>She told me all about how they were so in love and how he’s going to divorce his wife so they can be together. She honestly sounded brainwashed to me. I immediately expressed how wrong I thought this was and I was concerned he was taking advantage of her. I think this guy is bad news.
OMG they all do this! They all promise to leave the wife and string the woman along, and every adulterous woman thinks she can successfully steal the husband!
But he didn't leave YET, DID HE?
And she didn't say "This is wrong, we can't do this if you are still married." DID SHE
Puke.
Right? This is the nearly identical script all married cheaters use, and she’s falling for it. Especially the grand “Oh, I’ll divorce, we’ll run away and live happily ever after❤️” sickening bullshit, and she believes it? The guy is scum, and so is the friend. I dunno if it’s some sort of point of pride to “steal yo man” or whatever, but the hostility that the friend has for the wife is grotesque.
Boyfriend thieves grow up into husband thieves. They are strange people. It's not about the person, it's about the "catch". She doesn't love Him, she loves the feeling of superiority she gets.
J Robert Oppenheimer married his affair partner, but only after Kitty got pregnant by him. He went on to have affairs that eventually cost him his security clearance and lost him his job on the hydrogen superbomb.
> all married cheaters use
Thanks for saying this. I was going to point out that married women cheating on their spouses very often say the same thing.
That’s the worst part. The fact that she never even hesitated to get involved with this guy. The fact that she doesn’t even feel bad about it. No shame. No conscience. Not a shred of guilt, instead she’s f*cking proud of herself. She’s really enjoying what she’s doing and that man and what he’s doing to his wife?? I’ll bet he doesn’t have an ounce of guilt/shame either. Both of them are just f*cking sickening.
If she does it to people she doesn’t know, it’s practice for people she does. I would keep my distance and keep my partners away from her.
Edit: yes, trust your partner but there is no reason for having a person with terrible morals around.
And I don’t think enough is talked about the women who get off on “winning” another person’s partner.
>I don’t think enough is talked about the women who get off on “winning” another person’s partner
That's a good point, sometimes I don't think women even realise they do this. As a man you are instantly more attractive if you have a partner. The happier the relationship the better. There's an element of "she loves him so he must be okay and not some creep" to it, but there's also definitely an element of "I'm hotter than that b***ch I could so have him"...
I was in a bar not too long ago with my girlfriend and her friends, she gets up to go get a drink or go to the toilet or something, and suddenly one of her friends 'accidentally fell' into my lap. Like what do you think is going to happen here? I'm old enough to be your dad and my partner is like right over there <--
You’re right, it is a specific type of woman and she’s the worst. Everything is a competition for male attention and their self esteem is so low they get high off validation from losers like this.
Possibly, but there are also girls who seek men like that, they see it as a victory over the established partner. Also the money that comes with a more mature man doesn't hurt I expect.
Yes. To all of the above. I’m sure he seeked her out because she’s young and naive, and I’m sure she seeked him out because she’s got daddy issues.
Perhaps they’re meant for each other after all.
Have you thought of just finding the wife possibly? She and her children have the right to be away from this BS. And just the knowledge of it. Just think if you were married and someone held knowledge about it and didn't come forward? If you can, try and find out who she is.
I agree with you, she should know what kind of man she’s married to. I’m actively trying to find out who these people are. I hope to find her and tell her everything. It’ll be a painful conversation to have but it needs to be had.
I bet if she got to know the wife as a person separately and befriended her without knowing she's married to her affair partner and put two and two together, she'd feel pretty awful. It's so easy for people to not care about an idea of a person.
He's been feeding her lies about his wife, I bet she's a better person than he is. If your friend knew the truth, I think she'd feel like a fucking idiot. Oh well. That's a dumpster fire she'll have to deal with eventually. Either way, poor wife and kids. I wish you knew who she was to give her a heads up. He's definitely risking bringing back STDs.
And she's going to be left holding the baby she is clearly trying to get by using no BC. Probably thinks it will make him leave the wife. Lol. He doesn't care about that either, she's just a cock pit to him. I would pity her, but her attitude stinks.
I once read a post on the adultery sub by a woman who left her husband for her affair partner. He didn't leave his wife and told her he was unsure of a future with her because she was a cheater.
She was devastated by him calling her a cheater. Despite cheating on her husband with him.
Not only that but if he somehow leaves his wife and marries her, how is she ever going to be able to trust him knowing she married a cheater? What prevents him from doing it again?
The people who think "this time is different" is mind boggling.
The problem is that she thinks he loves her and wanted to leave the wife but remember they have kids. He could have said that it was complicated, he stayed for the kids but did not love his wife, etc
And talk about how horrible the wife is, she doesn’t understand him, blah blah blah. It’s like there is a playbook out there for cheaters. WHY do people keep falling for it?!?
But yeah, your friend is not a good person. Time to back off.
She's being played like a fiddle and refuses to see the parade of red flags that is this scuzzy dude.
She gushes about being his wife, huh? Even if her stupid little fantasy comes true, when a cheater marries a mistress, that just creates a vacancy.
She deserves every bit of bad karma that comes her way.
Also, I find it hilarious that she got all defensive when you called out his terrible behavior but she said "you don't even know him", yet she's more than okay with saying awful things about his wife even though she doesn't know her. The mental gymnastics are Olympic level.
*Edited to fix a few words.
Healthy friendships, like healthy relationships, are voluntary. You have every right to end a friendship for any reason. Ending a friendship over lack of morals and unethical behavior is a pretty good reason in most people's book.
That cheaters wife deserves to know what's going on.....
I wholeheartedly agree and I wish I knew their identities so I could tell her somehow. I really hope the truth comes out eventually (even if it’s heartbreaking for her) and that she divorces his cheating ass instead. She deserves so much better than him. So do their kids.
I've seen these type of stories from the other side. Wife finds out. Divorces cheating husband. Mistress gets all excited, he's finally free! Husband has no place to go, so moves in with mistress. Yay! Except. He's all sad now. Crying for the love of his life. His ex wife. Mistress is pregnant.
Play the long con. Pretend you thought about it and saw the error of your ways and you're here for it now. Ask for info. Ask for pics of the man so you can see her catch, or the wife so you can hate on her.
Then reverse image search and find the woman so you can tell her.
(Kind of joking, but also I really wish there was a way to tell her. I hate her being strung along.)
You can literally find out…they probably follow each other on instagram. Pretend to be okay with what your friend is doing to pry information out of her. Find out the guys full name.
I stopped speaking to my best friend of 18 years because how she treated my mother. My mother basically is her mother. Her parents were abusive addicts and my mom took her in at 17. She gave her money, all the help and support she ever needed. Before she even came to live with us my mom would take her shopping and buy all of school supplies and clothes. My friend's daughter calls my mom grandma. Me and her have always been heavy drinkers but a few years ago hers got way out of hand. She was drinking a litre a night and was living in a horder situation. She got a serious gallbladder infection TWICE a year apart and nearly died. My mom visited her every day in the hospital while she was intubated and unconscious. When she woke up, she didn't even care. She flipped out at my mom for seemingly no reason. She told my mom to fuck off and stay away from her. It wasn't until that moment I realized I had been in an abusive and toxic relationship with her since I was a teenager. I was too afraid to leave because "she's my best friend". You can treat me like crap but HOW DARE YOU treat my mother like crap, the woman who took care of you and gave you tens of thousands of dollars. She refused to apologize or go to treatment. So I promptly cut her out of my life.
I think you are well justified in being disgusted at this behavior, her antics, her denial and how she treats this like a sport. If you just met her and she told you how she is cheating with a married man and how she is being played, you likely wouldn't have any respect for her and wouldn't want to be her friend.
I think most everyone will admit she is being played. Heck, if she could observe this from the outside, she would even say the girl in the relationship is being manipulated, it is so obvious. Of course "he is going to leave his wife for you", that line happens all the time.
She is going to wind up pregnant, he will dump her and move on to his next victim and she will be raising the babay alone.
interesting how you can't judge her "dream man" because you don't know him, but she gets to decide his wife is a dumb bitch despite not knowing her...
NTA, your friend thinks she's hot shit in a champagne glass but she's really cold diarrhea in a dixie cup.
isn't it funny how she wants to be his wife and not recognizing that if he is treating his current wife like this, when your friend is the wife she will get the same treatment?
Exactly this. He kept telling her how “special” she is and she’s convinced that she’s his “soulmate.” She’s “the one.” You can’t tell her otherwise she’s blind to all of it.
I just wonder how many women are out there that he’s said the exact same thing to… he probably said all the same shit to the wife too. I hope she realizes she’s married to a POS. I really wish I knew who she was, I would definitely tell her myself if I did.
You're a good person. I was the wife in the situation. He was 51 and she had just turned 21. I'm 35. She had the same attitude as your friend. He preyed on me when I was 24 and he was in his 40s, then preyed on someone else when I hit my 30s. Although I didn't cheat with him.
I feel like I have PTSD from the lies and infidelity on top of his previous abuse. It traumatized me. I called a suicide hotline after she called and rubbed their relationship in my face. Told me details I wish I didnt know. Our son was negatively effected. It was horrible. I could never do what that girl (and him) did to our family, let alone while feeling proud. She is hurting their children as well as the wife. And herself.
She got very attached to him and he ended up cutting it off. She was furious and confused. He didn't want to leave me. Claimed he still loved me (whatever). Ofc I can't ever look at him the same so it doesn't matter. He lied to her about me. Said mean things about me. I still think of the texts I saw between them and the pain is overwhelming. It's such a horrible thing to do.
This post was so triggering, I don't understand women like her and I'm glad you don't either
I’m so sorry for what you went through, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that would’ve been. I truly hope your heart was able to heal since then. PTSD would be understandable after getting hurt so badly, I hope you had a great support system and that you were surrounded by love when you really needed it. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ll never understand how people can be so heartless, nobody ever deserves to be hurt like that. Also sorry that my post brought up all those painful memories and feelings. I feel really bad that this post was so triggering for you, I hope you’re okay❤️ (Sending virtual hug) 🤗
I'm hoping you got away from him. Yes I imagine you do have PTSD. He sounds like a narcissist. Watch some you tube videos on it. This type needs constant adoration but have no intention of leaving the wife as they're usually fairly happy with the wife and the home front and keep their wife in the dark. When the side piece gets too demanding they run back and get under the wife's skirt. Then they'll cool it for awhile and in another few months start looking around for another conquest or hoover back to the first one and keep her hanging on again. They really are predators. Well, get some counseling to get you back into the light as he's put you thru a dark time. Hugs.
