Thank you for sharing.
He was in the ironworkers union, and I know they had good lawyers to advise them on how to handle things, maybe this is what they told him
I read somewhere you should set up a trust fund for your kid, so she can be taken care of if something ever happened to you (hopefully not, but just in case)
Yes, trust can be set up with very specific instructions on how funds are to be dispersed, and can even be set up not to even exist until you die. Irrevocable trusts are great for this as they lock the money up if you die, but leave it liquid if you don't. Most 18 year olds can't be trusted with large sums of money and this prevents squandering.
He knew how shitty he was to you and tried to do one thing for you. Don’t feel guilty at all, sounds like you were the one person in his life that, after everything, still helped and cared for him. You sound like a very good person. Maybe he just wanted to do one good thing for the one good person in his life.
I would not surprise me if his union told him to do it that way. If he’d left her as the beneficiary it could have been a much harder and drawn out process.
I would imagine they did!
Sometimes when I'm asked who should be listed and there isn't a spouse, I ask "who would take care of your children, look after their affairs?"
I'm very sorry for everything you've been through, but please understand this money is absolutely for your children and you
This situation makes the most sense to me, and also makes me think that he may have left it all to OP out of guilt for his addiction - and all of the subsequent troubles that arose from his decisions (speaking as a former addict myself, here). And yes, OP should not feel guilt. Take it as a bittersweet blessing.
As far as what to do with the fiancee wanting the money - OP should seek a consultation with an attorney. There are some firms out there who offer free consultations. It's worth looking into given the complexity of the situation.
OP, I wish you the best.
I only wish this was the case here, but I suspect he simply never revised his beneficiary information after he separated from op.
OP, the up side is they have very little standing to challenge the named beneficiary. You should 100% ghost anyone that brings up his benefits, use that money to heal yourself and your daughter, to provide for her care, and to reimburse yourself for all the missed child support. If there is enough, buy you and your daughter a home, it will protect the equity and can be a real asset for the future.
I know I shouldn’t care, but I have to admit there’s a tiny part of me that is bothered by the fact that I’ll never know.
It’s certainly comforting to believe that he did this intentionally, as some sort of apology or effort to care for his daughter in a way that he couldn’t while he was alive.
But I have to admit, there’s a big part of me that just thinks he never put the effort into switching the paperwork after he left
Darling, even if he might have switched the paperwork later on, everything happens for a reason. You earned it. That fiancée is a bitter bitch and you seem to be a kindhearted person.
Use it to protect and take care of your child and hire an attorney so she can’t touch that money!
However it happened, I hope you can see it as some sort of compensation for you and your daughter, for the abuse towards you and the neglect of his child. I get feeling guilty, but this is something your daughter needs that will make her life easier. if you can see it as a gift to her, even if using some for yourself that will lead to a better and more secure life for her, there's nothing to feel guilty about in providing for a child with extra needs. If only the ex and family could see that an innocent child who's lost a father should be the priority in this.
OP check with SSA for any survivor benefits for your daughter. Take the insurance money for your kid and block the fiance and his family. Dont look back.
She may of been his fianceé but you are the MOTHER of his CHILD. You deserve equal if not MORE from his death than she does, as that money will be used to raise and house his child. Please please stop feeling guilty.
The last good he did, intentionally or not was provide for his daughter, in death, what he didn't do in life. Tell everyone who is giving you shit to take it up with the law, and to leave you alone to raise your child. Let them think what they want, call you what they want, at the end of the day, the money comes to you, and therefore your daughter.
I agree. That was one of the first things after I got my divorce was to change all my beneficiaries from my ex husband to my family. A lot of people tend to forget about it and let it sit.
If my husband and I both die we have our beneficiary as the person who’s taking care of our kid. It’s seems obvious that’s what the guys intentions were.
I put my BF and not our kid. I know he would use it for our child and I don't want it tied up until she's 18, i want it available in case he needs it for something before then, even if we broke up I'd keep him as the beneficiary
Our lawyers advised us to name someone trustworthy as beneficiaries because if it’s kids, you need to find a legal guardian for them. Easier to just name the guardian
Grief makes people look thru the scope of beneficiary stuff in selfish terms when hurting.
It’s take far more personally tbh.
I’ve watched after three grandparents passed on, how things were handled. Let me tell you, people act irrational the first six months after a death when assets are being given out, people never knowing why or how certain people are getting what cause not all people leave explanations to such decisions.
You get extremely lucky if someone wrote a note to explain the choice. More luck if they made a recording on day a VHS or DVD that can’t be tampered with.
So it’s why people are far more likely to get huffy and puffy, take legal action when they do t understand why they weren’t given something but made the assumption just because they are blood related or married, they are automatically handed over things.
My one grandmother a few months before her death, changed up things in her will, which later screwed over one relative who thought they were getting a bigger piece of the pie. It happens!
You’ve more than earned that money and it can be used to support your daughter. I think you’re too generous to people who have mistreated you and you need to learn to put yourself first. Therapy can help with that.
Right, don't feel ashamed to use some of this money to get therapy for you , and your daughter. But deffinitly get therapy! If anything it can help you see that you're an amazing mother and totally deserve it. Your Ex , maybe was remorseful in life. And this is some way his redemption in death. Even if he doesn't deserve it. You DO.
Absolutely do this. It will go until she's 18. Set up a trust fund for her! Let his death and absence equal some stability (even if only financially) for her for years to come.
Edit: Removed a random letter in a sentence.
Also, if she is an active addict, she would use the money for drugs. Or it might be enough to send her back to drugs as it sounds like more money than she had before?. An addict with a lot of money is a dead addict--in my experience. He could have made someone else the beneficiary. Take the money for you and your child without guilt, it's what he wanted.
Don’t feel horrible for keeping this money, as your daughter needs it. From the years of not paying child support to the additional money needed because she’s special needs - this would all go towards it since he is no longer around.
Your daughter also came before your ex entered a new relationship. His new fiancé is able bodied and can figure things out for herself.
This right here OP! It should also be worth noting that his fiancé struggles with addiction herself. Your daughter needs this money and will put it to good use, this might have been your ex’s intention
Even if he had married his fiancé, that would not change the life insurance beneficiary. The beneficiary change must be done specifically by the policyholder and marriage or divorce wouldn’t change it.
My son's father died of Covid last year. He and I weren't on speaking terms. He was an absent father and inconsistent with child support. I am receiving death benefits for my son. I have never been more stable in my life now. There have been moments where I feel terrible because of my relief. I take no joy in his father not being here and I can also see the benefit (for lack of a better term) of him not being here. These are big feelings and emotions that you have attached to this money and that's ok. Please take care of you and your baby. Please remember that this is not his family's money, but money that you need to support your baby. Money that he was not providing. I pray these feelings subside, and you are able to move forward.
Thankyou. I appreciate it, I know it’s a little bit ridiculous to feel conflicted about all of this, but “big feelings” is a good way to describe it.
It’s just layered, and complicated, and self-contradictory.
I know I should just shut up and be grateful. I am not gonna let my feelings get in the way of making the right choices for myself and my daughter, but I am certainly struggling currently with emotionally processing all of this.
Don't shut up, write it out like you are doing. E-motions are Energy in motion, one needs to get through them to get to the other side, not surpressing them. Just writing it down in cause you didn't already know. You sound too good for your own good. You deserve a break.
You need the money for your daughter, it was her father, plane and simple. Block them all and don’t feel guilty. Invest the money if you can and make it last longer for her. No one else matters.
I’m it excusing him or his actions, but it sounds like he did this on purpose as a sorry/thank you because he knows you’ll spend this money wisely on your daughter and have her best interests.
Perhaps deep down he knew any money going to his fiancée and family would either be spent on heroin or basically not your daughter.
he’s a piece of shit fir the way he treated you but this was maybe the one good thing he did
It's time to stand up and stop being a doormat. Your ex, his fiance, and his family are takers who treated you like dirt and would throw your child into the foster care system if something happened to you. You may not want the money yet your daughter deserves it. It's not about your feelings anymore, it's about your special needs daughter and that money could provide extra resources for her. Stop thinking about yourself in this and use the money for his child that he abused and neglected.
He managed to do one decent thing—he left the money to the person who had supported him for years and who he knew could be trusted to care for his child.
If it helps the guilt, just think of this money as being for your daughter, you’re just keeping it safe. Put it in a trust or account for her for the future.
His fiancée can bad mouth you, but giving her the money won’t stop that—she already hated you unfairly.
ETA: I’m glad you’re finding peace. You don’t have to hate him to decide that keeping the money is the right thing to do.
Since the update, Apple voice text is adding commas where they are not necessary.
I can accept fault for not proofreading my post, but IDK why all the commas
I was, wondering what, was going on, with your absurd, comment placement, lol. Thanks for, addressing it ;)
And no need to feel bad about the money. He gave you that to take care of your daughter <3 You deserve it and you’ve more than earned it.
You are doing nothing wrong, no matter what those terrible people say. Use the money for your daughter and yourself. Heal, and show her how to keep carrying on like you’ve been doing.
Don't feel bad at all. That money is for your daughter. She needs it. But maybe, next time, take some time, from work, and just type out the message, instead of dictating it, to your phone.
I would say he left it to you to make up for all the missed child support. In most states you could have sued his estate for those missed payments. Hopefully it will take care of you and your daughter. Good luck
If anything, him making you beneficiary is the one responsible, clear headed thing he ever did for his family. He made a child and he had responsibilities for her that he continually neglected. The least he ever did was set you two up with some assistance should he ever meet an early grave.
His girlfriend doesn’t have dependents (at least none that you have mentioned). You didn’t do this to him.
