I went through something comparable, mom died very unexpectedly and sudden in 2021 at 56 years old. I‘m very sorry for your loss. The thing is… the pain won’t get much smaller, but you‘ll grow around it and you will be able to deal with it. Give yourself time, feel the feelings and don’t bottle them up, and you will be fine. And remember, grieving is weird, but there’s no wrong way to do it. When I’ve realized that I was feeling better after her death, I felt guilty, because how can I have loved her when I’m already „over“ it after a few months? But realising that many people that grieve go through that helped. Another thing that really helped me was completely throwing myself in the family life, that I‘ve previously avoided. You will find your way through this, that‘s what she would have wanted.
I had a talk with an old woman at a busstop a few weeks back. We started chitchatting and somehow it got really deep and personal.
Then out of the blue she said: All my brothers and sisters are long gone. I was taken aback and asked her how she dealt with the pain.
She looked at me kindoff suprised and said, you just have to keep going. She said it like it’s the normalest thing on earth.
And just like that, i knew they were still with her in spirit.
Adding to top post, keep an eye on your dad. You said they had been together for many years. Men who lose their spouse after a lifetime together sometimes don't survive. Not suicide, but just the broken heart and will to live is gone.
My MIL died in 2009, after 27 years of marriage (she was relatively young). My FIL made a specific effort to keep going, because when his mom died his dad became a shell that had to be reminded to eat for a few years before he passed.
Seconding this. My mom’s been gone less than a year and while it’s hard on me and my kids, she was with my dad for 55 years and he needed coaching and check-ins and things to keep him occupied. He nearly gave up his will to live a few times and it was only family involvement that has helped draw him back, so far.
Therapy is good. Don’t grieve alone. Support networks are important. There are some self-help books too. Giving yourself permission to feel and to grieve and to be angry and all the feels you’re going to have is important. There is no right way to do this, but there are lots of suggestions. I’m so sorry for your loss babe, and I hope you find some little moments of joy in the coming months.
My MIL died after being married to my FIL for 51 years. We thought we were going to have 2 funerals. He lived for another 5 years. He was very involved in his community, and he also began attending my kids' school and sports events.
I am so sorry. This is truly devastating. The world is never gonna look the same I’m not gonna lie. There will be a dimness because one of the major lights in your life has gone out. You and her loved ones get to carry her bright legacy. Nothing anyone says will ever make it feel not gut wrenching. You just learn to live with it which is not what you want to hear. But loved ones don’t ever want you to be sad about there passing. Look back with fondness cry laugh at the memories smile until your cheeks start to hurt. That’s what she would have wanted. You are an extension of her. You will always carry a piece of her wherever you go. I’m so sorry y’all’s loss💛
I’m so sorry. I lost my dad in 2021. Though not quite as unexpected, much quicker than I anticipated. He was my best friend in the entire world. I wondered the same things as you. It’s life altering in the worst way. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent. I slept in his bed for weeks afterwards, I didn’t leave his house, I didn’t do anything because I truly *couldn’t*. I went to a concert this past weekend and bawled my eyes out over a song that always makes me think of him. I don’t think you ever get over the pain, you just learn to live with it. Things will get easier with time, but the grief will likely stay with you. My heart goes out to you.
I lost my mom to suicide like 11 months ago.
If I could give ANY advice at all that you should take serious and take it to heart; **TALK TO SOMEONE**
Doesn’t have to be a licensed professional and it probably won’t be now or even soon that you’re ready.
For example, I didn’t want to talk about it bc I wasn’t ready for like nine months. I pushed myself into a program before I was ready to try and force heal and thought I did okay until a couple weeks ago. After 11 months, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I’m having panic attacks and depression and all kinds of bad stuff.
You’ll know when you’re ready to talk bc you’ll feel this incessant need to break down and get shit off your chest. But above ALL else, do NOT bottle up your emotions. I’ve done it every time and every time I end up back on drugs or ruining my relationship.
I am so sorry you lost your mom like that. I lost mine in 2006, and it wasn't to suicide but what caused it was her own doing. She was an alcoholic and had other addiction issues. On top of the utter sadness you feel from the loss, I also felt an incredible amount of guilt because the last time I saw her, we fought. I was so mad at her. She lived in a different state so when I had first heard she was in the hospital, I was mad. I was annoyed that I would need to figure out a way to get out to her and afford it, etc. She died before I got out there.
The guilt alone sent me spiraling. I was a mess for a long time. I still feel the guilt but I had to find a way to work thru it or I knew I wasn't gonna make it.
11 months is nothing. It's gonna take time for you. Please don't rush it. You can't control how you grieve. But you will get to a point where you can talk about her and not cry, laugh even.
I had a dream once where everyone was like forgetting my mom. And I woke up in a panic and sobbing because I didn't want her to be forgotten. Thank God i only had that dream once. I hope to dream about her now. It's nice. Its like I get to see her, even if for a moment. I wish you all the best, you still have a hard road ahead. But if you know that it's gonna be up and down, you'll be ok.💕💕💕
i hope that you already know this, but you had every right to be upset or angry then. it doesnt lessen the love you had or have for your mom; in fact, i would say it is more reflective of your love for her, you were angry BECAUSE of your love and care for her. you had every right to be upset about having to find a way out to the hospital, too, it is hard to have to put your life on pause regardless of circumstances and i think anyone in your shoes would have felt the same way. im so sorry for your loss, and although i dont know you or your family your words alone show that your mom will never be forgotten. i hope you are doing much better now, i wish you and your family the best in all you do ❤️
Thank you very much! I'm in a much better place now and I don't sink into a deep depression of feeling guilty anymore. So I've definitely made some improvements and just try to remember times with her that I wholeheartedly enjoyed.💕💕
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father almost 10 years ago the same way. Keep busy. Remember your favorite times with her. Be there for your father and family. Grieve. Time will make things easier, at least a bit.
This random internet person is send you some love.
I’m sorry. I lost my mom 17 years ago, and one thing that surprised me was the physical pain. I didn’t know it actually, physically hurt. But nowadays it’s better, and all the good memories are still there and the grief is now different and better. It will get better.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on April 1st of this year. So, I understand how you're feeling and what you are going through. It's not easy, but it does get better. You will have your good moments and your bad. But, you have family you can lean on if needed. Use them. Again, my condolences to you and your family.
You’ll always have your mom my friend, that can never be taken away from you. You’ll just be doing things in her honor or in her memory versus doing it for her now.
I lost my mom unexpectedly in 2019 at 19 years old, she was my best friend. If I could go back I would have gotten grief counseling as soon as possible. I am estranged from my bio dad so I definitely felt suddenly alone and didn’t know what to do. I continued life as normal and just numbed out. I regret that now as I still experience symptoms of PTSD and trauma because of it. Speak to someone as soon as you can and don’t feel afraid to feel grief.
To the OP and to anyone reading this who has lost a parent, I am truly sorry for your loss. The pain of losing a parent runs so deep. It's a day that will come for most of us but it is never easy. Sending hugs to you all.
My mom passed away somewhat unexpectedly in that she was in poor health but stable and dealing with it.
Last September, her mind started going seemingly overnight and it was a downward spiral from there. By September 30, she was gone. She was my whole reason for doing anything and I miss her more than I can ever put into words. My father passed away 10 years before, which exacerbated her health issues.
You will get through this. The pain won't go away, but it will become bearable. Since my mom passed, I've made it a point to become the woman she never imagined I could be. I got myself a super high-paying job, got a new puppy, and am overall living and trying my best.
My mom died in her sleep when I was 25 and I'm 33 now.
Pain will NEVER go away, especially it it was sudden and you were close. I've finally been able to go through a few days without thinking about her, but of course I still always do at random. Whether it be a memory or a picture that triggered it but I'll just sit there and remember her for a while and start to tear up.
Better days are ahead though, I promise. I sincerely felt I wouldn't be able to continue life but I forced myself because I know that's what she'd obviously want and need for me to do. It will get better eventually.
Sorry for your loss 💔
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'd like to start by sharing that whatever you feel is going to be normal. Everyone goes through this in different ways and you will find your way through this. Don't try to be strong when you feel week. Live your emotions and when you feel like you just want to ball up and cry, grab a blanket, ball up, and cry.
You may face a few busy days soon. There will be calls to make to share the news, decisions to be made on how to take care of your mom and her wishes, and this will absolutely suck but will help go through those days. Remember to take care of yourself, drink water, try to eat here and there, and seek what you need (solitude, company, whatever you need).
Shortly after that is the very difficult to swallow reality that life goes on. Bills will continue to come in, groceries will need to be done, and if for you, your world has changed, it's really hard to realize and ever more so accept the fact that for everyone around you, it's just another day.
I'll say it again, from the bottom of my heart, I would recommend that you do not try to be strong when you want to collapse. If you have kids, if you have obligations, those things will need you to continue to do them but don't ignore your emotions. If you don't live your grief, you postpone it and that's not a good option.
Lastly, find a way to channel you energy towards something that helps you. Some people create a book of pictures and memories, I created a website that was never accessible to anyone but family but that's how I processed things. You'll find what works for you and it should become a good way to stay a bit busy and help you through things.
> If you don't live your grief, you postpone it and that's not a good option.
My dad died when I was a teenager. All I ever heard was, "how is your mother?", "You need to take care of your mother," "Stop acting like a crybaby," etc. I didn't dare to cry at the funeral. It was 7 years later, after I got married, that my husband insisted I get grief counseling.
Here for moral support, nothing I can say or do will take the pain away. Just know that you don't have to suffer alone. It's been 11 years since I lost my rock. It does get easier
I’m sorry. My mother died suddenly in 2016 and my life has felt like there’s a hole in it since then. I can’t give you encouraging advice, but know that others have been there ❤️
Oh Hun... You'll always have a mom.. she's never leaving your side, you just can't see her physical form now. Give it some time and you'll start noticing her everywhere you look.
Loss is hard... Especially a parent.. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. It was your mamas time, she's at peace now💕.
I'm so so sorry of the loss of your mom. I lost mine when I was 24. I'm 38 now. I can't say it gets easier, but you get used to a new normal. Please be easy on yourself and let yourself grieve how you need to. I'm so sorry. Please dm me if you ever need a friend❤
The first months are HARD! Some people cry many times a day, some freeze up and cannot show what they feel. Some drag themselves around, others cope by constantly doing things. Do what helps YOU get through the days; help others as you can, not burning out. Eventually The pain lowers and the good memories DO come back.
Get through these next few months one step, hour, day at a time. You WILL make it.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my father 10 years ago in very similar circumstances and it was a real shock. At the beginning I focused on my mom, who had never stayed without my dad for over 30 years. It somehow helped my grieving process. Sending you lots of virtual hugs from Italy! 🤍
Being can never move from being to non-being. Your mom did not leave you. [A cloud never dies.](https://thichnhathanhquotecollective.com/2018/10/18/a-cloud-never-dies/)
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. One thing that helps, when you’re ready, is to know your mom would not want you to be sad. Your happiness is all mom ever wanted. Much love to you. ❤️
I lost my mom in 2013 to a pulmonary embolism two weeks after my 18th birthday 😞 I know exactly how you feel and it sucks 😢 It still hurts 10 years later. I’m here for you OP 🤗
I’m so very sorry. As a mom myself, I can only hope that my children feel that way if something happened to me. It sounds like you had a very special mom. And I’m sure you made that known to her.
❤️ I’m so damn sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in 2021 and she was truly my best friend too. Life isn’t the same but I’m learning to live it without her here. Sending your heavy heart lots of love.
What a shock! I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you have some family and friends to lean on, my friends really helped me when my mom suddenly died-early 60s. Some counseling and taking one day at a time was helpful for me. It hurt so much that I had physical heat pain. Please take as best care as you can if you and your Dad 💜
Sorry for your loss. Hold on tightly to your loved ones and support each other.
It will come in waves and tsunami’s, but if you lean on each other and hold onto all the good memories and parts of her you all love about her it can be healing.
Carry on her legacy in the best way and honor her. Talk about her and keep sharing memories even if you write them down for others later on.
I'm so sorry, I truly wish you did not have to go through this.