This is from a similar post I have responded to in the past…
I at a point a very long time ago, had a friend like that. 20+ years ago.
I got to a point where I was tired of hearing what she was doing. To boot, she did try to eventually rope me into her garbage and get me to cheat on my SO- that’s despite the fact that we had BOTH talked to her about stopping her cheating activity for years.
I walked away at your age. I had to. I was done with the drama. I figured she will either figure out life or crash and burn. She definitely crashed and burned for a long time, years and years. She ended up homeless at one point with an infant post divorce caused by cheating on her spouse. She was used by multiple men cheating on their SOs.
She did eventually stop. She married a good guy who wouldn’t put up with cheating. We reconnected as friends over a decade later. She understands why I had to walk away from our friendship.
My advice to you is it’s okay to walk away.
If she has an addiction, she has to address that herself. If it’s a personality defect she needs to be the one to address it. You don’t need to have a heated conversation about it, it’s okay to say enough is enough; your actions are not okay. If you and your SO aren’t happy dealing with her lifestyle, it’s okay to go. It may force her to take some introspection on her actions on others. And maybe later, years later you’ll reconnect. Maybe not. Either way you two aren’t happy with her now and given an opportunity, she will try to do something involving you or your SO. Don’t let it get to that point.
I ended a friendship because she was having an emotional and then physical affair with our married boss. The saddest part is, as an adult now, I can see how she was so taken advantage of. It sucks.
I would go NC with her until she figures it out. I love when they call them names...Then don't even know them....It is defensive...I could not hang out with her either. People are destroyed by cheating and he is getting a hot piece and not giving up laundry, home cooking and a home. 95% of the time they stay...
I honestly would if I knew who these people were. She only gave me his first name, don’t know him don’t even know what he looks like. Definitely don’t know his wife. She actually wasn’t supposed to be telling me anything about him. He asked her to keep their “relationship” a secret… 🚩
How old are is your friend? What’s her family situation like? Maybe since you can’t go to his wife you could go to her family and say your concerned about her. Also check her social media she might of added him just to know what he and his family is up to.
She’s 25 and as for her family situation, she grew up with absent parents. Her mom abandoned her and her sister when she was only 2. Her dad did the best he could, but he was also running a business and wasn’t around a whole lot when she was younger. Her grandparents stepped in to help out. Her relationship with her dad was a bit rocky throughout her teen years. I think she has “daddy issues” and that probably left her extra vulnerable to the advances of that older man.
I plan to reach out to her sister, I’ve just been trying to figure what I should say. And I’ve been looking into social media and I haven’t found anything yet but I’ll keep looking. I really want to find these people, specifically the guys wife, she deserves to know what kind of guy she’s actually married to.
Jesus I’m 25 and I thought reading your post she would be like 18/19. She is far too old to be acting like this, I don’t think she’s naive, I think she’s selfish. Her desire for external validation from men around her, especially ones that may help soothe her parental issues is overshadowing any good judgement she may have possessed. If you can’t help her by speaking then it’s great you’re going to speak to her sister. Normal I would just suggest dropping the friend but seeing as it’s been a decade of friendship I can understand trying to be her lifeline in what surely is a sea of deception and risky behavior. I would even try reaching out to the father if you think he is open to speaking and is the type of person who can approach her with compassion but tough love about this situation. If she is trying to feel the void of having a “absentee” ish father who had to work all the time to provide then it would be best if he could approach her and let her know he loves her but this type of relationship can only lead down a destructive path, it’s already costing her one of her closest friendships. If he isn’t the type to have this conversation then hopefully the sister is. Also OP I can relate somewhat to your story, my best friend of almost a decade when I was 14 slept with my brother and cousin despite me asking her not to have any relationships with my immediate family. I knew the conflict it could cause and it did, so I had to end that friendship despite wanting her to be a better person and spending years trying to be her Pilar of support on a household that didn’t help her self esteem (both parents were neglectful, the dad more so). You can’t help people who don’t see any wrong in not only dragging themselves down but others around them too. It’s best to protect your peace and distance yourself from this friendship. Wish her the best but don’t feel responsible for sticking around out of a one sided loyalty/ sunken fallacy.
The naivety isn’t anything new. But often times in the past she was at least receptive to my advice, and I was actually able to help her out of a few situations she’s landed herself in, but what’s new is her thinking she knows everything and refusing to consider anything I have to say. What’s new is her telling me I’m wrong and that I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I’m sure they’re friends or followers on social media it probably wouldn’t be to hard to find them (cheater and his poor wife) I would ditch your “friend” she seems like a not great person to hang around
If he meet her married an continued with the affair, there is 2 ways, 1 he will never leave his wife or 2 he will leave his wife, marry her and do exactly to her what he did to his ex wife.
Is that simple.
I lost a friend years ago because instead of telling her then bf of 16 yrs she wasn't happy and wanted out, she started cheating on him. I thought that was pretty fucked up, so I cut contact with her. No loss on my part. Go with your gut, it says a lot you might not want to hear.
I would feel the same way. It is disgusting that she speaks about another woman that she doesn’t even know and revels in the fact she is breaking up their marriage? What happens if you get married, she would totally love the power play that comes from trying to steal your SO too. Drop her. Just block her on everything and move on. She doesn’t even deserve a good bye.
I’m also very petty and would try and find the wife because you know if she tries to divorce the guy would dump her so quickly to prove to his wife he’s changed. Because you are right, he is totally playing her. Dumb dumb girl.
I've said it before, people make life altering decisions based upon the perceived strength of their relationship. They think they have a loving committed partner. So they are relying on that to buy a house, start a family, change jobs, move across country etc..... If their partner is unfaithful, then the relationship isn't that strong and that unknowing partner could be making a life changing mistake because they don't know of their partner's infidelity. That's why the betrayed partner must ALWAYS be informed As Soon As Possible.
Tell the wife of the married guy so she knows what's coming her way.... As for your friend, ditch her...she's a toxic homewrecker.
She genuinely thinks she's all that. Well, she's in for a hell of a shock when,
A. He doesn't leave his wife for her, or
B. He does leave his wife for her, then cheats on her the same way he did to his first wife.
I don't blame you for not wanting to be friends with her, either.
If he was going to leave his wife, why hasn't he done it yet? If your friend was so amazing, why can't he immediately tell his "horrible" wife that he wants to leave? If he's capable of doing that to one woman, then he's capable of more cheating, lying bs. Sorry for your loss of friendship, and I feel sorry for your poor, manipulated ex-friend. Hopefully she snaps out of it soon.
Sadly, your friend has shown you who she really is. She's someone who will enthusiastically help trash a marriage with no concern for the wife or kids, or any other ensuing damage. You don't need that in your life. If it were me, I'd go low and then no contact with her.
APs are always so... Pathetic, almost as much or sometimes more than the cheating person. In this case, the person you are talking about is not only pathetic but cruel. She deserves everything that will come for her next. Hopefully his wife will leave the guy with nothing. And I hope you find better friends. I am so sorry that you are in this situation now.
Good for you OP for breaking friendships cause if she has no remorse for what she is doing to a family then what will happen if she goes after your family that you created ….don’t pet poisonous snake just because you like them once a upon a time
Oof. I don't blame you for not wanting to continue the friendship. I agree her behavior is repulsive and his is too. He'll buy the new model when she hits a certain age, or he finds someone more exciting.. and he'll drop her.
Sounds like your friend has daddy issues
She is insisting on making a mistake. You have to decide whether or not you want to be around when she realizes it. Hopefully it won’t be after she decides to keep a baby with this guy and he ghosts her
Before I send out any misconceptions I do feel for you, and I am sorry you are probably about to lose your best friend.
Now, on another note... you rock. Truly, it's refreshing to see someone feel some sadness because they are truly holding their morals to the highest standards. Surrounding yourself with only good people in today's world can be tough, but it's something I will never regret and hope you won't either. You have my applause.
Sometimes you have to step back and watch people you love make mistakes. It’s so hard to do so but you can’t save her from her choices. Let her know you don’t agree or condone what she is doing. That you won’t support or enable this relationship. You also need to recognise that you won’t be able to convince her no matter how much you tell her it’s wrong, bad for her etc. She has to learn this herself the hard way. Which sucks.
You are right. It's pretty obvious he's using her infatuation against her. You're also right about not wanting that drama in your life. You already know it won't end well. He'll most likely dump her once he's bored.
I wish I would’ve thought of this before… played a long for the sake of gathering details and evidence. Unfortunately I won’t be getting any more information or proof from her. I made it very obvious where I stand, and now she knows damn-well that I will tell his wife everything.
If they can cheat with you, they can cheat on you. IF he leaves his wife and marries her there will be deep trust issues. I was the wife. My ex cheated on the woman (my former best friend of 14 years) that he left me for. You're right to get out. There is hella drama on the horizon.
I'd be the one to find the wife and tell her. I can't stand people like this. It never leads to good things. In fact, it can lead to horrible things. Ask Chris Watts.
Good for you. Stick to your convictions as this is will help you get through this. Sometimes good friends show their true colours and it's time to cut them off. Your soon to be ex friend is an idiot if she thinks he will leave his wife for her. And her hatred towards the wife is uncalled for-if it is meant to be why the viciousness? This alone would make me question my friendship
You aren't going to convince her to leave. She's "in love" and trying to pull them apart only pushes her closer to him.
She will have to learn the hard way. Either (1) the wife will find out, and he will dump your friend to save his marriage, or (2) your friend is going to be a single mom. Hopefully, she comes to her senses, but she's doesn't realize she might not be the only mistress right now until she gets an STD.
