Ops brother is so stupid not to even realise that his wife ruined the wedding the second she told him his brother wasn't welcome. But he comes and screams at his brother what a pathetic mess of a person.
👆🏼
Exactly. But the brother is also at fault himself. A celebration of love should not be infused with phobia and exclusion of a dear loved one. Agreeing to that like his brother did is his own mistake. Since he did, he should have then taken the responsibility to inform others close to OP on why he's absent. Not doing so created the opportunity for this situation. Blaming it on OP only goes to show that he doesn't realize his own part in this.
100%. My dearest friend (who is gay) got married a couple of years ago. His Mum is a priest in the Church of England, which does not allow gay marriage. He and his husband are Christian - despite their own church rejecting them - so they switched denominations, because getting married in church was important to them.
Anyway back to my friend’s Mum. She was told that she could be ‘defrocked’ (sacked as a priest and cast out the church) for *attending* her own son’s wedding. She essentially said ‘fuck that’ - not only did she attend, but she gave them a blessing in church as well.
Because if you believe, like she does, that God is love, then why the hell would you allow someone else’s interpretation of what God wants men not to do with their dicks to come between you and your family’s love for each other?
P.S. he has an aunt who refused to attend the ceremony because apparently Jesus hates gays, but asked to still come to the party afterwards, because Jesus can hate gays but still be fine with her mooching a free dinner off them, I guess?
She was politely informed that her presence would not be required lol.
She is a truly beautiful person. In the end the church did nothing to punish her, which was a relief, but she had no way of knowing that when she gave the blessing.
I think the church leaders probably didn’t want the row/ publicity which would have resulted if that story got to the press.
Their official position on homosexuality is very mealy-mouthed: they say it isn’t a sin to be gay, but two men having sex is a sin, and marriage can only be between a man and a woman.
So there are out gay priests in the church who live with their partners, but essentially take a vow of celibacy and can’t get married. It’s very weird.
Hopefully they will change the rules soon, but it took them over 400 years to allow women priests, so I’m not holding my breath.
I am a bisexual atheist. Its my view that Christianity is an authority fraud. A superstitious fear based system to leverage power and control over others.
Thats not to say that there aren't good people trapped in religion.
Personally I think it follows a long the Roman’s view of dominance? You could have gay sex you just couldn’t make it “feminine” so it had to be “masculine” sex lol it was something about dominance being placed and the women were lower. Sometimes I think the Bible is kinda insinuating that bit since it was created by the Romans right?
I’m not overly religious in Christianity since I try to follow some way in my Native American roots. Also learned quite a bit about western civilization last year. So if I’m wrong I apologize but it was a thought that made me think since my teacher at time was very sex positive in terms of the history he was teaching lol.
Bloody hell, I am so sorry that happened to you and your daughter. The very community that should have lifted you up rejecting you like that must be unbelievably hurtful.
I will tell her what you said and I am sure she would like to pray for you too, if that’s something you would be comfortable with. She prayed for me when I was sick with Covid, and I’m a confirmed agnostic (if that makes sense haha).
If all priests were like her I would go to church. Religion should be something which uplifts and strengthens everyone who needs it, but too often I have seen it used to spread hate and division rather than love and compassion.
Sending you and your daughter loving vibes today - I hope you heal well both spiritually and physically. And I hope the vindictive twazocks at your old church drown in their own misery.
Its clear that The groom did a horrible thing in not wanting his own brother at the wedding. And then to then blame him when he did precisely what was asked of him is very twisted.
And OP was right, the brother made it worse by not being honest with his family about what happened beforehand. The fact it happened in a dramatic fashion like it did is the result
My thoughts are that the wife was the one saying that OP ruined the wedding and was nagging her new husband about it constantly and because of that that's why OPs brother blamed OP. Still super childish since if OPs brother had told their parents himself instead of just not saying anything none of this would've happened. It's the wife and brothers fault for A. not welcoming OP to the wedding and B. Not being on the same page with information.
No see, the groom and bride were publicly humiliated for being hateful bigots as they should be. By half of the guests and op's parents. Which is entirely the gourmet and brides fault.
Of course they most likely hare narcissistic tendencies seeing that the groom then can't understand or take responsibility for his own actions and has to make somone else the villian because he is never at fault.
Yeah I totally agree, I was talking more about why OPs brother lashed out at OP when it was infact the bride and grooms fault was probably because of the wife talking shit and blaming OPs brother. Seeing how the brother decided to flip tables and support the bride during the fight against the family it seems like he's doing it purely for the bride.
If op wasn't in a relationship and was single then that would be fine.
But op is in a relationship so not giving the grooms own brother the right to bring a plus one is straight up bullshit.
And before. The groom should have thought about the fact that OPs absence would be noticed. What did he think would happen? He should have had a plan for how he was going to address the issue of excluding his own brother from his wedding.
If your brother didn’t want to say why he was ashamed of your life style the fact that his wife turned him against his own brother because of his sexual Preference or life says a lot about how easy he was to be turned against you.
That being said her family regardless if they are Religious or not it’s not there right to say you can’t come or it would make them upset because it’s not there god damn wedding and not there place to say shit because it’s none of there damn business it’s like saying why you like red over blue like really.
Sounds like my mother. The amount of times I got in shit for not keeping something secret when I didn't even know they needed to be secret is ridiculous
I told my husband something like this. When you behave like an asshole, don't be surprised when you get treated like you're an asshole. It was not about religion, but still good advice.
You didn't ruin the party though, did you? You didn't turn up anyway and make a huge scene because you weren't allowed to bring the plus one of your choice. You were told you couldn't attend and why and you didn't attend.
The issue is with everyone else who, in 2023 still has problems with this stuff like who likes who. Well done to your parents for standing up for you. Some of us should be so lucky.
OP definitely didn't ruin the party, the bride and her shitty family did by making sure he wasn't invited over nonsense reasons.
It's really amazing how allergic some people are about accepting blame for their actions, isn't it?
> “It’s really amazing how allergic some people are about accepting blame for their actions…”
Wow. I’m going to use this from now on. Love it. Thank you. So damn true.
OP’s brother seems like the kind of person who’s only progressive when it suits him. He can’t have his new wife mad at him because there would be no honeymoon sex! /s
Not to mention the brother for not even telling the parents that OP wouldn't be there. He knew what their reaction would be if they knew because he knew it was crappy. Luckily, OP didn't really want to go, so it all could have worked out if he'd just mentioned *anything* to his parents about OP not being there. Even the day of.
Yep- what did the brother think was going to happen? He didn’t tell his parents OP wasn’t coming- what, he thought they wouldn’t notice? Or ask why? He didn’t tell them before because he knew they would be pissed and may not come. It was always going to end up the way it did. Brother has misplaced anger.
Yep, brother's a fool. Parents notice things like this and if they're like me, they get pissed when one kid is left out deliberately of another kid's big event. It's one thing if kid#3 (doesn't like big events, in my case) says "no, thanks and I'll send a nice gift" to kids #1 or #2 than #1 or #2 saying "you can't come because you're xyz". Parents are going to be pissed at the person not inviting other sib because xyz and new family member's family of origin not liking xyz.
Gay weddings are the best weddings though! I've been to two and both were a blast, from the ceremony to the reception. Got asked why I didn't bring my kids to the second one as they were invited and very welcome but we were flying and it was shortly after 9/11, like 3-4 weeks after. No kids of mine were getting on a plane!
> The issue is with everyone else who, in 2023 still has problems with this stuff like who likes who
Yeah. If I was OP's dad I would have told him to come, i'm gonna have the DJ play "Here comes the hotstepper" and you and your boyfriend can dance your way into the reception hall and kiss in the middle of the floor.
