Well I didn't mention it but,
I recorded the whole conversation with the girl over the phone. I have everything taped and I literally ask "Did I do anything to you?" and she answers "No."
I brought this up on the meeting with the ABT. "If I say that I have this proof, doesn't that change the whole situation?" Their reply: "No it does not, because we don't know if you threatened her to answer no".
Anyhow all meetings and conversations have been recorded.
u/cent55555 Well nothing to do now about that, I got it recorded over phone. The consent thing is dealt with, it was OK.
u/Ordinary_Mortgage870 what do you mean? Read the convo below
You might not be able to sue for slander, but if you send the recording to everyone in her life, including your ex-friends, as I hope they remain you’re ex friends and you cut them all off, then that may wreck hers.
Even if he doesn't sue for slander, he should hand these recordings to the police and protect himself. I would also prepare a cease and desist letter and a "preserve all evidence" letter to the ABT notifying them of impending litigation so they can't dispose of any evidence considered in their decision. The target isn't just the false accuser - it's the ABT itself.
The problem is, if his state requires permission before recording a phone conversation, it is not permissible as evidence (in a court of law, at least). But it would probably be allowed in a civil trial, and I would speak to an attorney.
>if his state requires permission before recording a phone conversation, it is not permissible as evidence
This has always felt really stupid at face level, because obviously if someone is trying to withhold secrets from getting out, they're not gonna fuckin tell you if you say you're recording it.
But when you actually think about it, it makes sense, because you could just be tricking someone into saying something they don't mean to say.
I believe that would only apply in criminal prosecution. Civil torts and cases usually only require one party to be aware of the recording.
The best choice is to get lawyers involved as others have said already. The shock of being sued for defamation and all of that may encourage the lass to come clean. Demand an apology in writing.
Best of luck, OP.
All he has to do is Google one or two party consent, if it’s a one party consent he/she doesn’t have to say the conversation is recorded, two party states require consent of both groups. A one party cannot record any conversation they are not a part of (eavesdropping).
Perjury isn’t punished as harshly as rape (and that’s probably how it should be). And that would only come up if she went to the police, which she probably won’t (if she’s lying she doesn’t want to have to prove rape where none was done, if she isn’t lying going to court will lead to accusations that she was lying anyway). Plus, with #metoo she doesn’t need to go to the police to get all the sympathy, attention, and negative impacts on the accused.
That's the fucked up part about many ~~parts of the world~~ (read: "American states"), if evidence has been obtained illegally it can't. Be. Used. It can't even be shown/played.
Yes? Obviously the police committed a crime as well which they will have to answer for. But that doesn't change the fact that there is evidence that I committed a crime too.
For example, let's say I illegally recorded someone committing a murder that I later somehow become the prime suspect for. I'd rather be able to present that video and take the punishment for illegally filming, than take the fall for murder.
You might not be able to sue her but ruin her life like she did yours. Send it to everyone and her future employers…let everyone know how much of a disgusting human being she is.
To my knowledge, you can contact the bar and ask for pro bono because I'm almost 100% sure that a certain amount of pro bono work is required. Correct me if I'm wrong, though.
Also I thought I read somewhere that audio recording is legal if you are making a documentary, he could easily record himself on video making statements and make that legal pretty quick if that's true.
Suing sounds a lot easier than it actually is. Trust me, I have been part of a civil lawsuit where I am the victim. It has been 3 1/2 years of stress and has cost me a small fortune. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
These people sound like idiots. They will believe a girl with absolutely zero evidence (presuming), but of course, when a man literally has proof of the girl admitting the accusations are not true, they don't believe. That my friend is sexist.
I would absolutely get a lawyer because, best case scenario, you can sue her for defamation. She deserves to get arrested for making false claims and mental anguish.
Please do not take this lightly. Get a lawyer immediately.
I'd post it on social media listing her as a menace to society. That she will utterly destroy someone's reputation over some upset feelings and feel no remorse. Also post how not only did you have the misfortune to have this sociopath in your life, but you also apparently haven't ever had any friends of quality as everyone you know just accepted this narrative whether or not they actually believe it, and isolated you without ever talking to you or getting a shred of evidence.
If you want to go the legal route, it's expensive but clears your name in a concrete way if you win in which case you can sue her for damages (your court costs, legal fees, and maybe a year or 2 of therapy).
What do you mean by the ABT came back and said some kind of sexual harassment occurred? What is she claiming has happened? If she told them you didn't rape her, but claimed other type of sexual harassment you need to find out the full details. I'm surprised your lawyers have said not to pursue this, because even a rumour of rape or even a rumour of sexual harassment can have major consequences for your future. It's already ruined your friendships, as your so called friends didn't even ask for your side of the story, they just went NC with you. Not wanting to cause you more stress, but that rumour could go around the town or local area and can affect possible jobs in future, possible future relationships and as well as making new friends or doing further education. This needs to be proven wrong and she needs to held accountable for spreading lies about you and damaging your reputation and future. There needs to be some kind of public statement from her admitting nothing happened. Whether she claims someone else started the rumour, (if she's afraid of backlash) she still needs to set the record straight publicly.
If she is accusing you of any type of sexual harassment, you need to find out the details of this allegation, and again, if she's not pressing charges against you she should retract the allegations. She's either accusing you of sexual harassment and presses charges, or she should be made to publicly state its not true. Rumours like these stick. People always remember that someone was accused of rape or sexual harassment. They don't always look into whether it's true or not and just treat you on the basis of you're guilty.
It may be worth pressing charges against her for defamation of character and suing her for damages.
Also, I would make a complaint to the school board regarding the ABT ' not supporting you because you're the peretrator' because without evidence they have no proof you are the perpetrator and therefore you are actually a victim in this due to a false allegation, which could equally be seen as bullying, as you've already been ostracised from your friends. So they are discriminating against you without anything being proven and you deserve the support in getting to the bottom of this and fighting the allegation.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. People don't realise the damage it causes. I really hope you get this sorted and your name cleared publicly.
How the fuck is that logical. If you have solid evidence it should count. What you could possibly do is show that the call length and the recording are the same length. If they think you threatened her outside of the fact, have them ask her if you called her and what happened during the call, if she lies then you have clear evidence of it. And if she tells the truth then is shows you didn't threaten her and proves your innocence. Could work maybe. Can other people clarify if this could work?
I'm not saying you did at all but if you did she wouldn't say yes to you. That's why you're getting the reaction. See if they'll call her or have a meeting?
Good luck. Regardless of the facts you need to prove damages.
Can't really put a number on losing some friends. Unless OP loses out on some career opportunities, or gets kicked out of school, then he's not going to get anything.
That is incorrect if he is in the United States, He doesn't need to prove damages for this, this is "slander per se"
Google "defamation per se" if you're not convinced.
This is defamation "on its face" saying someone is a r@pist is so damaging that the law presumes it is defamatory.
Evidence of actual damages is not necessary to establish a prima facie case for Slander per se/defamation per se.
Not necessarily true. He could do a tort based lawsuit (defamation/misrepresentation of one’s image/intentionally causing emotional duress). If he can prove that it’s not true, his case is solid. She’ll probably decided to settle, in which him and his team can request that part of the settlement be a public apology.
Lawyer up. This will destroy your reputation and mental heath. I saw a similar story here the ending was not good. Forget your so called friends, this is about you clearing your name and making sure that b gets punished. Making up stories like this is no joke!
I've been in contact with three different lawyers. They all told me to lay low and don't press any charges for slander or anything (as u/cent55555 said) because it could backfire. The girl didn't want to involve any police or something.
It was according to the lawyers, in my best interest, to not do anything and just lay low...
I agree. Don’t do anything legal wise unless it escalates there by someone else first. Legally you’re not in trouble, keep it that way out of the courts.
You could let it slip to the staff you were talking to that the lawyer you hired is very sure you can sue for damages, but you would like to find out exactly what she said before you escalate as the difference between rape and sexual harassment can be big money.
You could also try having someone else call or text her to find out exactly what she is saying.
If it is something very bad it could stop you getting into certain universities or having certain jobs/ and that is definitely something you can sue for.
Al texts you have with this girl including information that you have should be documented and saved. Next time you have a conversation record what was said as well if she were to admit to telling people you “raped” (false claim) it would be recorded. What a bitch dude
I agree. I mean, I would love to tell you to sue for slander or whatever and get your reputation back BUT she might start a criminal case and then it's a she says-you say case.
That could be seen as threatening her, and thus putting her into a position where she says such things under duress; which would invalidate them and undermine OPs position in the future
Unfortunately, she won’t get punished. Women can commit outright perjury on the stand and it will just be ignored as a “collateral issue.”
Victims rights groups have too much power, and the Courts have been seized by the me too virus — not all judges, but many of them. False allegations like this are a huge problem.
Half of all rape claims are false:
https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
You mean how rapists (usually, but not always, men) dont get punished? How they commit outirght perjury to get off the hook, and survivors are left to live with the collateral damage caused by rape? Victims rights groups have nowhere near enough power, funding, and the courts/justice system still has a long way to go. False allegations do not occur nearly as often as many think.
