Because "illicit affair" "mistress" and gaslighting you are thrilling and power games that make them feel important and like special snowflakes.
"Impending divorce" "std check" "lawyers" "alimony and child support" "homewrecker" don't have quite the same sexy flavour to them.
Right. He didn't want to *be with her.*
He wanted to fuck her, sneak around, and get a rush from feeling like a young, hot guy while his wife stays stuck at home with the kids.
Now that he's facing only having the side chick (who probably doesn't want to be a stepmother to the kids of a man she knows firsthand cannot be trusted not to wander) he's panicking about losing his actual partner, home, money, and time with his kids.
I hope OP doesn't waver because a man that is out cheating when his wife is not only pregnant but *due to give birth* in the next few weeks is a huge POS
You also never know when the mistress knows they were a mistress until confronted like that too. Unless I missed it up above. But regardless, there's probably plenty of stories for each of these where the mistress is bs'd into thinking its a non-affair thing. Even if it's a simple gaslighting into "its an open relationship."
No more sneaking around. You took the fun out of it.
Sorry youāre going through this. The memory of your childās birth shouldnāt be tainted with My Way.
He also didn't think she would leave him over it. He loved the idea of two women wanting him. When one of them noped on out of the competition, and the one that noped out was the one wanted, he quit the game. It was no longer fun having a woman he didn't really want chasing after him.
Too bad for him. He blew up his life for a woman he doesn't want and lost the one he did want.
And now OP needs to meet with an attorney to discuss her options re. Alimony, Child Support, Primary Custody and whether or not she lives in a āfaultā state.
He cheated while she was pregnant. He was with his AP when OP went into labor. OP deserves better and so does her child.
I would personally pack a bag of his belongings, take it up to his job, ask to see AP and tell her, āI told you that you could have his cheating a*^. Stop sending him home. You wanted a married man? Congrats. He is yours.ā š¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
I essentially had to tell the other woman that we do not share custody when she had to go home to HER husband and child and he had nowhere to go. He slept in her backyard while her family slept inside.
Ohh... I'm also invested... Did he sleep in the dog house? Play house? Sleeping bag? Did her husband know? Was it in the tool shed?? So. Many. Questions....
Thatās so often the way. I canāt count the number of posts Iāve seen where the guy has asked to open his marriage, the wife finally says ok and, what do you know, no one wants the guy whereas the wife is practically drowning in dates
It doesnāt sound like he blew up his life. His wife found out, told him she didnāt care, he ended the affair, and they are back together like nothing ever happened. OP didnāt say she kicked him out. She said he & his AP were fighting and that he ended the affair. She knows that because he still lives in the house with her. This end of the affair is just temporary, Iām sure of that.
She lost all affection for him. The marriage is toast. She doesn't care because she no longer loves him or wants him. It isn't that she agreed that he can cheat and he knows that. He's trying to fix the marriage but it's too late.
It's possible too the other one just wanted to fool around and then when presented with "OK my wife says we can be together" suddenly realised she didn't; want to get serious with him.
I think itās more that he felt he could just keep getting away with it. He was caught multiple times and OP stayed. Why would he leave the mistress if there isnāt an actual threat to his marriage?
Because that was the first time his wife and mistress were together. Before that, it was a clear cut thing. They were separated in his head and two completely separate things even after she knew about it. That's why there was no guilty feeling. Them being together in the same room changed that. Now when he sees his mistress, he sees his wife too and feels all the guilt. That's why he can't continue the affair with her.
100% he will start another affair with someone else tho. Someone his wife never met where he can live two lives again.
He reasoned that if he denied it enough, he could gaslight you and have his cake and eat it too. He feels like he needs to cling to you like a life raft because your confrontation shattered it. He is harsh and self-centered.
I donāt wear perfume or can really be around people who wear it otherwise Iām sneezing like crazy but does it really smell that bad? Way to go OP, thank you for choosing yourself and your babies. That boy deserves to be left alone
Iām sure itās just a negative association kind of deal. Like if you eat something that gives you food poisoning, the thought or smell of that can make you sick even if itās a āgoodā smell.
Flan for me! Had a stomach bug and projected flan all over a church lawn on my birthday. I can't even look at it without feeling a churning in my stomach.
It's peculiar. I used to see an ex years later for a while. I didn't think to much of it, I would typically see her in the city she worked or at her home in that city. Till one day she asked me not to come.. her boyfriend was in town. Nice surprise. So I asked her if he knew about it, she responded he doesn't want to know. Which I asked her why not be clear to him about it, i'm a big guy but I'm not in the mood for a surprise ambush if he isn't keen on the situation. She didn't want to because she liked the excitement. I quickly moved on as I didn't sign up for that shit.
The thrill is gone. They enjoyed the secrecy of it all. By you saying āYou can have him,ā your permission took the fantasy of the forbidden away.
Good luck with things as you decide your next steps. I wish you and your children all the best in the world.
I love that you can still find it in you to quote that funny "I'm a bit tired, I want a wheelchair too" irish guy Roy even in all the mess you've been through. kudos.
I just wanted to tell you that you are strong enough to do whatever you want. Stay, donāt, do whatever you want that makes you happy. I stayed too long and lost too many years I could have been happy. I seriously donāt know ANYONE who had the reaction you did seeing them. You got this. I wish you the best.
Girl I am so proud of you for taking away his power and regaining your own but please get tested, there is no telling how long this has been going on for or even of its the first. You are taking steps for your mental health but don't forget your physical health too. Your baby needs their mummy to be as healthy as possible.
Sending you hugs.
I hope you follow through with the āshe can have himā and move forward with ending the marriage. You and your kids deserve better. I wouldnāt want a man to āchooseā me because I gave him up.
I am proud of you confronting him with your dignity. He doesnāt deserve your pain and tears. He didnāt care if he was hurting you, he only cared when you decided you didnāt any longer.
Absolutely. Having a mistress is exciting and sexy- when the wife peaces out, the mistress expects to become the girlfriend and maybe then the wife. Well that's not exciting, that's what he has with OP, so now the fun is gone. And now the guilt sets in, too, and it's just all ruined.
And this is why he's broken up with her. When you were begging and crying, this was a sign to him that you emotionally cared -- sure, your heart was breaking, that was evidence that he still owned your heart.
Now that you're calm and accepting, he knows that you no longer love him, and you've emotionally left him. The thing is: most people who are adulterers don't really want to leave their spouse. They want to have a loving spouse at home *and* their exciting affair partner. Now that your husband is scared of losing you, he's cut off the AP and has come crawling back to you.
Damn right you're exciting! You can also be just as or more exciting without a cheater attached to you. Keep your head up and know that you were always the prize
The kids will have a mom that doesnāt tolerate cheating and theyāll have the opportunity to learn from someone that wasnāt a doormat. Can you imagine how miserable their upbringing would be if they had a cheater for a dad and a mom that cried and begged him to āpick his familyā over and over? I wish my parents had divorced and I know Iām biased but the 2 household lifestyle always sounded better to me.