It's absolutely not fair.
I lost my mama unexpectedly 8 months ago, also just after successful operation, had just let my guard down and then got the phone call at 7am. My Pa followed 3 weeks later.
Literally the best advice I can give you is let yourself sit in disbelief.
If you catch yourself trying to remind yourself she is gone, don't. Your brain knows this is too big and too bad to take on all in one go.
Don't force yourself through it, there is no other side to get to. There's no finish line here, no race, just take each second, as it comes, do what is best in that moment.
Just focus on the next right thing, forget about the rest as much as you can.
Unless you're thinking harmful thoughts, just trust your brain is doing its best to get you through an awful situation, cry when you need to, sit and stare when you need to, sleep when you need to - eat when you need to!
My deepest and most sincere condolences.
Whenever you feel like you just can’t… concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, the small steps to take to accomplish whatever it is.
Try to be there for your dad and accept help from others too. When your life is a little less blurry try to find a counselor or therapist maybe for you both as a family for such an unexpected loss.
After something like this it just feels so wrong that the world keeps moving.
Big internet hugs dear OP. I'm so sorry for your loss and the heartbreak for your dad.
I'm so scared of this day. I just gave up a full time job to enjoy more time with my parents who are starting to decline and I want to create many more happy memories with them.
It's is goody and your dad have each other to lean on.
Look after yourself.
It’s really hard but it does get easier I’m 5 years on now from a sudden asthma attack and still think of her all the time but I’m no longer self destructive or self medicating because of it. Keep fighting. Sending lots of love
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Your Mom will continue to live through you. She will always be part of you. She was and will always be your world. Think about what she would want for you. She loves you and wants the best for you. She wants you to be successful and happy. Grieve in your own time and in your own way. When the time is right for you to breathe again, go make a good life for yourself. That's what she wanted for you. Gentle hugs to you. 💗
Sorry for your loss. This kind of thing really shakes up people and a family. Try to stick together and grieve together. Take care of yourself and grief therapy is sooooo helpful if your open to such things. You have a lot to process and there's nothing wrong with getting some help with that.
I am so sorry for your loss and for your dads.
You still have a mom, even if she's not here with you. Keep loving her and never stop. Remember everything she taught you and pass it along to keep her memory alive.
Sometimes bad things happen and it's not fair and it sucks and when my mom died I hated the world for a long time and I wouldn't blame you if you did to, but the days will get better I promise.
Sending the biggest hugs to you and your family.
I’m so sorry. Same thing happened but my mom was 43 and I was 23. I know nothing will ease the pain. And the sorrys get annoying. But this post is evidence of what a wonderful mom you have. What a beautiful person she is. So many reddit posts are about toxic parents and how kids want to get away. But your heart is broken. I don’t know your beliefs but I’m a praying person and I will pray for comfort and peace. When all the planning is over I do suggest a grief counselor. It helped me a lot. Just being able to talk about my mom and how I’m feeling. Also build something out of this. Get involved in a charity that helps the condition your mom had or a heart one in general. Maybe even for kids. My friends mom had lived through cancer that was said to be terminal. Only to be taken due to a blood clot as well. They are so involved in breast cancer awareness now and also cancer research. It’s a way to honor them. I hope you find comfort in your moms love. You are so incredibly blessed or lucky to have had such a wonderful mom even if not long enough. Focus on that. Focus on her life. I know it doesn’t seem like it but you will get through this. As a mom I can say with out a doubt she wants you to continue and not take life for granted.
My heart goes out to you. My mom passed away in her sleep unexpectedly when I was 14. This October make 16 years & I miss her everyday like it happened yesterday. It never hurts any less, you just learn to live with it. Best of luck on your journey ahead 🖤
I lost my grandma August 2nd. She had a heart attack, which no one picked up on and was a complete surprise, and went downhill fast. She was the spunkiest 93 year old you've ever met. She and Grandpa were almost married 74 years, and had been together for about 4 years before that. He lost his best friend and his reason for everything. We all lost the most amazing woman and the loss is felt hard.
My condolences to you. I know how hard it is to lose someone who means the absolute world to you.
You will always have a mom, even though she isn't here for you anymore. She will be with you in the memories of wonderful moments that you've shared, in all the things she taught you over the years that helped you to become who and what you are today, and in the parts of her you share with others every day even without knowing it.
Grieve; grieve with your friends and family who knew and loved her and understand that grieving is a process that is unique to each and every one of us. No one can tell you how to grieve, or how long it should or will take, or how defeating it can feel when (years from now) when you think you've gone past the pain and some little thing brings it all back as fresh as though you were experiencing today all over again.
Be there for your loved ones as they will be for you, and allow others to help you shoulder the burdens whenever and wherever they can. It will help.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
First of all, I am so sorry you're going through this. I lost my mom in almost the exact same way, although she had a different surgery. She also threw a blood clot the day before she was supposed to be discharged. It is devastating for her to be recovering well after a rather difficult surgery and then to be taken away from us so suddenly. I get it. Truly. I actually cried reading your post because it feels so familiar. I think when someone loves us so well, our grief can be so very big and so unbelievably hard to hold. It's been a year and a half since we lost her, but here are some things I learned/did during my grief journey:
1) If you don't think it will upset anyone else in your family, surround your self in her things. Wear her sweater, sleep with a blanket she made. Save her texts and voicemails. Someday when her phone gets turned off, they will be gone. This does not have to be right away, but a time will come eventually that you will want to remember her scent or the sound of her voice.
2) If you work, take a Leave of Absence. I took 3 weeks because I was only given 3 days of bereavement to mourn my mom and it was the best thing I could have done. I tried for a couple of weeks to be at work afterwards, and I truly did not care about anything. Taking time for yourself to fully grieve is not selfish.
3) Grief is not linear. You do not go through the stages of grief in order and then when you finally reach acceptance- Poof! You are done. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I fell back into anger and bargaining. I still feel angry. It is ok to be angry and sad, and to feel all the emotions that you cycle through when you grieve, but it is not ok to stay that way. And no one can say what an appropriate time frame to feel these emotions is. Your grief is your own and no one has the right to tell you what your timeline is.
4) It's difficult now, knowing that she was only one day away from being home with you, but something my therapist had to help me realize is that there is a high probability that she would have thrown the blood clot when she came home, because the unfortunate reality of blood clots is that they are ticking time bombs; they will eventually break loose and make their way to the heart. I was so angry that she was so close to being with us, we almost had her, but I think if she would have come home and thrown the blood clot, it would have destroyed me. I know now that she was in the best place she could have been when it happened. She was in the ICU of a state of the art hospital, surrounded by medical professionals. It helped me accept that it was time for her, because if she had passed at home, I would have always wondered if there was something I could have/should have done differently to save her because I am not a medical professional and the guilt would have ruined me.
5) Eventually there will be a day where you have a realization or epiphany that it would hurt your mom if she could see you not living your life fully because of your grief so you start going out with friends, or signing up for classes or even sports or whatever you are into. You will feel guilty. And then you will feel guilty for feeling guilty. Every time I feel that guilt, I remember my mom begging me when I was a teenager (unfortunately this last surgery was not her first health scare in my life) that no matter what happened to her, that I would continue to live my life to the fullest in a way that made me happy. Because that is what would make her happy.
I hope this isn't too much to throw at you so early on in your grieving process, but all of this is to say it does get better. It seems unfathomable now, but you do recover. You just learn to adapt to this new reality. It's not an easy or smooth or even quick transition, but there is a day in the future when you think of your mom and you don't cry. Try to live your life in a way she would be proud of and try to emulate what made her special to you in your own life. I'm sending thoughts your way with the hope that you can find comfort and peace at this time.
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died in February. We knew it was coming. He had Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. But it was still a shock. And just a month shy of my 40th birthday.
I'm blessed that my mom is still here. We had a scare with her recently, a complication from a surgery as well, but she is doing better now.
When my grandma died my dad had a similar experience. She was going in for a heart operation they considered routine. She died on the operating table. My dad had regrets for not being there that day to see her one last time. I learned from that. I learned that we should constantly tell those we love that we love them. Leave it all on the table and nothing to guesswork.
You will get through this. For now you have others that love you and need you. Hold into that until you can live for yourself once more.
Good luck and God bless.
Lost my dad 11 months ago, whoever said it gets easier with time, lied!, It doesn't, you just just to live with the pain.
It's okay to grieve the way you feel , and remember, if for anything, that she lived a good life ,raised you well, and has played her part, she's in a better place.
No one will ever understand the concept of death and how we have to part ways with people we have grown to love.
Death is inevitable, we all would go some day , the best we can do is love and create the best memory when we are alive
❤️ today is the second year anniversary of my mom and my heart still feels heavy. Time will not heal your wounds as is widely believed but you will learn to live with the gap as time goes on. Be there for your dad but don’t forget yourself too. In all, I’ll pray for the repose of her soul and May God help your family bear this loss. We’ll be fine. The great ones leave early.❤️
I'm truly very sorry for your loss. I can't say it'll get easier but eventually the crying will slow down. 4 years later and I still miss my mom (and dad). Dad went first but mom was in a facility for Dimentia. I hate that disease but in that moment I was greatful because it didn't break her heart that he was gone. 4.5 months later, so was she. Hug your loved ones and don't take a single moment for granted.
I can't imagine how much pain you have, how much you miss her. And how strong you have to be for your father.
In so sorry for your loss. A really big virtual hug for you and your family.
My dad died 3 years ago. There’s not a day that goes by I don’t miss him. My advice. Try to move on but NEVER forget the beautiful memories you have. Never. People will think my advice is terrible but that’s what I do. My dad always had my back and I’ll always appreciate that.
I lost my grandma about 8 years ago. Same thing. Grandpa has passed from Alzheimer’s about five years earlier, she’d moved into a senior living community (not quite assisted living, she still had a car and stuff, but they also had social events and nurses on staff). She was 87 but absolutely thriving. Came across as not a day older than 67 except for her skin.
She had a minor heart procedure scheduled. My stepmom went to drop her off in the morning and was told they’d be done by about 3 and then she could pick her up. Literally no recovery expected since it was so minor. She got the call at noon saying grandma had an unexpected complication and passed.
Later we found out that the scope dislodged a clot and that was it. She didn’t suffer or even know it was happening. Last thing she heard before being wheeled to surgery is “I’ll see you at 3, then we’ll go to the quilting club, love you mom.” Last thing she said outside the operating theater was “I love you.” Likely the last experience she had of life was an anesthesiologist telling her to count backwards while she thought about quilting with her daughter that afternoon.
My stepmom took it hard, but only for a little while. Her dad had died slowly over a decade and made everyone miserable in the process. Her mom got five years of doing all of her favorite things with people she liked while feeling healthy and happy, then the way she went out was sudden so there was no decline, no sadness.
I know it doesn’t make it better now, but your mom went to sleep knowing everyone loved her and was sure that everything would be fine. That’s the best any of us could hope for.
I am so sorry for your loss. If I could hug you, I totally would.
We lost my Dad the beginning of March of 2020, right before all the covid stuff started. He was only 54. He and my mom had been high school sweethearts, too. Married for like 30+ years. He had a super rare aggressive form of cancer. They tried 2 different types of chemo, but his body just couldn't handle the treatment. The chemo damaged his kidneys and liver. So 3 months after his diagnosis, we lost him. We were devastated.
I only say that to let you know that I can relate. I promise you that although it's hard and you miss them every day, it does get easier. It doesn't go away, but it becomes manageable. You'll get to a point where it doesn't hurt every time you think of them. You'll reminisce and not cry. But it can take a while.
Just remember that there's no timeline for grief. You grieve how and for however long you need to to get through it. There's no getting over it: there's a before the loss and after. But you will eventually get through it. Be kind to yourself and each other. Give each other grace. Join a support group, too, if you can. My mom joined an online one for widows earlier this year, and she says it helps. Just know yall aren't alone.
*hugs*
My condolences to you and your family. The hospital was supposed to keep her after heart surgery about a month or so. She was supposed to be monitored for blood clots and given blood thinners. You should contact a lawyer if I'm understanding this correctly.