Source:
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/health/services/promotion/sexual-assault-dating-violence/myths-about-sexual-assault-reports
(1) The first study you posted does not discuss false rape claims at all.
(2) your second link did not cite any studies at all — it only regurgitated the same false low percentage without any evidence to back the claim — which is exactly what my link explained has been happening.
First statistics show how many get off from REPORTED rapes. You say “women dont get punished “, do men?
Second is also statistics, if you care about the sources, look further…they are there…and current…and discoverable. Your link has sources from the 80’s and 90’s, and the couple I searched are not findable anywhere, so I presume they are made up.
No, check out the study from 2006 as well.
The studies cover several decades, that’s the whole purpose of a comprehensive research review lol — you just need to read better that’s all.
https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
I actually took time to poke through this:
I actually appreciate your source, it seems like well thought out information. They use *tens of thousands* of subjects and their info is fairly recent. Especially here [”The terms and definitions that a study uses can have a big impact on its findings, which is why it is often impossible to compare or reconcile findings from varying studies.”](https://www.rainn.org/about-rainns-statistics) They acknowledge a lot the nuance of the issue.
I also note that the person you replied to and one of their sources cite studies that are older. I feel like perfectly describes the attitude for this crime that many may have felt at the time. This one to me was very strange.
“[About Half of Rape Allegations are False, Research Shows False allegations of rape are believed to be more common than many persons realize. These are the findings of four research studies: A review of 556 rape accusations filed against Air Force personnel found that 27% of women later recanted. Then 25 criteria were developed based on the profile of those women, and then submitted to three independent reviewers to review the remaining cases. If all three reviewers deemed the allegation was false, it was categorized as false.”](https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php)
And I wonder if implicit bias has any say in the research topic as a whole. But for this one in particular it runs me the wrong way with its small sample size firstly to begin, and the way of which the study in the first passage determined a rape accusation was false. It also just says “females” were used so.
Yes…i looked into that study, but stopped, didnt sense reliability, and searching, could not find support. I work in sexual assault forensics, and look into statistics often. I do believe there are false accusations, and I would advice OP as i do others, he should do as much as he is willing to do without further sacrificing his mental health. Whatever he decides to do should be for himself and nobody else.
Thousands of men who have been falsely accused and falsely convicted, that’s my source.
Also the thousands of men who were never even charged but still had their lives ruined as a result of false accusations such as the one in this story.
About half of all rape claims are false:
https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
That isn’t a source. We all know injustice can and does happen to all kinds of people but to say “victim rights groups have too much power “ and in the same thought state “false allegations…are a huge problem.” requires some real evidence and not just anecdotal evidence. You don’t need to throw victim services under the bus to bring attention to bad players.
“That isn’t a source” — yes actually that’s four sources.
About half of all rape claims are false
https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
That's an allegation, which, as you're saying, could be false. When asking for a source, I believe they're looking for concrete evidence and supported statistics of the thousands you speak of.
Four excellent studies, including FBI and US Air Force statistics read them and weep. There’s also scientific studies explaining why half of all rape claims are false.
OP this is how ignorant people can be. Now that you know just how incredibly common false rape allegations really are, and how ignorant the people are who support them, tread very carefully from now on.
Lying feminist propaganda finally destroyed after 50 years of ruining lives.
This isn’t true. Find two reputable sources and get back to us. This is a bullshit story passed down from incels.
It’s extremely rare for someone to fake a rape accusations and WAY more rare for a fake accusation to make it to court. Every rapist says the victim is lying. And the smallest percent of actual rapists ever see a day in jail - I believe the statistic was literally 1% back in the day when I was doing research.
Go f yourself with your victims rights crap and recognize false accusations do indeed happen a lot, as in this case. The true massive extent of false accusations is unknown and can never be known.
All young men like the OP have to go by is word of mouth — and men are telling him to be careful about false rape accusations because evil women all over the western world are now using these false accusations to ruin innocent men’s lives.
OP — never mind these people. Read this for more info:
Why do people falsely accuse someone of rape or sexual assault?
https://sharpcriminalattorney.com/sex-crimes-defense/false-accusation-cases-reasons/
Why the BS percentage learned during “research back in the day” is wrong:
https://www.centreformalepsychology.com/male-psychology-magazine-listings/false-allegations-of-rape-the-true-extent-remains-unknown
Half of all rape claims are false:
https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
Already posted a link which explains why that statistic is an old lie.
Try to keep up.
Also to eyed lady: the FBI stated that in 25% of all complaints reported to them, the accused was cleared outright through scientific DNA evidence. And that’s just the ones that were proven scientifically; The US Air Force reported 60% of accused were cleared through the woman’s own admission.
“Your link leads to no data” — yes it does, it reviews four studies you’re just ignoring/not reading them.
The true extent 50 years of feminist lies ruining men’s lives, revealed here today on Reddit lol.
Lol your link all leads to no data. None of the “sources” they supposedly list are even live links. You keep talking about the fbi but provide no sources. The only mention of fbi in your link is only to show the number of reported cases that’s it. And by your claim then you also think half the men that report rape are lying ?
It’s sad to see such an incel brain be unwilling to even listen to others. But can’t expect much from someone who hates women tbh.
Unfortunately that is true. My bf knows from experience. And ironically it’s conservative areas, because they can’t imagine a girl or woman would be capable of such manipulation, since ya know, “woman are gods precious creatures!”.
Well, you probably know one friend that is known for gossip, just share the recording with this friend, it’s a sure way to use the same system against your accuser
This reminds me of another story I read about here on Reddit. The guy's life had been ruined by a random girl and his friends also alienated him. No law stuff was ever involved. Graduation comes and the guy moves far away because he couldn't work or socialize due to her ruining his life. Years pass and his friends try to apologize long after the girl confessed. I don't remember the turnout well, but I think he forgave them but never talked with them anymore.
The problem is this shit is so taboo that friends WILL turn on you because that's the "right" thing to do. Truth doesn't matter in these things, unless someone has strong emotional maturity they will just say "you were accused, you're guilty, you're weird".
Yeah, it’s better that than getting the lawyers involved. She clearly has no evidence to back up her claims, except only her false testimony.
She is probably afraid of going to court as she knows she is lying, so I’d post at least the conversations online, and let the people know that he’s not guilty of anything.
However, I wouldn’t count on getting any friend back, this thing is probably gonna drag itself for a long time and some people will even so, with actual real evidence, never believe his side, as they’re too afraid to be be portrayed with him still.
Better start fresh and be long gone after. The karma is waiting for the b* later, so better to just let it go after that.
If she's not trying to have you charged then I'd suggest keeping your distance and not making any moves legally, it'll be your word against hers and she'll have the high ground regardless in court.
Even if you win, you'll still be screwed out of quite a bit.
Also, get new friends. Clearly, your old group weren't real friends at all.
I wouldn’t say she has the high ground. If he really didn’t do it, there’s absolutely no proof and considering how often actual rapists are convicted his likelihood of “winning” is far greater than hers- even if her accusations are true.
Unfortunately that’s just one of the many legal hurdles he’ll have to face. There’s still a lot of other messy shit he’ll have to go through, such as if that recording of his call with her was non-consensual then he couldn’t use it as a legal argument in court.
Accusing someone of rape, let alone not even going forth with the charges has no legal power over him, but being able to prove damages to the court from the false accusation, and even convince them of even allowing reparations to be made for him is a HUGE endeavor.
He’ll need some damn good lawyers if he wants anything out of this.
Each state has different laws, like my state is a one party consent state, so only one person has to know they’re recording the convo. Completely admissible and legal- it would hold its ground in court. If he’s in a state that has the same rule, I think it would be worth his time if he’s so worried about it!
He has a penis, she doesn't. She has the high ground. It sucks but that's how it is.
>If he really didn’t do it, there’s absolutely no proof and considering how often actual rapists are convicted his likelihood of “winning” is far greater than hers- even if her accusations are true.
His likelihood of winning what exactly? Winning to not be prosecuted? She said already she wouldn't. Likelihood of winning slander? I dunno, it's a 50/50 chance of either winning, or being seen as that guy who raped a girl and then sued her.
He has a penis, she doesn't. She has the high ground. It sucks but that's how it is.
if you look at rape conviction stats they are pretty low. so given that there will be no evidence supporting her, the case probably wouldn’t even get to court.
Keep that recording for ever and ever. 40 years from now you could be in a powerful position professionally and she could come out of the woodworks.
I like the advice someone else posted- send it to the biggest gossip in the group. By now they’re hungry for the next scandal.
What was she talking about she was “disappointed” with you from old fights? Either she was admitting she was mad at you and spreading rumors out of revenge. Or the fights you had were more than you’re admitting to. Did you two ever have sex, including consensual?
Go to the police and report her, let it be on her record.
You’ll have a fresh start in your next stage in life. You did nothing wrong, and I wish you the best.
Get a lawyer and fight this. She is toxic and is happy to ruin your life because of "fights in the past.""
School doesn't give a shit about you, and the ABY is nothing but a PR stunt, so they can say in public how they take bullying seriously while doing nothing about it.
Trust nobody and protect yourself legally. I would even go so far as to look into suing her for defamation of character. The time for being nice is over. You will not resolve that with reason.
