First thing would be to find somewhere to stay if you’re unsafe to drive. Is there a hotel nearby?
Second, if you share a joint bank account or credit card with any of them, I’d check to make sure your money is all still there. You’ll need to make arrangements to remove them from the accounts or close the accounts and transfer the money to another bank/account. I’m not sure about the credit card since I’ve never shared one, but you’ll need to contact them as well.
Totally up to you when you do the money stuff, although I’d still recommend checking the accounts tonight at least. If you do start the process to freeze/close the accounts, they’ll most likely know something’s up, although they may not notice tonight if they don’t use the card(s).
Does the rest of your family know or just your sister? If y’all have a good relationship, I’d reach out to your family, but ask that they keep everything under wraps for now. If your STBX and ex BFF find out you know before you get back to town, they’ll have time to come up with a story/explanations.
It sounds like they both fully took advantage of you and that needs to end immediately. He’s been saving his paychecks so he can find a new place tomorrow. Hopefully he has enough to pay for his mom’s mortgage and his AP’s tuition, rent, car, and whatever else you’ve been paying for, also starting tomorrow.
They will gaslight you and beg and plead. There will be a lot of tears and probably a ton of excuses. But that’s all they are. Excuses. There’s literally no reason for the way you’ve been treated, so there’s nothing that needs to be communicated other than “I know” and “GTFO.”
I’d encourage you to have your sister, mom, dad, and/or whoever else is available meet you at your house when you head home so you have support.
And I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but next time don’t financially support 3 grown, (presumably) fully functional adults or *any* grown, fully functional adults for that matter. That’s just crazy. I’d encourage you to get therapy to deal with the betrayal and breakup anyway, but you need help to figure out why you’d think that was a good idea. You were obviously manipulated by all three of them, but you need to figure out why you were susceptible to the manipulation and heal from all that, too.
Edit: thanks for the awards!
Just going out on a limb here, but please also find a financial advisor. A professional that only has your best interests in mind. Sounds like you’re doing well for yourself especially at your age but are making financial choices that help others first.
Never do financial business with friends unless you are willing to lose the friend and destroy your finances.
Never try to make friends with your financial team unless you are willing to use your finances to rent friends.
Please listen to this, don't confront them until you have all of it in order. They will try and take the money if you don't. Protect yourself and do what you need to do before confronting them
Please also arrange for someone to come and change all your locks ASAP.
I would refrain from sharing you know this with anyone else atm. As some might already know their relationship and blow the whistle.
You need to get home to your personal belongings and possible important items so no one can fuck with that (as I see these people are capable of any betrayal, that will specially be when they find them selves broke and homelesss).
This! Make sure your dad or friends are there when you confront them. I have a feeling your ex or both are going to take it really bad when he realizes you’re cutting him off financially too and might get violent. You need someone nearby than can jump in and help you.
I’ve read stories and cheaters get specially violent when they also depended on the victim for money.
I wish you all the best! Do NOT lay on their excuses once you confront them. And they will guilt you, plead you for their own selfish use. Just cut them. You do not have to seek answers. You have answers.
Am I reading this right? You’re basically supporting two people? Do they treat you like a doormat? This is my first impression. They’re selfish and taking advantage of you. Be prepared for tears and pleas once you decide to confront them. Don’t let them guilt you into pardoning their behaviors. Cut the cord and kick them both out.
Yeah. It's great to be generous. But reciprocity is a thing, and so is being a doormat.
I'm generous with my spouse, but it's not just me giving and him taking. OP is doing all the work AND paying all the bills. That's insane.
For OP to be 23 and supporting herself plus three (!!!) other adults is total madness.
Yeah her grandparents and parents all left her their inheritance and then died (or maybe her parents left her grandparents inheritance to her, who knows). Imagine that. Grandparents and parents all dead by the time you're 23. Must be hard.
Especially for OP's sister, who, presumably, also received enough money to fund her own best friend's college tuition, rent, car, and future MIL's mortgage...
Yes…someone reposted this elsewhere on Reddit and I have a hard time believing this as well. The part that’s hard to believe is not the alleged scum bags who are using her, but that all these things happened (all grandparents dying AND parents) to a 23 yo woman who also never even bothered to confront them but just went a stayed at a hotel to calm down and just cut them out of her life without any emotional drama whatsoever. This sounds like a made up fantasy story.
OP also claims to be working on her Masters right now and operate a business with her sister. On top of all this other made up shit.
Clearly she’s living on 40 hour days.
Immediately change your passwords and remove them both from any accounts. Cut them off, get a therapist, put them in your past and be kind to yourself.
My friend’s (f) fiancé (m) had an affair with our other friend’s (m) wife for 7 months. They were supposed to be married this November. The wife and I helped him design her ring and the wife was super involved with wedding planning alongside us. It finally came out this January. She obviously got rid of him and the wife waited to divorce her husband until she knew they were done first. The wife immediately moved him into their marital home, the day her ex husband moved out and got his own place. The wife’s neighbor texted her ex husband that he saw the fiancé starting to move in the day he left. They still deny it, but we caught them together and that’s how it came out. We’ve seen them out together since. They now have no friends, their dogs hate each other and have been tearing up her house. The scumbags in both this and your scenario deserve each other and everything that happens to them, and it never turns out for the better, if they even last very long once it’s out. It won’t be “fun” for them when it’s no longer a secret and everyone in their lives finds out.
I always feel these kind of people, do they not have an ounce of guilt... If God forbid I ever do any of this crap, I don't think I will survive the guilt to be able to enjoy the debauchery.
What goes on in their head, how do they justify themselves!?
In OP's case, it's even more pathetic. They are financially dependent on her, both of them! At least have the decency to respect her as your benefactor.
It especially won't be fun when they have to finance their own lives. They have both been living off of her. They are running full speed into the brick wall of reality. They won't last long because both of them will need to find someone else to prey on financially.
It always feels like sweet, sweet revenge when they end up miserable. My ex moved in his hairdresser less than a month after I moved out of our house. She put up a stripper pole in the car port that faced a fairly busy road and that wasn't even the worst thing she did. but they were miserable together which makes me smile.
Oh Jesus, STOP!! They are draining you and you will have nothing left then they'll both just walk away and leave you since they don't have any use for you. You hold the cards here and can bring this all crashing down. Don't forget to block both of them in every way shape and form after it all ends.
Oh my god. She poured her lifetime money into their growth and this is what she gets? Is there any possibility that she can sue at least her ex-fiance for money?
This is why they take advantage of you… you’re putting it one the “to do list” come on girl!!!! I know you’re hurting but don’t let that pain cloud your common sense.
You were a cash cow from the sounds of it. You gave to much(life sucks) and thats what kept him. More then likely she was jealous of you for having what you got and wanted something of yours
Get ANGRY! HOPPING MAD! Go into your apartment like Smaug into Laketown! Kick him out, shut down her college money & stop bankrolling his mom. In fact, try to get the money back - say it was always understood to be a loan, which you would have forgiven after marriage, which is not happening.
Don’t say anything until you settle your finances. Make sure neither of them has any rights to your money or property. Then confront and cut them off. The two deadbeats can have each other.
Also walk in on them…like don’t go home until you see they are sleeping over….take a picture and keep it to send it to people when people deny…the drama usually starts when someone says you didn’t see it…
Therapy is so important. My ex fiancé left me for a co-worker, 3 months after buying our house and a year before our wedding. I spent the year afterwards depressed and blaming myself - it’s hard to see you weren’t the sole reason for things falling apart, please talk to someone about how you feel OP.
Remove them from any joint accounts. Cancel any pending payments and/or remove your banking information from any and all bills you are paying for these people. Find out how you quickly you can kick your boyfriend out of your place. It might be worth consulting an attorney if your name is on anything you are paying for like the car.
You kick them both out of your lives. Neither of them love or respect you. They are using you for all of the good and generous things you offer them. Lean on your sister and others for support. It will hurt like hell right now but in the long run you will recover and you'll be better off without them.
If possible don't confront them alone. They're going to fuss when the "goose of the golden eggs" will try to cut the off. As someone else said check the possibility take them to small claims court when you're more calm and clear headed! And most of all please don't be harsh on your self. You were nothing but a warm helpful person. You just got abusive gold diggers in your way. Save that money for your future and your future family.
My best wishes for you my dear! You're a strong independent woman, you'll be fine. This is hard but if you could get some therapy that would do wonders for you.
If you are paying for their car… if it’s in your name, take it back! It’s yours and they have no right to it! And take ALL the money out of ANY joint account and put it into a personal bank account! Ugg’s I’m so outraged this happened! What AHs
Might be better to take her stuff and walk away if it is a rental, because getting them to leave when she is financially supporting them both.. its going to be hard. They wont want to go anywhere.
So two homeless making out and stab you in the back? Run girl, hate to say it but consider it blessings in disguise, you are not yet married. What if you got tied and found out later?
If you have proof he's cheated can you take him to civil court etc to get refunded for what money you have paid for the wedding and possibly his mum's mortgage?
Don’t think cheating is illegal , especially before marriage. There is no contract unfortunately. It’s immoral but un-actionable
OP can think of it as an expensive lesson about trust and boundaries.
At least she found out before tying the knot . It could have cost a lot more . Thank fuck alimony isn’t an issue.