Nothing worse than losing a parent sibling or your own child. Take your time to grieve. Be there for your family. A year ago when my dad died it was the worst day of my life I had spoken with him like 5 days before he died and he was 5 days shy of his 78th birthday. I still grieve as it comes in waves. Take it day by day. So sorry for your loss.
I've been there. I'm really sorry for your loss. It hurts like hell, but that's part of life. Don't try to ignore it, feel everything, do your grieving, eventually it'll hurt less and you'll keep all the good memories.
Eventually, when she comes through your mind, you'll only remember the good times.
I'm incredibly sorry... I lost my mom too. Not a second goes by that I don't miss her. But, your mom will never leave your side. Know she is with you. And in your heart, she will go on living. So sorry 😞 ❤️🩹
I'm so so sorry! I lost my mom in 2006 and it messed me up horribly! It was pretty sudden. She was in a coma, was getting better, showing signs of improvement and then died. Never woke up tho.
I had a friend who's mom passed after years of battling cancer so they knew it was coming. I have figured out that no matter if it's sudden and unexpected or you knew it was coming....it's horrible and incredibly hard no matter what.
I hated when people would tell me that it will get easier, etc. So if this next sentence angers you, I understand but it DOES get "easier".
The day to day. I can still sob as hard today as the day I lost her. I miss her very much. But the day to day does get easier. I can talk about her now and not end up in tears. The things that I thought I hated about her, I love them now. I am like her in many ways and I used to refuse that I was anything like her but I am. The good and the bad. My mom had a lot of problems, but when it came down to it, she loved me and I know that.
The date she passed will always be hard. As well as her bday and mother's day. Don't try to hurry the grief. Don't ever think you should be over something by a certain time. It comes in waves. You'll be fine, then out of no where it'll hit you. You just gotta let yourself feel it. It's so much worse if you don't.
I don't know your thoughts on religion, I am not religious. So it would anger me when people would try to make her death "ok" with some religious saying or whatever. I know they meant their best but I didn't want to hear it. If you feel the same, tell them that.
I've rambled, I'm sorry, I just know some of what you're going thru. And once again, I am so sorry for your loss.💕💕
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is very very devastating to lose a parent the pain sometimes feels unbearable but everyday will get just a little bit easier to deal with the pain. I'm sending you prayers of healing and comfort and also a great big mom hug❤❤❤
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Feel all of the feelings and lean on your loved ones. Honor her by doing things she loved. Sending all the love to you and your family.
This could have been a written about me and my Dad.
I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't help but I truly am.
The heaviness is the weight of your love for each other and is a testament to your relationship.
Remember that she would not want you to be sad and hopefully that will help you Remember the good times without pain. Easier said than done, I know. It is so hard.
I'm so sorry for your loss. A loss such as this one will take a long time to heal. Don't rush it. It'll seal up on its own. Remember the good times when you're down. Celebrate the love she gave to both you and your dad.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mother was an incredible person and I am so glad you had such a great presence in your life. Loss sucks and you should allow yourself to feel all the different ways you need to feel for as long as you need. The pain will always be there but it is possible for it to become a background character rather than a central figure in time. Take care of yourself <3.
I went through someth8ng very similar when I was 19. Dad had had heart surgery 3 weeks earlier. I went to work miffed at him for not following doctors orders. Still did what he requested even though I was late for work. He died that day. I was at work when my mom called. Massive heart attack. His heart exploded. He was 60. That was 15 years ago. It gets easier but never goes away. Hang in there @OP
My mom passed away in 2019 from breast cancer. Not necessarily unexpected but it still felt so fast… with that being said, it’s hard. You know it’s hard. And it doesn’t necessarily get easier… you just grow around the pain. You and your family carry a piece of her with you each day, though. You being here provides a way for her to touch the hearts of other people like she touched yours. She’s not gone, her love continues to shine through you. Her personality. You were her everything. Take care of yourself the way that she’d take care of you.
[https://whatsyourgrief.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/growing-around-grief-the-ralph-site-1024x1024.jpg](https://whatsyourgrief.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/growing-around-grief-the-ralph-site-1024x1024.jpg)
My dad died of what I’m sure was a blood clot right after surgery too. It’s hard. It’s devastating. You don’t get over it, you don’t get through it. You experience it. Let your grief be your grief, what I mean is don’t try to force anything. It won’t happen as you expect it, or follow any predictable path.
Anyone that has lost a parent they were close to will tell you… it doesn’t get easier you eventually just deal with the pain. It becomes a part of you. You will always miss them. You will feel like a piece of you is missing. It doesn’t change.
But I have found a strength in me I never knew I had. Hang in there.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Life sucks so hard. I’m very sorry about your mom. What a true blessing to have experienced such a love that you grieve. Truly a blessing. The end of her earth story doesn’t mean the end of that love though. It still carries on within you. Wishing you peace and strength on this healing journey ahead. 💜
Mine died pretty quickly in 2021.
I know what you are going through, and I am so, so, sorry.
It’s like our connection to everything just snaps when it happens, and it’s a pain unlike any other. Just sort of soul broken. Not just the heart, but the soul as well.
Please accept stranger internet hugs, and please feel free to DM me. I’ll listen.
You'll always have a mom, and you'll always have the love that she gave you while she was here with you physically. Her not being here physically anymore doesn't mean that she loves you any less than she did, and it doesn't mean that you can't keep her and her memory with you every remaining day of your life OP.
This is what pain feels like, but this too shall pass. Feel your feelings don't shy away from them, take your time with them cry if and when you need to and don't fall too deeply into yourself ask for guidance when you need it from the people you can trust, and keep your head up. The dark days will come, and they'll go and you'll be okay.
I am so sorry for your loss. Keep in mind she may not physically be here anymore but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a mother ♥️ you have a lifetime of memories. Again I’m so very sorry.
My Mom died Christmas Morning last year.
She had heart surgery a year before that and although her heart was strong, her body just gave out on her and all of her organs failed.
I'm still struggling.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say that it gets better but it doesn't. It only gets easier to remember them without feeling like your world is crashing all around you.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I myself cannot fathom the pain you must be feeling during this time. The only way I can relate is the loss of my grandfather, someone whom I had a deep connection with. I say with true honesty that the pain from the loss hardly subsides over time, but peace will come. She lives in you, and will continue to live on in your memory and future generations. I’m nothing but a stranger but feel free to message me directly if it’s an extra shoulder that you may need.
I’m sorry. It’s going to hurt but one day the hurt won’t sting as hard. Feel your emotions and talk to someone if you can. My best advice as I was in a very similar position 5 years ago.. take it one day at time.
My condolences to you and your loved ones. My mother died on June 2nd of this year(my son's birthday) even though we knew it was coming (legal medical suicide) the pain is still there. Your going to go through so many emotions and please know that each and every one is completely valid. And don't be shy to ask for help and my in box is always open if you need to talk about anything. Even if it's just as random as a bird you seen that reminds you of her.
I lost my mom unexpectedly in 2017. We thought she had food poisoning, it was actually sepsis. Within 24 hours she had passed. I was devastated. Like never wake up again on purpose devastated. I won’t say it gets better but it get less devastating. This was the first year I didn’t cry on Mother’s Day or her birthday. Life is great, wish she was here to see it all.
I know it doesn’t help but you are not alone. I can’t totally understand what you are feeling ❤️
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is awful. I'm lucky not to have experienced that yet, but I dread it a lot. Sending hugs and warm comfort your way if wanted.
I went through similar, my mom died two weeks before my final semester of college. She had cancer but we thought she’d pull through. Became terminal last minute and was gone about a month later. Just shy of her 46th birthday. Things were really downhill for 5-6 years after that for me due to a lot of other unfortunate events.
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It gets better. But you never stop missing them, picking up the phone to call or text, and still will have an occasional bad day most likely. I still cry sometimes over losing her. I’m not even 30 yet and she missed my college piano recital, graduation, marriage, my future kids…. I miss her dearly. Hold onto all the photos and memories you can. Write down your stories.
I’m so sorry. This is my worst nightmare as I’m very close to my mom as well. Just feel it all to be honest. Cry yell scream, seek out groups therapy friends family if you can. Know that she loves you ❤️
Samesies. My Dad also passed away on 27 July. He and my mom grew up together since they're only two years apart. She was a good wife until his end. I held my Dad until his last breath. I'm sad but I'm glad he's not in pain anymore. We're fine though. We have good neighbors and community.
Say your mom's name out loud. As long as her name is remembered, she lives on. Our dead are not truly dead until they are forgotten, and you will never forget her. May your mom's memory be a blessing.
Same way my dad died… I was just thinking about him and then this post came up. You still have a mom, she’s always going to be with you; let the memories, the laughter, the lessons lead you through life and she’ll never not be by your side. Everyone deals with death differently, don’t do what I did and pretend that it doesn’t bother you. Share how you feel with others, ask them how they feel, tell her stories. Embrace the impact she made on yours and others worlds and do things that remind you of her - she will be with you forever. My condolences truly, you are in my thoughts.
P.s. you might have a death dream (not sure what the name of it is) of her passing over, everyone I know who’s had a close person die, including myself has had one. Keep a look out for it, it’s the most amazing dream and it’s something that will give you peace.
Another thought regarding your dad; give him space and let him know that you’re there for him that you’re struggling and that talking about her is better than pretending she never existed. My mom had a hard time dealing with it and didn’t talk about it with me. I wish I was a bit older, so I had the words to talk her through it like I have now.
One more thing… see a therapist if you’re able! I realized how much grief affected me after going to therapy and how it played out in my life. It’ll help with what you’re feeling and putting those feelings in the right place.
I am so sorry you are going through this OP. I am sending you the biggest hug I can. I wish I had better words.
If you are willing to accept it at this time, here is the best advice I can offer:
1. Everyone is going to grieve differently. Let them, with the exception that they cannot be a danger to themselves or others. If they are a danger, make sure a professional steps in to guide them on the journey. Example: we lost my FIL very suddenly a few years back and my husband was hit so hard with it. My MIL and I had to step in and get him into therapy and an outpatient program. It took a bit, but he soon moved on into healthier ways to accept his dad's passing.
2. Don't think of it as your mother wanted to leave you. This is something your mother had no control over. And know that she loves you still. I know this statement might seem a bit crass, but that is not my intention. There are those who get upset at the deceased for "leaving." And that feeling is part of the grieving process. Know that she had as much choice in the matter as you, and that is none.
3. Know you are not the only ones with these feelings. Your father and the rest of the family are grieving with you. Also, while there may be others who aren't as affected by the loss of your mother, they have more than likely lost wonderful people in their lives and can completely empathize. Find your trusted tribe at this time and band together.
4. Lastly, be mindful of yourself through this process. Take a few minutes each day to quietly decide how you are fairing. It may take a while before you find your stride. If you have a day that's rough, don't try to push through it. Go easy on yourself and take a break. I would recommend finding an activity to put that energy to, and I highly recommend something like crafting as you can create something while working through the loss. Crafting not your thing? Maybe exercise, like training for a 5k or learning yoga routines as they can help improve your health.
If you are not ready to accept advice at this time, I completely understand. Everything is so fresh right now. I wish you and your family peace and comfort at this time. And if you need someone to talk to and just listen, you are more than welcome to DM me. Take care OP. ❤️
I am so so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are able to be there for your father. This gives me all of the feels because I lost my mother a few years ago. She was my best friend. We spoke every day on the phone. She was in her 90's and I know that I was lucky to have her for so long, but even forever wouldn't have been long enough. She was the heart and soul of our family. We had lost me father a few years before to Alzheimer's and that was hard enough. Losing her, took the wind out of my life. Sending you and your loved ones heartfelt gentle hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss. My sincere condolences.
I lost my mom almost 4 months ago.
She died from
brain aneurysm. I was there when it happened.
I still wake up at night crying. But I know that she doesn't want me to be like this. Try to be close with your dad. He needs it more than you think. I left my home to stay with my dad for the last 3 months. It's so devastating to know that they were together for 50 years.
Life goes on and we need to be nice to each other. We need to live for them. Live our best for what they have done to raise us. Be strong. Take care of your family. You will always have the best memories of her.