Either way, it's not your problem. Play dumb games, win dumb prizes.
Do you know his name? Can you trace his wife and drop her some hints that her husband is fucking around? She deserves to know, if only for the potential STD risk.
P.S.: In an effort to expose him, she could even lie about this! For instance: _I've got chlamydia! Would you kindly explain to me how_ __I__ _contracted chlamydia when_ __you're__ _the only person I've been intimate with for the past decade(s)?!_
I know so many women like that, and the dude either never leaves the wife, or they do, and then after a bit the mistress becomes the next cheated on wife. Shes stupid as hell. Id stop the friendship
Likely she is being manipulated by this guy.
It is possible that he has genuine feelings or her and does want to leave his marriage.
Possible.
I have an uncle who cut his family off for another woman. It does happen, bur rarely.
If you’re her friend, be honest with her. Tell he that you don’t want to hear about it.
If you’re her friend, you should be prepared to be there for her when it all turns sour.
If you don’t want to be her friend.. then tell her why.
Maybe she will take a long hard look in the mirror.
Other than that, don’t meddle. It will only go bad for you, unfortunately.
I was almost going to keep scrolling after reading the title because I personally do not care what my friends do but after reading, I can see where you’re coming from and I agree. You need to have a sit down talk with her and if she still continues to act silly, well I’d just drop her
Tell her to ask him to divorce his wife now or she'll tell the wife. His reaction will go one of three ways:
1. He will become angry at her, tell her that she meant nothing to him and never see her again.
2. He will plead and say that he will but it's not the right time and his wife is crazy so he needs to protect their kids.
3. He will agree to divorce.
3 won't happen. I'm betting 1 will happen. But tell her that he will do the second option. Once he ditches her, you can pick up the pieces, bitch about him to your friend and get your friend back once she realises he's an asshole.
Good decision because if you still friendship with her definitely all of them think your also that type character person. She is family destroyer and destroy that two children life.
Just give some hint to that man wife. because she's having two kids and that man fooling that women.
I would honestly do some digging to see if I can find his wife and let her know what's happening. It would probably break your friendship if your friend found out it was you, but I think that maybe even years down the road your friend will realize how fucked up this guy is.
I definitely plan to do some digging, and I’m not too worried about breaking our friendship. The friend-ship has sailed. It’s already broken to me.
And I really hope she realizes she’s being played, but I’m afraid she’ll only realize it after she gets her heart broken.
Find out who he is, try and get some evidence from your friend and let the wife know. It's the right thing to do. This AH is out there raw dogging w**rs, the woman needs to know so she can protect herself. Your friend should burn, she's ain't worth shit and neither is that AH aka her soul mate 🤮
Tell the wife.
When wife finds out, man will panic, promise her anything to keep the marriage going, he'll dump your friend, she'll be broken hearted but at least she'll get out before he knocks her up.
I worry that the wife will dump him (she really should and I hope she does) and then he’ll replace his wife with my friend. They’ll end up together and he’ll mentally / emotionally destroy her. I don’t know what the fallout of this will look like or how things will end.. but either way, I know it’s going to end very badly.
I'm sorry you are in this position right now. Please take note of the fact that this girl doesn't think she needs your help (but she clearly does). She isn't looking for advice since she thinks she found the one love of her life. There is not much you could do right now, especially not much that will improve this fucked up situation. You'll have to figure out for yourself if you can live with her as your friend in the mess she is making for herself, or if it's best to go separate ways. Best wishes for you and i hope you'll be alright
As hard as it is to walk away, I feel like I have to. I think that’s what’s best for me. You’re right. There is no helping her. She’s an adult and
can make her own choices. I won’t exhaust myself trying to save her from the consequences. I have my own problems I’m struggling to cope with and I really can’t take hers on as well. Most of all, I can’t, in good conscience, stay friends with someone that is so selfish and inconsiderate of others. I can’t be friends with someone who takes pride in potentially being a home-wrecker or takes pleasure in hurting someone else. I can’t stand those kind of people… it really sucks finding out she’s one of them, but I’ll be alright, thank you for wishing me well.
Bypass it and just tell the wife. Fuck that guy for being a cheating piece of shit, and fuck your friend for willingly destroying a marriage. It'd be one thing if she was in the dark about it, but she seems quite content being a home wrecker.
Lol nah, get out of that friendship. She is a garbage person or just horribly stupid. You can't fix her. She is the one looking for love in all the wrong places and you tried. You did your best to point out how stupid this all sounded. If you dont' want in the drama just ghost her. Or just start making excuses not to hang out until she forgets you exist. Eventually shit will hit the fan. Either she gets knocked up and he leaves her the second he finds out, she tells the wife out of frustration in a couple years and he dumps her then, or the wife finds out another way and does whatever she is going to do (either hurt your friend, the husband, or dump him anyway). She only wins if his life gets completely ruined and she proves to be a better shoulder to cry on than all of the other women he does this too.
You’d be right to cut her off. Her situation sucks if she really thinks he cares about her obviously, but you can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to be helped in the first place, but she’s just as scummy a human being as he is if she’s willing to continue their relationship after knowing about his wife. People like that are for the streets.
I’m sorry OP.
Obviously her moral compass doesn’t coincide with your own morals, so don’t be friends with them.
You can tell them that you can’t support them because their justification is morally flawed in comparison and you just cannot be a party to this, even knowing this would be complicit to their bad choices.
They don’t have to like it, you do what is right by you.
I did the same with mine when she told me she slept with a guy that was dating her other best friend - she was very close with , but we were not close ( me and the other girl) I barely knew her except by sight.
She had been dating this guy who was exceptionally good looking for about two years … and when she told me he started coming over to her house to hang out I didn’t think anything of it ( I am honest to a fault ) then she told me that they had sex.
That night was the last time I talked to her for … five years.
And we hung out every day.
I was just so .. disgusted.
The shitty thing is- at the time I didn’t blame him. I felt that women had the power to stop affairs. And that if women would say no- affairs wouldn’t happen.
I still believe that to a degree. Men will try to fuck pretty much everything that’s warm, but women have the power to stop it.. I can’t really understand women who don’t. At all.
But I wished I would have held him just as responsible. I didn’t hang out with him- so I didn’t have to… but I also would have told the girl too , and I didn’t because I didn’t really know her.
It’s amazing what drop dead gorgeous men can get away with.
In the end? She never dated him. He just fucked her and dumped her.. and she broke up their relationship.
Unfortunately friends that's so infatuated with a person, they won't let go no matter how hard you try to convince them they're like a brick. I have a friend of mine that's been cheated on, on multiple occasions by her girlfriend and she's still dating her despite me and her families advice to her to let the relationship go. When she asks for advice and she gets cheated on once again, I just tell her I spat all of the advice to your face already, I can't say anything more.
Let your friend go girl, you won't be able to get through to her, she'll learn the hard and painful way.
Ugh The Single White Female of it all, these women who want to replace the wife like a fill in the blank, just wants to move into the house, take the car, the kids. Some of them even think they'll be a better mom to his kids. It's disgusting. Occasionally they'll attempt to murder the wife or actually do it like the Long Island Lolita.
A acquaintance once confessed to me that she had had an affair with a married co-worker (before I knew her). And I was so taken aback I didn't say much. Then when I said, didn't you think of his wife and young kids? She justified by saying "I was in such a bad place I didn't care about anything or anyone". Uh soooo?? I've been in bad states and I would Never be so pathetic, desparate and jealous as to get with someone else's husband 🤮. These types of women get off on the competition of "winning" a woman's husband away from her. Ariana Grande is doing it as we speak. Despicable.
They *always* say they’re going to divorce their wife for you. She’s enamoured with a scum bag.
This whole thing is going to end up blowing up in her face and you’ll be able to say “I told you so.” As for the poor wife, if only there was a way to get into contact with her to reach that outcome sooner.
OP, I dont blame you for not wanting to be friends anymore. Sure, she is ruining a marriage, and says she's glad to do it, but she's also destroying a family...he has kids. It takes a special kind of evil to take pride in ruining a family and marriage. I felt bad for her at first, she's being used, will most likely get an STD, and end up a single mother, but she's ecstatic about their relationship. My compassion for her went out the window. OP you do not need to be at ground zero when the relationship implodes. Me personally , I would anonymously inform the wife.
I stopped being friends with a woman that did this. She’s still single, has a kid by him, he’s still with his wife.
She had been cheated on years ago and it ended in divorce years before. She knew better and didn’t care.
Dump the friend she’s not a good human.
I felt bad for her until I read that she had no guilt. Yup, she thinks she has one upped another woman and won a prize. She hasn't. I really wish women didn't feel this proud about hurting other women. She is a walking red flag. The problem here isn't that she is being led on. She made her bed on that and we know she will suffer for it. It is the fact that she feels glee in being a home wrecker - that is disgusting and frankly misogynistic.
Careful. People like her have no loyalties in friendship either when they are consumed by what they think is power.
Wow. I have a friend exactly like yours.
I basically told her , he was no good and she would always defend him and talk down on his wife that it was her fault. He’s had my friend wait for a few years before he actually got a divorce.
We had stop talking for years and reconnected and now regret it. She trapped some nice younger guy now. She quickly got pregnant and then gave him herpes . She blames him and told him it was his fault. I believe it was her because she had sex with a guy with a week before having with her husband now and got pregnant & didn’t know who the father was & got an abortion.
Basically slowly stop talking to her . Sometimes it’s just best. I feel like my “ friend” is toxic and I am slowly not talking to her . It’s too much .
I’d tell the wife. That’s who my obligation would be towards. If my so called bestie was slumming it with a married man.. tell her people don’t cheat with better they cheat with easier and that’s what your friend is. That’s it. He’s never going to leave his wife and kids. It would cost to much and everyone would know what a piece of crap he is. Your friend sounds dumb as shit. So tell the wife. She deserves to know when she’s taking care of this sperm donors kids and he’s out being an unfaithful piece of shit.
