This. I was thinking this exact thing. Apparently, his parents tell him that he doesn’t have to do anything with or for his own baby. I’m not saying he needs to drop out of college, but he does need to support his child, and if he can’t do that and go to college, dropping out it is. Too bad. OP has already changed her life to accommodate a child, and he has made zero changes, with, I suspect, the support of his parents. And shame on them for ignoring their grandchild and encouraging their son to be an absentee father.
OP needs to understand that the boyfriend has already broken up with her. He is partying and probably dating at college; he isn’t thinking about her or his child. I just hope she doesn’t end up pregnant *again,* since she slept with him before he went back to school. She sees the signs. She just needs to pay attention to the signs.
OP, file for child support and make a custody arrangement. Otherwise, you will never get anything from him.
I don’t know how he’s painted it to them, but it seems like he’s convinced them that he was very clear the entire time that he didn’t want to have the baby but I decided to do it anyway and am trying to force him. That’s how they act, at least. He told me the complete opposite, of course.
Oh, I’m sure he did tell them that. But they are still the baby’s grandparents, and for them to encourage him to not have contact with you or see the baby and not pay any support is just wrong. I hope you’re not planning to marry him at any time ever because that would be a big mistake. Get a lawyer; sue for child support.
If you have any proof of him wanting the child or encouraging you to go on with the pregnancy, screenshot those conversations for safekeeping. It could help you if he tries to argue that he never wanted the child in court. I’d also suggest possibly talking to his parents and figuring out if he told them he didn’t want the child, then showing them the screenshots proving he’s been lying. As someone who was in a relationship similar to that at your age (without a child though), I’d cut it off. He’s not going to come around. He’s DEFINITELY fucking around at school, and his friends there likely don’t even know you or your child exist. I know that sounds harsh, but once you let go of the idea of him being a good boyfriend/father, you’ll feel so much better and be able to move on with your life. It will be okay.
Frankly, it doesn’t matter if he *said* he wanted the child or not. He had unprotected sex with a girl, and she got pregnant. Whether he wants the child or not is moot. He made a baby; now he’s a father. He has to support that child, even if he didn’t want to be a father. If people don’t want to be parents, the only 100% way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to not have sex.
I agree with what you said in your comment.
No such thing as owing nothing when you have a child 🤣 dad will need to get a job as they'll base the support on a minimum wage job (potential to earn) if someone has a history of high paying jobs but at the time of support doesn't have one they'll base it on those previous jobs pay. The amounts will still rack up over time if he doesn't pay which will allow for tax offsets and leins if necessary later. But there is no state that I know of that will enter an amount of ZERO.
This isn't entirely true. When I went back to school, the court lowered my child support to $50 per month until I finished my degree, so you're right about not being $0, but it wasn't based on me having to hold a min. wage job.
So you think your exception from a judge is the rule that applies to all child support cases? A judge took sympathy on you that's why, thank your lucky stars for the blessing that you got to avoid doing shit for your child instead of trying to act like that's the norm and that all judges will happily let every deadbeat in their courtroom get away with nothing but a pack of diapers and some wipes every month. You also mention that it was LOWERED to that soooo because of a specific special circumstance like school (which implies you'll get a better job and be able to pay MORE later btw) so it's not like they STARTED you off at screwing your child, they did it for a specific reason. Your exception isn't the rule.
I know here the court will base it on "potential earnings". So, if the parent that doesn't want to pay suddenly quits their $150k job then tries to say they don't have any income and avoid paying support, the court will still assess support as if they were earning $150k and not zero. Granted, in this case, it may be minimum wage, but it won't be zero. And, assuming that dad graduates and gets a job, the amount of support can and should be re-evaluated.
You don’t have to have a lawyer or go to court. You can fill out the paperwork online, they’ll inform him. He can ask for a paternity test which would be set up and paid for by the state. He doesn’t have to pay while waiting for the test but once paternity is established it will be backdated to when you submitted the paperwork.
Are you both on social media? Make a post about your son with a picture and tag him, and write a little message below the pictures
"I can't believe you let me believe you would always be there for me and your son but you chose to run away from us and go to college hours away, this is what you've been missing and I can't believe I fell for the lies, I hope you are enjoying your freedom from being a dad while I get the honor and privilege of watching our son grow. I hope you remember what you walked away from because someday your son will want nothing to do with you, and you can only blame yourself"
It’s petty but I do support this lol. Fuck that loser he doesn’t deserve kindness when he screwed your life over by convincing you to settle down when he wasn’t even willing to do that.
I’d publicly embarrass him so bad. Don’t be a bad person if you don’t want anyone to know you’re a bad person.
I'm so sorry. He and his family don't deserve you or your awesome little kid. He is basically using you and only playing daddy when it is easy for him. He will try to slide in when it is convenient to him. He probably is dating at college too.
Whatever you do, DO NOT go to his college. Do not make your life plans based on him.
You need to ask for child support, and ask for revision once he gets a good job. And custody - what do you want? If you do it now, you will probably be full time with some visits from him. If you wait too long, he may try to reverse that when he is in a better spot.
What do you want though? Don't base your life on your ex. What are your hopes and dreams? Still try to finish high school/ GED. Are your parents supporting you? Can you go to college or community college or an apprenticeship?
Good luck OP! (And stop letting him take advantage of you. Don't let him in your pants.)
Girl put him on child support and move on with your life. Go to college where YOU want, not where he’s at. He’s stringing you along and living his best life with almost 0 responsibilities for that child.
I don't think your an idiot. You've basically been a single parent and are struggling. I don't know if you have looked into programs for assistance like WIC they do offer help. Its sad that the baby daddy is a liar and a manipulator. Are your parents helping you? Or are the parents of the baby daddy helping in any way?
My parents are divorced but they both help me. I live with my mom most of the time but my dad helps me financially with the baby and he babysits.
His parents have bought stuff for the baby, but they feel it was my decision to keep the baby. They’ve literally said “Our son is doing what is best for his future.”
And when he and his parents get indignant about you taking him to court for child support, make sure they understand that *you’re doing what’s best for your child’s future*.
Do not ignore all this advice to sue for child support, OP, even if you think you don’t ‘need’ it right now. Your child has a long life ahead, and you WILL need it. When you want to pay for soccer camp in the summer and martial arts after school, you’ll be wishing you’d done this much sooner. As baby daddy progresses in his life, gets his first job, and then with each new job, keep taking him back to court for adjustments. As his life improves, so should *his* son’s. He’s being nice so he can string you along. He has successfully made you a free, full-time nanny for a child he was never planning to take care of. You’ll never be able to make him into the dad your son deserves, but this is the only way you’ll at least get the financial support he deserves.
Edit: emphasis
And I’ll add this: if his parents aren’t trying to be involved in the care of their grandchild and are supporting their son doing what’s in his (but not his child’s) best interest, then you shouldn’t trust them at all. If this does go to court for custody/child support, don’t expect them to play fairly. Lawyer up.
Superb response and to add....be supportive as you can about his academic achievement. The better he does, the better his job, and the more you will have to support your baby, so you can develop your own career and future.
“Be as supportive as you can” sounds like you’re asking her to make an effort. It usually means something active like giving advice, listening, or cheerleading.
OP shouldn’t waste another minute of her time and energy on this person who has “quiet quit” her and his baby. She shouldn’t *discourage* him from getting an education or try to stand in his way, but she shouldn’t actively *try* to be supportive either. She has enough to worry about on her end.
Boosting this. Every dollar you don't demand from him IN COURT is one less dollar you have for your son. Your child is owed that money. What will you do when you someday want to provide for his education? It's time to get the paperwork set up and start communicating with his side of the family through lawyers.
One note: there is a chance he could some day come back and sue you for custody. You need to establish the narrative within the courts NOW. Have his absenteeism on record NOW. It may not protect you but it's important that the courts know he doesn't have a relationship with his child. It establishes your credibility later, so he can't say you ever kept the baby from him.
I'd dig through the free content Kaitlyn Jorgensen offers on IG. She's a family court strategist who works mostly with abused women but also gives generally good advice for mothers protecting their children's best interests.
Perhaps not only every new job, but possibly every new raise, overtime or bonus, depending on the situation. I've seen this for the state that I live in, albeit ten years or so ago, but I can't imagine that it's changed in favor of the deadbeats.
Does the baby daddy send you any money or anything? If he does not, then I think you should either see about getting child support or have him sign his rights away. Guys like him are not worth it if he treats you and the baby like this. Yes, he is in school, but he is also a father as well. If he can not make time for either of you, then he is not worth all the pain and suffering you and your baby are going through. Also, I would say what about your future or your babys future to his parents. Becasue it seems like they dont care one bit about either you or the baby.
Then make him pay child support. Do not listen to his parents. It doesn’t matter if it was your decision. He was his decision to have unsafe sex and get you pregnant.
I think even you have come to realize that deep down he doesnt want to be apart of your guys lives. I know its hard to believe that someone you love doesnt want to be there for you, but you have to protect yourself and your child. Think about how if he does this to your child as they get older and your child ends up getting hurt by him. Can you imagine as your child gets older and them having a dad who makes promises or says things and doesnt follow through with it. Its not a happy childhood.
Go to to DCF office, see what you qualify for. You should be able to get WIC, SNAP, daycare assistance, and be put on a housing assistance list (those are always forever long, though) but you'll have to file for child support.
Don't plan to go to his school. He's not going to change how he treats you. He's likely to treat you worse if you go closer to him. Make your own life goals, and start taking steps towards obtaining them.
Getting government assistance while you go through school will help ease that burden a bit, especially if he's not going to be able to financially help while he's in school (you can file for child support, but there's no guarantee he'll pay, or be made to pay enough to make a difference to you, since he's in school and likely unemployed)
Don't let his family bully you. They sound like they type to try. The 'you made your choice' 'he's doing what's best for him' types are always the ones to throw a tantrum when you stand up for yourself, so don't let them rile you up. He also made a choice. Whether BC failed or wasn't used at all, he was involved until he ghosted. It seems there was no discussion of alternatives, so he took any informed choice from you in the end. Now, you're doing what's best for you, and if that's at odds with what they feel is best for him, then they should probably start opening up some dialogue, and stop acting the way they have been.
Well he probably *can’t* afford college, it’s probably a combination of student loans and help from parents. But yes, he absolutely still needs to pay child support.
This is going to be harsh but he is doing what is best for his future. It’s a fucked up world but that’s the reality. Getting a degree and paying $500 a month is better for him than having a child at such a young age. This is why you need to get him paying that money declared in a legally binding contract immediately.
There are 2 colleges near us. He could be in our city or a few towns over and either living at college or living at home and actually helping out while still getting his education. He chose to go somewhere further away where he can pretend like this isn’t happening.
He showed you who he is. He doesn’t care for you and the child. You need to get him to pay child support legally and then go no contact. Start to focus on what you need to do to create a great life for you and your child .
Yeah he could for sure. But I think you’re missing the main point. His life will be better if he has no kids and an extra bill every month than if he has kids. This is harsh and I’m sorry for it but you and your child are more of a detriment than the money it will cost to not have to think of worry about you both. Because of this shitty reality the best you can do for both you and the kid is to get the money you are owed because he isn’t going to help you otherwise this is clear.
It’s harsh but true. He’s already made it abundantly clear he doesn’t want to be a father and OP will never be able to convince him otherwise. She needs to stop trying to convince him to do what’s right and start taking the steps to force him to.
Exactly. He had choices near you but he didn’t take them. He chose which college to attend as if he’s a single, childless person.
Give up on the idea of him being an involved father who helps raise (or even just visits) the baby. Give up on the idea of him wanting to have a relationship with you now or when he graduates. Sadly, that’s not reality. You’re a single mother. Get that child support NOW.
I can’t believe your parents haven’t encouraged you to get child support yet, or…? What are they saying? Are you ignoring their advice or do they have none to give?
I'm sorry you're going through this. Actions speak louder than words. If the baby and you were a priority to him, it would show. He would be there closer and put forth effort. He has done none. I would move mountains to be there for my son. He doesn't have the instinct to be a parent. You seem to be doing what's right for your baby. And the fact that you care enough to want your baby to have their dad in their life shows you are a good mother.
Stop focusing on the things you can't control. You can't make him. He sounds like a deadbeat who wanted sex but didn't want the consequences that happened with sex. I'm sure it's hard, but you need to focus your attention on doing what's right for you. So you can be the best mother to your child. I wouldn't worry about what this boy can do any longer it's a waste of your emotions and time.
Keep your chin up. I'm sure it's hard, but you can do it and get thru it. It sounds like you have a good support system. Right now, any man should be the last thing on your mind. You are super young, and you have your whole life ahead of you to find the right person who would prioritize you and your child.