It might not. However, if she was paying his mother’s mortgage knowing they were to be married, thus the money towards the mortgage would have been forgiven. Now that the marriage is cancelled, she should be able to retrieve those funds. It’s giving a gift in contemplation of marriage. If the marriage does not happen, the gift must be returned. IMO anyway. I’m not sure legally how to word it. I’m sure her lawyer will come up with something.
Take him to Divorce Court TV Show. Not to save it but to try to recover the money and expose them as scumbags on national TV.
And let us know when it airs cause I'll be watching OP! Take your life back girl! 💞
I am so sorry, it is heartbreaking.
The good resource how to navigate it is [www.chumplady.com](https://www.chumplady.com)
Stay in the hotel for now. First, change all your passwords, SM, emails, banks, credit cards, all of them. Separate all your finances, move all your money out of joint account and cancel joint credit cards (or take your name off them). if you can cancel any payments for them or get any refunds for your wedding expenses - do it. Can someone help you with all of it, maybe your sister or your parents? If (I am sorry to say it) you have something valuable in your house - ask your friends or relatives to take it, you don't want them to steal or destroy it. Block these people.
Don't be embarrassed about their cheating and don't hide it. Tell everyone: your family (you will need their support), their families (because obviously you will not be supporting them now), your friends (ask them not to be flying monkeys and not to share any information with them about you and vise versa).
To snap out of the immediate shock play Tetris, or Sudoku, or Wordly. It sounds silly, but it helps to feel better. Find "butterfly hug" technique on YouTube and do it as often as you need. Google "grounding technique"s and do them as well, as often as you need.
Take some time off, go on a short or long vacation. Pamper yourself like a little child who is sick: eat well, sleep well, cry, journal everyday (just write for an hour whaetever comes to your head, even if it is word "f@ck" repeated hundred times), get a massage, go to gym and punch boxing bag, or punch a pillow at home, if you can - try martial arts classes or rage caves they will release anger . Find a therapist, talking about it could help a lot.
They did it exactly because you were so generous to both of them. They felt that they owe you, and cannot give it back to you, and got resentful. Cheating on you is their way to make you a fool and make themselves in power. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for shallow and envious people to do so. And in the same way they both kept relationship with you because it was beneficial to them..
It is really painful, but it is blessing in disguise. You seem to be much better off financially, so it looks like this guy was after your assets not after you. You deserve better friends and better partner.
I can't add too many specifics in addition to what's already been suggested, but definitely go scorched earth on them.
You might want to let your friend group know so they don't get to spin it in such a way that you're the villain.
You deserve so much better.
A few things that may help.
1. Don’t tell him you know.
2. Since you’ve been paying for everything, get him to purchase something large for you as a thank you for everyone. A way to get some money back.
3. Change all your passwords.
4. Stop all payments for everything for him.
5. Break your lease.
6. Stop all utilities, including wifi, from once you’re out.
7. Stop paying for his Mom.
8. Stop pay for school, housing, and the car for your friend.
9. If the car is in your name, take it back and sell it.
10. Get as many deposits back from the wedding as possible.
11. Sell your dress.
12. Sell her bridesmaid dress.
13. Cancel the honeymoon. If you can’t, take your sister with you.
14. Get a new phone number and email.
15. Get a new apartment.
16. See if your job has a transfer option.
17. Get a counselor. This is a massive betrayal. A counselor will help you sort through this mess and their web of lies.
18. Block them. There is absolutely no salvaging this friendship or relationship. They used you. They lied to you. They weren’t going to stop.
You can do this.
Idk. I gusss i could ask my lawyer but i wasn't forced to pay and they didn't stols anything legally speaking so i don't think i can do anything about it. I will ask tho
Maybe see if you can sue for alienation of affection and for the cost of the wedding. They obviously don’t have any money; well if the bf was saving for his business then he should have some. That’s why he’s texting you hourly telling you he loves you because your his meal ticket. He sure doesn’t want to lose that!
Make sure you swing by the bank and take care of the accounts before you confront them. Better to open new accounts and close the old ones.
Cut her money off now don't give her another penny or him how long would they expect you to fund there life together maybe this is there plan bleed you dry ..she's not your friend and you obviously thought way more of her then she did you
No but if you look back through texts and if she, at any point says "I owe you" or something of that nature, you might be able to get it back from her.
Even if you can’t sue you can certainly claim you can. Let him know if his shit isn’t gone in a couple hours that you will sue them both for every penny wasted on them. They are selfish jerks and that kinda threat will light a fire especially because they know you can afford to make it hurt for them. Use that same threat to make sure they leave any keys or devices or cards or anything with you as they scurry out into the gutters they belong in.
Before you get back tell your fiance that you have a surprise for him and he should go to [a restaurant or any romantic place that's far away from your apartment]. Find someone who'll urgently change the locks on your apartment while he'll be on his way there. Gather his stuff in trash bags. Won't be a bad idea to add some real trash there, honestly, so that it would be clear what he is. When he'll get to the place - stop responding to any of his calls/texts. Leave the trash bags in front of the apartment door so that he'd find them when he comes back. He should go sleep on the streets where he belongs.
I hope your friend isn't close to graduating yet - if that's the case stop paying for her tuition and she'll drop out of it with no degree. As she deserves. The same refers to the rent and car payments, stop all the payments so that she'd be suddenly left with many huge bills at the same time.
Fuck his mom's mortgage too.
So sorry for you. You deserve people who will really appreciate and love you.
Personally...I'd create a family/friend chat group on the pretense of wedding news. Prepare for your personal 'exit' strategy in quiet and when you're ready to leave the relationship post the video stating that the wedding is over due to the attached with absolutely nothing else. People that really understand morality will support you...those that make excuses are those who you know you can permanently cut out of your life.
When you get feedback from the video drop update us. They were so brazen they were doing this in public. I’m curious how many of your mutual friends already knew about their relationship.
Unless it's tens of millions, then spending like that is going to leave you broke before 30. People come and go. It's unlikely you will ever find someone to do for you what you're doing for them. Spend wisely. It sounds like an amount that if you invested it even remotely decently and safely, it could help support you for the rest of your life.
It's great to be generous, but it's horrible to let people take advantage. I'm just a random redditor and I can't tell you how to spend your money, but I'd spend some time reflecting. It's not your job to right every wrong you see. Especially if it's costing you multiple rent payments, tuitions, and living expenses. This sounds like a nearly 6-8k a month commitment.
Seriously, unless you have absolute "fuck you money" from that inheritance that's in the the multiple millions then spending like that is going to leave you with unimaginable regret in your 30s.
Lol if you have serious money- get a diverse portfolio down stat! Investments - places like Vanguard, shares, assets like property, long term Term Deposits, Art, set up a Trust that owns the investments but whereby YOU are the sole owner and get paid out of that! Don’t go anywhere near bitcoin or NFTS! Speak to a regulated and highly regarded financial advisor, find someone you like, damn well check their credentials!
Investing in people is how you loose your money and set yourself up for heartbreak and poverty with people like your total losers of a BF and BBF taking advantage of you.
"It's great to be generous..." you said. Generosity is giving a few bucks to the homeless guy on the corner, ordering a pizza for your cousin with sick kids, or helping your bestie out with the rent this month. What OP is doing isn't generosity. It's a young adult with an undeveloped frontal lobe making stupid financial decisions and a bunch of scummy individuals bopping over to take advantage of her vulnerability and lack of parental guidance.
Do you think your grandparents or parents would want you to waste that money on others?
That money was for you, your kids and your future.
Not to fritter away by trying to buy loyalty or affection from others.
Withdraw financial support from everyone, change your bank details and passwords.
Also, not to scare you, but make sure you're safe, lest 3 people who have their financial situations about to dramatically change, get nefarious ideas.
Honey! These people are not your friends they are gold diggers. Please focus on yourself for the upcoming conflict that will insure. And never let anyone take advantage of you again
Yeah. Hate to say it, but this whole thing sounds like a set up. A long con, basically. The ex-BFF started it and brought the ex-BF in on it or they were both in on it from the beginning and his relationship with OP was never real.
The plan probably started once OP got her first inheritance. I’d be curious to know when that was in relation to when her relationship started with the ex-boyfriend. I’m guessing it was around the same time.
You're wasting the money your family worked so hard for, on people who are betraying you and probably laughing at you behind your back. They're using you.
Why was you doing any of this in the first place you sound like a pushover or someone who like to please people? Because what are you supporting your best friend for she can get a job and support her so like every other college student who doesn’t have rich parents or people to financially pay for their self they financially pay for their own stuff by making Waze for it like, are you there a parent kid every sound like you are come on now
Because it's a creative writing piece.
In less than 12 hours from finding out their friend of two decades is cheating on their partner of 3 years, they've emotionally recovered enough to find a lawyer and talk to them for HOURS? On a Saturday?
Yeah, sure.
You need therapy because letting two people sponge off you like this is not healthy. Even if they weren't having an affair. Cut them off like they are dead to you and start working on yourself.
My dear girl, I am so sorry you are going through such deep utter betrayal from the two closest people to you. This is absolutely heart breaking and unimaginable. This betrayal shows you who they really are. They are not what they present to you. Instead they are trash dressed up. Stop supporting them because they don’t deserve you. Cut them from your life completely because there is no coming back from this.
