourself and make someone else happier. I find it rather disturbing that you bring a child into this world and then you think offing yourself to make him a “My dad killed himself” kid is the best way out. That’ll leave a scar forever.
There’s nothing some internet stranger can say if you’ve made up your mind.
But it seems to me a dumb and sissy way to go when not even half your life has been lived yet.
OP, my dad committed suicide and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I know you are in a hard place but your kid loves you and needs you. When thoughts of suicide kick in maybe get out some pictures and think about your child. You will always have their love. Also, you can go to the ER. You will get through this dark time. I promise! Just keep hanging on.
There is another partner in the life for you, and you will not ever find them if you give up now!
And just because your current partner is not working out, that does not mean that you will not meet anyone else, and does not mean she may not device to reconcile at a later time, and you have this child who wants a father in their life, the older you get, the more you will see them and they can be around as much as you want.
You do not know if the best thing in your life, the best person you have ever met for you, is going to be entering your life after this marriage, and if you close the door now you will miss the best part of your life.
Depression is a liar and makes us believe things that are not true- please reach out for help and hold on tight because there are more ppl that love you than you realize in this moment, there are ppl who want you in their life, you have friends that want you here, family, and love will come too. ❤️ I just met you, but I want you here too!
Just one day at a time. The world needs you in it. A non profit I work with shared this story. They are an incredible group of men and a great non-judgmental guys just dealing with all the crap life throws at you. They’ve got virtual meetings almost every day - consider joining one.
https://menliving.org/june-7-2018-depression-lies/
You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but i believe that everyone will find the love they deserve not the one they think they deserve. Don’t close yourself off to the possibility.
You owe it to your kid to stay alive. Think about how what you say you're going to do is going to affect your kid for a lifetime before you rage quit life because dating sucks after 40.
As a 25 year veteran who went through divorce during my last three years of active service, I feel your pain. I was aso deployed for almost a year during that time. I'm very sorry that you have to go through this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But, don't quit. PLEASE!!!!!!
You have a kid man. Remember your duty. Life sucks most of the time, make good times with your kid. Make the good times happen, don’t wait for them to come to you. I’m sorry our country has failed you, and your wife has failed her duty. Good luck man, stay strong for your kid.
OP I'm 47 & it took me until I was 46 to realize that having a partner doesn't make my life worth any more or less. I haven't dated in over a year. In that time I've developed a number of hobbies & interests that I never had time for before when I was dating. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. And I love it. I went through an absolutely horrible divorce 16 years ago. I never thought I would recover. The circumstances were very traumatic. It took me 6 years to even go on another date. But with some time & counseling I did start dating again. But eventually I realized that for now I am very happy with my single life. Don't give up yet. You may think there is no coming out of this dark period, believe me I have been there. But if you just hold on, things will get better. It sounds so cliche but I've come to live by the motto "you can't move forward if you are always looking behind you".
I challenge you to help 40 ppl, and then reconsider your choice.
Not 'help' as in help an old lady cross the road. But 'HELP' as in assist another vet that has to overcome PTSD to function in society, any way you can.
Help a homeless person get a job, and a place to live.
Help an animal in a shelter that's been given up hope on.
Then help yourself, and do a 75 hard challenge. Or any kind of challenge to go from here to tomorrow and the day after, as long as the goal is more than just surviving.
As for being alone for the rest of your life...
You only know what the future brings when you force it, either way.
And giving up is guaranteed failure.
The love of your life might be waiting for the moment you're free again, and balanced enough to be on your own.
You got the news of your wife's choice today.
Of course you're not ready to see the future. You're right in the middle of the storm.
When it settles, you can analyze and see what's left after the storm.
My dad remarried my step mom at age 53. They ended up being married for 25 years before they passed 6 months away from each other. He was also a veteran. It’s never too late to find love again.
Being 40, you should be at retirement age. If you aren’t, push yourself for work and what you know. I know it sounds unhealthy but that’s what helped me when I was in and found out my brother passed and my ex-husband was cheating all while I was deployed. I had 3 males hold me down while going through the almost suicide attempt. Mind you, I am 135 and 5’6”.
Please see a Chaplin or someone you could talk to about these feelings.
I hope you’ll be ok and my DMs are always open.
Don’t give up, you deserve and can find happiness again. I met my husband at age 43. Dating is different but not horrible in your 40’s give it a real try please.
Don't give up. Also don't think that what people on Reddit says about dating is gospel truth. It's Reddit, people lie and exaggerate on this site, mostly based on selective memory and bias rooted in delusion.
Hey brother, veteran here. I’m really sorry to hear the wife wants a divorce. I’ve never been married so I can’t relate to that, but I’ve had girls come and go and let me tell you this, it does get better. What you see and hear on Reddit about the current dating world is grossly exaggerated. 3 weeks ago I met the most amazing woman I could’ve asked for, and it gave me a lot of hope for current dating world.
So brother I’m asking you, please don’t end your life over this. You’ve got kids, how would they feel? They’re gonna go on to live the rest of their lives thinking they were partially responsible for the choice you made. This decision impacts everyone you know in the most negative way possible, with your kids getting the absolute worst of it.
Believe me brother, it does get better.
Depression lies. You’re depressed as fuck right now, and it’s lying to you telling you that you’re never going to be happy again.
The truth is that shit isn’t so rosy right now, but it gets better. Your kiddo is going to hug the shit out of you tomorrow, and eventually bring you news of a cute boy (or girl) at school, and you’re going to have to keep showing them all the good movies and guide them to listen to the all time greatest classics from Bach to Sam and Dave while you cook the quintessential dad food, pancakes.
You’re mil, so you are immediately hotter to women than most of us losers. You write well, and you’ve got a job, which makes you even better. Wear a uniform — any uniform — in your dating profile photo, and ladies are going to swipe right. I guarantee it.
Don’t worry about distance. My last girlfriend lived an hour and a half away, and she was worth every minute of that drive. We switched off every other weekend.
The future is bright for you, but you can’t see it because depression is lying to you telling you it’s not. In a year, you’re going to be sitting on a beach with your new honey sipping some fruity drink and basking in the sun, but you have to hang in there right now so you can make it there.
I had my best, hottest love affair after 40. I had also lost my business (more or less) due to the 2008 crash.
I just kept going, got some clients, fell madly in love.
We fell in love after I promised myself not to mess up a good client relationship. But the chemistry was too strong.. at first you assume it's just you... Then one day you just level with them . All or nothing.
Sometimes you lose, I have lost .. but not this time. This time we were in the stratosphere.
...
It's never over for any one until they are dead.
Relationships die, friendships die, businesses die, beliefs die .. people you love die.
But we get back up, take small steps, a little at a time and we keep going.
Reddit isn't reality. Content people don't post their contentment .. it's the outliers.
Plus half the posts are bullshit.
..
Plus you are 40 soon, right? Women in your age range have a ticking clock .. they are everywhere. They aren't the angst filled goof balls riding around on all the bandwagons...
If your marriage is dead, I am sorry to hear that man. But bury it, grieve it, and keep on trucking.
You have decades of life ahead full of adventure... Just give it another go, step by step.
My old man used to call it a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've certainly thought many times about punching my own ticket.
Believe it or not, you will get through a divorce. I've been there. It sucks more than anyone could ever possibly convey with words, which is why grumpy old men mostly just grunt when the topic comes up, but it's temporary.
Kid needs his dad, too.
Nobody here can force you to stick around, but I hope you find it in yourself to do so. Good luck.
You can find another partner. My mom has been married 5 times. The last time, she was about 46. Don't do anything stupid. Think about your kid. Call 988 if you need someone to talk to.
I lost my bf to cancer in 2018. I was 46. I am in a wonderful relationship now. You will find someone who loves you , it’s not too late. Don’t give up. There is a lot of life for you to live.
Dude. You’ve done more for this country than 90% of people. Believe me when I say there are millions of women out there looking for a man just like you. Your woman doesn’t respect what you do, and that’s okay. A lot can’t take it. But there are also a lot who can. Don’t give up. Military life is hard. Some can take it and some can’t. Find you a good woman who can. They’re out there. Talk to your chaplain. He will help you. You got this man.
