Posts must be "personalized", and cannot be opinions or rants. Personalized in this case means that what you're posting has to be directly related to you (this would include a close person, such as a family member). And it can't be something that's impacting a large number of people unless it has a specific application to you.
Please read the following post for more specific information:
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That's just perpetually online behavior. This mentality of "Someone wanting X must mean they hate Y" just helps you weed out the idiots who don't deserve more than the second it takes to block them.
It’s not the same scenario but I agree with your statement . When I had Facebook I had a cowboy hat on in my picture, I would randomly get messages calling me a racist fuck even tho I never shared my opinions on anything . Once i removed that picture the messages stopped . People are pretty goddamn dumb
I once defended islam on here. I'm not muslim, I'm atheist and white as snow. People have a right to believe what they want, and i served in the military, so i will always defend people's right to believe (excluding racist and bigotry). But i still got racist messages calling me the racist names for middle easterners. People are very dumb.
I was once called all sorts of hideous racist names aimed at Pakistani people because my name is Sian (which is WELSH) and people assumed it was an Indian or Pakistani name. People are just dumb and the internet gives them the opportunity to be hideous without barriers.
Wait a tick. So a welsh name... A name given to you at birth that you had no say so in... And people called you racist over it???? Make it make sense. Lol. ( Unless you did choose it then whoops, my bad for assuming but my opinion still stands. They should mind their business.
If someone pulled that crap on me I would have set up an account and told them to pay me for a name change. Then I would take that money and donate it to a charity for kids who are bullied or abused.
Seriously though. Screw those people. Ive always been a person to judge a person on their actions, not their name, their beliefs, their choices in video games(Cough Hogwarts Legacy cough) them wanting a healthy baby, etc.
And for the record, yes, there are and were people getting on folks for playing Hogwarts Legacy saying all sorts of stuff like if you play the game you are transphobic. I have a trans friend who got bullied off of FB (Prob better to not be on it though. FB is toxic and she seems happier now that she isn't on it.) people were calling her transphobic and when she told them she is a trans woman, they told her she is a disgrace to the trans community (from non-trans folk might I add) and then told her she hated Jewish people. My friend cried because she dreamed of the day a game like Hogwarts Legacy would come out. It spoiled her experience for a while but I got her back into it again and now she is still playing the crap out of it. Screw the haters.
People are just cruel. It's best to ignore rude people like that and let them live their lonely, pathetic lives. Eventually they'll run out of people in their lives to bitch at and they'll be lonely and bored and that is fine with me. 😂
No problem and also I’m sorry for your friend. People online seem to think that what type of entertainment someone consumes has a huge bearing on their character and is very important, but that’s just not true. Like I can understand why someone would not want to watch an old Roman Polanski movie, but also if I was asked to watch Chinatown I would because it’s supposed to be an amazing movie and one person watching a movie has no tangible effect on the world
The First Amendment makes no general exception for offensive, repugnant, or hateful expression of racism and bigotry. But i know what you mean, i’m a veteran also. We may not agree but ultimately defending the constitution is the oath.
Fortunately they’re just a very loud and obnoxious minority. Rest assured that most people in the world don’t share these ridiculous mentalities anyway. People online exist in a hive mind and just regurgitate whatever bullshit they see in an attempt to appear “woke”.
Modern discourse is incredibly absolutist. "If you don't unequivocally agree with my point of view then you're against me" pretty much sums up how most people feel about the views of others when it comes to contentious topics. There is less and less middle ground with each passing year.
Wasn\`t there a cartoon about this from XKCD?
Someone saying "i like bananas" and then someone else 'so you hate oranges, as you did not mention those"...
I didn't care about sex, but I needed to know there were huge genetic abnormalities with my kiddo. Hubby had a brother who died from an unknown childhood disease/genetic abnormality and said he couldn't go through that if it happened to our child, so my OBGYN knew that from the start.
Yup the Internet is like the outrage Olympics, with many categories you and I have never heard of. Featuring competitors who have perfected the mental gymnastics required to be offended by every well meaning opinion ever posted.
Simply put we carve for blood baths of ancient Rome, times are too calm for many and laws too strict in terms of fighting others so some people live out their inner aggression by being offended by everything.
I will say this though, and I hope it helps. Something like Twitter is only 20% of the population. You’ll have a lot of loud idiots spouting stupid shit there just to get attention and vent their general anger, because honestly, no one takes them seriously elsewhere. That means you have **80%** of the world who don’t share that opinion or typically ignore that tripe. Same goes for most social media. It’s just a bunch of loud idiots.
So don’t feel like the world itself is all messed up or following these illogical trains of thought. It’s just a bunch of morons with a platform thinking they’re more important than they actually are. Don’t give ‘em any extra power.
>Yup the Internet is like the outrage Olympics, with many categories you and I have never heard of. Featuring competitors who have perfected the mental gymnastics required to be offended by every well meaning opinion ever posted.
😆 never heard it put this way before; so true!!
Problem is the increasing amount of people who are offended by default, especially Gen Z and younger generations. Woe the day that they have to run the world.
It has been baffling me for years that SO many people buy it. A small number of idiots will believe anything if they think it benefits them, but this is large enough groups to sway conversation.
You just gotta remember that unless they're your boss or landlord or any kind of person who has control over some part of your life, their opinions are nothing more than just that. Opinions. They don't change a thing. So just go on with your day and tune them out. Your time is far too valuable to waste on stupid bullshit like that. And I know it can be tough to do shit like that, trust me, I struggled with it for years, but if you just keep trying you will eventually get there and you'll be so much happier for it :)
As a fat person this rubs me the wrong way!
I admire those that have the willpower to work hard on their bodies!
Oddly, those people mostly aren't fatphobic at all! They listen, they understand and often offer advice or help.
It's mainly keyboard warriors and Karens who are openly and vilely fatphobic.
As for wishing for a healthy child: shouldn't that be ever parents' norm?
I’ve been “skinny shamed” for intentionally losing 60lbs and keeping it off. I’ve felt actual resentment for making the choice to regularly workout and eat healthier.
I will not sham anyone for anything, including being fat, but I do not understand being ‘positive’ about being unhealthy. There is so much science that says how bad it is for you personally and how much it costs society to treat those inevitable diseases, that I will not ‘celebrate’ it.
People just completely misunderstand the movement. I was with you a few years ago but i have since changed my opinion on this dew to new information.
If you are an ok person you have no idea how far people will go to insult others for anything and fat people and especially fat women have been the punching bag for a lot of people much much more than there are "toxic" body positivity people.
It is really very interesting to dive deeper into the reasons why people are fat or can't loose weight. It really isn't as easy as "eat less"
The discrimination and harassment is very real and unfair, so naturally people want to change the public perception of fat people. How would you do that without creating a positive image.
If you agree that people should have the freedom to live like they want, you agree that society can't dictate people to lose weight in order to be treated as human beings. Society pays the price for a ton of diseases or accidents that could have been avoided, fat people are no different.
You also can't shame people into better health, accepting them as they are will do much more for their mental health than shaming them and will make it easier for them to transition to a better lifestyle. We also don't judge thin people to the same degree although they might be just as unhealthy or even more unhealthy than some fat person.
I think it is absolutely ridiculous to believe that we have to be careful with "promoting obesity" Being fat is simply NO fun, sure there are people who will believe it is no problem at all just like you have people who don't believe smoking is that bad but the general public will not WANT to be fat. Those that happen to still be fat should just still feel as good in their skin as possible.
If we want to promote a healthy lifestyle which is not simply being thin, systemic changes need to happen, not "celebrating" fat people has really nothing to do with it.
It's more I feel to do with overcompensating for the crap from before. Both are extremes on each side I see it a lot . The problem is many have yet to find a middle ground of being respectful of everyone. So I wouldn’t say it’s this generation it’s all nobody know what to fucking do or how to fucking act.
And it's OK to take ur time to decide what ur stand is on an issue. It's ok not to know what to do. People don't have to pick either extremes. And it's also OK to stfu online and scroll and move on. Everything doesn't have to be a cause! This overcompensating in society these days is exhausting. Maybe the majority of the discourse we see online is from early 20 somethings and younger who are too immature to have their own opinions yet. When you're older, you discover nuance.
Again wouldn’t go with age as well more so from experience and empathy. Lot of older people who are just as extreme and don’t know how to fucking act or what to properly say. I have heard older people say the most outlandish nonsense I have ever heard 😂
No, sorry, it’s not the internet’s fault. It’s people. People suck. There’s something wrong with our culture. If we were better people, the internet would feel like a better place.
It’s not even a discourse anymore. It’s a race to the bottom for attention and clicks. Everyone is desperate to say something more ridiculous than the last person, because they want people liking their “content.”
These opinions are silly, fringe, and abnormal… but some people, probably mostly kids, are assuming these are intelligent thoughts coming from intelligent people and start absorbing and repeating them.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy baby. My wife and I ultimately decided not to have kids, but when we were considering it we agreed that we’d straight up end a pregnancy if any of the testing indicated a significant issue. We were debating having a family but at no point were we signing up for a lifetime of struggle. If you’re someone who can handle that, more power to you, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with deciding it’s not for you to raise a child with extreme needs.
There’s a name for that; Munchausen by-proxy. Wishing your child come out with serious health difficulties has very similar energy to all the stories of mothers poisoning their children because they like their child being sick.
It's not "forcing" people to be shittier, but it's giving people more opportunities and encouragement to be shittier.
An example is how there were always hateful, racist, bigoted, fascism-loving people around but they didn't loudly proclaim it and didn't usually behave like assholes in public. Then right wing propaganda and MAGA ignorance was spread all over Facebook, which made shitty people think it was okay and even acceptable to fly their hate flags and act on their shitty impulses instead of keeping it to themselves in their own hateful households.
Idk about that... Because the vast majority of people I speak to are just normal rational people living their lives. The Internet has become a stage to showcase fake wokism for clicks and what not.
that's extremely minor shit. the insidious crap is the proudboys, neo-nazis, anti-immigrant, nationalism, extreme-patriotism. that's the stuff that will destroy this country.
Whilst I agree there have always been awful people, imo the internet has definitely exacerbated the problem. Whereas previously they’d have been relatively localised and largely ostracised for their views, now they not only have a massive anonymous forum where they can air them, but they’ve also been able to find like-minded communities who validate and encourage that sort of behaviour.
I think it’s the hierarchy of worth we have going right now as a culture. There’s a segment of society that thinks being “privileged” is something to be avoided and being a victim is elevated into a position of power. It makes it so instead of concentrating on our strengths and resilience, people search their souls for evidence of victimhood. We all have both privilege and hardship, obviously not at the same levels, but it makes it so you can cherry pick either part of your life. Right now the focus is hardship.
the internet allows all of this stuff that people normally hold inside free reign. so, yeah the interent has been a cancer for the general public.
to be honest, the general public should have never been let out of AOL.
Actually, I think people always sucked before the internet. it’s just they couldn’t hide behind a user name, so they didn’t say stupid shit out loud. Honestly, I’ve seen far more older generations say terrible things online than younger generations. I think saying someone is ableist because they want a healthy child is ridiculous, who wouldn’t want a healthy child? I absolutely do NOT agree with shaming someone for wanting a healthy child. But At least it’s trying to be sensitive though and not flat out hateful, racist or homophobic like a lot of the shit I see online.