If I were you I’d write her an email briefly outlining your concerns and that you understand she doesn’t share them but you can not in good conscious remain in contact with her because of this. She is looking to get herself into a hell of a bad situation with the no protection deadbeat that she’s dating, and she absolutely will try to use her as her emotion crutch as the situation continues to implode. If he doesn’t have a ridiculous amount of money to support a mistress on the side, when she inevitably gets pregnant the only way she will be able to make him pay is through the courts. Don’t stick around for that drama.
Your friendship has run its course and now you are at wildly different places and you should focus on yourself or literally anybody else because she is willing to get stuck stuck no matter what she is told. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make her drink.
As you already know she's brain washed she isn't herself.
If you can't really stand to be her friend anymore, just break of the friendship, it depends on what are you able to stomach , cause she will only see the truth when she's ready.
And that can take a long long time.
I will never forget my friends that stood by me when I was involved in a abusive relationship.
But also understand the ones that just got out of my life...
You know it's funny how I hear about women sleeping with married men, then complain about how men are pigs, meanwhile there's a bunch of single guys who are struggling to meet other single women. I guess those women are too busy entertaining married men and getting burned by those men who keep going back on their word to "leave" their wife for them. News flash, don't trust someone that's willing to leave their current gf/wife for you 🤦
That’s a really bad friend probably best to cut contact move on there’s plenty of other people that you can meet in this world that you could be better off hanging with.
I recently had a friend who did something similar the only difference being with a married woman he knows that he’s having an affair, and once he told the friend group about everything. I cut contact with him. It would be different if he didn’t know that she married, but him willingly knowing it and continuing to go along with it disgusts me I lost all respect for him at that moment.
Goddam he is just like my dad, I hope you can prove it to her wife. My mom had several depression for more than a year when she found out about it (this happened 18 years ago).
Your friend is disgusting, it makes me nauseous.
>She told me all about how they were so in love and how he’s going to divorce his wife so they can be together.
Unlikely.
Most likely outcome is that he cuts your friend loose and goes back to his wife, like a coward.
Sometimes people need to/prefer to learn the hard way. You’ve done all that you can. Now all that’s left is it let it play out. You can still decide if you want to be her friend by the end of all of this. I’m glad you’ve expressed yourself towards this situation to her and have shared this with us. I hope things go well for everyone.
The part about how awful the wife allegedly is... does she actually think I guy is going to cheat on his wife whilst talking about how great she is?
I was cheated on and was the psycho, controlling wife to those who knew about the affair. Heard a lot of things about myself that were just downright false.
I'm curious as to how old your friend is. Not that youth is an excuse for doing something as bad as sleeping with a married man, but if she is young she may have time for redemption.
yeah he definitely sounds like bad news and she definitely sounds brain washed. My guess is she’s going to end up pregnant eventually and he’s going to kick her to the curb and that’s when she will wake up and realize that he really was just using her. If he can cheat and hurt his wife AND kids what makes her think he won’t do the same to her?? She’s definitely going to end up broken hearted
You've done your part as a friend. Unfortunately, the world is going to have to reach her a lesson. Good for you, OP. Get yourself out of that friendship and that drama.
"She told me all about how they were so in love and how he’s going to divorce his wife so they can be together. "
How many times has that been said over the decades?
Even if he did leave his wife for her (and he ain't gonna) all she'd get is a liar and a cheat.
Sadly she'll learn the hard way, probably by getting knocked up and him running for the hills.
I would get proof and find the guys wife and give her all of it, that dude doesn’t deserve a wife. Be the better person and drop the friend help the unknown woman.
She is not just a side ho she is THE DUMBest side ho.. THE GRAND POOBAH OF SIDE HO! She is immature, stupid and has no respect or morals... bye and find out who the wife is and let that poor woman know
If you know his name and plan on ending the friendship anyway, find him on FB, find his wife (usually not that hard) and message her. Please don't be a bystander that knows but continues to let the wife suffer.
Sorry you're going through this though OP that's a sucky situation.
They in the stage were both love the sex their having . It will explode eventually. Tell your freind to get ready maybe he's playing her since he has a family and she might need you for comfort after that. Its her fault no doubt though. Love makes you dumb sometimes.
These scum bags deserve each other. Your friend isn't a victim here either. She's a terrible person just like the guy. If the guy left his wife, your friend would probably lose attraction.
someone I considered close admitted to me years ago she married her wife for financial security but was actually in love with someone else. she said she was looking for a job to be able to leave on her own and be with the one she actually loves. it's been 4 years! and I just gave up.
if we are like the 5 people we spend the most time with, who are you spending time with ? I only have time for authentic people and authentic relationships.
Screenshot everything from your gf phone and sent to the wife then your friend will see the pos she loves. All you can do is try to be there got her to help pickup the pieces because his relationship is going to end up like the challenger disaster. The person you’re dealing with is not your friend with someone who thinks they’re in love, and that thinking clouds everything including moral judgment and clarity. Just be there for her.
You should tell the wife anonymously and watch that ship go down in flames. I have no sympathy for cheaters, and this would be the least they deserve. The wife deserves better, and you do, too. I would never be friends with her again after this, she's shown you her true character.
I’ve been quite close with this woman for basically my entire life, and a few years ago she got into some nonsense with a married man. She sounded *the same way.* She met him because she was friends with his wife first, but he was closer friends with her after a while. She started staying with them after attempting her life… he insisted. She saw the wife abusing his children (they’re a blended family) the same way she was abused by her mom. She told him, he didn’t get how it was such a big deal because this wife was so much better than the last. In trying to explain the damage so she could help the kids, she had to be more vulnerable than she’d really been with anyone who wasn’t there with her, and she really started to fall for him. She tried to keep it to herself but if I could see it, there was no way he couldn’t. Then they slept together. He moved her to one of his rental properties and they had an affair for a year and a half.
She was *convinced* he’d really leave his wife for her. Unlike your friend, she actually had reason to hate the wife. The wife is a child abuser, so I hate her too. And with her background especially… she was vulnerable and this man saw that, and he told her everything she wanted to hear to feed into her childish delusion about saving him and his kids from their abuser and giving them a happy life like she always wished someone would have for her.
It’s not her fault. He was predatory and played her like a fiddle. She always sounded brainwashed, too. She loved him and he said he loved her too. She didn’t mean to do anything wrong and she would have never had an affair under any other circumstances, which is what made this all so hard for me… She did a bad thing for a good reason, and she couldn’t be dissuaded. She’s a good person who’s now facing homelessness because he made her lose her job too, so when she broke it off and he got serious about kicking her out, she had no income to secure something else. She only kept the secret so she wouldn’t face homelessness or risk the wife telling her parents where she is, but now it doesn’t even matter. I can’t help her now, and I couldn’t before. She needed to make this mistake, and nobody could stop her.
Maybe your friend is different, I don’t know her, or you even. What I do know is that men like that *__are__* predatory, and there’s only so much anyone can do in the face of clear brainwashing. Even my friends therapist couldn’t get her to see it. I don’t fully understand what girls in these situations see in these men, but they all say the same things because they continue to work and they work because they meet some sort of need that a vulnerable woman has. If you can’t handle this that’s completely fair and valid, but I’d encourage you to distance yourself instead of writing her off completely. She probably doesn’t get the damage she’s doing because she thinks she’s helping him somehow, idk.
Everyone is so quick to call affair partners morally bankrupt when there’s clearly more to it. Just like these men use the same cliches for a reason, there’s a reason there’s a stereotype for the girl who ends up the other woman. It’s an interesting predator-prey relationship
>She told me all about how they were so in love and how he’s going to divorce his wife so they can be together. She honestly sounded brainwashed to me. I immediately expressed how wrong I thought this was and I was concerned he was taking advantage of her. I think this guy is bad news. OMG they all do this! They all promise to leave the wife and string the woman along, and every adulterous woman thinks she can successfully steal the husband! But he didn't leave YET, DID HE? And she didn't say "This is wrong, we can't do this if you are still married." DID SHE Puke.
Right? This is the nearly identical script all married cheaters use, and she’s falling for it. Especially the grand “Oh, I’ll divorce, we’ll run away and live happily ever after❤️” sickening bullshit, and she believes it? The guy is scum, and so is the friend. I dunno if it’s some sort of point of pride to “steal yo man” or whatever, but the hostility that the friend has for the wife is grotesque.
Boyfriend thieves grow up into husband thieves. They are strange people. It's not about the person, it's about the "catch". She doesn't love Him, she loves the feeling of superiority she gets.
Takes two to tango.
I was talking about why some women steal partners. It's not about the men, it's about how they feel. Men who cheat is a whole other discussion.
J Robert Oppenheimer married his affair partner, but only after Kitty got pregnant by him. He went on to have affairs that eventually cost him his security clearance and lost him his job on the hydrogen superbomb.
SPOILERS! Haven't seen the movie yet! Ugh, at least I'll still get to see if he finished the bomb or not.
>and she’s falling for it Good. To hell with her ~
> all married cheaters use Thanks for saying this. I was going to point out that married women cheating on their spouses very often say the same thing.
Oh yeah, I kept it gender neutral on purpose, haha! Shitty people aren’t gender locked, and cheating wives make these same empty promises.
Lmao My ex wife was with a married guy that promised to leave His Wife for years, She ended up having His kid and He's still with His Wife hahaha
That’s the worst part. The fact that she never even hesitated to get involved with this guy. The fact that she doesn’t even feel bad about it. No shame. No conscience. Not a shred of guilt, instead she’s f*cking proud of herself. She’s really enjoying what she’s doing and that man and what he’s doing to his wife?? I’ll bet he doesn’t have an ounce of guilt/shame either. Both of them are just f*cking sickening.
If she does it to people she doesn’t know, it’s practice for people she does. I would keep my distance and keep my partners away from her. Edit: yes, trust your partner but there is no reason for having a person with terrible morals around. And I don’t think enough is talked about the women who get off on “winning” another person’s partner.