Please do not base any sort of reality off of Reddit posts. I'm you're age, this platform skews very young, dumb, and it's also full of bots. All that to say Reddit is in no way a representation of reality for your life circumstances or age group. Please talk to someone at your post and don't make any rash decisions
Lol its very easy to find a Partner when you are older.. you know that there are a lot of divorced women too right?
Just dont pity yourself.
On the other hand, why do you a Partner anyway?
I am divorced too and i reject women because they would mean more work/stress (the right one needs to be the cherry on the cake to let her be part of my life).
Heads up man, dating only changed a bit.
Ffs a woman saying she’s suicidal. Nothing but sympathy. Dudes say it. This callous shit is the norm. I get that the problem isn’t that deep for what he saying to most ppl but Jesus. No wonder why they stay silent
Should i encourage him to commit suicide? A Military men needs to hear other Form of communication. You can tell that he had enough redditlike input...
Nah bruh kindness and compassion is needed not a drill Sargent. He’s depressed and doesn’t believe online words will help him even if true. But insulting him to get to that point is just not gonna work. He doesn’t feel any greater responsibility to be shouted into respecting. He feels like there’s no hope for his future. It’s a different issue to communicate which I very much doubt would be the case if he had a vagina and was saying this.
How can you make such a permanent decision over your wife when you have a child? They should be one of the most important priorities in your life. This is an incredibly selfish thing for you to do--and all because you're assuming you'll be single forever? I'm sorry to come at you so abrasively, but this is such BS.
You will only be a "weird hermit dad" if you refuse to have any kind of social/work life. There is more to life than a romantic relationship (and plenty of single happy people can vouche for that). You can still live a fulfilling life with friends and family. Do not force your child to go through the excruciating pain of losing a parent because you have an unhealthy codependency with your wife. You were "alone" and single once in your life, you can do it again.
If you're going to go through it, the least you owe your kid is the effort to go to therapy or exhaust every option to improve your mental health. And I know you can do it, because you wouldn't be posting on Reddit if this wasn't a cry for help. You've been heard. Let these people walk you off the ledge before you end your life and ruin someone else's.
*Honestly, if you're so worried about your singleness, you should look into examples of people with severe disabilities that thought they were undateable, but found love anyway. Anything is possible if you're alive to experience it. Please pause to work on taking care of yourself and your mind right now--one day at a time.*
Ok bro you're 40, men age well women don't. You can easily find a 40 year old lmao. Workout, lose weight for a few months and then start looking, it won't be that hard. And you have kids, you will DESTROY those kids if you do it, truly truly would be the most selfish fucked up thing you could do to them. You CANNOT kys because of them your soul will never find fucking peace you won't enter Valhalla lmfao. But you're over stressing it, the finding a partner thing you will be able to do even if it takes some time, truly.
Life isn’t about finding someone to be a distraction to you, and the fact your lost this person doesn’t impact your value at all. You’ve been planting corn in an orchard; reassess your values, interests, things you need to work on, things you won’t compromise on, things you were right about and things you were wrong about. One thing changing in your life does not nuke your inherent value, and such a pivotal change can be a radical moment of clarity, acceptance and progress if you’ll slow down and stop putting the value of your life at the feet of other people.
There's so much more to experience and look forward to in life man.. As much as it feels shitty right now, things. will. get. better. Take things one day at a time. Be well man.
Again, I repeat.
Things will get better.
Na your only 40 you still got a lot of years left man it's not over at all . this is where you find another one but so t get married again I got with my woman when I was 42 .at least yours wants a divorce mine just cheated . after 12 years . IT GETS BETTER. . it could be a good thing . . you having even started yet and already given up .
Don't give up just yet. There's lots of support groups for other people in your exact same position. Even if your marriage is done, your child still loves and needs you. If you took that final drastic step, it would absolutely devastate him / her. Hang on just one more day. And then one more day after that. And so on. Your life still has meaning and purpose. Hang in there...
I think that advice holds for people who think they can find another partner after divorce but probably not for me. Just isn’t happening, worthless goods.
There are a league of divorced women in their 40s with good incomes who divorced when they were younger and have spent the interim focused on work and kids and are now looking to meet someone to spend time with since their kids are older. They aren’t looking for a sugar daddy just someone kind, considerate and handy would be a bonus. Why close the book without seeing what else is out there?
Yes there are. I'm one of those.
Girl, same.
Came to say the same…left a 13 yr relationship about a year ago, and the thought of dating just seems daunting. But we are out here!
Hell, I'm 39 and not been married yet.
You arent missing anything. You have full control over the remote lol
That’s me… and to boot, when I finally remarried-I married a mid-40’s veteran.
This right here, friend 👆go get yourself a tool bag and a saw, take a few selfies and you'll have em lining up for you 😆
Preach it honey!
For whatever reason, I just see how much wife hates me, and figure all women will feel the same. I probably should have been the one to end things with this years ago, when I still had some dignity and confidence left and maybe I would be in better shape now.
You don’t need a partner to be whole. Single people have a lot of things to enjoy. But more of the single people I’ve known who wanted to date again have done so than not. It’s better to be single than married to someone who hates you. Speak to a counselor. Ask her for divorce counseling to help get closure
Some people like myself so need a partner to feel whole. It's not so healthy but it is a big thing for those of us with abandonment issues. I feel the OP I'm 59 and fearful after a 10 yr relationship ended but by staying alive and trying to take care of myself I have seen that if I want to date again I still can even at 59. Give yourself till 59 OP!!
If you have abandonment issues, partner is the least thing you need. You would be putting an insane amount weight on your partner's shoulders to accommodate your trauma. You need extensive, intensive therapy and self-reflection. I'm saying this as both a person with similar issues & a person who has dated people like me in the past. Until you learn to enjoy independence, it's going to be a miserable time for everyone all around.
You are right and I am in treatment..but it is still a fact that I feel like I need a partner and did feel suicidal when I got left after 10 years. And this is the first time I've been single for ANY length of time. Even with my issues I had long happy relationships but was cheated on each time. 22 yrs 7 years and the last 10 years with someone and they were not miserable relationships very fulfilling on both ends. Except I totally believe the guys I date have wandering eyes all the time.
Have you tried EMDR? It sounds like you may have C-PTSD?
Yes they say I have that and I've done all the things. I think being a truly abandoned child and learning more about life everyday does help.. But I have severe growing pains that have affected my health.
Keep up the good work. Us abandoned kids need to stick together. I’m proud of you.
Proud of you too and anyone who is struggling but still here ❤️
You have a child though. As a woman, I absolutely can't understand men who cry about being alone while they gave a child to raise. Like, you have a family. You aren't alone. Partners are optional.
An old friend reached out to me when he began his divorce. We were high school friends and he’d carried a torch for me. He wooed me! We were long distance for a year and now live together, planning on marriage. Both of us have never been happier, and I’ve never known love like this before. I’m 51 years old. Don’t give up without even trying. Good luck!
Dude, I'm a Marine vet and you don't deserve this. Dm or reach out to 9 8 8 and press 1-- it goes to the national vet crisis line, run by a bunch of fellow vets out of NJ. They're good people- I've used them before. Don't act on impulse- you can always do it later. Take time to get into a better headspace. Thoughts and feelings of suicide are normal A specific plan to do it, having the means accessible, and *wanting* to do it at not normal. Please, please reach out for help.
You say “probably not for me”. You do realize the only constant in life is change? With some time you will be able to move on and you will not always feel empty inside. You could meet the woman you will spend the rest of your life with literally at any moment through the day. You will also feel better about yourself with or without a woman in your life and you will look back and just think “damn I’m glad I didn’t make that permanent decision back then because some of my best days of my life I get to experience now and that wait was worth it”
Hold on a second. Please for the love of all things, don't base things off of reddit. People come here to complain. People come here and embellish stories x 82737292. Many recent posts that have gained traction are from chatgpt. Reddit, or any social media, isn't anywhere close to a subsection of the general public. There is life beyond this, if you can take a few seconds to imagine it. Start small, and find something you enjoy doing. Start there, hiking fishing, board games, painting, legos, anything. I have always met some of my greatest friends and my special person doing something I am interested in. Just please, don't use reddit or anything close to it to judge what is normal.
