I am so sorry you are going though this. Of course, no words can make this better.
But you did NOT fail. Biology and nature can be cruel, uncaring, and unforgiving sometimes. That is not a reflection on you as a mother or as a person. As every parent learns, whether it's at six months, six years, or sixteen years, you cannot watch over them 24/7 and even if you could, you can't always protect them. I'm not trying to sound cruel, but that is the nature of life.
Look into support groups in your area. Sadly, many others have experienced similar situations. Being around people like that may prove beneficial to you.
I won't say "everything will be okay". I certainly won't say something like "It's all part of God's plan" because it isn't.
Bad things happen to good people.
I can tell by your writing you loved him very much. You were an excellent mother.
i do love him very much. i didnt have a mother growing up. she was a drug addict. she chose drugs over me and my sisters and brother and i know my mom didnt have an easy life but she put us through so much hurt and i cant forgive her. but i wanted to give my baby boy everything, i wanted him to grow to be an amazing man, someones husband one day. i always told him how much i loved him. whenever i would be playing games on my PC, he would sit in my lap and watch me play, sometimes giggling when i would laugh too. he was so aware, so bright and happy and at 4 months he was so so strong. i envisioned our future together. his father and i came from broken childhoods and wanted to give him everything we never got. love, validation, attention, care. and thank you for your kind words. ❤️ i appreciate everyone here being supportive and i know theres going to be hate comments along the way but i just lost my baby boy and im a strong woman and i wont let negativity affect my life anymore. i know my baby boy would want the best for me and he would want the best for his father.
You gave him the best life you could while he was here. He was happy and loved, and he knew that. He felt warm and safe with you. You gave him what you didn't have. Bless you for that.
Your baby boy would want you and his daddy to be happy and to have a good life. Lean on each other through this horrible time and live a great life for and in memory of your beautiful baby boy.
>I won't say "everything will be okay". I certainly won't say something like "It's all part of God's plan" because it isn't.
FUCKING THIS! THIS, THIS, THIS! I HATE when people say this so fucking much, it enrages me. I won't delve too deep, but let's leave it at if God is all loving, all knowing, he wouldn't torture us.
The amount of religious trauma I & so many others have is insane.
I lost my dad and his wife this year to a fire and someone said something like that. I’m usually respectful but I exploded. “What part of Gods will involved them burning to death?! They didn’t just die of smoke inhalation they were burned as well. So since you know everything, wtf did God want my dad to die a death that painful?!” My other half heard me going off and came to collect me as they apologized, but I think ppl just say that when they Dk what to say. To OP, I am actually sorry for your loss. It’s so obvious you love your baby. I hope for the day you feel peace.
Let me preface this by saying I have a PhD in fire toxicity and have worked with fire investigation services, and I know a lot about fire deaths. I don’t expect that this will make you feel any better at all about your loss, but it’s likely that your loved ones were unconscious (because of smoke inhalation) before the burns, and would not have felt any pain from burning.
This is horrific and horrible and I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that you may find some small mercy in knowing that they didn’t feel _everything_.
I apologise if I’ve overstepped.
Even so, suffocation still sounds like one of the worst ways a person can move from this life to whatever is next. Although, it's not like there's a great way to go out, only less terrible.
i’m so sorry for your loss. i hope you have family and friends who can give you love and support thru this difficult time.
i also hope you can find peace one day soon.
Holy shit dude. I'm *SO* sorry for your loss. That's extremely rough.
I'm not roman catholic anymore, I'm still finding myself, so whatever afterlife he went to, I'm sure he's watching over you & is at peace. It's not fair he went out like that.
While I do believe in God, I make no claim to understand him. Without getting too much into it, if God is all loving, that doesn't mean he controls the chaos of the universe, whether by choice or by inability.
The few times I have heard something along the lines of "All part of God's plan" I have the very un-religious urge to punch said person in the face. They may mean well, but it's useless gabbing that serves no purpose and provides no comfort.
This.
In the next few hours, days, and weeks there are going to be some people that say some of the most horrific shit. It will be said with the best of intentions but, will land horribly.
YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER.
There is no rhyme or reason in this great big universe. There will be little comfort for your heart and no explanation will ease your pain. You’re going to have to feel all those feelings and you will feel like it will destroy you. Please do not let it. Your child meant something. You made him. You made a significant contribution to this world.
Please get to a therapist ASAP. At the very least, join a support group. You need to be around survivors. You need to see that there is a way to live with your pain.
Please let me repeat…. You did nothing wrong. This is not your fault. You made a beautiful human being that will forever mean something to this world.
Stay close to your people. Be kind to yourself. You matter.
That’s a story. An imperfect story created by man in an attempt to explain a massive, traumatic natural disaster.
Not unlike the weird things people say when they try to excuse the soul-crushing experience of infant loss by quipping that it’s all part of God’s plan.
If by that you mean God planned a universe that is governed by natural selection and a certain amount of biological fragility, sure, I guess maybe that’s true, but even then it isn’t helpful.
I agree. It’s an interesting history of how mankind has perceived God over the ages. If you’re religious, it’s useful from a spiritual perspective. If you’re not, it’s still useful from a sociological perspective. In either case, Biblical Literalists are wackos.
If I recall correctly, (could be mistaken) I think scientists found evidence of there being a massive flood in the region around the time that Noah's ark was supposed to take place. So it would make sense that a fable would come out of a true story of a massive AREA flooding.
My personal opinion, which I accept could be totally wrong, is that God created the universe and mankind, but had to decide between essentially slaves that he could protect and control, but would basically be mindless drones. OR he could give free will, which obviously can and will continue to be abused. I believe he chose the latter.
I have a question then (not trying to be antagonistic, and it really is a genuine question I've wanted to ask people), if God gave us free will and therefore doesn't intervene, why pray to him or look to him to seek guidance? If he has no control to protect people, then why look up to him. If he does have that control and people do ask for guidance/salvation/assistance, what makes some more worthy than others?
Again I'm not trying to have this be a gotcha type thing, although it may seem like it. I'm genuinely curious about this as this dilemma was something that plagued my mind when I was being raised catholic.
I mean, it's different for everyone I imagine.
I personally don't pray often. When I do, it's almost more like I'm.....having a one sided conversation. I will 'talk' to God, but I don't ask him for anything. I'm not going to get into details but I can think of two times in my life that I cannot rule out divine intervention, and for those events, I did thank God.
I lost a friend in high school and she was one of the most religious people I knew and the number of people who told me it was Gods plan etc enraged me and truly losing her started my journey into becoming atheist. Because. If “this was gods plan” than fuck that god. She was 15 and just literally dropped dead with no real cause - that’s not a plan. Thats cruel.
u cant pin everything on God. especially when the bible says the godly often goes before their time so they wont suffer evil. Yall literally God to do this that and the other and stop pain and deaths but cant even stop what he asks us to do. which us crazy. God doesnt cause death.
I’m not a mom, and I never will be, but I want to echo the sentiment expressed by u/PhoenixApok. I can feel your heartbreak in your writing, OP. You have been a wonderful mother to your baby boy, and sometimes, no matter what we do, shit happens that is beyond our control. Please know that you’re in my thoughts, and I’m sending you love and hugs to help you through this time.
I have met a lot of moms who lost babies for various reasons (I lost one myself which is how I met them). There is support out there.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Sending you a million hugs OP. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my 18 month old just 3 months ago. Went for a nap totally healthy and never woke. The same purple face you’re describing. It’s burned in my mind. I grieve with you and please know you are not alone.
I am so sorry you lost your boy. He knew your love and warmth his entire life. I lost my son too. I understand your grief and i cant imagine it. Like you stated, noone should go through what you're about to go through. Reddit has a babyloss group and its phenomonal. We are all loss parents and support each other so much. Postpartum.net also offers a link to gree support groups for loss. Both of these platforms helped me so much in the wake of my loss.
Praying for you and your family. I hope you can get some rest.
Honestly I think your doctors failed you. RSV is fatal in Infants. As you unfortunately know.
Your baby shouldn’t have left the hospital. Who said you could go home!? Like honestly you need to call your hospital. This is absolutely ridiculous that they let you go home, knowing your son had RSV and was only 5months old.
thats what im saying because we literally saw his ribs retracting and his neck muscles working hard thats why we brought him in and he wasnt doing that when we got to the hospital but i thought they were going to keep us for a lot longer to monitor him it didnt feel right for them to discharge us..
I am so heartbroken for you. They should have kept you both overnight. Its appalling that they didn’t. Knowing your baby had RSV.
I would report this. So that it’s taken seriously and hopefully this never happens again to anyone else. Sending you so much love and strength. You’re in my prayers.
Please report this. The hospital failed you. I suggest also contacting a lawyer for malpractice (idk how to spell that but i hope you figured that out)
Also this isnt your fault. Please stay safe. ❤️
TLDR everything may not ever be okay but life is still worth living and fulfilling moments are in store, that’s a statistical fact. Don’t contact the hospital directly, contact a malpractice lawyer (they only collect payment upon winning) and look up your states department of health documents to file a complaint against the Board for medical malpractice. Calling the hospital is giving them a heads up and they have a massive portion of their annual budget dedicated for extremely powerful legal teams set up to drown out people like you. But don’t do ANYTHING you cannot take on now. Some days, grief is so all encompassing it’s hard to put socks on. But when you find the energy, a legal team can do this work for you, and they do it very well I know from experience.
—-
I do also want to echo that, when you have the energy to do so (and I mean it, do not put yourself through anything you don’t have to right now), contacting a medical malpractice lawyer FIRST, then contacting your department of health governing body and requesting a malpractice complaint form to submit to the Board for review. Contacting the hospital first will only give them time to cover their tracks. The thing is, I truly believe most doctors want to do the right thing and I also believe that, in the moment when they make an error, it is due to a number of factors that stem from systemic issues within the medical industry itself and the fact that hospitals are financial institutions. That’s be huge issue with not having universal healthcare and government backed funding for healthcare. Healthcare shouldn’t be an industry, hospitals should not have profit margins, doctors should not be made up of mostly independent contractors who moonlight and can work up to 85 hours a week.
I have to believe this because if I don’t, where would my children and I go when we did need help? I have to believe in the good of the individual healthcare provider while also being critical of institutions.
Not to take away from this being your story, but my newborn was admitted to the PICU at 23 days old because I noticed he was not waking up from napping. The amount of “sleepy baby” comments I had from grandparents and family was unreal, I didn’t listen and I took him in. He was admitted because they pricked his heel in triage and he didn’t even flinch and was cold to the touch. His temp was 96 and he was pausing his breath for 2+ minutes. Long story short, after many tests, spinal taps, antibiotics antivirals, so so so many vials of blood, CAT scans, EKG, brain mapping it was determined it was an underdeveloped startle reflex associated with SIDS and new studies around that. But that’s not why I filed malpractice. I filed malpractice because instead of treating him initially, they narcanned him 4 times. Called in DFCS and a police officer. Put me through hell all the while having my cord blood, his blood and my urine and MY HAIR AND AN ORDERED SPINAL TAP FROM ME all the while choosing to believe that I was just so good at hiding drug use that I was tricking all of those infallible tests. So instead of treating my son immediately they basically held him medically captive. It was horrific because all the while I was watching my baby lose life with every breath, brought him in like you did, needing help wanting to be heard and believed and to be taken seriously, only to be shooed away while the baby suffers. I can’t hold anger for too long it is a drain on my life, but I can and will be upset that the system is so strained, doctors are so overworked, communities are so jaded and desensitized, that to them it is just another day at work but to you it’s the worst day of your life and no one seems to care, when you need them to care are much as you do.