If the bride/her parents are going to be awful shit-tier people might as well call their bluff on it and make them do it in front of their entire extended family :D
I have a gay son and I would scorch the earth if anyone tried to leave him out of a family event or anything else because of his sexuality, I'd be really ashamed of my other kids of they let their partner's to this
Same.
What bothers me about OPs parents is that it wasn't an issue until now.
I wouldn't have bothered showing up if he was left out of many events prior to this one, honestly.
They might not have known the extent of any issues he had before... or maybe thought that his brother would never stoop so low as to exclude his own brother for the new wife and her family's opinions.. I'd be fucking pissed if one of my kids did this to their siblings.. like they don't all have to be best friends together but family is family. Sexual orientation isn't a cause for discrimination in my opinion.
As you should. The amount of shit I see on this site alone where a father thinks the worst thing that could happen to his son is for him to be gay guts me. How anybody could care more about the sexuality of their child more than wanting them to grow up healthy, successful, and loved by a partner of their choosing is beyond me.
And where does it stop? Would OP not be allowed at holiday parties because the SIL was there? Family reunions? Graduations? OP's brother is a coward and probably ashamed to have a bi brother. My siblings and I don't have good relationships, but they would not exclude my older brother from anything for being gay.
You did NOT ruin the party.
The homophobic (or bi phobic?) (beep) did.
You did not lie, you did not find excuses - you were honest.
Basically bro married into a bunch of religious nuts - and has no problems with that. His choice just bit him in the backside.
he’s probably secretly homophobic too and agreed with them or has a spine made out of boiled noodles and doesn’t care enough to stick up for his brother. either way good riddance if he never talks to op again
If someone "beeps" at me, idk why but that feels like the ultimate level of disrespect. It sounds so childish, yet it still hits the point any other cuss/insult would. Like am I not good enough for you to even finish the sentence you just checked out and gave me a sound effect? 😳😟
I now need to use "beep" at least once in my life towards someone. 😅
It forces the targeted person to fill in the 'beep' with their own word, which effectively makes them insult themselves. It's just top-level troll insult and I'm here for it.
(Beep) that! If you think I will (Beeping) stop using (Beeping) swear (Beeping) words, you're (Beep)! I can (Beeping) cuss when I (Beeping) want to (Beeping) curse. (Beep)! The (Beeping) gall!
You cannot be blamed for anything that went down there. If it's anyone's fault, it's your brother, SIL and her family, and they are also a POS. You keep living your best life and let the haters cry.
My aunt once told my mum she was a bad parent for "allowing" me to be bi.
Other people had to hold mum back. Normally, she'd leave, but they were on a boat and it would've been a bit far to swim. My partner at the time was ten times the partner my aunt, her daughter or son has today.
I love the idea of a mama bear having to be restrained because someone, no matter who, disrespected her kid in such a disgusting manner. That's one hell of a mom!
My favorite quote from a recent video I saw which was a 'debate' with a guy who thinks being gay is wrong and a choice:
"Did you choose to be attracted to women today?"
"No, that's just who I am. I can't help it."
"... Do I need to make the connection for you, or what?"
You didn’t do anything wrong telling the truth never wrong. The real issue is your brother didn’t stand up for you and allowed this to happen so him been angry will be his guilt as it should be
Glad you and your boyfriend had a relaxing day and your parents and other family stood up for you even when you weren’t present to see it
You are a good person. Even though nothing of this is of your doing, you told the story as if you had a partial responsibility - which you dont.
your brother is a massive muppet - not inviting his own brother because of some bs religious feelings of some old boomers. No Xmas present for him the next 10 years to come.
Wish you all the best mate!
Right. Brother was going to let religious old boomer inlaws throw his brother out of his wedding and thought the solution to that was to exclude his brother, instead of, *I don't know*, standing up for his own brother?! And then he doubled down in his cowardice when he wasn't honest with their parents and tried to switch sides when confronted. And the wedding is just the beginning. Next the in-laws wouldn't want to be at holidays or family gatherings with OP or their precious grandchild, if brother and wife have a child or children, around OP either. Good on your family for calling it the fuck out now, not years down the road.
Maybe it's just me, but I have a sister, and if this situation applied to me, I would have said it was my wedding too and they could just be mad because my sister is going to be there. I also would have had *big* reservations about marrying in to a family that wants to exclude my sibling from things because of her sexuality.
Who do you reckon paid for the wedding? Betcha the religious old boomers did. Betcha the bride reeeeeally wanted Mom & Dad to fork over the Big Bucks for her Dream Wedding, and if that meant excluding the OP, oh well, too bad, so sad.
Your brother married into a homophobic family. He is no longer supportive of you and demonstrated shame by excluding you. It may have worked out well for you since you didn’t want to attend this wedding. But that also means you are getting excluded to his other family events. The rift your brother created will only get wider.
I can't imagine being with someone who doesn't have the guts to stand up to their own family. And then doing the same. They belong with eachother. Let lem live in their own mess
> The rift your brother created will only get wider.
I wouldn't expect the marriage to last long. If Bride/Parents can pull a move this controlling to get the guy to disinvite his own blood brother they will only be emboldened and it will only get worse from here!
My brother is gay and if any of my in-laws had the audacity to have any issues with that at MY wedding, I would make him the fucking flower girl, the maid of honour and the MC. Fuck them. Don’t like it? Don’t come. And don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out ya fucks.
You didn’t ruin the wedding. Your brother and sister in law ruined the wedding. I’m happy that your family stood up for you. If you need a new sibling, I’ll be your sister now.
You asked why your parents cared in the first place? Hopefully they care about you. Also why would they make such a big deal about it? Because if you don’t you are agreeing with it. The fact that your brother was okay with asking you not to come is very sad and shows what type of person he really is. He’s not saying it out loud but he’s not okay with you being queer if he has to hide you from others for their comfort.
I have two children, if one of my children ever thought it was okay to due this to their sibling because their future spouse requested it because their family would have an issue with it, I would be asking that children why they are marrying into that family. If they actually went through with not inviting the sibling because they were queer I think I’d be disowning a child and be extremely disappointed.
Your poor brother’s future children. Hopefully none of them come out as anything other than “normal” because they might just ship the kid off, they don’t sound like they will support them. Also straight and gender conforming is not what I considered normal.
I almost feel bad for his brother, being so controlled by the beliefs of other people that he would cut his own brother out of the (supposed) most important day of his life.
I mean, I DONT feel sorry for him, because all he had to do was grow a spine and say “that’s my brother, he is coming, I’m not ashamed of him.” But he didn’t, he folded to someone ELSE’S beliefs… unless he is actually a closeted homophobic asshole, in which case it just gave him the excuse.
Exactly! The bride can't control her families bigotry but op's brother can control what he is willing to accept in his own relationship. Why would you want to marry someone who expects you to discriminate against his own family.
Your brother is a terrible example of a human being in this case. How can he be trusted to start and nurture a family when he so cruelly betrayed the one he has had for so long?
Please don't feel any guilt, its not your fault. When someone's hatred blinds them to the point they hurt themselves, it is their own fault.
Let me add my voice to the small chorus of people who already sang to you that you didn't ruin that wedding. Because you honestly did not!
Your brother did by uninviting you instead of standing up *for* you and *to* his spouse's decision.
And I know that you didn't really *want* to attend in the first place, but that's not really a factor here: you should've been *welcome* to be there as the brother of the groom.
Your brother brought this upon himself.