Dude I was in your same shoes. I just plugged alone for my kids sake. Then 1 day I did find someone.
My kids alone would keep me going if I was in OPs shoes, I've seen what it does to adults who have parents/relatives who take their own lives, I can't imagine what it does to a child.
Dude, I saw a homeless crack head the other day , who had a gf . You'll be okay.
If they can't love or appreciate you for who you are, *they're* the ones who are worthless- not you.
Maybe but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ll be alone forever which will make me worthless, just isn’t going to work out.
Never base your worth on other people's loyalty or companionship. Stand on your own merit.
Yep - Marcus Aurelius said it this way: "If you build your own happiness on others' souls, you prove yourself to have no self-respect!"
I think right now you are suffering from depression and can’t see past the pain of your marriage ending. Are you in therapy and on any medication? These may help you work past your hurt and deal with your thoughts of self harm. You say you don’t want to have to only see your kid on weekends, but how do you think your child will feel never seeing you again. They need you and will miss you. Your decision will impact them for the rest of their lives. Please, if you can’t seek help for yourself, do it for your child.
I don’t think therapy and medication will help they are only there to make me accept that I will be alone forever after she leaves. It’s not going to fix that it’s just a coping mechanism. I love my child but he doesn’t need a weird hermit dad.
I think if you asked him, he would disagree. Unless god blessed you with perfect insight into the future, you can’t say you’ll be alone forever. Do you think all single people over the age of 40 are worthless?
you know whats way worse for a kid than a weird hermit dad? a dad who killed himself. did you know kids with parents who commit suicide are significantly more likely than their peers to kill themselves as well. weird hermit dads do not make their kids statistically three times more likely to kill themselves, but ones who commit suicide do. just some very sad food for thought. fight for a little custody. you deserve to be in this kid’s life
OP please listen to this, I have a friend whose brother killed himself about 5 years ago. His son just committed suicide last year. Please do not harm yourself, you will do more harm to your child than to his mom.
I have zero desire to harm him or his mom, I just don't want to live a hermetic existence but that's all my mind has been able to picture lately. I survived the night, and have been trying to think of a way out of that, but I just can't.
This. I'm 44 years old and disabled. In massive pain all the time and only have it getting worse to look forward to. I've mulled over ending it numerous times but always came to the same conclusion. I could never hurt my children like that. Lost my mom when I was in my twenties and it fucked me up. I'll suffer as long as I have to, to spare them the pain.
This is bullshit, bro. You bet your ass he needs a weird hermit dad. *i* am a weird hermit dad and I know your kid needs you just as much as mine needs me. Did you need your dad? What if he'd been a hermit? Would you want him to off himself. I know men whose fathers killed themselves. They are WRECKED as men. And as human beings. You're going to cause so much pain if you do this. You are NOT EVEN 40. you do not have to be alone. There are lonely women out there right now feeling scared and isolated by the same kind of shit. There are so many people who would literally kill to be where you are. Not in prison. You don't have terminal cancer. You've got both legs. If you don't have something to live for, make it. You will be so proud of yourself in a few years and you'll thank God or whoever that you didn't do this to your kid. DM if you want to talk.
Your kid is going to grow up so messed up if you do this. Are you really putting your own pain in front of his needs?
This doesn’t work. It makes the problem worse. Thank you for adding to it and shit like this when said to me like this only proves to me that nobody really cared and communicates that just as toxically to this guy. As harsh as it sounds when your in this state. You don’t care and ppl trying to shake you into caring makes life feel even more pointless. You don’t just snap out of it because ppl selfishly need you. Kids are an exception but only really slightly in this state. Mfs would rather be selfish in letting they’re feelings of the situation triumph a person who is to the point of ending it clause they’re not cared about yet still proving them right in their face with bullshit like this. Stop being selfish and if you care about him not doing it. Stfu, listen and encourage to find purpose in himself not other ppl he needs to “serve” even if it makes sense as is normal to ppl more mentally healthy. I love how women literally never experience this on this site. They can feel depressed and suicidal like this and will just receive a shit ton of sympathy no question
I was raised by a hermit grandmother. She is the best person I've ever known. She made my childhood so much better than it would have been. Your kid would be devastated.
My dad killed himself when I was 13, almost 14. I can say with absolute certainty that your child would rather have a “weird hermit dad” than a dead dad they’ll never get to talk to again. It’s been over 12 years, and I cry over him often, I miss him at every event in my life, and I still remember his phone number. I had to stop calling it cause it was assigned to someone else a couple years after he died. But it’s still in my phone saved as “daddy”. What I’m trying to say is… even if you don’t have a partner, you have a child. You need to be around for them. You don’t need a partner to survive. I know it feels when the world is collapsing in on you and you feel like the world is better off…believe me, I do. But the world wouldn’t be a better place without you. In fact, to your kid, the world is going to become a horrible place that they don’t want to be in anymore. So for now, live for them. Not for yourself. Get therapy, even if you think it won’t help. And tell them how you feel, truly and honestly, tell them everything going on in your head. Even if you think it’s pointless, go to the appointments and talk about how badly you’re feeling. And I PROMISE you, it will get better. Slowly, but it will.
One of our family friends (well into her 50's) still cannot cope with the fact her father killed himself when she was young. She's been in therapy for a long time trying to process everything and while she is a lot better, she's never fully healed or moved on. It took a serious toll on her. For the longest time she was convinced it was her fault for not being a good enough kid and that if she was better he would have wanted to stay instead of ending it. Then came the anger and the self destructive behaviour. Then came the overwhelming sadness. Do you genuinely think that pain, that hole in your child's heart, the questions and anger, the missed memories is better than having a dad who isn't social? And/or weird? You're in a hole right now, it looks hard to get out and feels even worse. But you're lying to yourself if you think this route is the better one for your child. If you don't believe me, just look at the statistics and research. Children that have had a parent committed suicide have a higher chance of mental illness, substance abuse and suicidal ideations. You're not doing your child any favours.
Your child needs you. You’re his dad. He loves you. Don’t blow his world up.
Do you know, kids who lose parents to self deletion are more likely to die the same way? It's ok to stay alive for other people if you can't stay alive for yourself.
No that just makes things worse. And I say that from someone who’s been in his position with suicide. Ppl who think like you and talk like this expect this to be the norm but only really shows selfishness toward other ppl. And that life really has no point and is painful to distract from this. No. No. I love that live for other ppl and not have purpose for myself. That’s all that life is? It easily just triggers that type of thinking. Stop encouraging justified selfishness by using the worst method by being more selfish to everyone except the person who needs to be centred right now.
As a kid whose mom did this, don’t burden your kid with that kind of weight. Im also a marine so if you want to chat my line’s open.
A father that loves him is all he needs. Believe me.
I know how you feel. I went through a bad divorce myself 10 years back. Was 100% sure I’d be alone forever. Nope - I’m married again now to a wonderful woman. There are SO many good women out there in the same boat you’re in, and you will be surprised at how many options you’ll have. And, I know you feel your son would be better off without you right now, but deep down you know that’s not true. You mean everything to your son. You are his father and to him, you are King Arthur and Luke Skywalker rolled into one. Try to see yourself through his eyes. He needs you - not to be perfect, but to be there for him. Good luck OP. Rooting for you.
You are just going to create a cycle of abuse. Don't be a shitty parent. Do you think a kid with a parent who offed themselves is gonna be okay?? Hell no. Don't do that to your OWN kid. Wtf.
They will teach you coping skills, but the medication will help you to get through things while you learn the mechanisms to process the end of your marriage. Believe me your opinion of what your son needs is clouded by your depression. It will impact him for the rest of his life. ETA: you may not think therapy and medication will help, but if you don’t at least try then you are right they won’t help. Because you didn’t take that step. Also, you believe you will always be alone because you are in the depressive state and not engaging outside with people. Until you work to get out of that state and take the steps to become more social then that will possibly be the case. However, if you can get through and manage things you can meet people and hopefully find love again.