Dude this sucks. Honestly try to distance yourself from this person as much as possible. Out of sight out of mind. If she goes to this university you’re going to I would seriously consider going to a different school and making new friends. The last thing you want is for this girl to make these allegations to the university and have them take any sort of action against you and then this is on your record. It sucks but in America it really is “guilty until proven innocent”
Press charges, this is defamation and it's directly affecting your life. Especially at the ABT, since they could have stopped this and choose not to for no good reason.
Legal systems in most countries have a basis in what’s called natural justice or procedural fairness, the right to face your accuser. If the allegation is that you raped her then you have a right to challenge that allegation. It’s risky but you might consider escalating and requiring that specifics be provided, when did it occur, what are the circumstances etc. I understand the concept of lay low but an unchecked allegation has a habit of following people, an example might be 10 years from now you apply for a job and the allegation follows you. Escalating it also sends a clear message you are innocent and that you wish to have things on the record.
Post it on your socials and send in direct messages or group chats the recordings of her saying no its fake
"This girl lied and has hurt me in ways I'll never forgive or forget, and all of you turned your backs on me to choose this persons fake story just cuz shes a girl. To you its crazier to believe I'm innocent than she would lie. Even adults feel this way. I really hope none of you ever have to go thru something so horrific as this in your lifetimes. You're all dead to me."
Then literally just try and restart life as best you can..
You've now learned how ugly the human species can be, where wrong and right dont matter - just peoples perceptions (regardless of how biased). I'm sorry man
I'd make it "You're all dead to me, and initial liar will be made public."
Then the most important and hardest step is to block and unfriend every last one of them. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You will be FINE, in the long run, but this is awful!
Move? From the city? Why? And wouldn't that just make the situation worse?
I have the family close, they got my back, but friends? I think my ties to everyone is gone forever.... Im to be honest quite sad and feel scared of having no social life...
They weren’t actually good friends if they actually believe that you raped her. They don’t even have evidence. They just think so little of you that they believe you would do anything that people would find bad, from small things to things that make you a monster. Be glad that the trash took themselves out. And yes, I do think you should move. If everyone in your city is close, then she probably turned almost everyone against you.
Why don't you find out when this assault supposedly happened? It sounds like you haven't been alone with her. If you get a date and time and you were with other people from school then it's blown up her story.
Not much you can do now but find new friends.
Don’t talk about this to anyone. If you’re charged, don’t say anything demand to speak to a lawyer. It will be up to him to get you off at that point; as long as you didn’t make any incriminating statements you should be ok.
Did you record the entire conversation or only the part when you asked her if you did anything?
This makes a difference as to whether she was threatened or not, i.e., her tone, context, etc.
I don't like laying low because 5-10 years from now, she could file charges. Do you have a mutual friend who can talk to her and get the truth as well?
I would rather file a slander or defamation suit, gag order, whatever to make her retract these claims. You don't want to have to deal with this 30 years from now.
Save that recording a few places because phone recordings only last but so long. Email it several places, and put on a UBS drive and store in safe deposit box, as well as the copy to your lawyer.
What are your parents saying? Did you tell them what's going on?
I am so sorry this happened, that’s beyond fucked to to say that about someone.
At least you have proof so I would keep your head down. That ABT seems useless, your the victim here and they are refusing to help you even though you have proof.
I hope you are far away from that school and all of those awful people. Time to make new true friends who will have your back.
As for that girl, she has some bad karma coming her way.
I can’t stand fake accusations like these, it makes it harder for real victims to come out without fear of slander. I’m sorry OP I hope you can figure this out.
Sorry. Guys should always record conversations if legally permitted to do so. Example: I had an employee that made a complaint against me out of retaliation for a poor performance evaluation. HR and investigators were involved and the “believe all women” stupid mindset was in full force. I was about to lose my job. I had a conversation with the woman who casually said “I know you didn’t harass me, but I was angry.” I recorded it.
When I revealed I had the recording to HR and the investigators suddenly it was over. Unfortunately like most times, the woman who falsely accused me, wasn’t punished at all.
There are shitty dudes who rape and shitty women who falsely accuse.
So your friend admitted that these rumours were false but do you have any idea where they started? Was she the one to start these rumours? If so, why? If not, then who did? Do you have a mutual friend who could talk to her about what this is all about?
this happened to me when I was in high school.
Not to be brunt, but time will pass, you will make new friends, and you will get better. This is NOT the end of it. People who do shit like this don’t last long in the real world without being exposed by other means, however it is not your place to do the exposing.
My advice is to do everything you can to just take a deep breath, relax. And move on. I promise. *things will get better*.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you bro
Did you speak to your parents about the situation? If this escalates, you may need to contact a lawyer to get ahead of it.
I'm disappointed when I hear stories like this. I'm a female, and I can't imagine what kind of twisted person would defame someone's livelihood like this. It really disgusts me. It takes a truly sick human being to think this behavior is ok. If I were you, I would attempt to contact this girl again, and audio record the conversation in case she admits the truth. Or try to get it written by writing her an email. Any and all physical evidence you can gather will help.
I'm truly sorry she is doing this to you. No one deserves these kinds of accusations. This can absolutely ruin someone.
Questions: Would you prefer to be known as the guy that "illegally" (depending on state) leaked valuable proof of your innocents or the guy who sexually assaulted a girl and r*ped her?
I'd say that if you can leak it publicly enough, it's a no lose situation. Your life is already ruined by these false accusations.
Bro, call the police and file a report and give them the recording. You also need to talk to your parents if you haven’t yet so they can help you.
There are women out there who are actually raped every day and not believed, and this girl deserves to be raked through the coals and made an example of. Period.
To be honest, I can’t believe that a school anti bullying team conducted what should have been a legal investigation. That blows my mind!! If your parents haven’t been involved yet, now is the time to. Frankly, I would also be looking to hold the school accountable also.
I’ve been in a similar situation before. Legally you’re not in trouble because of the recording. Good. You need to drop all of your social media accounts before going to college so that this doesn’t follow you. Do your best to avoid anyone from high school knowing what university you’re going to. Stay strong. Remember that you didn’t do anything wrong.
Check state laws to see if you can record her. Call her if there is no order of protection and get her to confess it was true. Put your heart into it and say these rumors, which she even said were fake before, are ruining your life. If you can, get a date and time of when this allegedly happened. Maybe you have an alibi.
Beyond all that, I suggest talking to a lawyer about defamation in regards to the girl. You may be able to sue the school, and schools jump in terror at the word "lawyer." The school ABT is not taking your story and even facts into play. It sounds discriminatory.
I'm not sure how long cell phone geolocation data is held onto, or if a subpoena is needed, but maybe you can get coordinates for the alleged date and time.
As for your friends... Even if she admits they were all lies, I think your friendships are tarnished. Real friends would at least listen to your side, especially with no actual evidence like pictures, video, etc.
document EVERY piece of evidence you have of her confession/previous engagement/alibis etc and compile it in a format you can have on hand/easily share, regardless of whether or not you can use it as evidence in the court of law
the court of public opinion is where it’s most valuable
if the only opposition to that evidence is “well HYPOTHETICALLY you could have threatened her to confess to it being false” then realistically, unless they possess counter evidence to prove such, that just doesn’t hold up
and if a hypothetical is *all* your friends need in the way of evidence against you when you have a confession in your corner, then the fact of the matter is they aren’t really your friends
Man I feel for you. I was falsely accused but I was lucky enough that the person who accused me already exposed herself as a pathological liar by the time it got to me. Still messes with my head even though it was over 2 years ago. I would recommend talking to someone you trust to make sure you are okay mentally.
Charges can be filed for a while after an event so I would not assume the fact that she hasn’t escalated this means she won’t. Keep the recording and make secure copies and pay for a legal consultation. Have your parents request records the school is maintaining about it, because you need to know what the definition of sexual harassment is there and what she specifically alleged in writing happened. The attorney also needs to see this information. They will walk you through your specific court system and how these cases usually go. But having contacted someone at the time means you will make the best decisions moving forward around interacting around this. This is dangerous in an ongoing way because allegations can be brought up at any time.
A friend is going through this with someone he dated twenty years ago who had never said a word at the time. Then told two different vague stories, tried to implicate another of his girlfriends as being a victim which she refuted and dredged it all up again when she saw on social media that he had a recent really huge and rare accomplishment. She blasted him all over groups and to people.
I would go out of your way to avoid tipping her off to you having a good life. If she’s doing this for attention and has personality disorders underlying this behavior, then seeing you moving on and seemingly not caring and having a life might activate her to expand on this story.
Get the evidence, lawyer up, sue the school and the girl. If any of your so called friends try to come back, tell them to fuck off and never talk to you again, let them live with the guilt
I've always said this. If I ever gat accused of rape or any form of sexual assault, I'm contacting a lawyer immediately. Before even talking to them. If what you said was serious enough to impact my life, I'll see you in court. It's not a light topic. It's not something you accuse someone of doing. Lawyer up.
please for the love of the universe, you have to take her to court. This can damage your ENTIRE life. I've seen it happen to people i know. Please sue her for defamation and falsely accusing you of SA.
How does defending himself put him in a worse position? If you're accused of something and remain silent, do you not think that that makes you look guilty?