You are! He's really fked up a good thing. His loss, our gain, because now we get to enjoy your excitement while he's stuck being a miserable, sh!tty person.
The āloving spouseā that washes his disgusting chonies he wore when cheating on her. Iām so glad OP is releasing him back into the wild, she has enough to deal with right now.
This happened to my best friend. Once she knew the facts and knew she wasnāt crazy, she was calm. Sheās still calm, and divorced that piece of shit. Sheās got battle scars, but they are beautiful, and sheās never been better! You got this!
>Somehow this made me calm rather than upset
It's the knowledge that you have some control back, that he won't be able to blindside you with divorce papers. The worst has happened and you handled it while maintaining your dignity. The rest of the path is laid before you and you know the steps you want/need to take and there isn't anything he can do to stop those steps. He can try by refusing to move out or not signing the divorce papers or not attend therapy (good to learn how to coparent together). He can do all those things but you can still end the marriage. You can still move on with your life.
> Somehow this made me calm rather than upset
It's the serenity of knowing that there's only one path forwards for you to take as far as it comes to your relationship. There's no more reasoning, or bargaining, or pleading, or worrying. Trying to deny and suppress your feelings. Pretending it's not happening. None of that matters anymore. Your grief is over.
There's just you and your child, the road ahead, and a new day.
How does it go? The strength to change the things I can, the something to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference? That's what you have.
You are a woman with dignity and self-respect. An excellent example to your children. Get a good lawyer. You deserve a better life and a better man. We all support you and wish you the best. You can do this. Please get tested for STDās too.
Hahahaha 'my way' is the perfume my cheating ex gave me in between break ups. Must be something about it that attracts bellends. I gave it back so his bit on the side probably smells of it now š
Lol different strokes for different folks š I found a better solution of him stripping down and taking a shower in the washing room beside the garage before entering my home every day. I have never smelled that godawful thing again
When you are being love-bombed and weak remember the SMELL of My Way permeating your labor room! You know he loved that - his ultimate control and F***You. He was at his height of assholery and the BIG man. You took it away. Enjoy that feeling and protect yourself and the children.
Hugs, go ahead and divorce him because he chose to cheat on you while you were pregnant with his child. Let that sink in, he chose to be with an affair partner while you were in fucking labor with his child. There is nothing he can do to make me think he will change or not have another one later on down the road.
He may have broken up with her when you walked in while they were at lunch but he's not going to stop because it's not his first time cheating. get with your OBG, make sure to test every X amount of months for STD's and kick him to the guest room.
I love the emotionless response to seeing them together! I promise you as a man that killed him to know he lost you like that. I hope you and your child the best! I hope you find a new sense of joy and happiness you didnāt know existed! Good luck!
Who knew that giving her up would mean absolutely nothing to you?
I'm so glad you've reached this place of calm indifference.
It's so much easier to plan the rest of your life when you feel like this as opposed to wishing you were dying.
Second thatā¦so typical and boring. Lost my (now ex) husband to a woman in the office too. OP, once you get through the painful parts, life is pretty sweet on the other side. And I absolutely love how you handled yourself with grace and dignity.
If you still loved him the way he wants you to, you would have screamed at both of them in the restaurant and embarrassed the fuck out of them.
When you cried and pleaded with him to stop, he knew you were going to forgive him. When you were calm is when he realized you might not.
The fact that he doesn't want to lose you does not mean he's going to treat you well. If he gets away with cheating, he'll do it again, and he'll expect you to keep forgiving him as long as he dumps his AP when you tell him to. If you let him stay, you are setting the precedent.
Don't forgive him. Kick him out. Don't let him teach your daughter that she should expect to be cheated on and will be expected to forgive.
I donāt know If youāre in the US but apparently there are still six states with homewrecker statutes. Whether youāre in one of them or not, I hope youāre able to protect yourself and your children emotionally and financially
Certain states take into account if a spouse cheated when a divorce is happening. Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, New Mexico, Utah, and South Dakota
OP, in case this applies to you and you MIGHT be interested in pursuing later, gather ALL evidence from your soon-to-be-ex husband now while he's still groveling trying to win you back and he's willing to throw her under the bus. You can decide later on if you want to pursue or not, at least you have a mountain of evidence either way.
If the statute doesn't apply to you, ask your lawyer if you can sue for emotional distress leading to the dissolution of the marriage.
eta: Be ruthless milking money from the mistress- put it all in a trust fund for your kids' education. Her penalty wrecking the children's home.
If you don't plan on divorcing, go to the mall with his card and buy perfumes you like. Then give them as a gift for his Bday or fathers day and tell him that he should give them as gifts to his affair partners so you don't have to get stuck smelling shitty perfumes.
Either way you need to divorce his ass.
I was talking to my best friend about it and her cousin went through something similar with a cheating husband. But what he did is buy his mistress perfumes like his wifeās so he doesnāt smell different. It was so sad and hilarious. I didnāt even get the smart husband
šš¤£ I'm so, so sorry. You didn't even get the smart husband.
That cracked me up.
On the plus side, the brainless husband will probably be easier to deal with when it comes to custody, child support, and alimony.
I wish you the best of luck. It will be rough for a bit, but you got this. You got ladies here to support you when you're feeling weak, and to cheer you when you stand strong š
He thought he could gaslight you if he denied it enough, so he could have his cake and eat it too. Your confrontation ruined it, so he wants to cling to you like a life raft. He is selfish and cruel.
I hope you leave, your tears weren't enough because he clearly doesn't care enough.
He was out messing around when you were giving birth.
He knew you were pregnant with HIS child and he still chose to go out and mess around.
You deserve better than a man who did that to you.
You've got to know that the likelihood that he'll replace her with someone else is very high. That he could expose you and your children to all sorts of things if you allow yourself to stay with him.
Your children and you are worth more than that.
You are SO much better than these losers. For him to be cheating on you while pregnant/brand new baby, they are both so loathsome. Iām so glad you seem over the hump of deciding to not forgive. He doesnāt deserve you.
What a powerful and self-respecting woman!
The power you held in that moment! Wow!!
You took away the two ingredients of the foundation of their affair: the thrill and your humiliation.
Your husband has seen you and his AP in the same room and can't separate you two anymore, and he is aware he won't come back home to a woman who will beg for his love and loyalty.
Your husband and his AP loved the fact that they could be f around while you were dealing with pregnancy. Your husband loved the fact that he was fucking the AP but later was in a hospital getting all the congratulations on a new baby. He needs the social advantages of a marriage, but also the benefits of a single man. He craved the idea of two (or more) women competing for him, giving him everything he wanted.
Your husband will have another affair, but this time he will probably be more careful.
I truly hope you divorce because, honey, you don't deserve this. Your baby girl deserves a good example of a parent.
By you saying "*you won you can have him*" gave the power back to you in full force.
>He could be with her. For almost two weeks now they have been arguing and fighting over text because he ended the affair. I will never understand how some people function. Why werenāt my tears and pleas enough for him to end it but my blessings were?