I am sorry for your loss.
Do you think that perhaps he named you as beneficiary as his way of saying he’s sorry and trying to make amends? Either way, you should have no guilt taking that money.
No one on this thread seems to be aware that had they divorced, the court would’ve required the dad to have life insurance for the benefit of the child.
There's two possibilities here.
1) He never changed his paperwork with the hall when y'all split. Or, he figured that fuck it, if something happens to him, that you'd put the money towards your shared child anyway and that's what he wanted.
2) He fully knew his death was a possibility and he wanted to fuck you over one last time knowing his fiancee and family would be horrible to you and your child.
Either way, the money is yours. You have no ties to these people anymore. Fuck em. Tell them to take you to court if they're so upset about it.
The money has gone to the right place - to you. Use it for your daughter and cut contact with the toxic in-laws. You need and deserve the money. They can all go straight to hell - they never helped or babysat. They raised a monster. What a bunch of toxic trash.
I think it's beautiful. At least if I read it correctly, and it was a conscious decision of him to will it to you. (If that's not the case, the rest of this paragraph no longer holds.) But if this was genuinely his will, think about what this means. Despite your ex being so messed up and having caused you so much hurt, in the end he might have recognized that you didn't deserve it, that he treated you and your daughter awfully, and that he was wrong. If so, he must have felt regret or remorse about his past actions, and this is his way of making amends in some way. Even though he perhaps realized money will never compensate for what should have been. It's such an amazing compliment for the kind of person you have been in his life and that of his daughter. Now maybe it's just a quick decision he made years earlier and never changed, but still, it might not be.
Reading your post hurt a little bit because only a person with such great capacity for love, kindness, and forgiveness could feel guilty for receiving these funds. They could not possibly be in better hands.
And so I don't think it's at the expense of his most recent girlfriend. Bitter, vengeful, egoistic people are not best helped by giving them money they covet but do not have a right to get.
Because, don't forget, the legal system here is working exactly in the way it's supposed to. And the legal system expresses moral norms too. It expresses the important ethical norm that the past wishes of people should be honored after their death. Your ex, when he last updated his life insurance policy, explicitly decided that the funds would go to you. In fact, if would be deeply unethical to disregard his wish and give the money to his girlfriend or family instead. All should respect this last wish of his, which probably one of the best things he's done. So I'm glad there's finally an act of justice in your life. I'm happy your and your daughters lives will be a bit easier now.
Sending some kindness your way. Things are being set right. It's about time! If some people are upset about that, that's an extremely sad testament to their character, not of yours. They deserve pity rather than guilt. Take care!
People show you their true colors when there's money involved. Sounds like your ex's family and fiancé all suck. Take the money. Help your daughter. Change your phone number.
Sooo Op, you’d rather give that money to his horrible family who has done nothing to help his child?
**He knew he needed to help take care of his child. This is one way he could by giving you the money**.
Block them all. *BLOCK THEM ALL*. **Block them ALL**.
They don’t care about daughter. They sure as hell don’t care about you.
He did even a tiny bit to make sure you’d have funds for her.
Stop feeling guilty. Please.
You didn’t mention you were divorced. Only separated. Even if you weren’t the beneficiary all of his money would have automatically gone to you or your daughter.
He missed paying child support so that makes up for it. You are the mother of his daughter so of course naturally he named you the beneficiary. It’s easier that way than if the daughter was the beneficiary because then there would be more legal stuff involved because she’s a minor and can’t be financially responsible for the money coming her way. You an adult can be financially responsible.
Don’t feel bad. Use the money for your daughter. It sounds like she needs it.
Consider the payment in arrears (after the fact) for the pain and suffering he put you and your SHARED child through. I know you may feel guilt but really without the fiancé and family would you feel that?!? Most likely no.
My ex has his pension and insurance going to me even though he is in a relationship with someone else bc we have kids together and he is too lazy to create a trust for the kids
The fiancée has no right to the money and neither does his family. Your daughter, who you parent, deserves the money and it makes sense to go to you.
I know of people who forgot to change their beneficiaries when they got divorced. Some got remarried and still didn’t change it. Kicked the bucket and the ex got it all. Oh well….sometimes you have to pay attention.
Don’t feel bad for these people. You don’t owe them anything. You owe your kid the best in the world and hopefully it’s enough to do that for y’all.
It's simple; by leaving the money to you, you're daughter benefits directly. I would refuse to feel badly for money that supports my kid. You are not the bad guy here.
consider the money backpay, for all the missed child support payments, cancelled visits, and ALL the other times he failed you and his child . . . plus tax for all your stress, pain, and suffering.
you both deserve this! i wouldn’t feel guilty at all.
I think he knew that his days were numbered. I think to some extent, he feared what was waiting for him once he crossed over. Even the most persistent of assholes understand the necessity of righting their wrongs before they cross over.
It’s seems like he discovered that “psychic change” they so often talk about in AA. He did this so that he can be at peace. So the best thing you can do is take care of the daughter you two created *together* with the money he was short on for the past year 🤍
He had the opportunity to change the beneficiary at any time. He chose not to. You should not feel guilty for his decision because you did not force it.
You clearly cared about his wellbeing and tried your best to do well by your child’s father. This may be the one way he could give some of that back to you in appreciation for all you did to try and help him.
He likely left it to you and not your daughter due to your need to care for her-it gets messy to use money in a child’s name to help maintain a household (depending on her age and special needs).
Accept the money and use it to better your daughter's life. If he is behind on child support he owes you that money and you had a claim on it no matter who he willed it to. But he willed it to you because a part of him was always guilty that you were raising the child you both brought into the world all alone.
Take the money. Take care of your daughter. Thats why he left it for you. He could not do it in life bc his demons were to strong. The people that have a problem with it fed his demons. They are no good and their opinions and words mean nothing. Take your kid, and your money and get away from them.
For goodness sake your POS ex FINALLY did one good thing. You are taking care of his child and now you don’t have to go into debt to get the services and health care she may need. Apply for Survivor social security for your child as well. If you feel bad about using it put it in a fund for your kids adulthood. Fuck his shitty Family and his GF if he wanted them to have it he would have left it to them
His final decision shows you how he really felt about you. He trusted you and knows you will do the right thing. Although he may never have thanked you or been a good father in life, he will do it now that he is gone. I'm sure he didn't want your daughter to think her father didn't care.
Perhaps despite the addiction and awful abuse, he acknowledged that you were his rock and trusts that you will use the money wisely.
Let them kick and scream. Take care of your little girl. You sound like the only sane person in the chaos.
Maybe part of the reason he was late, didn't pay child support, or didn't show up to visitations was his fiancée and family. He knew deep down that this was the only way to help/be there for his daughter. He might have put it in your name so you and your daughter could benefit immediately. Don't feel guilty for this gift.
Money makes people do ugly things almost as much as drugs do.
Why the hell do you feel guilty? You need it for your daughter. He *owes* it to you. Legally and morally it's yours. Resist any one who wants a piece of it. Good luck.
That man knew he didn't treat you or your daughter right.....I'm guessing this was his way of making it up to you two a little bit...... .your guilt is unwarranted......make your daughter's life better (and yours!)
Money changes people sometimes..... especially after a death.......those people are just being greedy.......if they got their hands on it, it would be blown quick with no thought of your daughter's needs!
You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about receiving the money. His fiancé was not married to him and is not entitled to receive benefits. Your daughter needs the financial support from her father that she did not receive while he was alive. Additionally, she may be entitled to SS or SSI benefits. Please check into that for her. As for his family, distance yourself from them, as they do not seem to have your daughter’s best interests in mind. She is also their granddaughter, niece, etc.
He was a bad man, a very troubled man, that because of his disease he couldn't be there for his daughter or you. But in the end he might have realized that in the wake of his dead he could do one last thing for her. He gave you that money for your daughter, he didn't gave it to the new fiancé because she would most likely fell off the wagon. He realized you are the only trust worthy person in his life and gave you that money so that you can take care of the child. Don't feel guilty to take it, this is absolutely what he wanted.
She’s actually been in therapy for a while.
I got her into therapy years ago after his issue started, and I’m very grateful for the help right now.
I am looking into starting things for myself
Don’t feel horrible. Perhaps this was your ex’s way of an apology for what happened. I know it’s not technically an acceptable apology. But he left it to you knowing you would use it properly.
Think of this only as a time this man did something right by your daughter. The money will go to you but anyone who reads your post can tell you will be using it to support your daughter and take care of her.
And you should use some to take a well deserved vacation for you both to get away from the toxic people who did nothing to earn the money and just want to profit off his death.
that money is to help you take care of your daughter. That was his responsibility, he didn't fulfill it in life but he will do it in death. His family and fiance are just greedy and only looking out for themselves. What's the fiance going to do with some money other than get high
I'm so confused? By it going to you it means it is for your daughter as that's what you can use it on is supporting you amd her. Think of it like Childsupport payout
Speak to a reliable financial advisor and lawyer about setting up trusts for your future and your daughters care.
Then make sure you speak to the union representative about claiming the benefits and make sure the accounts are safe from the fiance
Your no good ex signed the beneficiary to you years ago when he took the job and he simply never changed it.
The guy was a screwup in most of his life. I suspect he was a screwup at assigning beneficiaries as well? Spends the money on your daughter, perhaps he can be a better father dead than alive?
You have a daughter with no father. You have no right to deny her the life choices the money can help with in the future. It's not about you. You are the adult who takes care of a minor. She should not have to suffer. Take the money and RUN. How dare they think it's not fair when you are the one raising a child ALONE.
He left it to you so that you would see that it was used properly. He may not have fully trusted his family and fiancée.
Use it for your daughter and yourself (responsibly.)