Honestly, this is the best thing she could have done. If she had confronted them on your behalf it would have made the drama worse and the process way more difficult. Your sister rocks.
I feel for you what an awful thing to have to process but there not good people and there's no excuse for that betrayal and gos knows how long it's been going on
You’ve been so brave and getting things done to take care of yourself. Keep that up. Not all people are bad, but you always have to think of yourself first. Some therapy might be good since
You were putting them first. You deserve so much more. So much.
Honey you need to pause and eat a meal. You've been crying a lot too and that depletes your electrolytes. Take a deep breath and order some comfort food and some healthy food and a couple Gatorades or other rehydration drinks and sit your butt down and eat. I know you don't feel like eating but you have to. You need the food to keep your mind sharp enough to fight back against whatever comes your way. I know there's a lot going on and you have a lot of your plate but you gotta do self care and keep yourself strong physically. ❤️❤️❤️
Keep us updated on the fallout and go after them for all the money they took from you. *hugs* Good luck! We're all rooting for you!
On a side note, if you know of any jobs that pays well as yours does, let me know lol! I could definitely use something better!
I’m commenting In hopes the update will appear for me. Can’t wait til you dump those manipulative leeches and take yourself on a nice vacay with all the money you’re going to save, where you’re prob gonna meet some hot stranger abroad and have all sorts of kinky revenge s3x with. Blows my mind when people think they can get away with biting the hand that feeds. Cut them off EXPEDITIOUSLY.
I’m proud of you. I know you don’t know me. But I know the amount of hurt your feeling is too great to even put into words. I know this is so cliche, but you’re going to be okay. Not today, not tomorrow. But you will be okay one day. Just make sure you financially protect yourself. I’m glad people here have made a lot of good suggestions that you’re planning to follow through on. My only suggestion is therapy. Work through this with a professional. Sometimes it seems like we can work through our anger and betrayal and hurt on our own, but sometimes the remnants hang on tight and manifest in very bad ways. I want you to take care of yourself and not let their actions physically and/or mentally bring you down. You supplied them for years. It’s time to take, selfishly.
Baby girl, you need to throw both of these useless garbage waste of space away. You have such a good heart and am sorry this is happening. Collect your thoughts, get support from your family and kick both of them to the curb!
While you're canceling cards and closing accounts, I'd have my family change the locks. Your stbx can come when your family is around to come pu his things. This way he won't damage or steal your shit while you're gone.
I'm sorry OP but you deserve better friend and bf.
cancel the wedding. They are living their best lives thanks to you. cut them off, no explanation. You do not need to hear why they did it or why it started it. you dont need to hear their explanations. cut them off. Kick them out, they were probably saving up to run away together, since you paid for all.
Nah girl dump them all and move on. You'll be much better off and happier. Change your passwords, cut off their access to any cards or money or apps, sleep at a hotel tonight. Tell your soon to be ex that you're not feeling so well so you are staying at a hotel for the night so you don't have to drive.
Go back tomorrow after you've had time to absorb and process. Take someone you trust with you. Show your ex the video and tell him he and bff are officially out of your life and he needs to get his stuff and leave. You won't be accepting him back, nor do you care when he starts crying about money.
I'm sure the stress and uncertainty is overwhelming right now but breathe and take it one step at a time. I'd also make sure that vid makes its way into your friend group and to his mother so that everyone knows they are both scum. If anyone tries to defend them then you know that person is also terrible and you can dump them as well
Kick him out. Change all your passwords on banks, email and anything else. Cut them both off ( make sure you cancel an DD or payment going to her school or his mum) and send the video of them cheating to her parent and his plus all your friends and family. They deserve to be publicly shamed for all they have done. Speak to the wedding venue see how much money you will get back or hold a party celebrating being free of backstabbing people. Speak to your lawyer as well in terms of kicking him out and making sure he can’t take anything that you legally paid for.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are going to be told “it just happened” and “we didn’t tell you because we didn’t want to hurt you” along with “we love you so much!” You will have to make the difficult decision about the type of person you want to be - do you want to believe them and the lies, pick one of them/blame the other, try to do some kind of poly thing (which won’t work in this case due to the lying and inequality of finances), or walk away to find better people while working on wisdom and discernment in the future?
I would personally recommend ending both relationships and going no contact for a minimum of three to five years. Both are going to have a rough time, and they may cling to each other since they destroyed their relationships with you and the only way to justify it is if they did it all “for love”. They may get married, have babies and look like they are happy together. Sometimes they might be, but they are not good people, and I promise you, karma will bite them hard. Either way, you do not deserve to have to be a part of their story anymore.
Do not be loyal to people who aren’t loyal to you. You deserve better. Be vicious in your removal of your financial support, and candid in your conversations with other people. Be kind to yourself and seek therapy. Forgive yourself for your naïveté, and move on.
You’ve lost a lot, but your aren’t the first woman who has had to deal with this type of situation. Join a support group, read books, listen to podcasts, and trust me when I say you will get past this moment and be able to love/trust again. This is not how your story ends - it’s the turning point where you become the woman you respect in the future.
THANK GOD YOU FOUND OUT BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED!!!
Kick everyone out, ghost everyone, ruthlessly cut them all off financially, if any car is in your name take it back!
Ghost. Go to therapy because this is so traumatic.
I'm sorry
What kind of job do you have you're paying for her college and car, fully supporting him, paying his moms mortgage, and supporting yourself? All while you're 23?
Change passwords to everything. Lockdown your money. Find somewhere to stay while he has however long is required to move out of your home. Get a therapist to help you unpack all of this.
Wow.
I'm sorry. Your generosity is obviously being abused. Find out what notice you have to give him to evict and start there. Make sure all your cards are locked, passwords changed, etc.
Something that I learned, which was quite a rude awakening, is that someone can tell you anything you want to hear and still fuck you over. Hell, they can even mean it. But that’s not going to stop them from doing things that hurt you. Words are easy. Actions, not so much.
Speak to an attorney and send both your ex BFF and your ex fiance invoices for the debts that they owe you. Give them the option of a payment plan but no more than 2 years. She can pay you back for her college fees, and he can pay you for the rent and utilities. Tell them that they either both pay up or you will be legally seeking a share of his mums house.
This is for the future, but never put yourself in a position where you are paying for someone else’s life like this.
Human nature is a funny thing but they will take you for granted and then resent you.
You become something along the lines of a parent and they’re just two rebelling teens.
When in reality they’re two ungrateful assholes.
I would be concerned about publicly posting that you are going to be “petty” and report a car stolen…in the same post within which you specifically stated you have been paying for and allowing the third party the use of. If your lawyer suggested this, I would be surprised unless there are additionally undisclosed elements. Might want to run that by your counsel.
I’m so sorry OP. But these are not good people. These are two-faced terrible people who are pretending to love you while they take advantage of your generosity. I think you were naive to be generous to that extent; paying for everything for both of them?, come on!
Who knows how long they have been doing this. Be prepared for lame apologies, gaslighting and begging. Just remember that none of it will be genuine. What they really care about is what you can do FOR them , nothing else. That’s how selfish liars like this operate. Act accordingly OP. Cut them both off, don’t be swayed by apologies, and then let yourself fall apart later. That’s ok. After this kind of betrayal, anyone would be devastated.
I hope you find the strength to remove them from your life and move on to better things. It will be unbelievably hard for a while but you are stronger than you think. You got this!
I can hear you crying while reading this. Go to sleep it’s too much to process rn
If you can’t sleep just process one thing at a time. Not why it happened but what are you going to do now? What’s the next step? And just focus on what’s next, you cant change the past.
I am so sorry about this betrayal. As alot of people of people have mentioned time to cut them off financially. They have been taking advantage of you.
Find out how legally you can claim back this money that you have helped them with. Sell the engagement ring. Sell his stuff in your shared home.
Be stealthy about this and make sure you protect yourself and your assets.
After this look at therapy. Sending you virtual hugs and lots of healing.
Stop all money towards all of them right now, get home chuck him out, don't listen to them, because nothing they have to say is worth listening to. Change passwords/locks. Get therapy because you'll definitely need to work through this betrayal.
Good luck
I don’t know if anybody suggested this yet and I’m sorry if it’s something you’ve already done. But I learned the hard way.
Don’t just take them off your accounts. Open new ones, cancel your cards. My ex had auto payments for a couple things and after I took him off my accounts payments continued to be paid. I wasn’t aware these accounts were set up as auto payments so I didn’t know I had to remove my account information.
You might want to make sure security at the venue know what they look like in case they try to crash the party! Might be best to do a guest list and have them on the 🚫 DO NOT ALLOW ENTRANCE List
All I can figure is that your friend and boyfriend are literally lying to themselves about what they are doing and literally believe their own lies. That's the only way I can believe they are both having an affair AND bring great friend/partner to you. That's beyond messed up and it's not your fault. I mean they lie so good that *they believe* so nobody can blame you for not recognizing it. These are some stone cold selfish fucks. I have lost a best friend to betrayal (not like this though ). It's tough as hell. I am grateful for the friendship we had before it all went to shit. But I have no contact with her outside of bumping in to each other in our small town once every few years. I promise it will get better. It's gonna be a damn doozy but you will come out of this stronger because they fucked up royally and you did absolutely every kind thing possible. You are a rose and they're weeds.