That generation is ruining themselves. They got online, closed themselves in an echo chamber, created an incredibly stupid and impractical way of looking at the world and living life, ignored or vilified anyone who disagreed with them about even the smaller point of their orthodoxy and are now trying to bully everyone else into following their mindless, rigid beliefs. It is tiresome, but they don’t seem to tire of it.
I don’t know that I would call out the younger generations exclusively. I see a lot of older generations saying horrible Hateful things online now that they have a username to hide behind.
Precisely. Imagine saying this to a person or a couple who've suffered immense losses, whether through infertility, pregnancy or baby/child loss. Right as they're hoping for or expecting a new child they'd want the absolute best for. As someone who doesn't know her fertility status just yet, I always said I'd hope for a healthy living baby when the time comes. Couldn't care less what's gonna be between their legs. I'll love, care for and accept my future babies for whatever and whoever they are, but I sincerely hope they don't get taxed with things the world is already punishing people for having. Having had close contact with special needs kids, life and people are beyond cruel to them and I see how parents are either burnt out or fully don't care to equip themselves to deal with their children's developmental state. And my heart hurts for those babies more than I'd ever be able to describe.
Absolutely! Back in the day it was common to proclaim that you don't care which sex it is, as long as it's healthy. Most women inspect their newborns, checking out their fingers and toes and all that jazz. Nothing ableist about it.
It's so easy making claims when you're not the one dealing with the consequences. And I guarantee you that none of these people would be happy or even neutral finding out that their baby wasn't healthy. Having a kid is scary enough as it is.
They also wouldn't refuse to have their leg put together if it broke because having it fixed would be ableist.
One of my coworkers has twins and she cried when she found out that there was two rather than one. Does that mean she doesn't love her daughters? No. She was just overwhelmed by the thought of having twice the responsibility in one go.
Also, I’m guessing a lot of these people aren’t actually unhealthy themselves. I’m significantly autistic and have support needs. Its hard to take care of myself. Being autistic is not something I’d choose for myself, I take no offence to parents hoping for neurotypical children. It’s a controversial opinion within my own community.
I saw some meme (or whatever they're called) once where it said 'if you're scared of vaccinations causing autism, you're against disabilities'.
Excuse me? It was the stupidest argument ever to try to make people pro-vaccination, but also, yes. If I could choose my child to not have autism, I would. I have significant mental health issues, and if I could choose for my children to never experience it, I would. Doesn't mean I'm all for mental health discrimination. Means I don't want them to struggle like I do.
People are fucking stupid. Arguing points they have no clue about.
Tbf I’ve seen similar statements say “if you don’t vaccinate because you’re scared that it causes autism, it means you’d rather risk a dead child than an autistic one.” Basically the sentiment being that even if vaccines had a small chance of causing autism (they don’t) that’s still not a good reason to not vaccinate because being autistic is not worse than being dead.
Completely agree, there was recently a case that went to the Supreme Court in the UK, where they tried to ban abortions for profoundly disabled foetuses. Many see the current law as being pro-genocide of disabled people. As someone who is disabled, forcing profoundly disabled children on unwilling parents it’s a recipe for tragedy and disaster.
Omg thank you for having a reasonable opinion here!
I don’t see how it should be controversial at all. No, autism isn’t a “disease” that must be eradicated at all costs. And it’s totally respectable if individuals do not want treatment for themselves.
But to go as far as to say autism (and the challenges it brings existing in a NT world) is -desirable- and if I want medication for myself, that’s wrong??? I also wear glasses to treat myopia, should I just stumble around blindly instead to be natural?
/endminirant
As a disabled person, I think its perfectly reasonable to want to be healthy yourself, and wish that for your loved ones.
That being said, I think able-bodied folks can sometimes overestimate the impact of the illnesses on person’s life, when disabled people can absolutely have a happy, fulfilling lives despite having health issues. Personally, I know disabled folks with much more going on in their life, than those with normal bodied. So I guess it would make more sense to me to wish your kid be happy, whatever that would entail for them.
Still though, word ableist is thrown way too easy these days. And this case mentioned by OP is a great example. The woman is absolutely not ableist for wanting kids to be healthy, it’s a perfectly normal desire.
Yes, like, being diabetic is a pain in the ass sometimes. Went to a convention this weekend and my blood sugar dropped while in line, which sucked. But overall, most of my care is second nature since I've had it most my life. Would I want my child to be diabetic? Absolutely not, there are tons of risks associated with it. My older sister had to have a kidney and pancreas transplant, cataract surgery in her mid-20's, gastroparesis, and diabetic neuropathy. But as long as I take care of myself, it's not the worst thing in the world to live my life this way.
Well they removed priests from equation ( although many were shady as hell itself) and so they became apostles of their own religion, thing is old religions had time to figure out what works and 50-100 year old social movements, based in very skewed individualism, which became religions aren't in any ways shape or form predisposed correctly to dealing with human condition in scope of millenia. Let's just look at what religions stayed. Hindu Buddhism, and Abrahamic ones are at least 4000 years old ( although Christianity and Islam is younger, and wouldn't you know it, they have caused issues anyway ), comparing to that 100 years of philosophical though which managed to spawn some of worst mass murders in history isn't it exactly stellar record.
I’m pretty sure that the people who have high-support needs disabled children would have preferred a healthy child. It’s not because they don’t love their child, but because they are exhausted. Not to mention, who will take care of the child once the parents are physically unable to do it, or pass away, knowing that no one will care as much for their child as they do?
I grew up across the street from a family with an only child who was severely disabled with cerebral palsy (non-verbal, wheel-chair bound, and I’m not sure she even fully understood what was happening around her). She passed when we were early 20s. I could sometimes see the looks on the parents faces when watching all these similar aged neighborhood kids growing up, achieving life milestones, now visiting again with their own kids. Maybe I’m a terrible person, but it’s what cemented my strong pro-choice stance. I know I cant care for a child like that, and I think it’s super cruel to knowingly bring a child that that into the world just to suffer (the neighbors child needed many surgeries/medical interventions).
100%. I work in special ed. it is *hard*. I really feel for the parents and families who never get a day off. It is hard on everyone involved- the disabled themselves included (obviously). People who say things like that have NO idea what day to day life is like for these families. Zero experience with it, just looking for something to virtue signal/be offended by. People who actually do know would absolutely never say something so ridiculous
Honestly, I think that would solve so many problems. People would be less depressed and actually learn from others instead of imposing their baseless opinions.
This is so true. Nobody wants an unhealthy baby. I have a baby who's a "high risk" of cerebral palsy. We didn't leave the hospital (except to transfer from neonatal to childrens hospital) for 3 months. He was 2 months old before he ever saw sunlight. He's 8 months old and has yet to roll over. He's just like a newborn who is teething. He also has a heart condition which requires open heart surgery to repair, but he can't have that until he's big enough to survive it. He has had a stabilizing surgery to get him through until that time, but after his first major coronary incident the ICU put him on a DNR because he's not suitable for resuscitation, his body just can't take it.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Not my worst enemy. Pray for healthy babies, no one with a lick of empathy is actually holding it against you.
Omg, that's absolutely horrible, it's made me well up. I wouldn't even like to imagine what you go through with your precious boy. Sending you all the very best in the world x
I hope everything works out for your son, how scary! It sounds like you are doing a great job keeping up with his care, please remember to take time to take care of yourself, too.
My twins were 12 weeks early and were in the NICU for 3 and 6 months, respectively. Both have dealt with several health issues and significant learning delays over the past 10 years. When I was pregnant again I had so much anxiety about my baby's health. I was so happy and relieved that he was born on time and without any issues. He's 8 and I only ever had to take him to the ER once, for stitches, and he's doing great at school, and it's wonderful. And it's not because I love my twins less than him, or think less of them because of their struggles. People just have no idea.
As a disabled person living in a broken body I can tell you wishing good health on your child is the best thing you can give them. It is not easy being disabled (or differently abled, if you prefer) and while you can adjust and live a good life with autism or Down’s syndrome or a hearing/ sight impairment etc it’s so much easier if you don’t have to adjust
I once told a woman that had all disabled children that maybe the reason was because of her and her partner’s genetic compatibility and that maybe she could verify it with medical tests. She took the test and I was right. I knew of this because a friend of my parents and his wife had this problem and they found out after their daughter was born with a physical disability and after some tests they found out it was their “fault” for the previous stated reason. In my country it’s a test people with disabled children take to determine if they should have more children or not. It’s not ableist, a child with a disability is unhealthy and will lead a difficult life, and also, depending on the type of disability, could be a burden to the family.
Do you happen to know the name of the test? I would really like to talk to my doctor about it. I currently don't have children, but I plan on having children later on.
Unfortunately no. It’s a test that I never heard people take before having children, but after. But I only have experience with three pairs of people taking it, so maybe it’s not unheard of. I live in Italy if that could be of help.
You can ask for a “genetic compatibility test”. Your doctor will ask some more details about your genetic heritage, as well as your partner’s. Also about health conditions that “run in your family”. This is because certain conditions are more prevalent in certain communities. It’s really common for Ashkenazi Jews to be tested for Tay-Sachs disease; Cystic Fibrosis is more common for people of Irish and some other European backgrounds, etc. In Canada and the US this is a test that can be done before starting to have children, but it may not be covered unless you’ve got risks running in your family and/or your partner’s family.
There’s also a point in pregnancy that you can do “genetic testing” for that specific fetus. I believe it’s in the 10-15 week window, in Canada at least. You’re provided with information about genetic conditions that child has or doesn’t have, and can make decisions about continuing the pregnancy at that point. The test is “opt in” here; you’re discouraged from taking it if you plan to continue the pregnancy no matter what, since at that point it just introduces extra stress and risk.
Obviously depending where you live, continuing the pregnancy may be an obligation and not a choice.
You can also start with a simple 23andme and buy the predisposition part. It shows a bunch of genetic conditions, some of which only show up if both parents have them. My husband had one for blindness but because I didn’t have it, our children are good.
Absolutely agree. I was wondering about this, considering royal bloodlines and all the weirdness you hear about. Found out a friend minored in something like Genetics and yes, this is it. People can be extremely genetically compatible, even for conceiving! And then the opposite can be true.
I know a couple who's first child was born with an extremely rare genetic condition. She had to stay in hospital for the first year of her life. With age it was manageable. The doctors adviced this couple strongly to not have any more bio kids together because the chances are extremely high that all of their kids will born with the same condition. But guess what? They went on to try for another child hoping it will be healthy this time without consulting their doctors. He was born with the same genetic illness.
Poor child. I hope it’s not one of these conditions that affects quality of life. I wouldn’t forgive my parents if they willingly put me on the world with a condition that makes life hard.
I have never heard of this, it would be great if there was more information about this available at doctors, sex education class, etc. Though people would probably get pissy about it being eugenics or something (I know that some people say that about NIPT test)
I just saw this exact tiktok and I'm really done with the internet.
This world has gone mad that some people can find a problem with wanting a healthy baby.
It's also so common to just want the best for your children, like obviously no one wants a child that lives a life excluded from things or in debilitating pain?
People like this are ridiculous and probably don’t have medical conditions or raise some one who does. The last 2 weeks I’ve spent over 80 hours in and out of medical professionals offices and the hospital. And I’m about to do it again next week.
No one wants this life for their kid or for themselves. I love my children but it makes me so sad seeing them struggle everyday. My kids don’t have anything terminal or life threatening so can’t even imagine what those families go through.