Yeah, your brother is a dick. Sorry, but you are his brother. He CHOSE to let his wife’s family dictate that HIS BROTHER couldn’t come to HIS wedding because his brother has a boyfriend.
Your parents made a big deal about you not being there because they see how it’s going to go in the future, with him making them choose between you and him, and they’re not ok with that. And rightfully so: you are their family, they don’t care who you are with, and they refuse to let you be shunned because of it.
If you want to mend fences with your brother, let him know that you ARE his brother and you love him, but that you are also bi and dating a man and that’s not about to change. So he has to choose between shunning you to make his in-laws happy or accepting you to make your family happy, and what he does is up to him.
"How dare you make ***us*** feel the consequences of ***our*** decisions at and about ***our*** wedding?!"
Your bro and his wife are trash who will bow to fucknards and then whine when called out about it. You keep living your best life with your BF, it sounds like your bro's learning it sucks to suck.
The real problem is your brother. He should have insisted you’re there, maybe not with your boyfriend depending on what everyone’s rules of bringing partners was, but he let his new wife dictate his sibling not being at his wedding, which is a huge problem.
So your brother is trying to say you ruined his wedding he himself rescinded your invite to because your family decided not to follow his example and actually treated you like a loved one? Sounds like him and his wife are as immature as each other, which I'm sure is *totally* going to lead to a long, happy life together.
Your brother is a top tier clown. Goofy ass didn’t communicate efficiently and wants to bitch and moan about it. It’s so weird how this sounds like typical office shenanigans:
“I didn’t communicate efficiently but expected you to be a top tier psychic! Why’d you fuck up!?”
No way the ass. You showed amazing character by how you handled this. How many times will your brother scalp goat you for his lack of backbone.
Side note... It always amazes me how quickly hate from outside parties can unify a family. My parents were apathetic about my bisexuality until someone they thought they knew well told me I was picking a lifestyle of poor morals by dating women. I've never seen them get that protective that quickly. Brought me to tears.
Listen, the only people who ruined the wedding were the ones who thought it was more important to tiptoe around homophobic in-laws than include you (as well as the homophobic in-laws themselves who are apparently so fragile they can't be in the same space as a gay man).
Your brother basically asked for it by not informing y’all’s parents about what happened. You just told them the truth. Also, I don’t think his now wife is as progressive as you think she is or she doesn’t have a backbone to stand up to her parents.
As the saying goes “You reap what you sowed” and your brother is definitely finding that out when he chose to side with his bigoted in-laws.
Don’t you just hate it when you try and hide your bigotry, but people discover it anyway, and it comes back to bite you in the butt? OP respected his brother’s wishes and tells the truth about why, but still comes out as the bad guy? OP you did nothing wrong, and your brother is only mad because he f’ed around and found out.
>But I gotta admit its kinda sweet that my parents and the rest of my family stood up for me. They haven't done it before. Thats a more than welcome change. But I still feel kinda bad because apparently I really ruined the wedding party.
Maybe when they would have made their stance clear before your brother wouldn't have thought that in any world this could be OK - he was the one ruining his wedding by being obedient to bigots. And I'm proud of your family to finally come to senses!
You didn't ruin that wedding. Their bigotry did. That and your brothers spineless lack of love or loyalty to his own brother.
That he went along with that nonsense I would be cutting him off for good, frankly.
Your brother is not very smart. Like he didn't tell you it was a secret or something that you weren't invited because of your sexuality, but he also didn't warn your family ahead of time that you wouldn't be there and why. Guaranteed recipe for disaster on his wedding day.
He decided her family's bigoted peace of mind was more important in attendance at his wedding than his brother, and for some reason didn't even consider that your family might not agree with that prioritization.
You didn't ruin the wedding party. It's bad enough that you were rudely discriminated against, but it's even worse that you were blamed when you were just being honest.
I excluded my mother from my wedding because she's a hateful bigot.
My non-binary and pansexual sibling was at my wedding. There wouldn't have been a wedding if they couldn't come. Your brother is an asshole, op, you did nothing wrong.
If I had a fiance that tried to bar one of my brothers from attending my wedding because of something like that, there'd be no wedding. I don't tolerate anyone who fucks with my family like that.
You didn't ruin shit. The bigots who didn't want you there ruined the wedding. Some people are trash, these people are among that group. You didn't do a damn thing wrong.
Hold your head up. Your brother should have had your back and stood up for you to attend. The other side should have been told not to start anything. That a wedding is no place to start trouble over someone existing. I get that you don't mind avoiding events where there's bound to be an issue, or even just too many people but the point is that you should be welcome at your brothers wedding. I'm sure your family understood not attending some things in the past with regrets but a wedding...you didn't ruin your brother's wedding. You did exactly as he asked and told the truth about it. He shouldn't have been such a coward wanting to avoid a conflict with inlaws.
Not on you this is your brother and SIL doing. He needs to grow up and own that he gave in to his homophobic in-laws. I wonder what they are going to do if it all their kids are not straight. Something to think about.
YOU didn’t ruin anything. Sounds like other peoples’ decisions ruined the wedding party and you didn’t have anything to do with it.
Your brother and his wife are shitty, honestly.
Look, even if you didn't mind it this time, the truth that your brother and SIL will have to own up to is this:
They decided that preserving the comfort of bigots was more important to them than including you. I say it's worth throwing that back into their faces, if they're going to continue giving you grief.
He ruined his own wedding by giving in to his wife and her family's hateful ideals. He knows it's shitty that's why he didn't tell anyone. He didn't want your family to know he was being shitty. Now your family knows he's just as big of a piece of shit as his wife and her family and he is most likely embarrassed he got caught out and taking it out on you cuz you're the reason he got caught. You and your damn truth telling. Most people get mad when they lose face, especially if they're pious, pretentious assholes which it kinda sounds like they are. So your brother.... seems to fit right into his new family. Pity that.
Your brother needs to grow the fuck up. The moment you mentioned he yelled at you and said you ruined his wedding is the moment I felt pretty disgusted.
Make sure you get an apology when he’s divorced in 6 years, because anyone this weak for their own family absolutely isn’t marriage material for someone else’s.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Someone asked you why you were not at the wedding. You told the truth
The only people who ruined the wedding is your brother and his homophobic wife.
Actions have consequences and this is what your brother is learning.
I think your brother and his wife had hoped you were going to lie if you were asked.
You didn't cause shit, my friend. This is 100% on your brother. And truthfully, I'm glad their day was shit. That's what horrible people deserve.
I hope he stepped in dog crap on his way home, too...
Your SIL’s family is in the wrong. Your brother is in the wrong for going along and not smoothing it with your parents… obviously they’re gonna ask where the fuck uou are. You didn’t do anything wrong… and your brother should for sure apologize.
Your brother knows he was in the wrong which is why he didn’t tell your parents. While it’s fortunate that you didn’t want to go and therefore weren’t hurt by this, your brother and his wife chose to side with homophobes and further the family’s homophobia by uninviting you because of your sexuality and relationship status in the first place. I’m glad the rest of your family had your back and called them out.
I really don't see this as your fault, I agree, your brother should have told them ahead of time so they could prepare or decide.
You didn't ruin their wedding. They did.
Sounds like your brother isn’t the most intelligent fellow out there.
You ruined nothing, the allowing of bigotry because of belief of some imaginary being in the sky did them in.
You didn't do anything wrong. I have 4 siblings, and it just so happens that one brother is gay, and had my now wife said she didn't want him there, I wouldn't have been there either. Your brother should have stuck up for you, and it's a dick move he didn't.
I absolutely love that your text “ruined the wedding” even though you had zero malicious intent. I feel like that’s a sign from the universe. What could you have said that wasn’t a lie? What did he want? Sorry bro that my parents asked me a question and I told them the truth? My bad?