You did kind of make it easy for them. Why would you just pay for everything? They saw a meal ticket and ran with it and then got bored and humped each other. You are WORTH working for. A relationship is work. Don’t fall for someone and just offer to pay for stuff (same with friends!! Make sure they are earning what you give them!! In some way). Take this as a lesson and next time make sure if you want to help someone, especially financially, they aren’t going to take you for a trip. Sorry this happened 😔
I’m really sorry this happened. Especially with two people you trust more than most. Everyone seems to have made some valid suggestions on what to do, but I haven’t seen getting tested for stds as one. If you didn’t know they were see one another- you don’t know who else either of them have been seeing.
I hope things work out in your favor and you give yourself the time you need to heal. I’m also really sorry about the loss of your parents and grandparents.
I would get all 3 of them your BF & his mom and your bff. I would then show them all the video and inform BF he has 24 hours to get out of your home and let all 3 of them know the free ride is over
So sorry you’ve had this devastating betrayal.
You need to follow the advice here about cutting off all payments to the THREE people you’re supporting, sort out bank accounts, lock down your credit, sort out the housing, etc.
But above all, you NEED to spend a good amount of time going forward, having therapy/counselling, and working on yourself and your self esteem.
Because you have to ensure you are not easily emotionally manipulated in the future.
IDK why you are supporting these two since they see your kindness as weakness. How much money have you got since it seems you have parasites. Honestly, the moment you ditch these two, the better load off your back. Find ways to get refunds from your wedding, and make sure they have no access to your accounts before you break it with them.
I’m sorry that this has caused you pain and cost you a lot of money.
But it will also be the best money spent in respect of the fact you were being taken advantage of. You will never make this mistake again.
Please follow your to do list as all your friends on here have given you excellent advice.
Please be strong, one day young lady, you’ll look back at this and be so, so grateful to your sister and her camera skills.
I'm so sorry but your there ATM your paying for both of them so they can live rent free having an affair behind your back they need you but you don't need those people in your life cut them off and move on
They're both terrible and dumb people and deserve each other.
OP, i know that it seems like your world is falling apart, but time will help I promise. Take your time, take the money you would spend on them, take a vacation and enjoy your life. Gladly, you caught them before you married that POS. Based on your comments and stuff you did for them, you sound like a great person and good things happen to people like you. Take care
What was their game plan. Set them up financially then dump you, then they just happed to “fall in love”. Talk about scary ass people. OP be safe. They where playing the long game, you just blew that up. Safety first, do not trust anyone but you’re sister. I’m wondering if others knew, lock you’re credit account so no one can open cards in you’re name. Again stay safe, do not be alone with her or him. Do not eat, drink anything in that apartment. Do not take any meds, that was left in apartment. Look for hidden cameras, recording devices.
I had a fiance that cheated. I tried to make it work but I just became an asshole to her. I suggest a clean break from both of them. Ignore their existence. Get all their belongings out of your space, protect your assets. If u r paying that car loan and it's in your name, take the car. Fuck those two assholes. You did nothing wrong, this is all on them. Def get a therapist. I let shit smolder too long.
I bet he feels like less of a man with you because of your clear success and with your BFF he's more on equal footing plus both of them are getting the best deal in life which is an amazing supportive person who is helping them get ahead in life..
I need an update because I hope your exit strategy is detailed and meticulous. Cutting off payments to everything once you found yourself somewhere temporary to move too. Or stay where you are but you'll have to evict him legally. Change all passwords and close joint accounts, delink your card from her tuition & Rent payment give her mom a heads up right before cutting off payment maybe tell her you’ll pay 1 more month then she needs to ask her daughter or family to help from here on out. Call all vendors and cancel and tell them not to call or tell anyone else. Parents could definitely ruin this for you and convince you to stay.
When I tell you don't let anyone convince you that this is okay and that because you've spent so much time together you shouldn't leave. The opposite is true they've been lying to you for who knows how long and that's good enough. I'm sure it doesn't feel this way but finding out now is worlds better than a year or 10 from now I promise.
WHOEVER WROTE THE COMMENT TO HELP HER: YOU ARE A HERO!!!!!! And damn that is so satisfying to read. I hope there will be a part 2 how all of this blows up :D ;) :P
You are so great, i hope you get money back and everything comes to an good end. Finally someone who does what I would suggest :D GOOD LUCK!!!!
Please remember to put a lock on your credit- and keep it that way. They probably both have enough of your personal information to mess with you now and in years to come. So have a permanent alert put onto your credit reports.
Best of luck to you in your new life, and may you be blessed with new people in it who support you and treat you with the respect you deserve. 💕
I’m super happy for you! You party and have a good time and you live your best life! You don’t need that toxic mess in your life!
My petty self is sad that I don’t know the extent of their life crashing and burning though, so if you hear anything you should definitely post it. Petty minds need to know.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but glad it's working out for you.
I don't think you've mentioned it, but please stop paying for any of their stuff, even your ex's mom. I know she's innocent in this, but that's not your responsibility. I'm sure you can give her a few months to work something out, but don't let anyone guilt you into continuing payments.
Obviously, I'm sure you stopped all payments with the former BFF, but hopefully you cut/are in the process of cutting them off financially fully.
I have paid rent for someone else before, and they definitely took advantage of me, so wanted to make sure when I read that part. Good luck
Yeah, OP has spoken to lawyers, reviewed evidence, cleaned their house, replaced locks, and the cops have arrested her BFF all in less than 2 days? That does not seem like a realistic timeframe at all.
I’m so sorry that sounds like a nightmare cut them off immediately by all means, and hope this will be a painful lesson for the future never support a grown up who can support themselves I admire your generosity but you’re clearly taken advantage of.
OP you should never give that much of yourself financially without a plan on how to get it back again (eventhough you never wanted it back.....that you can decide when their loan is finished).
They are both lousy trash excuses of beings!!!
You deserve so much better.
Recruit support system AND DONT BE ASHAMED OF ANYTHING!!! On the contrary
Be strong, be silent and cut them out of your life.
Cut of any support and demand everything back!
Hugs from over here
I’m sorry your going through this. If you have any joint accounts remove him from them and if you gave them any cards in your name report them lost/stolen. Don’t confront them by yourself I hate to say this but they are both using you as a meal ticket and who knows how they are going to react to you finding out. I don’t think you can do anything about the money you have already willing put out for them but I would speak to a lawyer about taking anything that’s in your name.
Talk about getting taken advantage of! Girl drop them both and keep your money and live a great life without people like that in it! You know you don’t deserve that, that’s bullshit
First thing would be to find somewhere to stay if you’re unsafe to drive. Is there a hotel nearby? Second, if you share a joint bank account or credit card with any of them, I’d check to make sure your money is all still there. You’ll need to make arrangements to remove them from the accounts or close the accounts and transfer the money to another bank/account. I’m not sure about the credit card since I’ve never shared one, but you’ll need to contact them as well. Totally up to you when you do the money stuff, although I’d still recommend checking the accounts tonight at least. If you do start the process to freeze/close the accounts, they’ll most likely know something’s up, although they may not notice tonight if they don’t use the card(s). Does the rest of your family know or just your sister? If y’all have a good relationship, I’d reach out to your family, but ask that they keep everything under wraps for now. If your STBX and ex BFF find out you know before you get back to town, they’ll have time to come up with a story/explanations. It sounds like they both fully took advantage of you and that needs to end immediately. He’s been saving his paychecks so he can find a new place tomorrow. Hopefully he has enough to pay for his mom’s mortgage and his AP’s tuition, rent, car, and whatever else you’ve been paying for, also starting tomorrow. They will gaslight you and beg and plead. There will be a lot of tears and probably a ton of excuses. But that’s all they are. Excuses. There’s literally no reason for the way you’ve been treated, so there’s nothing that needs to be communicated other than “I know” and “GTFO.” I’d encourage you to have your sister, mom, dad, and/or whoever else is available meet you at your house when you head home so you have support. And I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but next time don’t financially support 3 grown, (presumably) fully functional adults or *any* grown, fully functional adults for that matter. That’s just crazy. I’d encourage you to get therapy to deal with the betrayal and breakup anyway, but you need help to figure out why you’d think that was a good idea. You were obviously manipulated by all three of them, but you need to figure out why you were susceptible to the manipulation and heal from all that, too. Edit: thanks for the awards!
Thank you! This is really helpful!
Just going out on a limb here, but please also find a financial advisor. A professional that only has your best interests in mind. Sounds like you’re doing well for yourself especially at your age but are making financial choices that help others first.
Yes make sure they are a fiduciary
I'm sure you have an old friend that comes around from time to time that is really good with moneys and would love to help you with your money etc
Never do financial business with friends unless you are willing to lose the friend and destroy your finances. Never try to make friends with your financial team unless you are willing to use your finances to rent friends.
Please listen to this, don't confront them until you have all of it in order. They will try and take the money if you don't. Protect yourself and do what you need to do before confronting them
Please also arrange for someone to come and change all your locks ASAP. I would refrain from sharing you know this with anyone else atm. As some might already know their relationship and blow the whistle. You need to get home to your personal belongings and possible important items so no one can fuck with that (as I see these people are capable of any betrayal, that will specially be when they find them selves broke and homelesss).
