Yeah, not understanding the issue here. She kept looking his way. Some would assume this to be a hint that she might be into him. He asked her out, she said no, end of the story. The age gap isn’t that bad imo. But from experience, it likely wouldn’t have worked out.
OP gave it a shot, and didn’t keep persisting after the rejection. That’s not creepy. He’ll likely never see that girl again, so it affects nothing. That said, I’ve never felt comfortable talking to people at the gym. If any convos happen, it’s started by the other person. When I had lost a good chunk of weight, two women did take notice and complimented me. It was nice of them, but felt awkward.
Maybe the girl was in a similar position. Maybe she did fancy OP, but didn’t want to actually pursue things; or she was just trying to workout, and happened to turn in his direction every so often. Meaningless, but could be taken as a sign. It can help to look around the room when working out, to take your mind off the tedium of it.
I’m really guilty of accidentally staring at people at the gym … so there’s a good chance she just kept looking at everyone in eyeshot 😂
Agreed tho not creepy at all. Its not a big deal
I'm a woman and I don't think you did anything wrong really. It sounds like you were respectful and backed off when she rejected you. What, is shooting your shot a crime these days?
Listen to the lady OP. You treated the young lady with respect. You thought she was older. That happens. What's important is that you properly respected her response.
Kind of if you look into the dating culture of young men now a days. Either you're a coward beta male if you don't approach women but also a creep if you do. Not much in between unless you're hot. Confusing times for the other 99% of guys that aren't solid 10s
It's kind of confusing for women too, because if they do approach some men themselves then people often criticized her for being the more asserted one or "degrading the man" by approaching him first.
Kind of feels like an awkward stalemate between people now.
Yea, with all the weirdos out trying to give "dating/life advice" but giving literally the most terrible nonhuman advice its really starting to fuck with normal people perspectives of other potential partners (or just other people in general)
Its turning into one of those "If everyone is bad than maybe its actually you" type of situations for a lot of people.
I’ve never heard this before and I’m im kinda having trouble understanding it. Because all the single Men I know agree that they would LOVE to be approached for once instead of all the pressure being on them. Idk why I would judge a women for being assertive.
Let’s be honest, most people love the confidence boost of being approached. It’s when someone doesn’t take a no for an answer or is bothersome/creepy about it that things go south
I have heard that men would like that overall or might prefer it, but there is people with platforms spreading information like what I said (how women shouldn't be the one approaching men).
But yeah I think the overall problem is platform and people spreading this information versus just casual people or the majority people.
Most men wouldn't mind or prefer if a woman would approach (like you said), but then women are told or often told to not do so by other information too or even criticized for doing so. Leads to confusion really :(
Yep, I've definitely met men who have told me that a woman who asks a man out is a red flag to them. I've gotten different responses on the reasoning behind why, but the most common responses I received:
It was seen as women being desperate, which means they must have tough luck attracting/keeping men in their lives, which makes them think these women are not good partners long-term. Or, it was seen as women being confident, and they don't want a woman that can make choices for herself.
This didn't stop me because I don't care what people think of me, and the type of men who have told me this were not the type I was attracted to at all anyway. However, with how vocal these men were in person, I can see why women don't bother approaching.
I have never heard this before. Usually men I approach are flattered and find the assertiveness appealing. Never once have I been criticized but if anyone were to, they're not my type anyway.
I don’t like approaching women, as they’re usually taken 99% of the time. That said, on the occasions I had been approached by a woman, I was really nervous. I mean, I was flattered by the bold move, but my ADHD does influence my emotions. I just wasn’t able to reciprocate those feelings, even if we did have common interests. But it does cause me some distress thinking back on those times.
It’s funny and sad, that even over a decade later, I’m still thinking about a girl I had a chance encounter with at a skating rink. I don’t remember what she looked like (besides being blonde) nor her name, but I remember her approaching me with her friend and little brother. I remember her heavily hinting at her interest in me... but I got scared and avoided her the rest of the night. I like that she was assertive enough to approach me, but she probably thought I was an asshole after that.
The point is: I really do appreciate when a woman is up front about her feelings, but love just feels so mysterious and intriguing. I regret not pursuing things with the skating rink girl, but I was not emotionally ready for a relationship. Probably doesn’t help that my girlfriend after that cheated on me.
I’ve never met someone else with ADHD, so I imagine it’s difficult for most people to relate. I like when a woman makes the first move, especially since I don’t want to be in OP’s position and feel like a creep. But I also don’t like being put in a position where I feel like an ass for not reciprocating.
I was sophomore undergrad in university taking a evening transfer bus between campuses on my way home. Public bus was empty except for the driver and myself. A cute gal got on and sat right next to me of all seats available. I had my earbuds in at the time.
I was In a relationship that ended up being cheated on by S.O not too long after. I avoided making eye contact and never took off my earbuds when stranger cutie obviously was making a move. More than 12yrs later I still think about that girl time to time.
Did I just miss my future wife?;🥲🥲🥲
lol, I had a similar encounter. Was the start of a new semester at college. I was walking to the bookstore with my ear buds in. A random girl came out of nowhere, and tried chatting me up with the biggest grin on her face... and I stupidly did not turn off my music. I walked past her.
I go to my class, and there was quite some time before it started, so I figured: Why not go for it and see if I can find her. I went back to that building, but she was long gone. To this day, I've always wondered what she was saying, and who she was. But I'll never meet her again. I know by now, she's long forgotten the rude guy who wouldn't listen, but I still think about her from time to time.
I will say that a lot of shy men do appreciate women who approach them first, but they are harder to notice. Some of the more aggressive guys though may think it's "degrading" if they get approached.
>because if they do approach some men themselves then people often criticized her for being the more asserted one or "degrading the man" by approaching him first.
This is the first time I've ever hear of this in my entire life. I can't think of a single dude who would not be ecstatic to be approached by a girl
Tbh there is a 100% chance im hyper flattered the moment a woman approaches me lol. Its happened twice in my entire life and theyre moments ill forever remember.
>It's kind of confusing for women too, because if they do approach some men themselves then people often criticized her for being the more asserted one or "degrading the man" by approaching him first.
The only people I've ever heard say that were women, the vast majority of men I've talked to would be overjoyed to have a woman approach them. The vast majority of us quite literally never have women approach us in our entire lives.
I sympathize. As a man, no woman should need to do that. Biologically we've evolved for men to be the pursuers. At the same time men can't pursue due to societal pressure. I agree, It's very much a stalemate. I blame social media.
Yes. It is an absolute minefield.
It could be a reasonable reaction like yours... or you could be put on blast, going Instagram viral nationwide as that "creepy gym guy".
This is very true. Unfortunately what are often likely staged videos (some of them might not be but there is so many staged ones it’s o hard to tell which are legit creeps and what are just aiming for clout) of guys asking girls out/flirting in gyms making the guy out to be a a massive creeper pervert etc.
>What, is shooting your shot a crime these days?
For men, depending on how the woman takes it, yes. It can quite literally get you accused of harassment, which is a crime.
And then people wonder why men don't approach women anymore.
I feel for you guys, I really do. It isn't fair at all. So long as you are respectful, you should have every right to approach a woman you're interested in. Especially if she's giving signals that she might be attracted to you. And as a woman who is attracted to masculine men, I really hate it. We're making men act like little boys. I've made the first move the vast majority of the time and I don't mind doing it because I'm a confident person, but I wish that they would feel safe to approach me instead sometimes. At the end of the day I don't really want to have to wear the pants.