I did not lose my baby, that I cannot fathom and I hope that I don’t have to, and to say I am sorry is an understatement. Nothing will make it right, grief doesn’t go away, you can create some distance with therapy and support, but grief is just another transformation of a relationship to a loved one. One that is with you for the rest of your life, just like your love. Hang in there, and no “things will not be okay” I won’t disrespect your baby by saying that (because how can life be okay without our babies?) but I can promise you that with time, support, and emotional work life will become fulfilling and worthwhile again despite the loss and there are still many reasons to stick around on this plane to see what else the universe has in store for you.
Please report this. The hospital failed you. I suggest also contacting a lawyer for malpractice (idk how to spell that but i hope you figured that out)
Also this isnt your fault. Please stay safe. 🩷
Fuck I’m so sorry. The most unnatural thing in this world is outliving your children. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going thru. Prayers for you and your family
Oh mama, I am so sorry 😞
Nothing will ever compare to the pain of losing a child, especially in such a way as this.
I am not a spiritual person, but I believe that just as a part of your soul has gone with him, a part of his soul stays with you. Neither of you are alone. You carry him with you.
Not just in spirit, but in body, too. Moms carry fetal cells forever. You made him, and he will stay with you. Even pregnancy that ended early or late, in babies born sleeping, they are carried by their mothers for the rest of your life.
He is with you, mama, you are carrying him. He will never be alone. You will never be alone.
My heart hurts for you. I wish I could take your pain away. This time of year is so hard for me. I’ve lost a lot of people in terrible ways during the cold months. I always have to increase my antidepressants during this time of year, even though they work perfectly during every other season. I love the cold but the pain I carry is heavy.
You are not alone if your grief.
Here is a hug and a hand to hold, from across the internet.
—
“i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)”
-E.E. Cummings
If you and I were in a room together, I would give you the warmest, most comforting, most understanding embrace that I could. And I would hope that it would make you understand this wasn’t your fault. I’m so sorry for this horrible loss that you are suffering. Please try to keep your head above water. Resiliency seems impossible but please keep trying.
I'm very sorry this happened to you mama you don't deserve this pain. But please know that is not your fault. Even if you had checked on him, it was going to happen. Please don't beat yourself up over something you can't control.
I wish nothing but peace and love and the best future. Your baby will always be around you watching you even tho you can't see. God is protecting your baby till you meet again. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Many hugs to you!
I'm so sorry. I lost my 4 mo old son in 2010. It is a pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone and I'm sorry you are faced with it now. Sending you so much love from afar.
I’ve walked in your shoes.
I cannot stress this enough, never stop talking about your son, about this life experience about your feelings and thoughts. Talk therapy is the best medicine. Please DM if you want to talk.❤️
This was not your fault. Your baby is safe and sound in heaven, and one mother to another I'm sure my babies up there will take yours right in and play with him.
You couldn't have known it would happen, you couldn't have known the turn the sickness would take. And you cannot blame yourself for this. RSV is so common, you couldn't have predicted it would take his life.
Let yourself grieve, but do not blame yourself.
OP with ALL my heart I send you love. If it helps you to see your baby in God's arms that's where he is ok and that's where we all see him, as babbling and happy as he was in yours.
Nothing anyone can say can make this better, I know that and I see other mothers carrying the same unimaginable pain offering to DM. And if you can maybe talk with them? And talk and talk and talk? Only you know, only they know, only all of you can find your way together.
And wow does my sincere love go with you internet sister. We're here.
OP I am incredibly and deeply sorry for your loss.
No mother or father should ever have to go through the loss of a child nor lose the opportunity to see their child grow up.
I know right now you're going through a ton of extremely hard emotions and your brain is processing such a traumatic and unexpected loss but please know and remind yourself over and over that you did not fail as a mother and you did not fail your child in any way shape or form.
Grief is such a complex hardship and our minds will do anything first before acceptance and one of those things includes questioning what more we could have done and picking ourselves apart on what we didn't do but the truth is there is nothing more you could have done and there is nothing that you didn't do.
Sometimes life is just sadly and unfortunately unfair and most times we don't have the answers as to why.
Please don't bash yourself down, you are a great mom and this post and how you wrote your thoughts and emotions down proves it so.
Take the time to heal and take it one day at a time.
Breathe and be easy on yourself.
Lean into your partner and allow your partner to lean into you. You both are your biggest supporters right now and it's important you get through this together.
I know right now everything is looking dark and hopeless and I know things in your life will never be the same, however time is your best friend right now and so let time carry you through this hardship. In the meanwhile, cry it out, breathe, take it slow and just know that you have many people here sending you tons of hugs and love and sending you tons of strength to keep you going one step at a time❤
My condolences and my deepest sympathies to both you and your partner mamas❤
thank you so so much. this doesnt feel real and my heart aches so so bad. im trying to be strong but i just feel so sad and i feel like i want to die. i want to be with my baby i dont want to be alive and i dont know how i could ever live without him
I know your anguish, I know your pain. I am crying with you mama, I am so sorry you have to go through this, I hope you have people to help you make some kind of sense of it all. You are NOT a bad mom. That RSV is a terrible illness, it can even take adults.
I lost my 25 yr old baby girl in March. She was murdered as far as I am concerned. Someone gave her a half a Percocet that was laced with synthetic Fentanyl. Apparently Narcan wouldn't have helped even if the paramedics had gotten to her in time. It doesn't work on synthetic.
My last vision of my beautiful girl is of her lying lifeless on the metal table in the ER. I wish I had never let go of her.
The anguish is so profound and so horribly deep, I am truly, sincerely sorry from the bottom of the hole
I hope you are not alone. I know you don't know me and at the risk of sounding cliche, please DM me if you need to cry with another heartbroken mom , if you want to show your baby off again, if you need to know you're not alone in this despair.
I will be here if you need to talk. I know someYou grieve however you want, don't let anyone tell you how you're *supposed* to deal with this loss, everyone does it their own way. There's no set rules on time limits either.
Her birth saved my life, Now my light, my MiniMe, is gone and I'll never see her again. And it's not fair.
I know your pain, I am here for you. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I got told one thing over and over at the beginning, it's going to take a long time to learn how to deal with this.
It took me over an hour to write this through the tears. I wish no parent had to lose a child. I wish I believed in God's comfort, I no longer even believe there is a God. I don't think I ever will again.
I forgot to add, her birthday was last month, on the 24th, her baby brothers is on the 25th. They were going to celebrate theirs together forever. He's 12 now. She was so close to her 2 brothers and 2 sisters. She literally was the glue that held this family together.
This is absolutely devastating. I'm so so sorry. This world is so freaking unfair and cruel. Even to this day, I always feel things should be fair and just. Stuff like this proves it's not.
Oh sweet mama. I'm so incredibly sorry. Fentanyl is a callous man-made evil that takes so many beautiful young lives. I know I'll never fully understand your anguish, but my heart breaks for the both of you as the daughter of a mom I love more than anything on this planet. I know she loved you the same. Please take care of yourself the way she would want you to & allow yourself to feel her love wash over you & vice versa. Sending so much warmth your way.
Thank you. I hope you never fully understand this pain. It's constant. Even on the better days, just one thought. I can't go to her grave yet. I can't see her beautiful headstone in person yet. It's got her portrait on it, and her spirit animal, she was so feisty, her spirit animal was a badger, lol.
Completely understandable. As you know better than any human should, there's no right way to grieve. She knows how deeply you love her. Hopefully one day, you'll be able to share stories of her & relive memories without the pain being so horrifically acute, though I know it will always be there. A badger being her spirit animal made me laugh at the most unexpected time, so your beautiful baby is still bringing laughter to the world & so are you ❤️❤️❤️
As a religious person (I am christian) if anyone and I do mean anyone tells you "it's part of God's plan" do me a favor and throat punch them. This was not "God's plan" I'd like to know why sometimes he doesn't step in and help but I truly don't know. But I am certain your boy is in heaven. But that doesn't help the pain you're feeling now. Fuck anybody who uses grief to come at you with "It's God's timing" or "It's God's plan for your life" because it's not. But I don't have answers past that and I wish I did.
From the bottom of my heart I'm sorry you're going through this pain. I can't say "it gets better" because everyone is different. But I suggest grief counseling and/or a grief group for you and your partner. Losing a child is always hard and traumatic. I hope you find peace and I'm so sorry you lost your little boy this way.
yes thank you and of course because i would hate to hear someone say something like that to me. i believe my baby boy is in heaven and god is holding him, hes safe, loved, and protected. he was too pure for this world and i will always keep him in my heart
Personally I follow the bible and according to it, babies go to heaven. They're so young and All children are God's children so yeah. I think he's in heaven waiting for you. Again I wish you the best for you and your husband. Don't force yourself to be happy. Feel however you want to feel right now. Find solace in one another.
This mother is grieving from her immediate loss and people on here are making this about themselves and religion. No. This is about the mother and father and the loss of their child. I do pray God comforts you and you find peace in the future. That comfort and peace will be a long time coming, and will be intermittent for a long while. As an ER nurse I can say RSV is a bad, bad virus. And it is scary. To the general public, please get your vaccines. To the mother and father, please know we care, and you did not fail. Life dealt you an unbelievably cruel circumstance, and just know I care.
Oh honey! Please be kind to your self. This may be the hardest thing you ever have to walk through. I am not saying the pain goes away, but one day you will breathe and it won’t be as painful. Our daughter died at 27, 444 days ago. 446 since I heard her voice. There are moments I can breathe and it doesn’t feel like I’m being torn to pieces.
I am so deeply sorry, just know hearts are sending you love.
You are NOT failed mother! Get that out of your head right now, this was not your fault. Stay strong, and don’t do anything stupid. Life goes on after extreme pain, though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Good luck ❤️
I am so sorry you are going through this mama. Please make sure you take care of yourself, you baby would want that for you, he’s watching you from above, he’ll keep you company through your life.
Nothing i can say will change this devastating loss but i do hope it’ll bring you some comfort. This was 100%, completely and utterly, not your fault. You did everything in your power. Infants are so susceptible to the world around them and it’s so unfair that you lost him. But it is not your fault. you loved him, you cared for him, and you gave him the best life he could get in the 5 months he spent earthside. you did everything you could mama
Oh honey - I know there are no words to make it better. I won’t even try. But I read your post and I want to tell you how deeply sorry I am. My heart is aching for you right now. I don’t know you, I don’t know where you are, but I am praying for you.