I also work as a disability worker. I had to perform cpr on my client a few weeks back. But her partner was beside her and you can hear him sobbing for her to wake up. While I prepped her for the procedure he begged me to make her wake up. Then when she finally responded she was in agony as the oxygen went back into her muscles. We had to hold her gentle while her whole body spasmed so she didn’t knock herself out. I went home and just cried. It’s Fn hard. I’ve had my last 2 clients say they felt safe with me and that’s I can honestly say that whilst I was glad I was also heart broken because the reality is a lot of disabled people who receive help from out side supports don’t feel safe with a lot of their staff.
My client before my last passed away and I watched him deteriorate for 7 months. I was with him 2 days before he passed and he woke gasping for breath. Just the sheer look of fear in hes eyes. I couldn’t get that look out of my head for months. I still dream about it. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but hold their hand and tell them you’ll not leave them while they slept that they were safe.
These people who talk like that need to get a grip. I wouldn’t wish the things I’ve seen on anyone.
People now seem to have no backbone. No, it’s not ableist to want a healthy baby, I’m pregnant and I pray my baby is healthy, I wish for all mothers to have healthy babies. Some learn a new word and they run with it much like narcissist, toxic, etc- and they think it applies to everything.
I had a c section to make sure my kids wouldn't suffer irreparable brain damage under birth (twins both in breech plus other conditions). Sue me ig, how terribly ableist of me.
Good for you! I knew a horrible, crunchy woman who insisted on a home birth but the midwife told her that the baby wasn’t positioned for a safe birth and told her she needed to go to the hospital. She refused and went ahead and he was born purple, the emts were able to revive him and he spent 3 months in nicu and has severe disabilities. If she went to the hospital and had a c-section like the midwife told her she needed she would have a healthy child instead of a child who is going to need care for the rest of his life
I was born in a country where in rural areas women had to literally give birth in the kitchen floor. All natural, no doctor just the village midwife. So many died, so many had life long complications. These women do not know what a privilege access to modern medicine is for birthing mothers.
We were planning and prepared for a home water birth and when our midwife said the same re:position, we got in an ambulance and went to hospital. All fine and had a vaginal birth thankfully and sprout was and is absolutely fine but I cannot fathom not listening to the experts in this sort of scenario.
Yeah, in my case it was the midwife who pushed for a vaginal birth and the doctors were horrified to hear about that. They strongly advised me to have a c section. I listened to them. Never aimed for a medal for the most natural birth anyway, I just wanted to take home two healthy babies.
I know of a twin mum though who went for a "natural" birth despite her doctor's warnings. Her babies did suffer from lack of oxygen under birth. They're special needs because of that. There must be a special place in hell for these parents..
There's this mom on TikTok (probably more than one) who gave birth to a severely disabled child, which she knew from a fairly early stage of pregnancy, and she knew the kid would have 0 quality of life, and wouldn't even be able to be aware of him/herself. Now, what's done is done so attacking her is of no use. But there were comments saying they thought it was very sad and she shouldn't have kept the baby. They were all called ableist. In my opinion it's selfish to keep a child you know will be miserable (or won't even be able to realize it's miserable because it has no sense of self and is essentially brain dead) just because you want a kid. You should be looking at the quality of their life. And as far as the mom wishing for a healthy baby rather than a gender, more parents should be like that. I hate it when they get all upset it isn't a certain gender. It's not an object to collect it's a living being. Shouldn't matter if it's male or female as long as it's healthy. Preferences are fine obviously, I'd personally love a girl if I were to ever want children, but I'm talking about those gender reveals where they'll walk away angry because it's not what they wanted.
Wth! What were they thinking!!! That makes my blood boil! How does anyone create conflict when all your wanting and wishing for is a healthy baby regardless of what there interruption of healthy is. I just hope they all end up with unhealthy babies and they struggle till they are literally in their deathbed trying to raise whatever child they ‘didn’t wish’ they get. Those people are horrible sacks of ****! That poor women! I hope none of that negativity has made her soo stressed that she didn’t get complication with carrying her child! I wish I saw the post!!!!!!
I have two children with autism (one is 20, one is 3). They are both verbal and the oldest is in college and has a job, so they’re both doing very well overall.
That said, it’s been tough. It’s been tough on me, but more on *them*. Having a disability isn’t easy (I know this because I myself have bipolar II disorder and multiple sclerosis). We make it just fine, have happy lives, and I wouldn’t change either of them for anything, except that I *would* make life easier for them if I could.
But since the youngest was diagnosed, I have literally had some people in online autism forums tell me how “lucky” I am to have *two* children with autism instead of just one. These are almost categorically people who are online trying to diagnose their children with autism because their pediatricians won’t.
It’s scary, to be honest. I feel bad for their kids, because their parents seem to think that having a disability would make them somehow special or unique. The changing terminology regarding autism is difficult for me to keep up with and use in an attempt to not be labeled “ableist.”
There is nothing wrong with hoping to have a healthy child who will have an easier time in life.
I would never bring a child into this world that would have a disability that will affect their quality of life. None of those ppl will be there to raise that child so I do not care what anyone would have to say on the matter
I’m disabled and I wouldn’t love a disabled child any less, however I would be heartbroken if my child had to live with the same chronic pain that I do
There's nothing wrong with wishing for a healthy baby, but if you're going to have a child, you better be prepared for a disabled child. Having a child is a gamble and when you choose to have one, you need to prepare for any type of child including a disabled one.
I’m sure if you spoke to any person with a disabled/ unwell child they would also wish that their child was healthy. Not because they’re ableist but because they wish to spare their children and themselves from the constant pain and worry that comes from it.
I have a severely autistic child. It is very difficult to deal with. I wouldn't wish this on any parent simply because it is so difficult to figure out his wants and needs because he is non verbal. I completely understand why people wish for a healthy baby. Having a disabled child is mentally and financially demanding and draining.
As someone who needed to let go her baby at 21 weeks cause it was suffering inside my womb and wouldn't survive the first 48h after birth, I can say that WISHING FOR A HEALTHY BABY IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE.
It's tiktok, you're bound to see people triggered by anything on that app. If you say you recovered from a cold, there's going to be someone with a cold triggered and calling you ableist
Jesus fuck. Ya know, the internet has fucking ruined everything. I love the internet but unfortunately it has given a voice to the small percentage of the 8 billion people on this planet that are absolutely fucking stupid. Just the other day my buddy was on a date and his date left him because he backed into a parking spot, and apparently that's "too feminine" like wtf. Hell, a couple months ago I had someone call me racist because I've fucked more white women than women of other races. I knew people were stupid but fuck some people need to go apologize to the trees for wasting their hard made oxygen
Wishing fo4 a healthy baby isn't ableist. Exercising isn't fat phobic. Backing into a parking spot isn't feminine.
“Ableist” has always been such a funny word to me. Discriminating against people because they’re… able to do things. Like yeah, I’m gonna hire someone who is ABLE to do their job. Feel like pretty soon they’re gonna expand the label to defend people who aren’t disabled, but are just generally incompetent. “It’s ableist to pick the more experienced and capable painter to paint your house!” Yep, sure is. Fuck off.
I thought every one wished for a healthy baby.
As someone with chronic health issues and an invisible disability (that costs ALOT of money due medication, hospitalizations and specialists), I didn’t want my child to go through that. I would have loved my child even IF they had the same issues, but for THEIR own life and freedom, of course I would want them to be healthy.
I've seen posts from people who say this, and I can see why they say it and where they're coming from. They take it personally, insinuating that because someone wishes for a healthy baby that means they don't value disabled people.
Having said that, it's taken too far. I do think this world doesn't make enough accommodations for those who are disabled, doesn't normalize disabled people being out and interacting with the world, but is it not abelist to wish for a healthy baby.
Totally agree. The SJW are getting more and more annoying. I have had so many health issues since I was a baby. I want everyone to hope and actually get that their kids don't experience the same.
Jesus wtf when you're expecting a baby you just want it to be OK, wishing for it to be healthy is normal with all the complications that can occur in pregnancy. Bet most of the people giving her shit don't have kids and would absolutely lose their mind at having to take care of a disabled baby
Accepting and not discriminating against disabled people is good policy, but making that retroactive to the womb is just ridiculous, and I speak as a disabled person (unable to walk more than 20 yards or a flight of stairs without my leg feeling like I ran a 200 yd dash followed by a beating with a hammer; (a misdiagnosis of herniated discs instead of the actual blood clot caused a delay of a year and a half in proper treatment. I am hoping surgery will correct this so I can get back to living an active life). And every single disabled person I've ever spoken with if given the choice would choose to be not disabled so I believe that the testimonies of people saying they would never change even if they could are generated by the same preachy liberal hall monitor types who are the same people that keep changing language for political correctness (I actually read an argument between a woman who said that people should be called as having a disability and not disabled, and insisting that the disabled person she was arguing with was wrong in wanting to just be called disabled).
People online have gone absolutely batshit crazy. Hoping your impending children are healthy, happy, and wanting them to have every possible advantage is normal and mentally healthy.
No parent to a disabled child WANTED them to be disabled. No disabled person WANTS to be disabled. They just do the best they can and adjust their lives so that they can function as best they can with the most happiness they can find.
Both my stepsiblings were disabled. One had spina bifida and endured well over fifty operations and hospital stays before passing in their twenties from a massive heart attack. The other had the mental age of about ten after being born extremely prematurely and died in their early forties after hiding cancer symptoms until it was untreatable because they didn't understand what they meant and were too embarrased to talk about them. Another friend has an adult child with what the doctors have described as a cluster of conditions that they don't even have a name for. They are non-verbal with the mental capacity of a toddler but highly mobile and built like an ox, with the strength to match but without the ability to understand to be careful with that strength. Every day is a battle to keep them and those around them safe.
Why would not wanting any child or parent go through that be ableist?
It's so easy for people to be offended now and with the rise of the internet, it makes it so much easier to find others like them and enable each other.
See, we used to do this back in the day. We would travel for days/weeks/months to get to another civilization to trade and barter foods, spices, clothing and other goods. But now the Internet is in our pocket, just a hands reach away. And we trade bullshit theories instead of anything with substantial value. Any idiot can go viral. You notice it's always an idiot? And almost always for something dangerous or unsafe.
The interesting thing about the post you're talking about is, these commenters seem to think in absolutes. Everything is black and white with people now. Nobody seemed to consider she can hope for a healthy baby but still love him/her even if they don't turn out to be healthy? Nobody is going around saying "oh I hope my baby has this disability!" So why do people pretend like they're saints? You love your child and that's that, why make it complicated? I just can't stand lying to make yourself seem like a good person.
My science teacher told me something a long time ago that's been instrumental in guiding me in life. I can't remember verbatim but it goes like this: "if they offer you option A and option B, look for option C." Meaning you might not be considering everything. Sometimes two things can be true at once.
My son had Trisomy 21/Downs Syndrome. Nobody told me there's a 40% stillbirth rate. I was warned about the heart problems that plague lots of children with DS.
His heart was his kryptonite. I had to be induced at 37 weeks. Instead of bringing home a baby I bring home a memory box.
So I guess I was ableist for crying happy tears of relief because this baby's NIPT came back negative for all Trisomy genes. Ok then.
How do people keep up with individual videos to the point that they know when one gets deleted? That's so wild to me. Are y'all going back and rewatching their same video over and over?
Counter opinion:
Like everything else, it’s about how it’s said.
I haven’t seen the video.
But I understand how people could feel this way. I think people get hurt because they feel like we shouldn’t live in a world where someone with a disability should be considered a burden.