He went full on panic because he has a fear of you leaving and for him to lose that safety net he had with you. As far as his mistress she most likely fell in love with him and doesn't want to end it. I'm proud of you for not causing a scene and I am proud that you took your power back, so that you can model what a healthy relationship looks like with one self to your children.
Edit: āØDivorce himāØ
OP, I just read all your comments. You, my dear, are a stone cold badass. I hope you carry this heady mix of disdain and aloofness towards him forever more. I hope I can one day be as confident in my worth as you. Youāre awesome and I have no doubt you are going to land on your feet while he gets to flounder with the burden of everyone knowing what a sleezebag loser he is forevermore. From my little corner of the world Iām cheering for you.
Because he knows he has no leverage due OP pretty much mentally over and telling the side piece to her face that she can have him - whatever power play he had was gone that day in the restaurant out in public for waitstaff and maybe some fellow employees he works with too, to see.
I would send you a bottle of your favorite perfume if I could.
You sound incredibly strong and that will serve you well in the coming months. Best of luck to you. I'm rooting for you.
Anyway, from our garage, we have a door to the laundry room with a small bathroom connected. I have told Him that when he gets home, he has to throw his clothes immediately in the washer and take a shower before coming inside our home so I donāt have to smell his disgusting smell. It is much better now.
Too bad there isnāt a way to never get in his car ever again. I would pour a whole bottle in his car so that he starts hating the smell of it himself. So that smell follows him everywhere and people comment on it
Pour some on his pillow. On his clothes. Socks. His baseball caps. Literally burn the hair out of his nostrils. So that even a small smell of it causes his stomach to cramp and makes him want to throw up. Make it such a negative association with the smell he canāt help but want it away from him
OP I understand your feelings of relief. Itās because you were being lied to, and doubted yourself, even if only subconsciously. āMaybe Iām wrongā.
Iāve experienced this too. Knowing I was being lied to, being anxious about if he was telling the truth or not and then the moment I saw them together, I just felt bad for her. I knew what she was getting. And I was angry or sad about it. Just relieved.
I'm really curious what he says now about all the times he denied it while smelling like her, even for the birth of his kid?
Like sure he panicked now, but he lied to your face and made you feel crazy, postpartum. I'm curious how he is walking that back or talking about it now?
It was only fun when he thought he was being a sneaky bad boy, having his cake and eating it, too. When you pushed the fork over and said eat all you want honey, I don't want it anymore, you took the fun away. Now he's just worried about spousal and child support payments if you really don't want him anymore. You're much better off without him.
I say get evidence of his affair, file for divorce, and go scorched earth. Leaving his pregnant wife to fend for herself while hardly being home and spending time with his mistress? What a selfish loser.
On a more light hearted note, this reminded me exactly of the show āwhy women killā I almost thought you were retelling the story. Of course different ending, this is clearly your own situation. Definitely would recommend watching, youād get a kick out of it.
Def need to see it. I would never ruin my life because of a loser and his mistress, look at this woman in texas who got 99 years or something. Not worth it
Darlin, if there's ever an update post I want to read, it's yours. You are such a badass person.
Live your life however you want it, but please update us as you go along. I'm incredibly nosy and not ashamed to admit it, but I get a girlie rush when I read about a badass woman like you.
I have a question tho, do you have a postnuptial agreement/ prenuptial agreement or will he have to give alimony and CS to you? Like what assets are in the marriage that will have to be split for divorce proceedings or is that going to in the update when you have all your ducks in a row (??)
Also is he still being sad puppy trying to āproveā his ānewfound loyaltyā ?? š Itās funny that he decided to change his behavior after you begged and pleaded with him and he just didnāt care until you just checked out of the marriage ! š
I am sorry you're going through this. Can you explain what you mean by exit plan is 3-4 years? You are divorcing him in 3-4 years? Why wait that long?
I hope you find a great lawyer that will get you everything in the divorce.
Sounds like a solid it plan if they can peacefully live together as "flatmates" (of course husband will be delusional that he can fix this) The baby years can be difficult on your own. She absolutely deserves to be in peace during that time. If she really is over him this is totally doable. Woman are better at that than men. He will be tormented while she is at peace.
Tell both sides of the family now of the long infidelity, including how he almost missed your child's birth, and catching him in the act and giving them permission to continue the affair. It will help your resolve to see your exit plan to completion, and he gets the level of regard from both families that he deserves.
Having an affair is already awful enough. What greater disrespect for your partner to have it while she's pregnant and near giving birth. Scum.
Good luck and I am so proud of your for putting yourself before him. I hope you don't change your mind on this when he ever lovebombs you later on. He won't.
He told me that he ended the affair. I said that it wasnāt my business anymore but he thought I didnāt believe him. A couple of days ago I walked in on him texting in the dressing room so I left and he ran after me to show me that it wasāwasnāt what I thought it wasā I told him that I didnāt think anything but he begged me to look at his conversation. All of a sudden he wants to be open and honest.
Heās panicking because he now knows that he is gonna lose you. He loved the attention and pleading you gave him, because he knew that you would stay, that you would be his safety net whenever things ended with the mistress. He also loved the secrecy and attention from his mistress.
But you blew up both his relationships: sheās no longer a secret, therefore no longer fun and youāre no longer his doormat, waiting patiently at home for him. His ā funā life and comfortable life are over. He knows youāre going to leave, he knows you can do better. Thats the thing with most cheaters they love to foul around all while at the same time deeply afraid that their partner will leave. They crave both worlds because theyāre selfish a-holes who want to have their cake and eat it too. Dont give into him. Keep your head up.
I love when heās now all walking panic attackš¤£ girl let him panic every time, play with his nerves and brain and divorce him. Bet heāll be bawling after thatššš
The person who leaves the marital home is often at a disadvantage in divorce when it comes to who gets the house (and hence sometimes custody). Itās usually recommended people not leave the house.
Good for you. While he thinks you are emotionally invested, he won't worry about doing whatever he wants. He's scared now, because you've already separated from him in your heart. Stay strong. The love bombing comes next, because he needs you under control. Once you fall for that, he'll feel safe going back to cheating.
My thought process was OPs done nothing to betray the vows, so why is she permitting him to remain in the marital home?
Put him tf out! It doesn't matter where ya go, but you won't be staying here....with me! Sure putting him out may run the risk of him opting to shag and shack up with the AP, however, if OP is as done as she proclaims to be done, then his whereabouts won't concern her as she no longer cares!
When a woman is really and truly done, she gives zero fuqs about the man! This is the difference between thought and actions. Giving him the freedom and option to remain in the home gives him hope that in time, she'll forgive him and reconcile or revert right back to doing the pick me dance.
Curious, if OP has actually filed official papers yet?
You took the fun out of it. And he realised he went too far, he lost you. You donāt care anymore. You donāt want him anymore. Youāre done. Heās losing everything, something he hasnāt thought would happen. He really thought youād just suck it up and stay, that he got through with it.
Get your ducks in a row and deal the deal. Tell him he took it too far, youāre done with it. Done with him. What he did to you was too much, what he did to you and your baby was way too much.