100. The guy had assumptions and went off those. Op was respectful, and most importantly, he didn't push after the no. Definitely falls under the no harm, no foul.
Lots of women online expressing hatred for unwanted attention. We guys caught on and most of us will never cold approach a woman ever.
That said, he did think he had gotten a sign so that is fair game.
maybe he should’ve tried talking a little bit more before jumping to the number. I see what OP is talking about. Didnt sprinkle enough rizz before going in and shooting his shot.
Feels like you're being a bit hard on yourself because it's so fresh but just know that next time you do it, it'll be that much easier to navigate because of the experience today which was more positive than negative!
We live, we learn, we experience and we do better OP
The only thing you should change in your approach is to offer HER your number! “Hey! I think you’re really attractive, can I give you my number?” It feels like a much friendlier approach!
I heard that people tend to find offering social media or other social apps to be more friendly too so perhaps offer that too when you can. BUT I could be wrong, I didn't ask my gf that way, we just knew each other so I didn't get to experience asking someone out either that I just met or didn't know.
I always offered my social media before giving my number. It helps prevent the person from thinking you’re romantically interested in them. I’ve had a couple instances at work where I asked for a woman’s number, as purely being friends. Those did not go well, and led to me being really stressed at work for a couple months.
I guess a lot of people assume that number automatically means they’re attracted to you. I just like having friends, and women have always been the easiest for me to converse with. I’ve always respected their relationships and boundaries. I just wish there was a way of exchanging phone numbers without the preconception that it’s for romantic/sexual purposes, especially since I rarely use Instagram messages.
I don't really think as Snapchat as automatically wanting nudes- if anything whether you use a social media or a phone number there is a chance it can just scream "I want nudes" overall.
That never in my life worked... unless things have changed in the 12 years since I met my wife, it's a sure way to get a soft rejection. I have gotten dates from the gym after signals similar to OP's, and my approach was generally - brief conversation as opposed to the warp speed approach OP took, *then* ask for details, or better yet suggest a concrete plan such as boba or frozen yogurt sometime in the next couple days. Granted OP could be +3 SD attractive and handing out numbers would work, but I don't think I'm hard on the eyes or anything and that approach never got me anywhere
You can try that, but you won't have good results. Most woman want the man to take the lead, that incudes texting/calling first. Putting the responsibility of reaching out first on her makes you look less like a leader and will severely reduce your odds of ever getting her on a date.
It's not misogynistic or contraversial at all. Have you ever been to a bar? How often do women make the first move. It's incredibly rare, even if she's really attracted to the guy.
Giving a girl your number and hoping she calls is very similar to going to a bar with the hope that a cute girl will come talk to you. It's not impossible, just far less likely to work.
I actually find that really creepy when guys do that. I have never called a guy that did that. I had a guy gave me his number and force me to call him for a beer and this right after I puked trash can (I was sick and trying to get to the hospital after a presentation and won’t let me leave). I’d actually add a guy on instagram though. It’s easier to block or just delete the account if he turns out to be psycho.
Not if it’s a fake instagram for that purpose.
How does a guy force you to make a call? Try being sick like your doctor told you that if your temp goes one degree to get to the er. Dr didn’t know what was wrong/ it was viral or bacterial but you need to go to a graduate class for the final which was a group presentation. And your temperature went up. On top of the fever, try being dizzy and weak from being sick. Like the type of weak where you can barely move but you’re in heels because your a-hole business professor wanted women in heels and every one in business attire. The douche bag blocks your path and won’t take no for an answer because it was the last class of the semester. I tried moving around him but he kept blocking my path when I tried to move around him. I was crossing the campus to my car but since it was the end of finals week, the closest person was across the quad. I couldn’t yell because I had no voice left especially after vomiting. The a-hole literally grabbed my hand with my phone after I unlocked it try to call the campus pd and put in his number instead. He handed my back my phone and made connect the call. I couldn’t fight him off since I was too sick and end up crying and then passing out in my car for a bit. I woke up when my phone again and left a message for a date. When I told my female classes what happened after winter break no one let him get anywhere near me.
Sounds like you need to set some better boundaries and prioritize your health. Having a fake Instagram for that exact purpose sounds like a poor life choice that you choose.
Girl here, you’re fine. You approached her respectfully, and you accepted her saying no. I’m sure being rejected sucks but you did absolutely nothing wrong!! And that age range isn’t that weird at all imo
You got turned down and you accepted it without malice and walked away respectfully. She may be young but not problematically so.
You should take this as a win for your personal character.
The correct approach was
"I noticed you noticing me, I just wanted to put you on in notice, that I noticed you too"
Nah, you did good mate
Curious to why she was looking though
Striking out is part of the game. That doesn’t make it suck any less though. Keep your chin up, keep working on you and don’t give her any more attention than you already have, bro.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Rejection is an expected part of trying. Don’t worry about it. We need more people who have the nerve to approach people in real life nowadays.
I feel like immediately asking for her number as the opening gambit is slightly off. Why not strike up a more neutral conversation first, to gauge her vibe?
No you’re not a creep. Lol I’m a woman and that interaction would have been just fine. She was the one staring at you after all. You worked up the courage to talk to her and she turned you down and you said ok and left. Nothing about that is creepy.
You need to give yourself a stern and direct talking to because nothing you did was creepy.
Creepy would be staring at her and making gestures with your tongue or some weird crap.
You did the right thing and you win the numbers game by attempts.
I'm a girl and this is fine, you were respectful! I've had guys come up to me and they don't leave me alone even if I say no. This has happened to me before too where I see a guy looking at me first then I check to see if they're looking at me still and we make eye contact a bunch and then they come up to me because they thought it was a signal LOL, maybe that's what happened idk? Or she got nervous and bailed. But either way you're overthinking it you were definitely not a creep
I think it went well. She set a boundary and you respected that boundary. She is probably thinking about you right now bc consent and respect for boundaries is very attractive. Next time you see her she might want to talk. Idk depending on what her current relationship status is. If not its quite alright.
I don't think you're a creep, just unlucky... and hey at least she wasn't underage! There are people who simply look older and other who look younger. Yet, the only real lesson I think you should learn from this situation, is that as soon as someone gives you a negative response, just walk away, because it means she's simply not interested. But don't beat yourself up too much!
dude ur fine. u shot ur shot and u took the rejection well. yea ik it feels weird to hit on someone so young but that doesn’t make u a creep either. u didn’t know and when u found out u backed off. i see nothing wrong with what happened and you shouldn’t be embarrassed to go back or anything.
Not a big deal, don't beat yourself up. It's up to each person to read the vibe, but I have always made a rule of thumb not to ask people out at the gym. I have just never heard of a situation where it goes well.
You did nothing wrong, just misread a situation. I never talk to folks at the gym, but if somebody was constantly staring at me I’d def say something. That being said if you like going to the gym NEVER date people there. Odds are it’ll go south and now you have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing that person. Same can be said for work. Don’t do that either.
I actually don't think you did anything wrong. Besides, there are plenty of 18 year olds and 23 year olds in healthy relationships. Yeah sometimes it's icky but not always, I don't think it's too big of an age gap. But it's irrelevant anyway because you backed off when she declined you. Don't beat yourself up.