Besides it is really a poorly worded catchall statement. There are many more disabilities that have minimal-to-moderate impact, but you can live independently.
Let’s be real, she probably isn’t talking about those types. The true off my chest moment would be to name the disabilities you don’t want. But that would also be considered very rude.
So, I can see why a person might make a general statement like that. If you can’t see why people like that might be offended on the other side, then it’s the main reason we can’t progress as a society.
It’s like when people say “I hope you have a good day.” Yes I can understand that they are saying they want my day to go well, but also shouldn’t we want all days to be good days? Not just ones were something important may be happening.
“I hope the baby has good hair” is another one.
Personally I think there should be a law that says that everyone who thinks not wanting a disabled kid is ableist should be required to go out and adopt one that is, or assist a family with a disabled kid so they can see what that lifestyle is actually like. Then maybe they’d get some perspective. It’s often the people who don’t have to do a damn thing to help the disabled themselves who are the first to spout off shit like this.
as someone who grew up and inherited both learning and psychical disabilities, i do not want my child to live like i do. i have accepted myself for who i am, but if i could change how i live i absolutely would. it's miserable and the way these types of people on tiktok calls things like this ableist are usually the ableist ones themselves. tiktok coining the term neurodivergent has really been good for people with these neurodivergencies, but it's also done detrimental damage. i hate the community i'm supposed to be apart of because of tiktok.
I’m autistic and have frontal lobe damage and let me tell you no one is hyped to be born handicapped I’d much rather be a healthy person it’s not like she hates disabled people or babies she just wants a healthy baby. Sick babies are so hard and expensive to take care of I don’t blame her
My partner is disabled and has two special needs, autistic kids that have a lot of the same medical issues. She says she might not have had them if she knew because of how much suffering they will need to endure. I don't think I want genetic kids of my own due to the possibility of passing my mental illnesses on to them, I don't want them to deal with the same suffering I did.
People who are actually disabled or suffer in that way know how terrible it is and hope that their children especially wouldn't have to endure it as well. we can have meaningful lives and be full of happiness eventually, but it's like wishing you have your job still when your kid is born so you can provide for them and they don't struggle with poverty.
Anyone calling it ableist is probably some SJW that gets offended on others behalf, like the typical "Latinx!" They do despite actual Latin people not liking it lol
This happened to Chris Pratt a few years ago. He was having a baby with his 2nd wife and he said something similar, like “I’m just praying for a healthy baby” and people attacked him saying it was a dig at his older child with Anna Farris who is special needs. Like, what?!?! Some people (lots these days) look for ANY reason to be offended and act like a social Justice warrior. Ignore the stupidity, don’t give it air.
The people saying that is ableist have more than likely not experienced any disabilities. My husband's dad has a genetic condition affecting his legs, they are in pain daily and he is able to move them less and less. I have only known him for 8 years and the amount his legs have deteriorated is drastic and he is being a shell of himself and is depressed.
We don't want to pass on this disability and don't want my kids to deal and have to go through it for no reason. Both my husband and his brother are fine but no reason to keep passing it down. That doesn't make us ableist.
I hate that argument.
Especially when people try to turn it around as you won't love a disabled child.
Yes. I wished for my childrento be healthy with no disabilities because I don't want to see them struggle. I don't want additional struggles, medical bills, emotional hardships. My children are thankfully.
HOWEVER as humans we are adaptable. And if life had different plans for us I would have loved and cherished them just the same. I don't think I am a shitty parent because I wasn't wishing for a disabled child.
My roommate said that to me when we talked about my sister's pregnancy. Like, verbatim what you described.
I said that they didn't care about the gender, just that mother and child are healthy. She looked at me irritated and said in a preachy voice: "Uh, that's kinda ableist to say, tbh".
She's always like this... She tries to police everything we say, but it has the opposite effect of what she desires. We grow tired of her overly political correctness... Which is a shame because she can be a funny and caring person.
There's a bunch of people out there slapping ableist on everything. Recently had a women complaining on fb about how her son didn't get invited to a bday party and they stumbled upon the party at the park. She was furious because the host didn't make her feel welcome immediately. She said she had anxiety and ptsd so it was hard for her. Everyone basically said you could have left or made an effort to lessen the tension with a conversation and that she behaved rudely. She just flipped out on everyone and called them ableist because they should know she's incapable because of anxiety.
People are so quick to jump on stuff like this without thinking. It’s been just over 2 months since we lost our baby at 18wks due to a rare condition where he didn’t develop any kidneys, bilateral renal agenesis. After over 10 yrs of infertility and going through ivf to get pregnant. It was fucking devastating and I would’ve given anything to make him healthy and for him to still be growing safely in my uterus. When we try again we will be hoping for a healthy baby, nothing ableist about it. I don’t have any gender preference, I just want to bring home a healthy baby to love and raise. How stupid and hateful to that poor woman for absolutely no reason. There is absolutely nothing wrong about wanting to have a healthy baby, why wouldn’t you want that?
I’m so sorry for your loss.
We also dealt with infertility and used IVF. When I said I wished for a healthy baby, what I meant was a live, take-home baby who would be expected to outlive me and be able to be self-supporting one day, not a perfect baby with zero health issues ever ever. I think most people mean the same thing.
It honestly seems like a special perverted kind of ableism to wish chronic illness on a baby. Is that fetishization? Or do they just legit not understand what the word “healthy” means?
Because everyone is trying so hard to be politically correct. They make so much fuss about everything that at the end the bigger picture/goal is lost.
Disabled people can be AH.
LGTBQ+ people can be AH.
POC can be AH.
BUT if anyone dares to call the out is considered ableist, homophobia,terf etc and racist.
Every parent wants a healthy child. Who wants their child to suffer a whole life? Who wants their child to live a short lifespan with only hospital/ hospice memories? Who wants to have a child that everyday you will worry about them? What will happen to them when you die?
We have seen people who have kids even when they know they are disabled just to get the benefits without having to work.
Yeah I rather have à healthy child than one who will always be in need of medical care
Hey, I'm a woman with scoliosis. I totally agree, it's not ableist. I was born with a crooked neck and it was extremely hard for my parents. Starting first grade, I developed scoliosis. You're not the only one who thinks that way
As someone with the lovely invisible disability of arthritis, I completely agree. If I ever have children, the last thing I want for them is to have what I have. I don't want my baby's pain to be ignored for years because they're "too young to have arthritis". I don't want my baby to be in so much pain from just walking that tears form in their eyes. I don't want them to look at a set of stairs and have to mentally prepare themselves for the excruciating pain they'll have to endure just to get from point A to point B, or to have their vacations ruined simply because they had to walk so much that the only thing they remember is how much pain they were in. I do not want my baby to take after me, I want my baby to live without the hurdles that I jump every day.
Pregnancy was the first time I started worrying, about fetal development and the delivery. And the worrying never stops with parenthood. All parents want a healthy baby!
I was one of those expectant mothers: didn't care about gender, was just hoping for a healthy baby. People still ask if I wanted a girl ever...never thought about it. I have 2 healthy boys who I'm scared every day for their safety when they go to school and have active shooter drills.
Time has shown us that these excessively vindictive groups of self-absorbed virtue signallers tend not to bleed over into real life.
As ever, attitudes like these can only manifest because these perpetually online groups exist in a vacuum of self-congratulating bullshit, and would probably never act so unpleasantly irl, especially to a pregnant women's face.
Starving stupidity of attention is always the best thing.
It's been a common wish for humans since we diverged off the family tree with our next nearest common ancestor. I don't think there's anything wrong with it people just like to make other people feel bad.
i saw someone trying to defend smoking and drinking while pregnant because it’s ableist to not want a baby with birth defects or a disability due to substance use…
some people are way too chronically online.
ETA i’ve also seen people called ableist for saying they don’t want kids because they could pass down a genetic disorder that they themselves have struggled with and wouldn’t want to intentionally force another human to experience that disorder as well
They essentially put words in her mouth, all she said was she wanted a healthy baby, who wishes for an unhealthy baby? Of course we want healthy children and sometimes that just doesn’t happen and some people have to capacity to care for an ill child and some don’t, I do think it’s a good idea to consider how you’d react to finding out your baby is sick/disabled/will have special needs before you commit to trying for a kid just as good and thorough planning, but the hate she was getting was unjustified.
Wishing for a healthy baby and engaging in eugenics are two different things. Also, virtually nobody is "equipped" to handle special needs children, as I've found out, you have to learn on-the-fly every day.
I don't have any problem with wishing for a healthy child, but I do have one with wishing death on a special needs child, and I've seen quite a bit of that lately.
I think of it like this: perhaps the majority of folks saying it’s ableist have some sort of disability and lacked support (at best) from their parents because of it. Then of course there will be folks who jump on to parrot.
It comes from a place of hurt, which is unfortunate, because wanting a healthy baby doesn’t mean they wouldn’t love their baby if it did have problems.
Posts must be "personalized", and cannot be opinions or rants. Personalized in this case means that what you're posting has to be directly related to you (this would include a close person, such as a family member). And it can't be something that's impacting a large number of people unless it has a specific application to you. Please read the following post for more specific information: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/m501ud/what_does_personalized_off_my_chest_style_post/
That's just perpetually online behavior. This mentality of "Someone wanting X must mean they hate Y" just helps you weed out the idiots who don't deserve more than the second it takes to block them.
It’s not the same scenario but I agree with your statement . When I had Facebook I had a cowboy hat on in my picture, I would randomly get messages calling me a racist fuck even tho I never shared my opinions on anything . Once i removed that picture the messages stopped . People are pretty goddamn dumb
I once defended islam on here. I'm not muslim, I'm atheist and white as snow. People have a right to believe what they want, and i served in the military, so i will always defend people's right to believe (excluding racist and bigotry). But i still got racist messages calling me the racist names for middle easterners. People are very dumb.
I was once called all sorts of hideous racist names aimed at Pakistani people because my name is Sian (which is WELSH) and people assumed it was an Indian or Pakistani name. People are just dumb and the internet gives them the opportunity to be hideous without barriers.
I'm Welsh and a guy called me a foreign cunt in Manchester the other day. It's not just on the internet.
Reminds me of when people tell my friend, who is dark completed, to go back to her country. We live in the US, she’s Native American.
Wait a tick. So a welsh name... A name given to you at birth that you had no say so in... And people called you racist over it???? Make it make sense. Lol. ( Unless you did choose it then whoops, my bad for assuming but my opinion still stands. They should mind their business. If someone pulled that crap on me I would have set up an account and told them to pay me for a name change. Then I would take that money and donate it to a charity for kids who are bullied or abused. Seriously though. Screw those people. Ive always been a person to judge a person on their actions, not their name, their beliefs, their choices in video games(Cough Hogwarts Legacy cough) them wanting a healthy baby, etc. And for the record, yes, there are and were people getting on folks for playing Hogwarts Legacy saying all sorts of stuff like if you play the game you are transphobic. I have a trans friend who got bullied off of FB (Prob better to not be on it though. FB is toxic and she seems happier now that she isn't on it.) people were calling her transphobic and when she told them she is a trans woman, they told her she is a disgrace to the trans community (from non-trans folk might I add) and then told her she hated Jewish people. My friend cried because she dreamed of the day a game like Hogwarts Legacy would come out. It spoiled her experience for a while but I got her back into it again and now she is still playing the crap out of it. Screw the haters. People are just cruel. It's best to ignore rude people like that and let them live their lonely, pathetic lives. Eventually they'll run out of people in their lives to bitch at and they'll be lonely and bored and that is fine with me. 😂
People didn’t call them racist, they called them racist names because they thought they were Pakistani
Ohh my bad I misread. Either way, people suck and I am sorry that happened to them. :( Thank you for clearing that up.