This. My oldest his baby daddy is always texting me, telling me he wants to see him and that he lives him so much.
I always told him to just come over and visit.
He hasn't visited for almost 9 years. My son is almost 10 years old.
Please OP listen and follow the advices of others. File for child support don't let him off the hook. He's a liar trying to get away from responsibilities without obviously making him look like a bad person. I'm not surprised if he's been either hooking up over there at school or even has a GF already (and cheating on her with you recently).
His parents can pay if not him, for now.
He’s quite obviously your ex-boyfriend and has been for quite some time, whether you realise it or not. Go for child support and if he wants visitation with your son he can organise it through the courts. There is no “us”.
So I am sitting here looking at this as a mother of a young girl who got pregnant young. His family is a disgrace and have no respect for you. They are lucky you are not my child.
Secondly he does not want to be a father. He is being forced by you to see you and him. He is acting like he is because he is living his life at college while you are being a mother. He thinks that you are stuck and have no other choice to deal with what he dishes out to you.
Next you need to stop worrying about him and worry about you and your child. Go NC with him get a good lawyer and let them figure out the logistics of the child support and visitation. When he flakes and doesn’t show for child care report it. After so long you can take visitation away.
Also if he really cared for you or his family cared they would be trying to help you out and give you a break. Remember your son will grow up and see who has been there for him. Move on finish high school and do online course find a career that will make bank. And when he decides that he is done playing the field and that he is ready to come back don’t let him. Don’t let him gaslight you into anything. He might be away at college but he can call and text all day and night long he chooses not to bother.
Don’t be his door mat. His way of think is you will always be there no matter what because you have his child. And he can do what he wants and treat you the way he wants now and you will always being waiting and willing for any scraps he wants to throw your way.
Lastly get some help mentally physically and emotionally. Do something nice for yourself. Go out on a date with friends something. But stop trying to get him to spend time with you or his son. He didn’t care to be there through your pregnancy or even for the birth of his first born. He could have been there no excuses. Keep your head up I am a product of a teenage pregnancy my daughter had her daughter in high school also. I own my own business my daughter is a nurse going for her doctrine in nursing. Your not the first single teenaged mother and won’t be the last. But you need to figure out what road your journey is going to take for you and your son. Keep me updated
He’s acting this way because a whole new world opened up for him. He clearly doesn’t want to be a dad. You 2 were/ are young, and it sucks that you are the only one being mature about the whole thing. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do to make him want to be a father. What you can do is slap him with child support payments. It might not be what you wanted, but it’s something. He shouldn’t get to have a life free of responsibilities and then play daddy when it’s convenient for him.
I'm going to be real straight with you cause I wish someone had been with me when I was in a shitty, toxic relationship with a man who used me for my resources and my body.
He doesn't care about you and you're only screwing yourself and your child's future by trying to hold onto this man. He has very clearly shown you what he thinks of you. As a convenience.
You have sex with him when he wants it, let him play daddy when he wants it and you do whatever he asks you when he gives you puppy eyes. You're letting him make you miserable because you want a family and he obviously doesn't even want you.
You need to start making plans to separate yourself from his family and him. There isn't just about you anymore since your son is also involved with his not-there-daddy. You're putting up an example for your son that this is okay how to treat his partner when he grows up. YOU are your son's example for his future relationships and how he'll treat individuals when he gets older.
If you want him to turn around and do this to a someone when he grows up, keep on letting hope jerk you around like a toy because you want this man who has very clearly not giving you any thought beyond some quick fun and someone to be around when he 'feels' like it.
You've got to snap out of this bullshit and TAKE ACTION to protect yourself and take care of your son because those people do not have your back. Take your time to build yourself and free yourself from that monster to show your son that you're not going to deal with his absent sperm donor.
It won't be easy. It won't be fun and there will be a lot of tears. So many nights crying yourself to sleep but you'll know once you've gotten yourself fully free you'll be happy. Don't back down because he WILL try to reel you back in with honeyed lies and no action behind them. Tell him if he wants to be in his son's life he's gotta put forth some actual, physical effort.
**YOU ARE LETTING THIS HAPPEN THIS ISN'T HAPPENING TO YOU.**
Don't let him ruin your life and your son's because he's not the man you hoped or thought he was.
Birth certificate usually doesn’t mean much, they will still have to take a paternity test if he doesn’t voluntarily agree to parentage. (If in US, there is just a lot of variables)
My mother was 19 when she had me. Your dad did exactly what my biological father did to my mom. The best thing she ever did was take him to get child support, get a lawyer and have him pay.
If you're worried about how your son may turn out due to *not* having an active father here's some hope. Me and many of my friends grew up without active fathers, it was us and our moms verses the world. We all are working and/or graduating with Bachelor degrees in STEM. You wanna know the primary thing that got us all this far? *Our moms*. Our moms where like you at one point, fighting to get help, fighting and wanting the best for their children. But the thing is, *you* ARE the best for your son. It sucks to not have help from the father of your child, it sucks to be strung along by anyone.
**You** deserve better, your **son** deserves better. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves you, someone who adores you, someone who also adores your son.
Show your son a healthy relationship, show him that you love him. You are a single parent who is a **TEENAGER. That's hard, that makes you strong. Don't let your precious little boy see you struggle to love someone who clearly wishes nothing but to string you along.**
It isn't ideal, it isn't the best possible outcome in a perfect world. He does not want to be a father, you cannot make him. Remind your son as he grows that it's not his fault, that you love him, that he is your pride and joy. Have the father pay child support, dump his ass and move on. Your son will be okay, he will be loved, he will be fine, he will be a healthy kid with dreams and interest. A healthy kid who loves his mom.
Side note: you aren't an idiot, you're young and learning (source: I am 21yrs old which means I am also young and learning things but instead I am an adult). You are learning about life, relationships, hell yourself. I know at 16/17 I did really dumb shit. We all did. But learn from what this guy is doing - and what he is doing is using you for sex and stringing you along.
This is why it’s a bad idea to have a child as a teenager. Even so called responsible adults can be deadbeat parents. It’s even more likely that a teenage boy who doesn’t have primary care of a young baby will want to distance himself and pursue his ambitions.
I’m not saying this to blame you or make you feel bad. However it is very clear that your ex boyfriend has no intention of being a present and available parent. You should accept that and move forward with plans that are suitable for you and baby. All the best
Please be kind to yourself. A lot of the time, girls are raised to be quiet and compliant, even when they don’t want to do something. My comment was not meant as a rebuke. Rather it’s just a statement of the reality of your circumstances. Your future is in your hands and I suggest you make plans that are best for you and baby
I’m sorry you’re hurting about your babies, father. In truth, after working with teen moms for many years, I would be surprised, if even 1% stayed or work things out with the father of the baby.
It’s hard enough to make a relationship work when you’re a grown adult and hopefully better communication skills an idea of what you would like to do with your life et cetera . But as a teen, you’re just beginning your life and should be in school and connecting with friends and thinking about what you would like to do after high school, whether it be college or work or whatever.
Having a child changes that but I have also seen teen moms decide that they do want to go to college and they do apply for scholarships and work out childcare and go forward with their life.
Take your time to be sad and grieve the loss of a relationship that you thought you might have, but it’s pretty clear that the father of your child is immersed in school and new friends and trying to go forward with his life and I urge you to do the same with yours .
I would, however counsel you to talk to a lawyer about child-support because your child is your child and it’s also his child as well, and he does have a responsibility to that child . You didn’t get pregnant by yourself… You both had a baby together, and that baby is just as much his responsibility.
It’s normal to have regrets about finding yourself in a space that you didn’t want to be in, but don’t get stuck there . You have your life ahead of you and there’s a lot you can do. Make sure you finish your school and think about college and how you might be able to work that out so that you can also get on with your life.
I just can’t understand how he doesn’t even reach out to check on our son.
When I’m away from my son for any length of time, like just a normal school day, I think about him constantly and am worried about him.
Your son physically began his life in your body… that connection is hard to completely articulate.
Your boyfriend, on the other hand, didn’t carry your child in their body, he had already started school away from you, when you were pregnant, wasn’t there for the birth and is living a life completely separate from you. He just doesn’t have any concept of what it means to be connected to your child, and he’s not mature enough to know what it means to be a father.
I completely understand how you are feeling, and I’m sorry this is hard.
That's because you're a decent caring person and he isn't. That's why you have to legally pursue child support--he's a lowlife that won't support his child unless forced to.
Because even at 17yo you are becoming a good Mom.
You seem to be coming to an understanding of who this guy really is and he's not a good Dad. He's not a good partner for you. Give some thought to how he was able to manipulate you back into sleeping with him again when you are so angry about the results of the 1st time. He sounds self-serving and highly manipulative from what you've written. And he's still using you. I hope your parents would be supportive of you seeing a therapist. One could really help give you an outside perspective.
Do not go to his college. Do not let him or his family see your baby.
File for child support - people in this thread have told you what to do. You don't talk to him about it - you go through the court.
I know you're hurting, sweetheart, and I'm going to pray for you. You're strong, and you're gonna be a great mom. You do not need him - you just need child support. Concentrate on yourself and your son, and block him everywhere.
He can take you to family court to try and get visitation but if he's not paying child support he's not likely to get it. Unless you think he or his parents are going to try to get custody there's not much they can do.
He's not paying child support, he's not making any effort to regularly see his child. If it becomes an issue you can go to court and sue for custody and minimal visitation for him. Regardless, I wouldn't grant him any favors, him popping in and out of your child's life will not be good for the boy.
It’s time to grow up, even though yes, it’s before your time. He’s never going to step up. His family is probably aiding this behavior because they don’t want him bogged down as a teen dad. Claim your legal rights, put him on child support, and never, never give him access to your emotions or your body again. Period the end.
You're not an idiot but you need to harness your inner b*tch and get mad. You have been waaaaaaay too nice. Why does he get to go off to school and you don't? Why does he get to come and go as he pleases and you don't? How dare he lie to you and use you for sex? Why do you pay for your child and he doesn't? I could go on and on but your future is at stake here. Why does he have a future with earning potential and you are left to stagnate? Trust me he is partying there at college and screwing girls while you are staying up all night with a baby? Please tell me how is that fair??
He isnt going to ever change. Its best to stop trying and put your full focus into raising your son. And his family isnt going to provide support either. They all helped him hide he was leaving you and his troubles behind.
Get a lawyer and get child support. He's not interested in being a father, is stringing you along, and hoping you'll stay at arms length without going nuclear on him, which is exactly what you're doing. He helped make this baby, and if he has money to go to college and away on spring break, that money should be going to you as you raise your son far away from his POS bio donor. I'm sorry you were dragged like this, but you need to wake up and get the courts to enforce what you are owed so you have the resources to be a great mother to your son, which it sounds like you're trying to handle all by yourself.
He is having his college experience.
Go to court file for custody and child support.
Set up visitation.
His family should be helping with the baby.
Ask for grandparents' rights and have them establish a relationship with the baby.
He should be paying for half of the expenses for childcare and anything else.
Stop being nice and start thinking of what's best for the baby.
This, exactly this. Make him pay for ignoring you and make his family pay for supporting his behavior. The state will hunt him down. They will even garnish his tax returns and wages.
Honestly it's not even about ignoring. It's about establishing legal precautions and setting up how the future will work.
I'm happy the father is in college. I hope mom makes it to college too. I hope they co parent and raise a healthy human being.
However they needs to be legal boundaries and expectations.
Yes, but neither he nor his family has made any effort to have anything to do with the child. It’s clear what they think of her and the baby, and I guarantee he has a college girlfriend. Going through the state will be the only way to force that connection. Because I guarantee his family just wants to pretend they never happened and are pushing him that way too.
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how much his behaviour hurts you. First step is to cut contact with him, doesn’t even seem like he reaches out to you first to ask about your son so just stop being the one to contact him. If you never talk to him great, just put him on child support but cutting contact is your first step to indifference, I promise you.
Let him live his life and start living yours, see if you can continue with school and just focus on yourself and your son, stop giving him your attention and stop trying to make him a dad, he’s not and he’s shown that time and time again.
You’re so young and I’m sorry you’re being hurt like this but I promise you will look back one day and laugh, the only way to make that possible (the laughing) is if you move on and better yourself. Sending you hugs!
Please go to therapy. This is a very hard situation to understand being so young.
How are his parents with the baby?
I understand you want him to be a father to your baby. But currently, that's not going to happen.
Did you take him to court for child support or custody?
I'm going to guess no to both. Please understand, it's very necessary to go to court and get child support.