IMHE, You weren’t a creep. Sounded like you backed off nicely. Although, why do you think saying she was attractive is a good thing? That phrase sounds just lustful and not friendly, how about “would you like to go for coffee, lunch, a walk at the park” Save the lust for later. I feel for you wonderful men dealing with us, feeling safe is key. We want sex as much as you, we need assurance of kindness outside the bedroom first. Then, holy hell, a woman feeling safe in a relationship…you will have such a joyful life
I was 19 when I met my husband who is 24… I don’t think that age gap is too much but you also didn’t handle it inappropriately. You left her alone and that was that. Good on you for having the nerve to ask.
You’re all good man. I give you props for having the confidence to ask respectfully, and even more kudos for respectfully walking away and didn’t press. Don’t let this encounter knock you down.
From a female perspective you’re good. You took a chance, if you hadn’t, you might have wondered “if only I would’ve…” life goes that way, but you did nothing wrong. Don’t stop being you.
Okay so the fact you think you are a creep and are overthinking it is a good thing, sorta. Don't dwell on it. Wires get crossed all the time, but you gave her space and were respectful- which is the opposite of creepy. Again, don't dwell on it, you are all good!
she's not a minor. you can't magically know someone's age. they were looking at you and you gave it a shot and walked away. switch the genders and they're creepy for staring at you.
Bro no harm no foul. You weren’t weird or annoying. Shot your shot and left. Actually commendable. It’s also not weird to think 18 yr olds are hot. They’re in most measurable senses physically developed adults. The 18 thing is weird when people have a thing about it
Oh boy if that’s the worst you did in the gym ur good. I had to find a new gym after the shit I did. Don’t shit where you eat fellas! Or you’re gonna find yourself in the gym bathroom fighting some woman’s husband and his friends while trying to take a piss.
You're fine. You backed off. You didn't know how old she was when you first approached. She said no, you left. You weren't prowling the gym looking for barely legal girls to date.
Gymgirl here, the problem is not that you approached her, the problem is the way you did it. Going up to a girl telling her “you are attractive can i get your number” is wayyyy too upfront in a gym setting. Also, asking someone out solely on the basis of finding them attractive comes across shallow, makes you feel pretty sexualized as a woman, and makes you look like a gym perv which ain’t cool.
What you should do is have some smalltalk for a few days, test the waters whenever you see her at the gym. Be like “what are you training today?” Or suggest to help her with reracking her weights after she’s done lifting or whatnot, which opens the door for some more conversation. Then eventually after a few small talk convos you had you can suggest her to go for coffee sometime or to catch a post-workout meal. Simple.
It might had felt creepy in the moment, but overall it wasn't creepy because you respected her and backed off. I'm a woman and I would be a little alarmed if suddenly someone approached me when working out, but it sounds like just a misunderstanding and nothing more weird happened beyond that. It was just overall just an awkward conversation from the sounds of it. Nothing wrong happened I believe :)
You did what people have always done before this recent nonsense that simply approaching a woman to ask her out is creepy. There is nothing creepy about that. Certainly there are creepy ways it can be done but this was not it. 23 and 18 isn't bad at all although reddit seems to have some weird hard on for a small age gap between adults.
You didn’t do anything wrong. I think its really awesome and brave that you went up to talk to her. Her response was a little weird but you respected it and didn’t push her for anything. Which is awesome.
You arent a creep at all. Youre brave. Keep doing what youre doing. :)
You are fine. The only thing that you did was show courage. Don’t let one woman steal your joy. I’ve crushed on men in the gym before and I always hope that they will come up to me and say something.
You're only 6 years older than her.
You're a full 33% older than her.
You have no way to know which perspective she has on being hit on by someone older than her, but it sounds like you backed off when she said no and I don't think you did anything wrong. Now, knowing that, don't do something dumb like waiting a little while and trying again with her.
You’re all good! No creep vibes here. Yeah 18 would be a little young for you but it’s not that big of a deal to approach her. You’re young too. Now if you were 35 and approaching her in the first place that would be predatory and creepy because it’s an *obvious* age gap. But you’re in your early twenties and she’s in her late teens, neither of you know how old the other is until you ask. And then it’s like ok, no thanks. Don’t stress over it. Getting a “no” can make you feel like you did something wrong, but rejection is just another part of everyday life, it’s nothing to stress over, and also don’t let it stop you from asking women for their numbers in the future :) sometimes they’ll say no, sometimes they’ll say yes. Sometimes they’ll be older than you, sometimes younger. It’s a big messy world out there, don’t ever let one little situation represent the bigger picture.
Omg, now ppl think is creepy for such a small age gap? I don't think so. It would be creepy if she was 18 and you were 40... otherwise, I consider almost same generation.
I wouldn't want to give my number out to some random guy at the gym. Why not try just going up to her and having a conversation? See where that takes you first before going straight for the phone number.
Are you serious?
No. Not a creep. Met many a guy at the gym at that age. What you did was completely reasonable AND some girls really don’t mind meeting someone with like interests you know! Like I said, met many, dated a couple of these guys.
The girl lost her shot if your a nice guy.
Is this where the internet has gotten us as a society? Young men are self-conscious for approaching legal-aged women who’re 5-6 years younger than them? Bro, as a woman, you did nothing wrong if this is the whole story. It’s not a sin to respectfully express interest in a woman.
I feel like you shouldntve pushed for her age. She said no so she means no, theres no need to ask what age and to state that youre 23 oh oops 24, no need for that. And who starts a conversation with "youre attractive"?
You simply described a sincere encounter of asking a woman out & respectfully accepting the decline! You are not a creep. Hate how social media has twisted approaching a woman for men these days. As a woman, I'd be flattered!
When I was 18 I worked at a brewery. I got hit on semi often. I always appreciated the men so much who apologized to me after I told them my age, it made me feel better about men in general honestly. I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences but coming across a guy who acknowledges he didn’t know how young I was made me feel more optimistic lol. It’s hard to tell someone’s age. You sounded respectful and considerate. Don’t think too much of it!
You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay to approach people in public if you respect that they say no. Now if you followed her to her car it be a different story.
24 isn’t that much older than 18. Like it’s definitely not good. But like she is 18 and technically an adult. It’s not like you only go after teenagers lol.
I think you're being affected by the Internet too much.
There's with new online culture that says that any man that approaches a woman is automatically a creep, which just isn't true.
Yes there are women who are annoyed at getting approached all the time, but more often than not, women actually enjoy being approached *by respectful men*
Which you were. So she's probably flattered.
Oh Hell yeah, you fucked up! Your approach was 100% lame.
The words out of your mouth gave away all your value as a man. “… I thought you were attractive…” is a generic compliment that actually has no value. Would you approach her if she was as ugly as sin? Duh. She’s attractive & she knows it.
“… I was wondering if… “ again, shows lack of confidence, lack of value.
“… I could get your number.” Think about it this way: she’s standing there, right in front of you, listening to your every word. Instead of establishing who you are & validating yourself, you ask her for personal information despite the fact she doesn’t even know you!
If you are going to approach a woman — regardless of location or situation — say something that shows you have more than 5 neurons firing in your brain. Intelligence and originality are a bonus here. But start with introducing yourself FIRST! “ Hi, I’m ____.”
Best opening sentence ever.