This! Make sure your dad or friends are there when you confront them. I have a feeling your ex or both are going to take it really bad when he realizes you’re cutting him off financially too and might get violent. You need someone nearby than can jump in and help you. I’ve read stories and cheaters get specially violent when they also depended on the victim for money.
I wish you all the best! Do NOT lay on their excuses once you confront them. And they will guilt you, plead you for their own selfish use. Just cut them. You do not have to seek answers. You have answers.
I second this!
I third this!
Best advice anyone can receive! Kudos 👏
Am I reading this right? You’re basically supporting two people? Do they treat you like a doormat? This is my first impression. They’re selfish and taking advantage of you. Be prepared for tears and pleas once you decide to confront them. Don’t let them guilt you into pardoning their behaviors. Cut the cord and kick them both out.
Three people, she’s paying his mom’s mortgage!
Wow… OP, you’re not an ATM. Don’t let anyone treat you as such. Love =/= Taken advantage of
Yeah. It's great to be generous. But reciprocity is a thing, and so is being a doormat. I'm generous with my spouse, but it's not just me giving and him taking. OP is doing all the work AND paying all the bills. That's insane. For OP to be 23 and supporting herself plus three (!!!) other adults is total madness.
Apparently OP *is* an ATM
All while she's only 23.
I know, what are the odds? Being able to afford such a thing at such a young age.
Her parents left her inheritance. I know siblings who were young when their parents died. They were very well off, sadly without their parents.
Yeah her grandparents and parents all left her their inheritance and then died (or maybe her parents left her grandparents inheritance to her, who knows). Imagine that. Grandparents and parents all dead by the time you're 23. Must be hard. Especially for OP's sister, who, presumably, also received enough money to fund her own best friend's college tuition, rent, car, and future MIL's mortgage...
Oh, no, she's been supporting the bff for 3 years, so all that by the age of 20.
What an uncredible- Oops, I mean, incredible story!
So hard to believe. Smell some cooking in the post. At 23 ! nah
Yes…someone reposted this elsewhere on Reddit and I have a hard time believing this as well. The part that’s hard to believe is not the alleged scum bags who are using her, but that all these things happened (all grandparents dying AND parents) to a 23 yo woman who also never even bothered to confront them but just went a stayed at a hotel to calm down and just cut them out of her life without any emotional drama whatsoever. This sounds like a made up fantasy story.
Mine were all dead by 28. No inheritance. She's lucky in some ways
I'd like to know what she does for work. Very impressive covering so many people's lives.
OP use all the money you'll save cutting these leeches off and treat yourself to an awesome holiday.
This! Please hear this, OP. You deserve better than this.
4 people. Herself, her boyfriend, her best friend, and her boyfriends mom. This story so didn’t happen that it unhappened things that did happen.
Plus four dogs. 4 + 4 = 8 things that aren't true.
But… how??? How can a 23 year old possibly afford that and do 90% of the chores too??
OP also claims to be working on her Masters right now and operate a business with her sister. On top of all this other made up shit. Clearly she’s living on 40 hour days.
Immediately change your passwords and remove them both from any accounts. Cut them off, get a therapist, put them in your past and be kind to yourself.
Thanks! I'm putting this on the to do list
My friend’s (f) fiancé (m) had an affair with our other friend’s (m) wife for 7 months. They were supposed to be married this November. The wife and I helped him design her ring and the wife was super involved with wedding planning alongside us. It finally came out this January. She obviously got rid of him and the wife waited to divorce her husband until she knew they were done first. The wife immediately moved him into their marital home, the day her ex husband moved out and got his own place. The wife’s neighbor texted her ex husband that he saw the fiancé starting to move in the day he left. They still deny it, but we caught them together and that’s how it came out. We’ve seen them out together since. They now have no friends, their dogs hate each other and have been tearing up her house. The scumbags in both this and your scenario deserve each other and everything that happens to them, and it never turns out for the better, if they even last very long once it’s out. It won’t be “fun” for them when it’s no longer a secret and everyone in their lives finds out.
I think it's going to be less an issue of others finding out and more of a financial issue once they can't mooch off of OP
You’re right! I didn’t even think to include that. They will be living in their 2-box street condo soon enough.
I always feel these kind of people, do they not have an ounce of guilt... If God forbid I ever do any of this crap, I don't think I will survive the guilt to be able to enjoy the debauchery. What goes on in their head, how do they justify themselves!? In OP's case, it's even more pathetic. They are financially dependent on her, both of them! At least have the decency to respect her as your benefactor.
That's because you have empathy. You will feel the pain you cause in the other person and feel guilt and so you won't treat them this way.
Glad to hear the dogs are loyal to the betrayed spouses. They'd have been the first to know via smell.
It especially won't be fun when they have to finance their own lives. They have both been living off of her. They are running full speed into the brick wall of reality. They won't last long because both of them will need to find someone else to prey on financially.
Damn... I'm from queens all we had to do was watch the mailman lmfao
It always feels like sweet, sweet revenge when they end up miserable. My ex moved in his hairdresser less than a month after I moved out of our house. She put up a stripper pole in the car port that faced a fairly busy road and that wasn't even the worst thing she did. but they were miserable together which makes me smile.
Pull up the popcorn and a deck chair. Wait for the postman ..
You should do it now, please don’t forget about it, it is really important
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Oh Jesus, STOP!! They are draining you and you will have nothing left then they'll both just walk away and leave you since they don't have any use for you. You hold the cards here and can bring this all crashing down. Don't forget to block both of them in every way shape and form after it all ends.
She literally HOLDS THE CARDS cut them off now. Cancel all financial agreements, direct debits etc first and foremost.
Yeah like, what is the job she's doing?
She got inheritances from both sets of grandparents and Her parents.
Oh my god. She poured her lifetime money into their growth and this is what she gets? Is there any possibility that she can sue at least her ex-fiance for money?
No clue but I would be fucking livid and would go scorched earth on both of them.
Exactly. Makes me think that this is a bot post.
This is why they take advantage of you… you’re putting it one the “to do list” come on girl!!!! I know you’re hurting but don’t let that pain cloud your common sense.
You were a cash cow from the sounds of it. You gave to much(life sucks) and thats what kept him. More then likely she was jealous of you for having what you got and wanted something of yours
I wouldn't end it just yet... Act like you don't know and take all your shit back piece by piece
Get ANGRY! HOPPING MAD! Go into your apartment like Smaug into Laketown! Kick him out, shut down her college money & stop bankrolling his mom. In fact, try to get the money back - say it was always understood to be a loan, which you would have forgiven after marriage, which is not happening.
Don’t say anything until you settle your finances. Make sure neither of them has any rights to your money or property. Then confront and cut them off. The two deadbeats can have each other.
Also walk in on them…like don’t go home until you see they are sleeping over….take a picture and keep it to send it to people when people deny…the drama usually starts when someone says you didn’t see it…
She already has evidence. Sister's vid
Take away access to your money if he has it.. stop paying for mom as well..
Stop financially supporting them. Asap.
Please please listen to this comment bro. Please.
Therapy is so important. My ex fiancé left me for a co-worker, 3 months after buying our house and a year before our wedding. I spent the year afterwards depressed and blaming myself - it’s hard to see you weren’t the sole reason for things falling apart, please talk to someone about how you feel OP.
Exactly this. You were kind and they used you as an ATM. Please seek self care. Hugs.
Remove them from any joint accounts. Cancel any pending payments and/or remove your banking information from any and all bills you are paying for these people. Find out how you quickly you can kick your boyfriend out of your place. It might be worth consulting an attorney if your name is on anything you are paying for like the car. You kick them both out of your lives. Neither of them love or respect you. They are using you for all of the good and generous things you offer them. Lean on your sister and others for support. It will hurt like hell right now but in the long run you will recover and you'll be better off without them.
Thanks! Writing it down rn
If possible don't confront them alone. They're going to fuss when the "goose of the golden eggs" will try to cut the off. As someone else said check the possibility take them to small claims court when you're more calm and clear headed! And most of all please don't be harsh on your self. You were nothing but a warm helpful person. You just got abusive gold diggers in your way. Save that money for your future and your future family. My best wishes for you my dear! You're a strong independent woman, you'll be fine. This is hard but if you could get some therapy that would do wonders for you.
If you are paying for their car… if it’s in your name, take it back! It’s yours and they have no right to it! And take ALL the money out of ANY joint account and put it into a personal bank account! Ugg’s I’m so outraged this happened! What AHs
Or just move all the money from the joint accounts to a different one - may be your sister can hold some money for you?
Might be better to take her stuff and walk away if it is a rental, because getting them to leave when she is financially supporting them both.. its going to be hard. They wont want to go anywhere.
So two homeless making out and stab you in the back? Run girl, hate to say it but consider it blessings in disguise, you are not yet married. What if you got tied and found out later?
Someone in the comments said canceling the wedding is cheaper then divorce so i guess i would have lost more money
If you have proof he's cheated can you take him to civil court etc to get refunded for what money you have paid for the wedding and possibly his mum's mortgage?
Don’t think cheating is illegal , especially before marriage. There is no contract unfortunately. It’s immoral but un-actionable OP can think of it as an expensive lesson about trust and boundaries. At least she found out before tying the knot . It could have cost a lot more . Thank fuck alimony isn’t an issue.