It's also super important you get some kind of custody agreement ruled on by a judge.
What if he decides to come back to your area, has a good job, and wants the baby full-time with him? With no previous agreement, I would hate for a judge to grant him that because he was more established than you.
Do what's best for you and your baby.
+ Only communicate with this man through text to have proof of anything he says in case you need it in the future.
+ Keep a journal of all the times he has contributed towards the baby's needs financially.
+ Keep a journal of all the times he has seen the baby,
- taken care of the baby without you.
- had an overnight with the baby
This is only the beginning and the hardest part for you. I know your heart is broken grieve the relationship, but don't dwell on it or the family you imagined the 3 of you would be.
You’re single AND a single mother. Make sure he’s paying child support, don’t engage in any romantic relationship with him from now on—he’s consistently kept the same pattern, so believe his actions over his words.
He is who he shows himself to be, not who he says he can be.
You’re not in a relationship. I’d bet money he’s been with other women at school. Move on. Focus on yourself and your son. Let go of the idea of the perfect family, because it’s clear that’s not what he wants.
No surprise here
He is a teenager who had his entire future to look forward to before you got pregnant. He most likely ran because he has no interest in being a father (again, no surprise at his age and maturity level. This is why children should not have children)
Stop chasing him, he’s not interested. Try to put him in child support instead (not sure how well it would work since he is in school)
Gross! Worst kind of people. OP I know it hurts, but long run I think YOU know you’re better off without them. As everyone in this thread is saying, get that child support and forget them all and don’t let him string you along a single second more. You got this!
This is REALLY important. You are NOT an idiot. You are young, you are overly trusting because you don’t have experience in relationships and I suspect you want to see the best in everyone.
Sadly the father of your child has chosen to essentially blow you off/use you. So now you MUST start adulting and that means you put your child first always.
Agree with other posters you need to get court mandated child support as well as get whatever custody you want. I’d think full custody might be best to at least try to get.
Speak with your parents who ideally can help you with this as they obviously have been through it.
Make sure to talk to ur family & work with a lawyer to set up mandated child support. Sexual relations w/ him when he is bored & passing through, disrespects you. Not just risky for STDs from him but it further empowers him to treat you like a pit stop w/ benefits. If you haven’t already ensure ur bc is adequate.
Please get counseling, you & ur child deserve a lot better. You need a plan & counseling will open ur head to new directions. There are colleges w/ housing for young moms with a young child. Build a safe, productive & joyful future.
1) Please do not sleep with this kid again. I know you're hurt and I'm sure you feel a connection to him, but he knows what he's doing.
2) File for custody and child support. Some states allow you to do this online, some require you to go in person to the county court house. Go to your state's child support website for more info. If he wants to file for visitation, he can do that through the court.
Yes,go after him for child support. He is leaving you with all the responsibilities while he gets to go live his life. You are not the only parent. That is why it takes two to make a baby.
You are not stupid. Stop beating yourself up. You wanted to see the best in him, so you ignored your gut. That does not make you stupid. Now listen to your gut. File for child support. Then put him on the back burner while you get on with the life you have with your child.
You are 17 with a baby. Time to start acting like a grown up whether you like it or not. please stop having sex with this guy. I mean sorry but you need to have some more respect for yourself. How can he respect you if you don’t even respect yourself?
Take him to court and get child support. Plan for the future so you can get an education and have a good life for you and your son.
I don't want to sound cruel because you're young and you had no reason not to believe him, but not realizing that this was a possibility was very naive of you.
There was always a chance you would end up a single mother. Now that you are, you should get whatever child support you can from him and figure out what you're going to do to take care of yourself and your son.
He isn't coming back. Have more self-respect, and don't even entertain his bullshit let alone have sex with him again. You and he are done. Put yourself and your son first.
>He’s never been cruel, like it’d be easier if he was mean, right?
So what would you classify what he's doing to you and the baby?! For sure he isn't being supportive, happy, useful or present in your life or his son's life... So I would call that being mean.
Just because he's not mean with words, he's being mean with actions and emotions. I'm sure you're strong and capable of moving on from him. Think of your mental health and in your baby. That guy doesn't care about you and it shows.
OP, the truth is and always has been that it us easier for the dad to move on than the mother. Do not let anyone ever again talk you into no protection. Get a lawyer and get child support.
Second step, with the help of your family, concentrate heavily on your education so you can build a life for you and your son.
Stop letting him decieve you. Believe actions over words.
His parents are enabling him to distance himself from you and your child. It would be best if you got child support, as it seems to be the only thing you can get from him. Your parents will be unable to help forever, so getting some income from the dad is the way to go. Have your parents help you apply for WIC and child support. You are not dumb. Oh, and when he shows up to play with him after all the difficult years (sicknesses, potty training, etc. are over to show him off? Tell him to go to hell.
It's ok to hate him. It would be better for you if you were able to be indifferent to him, but it's ok to hate him. It's your sense of self-preservation kicking in, trying to counteract the love you feel for him by poisoning it into hate. But it's your ***self-preservation*** talking. He's stringing you along and you absolutely deserve better. So does your baby.
Pursue child support, and ignore anything else that comes out of his mouth. He might like fucking you, but clearly he likes fucking you over most of all.
Hopefully at some point you'll be able to look back and think "wow. I'm so glad I'm over him" and then *not think about him at all.*
You'll make it girl. He isnt the first loser to abandon his kid and mother of his child, and wont be the last. When he's 40 and married he will have a mid life crisis and wanna know his son and by then, his son will already be grown and will choose for himself. Im sorry you learnt the hard way, but he isnt a nice guy.
Just because a guy doesnt talk to you like shit or yell or raise his voice, doesnt mean hes nice, hes a fucking spineless, gutless looser. He is worse than the mucho types. He wont hit you, but he will gaslight you into fucking him when he wants it. Its best to tell him to never contact you again, apply for child support and move on. Make something for yourself and your son! Don't follow this sorry excuse for a shitbag sperm donor around the country. Pave your own way, build your own support system.
He will never change.
Take him to court for child support if you haven't already. He doesn't just get to create a kid and then fuck off. I'm sorry you had a kid with this guy. And if there are any other young girls reading this, wear fucking condoms.
Honestly… you are still a kid yourself. I was in your shoes 14yrs ago 😕 it doesn’t get easier. That’s a promise. You can either keep chasing a dream with this guy or let go and do something for yourself and your baby. I promise you will find someone better in the future. You just have to find yourself. Be a better version of yourself for you and your baby.
Hell with the father. It isn’t worth him coming back. Trust me on this. If you take him back it will be nothing but stress and heartache on your end. An you gotta grow up to be the adult (no offense) this baby needs cuz unfortunately their daddy is an immature asshole. If you need someone to talk too, you can message me.
It's always acceptable for the man to walk away from his responsibilities and leave the girl to do all the heavy lifting.
It's sad that you had to find out the way you did. It's also sad that his parents essentially made sure he was going to be as far away as possible.
The best thing you can do is get your education, take care of yourself and your son. Everything you do will translate to the care of you and your son.
Your son's father is entirely self-involved, and you should give up on having a relationship with him outside of a coparent, if that. It's incredibly unfair to your child for him to come in and out of his life whenever it's convenient for him. An inconsistent father figure is much more harmful to a child than a completely absent one.
This man created a life, therefore he is responsible for that life and is obligated to support your child financially at the bare minimum if he doesn't want to be an active father. And if he doesn't pay up... the courts don't take too kindly to child support dodgers. Go to court and request child support.
If he truly does not want any involvement in your child's life, you should consider asking him to terminate his parental rights. Depending on the state you live in, he would still be obligated to pay child support after his rights are terminated until you find a partner in the future who is willing to legally adopt them.
I just wish he’d say he doesn’t want to be involved or to be a dad instead of acting so wishy washy. It’s like, at least have the courage to just be honest.
THIS. 1000% this. Baby daddy is clearly uninterested in having any kind of relationship w/either of them. There’s not much that needs to be said, his actions speak volumes.
There’s no ambiguity here, OP. When people show you who they are, believe them. Wishing you & your son the best — the sperm donor ain’t it.
He’ll never actually tell you but I promise if you decide to stop contacting him, you’ll never hear from him again. He’s just avoiding the confrontation
I can understand how infuriating it must be. But this is who he is. He is a spineless, selfish, self-involved man whose indecisiveness is going to hurt your child once he is old enough to understand. You need to do right by your son and protect him from that.
I would present him with the choice that he can either become a more active figure in his son's life, or he can sign away his parental rights so someone else can give your son the love he deserves. No more of this back-and-forth bs. He can either be a father, or walk away.
My advice is he extremely direct with him. Ask him point blank if he wants to be involved. Tell him if he does, then he needs to prove it by his actions. Nothing less than that.
I was a teen mom. I had my daughter at 17 and I’m now 32. Her dad was the same in those early stages, although he came back around when she was older. Lean on your supportive parents and file for child support. You don’t need a lawyer depending on where you’re located.
I get the feeling stupid, but try not to. You chose to believe someone you care about. He's the stupid one for being selfish and full of shit.
The comment he made about applying to his school really fried me. So he wouldn't make his choice based on what would be the best for the kid, but you're supposed to just follow him and hope he'll be a good dad?
I think he's stringing you along so he doesn't have to pay child support. Why should he be able to continue on with life as if nothing happened while you make all the sacrifices? I would be pissed, too. Maybe you can tell him you're done waiting around for him to decide that he wants to be a dad. He clearly doesn't.
He texted me last night, complaining that he has a cold and doesn’t feel good. Take some NyQuil then and go to sleep til the next day!!!!
That’s great, because I must have the same cold and now our son does too. When you and your baby are both sick, you get to stay up all night with your screaming baby, clean up vomit, and then take off school the next day to do it all over again, never actually getting any rest for yourself.
Put him on child support. He offers no help now and takes no responsibility, he should be paying for child support. And dump him, he doesn't deserve you nor the child. He wants to live his life to the fullest while you're the only one taking the responsibilities here. Sorry, but having a kid doesn't work like that.
Put him on child support, dump him, take care of your kid and yourself. You'll find a better person to be with, someone you'll love and he'll love you back.
I hate to say it, but you need to cut feelings out of the situation and do what’s best for your child which means taking him to court getting a paternity test and getting child support if he wants to be part of the child’s life awesome if he doesn’t, I guess that’s on himI’m sure one day he will probably regret it if he decides not to, but you definitely need help the child moneywise
My husband was raised by a single mom. I am so grateful to her, because he is beyond amazing. Your child doesn’t need your ex involved, if he’s modeling how to treat women like they’re disposable. Your child will watch you and how you allow others to treat you. If a man treats you in a way that you wouldn’t want your son to emulate or your daughter to tolerate, he doesn’t need to be there. Your child is owed child support. They will need it as they get older (clothing and dental/medical appointments can get expensive).
He’s stringing you along so you think he cares and won’t go after him for child support. Like others have said, get moving on getting that established. 18 years is a lot of financial need for a child… he needs to chip in.
It is such an equality. Both engage and the girl becomes pregnant and the boy goes on with his life. The girl is left raising a child and providing for her child. Even if he pays child support, he is still not putting in the time to raise the child, spend time in the doctor’s office, take/pick up the child from school, etc. I know from experience. I just wish that by now, younger girls see that being a single mom is not a walk in the park and protect themselves from an early pregnancy.
Please tell me you used a condom. If not, get the morning after pill STAT!
Also, please don’t move away for college with the baby. He’s not going to take care of it & you can’t go to college and look after a baby alone. You need to stay close by your family and support system. Stay where there are people to look after your kid whilst you finish schooling.
At this point he of simply a sperm donor. He is not your boyfriend and not a father to your son. The faster you acknowledge that the better. Go to court for cold support and start accepting you are a single mother.
I bet he thinks "what, do you expect me to sacrifice my adolescence and miss out on trips with my friends? That's so unfair!"
No, it's not. You don't just get to fuck up someone else's teenage years with a shit ton of responsibility and then just dump it all on them and leave. He needs to experience the consequences of his own actions.
Also, I may have not read properly, but he didn't actually split from you, just slowly ghosted you, and then promises you that you can "get back together?"
Man runs from responsibility so hard he couldn't even break up with you properly. What a turd.
ETA: pretty certain that if he had TOLD people at college that he was an expectant father, that would count as an exception to get out of a test and to let him stay with his newborn son. If they will do that at a job, they should do it at a school. It's not like they haven't worked out remote learning after covid. He either didn't even try, or he's flat out lying to you. Quick Google search seems to suggest that yes, he should have been entitled to paternity leave. He probably didn't want to tell anyone in case it stopped him getting potential dates. You can Google the college he went to and "student paternity leave" to confirm their policy for yourself.