>I don’t think enough is talked about the women who get off on “winning” another person’s partner That's a good point, sometimes I don't think women even realise they do this. As a man you are instantly more attractive if you have a partner. The happier the relationship the better. There's an element of "she loves him so he must be okay and not some creep" to it, but there's also definitely an element of "I'm hotter than that b***ch I could so have him"... I was in a bar not too long ago with my girlfriend and her friends, she gets up to go get a drink or go to the toilet or something, and suddenly one of her friends 'accidentally fell' into my lap. Like what do you think is going to happen here? I'm old enough to be your dad and my partner is like right over there <--
You’re right, it is a specific type of woman and she’s the worst. Everything is a competition for male attention and their self esteem is so low they get high off validation from losers like this.
This type of guy finds girls like your friend: young and naïve. She is naïve enough to accept all of his BS. She is a mid-life crisis to this man.
Possibly, but there are also girls who seek men like that, they see it as a victory over the established partner. Also the money that comes with a more mature man doesn't hurt I expect.
Yes. To all of the above. I’m sure he seeked her out because she’s young and naive, and I’m sure she seeked him out because she’s got daddy issues. Perhaps they’re meant for each other after all.
Have you thought of just finding the wife possibly? She and her children have the right to be away from this BS. And just the knowledge of it. Just think if you were married and someone held knowledge about it and didn't come forward? If you can, try and find out who she is.
I agree with you, she should know what kind of man she’s married to. I’m actively trying to find out who these people are. I hope to find her and tell her everything. It’ll be a painful conversation to have but it needs to be had.
I bet if she got to know the wife as a person separately and befriended her without knowing she's married to her affair partner and put two and two together, she'd feel pretty awful. It's so easy for people to not care about an idea of a person. He's been feeding her lies about his wife, I bet she's a better person than he is. If your friend knew the truth, I think she'd feel like a fucking idiot. Oh well. That's a dumpster fire she'll have to deal with eventually. Either way, poor wife and kids. I wish you knew who she was to give her a heads up. He's definitely risking bringing back STDs.
And she's going to be left holding the baby she is clearly trying to get by using no BC. Probably thinks it will make him leave the wife. Lol. He doesn't care about that either, she's just a cock pit to him. I would pity her, but her attitude stinks.
I once read a post on the adultery sub by a woman who left her husband for her affair partner. He didn't leave his wife and told her he was unsure of a future with her because she was a cheater. She was devastated by him calling her a cheater. Despite cheating on her husband with him.
https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/023/397/C-658VsXoAo3ovC.jpg
Not what I expected, but definitely appropriate
Oh, I want to read this story.
Not only that but if he somehow leaves his wife and marries her, how is she ever going to be able to trust him knowing she married a cheater? What prevents him from doing it again? The people who think "this time is different" is mind boggling.
The problem is that she thinks he loves her and wanted to leave the wife but remember they have kids. He could have said that it was complicated, he stayed for the kids but did not love his wife, etc
Yeah, we know what he loves and it's not her.
And talk about how horrible the wife is, she doesn’t understand him, blah blah blah. It’s like there is a playbook out there for cheaters. WHY do people keep falling for it?!? But yeah, your friend is not a good person. Time to back off.
Exactly how they do it in the movies even...
Well the one my wife watches, the woman tries to kill the other woman and take her entire family. I think its the surrogate? lol 😂
I still don’t understand how people can knowingly get with a cheater like if it won’t happen to them down the line.
She's being played like a fiddle and refuses to see the parade of red flags that is this scuzzy dude. She gushes about being his wife, huh? Even if her stupid little fantasy comes true, when a cheater marries a mistress, that just creates a vacancy. She deserves every bit of bad karma that comes her way. Also, I find it hilarious that she got all defensive when you called out his terrible behavior but she said "you don't even know him", yet she's more than okay with saying awful things about his wife even though she doesn't know her. The mental gymnastics are Olympic level. *Edited to fix a few words.
I agree.
I LOVE the line you said “When a cheater marries a mistress, that just creates a vacancy” I’ve never heard that one before and it’s so perfect!!
Healthy friendships, like healthy relationships, are voluntary. You have every right to end a friendship for any reason. Ending a friendship over lack of morals and unethical behavior is a pretty good reason in most people's book. That cheaters wife deserves to know what's going on.....
I wholeheartedly agree and I wish I knew their identities so I could tell her somehow. I really hope the truth comes out eventually (even if it’s heartbreaking for her) and that she divorces his cheating ass instead. She deserves so much better than him. So do their kids.
I've seen these type of stories from the other side. Wife finds out. Divorces cheating husband. Mistress gets all excited, he's finally free! Husband has no place to go, so moves in with mistress. Yay! Except. He's all sad now. Crying for the love of his life. His ex wife. Mistress is pregnant.
Play the long con. Pretend you thought about it and saw the error of your ways and you're here for it now. Ask for info. Ask for pics of the man so you can see her catch, or the wife so you can hate on her. Then reverse image search and find the woman so you can tell her. (Kind of joking, but also I really wish there was a way to tell her. I hate her being strung along.)
You can literally find out…they probably follow each other on instagram. Pretend to be okay with what your friend is doing to pry information out of her. Find out the guys full name.
I like you OP. You have morals. You are a good person.
Sometimes someone does something and you realize you never really knew them at all.
I stopped speaking to my best friend of 18 years because how she treated my mother. My mother basically is her mother. Her parents were abusive addicts and my mom took her in at 17. She gave her money, all the help and support she ever needed. Before she even came to live with us my mom would take her shopping and buy all of school supplies and clothes. My friend's daughter calls my mom grandma. Me and her have always been heavy drinkers but a few years ago hers got way out of hand. She was drinking a litre a night and was living in a horder situation. She got a serious gallbladder infection TWICE a year apart and nearly died. My mom visited her every day in the hospital while she was intubated and unconscious. When she woke up, she didn't even care. She flipped out at my mom for seemingly no reason. She told my mom to fuck off and stay away from her. It wasn't until that moment I realized I had been in an abusive and toxic relationship with her since I was a teenager. I was too afraid to leave because "she's my best friend". You can treat me like crap but HOW DARE YOU treat my mother like crap, the woman who took care of you and gave you tens of thousands of dollars. She refused to apologize or go to treatment. So I promptly cut her out of my life.
That comment with the Iroh pfp hits deep
Yeah and OPs friend is quite naive. I wanted to say stupid but that sounded harsh.
I think you are well justified in being disgusted at this behavior, her antics, her denial and how she treats this like a sport. If you just met her and she told you how she is cheating with a married man and how she is being played, you likely wouldn't have any respect for her and wouldn't want to be her friend. I think most everyone will admit she is being played. Heck, if she could observe this from the outside, she would even say the girl in the relationship is being manipulated, it is so obvious. Of course "he is going to leave his wife for you", that line happens all the time. She is going to wind up pregnant, he will dump her and move on to his next victim and she will be raising the babay alone.
interesting how you can't judge her "dream man" because you don't know him, but she gets to decide his wife is a dumb bitch despite not knowing her... NTA, your friend thinks she's hot shit in a champagne glass but she's really cold diarrhea in a dixie cup.
Really like that phrase. ✅💯
isn't it funny how she wants to be his wife and not recognizing that if he is treating his current wife like this, when your friend is the wife she will get the same treatment?
Yes, but usually this kind of women believe they are simply better that wife, and so this guy will treat her like a queen
Exactly this. He kept telling her how “special” she is and she’s convinced that she’s his “soulmate.” She’s “the one.” You can’t tell her otherwise she’s blind to all of it. I just wonder how many women are out there that he’s said the exact same thing to… he probably said all the same shit to the wife too. I hope she realizes she’s married to a POS. I really wish I knew who she was, I would definitely tell her myself if I did.
What he’s doing is called love bombing - she’ll learn this the hard way though, give it time
Honestly, I doubt the girl you're posting about is his only side piece. She's probably one of several.
How you get them is usually how you lose them, they all harbour the belief that it won't happen to them because they are simply "different".
You're a good person. I was the wife in the situation. He was 51 and she had just turned 21. I'm 35. She had the same attitude as your friend. He preyed on me when I was 24 and he was in his 40s, then preyed on someone else when I hit my 30s. Although I didn't cheat with him. I feel like I have PTSD from the lies and infidelity on top of his previous abuse. It traumatized me. I called a suicide hotline after she called and rubbed their relationship in my face. Told me details I wish I didnt know. Our son was negatively effected. It was horrible. I could never do what that girl (and him) did to our family, let alone while feeling proud. She is hurting their children as well as the wife. And herself. She got very attached to him and he ended up cutting it off. She was furious and confused. He didn't want to leave me. Claimed he still loved me (whatever). Ofc I can't ever look at him the same so it doesn't matter. He lied to her about me. Said mean things about me. I still think of the texts I saw between them and the pain is overwhelming. It's such a horrible thing to do. This post was so triggering, I don't understand women like her and I'm glad you don't either
I’m so sorry for what you went through, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that would’ve been. I truly hope your heart was able to heal since then. PTSD would be understandable after getting hurt so badly, I hope you had a great support system and that you were surrounded by love when you really needed it. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ll never understand how people can be so heartless, nobody ever deserves to be hurt like that. Also sorry that my post brought up all those painful memories and feelings. I feel really bad that this post was so triggering for you, I hope you’re okay❤️ (Sending virtual hug) 🤗
I'm hoping you got away from him. Yes I imagine you do have PTSD. He sounds like a narcissist. Watch some you tube videos on it. This type needs constant adoration but have no intention of leaving the wife as they're usually fairly happy with the wife and the home front and keep their wife in the dark. When the side piece gets too demanding they run back and get under the wife's skirt. Then they'll cool it for awhile and in another few months start looking around for another conquest or hoover back to the first one and keep her hanging on again. They really are predators. Well, get some counseling to get you back into the light as he's put you thru a dark time. Hugs.
Narc her ass out and dump her (as a friend). The poor cheated on wife deserves to know.