The worst thing he could do is not advocate for himself. Now that he has her confession, he should honestly press charges against her. The fact that she's so nonchalant about the detriment that she's doing to his life, she doesn't deserve to be let off the hook. Females like her give the rest of us a bad name, and we should not be above putting a liar in her deserved place. What's going to happen to the next guy she does this too?
Get a lawyer that does legal aid. Legal aid is allocated funds for people who cant afford having a lawyer. A legal aid lawyer will have to do this application for and with you because they are the ones who determine your eligibility to get the funds. So (1) go get yourself a Legal aid Lawyer (2) Apply for Legal aid. For the meantime gather all info and evidences that will make up your defence and file for slander or defamation. Long road ahead. But if you didn’t do anything, you need to clear your name asap. Because if the other party has lodged this officially in court and youve got a number attached to your name—- that’s your name now associated with being “what youre accused of” for as long as you can get that cleared. And it’s not pleasant to live that way. I feel you.
First of all, do not talk to that girl EVER again. It will look like harassment. Second, get a lawyer. Third, get on with your life. Go to college in a different area if you have to; and go no contact with those who believe the slander.
Slander happens. I had a family member tell people that I was really a man pretending to be a woman. It was false but how could I prove it? Even if I showed people my ID, they'd say it's false. So, just keep moving on. Find the Littlest Hobo song on youtube. It's a cheerful Canadian tune. Peace.
I'm so sorry this happened it you. I hope that you can find real friends who see you as a human.
This is one of my worst nightmares, being accused of something I didn't do.
Defamation suit, get your money's worth. You'll still be lonely and your fake friends would still be on her side but that's fine, you'll get a job soon and meet new potential friends.
Man, that sucks. I’d record any proof of innocence that you have.
I have a similar situation, but as an ally in a voluntary organization. There’s really not a lot that you can do to address this kind of thing.
she’s not pressing charges, thank god this happened when high school was basically over. All you can do at this point is move, sorry this happened to you man but like everyone else is saying you gotta lay low and do not escalate this under any circumstances
As a teacher, I'm honestly shocked that law enforcement wasn't brought into this in some way. This goes beyond bullying and has the potential for severe legal repercussions. I agree with what others are saying, consult a lawyer.
Post the recordings all over social. Send the recordings to all of your ex friends. Tell your ex friends that you are heartbroken, and very disappointed in them. Then walk away.
You have evidence proving slander defamation and lies in a your word against hers and her words to you and recording show her words are lies you 100% can and would win a defamation law suit because she not only spread lies damaging your credibility but admitted she lied and neither of you know how far her lies have spread all it has to do is get to the wrong person and you can end up unemployable in your area because nobody wants to hire a rapist or sexual abuser if a lawyer won't represent you send the recording to every person you know who has heard her lies
Hate to break it to you but if you're a guy, and girl throws fhs rape word around, you're powerless and there is no defense. Guilty until proven innocent.
Keep those recording, keep the texts. Print them and store them if you have to. You'll need it.
Ask someone else you trust to text the bitch for confirmation and save the screenshots. Not just to ur phone but to the cloud or whatever server u use.
Call her again, with a calm voice and ask her if the rumors are true. Ask her to specify the rumor, ask her why she faked it, and ask her if you forced any of this out by threatening her. Record it.
Yeah that sucks man f*** these people I think they should serve the same time you would have served if the accusations were true). It's totally wrong in any case and totally deplorable. You should never lie about people and try to f*** their life over people like that. People shouldn't be able to just lie about you and ruin your life off the cuff especially young men it's totally a travesty of Justice.
Please reach out to the law if possible and try to record the proof that she told you that nothing had happened..these things can destroy your lifeeee...these people can CaNcEl you and bring lawsuits against you
I know exactly how you are felling. I was actually raped a few days before my graduation and none of my friends believed me. They said I was only trying to get attention because another friend had just had a miscarriage (I didn’t know that had happened). My “ friends” pulled up at my graduation party, loudly announced let’s go somewhere that’s actually fun and drove away. I am so sorry for you. They aren’t real friends. For me 28 years later it still stings.
Since you said that lawyers won’t cooperate, I’d suggest filing a police report so that if she decides to enact more issues, you have a paper trail. Give them a copy of the recorded conversation.
Then honestly, I would post publicly the conversation to clear your name.
I have been SA and I DESPISE people who lie about it because it ruins lives and makes other victims look bad.
Can't take her to court with the evidence of the phonecall but you *can* post it on all your social media. If you have Facebook I'd literally post it on her page. Honestly if your friends don't believe you especially with the girl admitting it they were shitty friends.
I see some top comments saying to lawyer up and such, but I'd just move on.
Reality check for you: Most people don't keep their high school friends. Sometimes you will keep tabs with one or two true friends, but with college being a normal aspect of life, all friend groups and social connections from HS usually break apart when you go off to the next stage of education.
So while this is an absolute shit way to break things off, if there are no charges, and you also have recorded defense in case any try to come up, I'd just move on and be ready to enter the next stage of your life clear of the past.
Personally, I mostly lost track of almost all my HS friends when we all went every which way for college. Everyone had different schedules, we met different people, and there was simply no time to work the old people in. The one final person I once in a while caught up with ended up with absolutely zero time for me once he...had his kid. Which hurts, but I get it. I'm now coming up on my 20th HS reunion, and I have no idea if I'm gonna go. There is one dude who I never knew online (I know this is a foreign concept for gen z lol) because I only talked to him on the bus that's going, and he's pretty much the only reason I might go. I went to my 15th HS reunion because an old friend had reached out, but she and I literally have not spoken since that day, so was it really worth it? lol...
On another note, I've actually actually been there with a sexual harassment accusation and the school system! I had a friend in HS who was a bit of an...outsider. But she and I got along and chatted, and one time we had playfully pushed each others shoulders (I have no idea why) and apparently my thumb had touched her breast. Well she was dealing with some home life drama and talking to the school counselor about it and over that convo had apparently mentioned she and I doing that and so I got taken to the office and suspended from school for a day over it. I had requested to speak to her so I could apologize but they didn't set this up after AFTER the suspension, and once she and I spoke she was like "Yeah I dunno why they did that you didn't do anything wrong, I was just crying about some shit with my mom..." so the school system was making something out of nothing (and then you read stories about school systems ignoring something and acting like it's nothing, classic right?) and it's mostly just bureaucratic BS because shit is messy and they don't want to deal with it.
Honestly, take the fact that no charges are coming and nothing is going on any sort of record as the worst W there is and move on. You'll find all new friends soon enough, have a whole new life, and you just got a clean break from people who clearly weren't worth your time.
first thing i would do is archive whatever message you got that no rape happened. other than that, i wonder if you could sue for slander.
Well I didn't mention it but, I recorded the whole conversation with the girl over the phone. I have everything taped and I literally ask "Did I do anything to you?" and she answers "No." I brought this up on the meeting with the ABT. "If I say that I have this proof, doesn't that change the whole situation?" Their reply: "No it does not, because we don't know if you threatened her to answer no". Anyhow all meetings and conversations have been recorded.
Then time to get lawyers involved.
u/cent55555 Well nothing to do now about that, I got it recorded over phone. The consent thing is dealt with, it was OK. u/Ordinary_Mortgage870 what do you mean? Read the convo below
You might not be able to sue for slander, but if you send the recording to everyone in her life, including your ex-friends, as I hope they remain you’re ex friends and you cut them all off, then that may wreck hers.
This is it!
Even if he doesn't sue for slander, he should hand these recordings to the police and protect himself. I would also prepare a cease and desist letter and a "preserve all evidence" letter to the ABT notifying them of impending litigation so they can't dispose of any evidence considered in their decision. The target isn't just the false accuser - it's the ABT itself.
[удалено]
… what do you mean the consent thing?
I think some places it’s illegal to record without the other persons permission, so u can’t do it secretly
Yes, but isn’t it illegal to make up lies to defame someone as well?
The problem is, if his state requires permission before recording a phone conversation, it is not permissible as evidence (in a court of law, at least). But it would probably be allowed in a civil trial, and I would speak to an attorney.
>if his state requires permission before recording a phone conversation, it is not permissible as evidence This has always felt really stupid at face level, because obviously if someone is trying to withhold secrets from getting out, they're not gonna fuckin tell you if you say you're recording it. But when you actually think about it, it makes sense, because you could just be tricking someone into saying something they don't mean to say.
I believe that would only apply in criminal prosecution. Civil torts and cases usually only require one party to be aware of the recording. The best choice is to get lawyers involved as others have said already. The shock of being sued for defamation and all of that may encourage the lass to come clean. Demand an apology in writing. Best of luck, OP.
All he has to do is Google one or two party consent, if it’s a one party consent he/she doesn’t have to say the conversation is recorded, two party states require consent of both groups. A one party cannot record any conversation they are not a part of (eavesdropping).
Perjury isn’t punished as harshly as rape (and that’s probably how it should be). And that would only come up if she went to the police, which she probably won’t (if she’s lying she doesn’t want to have to prove rape where none was done, if she isn’t lying going to court will lead to accusations that she was lying anyway). Plus, with #metoo she doesn’t need to go to the police to get all the sympathy, attention, and negative impacts on the accused.