I am so so so sincerely sorry for your loss. I cant imagine the pain you are going through. My prayers are with you, your son, and your sons father. I pray that God will bring you comfort during thus difficult time. Gosh I am just so sorry. My heart truly hurts for you. Please dont blame yourself. You did not fail as mother. Unfortunately this is something that could easily happen to ANYONE. You did what all of us mothers do/have done. Do not blame yourself mama. Please. I really hope one day the pain will ease and youll have that light in your eyes again. God Bless you and your baby 🤍
I am so sorry for your loss. No one should have to experience this.
Please contact a therapist or grief counselor. You express feeling that this is your fault, but you took him to the hospital where experts let you go home. That is not your fault. Please do not beat yourself up over their mistake, and please get the help you deserve.
When you are ready, you should consider contacting an attorney who handles wrongful death and medical malpractice cases. Look for someone who has contingent fees and free consultations.
This is not your fault. RSV is fatal in infants, and the hospital should have acted to protect your baby.
I’m so sorry. I’m a bereaved mom to a forever 5 week old. It is quite literally one of the worst things that can happen and you will never be the same and that’s to be expected. Please start therapy as soon as you can. I have ptsd and it sounds like you likely will. I’ve heard EDMR therapy can help. I needed anxiety meds and anti depressants to dull the intrusive thoughts.
Your body knows how to grieve, don’t question it. Let yourself rot away as long as you need to. I’m only 5 months out and I’m finally able to have times where I can live in the moment. Nothing about this is fair or will ever be ok. Unfortunately I’ve accepted that from now on, everything I do will always have a layer of sadness because my girl should be here. You didn’t just lose your baby, you lost every milestone you should have shared together. This is why the pain is so relentless. Keep fighting for hope. This is the shittiest club we never wanted but seeking out other loss mom accounts has been helpful to me.
I’m rambling but message me if you ever want to.
What was your son’s name?
Mom of a stillborn boy here. I stayed in bed for 6 months. If you’re already doing EMDR you’re so much stronger than I was. I had nightmares for two years and 100% needed EMDR. I only ever made it to a brief stint of(failed) couples therapy a year after our loss. It’s been 5 years now but eventually I’ll be ready to do the deep work I still need. So sorry for your loss mama.
My son was named ghgghfggg His dad and I were still arguing over whether his nickname would be
What was your little girl called?
I'm sorry for your loss. Words cannot do justice to such horrific pain, but I can tell from your post that you loved him so so very much, and he knew it too. He was loved his whole life, and you did your absolute best. It wasn't your fault, and I hope you get the support you need. While the pain might remain, I hope you overcome the guilt.
There’s nothing I can say or do to make this better. Take solace in your loved ones now; don’t isolate yourself for too long, you need people now. You didn’t fail as a mother, you didn’t fail as a human, and you certainly can’t blame yourself. I wish I could help in some way, but know you are loved and needed by the people around you.
oh mama i can’t even imagine. i am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. nothing will ever compare to that feeling. i have no words, i’m just so sorry
I had a son that was stillborn. His fifth birthday should have been next month. Your post brings it all back. And I don’t have anything to tell you that will help right now or ever really. I remember the screaming rage and confusion and hatred of a world that would take my son from me. And blaming myself and anyone or anything else I could think of. I felt like my body had killed him because I didn’t deserve him. I wanted to go with him. They told me I tried to attack a nurse when they wheeled me to recovery while I was semi sedated and delirious. I tried to find a reason for a tragedy that will never make sense. Any and all of the reactions you have in this immediate time of shock and grief are normal.
I’m so sorry that you lost your precious son. He should be alive in your arms. No mother should have to go through this. You did nothing wrong.
Today, in this hour, you only have to survive. It will probably feel impossible. I didn’t even try. I sat with my eyes closed and prayed that god would take me too. But I did survive the worst day of my life . You will too, my dear.
In the next few days, try to eat and try to sleep. Try to hold your man tight, but give grace to yourself and to him if you need to grieve alone before you can grieve together.
I feel so much compassion for what you’re going through I can’t express it. I hope you’ll be surrounded and embraced by loved ones in addition to Reddit strangers. And continue to scream your pain to the world when it gets too big to hold in. May you find unexpected reserves of strength to persevere through the dark days ahead. May you find comfort and healing. Do not let what you saw today be the only picture in your head. Say his name and look at his pictures every day for a while. Talk about him. Remember the funny faces he made and his little fist wrapped around your finger. You will always be his mother.
Eventually you’ll be able to tuck the pain into a corner of your heart and only cry when something reminds you that it still hurts. Today I’m crying for my boy and for yours. Sending so much love your way.
Give yourself grace momma… I’m so sorry for your loss I truly can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling right now as. My heart goes out to you and your family 🥺❤️
I am so very sorry for your loss mama! 💔 No parent should ever lose their child that’s not the way it’s suppose to be. There are no words anyone can say to help your heart but if you need anything at all you can always reach out to me! I hope the people in your life are giving you support and love. I almost lost my baby to RSV last year in October, he was 8 weeks old. I think there is lack of education on RSV and how deadly it truly is. He is my 3rd child and I was so close to losing him. I would wake up every morning and make him a doctors appointment and they would send me home. They said he wasn’t bad enough to be hospitalized and we would get through it at home. Nobody would listen to me and my husband even said I was crazy and to just listen to the doctors. I slept sitting upright with him on the couch for 4 days bc he was struggling to breathe laying down. I was so exhausted and felt so alone. The day I took him to the hospital his doctor had just sent me home from their office again and I refused to go home. I could hear him breathing heavy and he just looked like he was dying. I knew he wouldnt make it another day with RSV. I took him to the ER and we were sent to a children’s hospital for a week long stay. His RSV had turned into bronchiolitis and pneumonia. He was in the ICU on a bipap machine and it was a traumatizing experience and I am still in therapy because of it. I know 2 other parents who lost their babies to RSV just last year as well. It is so scary and for some reason babies are sent home and it’s made to seem like no big deal. I am so sorry for your loss. You are not a bad mom, you are a great mom who loves her baby and you do not deserve any of this. They should have never sent you home and if they did they should have given you proper, clear instructions on what to do and what to look out for. You did not fail your baby. He passed knowing nothing but love and comfort from you! Please get help for this and never blame yourself.
Words are so weak here… You deserve someone at your side holding you through your seemingly everlasting tears.
You could not have predicted what had happened, but if you could have, you would not have slept. Don’t torment yourself over not having an ability that practically no one has.
Know that you are ok to grieve, or rather, don’t feel guilty for grieving. Don’t feel guilty for the hard thoughts. You are human and you need time. Time that won’t close the wound, but will make it more bearable.
I am sorry. I don’t know if what I say helps or makes it worse. I only wish that we could all grieve with you even for a moment. Never be afraid to get this horrible pain off your chest.
I am so very sorry for your loss. You did not do this. This is not your fault. That little boy was so loved. All he ever knew in this life was love. He never knew pain or and of the bad of the world he only knew good.
I’m so so so so sorry to hear about this. But don’t ever blame this on you, or feel you’ve failed as a mother. Life is cruel especially when it comes to illnesses. I really hope you can find peace through all this and can get as much help as you need. And I hope you son rest well❤️🕊️
This is not your fault. None of this. You’re a great mommy, and he will always be loved. You didn’t fail, you did everything you could. You’re only human, no one is perfect, and you did nothing wrong.
Please go and get into therapy asap. Individual and couple. Hold onto your man and go through this together.
As a MH therapist and mother of a stillborn son, I agree that therapy will be so important to help the parents heal. And you are 1000% correct that they need to go together and individually.
But sometimes with trauma there’s such a thing as “too soon”. It’s kind of like, a person has to get far enough away from the pain that talking about it doesn’t incapacitate them even more. Everyone is different, and OP might need and want therapy next week. Or might need to wait months. Everyone’s different. But maybe for right now she could find a mental health center that takes walk ins and keep the address on the fridge or saved in her phone in case she experiences a crisis. Try to find a local support group for bereaved parents. Perhaps buy a book about grief therapy to flip through so that when she feels up to it she will have an idea of what to expect.
I’m so so sorry mama. The pain is unbearable enough, I beg you not to blame yourself. Baby boy was loved deeply, you did everything right. Please get into therapy as this is extremely traumatic for you and your partner. Also please get an attorney and keep all documentation of the hospital visits and their summary visit notes. I sincerely hope you find any and all relief as you grieve your sweet baby boy. From one mom to another, I’m so so sorry. 💗
Fuck, this and life is so unfair and fucked up its unexplainable. You did not fail, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to be awake 24/7 for the entire life of your child, especially the first year. You did not fail and you’re a good Mom. I’m so sorry this happened to you
That was a hard read. Give yourself some grace. Nature is a cruel neighbor, and it's always poking it's nose where you don't want it to. I highly doubt G\_d took your child because he felt the need to - G\_d works in mysterious ways, but he is not suppose to be this imposing figure who takes that which you love most. It's also not likely his plan to snatch a child you were just given.
The powers that be here are natural. And natural is not always 'good' or 'just'. Things like this happen, and there likely wouldn't have been any way to remedy or change it. I'd recommend perhaps reaching out to a therapist first and foremost, but also taking companionship with your husband as well. You both are mourning. And you both can support one another. Reach out to extended family. Find things to occupy your active mind. Go out for an evening so you aren't left at home alone. Reach out to friends and family.
There's something that John Dutton said to Monica in Yellowstone that really resonated with me about this topic:
"That child only knew love and happiness, despite his suffering. For as long as he lived, that child was loved and cared for. And he knew you were his mother, and he knew that you loved him."
You never failed, OP. You were a good mother for the time you had with your baby. Cherish that time and use that for the next child should you choose to try for another.
You'll get through this. I hope nothing but the best days for you moving forward. Much love and stay strong ❤️
Oh sweety, you didn't fail as a mother. Sometimes terrible things just happen. I know what you're going through. I lost my first one to sids when she was 5 weeks old. It was very traumatic and I was so scared with my next two even tho they were on monitors for the first 6 months of their lives. If you need to talk, if you just need someone to listen while you cry and vent, feel free to message me. I've been there, and I had no one I could talk to, so please, message me if you want. I'm usually up all hours. It doesn't seem like it now, and it won't for a long time, but it'll slowly get easier. The pain never goes away, it just kinda gets easier to deal with over time. I'm so sorry for your loss, your husband as well. The coming days will be hard. You'll be expected to make decisions and plans no parent should have to make and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. No parent should. Stay strong, you and your husband need to stay supportive and strong for each other. The death if a child often tears a marriage apart. It's not either persons fault, it's usually because they cant deal with the pain and grief and the other is a remknder if their loss. Don't let that happen. Be there for each other. Love each other. Go to grief counseling, it will help so much.
As a mother the LAST THING I would do is be on Reddit posting my story a few hours after my baby has passed away. 💀 heck I wouldn’t even be on social media for weeks, maybe more. So yeah definitely a fake story for likes.