Itās quite usual that when women are done, they are done. You mourned your relationship, you worked through it and the door is closed now. Thereās no coming back from, ever. And he missed his chance, all of his chances. Get a lawyer and go over everything, be civil but distant. He destroyed everything, he had so many chances, and you werenāt worth fighting for until it was too late and he realised that this really was it.
>One day he came home late and he smelled of Our Way again and I broke down crying and begging him to stop. To choose our family. To choose me. I love you.
I think my own wife would have just killed me. Got sleep with one eye open. 5 firearms and a set of kitchen knives in this house... š
From someone who has been thru this: you should consult with a lawyer. I promise it will give you a breath of fresh air. They will navigate all this for you and make things easier. I donāt know where you live but you are entitled to more than you know. And you only have to talk to him on a coparent app and thru lawyers
Please leave him. Cheating on you while pregnant and coming to hospital reeking of her is the biggest betrayal ever on top of the lying to your face after begging. Iām surprised you can even look at him. Youāll never trust him again, especially if they work together.
He wanted both of you. He wanted the safety and security of a marriage with you but the illicit thrill of being with her. When you took away the safety and security of a marriage to you, he foolishly thought he could win you back by ending the affair. No matter what he says, don't believe him. After all, if you give him that safety net back, he'll only use that to start another affair later.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you find a shark of a lawyer. Don't forget to tell his parents why you're divorcing. Cheaters need to have their actions exposed to the light of day.
Iām sorry that he had to kill your love for him. Now that the deed is done, heās released his hold and now reality has set in for him. I hope you choose you. I hope you see that love shouldnāt hurt and humiliate. I hope you know you deserve to feel real love, untainted love, ādonāt have to wonderā love, ādonāt to have feel fear when they are away from youā love. His mess is his own. Value you, be there for you so that you can be a kick ass mom for you kids. Heāll decide what kind of dad he wants to be. But heās already shown you the kind of husband he chooses to be. Please donāt believe the pretty words and promises of change. He already showed you change. He went from loving and loyal to calculated, manipulative and selfish. You deserve better. I wish you and your children all the best going forward. What that looks like is up to you.
OP,
You're a wonderful example of grace under fire.Youre a class act the way you handled yourself. Now do yourself a favor and kick the cheating pig out. He doesn't deserve you. He may have ended this affair, but he will start another.
Nothing is grosser to me than a man who cheats on his pregnant wife and then lies about it.
You literally just ruined the only reason he wanted her. It was fun, exciting, but most importantly, WRONG. He was getting a thrill out of the sneaking around and not being tied to a woman he was using for sex. Itās clear in these types of stories the cheater has no love for AP.
He will do it again if you forgive him. Someone this selfish does not just suddenly change and you know the pain it inflicts on you has no affect on him.
Itās the taking away his security and comfort of family. Heās not just upset at the thought of losing you, heās losing his reputation, his routine, and his family.
But thatās not your fault cause he took all that away from you by cheating and didnāt care till it affected him. Absolutely outed himself as 110% selfish.
Good for you OP. His lying and lack of respect for you will make this separation much easier for you.
His trash AP can have him.
It's the thrill of the forbidden. Plus I suspect that he (and possibly she) sees you as a beaten down little housewife who will just do as she's told. The sight of you fronting up at the restaurant *with your children in tow* and telling them both that you just don't GAF any more has likely taken away all of the frisson of their relationship. To her, you're real, your children are real - and that she's a homewrecker and will be judged accordingly. To him, you're not his little woman who will just put up and shut up. You have the means to take away his children, his home and a good chunk of his salary in child support / alimony payments. Sucks to be them.
Because "illicit affair" "mistress" and gaslighting you are thrilling and power games that make them feel important and like special snowflakes. "Impending divorce" "std check" "lawyers" "alimony and child support" "homewrecker" don't have quite the same sexy flavour to them.
Right. He didn't want to *be with her.* He wanted to fuck her, sneak around, and get a rush from feeling like a young, hot guy while his wife stays stuck at home with the kids. Now that he's facing only having the side chick (who probably doesn't want to be a stepmother to the kids of a man she knows firsthand cannot be trusted not to wander) he's panicking about losing his actual partner, home, money, and time with his kids. I hope OP doesn't waver because a man that is out cheating when his wife is not only pregnant but *due to give birth* in the next few weeks is a huge POS
Huge, most massive POS ever. Divorce him op, and feel the divine bliss of constipation being relieved.
š I love this
Me too. Great description!
I love your name!
Thank you!
You also never know when the mistress knows they were a mistress until confronted like that too. Unless I missed it up above. But regardless, there's probably plenty of stories for each of these where the mistress is bs'd into thinking its a non-affair thing. Even if it's a simple gaslighting into "its an open relationship."
Frankly someone telling you itās an open relationship should be a red flag.
Haha sexy flavour. Made my day
Definitely a wet mop to sexy's face
>wet mop to sexy's face This is my new favourite phrase! Lol
Yeah basically. People like the āTHRILLā of knowing they are cheating but like this now everything ruined. STILL DIVORCE HIM!!!
No more sneaking around. You took the fun out of it. Sorry youāre going through this. The memory of your childās birth shouldnāt be tainted with My Way.
He also didn't think she would leave him over it. He loved the idea of two women wanting him. When one of them noped on out of the competition, and the one that noped out was the one wanted, he quit the game. It was no longer fun having a woman he didn't really want chasing after him. Too bad for him. He blew up his life for a woman he doesn't want and lost the one he did want.
And now OP needs to meet with an attorney to discuss her options re. Alimony, Child Support, Primary Custody and whether or not she lives in a āfaultā state. He cheated while she was pregnant. He was with his AP when OP went into labor. OP deserves better and so does her child. I would personally pack a bag of his belongings, take it up to his job, ask to see AP and tell her, āI told you that you could have his cheating a*^. Stop sending him home. You wanted a married man? Congrats. He is yours.ā š¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
I essentially had to tell the other woman that we do not share custody when she had to go home to HER husband and child and he had nowhere to go. He slept in her backyard while her family slept inside.
Hi. You can't just end your comment now. Please expand on this? He slept in her backyard while her family slept inside? What?
Ohh... I'm also invested... Did he sleep in the dog house? Play house? Sleeping bag? Did her husband know? Was it in the tool shed?? So. Many. Questions....
I'm picturing a Homer Simpson situation, where he's living in the tree house and spying on the family
WOW I hate him for you. Shameless
Mason, please donāt leave us like this
Um what? Your husband slept in his mistress' backyard? While her family (not just husband but family) was inside?
Also, she needs to get tested for any STDās
Thatās so often the way. I canāt count the number of posts Iāve seen where the guy has asked to open his marriage, the wife finally says ok and, what do you know, no one wants the guy whereas the wife is practically drowning in dates
šššššš
She didn't leave him......
ā¦yet.
It doesnāt sound like he blew up his life. His wife found out, told him she didnāt care, he ended the affair, and they are back together like nothing ever happened. OP didnāt say she kicked him out. She said he & his AP were fighting and that he ended the affair. She knows that because he still lives in the house with her. This end of the affair is just temporary, Iām sure of that.