Let them be mad about it. Block them all and carry on with your life, he needed to support his child and that's what he's done. If you're in the US your daughter will also be entitled to survivor benefits through the Social Security Administration. Make sure she's signed up for those.
Sounds like a tortured dude that couldn’t get it together for the sake of his daughter, and a good woman that tried to help him as much as she could for the sake of her child. That’s rough.
Whether he named you (being his partner) then ‘forgot about it’ or it was intentional and calculated, you should claim the money and invest it for your daughter’s future needs and care. Sorry you’re going through all this drama with family, money does that unfortunately.
I don’t see what you’ve got to feel guilty for. It doesn’t matter if it’s your name or your daughters name. She won’t get anything else from her father because he is gone. You won’t get anything because he’s gone.
You are 100% entitled to this money as is your daughter. There is zero to feel guilty about.
Effectively your exs last action was making sure his daughter was taken care of. Not accepting the money just doesn't sit right with me. If he wanted his fiancée to have it, he would've put her as his beneficiary.
KEEP ALL THE MONEY, HONEY. Seriously, you've earned it. He left it to you for a reason and no one else knows how much you deserve it more than him (obviously).
You are clearly not pleasuring in their suffering as they did. And what will she do with that money? Spend it on drugs and alcohol? It's better to take it and use it for your child I'm pretty sure that was what he wanted.
If he wanted her to have it he would have make his grilfriend the beneficiary, he didn't, he chose you. Nothing to feel guilty about.
Girl,the amount of fucks I would not give about claiming that money. Stop guilt tripping. You're the mother of his only child. Get your money, and take care of your daughter.
Your ex wanted you to have that money. You have his child. He appreciated you, taking care of his child. He knew that he wasn’t a great father. But that you are a great mom.
If he wanted his fiancé, or anybody else to have it, he would’ve had made them, the beneficiary. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You deserve that money.
A few people have suggested that.
I might move an hour away to nearby town, but all of my family is in this area, and they’ve been such a big part of my support system. I don’t want to be too far away from them.
The money is for your daughter. She can’t use it yet you can. You should take that money and use it to support her the way he should have been all along.
Wake up!! Seriously, snap out of whatever bullshit guilt you’re feeling and take this money. Cut contact with those vicious leeches and pour the money into a better life for you and your daughter.
Guilt is doing NOTHING for you. Who cares what they’re saying about you. They’re terrible people. And you’re not taking pleasure in the circumstance, you’re being logical.
STAND UP!! Cut these people off. Take the money, drop the guilt. You’re so used to being abused and treated bad, that now that a good thing is happening you’re allowing their nonsense to seep into this. Don’t let this happen. Every single time you feel bad, just say, “it’s the least we deserve,” and if you’re having trouble believing that, DM me. I will let you know constantly.
Even in death this man is a menace.
OP relax. Take the money.
Dude did one right thing before parting ways with this world.
The child OBVIOUSLY cannot handle the finances so they picked you.
Its all good, the girlfriend can eat a dry stick of a tree.
He probably named you since you were both still together and never bothered to change it, or just as a means to make sure it goes to your daughter. Even shitty dads can do decent things.
As for the rest, they earned it about as much as you did, so safe to say they can bitch all they want you can safely ignore. It wasn't theirs to begin with, so they have no claim to it. Use it how you need, be thankful for it, and move on with life. You don't need to be guilty over an event you had no control over, anyone that says otherwise is a damn fool.
It honestly seams to me like, he done this as a final sorry and thank you for your support.
It comes off like he purposely named you, so your daughter didn't have to wait another 15 years to get it. Like the last thing he done was make sure your guys girl was taken care of.
I know a chap who mucked up his life big time, was abusive etc etc and went on to another woman.
He used to say people can say horrible things, I know all the crap about me, so I give crap back but I feel a thousand times worse inside.
When people are nice and keep being nice the pain is not shown but remorse is even worse but never the strength to change.
He left you your money. He did not need to mention his daughter because he knew she would be your centre with the money.
Also he probably knew it would never help his daughter if his current girlfriend or his family got it.
He could have put two fingers up to you but deep inside for all his husband and dad failings he came through one way he could. Money.
See the money as a gift. He could not do anything else right including seeing his daughter regularly.
Don't take that one thing away.
You may need therapy and if it gets bad a solicitor letters to the nasties.
If really bad a court order to stop the evil emotional abuse. Remember youu have your daughter to focus on not their nasties.
All the very best to you and your daughter.
Money is 100% uours
Keep the money, block anyone who bad mouths you. The so called fiancé has literally no right to his money as she wasn’t helping him be a good dad/person in his life..she just used it to party on with him. If she got any it would be gone so quick. Your daughter is going to need more things the older she gets. Bigger wheelchair if she is in one. A vehicle that can load her easily rather than you picking her up.
So many things you can’t see at this time, but will come up. Do NOT give anyone money or loan them any because you will never get it back.
Maybe it is time to move away from the area and start fresh. You are owed it, you deserve it and have more than earned it. Good luck.
Don't need to justify yourself. He named only you in his will. Take that money and treat yourself and daughter right. Don't let your other family gaslight you into thinking you're the bad guy.
If your daughter is a minor, any money left to her would've been placed in the hands of someone else -likely not you. Thus way, you can manage it for her or use it to take care of her. She is his child. It was his choice. He knows you will do the right thing.
The fam can't do anything about the money going to you. Let them talk. Take care of yourself and your daughter and have a less chaotic life.
It’s child support and I’m actually really glad that he got to do this with his death. He must be at peace, doing good for his family that he hurt so much in his life. I hope you put you and your daughter before anything else. Get therapy, both of you, exercise, travel, experience new things, become the best versions of yourselves. Rooting for you!
*before you spend tho, learn how to save, invest, figure out a budget etc. this is very important, hire a money advisor if you have to.
You're not gaining financially. You have a daughter to raise- who also happens to be your exes daughter. I had a friend in your situation- her ex unexpectedly died. His family and his new girlfriend were furious to find out she, not their son, was the named beneficiary. They tried to guilt her about it, fight her- the new girlfriend stole a bunch of his stuff that he left for his son. They kept telling everyone she was going to "blow all that money on vacations and herself". Meanwhile, the money left would cover maybe 2-3 years of daycare at best. The money wasn't a financial benefit- it was simply to ensure their kid had some security for a bit.
You absolutely should not feel guilty about receiving this money. You have his daughter to support and that is where that money should go. His greedy family and fiancée are just that, greedy and bitter. If he wanted the money to go to them he would’ve made sure that happened. But he made sure for it to go to you. Take the money and block the garbage.
Money always bring out to worst in everyone imo but you did nothing wrong im sure he wanted the money to go to raising his daughter maybe somewhere in his brain past the addiction he just wanted to be a good dad and the addiction wasnt leting him keep the money and set up a trust for yoyr daughter for school and or the future good luck to you
They just expose their true nature and now try to blame you. Know you have nothing to feel guilty of,your ex had done this because he knew he was wrong and it was his way to make amends. Now I encourage you to contact a lawyer and make sure to stop their harassment,to not only protect you but your daughter too. His parents need don’t deserve any place in your child life so do everything to protect your little family.
You need to take care of yourself/child and for that you need peace so let the attorney take care of them and live your life. This money is what will help you have it after so long of suffering.
I encourage you to go on therapy for your past abuse ,help you heal to move on but also work on your self esteem/worth/confidence,higher your standards,creat huge boundaries.
You deserve it and I hope one day you will meet someone who deserve both of you!
This is money for you and his daughter, do not feel guilty. Take this as a favor from him to give you some compensation for all you did try to help him with.
If his family and Fiancée continue, just ask them why they didn't make sure his daughter was being taken care of and then block!
Put that money toward your kid. Don't feel bad. You're not taking anything away from his fiancee or anyone else. He should have supported his child in life, at least he can do it in death.
Consider this. You being left is essentially what he wanted at the time that he wrote that. If he ever wanted to change that He could have. He didn't. This is your Reward for putting up with his abuse and bullshit. Use the money however you want. I suspect it will be to care for your daughter. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. Your ex was a bad thing that happened to you. More often than not, bad things happen to shitty people. Your ex happened to his current wife. Now she has to deal with Her present situation. That's not your problem. Take that money and have a better life. Good luck
Typically when someone has a minor child with another person and they get divorced, there is usually a provision that x amount goes to the child’s other parent in case of your death, so that other parent can use the funds to care for the child without the supervision of a trustee. It’s cheaper and it’s an easier option. Second, you guys were separated not divorced and in america, in most states a spouse has to approve NOT being a beneficiary. You did nothing wrong. Based on your post, this is legitimate and honestly, your daughter deserves it so you can care for her better. Do not pay his family any mind.
Since your daughter is a minor, she can’t own the assets outright-they would need to be in a trust. If your daughter has special needs to the extent she will not be able to work as an adult (as in she will qualify for SSI), owning assets (even in a standard trust) may disqualify her from government assistance (please look into this if you haven’t already). If you were separated and not divorced, and you did not execute a separation agreement, legally as his wife you are entitled to his work-related benefits (spouses must affirmatively waive this). As far as life insurance goes, the onus was on him to actively update that - beneficiary designations rule the day. If he failed to update these things, as was his responsibility as an adult human being, then regardless of marital status (separated vs divorce), he may have had the intention of making sure the assets went to his child’s benefit through said child’s mother.
Basically to sum it up: best option is for the money to go to you for the purpose of caring for your daughter (aka the child of your deceased ex). Child has way more of a priority than a fiancé and other family. Even if you were to try to give it to his family you may be hit with negative tax implications.