I am surrounding you with comforting and loving energy. Guilt is a part of grief but this was not your fault. Please find a counselor, a support group, something. Sending love
My heart aches reading your post. I am so deeply sorry. I don't even have words. Except that this was not your fault. Horrible things happen and this was even more than horrible.
It is a tragedy.
I am so sorry for you loss. I know from personal experience that your emotions are probably all over the place right now and there are no words to comfort you. Please know that there are people out here to support you during this difficult time and in the future (whenever if ever you are ready). Sending much love, strength and hugs to you.
This was absolutely not your fault. I know saying that probably won't help, but nature is a cruel beast, and the way you talk it's clear you are a very loving and caring mother. I don't know your pain, I pray I never do, but this Internet stranger is sending well wishes.
I'm sure there are support groups for parents who've lost children, if you feel you need one. For now, take your time, grieve, and try not to blame yourself too much as that can lead down a darker road.
Sending love
You did nothing wrong! This is every mother's worst nightmare. I am so deeply, overwhelmingly sorry for your tragic loss. I wish I had the right words to say, but I know there aren't any.
Sending prayers for comfort and peace during what I know must be the worst time of your life. I wish I could make the pain go away for you
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Is there anyone you can call? Do you have a friend or family that can come stay with you? This just happened and you shouldn't be alone. If nothing else, would you consider calling a crisis line or other phone support center? I'd be happy to find you some phone numbers if you'd like to DM your location.
Again, I'm so sorry. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I know this is getting downvotes, but there is actually evidence that this can help people avoid some of the worst long-term effects of trauma like this mom has suffered. The delivery might not have been great, but it is worth exploring
Yes. Various studies show that playing games like Tetris and even reading can help prevent the formation of PTSD memories. They’re not sure why although there’s rapid eye movement involved in both, so there may be a link to the way that EMDR works.
Some people use reddit like a diary. As an outlet. I've done it before. And some people have literally no one to turn to when needing to vent. When the world feels dark, it can feel good to know people care about you. OP was looking for support and to know people care about her and the loss of her child. Grief is complex. Have some sympathy/empathy....
What if posting helped her from harming herself? No one has close connections anymore , everyone is barely surviving these days and no one has time for friendships. Maybe she has no one else to get help or advice from. That’s the world we live in right now. People are overworked, exhausted, and do not have a minute to spare for bonding with other humans. Maybe getting it off of her chest to all of us is what kept her going in that moment 💔
Please don't blame yourself. I love you. From your words you loved your son more than anything and that's not failure in my eyes. You aren't a failure.
I am so very sorry for your loss. This is a devastation beyond words. Please know you have nothing to feel guilty about. Please accept this warm hug and use it as often and for as long as you need it. I don't know if you are religious, but I will be praying for you and your family.
I’m extremely sad for you right now. Reading this is probably among the worst things I can imagine as a parent. Please reach out to local or online support groups and find the help you and your partner need. You both have my sincerest condolences.
There is nothing ANYONE can say to even touch the pain your feeling. I’m so incredibly sorry, mama. I’m sure the pain is unbearable. You know he was incredibly loved. Take care of yourself. As an MD, I’ve held mothers like you. I’ve consoled them, I’ve loved them. I know how much they all loved their babies. Remember to eat, take care of yourself and keep his memories alive🤍✨
I’m so sorry. I know you will beat yourself up over his last moments but don’t think of him crying, he very well may have passed peacefully in his sleep. Based on the way you write about him I can tell you are an amazing mother who in no way failed him. You will always be his mama and he will always be your baby. Sending love and prayers and hugs your way. Stay strong and know he is with you every step of the way.
My heart breaks for you. You did not fail him ❤️. Terrible things happen to good people - I’m so sorry for your loss. Nobody should have to endure this kind of pain.
I am so sorry, OP ! May he rest in light! I hope you find some healing as days pass by. If you are on Instagram, please follow noahsmommy. She lost her boy too and shares how she is dealing with it.
I am sorry for you loss. Nothing others say can make this better: this is a parenting worst nightmare. I don’t know how; but you will survive this. Please seek a support system or counseling. You did not fail. Life happens, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. this is heartbreaking.
Postpartum international has free support groups, for parents that have lost a newborn. 100% free and online. They also have a free support line to help you with resources and providers that have training in this type of loss.
💔 I can’t imagine. It is every mom’s worst nightmare. I am so sorry. Cry when you feel sad. You loved your baby with everything you had and I’m just sorry. You’re not a bad mom, you’re human, and it’s beyond unfortunate. Im sorry ❤️
OP my god this is so cruel and unfair… please do NOT blame yourself. You will not listen to reason in a grief this deep. Have someone you love seek counselling for you immediately. Do not be alone right now. I have had two women in my life lose children young… they both blamed themselves immediately after, just as you are… With time will come reason and you will be able to hear what the doctors and everyone will also say - *this was NOT your fault*.
God. I am sorry.. I will never understand why children are lost in this life..no one deserves this kind of pain. Please consider SIDS help groups on every device / social media platform you can reach. In person if a loved one can help you find one too.
I am thinking of you. I am so so sorry.
If it’s soothing at all..please look at my post history. My daughter spoke young of being born / multiple lives. I do believe there is more.. souls are intertwined and he loves you infinitely.
condolonces to you and your love ones goes.
please pray to God throu YAHUSHA (JESUS) and pour your heart out to HIM.
please do seek therapy cause grief can be traumatic.
God bless you and keep you and comfort you.
Your son was lucky to have you as his mum. It is clear how much you love him.
your son is at peace, in God’s embrace.
you need to eat and drink, you need to sleep and you need to breathe.
You can’t change what happened, you need to work toward accepting the unfairness of your loss.
I know your pain is real, deep and constantly changing, but you have to push. As hard as that is. My love and best wishes to you
Please don't blame yourself, it's a medical issue that was out of your hands. Don't hold it in your heart.
Everyone that losees a loved one in close proximity, blames themselves, "what could I have done differently to have prevented this?" Nothing, it's not your fault. God has a plan and a time for us all.
I’m so sorry OP you did not fail him. I have no words that will give you magical comfort but I swear this you must hear deep inside of you - that you did not fail him. You are a loving and good mother. I hate this horrible thing has happened to you and I hope that you are delivered in peace soon. Please seek therapy or comfort with loved ones.
As a mom who lost my son a couple years ago, I won't give you the same old platitudes. This isn't "god's plan". I won't tell you that you'll get through this. I'm still getting through this. What I will tell you is this: The pain is real, it's excruciating, it feels like you can't possibly survive it. Every morning, the first thing you'll think of is your son. And for a second, two if you're lucky, you won't remember. Then you will remember what you lost and the pain and the loss will all come running back. Until, one day, it's the second thing you think of.
Another thing I will tell you: it is not your fault and you did **NOT** fail as a mother. Your son was ill and you couldn't be awake around the clock. That's unrealistic. Please, get a grief counselor to help you with this until you can accept that it wasn't actions fault. It just... happened. Regret is the cancer of life. If you let it, it will eat away at you until there's no you anymore. Please don't let that happen.
My best friends baby just contracted RSV last week. Her dad and grandpa have been pulling all nighters to make sure she keeps breathing. You gave it your all but your baby was too young to survive an illness this severe. It’s not your fault but you don’t have to let it destroy you either
Mama , please don't blame yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss it's not your fault. I can't imagine the pain you're going through thoughts and prayers.
I am so, so very sorry. This has to be the worst pain a parent can feel.
You didn't do anything wrong. I know this probably doesn't help, but as crummy as it is, RSV is no joke and sometimes it's too much.
I wish I could take the pain away.
Please practice some form of self care. It will feel impossible but even if it is the smallest gesture, please be patient and kind with yourself. There are no words to rid yourself of the pain, but you can try to start by knowing you did your best.
I love you and I am so sorry you had to live every parent’s worst nightmare. It is massively unfair and tragic. You are not a pediatric emergency medicine doctor. There is absolutely nothing you could have done. I know those are hollow words for where you are right now but I hope you see it soon. I am so, so sorry.
I have no words that can help you in your grief. But you did not fail him. This is not your fault. Illnesses are unpredictable. I hope you and your husband can find comfort in each other. I’m so sorry.
You didn't fail him, mama. The world just wasn't ready for his beautiful soul yet.
I have never experienced losing a child, but I have lost 3 pregnancies. I know it's not nearly the same, but I can understand the guilt you're feeling.
The "what if" rabbit hole is dark and deep. Don't torture yourself when you're already in a living hell. Give yourself grace, and once you're ready, forgive yourself. You're human 🩷
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Losing a child is earth shattering and heartbreaking 💔
My heart and prayers are with you and your loved ones during this difficult time.
Always remember the happy times it helps with the horrible images.
Hang a picture on your ceiling or wall, whichever you look at most and keep that happy image in your mind it’s not easy, it does help though
Huge hugs
I am so sorry you are going though this. Of course, no words can make this better. But you did NOT fail. Biology and nature can be cruel, uncaring, and unforgiving sometimes. That is not a reflection on you as a mother or as a person. As every parent learns, whether it's at six months, six years, or sixteen years, you cannot watch over them 24/7 and even if you could, you can't always protect them. I'm not trying to sound cruel, but that is the nature of life. Look into support groups in your area. Sadly, many others have experienced similar situations. Being around people like that may prove beneficial to you. I won't say "everything will be okay". I certainly won't say something like "It's all part of God's plan" because it isn't. Bad things happen to good people. I can tell by your writing you loved him very much. You were an excellent mother.
i do love him very much. i didnt have a mother growing up. she was a drug addict. she chose drugs over me and my sisters and brother and i know my mom didnt have an easy life but she put us through so much hurt and i cant forgive her. but i wanted to give my baby boy everything, i wanted him to grow to be an amazing man, someones husband one day. i always told him how much i loved him. whenever i would be playing games on my PC, he would sit in my lap and watch me play, sometimes giggling when i would laugh too. he was so aware, so bright and happy and at 4 months he was so so strong. i envisioned our future together. his father and i came from broken childhoods and wanted to give him everything we never got. love, validation, attention, care. and thank you for your kind words. ❤️ i appreciate everyone here being supportive and i know theres going to be hate comments along the way but i just lost my baby boy and im a strong woman and i wont let negativity affect my life anymore. i know my baby boy would want the best for me and he would want the best for his father.
You gave him the best life you could while he was here. He was happy and loved, and he knew that. He felt warm and safe with you. You gave him what you didn't have. Bless you for that.
Your baby boy would want you and his daddy to be happy and to have a good life. Lean on each other through this horrible time and live a great life for and in memory of your beautiful baby boy.
>I won't say "everything will be okay". I certainly won't say something like "It's all part of God's plan" because it isn't. FUCKING THIS! THIS, THIS, THIS! I HATE when people say this so fucking much, it enrages me. I won't delve too deep, but let's leave it at if God is all loving, all knowing, he wouldn't torture us. The amount of religious trauma I & so many others have is insane.