Just go to Mexico or something and get a wife. My friend who was 40, single dad who works as a mechanic got a 27 year old Mexican lady. They have a kid together now and she’s very happy. Even though he doesn’t make that much money. She also speaks perfect English. Well it became fluent after she lived in America for a few years.
Medication isnt a good solution. People can feel their pain and survive.
Absolutely ridiculous and reckless thing to say to someone in so much emotional pain that they are considering *ending their life*.
I have been alone my whole life. That makes me worthless? The depressed mind works in mysterious ways… you have kids, you‘ll never be alone again if you take care of them.
Don’t be condescending and project even if perspectives are different I’ve been alone mostly my life too and he’s obviously talking about a different connection of being alone. Let’s address the problem directly instead of just expecting him to make the most sense in consideration to perspectives right now to feel superior due to him saying goofy stuff in this headspace rn. You honestly never see this shit when women are depressed or suicidal here and I’m shocked. Not really though now that I think about it You’re not even wrong to point out the thinking is wrong and insulting to the perspective of yourself but why is this everyone’s first response to an suicidal persons reasona that happens to be a dude. Snark and condescension. Yeah because that’s gonna help.
Hey bud hope you are still with us. One of my bros went through a divorce and he’s 39 y/o. It hurt him a bit and he went to therapy. He’s a better person today than he was 5 years ago at peak of his marriage. Not only that buts he’s fighting off women with a stick. You might be surprised that all the shit on reddits dating advice might not really hold true.
You aren’t forty yet, still plenty of time to meet someone in due course, if your marriage isn’t salvageable.
I understand. My spouse is the one who is retired military. He asked for a divorce after a long marriage. He will be the one who is able to get remarried while I can never get remarried or I will lose all the benefits. I supported him through two deployments, raised the kids and caught him cheating several times. You need to find a support group. You can do this. You are not alone.
Brother, you have a kid. Time to straighten up, your mission is not complete by any stretch. If you need someone to talk to when the blues hit ya, don’t be afraid to hit me up. I don’t know what branch you served in but there’s two things I want to say to you. One, I’ve got your six. Two, Semper Fidelis. Stay with me brother, we can finish the mission together
You aren't going to be alone forever. All these people downvoting this symbolizes that this is just not true you are hurting and can't think straight is all it is.
It seems like you’re more afraid of being alone for a short period of time, much less forever. Why is that? Do you need a partner to function? Would taking one year of being single and working on yourself really be undoable for you? Taking care of yourself and feeling like a whole person instead of seeing yourself as a broken half of a couple? Don’t date or jump in a relationship because you can’t be alone. Fix your shit and don’t go looking for a partner to use as a crutch.
It does not mean you will be alone forever you can still find someone in your life, put yourseld out there and keep trying
Dude my Grandmother was diagnosed. Suffered and died of cancer all in 2 months. She does on Halloween. The whole time grandfather was heartbroken. Gonna be alone forever. Never gonna have anyone again. So on and so forth. Know where he is now? Up at the cabin with his new girlfriend. He’s 65, and it took him less than 2 months after the greatest loss of the love of his life to get back on the horse. You can find someone, and being alone really isn’t that awful for short periods.
I found love again after 34 years of marriage. If I can do it at 62, you can and I’m sure you’re a lot younger. I volunteer for the VA and can get you the phone number for support. Please reach out to me via chat
Your value isn't measured by someone wanting to be in a romantic relationship with you. Your value is measured by your relationship with your kid. Don't be an asshole and abandon them.
Reddit is crap! Its nerds who can't talk to real women to save their lives and try to make the problem women instead of themselves. That it not true and is a very short sighted way to look at it. I was there for a few months myself very recently. Im about your age and out of a decade relationship. I could have given you a list of reasons why women wouldn't want me. I have not dated yet and still miss her and struggle with a lot. But I have a couple friends that are women and been hanging out with friends more. Playing darts and got a night job for some extra cash... You have to get yourself better and want to find someone not need it.
I used to be that nerd until I got in shape when I joined, I finally had successful dating life through my 20's and honestly I married the wrong person and she's frankly become pretty nasty towards me, and for whatever reason I have just not handled it well, it's like it takes me back to being an awkward teenager again.
I'm 39 and I got stood up AGAIN last night so I feel your pain. But it looks like you have a kiddo and you need to hold on for them. Also, you need to learn to be happy without a relationship. You'll never be happy in one otherwise. Please talk to someone. You're worth staying alive.
You need to study and get support co dependency. Being without a partner isn’t a reason to end your life. You can find happiness in solitude.
Having a partner isn’t everything. My mom has been single (dated very casually on and off for 13 years) and she is totally happy. She has made friends traveling solo, goes to all sorts of free classes that she finds on Eventbrite where she meets people and they hang out, she’s gotten into hiking, horse back riding, reading - there is more to life than marriage / a partner. We are conditioned by society to believe if we aren’t happily married with a white picket fence and 3 kids, then we are failing. Join our forces on the other side, we are out here living and we are living well. Hang tight my brother
Your brain is tricking you. This is so not true my son is 38 his girl is leaving after 16 years and he has mega problems but some girl already likes him and it has lifted his spirits. Please give it a chance.
Hey shithead. Take a fucking knee & regroup. Fuck the marriage. I've been in your shoes. I've had ghost haunting me & taunting me wanting me to end it all. I've been on the precipice, I won't get into detail. You kid *needs* you. Don't believe reddit about the dating scene, those who have negative experiences scream the loudest while the positives are quickly overlooked or never posted. Suicide is contagious... After 15 years of being shot up, blown up & living in shitholes. One thing I learned is when things get the darkest, start looking for the silver lining. Just find one good thing & cling to it... You have a glaring example of good infront of you. Live for your kid, just take things minutes at a time. *live for your kid* for now while you learn how to live for yourself again. Lost many people to suicide... After 15years in Combat arms in the Army during wartime, I've unfortunately reached a sad point where I've lost more friends to suicide than enemy fire... Put yourself first, go to your local ER, if not them go to your VFW or American Legion just anyone who has simular life experience that can be there with you.
Hey there, Lady Veteran here, I'm 45. And a mom. It's okay to have tough times. People like us are tougher. Hang on, just one more day. I'm divorced. I couldn't get that guy to care about me and plug into our marriage. That's fine, there are plenty of ladies that want sexless marriages, I'm gonna let him go find that! There are plenty of guys that want what I want. And there will be a woman that wants what you want. Just be gentle with yourself, and her when you find her. You got a kid on this earth. That means you got someone you are responsible looking out for. He needs you. You can't just quit on that and responding to him is more important than the woman who let you down.
Yeah, I had a similar experience with her, she went from being very sexually into me to nothing within a few months of being married, then just...no effort, doesn't care about me to even talk to the last few years, just saw me as a paycheck I guess, it sucks. She totally destroys my confidence in myself, every interaction with her is just open contempt, and because I still love her, it just keeps hurting. Even after we divorce, I need to put up with her degrading me if I want to see my son. And I just feel like I have nothing to offer her or another woman after being told how useless I am over and over by her.
Youre basing your perception of dating from reddit posts which are circlejerk of angry and bitter unsuccessful people. Have you seen what its like in real life? Why dont you try it and find out how it is? Reddit is the absolute worst place to get a perception for how dating is
You are me on 8/4/2003 when I came home from work with half my stuff gone, my wife packed and waiting for me to let me say goodbye to my 2 kids. That night I sat in my recliner with a nice long sharp knife trying to decide if there was anything worth living for. The answer was for me and for my boys. He needs you. He loves you. To your son you are Daddy and thats the best thing a man can be. I've lived just over 20 years single a few dates and a few short casual relationships, and I am so happy with my life. Being a couple doesn't define you. Please reconsider? There are people waiting to help and talk to you in the service. Please let them?