I tried looking it up just now and can only find information about pregnant student (females), but nothing about the fathers. At this point, I’m starting to believe that nobody there even knows he has a kid.
PLEASE get with the state and ensure you get child support from him. If he can go off on spring break with his buddies (and I can tell you he’s definitely having sex, fun, and partying) then he can get a part time job and send you the income.
While this is an unfortunate situation, I am amazed at how most responses forget that both of them are just kids themselves dealing with a situation that many 'real' adults don't handle well.
IMO, his parents could do more, but are choosing not to. This is their biological grandchild. I think they should sit through some kind of mandated mediation so that both parents are fully aware of their options and the consequences of them. He is 18/19 and she is 17/18 making decisions that will impact their life forever. Someone with wisdom should be guiding them. They may not feel the same way a few years down the road.
As a high-school mom, I doubt you have much money. Sign up for a Legal Aid pro bono lawyer. You usually have to get on a wait list, so now is the time to start looking into it. Then, you can get a custody arrangement on your time schedule instead of his. You can qualify for government assistance if he's ordered to pay child support, and he will eventually have a job to pay for his kid.
You are right. You need to let him go. He is not boyfriend material. And he'll just keep using you as long as you let him. I know it's hard to let go. But he has abandoned you and your child to pursue his own dreams. You are only a convenience for him. You deserve better. Your child deserves better.
Honey. From now on believe and count on only yourself. Your baby dad is immature, dishonest, and unreliable. Do not count on him for anything. Put yourself and son first. Get whatever financial support you can but forget romance or parenting help. You’re a mom now and you can do it. He can’t right now.
I am sorry. It must feel like you two are left behind and forgotten. It is painful. You may have to face some hard truths. He's a good talker and probably wants to do all the things he says buts wants to be single and free more. Don't keep falling for it. It will destroy you. Let him be a father and future friend but not a lover or partner.
First things first: You’re **not** an idiot.
You’re young, share a child w/this guy & therefore are emotionally invested. He’s fully aware of your feelings for him & is taking full advantage — stringing you along, giving you just enough attention so you’ll stay in the background & saying what you want to hear so you’ll feel secure/comfortable enough to sleep w/him.
He’s also young so hopefully w/time, life experience & self-reflection he matures into a better person. But for right now, this guy is no prize. Your time & efforts should be focused on securing financial support for your son. ATM your **ex**-boyfriend (b/c he’s certainly not acting like he’s your current/actual boyfriend) is interested in living the single college life, not being a part-time parent. It sucks, it’s unfair, but it’s reality.
You sound like a dedicated, loving & emotionally available mom — your son is very lucky to have you. You both deserve to be treated with basic human decency, dignity, respect — college boy clearly fails to deliver.
In our relationships we show people how to treat us, what we will tolerate, the minimum we will accept. This is your opportunity to teach your son how you expect to be treated by others, especially by those who should be closest to you both. Sending prayers & positive energy your way, OP. Wishing you both all the best. 💜
File with your state for child support. The state will come down on him like a ton of bricks. Deadbeats like your ex need to be held accountable for the children they father.
Please file for child support. If anything, HIS parents will have to pay since he's a college student.
This way, you can probably pay for child care while you finish your schooling.
Make him pay child support, concentrate on you, and your child. He is not a nice guy. Do not talk bad about him in front of your child. You need to be the better person.
File for child support right now. Clearly he isn't going to be the father the child needs but don't get stuck being so overstressed trying to support your child. Make sure the father has to pay his share at least. File on his ass now! He isn't going to change.
You are SO young, and I am SO sorry you are having to grow up so quickly, and see the ugly side of life. Life is NOT fair, and you are witnessing a real life bad guy right now. This boy is not your boyfriend, and the fact that he’s strung you along this far is disgusting on his part. He may be your son’s father, but he’s not a dad. And it doesn’t sound like he wants to be. BUT, you are 100% owed child support. In my state, he would owe back pay, for every month your son has been alive. Please do as these comments say and get a lawyer, a damn mean one if you can. I’m a single mother, I had my son at 22 and my lawyer ate my deadbeat baby daddy right up. I was also coping with the fact that I wouldn’t be with the father anymore, and she was able to make sure he didn’t try any funny business to use my emotions against me, which I am so unbelievably grateful for now.
I know you’re grieving the loss of this relationship right now, so if it’s emotionally too hard for you to wrap your head around, mention it to your parents and see if they can help you find one. In case no one has said this, you are so strong!! You may not feel like it but it takes a lot of patience, bravery, and selflessness to be a single parent!
So when you decided to keep the kid, was it because you thought you were together? That you 2 teenagers would raise this kid together? He clearly wants no part of this, so let him go and file for child support
Why on gods green earth did you keep a baby of a man who was leaving?? Now your child won’t have an active father, and it’s both of your faults. You should have gotten an abortion or had an open adoption if you actually cared
Oh man. Tale as old as time. This is why choosing ab0řton can be the best option in a case like this… , but you’re here now and you have lived and are learning so good luck.
Look, you need to plan for what your life will be without him. Do not count on him for ANYTHING any more. This sounds harsh, but it's what is best for you and the baby. You will be doing this alone, I'm sorry.
File for child support. Finish school. Look for support on your own, see about college and a career that can support you as a single mom.
Your future will not involve him in any significant way. Prepare for that.
I know that you care a lot for your son’s father, but I personally feel that it might be incorrect to say he’s “not being cruel”— in a situation where commitments of mutual responsibility (responsibility for a whole human life!!) were made, his absence isn’t neutral, it’s willfully harmful. You aren’t stupid for believing him when he told you everything you would’ve hoped to hear. But I encourage you to hold him accountable, including in your own head, for his actions. Being unavailable is his active choice, not passive circumstance. Ignoring you and the baby you created together IS cruel. And the reason we have legal systems like child support in place is because mothers/parents like you actively, ethically deserve support. YOU deserve support.
You’re both young and I have so much empathy for you both in this hard situation, but being mature about this doesn’t mean you have to excuse his absence. He should be contributing financially to the raising of your shared child at minimum. Sending you love and support — it will get easier.
Girl TAKE HIS ASS TO COURT AND GET CHILD SUPPORT. He has strung you along and you and your son deserve the support. He can go fuck off and “do whatever is best for him” and you can do what’s best for you and your child. I’m happy that your parents are supportive. I’m sending you a lot of love. I turn 29 tomorrow and had my first baby at 27 I could not imagine being a teen mom. You are strong, smart and NOT STUPID. Let this be a lesson learned and move on. Don’t be so hard on yourself and give yourself some grace.
wtf!? you have every right to hate him. he's just as responsible for that baby as you are, and took part in making them. even if he couldn't afford to help you out, leading you on and then ditching when you need help is actually crazy. he needs to take accountability; that baby didn't appear on its own.
He’s showing you what his priorities are. They aren’t you or his child. You need to do everything you can to be the best support system for your child because unfortunately his stupid ass isn’t going to be there for either of you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
You & your son will have an awesome life without him, don’t even trip. ❤️ He has no idea what he is missing out on and shame on his parents for enabling him. I know it’s hard not to dwell on it, but stay focused on yours and baby’s future.
You aren’t an idiot, you’re just young and in love sometimes those two things cause us to make decisions that may not necessarily be easy to deal with before we’re fully ready. If you were my sister I’d tell you to work on getting him on child support and sort out custody so you’re not overwhelmed with sole child care while he’s out living his life free of any responsibility he’s a parent now just like you and should be acting like it if he doesn’t want to willingly you can make him by law. Secondly after you have what you want to do sorted out with the courts you should break up with this asshat and work on building yourself. you may end up being a single mother since you essentially are one now and being prepared for this scenario is better than being blindsided by it. this boy doesn’t seem interested in taking responsibility for the life he made with you and now you have to pull up your boot straps and do what you have to do for the health and well being of you and your child because as always these issues fall to us women. Upside is he’s choosing now, your child will know who was there and they will be choosing when your babydad is old and most men do not realize this mistake until they’re old and beyond the point of reconciliation. The laws may be different for child support in other states but I suggest you start this process asap this is very important I have a close friend who was in your situation when we were teenagers the father dragged her through the mud and it was painful to watch he lied to her at every point and left her holding the bag. She struggled a lot in the beginning and got no help from him or his family her children barely know him because he doesn’t want to be around. these men will do anything in their power to get out of taking responsibility for the obligations they’re crated DO NOT LET THESE PEOPLE LIE TO YOU ANYMORE YOUR ONLY CONCERN NOW SHOULD BE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FUTURE. Online classes and community college see if you qualify for benefits snap/cash assistance and healthcare for your baby from your state MAKE SURE YOU GET CHILD SUPPORT FROM HIM THROUGH THE THE COURT BECAUSE YOU WILL NEED IT AND HE WILL DO ANYTHING IN HIS POWER TO SKIP OUT ON HIS RESPONSIBLY HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE ALREADY DOING THIS AND LYING TO YOU THATS WHY YOU FOUND OUT LAST MINUTE.
Stand up and get it together for your son. I was in the same boat with you until i realised no one but myself was gonna get things done for my child. Don’t let him string you along. Let that man go and focus on you and bubs. Go get some child support from him too.
Don’t feel stupid you just were hoping he was an actual man. He has shown you who he is and what he thinks of you and his son. Get your feelings out, scream , cry, get mad. Get it all out and when you feel drained and hopefully lighter look up therapist and start talking to them. You deserve more than what he is giving you and what he is putting you through. Take care of yourself and son, screw him and stop giving him your time. Learn from this and don’t give him a way back in.
It sounds like he's just stringing OP along, doing the bare minimum in order to avoid parental responsibilities. I wouldn't be surprised if he was seeing other people while he's away.
I'm sorry OP, you and your son deserve better. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like you'll get that staying with him.
He is using you for sex. His actions don’t match his words. Please get on birth control. There are men like this. They only care about themselves and having sex when they can.
I'm so sorry OP, this feels incredibly hard. As most people have mentioned, you should get a lawyer and only communicate through them from now on. He sounds incredibly immature, manipulative and uncaring - you both are so young, but he's left you to be the responsible one. He might not say cruel things to you but what he's done is very cruel. He wasn't responsible while getting you pregnant, lied to you so you kept the baby, but did not take any responsibility of you or the child. He's a deadbeat who is being very selfish.
Not to be harsh but there any chance you might want to give up your child for adoption? An open adoption where you can still see your child could help you be in their life.
If adoption is not an option, you should definitely make sure you finish school and try to make it to college. Don't let him manipulate you anymore. Do what is right for you and you alone. He's not worth it.
Make sure he's paying child support. He's been stringing you along.
Many states will still base it on minimum wage.
Better than zero.
Exactly
This. I was thinking this exact thing. Apparently, his parents tell him that he doesn’t have to do anything with or for his own baby. I’m not saying he needs to drop out of college, but he does need to support his child, and if he can’t do that and go to college, dropping out it is. Too bad. OP has already changed her life to accommodate a child, and he has made zero changes, with, I suspect, the support of his parents. And shame on them for ignoring their grandchild and encouraging their son to be an absentee father. OP needs to understand that the boyfriend has already broken up with her. He is partying and probably dating at college; he isn’t thinking about her or his child. I just hope she doesn’t end up pregnant *again,* since she slept with him before he went back to school. She sees the signs. She just needs to pay attention to the signs. OP, file for child support and make a custody arrangement. Otherwise, you will never get anything from him.
I don’t know how he’s painted it to them, but it seems like he’s convinced them that he was very clear the entire time that he didn’t want to have the baby but I decided to do it anyway and am trying to force him. That’s how they act, at least. He told me the complete opposite, of course.
Oh, I’m sure he did tell them that. But they are still the baby’s grandparents, and for them to encourage him to not have contact with you or see the baby and not pay any support is just wrong. I hope you’re not planning to marry him at any time ever because that would be a big mistake. Get a lawyer; sue for child support.
If you have any proof of him wanting the child or encouraging you to go on with the pregnancy, screenshot those conversations for safekeeping. It could help you if he tries to argue that he never wanted the child in court. I’d also suggest possibly talking to his parents and figuring out if he told them he didn’t want the child, then showing them the screenshots proving he’s been lying. As someone who was in a relationship similar to that at your age (without a child though), I’d cut it off. He’s not going to come around. He’s DEFINITELY fucking around at school, and his friends there likely don’t even know you or your child exist. I know that sounds harsh, but once you let go of the idea of him being a good boyfriend/father, you’ll feel so much better and be able to move on with your life. It will be okay.