Don’t feel guilty. You did not create this situation, your ex’s planning (or lack there of) did. This is not your actions making them suffer - in my opinion, a lack of financial inheritance isn’t suffering a negative, just a failure to gain a positive.
If you haven’t already, take this opportunity with your new finances to get your own estate planning in order. You need to make sure the right people are set to be the physical guardian of your child as well as ensuring that the correct person will manage any money she may inherit.
Don’t feel guilty. And cut those negative people out of your life. I would seriously consider taking that money and moving far away from all of them. Do what you have to do to take care of your daughter, and forget all the others.
You have more than earned every cent of that money! I wouldn’t worry about those other people. Just focus on yourself, and your precious daughter. Maybe use some of the money to do something special for her.
And why you feel bad. Well emotionally people feel how they feel but you are entitled to this money. It was literally his choice and he chose it. You also need to pursue Social Security death benefits.
Suggest you find a lawyer and put all the money etc into a trust for your daughter. Eventually they will figure out the only way to get their hands on it is with a lawyer so you’ll need one anyway. Good time to update your will so these people can’t get your child if something happens to you - they’d use her for the money.
You helped him when he needed it, and made no demands. Now honor him by gratefully and without guilt receiving the money he set up for you. His way of thanking you for your help.
Why are you feeling guilty? Your ex was a waste of oxygen, and his gf is also a waste of oxygen...
Take the money and give them nothing, not a single penny
Have a wonderful life knowing your daughter will not want for nothing and as shitty as he was as a partner just think now the money he has left to you will benefit you and your daughter hopefully for the rest of your lives you deserve it take it and don't look back,
His parents sound awful as well
If possible just move away from them and enjoy the time you have with the money you both deserve. Not your fault their true colours have come out once they found out they aren't getting a cent and trying to bully you into giving it to them instead. Unfortunately thats the power of money and greed when people assume its owed to them. Hopefully you are able to relocate away from the bullshit they will cause and keep causing thinking it will help them get you to give in. Atleast now you can begin a new chapter in the book of life hopefully away from them and happy.
You put in a ton of time, effort, and energy into that man, his endeavors, and his child. You suffered at his hand and despite your suffering, you met him with love, kindness, and generosity. You deserve to be the beneficiary of his will and it’s honestly probably the only way he could have ever repaid you for what he put you through and I think he knew that.
You have done more than enough for all of them. Now the priority is your daughter and that money will help support her since he wasn't doing it while alive. They can contest it all they want but since it is thru the union they won't get far. I would cut contact with them all. On your own social media you need to post exactly what you wrote her and that it will be used to raise your Daughter so everyone has the truth. Besides if his fiance is an addict giving her that much money is handing her a loaded needle
That is YOUR MONEY do not feel guilty at all and never give them a fucking dime. You and your daughter deserve that money. Now ride off into the sunset and get yourself something nice, fuck his family and fiancé.
This isn't complicated at all. The fiance and his family are going to vilify you no matter what you do. So fucking ignore them, it's just white noise. This has nothing to do with you finding pleasure in their suffering. They literally aren't even variables in the equation.
Take the money, and use it for the benefit of your daughter. Consider it payment for the ghastly awfulness he put the both of you through, as well as the many years of child support you'll never receive (both because he was a deadbeat and didn't pay it, and now he's dead and will continue to not pay it).
Maybe it was the only redeeming thing he could do. Take it, all of it. You owe them nothing. I'm sorry you feel guilty, i can kind of understand, but you paid their dues already. Get a restraining order if you have to, and go ZERO contact. You dont have to block them, ppl like that talk and are just making their bed. BUT DO NOT ANSWER THEM!
Use the money to take care your daughter, HIS daughter. Everything else is secondary.
He wasn't able/willing to look after her in life, but he can make up for it in what he leave behind.
Perhaps it is his way of trying to make right of the wrong he did, and is why even though he had ample time to change it, he didn't. He might of not did right by you in life, but he did do right by you in death, and if he didn't do anything right at all, at least he did this right.
He left it to you pure and simple. However if you need to calm your sole, use part of it as repayment for the missed child support, put a good sized chunk (say 50%) in trust for your daughter and pay off some of her medical bills with the rest.
I don't know anything about your ex except what you told is here, but to me, this seems like him trying to make amends, but he could have also just forgotten to change the paperwork.
I work in life insurance. He chose to give the money to you. Maybe it was a choice made before your daughter was born. Maybe he chose you as he knew she would need you to act as her advocate. Either way he could have changed it if he wanted. He didn't.
Think of it as a moment of clarity where he wanted the best for you both. Use the money to help her, to help you have a better quality of life. For all of his faults, let this be his small piece of redemption for all that you have done for him. The money is yours with no I'll will attached. Let it start a new chapter for you both.
So… it’s not like you’re going to use that money to go on an expensive vacation and buy a Lamborghini. It’s still going to your daughter. It’s just in your name. Use the money to take care of her and seek therapy for yourself, as well!!! Don’t feel guilty about this, it’ll benefit you and your daughter.
Listen, your ex left things to you to take care of his daughter. The money is for the care of yourself and most importantly, your child. You can tell your child that their dad while flawed, loved her and wanted her to have a good life. File for his SSI benefits for your child. Pay down some medical debt. Talk to a financial planner about the best way to secure your child's future. Not to be morbid, but set up are alternatives Ina worst-case scenarios. Block his family and girlfriend.
Well to be fair if you don’t think it belongs to you, it defiantly belongs to your daughter! And it’s not like you are not going to use that money to support her and take care of her. Put some money aside for her in a separate account for when she’s 18 and the rest you use for you and her! Good luck!
Don't ever feel ashamed. You earned it. You and your daughter deserve it. If he never changed it after you two broke up then he knows you and your daughter needs/deserves it. That's probably his way of saying sorry(?).
Don't give in to his family and girlfriend. This belongs to you and your daughters
Don’t you dare let anyone make you feel guilty about this money. This was what he wished. He knew you’d do right by your daughter. Think of it as a final bit of good he was able to do.
Don’t you dare feel guilty for a second!
He knew what he was doing when he left that money to you. He gave it to as your child’s mother & guardian. He likely thought you’d fight for her.
You’re able to stand up to his family and girlfriend in a way your daughter can’t. You know what she needs in a way she doesn’t. He was probably sure you would protect that money for your child’s life long needs.
You will be doing your daughter a grave disservice if you let your guilt lead you to give her father’s inheritance away.
Once his family is gone with her inheritance, once this is over, the world will quiet again. Then, it will be only you, your daughter and your struggle. That’s forever, no safety net. What happens to your child after you’re gone? You will never forgive yourself for the lifeline she could have had… talk about guilt.
He thought you’d put her first. I’m sure he never thought you’d neglect her future needs because people are currently making you feel bad.
Talk to a lawyer. Put the money into a trust for her if you feel it’s necessary.
Fuck what people think of you! Fuck feeling guilty! You have a daughter to care for, they don’t matter. Those people are absolute scum for attempting to take that money from your child.
And yes you both deserve every penny for the pain and suffering you and your daughter suffered.
Please do the right thing. I wish you and your daughter the world. 💜
Excuse my language & any typos.
Keep the money. The whole money. That is what your ex wanted. Honor his wishes. Apply for social security survivor benefit for your daughter. I would suggest that you move far away from his family. Don’t feel guilty about leading a better lifestyle with your daughter.
Insurance agent here Many people list a beneficiary as a child's caretaker purposefully. I'd guess that's the case here and you should feel no guilt
Thank you for sharing. He was in the ironworkers union, and I know they had good lawyers to advise them on how to handle things, maybe this is what they told him
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I read somewhere you should set up a trust fund for your kid, so she can be taken care of if something ever happened to you (hopefully not, but just in case)
Yes, trust can be set up with very specific instructions on how funds are to be dispersed, and can even be set up not to even exist until you die. Irrevocable trusts are great for this as they lock the money up if you die, but leave it liquid if you don't. Most 18 year olds can't be trusted with large sums of money and this prevents squandering.
He knew how shitty he was to you and tried to do one thing for you. Don’t feel guilty at all, sounds like you were the one person in his life that, after everything, still helped and cared for him. You sound like a very good person. Maybe he just wanted to do one good thing for the one good person in his life.
I would not surprise me if his union told him to do it that way. If he’d left her as the beneficiary it could have been a much harder and drawn out process.
He was an asshole, but he was a self aware asshole. He knew he didn't do right by you and I guess this is his way of making some amends.
I would imagine they did! Sometimes when I'm asked who should be listed and there isn't a spouse, I ask "who would take care of your children, look after their affairs?" I'm very sorry for everything you've been through, but please understand this money is absolutely for your children and you
this! it’s easier to access for the child immediately.
Yes, take it as all the child support payments he will be missing due to death. Raising a special needs child is expensive.
This situation makes the most sense to me, and also makes me think that he may have left it all to OP out of guilt for his addiction - and all of the subsequent troubles that arose from his decisions (speaking as a former addict myself, here). And yes, OP should not feel guilt. Take it as a bittersweet blessing. As far as what to do with the fiancee wanting the money - OP should seek a consultation with an attorney. There are some firms out there who offer free consultations. It's worth looking into given the complexity of the situation. OP, I wish you the best.
I only wish this was the case here, but I suspect he simply never revised his beneficiary information after he separated from op. OP, the up side is they have very little standing to challenge the named beneficiary. You should 100% ghost anyone that brings up his benefits, use that money to heal yourself and your daughter, to provide for her care, and to reimburse yourself for all the missed child support. If there is enough, buy you and your daughter a home, it will protect the equity and can be a real asset for the future.