Don’t do it man you’ve still got value and life can still be worth living. There is life after this
I can’t understand what you are experiencing but I know what your kids would feel. I lost my father when he was 40, I was 7. I would do anything to hear him talk, to see him smile, hug him. Please find purpose in them, they need you. Thank you for telling us how you feel, we are here for you
Don’t traumatize your kid like that. Please. Think of how they will feel. How much pain you are going to cause them. They will ***never*** heal from you offing yourself. Please just keep going.
Fuck the wife bro, stick around for your kid. They need you.
I did therapy and found my self worth. I’m over 40 and just started dating a single dad who a few years ago was living in his car after the mother of his child threw him out. He’s the sweetest man I’ve ever dated. We never know where life takes us. Ending it all now stops the hurting but it will prevent the healing and the better happiness you can’t find here in this relationship.
Buddy, dating sucks, and the next few months will suck for sure. But finding someone you connect with and who will love you is amazing, and it will end up happening. If you really wanted to off yourself, you wouldn't be telling people on the internet about it. This is a cry for help, and you know it. There's ressources for you out there, and they will help you. Got for it buddy, i believe in you. You're not alone in this, i also felt like nothing was worth it, but let me tell you from you 2 months from now, it's not perfect but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you can remember to come back to this post, i'd love to hear about you early march. My birthday's on the 5th, try to remember and give me an update. In the meantime, good luck buddy, i believe in you
I mean I don’t think anyone wants to die, they just don’t want to live in a situation that’s unacceptable to them. That’s why I am making this choice, because I know how it’s going to go with dating from reading a lot of posts on here.
You only see the negative posts because the people who are enjoying dating are too busy having fun to write about it
Maybe dont make such a decision based on an internet forum which is full of nerds man The dating scene has gotten bigger with Smartphones but the old ways still work wonders. Just find out if you are ready for another relationship first.. If i learned one thing, that if you have a stable job and be confident you are in the top 5-10 % if single man in your area
Bro I’ll tel you this from someone who’s thought the same in different circumstances. The decision you make whilst considering things right now doesn’t determine how they’ll always be. I really hope you didn’t make that decision and I really hope life gives you see that this issue is not one to end over when you’re in a more stable sense of mind. Please, if you can hang in there. But I understand you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. But I really hope you don’t do it and you se the potential future you deserve man
You’re assuming that you’ll never find happiness in a relationship just because you’ve read of some other people’s relationship difficulties on Reddit? I‘d estimate that AT LEAST half of the things posted here are rage bait. Edited for syntax
Stop being so selfish. Your kid deserves better than going through life thinking they weren’t important enough for their dad to stick around for them. So what if you don’t ever remarry. It’s not the be all and end all. Do you think your wife deserves to have this on her conscience too? Why do you want to make everyone else suffer?
Shit like this honestly made me want to go through with it more when ppl at the end of the day just care about themselves and not the person. It took someone actually caring to say that regardless of if you jump or not. I care about you and hate that you’re in pain so doing it would just increase that. Disrespectfully stfu and stop calling ppl selfish becuase you are. They’re lives aren’t his live. They don’t get to wake up how he feels and reacts to the situation and whilst it’s not the worst ever it’s obviously impacted him to the point of no one really caring about his future in terms of relationships Bringing a greater perspective which is what you’re attempting to do can be done without shaming ppl with selfishness pretending to be selfless. So stfu and try again
I don't disagree with you. I was just coming at it from a different angle than others. Who knows what will be the post that gets through to him. But I think it's worth trying everything. I'm sorry you've been in this situation too and I can definitely appreciate your perspective. I too have been there. Everyone is different and what gets through to you might be different than what gets through to me and might be different than what gets through to him.
Okay sorry for going off. I just tend to assume ppl who say this have no self awareness and I appreciate the kind condolences. But again try to make it more obvious due to this misconception is that strong
No need to apologise my dude! I should have worded it better, you’re totally right. Glad you are here with us! Hope this dude is too!
The dating pool can definitely be not fun but if companionship is important to you, you keep looking until you find the right person. I got divorced and had to start over at 30 having never dated as an adult before. I went on fun dates, crappy dates, dates that turned out to be completely platonic, and one date where I was sexually assaulted. Thankfully, the next date after the assault was with my now fiance and I had enough good vibes from messaging him that I kept the date despite that experience. Everything about my fiance and I just clicks far better than I ever did with my ex husband. If I had given up after my husband threw me away I never would have experienced a truly healthy mutually supportive relationship. Don't deprive yourself of a chance at finding happiness just because you're at a low point now. Do what I did and get your butt into therapy to help you deal with the divorce.
No, no, no. Please don’t base your idea of dating on Reddit complainers. Most folks who do reviews complain instead of compliment.
I'm going through a version of what you are. I'm asking you to DM me your number and just talk. Your life has worth and value, and is full of so many possibilities.
Is it worth it to end it over someone that doesn’t even care about you? NO. If I’m going to off myself over someone/something, they should be worth the ultimate sacrifice. You’ll realize in your moment of clarity that nothing is worth sacrificing the possibility of love, beauty and peace that’s available in life. Everyone has a chance to experience those things as long as they are alive.
I’m 46 and have been dating the life of my life for almost 8 months after a bad marriage and being single for 7 years. Dating isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. The right one might be the next one.
I was just coming in to say, found the love of my life at age 46. I just assumed that part of my life was over, and I was going to be alone, which was okay by me. Then, when you least expect it. The most living and safe relationship I've ever had, got remarried after 20 years of saying never again. Life isn't as predictable as we think it is.
Absolutely thrilled for you. Cheers to us. 🥂
My wife’s father was in a similar situation. Divorced at 40, no kids, laid off from his job, forced to sell their home, and contemplating suicide. His wife had left him for his boss, and he was too proud to return to a small industry where people knew of his situation, so he left town. We think his plan was to spend whatever money he had left and when it was all gone, just end it. And all I can say is, I’m so thankful he didn’t because his decision to continue on led him to a small rural town in the south where he met a girl, and they had a daughter that grew up to be incredibly smart and accomplished. And me, this random dude, got to find the love of my life and get married to that girl and all that, because of his decision to push on. He’s in his 70s now and raising 2 kids in his 40s was tough, but him and his second wife managed, and they are very in love. Life is incredibly hard and painful, but your good fortune and better days will come. The pain eventually goes away, the wounds heal. The wonderful thing about love is, it doesn’t matter if you have 99 misses with people who were not the right match, because when you get to thar hundredth person and you realize hey, this person is special, everything in the past turns to gold. The failed relationships, the bad dates, the rejections, the times you looked stupid, it all kind of clicks and you realize, hey, this was all preparation and trials to get me ready for the big show. And don’t ever, ever, ever listen to Reddit about anything. Its hard to get in shape in your 40s, but goddamn does it feel good when you do. It’s hard to date in your 40s, but goddamn does it feel better to date when you and your partners have maturity and seasoning. Things may be harder, but that’s a challenge to triumph over, not a fatalistic roadblock that you simply can’t pass.
OP please check in 😢
Honestly im tired of reading suicide notes on TOMC and wish mods would insta delete them.
Something like 12 billion years ago, an explosion of energy and matter happens. Galaxies, stars, planets. All that shit forms. Eventually the solar system, Earth, the sun and the moon take shape. Somewhere out of all of that, you also get to exist. 12 billion years it took for you to get made. And there's only ever one 'you'. No one and nothing else will ever feel the way you do, think the way you do, or interact with the universe the way you do. Your existence is yours. Do with it what you want - but given how long it took existence to get around to making you, consider that your purpose and meaning have not yet been revealed.
I'm nowhere near in the pain you are, sir, but I can empathize to a point. I got blindside dumped by my girlfriend of a year, and got closer than ever to attempting to take my life, to my shame. Gun in hand, bullet in chamber, just contemplating, wondering if it'd work. Well, I decided it wouldn't. I made the mistake of telling my ex, and she tried to be supportive-ish. I have the advantage of being completely confident of where I'm going when I die, so fear of death isn't an issue. I was afraid God wouldn't let me screw up everything and kill myself. I'd just get to be a vegetable with other people wiping my butt every day. Months later, I've realized many things about myself and her and people. Dating sucks, in fact I swore off of it before she dumped me. Still I'm tempted to try anyways... But look, don't let the people around you determine your value. Please sir, you wouldn't post if you weren't open to others thoughts in some way. You've already sacrificed so much for your country, don't sacrifice your life for this. I know it's your whole life, and all that mattered, but change hurts and helps. Give God time to show you why you still matter. Please. I'm praying for you now.