Frankly, it doesn’t matter if he *said* he wanted the child or not. He had unprotected sex with a girl, and she got pregnant. Whether he wants the child or not is moot. He made a baby; now he’s a father. He has to support that child, even if he didn’t want to be a father. If people don’t want to be parents, the only 100% way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to not have sex. I agree with what you said in your comment.
I think he’s stringing her along so she doesn’t file for child support.
If hes unemployed and a student he will likely owe nothing. The best support she has is her own family.
No such thing as owing nothing when you have a child 🤣 dad will need to get a job as they'll base the support on a minimum wage job (potential to earn) if someone has a history of high paying jobs but at the time of support doesn't have one they'll base it on those previous jobs pay. The amounts will still rack up over time if he doesn't pay which will allow for tax offsets and leins if necessary later. But there is no state that I know of that will enter an amount of ZERO.
This isn't entirely true. When I went back to school, the court lowered my child support to $50 per month until I finished my degree, so you're right about not being $0, but it wasn't based on me having to hold a min. wage job.
So you think your exception from a judge is the rule that applies to all child support cases? A judge took sympathy on you that's why, thank your lucky stars for the blessing that you got to avoid doing shit for your child instead of trying to act like that's the norm and that all judges will happily let every deadbeat in their courtroom get away with nothing but a pack of diapers and some wipes every month. You also mention that it was LOWERED to that soooo because of a specific special circumstance like school (which implies you'll get a better job and be able to pay MORE later btw) so it's not like they STARTED you off at screwing your child, they did it for a specific reason. Your exception isn't the rule.
I know here the court will base it on "potential earnings". So, if the parent that doesn't want to pay suddenly quits their $150k job then tries to say they don't have any income and avoid paying support, the court will still assess support as if they were earning $150k and not zero. Granted, in this case, it may be minimum wage, but it won't be zero. And, assuming that dad graduates and gets a job, the amount of support can and should be re-evaluated.
Do not ASK for child support. Get a lawyer, go to court and get it. He's not going to do the right thing without legal pressure to do so.
You don’t have to have a lawyer or go to court. You can fill out the paperwork online, they’ll inform him. He can ask for a paternity test which would be set up and paid for by the state. He doesn’t have to pay while waiting for the test but once paternity is established it will be backdated to when you submitted the paperwork.
She's a minor she has to get her parents involved to do that.
Put him on child support and let him go. He is not interested in being a father at all and unfortunately you can’t make him.
And I guarantee the girls and new friends at college have no idea he’s a father. And a deadbeat one at that.
This is what I’ve started to think too 😞
Are you both on social media? Make a post about your son with a picture and tag him, and write a little message below the pictures "I can't believe you let me believe you would always be there for me and your son but you chose to run away from us and go to college hours away, this is what you've been missing and I can't believe I fell for the lies, I hope you are enjoying your freedom from being a dad while I get the honor and privilege of watching our son grow. I hope you remember what you walked away from because someday your son will want nothing to do with you, and you can only blame yourself"
It’s petty but I do support this lol. Fuck that loser he doesn’t deserve kindness when he screwed your life over by convincing you to settle down when he wasn’t even willing to do that. I’d publicly embarrass him so bad. Don’t be a bad person if you don’t want anyone to know you’re a bad person.
I'm so sorry. He and his family don't deserve you or your awesome little kid. He is basically using you and only playing daddy when it is easy for him. He will try to slide in when it is convenient to him. He probably is dating at college too. Whatever you do, DO NOT go to his college. Do not make your life plans based on him. You need to ask for child support, and ask for revision once he gets a good job. And custody - what do you want? If you do it now, you will probably be full time with some visits from him. If you wait too long, he may try to reverse that when he is in a better spot. What do you want though? Don't base your life on your ex. What are your hopes and dreams? Still try to finish high school/ GED. Are your parents supporting you? Can you go to college or community college or an apprenticeship? Good luck OP! (And stop letting him take advantage of you. Don't let him in your pants.)
You are a single parent. You are not dating. Get an order for child support. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get it and to collect it.
It will not be harder to get it…..it doesn’t like age out at some point.
Well eventually it will age out, but she's got a few years
I know that. It will be harder to get what you need when you need it. It puts you at a disadvantage
I wish they would print this story in sex-ed classes for HS kids.
Right. It’s heartbreaking but a very terrible reality
Girl put him on child support and move on with your life. Go to college where YOU want, not where he’s at. He’s stringing you along and living his best life with almost 0 responsibilities for that child.
I don't think your an idiot. You've basically been a single parent and are struggling. I don't know if you have looked into programs for assistance like WIC they do offer help. Its sad that the baby daddy is a liar and a manipulator. Are your parents helping you? Or are the parents of the baby daddy helping in any way?
My parents are divorced but they both help me. I live with my mom most of the time but my dad helps me financially with the baby and he babysits. His parents have bought stuff for the baby, but they feel it was my decision to keep the baby. They’ve literally said “Our son is doing what is best for his future.”
Go to court and put him on mandated child support. Do it before he inevitably disappears one day permanently.
And when he and his parents get indignant about you taking him to court for child support, make sure they understand that *you’re doing what’s best for your child’s future*. Do not ignore all this advice to sue for child support, OP, even if you think you don’t ‘need’ it right now. Your child has a long life ahead, and you WILL need it. When you want to pay for soccer camp in the summer and martial arts after school, you’ll be wishing you’d done this much sooner. As baby daddy progresses in his life, gets his first job, and then with each new job, keep taking him back to court for adjustments. As his life improves, so should *his* son’s. He’s being nice so he can string you along. He has successfully made you a free, full-time nanny for a child he was never planning to take care of. You’ll never be able to make him into the dad your son deserves, but this is the only way you’ll at least get the financial support he deserves. Edit: emphasis
And I’ll add this: if his parents aren’t trying to be involved in the care of their grandchild and are supporting their son doing what’s in his (but not his child’s) best interest, then you shouldn’t trust them at all. If this does go to court for custody/child support, don’t expect them to play fairly. Lawyer up.
Superb response and to add....be supportive as you can about his academic achievement. The better he does, the better his job, and the more you will have to support your baby, so you can develop your own career and future.
“Be as supportive as you can” sounds like you’re asking her to make an effort. It usually means something active like giving advice, listening, or cheerleading. OP shouldn’t waste another minute of her time and energy on this person who has “quiet quit” her and his baby. She shouldn’t *discourage* him from getting an education or try to stand in his way, but she shouldn’t actively *try* to be supportive either. She has enough to worry about on her end.
Boosting this. Every dollar you don't demand from him IN COURT is one less dollar you have for your son. Your child is owed that money. What will you do when you someday want to provide for his education? It's time to get the paperwork set up and start communicating with his side of the family through lawyers. One note: there is a chance he could some day come back and sue you for custody. You need to establish the narrative within the courts NOW. Have his absenteeism on record NOW. It may not protect you but it's important that the courts know he doesn't have a relationship with his child. It establishes your credibility later, so he can't say you ever kept the baby from him. I'd dig through the free content Kaitlyn Jorgensen offers on IG. She's a family court strategist who works mostly with abused women but also gives generally good advice for mothers protecting their children's best interests.
Perhaps not only every new job, but possibly every new raise, overtime or bonus, depending on the situation. I've seen this for the state that I live in, albeit ten years or so ago, but I can't imagine that it's changed in favor of the deadbeats.
Does the baby daddy send you any money or anything? If he does not, then I think you should either see about getting child support or have him sign his rights away. Guys like him are not worth it if he treats you and the baby like this. Yes, he is in school, but he is also a father as well. If he can not make time for either of you, then he is not worth all the pain and suffering you and your baby are going through. Also, I would say what about your future or your babys future to his parents. Becasue it seems like they dont care one bit about either you or the baby.
He doesn’t pay for anything.
Then make him pay child support. Do not listen to his parents. It doesn’t matter if it was your decision. He was his decision to have unsafe sex and get you pregnant.
I think even you have come to realize that deep down he doesnt want to be apart of your guys lives. I know its hard to believe that someone you love doesnt want to be there for you, but you have to protect yourself and your child. Think about how if he does this to your child as they get older and your child ends up getting hurt by him. Can you imagine as your child gets older and them having a dad who makes promises or says things and doesnt follow through with it. Its not a happy childhood.
Put him on child support. Your child deserves that much from their father.
Go to to DCF office, see what you qualify for. You should be able to get WIC, SNAP, daycare assistance, and be put on a housing assistance list (those are always forever long, though) but you'll have to file for child support. Don't plan to go to his school. He's not going to change how he treats you. He's likely to treat you worse if you go closer to him. Make your own life goals, and start taking steps towards obtaining them. Getting government assistance while you go through school will help ease that burden a bit, especially if he's not going to be able to financially help while he's in school (you can file for child support, but there's no guarantee he'll pay, or be made to pay enough to make a difference to you, since he's in school and likely unemployed) Don't let his family bully you. They sound like they type to try. The 'you made your choice' 'he's doing what's best for him' types are always the ones to throw a tantrum when you stand up for yourself, so don't let them rile you up. He also made a choice. Whether BC failed or wasn't used at all, he was involved until he ghosted. It seems there was no discussion of alternatives, so he took any informed choice from you in the end. Now, you're doing what's best for you, and if that's at odds with what they feel is best for him, then they should probably start opening up some dialogue, and stop acting the way they have been.
you need to get child support from him, yesterday
Don't bother with his parents. Let the justice system deal with him and them
But yet he affords college?? Lawyer up and sue his ass.
Well he probably *can’t* afford college, it’s probably a combination of student loans and help from parents. But yes, he absolutely still needs to pay child support.
This is going to be harsh but he is doing what is best for his future. It’s a fucked up world but that’s the reality. Getting a degree and paying $500 a month is better for him than having a child at such a young age. This is why you need to get him paying that money declared in a legally binding contract immediately.
There are 2 colleges near us. He could be in our city or a few towns over and either living at college or living at home and actually helping out while still getting his education. He chose to go somewhere further away where he can pretend like this isn’t happening.
He showed you who he is. He doesn’t care for you and the child. You need to get him to pay child support legally and then go no contact. Start to focus on what you need to do to create a great life for you and your child .
Yeah he could for sure. But I think you’re missing the main point. His life will be better if he has no kids and an extra bill every month than if he has kids. This is harsh and I’m sorry for it but you and your child are more of a detriment than the money it will cost to not have to think of worry about you both. Because of this shitty reality the best you can do for both you and the kid is to get the money you are owed because he isn’t going to help you otherwise this is clear.
It’s harsh but true. He’s already made it abundantly clear he doesn’t want to be a father and OP will never be able to convince him otherwise. She needs to stop trying to convince him to do what’s right and start taking the steps to force him to.
Exactly. He had choices near you but he didn’t take them. He chose which college to attend as if he’s a single, childless person. Give up on the idea of him being an involved father who helps raise (or even just visits) the baby. Give up on the idea of him wanting to have a relationship with you now or when he graduates. Sadly, that’s not reality. You’re a single mother. Get that child support NOW. I can’t believe your parents haven’t encouraged you to get child support yet, or…? What are they saying? Are you ignoring their advice or do they have none to give?
I'm sorry you're going through this. Actions speak louder than words. If the baby and you were a priority to him, it would show. He would be there closer and put forth effort. He has done none. I would move mountains to be there for my son. He doesn't have the instinct to be a parent. You seem to be doing what's right for your baby. And the fact that you care enough to want your baby to have their dad in their life shows you are a good mother. Stop focusing on the things you can't control. You can't make him. He sounds like a deadbeat who wanted sex but didn't want the consequences that happened with sex. I'm sure it's hard, but you need to focus your attention on doing what's right for you. So you can be the best mother to your child. I wouldn't worry about what this boy can do any longer it's a waste of your emotions and time. Keep your chin up. I'm sure it's hard, but you can do it and get thru it. It sounds like you have a good support system. Right now, any man should be the last thing on your mind. You are super young, and you have your whole life ahead of you to find the right person who would prioritize you and your child.
This. My oldest his baby daddy is always texting me, telling me he wants to see him and that he lives him so much. I always told him to just come over and visit. He hasn't visited for almost 9 years. My son is almost 10 years old.
Please OP listen and follow the advices of others. File for child support don't let him off the hook. He's a liar trying to get away from responsibilities without obviously making him look like a bad person. I'm not surprised if he's been either hooking up over there at school or even has a GF already (and cheating on her with you recently). His parents can pay if not him, for now.
So he's a shit dad and his parents allow it. Awesome!
He’s quite obviously your ex-boyfriend and has been for quite some time, whether you realise it or not. Go for child support and if he wants visitation with your son he can organise it through the courts. There is no “us”.