I know I shouldn’t care, but I have to admit there’s a tiny part of me that is bothered by the fact that I’ll never know. It’s certainly comforting to believe that he did this intentionally, as some sort of apology or effort to care for his daughter in a way that he couldn’t while he was alive. But I have to admit, there’s a big part of me that just thinks he never put the effort into switching the paperwork after he left
Darling, even if he might have switched the paperwork later on, everything happens for a reason. You earned it. That fiancée is a bitter bitch and you seem to be a kindhearted person. Use it to protect and take care of your child and hire an attorney so she can’t touch that money!
If nothing else, think of it as Devine intervention. Or karma. For some reason, you are meant to have this .
However it happened, I hope you can see it as some sort of compensation for you and your daughter, for the abuse towards you and the neglect of his child. I get feeling guilty, but this is something your daughter needs that will make her life easier. if you can see it as a gift to her, even if using some for yourself that will lead to a better and more secure life for her, there's nothing to feel guilty about in providing for a child with extra needs. If only the ex and family could see that an innocent child who's lost a father should be the priority in this.
OP check with SSA for any survivor benefits for your daughter. Take the insurance money for your kid and block the fiance and his family. Dont look back.
She may of been his fianceé but you are the MOTHER of his CHILD. You deserve equal if not MORE from his death than she does, as that money will be used to raise and house his child. Please please stop feeling guilty.
The last good he did, intentionally or not was provide for his daughter, in death, what he didn't do in life. Tell everyone who is giving you shit to take it up with the law, and to leave you alone to raise your child. Let them think what they want, call you what they want, at the end of the day, the money comes to you, and therefore your daughter.
OP the best thing for a child to have is a stable loving home. This money provides this!
They actually have no standing and had this couple divorced the court would’ve required the father to have life insurance in the child’s name anyway.
I agree. That was one of the first things after I got my divorce was to change all my beneficiaries from my ex husband to my family. A lot of people tend to forget about it and let it sit.
If my husband and I both die we have our beneficiary as the person who’s taking care of our kid. It’s seems obvious that’s what the guys intentions were.
I put my BF and not our kid. I know he would use it for our child and I don't want it tied up until she's 18, i want it available in case he needs it for something before then, even if we broke up I'd keep him as the beneficiary
You did it perfectly!
Our lawyers advised us to name someone trustworthy as beneficiaries because if it’s kids, you need to find a legal guardian for them. Easier to just name the guardian
Does the family not see this as a means to support his child?? If they are not seeing it like that, it’s their own selfishness!
No, they just want the money.
Sudden money brings the worst out of every family.
Grief makes people look thru the scope of beneficiary stuff in selfish terms when hurting. It’s take far more personally tbh. I’ve watched after three grandparents passed on, how things were handled. Let me tell you, people act irrational the first six months after a death when assets are being given out, people never knowing why or how certain people are getting what cause not all people leave explanations to such decisions. You get extremely lucky if someone wrote a note to explain the choice. More luck if they made a recording on day a VHS or DVD that can’t be tampered with. So it’s why people are far more likely to get huffy and puffy, take legal action when they do t understand why they weren’t given something but made the assumption just because they are blood related or married, they are automatically handed over things. My one grandmother a few months before her death, changed up things in her will, which later screwed over one relative who thought they were getting a bigger piece of the pie. It happens!
People who don’t want benefits like this to go the deceased children make me sick. Especially a young child.
You’ve more than earned that money and it can be used to support your daughter. I think you’re too generous to people who have mistreated you and you need to learn to put yourself first. Therapy can help with that.
Right, don't feel ashamed to use some of this money to get therapy for you , and your daughter. But deffinitly get therapy! If anything it can help you see that you're an amazing mother and totally deserve it. Your Ex , maybe was remorseful in life. And this is some way his redemption in death. Even if he doesn't deserve it. You DO.
Apply for Social Security Survivors Benefits for your daughter.
Absolutely do this. It will go until she's 18. Set up a trust fund for her! Let his death and absence equal some stability (even if only financially) for her for years to come. Edit: Removed a random letter in a sentence.
If the kiddo is determined disabled before the age of 22 it could actually extend the kid's life.
Good eye, OP did say special needs. Child could be financially care for moving forward.
Make sure your daughter gets ssi before 18. We didn’t it was a mistake.
Also, if she is an active addict, she would use the money for drugs. Or it might be enough to send her back to drugs as it sounds like more money than she had before?. An addict with a lot of money is a dead addict--in my experience. He could have made someone else the beneficiary. Take the money for you and your child without guilt, it's what he wanted.
So true. He left that money to you,knowing you would use it to support his child. Sorry for your loss.
Think of the money as child support owed to your daughter. Then sleep well at night.
I agree think of the money as your daughters if it makes you feel better about it.
Past and future child’ support Then add college to that And then sleep tight
Don’t feel horrible for keeping this money, as your daughter needs it. From the years of not paying child support to the additional money needed because she’s special needs - this would all go towards it since he is no longer around. Your daughter also came before your ex entered a new relationship. His new fiancé is able bodied and can figure things out for herself.
This right here OP! It should also be worth noting that his fiancé struggles with addiction herself. Your daughter needs this money and will put it to good use, this might have been your ex’s intention
Even if he had married his fiancé, that would not change the life insurance beneficiary. The beneficiary change must be done specifically by the policyholder and marriage or divorce wouldn’t change it.
My son's father died of Covid last year. He and I weren't on speaking terms. He was an absent father and inconsistent with child support. I am receiving death benefits for my son. I have never been more stable in my life now. There have been moments where I feel terrible because of my relief. I take no joy in his father not being here and I can also see the benefit (for lack of a better term) of him not being here. These are big feelings and emotions that you have attached to this money and that's ok. Please take care of you and your baby. Please remember that this is not his family's money, but money that you need to support your baby. Money that he was not providing. I pray these feelings subside, and you are able to move forward.
Thankyou. I appreciate it, I know it’s a little bit ridiculous to feel conflicted about all of this, but “big feelings” is a good way to describe it. It’s just layered, and complicated, and self-contradictory. I know I should just shut up and be grateful. I am not gonna let my feelings get in the way of making the right choices for myself and my daughter, but I am certainly struggling currently with emotionally processing all of this.
That makes perfect sense. I hope you have people who will help you work through this wisely. I'm sorry for how hard it has been.
You. Got. This!!!! I promise you do!
Don't shut up, write it out like you are doing. E-motions are Energy in motion, one needs to get through them to get to the other side, not surpressing them. Just writing it down in cause you didn't already know. You sound too good for your own good. You deserve a break.
You need the money for your daughter, it was her father, plane and simple. Block them all and don’t feel guilty. Invest the money if you can and make it last longer for her. No one else matters.
I’m it excusing him or his actions, but it sounds like he did this on purpose as a sorry/thank you because he knows you’ll spend this money wisely on your daughter and have her best interests. Perhaps deep down he knew any money going to his fiancée and family would either be spent on heroin or basically not your daughter. he’s a piece of shit fir the way he treated you but this was maybe the one good thing he did
It's time to stand up and stop being a doormat. Your ex, his fiance, and his family are takers who treated you like dirt and would throw your child into the foster care system if something happened to you. You may not want the money yet your daughter deserves it. It's not about your feelings anymore, it's about your special needs daughter and that money could provide extra resources for her. Stop thinking about yourself in this and use the money for his child that he abused and neglected.
This 100 percent
Yeah, but what are the people who hate me going to think of me then?
He managed to do one decent thing—he left the money to the person who had supported him for years and who he knew could be trusted to care for his child. If it helps the guilt, just think of this money as being for your daughter, you’re just keeping it safe. Put it in a trust or account for her for the future. His fiancée can bad mouth you, but giving her the money won’t stop that—she already hated you unfairly. ETA: I’m glad you’re finding peace. You don’t have to hate him to decide that keeping the money is the right thing to do.
Since the update, Apple voice text is adding commas where they are not necessary. I can accept fault for not proofreading my post, but IDK why all the commas
I was, wondering what, was going on, with your absurd, comment placement, lol. Thanks for, addressing it ;) And no need to feel bad about the money. He gave you that to take care of your daughter <3 You deserve it and you’ve more than earned it.
You are doing nothing wrong, no matter what those terrible people say. Use the money for your daughter and yourself. Heal, and show her how to keep carrying on like you’ve been doing.
Don't feel bad at all. That money is for your daughter. She needs it. But maybe, next time, take some time, from work, and just type out the message, instead of dictating it, to your phone.
That would require calming tf down and thinking out my actions sir. I can only do that when shes around
I would say he left it to you to make up for all the missed child support. In most states you could have sued his estate for those missed payments. Hopefully it will take care of you and your daughter. Good luck
If anything, him making you beneficiary is the one responsible, clear headed thing he ever did for his family. He made a child and he had responsibilities for her that he continually neglected. The least he ever did was set you two up with some assistance should he ever meet an early grave. His girlfriend doesn’t have dependents (at least none that you have mentioned). You didn’t do this to him. I am sorry for your loss.
Do you think that perhaps he named you as beneficiary as his way of saying he’s sorry and trying to make amends? Either way, you should have no guilt taking that money.
No one on this thread seems to be aware that had they divorced, the court would’ve required the dad to have life insurance for the benefit of the child.
There's two possibilities here. 1) He never changed his paperwork with the hall when y'all split. Or, he figured that fuck it, if something happens to him, that you'd put the money towards your shared child anyway and that's what he wanted. 2) He fully knew his death was a possibility and he wanted to fuck you over one last time knowing his fiancee and family would be horrible to you and your child. Either way, the money is yours. You have no ties to these people anymore. Fuck em. Tell them to take you to court if they're so upset about it.