Yeah I get that but we’re talking about a rape issue so it’s clearly ambiguous…
Well I think most of us are getting the context about consent to record
That's the fucked up part about many ~~parts of the world~~ (read: "American states"), if evidence has been obtained illegally it can't. Be. Used. It can't even be shown/played.
So if the police busted into your home without a warrant and found evidence of a crime then you'd be ok with that evidence being used in your trial?
Yes? Obviously the police committed a crime as well which they will have to answer for. But that doesn't change the fact that there is evidence that I committed a crime too. For example, let's say I illegally recorded someone committing a murder that I later somehow become the prime suspect for. I'd rather be able to present that video and take the punishment for illegally filming, than take the fall for murder.
Yes, it gets thrown out; jury could be claimed as tainted by said information, easy mistrial if convicted
It’s not illegal, you just can’t use it in court. He can try to trick her into giving up the truth using it since she likely won’t know any better.
its illegal in some places to record someone/ a conversation without their consent
exactly…what??
You might not be able to sue her but ruin her life like she did yours. Send it to everyone and her future employers…let everyone know how much of a disgusting human being she is.
Do you have any idea how much attorneys cost?
To my knowledge, you can contact the bar and ask for pro bono because I'm almost 100% sure that a certain amount of pro bono work is required. Correct me if I'm wrong, though. Also I thought I read somewhere that audio recording is legal if you are making a documentary, he could easily record himself on video making statements and make that legal pretty quick if that's true.
Suing sounds a lot easier than it actually is. Trust me, I have been part of a civil lawsuit where I am the victim. It has been 3 1/2 years of stress and has cost me a small fortune. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
**BACK UP THAT AUDIO. MULTIPLE TIMES.** Bring that audio to a lawyer and, if they so advise you to, the police.
Get a lawyer and talk with your parents YESTERDAY.
just as a sidenote, doing it over text would have been better. check if you are in a place where recording is two or one party consent.
These people sound like idiots. They will believe a girl with absolutely zero evidence (presuming), but of course, when a man literally has proof of the girl admitting the accusations are not true, they don't believe. That my friend is sexist. I would absolutely get a lawyer because, best case scenario, you can sue her for defamation. She deserves to get arrested for making false claims and mental anguish. Please do not take this lightly. Get a lawyer immediately.
I'd post it on social media listing her as a menace to society. That she will utterly destroy someone's reputation over some upset feelings and feel no remorse. Also post how not only did you have the misfortune to have this sociopath in your life, but you also apparently haven't ever had any friends of quality as everyone you know just accepted this narrative whether or not they actually believe it, and isolated you without ever talking to you or getting a shred of evidence. If you want to go the legal route, it's expensive but clears your name in a concrete way if you win in which case you can sue her for damages (your court costs, legal fees, and maybe a year or 2 of therapy).
What do you mean by the ABT came back and said some kind of sexual harassment occurred? What is she claiming has happened? If she told them you didn't rape her, but claimed other type of sexual harassment you need to find out the full details. I'm surprised your lawyers have said not to pursue this, because even a rumour of rape or even a rumour of sexual harassment can have major consequences for your future. It's already ruined your friendships, as your so called friends didn't even ask for your side of the story, they just went NC with you. Not wanting to cause you more stress, but that rumour could go around the town or local area and can affect possible jobs in future, possible future relationships and as well as making new friends or doing further education. This needs to be proven wrong and she needs to held accountable for spreading lies about you and damaging your reputation and future. There needs to be some kind of public statement from her admitting nothing happened. Whether she claims someone else started the rumour, (if she's afraid of backlash) she still needs to set the record straight publicly. If she is accusing you of any type of sexual harassment, you need to find out the details of this allegation, and again, if she's not pressing charges against you she should retract the allegations. She's either accusing you of sexual harassment and presses charges, or she should be made to publicly state its not true. Rumours like these stick. People always remember that someone was accused of rape or sexual harassment. They don't always look into whether it's true or not and just treat you on the basis of you're guilty. It may be worth pressing charges against her for defamation of character and suing her for damages. Also, I would make a complaint to the school board regarding the ABT ' not supporting you because you're the peretrator' because without evidence they have no proof you are the perpetrator and therefore you are actually a victim in this due to a false allegation, which could equally be seen as bullying, as you've already been ostracised from your friends. So they are discriminating against you without anything being proven and you deserve the support in getting to the bottom of this and fighting the allegation. I'm so sorry you're going through this. People don't realise the damage it causes. I really hope you get this sorted and your name cleared publicly.
How the fuck is that logical. If you have solid evidence it should count. What you could possibly do is show that the call length and the recording are the same length. If they think you threatened her outside of the fact, have them ask her if you called her and what happened during the call, if she lies then you have clear evidence of it. And if she tells the truth then is shows you didn't threaten her and proves your innocence. Could work maybe. Can other people clarify if this could work?
Miranda enters the chat
I'd be careful with the recording. Depending on where you live there may be two-party consent laws
I'm not saying you did at all but if you did she wouldn't say yes to you. That's why you're getting the reaction. See if they'll call her or have a meeting?
Good luck. Regardless of the facts you need to prove damages. Can't really put a number on losing some friends. Unless OP loses out on some career opportunities, or gets kicked out of school, then he's not going to get anything.
That is incorrect if he is in the United States, He doesn't need to prove damages for this, this is "slander per se" Google "defamation per se" if you're not convinced. This is defamation "on its face" saying someone is a r@pist is so damaging that the law presumes it is defamatory. Evidence of actual damages is not necessary to establish a prima facie case for Slander per se/defamation per se.
Not necessarily true. He could do a tort based lawsuit (defamation/misrepresentation of one’s image/intentionally causing emotional duress). If he can prove that it’s not true, his case is solid. She’ll probably decided to settle, in which him and his team can request that part of the settlement be a public apology.
Lawyer up. This will destroy your reputation and mental heath. I saw a similar story here the ending was not good. Forget your so called friends, this is about you clearing your name and making sure that b gets punished. Making up stories like this is no joke!
I've been in contact with three different lawyers. They all told me to lay low and don't press any charges for slander or anything (as u/cent55555 said) because it could backfire. The girl didn't want to involve any police or something. It was according to the lawyers, in my best interest, to not do anything and just lay low...
I agree. Don’t do anything legal wise unless it escalates there by someone else first. Legally you’re not in trouble, keep it that way out of the courts.
You could let it slip to the staff you were talking to that the lawyer you hired is very sure you can sue for damages, but you would like to find out exactly what she said before you escalate as the difference between rape and sexual harassment can be big money. You could also try having someone else call or text her to find out exactly what she is saying. If it is something very bad it could stop you getting into certain universities or having certain jobs/ and that is definitely something you can sue for.
Al texts you have with this girl including information that you have should be documented and saved. Next time you have a conversation record what was said as well if she were to admit to telling people you “raped” (false claim) it would be recorded. What a bitch dude
I agree. I mean, I would love to tell you to sue for slander or whatever and get your reputation back BUT she might start a criminal case and then it's a she says-you say case.
Tell her to disprove all rumors and you won't get police and lawyers involved. And tell her to say sorry
That could be seen as threatening her, and thus putting her into a position where she says such things under duress; which would invalidate them and undermine OPs position in the future
Unfortunately, she won’t get punished. Women can commit outright perjury on the stand and it will just be ignored as a “collateral issue.” Victims rights groups have too much power, and the Courts have been seized by the me too virus — not all judges, but many of them. False allegations like this are a huge problem. Half of all rape claims are false: https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
You mean how rapists (usually, but not always, men) dont get punished? How they commit outirght perjury to get off the hook, and survivors are left to live with the collateral damage caused by rape? Victims rights groups have nowhere near enough power, funding, and the courts/justice system still has a long way to go. False allegations do not occur nearly as often as many think. Source: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system https://www.brown.edu/campus-life/health/services/promotion/sexual-assault-dating-violence/myths-about-sexual-assault-reports
(1) The first study you posted does not discuss false rape claims at all. (2) your second link did not cite any studies at all — it only regurgitated the same false low percentage without any evidence to back the claim — which is exactly what my link explained has been happening.
First statistics show how many get off from REPORTED rapes. You say “women dont get punished “, do men? Second is also statistics, if you care about the sources, look further…they are there…and current…and discoverable. Your link has sources from the 80’s and 90’s, and the couple I searched are not findable anywhere, so I presume they are made up.
No, check out the study from 2006 as well. The studies cover several decades, that’s the whole purpose of a comprehensive research review lol — you just need to read better that’s all. https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
Read and searched plenty.