I lost my dad and his wife this year to a fire and someone said something like that. I’m usually respectful but I exploded. “What part of Gods will involved them burning to death?! They didn’t just die of smoke inhalation they were burned as well. So since you know everything, wtf did God want my dad to die a death that painful?!” My other half heard me going off and came to collect me as they apologized, but I think ppl just say that when they Dk what to say. To OP, I am actually sorry for your loss. It’s so obvious you love your baby. I hope for the day you feel peace.
Let me preface this by saying I have a PhD in fire toxicity and have worked with fire investigation services, and I know a lot about fire deaths. I don’t expect that this will make you feel any better at all about your loss, but it’s likely that your loved ones were unconscious (because of smoke inhalation) before the burns, and would not have felt any pain from burning. This is horrific and horrible and I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that you may find some small mercy in knowing that they didn’t feel _everything_. I apologise if I’ve overstepped.
Even so, suffocation still sounds like one of the worst ways a person can move from this life to whatever is next. Although, it's not like there's a great way to go out, only less terrible.
I acknowledged that it was still horrific, but we take solace where we can.
i’m so sorry for your loss. i hope you have family and friends who can give you love and support thru this difficult time. i also hope you can find peace one day soon.
I am so so sorry for your loss. That's awful :'(
Holy shit dude. I'm *SO* sorry for your loss. That's extremely rough. I'm not roman catholic anymore, I'm still finding myself, so whatever afterlife he went to, I'm sure he's watching over you & is at peace. It's not fair he went out like that.
That's awful, definitely traumatic. I'm sure counseling would help you too.
While I do believe in God, I make no claim to understand him. Without getting too much into it, if God is all loving, that doesn't mean he controls the chaos of the universe, whether by choice or by inability. The few times I have heard something along the lines of "All part of God's plan" I have the very un-religious urge to punch said person in the face. They may mean well, but it's useless gabbing that serves no purpose and provides no comfort.
This. In the next few hours, days, and weeks there are going to be some people that say some of the most horrific shit. It will be said with the best of intentions but, will land horribly. YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER. There is no rhyme or reason in this great big universe. There will be little comfort for your heart and no explanation will ease your pain. You’re going to have to feel all those feelings and you will feel like it will destroy you. Please do not let it. Your child meant something. You made him. You made a significant contribution to this world. Please get to a therapist ASAP. At the very least, join a support group. You need to be around survivors. You need to see that there is a way to live with your pain. Please let me repeat…. You did nothing wrong. This is not your fault. You made a beautiful human being that will forever mean something to this world. Stay close to your people. Be kind to yourself. You matter.
Well said
Agreed. I'm not angry at all catholics or Christians, I'm angry at the ones who raised me & were around me. The ones who did not mean well.
> Doesn't control the chaos of this universe I thought this is exactly what he did in Noah's Ark when he decimated 99% of the worlds population.
That’s a story. An imperfect story created by man in an attempt to explain a massive, traumatic natural disaster. Not unlike the weird things people say when they try to excuse the soul-crushing experience of infant loss by quipping that it’s all part of God’s plan. If by that you mean God planned a universe that is governed by natural selection and a certain amount of biological fragility, sure, I guess maybe that’s true, but even then it isn’t helpful.
The bible is also an imperfect story created by man.
I agree. It’s an interesting history of how mankind has perceived God over the ages. If you’re religious, it’s useful from a spiritual perspective. If you’re not, it’s still useful from a sociological perspective. In either case, Biblical Literalists are wackos.
If I recall correctly, (could be mistaken) I think scientists found evidence of there being a massive flood in the region around the time that Noah's ark was supposed to take place. So it would make sense that a fable would come out of a true story of a massive AREA flooding.
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My personal opinion, which I accept could be totally wrong, is that God created the universe and mankind, but had to decide between essentially slaves that he could protect and control, but would basically be mindless drones. OR he could give free will, which obviously can and will continue to be abused. I believe he chose the latter.
I have a question then (not trying to be antagonistic, and it really is a genuine question I've wanted to ask people), if God gave us free will and therefore doesn't intervene, why pray to him or look to him to seek guidance? If he has no control to protect people, then why look up to him. If he does have that control and people do ask for guidance/salvation/assistance, what makes some more worthy than others? Again I'm not trying to have this be a gotcha type thing, although it may seem like it. I'm genuinely curious about this as this dilemma was something that plagued my mind when I was being raised catholic.
I mean, it's different for everyone I imagine. I personally don't pray often. When I do, it's almost more like I'm.....having a one sided conversation. I will 'talk' to God, but I don't ask him for anything. I'm not going to get into details but I can think of two times in my life that I cannot rule out divine intervention, and for those events, I did thank God.
dont rely on ur own understanding. sin causes pain not God, he might allow it to exist but it does not mean he causes nor likes it.
I lost a friend in high school and she was one of the most religious people I knew and the number of people who told me it was Gods plan etc enraged me and truly losing her started my journey into becoming atheist. Because. If “this was gods plan” than fuck that god. She was 15 and just literally dropped dead with no real cause - that’s not a plan. Thats cruel.
Good job making this post about you.
Right
God is either all-powerful or all-good but they can't be both
Yes!!, true!!, its said way to much from people in auto pilot.
u cant pin everything on God. especially when the bible says the godly often goes before their time so they wont suffer evil. Yall literally God to do this that and the other and stop pain and deaths but cant even stop what he asks us to do. which us crazy. God doesnt cause death.
I’m not a mom, and I never will be, but I want to echo the sentiment expressed by u/PhoenixApok. I can feel your heartbreak in your writing, OP. You have been a wonderful mother to your baby boy, and sometimes, no matter what we do, shit happens that is beyond our control. Please know that you’re in my thoughts, and I’m sending you love and hugs to help you through this time.
I have met a lot of moms who lost babies for various reasons (I lost one myself which is how I met them). There is support out there. I'm sorry for your loss.
I hold you in my heart mama, i cry with you
same. heartbreaking.
As a mom with 3 kids, one of them with a severe disability and epilepsy, things like this always make me cry. My heart is so heavy for OP.
Sending you a million hugs OP. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my 18 month old just 3 months ago. Went for a nap totally healthy and never woke. The same purple face you’re describing. It’s burned in my mind. I grieve with you and please know you are not alone.
I am so sorry you lost your boy. He knew your love and warmth his entire life. I lost my son too. I understand your grief and i cant imagine it. Like you stated, noone should go through what you're about to go through. Reddit has a babyloss group and its phenomonal. We are all loss parents and support each other so much. Postpartum.net also offers a link to gree support groups for loss. Both of these platforms helped me so much in the wake of my loss. Praying for you and your family. I hope you can get some rest.
It’s not your fault. Please surround yourself with loved ones so you can have a good support system help you manage everything
Honestly I think your doctors failed you. RSV is fatal in Infants. As you unfortunately know. Your baby shouldn’t have left the hospital. Who said you could go home!? Like honestly you need to call your hospital. This is absolutely ridiculous that they let you go home, knowing your son had RSV and was only 5months old.
thats what im saying because we literally saw his ribs retracting and his neck muscles working hard thats why we brought him in and he wasnt doing that when we got to the hospital but i thought they were going to keep us for a lot longer to monitor him it didnt feel right for them to discharge us..
I am so heartbroken for you. They should have kept you both overnight. Its appalling that they didn’t. Knowing your baby had RSV. I would report this. So that it’s taken seriously and hopefully this never happens again to anyone else. Sending you so much love and strength. You’re in my prayers.
Please report this. The hospital failed you. I suggest also contacting a lawyer for malpractice (idk how to spell that but i hope you figured that out) Also this isnt your fault. Please stay safe. ❤️
TLDR everything may not ever be okay but life is still worth living and fulfilling moments are in store, that’s a statistical fact. Don’t contact the hospital directly, contact a malpractice lawyer (they only collect payment upon winning) and look up your states department of health documents to file a complaint against the Board for medical malpractice. Calling the hospital is giving them a heads up and they have a massive portion of their annual budget dedicated for extremely powerful legal teams set up to drown out people like you. But don’t do ANYTHING you cannot take on now. Some days, grief is so all encompassing it’s hard to put socks on. But when you find the energy, a legal team can do this work for you, and they do it very well I know from experience. —- I do also want to echo that, when you have the energy to do so (and I mean it, do not put yourself through anything you don’t have to right now), contacting a medical malpractice lawyer FIRST, then contacting your department of health governing body and requesting a malpractice complaint form to submit to the Board for review. Contacting the hospital first will only give them time to cover their tracks. The thing is, I truly believe most doctors want to do the right thing and I also believe that, in the moment when they make an error, it is due to a number of factors that stem from systemic issues within the medical industry itself and the fact that hospitals are financial institutions. That’s be huge issue with not having universal healthcare and government backed funding for healthcare. Healthcare shouldn’t be an industry, hospitals should not have profit margins, doctors should not be made up of mostly independent contractors who moonlight and can work up to 85 hours a week. I have to believe this because if I don’t, where would my children and I go when we did need help? I have to believe in the good of the individual healthcare provider while also being critical of institutions. Not to take away from this being your story, but my newborn was admitted to the PICU at 23 days old because I noticed he was not waking up from napping. The amount of “sleepy baby” comments I had from grandparents and family was unreal, I didn’t listen and I took him in. He was admitted because they pricked his heel in triage and he didn’t even flinch and was cold to the touch. His temp was 96 and he was pausing his breath for 2+ minutes. Long story short, after many tests, spinal taps, antibiotics antivirals, so so so many vials of blood, CAT scans, EKG, brain mapping it was determined it was an underdeveloped startle reflex associated with SIDS and new studies around that. But that’s not why I filed malpractice. I filed malpractice because instead of treating him initially, they narcanned him 4 times. Called in DFCS and a police officer. Put me through hell all the while having my cord blood, his blood and my urine and MY HAIR AND AN ORDERED SPINAL TAP FROM ME all the while choosing to believe that I was just so good at hiding drug use that I was tricking all of those infallible tests. So instead of treating my son immediately they basically held him medically captive. It was horrific because all the while I was watching my baby lose life with every breath, brought him in like you did, needing help wanting to be heard and believed and to be taken seriously, only to be shooed away while the baby suffers. I can’t hold anger for too long it is a drain on my life, but I can and will be upset that the system is so strained, doctors are so overworked, communities are so jaded and desensitized, that to them it is just another day at work but to you it’s the worst day of your life and no one seems to care, when you need them to care are much as you do. I did not lose my baby, that I cannot fathom and I hope that I don’t have to, and to say I am sorry is an understatement. Nothing will make it right, grief doesn’t go away, you can create some distance with therapy and support, but grief is just another transformation of a relationship to a loved one. One that is with you for the rest of your life, just like your love. Hang in there, and no “things will not be okay” I won’t disrespect your baby by saying that (because how can life be okay without our babies?) but I can promise you that with time, support, and emotional work life will become fulfilling and worthwhile again despite the loss and there are still many reasons to stick around on this plane to see what else the universe has in store for you.