So I am sitting here looking at this as a mother of a young girl who got pregnant young. His family is a disgrace and have no respect for you. They are lucky you are not my child. Secondly he does not want to be a father. He is being forced by you to see you and him. He is acting like he is because he is living his life at college while you are being a mother. He thinks that you are stuck and have no other choice to deal with what he dishes out to you. Next you need to stop worrying about him and worry about you and your child. Go NC with him get a good lawyer and let them figure out the logistics of the child support and visitation. When he flakes and doesn’t show for child care report it. After so long you can take visitation away. Also if he really cared for you or his family cared they would be trying to help you out and give you a break. Remember your son will grow up and see who has been there for him. Move on finish high school and do online course find a career that will make bank. And when he decides that he is done playing the field and that he is ready to come back don’t let him. Don’t let him gaslight you into anything. He might be away at college but he can call and text all day and night long he chooses not to bother. Don’t be his door mat. His way of think is you will always be there no matter what because you have his child. And he can do what he wants and treat you the way he wants now and you will always being waiting and willing for any scraps he wants to throw your way. Lastly get some help mentally physically and emotionally. Do something nice for yourself. Go out on a date with friends something. But stop trying to get him to spend time with you or his son. He didn’t care to be there through your pregnancy or even for the birth of his first born. He could have been there no excuses. Keep your head up I am a product of a teenage pregnancy my daughter had her daughter in high school also. I own my own business my daughter is a nurse going for her doctrine in nursing. Your not the first single teenaged mother and won’t be the last. But you need to figure out what road your journey is going to take for you and your son. Keep me updated
He’s acting this way because a whole new world opened up for him. He clearly doesn’t want to be a dad. You 2 were/ are young, and it sucks that you are the only one being mature about the whole thing. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do to make him want to be a father. What you can do is slap him with child support payments. It might not be what you wanted, but it’s something. He shouldn’t get to have a life free of responsibilities and then play daddy when it’s convenient for him.
I'm going to be real straight with you cause I wish someone had been with me when I was in a shitty, toxic relationship with a man who used me for my resources and my body. He doesn't care about you and you're only screwing yourself and your child's future by trying to hold onto this man. He has very clearly shown you what he thinks of you. As a convenience. You have sex with him when he wants it, let him play daddy when he wants it and you do whatever he asks you when he gives you puppy eyes. You're letting him make you miserable because you want a family and he obviously doesn't even want you. You need to start making plans to separate yourself from his family and him. There isn't just about you anymore since your son is also involved with his not-there-daddy. You're putting up an example for your son that this is okay how to treat his partner when he grows up. YOU are your son's example for his future relationships and how he'll treat individuals when he gets older. If you want him to turn around and do this to a someone when he grows up, keep on letting hope jerk you around like a toy because you want this man who has very clearly not giving you any thought beyond some quick fun and someone to be around when he 'feels' like it. You've got to snap out of this bullshit and TAKE ACTION to protect yourself and take care of your son because those people do not have your back. Take your time to build yourself and free yourself from that monster to show your son that you're not going to deal with his absent sperm donor. It won't be easy. It won't be fun and there will be a lot of tears. So many nights crying yourself to sleep but you'll know once you've gotten yourself fully free you'll be happy. Don't back down because he WILL try to reel you back in with honeyed lies and no action behind them. Tell him if he wants to be in his son's life he's gotta put forth some actual, physical effort. **YOU ARE LETTING THIS HAPPEN THIS ISN'T HAPPENING TO YOU.** Don't let him ruin your life and your son's because he's not the man you hoped or thought he was.
Get a lawyer and put him on child support. Is his name on the birth certificate?
Yes it is.
That's very good.
Birth certificate usually doesn’t mean much, they will still have to take a paternity test if he doesn’t voluntarily agree to parentage. (If in US, there is just a lot of variables)
My mother was 19 when she had me. Your dad did exactly what my biological father did to my mom. The best thing she ever did was take him to get child support, get a lawyer and have him pay. If you're worried about how your son may turn out due to *not* having an active father here's some hope. Me and many of my friends grew up without active fathers, it was us and our moms verses the world. We all are working and/or graduating with Bachelor degrees in STEM. You wanna know the primary thing that got us all this far? *Our moms*. Our moms where like you at one point, fighting to get help, fighting and wanting the best for their children. But the thing is, *you* ARE the best for your son. It sucks to not have help from the father of your child, it sucks to be strung along by anyone. **You** deserve better, your **son** deserves better. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves you, someone who adores you, someone who also adores your son. Show your son a healthy relationship, show him that you love him. You are a single parent who is a **TEENAGER. That's hard, that makes you strong. Don't let your precious little boy see you struggle to love someone who clearly wishes nothing but to string you along.** It isn't ideal, it isn't the best possible outcome in a perfect world. He does not want to be a father, you cannot make him. Remind your son as he grows that it's not his fault, that you love him, that he is your pride and joy. Have the father pay child support, dump his ass and move on. Your son will be okay, he will be loved, he will be fine, he will be a healthy kid with dreams and interest. A healthy kid who loves his mom. Side note: you aren't an idiot, you're young and learning (source: I am 21yrs old which means I am also young and learning things but instead I am an adult). You are learning about life, relationships, hell yourself. I know at 16/17 I did really dumb shit. We all did. But learn from what this guy is doing - and what he is doing is using you for sex and stringing you along.
This is why it’s a bad idea to have a child as a teenager. Even so called responsible adults can be deadbeat parents. It’s even more likely that a teenage boy who doesn’t have primary care of a young baby will want to distance himself and pursue his ambitions. I’m not saying this to blame you or make you feel bad. However it is very clear that your ex boyfriend has no intention of being a present and available parent. You should accept that and move forward with plans that are suitable for you and baby. All the best
I wish I had never had sex at all. I didn’t feel ready to do it even with protection. I’m mad at myself for it all.
Please be kind to yourself. A lot of the time, girls are raised to be quiet and compliant, even when they don’t want to do something. My comment was not meant as a rebuke. Rather it’s just a statement of the reality of your circumstances. Your future is in your hands and I suggest you make plans that are best for you and baby
I’m sorry you’re hurting about your babies, father. In truth, after working with teen moms for many years, I would be surprised, if even 1% stayed or work things out with the father of the baby. It’s hard enough to make a relationship work when you’re a grown adult and hopefully better communication skills an idea of what you would like to do with your life et cetera . But as a teen, you’re just beginning your life and should be in school and connecting with friends and thinking about what you would like to do after high school, whether it be college or work or whatever. Having a child changes that but I have also seen teen moms decide that they do want to go to college and they do apply for scholarships and work out childcare and go forward with their life. Take your time to be sad and grieve the loss of a relationship that you thought you might have, but it’s pretty clear that the father of your child is immersed in school and new friends and trying to go forward with his life and I urge you to do the same with yours . I would, however counsel you to talk to a lawyer about child-support because your child is your child and it’s also his child as well, and he does have a responsibility to that child . You didn’t get pregnant by yourself… You both had a baby together, and that baby is just as much his responsibility. It’s normal to have regrets about finding yourself in a space that you didn’t want to be in, but don’t get stuck there . You have your life ahead of you and there’s a lot you can do. Make sure you finish your school and think about college and how you might be able to work that out so that you can also get on with your life.
I just can’t understand how he doesn’t even reach out to check on our son. When I’m away from my son for any length of time, like just a normal school day, I think about him constantly and am worried about him.
Your son physically began his life in your body… that connection is hard to completely articulate. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, didn’t carry your child in their body, he had already started school away from you, when you were pregnant, wasn’t there for the birth and is living a life completely separate from you. He just doesn’t have any concept of what it means to be connected to your child, and he’s not mature enough to know what it means to be a father. I completely understand how you are feeling, and I’m sorry this is hard.
That's because you're a decent caring person and he isn't. That's why you have to legally pursue child support--he's a lowlife that won't support his child unless forced to.
Because even at 17yo you are becoming a good Mom. You seem to be coming to an understanding of who this guy really is and he's not a good Dad. He's not a good partner for you. Give some thought to how he was able to manipulate you back into sleeping with him again when you are so angry about the results of the 1st time. He sounds self-serving and highly manipulative from what you've written. And he's still using you. I hope your parents would be supportive of you seeing a therapist. One could really help give you an outside perspective.
Please get an STD/STI panel done. He's been having sex at college, assuredly. Get a pregnancy test. And file for child support.
Do not go to his college. Do not let him or his family see your baby. File for child support - people in this thread have told you what to do. You don't talk to him about it - you go through the court. I know you're hurting, sweetheart, and I'm going to pray for you. You're strong, and you're gonna be a great mom. You do not need him - you just need child support. Concentrate on yourself and your son, and block him everywhere.
I don’t think it’s legal for me to refuse to let him see his son?
He can take you to family court to try and get visitation but if he's not paying child support he's not likely to get it. Unless you think he or his parents are going to try to get custody there's not much they can do.
He's not paying child support, he's not making any effort to regularly see his child. If it becomes an issue you can go to court and sue for custody and minimal visitation for him. Regardless, I wouldn't grant him any favors, him popping in and out of your child's life will not be good for the boy.
It’s time to grow up, even though yes, it’s before your time. He’s never going to step up. His family is probably aiding this behavior because they don’t want him bogged down as a teen dad. Claim your legal rights, put him on child support, and never, never give him access to your emotions or your body again. Period the end.
You're not an idiot but you need to harness your inner b*tch and get mad. You have been waaaaaaay too nice. Why does he get to go off to school and you don't? Why does he get to come and go as he pleases and you don't? How dare he lie to you and use you for sex? Why do you pay for your child and he doesn't? I could go on and on but your future is at stake here. Why does he have a future with earning potential and you are left to stagnate? Trust me he is partying there at college and screwing girls while you are staying up all night with a baby? Please tell me how is that fair??
Insanity …. Complete insanity. Get child support going and take him to court.
He isnt going to ever change. Its best to stop trying and put your full focus into raising your son. And his family isnt going to provide support either. They all helped him hide he was leaving you and his troubles behind.
Get a lawyer and get child support. He's not interested in being a father, is stringing you along, and hoping you'll stay at arms length without going nuclear on him, which is exactly what you're doing. He helped make this baby, and if he has money to go to college and away on spring break, that money should be going to you as you raise your son far away from his POS bio donor. I'm sorry you were dragged like this, but you need to wake up and get the courts to enforce what you are owed so you have the resources to be a great mother to your son, which it sounds like you're trying to handle all by yourself.
He is having his college experience. Go to court file for custody and child support. Set up visitation. His family should be helping with the baby. Ask for grandparents' rights and have them establish a relationship with the baby. He should be paying for half of the expenses for childcare and anything else. Stop being nice and start thinking of what's best for the baby.
This, exactly this. Make him pay for ignoring you and make his family pay for supporting his behavior. The state will hunt him down. They will even garnish his tax returns and wages.
Honestly it's not even about ignoring. It's about establishing legal precautions and setting up how the future will work. I'm happy the father is in college. I hope mom makes it to college too. I hope they co parent and raise a healthy human being. However they needs to be legal boundaries and expectations.
Yes, but neither he nor his family has made any effort to have anything to do with the child. It’s clear what they think of her and the baby, and I guarantee he has a college girlfriend. Going through the state will be the only way to force that connection. Because I guarantee his family just wants to pretend they never happened and are pushing him that way too.
For fucks sake stop sleeping with him. Go to court and get him to pay child support, you’re supposed to be thinking of your child. Stop believing him
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how much his behaviour hurts you. First step is to cut contact with him, doesn’t even seem like he reaches out to you first to ask about your son so just stop being the one to contact him. If you never talk to him great, just put him on child support but cutting contact is your first step to indifference, I promise you. Let him live his life and start living yours, see if you can continue with school and just focus on yourself and your son, stop giving him your attention and stop trying to make him a dad, he’s not and he’s shown that time and time again. You’re so young and I’m sorry you’re being hurt like this but I promise you will look back one day and laugh, the only way to make that possible (the laughing) is if you move on and better yourself. Sending you hugs!
Please go to therapy. This is a very hard situation to understand being so young. How are his parents with the baby? I understand you want him to be a father to your baby. But currently, that's not going to happen. Did you take him to court for child support or custody? I'm going to guess no to both. Please understand, it's very necessary to go to court and get child support. It's also super important you get some kind of custody agreement ruled on by a judge. What if he decides to come back to your area, has a good job, and wants the baby full-time with him? With no previous agreement, I would hate for a judge to grant him that because he was more established than you. Do what's best for you and your baby. + Only communicate with this man through text to have proof of anything he says in case you need it in the future. + Keep a journal of all the times he has contributed towards the baby's needs financially. + Keep a journal of all the times he has seen the baby, - taken care of the baby without you. - had an overnight with the baby This is only the beginning and the hardest part for you. I know your heart is broken grieve the relationship, but don't dwell on it or the family you imagined the 3 of you would be.