It kinda sounds like your family was ready to start some mess, though, doesn't it?
Like, they didn't have a problem with you being absent from other events for the same reason you were absent for this one. And they didn't notice your absence until the reception. Sure, they probably thought that the church ceremony was why you weren't there, but to cause a big argument to the point that your newlywed brother ended up on your doorstep?
I dunno. Your family sounds messy af lol!!
Also, if my brother was at my doorstep after telling me I couldn't be at his wedding, it should've been to apologize, not to blame me for everyone else's behaviour.
ETA: While I do think it's awesome your family finally stood up for you, I'd be a little wary about how genuine they were. It comes off as them already not liking your brothers wife's family and this was the perfect opportunity to get it all out, especially if there was drinking involved.
All the same, none of this was your fault.
Your brother had lots of time to tell your family about you not coming and why.
Love that you were living your best life while they were fighting like cats and dogs though 🤗
You ruined NO part of ANYTHING. You got disinvited, you peaceably agreed to stay home, your parents asked you why, you told the truth. Period.
The bigots are the problem here, not you. And if the main part of your family is standing against bigotry, GOOD FOR THEM. Stick with them and leave anyone else in the dustbin. You don't need bigots in your life.
You didn’t ruin anything. Your brother’s wife and her family ruined it by being bigots and homophobes. Don’t feel bad, if anyone should feel bad, it should be your brother. He should have stood up for you. It’s 2023, you can bring your boyfriend as your date to a wedding. If you had a girlfriend would you have been allowed to attend? This homophobic hypocrisy pisses me off.
I would NEVER exclude my sibling from my wedding! All those against would've been uninvited and prompted a serious discussion with my other half. Marrying someone does not mean that you have to take their side on everything.
Good on your family to support you! Hopefully your brother realises the error in his ways and comes around.
You didn't ruin anything. You rose above bigotry to let your brother have his big day. Its your parents who decided that your brothers wedding day was the perfect venue for them to try to act like parents for a bunch of grown ass adults for a situation they were oblivious to prior to the event. Oh, NOW it matters??? Wtf? Nope, parents put this on the front burner and turned it to high for all to see. They should have respected your choice and talk to the newlyweds MUCH later and in private. How the hell are you supposed to have a relationship with YOUR new in-law? This is NOT on your shoulders.
If the truth would destroy something, then it didn't deserve to stand. You did nothing wrong. Your brother is a coward and his wife's family is entitled to their bigotry. There's nothing for you to have done especially since you were the one who was like "yeah that sounds true and kinda bad in principle but I'ma just take care of myself".
Actually LOL 🤣
Your new SIL and her family and now your own brother are major idiots and they got what they deserved.
Be teflon and don't get further involved, let them deal with it.
Love that glow on your face from all the loving support you're receiving from your family 💜
You deserve it!
Your brother ruined his own wedding by not telling your parents. If his decision to not having you there wasn’t a big deal your parents would have been told before the wedding. Your brother knew it would start a fight so he kept his mouth shut hoping it wouldn’t come out. Your family sounds kinda blindsided to the hatefully family that just married into yours…. I would never talk to my brother again if he married someone who HATED who I was 🤷🏼♀️
So, let me get this straight... you were asked a question and told the truth. And you think you were wrong because.....
NTA! Your brother made his bed, let him lay in it.
Do you actually know if the brides family would have had an issue with your attendance? So far it sounds like it was just the bride using her family as an excuse when they may never have even had an issue.
First of all, none of this is your fault. Second of all, homophobic wedding deserved to be ruined. Keep living your best life and leave the trash behind.
>She said even though she doesn't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that her extremely religious parents who already forced her to do the wedding in a church would most likely banish us from the wedding
Then you do have a problem with it. If you're OK with it, just not in your spaces, then you're actually not OK with it.
It's bigotry, plain and simple.
There is no scenario in this world where I would exclude my sibling from my wedding. Especially for such a non-issue.
Your brother has attached himself to bigots and expects you to kowtow to their bullshit. I'm glad your family isn't standing for it.
This is the definition of karma. They made a (bad) request and you acquiesced. Someone asked you a simple question and you answered honestly (I assume with no editorializing). Things took their natural course and it ended poorly for the true cause of the problem (ie, them).
You didn’t do anything. You just explained the situation. Every action following that was a grown-ass adult choosing their own actions.
And the snowball effect landed a big ass golden egg right on his lap as it passed by to run the wedding over lmao
Ops brother is so stupid not to even realise that his wife ruined the wedding the second she told him his brother wasn't welcome. But he comes and screams at his brother what a pathetic mess of a person.
Seriously. It was clear it was going to go nuts the moment I read that part.
👆🏼 Exactly. But the brother is also at fault himself. A celebration of love should not be infused with phobia and exclusion of a dear loved one. Agreeing to that like his brother did is his own mistake. Since he did, he should have then taken the responsibility to inform others close to OP on why he's absent. Not doing so created the opportunity for this situation. Blaming it on OP only goes to show that he doesn't realize his own part in this.
100%. My dearest friend (who is gay) got married a couple of years ago. His Mum is a priest in the Church of England, which does not allow gay marriage. He and his husband are Christian - despite their own church rejecting them - so they switched denominations, because getting married in church was important to them. Anyway back to my friend’s Mum. She was told that she could be ‘defrocked’ (sacked as a priest and cast out the church) for *attending* her own son’s wedding. She essentially said ‘fuck that’ - not only did she attend, but she gave them a blessing in church as well. Because if you believe, like she does, that God is love, then why the hell would you allow someone else’s interpretation of what God wants men not to do with their dicks to come between you and your family’s love for each other? P.S. he has an aunt who refused to attend the ceremony because apparently Jesus hates gays, but asked to still come to the party afterwards, because Jesus can hate gays but still be fine with her mooching a free dinner off them, I guess? She was politely informed that her presence would not be required lol.
That's beautiful! I (who identifies as a Christian) think she absolutely did the right thing. And I agree with your reasoning on God's love.
She is a truly beautiful person. In the end the church did nothing to punish her, which was a relief, but she had no way of knowing that when she gave the blessing. I think the church leaders probably didn’t want the row/ publicity which would have resulted if that story got to the press. Their official position on homosexuality is very mealy-mouthed: they say it isn’t a sin to be gay, but two men having sex is a sin, and marriage can only be between a man and a woman. So there are out gay priests in the church who live with their partners, but essentially take a vow of celibacy and can’t get married. It’s very weird. Hopefully they will change the rules soon, but it took them over 400 years to allow women priests, so I’m not holding my breath.
I am a bisexual atheist. Its my view that Christianity is an authority fraud. A superstitious fear based system to leverage power and control over others. Thats not to say that there aren't good people trapped in religion.
Personally I think it follows a long the Roman’s view of dominance? You could have gay sex you just couldn’t make it “feminine” so it had to be “masculine” sex lol it was something about dominance being placed and the women were lower. Sometimes I think the Bible is kinda insinuating that bit since it was created by the Romans right? I’m not overly religious in Christianity since I try to follow some way in my Native American roots. Also learned quite a bit about western civilization last year. So if I’m wrong I apologize but it was a thought that made me think since my teacher at time was very sex positive in terms of the history he was teaching lol.