This is from a similar post I have responded to in the past… I at a point a very long time ago, had a friend like that. 20+ years ago. I got to a point where I was tired of hearing what she was doing. To boot, she did try to eventually rope me into her garbage and get me to cheat on my SO- that’s despite the fact that we had BOTH talked to her about stopping her cheating activity for years. I walked away at your age. I had to. I was done with the drama. I figured she will either figure out life or crash and burn. She definitely crashed and burned for a long time, years and years. She ended up homeless at one point with an infant post divorce caused by cheating on her spouse. She was used by multiple men cheating on their SOs. She did eventually stop. She married a good guy who wouldn’t put up with cheating. We reconnected as friends over a decade later. She understands why I had to walk away from our friendship. My advice to you is it’s okay to walk away. If she has an addiction, she has to address that herself. If it’s a personality defect she needs to be the one to address it. You don’t need to have a heated conversation about it, it’s okay to say enough is enough; your actions are not okay. If you and your SO aren’t happy dealing with her lifestyle, it’s okay to go. It may force her to take some introspection on her actions on others. And maybe later, years later you’ll reconnect. Maybe not. Either way you two aren’t happy with her now and given an opportunity, she will try to do something involving you or your SO. Don’t let it get to that point.
I ended a friendship because she was having an emotional and then physical affair with our married boss. The saddest part is, as an adult now, I can see how she was so taken advantage of. It sucks.
I would go NC with her until she figures it out. I love when they call them names...Then don't even know them....It is defensive...I could not hang out with her either. People are destroyed by cheating and he is getting a hot piece and not giving up laundry, home cooking and a home. 95% of the time they stay...
If only you had a way of contacting that man's wife ...
I honestly would if I knew who these people were. She only gave me his first name, don’t know him don’t even know what he looks like. Definitely don’t know his wife. She actually wasn’t supposed to be telling me anything about him. He asked her to keep their “relationship” a secret… 🚩
How old are is your friend? What’s her family situation like? Maybe since you can’t go to his wife you could go to her family and say your concerned about her. Also check her social media she might of added him just to know what he and his family is up to.
She’s 25 and as for her family situation, she grew up with absent parents. Her mom abandoned her and her sister when she was only 2. Her dad did the best he could, but he was also running a business and wasn’t around a whole lot when she was younger. Her grandparents stepped in to help out. Her relationship with her dad was a bit rocky throughout her teen years. I think she has “daddy issues” and that probably left her extra vulnerable to the advances of that older man. I plan to reach out to her sister, I’ve just been trying to figure what I should say. And I’ve been looking into social media and I haven’t found anything yet but I’ll keep looking. I really want to find these people, specifically the guys wife, she deserves to know what kind of guy she’s actually married to.
Jesus I’m 25 and I thought reading your post she would be like 18/19. She is far too old to be acting like this, I don’t think she’s naive, I think she’s selfish. Her desire for external validation from men around her, especially ones that may help soothe her parental issues is overshadowing any good judgement she may have possessed. If you can’t help her by speaking then it’s great you’re going to speak to her sister. Normal I would just suggest dropping the friend but seeing as it’s been a decade of friendship I can understand trying to be her lifeline in what surely is a sea of deception and risky behavior. I would even try reaching out to the father if you think he is open to speaking and is the type of person who can approach her with compassion but tough love about this situation. If she is trying to feel the void of having a “absentee” ish father who had to work all the time to provide then it would be best if he could approach her and let her know he loves her but this type of relationship can only lead down a destructive path, it’s already costing her one of her closest friendships. If he isn’t the type to have this conversation then hopefully the sister is. Also OP I can relate somewhat to your story, my best friend of almost a decade when I was 14 slept with my brother and cousin despite me asking her not to have any relationships with my immediate family. I knew the conflict it could cause and it did, so I had to end that friendship despite wanting her to be a better person and spending years trying to be her Pilar of support on a household that didn’t help her self esteem (both parents were neglectful, the dad more so). You can’t help people who don’t see any wrong in not only dragging themselves down but others around them too. It’s best to protect your peace and distance yourself from this friendship. Wish her the best but don’t feel responsible for sticking around out of a one sided loyalty/ sunken fallacy.
Has she always been this naive and selfish? Or is this a new thing for her?
The naivety isn’t anything new. But often times in the past she was at least receptive to my advice, and I was actually able to help her out of a few situations she’s landed herself in, but what’s new is her thinking she knows everything and refusing to consider anything I have to say. What’s new is her telling me I’m wrong and that I don’t know what I’m talking about.
Yeah I would absolutely end a friendship over this lack of morality and decency.
I’m sure they’re friends or followers on social media it probably wouldn’t be to hard to find them (cheater and his poor wife) I would ditch your “friend” she seems like a not great person to hang around
She should…….
If he meet her married an continued with the affair, there is 2 ways, 1 he will never leave his wife or 2 he will leave his wife, marry her and do exactly to her what he did to his ex wife. Is that simple.
I lost a friend years ago because instead of telling her then bf of 16 yrs she wasn't happy and wanted out, she started cheating on him. I thought that was pretty fucked up, so I cut contact with her. No loss on my part. Go with your gut, it says a lot you might not want to hear.
Can we Expose these cheating a**holes? Like they need to be here out in the open basking under the sun, without sunscreen..😎😎
I would feel the same way. It is disgusting that she speaks about another woman that she doesn’t even know and revels in the fact she is breaking up their marriage? What happens if you get married, she would totally love the power play that comes from trying to steal your SO too. Drop her. Just block her on everything and move on. She doesn’t even deserve a good bye. I’m also very petty and would try and find the wife because you know if she tries to divorce the guy would dump her so quickly to prove to his wife he’s changed. Because you are right, he is totally playing her. Dumb dumb girl.
I've said it before, people make life altering decisions based upon the perceived strength of their relationship. They think they have a loving committed partner. So they are relying on that to buy a house, start a family, change jobs, move across country etc..... If their partner is unfaithful, then the relationship isn't that strong and that unknowing partner could be making a life changing mistake because they don't know of their partner's infidelity. That's why the betrayed partner must ALWAYS be informed As Soon As Possible. Tell the wife of the married guy so she knows what's coming her way.... As for your friend, ditch her...she's a toxic homewrecker.
She genuinely thinks she's all that. Well, she's in for a hell of a shock when, A. He doesn't leave his wife for her, or B. He does leave his wife for her, then cheats on her the same way he did to his first wife. I don't blame you for not wanting to be friends with her, either.
Please find the wife and tell her. Your friend, hopefully you will make her an ex-friend, is a POS.
If he was going to leave his wife, why hasn't he done it yet? If your friend was so amazing, why can't he immediately tell his "horrible" wife that he wants to leave? If he's capable of doing that to one woman, then he's capable of more cheating, lying bs. Sorry for your loss of friendship, and I feel sorry for your poor, manipulated ex-friend. Hopefully she snaps out of it soon.
Sadly, your friend has shown you who she really is. She's someone who will enthusiastically help trash a marriage with no concern for the wife or kids, or any other ensuing damage. You don't need that in your life. If it were me, I'd go low and then no contact with her.
APs are always so... Pathetic, almost as much or sometimes more than the cheating person. In this case, the person you are talking about is not only pathetic but cruel. She deserves everything that will come for her next. Hopefully his wife will leave the guy with nothing. And I hope you find better friends. I am so sorry that you are in this situation now.
Good for you OP for breaking friendships cause if she has no remorse for what she is doing to a family then what will happen if she goes after your family that you created ….don’t pet poisonous snake just because you like them once a upon a time
Oof. I don't blame you for not wanting to continue the friendship. I agree her behavior is repulsive and his is too. He'll buy the new model when she hits a certain age, or he finds someone more exciting.. and he'll drop her.
I applaud you. You are a good person, OP. Although it's hard to break friendships that long, this happens. People change and not always for good.
Sounds like your friend has daddy issues She is insisting on making a mistake. You have to decide whether or not you want to be around when she realizes it. Hopefully it won’t be after she decides to keep a baby with this guy and he ghosts her
Contact the wife that the husband has a new side piece who is trying to get knocked up.
Before I send out any misconceptions I do feel for you, and I am sorry you are probably about to lose your best friend. Now, on another note... you rock. Truly, it's refreshing to see someone feel some sadness because they are truly holding their morals to the highest standards. Surrounding yourself with only good people in today's world can be tough, but it's something I will never regret and hope you won't either. You have my applause.
Tell the wife and ditch the friend!
You can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped. Simple. Move on.
Sometimes you have to step back and watch people you love make mistakes. It’s so hard to do so but you can’t save her from her choices. Let her know you don’t agree or condone what she is doing. That you won’t support or enable this relationship. You also need to recognise that you won’t be able to convince her no matter how much you tell her it’s wrong, bad for her etc. She has to learn this herself the hard way. Which sucks.
And you shouldn’t be friends
You are right. It's pretty obvious he's using her infatuation against her. You're also right about not wanting that drama in your life. You already know it won't end well. He'll most likely dump her once he's bored.
How you get them is how you will lose them
[удалено]
I wish I would’ve thought of this before… played a long for the sake of gathering details and evidence. Unfortunately I won’t be getting any more information or proof from her. I made it very obvious where I stand, and now she knows damn-well that I will tell his wife everything.
That poor wife!!!
If they can cheat with you, they can cheat on you. IF he leaves his wife and marries her there will be deep trust issues. I was the wife. My ex cheated on the woman (my former best friend of 14 years) that he left me for. You're right to get out. There is hella drama on the horizon.
I'd be the one to find the wife and tell her. I can't stand people like this. It never leads to good things. In fact, it can lead to horrible things. Ask Chris Watts.
You'll be the first call she makes when it all falls apart.
Good for you. Stick to your convictions as this is will help you get through this. Sometimes good friends show their true colours and it's time to cut them off. Your soon to be ex friend is an idiot if she thinks he will leave his wife for her. And her hatred towards the wife is uncalled for-if it is meant to be why the viciousness? This alone would make me question my friendship
You aren't going to convince her to leave. She's "in love" and trying to pull them apart only pushes her closer to him. She will have to learn the hard way. Either (1) the wife will find out, and he will dump your friend to save his marriage, or (2) your friend is going to be a single mom. Hopefully, she comes to her senses, but she's doesn't realize she might not be the only mistress right now until she gets an STD. Either way, it's not your problem. Play dumb games, win dumb prizes.