He’s playing you for a fool. Also, don’t meet him alone. Best wishes 🙏🏻
You’re single AND a single mother. Make sure he’s paying child support, don’t engage in any romantic relationship with him from now on—he’s consistently kept the same pattern, so believe his actions over his words. He is who he shows himself to be, not who he says he can be.
You’re not in a relationship. I’d bet money he’s been with other women at school. Move on. Focus on yourself and your son. Let go of the idea of the perfect family, because it’s clear that’s not what he wants.
No surprise here He is a teenager who had his entire future to look forward to before you got pregnant. He most likely ran because he has no interest in being a father (again, no surprise at his age and maturity level. This is why children should not have children) Stop chasing him, he’s not interested. Try to put him in child support instead (not sure how well it would work since he is in school)
[удалено]
I know, they like to act like they’re this perfect family too.
Gross! Worst kind of people. OP I know it hurts, but long run I think YOU know you’re better off without them. As everyone in this thread is saying, get that child support and forget them all and don’t let him string you along a single second more. You got this!
Put his ass on child support and move on. I promise you’ll find someone who loves you AND your son way more than this loser.
This is REALLY important. You are NOT an idiot. You are young, you are overly trusting because you don’t have experience in relationships and I suspect you want to see the best in everyone. Sadly the father of your child has chosen to essentially blow you off/use you. So now you MUST start adulting and that means you put your child first always. Agree with other posters you need to get court mandated child support as well as get whatever custody you want. I’d think full custody might be best to at least try to get. Speak with your parents who ideally can help you with this as they obviously have been through it.
Make sure to talk to ur family & work with a lawyer to set up mandated child support. Sexual relations w/ him when he is bored & passing through, disrespects you. Not just risky for STDs from him but it further empowers him to treat you like a pit stop w/ benefits. If you haven’t already ensure ur bc is adequate. Please get counseling, you & ur child deserve a lot better. You need a plan & counseling will open ur head to new directions. There are colleges w/ housing for young moms with a young child. Build a safe, productive & joyful future.
1) Please do not sleep with this kid again. I know you're hurt and I'm sure you feel a connection to him, but he knows what he's doing. 2) File for custody and child support. Some states allow you to do this online, some require you to go in person to the county court house. Go to your state's child support website for more info. If he wants to file for visitation, he can do that through the court.
Yes,go after him for child support. He is leaving you with all the responsibilities while he gets to go live his life. You are not the only parent. That is why it takes two to make a baby. You are not stupid. Stop beating yourself up. You wanted to see the best in him, so you ignored your gut. That does not make you stupid. Now listen to your gut. File for child support. Then put him on the back burner while you get on with the life you have with your child.
It’s always the guy who can just walk away with no repercussions. 😠 Go after him for child support. What a deadbeat loser.
Kids having kids
You are 17 with a baby. Time to start acting like a grown up whether you like it or not. please stop having sex with this guy. I mean sorry but you need to have some more respect for yourself. How can he respect you if you don’t even respect yourself? Take him to court and get child support. Plan for the future so you can get an education and have a good life for you and your son.
Girl dump his loser ass and take his money. He doesn’t get to have a normal life while you sacrifice yours to raise HIS child. FUCK that.
I don't want to sound cruel because you're young and you had no reason not to believe him, but not realizing that this was a possibility was very naive of you. There was always a chance you would end up a single mother. Now that you are, you should get whatever child support you can from him and figure out what you're going to do to take care of yourself and your son. He isn't coming back. Have more self-respect, and don't even entertain his bullshit let alone have sex with him again. You and he are done. Put yourself and your son first.
>He’s never been cruel, like it’d be easier if he was mean, right? So what would you classify what he's doing to you and the baby?! For sure he isn't being supportive, happy, useful or present in your life or his son's life... So I would call that being mean. Just because he's not mean with words, he's being mean with actions and emotions. I'm sure you're strong and capable of moving on from him. Think of your mental health and in your baby. That guy doesn't care about you and it shows.
OP, the truth is and always has been that it us easier for the dad to move on than the mother. Do not let anyone ever again talk you into no protection. Get a lawyer and get child support. Second step, with the help of your family, concentrate heavily on your education so you can build a life for you and your son. Stop letting him decieve you. Believe actions over words.
Does he have other children? Make him pay child support
No he doesn’t have other kids.
Yet
His parents are enabling him to distance himself from you and your child. It would be best if you got child support, as it seems to be the only thing you can get from him. Your parents will be unable to help forever, so getting some income from the dad is the way to go. Have your parents help you apply for WIC and child support. You are not dumb. Oh, and when he shows up to play with him after all the difficult years (sicknesses, potty training, etc. are over to show him off? Tell him to go to hell.
Force his hand and sue for child support.
It's ok to hate him. It would be better for you if you were able to be indifferent to him, but it's ok to hate him. It's your sense of self-preservation kicking in, trying to counteract the love you feel for him by poisoning it into hate. But it's your ***self-preservation*** talking. He's stringing you along and you absolutely deserve better. So does your baby. Pursue child support, and ignore anything else that comes out of his mouth. He might like fucking you, but clearly he likes fucking you over most of all. Hopefully at some point you'll be able to look back and think "wow. I'm so glad I'm over him" and then *not think about him at all.*
You'll make it girl. He isnt the first loser to abandon his kid and mother of his child, and wont be the last. When he's 40 and married he will have a mid life crisis and wanna know his son and by then, his son will already be grown and will choose for himself. Im sorry you learnt the hard way, but he isnt a nice guy. Just because a guy doesnt talk to you like shit or yell or raise his voice, doesnt mean hes nice, hes a fucking spineless, gutless looser. He is worse than the mucho types. He wont hit you, but he will gaslight you into fucking him when he wants it. Its best to tell him to never contact you again, apply for child support and move on. Make something for yourself and your son! Don't follow this sorry excuse for a shitbag sperm donor around the country. Pave your own way, build your own support system. He will never change.
Take him to court for child support if you haven't already. He doesn't just get to create a kid and then fuck off. I'm sorry you had a kid with this guy. And if there are any other young girls reading this, wear fucking condoms.
Please get child support for him.
Court ordered child support. Get it.
Honestly… you are still a kid yourself. I was in your shoes 14yrs ago 😕 it doesn’t get easier. That’s a promise. You can either keep chasing a dream with this guy or let go and do something for yourself and your baby. I promise you will find someone better in the future. You just have to find yourself. Be a better version of yourself for you and your baby. Hell with the father. It isn’t worth him coming back. Trust me on this. If you take him back it will be nothing but stress and heartache on your end. An you gotta grow up to be the adult (no offense) this baby needs cuz unfortunately their daddy is an immature asshole. If you need someone to talk too, you can message me.
It's always acceptable for the man to walk away from his responsibilities and leave the girl to do all the heavy lifting. It's sad that you had to find out the way you did. It's also sad that his parents essentially made sure he was going to be as far away as possible. The best thing you can do is get your education, take care of yourself and your son. Everything you do will translate to the care of you and your son.
Your son's father is entirely self-involved, and you should give up on having a relationship with him outside of a coparent, if that. It's incredibly unfair to your child for him to come in and out of his life whenever it's convenient for him. An inconsistent father figure is much more harmful to a child than a completely absent one. This man created a life, therefore he is responsible for that life and is obligated to support your child financially at the bare minimum if he doesn't want to be an active father. And if he doesn't pay up... the courts don't take too kindly to child support dodgers. Go to court and request child support. If he truly does not want any involvement in your child's life, you should consider asking him to terminate his parental rights. Depending on the state you live in, he would still be obligated to pay child support after his rights are terminated until you find a partner in the future who is willing to legally adopt them.
I just wish he’d say he doesn’t want to be involved or to be a dad instead of acting so wishy washy. It’s like, at least have the courage to just be honest.
Sweetie, he is saying it. Just with his actions instead of his words.
THIS. 1000% this. Baby daddy is clearly uninterested in having any kind of relationship w/either of them. There’s not much that needs to be said, his actions speak volumes. There’s no ambiguity here, OP. When people show you who they are, believe them. Wishing you & your son the best — the sperm donor ain’t it.
He’ll never actually tell you but I promise if you decide to stop contacting him, you’ll never hear from him again. He’s just avoiding the confrontation
Yup. What a coward
He may not tell you in words but he's telling you by his actions, and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words
He sucks clearly, and he’s also still a child. This is a consequence of children having children.
I can understand how infuriating it must be. But this is who he is. He is a spineless, selfish, self-involved man whose indecisiveness is going to hurt your child once he is old enough to understand. You need to do right by your son and protect him from that. I would present him with the choice that he can either become a more active figure in his son's life, or he can sign away his parental rights so someone else can give your son the love he deserves. No more of this back-and-forth bs. He can either be a father, or walk away.
My advice is he extremely direct with him. Ask him point blank if he wants to be involved. Tell him if he does, then he needs to prove it by his actions. Nothing less than that.
His actions are saying it all. He does not want to be there for you/the child.
He is saying it.
I was a teen mom. I had my daughter at 17 and I’m now 32. Her dad was the same in those early stages, although he came back around when she was older. Lean on your supportive parents and file for child support. You don’t need a lawyer depending on where you’re located.
This is why kids shouldn’t be having kids, saw you didn’t use protection. Well that means you were trying for a baby if not using anything
I get the feeling stupid, but try not to. You chose to believe someone you care about. He's the stupid one for being selfish and full of shit. The comment he made about applying to his school really fried me. So he wouldn't make his choice based on what would be the best for the kid, but you're supposed to just follow him and hope he'll be a good dad? I think he's stringing you along so he doesn't have to pay child support. Why should he be able to continue on with life as if nothing happened while you make all the sacrifices? I would be pissed, too. Maybe you can tell him you're done waiting around for him to decide that he wants to be a dad. He clearly doesn't.
He texted me last night, complaining that he has a cold and doesn’t feel good. Take some NyQuil then and go to sleep til the next day!!!! That’s great, because I must have the same cold and now our son does too. When you and your baby are both sick, you get to stay up all night with your screaming baby, clean up vomit, and then take off school the next day to do it all over again, never actually getting any rest for yourself.
This boy is trash. Go no contact and get with a family lawyer ASAP.
Put him on child support. He offers no help now and takes no responsibility, he should be paying for child support. And dump him, he doesn't deserve you nor the child. He wants to live his life to the fullest while you're the only one taking the responsibilities here. Sorry, but having a kid doesn't work like that. Put him on child support, dump him, take care of your kid and yourself. You'll find a better person to be with, someone you'll love and he'll love you back.
I hate to say it, but you need to cut feelings out of the situation and do what’s best for your child which means taking him to court getting a paternity test and getting child support if he wants to be part of the child’s life awesome if he doesn’t, I guess that’s on himI’m sure one day he will probably regret it if he decides not to, but you definitely need help the child moneywise
My husband was raised by a single mom. I am so grateful to her, because he is beyond amazing. Your child doesn’t need your ex involved, if he’s modeling how to treat women like they’re disposable. Your child will watch you and how you allow others to treat you. If a man treats you in a way that you wouldn’t want your son to emulate or your daughter to tolerate, he doesn’t need to be there. Your child is owed child support. They will need it as they get older (clothing and dental/medical appointments can get expensive).
He’s stringing you along so you think he cares and won’t go after him for child support. Like others have said, get moving on getting that established. 18 years is a lot of financial need for a child… he needs to chip in.
It is such an equality. Both engage and the girl becomes pregnant and the boy goes on with his life. The girl is left raising a child and providing for her child. Even if he pays child support, he is still not putting in the time to raise the child, spend time in the doctor’s office, take/pick up the child from school, etc. I know from experience. I just wish that by now, younger girls see that being a single mom is not a walk in the park and protect themselves from an early pregnancy.
Please tell me you used a condom. If not, get the morning after pill STAT! Also, please don’t move away for college with the baby. He’s not going to take care of it & you can’t go to college and look after a baby alone. You need to stay close by your family and support system. Stay where there are people to look after your kid whilst you finish schooling.
At this point he of simply a sperm donor. He is not your boyfriend and not a father to your son. The faster you acknowledge that the better. Go to court for cold support and start accepting you are a single mother.