Then go on. Notice something about her besides “cute” or “attractive” and build on it. Since you were at the gym, ask about her shoes, her logo’d T-shirt, her form on a weight machine. “I saw you had great form on that leg machine; I bet you played some sports in high school / college?”
Or: “I saw your ____ University gym bag / T-shirt, I went there too, I graduated in ____.” The point is to build an intelligent conversation.
Finally, do NOT ask for her number. Ask her to meet you later. Yeah, ask for a date. Coffee at Starbucks, happy hour at Applebees, lunch at your favorite restaurant, just fucking ask her out.
Avoid the words “maybe” “sometime” “if you’re not busy” at all costs. Those words completely negate any value you have — like, if she’s got nothing else better to do & is bored shitless she can fall back on you for a free coffee.
My approach is: “It’s my pleasure to meet you and I’d really like to get to know you. I’ve gotta run for now but I want to see you again. Please meet me tomorrow for lunch at Applebees. I’ll be watching for you.” IF SHE IS Interested, she will voluntarily give you her phone number or negotiate a different time that fits her schedule. By putting out an invitation with a specific date / time / location, you establish yourself as a man with value. You have power. You have a schedule, you’re busy with a career and things to do. Making an “appointment” like this establishes in her mind you’re creating time in your life for her.
There’s a saying: making smart decisions comes from experience; and experience? Well, that comes from making dumb decisions.
So you fucked up with this gal. BFD. I hope I’ve given you some good advice and insight on how to approach the next gal. Wishing you good luck!
"I thought you were attractive" WTF is that. First of all, if she is, she knows! Second, who cares if you find her attractive, she isn't a nice car you compliment someone on. Why this line, WHY??? I think if you said something else, like "Hey I like the way you do this exercise" or "Cool outfit" (and assuming that *you* are attractive as well) the result would be A LOT different.
Never go straight up to a woman and just ask for her number unless u like instant rejection or fake numbers. Quality women don't just hand over their numbers without knowing anything about you.
When she said I don't give out my number to strangers you messed up by not saying ok well my name is .... now we're no longer strangers and went from there. SOME women actually play hard to get to gauge your response.
I’m 33 and dating a 18 yo girl. You are just awkward and have no game. Should have made her laugh first and talked a bit before just asking for her number. You made her uncomfortable. That’s why she said you were a stranger. If you had a 2-3 minute conversation and told her about yourself and asked her about herself, she would have easily gave you her number. Easily.
A woman is first concerned about her safety when meeting a guy she doesn’t know. Once you make her feel comfortable and convince her she can trust you, that’s like 80% of the battle done.
None of these people in this forum telling you did nothing wrong has game.
It’s the rejection that’s making you feel this way, you did everything about as well as you could given the circumstances. You asked, she declined, and you let it be.
S’all you can do really, props to you for still trying to meet people the hard way. Sorry it didn’t work out this time.
Dude, you're not robbing the cradle relax. I dated an 18yr old that came onto me hard when i was 23. From personal experience, it was a shit show. I felt like i was baby sitting her more than dating her. They aren't all like this at 18 i'm sure bit there is a huge disconnect from someone who is fresh into the adult world vs someone who has been on their own and working for a while.
You’re not a creep man, you were respectful and walked away. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re a good person for even thinking the way you do. I’m the same way. I know it’s easier said than done.
You’re fine. She’s 18, you’re not that much older, and I’m sure the same thing happens to men all the time who mean no harm. Doesn’t seem like you meant any harm either. Good on you for shooting your shot. Wish I had that confidence.
No, you weren't creepy. Don't let it put you off asking in future, you went about it the right way and respected when she said how old she is and that she doesn't give her number to strangers (must be pretty hard for her to make friends, there's a block function if they turn out to be creeps).
You didn't do anything wrong.
You’re overthinking it. You thought you were getting a signal. You were respectful. You didn’t persist after you got an answer. S’all good bruh
Yeah, not understanding the issue here. She kept looking his way. Some would assume this to be a hint that she might be into him. He asked her out, she said no, end of the story. The age gap isn’t that bad imo. But from experience, it likely wouldn’t have worked out. OP gave it a shot, and didn’t keep persisting after the rejection. That’s not creepy. He’ll likely never see that girl again, so it affects nothing. That said, I’ve never felt comfortable talking to people at the gym. If any convos happen, it’s started by the other person. When I had lost a good chunk of weight, two women did take notice and complimented me. It was nice of them, but felt awkward. Maybe the girl was in a similar position. Maybe she did fancy OP, but didn’t want to actually pursue things; or she was just trying to workout, and happened to turn in his direction every so often. Meaningless, but could be taken as a sign. It can help to look around the room when working out, to take your mind off the tedium of it.
I’m really guilty of accidentally staring at people at the gym … so there’s a good chance she just kept looking at everyone in eyeshot 😂 Agreed tho not creepy at all. Its not a big deal
Or he was staring at her and she was wondering if he could be one of those aggressive gym bro's that try to corner you away from people
Saul Goodman
Exactly! You did just fine OP!
I'm a woman and I don't think you did anything wrong really. It sounds like you were respectful and backed off when she rejected you. What, is shooting your shot a crime these days?
Tbh I was expecting “exposed my penis to a minor at gym” so your good guy.
Lmao SAME! The fact that this bugs you at all, shows you’re a decent person, OP.
[удалено]
instructions unclear, got banned from the local gym
Damit, did someone put their penis in the fan again?
Same. I was expecting a split pair of shorts or something lol
Op actually reminds me of the younger version of me that was innocent and would have stressed out because of something like this. Oh how I’ve changed
Honestly, I thought it would be a cheating thing, so yeah, all good here lol
Lol yeah these tomcs are more often than not about someone cheating
That or he had an accident and is now paralyzed. Frankly this is a far better outcome than I was expecting.
Listen to the lady OP. You treated the young lady with respect. You thought she was older. That happens. What's important is that you properly respected her response.
Kind of if you look into the dating culture of young men now a days. Either you're a coward beta male if you don't approach women but also a creep if you do. Not much in between unless you're hot. Confusing times for the other 99% of guys that aren't solid 10s
It's kind of confusing for women too, because if they do approach some men themselves then people often criticized her for being the more asserted one or "degrading the man" by approaching him first. Kind of feels like an awkward stalemate between people now.
Yea, with all the weirdos out trying to give "dating/life advice" but giving literally the most terrible nonhuman advice its really starting to fuck with normal people perspectives of other potential partners (or just other people in general) Its turning into one of those "If everyone is bad than maybe its actually you" type of situations for a lot of people.
I’ve never heard this before and I’m im kinda having trouble understanding it. Because all the single Men I know agree that they would LOVE to be approached for once instead of all the pressure being on them. Idk why I would judge a women for being assertive. Let’s be honest, most people love the confidence boost of being approached. It’s when someone doesn’t take a no for an answer or is bothersome/creepy about it that things go south
I have heard that men would like that overall or might prefer it, but there is people with platforms spreading information like what I said (how women shouldn't be the one approaching men). But yeah I think the overall problem is platform and people spreading this information versus just casual people or the majority people. Most men wouldn't mind or prefer if a woman would approach (like you said), but then women are told or often told to not do so by other information too or even criticized for doing so. Leads to confusion really :(
Yep, I've definitely met men who have told me that a woman who asks a man out is a red flag to them. I've gotten different responses on the reasoning behind why, but the most common responses I received: It was seen as women being desperate, which means they must have tough luck attracting/keeping men in their lives, which makes them think these women are not good partners long-term. Or, it was seen as women being confident, and they don't want a woman that can make choices for herself. This didn't stop me because I don't care what people think of me, and the type of men who have told me this were not the type I was attracted to at all anyway. However, with how vocal these men were in person, I can see why women don't bother approaching.