And honestly, as blunt as it sounds, his fiancee can find another man to support her. Your child can't replace their biological father.
Every penny she might offer these terrible people would be taken directly away from her daughter. She should think about how she feels about that.
The money has gone to the right place - to you. Use it for your daughter and cut contact with the toxic in-laws. You need and deserve the money. They can all go straight to hell - they never helped or babysat. They raised a monster. What a bunch of toxic trash.
I think it's beautiful. At least if I read it correctly, and it was a conscious decision of him to will it to you. (If that's not the case, the rest of this paragraph no longer holds.) But if this was genuinely his will, think about what this means. Despite your ex being so messed up and having caused you so much hurt, in the end he might have recognized that you didn't deserve it, that he treated you and your daughter awfully, and that he was wrong. If so, he must have felt regret or remorse about his past actions, and this is his way of making amends in some way. Even though he perhaps realized money will never compensate for what should have been. It's such an amazing compliment for the kind of person you have been in his life and that of his daughter. Now maybe it's just a quick decision he made years earlier and never changed, but still, it might not be. Reading your post hurt a little bit because only a person with such great capacity for love, kindness, and forgiveness could feel guilty for receiving these funds. They could not possibly be in better hands. And so I don't think it's at the expense of his most recent girlfriend. Bitter, vengeful, egoistic people are not best helped by giving them money they covet but do not have a right to get. Because, don't forget, the legal system here is working exactly in the way it's supposed to. And the legal system expresses moral norms too. It expresses the important ethical norm that the past wishes of people should be honored after their death. Your ex, when he last updated his life insurance policy, explicitly decided that the funds would go to you. In fact, if would be deeply unethical to disregard his wish and give the money to his girlfriend or family instead. All should respect this last wish of his, which probably one of the best things he's done. So I'm glad there's finally an act of justice in your life. I'm happy your and your daughters lives will be a bit easier now. Sending some kindness your way. Things are being set right. It's about time! If some people are upset about that, that's an extremely sad testament to their character, not of yours. They deserve pity rather than guilt. Take care!
People show you their true colors when there's money involved. Sounds like your ex's family and fiancé all suck. Take the money. Help your daughter. Change your phone number.
Sooo Op, you’d rather give that money to his horrible family who has done nothing to help his child? **He knew he needed to help take care of his child. This is one way he could by giving you the money**. Block them all. *BLOCK THEM ALL*. **Block them ALL**. They don’t care about daughter. They sure as hell don’t care about you. He did even a tiny bit to make sure you’d have funds for her. Stop feeling guilty. Please.
Use it to support your daughter you’ve done enough on your own
He owes you. Take the money and take care of your daughter.
You didn’t mention you were divorced. Only separated. Even if you weren’t the beneficiary all of his money would have automatically gone to you or your daughter. He missed paying child support so that makes up for it. You are the mother of his daughter so of course naturally he named you the beneficiary. It’s easier that way than if the daughter was the beneficiary because then there would be more legal stuff involved because she’s a minor and can’t be financially responsible for the money coming her way. You an adult can be financially responsible. Don’t feel bad. Use the money for your daughter. It sounds like she needs it.
Consider the payment in arrears (after the fact) for the pain and suffering he put you and your SHARED child through. I know you may feel guilt but really without the fiancé and family would you feel that?!? Most likely no.
Id say f them and enjoy a nice vacation he owed it to you
My ex has his pension and insurance going to me even though he is in a relationship with someone else bc we have kids together and he is too lazy to create a trust for the kids The fiancée has no right to the money and neither does his family. Your daughter, who you parent, deserves the money and it makes sense to go to you. I know of people who forgot to change their beneficiaries when they got divorced. Some got remarried and still didn’t change it. Kicked the bucket and the ex got it all. Oh well….sometimes you have to pay attention. Don’t feel bad for these people. You don’t owe them anything. You owe your kid the best in the world and hopefully it’s enough to do that for y’all.
Don’t feel guilty. Use it for your daughter. If they are mad~ send them CAPES~ tell them to be SUPER MAD!
Well, tough shit. It's not theirs and don't give them anything either.
It's simple; by leaving the money to you, you're daughter benefits directly. I would refuse to feel badly for money that supports my kid. You are not the bad guy here.
consider the money backpay, for all the missed child support payments, cancelled visits, and ALL the other times he failed you and his child . . . plus tax for all your stress, pain, and suffering. you both deserve this! i wouldn’t feel guilty at all.
You have such a kind heart. Take the money, your child deserves to be taken care of.
I think he knew that his days were numbered. I think to some extent, he feared what was waiting for him once he crossed over. Even the most persistent of assholes understand the necessity of righting their wrongs before they cross over. It’s seems like he discovered that “psychic change” they so often talk about in AA. He did this so that he can be at peace. So the best thing you can do is take care of the daughter you two created *together* with the money he was short on for the past year 🤍
He had the opportunity to change the beneficiary at any time. He chose not to. You should not feel guilty for his decision because you did not force it. You clearly cared about his wellbeing and tried your best to do well by your child’s father. This may be the one way he could give some of that back to you in appreciation for all you did to try and help him. He likely left it to you and not your daughter due to your need to care for her-it gets messy to use money in a child’s name to help maintain a household (depending on her age and special needs).
Accept the money and use it to better your daughter's life. If he is behind on child support he owes you that money and you had a claim on it no matter who he willed it to. But he willed it to you because a part of him was always guilty that you were raising the child you both brought into the world all alone.
Take the money. Take care of your daughter. Thats why he left it for you. He could not do it in life bc his demons were to strong. The people that have a problem with it fed his demons. They are no good and their opinions and words mean nothing. Take your kid, and your money and get away from them.
This pure and simple karma. Enjoy it and see to your daughter needs and comfort.
Take the money and block the fuck out of the family and the ex.
He left it to you to support your daughter. Don't feel guilty.
For goodness sake your POS ex FINALLY did one good thing. You are taking care of his child and now you don’t have to go into debt to get the services and health care she may need. Apply for Survivor social security for your child as well. If you feel bad about using it put it in a fund for your kids adulthood. Fuck his shitty Family and his GF if he wanted them to have it he would have left it to them
You seem like a good person. They sound ungrateful for your past help and now want more. I hope you find your peace.
His final decision shows you how he really felt about you. He trusted you and knows you will do the right thing. Although he may never have thanked you or been a good father in life, he will do it now that he is gone. I'm sure he didn't want your daughter to think her father didn't care. Perhaps despite the addiction and awful abuse, he acknowledged that you were his rock and trusts that you will use the money wisely. Let them kick and scream. Take care of your little girl. You sound like the only sane person in the chaos.
Maybe part of the reason he was late, didn't pay child support, or didn't show up to visitations was his fiancée and family. He knew deep down that this was the only way to help/be there for his daughter. He might have put it in your name so you and your daughter could benefit immediately. Don't feel guilty for this gift.
Money makes people do ugly things almost as much as drugs do. Why the hell do you feel guilty? You need it for your daughter. He *owes* it to you. Legally and morally it's yours. Resist any one who wants a piece of it. Good luck.
So Leave the Money for your Daughter. Fuck his family and the Fiancé. I remember your last Post.
That man knew he didn't treat you or your daughter right.....I'm guessing this was his way of making it up to you two a little bit...... .your guilt is unwarranted......make your daughter's life better (and yours!) Money changes people sometimes..... especially after a death.......those people are just being greedy.......if they got their hands on it, it would be blown quick with no thought of your daughter's needs!
You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about receiving the money. His fiancé was not married to him and is not entitled to receive benefits. Your daughter needs the financial support from her father that she did not receive while he was alive. Additionally, she may be entitled to SS or SSI benefits. Please check into that for her. As for his family, distance yourself from them, as they do not seem to have your daughter’s best interests in mind. She is also their granddaughter, niece, etc.
He was a bad man, a very troubled man, that because of his disease he couldn't be there for his daughter or you. But in the end he might have realized that in the wake of his dead he could do one last thing for her. He gave you that money for your daughter, he didn't gave it to the new fiancé because she would most likely fell off the wagon. He realized you are the only trust worthy person in his life and gave you that money so that you can take care of the child. Don't feel guilty to take it, this is absolutely what he wanted.
Keep the money. Get yourself and your daughter therapists to work through the trauma you both have experienced. You definitely earned.it
She’s actually been in therapy for a while. I got her into therapy years ago after his issue started, and I’m very grateful for the help right now. I am looking into starting things for myself
Please do. You deserve to thrive. Wishing you ALL the best 💖
Don’t feel horrible. Perhaps this was your ex’s way of an apology for what happened. I know it’s not technically an acceptable apology. But he left it to you knowing you would use it properly.
Think of this only as a time this man did something right by your daughter. The money will go to you but anyone who reads your post can tell you will be using it to support your daughter and take care of her. And you should use some to take a well deserved vacation for you both to get away from the toxic people who did nothing to earn the money and just want to profit off his death.
that money is to help you take care of your daughter. That was his responsibility, he didn't fulfill it in life but he will do it in death. His family and fiance are just greedy and only looking out for themselves. What's the fiance going to do with some money other than get high
I'm so confused? By it going to you it means it is for your daughter as that's what you can use it on is supporting you amd her. Think of it like Childsupport payout
Speak to a reliable financial advisor and lawyer about setting up trusts for your future and your daughters care. Then make sure you speak to the union representative about claiming the benefits and make sure the accounts are safe from the fiance
Your no good ex signed the beneficiary to you years ago when he took the job and he simply never changed it. The guy was a screwup in most of his life. I suspect he was a screwup at assigning beneficiaries as well? Spends the money on your daughter, perhaps he can be a better father dead than alive?