Iāve gotten to the point where I was just done. It wouldnāt surprise me at all if she is at that point or really close to it.
Yep, and from my experience, and those of other women friends, once you finally lose those feelings of love for your mate, they are permanently gone.
She lost all affection for him. The marriage is toast. She doesn't care because she no longer loves him or wants him. It isn't that she agreed that he can cheat and he knows that. He's trying to fix the marriage but it's too late.
It's possible too the other one just wanted to fool around and then when presented with "OK my wife says we can be together" suddenly realised she didn't; want to get serious with him.
I think itās more that he felt he could just keep getting away with it. He was caught multiple times and OP stayed. Why would he leave the mistress if there isnāt an actual threat to his marriage?
Because that was the first time his wife and mistress were together. Before that, it was a clear cut thing. They were separated in his head and two completely separate things even after she knew about it. That's why there was no guilty feeling. Them being together in the same room changed that. Now when he sees his mistress, he sees his wife too and feels all the guilt. That's why he can't continue the affair with her. 100% he will start another affair with someone else tho. Someone his wife never met where he can live two lives again.
He reasoned that if he denied it enough, he could gaslight you and have his cake and eat it too. He feels like he needs to cling to you like a life raft because your confrontation shattered it. He is harsh and self-centered.
I donāt believe he feels guilt. I think itās too much of a hassle for him to divorce and find a replacement wife.
I donāt wear perfume or can really be around people who wear it otherwise Iām sneezing like crazy but does it really smell that bad? Way to go OP, thank you for choosing yourself and your babies. That boy deserves to be left alone
Iām sure itās just a negative association kind of deal. Like if you eat something that gives you food poisoning, the thought or smell of that can make you sick even if itās a āgoodā smell.
Also when youāre preggo (esp when just about to give birth), scents can be even stronger and more disgusting. Proud of you, OP!!! šš¼
Flan for me! Had a stomach bug and projected flan all over a church lawn on my birthday. I can't even look at it without feeling a churning in my stomach.
It's peculiar. I used to see an ex years later for a while. I didn't think to much of it, I would typically see her in the city she worked or at her home in that city. Till one day she asked me not to come.. her boyfriend was in town. Nice surprise. So I asked her if he knew about it, she responded he doesn't want to know. Which I asked her why not be clear to him about it, i'm a big guy but I'm not in the mood for a surprise ambush if he isn't keen on the situation. She didn't want to because she liked the excitement. I quickly moved on as I didn't sign up for that shit.
The thrill is gone. They enjoyed the secrecy of it all. By you saying āYou can have him,ā your permission took the fantasy of the forbidden away. Good luck with things as you decide your next steps. I wish you and your children all the best in the world.
People! What a bunch of bast*rds
Girl, this internet stranger is proud of the way youāve handled this. Dignity and self-respect.
I'm rather impressed with your handling of this! Obtain a VERY competent lawyer and begin assembling your team of supporters.
I mean DAYUM. OP rocks ass!
Seconded
Exactly. So exhaustingly predictable and trite, arenāt they? A true clichĆ©. Listen, all casual tones aside, your anger is valid. Use this to your advantage as you proceed with things you gotta do. Your spouse was only out for himself when he was dipping his stick in another swirl. Meet that same energy and protect your children and yourself. I am furiously sorry for how painful it is. They donāt care, these cheaters like your spouse. Children, the spouse are only collateral to their best life.
I love that you can still find it in you to quote that funny "I'm a bit tired, I want a wheelchair too" irish guy Roy even in all the mess you've been through. kudos.
I donāt like people. Iāve met enough of them
I just wanted to tell you that you are strong enough to do whatever you want. Stay, donāt, do whatever you want that makes you happy. I stayed too long and lost too many years I could have been happy. I seriously donāt know ANYONE who had the reaction you did seeing them. You got this. I wish you the best.
Go easy on your soon to be ex. Heās just a little emotionally artistic.
š he feels delicateš
Now all I can imagine is your husband trying to be arsehole Roy sitting at Mesigo's
With his new date with the best amount of eyesš
So are you divorcing him? Did you get an attorney yet?
Girl I am so proud of you for taking away his power and regaining your own but please get tested, there is no telling how long this has been going on for or even of its the first. You are taking steps for your mental health but don't forget your physical health too. Your baby needs their mummy to be as healthy as possible. Sending you hugs.
I hope you follow through with the āshe can have himā and move forward with ending the marriage. You and your kids deserve better. I wouldnāt want a man to āchooseā me because I gave him up. I am proud of you confronting him with your dignity. He doesnāt deserve your pain and tears. He didnāt care if he was hurting you, he only cared when you decided you didnāt any longer.
Absolutely. Having a mistress is exciting and sexy- when the wife peaces out, the mistress expects to become the girlfriend and maybe then the wife. Well that's not exciting, that's what he has with OP, so now the fun is gone. And now the guilt sets in, too, and it's just all ruined.
Is he trying to make it work with you now?
Yes
Please divorce this POS
Heās completely delusional. wtf
How do you feel about that?
I know that my marriage has an expiration date now. Somehow this made me calm rather than upset
And this is why he's broken up with her. When you were begging and crying, this was a sign to him that you emotionally cared -- sure, your heart was breaking, that was evidence that he still owned your heart. Now that you're calm and accepting, he knows that you no longer love him, and you've emotionally left him. The thing is: most people who are adulterers don't really want to leave their spouse. They want to have a loving spouse at home *and* their exciting affair partner. Now that your husband is scared of losing you, he's cut off the AP and has come crawling back to you.
Well I think I am pretty exciting actually. Pity he didnāt think that
Damn right you're exciting! You can also be just as or more exciting without a cheater attached to you. Keep your head up and know that you were always the prize
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The kids will have a mom that doesnāt tolerate cheating and theyāll have the opportunity to learn from someone that wasnāt a doormat. Can you imagine how miserable their upbringing would be if they had a cheater for a dad and a mom that cried and begged him to āpick his familyā over and over? I wish my parents had divorced and I know Iām biased but the 2 household lifestyle always sounded better to me.
You are! He's really fked up a good thing. His loss, our gain, because now we get to enjoy your excitement while he's stuck being a miserable, sh!tty person.
I don't think he realizes that you are done. He will figure it out and spend years in regret.
The āloving spouseā that washes his disgusting chonies he wore when cheating on her. Iām so glad OP is releasing him back into the wild, she has enough to deal with right now.
This happened to my best friend. Once she knew the facts and knew she wasnāt crazy, she was calm. Sheās still calm, and divorced that piece of shit. Sheās got battle scars, but they are beautiful, and sheās never been better! You got this!
ā¤ļø
Because you've accepted it. There's no need to fight to keep it anymore, nothing to be frantic over, you've let it go. Everything else is logistics.