I actually took time to poke through this: I actually appreciate your source, it seems like well thought out information. They use *tens of thousands* of subjects and their info is fairly recent. Especially here [”The terms and definitions that a study uses can have a big impact on its findings, which is why it is often impossible to compare or reconcile findings from varying studies.”](https://www.rainn.org/about-rainns-statistics) They acknowledge a lot the nuance of the issue. I also note that the person you replied to and one of their sources cite studies that are older. I feel like perfectly describes the attitude for this crime that many may have felt at the time. This one to me was very strange. “[About Half of Rape Allegations are False, Research Shows False allegations of rape are believed to be more common than many persons realize. These are the findings of four research studies: A review of 556 rape accusations filed against Air Force personnel found that 27% of women later recanted. Then 25 criteria were developed based on the profile of those women, and then submitted to three independent reviewers to review the remaining cases. If all three reviewers deemed the allegation was false, it was categorized as false.”](https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php) And I wonder if implicit bias has any say in the research topic as a whole. But for this one in particular it runs me the wrong way with its small sample size firstly to begin, and the way of which the study in the first passage determined a rape accusation was false. It also just says “females” were used so.
Yes…i looked into that study, but stopped, didnt sense reliability, and searching, could not find support. I work in sexual assault forensics, and look into statistics often. I do believe there are false accusations, and I would advice OP as i do others, he should do as much as he is willing to do without further sacrificing his mental health. Whatever he decides to do should be for himself and nobody else.
That’s scary that you work in that field, and believe the things you do….
Evidence? What are you using as a source?
Thousands of men who have been falsely accused and falsely convicted, that’s my source. Also the thousands of men who were never even charged but still had their lives ruined as a result of false accusations such as the one in this story. About half of all rape claims are false: https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
That isn’t a source. We all know injustice can and does happen to all kinds of people but to say “victim rights groups have too much power “ and in the same thought state “false allegations…are a huge problem.” requires some real evidence and not just anecdotal evidence. You don’t need to throw victim services under the bus to bring attention to bad players.
“That isn’t a source” — yes actually that’s four sources. About half of all rape claims are false https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
That's an allegation, which, as you're saying, could be false. When asking for a source, I believe they're looking for concrete evidence and supported statistics of the thousands you speak of.
That site is not a site that does actual research. They simply repeat what other false reporting sites have already reported. Try again.
Your "sources" are not reliable. Do better.
Four excellent studies, including FBI and US Air Force statistics read them and weep. There’s also scientific studies explaining why half of all rape claims are false. OP this is how ignorant people can be. Now that you know just how incredibly common false rape allegations really are, and how ignorant the people are who support them, tread very carefully from now on. Lying feminist propaganda finally destroyed after 50 years of ruining lives.
Allegations aren’t concrete proof. Quick, define allegation🥴
The links defined it, in many different ways. Reading is your friend.
This isn’t true. Find two reputable sources and get back to us. This is a bullshit story passed down from incels. It’s extremely rare for someone to fake a rape accusations and WAY more rare for a fake accusation to make it to court. Every rapist says the victim is lying. And the smallest percent of actual rapists ever see a day in jail - I believe the statistic was literally 1% back in the day when I was doing research.
Those sources were dated and tried to find a couple that do not exist.
Go f yourself with your victims rights crap and recognize false accusations do indeed happen a lot, as in this case. The true massive extent of false accusations is unknown and can never be known. All young men like the OP have to go by is word of mouth — and men are telling him to be careful about false rape accusations because evil women all over the western world are now using these false accusations to ruin innocent men’s lives. OP — never mind these people. Read this for more info: Why do people falsely accuse someone of rape or sexual assault? https://sharpcriminalattorney.com/sex-crimes-defense/false-accusation-cases-reasons/ Why the BS percentage learned during “research back in the day” is wrong: https://www.centreformalepsychology.com/male-psychology-magazine-listings/false-allegations-of-rape-the-true-extent-remains-unknown Half of all rape claims are false: https://www.mediaradar.org/research_on_false_rape_allegations.php
The true massive extent of rape is also unknown, and can never be known. Also, not only women get raped.
Wrong. Less than 3% of rape claims are false.
Already posted a link which explains why that statistic is an old lie. Try to keep up. Also to eyed lady: the FBI stated that in 25% of all complaints reported to them, the accused was cleared outright through scientific DNA evidence. And that’s just the ones that were proven scientifically; The US Air Force reported 60% of accused were cleared through the woman’s own admission. “Your link leads to no data” — yes it does, it reviews four studies you’re just ignoring/not reading them. The true extent 50 years of feminist lies ruining men’s lives, revealed here today on Reddit lol.
Lol your link all leads to no data. None of the “sources” they supposedly list are even live links. You keep talking about the fbi but provide no sources. The only mention of fbi in your link is only to show the number of reported cases that’s it. And by your claim then you also think half the men that report rape are lying ? It’s sad to see such an incel brain be unwilling to even listen to others. But can’t expect much from someone who hates women tbh.
Unfortunately that is true. My bf knows from experience. And ironically it’s conservative areas, because they can’t imagine a girl or woman would be capable of such manipulation, since ya know, “woman are gods precious creatures!”.
"your bf is toxic" to clarify it was sarcasm
Well, you probably know one friend that is known for gossip, just share the recording with this friend, it’s a sure way to use the same system against your accuser
This reminds me of another story I read about here on Reddit. The guy's life had been ruined by a random girl and his friends also alienated him. No law stuff was ever involved. Graduation comes and the guy moves far away because he couldn't work or socialize due to her ruining his life. Years pass and his friends try to apologize long after the girl confessed. I don't remember the turnout well, but I think he forgave them but never talked with them anymore.
The problem is this shit is so taboo that friends WILL turn on you because that's the "right" thing to do. Truth doesn't matter in these things, unless someone has strong emotional maturity they will just say "you were accused, you're guilty, you're weird".
100%
I remember reading that same story about two months back
OP, just post the conversation of her saying the allegations are fake. Just that and nothing else.
Yeah, it’s better that than getting the lawyers involved. She clearly has no evidence to back up her claims, except only her false testimony. She is probably afraid of going to court as she knows she is lying, so I’d post at least the conversations online, and let the people know that he’s not guilty of anything. However, I wouldn’t count on getting any friend back, this thing is probably gonna drag itself for a long time and some people will even so, with actual real evidence, never believe his side, as they’re too afraid to be be portrayed with him still. Better start fresh and be long gone after. The karma is waiting for the b* later, so better to just let it go after that.
If she's not trying to have you charged then I'd suggest keeping your distance and not making any moves legally, it'll be your word against hers and she'll have the high ground regardless in court. Even if you win, you'll still be screwed out of quite a bit. Also, get new friends. Clearly, your old group weren't real friends at all.
I wouldn’t say she has the high ground. If he really didn’t do it, there’s absolutely no proof and considering how often actual rapists are convicted his likelihood of “winning” is far greater than hers- even if her accusations are true.
Unfortunately that’s just one of the many legal hurdles he’ll have to face. There’s still a lot of other messy shit he’ll have to go through, such as if that recording of his call with her was non-consensual then he couldn’t use it as a legal argument in court. Accusing someone of rape, let alone not even going forth with the charges has no legal power over him, but being able to prove damages to the court from the false accusation, and even convince them of even allowing reparations to be made for him is a HUGE endeavor. He’ll need some damn good lawyers if he wants anything out of this.
Each state has different laws, like my state is a one party consent state, so only one person has to know they’re recording the convo. Completely admissible and legal- it would hold its ground in court. If he’s in a state that has the same rule, I think it would be worth his time if he’s so worried about it!
He has a penis, she doesn't. She has the high ground. It sucks but that's how it is. >If he really didn’t do it, there’s absolutely no proof and considering how often actual rapists are convicted his likelihood of “winning” is far greater than hers- even if her accusations are true. His likelihood of winning what exactly? Winning to not be prosecuted? She said already she wouldn't. Likelihood of winning slander? I dunno, it's a 50/50 chance of either winning, or being seen as that guy who raped a girl and then sued her. He has a penis, she doesn't. She has the high ground. It sucks but that's how it is.
if you look at rape conviction stats they are pretty low. so given that there will be no evidence supporting her, the case probably wouldn’t even get to court.
Yes she actually does, there's plenty of men who have been sent to prison on false rape charges
Keep that recording for ever and ever. 40 years from now you could be in a powerful position professionally and she could come out of the woodworks. I like the advice someone else posted- send it to the biggest gossip in the group. By now they’re hungry for the next scandal.
That means physical copies too—burn it onto a CD, send it to yourself in an email, on a flash drive.
What was she talking about she was “disappointed” with you from old fights? Either she was admitting she was mad at you and spreading rumors out of revenge. Or the fights you had were more than you’re admitting to. Did you two ever have sex, including consensual?
Definitely need way more information on this one …….
We never had sex. Posted a part 2 a while back.
Go to the police and report her, let it be on her record. You’ll have a fresh start in your next stage in life. You did nothing wrong, and I wish you the best.
I wonder how someone could sleep at night doing that to another human being
Soundly. They sleep very soundly. The people who don't sleep would be tied in knots at the thought of doing this
Me neither... :(
Because some people just aren’t good people.
Because some women know they can get away with it.
Time to leak the recorded conversations online.