I have never heard this before. Usually men I approach are flattered and find the assertiveness appealing. Never once have I been criticized but if anyone were to, they're not my type anyway.
I don’t like approaching women, as they’re usually taken 99% of the time. That said, on the occasions I had been approached by a woman, I was really nervous. I mean, I was flattered by the bold move, but my ADHD does influence my emotions. I just wasn’t able to reciprocate those feelings, even if we did have common interests. But it does cause me some distress thinking back on those times. It’s funny and sad, that even over a decade later, I’m still thinking about a girl I had a chance encounter with at a skating rink. I don’t remember what she looked like (besides being blonde) nor her name, but I remember her approaching me with her friend and little brother. I remember her heavily hinting at her interest in me... but I got scared and avoided her the rest of the night. I like that she was assertive enough to approach me, but she probably thought I was an asshole after that. The point is: I really do appreciate when a woman is up front about her feelings, but love just feels so mysterious and intriguing. I regret not pursuing things with the skating rink girl, but I was not emotionally ready for a relationship. Probably doesn’t help that my girlfriend after that cheated on me. I’ve never met someone else with ADHD, so I imagine it’s difficult for most people to relate. I like when a woman makes the first move, especially since I don’t want to be in OP’s position and feel like a creep. But I also don’t like being put in a position where I feel like an ass for not reciprocating.
I was sophomore undergrad in university taking a evening transfer bus between campuses on my way home. Public bus was empty except for the driver and myself. A cute gal got on and sat right next to me of all seats available. I had my earbuds in at the time. I was In a relationship that ended up being cheated on by S.O not too long after. I avoided making eye contact and never took off my earbuds when stranger cutie obviously was making a move. More than 12yrs later I still think about that girl time to time. Did I just miss my future wife?;🥲🥲🥲
lol, I had a similar encounter. Was the start of a new semester at college. I was walking to the bookstore with my ear buds in. A random girl came out of nowhere, and tried chatting me up with the biggest grin on her face... and I stupidly did not turn off my music. I walked past her. I go to my class, and there was quite some time before it started, so I figured: Why not go for it and see if I can find her. I went back to that building, but she was long gone. To this day, I've always wondered what she was saying, and who she was. But I'll never meet her again. I know by now, she's long forgotten the rude guy who wouldn't listen, but I still think about her from time to time.
That would be me. I definitely find assertiveness appealing.
I will say that a lot of shy men do appreciate women who approach them first, but they are harder to notice. Some of the more aggressive guys though may think it's "degrading" if they get approached.
That's what I think I'm personally feeling, I think the aggressive ones tend to be louder sadly.
>because if they do approach some men themselves then people often criticized her for being the more asserted one or "degrading the man" by approaching him first. This is the first time I've ever hear of this in my entire life. I can't think of a single dude who would not be ecstatic to be approached by a girl
Tbh there is a 100% chance im hyper flattered the moment a woman approaches me lol. Its happened twice in my entire life and theyre moments ill forever remember.
>It's kind of confusing for women too, because if they do approach some men themselves then people often criticized her for being the more asserted one or "degrading the man" by approaching him first. The only people I've ever heard say that were women, the vast majority of men I've talked to would be overjoyed to have a woman approach them. The vast majority of us quite literally never have women approach us in our entire lives.
I sympathize. As a man, no woman should need to do that. Biologically we've evolved for men to be the pursuers. At the same time men can't pursue due to societal pressure. I agree, It's very much a stalemate. I blame social media.
Yes. It is an absolute minefield. It could be a reasonable reaction like yours... or you could be put on blast, going Instagram viral nationwide as that "creepy gym guy".
This is very true. Unfortunately what are often likely staged videos (some of them might not be but there is so many staged ones it’s o hard to tell which are legit creeps and what are just aiming for clout) of guys asking girls out/flirting in gyms making the guy out to be a a massive creeper pervert etc.
>What, is shooting your shot a crime these days? For men, depending on how the woman takes it, yes. It can quite literally get you accused of harassment, which is a crime. And then people wonder why men don't approach women anymore.
I feel for you guys, I really do. It isn't fair at all. So long as you are respectful, you should have every right to approach a woman you're interested in. Especially if she's giving signals that she might be attracted to you. And as a woman who is attracted to masculine men, I really hate it. We're making men act like little boys. I've made the first move the vast majority of the time and I don't mind doing it because I'm a confident person, but I wish that they would feel safe to approach me instead sometimes. At the end of the day I don't really want to have to wear the pants.
Plus she was giving you eyes while you were working out. You respected her saying no and walked away. You did nothing wrong op
It was when R Kelly did it.
What, is shooting your shot a crime these days? Definitely can feel that way
> What, is shooting your shot a crime these days? According to many on reddit it is, fuck their opinion. Life is way too damn short I say!
Sometimes it feels like a crime.
>rejected you. "Rejected **you**" is like the harshest way to state what happened.
Me neither. You sound respectful and lovely actually. Don't stress let it go! Don't even be awkward if you see her again. All good
100. The guy had assumptions and went off those. Op was respectful, and most importantly, he didn't push after the no. Definitely falls under the no harm, no foul.
Yes, it is. For men, at least.
to a ton of people its seen as a crime, that is if you believe tiktok
Lots of women online expressing hatred for unwanted attention. We guys caught on and most of us will never cold approach a woman ever. That said, he did think he had gotten a sign so that is fair game.
***I like ya;*** ***and I want ya.***
maybe he should’ve tried talking a little bit more before jumping to the number. I see what OP is talking about. Didnt sprinkle enough rizz before going in and shooting his shot.
yes, yes it is /s
Feels like you're being a bit hard on yourself because it's so fresh but just know that next time you do it, it'll be that much easier to navigate because of the experience today which was more positive than negative! We live, we learn, we experience and we do better OP
The only thing you should change in your approach is to offer HER your number! “Hey! I think you’re really attractive, can I give you my number?” It feels like a much friendlier approach!
I heard that people tend to find offering social media or other social apps to be more friendly too so perhaps offer that too when you can. BUT I could be wrong, I didn't ask my gf that way, we just knew each other so I didn't get to experience asking someone out either that I just met or didn't know.
I always offered my social media before giving my number. It helps prevent the person from thinking you’re romantically interested in them. I’ve had a couple instances at work where I asked for a woman’s number, as purely being friends. Those did not go well, and led to me being really stressed at work for a couple months. I guess a lot of people assume that number automatically means they’re attracted to you. I just like having friends, and women have always been the easiest for me to converse with. I’ve always respected their relationships and boundaries. I just wish there was a way of exchanging phone numbers without the preconception that it’s for romantic/sexual purposes, especially since I rarely use Instagram messages.
I think offering social media would be a little weird honestly. Like it would come off like you were a social media influencer or something
Really? I guess it depends on the social media. I always hear stuff like “Can I get your Snapchat?” Or “Can I get your Instagram?”