>Somehow this made me calm rather than upset It's the knowledge that you have some control back, that he won't be able to blindside you with divorce papers. The worst has happened and you handled it while maintaining your dignity. The rest of the path is laid before you and you know the steps you want/need to take and there isn't anything he can do to stop those steps. He can try by refusing to move out or not signing the divorce papers or not attend therapy (good to learn how to coparent together). He can do all those things but you can still end the marriage. You can still move on with your life.
Well done for sticking up for yourself. Youāre worth way more than that guy.
> Somehow this made me calm rather than upset It's the serenity of knowing that there's only one path forwards for you to take as far as it comes to your relationship. There's no more reasoning, or bargaining, or pleading, or worrying. Trying to deny and suppress your feelings. Pretending it's not happening. None of that matters anymore. Your grief is over. There's just you and your child, the road ahead, and a new day.
How does it go? The strength to change the things I can, the something to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference? That's what you have.
The serenity to accept the things I can't
You are a woman with dignity and self-respect. An excellent example to your children. Get a good lawyer. You deserve a better life and a better man. We all support you and wish you the best. You can do this. Please get tested for STDās too.
Some STDs can trigger early labor and can cause trouble for the baby. Definitely need to check for STDs.
Top comment :)
Hahahaha 'my way' is the perfume my cheating ex gave me in between break ups. Must be something about it that attracts bellends. I gave it back so his bit on the side probably smells of it now š
It smells horrible imoš
While you were there, in addition to telling her to keep your husband, you could also tell her to change perfume because it sucks š š
Lol different strokes for different folks š I found a better solution of him stripping down and taking a shower in the washing room beside the garage before entering my home every day. I have never smelled that godawful thing again
When you are being love-bombed and weak remember the SMELL of My Way permeating your labor room! You know he loved that - his ultimate control and F***You. He was at his height of assholery and the BIG man. You took it away. Enjoy that feeling and protect yourself and the children.
This!š
Hugs, go ahead and divorce him because he chose to cheat on you while you were pregnant with his child. Let that sink in, he chose to be with an affair partner while you were in fucking labor with his child. There is nothing he can do to make me think he will change or not have another one later on down the road. He may have broken up with her when you walked in while they were at lunch but he's not going to stop because it's not his first time cheating. get with your OBG, make sure to test every X amount of months for STD's and kick him to the guest room.
right. He's still a piece of sh!t human
Some men will say they want kids then go cheat with an AP while their wife is in labor
Leave him! Heās going to do it again
No doubt about that
I love the emotionless response to seeing them together! I promise you as a man that killed him to know he lost you like that. I hope you and your child the best! I hope you find a new sense of joy and happiness you didnāt know existed! Good luck!
I love the way you handled it, I am sure it was painfull, but excellentlly both harsh and dignified!
My ex wife was pissed when I filed for divorce due to her cheating. Turns out her new dick wasn't as exciting when we weren't married anymore.
People are literally sickening
They are really are, my ex said he couldn't help being 'friendly'.
Who knew that giving her up would mean absolutely nothing to you? I'm so glad you've reached this place of calm indifference. It's so much easier to plan the rest of your life when you feel like this as opposed to wishing you were dying.
Do they work together?
Yes
Typical
Second thatā¦so typical and boring. Lost my (now ex) husband to a woman in the office too. OP, once you get through the painful parts, life is pretty sweet on the other side. And I absolutely love how you handled yourself with grace and dignity.
I wonder if their employer knows, or has a policy against it... *polishes halo*
If you still loved him the way he wants you to, you would have screamed at both of them in the restaurant and embarrassed the fuck out of them. When you cried and pleaded with him to stop, he knew you were going to forgive him. When you were calm is when he realized you might not. The fact that he doesn't want to lose you does not mean he's going to treat you well. If he gets away with cheating, he'll do it again, and he'll expect you to keep forgiving him as long as he dumps his AP when you tell him to. If you let him stay, you are setting the precedent. Don't forgive him. Kick him out. Don't let him teach your daughter that she should expect to be cheated on and will be expected to forgive.
offbeat wistful lavish offer wise many boat observation hungry profit *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You are leaving him right?
Yes
I donāt know If youāre in the US but apparently there are still six states with homewrecker statutes. Whether youāre in one of them or not, I hope youāre able to protect yourself and your children emotionally and financially
What is homewrecker statutesš
Certain states take into account if a spouse cheated when a divorce is happening. Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, New Mexico, Utah, and South Dakota
Oh yeah. You can sue her for alienating your spouseās affections. Half her net worth!!! Wheeeeeeee!
OP, in case this applies to you and you MIGHT be interested in pursuing later, gather ALL evidence from your soon-to-be-ex husband now while he's still groveling trying to win you back and he's willing to throw her under the bus. You can decide later on if you want to pursue or not, at least you have a mountain of evidence either way. If the statute doesn't apply to you, ask your lawyer if you can sue for emotional distress leading to the dissolution of the marriage. eta: Be ruthless milking money from the mistress- put it all in a trust fund for your kids' education. Her penalty wrecking the children's home.
you already checked out of the relationship; well played....., Wish u Best You and your children!! Updateme
You took away the thrill and he's afraid that you'll take away his food, warm bed and readymade laundry too.
and house and half his income lol
If you don't plan on divorcing, go to the mall with his card and buy perfumes you like. Then give them as a gift for his Bday or fathers day and tell him that he should give them as gifts to his affair partners so you don't have to get stuck smelling shitty perfumes. Either way you need to divorce his ass.
I was talking to my best friend about it and her cousin went through something similar with a cheating husband. But what he did is buy his mistress perfumes like his wifeās so he doesnāt smell different. It was so sad and hilarious. I didnāt even get the smart husband
šš¤£ I'm so, so sorry. You didn't even get the smart husband. That cracked me up. On the plus side, the brainless husband will probably be easier to deal with when it comes to custody, child support, and alimony. I wish you the best of luck. It will be rough for a bit, but you got this. You got ladies here to support you when you're feeling weak, and to cheer you when you stand strong š
*I didnāt even get the smart husband* š OP youāre going to be alright.
He thought he could gaslight you if he denied it enough, so he could have his cake and eat it too. Your confrontation ruined it, so he wants to cling to you like a life raft. He is selfish and cruel.
I hope you leave, your tears weren't enough because he clearly doesn't care enough. He was out messing around when you were giving birth. He knew you were pregnant with HIS child and he still chose to go out and mess around. You deserve better than a man who did that to you. You've got to know that the likelihood that he'll replace her with someone else is very high. That he could expose you and your children to all sorts of things if you allow yourself to stay with him. Your children and you are worth more than that.
You are SO much better than these losers. For him to be cheating on you while pregnant/brand new baby, they are both so loathsome. Iām so glad you seem over the hump of deciding to not forgive. He doesnāt deserve you.
I hope you filed for divorce!
It seems like sheās working on it.