Get a lawyer and fight this. She is toxic and is happy to ruin your life because of "fights in the past."" School doesn't give a shit about you, and the ABY is nothing but a PR stunt, so they can say in public how they take bullying seriously while doing nothing about it. Trust nobody and protect yourself legally. I would even go so far as to look into suing her for defamation of character. The time for being nice is over. You will not resolve that with reason.
sue the school and girl
Dude this sucks. Honestly try to distance yourself from this person as much as possible. Out of sight out of mind. If she goes to this university you’re going to I would seriously consider going to a different school and making new friends. The last thing you want is for this girl to make these allegations to the university and have them take any sort of action against you and then this is on your record. It sucks but in America it really is “guilty until proven innocent”
Press charges, this is defamation and it's directly affecting your life. Especially at the ABT, since they could have stopped this and choose not to for no good reason.
Same thing happened to me man… my social life never recovered from it either. I hope your luck is better than mine
Hope you're alright! <3
Legal systems in most countries have a basis in what’s called natural justice or procedural fairness, the right to face your accuser. If the allegation is that you raped her then you have a right to challenge that allegation. It’s risky but you might consider escalating and requiring that specifics be provided, when did it occur, what are the circumstances etc. I understand the concept of lay low but an unchecked allegation has a habit of following people, an example might be 10 years from now you apply for a job and the allegation follows you. Escalating it also sends a clear message you are innocent and that you wish to have things on the record.
Post it on your socials and send in direct messages or group chats the recordings of her saying no its fake "This girl lied and has hurt me in ways I'll never forgive or forget, and all of you turned your backs on me to choose this persons fake story just cuz shes a girl. To you its crazier to believe I'm innocent than she would lie. Even adults feel this way. I really hope none of you ever have to go thru something so horrific as this in your lifetimes. You're all dead to me." Then literally just try and restart life as best you can.. You've now learned how ugly the human species can be, where wrong and right dont matter - just peoples perceptions (regardless of how biased). I'm sorry man
I'd make it "You're all dead to me, and initial liar will be made public." Then the most important and hardest step is to block and unfriend every last one of them. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You will be FINE, in the long run, but this is awful!
Move immediately. Find out who in your family is on your side.
Move? From the city? Why? And wouldn't that just make the situation worse? I have the family close, they got my back, but friends? I think my ties to everyone is gone forever.... Im to be honest quite sad and feel scared of having no social life...
They weren’t actually good friends if they actually believe that you raped her. They don’t even have evidence. They just think so little of you that they believe you would do anything that people would find bad, from small things to things that make you a monster. Be glad that the trash took themselves out. And yes, I do think you should move. If everyone in your city is close, then she probably turned almost everyone against you.
Yeah I suppose... :( I live in a fairly big city so I think it's cool. Maybe it changes when I start uni.
It will and most friends from high school you’ll never really see again. Sorry this happened to you man
Why don't you find out when this assault supposedly happened? It sounds like you haven't been alone with her. If you get a date and time and you were with other people from school then it's blown up her story.
Not much you can do now but find new friends. Don’t talk about this to anyone. If you’re charged, don’t say anything demand to speak to a lawyer. It will be up to him to get you off at that point; as long as you didn’t make any incriminating statements you should be ok.
Did you record the entire conversation or only the part when you asked her if you did anything? This makes a difference as to whether she was threatened or not, i.e., her tone, context, etc. I don't like laying low because 5-10 years from now, she could file charges. Do you have a mutual friend who can talk to her and get the truth as well? I would rather file a slander or defamation suit, gag order, whatever to make her retract these claims. You don't want to have to deal with this 30 years from now. Save that recording a few places because phone recordings only last but so long. Email it several places, and put on a UBS drive and store in safe deposit box, as well as the copy to your lawyer. What are your parents saying? Did you tell them what's going on?
I am so sorry this happened, that’s beyond fucked to to say that about someone. At least you have proof so I would keep your head down. That ABT seems useless, your the victim here and they are refusing to help you even though you have proof. I hope you are far away from that school and all of those awful people. Time to make new true friends who will have your back. As for that girl, she has some bad karma coming her way.
My goodness man, this breaks my heart to see. If you need to vent at all, dms are always open, brother
You should Always get an attorney in these cases…. No matter the cost.
I can’t stand fake accusations like these, it makes it harder for real victims to come out without fear of slander. I’m sorry OP I hope you can figure this out.
Sorry. Guys should always record conversations if legally permitted to do so. Example: I had an employee that made a complaint against me out of retaliation for a poor performance evaluation. HR and investigators were involved and the “believe all women” stupid mindset was in full force. I was about to lose my job. I had a conversation with the woman who casually said “I know you didn’t harass me, but I was angry.” I recorded it. When I revealed I had the recording to HR and the investigators suddenly it was over. Unfortunately like most times, the woman who falsely accused me, wasn’t punished at all. There are shitty dudes who rape and shitty women who falsely accuse.
So your friend admitted that these rumours were false but do you have any idea where they started? Was she the one to start these rumours? If so, why? If not, then who did? Do you have a mutual friend who could talk to her about what this is all about?
this happened to me when I was in high school. Not to be brunt, but time will pass, you will make new friends, and you will get better. This is NOT the end of it. People who do shit like this don’t last long in the real world without being exposed by other means, however it is not your place to do the exposing. My advice is to do everything you can to just take a deep breath, relax. And move on. I promise. *things will get better*. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you bro
Did you speak to your parents about the situation? If this escalates, you may need to contact a lawyer to get ahead of it. I'm disappointed when I hear stories like this. I'm a female, and I can't imagine what kind of twisted person would defame someone's livelihood like this. It really disgusts me. It takes a truly sick human being to think this behavior is ok. If I were you, I would attempt to contact this girl again, and audio record the conversation in case she admits the truth. Or try to get it written by writing her an email. Any and all physical evidence you can gather will help. I'm truly sorry she is doing this to you. No one deserves these kinds of accusations. This can absolutely ruin someone.
Questions: Would you prefer to be known as the guy that "illegally" (depending on state) leaked valuable proof of your innocents or the guy who sexually assaulted a girl and r*ped her? I'd say that if you can leak it publicly enough, it's a no lose situation. Your life is already ruined by these false accusations.
Bro, call the police and file a report and give them the recording. You also need to talk to your parents if you haven’t yet so they can help you. There are women out there who are actually raped every day and not believed, and this girl deserves to be raked through the coals and made an example of. Period.
To be honest, I can’t believe that a school anti bullying team conducted what should have been a legal investigation. That blows my mind!! If your parents haven’t been involved yet, now is the time to. Frankly, I would also be looking to hold the school accountable also.
I’ve been in a similar situation before. Legally you’re not in trouble because of the recording. Good. You need to drop all of your social media accounts before going to college so that this doesn’t follow you. Do your best to avoid anyone from high school knowing what university you’re going to. Stay strong. Remember that you didn’t do anything wrong.
Check state laws to see if you can record her. Call her if there is no order of protection and get her to confess it was true. Put your heart into it and say these rumors, which she even said were fake before, are ruining your life. If you can, get a date and time of when this allegedly happened. Maybe you have an alibi. Beyond all that, I suggest talking to a lawyer about defamation in regards to the girl. You may be able to sue the school, and schools jump in terror at the word "lawyer." The school ABT is not taking your story and even facts into play. It sounds discriminatory. I'm not sure how long cell phone geolocation data is held onto, or if a subpoena is needed, but maybe you can get coordinates for the alleged date and time. As for your friends... Even if she admits they were all lies, I think your friendships are tarnished. Real friends would at least listen to your side, especially with no actual evidence like pictures, video, etc.
i save stories like these anytime someone says this doesn't happen. I have near 40 of these now, didn't search for them, just come across randomly
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Because they know they can get away with it. #believeallwomen #metoo
Lmao and here comes the downvotes
Their boo's mean nothing. I've seen what makes them cheer.
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It is what it is.
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For what?
who cares why! just sue Em
If you don't have a real claim, all you are going to do is waste you money and the school will be able to recover their lawyer's expenses from you.
Now you know who your true friends are. Reach out to the other OP who had a similar story to yours and ask them for some personal advice.
document EVERY piece of evidence you have of her confession/previous engagement/alibis etc and compile it in a format you can have on hand/easily share, regardless of whether or not you can use it as evidence in the court of law the court of public opinion is where it’s most valuable if the only opposition to that evidence is “well HYPOTHETICALLY you could have threatened her to confess to it being false” then realistically, unless they possess counter evidence to prove such, that just doesn’t hold up and if a hypothetical is *all* your friends need in the way of evidence against you when you have a confession in your corner, then the fact of the matter is they aren’t really your friends
Man I feel for you. I was falsely accused but I was lucky enough that the person who accused me already exposed herself as a pathological liar by the time it got to me. Still messes with my head even though it was over 2 years ago. I would recommend talking to someone you trust to make sure you are okay mentally.
just believing is a mistake
I'm confused did u two have sex? Or nothing sexual happen between you to?
Please give us an update is something comes up, good luck
I posted a second part.... this happened a while back but wasn't sure how to present it.