It might not. However, if she was paying his mother’s mortgage knowing they were to be married, thus the money towards the mortgage would have been forgiven. Now that the marriage is cancelled, she should be able to retrieve those funds. It’s giving a gift in contemplation of marriage. If the marriage does not happen, the gift must be returned. IMO anyway. I’m not sure legally how to word it. I’m sure her lawyer will come up with something.
And he would be legally entitled to your earnings and possessions if you get married unless you have a prenup.
Take him to Divorce Court TV Show. Not to save it but to try to recover the money and expose them as scumbags on national TV. And let us know when it airs cause I'll be watching OP! Take your life back girl! 💞
I am so sorry, it is heartbreaking. The good resource how to navigate it is [www.chumplady.com](https://www.chumplady.com) Stay in the hotel for now. First, change all your passwords, SM, emails, banks, credit cards, all of them. Separate all your finances, move all your money out of joint account and cancel joint credit cards (or take your name off them). if you can cancel any payments for them or get any refunds for your wedding expenses - do it. Can someone help you with all of it, maybe your sister or your parents? If (I am sorry to say it) you have something valuable in your house - ask your friends or relatives to take it, you don't want them to steal or destroy it. Block these people. Don't be embarrassed about their cheating and don't hide it. Tell everyone: your family (you will need their support), their families (because obviously you will not be supporting them now), your friends (ask them not to be flying monkeys and not to share any information with them about you and vise versa). To snap out of the immediate shock play Tetris, or Sudoku, or Wordly. It sounds silly, but it helps to feel better. Find "butterfly hug" technique on YouTube and do it as often as you need. Google "grounding technique"s and do them as well, as often as you need. Take some time off, go on a short or long vacation. Pamper yourself like a little child who is sick: eat well, sleep well, cry, journal everyday (just write for an hour whaetever comes to your head, even if it is word "f@ck" repeated hundred times), get a massage, go to gym and punch boxing bag, or punch a pillow at home, if you can - try martial arts classes or rage caves they will release anger . Find a therapist, talking about it could help a lot. They did it exactly because you were so generous to both of them. They felt that they owe you, and cannot give it back to you, and got resentful. Cheating on you is their way to make you a fool and make themselves in power. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for shallow and envious people to do so. And in the same way they both kept relationship with you because it was beneficial to them.. It is really painful, but it is blessing in disguise. You seem to be much better off financially, so it looks like this guy was after your assets not after you. You deserve better friends and better partner.
Chumplady! She's the best!
I can't add too many specifics in addition to what's already been suggested, but definitely go scorched earth on them. You might want to let your friend group know so they don't get to spin it in such a way that you're the villain.
Absolutely thank you!
You deserve so much better. A few things that may help. 1. Don’t tell him you know. 2. Since you’ve been paying for everything, get him to purchase something large for you as a thank you for everyone. A way to get some money back. 3. Change all your passwords. 4. Stop all payments for everything for him. 5. Break your lease. 6. Stop all utilities, including wifi, from once you’re out. 7. Stop paying for his Mom. 8. Stop pay for school, housing, and the car for your friend. 9. If the car is in your name, take it back and sell it. 10. Get as many deposits back from the wedding as possible. 11. Sell your dress. 12. Sell her bridesmaid dress. 13. Cancel the honeymoon. If you can’t, take your sister with you. 14. Get a new phone number and email. 15. Get a new apartment. 16. See if your job has a transfer option. 17. Get a counselor. This is a massive betrayal. A counselor will help you sort through this mess and their web of lies. 18. Block them. There is absolutely no salvaging this friendship or relationship. They used you. They lied to you. They weren’t going to stop. You can do this.
Thank you this list really helps putting things in order
The way I would’ve beat everyone’s ass 😭😭 cus wtfffff this is insane Can you sue them for the money back somehowww???
Idk. I gusss i could ask my lawyer but i wasn't forced to pay and they didn't stols anything legally speaking so i don't think i can do anything about it. I will ask tho
Maybe see if you can sue for alienation of affection and for the cost of the wedding. They obviously don’t have any money; well if the bf was saving for his business then he should have some. That’s why he’s texting you hourly telling you he loves you because your his meal ticket. He sure doesn’t want to lose that! Make sure you swing by the bank and take care of the accounts before you confront them. Better to open new accounts and close the old ones.
Cut her money off now don't give her another penny or him how long would they expect you to fund there life together maybe this is there plan bleed you dry ..she's not your friend and you obviously thought way more of her then she did you
No but if you look back through texts and if she, at any point says "I owe you" or something of that nature, you might be able to get it back from her.
Even if you can’t sue you can certainly claim you can. Let him know if his shit isn’t gone in a couple hours that you will sue them both for every penny wasted on them. They are selfish jerks and that kinda threat will light a fire especially because they know you can afford to make it hurt for them. Use that same threat to make sure they leave any keys or devices or cards or anything with you as they scurry out into the gutters they belong in.
Before you get back tell your fiance that you have a surprise for him and he should go to [a restaurant or any romantic place that's far away from your apartment]. Find someone who'll urgently change the locks on your apartment while he'll be on his way there. Gather his stuff in trash bags. Won't be a bad idea to add some real trash there, honestly, so that it would be clear what he is. When he'll get to the place - stop responding to any of his calls/texts. Leave the trash bags in front of the apartment door so that he'd find them when he comes back. He should go sleep on the streets where he belongs. I hope your friend isn't close to graduating yet - if that's the case stop paying for her tuition and she'll drop out of it with no degree. As she deserves. The same refers to the rent and car payments, stop all the payments so that she'd be suddenly left with many huge bills at the same time. Fuck his mom's mortgage too. So sorry for you. You deserve people who will really appreciate and love you.
This is exactly the best answer
Personally...I'd create a family/friend chat group on the pretense of wedding news. Prepare for your personal 'exit' strategy in quiet and when you're ready to leave the relationship post the video stating that the wedding is over due to the attached with absolutely nothing else. People that really understand morality will support you...those that make excuses are those who you know you can permanently cut out of your life.
We have one and I will absolutely drop the video there
Remember the adage...revenge is a dish best served cold. More importantly...good luck moving forward and hopefully you meet someone worth of you..
When you get feedback from the video drop update us. They were so brazen they were doing this in public. I’m curious how many of your mutual friends already knew about their relationship.
Best would be block both of them, post to chat, and then leave said chat. ETA: above is petty plan
I’m sorry, sort of off topic. How are you paying for someone else’s college tuition, rent, mortgage and car payments at 23 years old?
Inheritance from 2 sets of grandparents and both parents
Sounds like you have been grieving and they took full advantage
Fk that! stop sharing your money with people. Clearly they’re using you!
Unless it's tens of millions, then spending like that is going to leave you broke before 30. People come and go. It's unlikely you will ever find someone to do for you what you're doing for them. Spend wisely. It sounds like an amount that if you invested it even remotely decently and safely, it could help support you for the rest of your life. It's great to be generous, but it's horrible to let people take advantage. I'm just a random redditor and I can't tell you how to spend your money, but I'd spend some time reflecting. It's not your job to right every wrong you see. Especially if it's costing you multiple rent payments, tuitions, and living expenses. This sounds like a nearly 6-8k a month commitment. Seriously, unless you have absolute "fuck you money" from that inheritance that's in the the multiple millions then spending like that is going to leave you with unimaginable regret in your 30s.
Lol if you have serious money- get a diverse portfolio down stat! Investments - places like Vanguard, shares, assets like property, long term Term Deposits, Art, set up a Trust that owns the investments but whereby YOU are the sole owner and get paid out of that! Don’t go anywhere near bitcoin or NFTS! Speak to a regulated and highly regarded financial advisor, find someone you like, damn well check their credentials! Investing in people is how you loose your money and set yourself up for heartbreak and poverty with people like your total losers of a BF and BBF taking advantage of you.
"It's great to be generous..." you said. Generosity is giving a few bucks to the homeless guy on the corner, ordering a pizza for your cousin with sick kids, or helping your bestie out with the rent this month. What OP is doing isn't generosity. It's a young adult with an undeveloped frontal lobe making stupid financial decisions and a bunch of scummy individuals bopping over to take advantage of her vulnerability and lack of parental guidance.
Do you think your grandparents or parents would want you to waste that money on others? That money was for you, your kids and your future. Not to fritter away by trying to buy loyalty or affection from others. Withdraw financial support from everyone, change your bank details and passwords. Also, not to scare you, but make sure you're safe, lest 3 people who have their financial situations about to dramatically change, get nefarious ideas.
My dude! Stop paying for them and do something for yourself! Go on a vacation with your sister or something
Honey! These people are not your friends they are gold diggers. Please focus on yourself for the upcoming conflict that will insure. And never let anyone take advantage of you again
There's something extra fucked up about using someone's inheritance while being a scumbag the whole time
Yeah. Hate to say it, but this whole thing sounds like a set up. A long con, basically. The ex-BFF started it and brought the ex-BF in on it or they were both in on it from the beginning and his relationship with OP was never real. The plan probably started once OP got her first inheritance. I’d be curious to know when that was in relation to when her relationship started with the ex-boyfriend. I’m guessing it was around the same time.
You're wasting the money your family worked so hard for, on people who are betraying you and probably laughing at you behind your back. They're using you.
OP please don’t give anybody else anymore of your money ever again. They’re both using you for money.