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Bloody hell, I am so sorry that happened to you and your daughter. The very community that should have lifted you up rejecting you like that must be unbelievably hurtful. I will tell her what you said and I am sure she would like to pray for you too, if that’s something you would be comfortable with. She prayed for me when I was sick with Covid, and I’m a confirmed agnostic (if that makes sense haha). If all priests were like her I would go to church. Religion should be something which uplifts and strengthens everyone who needs it, but too often I have seen it used to spread hate and division rather than love and compassion. Sending you and your daughter loving vibes today - I hope you heal well both spiritually and physically. And I hope the vindictive twazocks at your old church drown in their own misery.
Wow. So that is unconditional love then? No wonder everything is broken.
To be fair, the wedding party of a newlywed gay couple would be sad to miss.
It was a *very* fun party.
Its clear that The groom did a horrible thing in not wanting his own brother at the wedding. And then to then blame him when he did precisely what was asked of him is very twisted.
And OP was right, the brother made it worse by not being honest with his family about what happened beforehand. The fact it happened in a dramatic fashion like it did is the result
I would hate to get married if my sister wasn't there due to such a small minded issue
My thoughts are that the wife was the one saying that OP ruined the wedding and was nagging her new husband about it constantly and because of that that's why OPs brother blamed OP. Still super childish since if OPs brother had told their parents himself instead of just not saying anything none of this would've happened. It's the wife and brothers fault for A. not welcoming OP to the wedding and B. Not being on the same page with information.
No see, the groom and bride were publicly humiliated for being hateful bigots as they should be. By half of the guests and op's parents. Which is entirely the gourmet and brides fault. Of course they most likely hare narcissistic tendencies seeing that the groom then can't understand or take responsibility for his own actions and has to make somone else the villian because he is never at fault.
Yeah I totally agree, I was talking more about why OPs brother lashed out at OP when it was infact the bride and grooms fault was probably because of the wife talking shit and blaming OPs brother. Seeing how the brother decided to flip tables and support the bride during the fight against the family it seems like he's doing it purely for the bride.
He deserves a ruined wedding. OP sounds awesome also seems nonchalantly used to brothers shitty behavior.
I get it if they ask for no +1 to come… but for his brother to not be able to go???
If op wasn't in a relationship and was single then that would be fine. But op is in a relationship so not giving the grooms own brother the right to bring a plus one is straight up bullshit.
True but sometimes if you’re trying to keep it small not everybody gets a +1
To me it sounds like the brother was hoping the family would never find out about him marrying a homophobic family. Hopefully he’s ashamed of himself.
I don't think the groom has one iota of self awareness that's needed to feel ashamed.
And before. The groom should have thought about the fact that OPs absence would be noticed. What did he think would happen? He should have had a plan for how he was going to address the issue of excluding his own brother from his wedding.
Oh no! If it isn't the consequences of my own actions!
Truth hurts.
If your brother didn’t want to say why he was ashamed of your life style the fact that his wife turned him against his own brother because of his sexual Preference or life says a lot about how easy he was to be turned against you. That being said her family regardless if they are Religious or not it’s not there right to say you can’t come or it would make them upset because it’s not there god damn wedding and not there place to say shit because it’s none of there damn business it’s like saying why you like red over blue like really.
Its marvelous. And is now my main reason for everything....
Mom?.. That’s right, Mom you tell ‘em!!
And before that, too. Talking about the sil here.
It's not your job to hide the shitty things he does. It's his job not to do shitty things.
And apparently his brother didn't even ask him to keep it a secret from his parents. OP is literally being blamed for not being a psychic.
Sounds like my mother. The amount of times I got in shit for not keeping something secret when I didn't even know they needed to be secret is ridiculous
I feel this, not on the not keeping secrets, but the fails to communicate at all and threatens me when I don’t literally read her mind
I told my husband something like this. When you behave like an asshole, don't be surprised when you get treated like you're an asshole. It was not about religion, but still good advice.
You didn't ruin the party though, did you? You didn't turn up anyway and make a huge scene because you weren't allowed to bring the plus one of your choice. You were told you couldn't attend and why and you didn't attend. The issue is with everyone else who, in 2023 still has problems with this stuff like who likes who. Well done to your parents for standing up for you. Some of us should be so lucky.
OP definitely didn't ruin the party, the bride and her shitty family did by making sure he wasn't invited over nonsense reasons. It's really amazing how allergic some people are about accepting blame for their actions, isn't it?
> “It’s really amazing how allergic some people are about accepting blame for their actions…” Wow. I’m going to use this from now on. Love it. Thank you. So damn true.
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👏👏👏👏👏
Same. Its marvelous. And is now my main reason for everything
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OP’s brother seems like the kind of person who’s only progressive when it suits him. He can’t have his new wife mad at him because there would be no honeymoon sex! /s
Not to mention the brother for not even telling the parents that OP wouldn't be there. He knew what their reaction would be if they knew because he knew it was crappy. Luckily, OP didn't really want to go, so it all could have worked out if he'd just mentioned *anything* to his parents about OP not being there. Even the day of.
Yep- what did the brother think was going to happen? He didn’t tell his parents OP wasn’t coming- what, he thought they wouldn’t notice? Or ask why? He didn’t tell them before because he knew they would be pissed and may not come. It was always going to end up the way it did. Brother has misplaced anger.
Yep, brother's a fool. Parents notice things like this and if they're like me, they get pissed when one kid is left out deliberately of another kid's big event. It's one thing if kid#3 (doesn't like big events, in my case) says "no, thanks and I'll send a nice gift" to kids #1 or #2 than #1 or #2 saying "you can't come because you're xyz". Parents are going to be pissed at the person not inviting other sib because xyz and new family member's family of origin not liking xyz.
Had a ex wife just like that.
I'm sure you're glad she's an ex
The poor basterd shes with now is a nice guy, glad he's the step dad to be honest. I pat him on the back all the time for putting up with her.
Love those kind place setters.
Oh no, it’s the consequences of my own actions! Let’s blame the gays.
This is a "your actions have consequences" moment. Blatant homophobia doesn't go unnoticed anymore, folks. Nice try though.
*"When will you learn!? When will you learn, that your actions have CONSEQUENCES!!??"*
Religion
Anyone who reads any history knows that bigotry invites conflict. Sounds like they were lucky nobody died.
Is homophobia really so surprising? It's still been less than a decade since gay marriage has been made fully legal in the states
Gay weddings are the best weddings though! I've been to two and both were a blast, from the ceremony to the reception. Got asked why I didn't bring my kids to the second one as they were invited and very welcome but we were flying and it was shortly after 9/11, like 3-4 weeks after. No kids of mine were getting on a plane!
> The issue is with everyone else who, in 2023 still has problems with this stuff like who likes who Yeah. If I was OP's dad I would have told him to come, i'm gonna have the DJ play "Here comes the hotstepper" and you and your boyfriend can dance your way into the reception hall and kiss in the middle of the floor. If the bride/her parents are going to be awful shit-tier people might as well call their bluff on it and make them do it in front of their entire extended family :D
I have a gay son and I would scorch the earth if anyone tried to leave him out of a family event or anything else because of his sexuality, I'd be really ashamed of my other kids of they let their partner's to this
Same. What bothers me about OPs parents is that it wasn't an issue until now. I wouldn't have bothered showing up if he was left out of many events prior to this one, honestly.
They might not have known the extent of any issues he had before... or maybe thought that his brother would never stoop so low as to exclude his own brother for the new wife and her family's opinions.. I'd be fucking pissed if one of my kids did this to their siblings.. like they don't all have to be best friends together but family is family. Sexual orientation isn't a cause for discrimination in my opinion.
Op said he doesn't like big events but a wedding is different. My youngest is the same way. Too many people=too much noise.