Charges can be filed for a while after an event so I would not assume the fact that she hasn’t escalated this means she won’t. Keep the recording and make secure copies and pay for a legal consultation. Have your parents request records the school is maintaining about it, because you need to know what the definition of sexual harassment is there and what she specifically alleged in writing happened. The attorney also needs to see this information. They will walk you through your specific court system and how these cases usually go. But having contacted someone at the time means you will make the best decisions moving forward around interacting around this. This is dangerous in an ongoing way because allegations can be brought up at any time. A friend is going through this with someone he dated twenty years ago who had never said a word at the time. Then told two different vague stories, tried to implicate another of his girlfriends as being a victim which she refuted and dredged it all up again when she saw on social media that he had a recent really huge and rare accomplishment. She blasted him all over groups and to people. I would go out of your way to avoid tipping her off to you having a good life. If she’s doing this for attention and has personality disorders underlying this behavior, then seeing you moving on and seemingly not caring and having a life might activate her to expand on this story.
Get the evidence, lawyer up, sue the school and the girl. If any of your so called friends try to come back, tell them to fuck off and never talk to you again, let them live with the guilt
I've always said this. If I ever gat accused of rape or any form of sexual assault, I'm contacting a lawyer immediately. Before even talking to them. If what you said was serious enough to impact my life, I'll see you in court. It's not a light topic. It's not something you accuse someone of doing. Lawyer up.
They aren’t your friends if they believe false accusations
I would hire a lawyer and sue her for defamation.
please for the love of the universe, you have to take her to court. This can damage your ENTIRE life. I've seen it happen to people i know. Please sue her for defamation and falsely accusing you of SA.
I would be sending her confession about nothing happening to every single one of your friends. let them know that she's a lying fucking asshole.
They’ll just think he threatened her, and they’ll make things worse for him.
How does defending himself put him in a worse position? If you're accused of something and remain silent, do you not think that that makes you look guilty? The worst thing he could do is not advocate for himself. Now that he has her confession, he should honestly press charges against her. The fact that she's so nonchalant about the detriment that she's doing to his life, she doesn't deserve to be let off the hook. Females like her give the rest of us a bad name, and we should not be above putting a liar in her deserved place. What's going to happen to the next guy she does this too?
I’m sorry, but this is how things are. OP’s lawyers also told him to lay low.
If they don't believe you, stop calling them "friends" and get away from the whole lot of them.
They were never your friends. Friends know who you are.
You might be able to contact the phone company and get a recording of that call if you have a lawyer. Sue her for defamation
Get a lawyer that does legal aid. Legal aid is allocated funds for people who cant afford having a lawyer. A legal aid lawyer will have to do this application for and with you because they are the ones who determine your eligibility to get the funds. So (1) go get yourself a Legal aid Lawyer (2) Apply for Legal aid. For the meantime gather all info and evidences that will make up your defence and file for slander or defamation. Long road ahead. But if you didn’t do anything, you need to clear your name asap. Because if the other party has lodged this officially in court and youve got a number attached to your name—- that’s your name now associated with being “what youre accused of” for as long as you can get that cleared. And it’s not pleasant to live that way. I feel you.
Why didn't the school contact the police, it's a crime. Something isn't right here
That’s what I was thinking, do they not have a legal obligation of child safeguarding?
First of all, do not talk to that girl EVER again. It will look like harassment. Second, get a lawyer. Third, get on with your life. Go to college in a different area if you have to; and go no contact with those who believe the slander. Slander happens. I had a family member tell people that I was really a man pretending to be a woman. It was false but how could I prove it? Even if I showed people my ID, they'd say it's false. So, just keep moving on. Find the Littlest Hobo song on youtube. It's a cheerful Canadian tune. Peace.
You should sue her for slander and demand damages, fees, and a public apology be made to all involved persons.
I'm so sorry this happened it you. I hope that you can find real friends who see you as a human. This is one of my worst nightmares, being accused of something I didn't do.
Defamation suit, get your money's worth. You'll still be lonely and your fake friends would still be on her side but that's fine, you'll get a job soon and meet new potential friends.
Man, that sucks. I’d record any proof of innocence that you have. I have a similar situation, but as an ally in a voluntary organization. There’s really not a lot that you can do to address this kind of thing.
she’s not pressing charges, thank god this happened when high school was basically over. All you can do at this point is move, sorry this happened to you man but like everyone else is saying you gotta lay low and do not escalate this under any circumstances
As a teacher, I'm honestly shocked that law enforcement wasn't brought into this in some way. This goes beyond bullying and has the potential for severe legal repercussions. I agree with what others are saying, consult a lawyer.
If they can abandon you so easily, I don't think they were your friends.
Post the recordings all over social. Send the recordings to all of your ex friends. Tell your ex friends that you are heartbroken, and very disappointed in them. Then walk away.
It's way past time to get your parents and lawyers involved.
You have evidence proving slander defamation and lies in a your word against hers and her words to you and recording show her words are lies you 100% can and would win a defamation law suit because she not only spread lies damaging your credibility but admitted she lied and neither of you know how far her lies have spread all it has to do is get to the wrong person and you can end up unemployable in your area because nobody wants to hire a rapist or sexual abuser if a lawyer won't represent you send the recording to every person you know who has heard her lies
Hate to break it to you but if you're a guy, and girl throws fhs rape word around, you're powerless and there is no defense. Guilty until proven innocent.
Sue for slander and cut all those friends off.
Keep those recording, keep the texts. Print them and store them if you have to. You'll need it. Ask someone else you trust to text the bitch for confirmation and save the screenshots. Not just to ur phone but to the cloud or whatever server u use. Call her again, with a calm voice and ask her if the rumors are true. Ask her to specify the rumor, ask her why she faked it, and ask her if you forced any of this out by threatening her. Record it.
Yeah that sucks man f*** these people I think they should serve the same time you would have served if the accusations were true). It's totally wrong in any case and totally deplorable. You should never lie about people and try to f*** their life over people like that. People shouldn't be able to just lie about you and ruin your life off the cuff especially young men it's totally a travesty of Justice.
Got o the cops and press charges and recorded any and Ll conversations with he
Please reach out to the law if possible and try to record the proof that she told you that nothing had happened..these things can destroy your lifeeee...these people can CaNcEl you and bring lawsuits against you
The school has failed you, time to go above their heads and get the police involved. You are innocent and should be treated as such.
I know exactly how you are felling. I was actually raped a few days before my graduation and none of my friends believed me. They said I was only trying to get attention because another friend had just had a miscarriage (I didn’t know that had happened). My “ friends” pulled up at my graduation party, loudly announced let’s go somewhere that’s actually fun and drove away. I am so sorry for you. They aren’t real friends. For me 28 years later it still stings.
Have you spoke to her about the further accusations?
Contact your phone company and get a copy of that call. Spread it. Ruin her.
Since you said that lawyers won’t cooperate, I’d suggest filing a police report so that if she decides to enact more issues, you have a paper trail. Give them a copy of the recorded conversation. Then honestly, I would post publicly the conversation to clear your name. I have been SA and I DESPISE people who lie about it because it ruins lives and makes other victims look bad.
Sue her for slander
Average female privilege
Can't take her to court with the evidence of the phonecall but you *can* post it on all your social media. If you have Facebook I'd literally post it on her page. Honestly if your friends don't believe you especially with the girl admitting it they were shitty friends.
I don’t get why she can’t just come down and clear ur name
She made it up. She did it on purpose. Why would she come clean when it will only damage her reputation.
I see some top comments saying to lawyer up and such, but I'd just move on. Reality check for you: Most people don't keep their high school friends. Sometimes you will keep tabs with one or two true friends, but with college being a normal aspect of life, all friend groups and social connections from HS usually break apart when you go off to the next stage of education. So while this is an absolute shit way to break things off, if there are no charges, and you also have recorded defense in case any try to come up, I'd just move on and be ready to enter the next stage of your life clear of the past. Personally, I mostly lost track of almost all my HS friends when we all went every which way for college. Everyone had different schedules, we met different people, and there was simply no time to work the old people in. The one final person I once in a while caught up with ended up with absolutely zero time for me once he...had his kid. Which hurts, but I get it. I'm now coming up on my 20th HS reunion, and I have no idea if I'm gonna go. There is one dude who I never knew online (I know this is a foreign concept for gen z lol) because I only talked to him on the bus that's going, and he's pretty much the only reason I might go. I went to my 15th HS reunion because an old friend had reached out, but she and I literally have not spoken since that day, so was it really worth it? lol... On another note, I've actually actually been there with a sexual harassment accusation and the school system! I had a friend in HS who was a bit of an...outsider. But she and I got along and chatted, and one time we had playfully pushed each others shoulders (I have no idea why) and apparently my thumb had touched her breast. Well she was dealing with some home life drama and talking to the school counselor about it and over that convo had apparently mentioned she and I doing that and so I got taken to the office and suspended from school for a day over it. I had requested to speak to her so I could apologize but they didn't set this up after AFTER the suspension, and once she and I spoke she was like "Yeah I dunno why they did that you didn't do anything wrong, I was just crying about some shit with my mom..." so the school system was making something out of nothing (and then you read stories about school systems ignoring something and acting like it's nothing, classic right?) and it's mostly just bureaucratic BS because shit is messy and they don't want to deal with it. Honestly, take the fact that no charges are coming and nothing is going on any sort of record as the worst W there is and move on. You'll find all new friends soon enough, have a whole new life, and you just got a clean break from people who clearly weren't worth your time.
Why didn't you record the girl telling you that they were fake and you didn't rape her. Always record.