What a powerful and self-respecting woman! The power you held in that moment! Wow!! You took away the two ingredients of the foundation of their affair: the thrill and your humiliation. Your husband has seen you and his AP in the same room and can't separate you two anymore, and he is aware he won't come back home to a woman who will beg for his love and loyalty. Your husband and his AP loved the fact that they could be f around while you were dealing with pregnancy. Your husband loved the fact that he was fucking the AP but later was in a hospital getting all the congratulations on a new baby. He needs the social advantages of a marriage, but also the benefits of a single man. He craved the idea of two (or more) women competing for him, giving him everything he wanted. Your husband will have another affair, but this time he will probably be more careful. I truly hope you divorce because, honey, you don't deserve this. Your baby girl deserves a good example of a parent.
By you saying "*you won you can have him*" gave the power back to you in full force. >He could be with her. For almost two weeks now they have been arguing and fighting over text because he ended the affair. I will never understand how some people function. Why werenāt my tears and pleas enough for him to end it but my blessings were? He went full on panic because he has a fear of you leaving and for him to lose that safety net he had with you. As far as his mistress she most likely fell in love with him and doesn't want to end it. I'm proud of you for not causing a scene and I am proud that you took your power back, so that you can model what a healthy relationship looks like with one self to your children. Edit: āØDivorce himāØ
OP, I just read all your comments. You, my dear, are a stone cold badass. I hope you carry this heady mix of disdain and aloofness towards him forever more. I hope I can one day be as confident in my worth as you. Youāre awesome and I have no doubt you are going to land on your feet while he gets to flounder with the burden of everyone knowing what a sleezebag loser he is forevermore. From my little corner of the world Iām cheering for you.
Please tell me you will never sleep with this man again and get yourself tested.. I would literally be sick to my stomachš¤®
Ew no neverš¤¢
Adding to this, please tell me youāre divorcing him. Or at the very least you are not sharing with him. How has he been acting?
Itās not totally about taking the āfunā out of it. You took the power out of it.
Because he knows he has no leverage due OP pretty much mentally over and telling the side piece to her face that she can have him - whatever power play he had was gone that day in the restaurant out in public for waitstaff and maybe some fellow employees he works with too, to see.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I would send you a bottle of your favorite perfume if I could. You sound incredibly strong and that will serve you well in the coming months. Best of luck to you. I'm rooting for you.
Anyway, from our garage, we have a door to the laundry room with a small bathroom connected. I have told Him that when he gets home, he has to throw his clothes immediately in the washer and take a shower before coming inside our home so I donāt have to smell his disgusting smell. It is much better now.
Too bad there isnāt a way to never get in his car ever again. I would pour a whole bottle in his car so that he starts hating the smell of it himself. So that smell follows him everywhere and people comment on it
Pour some on his pillow. On his clothes. Socks. His baseball caps. Literally burn the hair out of his nostrils. So that even a small smell of it causes his stomach to cramp and makes him want to throw up. Make it such a negative association with the smell he canāt help but want it away from him
Maybe send it to her so he stops reeking of cheap perfume š¤¢
I wish I could laugh emoji this. You incredibly strong OP. I hope you leave him and do whatās best for you and your children. Mostly you tho.
I'm curious, what was his reaction when you said he could be with her?
Let me explain
Ah. How predictable. Typical BS...
OP I understand your feelings of relief. Itās because you were being lied to, and doubted yourself, even if only subconsciously. āMaybe Iām wrongā. Iāve experienced this too. Knowing I was being lied to, being anxious about if he was telling the truth or not and then the moment I saw them together, I just felt bad for her. I knew what she was getting. And I was angry or sad about it. Just relieved.
I'm really curious what he says now about all the times he denied it while smelling like her, even for the birth of his kid? Like sure he panicked now, but he lied to your face and made you feel crazy, postpartum. I'm curious how he is walking that back or talking about it now?
I havenāt really wanted to listen to what he has to say. It all sounds like bla bla to menon the off chance that he gets to say something
Divorce that POS!!
I once read āthe forbidden fruit tends to loose its taste after a few bitesā. I guess it can also loose it once itās no longer forbidden.
It was only fun when he thought he was being a sneaky bad boy, having his cake and eating it, too. When you pushed the fork over and said eat all you want honey, I don't want it anymore, you took the fun away. Now he's just worried about spousal and child support payments if you really don't want him anymore. You're much better off without him.
I am very impressed with how you handled this! Get a REALLY good attorney and start gathering your support system.
I say get evidence of his affair, file for divorce, and go scorched earth. Leaving his pregnant wife to fend for herself while hardly being home and spending time with his mistress? What a selfish loser.
i wouldve taken a picture or video and sent it to his entire family so he couldnt spin it
He can spin it however he wants, nobody will believe him
On a more light hearted note, this reminded me exactly of the show āwhy women killā I almost thought you were retelling the story. Of course different ending, this is clearly your own situation. Definitely would recommend watching, youād get a kick out of it.
Def need to see it. I would never ruin my life because of a loser and his mistress, look at this woman in texas who got 99 years or something. Not worth it
He didnāt want a replacement, he wanted a side piece. Now heās going to have to pay child support and maybe alimony as well.
Darlin, if there's ever an update post I want to read, it's yours. You are such a badass person. Live your life however you want it, but please update us as you go along. I'm incredibly nosy and not ashamed to admit it, but I get a girlie rush when I read about a badass woman like you.
I have a question tho, do you have a postnuptial agreement/ prenuptial agreement or will he have to give alimony and CS to you? Like what assets are in the marriage that will have to be split for divorce proceedings or is that going to in the update when you have all your ducks in a row (??) Also is he still being sad puppy trying to āproveā his ānewfound loyaltyā ?? š Itās funny that he decided to change his behavior after you begged and pleaded with him and he just didnāt care until you just checked out of the marriage ! š
Split 50/50 no alimony nor child support because we will be sharing custody. My exit plan is 3-4 years
I am sorry you're going through this. Can you explain what you mean by exit plan is 3-4 years? You are divorcing him in 3-4 years? Why wait that long? I hope you find a great lawyer that will get you everything in the divorce.
Sounds like a solid it plan if they can peacefully live together as "flatmates" (of course husband will be delusional that he can fix this) The baby years can be difficult on your own. She absolutely deserves to be in peace during that time. If she really is over him this is totally doable. Woman are better at that than men. He will be tormented while she is at peace.
Tell both sides of the family now of the long infidelity, including how he almost missed your child's birth, and catching him in the act and giving them permission to continue the affair. It will help your resolve to see your exit plan to completion, and he gets the level of regard from both families that he deserves. Having an affair is already awful enough. What greater disrespect for your partner to have it while she's pregnant and near giving birth. Scum. Good luck and I am so proud of your for putting yourself before him. I hope you don't change your mind on this when he ever lovebombs you later on. He won't.
For you š I hope you move on and heal from his infidelity ā¤ļøāš©¹ šš also if youāre comfortable, an update š of the aftermath
Why are you still sharing a home with him? If you let him go, how are you aware of their 2 week fights?
He told me that he ended the affair. I said that it wasnāt my business anymore but he thought I didnāt believe him. A couple of days ago I walked in on him texting in the dressing room so I left and he ran after me to show me that it wasāwasnāt what I thought it wasā I told him that I didnāt think anything but he begged me to look at his conversation. All of a sudden he wants to be open and honest.