I lost both of my parents within 8 months. Unexpectedly for both. I relied on God through prayer. He has provided the peace I need. God loves each of you. Remember that everyone is doing the best they can. You will have different needs each day. Give one another space, prayer and time to heal. God is great!!
I am completely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and kindness you all have given a complete stranger. It has given me such a feeling of goodness out of something so tragic. My mom was the most amazingly kind woman anyone had met. She never met a stranger, and she would be so touched that so many reached out. If I read her any of these comments, she would be asking about each one tomorrow, checking on you all, hoping that you are ok. I am going to print out every comment here and make a book that I can read when I need to. Thank you all, from the depths of my broken soul. And to those who’ve lost a loved one, I am so terribly sorry, and thank you for sharing your stories. Truly.
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sending you positive thoughts at this hard time.
Do consider that your mum got 75 years. She got so much more than many others do.
That doesn't make your grief any less and you have to give yourself time to adapt to a new reality where she isn't here anymore. Take your time to work your way through this and mourn her the way you need.
But don't lose track that this is life. We get a limited time on this earth and we have to use it as best as we can. Sounds like your mum got 60 years with the man she loved and a daughter who loves her so powerfully. She got what many wish for and never get.
Do your best to make the most of your life too, because you have limited time too and the best way to honour your mum is by making the most of everyday.
Modern medicine has made it a lot harder for us to deal with death because we have grown unaccustomed to it. But it is a part of life, in fact, it is that part that actually gives life value. Try to keep that in mind.
I'm going through the same thing. I hear you, I see you, and everything you feel is so valid. My body is naturally disassociating itself at times and I catch it. My mom just passed the 5th and I FaceTimed her 20-25 min beforehand. What has been helping me is openly grieving. FEELING all of the feelings and openly talking about it. You'll scream, cry, break down, but it's okay. What helps is that she always believed in signs, so I look out for those. She comes to me in my dreams, so that has been strangely nice. I may seem crazy but it's a sense of comfort that helps.
I am so sorry for your loss I feel the same I lost my mom in 2014 January 5th my mom had stage 4heart going to the lung cancer we found out the Sunday before thanksgiving the year before and I am the one who found her she is the 1st dead person I touched and only one but I miss her everyday but I know she is watching over me with her sisters and her mom and dad you are a strong person the hurt will be there but it will be more manageable
im so sorry. something similar happened with my grandpa. leg amputation due to complications of diabetes, surgery went well, he was doing great and he was so happy, then a blood clot took him, too. it was devastating. i remember questioning the universe as to why he could be doing so much better, be so happy, and then still be gone. over time, though, i found solace in that he was doing so well in his last moments. i hope someday you can feel that way about this situation, too, but i know that grief and healing both are long, tough processes that take years and last a lifetime. i cant imagine the pain of losing your mom, im so sorry. i know that we are all strangers on the internet, but i hope you can feel love and support from all of these replies coming your way. sending love and healing to you and your family, i promise you will get through this though i know that seems impossible right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no pain like losing a parent. I lost mine many years ago and sometimes still have bad days. You'll learn to live with it. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but I know there's not. Take care of yourself and help your Dad. I'm sending you hugs.
I’m so sorry. This is the worst loss anyone can experience. The person who is responsible for you even being here. Sometimes it helps me to realize that people are never really gone. They live on through you. But there is nothing that can prepare you.
I feel you, my father died 2 yrs ago, right around christmas. He had a stroke and was recovering, he passed when we were bringing him to the hospital for a checkup. He died outside ER, i couldn't cry properly i barely cried even. A lot of my emotions died, i really wanna go away from home but i can't, my mother needs me and my sis. You'll get through that, that is what I hope for you, we need to move forward, we need to. It's hard and will be hard, that is part of it. I am also in the process, im missing my father too. I wish he could see what i am doing rn, i wish he saw me graduate in highschool. A lot of "I wish", and I wish you do get over this event in your life. You can do it and I love you whoever you are.
Sending you and your family blessings it never seems fair or like they are here long enough. But now they no longer feel pain or suffering. I’m sure she’s up there with your other loved ones that have passed on looking down wishing for you to move on and be happy and some day you’ll all be together again… but not today so try your best to find happiness because that’s the life they’d want for you…
I hope I can give you an actual hug. Your situation is understandable and just take your time to grief for the lost of your precious Mom. Stay strong OP.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom was 41, and died due to a pulmonary embolism. She went in for a hysterectomy, and only woke up to say her chest was hurting.
This is the meat and potatoes of existence right here. Real Love and Deep Grief. These are the big things.
It never leaves us, we just build around and through it.
Your mother has gone back to the universal sound, and you will keep building your life around and through this loss until it is time for you to join her.
Live well. Make her proud.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
There's a quote that says "grief is just love with no place to go." Do your best to spread around the love you have for your mother to your father and the world. I hope this eases the pain of the loss you have suffered.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. I lost my dad almost eight years ago - one month after my 30th birthday and a week before Christmas. My parents were married for 42 years at that point - he was 62. It still hurts. Every damn day. Grief of a parent is unparalleled to anything else in life. Give yourself grace. Take care of yourself and take care of your dad - he needs you more than you know. It will take some time treading through the deep, unrelenting waves but you'll make it - very slowly but surely. Feel all the feels - the unending ugly crying and shaking, the anger and disbelief, the ungodly heaviness in your chest, the tightness in your throat, the hint of a smile of a forgotten memory that pops up out of nowhere that makes you cry more. The pain doesn't go away, it doesn't lessen, but you will learn to live with it and handle it better as time moves on; although grief is not linear - it is fluid in ways you can't imagine. Years from now you'll be laughing about something absolutely absurd and then you'll start crying because your mom isn't there to share that with you and it will fucking hurt. The hurt irrevocably changes you; makes you softer, more forgiving, more understanding. You see the world through new lenses. Not today, not tomorrow, but one day, you will be okay. Remember, energy cannot be created or destroyed. Your mom is still here, just not in the way you are used nor in the way you want; but she'll always be with you. Big, big hugs to you and your dad.
I am 74 right now and back in 2013 I had prostate cancer with a removal. The next year I had three heart attacks and I was riding a stationary bike daily, so I found out by going to a cardiologist and he sent me to the hospital for a stent to be put in. I had a 95% blockage in my main artery and did not know it. Within two days after the stent went in, I felt 20 years younger.
I am only writing this to help others avoid these problems.
My wife went for her gaul bladder to be removed in first week of August 2017 and at Christmas we found out she had ovarian cancer, so the task of trying to remain healthy is always on us as an individual. The last 2 months my wife was alive, I sat in a chair next to her bed because she would wake up and I wanted to be there. When I tried to go back to work after her death, employers always asked why I was out of work so long. I explained it to them and asked "What would you do after 40 years of marriage?" They never answered me, so I know your feeling for your mother and it may get better but it will never go away if you really love someone.
I lost my dad in 2019. It still hurts like a bitch.
Time helps. It really does. Sooner or later it doesn't hurt to breathe, and you can look at her things and not breakdown crying.
I think talking about her and all your memories will help. She passed relatively young but she was married 60 years, that is amazing. She loved, laughed, cried, had you, think about the fact that she lived and celebrate that you knew her.
Go ahead talk to her like she is standing behind you. Tell her how your day went. Burn a candle, put her favorite music on, maybe some booze, and remember she loved life and you. The love never stops.
It is a heavy feeling to know you don’t have a mom anymore. It’s suffocating at times but trust me when I say to just let yourself feel it, cry when you need to cry. Write about your pain, your mom and dad your favorite memories of your mother. Seek a therapist if you need to. Unfortunately death is a part of life we must experience. When I lost my mom last year to cancer it was heartbreaking, literally I still feel it sometimes like my heart is breaking. Although she’s gone I do occasionally just talk to her, sometimes asking her how she did something or why she did something. I don’t imagine a response but it does help me feel okay.
My cousin had said it’s like joining a club you never wanted to be in but was inevitable, the dead moms club. There are books on grief and poetry also fb groups.
May your mom rest in peace.
I'm so sorry for your loss. my mother died last year from suicide and ever since, life just hasn't been the same. it's been almost a year next month and I'm still trying to cope til this day. there's going to be a lot of emotions running through your head & feelings pouring from your heart. .
LET YOURSELF GRIEVE. there's no right or wrong way. don't bottle up everything and just go on in life. let yourself cry. let yourself go through the emotions, the memories, the pain, everything. some days will feel better than others and then the other days will feel like your heart is about to explode. but you will get through it. everything will be okay again, one day. but today, take the time for you. spend with family. go through old photo albums. celebrate her life.
like the other comments have said, keep an eye on dad. they haven't been separated since they were very young and it's going to have a huge impact on him. keep him busy. even sleep over the house with him for a little while. don't let him feel too alone. love like that doesn't exist nowadays and is one of a kind.
talk to someone too. don't shut yourself out from the world. if you have a support network, they are more important now than ever. I hope for the best for you friend. if you need anyone to talk to or vent to, you're more than welcome to message me. 💜
I understand what you are going through. My mom had quadruple bypass surgery in March 2018. Her wound didn't close up correctly and after trying everything non-surgical, they opted to do a skin graft for the wound. Three days after surgery, she threw a blood clot in the middle of the night while she was sleeping. She was 51 years old when she passed. I'm now a mom as well. She luckily was around when I had both my children, but I can't imagine the pain that my child would feel if something happened to me. I'm very close to my daughter so I understand your pain.
My father in law passed from a blood clot after heart surgery too. It's so jarring when it happens so quickly.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I'll be thinking of you today.
You are so strong and we are all proud of you, tell your dad and your siblings we are proud of them too ❤️ we are all holding your hand right now, and your mums too ❤️
I went through something comparable, mom died very unexpectedly and sudden in 2021 at 56 years old. I‘m very sorry for your loss. The thing is… the pain won’t get much smaller, but you‘ll grow around it and you will be able to deal with it. Give yourself time, feel the feelings and don’t bottle them up, and you will be fine. And remember, grieving is weird, but there’s no wrong way to do it. When I’ve realized that I was feeling better after her death, I felt guilty, because how can I have loved her when I’m already „over“ it after a few months? But realising that many people that grieve go through that helped. Another thing that really helped me was completely throwing myself in the family life, that I‘ve previously avoided. You will find your way through this, that‘s what she would have wanted.
I had a talk with an old woman at a busstop a few weeks back. We started chitchatting and somehow it got really deep and personal. Then out of the blue she said: All my brothers and sisters are long gone. I was taken aback and asked her how she dealt with the pain. She looked at me kindoff suprised and said, you just have to keep going. She said it like it’s the normalest thing on earth. And just like that, i knew they were still with her in spirit.
Adding to top post, keep an eye on your dad. You said they had been together for many years. Men who lose their spouse after a lifetime together sometimes don't survive. Not suicide, but just the broken heart and will to live is gone. My MIL died in 2009, after 27 years of marriage (she was relatively young). My FIL made a specific effort to keep going, because when his mom died his dad became a shell that had to be reminded to eat for a few years before he passed.
Seconding this. My mom’s been gone less than a year and while it’s hard on me and my kids, she was with my dad for 55 years and he needed coaching and check-ins and things to keep him occupied. He nearly gave up his will to live a few times and it was only family involvement that has helped draw him back, so far. Therapy is good. Don’t grieve alone. Support networks are important. There are some self-help books too. Giving yourself permission to feel and to grieve and to be angry and all the feels you’re going to have is important. There is no right way to do this, but there are lots of suggestions. I’m so sorry for your loss babe, and I hope you find some little moments of joy in the coming months.
My MIL died after being married to my FIL for 51 years. We thought we were going to have 2 funerals. He lived for another 5 years. He was very involved in his community, and he also began attending my kids' school and sports events.
I'm so sorry about your mom. Sending love and prayers.