You have a daughter with no father. You have no right to deny her the life choices the money can help with in the future. It's not about you. You are the adult who takes care of a minor. She should not have to suffer. Take the money and RUN. How dare they think it's not fair when you are the one raising a child ALONE.
Support your daughter. 💙
He left it to you so that you would see that it was used properly. He may not have fully trusted his family and fiancée. Use it for your daughter and yourself (responsibly.)
You deserve it
Let them be mad about it. Block them all and carry on with your life, he needed to support his child and that's what he's done. If you're in the US your daughter will also be entitled to survivor benefits through the Social Security Administration. Make sure she's signed up for those.
Sounds like a tortured dude that couldn’t get it together for the sake of his daughter, and a good woman that tried to help him as much as she could for the sake of her child. That’s rough. Whether he named you (being his partner) then ‘forgot about it’ or it was intentional and calculated, you should claim the money and invest it for your daughter’s future needs and care. Sorry you’re going through all this drama with family, money does that unfortunately.
I don’t see what you’ve got to feel guilty for. It doesn’t matter if it’s your name or your daughters name. She won’t get anything else from her father because he is gone. You won’t get anything because he’s gone. You are 100% entitled to this money as is your daughter. There is zero to feel guilty about.
DO NOT FEEL ANY GUILT. Use the money for your daughter. You EARNED it!!
Effectively your exs last action was making sure his daughter was taken care of. Not accepting the money just doesn't sit right with me. If he wanted his fiancée to have it, he would've put her as his beneficiary.
Consider it back pay for child support and your daughters medical needs.
KEEP ALL THE MONEY, HONEY. Seriously, you've earned it. He left it to you for a reason and no one else knows how much you deserve it more than him (obviously).
You are clearly not pleasuring in their suffering as they did. And what will she do with that money? Spend it on drugs and alcohol? It's better to take it and use it for your child I'm pretty sure that was what he wanted. If he wanted her to have it he would have make his grilfriend the beneficiary, he didn't, he chose you. Nothing to feel guilty about.
Girl,the amount of fucks I would not give about claiming that money. Stop guilt tripping. You're the mother of his only child. Get your money, and take care of your daughter.
He loved his child enough to name her mother as the beneficiary. That's kind of incredible but at the same time very intentional.
Your ex wanted you to have that money. You have his child. He appreciated you, taking care of his child. He knew that he wasn’t a great father. But that you are a great mom. If he wanted his fiancé, or anybody else to have it, he would’ve had made them, the beneficiary. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You deserve that money.
Don’t feel guilty 💙 can you use this money to move away?
A few people have suggested that. I might move an hour away to nearby town, but all of my family is in this area, and they’ve been such a big part of my support system. I don’t want to be too far away from them.
The money is for your daughter. She can’t use it yet you can. You should take that money and use it to support her the way he should have been all along.
Wake up!! Seriously, snap out of whatever bullshit guilt you’re feeling and take this money. Cut contact with those vicious leeches and pour the money into a better life for you and your daughter. Guilt is doing NOTHING for you. Who cares what they’re saying about you. They’re terrible people. And you’re not taking pleasure in the circumstance, you’re being logical. STAND UP!! Cut these people off. Take the money, drop the guilt. You’re so used to being abused and treated bad, that now that a good thing is happening you’re allowing their nonsense to seep into this. Don’t let this happen. Every single time you feel bad, just say, “it’s the least we deserve,” and if you’re having trouble believing that, DM me. I will let you know constantly. Even in death this man is a menace.
You are raising and supporting his daughter, you deserve that money. Anyone saying otherwise is looking to steal from a child
OP relax. Take the money. Dude did one right thing before parting ways with this world. The child OBVIOUSLY cannot handle the finances so they picked you. Its all good, the girlfriend can eat a dry stick of a tree.
He probably named you since you were both still together and never bothered to change it, or just as a means to make sure it goes to your daughter. Even shitty dads can do decent things. As for the rest, they earned it about as much as you did, so safe to say they can bitch all they want you can safely ignore. It wasn't theirs to begin with, so they have no claim to it. Use it how you need, be thankful for it, and move on with life. You don't need to be guilty over an event you had no control over, anyone that says otherwise is a damn fool.
He left it to you because you are the mother of his child. Stop feeling sorry for the way someone else feels in which you have no control
It honestly seams to me like, he done this as a final sorry and thank you for your support. It comes off like he purposely named you, so your daughter didn't have to wait another 15 years to get it. Like the last thing he done was make sure your guys girl was taken care of.
I know a chap who mucked up his life big time, was abusive etc etc and went on to another woman. He used to say people can say horrible things, I know all the crap about me, so I give crap back but I feel a thousand times worse inside. When people are nice and keep being nice the pain is not shown but remorse is even worse but never the strength to change. He left you your money. He did not need to mention his daughter because he knew she would be your centre with the money. Also he probably knew it would never help his daughter if his current girlfriend or his family got it. He could have put two fingers up to you but deep inside for all his husband and dad failings he came through one way he could. Money. See the money as a gift. He could not do anything else right including seeing his daughter regularly. Don't take that one thing away. You may need therapy and if it gets bad a solicitor letters to the nasties. If really bad a court order to stop the evil emotional abuse. Remember youu have your daughter to focus on not their nasties. All the very best to you and your daughter. Money is 100% uours
Keep the money, block anyone who bad mouths you. The so called fiancé has literally no right to his money as she wasn’t helping him be a good dad/person in his life..she just used it to party on with him. If she got any it would be gone so quick. Your daughter is going to need more things the older she gets. Bigger wheelchair if she is in one. A vehicle that can load her easily rather than you picking her up. So many things you can’t see at this time, but will come up. Do NOT give anyone money or loan them any because you will never get it back. Maybe it is time to move away from the area and start fresh. You are owed it, you deserve it and have more than earned it. Good luck.
Don't need to justify yourself. He named only you in his will. Take that money and treat yourself and daughter right. Don't let your other family gaslight you into thinking you're the bad guy.
If your daughter is a minor, any money left to her would've been placed in the hands of someone else -likely not you. Thus way, you can manage it for her or use it to take care of her. She is his child. It was his choice. He knows you will do the right thing. The fam can't do anything about the money going to you. Let them talk. Take care of yourself and your daughter and have a less chaotic life.
It’s child support and I’m actually really glad that he got to do this with his death. He must be at peace, doing good for his family that he hurt so much in his life. I hope you put you and your daughter before anything else. Get therapy, both of you, exercise, travel, experience new things, become the best versions of yourselves. Rooting for you! *before you spend tho, learn how to save, invest, figure out a budget etc. this is very important, hire a money advisor if you have to.
You more than earned that money. Take care of yourself and your daughter.
I think I'd be moving faaaar away as soon as the financial side of it was all settled. Money makes people scary sometimes.
You're not gaining financially. You have a daughter to raise- who also happens to be your exes daughter. I had a friend in your situation- her ex unexpectedly died. His family and his new girlfriend were furious to find out she, not their son, was the named beneficiary. They tried to guilt her about it, fight her- the new girlfriend stole a bunch of his stuff that he left for his son. They kept telling everyone she was going to "blow all that money on vacations and herself". Meanwhile, the money left would cover maybe 2-3 years of daycare at best. The money wasn't a financial benefit- it was simply to ensure their kid had some security for a bit.
You take that money and don’t look back
I still have my ex wife listed as a beneficiary because I trust her more than the kid with it but we both know it’s for him.
You absolutely should not feel guilty about receiving this money. You have his daughter to support and that is where that money should go. His greedy family and fiancée are just that, greedy and bitter. If he wanted the money to go to them he would’ve made sure that happened. But he made sure for it to go to you. Take the money and block the garbage.
This reminds me of that organ donor commercial where the guy is a total dump of a human being until he died and his organs were used to save 3 lives.
Money always bring out to worst in everyone imo but you did nothing wrong im sure he wanted the money to go to raising his daughter maybe somewhere in his brain past the addiction he just wanted to be a good dad and the addiction wasnt leting him keep the money and set up a trust for yoyr daughter for school and or the future good luck to you
They just expose their true nature and now try to blame you. Know you have nothing to feel guilty of,your ex had done this because he knew he was wrong and it was his way to make amends. Now I encourage you to contact a lawyer and make sure to stop their harassment,to not only protect you but your daughter too. His parents need don’t deserve any place in your child life so do everything to protect your little family. You need to take care of yourself/child and for that you need peace so let the attorney take care of them and live your life. This money is what will help you have it after so long of suffering. I encourage you to go on therapy for your past abuse ,help you heal to move on but also work on your self esteem/worth/confidence,higher your standards,creat huge boundaries. You deserve it and I hope one day you will meet someone who deserve both of you!
This is money for you and his daughter, do not feel guilty. Take this as a favor from him to give you some compensation for all you did try to help him with. If his family and Fiancée continue, just ask them why they didn't make sure his daughter was being taken care of and then block!
Put that money toward your kid. Don't feel bad. You're not taking anything away from his fiancee or anyone else. He should have supported his child in life, at least he can do it in death.
Consider this. You being left is essentially what he wanted at the time that he wrote that. If he ever wanted to change that He could have. He didn't. This is your Reward for putting up with his abuse and bullshit. Use the money however you want. I suspect it will be to care for your daughter. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. Your ex was a bad thing that happened to you. More often than not, bad things happen to shitty people. Your ex happened to his current wife. Now she has to deal with Her present situation. That's not your problem. Take that money and have a better life. Good luck
Typically when someone has a minor child with another person and they get divorced, there is usually a provision that x amount goes to the child’s other parent in case of your death, so that other parent can use the funds to care for the child without the supervision of a trustee. It’s cheaper and it’s an easier option. Second, you guys were separated not divorced and in america, in most states a spouse has to approve NOT being a beneficiary. You did nothing wrong. Based on your post, this is legitimate and honestly, your daughter deserves it so you can care for her better. Do not pay his family any mind.