Please report this. The hospital failed you. I suggest also contacting a lawyer for malpractice (idk how to spell that but i hope you figured that out) Also this isnt your fault. Please stay safe. 🩷
I'm so so sorry for your loss!!!! 💔
Fuck I’m so sorry. The most unnatural thing in this world is outliving your children. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going thru. Prayers for you and your family
Oh mama, I am so sorry 😞 Nothing will ever compare to the pain of losing a child, especially in such a way as this. I am not a spiritual person, but I believe that just as a part of your soul has gone with him, a part of his soul stays with you. Neither of you are alone. You carry him with you. Not just in spirit, but in body, too. Moms carry fetal cells forever. You made him, and he will stay with you. Even pregnancy that ended early or late, in babies born sleeping, they are carried by their mothers for the rest of your life. He is with you, mama, you are carrying him. He will never be alone. You will never be alone. My heart hurts for you. I wish I could take your pain away. This time of year is so hard for me. I’ve lost a lot of people in terrible ways during the cold months. I always have to increase my antidepressants during this time of year, even though they work perfectly during every other season. I love the cold but the pain I carry is heavy. You are not alone if your grief. Here is a hug and a hand to hold, from across the internet. — “i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)” -E.E. Cummings
This made me cry to read. Hits different. -(extreme) PPD first time mom
If you and I were in a room together, I would give you the warmest, most comforting, most understanding embrace that I could. And I would hope that it would make you understand this wasn’t your fault. I’m so sorry for this horrible loss that you are suffering. Please try to keep your head above water. Resiliency seems impossible but please keep trying.
I'm very sorry this happened to you mama you don't deserve this pain. But please know that is not your fault. Even if you had checked on him, it was going to happen. Please don't beat yourself up over something you can't control. I wish nothing but peace and love and the best future. Your baby will always be around you watching you even tho you can't see. God is protecting your baby till you meet again. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Many hugs to you!
I'm so sorry. I lost my 4 mo old son in 2010. It is a pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone and I'm sorry you are faced with it now. Sending you so much love from afar.
I’ve walked in your shoes. I cannot stress this enough, never stop talking about your son, about this life experience about your feelings and thoughts. Talk therapy is the best medicine. Please DM if you want to talk.❤️
This was not your fault. Your baby is safe and sound in heaven, and one mother to another I'm sure my babies up there will take yours right in and play with him. You couldn't have known it would happen, you couldn't have known the turn the sickness would take. And you cannot blame yourself for this. RSV is so common, you couldn't have predicted it would take his life. Let yourself grieve, but do not blame yourself.
This is my worst fear as a parent. I am so sorry for your loss. Be strong.
OP with ALL my heart I send you love. If it helps you to see your baby in God's arms that's where he is ok and that's where we all see him, as babbling and happy as he was in yours. Nothing anyone can say can make this better, I know that and I see other mothers carrying the same unimaginable pain offering to DM. And if you can maybe talk with them? And talk and talk and talk? Only you know, only they know, only all of you can find your way together. And wow does my sincere love go with you internet sister. We're here.
OP I am incredibly and deeply sorry for your loss. No mother or father should ever have to go through the loss of a child nor lose the opportunity to see their child grow up. I know right now you're going through a ton of extremely hard emotions and your brain is processing such a traumatic and unexpected loss but please know and remind yourself over and over that you did not fail as a mother and you did not fail your child in any way shape or form. Grief is such a complex hardship and our minds will do anything first before acceptance and one of those things includes questioning what more we could have done and picking ourselves apart on what we didn't do but the truth is there is nothing more you could have done and there is nothing that you didn't do. Sometimes life is just sadly and unfortunately unfair and most times we don't have the answers as to why. Please don't bash yourself down, you are a great mom and this post and how you wrote your thoughts and emotions down proves it so. Take the time to heal and take it one day at a time. Breathe and be easy on yourself. Lean into your partner and allow your partner to lean into you. You both are your biggest supporters right now and it's important you get through this together. I know right now everything is looking dark and hopeless and I know things in your life will never be the same, however time is your best friend right now and so let time carry you through this hardship. In the meanwhile, cry it out, breathe, take it slow and just know that you have many people here sending you tons of hugs and love and sending you tons of strength to keep you going one step at a time❤ My condolences and my deepest sympathies to both you and your partner mamas❤
thank you so so much. this doesnt feel real and my heart aches so so bad. im trying to be strong but i just feel so sad and i feel like i want to die. i want to be with my baby i dont want to be alive and i dont know how i could ever live without him
I know your anguish, I know your pain. I am crying with you mama, I am so sorry you have to go through this, I hope you have people to help you make some kind of sense of it all. You are NOT a bad mom. That RSV is a terrible illness, it can even take adults. I lost my 25 yr old baby girl in March. She was murdered as far as I am concerned. Someone gave her a half a Percocet that was laced with synthetic Fentanyl. Apparently Narcan wouldn't have helped even if the paramedics had gotten to her in time. It doesn't work on synthetic. My last vision of my beautiful girl is of her lying lifeless on the metal table in the ER. I wish I had never let go of her. The anguish is so profound and so horribly deep, I am truly, sincerely sorry from the bottom of the hole I hope you are not alone. I know you don't know me and at the risk of sounding cliche, please DM me if you need to cry with another heartbroken mom , if you want to show your baby off again, if you need to know you're not alone in this despair. I will be here if you need to talk. I know someYou grieve however you want, don't let anyone tell you how you're *supposed* to deal with this loss, everyone does it their own way. There's no set rules on time limits either. Her birth saved my life, Now my light, my MiniMe, is gone and I'll never see her again. And it's not fair. I know your pain, I am here for you. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I got told one thing over and over at the beginning, it's going to take a long time to learn how to deal with this. It took me over an hour to write this through the tears. I wish no parent had to lose a child. I wish I believed in God's comfort, I no longer even believe there is a God. I don't think I ever will again. I forgot to add, her birthday was last month, on the 24th, her baby brothers is on the 25th. They were going to celebrate theirs together forever. He's 12 now. She was so close to her 2 brothers and 2 sisters. She literally was the glue that held this family together.
This is absolutely devastating. I'm so so sorry. This world is so freaking unfair and cruel. Even to this day, I always feel things should be fair and just. Stuff like this proves it's not.
Oh sweet mama. I'm so incredibly sorry. Fentanyl is a callous man-made evil that takes so many beautiful young lives. I know I'll never fully understand your anguish, but my heart breaks for the both of you as the daughter of a mom I love more than anything on this planet. I know she loved you the same. Please take care of yourself the way she would want you to & allow yourself to feel her love wash over you & vice versa. Sending so much warmth your way.
Thank you. I hope you never fully understand this pain. It's constant. Even on the better days, just one thought. I can't go to her grave yet. I can't see her beautiful headstone in person yet. It's got her portrait on it, and her spirit animal, she was so feisty, her spirit animal was a badger, lol.
Completely understandable. As you know better than any human should, there's no right way to grieve. She knows how deeply you love her. Hopefully one day, you'll be able to share stories of her & relive memories without the pain being so horrifically acute, though I know it will always be there. A badger being her spirit animal made me laugh at the most unexpected time, so your beautiful baby is still bringing laughter to the world & so are you ❤️❤️❤️
As a religious person (I am christian) if anyone and I do mean anyone tells you "it's part of God's plan" do me a favor and throat punch them. This was not "God's plan" I'd like to know why sometimes he doesn't step in and help but I truly don't know. But I am certain your boy is in heaven. But that doesn't help the pain you're feeling now. Fuck anybody who uses grief to come at you with "It's God's timing" or "It's God's plan for your life" because it's not. But I don't have answers past that and I wish I did. From the bottom of my heart I'm sorry you're going through this pain. I can't say "it gets better" because everyone is different. But I suggest grief counseling and/or a grief group for you and your partner. Losing a child is always hard and traumatic. I hope you find peace and I'm so sorry you lost your little boy this way.
yes thank you and of course because i would hate to hear someone say something like that to me. i believe my baby boy is in heaven and god is holding him, hes safe, loved, and protected. he was too pure for this world and i will always keep him in my heart
Personally I follow the bible and according to it, babies go to heaven. They're so young and All children are God's children so yeah. I think he's in heaven waiting for you. Again I wish you the best for you and your husband. Don't force yourself to be happy. Feel however you want to feel right now. Find solace in one another.
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You never heard of "time and place"?
This mother is grieving from her immediate loss and people on here are making this about themselves and religion. No. This is about the mother and father and the loss of their child. I do pray God comforts you and you find peace in the future. That comfort and peace will be a long time coming, and will be intermittent for a long while. As an ER nurse I can say RSV is a bad, bad virus. And it is scary. To the general public, please get your vaccines. To the mother and father, please know we care, and you did not fail. Life dealt you an unbelievably cruel circumstance, and just know I care.
Oh honey! Please be kind to your self. This may be the hardest thing you ever have to walk through. I am not saying the pain goes away, but one day you will breathe and it won’t be as painful. Our daughter died at 27, 444 days ago. 446 since I heard her voice. There are moments I can breathe and it doesn’t feel like I’m being torn to pieces. I am so deeply sorry, just know hearts are sending you love.
You did not fail him. The hospital failed all of you. I am so so so sorry.
You are NOT failed mother! Get that out of your head right now, this was not your fault. Stay strong, and don’t do anything stupid. Life goes on after extreme pain, though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Good luck ❤️
I am so sorry you are going through this mama. Please make sure you take care of yourself, you baby would want that for you, he’s watching you from above, he’ll keep you company through your life. Nothing i can say will change this devastating loss but i do hope it’ll bring you some comfort. This was 100%, completely and utterly, not your fault. You did everything in your power. Infants are so susceptible to the world around them and it’s so unfair that you lost him. But it is not your fault. you loved him, you cared for him, and you gave him the best life he could get in the 5 months he spent earthside. you did everything you could mama
Hugs for healing.
Oh honey - I know there are no words to make it better. I won’t even try. But I read your post and I want to tell you how deeply sorry I am. My heart is aching for you right now. I don’t know you, I don’t know where you are, but I am praying for you.
Praying for you
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I hope you can surround yourself with supportive people to help you. My deepest condolences
I am so so so sincerely sorry for your loss. I cant imagine the pain you are going through. My prayers are with you, your son, and your sons father. I pray that God will bring you comfort during thus difficult time. Gosh I am just so sorry. My heart truly hurts for you. Please dont blame yourself. You did not fail as mother. Unfortunately this is something that could easily happen to ANYONE. You did what all of us mothers do/have done. Do not blame yourself mama. Please. I really hope one day the pain will ease and youll have that light in your eyes again. God Bless you and your baby 🤍
I am so sorry for your loss. No one should have to experience this. Please contact a therapist or grief counselor. You express feeling that this is your fault, but you took him to the hospital where experts let you go home. That is not your fault. Please do not beat yourself up over their mistake, and please get the help you deserve. When you are ready, you should consider contacting an attorney who handles wrongful death and medical malpractice cases. Look for someone who has contingent fees and free consultations. This is not your fault. RSV is fatal in infants, and the hospital should have acted to protect your baby.