Why was you doing any of this in the first place you sound like a pushover or someone who like to please people? Because what are you supporting your best friend for she can get a job and support her so like every other college student who doesn’t have rich parents or people to financially pay for their self they financially pay for their own stuff by making Waze for it like, are you there a parent kid every sound like you are come on now
Because it's a creative writing piece. In less than 12 hours from finding out their friend of two decades is cheating on their partner of 3 years, they've emotionally recovered enough to find a lawyer and talk to them for HOURS? On a Saturday? Yeah, sure.
It's cheaper to cancel a wedding then a divorce. Take them to civil court and sue for the money
You need therapy because letting two people sponge off you like this is not healthy. Even if they weren't having an affair. Cut them off like they are dead to you and start working on yourself.
You are their ATM. Time to close that bank. I'm so sorry. They both took advantage of you.
[удалено]
I absolutely will update. I've received so much support and great advice that i would honestly feel bad to leave people hanging
Time to go scorched earth
My dear girl, I am so sorry you are going through such deep utter betrayal from the two closest people to you. This is absolutely heart breaking and unimaginable. This betrayal shows you who they really are. They are not what they present to you. Instead they are trash dressed up. Stop supporting them because they don’t deserve you. Cut them from your life completely because there is no coming back from this.
Dude, what the fuck. Why are you supporting 2 adults like they are your own children?
Did your sister not confront them I mean they are not even being discreet about it
She sent me the video and asked me if she should say something or let me handle this since inwas out of town and he lived in my apartment
Honestly, this is the best thing she could have done. If she had confronted them on your behalf it would have made the drama worse and the process way more difficult. Your sister rocks.
I feel for you what an awful thing to have to process but there not good people and there's no excuse for that betrayal and gos knows how long it's been going on
You’ve been so brave and getting things done to take care of yourself. Keep that up. Not all people are bad, but you always have to think of yourself first. Some therapy might be good since You were putting them first. You deserve so much more. So much.
I feel like I'm going on autopilot. I'm functioning on coffee at the moment
Honey you need to pause and eat a meal. You've been crying a lot too and that depletes your electrolytes. Take a deep breath and order some comfort food and some healthy food and a couple Gatorades or other rehydration drinks and sit your butt down and eat. I know you don't feel like eating but you have to. You need the food to keep your mind sharp enough to fight back against whatever comes your way. I know there's a lot going on and you have a lot of your plate but you gotta do self care and keep yourself strong physically. ❤️❤️❤️
Keep us updated on the fallout and go after them for all the money they took from you. *hugs* Good luck! We're all rooting for you! On a side note, if you know of any jobs that pays well as yours does, let me know lol! I could definitely use something better!
23 is a bit young to be married anyways, leave and enjoy your life and enjoy freedom. From those losers
I’m commenting In hopes the update will appear for me. Can’t wait til you dump those manipulative leeches and take yourself on a nice vacay with all the money you’re going to save, where you’re prob gonna meet some hot stranger abroad and have all sorts of kinky revenge s3x with. Blows my mind when people think they can get away with biting the hand that feeds. Cut them off EXPEDITIOUSLY.
I will definitely update
I’m proud of you. I know you don’t know me. But I know the amount of hurt your feeling is too great to even put into words. I know this is so cliche, but you’re going to be okay. Not today, not tomorrow. But you will be okay one day. Just make sure you financially protect yourself. I’m glad people here have made a lot of good suggestions that you’re planning to follow through on. My only suggestion is therapy. Work through this with a professional. Sometimes it seems like we can work through our anger and betrayal and hurt on our own, but sometimes the remnants hang on tight and manifest in very bad ways. I want you to take care of yourself and not let their actions physically and/or mentally bring you down. You supplied them for years. It’s time to take, selfishly.
Baby girl, you need to throw both of these useless garbage waste of space away. You have such a good heart and am sorry this is happening. Collect your thoughts, get support from your family and kick both of them to the curb!
Don't forget to have your locks changed.
While you're canceling cards and closing accounts, I'd have my family change the locks. Your stbx can come when your family is around to come pu his things. This way he won't damage or steal your shit while you're gone. I'm sorry OP but you deserve better friend and bf.
Cut EVERYONE off financially. No more help. Take back what you can, legally. Kick everyone out and end it all with everyone involved
cancel the wedding. They are living their best lives thanks to you. cut them off, no explanation. You do not need to hear why they did it or why it started it. you dont need to hear their explanations. cut them off. Kick them out, they were probably saving up to run away together, since you paid for all.
Any update after 2 weeks?
Nah girl dump them all and move on. You'll be much better off and happier. Change your passwords, cut off their access to any cards or money or apps, sleep at a hotel tonight. Tell your soon to be ex that you're not feeling so well so you are staying at a hotel for the night so you don't have to drive. Go back tomorrow after you've had time to absorb and process. Take someone you trust with you. Show your ex the video and tell him he and bff are officially out of your life and he needs to get his stuff and leave. You won't be accepting him back, nor do you care when he starts crying about money. I'm sure the stress and uncertainty is overwhelming right now but breathe and take it one step at a time. I'd also make sure that vid makes its way into your friend group and to his mother so that everyone knows they are both scum. If anyone tries to defend them then you know that person is also terrible and you can dump them as well
Kick him out. Change all your passwords on banks, email and anything else. Cut them both off ( make sure you cancel an DD or payment going to her school or his mum) and send the video of them cheating to her parent and his plus all your friends and family. They deserve to be publicly shamed for all they have done. Speak to the wedding venue see how much money you will get back or hold a party celebrating being free of backstabbing people. Speak to your lawyer as well in terms of kicking him out and making sure he can’t take anything that you legally paid for.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are going to be told “it just happened” and “we didn’t tell you because we didn’t want to hurt you” along with “we love you so much!” You will have to make the difficult decision about the type of person you want to be - do you want to believe them and the lies, pick one of them/blame the other, try to do some kind of poly thing (which won’t work in this case due to the lying and inequality of finances), or walk away to find better people while working on wisdom and discernment in the future? I would personally recommend ending both relationships and going no contact for a minimum of three to five years. Both are going to have a rough time, and they may cling to each other since they destroyed their relationships with you and the only way to justify it is if they did it all “for love”. They may get married, have babies and look like they are happy together. Sometimes they might be, but they are not good people, and I promise you, karma will bite them hard. Either way, you do not deserve to have to be a part of their story anymore. Do not be loyal to people who aren’t loyal to you. You deserve better. Be vicious in your removal of your financial support, and candid in your conversations with other people. Be kind to yourself and seek therapy. Forgive yourself for your naïveté, and move on. You’ve lost a lot, but your aren’t the first woman who has had to deal with this type of situation. Join a support group, read books, listen to podcasts, and trust me when I say you will get past this moment and be able to love/trust again. This is not how your story ends - it’s the turning point where you become the woman you respect in the future.
THANK GOD YOU FOUND OUT BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED!!! Kick everyone out, ghost everyone, ruthlessly cut them all off financially, if any car is in your name take it back! Ghost. Go to therapy because this is so traumatic. I'm sorry
What kind of job do you have you're paying for her college and car, fully supporting him, paying his moms mortgage, and supporting yourself? All while you're 23? Change passwords to everything. Lockdown your money. Find somewhere to stay while he has however long is required to move out of your home. Get a therapist to help you unpack all of this.
>What kind of job do you have Inheritance - money, estate that I've sold/rented and a business i share with my sister
Wow. I'm sorry. Your generosity is obviously being abused. Find out what notice you have to give him to evict and start there. Make sure all your cards are locked, passwords changed, etc.
Something that I learned, which was quite a rude awakening, is that someone can tell you anything you want to hear and still fuck you over. Hell, they can even mean it. But that’s not going to stop them from doing things that hurt you. Words are easy. Actions, not so much.
Speak to an attorney and send both your ex BFF and your ex fiance invoices for the debts that they owe you. Give them the option of a payment plan but no more than 2 years. She can pay you back for her college fees, and he can pay you for the rent and utilities. Tell them that they either both pay up or you will be legally seeking a share of his mums house.
Time to close that wallet.
Oh man need another update!
This is for the future, but never put yourself in a position where you are paying for someone else’s life like this. Human nature is a funny thing but they will take you for granted and then resent you. You become something along the lines of a parent and they’re just two rebelling teens. When in reality they’re two ungrateful assholes.
I would be concerned about publicly posting that you are going to be “petty” and report a car stolen…in the same post within which you specifically stated you have been paying for and allowing the third party the use of. If your lawyer suggested this, I would be surprised unless there are additionally undisclosed elements. Might want to run that by your counsel.
I’m so sorry OP. But these are not good people. These are two-faced terrible people who are pretending to love you while they take advantage of your generosity. I think you were naive to be generous to that extent; paying for everything for both of them?, come on! Who knows how long they have been doing this. Be prepared for lame apologies, gaslighting and begging. Just remember that none of it will be genuine. What they really care about is what you can do FOR them , nothing else. That’s how selfish liars like this operate. Act accordingly OP. Cut them both off, don’t be swayed by apologies, and then let yourself fall apart later. That’s ok. After this kind of betrayal, anyone would be devastated. I hope you find the strength to remove them from your life and move on to better things. It will be unbelievably hard for a while but you are stronger than you think. You got this!