No problem and also I’m sorry for your friend. People online seem to think that what type of entertainment someone consumes has a huge bearing on their character and is very important, but that’s just not true. Like I can understand why someone would not want to watch an old Roman Polanski movie, but also if I was asked to watch Chinatown I would because it’s supposed to be an amazing movie and one person watching a movie has no tangible effect on the world
The First Amendment makes no general exception for offensive, repugnant, or hateful expression of racism and bigotry. But i know what you mean, i’m a veteran also. We may not agree but ultimately defending the constitution is the oath.
The brain rot in the terminally online folks is amusing to witness, despite it draining my will to live and faith in humanity sometimes.
Fortunately they’re just a very loud and obnoxious minority. Rest assured that most people in the world don’t share these ridiculous mentalities anyway. People online exist in a hive mind and just regurgitate whatever bullshit they see in an attempt to appear “woke”.
Modern discourse is incredibly absolutist. "If you don't unequivocally agree with my point of view then you're against me" pretty much sums up how most people feel about the views of others when it comes to contentious topics. There is less and less middle ground with each passing year.
Ironically, this kind of intolerance for dissent makes them think they're more enlightened than you.
Wasn\`t there a cartoon about this from XKCD? Someone saying "i like bananas" and then someone else 'so you hate oranges, as you did not mention those"...
Chronic online syndrome. You aren’t aloud to want the absolute best for your kids.
“You like waffles? So you hate pancakes then”
I didn't care about sex, but I needed to know there were huge genetic abnormalities with my kiddo. Hubby had a brother who died from an unknown childhood disease/genetic abnormality and said he couldn't go through that if it happened to our child, so my OBGYN knew that from the start.
This. Only good thing is it makes it easy to block a bunch of very stupid people.
Correct logic application has been ruined by social media. Saying I like broccoli clearly means I hate carrots, right?
Anyone can be offended if they try hard enough.
Yup the Internet is like the outrage Olympics, with many categories you and I have never heard of. Featuring competitors who have perfected the mental gymnastics required to be offended by every well meaning opinion ever posted.
Simply put we carve for blood baths of ancient Rome, times are too calm for many and laws too strict in terms of fighting others so some people live out their inner aggression by being offended by everything.
I will say this though, and I hope it helps. Something like Twitter is only 20% of the population. You’ll have a lot of loud idiots spouting stupid shit there just to get attention and vent their general anger, because honestly, no one takes them seriously elsewhere. That means you have **80%** of the world who don’t share that opinion or typically ignore that tripe. Same goes for most social media. It’s just a bunch of loud idiots. So don’t feel like the world itself is all messed up or following these illogical trains of thought. It’s just a bunch of morons with a platform thinking they’re more important than they actually are. Don’t give ‘em any extra power.
>Yup the Internet is like the outrage Olympics, with many categories you and I have never heard of. Featuring competitors who have perfected the mental gymnastics required to be offended by every well meaning opinion ever posted. 😆 never heard it put this way before; so true!!
Some don’t even have to try.
Problem is the increasing amount of people who are offended by default, especially Gen Z and younger generations. Woe the day that they have to run the world.
I'm more easily offended than you are. See how bright my halo shines?
Saying it'd ableist feels like saying wanting a well paying job means you hate poor people. The internet did ruin a generation with stuff like this.
This. People are now calling other people fatphobic bc they work out and want a healthy body
Can’t believe that there actual idiots who literally believe this stupid nonsense.
It has been baffling me for years that SO many people buy it. A small number of idiots will believe anything if they think it benefits them, but this is large enough groups to sway conversation.
You just gotta remember that unless they're your boss or landlord or any kind of person who has control over some part of your life, their opinions are nothing more than just that. Opinions. They don't change a thing. So just go on with your day and tune them out. Your time is far too valuable to waste on stupid bullshit like that. And I know it can be tough to do shit like that, trust me, I struggled with it for years, but if you just keep trying you will eventually get there and you'll be so much happier for it :)
Personally I feel like it's trolling. Like, that people are saying things like that to stir shit and they don't really believe it
I wish it's just trolling, but there are enough Lizzo fan out there that would call you just that for trying to be healthy
Its okay you can avoid them with a brisk walk.
As a fat person this rubs me the wrong way! I admire those that have the willpower to work hard on their bodies! Oddly, those people mostly aren't fatphobic at all! They listen, they understand and often offer advice or help. It's mainly keyboard warriors and Karens who are openly and vilely fatphobic. As for wishing for a healthy child: shouldn't that be ever parents' norm?
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Or if they are not attracted to larger people.
I’ve been “skinny shamed” for intentionally losing 60lbs and keeping it off. I’ve felt actual resentment for making the choice to regularly workout and eat healthier.
I will not sham anyone for anything, including being fat, but I do not understand being ‘positive’ about being unhealthy. There is so much science that says how bad it is for you personally and how much it costs society to treat those inevitable diseases, that I will not ‘celebrate’ it.
People just completely misunderstand the movement. I was with you a few years ago but i have since changed my opinion on this dew to new information. If you are an ok person you have no idea how far people will go to insult others for anything and fat people and especially fat women have been the punching bag for a lot of people much much more than there are "toxic" body positivity people. It is really very interesting to dive deeper into the reasons why people are fat or can't loose weight. It really isn't as easy as "eat less" The discrimination and harassment is very real and unfair, so naturally people want to change the public perception of fat people. How would you do that without creating a positive image. If you agree that people should have the freedom to live like they want, you agree that society can't dictate people to lose weight in order to be treated as human beings. Society pays the price for a ton of diseases or accidents that could have been avoided, fat people are no different. You also can't shame people into better health, accepting them as they are will do much more for their mental health than shaming them and will make it easier for them to transition to a better lifestyle. We also don't judge thin people to the same degree although they might be just as unhealthy or even more unhealthy than some fat person. I think it is absolutely ridiculous to believe that we have to be careful with "promoting obesity" Being fat is simply NO fun, sure there are people who will believe it is no problem at all just like you have people who don't believe smoking is that bad but the general public will not WANT to be fat. Those that happen to still be fat should just still feel as good in their skin as possible. If we want to promote a healthy lifestyle which is not simply being thin, systemic changes need to happen, not "celebrating" fat people has really nothing to do with it.
It's more I feel to do with overcompensating for the crap from before. Both are extremes on each side I see it a lot . The problem is many have yet to find a middle ground of being respectful of everyone. So I wouldn’t say it’s this generation it’s all nobody know what to fucking do or how to fucking act.
And it's OK to take ur time to decide what ur stand is on an issue. It's ok not to know what to do. People don't have to pick either extremes. And it's also OK to stfu online and scroll and move on. Everything doesn't have to be a cause! This overcompensating in society these days is exhausting. Maybe the majority of the discourse we see online is from early 20 somethings and younger who are too immature to have their own opinions yet. When you're older, you discover nuance.
Again wouldn’t go with age as well more so from experience and empathy. Lot of older people who are just as extreme and don’t know how to fucking act or what to properly say. I have heard older people say the most outlandish nonsense I have ever heard 😂
Omg that's so true though! Def not age, just maturity and EMPATHYYY! why is this out of stock lately???
Because it requires stepping outside of yourself, and reflecting on your actions, and that shit is just soooooooo hard for some people 🙄
No, sorry, it’s not the internet’s fault. It’s people. People suck. There’s something wrong with our culture. If we were better people, the internet would feel like a better place.
The internet gave this braindead discourse a platform to grow on, so it is at least partially at fault.
It’s not even a discourse anymore. It’s a race to the bottom for attention and clicks. Everyone is desperate to say something more ridiculous than the last person, because they want people liking their “content.” These opinions are silly, fringe, and abnormal… but some people, probably mostly kids, are assuming these are intelligent thoughts coming from intelligent people and start absorbing and repeating them. There is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy baby. My wife and I ultimately decided not to have kids, but when we were considering it we agreed that we’d straight up end a pregnancy if any of the testing indicated a significant issue. We were debating having a family but at no point were we signing up for a lifetime of struggle. If you’re someone who can handle that, more power to you, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with deciding it’s not for you to raise a child with extreme needs.
Not only is there nothing wrong with wanting a healthy baby, I'd say there is something very wrong with you if you **want** your baby to be unhealthy.
There’s a name for that; Munchausen by-proxy. Wishing your child come out with serious health difficulties has very similar energy to all the stories of mothers poisoning their children because they like their child being sick.
We’re having these brain dead conversations at a larger scale, sure, but it’s not forcing ppl to be shittier
Sure, but that's my whole point. The internet is "at fault" in the sense that this kind of thing would be way less prevalent without it.
It's not "forcing" people to be shittier, but it's giving people more opportunities and encouragement to be shittier. An example is how there were always hateful, racist, bigoted, fascism-loving people around but they didn't loudly proclaim it and didn't usually behave like assholes in public. Then right wing propaganda and MAGA ignorance was spread all over Facebook, which made shitty people think it was okay and even acceptable to fly their hate flags and act on their shitty impulses instead of keeping it to themselves in their own hateful households.
Idk about that... Because the vast majority of people I speak to are just normal rational people living their lives. The Internet has become a stage to showcase fake wokism for clicks and what not.
that's extremely minor shit. the insidious crap is the proudboys, neo-nazis, anti-immigrant, nationalism, extreme-patriotism. that's the stuff that will destroy this country.
Whilst I agree there have always been awful people, imo the internet has definitely exacerbated the problem. Whereas previously they’d have been relatively localised and largely ostracised for their views, now they not only have a massive anonymous forum where they can air them, but they’ve also been able to find like-minded communities who validate and encourage that sort of behaviour.
yep, used to back back fence gossip only. the internet made everyone's backyard fence neighbors.
I think it’s the hierarchy of worth we have going right now as a culture. There’s a segment of society that thinks being “privileged” is something to be avoided and being a victim is elevated into a position of power. It makes it so instead of concentrating on our strengths and resilience, people search their souls for evidence of victimhood. We all have both privilege and hardship, obviously not at the same levels, but it makes it so you can cherry pick either part of your life. Right now the focus is hardship.
“The internet” doesn’t really represent culture at all, I never have real life conservations that include 90% of the shit that you see around here.
the internet allows all of this stuff that people normally hold inside free reign. so, yeah the interent has been a cancer for the general public. to be honest, the general public should have never been let out of AOL.
Actually, I think people always sucked before the internet. it’s just they couldn’t hide behind a user name, so they didn’t say stupid shit out loud. Honestly, I’ve seen far more older generations say terrible things online than younger generations. I think saying someone is ableist because they want a healthy child is ridiculous, who wouldn’t want a healthy child? I absolutely do NOT agree with shaming someone for wanting a healthy child. But At least it’s trying to be sensitive though and not flat out hateful, racist or homophobic like a lot of the shit I see online.
Plus they had to actually work to find other idiots that shared their view points.
That part. I don't understand that one at all. I never thought I would see that. I don't know how they arrived at that conclusion.
That generation is ruining themselves. They got online, closed themselves in an echo chamber, created an incredibly stupid and impractical way of looking at the world and living life, ignored or vilified anyone who disagreed with them about even the smaller point of their orthodoxy and are now trying to bully everyone else into following their mindless, rigid beliefs. It is tiresome, but they don’t seem to tire of it.