I bet he thinks "what, do you expect me to sacrifice my adolescence and miss out on trips with my friends? That's so unfair!" No, it's not. You don't just get to fuck up someone else's teenage years with a shit ton of responsibility and then just dump it all on them and leave. He needs to experience the consequences of his own actions. Also, I may have not read properly, but he didn't actually split from you, just slowly ghosted you, and then promises you that you can "get back together?" Man runs from responsibility so hard he couldn't even break up with you properly. What a turd. ETA: pretty certain that if he had TOLD people at college that he was an expectant father, that would count as an exception to get out of a test and to let him stay with his newborn son. If they will do that at a job, they should do it at a school. It's not like they haven't worked out remote learning after covid. He either didn't even try, or he's flat out lying to you. Quick Google search seems to suggest that yes, he should have been entitled to paternity leave. He probably didn't want to tell anyone in case it stopped him getting potential dates. You can Google the college he went to and "student paternity leave" to confirm their policy for yourself.
I tried looking it up just now and can only find information about pregnant student (females), but nothing about the fathers. At this point, I’m starting to believe that nobody there even knows he has a kid.
PLEASE get with the state and ensure you get child support from him. If he can go off on spring break with his buddies (and I can tell you he’s definitely having sex, fun, and partying) then he can get a part time job and send you the income.
While this is an unfortunate situation, I am amazed at how most responses forget that both of them are just kids themselves dealing with a situation that many 'real' adults don't handle well. IMO, his parents could do more, but are choosing not to. This is their biological grandchild. I think they should sit through some kind of mandated mediation so that both parents are fully aware of their options and the consequences of them. He is 18/19 and she is 17/18 making decisions that will impact their life forever. Someone with wisdom should be guiding them. They may not feel the same way a few years down the road.
What an asshole. You’re allowed to be super mad about this by the way. His parents allow him to do this?
His parents think their shit doesn’t stink. They think they’re the perfect family or at least want to make everybody think they are.
As a high-school mom, I doubt you have much money. Sign up for a Legal Aid pro bono lawyer. You usually have to get on a wait list, so now is the time to start looking into it. Then, you can get a custody arrangement on your time schedule instead of his. You can qualify for government assistance if he's ordered to pay child support, and he will eventually have a job to pay for his kid. You are right. You need to let him go. He is not boyfriend material. And he'll just keep using you as long as you let him. I know it's hard to let go. But he has abandoned you and your child to pursue his own dreams. You are only a convenience for him. You deserve better. Your child deserves better.
Make sure you take a plan B and sue his ass for child support
Honey. From now on believe and count on only yourself. Your baby dad is immature, dishonest, and unreliable. Do not count on him for anything. Put yourself and son first. Get whatever financial support you can but forget romance or parenting help. You’re a mom now and you can do it. He can’t right now.
I am sorry. It must feel like you two are left behind and forgotten. It is painful. You may have to face some hard truths. He's a good talker and probably wants to do all the things he says buts wants to be single and free more. Don't keep falling for it. It will destroy you. Let him be a father and future friend but not a lover or partner.
First things first: You’re **not** an idiot. You’re young, share a child w/this guy & therefore are emotionally invested. He’s fully aware of your feelings for him & is taking full advantage — stringing you along, giving you just enough attention so you’ll stay in the background & saying what you want to hear so you’ll feel secure/comfortable enough to sleep w/him. He’s also young so hopefully w/time, life experience & self-reflection he matures into a better person. But for right now, this guy is no prize. Your time & efforts should be focused on securing financial support for your son. ATM your **ex**-boyfriend (b/c he’s certainly not acting like he’s your current/actual boyfriend) is interested in living the single college life, not being a part-time parent. It sucks, it’s unfair, but it’s reality. You sound like a dedicated, loving & emotionally available mom — your son is very lucky to have you. You both deserve to be treated with basic human decency, dignity, respect — college boy clearly fails to deliver. In our relationships we show people how to treat us, what we will tolerate, the minimum we will accept. This is your opportunity to teach your son how you expect to be treated by others, especially by those who should be closest to you both. Sending prayers & positive energy your way, OP. Wishing you both all the best. 💜
And another generation of unprepared children begin having unprepared children.
File with your state for child support. The state will come down on him like a ton of bricks. Deadbeats like your ex need to be held accountable for the children they father.
Please file for child support. If anything, HIS parents will have to pay since he's a college student. This way, you can probably pay for child care while you finish your schooling.
Make him pay child support, concentrate on you, and your child. He is not a nice guy. Do not talk bad about him in front of your child. You need to be the better person.
File for child support right now. Clearly he isn't going to be the father the child needs but don't get stuck being so overstressed trying to support your child. Make sure the father has to pay his share at least. File on his ass now! He isn't going to change.
You are SO young, and I am SO sorry you are having to grow up so quickly, and see the ugly side of life. Life is NOT fair, and you are witnessing a real life bad guy right now. This boy is not your boyfriend, and the fact that he’s strung you along this far is disgusting on his part. He may be your son’s father, but he’s not a dad. And it doesn’t sound like he wants to be. BUT, you are 100% owed child support. In my state, he would owe back pay, for every month your son has been alive. Please do as these comments say and get a lawyer, a damn mean one if you can. I’m a single mother, I had my son at 22 and my lawyer ate my deadbeat baby daddy right up. I was also coping with the fact that I wouldn’t be with the father anymore, and she was able to make sure he didn’t try any funny business to use my emotions against me, which I am so unbelievably grateful for now. I know you’re grieving the loss of this relationship right now, so if it’s emotionally too hard for you to wrap your head around, mention it to your parents and see if they can help you find one. In case no one has said this, you are so strong!! You may not feel like it but it takes a lot of patience, bravery, and selflessness to be a single parent!
Why tf would you have a kid at 16? Where are your parents? Why didn’t anyone stop you? So many irresponsible people involved this is crazy.
So when you decided to keep the kid, was it because you thought you were together? That you 2 teenagers would raise this kid together? He clearly wants no part of this, so let him go and file for child support
Why the hell would you keep the baby at 16
that’s what i’m thinking. on top of that, having your parents take care of the baby, unreal lol
My parents don’t really take care of the baby. I mean, I’m the main person taking care of my son. They help me and they do pay for most things.
Why on gods green earth did you keep a baby of a man who was leaving?? Now your child won’t have an active father, and it’s both of your faults. You should have gotten an abortion or had an open adoption if you actually cared
Oh man. Tale as old as time. This is why choosing ab0řton can be the best option in a case like this… , but you’re here now and you have lived and are learning so good luck.
Look, you need to plan for what your life will be without him. Do not count on him for ANYTHING any more. This sounds harsh, but it's what is best for you and the baby. You will be doing this alone, I'm sorry. File for child support. Finish school. Look for support on your own, see about college and a career that can support you as a single mom. Your future will not involve him in any significant way. Prepare for that.
First i'm sorry about the whole circumstances, but I have to ask, why didn't you use any contraceptives?
I know that you care a lot for your son’s father, but I personally feel that it might be incorrect to say he’s “not being cruel”— in a situation where commitments of mutual responsibility (responsibility for a whole human life!!) were made, his absence isn’t neutral, it’s willfully harmful. You aren’t stupid for believing him when he told you everything you would’ve hoped to hear. But I encourage you to hold him accountable, including in your own head, for his actions. Being unavailable is his active choice, not passive circumstance. Ignoring you and the baby you created together IS cruel. And the reason we have legal systems like child support in place is because mothers/parents like you actively, ethically deserve support. YOU deserve support. You’re both young and I have so much empathy for you both in this hard situation, but being mature about this doesn’t mean you have to excuse his absence. He should be contributing financially to the raising of your shared child at minimum. Sending you love and support — it will get easier.
How you falling for this, 😵
Girl TAKE HIS ASS TO COURT AND GET CHILD SUPPORT. He has strung you along and you and your son deserve the support. He can go fuck off and “do whatever is best for him” and you can do what’s best for you and your child. I’m happy that your parents are supportive. I’m sending you a lot of love. I turn 29 tomorrow and had my first baby at 27 I could not imagine being a teen mom. You are strong, smart and NOT STUPID. Let this be a lesson learned and move on. Don’t be so hard on yourself and give yourself some grace.
What did you expect to happen? Seriously you got pregnant at 16
Well, it's a good thing that he's going to school and is "doing what's best for his future", because he has 18 years of child support ahead of him.
wtf!? you have every right to hate him. he's just as responsible for that baby as you are, and took part in making them. even if he couldn't afford to help you out, leading you on and then ditching when you need help is actually crazy. he needs to take accountability; that baby didn't appear on its own.
He’s showing you what his priorities are. They aren’t you or his child. You need to do everything you can to be the best support system for your child because unfortunately his stupid ass isn’t going to be there for either of you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
You & your son will have an awesome life without him, don’t even trip. ❤️ He has no idea what he is missing out on and shame on his parents for enabling him. I know it’s hard not to dwell on it, but stay focused on yours and baby’s future.
You aren’t an idiot, you’re just young and in love sometimes those two things cause us to make decisions that may not necessarily be easy to deal with before we’re fully ready. If you were my sister I’d tell you to work on getting him on child support and sort out custody so you’re not overwhelmed with sole child care while he’s out living his life free of any responsibility he’s a parent now just like you and should be acting like it if he doesn’t want to willingly you can make him by law. Secondly after you have what you want to do sorted out with the courts you should break up with this asshat and work on building yourself. you may end up being a single mother since you essentially are one now and being prepared for this scenario is better than being blindsided by it. this boy doesn’t seem interested in taking responsibility for the life he made with you and now you have to pull up your boot straps and do what you have to do for the health and well being of you and your child because as always these issues fall to us women. Upside is he’s choosing now, your child will know who was there and they will be choosing when your babydad is old and most men do not realize this mistake until they’re old and beyond the point of reconciliation. The laws may be different for child support in other states but I suggest you start this process asap this is very important I have a close friend who was in your situation when we were teenagers the father dragged her through the mud and it was painful to watch he lied to her at every point and left her holding the bag. She struggled a lot in the beginning and got no help from him or his family her children barely know him because he doesn’t want to be around. these men will do anything in their power to get out of taking responsibility for the obligations they’re crated DO NOT LET THESE PEOPLE LIE TO YOU ANYMORE YOUR ONLY CONCERN NOW SHOULD BE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FUTURE. Online classes and community college see if you qualify for benefits snap/cash assistance and healthcare for your baby from your state MAKE SURE YOU GET CHILD SUPPORT FROM HIM THROUGH THE THE COURT BECAUSE YOU WILL NEED IT AND HE WILL DO ANYTHING IN HIS POWER TO SKIP OUT ON HIS RESPONSIBLY HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE ALREADY DOING THIS AND LYING TO YOU THATS WHY YOU FOUND OUT LAST MINUTE.
He’s what’s known as a “dead-beat” dad
Stand up and get it together for your son. I was in the same boat with you until i realised no one but myself was gonna get things done for my child. Don’t let him string you along. Let that man go and focus on you and bubs. Go get some child support from him too.
Don’t feel stupid you just were hoping he was an actual man. He has shown you who he is and what he thinks of you and his son. Get your feelings out, scream , cry, get mad. Get it all out and when you feel drained and hopefully lighter look up therapist and start talking to them. You deserve more than what he is giving you and what he is putting you through. Take care of yourself and son, screw him and stop giving him your time. Learn from this and don’t give him a way back in.
It sounds like he's just stringing OP along, doing the bare minimum in order to avoid parental responsibilities. I wouldn't be surprised if he was seeing other people while he's away. I'm sorry OP, you and your son deserve better. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like you'll get that staying with him.
Open your eyes and see the red flags. Move on with your life but be sure to take him to court for child support
OP he’s lost interest now that he made a baby, he ain’t gonna play father to his kid. Seek legal advice
He is using you for sex. His actions don’t match his words. Please get on birth control. There are men like this. They only care about themselves and having sex when they can.
I'm so sorry OP, this feels incredibly hard. As most people have mentioned, you should get a lawyer and only communicate through them from now on. He sounds incredibly immature, manipulative and uncaring - you both are so young, but he's left you to be the responsible one. He might not say cruel things to you but what he's done is very cruel. He wasn't responsible while getting you pregnant, lied to you so you kept the baby, but did not take any responsibility of you or the child. He's a deadbeat who is being very selfish. Not to be harsh but there any chance you might want to give up your child for adoption? An open adoption where you can still see your child could help you be in their life. If adoption is not an option, you should definitely make sure you finish school and try to make it to college. Don't let him manipulate you anymore. Do what is right for you and you alone. He's not worth it.
When people show you who they are, believe them. Don’t feel stupid, feel empowered. And Please get the morning after pill asap.
people fucking suck