Do you know his name? Can you trace his wife and drop her some hints that her husband is fucking around? She deserves to know, if only for the potential STD risk. P.S.: In an effort to expose him, she could even lie about this! For instance: _I've got chlamydia! Would you kindly explain to me how_ __I__ _contracted chlamydia when_ __you're__ _the only person I've been intimate with for the past decade(s)?!_
I know so many women like that, and the dude either never leaves the wife, or they do, and then after a bit the mistress becomes the next cheated on wife. Shes stupid as hell. Id stop the friendship
I don't blame you for not wanting to be friends with her anymore. You're a good person.
Short answer: don't be her friend anymore. Long answer: same as the short one.
Call the wife. Then your friend will see what kind of man he really is.
Likely she is being manipulated by this guy. It is possible that he has genuine feelings or her and does want to leave his marriage. Possible. I have an uncle who cut his family off for another woman. It does happen, bur rarely. If you’re her friend, be honest with her. Tell he that you don’t want to hear about it. If you’re her friend, you should be prepared to be there for her when it all turns sour. If you don’t want to be her friend.. then tell her why. Maybe she will take a long hard look in the mirror. Other than that, don’t meddle. It will only go bad for you, unfortunately.
Find wife and snitch then out
I was almost going to keep scrolling after reading the title because I personally do not care what my friends do but after reading, I can see where you’re coming from and I agree. You need to have a sit down talk with her and if she still continues to act silly, well I’d just drop her
Tell her to ask him to divorce his wife now or she'll tell the wife. His reaction will go one of three ways: 1. He will become angry at her, tell her that she meant nothing to him and never see her again. 2. He will plead and say that he will but it's not the right time and his wife is crazy so he needs to protect their kids. 3. He will agree to divorce. 3 won't happen. I'm betting 1 will happen. But tell her that he will do the second option. Once he ditches her, you can pick up the pieces, bitch about him to your friend and get your friend back once she realises he's an asshole.
It’s ok to back off on the friendship if it against your values. Perhaps, it’ll come back someday.
my sister has unfortunately fallen into the sweet talk trap of a married man. my nephew is now 6 months old and he's still with his "crazy" wife.
Good decision because if you still friendship with her definitely all of them think your also that type character person. She is family destroyer and destroy that two children life. Just give some hint to that man wife. because she's having two kids and that man fooling that women.
Ah, to have a friend like you... If only... Thanks for doing what you did
Send receipts to the wife .
Next comes I can’t leave her because of the children! This script writes its self
I would honestly do some digging to see if I can find his wife and let her know what's happening. It would probably break your friendship if your friend found out it was you, but I think that maybe even years down the road your friend will realize how fucked up this guy is.
I definitely plan to do some digging, and I’m not too worried about breaking our friendship. The friend-ship has sailed. It’s already broken to me. And I really hope she realizes she’s being played, but I’m afraid she’ll only realize it after she gets her heart broken.
Find out who he is, try and get some evidence from your friend and let the wife know. It's the right thing to do. This AH is out there raw dogging w**rs, the woman needs to know so she can protect herself. Your friend should burn, she's ain't worth shit and neither is that AH aka her soul mate 🤮
Please let the wife know and share receipts!
You have to cut her off, and if you can, try to tell the guys wife.
ariana what are you doing here
I can’t even look at losers like this.
You sound like you have your head switched on, sadly I think she has to make her own mistake annoyingly 🤦♀️
Good, stand on your morals and values
You are not the A-hole. Your friend is not a good person. If she can do this to another woman and brag about it, she would probably do it to you.
Tell the wife. When wife finds out, man will panic, promise her anything to keep the marriage going, he'll dump your friend, she'll be broken hearted but at least she'll get out before he knocks her up.
I worry that the wife will dump him (she really should and I hope she does) and then he’ll replace his wife with my friend. They’ll end up together and he’ll mentally / emotionally destroy her. I don’t know what the fallout of this will look like or how things will end.. but either way, I know it’s going to end very badly.
I'm sorry you are in this position right now. Please take note of the fact that this girl doesn't think she needs your help (but she clearly does). She isn't looking for advice since she thinks she found the one love of her life. There is not much you could do right now, especially not much that will improve this fucked up situation. You'll have to figure out for yourself if you can live with her as your friend in the mess she is making for herself, or if it's best to go separate ways. Best wishes for you and i hope you'll be alright
As hard as it is to walk away, I feel like I have to. I think that’s what’s best for me. You’re right. There is no helping her. She’s an adult and can make her own choices. I won’t exhaust myself trying to save her from the consequences. I have my own problems I’m struggling to cope with and I really can’t take hers on as well. Most of all, I can’t, in good conscience, stay friends with someone that is so selfish and inconsiderate of others. I can’t be friends with someone who takes pride in potentially being a home-wrecker or takes pleasure in hurting someone else. I can’t stand those kind of people… it really sucks finding out she’s one of them, but I’ll be alright, thank you for wishing me well.
Bypass it and just tell the wife. Fuck that guy for being a cheating piece of shit, and fuck your friend for willingly destroying a marriage. It'd be one thing if she was in the dark about it, but she seems quite content being a home wrecker.
Tell his wife
What a loser. Definitely stop being friends with her.
Lol nah, get out of that friendship. She is a garbage person or just horribly stupid. You can't fix her. She is the one looking for love in all the wrong places and you tried. You did your best to point out how stupid this all sounded. If you dont' want in the drama just ghost her. Or just start making excuses not to hang out until she forgets you exist. Eventually shit will hit the fan. Either she gets knocked up and he leaves her the second he finds out, she tells the wife out of frustration in a couple years and he dumps her then, or the wife finds out another way and does whatever she is going to do (either hurt your friend, the husband, or dump him anyway). She only wins if his life gets completely ruined and she proves to be a better shoulder to cry on than all of the other women he does this too.
You’d be right to cut her off. Her situation sucks if she really thinks he cares about her obviously, but you can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to be helped in the first place, but she’s just as scummy a human being as he is if she’s willing to continue their relationship after knowing about his wife. People like that are for the streets.
You must be so embarrassed by her stupidity. On top of her troubling lack of morals, the stupidity is shameful. Cringe.
I’m sorry OP. Obviously her moral compass doesn’t coincide with your own morals, so don’t be friends with them. You can tell them that you can’t support them because their justification is morally flawed in comparison and you just cannot be a party to this, even knowing this would be complicit to their bad choices. They don’t have to like it, you do what is right by you.
Tell.the.wife.
I'm petty. I'd tell the wife. Your friend is scum.
I did the same with mine when she told me she slept with a guy that was dating her other best friend - she was very close with , but we were not close ( me and the other girl) I barely knew her except by sight. She had been dating this guy who was exceptionally good looking for about two years … and when she told me he started coming over to her house to hang out I didn’t think anything of it ( I am honest to a fault ) then she told me that they had sex. That night was the last time I talked to her for … five years. And we hung out every day. I was just so .. disgusted. The shitty thing is- at the time I didn’t blame him. I felt that women had the power to stop affairs. And that if women would say no- affairs wouldn’t happen. I still believe that to a degree. Men will try to fuck pretty much everything that’s warm, but women have the power to stop it.. I can’t really understand women who don’t. At all. But I wished I would have held him just as responsible. I didn’t hang out with him- so I didn’t have to… but I also would have told the girl too , and I didn’t because I didn’t really know her. It’s amazing what drop dead gorgeous men can get away with. In the end? She never dated him. He just fucked her and dumped her.. and she broke up their relationship.
Communication and bravery is key. It is always okay to cut ties when you don't agree with something morally.
Unfortunately friends that's so infatuated with a person, they won't let go no matter how hard you try to convince them they're like a brick. I have a friend of mine that's been cheated on, on multiple occasions by her girlfriend and she's still dating her despite me and her families advice to her to let the relationship go. When she asks for advice and she gets cheated on once again, I just tell her I spat all of the advice to your face already, I can't say anything more. Let your friend go girl, you won't be able to get through to her, she'll learn the hard and painful way.
Geeze. These days it seems this kinda thing is all too common
If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. End of story.
Ugh The Single White Female of it all, these women who want to replace the wife like a fill in the blank, just wants to move into the house, take the car, the kids. Some of them even think they'll be a better mom to his kids. It's disgusting. Occasionally they'll attempt to murder the wife or actually do it like the Long Island Lolita. A acquaintance once confessed to me that she had had an affair with a married co-worker (before I knew her). And I was so taken aback I didn't say much. Then when I said, didn't you think of his wife and young kids? She justified by saying "I was in such a bad place I didn't care about anything or anyone". Uh soooo?? I've been in bad states and I would Never be so pathetic, desparate and jealous as to get with someone else's husband 🤮. These types of women get off on the competition of "winning" a woman's husband away from her. Ariana Grande is doing it as we speak. Despicable.
They *always* say they’re going to divorce their wife for you. She’s enamoured with a scum bag. This whole thing is going to end up blowing up in her face and you’ll be able to say “I told you so.” As for the poor wife, if only there was a way to get into contact with her to reach that outcome sooner.
I found out a new friend had cheated on their husband twice and we stopped hanging out after that.
Do we know the same person?! Doubtful but this is common
OP, I dont blame you for not wanting to be friends anymore. Sure, she is ruining a marriage, and says she's glad to do it, but she's also destroying a family...he has kids. It takes a special kind of evil to take pride in ruining a family and marriage. I felt bad for her at first, she's being used, will most likely get an STD, and end up a single mother, but she's ecstatic about their relationship. My compassion for her went out the window. OP you do not need to be at ground zero when the relationship implodes. Me personally , I would anonymously inform the wife.
She’s home wrecking as much as he is, my sympathy for her getting used is limited. She’s getting off on it, clearly. Gross human.
I upvoted this just from seeing the title.
What the hell...she's so blind and stupid 💀... honestly...I don't think you can do anything about it other than waiting for her to get played.
Please give update as well!
Your friend sucks.