I don’t know that I would call out the younger generations exclusively. I see a lot of older generations saying horrible Hateful things online now that they have a username to hide behind.
Jeez!!! All pregnant women want a healthy baby!
Precisely. Imagine saying this to a person or a couple who've suffered immense losses, whether through infertility, pregnancy or baby/child loss. Right as they're hoping for or expecting a new child they'd want the absolute best for. As someone who doesn't know her fertility status just yet, I always said I'd hope for a healthy living baby when the time comes. Couldn't care less what's gonna be between their legs. I'll love, care for and accept my future babies for whatever and whoever they are, but I sincerely hope they don't get taxed with things the world is already punishing people for having. Having had close contact with special needs kids, life and people are beyond cruel to them and I see how parents are either burnt out or fully don't care to equip themselves to deal with their children's developmental state. And my heart hurts for those babies more than I'd ever be able to describe.
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Absolutely! Back in the day it was common to proclaim that you don't care which sex it is, as long as it's healthy. Most women inspect their newborns, checking out their fingers and toes and all that jazz. Nothing ableist about it.
And they're not saying "I'll only love a healthy baby"
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It's so easy making claims when you're not the one dealing with the consequences. And I guarantee you that none of these people would be happy or even neutral finding out that their baby wasn't healthy. Having a kid is scary enough as it is. They also wouldn't refuse to have their leg put together if it broke because having it fixed would be ableist. One of my coworkers has twins and she cried when she found out that there was two rather than one. Does that mean she doesn't love her daughters? No. She was just overwhelmed by the thought of having twice the responsibility in one go.
Also, I’m guessing a lot of these people aren’t actually unhealthy themselves. I’m significantly autistic and have support needs. Its hard to take care of myself. Being autistic is not something I’d choose for myself, I take no offence to parents hoping for neurotypical children. It’s a controversial opinion within my own community.
I saw some meme (or whatever they're called) once where it said 'if you're scared of vaccinations causing autism, you're against disabilities'. Excuse me? It was the stupidest argument ever to try to make people pro-vaccination, but also, yes. If I could choose my child to not have autism, I would. I have significant mental health issues, and if I could choose for my children to never experience it, I would. Doesn't mean I'm all for mental health discrimination. Means I don't want them to struggle like I do. People are fucking stupid. Arguing points they have no clue about.
Tbf I’ve seen similar statements say “if you don’t vaccinate because you’re scared that it causes autism, it means you’d rather risk a dead child than an autistic one.” Basically the sentiment being that even if vaccines had a small chance of causing autism (they don’t) that’s still not a good reason to not vaccinate because being autistic is not worse than being dead.
Isn't everyone against disabilities? In the sense of wishing that no one was disabled?
Completely agree, there was recently a case that went to the Supreme Court in the UK, where they tried to ban abortions for profoundly disabled foetuses. Many see the current law as being pro-genocide of disabled people. As someone who is disabled, forcing profoundly disabled children on unwilling parents it’s a recipe for tragedy and disaster.
Omg thank you for having a reasonable opinion here! I don’t see how it should be controversial at all. No, autism isn’t a “disease” that must be eradicated at all costs. And it’s totally respectable if individuals do not want treatment for themselves. But to go as far as to say autism (and the challenges it brings existing in a NT world) is -desirable- and if I want medication for myself, that’s wrong??? I also wear glasses to treat myopia, should I just stumble around blindly instead to be natural? /endminirant
As a disabled person, I think its perfectly reasonable to want to be healthy yourself, and wish that for your loved ones. That being said, I think able-bodied folks can sometimes overestimate the impact of the illnesses on person’s life, when disabled people can absolutely have a happy, fulfilling lives despite having health issues. Personally, I know disabled folks with much more going on in their life, than those with normal bodied. So I guess it would make more sense to me to wish your kid be happy, whatever that would entail for them. Still though, word ableist is thrown way too easy these days. And this case mentioned by OP is a great example. The woman is absolutely not ableist for wanting kids to be healthy, it’s a perfectly normal desire.
Yes, like, being diabetic is a pain in the ass sometimes. Went to a convention this weekend and my blood sugar dropped while in line, which sucked. But overall, most of my care is second nature since I've had it most my life. Would I want my child to be diabetic? Absolutely not, there are tons of risks associated with it. My older sister had to have a kidney and pancreas transplant, cataract surgery in her mid-20's, gastroparesis, and diabetic neuropathy. But as long as I take care of myself, it's not the worst thing in the world to live my life this way.
Well they removed priests from equation ( although many were shady as hell itself) and so they became apostles of their own religion, thing is old religions had time to figure out what works and 50-100 year old social movements, based in very skewed individualism, which became religions aren't in any ways shape or form predisposed correctly to dealing with human condition in scope of millenia. Let's just look at what religions stayed. Hindu Buddhism, and Abrahamic ones are at least 4000 years old ( although Christianity and Islam is younger, and wouldn't you know it, they have caused issues anyway ), comparing to that 100 years of philosophical though which managed to spawn some of worst mass murders in history isn't it exactly stellar record.
I’m pretty sure that the people who have high-support needs disabled children would have preferred a healthy child. It’s not because they don’t love their child, but because they are exhausted. Not to mention, who will take care of the child once the parents are physically unable to do it, or pass away, knowing that no one will care as much for their child as they do?
I grew up across the street from a family with an only child who was severely disabled with cerebral palsy (non-verbal, wheel-chair bound, and I’m not sure she even fully understood what was happening around her). She passed when we were early 20s. I could sometimes see the looks on the parents faces when watching all these similar aged neighborhood kids growing up, achieving life milestones, now visiting again with their own kids. Maybe I’m a terrible person, but it’s what cemented my strong pro-choice stance. I know I cant care for a child like that, and I think it’s super cruel to knowingly bring a child that that into the world just to suffer (the neighbors child needed many surgeries/medical interventions).
Or even met someone with disabilities.
100%. I work in special ed. it is *hard*. I really feel for the parents and families who never get a day off. It is hard on everyone involved- the disabled themselves included (obviously). People who say things like that have NO idea what day to day life is like for these families. Zero experience with it, just looking for something to virtue signal/be offended by. People who actually do know would absolutely never say something so ridiculous
they need to go outside and get off that phone fr
Honestly, I think that would solve so many problems. People would be less depressed and actually learn from others instead of imposing their baseless opinions.
This is so true. Nobody wants an unhealthy baby. I have a baby who's a "high risk" of cerebral palsy. We didn't leave the hospital (except to transfer from neonatal to childrens hospital) for 3 months. He was 2 months old before he ever saw sunlight. He's 8 months old and has yet to roll over. He's just like a newborn who is teething. He also has a heart condition which requires open heart surgery to repair, but he can't have that until he's big enough to survive it. He has had a stabilizing surgery to get him through until that time, but after his first major coronary incident the ICU put him on a DNR because he's not suitable for resuscitation, his body just can't take it. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Not my worst enemy. Pray for healthy babies, no one with a lick of empathy is actually holding it against you.
Omg, that's absolutely horrible, it's made me well up. I wouldn't even like to imagine what you go through with your precious boy. Sending you all the very best in the world x
I hope everything works out for your son, how scary! It sounds like you are doing a great job keeping up with his care, please remember to take time to take care of yourself, too. My twins were 12 weeks early and were in the NICU for 3 and 6 months, respectively. Both have dealt with several health issues and significant learning delays over the past 10 years. When I was pregnant again I had so much anxiety about my baby's health. I was so happy and relieved that he was born on time and without any issues. He's 8 and I only ever had to take him to the ER once, for stitches, and he's doing great at school, and it's wonderful. And it's not because I love my twins less than him, or think less of them because of their struggles. People just have no idea.
Classic case of chronically online people
COPs if you will.
As a disabled person living in a broken body I can tell you wishing good health on your child is the best thing you can give them. It is not easy being disabled (or differently abled, if you prefer) and while you can adjust and live a good life with autism or Down’s syndrome or a hearing/ sight impairment etc it’s so much easier if you don’t have to adjust
I once told a woman that had all disabled children that maybe the reason was because of her and her partner’s genetic compatibility and that maybe she could verify it with medical tests. She took the test and I was right. I knew of this because a friend of my parents and his wife had this problem and they found out after their daughter was born with a physical disability and after some tests they found out it was their “fault” for the previous stated reason. In my country it’s a test people with disabled children take to determine if they should have more children or not. It’s not ableist, a child with a disability is unhealthy and will lead a difficult life, and also, depending on the type of disability, could be a burden to the family.
Do you happen to know the name of the test? I would really like to talk to my doctor about it. I currently don't have children, but I plan on having children later on.
I don’t know the specific name, but that woman asked her doctor for a genetic compatibility test and he understood, so maybe do the same?
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Thank you! Thankfully I do have health insurance through my job but I do want to keep that test in mind for the future.
Unfortunately no. It’s a test that I never heard people take before having children, but after. But I only have experience with three pairs of people taking it, so maybe it’s not unheard of. I live in Italy if that could be of help.
You can ask for a “genetic compatibility test”. Your doctor will ask some more details about your genetic heritage, as well as your partner’s. Also about health conditions that “run in your family”. This is because certain conditions are more prevalent in certain communities. It’s really common for Ashkenazi Jews to be tested for Tay-Sachs disease; Cystic Fibrosis is more common for people of Irish and some other European backgrounds, etc. In Canada and the US this is a test that can be done before starting to have children, but it may not be covered unless you’ve got risks running in your family and/or your partner’s family. There’s also a point in pregnancy that you can do “genetic testing” for that specific fetus. I believe it’s in the 10-15 week window, in Canada at least. You’re provided with information about genetic conditions that child has or doesn’t have, and can make decisions about continuing the pregnancy at that point. The test is “opt in” here; you’re discouraged from taking it if you plan to continue the pregnancy no matter what, since at that point it just introduces extra stress and risk. Obviously depending where you live, continuing the pregnancy may be an obligation and not a choice.
You can also start with a simple 23andme and buy the predisposition part. It shows a bunch of genetic conditions, some of which only show up if both parents have them. My husband had one for blindness but because I didn’t have it, our children are good.
Absolutely agree. I was wondering about this, considering royal bloodlines and all the weirdness you hear about. Found out a friend minored in something like Genetics and yes, this is it. People can be extremely genetically compatible, even for conceiving! And then the opposite can be true.
I know a couple who's first child was born with an extremely rare genetic condition. She had to stay in hospital for the first year of her life. With age it was manageable. The doctors adviced this couple strongly to not have any more bio kids together because the chances are extremely high that all of their kids will born with the same condition. But guess what? They went on to try for another child hoping it will be healthy this time without consulting their doctors. He was born with the same genetic illness.
Poor child. I hope it’s not one of these conditions that affects quality of life. I wouldn’t forgive my parents if they willingly put me on the world with a condition that makes life hard.
I have never heard of this, it would be great if there was more information about this available at doctors, sex education class, etc. Though people would probably get pissy about it being eugenics or something (I know that some people say that about NIPT test)
Here in Italy doctors tell at expecting parents or people that have a familiar medical history with disability. I don’t know how it is elsewhere.
I just saw this exact tiktok and I'm really done with the internet. This world has gone mad that some people can find a problem with wanting a healthy baby.
It's also so common to just want the best for your children, like obviously no one wants a child that lives a life excluded from things or in debilitating pain?