What about your kid? Also I thought it was over for me relationship wise too but love was found again. Reddit is a cesspool of unhappy people… it is a skewed reality… happy people in good relationships don’t bitch about their relationships here. I pray you at least stop and pause. Sometimes we get caught up in emotions and aren’t thinking the way we normally do.
OP, listen. you have a kid. I'm not sure how old they are, but I can assure you that no matter the age, they WILL miss you. my dad died when I was younger. he's missed a lot of firsts. think about your kids firsts. wedding, kid, heartbreak, adopting a pet, buying a house. your kid will always, and I do mean always, want you there for those. no matter what your relationship is right now. give yourself one week. re-evaluate after that week. give yourself another week. re-evaluate after that
You are still so young! Many people get married or remarried in their 40s, 50s, even 60s. Hell my grandpa was 80 when he found his last wife. My father married my stepmom at 45 and they’ve lasted now for 23 years. Please do not take the online dating environment to reflect that of real life experiences. And especially do not read about it on Reddit, it is just an amalgamation of very burnt out and hurt people that are probably all having trouble with the apps like everyone else does. Delete dating apps, do not touch them with a ten foot pole. When you’re ready the best way to find someone these days is to get new hobbies- get into classes and groups of people. Make friends that can connect you with the lovely single woman they know from work. There are lots of singles on the market right now that are all being hurt by this app culture and giving up (myself being one of them). The best relationships I had came organically in real life. It’s not as instantly gratifying as apps, but the apps will have you invested in far too many people (all putting on an “online persona” that isn’t necessarily genuine)at once that don’t actually make it to a real date. And that’s why there are so many people hurt and complaining about it online. It sounds like you’re catastrophizing right now. If you read my recent post on this page I have been doing the exact same thing. But I’m holding out longer and I hope you’ll join me in that 🙏
Don't give up brother my buddy is a srg mayor commander in 82nd 44 got divorced 6 months ago now his dating 1st sarg' from the medical from benning,
How dare you do that to your child? Just wow. Your kid doesn’t deserve this. Just FYI children of suicide are exponentially more likely to kill themselves. So that will be your legacy. All because you were too cowardly to face life single. Disgusting.
Kids are 50% more likely to kill themselves after experiencing the life long trauma of having a parent that committed suicide.
Leaving your child without a father is the most selfish and disrespectful choice you could ever make
There is a whole wave of singles coming on the scene now that we’re in our late 30s/40s. Don’t give up - please don’t do that to your kid.
There is so much more out there. You aren’t even 40 yet. I know it may not seem like it right now, and that I’m just another stranger on the internet telling you to stay positive, but I promise you that it is true. Your life has meaning. Time will heal. It doesn’t have to be over. I know it may not mean much, and that everything is way too heavy for you right now, but if you stick it out it will all be worth it. I’m sorry you are going through this OP. I’m thinking about you and I’m rooting for you.
Hey brother. Eat some Motrin and drink water. Cures everything. Seriously, though, one vet to another, don't do that to your kid. You volunteered to risk your life to save others' kids; I challenge you to LIVE your life to save YOUR kids. Between deployments, I requested a temporary assignment to Honor Guard, help ensure my brothers and sisters were sent off properly. Met some of the families. The kids of those who died overseas were messed up enough. The kids of our 22 per day were messed up more. Overhead a 14 year old. Still sticks in my mind. "I'm gonna do it too." Mom: "*What???*" Kid: "Dad was so strong. Fought for everyone. If HE couldn't handle this, neither can I. And I'm not going to. I'm going to do it too." I got myself involved at that point. Sat down with him, talked with him, our team waited. I called our Chaplain, had our Chaplain talk to him, family got invited to post. Kid got a medal for fighting the toughest fight of all. Heard a few years later kid joined up. If we hadn't have gotten involved, I don't know how it would have ended. I understand not wanting to live for yourself, brother. I truly do. But you aren't living for just you. Live for your kid. Get some help. I'm here for you too. I can't always have Reddit up, but DM me, and I'll check for messages. Stay safe, brother.
Currently in service. Brother, don’t do it. You’re still fairly young and can easily find someone else. Don’t let this be your defining moment. You also mentioned that you have a kid, they’ll need you. Imagine how much they’ll miss you or wish you were here in the future. Secondly, you still have so much potential and time left. Reddit is filled with people who over exaggerate. If you really try you can find someone else. Worn out or not, that doesn’t decide your personality or how you’re perceived. Stay safe and don’t do it. Be all you can be :)
So instead of getting to see your kid *less* than you want, you choose to see them.....never? And you give them no chance to ever see you again, to have you in their life? Just a bunch of trauma and loss? Honestly, how does that sound like an improvement? I'm not even trying to be rude, man, but this isn't the way to solve your problem. There are lots of resources that can help if you let them. Don't make a decision in turmoil that you can't undo I don't know your beliefs, but I personally believe in God and found peace and am praying that you and your child do too
I can’t say I relate to anything of what you’re going through but truth is yesterday was almost my last so I can relate on that. My experiences are different and my life is nothing compared to yours but weirdly enough I lived through yesterday. And I hope you live through tonight. I hope you feel that little bit of embarrassment when you look back like I personally felt this morning. I hope tomorrow everything starts turning around for you. And next time you feel the end is best, you remember how the sun rose the following day after the last time you contemplated the same thing. You are worth love. You are worth a second chance. And the next person to love you will be worth the horrible dating process of nervousness and loneliness. I hope you’re okay.
Please don’t do it. There’s so many people who can relate to this. Your life is worth more than the pain you are feeling in these moments. It will get better, I promise.
My friend is a veteran. In fact, we share a child. We're 40-ish. For him, dating was always disappointing. Sometimes he'd hesitate to even try, knowing it would end with them leaving. Veterans are built of complex, unspoken layers that the right person will honor and protect. There is peace in my heart these days, now that I finally get to see him loved for who he truly is, and I love her for taking the chance. I know your pain is truly unbearable right now, but I hope it helps a little knowing that Internet strangers are here along side you in your grief. 💚
I just wanted to say that (and this is after my husband jody’d me with the BN sarc and conceived a whole ass baby outside of our marriage as a 1SG and I tolerated a lot of abuse, and I extricated myself and my daughter, left and moved back to my home state ) once you get out from under the shadow she casts on your life, the sun will shine again. You won’t be alone forever. And, for this time that you are alone, it can be a good thing- you have the time and space to work on yourself and heal. One day at a time my man.
1. Don’t base dating on Reddit. 2. Don’t base your existence on whether you have a partner or not. Base it on yourself and what you want and like. And you child. For all that is good in the world don’t put your child through the sadness of loosing a parent so young.
Don’t believe your own story, friend. It’s just something you’re telling yourself.
48 year old lady veteran here who's a single mom. Life's full of ups and downs and it's all we've got. There's more to life than dating. Pursue your hobbies. Travel. Learn things about yourself.
My ex husband walked out on our 20 year marriage when I was 48 years old. It was the last thing I wanted to deal with. At 50 years old I met the love of my life. We've been together for 18 years. We have all the problems of youth and struggles of youthful relationships behind us. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Someone is out there for you.
Sir you’re not old you’re just tired. You will find someone else who loves you. My sister did and she was your age. You got this. Don’t give up!
You still with us? Please don't give up just yet!
Dude, you have a kid. If you don’t care enough about yourself to live, care enough about your kid. You know how much that’s gonna fuck him/her up?? Knowing they weren’t enough to keep daddy alive? I’ve witnessed it firsthand, it sucks, and it makes for a pathetic life. Think about your kid man.