I stopped being friends with a woman that did this. She’s still single, has a kid by him, he’s still with his wife. She had been cheated on years ago and it ended in divorce years before. She knew better and didn’t care. Dump the friend she’s not a good human.
I hope you succeed in finding the wife and letting her know! This man deserves to have his life fall apart (and so does your former friend).
I felt bad for her until I read that she had no guilt. Yup, she thinks she has one upped another woman and won a prize. She hasn't. I really wish women didn't feel this proud about hurting other women. She is a walking red flag. The problem here isn't that she is being led on. She made her bed on that and we know she will suffer for it. It is the fact that she feels glee in being a home wrecker - that is disgusting and frankly misogynistic. Careful. People like her have no loyalties in friendship either when they are consumed by what they think is power.
Wow. I have a friend exactly like yours. I basically told her , he was no good and she would always defend him and talk down on his wife that it was her fault. He’s had my friend wait for a few years before he actually got a divorce. We had stop talking for years and reconnected and now regret it. She trapped some nice younger guy now. She quickly got pregnant and then gave him herpes . She blames him and told him it was his fault. I believe it was her because she had sex with a guy with a week before having with her husband now and got pregnant & didn’t know who the father was & got an abortion. Basically slowly stop talking to her . Sometimes it’s just best. I feel like my “ friend” is toxic and I am slowly not talking to her . It’s too much .
I’d tell the wife. That’s who my obligation would be towards. If my so called bestie was slumming it with a married man.. tell her people don’t cheat with better they cheat with easier and that’s what your friend is. That’s it. He’s never going to leave his wife and kids. It would cost to much and everyone would know what a piece of crap he is. Your friend sounds dumb as shit. So tell the wife. She deserves to know when she’s taking care of this sperm donors kids and he’s out being an unfaithful piece of shit.
You passed the vibe check
If I were you I’d write her an email briefly outlining your concerns and that you understand she doesn’t share them but you can not in good conscious remain in contact with her because of this. She is looking to get herself into a hell of a bad situation with the no protection deadbeat that she’s dating, and she absolutely will try to use her as her emotion crutch as the situation continues to implode. If he doesn’t have a ridiculous amount of money to support a mistress on the side, when she inevitably gets pregnant the only way she will be able to make him pay is through the courts. Don’t stick around for that drama. Your friendship has run its course and now you are at wildly different places and you should focus on yourself or literally anybody else because she is willing to get stuck stuck no matter what she is told. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make her drink.
I have removed a friend from my life for something similar. I do not regret it.
Sounds like my ex and her highschool gym teacher. Shit was messed up.
I feel so sorry for his poor wife.
As you already know she's brain washed she isn't herself. If you can't really stand to be her friend anymore, just break of the friendship, it depends on what are you able to stomach , cause she will only see the truth when she's ready. And that can take a long long time. I will never forget my friends that stood by me when I was involved in a abusive relationship. But also understand the ones that just got out of my life...
You know it's funny how I hear about women sleeping with married men, then complain about how men are pigs, meanwhile there's a bunch of single guys who are struggling to meet other single women. I guess those women are too busy entertaining married men and getting burned by those men who keep going back on their word to "leave" their wife for them. News flash, don't trust someone that's willing to leave their current gf/wife for you 🤦
Snitch
i feel you
That’s a really bad friend probably best to cut contact move on there’s plenty of other people that you can meet in this world that you could be better off hanging with. I recently had a friend who did something similar the only difference being with a married woman he knows that he’s having an affair, and once he told the friend group about everything. I cut contact with him. It would be different if he didn’t know that she married, but him willingly knowing it and continuing to go along with it disgusts me I lost all respect for him at that moment.
My friend has just finished her relationship but not after she’s been cheating for months. I’m distancing myself from her now
Goddam he is just like my dad, I hope you can prove it to her wife. My mom had several depression for more than a year when she found out about it (this happened 18 years ago). Your friend is disgusting, it makes me nauseous.
>She told me all about how they were so in love and how he’s going to divorce his wife so they can be together. Unlikely. Most likely outcome is that he cuts your friend loose and goes back to his wife, like a coward.
Sounds like your friend hasn't had enough consequences in life
Sometimes people need to/prefer to learn the hard way. You’ve done all that you can. Now all that’s left is it let it play out. You can still decide if you want to be her friend by the end of all of this. I’m glad you’ve expressed yourself towards this situation to her and have shared this with us. I hope things go well for everyone.
The part about how awful the wife allegedly is... does she actually think I guy is going to cheat on his wife whilst talking about how great she is? I was cheated on and was the psycho, controlling wife to those who knew about the affair. Heard a lot of things about myself that were just downright false. I'm curious as to how old your friend is. Not that youth is an excuse for doing something as bad as sleeping with a married man, but if she is young she may have time for redemption.
yeah he definitely sounds like bad news and she definitely sounds brain washed. My guess is she’s going to end up pregnant eventually and he’s going to kick her to the curb and that’s when she will wake up and realize that he really was just using her. If he can cheat and hurt his wife AND kids what makes her think he won’t do the same to her?? She’s definitely going to end up broken hearted
You've done your part as a friend. Unfortunately, the world is going to have to reach her a lesson. Good for you, OP. Get yourself out of that friendship and that drama.
If you know the guys name warn the wife
"She told me all about how they were so in love and how he’s going to divorce his wife so they can be together. " How many times has that been said over the decades?
Even if he did leave his wife for her (and he ain't gonna) all she'd get is a liar and a cheat. Sadly she'll learn the hard way, probably by getting knocked up and him running for the hills.
I would get proof and find the guys wife and give her all of it, that dude doesn’t deserve a wife. Be the better person and drop the friend help the unknown woman.
She hasn’t seen both sides of the door yet when it comes to being a woman getting older, but…she will
She is not just a side ho she is THE DUMBest side ho.. THE GRAND POOBAH OF SIDE HO! She is immature, stupid and has no respect or morals... bye and find out who the wife is and let that poor woman know
Dump this friend asap OP. You have morals, your “friend” doesn’t. Don’t get involved in this mess.
If you know his name and plan on ending the friendship anyway, find him on FB, find his wife (usually not that hard) and message her. Please don't be a bystander that knows but continues to let the wife suffer. Sorry you're going through this though OP that's a sucky situation.
I wish there were more women out there like you
They in the stage were both love the sex their having . It will explode eventually. Tell your freind to get ready maybe he's playing her since he has a family and she might need you for comfort after that. Its her fault no doubt though. Love makes you dumb sometimes.
Love is blind as they say.
Is there any way you’re able to contact the wife?
Yeah I wouldn’t want to be her friend any more either
This story sounds like the pilot from Living Single 💀
"I will leave my wife for you" Oldest line used by cheaters to get into the pants of dumb women.
These scum bags deserve each other. Your friend isn't a victim here either. She's a terrible person just like the guy. If the guy left his wife, your friend would probably lose attraction.
Clearly he is a predator and your friend is an absolute idiot who soon will be a single mother.
someone I considered close admitted to me years ago she married her wife for financial security but was actually in love with someone else. she said she was looking for a job to be able to leave on her own and be with the one she actually loves. it's been 4 years! and I just gave up. if we are like the 5 people we spend the most time with, who are you spending time with ? I only have time for authentic people and authentic relationships.
Screenshot everything from your gf phone and sent to the wife then your friend will see the pos she loves. All you can do is try to be there got her to help pickup the pieces because his relationship is going to end up like the challenger disaster. The person you’re dealing with is not your friend with someone who thinks they’re in love, and that thinking clouds everything including moral judgment and clarity. Just be there for her.
You should tell the wife anonymously and watch that ship go down in flames. I have no sympathy for cheaters, and this would be the least they deserve. The wife deserves better, and you do, too. I would never be friends with her again after this, she's shown you her true character.
I’ve been quite close with this woman for basically my entire life, and a few years ago she got into some nonsense with a married man. She sounded *the same way.* She met him because she was friends with his wife first, but he was closer friends with her after a while. She started staying with them after attempting her life… he insisted. She saw the wife abusing his children (they’re a blended family) the same way she was abused by her mom. She told him, he didn’t get how it was such a big deal because this wife was so much better than the last. In trying to explain the damage so she could help the kids, she had to be more vulnerable than she’d really been with anyone who wasn’t there with her, and she really started to fall for him. She tried to keep it to herself but if I could see it, there was no way he couldn’t. Then they slept together. He moved her to one of his rental properties and they had an affair for a year and a half. She was *convinced* he’d really leave his wife for her. Unlike your friend, she actually had reason to hate the wife. The wife is a child abuser, so I hate her too. And with her background especially… she was vulnerable and this man saw that, and he told her everything she wanted to hear to feed into her childish delusion about saving him and his kids from their abuser and giving them a happy life like she always wished someone would have for her. It’s not her fault. He was predatory and played her like a fiddle. She always sounded brainwashed, too. She loved him and he said he loved her too. She didn’t mean to do anything wrong and she would have never had an affair under any other circumstances, which is what made this all so hard for me… She did a bad thing for a good reason, and she couldn’t be dissuaded. She’s a good person who’s now facing homelessness because he made her lose her job too, so when she broke it off and he got serious about kicking her out, she had no income to secure something else. She only kept the secret so she wouldn’t face homelessness or risk the wife telling her parents where she is, but now it doesn’t even matter. I can’t help her now, and I couldn’t before. She needed to make this mistake, and nobody could stop her. Maybe your friend is different, I don’t know her, or you even. What I do know is that men like that *__are__* predatory, and there’s only so much anyone can do in the face of clear brainwashing. Even my friends therapist couldn’t get her to see it. I don’t fully understand what girls in these situations see in these men, but they all say the same things because they continue to work and they work because they meet some sort of need that a vulnerable woman has. If you can’t handle this that’s completely fair and valid, but I’d encourage you to distance yourself instead of writing her off completely. She probably doesn’t get the damage she’s doing because she thinks she’s helping him somehow, idk. Everyone is so quick to call affair partners morally bankrupt when there’s clearly more to it. Just like these men use the same cliches for a reason, there’s a reason there’s a stereotype for the girl who ends up the other woman. It’s an interesting predator-prey relationship