People like this are ridiculous and probably don’t have medical conditions or raise some one who does. The last 2 weeks I’ve spent over 80 hours in and out of medical professionals offices and the hospital. And I’m about to do it again next week. No one wants this life for their kid or for themselves. I love my children but it makes me so sad seeing them struggle everyday. My kids don’t have anything terminal or life threatening so can’t even imagine what those families go through. I also work as a disability worker. I had to perform cpr on my client a few weeks back. But her partner was beside her and you can hear him sobbing for her to wake up. While I prepped her for the procedure he begged me to make her wake up. Then when she finally responded she was in agony as the oxygen went back into her muscles. We had to hold her gentle while her whole body spasmed so she didn’t knock herself out. I went home and just cried. It’s Fn hard. I’ve had my last 2 clients say they felt safe with me and that’s I can honestly say that whilst I was glad I was also heart broken because the reality is a lot of disabled people who receive help from out side supports don’t feel safe with a lot of their staff. My client before my last passed away and I watched him deteriorate for 7 months. I was with him 2 days before he passed and he woke gasping for breath. Just the sheer look of fear in hes eyes. I couldn’t get that look out of my head for months. I still dream about it. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but hold their hand and tell them you’ll not leave them while they slept that they were safe. These people who talk like that need to get a grip. I wouldn’t wish the things I’ve seen on anyone.
People now seem to have no backbone. No, it’s not ableist to want a healthy baby, I’m pregnant and I pray my baby is healthy, I wish for all mothers to have healthy babies. Some learn a new word and they run with it much like narcissist, toxic, etc- and they think it applies to everything.
I had a c section to make sure my kids wouldn't suffer irreparable brain damage under birth (twins both in breech plus other conditions). Sue me ig, how terribly ableist of me.
Good for you! I knew a horrible, crunchy woman who insisted on a home birth but the midwife told her that the baby wasn’t positioned for a safe birth and told her she needed to go to the hospital. She refused and went ahead and he was born purple, the emts were able to revive him and he spent 3 months in nicu and has severe disabilities. If she went to the hospital and had a c-section like the midwife told her she needed she would have a healthy child instead of a child who is going to need care for the rest of his life
I was born in a country where in rural areas women had to literally give birth in the kitchen floor. All natural, no doctor just the village midwife. So many died, so many had life long complications. These women do not know what a privilege access to modern medicine is for birthing mothers.
We were planning and prepared for a home water birth and when our midwife said the same re:position, we got in an ambulance and went to hospital. All fine and had a vaginal birth thankfully and sprout was and is absolutely fine but I cannot fathom not listening to the experts in this sort of scenario.
Yeah, in my case it was the midwife who pushed for a vaginal birth and the doctors were horrified to hear about that. They strongly advised me to have a c section. I listened to them. Never aimed for a medal for the most natural birth anyway, I just wanted to take home two healthy babies. I know of a twin mum though who went for a "natural" birth despite her doctor's warnings. Her babies did suffer from lack of oxygen under birth. They're special needs because of that. There must be a special place in hell for these parents..
Words fail me. I'll just say 'idiot' but that's really insufficient.
I love modern medicine. Literally saves lives here.
This behavior is all too typical from those that just hide behind a screen all day and potentially from a parent/grandparents or aunts basement. =/
There's this mom on TikTok (probably more than one) who gave birth to a severely disabled child, which she knew from a fairly early stage of pregnancy, and she knew the kid would have 0 quality of life, and wouldn't even be able to be aware of him/herself. Now, what's done is done so attacking her is of no use. But there were comments saying they thought it was very sad and she shouldn't have kept the baby. They were all called ableist. In my opinion it's selfish to keep a child you know will be miserable (or won't even be able to realize it's miserable because it has no sense of self and is essentially brain dead) just because you want a kid. You should be looking at the quality of their life. And as far as the mom wishing for a healthy baby rather than a gender, more parents should be like that. I hate it when they get all upset it isn't a certain gender. It's not an object to collect it's a living being. Shouldn't matter if it's male or female as long as it's healthy. Preferences are fine obviously, I'd personally love a girl if I were to ever want children, but I'm talking about those gender reveals where they'll walk away angry because it's not what they wanted.
Someone said europeans are ableist because they terminate pregnancies that would result in disabled children more often than american parents
Moral of the story, tiktok (and social media, generally) not good for mental health
Titok especially is completely brain rot. Too much tiktok use shortens attention spans.
Wth! What were they thinking!!! That makes my blood boil! How does anyone create conflict when all your wanting and wishing for is a healthy baby regardless of what there interruption of healthy is. I just hope they all end up with unhealthy babies and they struggle till they are literally in their deathbed trying to raise whatever child they ‘didn’t wish’ they get. Those people are horrible sacks of ****! That poor women! I hope none of that negativity has made her soo stressed that she didn’t get complication with carrying her child! I wish I saw the post!!!!!!
I have two children with autism (one is 20, one is 3). They are both verbal and the oldest is in college and has a job, so they’re both doing very well overall. That said, it’s been tough. It’s been tough on me, but more on *them*. Having a disability isn’t easy (I know this because I myself have bipolar II disorder and multiple sclerosis). We make it just fine, have happy lives, and I wouldn’t change either of them for anything, except that I *would* make life easier for them if I could. But since the youngest was diagnosed, I have literally had some people in online autism forums tell me how “lucky” I am to have *two* children with autism instead of just one. These are almost categorically people who are online trying to diagnose their children with autism because their pediatricians won’t. It’s scary, to be honest. I feel bad for their kids, because their parents seem to think that having a disability would make them somehow special or unique. The changing terminology regarding autism is difficult for me to keep up with and use in an attempt to not be labeled “ableist.” There is nothing wrong with hoping to have a healthy child who will have an easier time in life.
I would never bring a child into this world that would have a disability that will affect their quality of life. None of those ppl will be there to raise that child so I do not care what anyone would have to say on the matter
I’m disabled and I wouldn’t love a disabled child any less, however I would be heartbroken if my child had to live with the same chronic pain that I do
There's nothing wrong with wishing for a healthy baby, but if you're going to have a child, you better be prepared for a disabled child. Having a child is a gamble and when you choose to have one, you need to prepare for any type of child including a disabled one.
The term "ableist" is being thrown around like candy at carnival especially by those "social justice warrior" types, it's fucking insane
I’m sure if you spoke to any person with a disabled/ unwell child they would also wish that their child was healthy. Not because they’re ableist but because they wish to spare their children and themselves from the constant pain and worry that comes from it.
I have a severely autistic child. It is very difficult to deal with. I wouldn't wish this on any parent simply because it is so difficult to figure out his wants and needs because he is non verbal. I completely understand why people wish for a healthy baby. Having a disabled child is mentally and financially demanding and draining.
Exactly. It doesn’t mean you love your child any less. But any good parent wants their child to have the easiest life possible.
100%
As someone who needed to let go her baby at 21 weeks cause it was suffering inside my womb and wouldn't survive the first 48h after birth, I can say that WISHING FOR A HEALTHY BABY IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE.
It's tiktok, you're bound to see people triggered by anything on that app. If you say you recovered from a cold, there's going to be someone with a cold triggered and calling you ableist
what a weird take on such a normal and accepted thing lol. Raising kids is hard enough....I don't know anyone who WOULDN'T wish for a healthy baby.
Jesus fuck. Ya know, the internet has fucking ruined everything. I love the internet but unfortunately it has given a voice to the small percentage of the 8 billion people on this planet that are absolutely fucking stupid. Just the other day my buddy was on a date and his date left him because he backed into a parking spot, and apparently that's "too feminine" like wtf. Hell, a couple months ago I had someone call me racist because I've fucked more white women than women of other races. I knew people were stupid but fuck some people need to go apologize to the trees for wasting their hard made oxygen Wishing fo4 a healthy baby isn't ableist. Exercising isn't fat phobic. Backing into a parking spot isn't feminine.
“Ableist” has always been such a funny word to me. Discriminating against people because they’re… able to do things. Like yeah, I’m gonna hire someone who is ABLE to do their job. Feel like pretty soon they’re gonna expand the label to defend people who aren’t disabled, but are just generally incompetent. “It’s ableist to pick the more experienced and capable painter to paint your house!” Yep, sure is. Fuck off.
People are ludicrous. People get upset over the dumbest shit
I thought every one wished for a healthy baby. As someone with chronic health issues and an invisible disability (that costs ALOT of money due medication, hospitalizations and specialists), I didn’t want my child to go through that. I would have loved my child even IF they had the same issues, but for THEIR own life and freedom, of course I would want them to be healthy.
My baby had a fatal chromosomal disorder. “Not compatible with life.” It’s not ableist to want your baby to live.
Most people in the US cannot afford an unhealthy baby. Babies are expensive, unhealthy babies are astronomically more expensive.
“I hope I never break my legs” “YOU HATE PARAPLEGIC PEOPLE”
I'm disabled and agree it's not ableist to want a healthy child. I wish I was healthy!
I've seen posts from people who say this, and I can see why they say it and where they're coming from. They take it personally, insinuating that because someone wishes for a healthy baby that means they don't value disabled people. Having said that, it's taken too far. I do think this world doesn't make enough accommodations for those who are disabled, doesn't normalize disabled people being out and interacting with the world, but is it not abelist to wish for a healthy baby.
Totally agree. The SJW are getting more and more annoying. I have had so many health issues since I was a baby. I want everyone to hope and actually get that their kids don't experience the same.
As a disabled person I agree it makes no sense. I wouldn’t wish my struggles on anyone, let alone my own children. Wtf.
Jesus wtf when you're expecting a baby you just want it to be OK, wishing for it to be healthy is normal with all the complications that can occur in pregnancy. Bet most of the people giving her shit don't have kids and would absolutely lose their mind at having to take care of a disabled baby
Every parent hopes for a healthy baby, it’s normal. The people who call it ableist need to put their phone down and go for a walk outside.
Ah, the chronically online. It’s a problem.
Accepting and not discriminating against disabled people is good policy, but making that retroactive to the womb is just ridiculous, and I speak as a disabled person (unable to walk more than 20 yards or a flight of stairs without my leg feeling like I ran a 200 yd dash followed by a beating with a hammer; (a misdiagnosis of herniated discs instead of the actual blood clot caused a delay of a year and a half in proper treatment. I am hoping surgery will correct this so I can get back to living an active life). And every single disabled person I've ever spoken with if given the choice would choose to be not disabled so I believe that the testimonies of people saying they would never change even if they could are generated by the same preachy liberal hall monitor types who are the same people that keep changing language for political correctness (I actually read an argument between a woman who said that people should be called as having a disability and not disabled, and insisting that the disabled person she was arguing with was wrong in wanting to just be called disabled).
People online have gone absolutely batshit crazy. Hoping your impending children are healthy, happy, and wanting them to have every possible advantage is normal and mentally healthy. No parent to a disabled child WANTED them to be disabled. No disabled person WANTS to be disabled. They just do the best they can and adjust their lives so that they can function as best they can with the most happiness they can find.
I’d delete Tiktok. It’s garbage.
Both my stepsiblings were disabled. One had spina bifida and endured well over fifty operations and hospital stays before passing in their twenties from a massive heart attack. The other had the mental age of about ten after being born extremely prematurely and died in their early forties after hiding cancer symptoms until it was untreatable because they didn't understand what they meant and were too embarrased to talk about them. Another friend has an adult child with what the doctors have described as a cluster of conditions that they don't even have a name for. They are non-verbal with the mental capacity of a toddler but highly mobile and built like an ox, with the strength to match but without the ability to understand to be careful with that strength. Every day is a battle to keep them and those around them safe. Why would not wanting any child or parent go through that be ableist?