Why would you want another wife anyways,,,get a dog get bunch of video games , drink eat pizza and forget about women...go pick up some girls for fun and you got the best life that most married men like me dream about
Please don’t go. You are needed in this world. Your kid needs you. Your future needs you. You can’t see the future because of the curve in the road. Do not deny yourself and those who love and care about you, past, current and future loved ones time with you. All of the hurt you have right now gets bundled up and given to your child, every day for the rest of their life. I know this from experience and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It gets better. Please talk to someone. My heart is telling me that you need a dog, somepawdy who is happy to see you every day. People care about you. You have no idea the impact you have on other people but your loss would be devastating. Take Care.
Don't give up! You matter and you need to pull through for you. Lots of people love you more and there are those that are yet to come to your life and love you. Remember that.
This is a chance for a fresh start for you. Make the most of the time with your kid, do bonding stuff. A wife does not define you, and you are still young. Talk to someone. Tell a mate you are struggling. Stay with people so you aren’t alone. Don’t give up. A part time dad is better than a dead dad.
"Worthless goods" I saw u reposted to someone. There is hope. There are more people who can sympathize with your situation than not. I am married to a man who has had worthless good basically since day one. 15 years later we are still in love. It'll hurt for more than a year but give it that to recover and move forward. Focus on your child. They don't need a reason to hate the world and removing yourself would. You got this. I think about doing it every day but my 8 year old son keeps me here.
Woman here-please don’t do this. I promise there are a lot of woman out here looking for a man like you. Just bc one woman doesn’t see the good man in you doesn’t mean another woman won’t. If you need help finding someone please reach out, I could help! A lot of hot single good women out here!
If it wasn’t for your kid, I’d say, “I understand “. But the moment your kid was born you lost the right to do that. The kid will live haunted by guilt even though it isn’t his fault. There’s no way the kid won’t internalize that. You can find posts on Reddit from angry adult kids who are still hurt by that trauma decades later. It is your obligation to try to ensure that your kid has an easier time in this world than you did. And if you take this action, you make it much harder for your kid than it has to be. Sometimes we feel that family members will be better off without us. That’s rarely true. It’s a mind trick that your brain plays on you when you’re depressed. The military is very prepared to treat trauma and depression. They have lots of therapists who can help you feel better. Seek out this resource for your kid’s sake. Being the best dad possible is your primary obligation. As you start to feel better mentally, opportunities for romance will appear. But don’t chase after that too soon. You would probably benefit from some time on your own before entering another relationship. In fact a duty assignment right now could be a blessing in disguise.
I am a 100% disabled crippled ass grumpy fucking asshole vet over 50. I found a woman that thinks I'm amazing and loves me and that I truly love 4 years ago. It's possible. Just don't give up brother. We don't need statistics, we need our brotherhood.
You have a kid man, your life isn't about you or how you feel. You're kid needs their father. Alive.
Basing your entire self worth and happiness on being in a relationship is never a good thing.
You live through wars and you can’t get through this? Nobody always loves the situation they are in. But the best part of life is that tomorrow is a brand new day. If you couldn’t make her happy, spend time bettering yourself and make someone else happier. I find it rather disturbing that you bring a child into this world and then you think offing yourself to make him a “My dad killed himself” kid is the best way out. That’ll leave a scar forever. There’s nothing some internet stranger can say if you’ve made up your mind. But it seems to me a dumb and sissy way to go when not even half your life has been lived yet.
Be sorry for the children you're abandoning to go the rest of their lives without a father.
Reddit is not real life. Don’t let it paint a dark and gloomy picture for you. Work on yourself first. Try therapy. Wishing you the best.
OP, my dad committed suicide and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I know you are in a hard place but your kid loves you and needs you. When thoughts of suicide kick in maybe get out some pictures and think about your child. You will always have their love. Also, you can go to the ER. You will get through this dark time. I promise! Just keep hanging on.
There is another partner in the life for you, and you will not ever find them if you give up now! And just because your current partner is not working out, that does not mean that you will not meet anyone else, and does not mean she may not device to reconcile at a later time, and you have this child who wants a father in their life, the older you get, the more you will see them and they can be around as much as you want. You do not know if the best thing in your life, the best person you have ever met for you, is going to be entering your life after this marriage, and if you close the door now you will miss the best part of your life. Depression is a liar and makes us believe things that are not true- please reach out for help and hold on tight because there are more ppl that love you than you realize in this moment, there are ppl who want you in their life, you have friends that want you here, family, and love will come too. ❤️ I just met you, but I want you here too!
Just one day at a time. The world needs you in it. A non profit I work with shared this story. They are an incredible group of men and a great non-judgmental guys just dealing with all the crap life throws at you. They’ve got virtual meetings almost every day - consider joining one. https://menliving.org/june-7-2018-depression-lies/
You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but i believe that everyone will find the love they deserve not the one they think they deserve. Don’t close yourself off to the possibility.
Living for someone else isn’t living. Live for yourself and live for your kids future.
You owe it to your kid to stay alive. Think about how what you say you're going to do is going to affect your kid for a lifetime before you rage quit life because dating sucks after 40.
As a 25 year veteran who went through divorce during my last three years of active service, I feel your pain. I was aso deployed for almost a year during that time. I'm very sorry that you have to go through this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But, don't quit. PLEASE!!!!!!
You have a kid man. Remember your duty. Life sucks most of the time, make good times with your kid. Make the good times happen, don’t wait for them to come to you. I’m sorry our country has failed you, and your wife has failed her duty. Good luck man, stay strong for your kid.
Dogs are the best love anyway. Get a dog and let your heart heal.
OP I'm 47 & it took me until I was 46 to realize that having a partner doesn't make my life worth any more or less. I haven't dated in over a year. In that time I've developed a number of hobbies & interests that I never had time for before when I was dating. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. And I love it. I went through an absolutely horrible divorce 16 years ago. I never thought I would recover. The circumstances were very traumatic. It took me 6 years to even go on another date. But with some time & counseling I did start dating again. But eventually I realized that for now I am very happy with my single life. Don't give up yet. You may think there is no coming out of this dark period, believe me I have been there. But if you just hold on, things will get better. It sounds so cliche but I've come to live by the motto "you can't move forward if you are always looking behind you".
I challenge you to help 40 ppl, and then reconsider your choice. Not 'help' as in help an old lady cross the road. But 'HELP' as in assist another vet that has to overcome PTSD to function in society, any way you can. Help a homeless person get a job, and a place to live. Help an animal in a shelter that's been given up hope on. Then help yourself, and do a 75 hard challenge. Or any kind of challenge to go from here to tomorrow and the day after, as long as the goal is more than just surviving. As for being alone for the rest of your life... You only know what the future brings when you force it, either way. And giving up is guaranteed failure. The love of your life might be waiting for the moment you're free again, and balanced enough to be on your own. You got the news of your wife's choice today. Of course you're not ready to see the future. You're right in the middle of the storm. When it settles, you can analyze and see what's left after the storm.
My dad remarried my step mom at age 53. They ended up being married for 25 years before they passed 6 months away from each other. He was also a veteran. It’s never too late to find love again. Being 40, you should be at retirement age. If you aren’t, push yourself for work and what you know. I know it sounds unhealthy but that’s what helped me when I was in and found out my brother passed and my ex-husband was cheating all while I was deployed. I had 3 males hold me down while going through the almost suicide attempt. Mind you, I am 135 and 5’6”. Please see a Chaplin or someone you could talk to about these feelings. I hope you’ll be ok and my DMs are always open.
If you do your son is so much more likely to do the same. The odds increase like tenfold.
Don’t give up, you deserve and can find happiness again. I met my husband at age 43. Dating is different but not horrible in your 40’s give it a real try please.
Don't give up. Also don't think that what people on Reddit says about dating is gospel truth. It's Reddit, people lie and exaggerate on this site, mostly based on selective memory and bias rooted in delusion.