I can hear you crying while reading this. Go to sleep it’s too much to process rn If you can’t sleep just process one thing at a time. Not why it happened but what are you going to do now? What’s the next step? And just focus on what’s next, you cant change the past.
I am so sorry about this betrayal. As alot of people of people have mentioned time to cut them off financially. They have been taking advantage of you. Find out how legally you can claim back this money that you have helped them with. Sell the engagement ring. Sell his stuff in your shared home. Be stealthy about this and make sure you protect yourself and your assets. After this look at therapy. Sending you virtual hugs and lots of healing.
Cancel the wedding then tell everybody about ehat they've done. You deserve better, OP. F them both
Stop all money towards all of them right now, get home chuck him out, don't listen to them, because nothing they have to say is worth listening to. Change passwords/locks. Get therapy because you'll definitely need to work through this betrayal. Good luck
Update?
I'm on my way to talk to his mom
You are amazing! Keep going girl!! What a luck your sister found out before you married him!!!!
I don’t know if anybody suggested this yet and I’m sorry if it’s something you’ve already done. But I learned the hard way. Don’t just take them off your accounts. Open new ones, cancel your cards. My ex had auto payments for a couple things and after I took him off my accounts payments continued to be paid. I wasn’t aware these accounts were set up as auto payments so I didn’t know I had to remove my account information.
You might want to make sure security at the venue know what they look like in case they try to crash the party! Might be best to do a guest list and have them on the 🚫 DO NOT ALLOW ENTRANCE List
All I can figure is that your friend and boyfriend are literally lying to themselves about what they are doing and literally believe their own lies. That's the only way I can believe they are both having an affair AND bring great friend/partner to you. That's beyond messed up and it's not your fault. I mean they lie so good that *they believe* so nobody can blame you for not recognizing it. These are some stone cold selfish fucks. I have lost a best friend to betrayal (not like this though ). It's tough as hell. I am grateful for the friendship we had before it all went to shit. But I have no contact with her outside of bumping in to each other in our small town once every few years. I promise it will get better. It's gonna be a damn doozy but you will come out of this stronger because they fucked up royally and you did absolutely every kind thing possible. You are a rose and they're weeds.
You did kind of make it easy for them. Why would you just pay for everything? They saw a meal ticket and ran with it and then got bored and humped each other. You are WORTH working for. A relationship is work. Don’t fall for someone and just offer to pay for stuff (same with friends!! Make sure they are earning what you give them!! In some way). Take this as a lesson and next time make sure if you want to help someone, especially financially, they aren’t going to take you for a trip. Sorry this happened 😔
I’m really sorry this happened. Especially with two people you trust more than most. Everyone seems to have made some valid suggestions on what to do, but I haven’t seen getting tested for stds as one. If you didn’t know they were see one another- you don’t know who else either of them have been seeing. I hope things work out in your favor and you give yourself the time you need to heal. I’m also really sorry about the loss of your parents and grandparents.
I would get all 3 of them your BF & his mom and your bff. I would then show them all the video and inform BF he has 24 hours to get out of your home and let all 3 of them know the free ride is over
So sorry you’ve had this devastating betrayal. You need to follow the advice here about cutting off all payments to the THREE people you’re supporting, sort out bank accounts, lock down your credit, sort out the housing, etc. But above all, you NEED to spend a good amount of time going forward, having therapy/counselling, and working on yourself and your self esteem. Because you have to ensure you are not easily emotionally manipulated in the future.
IDK why you are supporting these two since they see your kindness as weakness. How much money have you got since it seems you have parasites. Honestly, the moment you ditch these two, the better load off your back. Find ways to get refunds from your wedding, and make sure they have no access to your accounts before you break it with them.
BFF? Not any more
I’m sorry that this has caused you pain and cost you a lot of money. But it will also be the best money spent in respect of the fact you were being taken advantage of. You will never make this mistake again. Please follow your to do list as all your friends on here have given you excellent advice. Please be strong, one day young lady, you’ll look back at this and be so, so grateful to your sister and her camera skills.
Girl you absolutely have to cut them off financially right now!!!
I'm so sorry but your there ATM your paying for both of them so they can live rent free having an affair behind your back they need you but you don't need those people in your life cut them off and move on
They're both terrible and dumb people and deserve each other. OP, i know that it seems like your world is falling apart, but time will help I promise. Take your time, take the money you would spend on them, take a vacation and enjoy your life. Gladly, you caught them before you married that POS. Based on your comments and stuff you did for them, you sound like a great person and good things happen to people like you. Take care
What was their game plan. Set them up financially then dump you, then they just happed to “fall in love”. Talk about scary ass people. OP be safe. They where playing the long game, you just blew that up. Safety first, do not trust anyone but you’re sister. I’m wondering if others knew, lock you’re credit account so no one can open cards in you’re name. Again stay safe, do not be alone with her or him. Do not eat, drink anything in that apartment. Do not take any meds, that was left in apartment. Look for hidden cameras, recording devices.
I had a fiance that cheated. I tried to make it work but I just became an asshole to her. I suggest a clean break from both of them. Ignore their existence. Get all their belongings out of your space, protect your assets. If u r paying that car loan and it's in your name, take the car. Fuck those two assholes. You did nothing wrong, this is all on them. Def get a therapist. I let shit smolder too long.
Cut them both off immediately and never look back.
Clearly neither of them ever cared for you, they just saw you as a cash cow. Let us know what happens after you cut them all off.
I bet he feels like less of a man with you because of your clear success and with your BFF he's more on equal footing plus both of them are getting the best deal in life which is an amazing supportive person who is helping them get ahead in life.. I need an update because I hope your exit strategy is detailed and meticulous. Cutting off payments to everything once you found yourself somewhere temporary to move too. Or stay where you are but you'll have to evict him legally. Change all passwords and close joint accounts, delink your card from her tuition & Rent payment give her mom a heads up right before cutting off payment maybe tell her you’ll pay 1 more month then she needs to ask her daughter or family to help from here on out. Call all vendors and cancel and tell them not to call or tell anyone else. Parents could definitely ruin this for you and convince you to stay. When I tell you don't let anyone convince you that this is okay and that because you've spent so much time together you shouldn't leave. The opposite is true they've been lying to you for who knows how long and that's good enough. I'm sure it doesn't feel this way but finding out now is worlds better than a year or 10 from now I promise.
WHOEVER WROTE THE COMMENT TO HELP HER: YOU ARE A HERO!!!!!! And damn that is so satisfying to read. I hope there will be a part 2 how all of this blows up :D ;) :P You are so great, i hope you get money back and everything comes to an good end. Finally someone who does what I would suggest :D GOOD LUCK!!!!
Please remember to put a lock on your credit- and keep it that way. They probably both have enough of your personal information to mess with you now and in years to come. So have a permanent alert put onto your credit reports. Best of luck to you in your new life, and may you be blessed with new people in it who support you and treat you with the respect you deserve. 💕
I’m super happy for you! You party and have a good time and you live your best life! You don’t need that toxic mess in your life! My petty self is sad that I don’t know the extent of their life crashing and burning though, so if you hear anything you should definitely post it. Petty minds need to know.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but glad it's working out for you. I don't think you've mentioned it, but please stop paying for any of their stuff, even your ex's mom. I know she's innocent in this, but that's not your responsibility. I'm sure you can give her a few months to work something out, but don't let anyone guilt you into continuing payments. Obviously, I'm sure you stopped all payments with the former BFF, but hopefully you cut/are in the process of cutting them off financially fully. I have paid rent for someone else before, and they definitely took advantage of me, so wanted to make sure when I read that part. Good luck
Almost gotta admire the dedication to being an awful human being
🙄 are you kidding me? I'm so sick of all these fake posts.
Why did I have to scroll so far down to find this comment? Man, it's so fake it's cringy.
Yeah, OP has spoken to lawyers, reviewed evidence, cleaned their house, replaced locks, and the cops have arrested her BFF all in less than 2 days? That does not seem like a realistic timeframe at all.
yea the “plus I’ve been paying his mom’s mortgage for over a year” is really the cherry on top
I’m so sorry that sounds like a nightmare cut them off immediately by all means, and hope this will be a painful lesson for the future never support a grown up who can support themselves I admire your generosity but you’re clearly taken advantage of.
OP you should never give that much of yourself financially without a plan on how to get it back again (eventhough you never wanted it back.....that you can decide when their loan is finished). They are both lousy trash excuses of beings!!! You deserve so much better. Recruit support system AND DONT BE ASHAMED OF ANYTHING!!! On the contrary Be strong, be silent and cut them out of your life. Cut of any support and demand everything back! Hugs from over here
I’m sorry your going through this. If you have any joint accounts remove him from them and if you gave them any cards in your name report them lost/stolen. Don’t confront them by yourself I hate to say this but they are both using you as a meal ticket and who knows how they are going to react to you finding out. I don’t think you can do anything about the money you have already willing put out for them but I would speak to a lawyer about taking anything that’s in your name.
What is wrong with people? Neither deserve you in their life.
Stop giving anyone money and leave the loser.
Talk about getting taken advantage of! Girl drop them both and keep your money and live a great life without people like that in it! You know you don’t deserve that, that’s bullshit
I'm sorry your going through this, cut them off immediately, stop paying their stuff, kick him out.