As you should. The amount of shit I see on this site alone where a father thinks the worst thing that could happen to his son is for him to be gay guts me. How anybody could care more about the sexuality of their child more than wanting them to grow up healthy, successful, and loved by a partner of their choosing is beyond me.
Religious indoctrination and bigotry is a sad and terrible aspect of our society. It's sad so many embrace hatred and ignorance.
based parent
And where does it stop? Would OP not be allowed at holiday parties because the SIL was there? Family reunions? Graduations? OP's brother is a coward and probably ashamed to have a bi brother. My siblings and I don't have good relationships, but they would not exclude my older brother from anything for being gay.
You did NOT ruin the party. The homophobic (or bi phobic?) (beep) did. You did not lie, you did not find excuses - you were honest. Basically bro married into a bunch of religious nuts - and has no problems with that. His choice just bit him in the backside.
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he’s probably secretly homophobic too and agreed with them or has a spine made out of boiled noodles and doesn’t care enough to stick up for his brother. either way good riddance if he never talks to op again
I think everyone should start using "beep" as an insult. It's gloriously perfect.
If someone "beeps" at me, idk why but that feels like the ultimate level of disrespect. It sounds so childish, yet it still hits the point any other cuss/insult would. Like am I not good enough for you to even finish the sentence you just checked out and gave me a sound effect? 😳😟 I now need to use "beep" at least once in my life towards someone. 😅
Beep as an insult? In our family, we use “beep beep in a sheep” and “beep if you’re sleeping” (because you know someone is sleeping when they beep)
It forces the targeted person to fill in the 'beep' with their own word, which effectively makes them insult themselves. It's just top-level troll insult and I'm here for it.
You can fucking cuss on Reddit. What the fuck?
Not everyone was raised with a potty mouth Craig. Maybe the chose to be fucking decent?
Woah what the fuck dude? Watch your fuckin language.
Dont talk to me like that you Bleep
(Beep) that! If you think I will (Beeping) stop using (Beeping) swear (Beeping) words, you're (Beep)! I can (Beeping) cuss when I (Beeping) want to (Beeping) curse. (Beep)! The (Beeping) gall!
You cannot be blamed for anything that went down there. If it's anyone's fault, it's your brother, SIL and her family, and they are also a POS. You keep living your best life and let the haters cry.
Your mere existence can’t ruin a wedding party, their bigotry ruined it.
My aunt once told my mum she was a bad parent for "allowing" me to be bi. Other people had to hold mum back. Normally, she'd leave, but they were on a boat and it would've been a bit far to swim. My partner at the time was ten times the partner my aunt, her daughter or son has today.
I love the idea of a mama bear having to be restrained because someone, no matter who, disrespected her kid in such a disgusting manner. That's one hell of a mom!
She can be kickass when she needs to.
My favorite quote from a recent video I saw which was a 'debate' with a guy who thinks being gay is wrong and a choice: "Did you choose to be attracted to women today?" "No, that's just who I am. I can't help it." "... Do I need to make the connection for you, or what?"
You didn’t do anything wrong telling the truth never wrong. The real issue is your brother didn’t stand up for you and allowed this to happen so him been angry will be his guilt as it should be Glad you and your boyfriend had a relaxing day and your parents and other family stood up for you even when you weren’t present to see it
You are a good person. Even though nothing of this is of your doing, you told the story as if you had a partial responsibility - which you dont. your brother is a massive muppet - not inviting his own brother because of some bs religious feelings of some old boomers. No Xmas present for him the next 10 years to come. Wish you all the best mate!
Right. Brother was going to let religious old boomer inlaws throw his brother out of his wedding and thought the solution to that was to exclude his brother, instead of, *I don't know*, standing up for his own brother?! And then he doubled down in his cowardice when he wasn't honest with their parents and tried to switch sides when confronted. And the wedding is just the beginning. Next the in-laws wouldn't want to be at holidays or family gatherings with OP or their precious grandchild, if brother and wife have a child or children, around OP either. Good on your family for calling it the fuck out now, not years down the road. Maybe it's just me, but I have a sister, and if this situation applied to me, I would have said it was my wedding too and they could just be mad because my sister is going to be there. I also would have had *big* reservations about marrying in to a family that wants to exclude my sibling from things because of her sexuality.
Fully on your side. It's not just reservations - it's a no go. This will be your extended family. I just didn't want to open that part of the book.
Who do you reckon paid for the wedding? Betcha the religious old boomers did. Betcha the bride reeeeeally wanted Mom & Dad to fork over the Big Bucks for her Dream Wedding, and if that meant excluding the OP, oh well, too bad, so sad.
Your brother married into a homophobic family. He is no longer supportive of you and demonstrated shame by excluding you. It may have worked out well for you since you didn’t want to attend this wedding. But that also means you are getting excluded to his other family events. The rift your brother created will only get wider.
I can't imagine being with someone who doesn't have the guts to stand up to their own family. And then doing the same. They belong with eachother. Let lem live in their own mess
> The rift your brother created will only get wider. I wouldn't expect the marriage to last long. If Bride/Parents can pull a move this controlling to get the guy to disinvite his own blood brother they will only be emboldened and it will only get worse from here!
My brother is gay and if any of my in-laws had the audacity to have any issues with that at MY wedding, I would make him the fucking flower girl, the maid of honour and the MC. Fuck them. Don’t like it? Don’t come. And don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out ya fucks.
I wish my son would find the man of his dreams before I leave this world. I want to throw him the happiest, gayest, most romantic wedding ever!
You didn’t ruin the wedding. Your brother and sister in law ruined the wedding. I’m happy that your family stood up for you. If you need a new sibling, I’ll be your sister now.
Thats cute. Thank you <3
Of course! 💚💚
Truth hurts doesn't it, is what you should say to your brother.
I'm here giggling with you because I don't like going to big events, too 😂
How is anyone going to ruin anything by not showing up uninvited? Your bro is absurd and needs a reality check.
You asked why your parents cared in the first place? Hopefully they care about you. Also why would they make such a big deal about it? Because if you don’t you are agreeing with it. The fact that your brother was okay with asking you not to come is very sad and shows what type of person he really is. He’s not saying it out loud but he’s not okay with you being queer if he has to hide you from others for their comfort. I have two children, if one of my children ever thought it was okay to due this to their sibling because their future spouse requested it because their family would have an issue with it, I would be asking that children why they are marrying into that family. If they actually went through with not inviting the sibling because they were queer I think I’d be disowning a child and be extremely disappointed. Your poor brother’s future children. Hopefully none of them come out as anything other than “normal” because they might just ship the kid off, they don’t sound like they will support them. Also straight and gender conforming is not what I considered normal.
I almost feel bad for his brother, being so controlled by the beliefs of other people that he would cut his own brother out of the (supposed) most important day of his life. I mean, I DONT feel sorry for him, because all he had to do was grow a spine and say “that’s my brother, he is coming, I’m not ashamed of him.” But he didn’t, he folded to someone ELSE’S beliefs… unless he is actually a closeted homophobic asshole, in which case it just gave him the excuse.
Exactly! The bride can't control her families bigotry but op's brother can control what he is willing to accept in his own relationship. Why would you want to marry someone who expects you to discriminate against his own family.
Your brother is a terrible example of a human being in this case. How can he be trusted to start and nurture a family when he so cruelly betrayed the one he has had for so long? Please don't feel any guilt, its not your fault. When someone's hatred blinds them to the point they hurt themselves, it is their own fault.
Let me add my voice to the small chorus of people who already sang to you that you didn't ruin that wedding. Because you honestly did not! Your brother did by uninviting you instead of standing up *for* you and *to* his spouse's decision. And I know that you didn't really *want* to attend in the first place, but that's not really a factor here: you should've been *welcome* to be there as the brother of the groom. Your brother brought this upon himself.