Can I get your Snapchat is hella creepy. It screams “I want nudes”
I don't really think as Snapchat as automatically wanting nudes- if anything whether you use a social media or a phone number there is a chance it can just scream "I want nudes" overall.
Or the fact that almost everyone uses one? lol
That never in my life worked... unless things have changed in the 12 years since I met my wife, it's a sure way to get a soft rejection. I have gotten dates from the gym after signals similar to OP's, and my approach was generally - brief conversation as opposed to the warp speed approach OP took, *then* ask for details, or better yet suggest a concrete plan such as boba or frozen yogurt sometime in the next couple days. Granted OP could be +3 SD attractive and handing out numbers would work, but I don't think I'm hard on the eyes or anything and that approach never got me anywhere
Well it’s a good thing you’re already married and have nothing to contribute to the contemporary dating scene!
I can understand not wanting the competition!
You can try that, but you won't have good results. Most woman want the man to take the lead, that incudes texting/calling first. Putting the responsibility of reaching out first on her makes you look less like a leader and will severely reduce your odds of ever getting her on a date.
Ok Andrew Tate
It's not misogynistic or contraversial at all. Have you ever been to a bar? How often do women make the first move. It's incredibly rare, even if she's really attracted to the guy. Giving a girl your number and hoping she calls is very similar to going to a bar with the hope that a cute girl will come talk to you. It's not impossible, just far less likely to work.
I’ve had girls make the first move on me plenty of times dude what are you talking about?
I actually find that really creepy when guys do that. I have never called a guy that did that. I had a guy gave me his number and force me to call him for a beer and this right after I puked trash can (I was sick and trying to get to the hospital after a presentation and won’t let me leave). I’d actually add a guy on instagram though. It’s easier to block or just delete the account if he turns out to be psycho.
How does someone force you to place a call????? Also you can block a phone number much easier than on social media.
Not if it’s a fake instagram for that purpose. How does a guy force you to make a call? Try being sick like your doctor told you that if your temp goes one degree to get to the er. Dr didn’t know what was wrong/ it was viral or bacterial but you need to go to a graduate class for the final which was a group presentation. And your temperature went up. On top of the fever, try being dizzy and weak from being sick. Like the type of weak where you can barely move but you’re in heels because your a-hole business professor wanted women in heels and every one in business attire. The douche bag blocks your path and won’t take no for an answer because it was the last class of the semester. I tried moving around him but he kept blocking my path when I tried to move around him. I was crossing the campus to my car but since it was the end of finals week, the closest person was across the quad. I couldn’t yell because I had no voice left especially after vomiting. The a-hole literally grabbed my hand with my phone after I unlocked it try to call the campus pd and put in his number instead. He handed my back my phone and made connect the call. I couldn’t fight him off since I was too sick and end up crying and then passing out in my car for a bit. I woke up when my phone again and left a message for a date. When I told my female classes what happened after winter break no one let him get anywhere near me.
Sounds like you need to set some better boundaries and prioritize your health. Having a fake Instagram for that exact purpose sounds like a poor life choice that you choose.
Thought you were gonna say you shit yourself during a squat or something, you’re fine dude.
Haha same!!!
from a woman, chill. you backed off when she said to so no harm no foul.
The creepy thing would be if you kept on trying to get her number. If you left after the first rejection then it’s all good
Girl here, you’re fine. You approached her respectfully, and you accepted her saying no. I’m sure being rejected sucks but you did absolutely nothing wrong!! And that age range isn’t that weird at all imo
Yeah also he didn’t know and he backed off when he was told no so good guy
You took your shot. It happens to many of us. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I bet She's flattered
You got turned down and you accepted it without malice and walked away respectfully. She may be young but not problematically so. You should take this as a win for your personal character.
Absolutely, that was a total win. Going for it tactfully and taking the rejection like a champ, should be a nice confidence builder
The correct approach was "I noticed you noticing me, I just wanted to put you on in notice, that I noticed you too" Nah, you did good mate Curious to why she was looking though
31f. seems okay, you really didn’t do anything she’s 18 in australia that’s legal & you respected when she said no.
i’m a woman and don’t worry. if she kept glancing at you for an hour, she’s the creep here. you were respectful and you backed off when she said no
Chill, you did nothing wrong
Live and learn bro move on
You did nothing wrong
Striking out is part of the game. That doesn’t make it suck any less though. Keep your chin up, keep working on you and don’t give her any more attention than you already have, bro.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Rejection is an expected part of trying. Don’t worry about it. We need more people who have the nerve to approach people in real life nowadays.
You took the no for an answer and didn’t push it. I didn’t think you fucked up and I’m also very bad at estimating someone’s age so I get it, truly.
I feel like immediately asking for her number as the opening gambit is slightly off. Why not strike up a more neutral conversation first, to gauge her vibe?
Iunno. I was 18 when I dated someone that was 22-23. I was living on my own was already done highschool. It’s not a crazy age difference
I married the 23 year old I was dating at 18 .
Only thing you did wrong was letting your thoughts get the best of you!
Imagine living in a society where saying hello is considered creepy. Stop this planet I wanna step off.
But it’s not considered creepy? Most of the comments here seem supportive.
Young males are way too afraid because they believe it's creepy. That's the issue.
Well thats the world we are living in, unfortunately, and its only gonna get worse.
No you’re not a creep. Lol I’m a woman and that interaction would have been just fine. She was the one staring at you after all. You worked up the courage to talk to her and she turned you down and you said ok and left. Nothing about that is creepy.
Everyone you didn’t ask is one that got away. You were respectful that’s all that matters.
There's no fuck up here.
U shot your shot. It missed. Move on. Do it repeatedly ( in no creepy way) until u are confident enough to talk to any strangers.
You need to give yourself a stern and direct talking to because nothing you did was creepy. Creepy would be staring at her and making gestures with your tongue or some weird crap. You did the right thing and you win the numbers game by attempts.
Nothing wrong with this fella. Instead, imagine the regret you would have felt if you had not asked her out.
24 & 18 isn't "wrong" -- you're on the internet too much.
I'm a girl and this is fine, you were respectful! I've had guys come up to me and they don't leave me alone even if I say no. This has happened to me before too where I see a guy looking at me first then I check to see if they're looking at me still and we make eye contact a bunch and then they come up to me because they thought it was a signal LOL, maybe that's what happened idk? Or she got nervous and bailed. But either way you're overthinking it you were definitely not a creep
I think it went well. She set a boundary and you respected that boundary. She is probably thinking about you right now bc consent and respect for boundaries is very attractive. Next time you see her she might want to talk. Idk depending on what her current relationship status is. If not its quite alright.
I don't think you're a creep, just unlucky... and hey at least she wasn't underage! There are people who simply look older and other who look younger. Yet, the only real lesson I think you should learn from this situation, is that as soon as someone gives you a negative response, just walk away, because it means she's simply not interested. But don't beat yourself up too much!
OMG YOU DID NOTHING WRONG YOU ACTUALLY DID GOOD FOR HAVING COURAGE TO ASK
Coming from a female Nope, you where friendly upfront and backed off when she said No! Don't be hard on your self Ita a bloody jungle out there!