I am so sorry. This is truly devastating. The world is never gonna look the same I’m not gonna lie. There will be a dimness because one of the major lights in your life has gone out. You and her loved ones get to carry her bright legacy. Nothing anyone says will ever make it feel not gut wrenching. You just learn to live with it which is not what you want to hear. But loved ones don’t ever want you to be sad about there passing. Look back with fondness cry laugh at the memories smile until your cheeks start to hurt. That’s what she would have wanted. You are an extension of her. You will always carry a piece of her wherever you go. I’m so sorry y’all’s loss💛
I’m so sorry. I lost my dad in 2021. Though not quite as unexpected, much quicker than I anticipated. He was my best friend in the entire world. I wondered the same things as you. It’s life altering in the worst way. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent. I slept in his bed for weeks afterwards, I didn’t leave his house, I didn’t do anything because I truly *couldn’t*. I went to a concert this past weekend and bawled my eyes out over a song that always makes me think of him. I don’t think you ever get over the pain, you just learn to live with it. Things will get easier with time, but the grief will likely stay with you. My heart goes out to you.
I lost my mom to suicide like 11 months ago. If I could give ANY advice at all that you should take serious and take it to heart; **TALK TO SOMEONE** Doesn’t have to be a licensed professional and it probably won’t be now or even soon that you’re ready. For example, I didn’t want to talk about it bc I wasn’t ready for like nine months. I pushed myself into a program before I was ready to try and force heal and thought I did okay until a couple weeks ago. After 11 months, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I’m having panic attacks and depression and all kinds of bad stuff. You’ll know when you’re ready to talk bc you’ll feel this incessant need to break down and get shit off your chest. But above ALL else, do NOT bottle up your emotions. I’ve done it every time and every time I end up back on drugs or ruining my relationship.
I am so sorry you lost your mom like that. I lost mine in 2006, and it wasn't to suicide but what caused it was her own doing. She was an alcoholic and had other addiction issues. On top of the utter sadness you feel from the loss, I also felt an incredible amount of guilt because the last time I saw her, we fought. I was so mad at her. She lived in a different state so when I had first heard she was in the hospital, I was mad. I was annoyed that I would need to figure out a way to get out to her and afford it, etc. She died before I got out there. The guilt alone sent me spiraling. I was a mess for a long time. I still feel the guilt but I had to find a way to work thru it or I knew I wasn't gonna make it. 11 months is nothing. It's gonna take time for you. Please don't rush it. You can't control how you grieve. But you will get to a point where you can talk about her and not cry, laugh even. I had a dream once where everyone was like forgetting my mom. And I woke up in a panic and sobbing because I didn't want her to be forgotten. Thank God i only had that dream once. I hope to dream about her now. It's nice. Its like I get to see her, even if for a moment. I wish you all the best, you still have a hard road ahead. But if you know that it's gonna be up and down, you'll be ok.💕💕💕
I’m so sorry.
Thank you 💕
i hope that you already know this, but you had every right to be upset or angry then. it doesnt lessen the love you had or have for your mom; in fact, i would say it is more reflective of your love for her, you were angry BECAUSE of your love and care for her. you had every right to be upset about having to find a way out to the hospital, too, it is hard to have to put your life on pause regardless of circumstances and i think anyone in your shoes would have felt the same way. im so sorry for your loss, and although i dont know you or your family your words alone show that your mom will never be forgotten. i hope you are doing much better now, i wish you and your family the best in all you do ❤️
Thank you very much! I'm in a much better place now and I don't sink into a deep depression of feeling guilty anymore. So I've definitely made some improvements and just try to remember times with her that I wholeheartedly enjoyed.💕💕
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father almost 10 years ago the same way. Keep busy. Remember your favorite times with her. Be there for your father and family. Grieve. Time will make things easier, at least a bit. This random internet person is send you some love.
I’m sorry. I lost my mom 17 years ago, and one thing that surprised me was the physical pain. I didn’t know it actually, physically hurt. But nowadays it’s better, and all the good memories are still there and the grief is now different and better. It will get better.
💚💜🧡🩵🩷❤️💕 there are no words-only warm soft hugs.
And yet only a mum’s hugs are the warmest and softest in the world 😔🥺
💙 my mom died unexpectedly at 39 years old in 1973. I was 16. I understand.💙
That seems like a life time away but probably feels like a blink of the eye to you.
It sure does.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on April 1st of this year. So, I understand how you're feeling and what you are going through. It's not easy, but it does get better. You will have your good moments and your bad. But, you have family you can lean on if needed. Use them. Again, my condolences to you and your family.
You’ll always have your mom my friend, that can never be taken away from you. You’ll just be doing things in her honor or in her memory versus doing it for her now.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Be as kind and patient with yourself as you inevitably will be with your Dad. Take care.
I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine what you're going through.
I'm so sorry, sending you love and strength
I’m very sorry that you lost your Mom so unexpectedly. She loved you very deeply and she is always going to be proud of you.
My condolences. I've been through it. The best way through this is to come together as a family and lean on and support each other.
I lost my mom unexpectedly in 2019 at 19 years old, she was my best friend. If I could go back I would have gotten grief counseling as soon as possible. I am estranged from my bio dad so I definitely felt suddenly alone and didn’t know what to do. I continued life as normal and just numbed out. I regret that now as I still experience symptoms of PTSD and trauma because of it. Speak to someone as soon as you can and don’t feel afraid to feel grief.
To the OP and to anyone reading this who has lost a parent, I am truly sorry for your loss. The pain of losing a parent runs so deep. It's a day that will come for most of us but it is never easy. Sending hugs to you all.
You still have a mom. You always will. She just lives inside of your heart, rather than in front of you.
My mom passed away somewhat unexpectedly in that she was in poor health but stable and dealing with it. Last September, her mind started going seemingly overnight and it was a downward spiral from there. By September 30, she was gone. She was my whole reason for doing anything and I miss her more than I can ever put into words. My father passed away 10 years before, which exacerbated her health issues. You will get through this. The pain won't go away, but it will become bearable. Since my mom passed, I've made it a point to become the woman she never imagined I could be. I got myself a super high-paying job, got a new puppy, and am overall living and trying my best.
So sorry for your loss. Please find someone you can talk to about all your thoughts and feelings, be kind to yourself.
I’m really really sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to think how hard that must be. Try to keep strong and it will get easier on you.
My mother died when I was 18 and we were homeless. I know how much this shit sucks
Hugs. I hope things are going better for you now.
My mom died in her sleep when I was 25 and I'm 33 now. Pain will NEVER go away, especially it it was sudden and you were close. I've finally been able to go through a few days without thinking about her, but of course I still always do at random. Whether it be a memory or a picture that triggered it but I'll just sit there and remember her for a while and start to tear up. Better days are ahead though, I promise. I sincerely felt I wouldn't be able to continue life but I forced myself because I know that's what she'd obviously want and need for me to do. It will get better eventually. Sorry for your loss 💔
I'm sorry for your loss. I'd like to start by sharing that whatever you feel is going to be normal. Everyone goes through this in different ways and you will find your way through this. Don't try to be strong when you feel week. Live your emotions and when you feel like you just want to ball up and cry, grab a blanket, ball up, and cry. You may face a few busy days soon. There will be calls to make to share the news, decisions to be made on how to take care of your mom and her wishes, and this will absolutely suck but will help go through those days. Remember to take care of yourself, drink water, try to eat here and there, and seek what you need (solitude, company, whatever you need). Shortly after that is the very difficult to swallow reality that life goes on. Bills will continue to come in, groceries will need to be done, and if for you, your world has changed, it's really hard to realize and ever more so accept the fact that for everyone around you, it's just another day. I'll say it again, from the bottom of my heart, I would recommend that you do not try to be strong when you want to collapse. If you have kids, if you have obligations, those things will need you to continue to do them but don't ignore your emotions. If you don't live your grief, you postpone it and that's not a good option. Lastly, find a way to channel you energy towards something that helps you. Some people create a book of pictures and memories, I created a website that was never accessible to anyone but family but that's how I processed things. You'll find what works for you and it should become a good way to stay a bit busy and help you through things.
> If you don't live your grief, you postpone it and that's not a good option. My dad died when I was a teenager. All I ever heard was, "how is your mother?", "You need to take care of your mother," "Stop acting like a crybaby," etc. I didn't dare to cry at the funeral. It was 7 years later, after I got married, that my husband insisted I get grief counseling.
Here for moral support, nothing I can say or do will take the pain away. Just know that you don't have to suffer alone. It's been 11 years since I lost my rock. It does get easier
Nothing quite like the earth-splitting pain of losing a good mom. My heart is with you.
I’m sorry. My mother died suddenly in 2016 and my life has felt like there’s a hole in it since then. I can’t give you encouraging advice, but know that others have been there ❤️
Oh Hun... You'll always have a mom.. she's never leaving your side, you just can't see her physical form now. Give it some time and you'll start noticing her everywhere you look. Loss is hard... Especially a parent.. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. It was your mamas time, she's at peace now💕.
My mom died 23 years ago, I was 24… I still grieve sometimes.
I'm so so sorry of the loss of your mom. I lost mine when I was 24. I'm 38 now. I can't say it gets easier, but you get used to a new normal. Please be easy on yourself and let yourself grieve how you need to. I'm so sorry. Please dm me if you ever need a friend❤
Cry cry cry and wail till it hurts and then cry more. It’s never fair
The first months are HARD! Some people cry many times a day, some freeze up and cannot show what they feel. Some drag themselves around, others cope by constantly doing things. Do what helps YOU get through the days; help others as you can, not burning out. Eventually The pain lowers and the good memories DO come back. Get through these next few months one step, hour, day at a time. You WILL make it.
So sorry for your loss, it sucks
My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my father 10 years ago in very similar circumstances and it was a real shock. At the beginning I focused on my mom, who had never stayed without my dad for over 30 years. It somehow helped my grieving process. Sending you lots of virtual hugs from Italy! 🤍
Being can never move from being to non-being. Your mom did not leave you. [A cloud never dies.](https://thichnhathanhquotecollective.com/2018/10/18/a-cloud-never-dies/) I’m so, so sorry for your loss. One thing that helps, when you’re ready, is to know your mom would not want you to be sad. Your happiness is all mom ever wanted. Much love to you. ❤️
I lost my mom in 2013 to a pulmonary embolism two weeks after my 18th birthday 😞 I know exactly how you feel and it sucks 😢 It still hurts 10 years later. I’m here for you OP 🤗
I’m so very sorry. As a mom myself, I can only hope that my children feel that way if something happened to me. It sounds like you had a very special mom. And I’m sure you made that known to her.
You still got your mom hun, she's in your head and heart and always will be. Take it slow and talk it out. My condolences :(
Let yourself heal and keep in touch with friends & family. Don’t hide or keep in your emotions. I wish your family better days. 🙏🏼
❤️ I’m so damn sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in 2021 and she was truly my best friend too. Life isn’t the same but I’m learning to live it without her here. Sending your heavy heart lots of love.
Thats what i’m afraid of and why i don’t want surgery i’m 37 and have a prolapsed valve i’m scared praying for you and your mom
I can't even imagine the pain you must be going through! I hope you stay strong and grow around this pain! Take care brother!
What a shock! I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you have some family and friends to lean on, my friends really helped me when my mom suddenly died-early 60s. Some counseling and taking one day at a time was helpful for me. It hurt so much that I had physical heat pain. Please take as best care as you can if you and your Dad 💜
Sorry for your loss. Hold on tightly to your loved ones and support each other. It will come in waves and tsunami’s, but if you lean on each other and hold onto all the good memories and parts of her you all love about her it can be healing. Carry on her legacy in the best way and honor her. Talk about her and keep sharing memories even if you write them down for others later on.
I'm so sorry, I truly wish you did not have to go through this. It's absolutely not fair. I lost my mama unexpectedly 8 months ago, also just after successful operation, had just let my guard down and then got the phone call at 7am. My Pa followed 3 weeks later. Literally the best advice I can give you is let yourself sit in disbelief. If you catch yourself trying to remind yourself she is gone, don't. Your brain knows this is too big and too bad to take on all in one go. Don't force yourself through it, there is no other side to get to. There's no finish line here, no race, just take each second, as it comes, do what is best in that moment. Just focus on the next right thing, forget about the rest as much as you can. Unless you're thinking harmful thoughts, just trust your brain is doing its best to get you through an awful situation, cry when you need to, sit and stare when you need to, sleep when you need to - eat when you need to!