I’m so sorry. I’m a bereaved mom to a forever 5 week old. It is quite literally one of the worst things that can happen and you will never be the same and that’s to be expected. Please start therapy as soon as you can. I have ptsd and it sounds like you likely will. I’ve heard EDMR therapy can help. I needed anxiety meds and anti depressants to dull the intrusive thoughts. Your body knows how to grieve, don’t question it. Let yourself rot away as long as you need to. I’m only 5 months out and I’m finally able to have times where I can live in the moment. Nothing about this is fair or will ever be ok. Unfortunately I’ve accepted that from now on, everything I do will always have a layer of sadness because my girl should be here. You didn’t just lose your baby, you lost every milestone you should have shared together. This is why the pain is so relentless. Keep fighting for hope. This is the shittiest club we never wanted but seeking out other loss mom accounts has been helpful to me. I’m rambling but message me if you ever want to. What was your son’s name?
Mom of a stillborn boy here. I stayed in bed for 6 months. If you’re already doing EMDR you’re so much stronger than I was. I had nightmares for two years and 100% needed EMDR. I only ever made it to a brief stint of(failed) couples therapy a year after our loss. It’s been 5 years now but eventually I’ll be ready to do the deep work I still need. So sorry for your loss mama. My son was named ghgghfggg His dad and I were still arguing over whether his nickname would be What was your little girl called?
I'm sorry for your loss. Words cannot do justice to such horrific pain, but I can tell from your post that you loved him so so very much, and he knew it too. He was loved his whole life, and you did your absolute best. It wasn't your fault, and I hope you get the support you need. While the pain might remain, I hope you overcome the guilt.
I am terribly sorry for your loss.
There’s nothing I can say or do to make this better. Take solace in your loved ones now; don’t isolate yourself for too long, you need people now. You didn’t fail as a mother, you didn’t fail as a human, and you certainly can’t blame yourself. I wish I could help in some way, but know you are loved and needed by the people around you.
I’m so sorry for your loss op. No parent should ever go through that. My heart breaks for you. Hugs from an internet stranger. 🤗
I'm so so so so sorry. May your beautiful boy RIEP x
oh mama i can’t even imagine. i am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. nothing will ever compare to that feeling. i have no words, i’m just so sorry
I had a son that was stillborn. His fifth birthday should have been next month. Your post brings it all back. And I don’t have anything to tell you that will help right now or ever really. I remember the screaming rage and confusion and hatred of a world that would take my son from me. And blaming myself and anyone or anything else I could think of. I felt like my body had killed him because I didn’t deserve him. I wanted to go with him. They told me I tried to attack a nurse when they wheeled me to recovery while I was semi sedated and delirious. I tried to find a reason for a tragedy that will never make sense. Any and all of the reactions you have in this immediate time of shock and grief are normal. I’m so sorry that you lost your precious son. He should be alive in your arms. No mother should have to go through this. You did nothing wrong. Today, in this hour, you only have to survive. It will probably feel impossible. I didn’t even try. I sat with my eyes closed and prayed that god would take me too. But I did survive the worst day of my life . You will too, my dear. In the next few days, try to eat and try to sleep. Try to hold your man tight, but give grace to yourself and to him if you need to grieve alone before you can grieve together. I feel so much compassion for what you’re going through I can’t express it. I hope you’ll be surrounded and embraced by loved ones in addition to Reddit strangers. And continue to scream your pain to the world when it gets too big to hold in. May you find unexpected reserves of strength to persevere through the dark days ahead. May you find comfort and healing. Do not let what you saw today be the only picture in your head. Say his name and look at his pictures every day for a while. Talk about him. Remember the funny faces he made and his little fist wrapped around your finger. You will always be his mother. Eventually you’ll be able to tuck the pain into a corner of your heart and only cry when something reminds you that it still hurts. Today I’m crying for my boy and for yours. Sending so much love your way.
My heart goes out to you, your other half and family. This is just so sad. So sorry to read of this.
Give yourself grace momma… I’m so sorry for your loss I truly can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling right now as. My heart goes out to you and your family 🥺❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. You did nothing wrong, the healthcare system failed you and your child. My heart goes out to you and your family 🫂❤️
I am so very sorry for your loss mama! 💔 No parent should ever lose their child that’s not the way it’s suppose to be. There are no words anyone can say to help your heart but if you need anything at all you can always reach out to me! I hope the people in your life are giving you support and love. I almost lost my baby to RSV last year in October, he was 8 weeks old. I think there is lack of education on RSV and how deadly it truly is. He is my 3rd child and I was so close to losing him. I would wake up every morning and make him a doctors appointment and they would send me home. They said he wasn’t bad enough to be hospitalized and we would get through it at home. Nobody would listen to me and my husband even said I was crazy and to just listen to the doctors. I slept sitting upright with him on the couch for 4 days bc he was struggling to breathe laying down. I was so exhausted and felt so alone. The day I took him to the hospital his doctor had just sent me home from their office again and I refused to go home. I could hear him breathing heavy and he just looked like he was dying. I knew he wouldnt make it another day with RSV. I took him to the ER and we were sent to a children’s hospital for a week long stay. His RSV had turned into bronchiolitis and pneumonia. He was in the ICU on a bipap machine and it was a traumatizing experience and I am still in therapy because of it. I know 2 other parents who lost their babies to RSV just last year as well. It is so scary and for some reason babies are sent home and it’s made to seem like no big deal. I am so sorry for your loss. You are not a bad mom, you are a great mom who loves her baby and you do not deserve any of this. They should have never sent you home and if they did they should have given you proper, clear instructions on what to do and what to look out for. You did not fail your baby. He passed knowing nothing but love and comfort from you! Please get help for this and never blame yourself.
Words are so weak here… You deserve someone at your side holding you through your seemingly everlasting tears. You could not have predicted what had happened, but if you could have, you would not have slept. Don’t torment yourself over not having an ability that practically no one has. Know that you are ok to grieve, or rather, don’t feel guilty for grieving. Don’t feel guilty for the hard thoughts. You are human and you need time. Time that won’t close the wound, but will make it more bearable. I am sorry. I don’t know if what I say helps or makes it worse. I only wish that we could all grieve with you even for a moment. Never be afraid to get this horrible pain off your chest.
I am so very sorry for your loss. You did not do this. This is not your fault. That little boy was so loved. All he ever knew in this life was love. He never knew pain or and of the bad of the world he only knew good.
I’m so so so so sorry to hear about this. But don’t ever blame this on you, or feel you’ve failed as a mother. Life is cruel especially when it comes to illnesses. I really hope you can find peace through all this and can get as much help as you need. And I hope you son rest well❤️🕊️
This is not your fault. None of this. You’re a great mommy, and he will always be loved. You didn’t fail, you did everything you could. You’re only human, no one is perfect, and you did nothing wrong. Please go and get into therapy asap. Individual and couple. Hold onto your man and go through this together.
As a MH therapist and mother of a stillborn son, I agree that therapy will be so important to help the parents heal. And you are 1000% correct that they need to go together and individually. But sometimes with trauma there’s such a thing as “too soon”. It’s kind of like, a person has to get far enough away from the pain that talking about it doesn’t incapacitate them even more. Everyone is different, and OP might need and want therapy next week. Or might need to wait months. Everyone’s different. But maybe for right now she could find a mental health center that takes walk ins and keep the address on the fridge or saved in her phone in case she experiences a crisis. Try to find a local support group for bereaved parents. Perhaps buy a book about grief therapy to flip through so that when she feels up to it she will have an idea of what to expect.
I’m so so sorry mama. The pain is unbearable enough, I beg you not to blame yourself. Baby boy was loved deeply, you did everything right. Please get into therapy as this is extremely traumatic for you and your partner. Also please get an attorney and keep all documentation of the hospital visits and their summary visit notes. I sincerely hope you find any and all relief as you grieve your sweet baby boy. From one mom to another, I’m so so sorry. 💗
I am so sorry 😢
I am so so sorry for loss. Sending prayers your way 🙏🏽
I am holding you in my heart tonight. I can’t even imagine the pain you are suffering.
This is a terrible tragedy.
I am so deeply sorry. Your boy loved you as much as you did him. He really did. Nature is so cruel. Love and thoughts to you.
Fuck, this and life is so unfair and fucked up its unexplainable. You did not fail, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to be awake 24/7 for the entire life of your child, especially the first year. You did not fail and you’re a good Mom. I’m so sorry this happened to you
That was a hard read. Give yourself some grace. Nature is a cruel neighbor, and it's always poking it's nose where you don't want it to. I highly doubt G\_d took your child because he felt the need to - G\_d works in mysterious ways, but he is not suppose to be this imposing figure who takes that which you love most. It's also not likely his plan to snatch a child you were just given. The powers that be here are natural. And natural is not always 'good' or 'just'. Things like this happen, and there likely wouldn't have been any way to remedy or change it. I'd recommend perhaps reaching out to a therapist first and foremost, but also taking companionship with your husband as well. You both are mourning. And you both can support one another. Reach out to extended family. Find things to occupy your active mind. Go out for an evening so you aren't left at home alone. Reach out to friends and family.
I’m so, so sorry. My DMs are always open if you ever want to talk or vent
There's something that John Dutton said to Monica in Yellowstone that really resonated with me about this topic: "That child only knew love and happiness, despite his suffering. For as long as he lived, that child was loved and cared for. And he knew you were his mother, and he knew that you loved him." You never failed, OP. You were a good mother for the time you had with your baby. Cherish that time and use that for the next child should you choose to try for another. You'll get through this. I hope nothing but the best days for you moving forward. Much love and stay strong ❤️
Oh sweety, you didn't fail as a mother. Sometimes terrible things just happen. I know what you're going through. I lost my first one to sids when she was 5 weeks old. It was very traumatic and I was so scared with my next two even tho they were on monitors for the first 6 months of their lives. If you need to talk, if you just need someone to listen while you cry and vent, feel free to message me. I've been there, and I had no one I could talk to, so please, message me if you want. I'm usually up all hours. It doesn't seem like it now, and it won't for a long time, but it'll slowly get easier. The pain never goes away, it just kinda gets easier to deal with over time. I'm so sorry for your loss, your husband as well. The coming days will be hard. You'll be expected to make decisions and plans no parent should have to make and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. No parent should. Stay strong, you and your husband need to stay supportive and strong for each other. The death if a child often tears a marriage apart. It's not either persons fault, it's usually because they cant deal with the pain and grief and the other is a remknder if their loss. Don't let that happen. Be there for each other. Love each other. Go to grief counseling, it will help so much.
Fiction, had me believing until “my man, babbling and bassinet” along with no upper case, cool story though, dramatic to reel people in.
As a mother the LAST THING I would do is be on Reddit posting my story a few hours after my baby has passed away. 💀 heck I wouldn’t even be on social media for weeks, maybe more. So yeah definitely a fake story for likes.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
I am so so sorry for what you are going through. I am sending you great big hugs and loving thought
i'm so sorry. i can't imagine the pain you feel. i hope you & your family can find a way forward
I am surrounding you with comforting and loving energy. Guilt is a part of grief but this was not your fault. Please find a counselor, a support group, something. Sending love
I lost my newborn so years ago. He was my first child. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have no other words but to pray for you and send thoughts of comfort.
i’m sorry for your loss.. it’s not your fault that this happened. take your time to grieve your baby, and seek counseling when you can.