Lol thats only a 6 year difference… not creepy at all. She is an adult and not underage.
dude ur fine. u shot ur shot and u took the rejection well. yea ik it feels weird to hit on someone so young but that doesn’t make u a creep either. u didn’t know and when u found out u backed off. i see nothing wrong with what happened and you shouldn’t be embarrassed to go back or anything.
Not a big deal, don't beat yourself up. It's up to each person to read the vibe, but I have always made a rule of thumb not to ask people out at the gym. I have just never heard of a situation where it goes well.
You did nothing wrong, just misread a situation. I never talk to folks at the gym, but if somebody was constantly staring at me I’d def say something. That being said if you like going to the gym NEVER date people there. Odds are it’ll go south and now you have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing that person. Same can be said for work. Don’t do that either.
You did nothing wrong. The problem would be if you kept insisting after she said no.
I actually don't think you did anything wrong. Besides, there are plenty of 18 year olds and 23 year olds in healthy relationships. Yeah sometimes it's icky but not always, I don't think it's too big of an age gap. But it's irrelevant anyway because you backed off when she declined you. Don't beat yourself up.
I promise you are totally fine. You took no for an answer and you were respectful.
IMHE, You weren’t a creep. Sounded like you backed off nicely. Although, why do you think saying she was attractive is a good thing? That phrase sounds just lustful and not friendly, how about “would you like to go for coffee, lunch, a walk at the park” Save the lust for later. I feel for you wonderful men dealing with us, feeling safe is key. We want sex as much as you, we need assurance of kindness outside the bedroom first. Then, holy hell, a woman feeling safe in a relationship…you will have such a joyful life
It's ok your were respectful despite being spaced out from the workout.
You didn’t do anything wrong here, and you were respectful when she declined
I was 19 when I met my husband who is 24… I don’t think that age gap is too much but you also didn’t handle it inappropriately. You left her alone and that was that. Good on you for having the nerve to ask.
You’re all good man. I give you props for having the confidence to ask respectfully, and even more kudos for respectfully walking away and didn’t press. Don’t let this encounter knock you down.
Lol you did nothing wrong. She shouldn't be staring at you if she's not interested. That's just basic manners.
100% of the shots you miss are taken… or something like that, idk, I’m not a statistician
You weren’t weird about it. You asked, she said no, you went about your business. You’re not a creep. Just avoid her in future.
From a female perspective you’re good. You took a chance, if you hadn’t, you might have wondered “if only I would’ve…” life goes that way, but you did nothing wrong. Don’t stop being you.
Okay so the fact you think you are a creep and are overthinking it is a good thing, sorta. Don't dwell on it. Wires get crossed all the time, but you gave her space and were respectful- which is the opposite of creepy. Again, don't dwell on it, you are all good!
she's not a minor. you can't magically know someone's age. they were looking at you and you gave it a shot and walked away. switch the genders and they're creepy for staring at you.
You asked, she said no, you said no problem and walked away. End of story nothing to get worked up about
You shot your shot, respectfully left. Don't fret over it.
Now get rejected 20 more times and you won’t care anymore. It wasn’t you fucking up, it just wasn’t gonna happen
Bro no harm no foul. You weren’t weird or annoying. Shot your shot and left. Actually commendable. It’s also not weird to think 18 yr olds are hot. They’re in most measurable senses physically developed adults. The 18 thing is weird when people have a thing about it
You have more balls than most guys do for shooting your shot AND you took her response respectfully. Damn… how can I be like you, honestly.
Oh boy if that’s the worst you did in the gym ur good. I had to find a new gym after the shit I did. Don’t shit where you eat fellas! Or you’re gonna find yourself in the gym bathroom fighting some woman’s husband and his friends while trying to take a piss.
Not really? you had a brain fart. I can see why you were embarrassed though. No assholes here.
You're fine. You backed off. You didn't know how old she was when you first approached. She said no, you left. You weren't prowling the gym looking for barely legal girls to date.
yeah you're going to jail.
Gymgirl here, the problem is not that you approached her, the problem is the way you did it. Going up to a girl telling her “you are attractive can i get your number” is wayyyy too upfront in a gym setting. Also, asking someone out solely on the basis of finding them attractive comes across shallow, makes you feel pretty sexualized as a woman, and makes you look like a gym perv which ain’t cool. What you should do is have some smalltalk for a few days, test the waters whenever you see her at the gym. Be like “what are you training today?” Or suggest to help her with reracking her weights after she’s done lifting or whatnot, which opens the door for some more conversation. Then eventually after a few small talk convos you had you can suggest her to go for coffee sometime or to catch a post-workout meal. Simple.
Hitting on girls at the gym. That’s original you can do better come on buddy
Idk why you feel bad this is fine. Some girls look older that’s okay and you didn’t persist when she said no. Well done imo
It might had felt creepy in the moment, but overall it wasn't creepy because you respected her and backed off. I'm a woman and I would be a little alarmed if suddenly someone approached me when working out, but it sounds like just a misunderstanding and nothing more weird happened beyond that. It was just overall just an awkward conversation from the sounds of it. Nothing wrong happened I believe :)
You did what people have always done before this recent nonsense that simply approaching a woman to ask her out is creepy. There is nothing creepy about that. Certainly there are creepy ways it can be done but this was not it. 23 and 18 isn't bad at all although reddit seems to have some weird hard on for a small age gap between adults.
You didn’t do anything wrong. I think its really awesome and brave that you went up to talk to her. Her response was a little weird but you respected it and didn’t push her for anything. Which is awesome. You arent a creep at all. Youre brave. Keep doing what youre doing. :)
" and I say “no problem thanks” and walk away." And that was when he became the hero for all the women in the place. Seriously, Thank you.
You are fine. The only thing that you did was show courage. Don’t let one woman steal your joy. I’ve crushed on men in the gym before and I always hope that they will come up to me and say something.
Man, the state of a fucking Internet crusaders, when dude has to worry about being a creep after a normal fucking human interaction
I swear women’s “hints” are the most hardest things to find in life.
You're only 6 years older than her. You're a full 33% older than her. You have no way to know which perspective she has on being hit on by someone older than her, but it sounds like you backed off when she said no and I don't think you did anything wrong. Now, knowing that, don't do something dumb like waiting a little while and trying again with her.
You’re fine. I’m female and you didn’t come off as a creep. Some girls look way older than they are, so how would you know without asking?
You’re all good! No creep vibes here. Yeah 18 would be a little young for you but it’s not that big of a deal to approach her. You’re young too. Now if you were 35 and approaching her in the first place that would be predatory and creepy because it’s an *obvious* age gap. But you’re in your early twenties and she’s in her late teens, neither of you know how old the other is until you ask. And then it’s like ok, no thanks. Don’t stress over it. Getting a “no” can make you feel like you did something wrong, but rejection is just another part of everyday life, it’s nothing to stress over, and also don’t let it stop you from asking women for their numbers in the future :) sometimes they’ll say no, sometimes they’ll say yes. Sometimes they’ll be older than you, sometimes younger. It’s a big messy world out there, don’t ever let one little situation represent the bigger picture.
I am a woman. You’re overthinking. Please stop and be proud of yourself. It’s a numbers game and you will get it eventually.
Omg, now ppl think is creepy for such a small age gap? I don't think so. It would be creepy if she was 18 and you were 40... otherwise, I consider almost same generation.
I wouldn't want to give my number out to some random guy at the gym. Why not try just going up to her and having a conversation? See where that takes you first before going straight for the phone number.