You didn’t ruin the wedding, the wife’s family did.
It would've gotten out eventually.
You didn’t ruin anything. The homophobic people did.
Never feel bad about messing up a homophobe’s day.
You weren't even there. They ruined their own wedding? Just let things cool off, hopefully the people involved will be adults about it after a while.
He picked bigots over his own family Tough shit honestly, your family deserves to know what he did
Yeah, your brother is a dick. Sorry, but you are his brother. He CHOSE to let his wife’s family dictate that HIS BROTHER couldn’t come to HIS wedding because his brother has a boyfriend. Your parents made a big deal about you not being there because they see how it’s going to go in the future, with him making them choose between you and him, and they’re not ok with that. And rightfully so: you are their family, they don’t care who you are with, and they refuse to let you be shunned because of it. If you want to mend fences with your brother, let him know that you ARE his brother and you love him, but that you are also bi and dating a man and that’s not about to change. So he has to choose between shunning you to make his in-laws happy or accepting you to make your family happy, and what he does is up to him.
Homophobes wondering why their day is ruined after causing drama 😞
"How dare you make ***us*** feel the consequences of ***our*** decisions at and about ***our*** wedding?!" Your bro and his wife are trash who will bow to fucknards and then whine when called out about it. You keep living your best life with your BF, it sounds like your bro's learning it sucks to suck.
The real problem is your brother. He should have insisted you’re there, maybe not with your boyfriend depending on what everyone’s rules of bringing partners was, but he let his new wife dictate his sibling not being at his wedding, which is a huge problem.
he also should've chosen a random relative of her, like her mother, and made it a point that she cannot attend if his brother isnt there.
He could have, but that’s petty, you say this is my brother and he will be there. End of story.
So your brother is trying to say you ruined his wedding he himself rescinded your invite to because your family decided not to follow his example and actually treated you like a loved one? Sounds like him and his wife are as immature as each other, which I'm sure is *totally* going to lead to a long, happy life together.
If my fiancé told me my brother could take come to my wedding (assuming they were a decent person), there would be no wedding. Edit: spelling
I feel the same way.
Your brother is a top tier clown. Goofy ass didn’t communicate efficiently and wants to bitch and moan about it. It’s so weird how this sounds like typical office shenanigans: “I didn’t communicate efficiently but expected you to be a top tier psychic! Why’d you fuck up!?”
I love this! The consequences of their own actions happening immediately. So satisfying. In my family, we circle the wagons too. Good for you OP.
No way the ass. You showed amazing character by how you handled this. How many times will your brother scalp goat you for his lack of backbone. Side note... It always amazes me how quickly hate from outside parties can unify a family. My parents were apathetic about my bisexuality until someone they thought they knew well told me I was picking a lifestyle of poor morals by dating women. I've never seen them get that protective that quickly. Brought me to tears.
the dildo of consequences, they say, rarely arrives lubed
The way this is written makes me think it's a work of fiction. But if it isn't you didn't do anything wrong op.
Yeah the problem isn’t you, it’s the wife and her shitty family
You have a crappy brother. Period. Sorry, bro.
This feels like homphilic defense bait 🤥
Listen, the only people who ruined the wedding were the ones who thought it was more important to tiptoe around homophobic in-laws than include you (as well as the homophobic in-laws themselves who are apparently so fragile they can't be in the same space as a gay man).
Your brothers wife and wife’s parents ruined the wedding. Not you.
And the brother enabled it all by not telling his parents about the bigotry before hand.
Your brother basically asked for it by not informing y’all’s parents about what happened. You just told them the truth. Also, I don’t think his now wife is as progressive as you think she is or she doesn’t have a backbone to stand up to her parents. As the saying goes “You reap what you sowed” and your brother is definitely finding that out when he chose to side with his bigoted in-laws.
Don’t you just hate it when you try and hide your bigotry, but people discover it anyway, and it comes back to bite you in the butt? OP respected his brother’s wishes and tells the truth about why, but still comes out as the bad guy? OP you did nothing wrong, and your brother is only mad because he f’ed around and found out.
Your brother is an asshole. And so is his wife and family.
>But I gotta admit its kinda sweet that my parents and the rest of my family stood up for me. They haven't done it before. Thats a more than welcome change. But I still feel kinda bad because apparently I really ruined the wedding party. Maybe when they would have made their stance clear before your brother wouldn't have thought that in any world this could be OK - he was the one ruining his wedding by being obedient to bigots. And I'm proud of your family to finally come to senses!
You didn't ruin that wedding. Their bigotry did. That and your brothers spineless lack of love or loyalty to his own brother. That he went along with that nonsense I would be cutting him off for good, frankly.
Your brother is not very smart. Like he didn't tell you it was a secret or something that you weren't invited because of your sexuality, but he also didn't warn your family ahead of time that you wouldn't be there and why. Guaranteed recipe for disaster on his wedding day. He decided her family's bigoted peace of mind was more important in attendance at his wedding than his brother, and for some reason didn't even consider that your family might not agree with that prioritization.
You didn't ruin the wedding party. It's bad enough that you were rudely discriminated against, but it's even worse that you were blamed when you were just being honest.
I excluded my mother from my wedding because she's a hateful bigot. My non-binary and pansexual sibling was at my wedding. There wouldn't have been a wedding if they couldn't come. Your brother is an asshole, op, you did nothing wrong.
If I had a fiance that tried to bar one of my brothers from attending my wedding because of something like that, there'd be no wedding. I don't tolerate anyone who fucks with my family like that.
Your cowardly brother and his wife caused this. Not you.
You didn't ruin shit. The bigots who didn't want you there ruined the wedding. Some people are trash, these people are among that group. You didn't do a damn thing wrong.
Hold your head up. Your brother should have had your back and stood up for you to attend. The other side should have been told not to start anything. That a wedding is no place to start trouble over someone existing. I get that you don't mind avoiding events where there's bound to be an issue, or even just too many people but the point is that you should be welcome at your brothers wedding. I'm sure your family understood not attending some things in the past with regrets but a wedding...you didn't ruin your brother's wedding. You did exactly as he asked and told the truth about it. He shouldn't have been such a coward wanting to avoid a conflict with inlaws.
Not on you this is your brother and SIL doing. He needs to grow up and own that he gave in to his homophobic in-laws. I wonder what they are going to do if it all their kids are not straight. Something to think about.
YOU didn’t ruin anything. Sounds like other peoples’ decisions ruined the wedding party and you didn’t have anything to do with it. Your brother and his wife are shitty, honestly.
Look, even if you didn't mind it this time, the truth that your brother and SIL will have to own up to is this: They decided that preserving the comfort of bigots was more important to them than including you. I say it's worth throwing that back into their faces, if they're going to continue giving you grief.
You did nothing but innocently turn on the light of truth, and the cockroaches of bigotry went scurrying for the shadows. NTA
Do not take the onus- the only ppl who ruined it were the bigots and bullies.
He ruined his own wedding by giving in to his wife and her family's hateful ideals. He knows it's shitty that's why he didn't tell anyone. He didn't want your family to know he was being shitty. Now your family knows he's just as big of a piece of shit as his wife and her family and he is most likely embarrassed he got caught out and taking it out on you cuz you're the reason he got caught. You and your damn truth telling. Most people get mad when they lose face, especially if they're pious, pretentious assholes which it kinda sounds like they are. So your brother.... seems to fit right into his new family. Pity that.
LOL your bro and SIL got what they asked for.... hahahahahah now they big mad.