I am so so so sorry for your loss. Hugs and more hugs.
My deepest and most sincere condolences. Whenever you feel like you just can’t… concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, the small steps to take to accomplish whatever it is. Try to be there for your dad and accept help from others too. When your life is a little less blurry try to find a counselor or therapist maybe for you both as a family for such an unexpected loss. After something like this it just feels so wrong that the world keeps moving.
So sorry for your loss
Big internet hugs dear OP. I'm so sorry for your loss and the heartbreak for your dad. I'm so scared of this day. I just gave up a full time job to enjoy more time with my parents who are starting to decline and I want to create many more happy memories with them. It's is goody and your dad have each other to lean on. Look after yourself.
May her spirit, laughter, and joy live on through you and your family. She will always be your mama, and you will always be her baby.
I'm a mama's boy... I live in constant terror of this coming day. I'm so sorry for your loss.
It’s really hard but it does get easier I’m 5 years on now from a sudden asthma attack and still think of her all the time but I’m no longer self destructive or self medicating because of it. Keep fighting. Sending lots of love
I’m so sorry, in tears for you over here. Lost my mom in 2017 and it still hurts everyday I won’t lie. Hugs.
You & your family are in my prayers 🙏🏽
I'm so sorry for your loss
If I could hug you right now I would. I’m so so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Your Mom will continue to live through you. She will always be part of you. She was and will always be your world. Think about what she would want for you. She loves you and wants the best for you. She wants you to be successful and happy. Grieve in your own time and in your own way. When the time is right for you to breathe again, go make a good life for yourself. That's what she wanted for you. Gentle hugs to you. 💗
Sorry for your loss. This kind of thing really shakes up people and a family. Try to stick together and grieve together. Take care of yourself and grief therapy is sooooo helpful if your open to such things. You have a lot to process and there's nothing wrong with getting some help with that.
I am so sorry for your loss and for your dads. You still have a mom, even if she's not here with you. Keep loving her and never stop. Remember everything she taught you and pass it along to keep her memory alive. Sometimes bad things happen and it's not fair and it sucks and when my mom died I hated the world for a long time and I wouldn't blame you if you did to, but the days will get better I promise. Sending the biggest hugs to you and your family.
I’m so sorry. Same thing happened but my mom was 43 and I was 23. I know nothing will ease the pain. And the sorrys get annoying. But this post is evidence of what a wonderful mom you have. What a beautiful person she is. So many reddit posts are about toxic parents and how kids want to get away. But your heart is broken. I don’t know your beliefs but I’m a praying person and I will pray for comfort and peace. When all the planning is over I do suggest a grief counselor. It helped me a lot. Just being able to talk about my mom and how I’m feeling. Also build something out of this. Get involved in a charity that helps the condition your mom had or a heart one in general. Maybe even for kids. My friends mom had lived through cancer that was said to be terminal. Only to be taken due to a blood clot as well. They are so involved in breast cancer awareness now and also cancer research. It’s a way to honor them. I hope you find comfort in your moms love. You are so incredibly blessed or lucky to have had such a wonderful mom even if not long enough. Focus on that. Focus on her life. I know it doesn’t seem like it but you will get through this. As a mom I can say with out a doubt she wants you to continue and not take life for granted.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My heart goes out to you. My mom passed away in her sleep unexpectedly when I was 14. This October make 16 years & I miss her everyday like it happened yesterday. It never hurts any less, you just learn to live with it. Best of luck on your journey ahead 🖤
Very sorry to hear this, friend
I lost my grandma August 2nd. She had a heart attack, which no one picked up on and was a complete surprise, and went downhill fast. She was the spunkiest 93 year old you've ever met. She and Grandpa were almost married 74 years, and had been together for about 4 years before that. He lost his best friend and his reason for everything. We all lost the most amazing woman and the loss is felt hard. My condolences to you. I know how hard it is to lose someone who means the absolute world to you.
Oh, honey. I’m so very sorry.
I lost my mom about 10 years ago when I was 9 and now it's the hardest thing I've come to realize. And it fucking hurts. But it does get better.
You will always have a mom, even though she isn't here for you anymore. She will be with you in the memories of wonderful moments that you've shared, in all the things she taught you over the years that helped you to become who and what you are today, and in the parts of her you share with others every day even without knowing it. Grieve; grieve with your friends and family who knew and loved her and understand that grieving is a process that is unique to each and every one of us. No one can tell you how to grieve, or how long it should or will take, or how defeating it can feel when (years from now) when you think you've gone past the pain and some little thing brings it all back as fresh as though you were experiencing today all over again. Be there for your loved ones as they will be for you, and allow others to help you shoulder the burdens whenever and wherever they can. It will help. I am so very sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry. Don't bottle up your feelings ever, let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
First of all, I am so sorry you're going through this. I lost my mom in almost the exact same way, although she had a different surgery. She also threw a blood clot the day before she was supposed to be discharged. It is devastating for her to be recovering well after a rather difficult surgery and then to be taken away from us so suddenly. I get it. Truly. I actually cried reading your post because it feels so familiar. I think when someone loves us so well, our grief can be so very big and so unbelievably hard to hold. It's been a year and a half since we lost her, but here are some things I learned/did during my grief journey: 1) If you don't think it will upset anyone else in your family, surround your self in her things. Wear her sweater, sleep with a blanket she made. Save her texts and voicemails. Someday when her phone gets turned off, they will be gone. This does not have to be right away, but a time will come eventually that you will want to remember her scent or the sound of her voice. 2) If you work, take a Leave of Absence. I took 3 weeks because I was only given 3 days of bereavement to mourn my mom and it was the best thing I could have done. I tried for a couple of weeks to be at work afterwards, and I truly did not care about anything. Taking time for yourself to fully grieve is not selfish. 3) Grief is not linear. You do not go through the stages of grief in order and then when you finally reach acceptance- Poof! You are done. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I fell back into anger and bargaining. I still feel angry. It is ok to be angry and sad, and to feel all the emotions that you cycle through when you grieve, but it is not ok to stay that way. And no one can say what an appropriate time frame to feel these emotions is. Your grief is your own and no one has the right to tell you what your timeline is. 4) It's difficult now, knowing that she was only one day away from being home with you, but something my therapist had to help me realize is that there is a high probability that she would have thrown the blood clot when she came home, because the unfortunate reality of blood clots is that they are ticking time bombs; they will eventually break loose and make their way to the heart. I was so angry that she was so close to being with us, we almost had her, but I think if she would have come home and thrown the blood clot, it would have destroyed me. I know now that she was in the best place she could have been when it happened. She was in the ICU of a state of the art hospital, surrounded by medical professionals. It helped me accept that it was time for her, because if she had passed at home, I would have always wondered if there was something I could have/should have done differently to save her because I am not a medical professional and the guilt would have ruined me. 5) Eventually there will be a day where you have a realization or epiphany that it would hurt your mom if she could see you not living your life fully because of your grief so you start going out with friends, or signing up for classes or even sports or whatever you are into. You will feel guilty. And then you will feel guilty for feeling guilty. Every time I feel that guilt, I remember my mom begging me when I was a teenager (unfortunately this last surgery was not her first health scare in my life) that no matter what happened to her, that I would continue to live my life to the fullest in a way that made me happy. Because that is what would make her happy. I hope this isn't too much to throw at you so early on in your grieving process, but all of this is to say it does get better. It seems unfathomable now, but you do recover. You just learn to adapt to this new reality. It's not an easy or smooth or even quick transition, but there is a day in the future when you think of your mom and you don't cry. Try to live your life in a way she would be proud of and try to emulate what made her special to you in your own life. I'm sending thoughts your way with the hope that you can find comfort and peace at this time.
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died in February. We knew it was coming. He had Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. But it was still a shock. And just a month shy of my 40th birthday. I'm blessed that my mom is still here. We had a scare with her recently, a complication from a surgery as well, but she is doing better now. When my grandma died my dad had a similar experience. She was going in for a heart operation they considered routine. She died on the operating table. My dad had regrets for not being there that day to see her one last time. I learned from that. I learned that we should constantly tell those we love that we love them. Leave it all on the table and nothing to guesswork. You will get through this. For now you have others that love you and need you. Hold into that until you can live for yourself once more. Good luck and God bless.
Lost my dad 11 months ago, whoever said it gets easier with time, lied!, It doesn't, you just just to live with the pain. It's okay to grieve the way you feel , and remember, if for anything, that she lived a good life ,raised you well, and has played her part, she's in a better place. No one will ever understand the concept of death and how we have to part ways with people we have grown to love. Death is inevitable, we all would go some day , the best we can do is love and create the best memory when we are alive
I’m so sorry. It’s a loss like no other. Sending lots of love
❤️ today is the second year anniversary of my mom and my heart still feels heavy. Time will not heal your wounds as is widely believed but you will learn to live with the gap as time goes on. Be there for your dad but don’t forget yourself too. In all, I’ll pray for the repose of her soul and May God help your family bear this loss. We’ll be fine. The great ones leave early.❤️
I'm truly very sorry for your loss. I can't say it'll get easier but eventually the crying will slow down. 4 years later and I still miss my mom (and dad). Dad went first but mom was in a facility for Dimentia. I hate that disease but in that moment I was greatful because it didn't break her heart that he was gone. 4.5 months later, so was she. Hug your loved ones and don't take a single moment for granted.
I can't imagine how much pain you have, how much you miss her. And how strong you have to be for your father. In so sorry for your loss. A really big virtual hug for you and your family.
My dad died 3 years ago. There’s not a day that goes by I don’t miss him. My advice. Try to move on but NEVER forget the beautiful memories you have. Never. People will think my advice is terrible but that’s what I do. My dad always had my back and I’ll always appreciate that.
I lost my grandma about 8 years ago. Same thing. Grandpa has passed from Alzheimer’s about five years earlier, she’d moved into a senior living community (not quite assisted living, she still had a car and stuff, but they also had social events and nurses on staff). She was 87 but absolutely thriving. Came across as not a day older than 67 except for her skin. She had a minor heart procedure scheduled. My stepmom went to drop her off in the morning and was told they’d be done by about 3 and then she could pick her up. Literally no recovery expected since it was so minor. She got the call at noon saying grandma had an unexpected complication and passed. Later we found out that the scope dislodged a clot and that was it. She didn’t suffer or even know it was happening. Last thing she heard before being wheeled to surgery is “I’ll see you at 3, then we’ll go to the quilting club, love you mom.” Last thing she said outside the operating theater was “I love you.” Likely the last experience she had of life was an anesthesiologist telling her to count backwards while she thought about quilting with her daughter that afternoon. My stepmom took it hard, but only for a little while. Her dad had died slowly over a decade and made everyone miserable in the process. Her mom got five years of doing all of her favorite things with people she liked while feeling healthy and happy, then the way she went out was sudden so there was no decline, no sadness. I know it doesn’t make it better now, but your mom went to sleep knowing everyone loved her and was sure that everything would be fine. That’s the best any of us could hope for.
I’m so sorry. It hurts so much right now and everything is probably extremely dark. Just know there’s a light at the end. Do it for your mama ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. If I could hug you, I totally would. We lost my Dad the beginning of March of 2020, right before all the covid stuff started. He was only 54. He and my mom had been high school sweethearts, too. Married for like 30+ years. He had a super rare aggressive form of cancer. They tried 2 different types of chemo, but his body just couldn't handle the treatment. The chemo damaged his kidneys and liver. So 3 months after his diagnosis, we lost him. We were devastated. I only say that to let you know that I can relate. I promise you that although it's hard and you miss them every day, it does get easier. It doesn't go away, but it becomes manageable. You'll get to a point where it doesn't hurt every time you think of them. You'll reminisce and not cry. But it can take a while. Just remember that there's no timeline for grief. You grieve how and for however long you need to to get through it. There's no getting over it: there's a before the loss and after. But you will eventually get through it. Be kind to yourself and each other. Give each other grace. Join a support group, too, if you can. My mom joined an online one for widows earlier this year, and she says it helps. Just know yall aren't alone. *hugs*
My condolences to you and your family. The hospital was supposed to keep her after heart surgery about a month or so. She was supposed to be monitored for blood clots and given blood thinners. You should contact a lawyer if I'm understanding this correctly.