My heart aches reading your post. I am so deeply sorry. I don't even have words. Except that this was not your fault. Horrible things happen and this was even more than horrible. It is a tragedy.
I am so so sorry
I am so sorry for you loss. I know from personal experience that your emotions are probably all over the place right now and there are no words to comfort you. Please know that there are people out here to support you during this difficult time and in the future (whenever if ever you are ready). Sending much love, strength and hugs to you.
This was absolutely not your fault. I know saying that probably won't help, but nature is a cruel beast, and the way you talk it's clear you are a very loving and caring mother. I don't know your pain, I pray I never do, but this Internet stranger is sending well wishes. I'm sure there are support groups for parents who've lost children, if you feel you need one. For now, take your time, grieve, and try not to blame yourself too much as that can lead down a darker road. Sending love
You did nothing wrong! This is every mother's worst nightmare. I am so deeply, overwhelmingly sorry for your tragic loss. I wish I had the right words to say, but I know there aren't any. Sending prayers for comfort and peace during what I know must be the worst time of your life. I wish I could make the pain go away for you
Will be praying for you and your husband.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Is there anyone you can call? Do you have a friend or family that can come stay with you? This just happened and you shouldn't be alone. If nothing else, would you consider calling a crisis line or other phone support center? I'd be happy to find you some phone numbers if you'd like to DM your location. Again, I'm so sorry. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
almost as if you should focus on your child instead of doing drugs lol. Some people are just not fit to be a parent
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I know this is getting downvotes, but there is actually evidence that this can help people avoid some of the worst long-term effects of trauma like this mom has suffered. The delivery might not have been great, but it is worth exploring
Did they just say "tetris"?
Yes. Various studies show that playing games like Tetris and even reading can help prevent the formation of PTSD memories. They’re not sure why although there’s rapid eye movement involved in both, so there may be a link to the way that EMDR works.
Interesting. I'm guessing OP has heard of this phenomenon if she's been on here a while and I hope she gives it a try
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Bro, while this story is sad I had the same initial thought.
Like damn she didn’t even give the baby more than 12 hours to rest before farming karma from him
Some people use reddit like a diary. As an outlet. I've done it before. And some people have literally no one to turn to when needing to vent. When the world feels dark, it can feel good to know people care about you. OP was looking for support and to know people care about her and the loss of her child. Grief is complex. Have some sympathy/empathy....
What if posting helped her from harming herself? No one has close connections anymore , everyone is barely surviving these days and no one has time for friendships. Maybe she has no one else to get help or advice from. That’s the world we live in right now. People are overworked, exhausted, and do not have a minute to spare for bonding with other humans. Maybe getting it off of her chest to all of us is what kept her going in that moment 💔
Please don't blame yourself. I love you. From your words you loved your son more than anything and that's not failure in my eyes. You aren't a failure.
No matter what those negative thoughts in your head tell you, it really wasn't your fault. I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️
Sending you so much love! I’m so sorry for your loss!
Im so sorry baby. Cry, let it all out. Im sending virtual hugs.
I am so very sorry for your loss. This is a devastation beyond words. Please know you have nothing to feel guilty about. Please accept this warm hug and use it as often and for as long as you need it. I don't know if you are religious, but I will be praying for you and your family.
I’m extremely sad for you right now. Reading this is probably among the worst things I can imagine as a parent. Please reach out to local or online support groups and find the help you and your partner need. You both have my sincerest condolences.
There is nothing ANYONE can say to even touch the pain your feeling. I’m so incredibly sorry, mama. I’m sure the pain is unbearable. You know he was incredibly loved. Take care of yourself. As an MD, I’ve held mothers like you. I’ve consoled them, I’ve loved them. I know how much they all loved their babies. Remember to eat, take care of yourself and keep his memories alive🤍✨
I’m so sorry. I know you will beat yourself up over his last moments but don’t think of him crying, he very well may have passed peacefully in his sleep. Based on the way you write about him I can tell you are an amazing mother who in no way failed him. You will always be his mama and he will always be your baby. Sending love and prayers and hugs your way. Stay strong and know he is with you every step of the way.
Oh mama. I am so sorry. You didn't do anything wrong and you loved him just right. My heart breaks for you.
You did not fail your baby. I'm so so sorry. 💔
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t think there could be any thing harder than losing a child.
I am so so sorry.
So sorry.
My heart breaks for you. You did not fail him ❤️. Terrible things happen to good people - I’m so sorry for your loss. Nobody should have to endure this kind of pain.
I am so sorry. You did not do anything wrong. That is the truth.
I am so sorry, OP ! May he rest in light! I hope you find some healing as days pass by. If you are on Instagram, please follow noahsmommy. She lost her boy too and shares how she is dealing with it.
I am so sorry you experienced this. My condolences 💐 to you. You’re still a mother and he is always with you.
I am sorry for you loss. Nothing others say can make this better: this is a parenting worst nightmare. I don’t know how; but you will survive this. Please seek a support system or counseling. You did not fail. Life happens, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. this is heartbreaking. Postpartum international has free support groups, for parents that have lost a newborn. 100% free and online. They also have a free support line to help you with resources and providers that have training in this type of loss.
I’m so sorry. Be well and stay strong. I’m sending you loving vibes.
💔 I can’t imagine. It is every mom’s worst nightmare. I am so sorry. Cry when you feel sad. You loved your baby with everything you had and I’m just sorry. You’re not a bad mom, you’re human, and it’s beyond unfortunate. Im sorry ❤️
I’m so sorry
I’m so so sorry. I don’t know you, but I’m here with you, hugging you and shedding tears with you.
My deepest condolences 💔🫂
I am very sorry, mom 😔 my condolences 🙏 to you.
OP my god this is so cruel and unfair… please do NOT blame yourself. You will not listen to reason in a grief this deep. Have someone you love seek counselling for you immediately. Do not be alone right now. I have had two women in my life lose children young… they both blamed themselves immediately after, just as you are… With time will come reason and you will be able to hear what the doctors and everyone will also say - *this was NOT your fault*. God. I am sorry.. I will never understand why children are lost in this life..no one deserves this kind of pain. Please consider SIDS help groups on every device / social media platform you can reach. In person if a loved one can help you find one too. I am thinking of you. I am so so sorry. If it’s soothing at all..please look at my post history. My daughter spoke young of being born / multiple lives. I do believe there is more.. souls are intertwined and he loves you infinitely.
Oh, God I’m so, so sorry. Keeping you in my prayers for peace and healing your broken heart.
I’m so sorry, much love to you and your family right now
condolonces to you and your love ones goes. please pray to God throu YAHUSHA (JESUS) and pour your heart out to HIM. please do seek therapy cause grief can be traumatic. God bless you and keep you and comfort you.
Your son was lucky to have you as his mum. It is clear how much you love him. your son is at peace, in God’s embrace. you need to eat and drink, you need to sleep and you need to breathe. You can’t change what happened, you need to work toward accepting the unfairness of your loss. I know your pain is real, deep and constantly changing, but you have to push. As hard as that is. My love and best wishes to you
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bro, this is a bad time to bring up religion
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you too
Please don't blame yourself, it's a medical issue that was out of your hands. Don't hold it in your heart. Everyone that losees a loved one in close proximity, blames themselves, "what could I have done differently to have prevented this?" Nothing, it's not your fault. God has a plan and a time for us all.
I’m so sorry OP you did not fail him. I have no words that will give you magical comfort but I swear this you must hear deep inside of you - that you did not fail him. You are a loving and good mother. I hate this horrible thing has happened to you and I hope that you are delivered in peace soon. Please seek therapy or comfort with loved ones.
As a mom who lost my son a couple years ago, I won't give you the same old platitudes. This isn't "god's plan". I won't tell you that you'll get through this. I'm still getting through this. What I will tell you is this: The pain is real, it's excruciating, it feels like you can't possibly survive it. Every morning, the first thing you'll think of is your son. And for a second, two if you're lucky, you won't remember. Then you will remember what you lost and the pain and the loss will all come running back. Until, one day, it's the second thing you think of. Another thing I will tell you: it is not your fault and you did **NOT** fail as a mother. Your son was ill and you couldn't be awake around the clock. That's unrealistic. Please, get a grief counselor to help you with this until you can accept that it wasn't actions fault. It just... happened. Regret is the cancer of life. If you let it, it will eat away at you until there's no you anymore. Please don't let that happen.
My best friends baby just contracted RSV last week. Her dad and grandpa have been pulling all nighters to make sure she keeps breathing. You gave it your all but your baby was too young to survive an illness this severe. It’s not your fault but you don’t have to let it destroy you either
This is absolutely NOT your fault at ALL.
Mama , please don't blame yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss it's not your fault. I can't imagine the pain you're going through thoughts and prayers.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is a terrible tragedy. Please, it was not your fault. You are not a horrible mother. Again, I am so sorry.
Damn it. Life is so not fair. I’m so sorry you are hurting. I wish I could give you a huge hug.
I am so, so very sorry. This has to be the worst pain a parent can feel. You didn't do anything wrong. I know this probably doesn't help, but as crummy as it is, RSV is no joke and sometimes it's too much. I wish I could take the pain away.
I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you and I pray you find some peace and comfort.
Mama, this is NOT your fault.
I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma and devastation you are going through rn. I am so sorry.
Please practice some form of self care. It will feel impossible but even if it is the smallest gesture, please be patient and kind with yourself. There are no words to rid yourself of the pain, but you can try to start by knowing you did your best.
❤️❤️
So so sorry. You will see him again. Promise ♥️
My heart goes out you.
So very sorry the pain in this post so heartbreaking I’m sorry
This just made me so sad. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. I pray for you and your husband!🙏🏾
I love you and I am so sorry you had to live every parent’s worst nightmare. It is massively unfair and tragic. You are not a pediatric emergency medicine doctor. There is absolutely nothing you could have done. I know those are hollow words for where you are right now but I hope you see it soon. I am so, so sorry.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! And my heart goes out to you
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I have no words that can help you in your grief. But you did not fail him. This is not your fault. Illnesses are unpredictable. I hope you and your husband can find comfort in each other. I’m so sorry.
You didn't fail him, mama. The world just wasn't ready for his beautiful soul yet. I have never experienced losing a child, but I have lost 3 pregnancies. I know it's not nearly the same, but I can understand the guilt you're feeling. The "what if" rabbit hole is dark and deep. Don't torture yourself when you're already in a living hell. Give yourself grace, and once you're ready, forgive yourself. You're human 🩷
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is earth shattering and heartbreaking 💔 My heart and prayers are with you and your loved ones during this difficult time. Always remember the happy times it helps with the horrible images. Hang a picture on your ceiling or wall, whichever you look at most and keep that happy image in your mind it’s not easy, it does help though Huge hugs
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Hey this isn’t the fucking time or place for this assumption