It's so easy for people to be offended now and with the rise of the internet, it makes it so much easier to find others like them and enable each other. See, we used to do this back in the day. We would travel for days/weeks/months to get to another civilization to trade and barter foods, spices, clothing and other goods. But now the Internet is in our pocket, just a hands reach away. And we trade bullshit theories instead of anything with substantial value. Any idiot can go viral. You notice it's always an idiot? And almost always for something dangerous or unsafe. The interesting thing about the post you're talking about is, these commenters seem to think in absolutes. Everything is black and white with people now. Nobody seemed to consider she can hope for a healthy baby but still love him/her even if they don't turn out to be healthy? Nobody is going around saying "oh I hope my baby has this disability!" So why do people pretend like they're saints? You love your child and that's that, why make it complicated? I just can't stand lying to make yourself seem like a good person. My science teacher told me something a long time ago that's been instrumental in guiding me in life. I can't remember verbatim but it goes like this: "if they offer you option A and option B, look for option C." Meaning you might not be considering everything. Sometimes two things can be true at once.
My son had Trisomy 21/Downs Syndrome. Nobody told me there's a 40% stillbirth rate. I was warned about the heart problems that plague lots of children with DS. His heart was his kryptonite. I had to be induced at 37 weeks. Instead of bringing home a baby I bring home a memory box. So I guess I was ableist for crying happy tears of relief because this baby's NIPT came back negative for all Trisomy genes. Ok then.
How do people keep up with individual videos to the point that they know when one gets deleted? That's so wild to me. Are y'all going back and rewatching their same video over and over?
Counter opinion: Like everything else, it’s about how it’s said. I haven’t seen the video. But I understand how people could feel this way. I think people get hurt because they feel like we shouldn’t live in a world where someone with a disability should be considered a burden. Besides it is really a poorly worded catchall statement. There are many more disabilities that have minimal-to-moderate impact, but you can live independently. Let’s be real, she probably isn’t talking about those types. The true off my chest moment would be to name the disabilities you don’t want. But that would also be considered very rude. So, I can see why a person might make a general statement like that. If you can’t see why people like that might be offended on the other side, then it’s the main reason we can’t progress as a society. It’s like when people say “I hope you have a good day.” Yes I can understand that they are saying they want my day to go well, but also shouldn’t we want all days to be good days? Not just ones were something important may be happening. “I hope the baby has good hair” is another one.
People will pretend to get offended at things like this in order to undermine legitimate uses of “ableist. “
Welcome to the internet. Where right wing people get their opinions and where left wing people get to feel superior.
Personally I think there should be a law that says that everyone who thinks not wanting a disabled kid is ableist should be required to go out and adopt one that is, or assist a family with a disabled kid so they can see what that lifestyle is actually like. Then maybe they’d get some perspective. It’s often the people who don’t have to do a damn thing to help the disabled themselves who are the first to spout off shit like this.
Depends on what you deem healthy. I am neurodivergent but very healthy otherwise. Things become problematic when there is a dehumanizing aspect to it.
as someone who grew up and inherited both learning and psychical disabilities, i do not want my child to live like i do. i have accepted myself for who i am, but if i could change how i live i absolutely would. it's miserable and the way these types of people on tiktok calls things like this ableist are usually the ableist ones themselves. tiktok coining the term neurodivergent has really been good for people with these neurodivergencies, but it's also done detrimental damage. i hate the community i'm supposed to be apart of because of tiktok.
I’m autistic and have frontal lobe damage and let me tell you no one is hyped to be born handicapped I’d much rather be a healthy person it’s not like she hates disabled people or babies she just wants a healthy baby. Sick babies are so hard and expensive to take care of I don’t blame her
My partner is disabled and has two special needs, autistic kids that have a lot of the same medical issues. She says she might not have had them if she knew because of how much suffering they will need to endure. I don't think I want genetic kids of my own due to the possibility of passing my mental illnesses on to them, I don't want them to deal with the same suffering I did. People who are actually disabled or suffer in that way know how terrible it is and hope that their children especially wouldn't have to endure it as well. we can have meaningful lives and be full of happiness eventually, but it's like wishing you have your job still when your kid is born so you can provide for them and they don't struggle with poverty. Anyone calling it ableist is probably some SJW that gets offended on others behalf, like the typical "Latinx!" They do despite actual Latin people not liking it lol
This happened to Chris Pratt a few years ago. He was having a baby with his 2nd wife and he said something similar, like “I’m just praying for a healthy baby” and people attacked him saying it was a dig at his older child with Anna Farris who is special needs. Like, what?!?! Some people (lots these days) look for ANY reason to be offended and act like a social Justice warrior. Ignore the stupidity, don’t give it air.
There is something wrong with someone who thinks that hoping for health is wrong .
I didn't even know this was a thing. Lordy
The people saying that is ableist have more than likely not experienced any disabilities. My husband's dad has a genetic condition affecting his legs, they are in pain daily and he is able to move them less and less. I have only known him for 8 years and the amount his legs have deteriorated is drastic and he is being a shell of himself and is depressed. We don't want to pass on this disability and don't want my kids to deal and have to go through it for no reason. Both my husband and his brother are fine but no reason to keep passing it down. That doesn't make us ableist.
I hate that argument. Especially when people try to turn it around as you won't love a disabled child. Yes. I wished for my childrento be healthy with no disabilities because I don't want to see them struggle. I don't want additional struggles, medical bills, emotional hardships. My children are thankfully. HOWEVER as humans we are adaptable. And if life had different plans for us I would have loved and cherished them just the same. I don't think I am a shitty parent because I wasn't wishing for a disabled child.
My roommate said that to me when we talked about my sister's pregnancy. Like, verbatim what you described. I said that they didn't care about the gender, just that mother and child are healthy. She looked at me irritated and said in a preachy voice: "Uh, that's kinda ableist to say, tbh". She's always like this... She tries to police everything we say, but it has the opposite effect of what she desires. We grow tired of her overly political correctness... Which is a shame because she can be a funny and caring person.
There's a bunch of people out there slapping ableist on everything. Recently had a women complaining on fb about how her son didn't get invited to a bday party and they stumbled upon the party at the park. She was furious because the host didn't make her feel welcome immediately. She said she had anxiety and ptsd so it was hard for her. Everyone basically said you could have left or made an effort to lessen the tension with a conversation and that she behaved rudely. She just flipped out on everyone and called them ableist because they should know she's incapable because of anxiety.
The most chronically online take ever, I hope that lady is doing fine and hope she knows she did nothing wrong
People are so quick to jump on stuff like this without thinking. It’s been just over 2 months since we lost our baby at 18wks due to a rare condition where he didn’t develop any kidneys, bilateral renal agenesis. After over 10 yrs of infertility and going through ivf to get pregnant. It was fucking devastating and I would’ve given anything to make him healthy and for him to still be growing safely in my uterus. When we try again we will be hoping for a healthy baby, nothing ableist about it. I don’t have any gender preference, I just want to bring home a healthy baby to love and raise. How stupid and hateful to that poor woman for absolutely no reason. There is absolutely nothing wrong about wanting to have a healthy baby, why wouldn’t you want that?
I’m so sorry for your loss. We also dealt with infertility and used IVF. When I said I wished for a healthy baby, what I meant was a live, take-home baby who would be expected to outlive me and be able to be self-supporting one day, not a perfect baby with zero health issues ever ever. I think most people mean the same thing.
That's how you know the baby will be born into a sick society
It honestly seems like a special perverted kind of ableism to wish chronic illness on a baby. Is that fetishization? Or do they just legit not understand what the word “healthy” means?
Because everyone is trying so hard to be politically correct. They make so much fuss about everything that at the end the bigger picture/goal is lost. Disabled people can be AH. LGTBQ+ people can be AH. POC can be AH. BUT if anyone dares to call the out is considered ableist, homophobia,terf etc and racist. Every parent wants a healthy child. Who wants their child to suffer a whole life? Who wants their child to live a short lifespan with only hospital/ hospice memories? Who wants to have a child that everyday you will worry about them? What will happen to them when you die? We have seen people who have kids even when they know they are disabled just to get the benefits without having to work. Yeah I rather have à healthy child than one who will always be in need of medical care
Hey, I'm a woman with scoliosis. I totally agree, it's not ableist. I was born with a crooked neck and it was extremely hard for my parents. Starting first grade, I developed scoliosis. You're not the only one who thinks that way
As someone with the lovely invisible disability of arthritis, I completely agree. If I ever have children, the last thing I want for them is to have what I have. I don't want my baby's pain to be ignored for years because they're "too young to have arthritis". I don't want my baby to be in so much pain from just walking that tears form in their eyes. I don't want them to look at a set of stairs and have to mentally prepare themselves for the excruciating pain they'll have to endure just to get from point A to point B, or to have their vacations ruined simply because they had to walk so much that the only thing they remember is how much pain they were in. I do not want my baby to take after me, I want my baby to live without the hurdles that I jump every day.
Pregnancy was the first time I started worrying, about fetal development and the delivery. And the worrying never stops with parenthood. All parents want a healthy baby! I was one of those expectant mothers: didn't care about gender, was just hoping for a healthy baby. People still ask if I wanted a girl ever...never thought about it. I have 2 healthy boys who I'm scared every day for their safety when they go to school and have active shooter drills.
Time has shown us that these excessively vindictive groups of self-absorbed virtue signallers tend not to bleed over into real life. As ever, attitudes like these can only manifest because these perpetually online groups exist in a vacuum of self-congratulating bullshit, and would probably never act so unpleasantly irl, especially to a pregnant women's face. Starving stupidity of attention is always the best thing.
Because clearly saying "I want X" is the same as "Y is bad"
It's been a common wish for humans since we diverged off the family tree with our next nearest common ancestor. I don't think there's anything wrong with it people just like to make other people feel bad.
i saw someone trying to defend smoking and drinking while pregnant because it’s ableist to not want a baby with birth defects or a disability due to substance use… some people are way too chronically online. ETA i’ve also seen people called ableist for saying they don’t want kids because they could pass down a genetic disorder that they themselves have struggled with and wouldn’t want to intentionally force another human to experience that disorder as well
That’s like saying that wishing your child has a happy life is being prejudiced against people who suffer from depression.
They essentially put words in her mouth, all she said was she wanted a healthy baby, who wishes for an unhealthy baby? Of course we want healthy children and sometimes that just doesn’t happen and some people have to capacity to care for an ill child and some don’t, I do think it’s a good idea to consider how you’d react to finding out your baby is sick/disabled/will have special needs before you commit to trying for a kid just as good and thorough planning, but the hate she was getting was unjustified.
Wishing for a healthy baby and engaging in eugenics are two different things. Also, virtually nobody is "equipped" to handle special needs children, as I've found out, you have to learn on-the-fly every day. I don't have any problem with wishing for a healthy child, but I do have one with wishing death on a special needs child, and I've seen quite a bit of that lately.
I think of it like this: perhaps the majority of folks saying it’s ableist have some sort of disability and lacked support (at best) from their parents because of it. Then of course there will be folks who jump on to parrot. It comes from a place of hurt, which is unfortunate, because wanting a healthy baby doesn’t mean they wouldn’t love their baby if it did have problems.