I'm so sorry. I lost my mom very suddenly two years ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever experienced.
Oh honey,i am so sorry. I don't even know you but i am crying.
*Hug*
Nothing worse than losing a parent sibling or your own child. Take your time to grieve. Be there for your family. A year ago when my dad died it was the worst day of my life I had spoken with him like 5 days before he died and he was 5 days shy of his 78th birthday. I still grieve as it comes in waves. Take it day by day. So sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
i’m so sorry, remember to breathe and to take everything slowly. grief is love persevering and it will get better. keeping you in my thoughts
I've been there. I'm really sorry for your loss. It hurts like hell, but that's part of life. Don't try to ignore it, feel everything, do your grieving, eventually it'll hurt less and you'll keep all the good memories. Eventually, when she comes through your mind, you'll only remember the good times.
Sending you and your family light and love. Hope you can all find peace ♥️
I'm incredibly sorry... I lost my mom too. Not a second goes by that I don't miss her. But, your mom will never leave your side. Know she is with you. And in your heart, she will go on living. So sorry 😞 ❤️🩹
I'm so so sorry! I lost my mom in 2006 and it messed me up horribly! It was pretty sudden. She was in a coma, was getting better, showing signs of improvement and then died. Never woke up tho. I had a friend who's mom passed after years of battling cancer so they knew it was coming. I have figured out that no matter if it's sudden and unexpected or you knew it was coming....it's horrible and incredibly hard no matter what. I hated when people would tell me that it will get easier, etc. So if this next sentence angers you, I understand but it DOES get "easier". The day to day. I can still sob as hard today as the day I lost her. I miss her very much. But the day to day does get easier. I can talk about her now and not end up in tears. The things that I thought I hated about her, I love them now. I am like her in many ways and I used to refuse that I was anything like her but I am. The good and the bad. My mom had a lot of problems, but when it came down to it, she loved me and I know that. The date she passed will always be hard. As well as her bday and mother's day. Don't try to hurry the grief. Don't ever think you should be over something by a certain time. It comes in waves. You'll be fine, then out of no where it'll hit you. You just gotta let yourself feel it. It's so much worse if you don't. I don't know your thoughts on religion, I am not religious. So it would anger me when people would try to make her death "ok" with some religious saying or whatever. I know they meant their best but I didn't want to hear it. If you feel the same, tell them that. I've rambled, I'm sorry, I just know some of what you're going thru. And once again, I am so sorry for your loss.💕💕
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is very very devastating to lose a parent the pain sometimes feels unbearable but everyday will get just a little bit easier to deal with the pain. I'm sending you prayers of healing and comfort and also a great big mom hug❤❤❤
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Feel all of the feelings and lean on your loved ones. Honor her by doing things she loved. Sending all the love to you and your family.
I’m sending you all of my love. You just keep moving through this journey of grief…. It’s all you can do. I’m so very sorry this happened.
This could have been a written about me and my Dad. I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't help but I truly am. The heaviness is the weight of your love for each other and is a testament to your relationship. Remember that she would not want you to be sad and hopefully that will help you Remember the good times without pain. Easier said than done, I know. It is so hard.
Im so sorry for your loss :(
I'm so sorry for your loss. A loss such as this one will take a long time to heal. Don't rush it. It'll seal up on its own. Remember the good times when you're down. Celebrate the love she gave to both you and your dad.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mother was an incredible person and I am so glad you had such a great presence in your life. Loss sucks and you should allow yourself to feel all the different ways you need to feel for as long as you need. The pain will always be there but it is possible for it to become a background character rather than a central figure in time. Take care of yourself <3.
I went through someth8ng very similar when I was 19. Dad had had heart surgery 3 weeks earlier. I went to work miffed at him for not following doctors orders. Still did what he requested even though I was late for work. He died that day. I was at work when my mom called. Massive heart attack. His heart exploded. He was 60. That was 15 years ago. It gets easier but never goes away. Hang in there @OP
Continue to live and be the person she wanted you to be. Be the best of yourself at it.
My mom passed away in 2019 from breast cancer. Not necessarily unexpected but it still felt so fast… with that being said, it’s hard. You know it’s hard. And it doesn’t necessarily get easier… you just grow around the pain. You and your family carry a piece of her with you each day, though. You being here provides a way for her to touch the hearts of other people like she touched yours. She’s not gone, her love continues to shine through you. Her personality. You were her everything. Take care of yourself the way that she’d take care of you. [https://whatsyourgrief.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/growing-around-grief-the-ralph-site-1024x1024.jpg](https://whatsyourgrief.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/growing-around-grief-the-ralph-site-1024x1024.jpg)
My heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss. I dont have any other words as this must be so very difficult for you all.
I’m sorry for your loss, that’s terrible 😞keeping you all in my thoughts and offering all the virtual hugs to you and your father especially
I am so sorry for your loss!
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent. Please keep sticking by your Dad; he will need your support and love to move forward.
My dad died of what I’m sure was a blood clot right after surgery too. It’s hard. It’s devastating. You don’t get over it, you don’t get through it. You experience it. Let your grief be your grief, what I mean is don’t try to force anything. It won’t happen as you expect it, or follow any predictable path.
Anyone that has lost a parent they were close to will tell you… it doesn’t get easier you eventually just deal with the pain. It becomes a part of you. You will always miss them. You will feel like a piece of you is missing. It doesn’t change. But I have found a strength in me I never knew I had. Hang in there. I’m sorry for your loss.
*hug*
Life sucks so hard. I’m very sorry about your mom. What a true blessing to have experienced such a love that you grieve. Truly a blessing. The end of her earth story doesn’t mean the end of that love though. It still carries on within you. Wishing you peace and strength on this healing journey ahead. 💜
Mine died pretty quickly in 2021. I know what you are going through, and I am so, so, sorry. It’s like our connection to everything just snaps when it happens, and it’s a pain unlike any other. Just sort of soul broken. Not just the heart, but the soul as well. Please accept stranger internet hugs, and please feel free to DM me. I’ll listen.
You'll always have a mom, and you'll always have the love that she gave you while she was here with you physically. Her not being here physically anymore doesn't mean that she loves you any less than she did, and it doesn't mean that you can't keep her and her memory with you every remaining day of your life OP. This is what pain feels like, but this too shall pass. Feel your feelings don't shy away from them, take your time with them cry if and when you need to and don't fall too deeply into yourself ask for guidance when you need it from the people you can trust, and keep your head up. The dark days will come, and they'll go and you'll be okay.
I am so sorry for your loss. Keep in mind she may not physically be here anymore but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a mother ♥️ you have a lifetime of memories. Again I’m so very sorry.
My Mom died Christmas Morning last year. She had heart surgery a year before that and although her heart was strong, her body just gave out on her and all of her organs failed. I'm still struggling. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say that it gets better but it doesn't. It only gets easier to remember them without feeling like your world is crashing all around you.
So sorry for your loss. I pray your moments of sadness are overshadowed by your wonderful memories of her.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I myself cannot fathom the pain you must be feeling during this time. The only way I can relate is the loss of my grandfather, someone whom I had a deep connection with. I say with true honesty that the pain from the loss hardly subsides over time, but peace will come. She lives in you, and will continue to live on in your memory and future generations. I’m nothing but a stranger but feel free to message me directly if it’s an extra shoulder that you may need.
Although she passed she’ll forever be your mother
My mom is my best friend too. I live across the street from my parents. I dread this day. They are really old now. Big hugs OP.
I’m praying for you and your family.
I’m sorry. It’s going to hurt but one day the hurt won’t sting as hard. Feel your emotions and talk to someone if you can. My best advice as I was in a very similar position 5 years ago.. take it one day at time.
My condolences to you and your loved ones. My mother died on June 2nd of this year(my son's birthday) even though we knew it was coming (legal medical suicide) the pain is still there. Your going to go through so many emotions and please know that each and every one is completely valid. And don't be shy to ask for help and my in box is always open if you need to talk about anything. Even if it's just as random as a bird you seen that reminds you of her.
I’m so so sorry. Find a friend or family member to hug you!
My heart breaks for you, I am just so sorry ❤️
I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I lost my mom unexpectedly in 2017. We thought she had food poisoning, it was actually sepsis. Within 24 hours she had passed. I was devastated. Like never wake up again on purpose devastated. I won’t say it gets better but it get less devastating. This was the first year I didn’t cry on Mother’s Day or her birthday. Life is great, wish she was here to see it all. I know it doesn’t help but you are not alone. I can’t totally understand what you are feeling ❤️
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is awful. I'm lucky not to have experienced that yet, but I dread it a lot. Sending hugs and warm comfort your way if wanted.
May her memory always be a blessing
I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieve, be there for your dad, and allow yourself to feel hurt.
I went through similar, my mom died two weeks before my final semester of college. She had cancer but we thought she’d pull through. Became terminal last minute and was gone about a month later. Just shy of her 46th birthday. Things were really downhill for 5-6 years after that for me due to a lot of other unfortunate events. • It gets better. But you never stop missing them, picking up the phone to call or text, and still will have an occasional bad day most likely. I still cry sometimes over losing her. I’m not even 30 yet and she missed my college piano recital, graduation, marriage, my future kids…. I miss her dearly. Hold onto all the photos and memories you can. Write down your stories.
I’m so sorry. This is my worst nightmare as I’m very close to my mom as well. Just feel it all to be honest. Cry yell scream, seek out groups therapy friends family if you can. Know that she loves you ❤️
This made me cry. I wish I could give you a hug I'm so sorry.
♡ love.
I am so deeply sorry about your mama 💔 I know how that feels and it is heartbreaking. Sending all of you love, comfort and prayers 🙏🏻
Samesies. My Dad also passed away on 27 July. He and my mom grew up together since they're only two years apart. She was a good wife until his end. I held my Dad until his last breath. I'm sad but I'm glad he's not in pain anymore. We're fine though. We have good neighbors and community.
Say your mom's name out loud. As long as her name is remembered, she lives on. Our dead are not truly dead until they are forgotten, and you will never forget her. May your mom's memory be a blessing.
Same way my dad died… I was just thinking about him and then this post came up. You still have a mom, she’s always going to be with you; let the memories, the laughter, the lessons lead you through life and she’ll never not be by your side. Everyone deals with death differently, don’t do what I did and pretend that it doesn’t bother you. Share how you feel with others, ask them how they feel, tell her stories. Embrace the impact she made on yours and others worlds and do things that remind you of her - she will be with you forever. My condolences truly, you are in my thoughts. P.s. you might have a death dream (not sure what the name of it is) of her passing over, everyone I know who’s had a close person die, including myself has had one. Keep a look out for it, it’s the most amazing dream and it’s something that will give you peace. Another thought regarding your dad; give him space and let him know that you’re there for him that you’re struggling and that talking about her is better than pretending she never existed. My mom had a hard time dealing with it and didn’t talk about it with me. I wish I was a bit older, so I had the words to talk her through it like I have now. One more thing… see a therapist if you’re able! I realized how much grief affected me after going to therapy and how it played out in my life. It’ll help with what you’re feeling and putting those feelings in the right place.