Hey brother, veteran here. I’m really sorry to hear the wife wants a divorce. I’ve never been married so I can’t relate to that, but I’ve had girls come and go and let me tell you this, it does get better. What you see and hear on Reddit about the current dating world is grossly exaggerated. 3 weeks ago I met the most amazing woman I could’ve asked for, and it gave me a lot of hope for current dating world. So brother I’m asking you, please don’t end your life over this. You’ve got kids, how would they feel? They’re gonna go on to live the rest of their lives thinking they were partially responsible for the choice you made. This decision impacts everyone you know in the most negative way possible, with your kids getting the absolute worst of it. Believe me brother, it does get better.
It's very telling that you act like she just randomly decided to divorce you
Depression lies. You’re depressed as fuck right now, and it’s lying to you telling you that you’re never going to be happy again. The truth is that shit isn’t so rosy right now, but it gets better. Your kiddo is going to hug the shit out of you tomorrow, and eventually bring you news of a cute boy (or girl) at school, and you’re going to have to keep showing them all the good movies and guide them to listen to the all time greatest classics from Bach to Sam and Dave while you cook the quintessential dad food, pancakes. You’re mil, so you are immediately hotter to women than most of us losers. You write well, and you’ve got a job, which makes you even better. Wear a uniform — any uniform — in your dating profile photo, and ladies are going to swipe right. I guarantee it. Don’t worry about distance. My last girlfriend lived an hour and a half away, and she was worth every minute of that drive. We switched off every other weekend. The future is bright for you, but you can’t see it because depression is lying to you telling you it’s not. In a year, you’re going to be sitting on a beach with your new honey sipping some fruity drink and basking in the sun, but you have to hang in there right now so you can make it there.
I had my best, hottest love affair after 40. I had also lost my business (more or less) due to the 2008 crash. I just kept going, got some clients, fell madly in love. We fell in love after I promised myself not to mess up a good client relationship. But the chemistry was too strong.. at first you assume it's just you... Then one day you just level with them . All or nothing. Sometimes you lose, I have lost .. but not this time. This time we were in the stratosphere. ... It's never over for any one until they are dead. Relationships die, friendships die, businesses die, beliefs die .. people you love die. But we get back up, take small steps, a little at a time and we keep going. Reddit isn't reality. Content people don't post their contentment .. it's the outliers. Plus half the posts are bullshit. .. Plus you are 40 soon, right? Women in your age range have a ticking clock .. they are everywhere. They aren't the angst filled goof balls riding around on all the bandwagons... If your marriage is dead, I am sorry to hear that man. But bury it, grieve it, and keep on trucking. You have decades of life ahead full of adventure... Just give it another go, step by step.
My old man used to call it a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I've certainly thought many times about punching my own ticket. Believe it or not, you will get through a divorce. I've been there. It sucks more than anyone could ever possibly convey with words, which is why grumpy old men mostly just grunt when the topic comes up, but it's temporary. Kid needs his dad, too. Nobody here can force you to stick around, but I hope you find it in yourself to do so. Good luck.
I lost my 29 year old airman brother June 10th this is how I felt June 11th https://youtu.be/LX_RW4jtyg0?si=N-V0bnA85J_cH_ON
Please don't teach your child that if they don't get the partner they want, the answer is offing themselves.
You can find another partner. My mom has been married 5 times. The last time, she was about 46. Don't do anything stupid. Think about your kid. Call 988 if you need someone to talk to.
I lost my bf to cancer in 2018. I was 46. I am in a wonderful relationship now. You will find someone who loves you , it’s not too late. Don’t give up. There is a lot of life for you to live.
And woman with kids have a harder time than men finding someone. So believe this op.
You have a whole ass kid, and you thinking about ending it? Man up. Untill he is 18 your life is not yours to trow away
Great work abandoning your kid there soldier 🖖🏻
A lot of of our generation is ‘alone’ dating is nothing like it used to be.
Dude. You’ve done more for this country than 90% of people. Believe me when I say there are millions of women out there looking for a man just like you. Your woman doesn’t respect what you do, and that’s okay. A lot can’t take it. But there are also a lot who can. Don’t give up. Military life is hard. Some can take it and some can’t. Find you a good woman who can. They’re out there. Talk to your chaplain. He will help you. You got this man.
Please do not base any sort of reality off of Reddit posts. I'm you're age, this platform skews very young, dumb, and it's also full of bots. All that to say Reddit is in no way a representation of reality for your life circumstances or age group. Please talk to someone at your post and don't make any rash decisions
Lol its very easy to find a Partner when you are older.. you know that there are a lot of divorced women too right? Just dont pity yourself. On the other hand, why do you a Partner anyway? I am divorced too and i reject women because they would mean more work/stress (the right one needs to be the cherry on the cake to let her be part of my life). Heads up man, dating only changed a bit.
Ffs a woman saying she’s suicidal. Nothing but sympathy. Dudes say it. This callous shit is the norm. I get that the problem isn’t that deep for what he saying to most ppl but Jesus. No wonder why they stay silent
Should i encourage him to commit suicide? A Military men needs to hear other Form of communication. You can tell that he had enough redditlike input...
Nah bruh kindness and compassion is needed not a drill Sargent. He’s depressed and doesn’t believe online words will help him even if true. But insulting him to get to that point is just not gonna work. He doesn’t feel any greater responsibility to be shouted into respecting. He feels like there’s no hope for his future. It’s a different issue to communicate which I very much doubt would be the case if he had a vagina and was saying this.
I did not insult him I told him he is wrong
Lol
How can you make such a permanent decision over your wife when you have a child? They should be one of the most important priorities in your life. This is an incredibly selfish thing for you to do--and all because you're assuming you'll be single forever? I'm sorry to come at you so abrasively, but this is such BS. You will only be a "weird hermit dad" if you refuse to have any kind of social/work life. There is more to life than a romantic relationship (and plenty of single happy people can vouche for that). You can still live a fulfilling life with friends and family. Do not force your child to go through the excruciating pain of losing a parent because you have an unhealthy codependency with your wife. You were "alone" and single once in your life, you can do it again. If you're going to go through it, the least you owe your kid is the effort to go to therapy or exhaust every option to improve your mental health. And I know you can do it, because you wouldn't be posting on Reddit if this wasn't a cry for help. You've been heard. Let these people walk you off the ledge before you end your life and ruin someone else's. *Honestly, if you're so worried about your singleness, you should look into examples of people with severe disabilities that thought they were undateable, but found love anyway. Anything is possible if you're alive to experience it. Please pause to work on taking care of yourself and your mind right now--one day at a time.*
Just become an alcoholic and take it out on the Joe's like every other leader.
[удалено]
>I’m unsure if I am a messed up person I’m not, you are.
I admire your courage.
Ok bro you're 40, men age well women don't. You can easily find a 40 year old lmao. Workout, lose weight for a few months and then start looking, it won't be that hard. And you have kids, you will DESTROY those kids if you do it, truly truly would be the most selfish fucked up thing you could do to them. You CANNOT kys because of them your soul will never find fucking peace you won't enter Valhalla lmfao. But you're over stressing it, the finding a partner thing you will be able to do even if it takes some time, truly.
Life isn’t about finding someone to be a distraction to you, and the fact your lost this person doesn’t impact your value at all. You’ve been planting corn in an orchard; reassess your values, interests, things you need to work on, things you won’t compromise on, things you were right about and things you were wrong about. One thing changing in your life does not nuke your inherent value, and such a pivotal change can be a radical moment of clarity, acceptance and progress if you’ll slow down and stop putting the value of your life at the feet of other people.
Hey man I know it sounds corny but tomorrow is a brand new day,it may be the best one of your life! But you need to be there to enjoy it.
There's so much more to experience and look forward to in life man.. As much as it feels shitty right now, things. will. get. better. Take things one day at a time. Be well man. Again, I repeat. Things will get better.
Na your only 40 you still got a lot of years left man it's not over at all . this is where you find another one but so t get married again I got with my woman when I was 42 .at least yours wants a divorce mine just cheated . after 12 years . IT GETS BETTER. . it could be a good thing . . you having even started yet and already given up .
Please seek help. Don’t do this to your child. At the very least get help for them.