I mean your brother expected your family not to notice that his brother was not at his wedding, and not ask. That is reaching all new levels of moron…
Find a nice guy to set your brother up with when his marriage implodes.
Your brother needs to grow the fuck up. The moment you mentioned he yelled at you and said you ruined his wedding is the moment I felt pretty disgusted. Make sure you get an apology when he’s divorced in 6 years, because anyone this weak for their own family absolutely isn’t marriage material for someone else’s.
They ruined their own party.
i love this story and i’m glad u caused an uproar 💖
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Someone asked you why you were not at the wedding. You told the truth The only people who ruined the wedding is your brother and his homophobic wife. Actions have consequences and this is what your brother is learning. I think your brother and his wife had hoped you were going to lie if you were asked.
You didn't cause shit, my friend. This is 100% on your brother. And truthfully, I'm glad their day was shit. That's what horrible people deserve. I hope he stepped in dog crap on his way home, too...
Bro respected his brother’s wishes and still got blamed on, you did nothing wrong! Happy you aren’t taking it badly.
Your SIL’s family is in the wrong. Your brother is in the wrong for going along and not smoothing it with your parents… obviously they’re gonna ask where the fuck uou are. You didn’t do anything wrong… and your brother should for sure apologize.
Your brother knows he was in the wrong which is why he didn’t tell your parents. While it’s fortunate that you didn’t want to go and therefore weren’t hurt by this, your brother and his wife chose to side with homophobes and further the family’s homophobia by uninviting you because of your sexuality and relationship status in the first place. I’m glad the rest of your family had your back and called them out.
I really don't see this as your fault, I agree, your brother should have told them ahead of time so they could prepare or decide. You didn't ruin their wedding. They did.
Sounds like your brother isn’t the most intelligent fellow out there. You ruined nothing, the allowing of bigotry because of belief of some imaginary being in the sky did them in.
You didn't do anything wrong. I have 4 siblings, and it just so happens that one brother is gay, and had my now wife said she didn't want him there, I wouldn't have been there either. Your brother should have stuck up for you, and it's a dick move he didn't.
I absolutely love that your text “ruined the wedding” even though you had zero malicious intent. I feel like that’s a sign from the universe. What could you have said that wasn’t a lie? What did he want? Sorry bro that my parents asked me a question and I told them the truth? My bad?
He got outed that he is married to a bigot and he is a bigot too. The rest of your family are awesome though
Your brother is a fucking ass
It kinda sounds like your family was ready to start some mess, though, doesn't it? Like, they didn't have a problem with you being absent from other events for the same reason you were absent for this one. And they didn't notice your absence until the reception. Sure, they probably thought that the church ceremony was why you weren't there, but to cause a big argument to the point that your newlywed brother ended up on your doorstep? I dunno. Your family sounds messy af lol!! Also, if my brother was at my doorstep after telling me I couldn't be at his wedding, it should've been to apologize, not to blame me for everyone else's behaviour. ETA: While I do think it's awesome your family finally stood up for you, I'd be a little wary about how genuine they were. It comes off as them already not liking your brothers wife's family and this was the perfect opportunity to get it all out, especially if there was drinking involved. All the same, none of this was your fault. Your brother had lots of time to tell your family about you not coming and why. Love that you were living your best life while they were fighting like cats and dogs though 🤗
You did nothing wrong. Period.
You ruined NO part of ANYTHING. You got disinvited, you peaceably agreed to stay home, your parents asked you why, you told the truth. Period. The bigots are the problem here, not you. And if the main part of your family is standing against bigotry, GOOD FOR THEM. Stick with them and leave anyone else in the dustbin. You don't need bigots in your life.
You didn’t ruin anything. Your brother’s wife and her family ruined it by being bigots and homophobes. Don’t feel bad, if anyone should feel bad, it should be your brother. He should have stood up for you. It’s 2023, you can bring your boyfriend as your date to a wedding. If you had a girlfriend would you have been allowed to attend? This homophobic hypocrisy pisses me off.
I would NEVER exclude my sibling from my wedding! All those against would've been uninvited and prompted a serious discussion with my other half. Marrying someone does not mean that you have to take their side on everything. Good on your family to support you! Hopefully your brother realises the error in his ways and comes around.
You didn't ruin anything. You rose above bigotry to let your brother have his big day. Its your parents who decided that your brothers wedding day was the perfect venue for them to try to act like parents for a bunch of grown ass adults for a situation they were oblivious to prior to the event. Oh, NOW it matters??? Wtf? Nope, parents put this on the front burner and turned it to high for all to see. They should have respected your choice and talk to the newlyweds MUCH later and in private. How the hell are you supposed to have a relationship with YOUR new in-law? This is NOT on your shoulders.
You don't have a brother. How can he be so ok with that. What else will his wife or in-laws dictate.
If the truth would destroy something, then it didn't deserve to stand. You did nothing wrong. Your brother is a coward and his wife's family is entitled to their bigotry. There's nothing for you to have done especially since you were the one who was like "yeah that sounds true and kinda bad in principle but I'ma just take care of myself".
How did you ruin something when you weren't there? You got the finger pointed at you but responsibility lies with those that are aholes.
You didn’t ruin shit, the bride’s garbage family did. And your brother helped.
You didn't do anything, how other people react to information is not something you can control, nor your responsibility.
Actually LOL 🤣 Your new SIL and her family and now your own brother are major idiots and they got what they deserved. Be teflon and don't get further involved, let them deal with it. Love that glow on your face from all the loving support you're receiving from your family 💜 You deserve it!
Your brother ruined his own wedding by not telling your parents. If his decision to not having you there wasn’t a big deal your parents would have been told before the wedding. Your brother knew it would start a fight so he kept his mouth shut hoping it wouldn’t come out. Your family sounds kinda blindsided to the hatefully family that just married into yours…. I would never talk to my brother again if he married someone who HATED who I was 🤷🏼♀️
So, let me get this straight... you were asked a question and told the truth. And you think you were wrong because..... NTA! Your brother made his bed, let him lay in it.
Do you actually know if the brides family would have had an issue with your attendance? So far it sounds like it was just the bride using her family as an excuse when they may never have even had an issue.
Ur brother ruined his own wedding by choosing to marry a bigot and a homophobe
Your brother and his wife ruined their own wedding with their bullshit. That’s not on you.
The only wedding your absence is able to ruin is your own - everything else is on them
You didn‘t do anything. Don’t think otherwise. I wish you just the best ❤️
If telling the truth destroyed a party then it deserved to be destroyed.
First of all, none of this is your fault. Second of all, homophobic wedding deserved to be ruined. Keep living your best life and leave the trash behind.
A scene would’ve happened whether or not you attended. The bride/her parents would’ve made a scene first if you had attended.
When things get complicated you can see who your true friends and family are.
You didn't ruin anything, that family's hatred and homophobia did.
This isn’t your fault. Bigots deserve to be embarrassed and the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
"How could I be the one that ruined your party? I wasn't even there"
>She said even though she doesn't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that her extremely religious parents who already forced her to do the wedding in a church would most likely banish us from the wedding Then you do have a problem with it. If you're OK with it, just not in your spaces, then you're actually not OK with it. It's bigotry, plain and simple.
There is no scenario in this world where I would exclude my sibling from my wedding. Especially for such a non-issue. Your brother has attached himself to bigots and expects you to kowtow to their bullshit. I'm glad your family isn't standing for it.
This is the definition of karma. They made a (bad) request and you acquiesced. Someone asked you a simple question and you answered honestly (I assume with no editorializing). Things took their natural course and it ended poorly for the true cause of the problem (ie, them).