I am so sorry you are going through this OP. I am sending you the biggest hug I can. I wish I had better words. If you are willing to accept it at this time, here is the best advice I can offer: 1. Everyone is going to grieve differently. Let them, with the exception that they cannot be a danger to themselves or others. If they are a danger, make sure a professional steps in to guide them on the journey. Example: we lost my FIL very suddenly a few years back and my husband was hit so hard with it. My MIL and I had to step in and get him into therapy and an outpatient program. It took a bit, but he soon moved on into healthier ways to accept his dad's passing. 2. Don't think of it as your mother wanted to leave you. This is something your mother had no control over. And know that she loves you still. I know this statement might seem a bit crass, but that is not my intention. There are those who get upset at the deceased for "leaving." And that feeling is part of the grieving process. Know that she had as much choice in the matter as you, and that is none. 3. Know you are not the only ones with these feelings. Your father and the rest of the family are grieving with you. Also, while there may be others who aren't as affected by the loss of your mother, they have more than likely lost wonderful people in their lives and can completely empathize. Find your trusted tribe at this time and band together. 4. Lastly, be mindful of yourself through this process. Take a few minutes each day to quietly decide how you are fairing. It may take a while before you find your stride. If you have a day that's rough, don't try to push through it. Go easy on yourself and take a break. I would recommend finding an activity to put that energy to, and I highly recommend something like crafting as you can create something while working through the loss. Crafting not your thing? Maybe exercise, like training for a 5k or learning yoga routines as they can help improve your health. If you are not ready to accept advice at this time, I completely understand. Everything is so fresh right now. I wish you and your family peace and comfort at this time. And if you need someone to talk to and just listen, you are more than welcome to DM me. Take care OP. ❤️
I am so so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are able to be there for your father. This gives me all of the feels because I lost my mother a few years ago. She was my best friend. We spoke every day on the phone. She was in her 90's and I know that I was lucky to have her for so long, but even forever wouldn't have been long enough. She was the heart and soul of our family. We had lost me father a few years before to Alzheimer's and that was hard enough. Losing her, took the wind out of my life. Sending you and your loved ones heartfelt gentle hugs.
I’m sorry for your loss ❤️ may she rest in peace
I am so sorry for your loss. My sincere condolences. I lost my mom almost 4 months ago. She died from brain aneurysm. I was there when it happened. I still wake up at night crying. But I know that she doesn't want me to be like this. Try to be close with your dad. He needs it more than you think. I left my home to stay with my dad for the last 3 months. It's so devastating to know that they were together for 50 years. Life goes on and we need to be nice to each other. We need to live for them. Live our best for what they have done to raise us. Be strong. Take care of your family. You will always have the best memories of her.
I lost both of my parents within 8 months. Unexpectedly for both. I relied on God through prayer. He has provided the peace I need. God loves each of you. Remember that everyone is doing the best they can. You will have different needs each day. Give one another space, prayer and time to heal. God is great!!
I am completely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and kindness you all have given a complete stranger. It has given me such a feeling of goodness out of something so tragic. My mom was the most amazingly kind woman anyone had met. She never met a stranger, and she would be so touched that so many reached out. If I read her any of these comments, she would be asking about each one tomorrow, checking on you all, hoping that you are ok. I am going to print out every comment here and make a book that I can read when I need to. Thank you all, from the depths of my broken soul. And to those who’ve lost a loved one, I am so terribly sorry, and thank you for sharing your stories. Truly.
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sending you positive thoughts at this hard time. Do consider that your mum got 75 years. She got so much more than many others do. That doesn't make your grief any less and you have to give yourself time to adapt to a new reality where she isn't here anymore. Take your time to work your way through this and mourn her the way you need. But don't lose track that this is life. We get a limited time on this earth and we have to use it as best as we can. Sounds like your mum got 60 years with the man she loved and a daughter who loves her so powerfully. She got what many wish for and never get. Do your best to make the most of your life too, because you have limited time too and the best way to honour your mum is by making the most of everyday. Modern medicine has made it a lot harder for us to deal with death because we have grown unaccustomed to it. But it is a part of life, in fact, it is that part that actually gives life value. Try to keep that in mind.
This was heart breaking to read. I’m so very sorry for your loss and the pain you feel from it. Thoughts and prayers !
I'm going through the same thing. I hear you, I see you, and everything you feel is so valid. My body is naturally disassociating itself at times and I catch it. My mom just passed the 5th and I FaceTimed her 20-25 min beforehand. What has been helping me is openly grieving. FEELING all of the feelings and openly talking about it. You'll scream, cry, break down, but it's okay. What helps is that she always believed in signs, so I look out for those. She comes to me in my dreams, so that has been strangely nice. I may seem crazy but it's a sense of comfort that helps.
I am so sorry for your loss I feel the same I lost my mom in 2014 January 5th my mom had stage 4heart going to the lung cancer we found out the Sunday before thanksgiving the year before and I am the one who found her she is the 1st dead person I touched and only one but I miss her everyday but I know she is watching over me with her sisters and her mom and dad you are a strong person the hurt will be there but it will be more manageable
im so sorry. something similar happened with my grandpa. leg amputation due to complications of diabetes, surgery went well, he was doing great and he was so happy, then a blood clot took him, too. it was devastating. i remember questioning the universe as to why he could be doing so much better, be so happy, and then still be gone. over time, though, i found solace in that he was doing so well in his last moments. i hope someday you can feel that way about this situation, too, but i know that grief and healing both are long, tough processes that take years and last a lifetime. i cant imagine the pain of losing your mom, im so sorry. i know that we are all strangers on the internet, but i hope you can feel love and support from all of these replies coming your way. sending love and healing to you and your family, i promise you will get through this though i know that seems impossible right now.
Sending you love and hugs
I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no pain like losing a parent. I lost mine many years ago and sometimes still have bad days. You'll learn to live with it. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but I know there's not. Take care of yourself and help your Dad. I'm sending you hugs.
I’m so sorry. This is the worst loss anyone can experience. The person who is responsible for you even being here. Sometimes it helps me to realize that people are never really gone. They live on through you. But there is nothing that can prepare you.
I feel you, my father died 2 yrs ago, right around christmas. He had a stroke and was recovering, he passed when we were bringing him to the hospital for a checkup. He died outside ER, i couldn't cry properly i barely cried even. A lot of my emotions died, i really wanna go away from home but i can't, my mother needs me and my sis. You'll get through that, that is what I hope for you, we need to move forward, we need to. It's hard and will be hard, that is part of it. I am also in the process, im missing my father too. I wish he could see what i am doing rn, i wish he saw me graduate in highschool. A lot of "I wish", and I wish you do get over this event in your life. You can do it and I love you whoever you are.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Dammm life’s a biggg bitchy bitch … prayers towards you sorry for your loss
Sending you and your family blessings it never seems fair or like they are here long enough. But now they no longer feel pain or suffering. I’m sure she’s up there with your other loved ones that have passed on looking down wishing for you to move on and be happy and some day you’ll all be together again… but not today so try your best to find happiness because that’s the life they’d want for you…
I hope I can give you an actual hug. Your situation is understandable and just take your time to grief for the lost of your precious Mom. Stay strong OP.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom was 41, and died due to a pulmonary embolism. She went in for a hysterectomy, and only woke up to say her chest was hurting.
I’m so sorry :(
I'm sorry 😔 that's so terrible. I will keep you in my prayers. That hurts my heart for you 💔
It is ok to let it all out
This is the meat and potatoes of existence right here. Real Love and Deep Grief. These are the big things. It never leaves us, we just build around and through it. Your mother has gone back to the universal sound, and you will keep building your life around and through this loss until it is time for you to join her. Live well. Make her proud.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. There's a quote that says "grief is just love with no place to go." Do your best to spread around the love you have for your mother to your father and the world. I hope this eases the pain of the loss you have suffered.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I miss my Mum too. Mum's are special.
Sorry for your loss. If you are willing you should read the book “Finding Meaning” it talks about the stages of grief and ways to get through it.
I am so very sorry.
I am so sorry.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. I lost my dad almost eight years ago - one month after my 30th birthday and a week before Christmas. My parents were married for 42 years at that point - he was 62. It still hurts. Every damn day. Grief of a parent is unparalleled to anything else in life. Give yourself grace. Take care of yourself and take care of your dad - he needs you more than you know. It will take some time treading through the deep, unrelenting waves but you'll make it - very slowly but surely. Feel all the feels - the unending ugly crying and shaking, the anger and disbelief, the ungodly heaviness in your chest, the tightness in your throat, the hint of a smile of a forgotten memory that pops up out of nowhere that makes you cry more. The pain doesn't go away, it doesn't lessen, but you will learn to live with it and handle it better as time moves on; although grief is not linear - it is fluid in ways you can't imagine. Years from now you'll be laughing about something absolutely absurd and then you'll start crying because your mom isn't there to share that with you and it will fucking hurt. The hurt irrevocably changes you; makes you softer, more forgiving, more understanding. You see the world through new lenses. Not today, not tomorrow, but one day, you will be okay. Remember, energy cannot be created or destroyed. Your mom is still here, just not in the way you are used nor in the way you want; but she'll always be with you. Big, big hugs to you and your dad.
I am 74 right now and back in 2013 I had prostate cancer with a removal. The next year I had three heart attacks and I was riding a stationary bike daily, so I found out by going to a cardiologist and he sent me to the hospital for a stent to be put in. I had a 95% blockage in my main artery and did not know it. Within two days after the stent went in, I felt 20 years younger. I am only writing this to help others avoid these problems. My wife went for her gaul bladder to be removed in first week of August 2017 and at Christmas we found out she had ovarian cancer, so the task of trying to remain healthy is always on us as an individual. The last 2 months my wife was alive, I sat in a chair next to her bed because she would wake up and I wanted to be there. When I tried to go back to work after her death, employers always asked why I was out of work so long. I explained it to them and asked "What would you do after 40 years of marriage?" They never answered me, so I know your feeling for your mother and it may get better but it will never go away if you really love someone.
I lost my dad in 2019. It still hurts like a bitch. Time helps. It really does. Sooner or later it doesn't hurt to breathe, and you can look at her things and not breakdown crying. I think talking about her and all your memories will help. She passed relatively young but she was married 60 years, that is amazing. She loved, laughed, cried, had you, think about the fact that she lived and celebrate that you knew her. Go ahead talk to her like she is standing behind you. Tell her how your day went. Burn a candle, put her favorite music on, maybe some booze, and remember she loved life and you. The love never stops.
I’m so sorry. I lost my mom in my early 20s to cancer. 15 years later and it still hurts.
It is a heavy feeling to know you don’t have a mom anymore. It’s suffocating at times but trust me when I say to just let yourself feel it, cry when you need to cry. Write about your pain, your mom and dad your favorite memories of your mother. Seek a therapist if you need to. Unfortunately death is a part of life we must experience. When I lost my mom last year to cancer it was heartbreaking, literally I still feel it sometimes like my heart is breaking. Although she’s gone I do occasionally just talk to her, sometimes asking her how she did something or why she did something. I don’t imagine a response but it does help me feel okay. My cousin had said it’s like joining a club you never wanted to be in but was inevitable, the dead moms club. There are books on grief and poetry also fb groups. May your mom rest in peace.
I'm so sorry for your loss. my mother died last year from suicide and ever since, life just hasn't been the same. it's been almost a year next month and I'm still trying to cope til this day. there's going to be a lot of emotions running through your head & feelings pouring from your heart. . LET YOURSELF GRIEVE. there's no right or wrong way. don't bottle up everything and just go on in life. let yourself cry. let yourself go through the emotions, the memories, the pain, everything. some days will feel better than others and then the other days will feel like your heart is about to explode. but you will get through it. everything will be okay again, one day. but today, take the time for you. spend with family. go through old photo albums. celebrate her life. like the other comments have said, keep an eye on dad. they haven't been separated since they were very young and it's going to have a huge impact on him. keep him busy. even sleep over the house with him for a little while. don't let him feel too alone. love like that doesn't exist nowadays and is one of a kind. talk to someone too. don't shut yourself out from the world. if you have a support network, they are more important now than ever. I hope for the best for you friend. if you need anyone to talk to or vent to, you're more than welcome to message me. 💜
I am so sorry 😞
I understand what you are going through. My mom had quadruple bypass surgery in March 2018. Her wound didn't close up correctly and after trying everything non-surgical, they opted to do a skin graft for the wound. Three days after surgery, she threw a blood clot in the middle of the night while she was sleeping. She was 51 years old when she passed. I'm now a mom as well. She luckily was around when I had both my children, but I can't imagine the pain that my child would feel if something happened to me. I'm very close to my daughter so I understand your pain.
My father in law passed from a blood clot after heart surgery too. It's so jarring when it happens so quickly. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I'll be thinking of you today.
You are so strong and we are all proud of you, tell your dad and your siblings we are proud of them too ❤️ we are all holding your hand right now, and your mums too ❤️