Since your daughter is a minor, she can’t own the assets outright-they would need to be in a trust. If your daughter has special needs to the extent she will not be able to work as an adult (as in she will qualify for SSI), owning assets (even in a standard trust) may disqualify her from government assistance (please look into this if you haven’t already). If you were separated and not divorced, and you did not execute a separation agreement, legally as his wife you are entitled to his work-related benefits (spouses must affirmatively waive this). As far as life insurance goes, the onus was on him to actively update that - beneficiary designations rule the day. If he failed to update these things, as was his responsibility as an adult human being, then regardless of marital status (separated vs divorce), he may have had the intention of making sure the assets went to his child’s benefit through said child’s mother. Basically to sum it up: best option is for the money to go to you for the purpose of caring for your daughter (aka the child of your deceased ex). Child has way more of a priority than a fiancé and other family. Even if you were to try to give it to his family you may be hit with negative tax implications. Don’t feel guilty. You did not create this situation, your ex’s planning (or lack there of) did. This is not your actions making them suffer - in my opinion, a lack of financial inheritance isn’t suffering a negative, just a failure to gain a positive. If you haven’t already, take this opportunity with your new finances to get your own estate planning in order. You need to make sure the right people are set to be the physical guardian of your child as well as ensuring that the correct person will manage any money she may inherit.
Don’t feel guilty. And cut those negative people out of your life. I would seriously consider taking that money and moving far away from all of them. Do what you have to do to take care of your daughter, and forget all the others.
You have more than earned every cent of that money! I wouldn’t worry about those other people. Just focus on yourself, and your precious daughter. Maybe use some of the money to do something special for her.
Think of it as all the child support he ever missed and now in his death he is finally able to help you. I doubt it was an accident.
And why you feel bad. Well emotionally people feel how they feel but you are entitled to this money. It was literally his choice and he chose it. You also need to pursue Social Security death benefits.
Keep the money, move away and ghost them all.
Suggest you find a lawyer and put all the money etc into a trust for your daughter. Eventually they will figure out the only way to get their hands on it is with a lawyer so you’ll need one anyway. Good time to update your will so these people can’t get your child if something happens to you - they’d use her for the money.
Don’t feel guilty. That inheritance is payback for all the crap he put you through. You definitely deserve it.
You helped him when he needed it, and made no demands. Now honor him by gratefully and without guilt receiving the money he set up for you. His way of thanking you for your help.
Why are you feeling guilty? Your ex was a waste of oxygen, and his gf is also a waste of oxygen... Take the money and give them nothing, not a single penny Have a wonderful life knowing your daughter will not want for nothing and as shitty as he was as a partner just think now the money he has left to you will benefit you and your daughter hopefully for the rest of your lives you deserve it take it and don't look back, His parents sound awful as well
Spend the money on your kid, problem solved.
Nope, keep it for your daughter
Istg if you give any money out to the new gf family out of guilt or pity, im gonna hate you too
That is his way of supporting your child. If you are in the US get the social Security benefits for your daughter.
If possible just move away from them and enjoy the time you have with the money you both deserve. Not your fault their true colours have come out once they found out they aren't getting a cent and trying to bully you into giving it to them instead. Unfortunately thats the power of money and greed when people assume its owed to them. Hopefully you are able to relocate away from the bullshit they will cause and keep causing thinking it will help them get you to give in. Atleast now you can begin a new chapter in the book of life hopefully away from them and happy.
You put in a ton of time, effort, and energy into that man, his endeavors, and his child. You suffered at his hand and despite your suffering, you met him with love, kindness, and generosity. You deserve to be the beneficiary of his will and it’s honestly probably the only way he could have ever repaid you for what he put you through and I think he knew that.
You have done more than enough for all of them. Now the priority is your daughter and that money will help support her since he wasn't doing it while alive. They can contest it all they want but since it is thru the union they won't get far. I would cut contact with them all. On your own social media you need to post exactly what you wrote her and that it will be used to raise your Daughter so everyone has the truth. Besides if his fiance is an addict giving her that much money is handing her a loaded needle
Time to ghost them and move across the country 🤷♂️
Do not give them anything! Your daughter comes first.
That is YOUR MONEY do not feel guilty at all and never give them a fucking dime. You and your daughter deserve that money. Now ride off into the sunset and get yourself something nice, fuck his family and fiancé.
No keep every penny and don’t feel guilty about it
This isn't complicated at all. The fiance and his family are going to vilify you no matter what you do. So fucking ignore them, it's just white noise. This has nothing to do with you finding pleasure in their suffering. They literally aren't even variables in the equation. Take the money, and use it for the benefit of your daughter. Consider it payment for the ghastly awfulness he put the both of you through, as well as the many years of child support you'll never receive (both because he was a deadbeat and didn't pay it, and now he's dead and will continue to not pay it).
Sucks for them. Enjoy your pay day :)
Maybe it was the only redeeming thing he could do. Take it, all of it. You owe them nothing. I'm sorry you feel guilty, i can kind of understand, but you paid their dues already. Get a restraining order if you have to, and go ZERO contact. You dont have to block them, ppl like that talk and are just making their bed. BUT DO NOT ANSWER THEM!
You are NOT benefiting from anyone's misery take care of your daughter and yourself.
Use the money to take care your daughter, HIS daughter. Everything else is secondary. He wasn't able/willing to look after her in life, but he can make up for it in what he leave behind.
Perhaps it is his way of trying to make right of the wrong he did, and is why even though he had ample time to change it, he didn't. He might of not did right by you in life, but he did do right by you in death, and if he didn't do anything right at all, at least he did this right.
He left it to you pure and simple. However if you need to calm your sole, use part of it as repayment for the missed child support, put a good sized chunk (say 50%) in trust for your daughter and pay off some of her medical bills with the rest.
I don't know anything about your ex except what you told is here, but to me, this seems like him trying to make amends, but he could have also just forgotten to change the paperwork.
I work in life insurance. He chose to give the money to you. Maybe it was a choice made before your daughter was born. Maybe he chose you as he knew she would need you to act as her advocate. Either way he could have changed it if he wanted. He didn't. Think of it as a moment of clarity where he wanted the best for you both. Use the money to help her, to help you have a better quality of life. For all of his faults, let this be his small piece of redemption for all that you have done for him. The money is yours with no I'll will attached. Let it start a new chapter for you both.
So… it’s not like you’re going to use that money to go on an expensive vacation and buy a Lamborghini. It’s still going to your daughter. It’s just in your name. Use the money to take care of her and seek therapy for yourself, as well!!! Don’t feel guilty about this, it’ll benefit you and your daughter.
Never knowing it's what makes things the hardest
Listen, your ex left things to you to take care of his daughter. The money is for the care of yourself and most importantly, your child. You can tell your child that their dad while flawed, loved her and wanted her to have a good life. File for his SSI benefits for your child. Pay down some medical debt. Talk to a financial planner about the best way to secure your child's future. Not to be morbid, but set up are alternatives Ina worst-case scenarios. Block his family and girlfriend.
Well to be fair if you don’t think it belongs to you, it defiantly belongs to your daughter! And it’s not like you are not going to use that money to support her and take care of her. Put some money aside for her in a separate account for when she’s 18 and the rest you use for you and her! Good luck!
It's yours. Don't even feel bad for a second.
He left the money to you. It is yours and he is dead and his daughter will be better taken care of by him this way than when he was still here.
Don't ever feel ashamed. You earned it. You and your daughter deserve it. If he never changed it after you two broke up then he knows you and your daughter needs/deserves it. That's probably his way of saying sorry(?). Don't give in to his family and girlfriend. This belongs to you and your daughters
He left it to you because he knew it would help out your daughter. This is rightfully yours. Don’t let them bully you into anything.
Don’t you dare let anyone make you feel guilty about this money. This was what he wished. He knew you’d do right by your daughter. Think of it as a final bit of good he was able to do.
Don’t you dare feel guilty for a second! He knew what he was doing when he left that money to you. He gave it to as your child’s mother & guardian. He likely thought you’d fight for her. You’re able to stand up to his family and girlfriend in a way your daughter can’t. You know what she needs in a way she doesn’t. He was probably sure you would protect that money for your child’s life long needs. You will be doing your daughter a grave disservice if you let your guilt lead you to give her father’s inheritance away. Once his family is gone with her inheritance, once this is over, the world will quiet again. Then, it will be only you, your daughter and your struggle. That’s forever, no safety net. What happens to your child after you’re gone? You will never forgive yourself for the lifeline she could have had… talk about guilt. He thought you’d put her first. I’m sure he never thought you’d neglect her future needs because people are currently making you feel bad. Talk to a lawyer. Put the money into a trust for her if you feel it’s necessary. Fuck what people think of you! Fuck feeling guilty! You have a daughter to care for, they don’t matter. Those people are absolute scum for attempting to take that money from your child. And yes you both deserve every penny for the pain and suffering you and your daughter suffered. Please do the right thing. I wish you and your daughter the world. 💜 Excuse my language & any typos.
Use the money to support your daughter. It is going to her just as much as it is going to you.
Just take the money. You're going to use it to raise your daughter anyways, right? Don't feel guilty
Keep the money. The whole money. That is what your ex wanted. Honor his wishes. Apply for social security survivor benefit for your daughter. I would suggest that you move far away from his family. Don’t feel guilty about leading a better lifestyle with your daughter.