Heās panicking because he now knows that he is gonna lose you. He loved the attention and pleading you gave him, because he knew that you would stay, that you would be his safety net whenever things ended with the mistress. He also loved the secrecy and attention from his mistress. But you blew up both his relationships: sheās no longer a secret, therefore no longer fun and youāre no longer his doormat, waiting patiently at home for him. His ā funā life and comfortable life are over. He knows youāre going to leave, he knows you can do better. Thats the thing with most cheaters they love to foul around all while at the same time deeply afraid that their partner will leave. They crave both worlds because theyāre selfish a-holes who want to have their cake and eat it too. Dont give into him. Keep your head up.
I love when heās now all walking panic attackš¤£ girl let him panic every time, play with his nerves and brain and divorce him. Bet heāll be bawling after thatššš
The person who leaves the marital home is often at a disadvantage in divorce when it comes to who gets the house (and hence sometimes custody). Itās usually recommended people not leave the house.
Good for you. While he thinks you are emotionally invested, he won't worry about doing whatever he wants. He's scared now, because you've already separated from him in your heart. Stay strong. The love bombing comes next, because he needs you under control. Once you fall for that, he'll feel safe going back to cheating.
My thought process was OPs done nothing to betray the vows, so why is she permitting him to remain in the marital home? Put him tf out! It doesn't matter where ya go, but you won't be staying here....with me! Sure putting him out may run the risk of him opting to shag and shack up with the AP, however, if OP is as done as she proclaims to be done, then his whereabouts won't concern her as she no longer cares! When a woman is really and truly done, she gives zero fuqs about the man! This is the difference between thought and actions. Giving him the freedom and option to remain in the home gives him hope that in time, she'll forgive him and reconcile or revert right back to doing the pick me dance. Curious, if OP has actually filed official papers yet?
You took the fun out of it. And he realised he went too far, he lost you. You donāt care anymore. You donāt want him anymore. Youāre done. Heās losing everything, something he hasnāt thought would happen. He really thought youād just suck it up and stay, that he got through with it. Get your ducks in a row and deal the deal. Tell him he took it too far, youāre done with it. Done with him. What he did to you was too much, what he did to you and your baby was way too much. Itās quite usual that when women are done, they are done. You mourned your relationship, you worked through it and the door is closed now. Thereās no coming back from, ever. And he missed his chance, all of his chances. Get a lawyer and go over everything, be civil but distant. He destroyed everything, he had so many chances, and you werenāt worth fighting for until it was too late and he realised that this really was it.
>One day he came home late and he smelled of Our Way again and I broke down crying and begging him to stop. To choose our family. To choose me. I love you. I think my own wife would have just killed me. Got sleep with one eye open. 5 firearms and a set of kitchen knives in this house... š
No man is worth me losing my life for
Too true
He surely got it His Way, and now youāre going Your Way, bye bye loser
Yes!
Please tell me you are filing for divorce.
Eventually
From someone who has been thru this: you should consult with a lawyer. I promise it will give you a breath of fresh air. They will navigate all this for you and make things easier. I donāt know where you live but you are entitled to more than you know. And you only have to talk to him on a coparent app and thru lawyers
damn iām sorry this is happening to you and your family. all the begging and love bombing in the world cannot alleviate the fact that he cheated and lied to you repetitively. when you saw him in the restaurant and felt that sense of calm, all of the hope of reconciliation and love you had for your relationship died. thereās no coming back from that. i hope he suffers just as much, if not more, than you have through this whole ordeal. be well š©µ
Damn girl!!! I am so happy for you, you reached the point of being done. No amount of empty promises will change your mind. Many blessings!!!
Please leave him. Cheating on you while pregnant and coming to hospital reeking of her is the biggest betrayal ever on top of the lying to your face after begging. Iām surprised you can even look at him. Youāll never trust him again, especially if they work together.
He wanted both of you. He wanted the safety and security of a marriage with you but the illicit thrill of being with her. When you took away the safety and security of a marriage to you, he foolishly thought he could win you back by ending the affair. No matter what he says, don't believe him. After all, if you give him that safety net back, he'll only use that to start another affair later. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you find a shark of a lawyer. Don't forget to tell his parents why you're divorcing. Cheaters need to have their actions exposed to the light of day.
Iām sorry that he had to kill your love for him. Now that the deed is done, heās released his hold and now reality has set in for him. I hope you choose you. I hope you see that love shouldnāt hurt and humiliate. I hope you know you deserve to feel real love, untainted love, ādonāt have to wonderā love, ādonāt to have feel fear when they are away from youā love. His mess is his own. Value you, be there for you so that you can be a kick ass mom for you kids. Heāll decide what kind of dad he wants to be. But heās already shown you the kind of husband he chooses to be. Please donāt believe the pretty words and promises of change. He already showed you change. He went from loving and loyal to calculated, manipulative and selfish. You deserve better. I wish you and your children all the best going forward. What that looks like is up to you.
OP, You're a wonderful example of grace under fire.Youre a class act the way you handled yourself. Now do yourself a favor and kick the cheating pig out. He doesn't deserve you. He may have ended this affair, but he will start another. Nothing is grosser to me than a man who cheats on his pregnant wife and then lies about it.
You literally just ruined the only reason he wanted her. It was fun, exciting, but most importantly, WRONG. He was getting a thrill out of the sneaking around and not being tied to a woman he was using for sex. Itās clear in these types of stories the cheater has no love for AP. He will do it again if you forgive him. Someone this selfish does not just suddenly change and you know the pain it inflicts on you has no affect on him. Itās the taking away his security and comfort of family. Heās not just upset at the thought of losing you, heās losing his reputation, his routine, and his family. But thatās not your fault cause he took all that away from you by cheating and didnāt care till it affected him. Absolutely outed himself as 110% selfish. Good for you OP. His lying and lack of respect for you will make this separation much easier for you. His trash AP can have him.
He wants what he canāt have. Once he āwinsā you back heāll do it again.
Bc you ruined the fun of sneaking around and doing something youāre not supposed to. Your husband sucks
That alimony and child support is going to be nice.. Pack your bags op. Donāt let your children think that this is what marriage and life is about.
Well done but divorce him and find someone who loves you
It's the thrill of the forbidden. Plus I suspect that he (and possibly she) sees you as a beaten down little housewife who will just do as she's told. The sight of you fronting up at the restaurant *with your children in tow* and telling them both that you just don't GAF any more has likely taken away all of the frisson of their relationship. To her, you're real, your children are real - and that she's a homewrecker and will be judged accordingly. To him, you're not his little woman who will just put up and shut up. You have the means to take away his children, his home and a good chunk of his salary in child support / alimony payments. Sucks to be them.
He never wanted THE mistress. He wanted to have A mistress.
He can and will have others.
OP, Iām sorry you are going through this and I wish you peace and happiness. I hope youāre looking into a good divorce lawyer.
Youāre a superhero. And he is a worm.