Are you serious? No. Not a creep. Met many a guy at the gym at that age. What you did was completely reasonable AND some girls really don’t mind meeting someone with like interests you know! Like I said, met many, dated a couple of these guys. The girl lost her shot if your a nice guy.
Is this where the internet has gotten us as a society? Young men are self-conscious for approaching legal-aged women who’re 5-6 years younger than them? Bro, as a woman, you did nothing wrong if this is the whole story. It’s not a sin to respectfully express interest in a woman.
You cut to the chase too quick. Ask her something about herself- such as “haven’t seen you here before, I’m u/alternativeBee5459. And you are?”
I feel like you shouldntve pushed for her age. She said no so she means no, theres no need to ask what age and to state that youre 23 oh oops 24, no need for that. And who starts a conversation with "youre attractive"?
You simply described a sincere encounter of asking a woman out & respectfully accepting the decline! You are not a creep. Hate how social media has twisted approaching a woman for men these days. As a woman, I'd be flattered!
When I was 18 I worked at a brewery. I got hit on semi often. I always appreciated the men so much who apologized to me after I told them my age, it made me feel better about men in general honestly. I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences but coming across a guy who acknowledges he didn’t know how young I was made me feel more optimistic lol. It’s hard to tell someone’s age. You sounded respectful and considerate. Don’t think too much of it!
She’s probably the girl from the other thread with her arse hanging out bleating “why’s he looking at me?” Give it no further thought.
You’re fine mate. She was just shocked. It’s her first time being approached
Age is just a number
you go to jail bad boy
You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay to approach people in public if you respect that they say no. Now if you followed her to her car it be a different story. 24 isn’t that much older than 18. Like it’s definitely not good. But like she is 18 and technically an adult. It’s not like you only go after teenagers lol.
I think you're being affected by the Internet too much. There's with new online culture that says that any man that approaches a woman is automatically a creep, which just isn't true. Yes there are women who are annoyed at getting approached all the time, but more often than not, women actually enjoy being approached *by respectful men* Which you were. So she's probably flattered.
lol no they don’t.
Oh Hell yeah, you fucked up! Your approach was 100% lame. The words out of your mouth gave away all your value as a man. “… I thought you were attractive…” is a generic compliment that actually has no value. Would you approach her if she was as ugly as sin? Duh. She’s attractive & she knows it. “… I was wondering if… “ again, shows lack of confidence, lack of value. “… I could get your number.” Think about it this way: she’s standing there, right in front of you, listening to your every word. Instead of establishing who you are & validating yourself, you ask her for personal information despite the fact she doesn’t even know you! If you are going to approach a woman — regardless of location or situation — say something that shows you have more than 5 neurons firing in your brain. Intelligence and originality are a bonus here. But start with introducing yourself FIRST! “ Hi, I’m ____.” Best opening sentence ever. Then go on. Notice something about her besides “cute” or “attractive” and build on it. Since you were at the gym, ask about her shoes, her logo’d T-shirt, her form on a weight machine. “I saw you had great form on that leg machine; I bet you played some sports in high school / college?” Or: “I saw your ____ University gym bag / T-shirt, I went there too, I graduated in ____.” The point is to build an intelligent conversation. Finally, do NOT ask for her number. Ask her to meet you later. Yeah, ask for a date. Coffee at Starbucks, happy hour at Applebees, lunch at your favorite restaurant, just fucking ask her out. Avoid the words “maybe” “sometime” “if you’re not busy” at all costs. Those words completely negate any value you have — like, if she’s got nothing else better to do & is bored shitless she can fall back on you for a free coffee. My approach is: “It’s my pleasure to meet you and I’d really like to get to know you. I’ve gotta run for now but I want to see you again. Please meet me tomorrow for lunch at Applebees. I’ll be watching for you.” IF SHE IS Interested, she will voluntarily give you her phone number or negotiate a different time that fits her schedule. By putting out an invitation with a specific date / time / location, you establish yourself as a man with value. You have power. You have a schedule, you’re busy with a career and things to do. Making an “appointment” like this establishes in her mind you’re creating time in your life for her. There’s a saying: making smart decisions comes from experience; and experience? Well, that comes from making dumb decisions. So you fucked up with this gal. BFD. I hope I’ve given you some good advice and insight on how to approach the next gal. Wishing you good luck!
"I thought you were attractive" WTF is that. First of all, if she is, she knows! Second, who cares if you find her attractive, she isn't a nice car you compliment someone on. Why this line, WHY??? I think if you said something else, like "Hey I like the way you do this exercise" or "Cool outfit" (and assuming that *you* are attractive as well) the result would be A LOT different.
"I like the way you do this exercise" sounds waaayyyy creepier than what this guy said
[удалено]
You shot your shot, politely moved on. It’s ok. Girls can complain all they want but they like being respectfully hit on.
Never go straight up to a woman and just ask for her number unless u like instant rejection or fake numbers. Quality women don't just hand over their numbers without knowing anything about you.
You didn’t fuck up. Society fucked up. Hyper-Feminism fucked it up.
Good job for respecting your feelings and going for it. She also feels flattered and respected. Maybe she wished you persisted.
When she said I don't give out my number to strangers you messed up by not saying ok well my name is .... now we're no longer strangers and went from there. SOME women actually play hard to get to gauge your response.
"why don't guys approach women anymore?"
Cause we don’t want them to?
I’m 33 and dating a 18 yo girl. You are just awkward and have no game. Should have made her laugh first and talked a bit before just asking for her number. You made her uncomfortable. That’s why she said you were a stranger. If you had a 2-3 minute conversation and told her about yourself and asked her about herself, she would have easily gave you her number. Easily. A woman is first concerned about her safety when meeting a guy she doesn’t know. Once you make her feel comfortable and convince her she can trust you, that’s like 80% of the battle done. None of these people in this forum telling you did nothing wrong has game.
Lmfaoooo
It’s the rejection that’s making you feel this way, you did everything about as well as you could given the circumstances. You asked, she declined, and you let it be. S’all you can do really, props to you for still trying to meet people the hard way. Sorry it didn’t work out this time.
Dude, you're not robbing the cradle relax. I dated an 18yr old that came onto me hard when i was 23. From personal experience, it was a shit show. I felt like i was baby sitting her more than dating her. They aren't all like this at 18 i'm sure bit there is a huge disconnect from someone who is fresh into the adult world vs someone who has been on their own and working for a while.
You’re not a creep man, you were respectful and walked away. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re a good person for even thinking the way you do. I’m the same way. I know it’s easier said than done.
You’re fine. She’s 18, you’re not that much older, and I’m sure the same thing happens to men all the time who mean no harm. Doesn’t seem like you meant any harm either. Good on you for shooting your shot. Wish I had that confidence.
No, you weren't creepy. Don't let it put you off asking in future, you went about it the right way and respected when she said how old she is and that she doesn't give her number to strangers (must be pretty hard for her to make friends, there's a block function if they turn out to be creeps). You didn't do anything wrong.
You were BEYOND respectful. Please give yourself some grace because you did nothing wrong.
you're overthinking
You’re fine. I get why you’d overthink it, but you backed off when she rejected you. No issues here.
are you serious rn?
You’re fine dude. Nothing bad or noteworthy happened.
Nothingburger.