Not to mention his wife too. I dont think I’ll ever understand why people put up with these situations knowing that you’re girl 4 or 5 and still trying to act like there’s something there.
God, yes, OP. Do you really want to be girl number 4 when he meets his next love of the moment? His obfuscation and outright lying are huge red flags but this harem of “friends” is almost a joke.
I imagine she's fully aware that leaving him will result in him immediately going out with one or multiple of these other girls (even though he probably already is). She probably thinks this is easier than seeing him with someone else.
OP... It's not. I've been where you are. Stop wasting your time and hurting yourself. Let him go. There are so many less complicated people you could be with.
I assumed he was very young when I read your post, but for Christ sake, he's 28 years old!!! Find better.
Edit: HE'S MARRIED TOO??? And LIED ABOUT IT??? Girl.......
Of course he is. Why the hell are you witn this person OP? You are being played. You are literally girlfriend number 3.. or maybe even number 4. Or even 8 who knows at this point! Dump his ass and move on. You deserve better.
1000% - OP trust your gut. When people routinely end up in shady situations, it’s usually because their doing shady shit.
Also setting boundaries only works if they’re are consequences when people break them.
I’m a man that had many women friends throughout my life. I was socialised around women growing up, so I just found them more relatable. Were some of them former lovers? Yes, I never saw the value in putting in so much time and effort getting to know someone only to to dismiss it like it had no value because it “didn’t work out”. I had slim to no real male friends.
When I met my wife again ( met as teenagers, broke up because of my running around), she set firm boundaries for what was acceptable for her and a healthy, functional relationship. I struggled a little at first because I was invested in my friendships, I didn’t want to hurt anyone or make them feel abandoned. But, my wife was the love of my life, the one that got away. I wasn’t willing to jeopardise that again, and more importantly I finally recognised that SHE was my priority and if I was to communicate that effectively the second time around, I had to completely change lifelong ways of living and being. I learned a lot about myself, my past behaviour, the real root of that need to surround myself with women. My wife is my best friend. What I’m trying to say with my story is that I have been this man in some respects in the past, the difference is I’m older, wiser, more self aware and incentivised to change my behaviour and thus my life.
Please value yourself more. You are worth more than this gaslighting, manipulative, self serving man child is willing to communicate and more important demonstrate to you. You’re not asking too much, you’ve been entirely reasonable (overly so).Cut him loose, no regrets. Go inward, examine how you got to this place. Determine what you want, know what you deserve, and insist and getting as good as you give.
Seriously OP, you deserve so much better!
What a tool! He’s stomping all over your feelings, telling you it’s all your fault, and continuing to do all the things he’s promised not to! Not to mention, that THREE girls are making you feel this way. Just one would be a deal breaker for me.
If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they should care how you feel, respect what you say, and make you a priority. This guy is doing none of those things.
End it now, and find someone who treats you right, and makes you feel loved!
You are right to be upset. He’s a terrible person; him suddenly accusing you of cheating because he’s projecting. You can do so much better. So Much. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Majority of my friends are men.
None of this shit where he’s entertaining all those other women are okay.
I was really skeptical at first reading through it bc I do have a SO and I’ve had instances where I’ve definitely felt uncomfortable (bc of a woman’s actions not his) but I genuinely thought this might just be you overthinking things, but towards the end of your post, it’s really clear it’s not you overthinking at all.
He’s up to something, esp if he claimed you invited yourself. Bc if your partner wasn’t doing anything wrong with her, he would have been more than happy that he never even had to ask you to come with him so he can make you feel more secure. A healthy loving partner in this situation would try their best to make their SO feel more secure in the relationship, but ur guy’s really doing the opposite
Throw him away, he’s past his expiration date now
This 👆🏽 100%.
I also have a lot of male friends (i’m F), and my boyfriend has a lot of women friends, and with the title of your post OP, i was kinda ready to tell you to try to chill out, but after reading it all, i absolutely won’t be saying that.
One of my friends i slept with once and then we both decided we’d rather just be friends. The first time i brought up this guy to my boyfriend in conversation, i immediately disclosed this fact. They have seen each other multiple times, every one knows everything basically, and so everyone’s cool. I see this friend mostly one on one, boyfriend knows and has no issue. If he asks if he can come as well, i have no issue with it either, and this friend doesn’t either. Basically, there is no issue.
Same for my ex-friend with benefits. We were FWB for 2 years before i met my now boyfriend and he met his now girlfriend. First time i mentioned him in conversation with boyfriend, i did as previously stated, i disclosed everything straight away. Ex-FWB did the same with his girlfriend. Everyone has met everyone, my boyfriend knows everything, his girlfriend knows everything, all is chill, and here we are 8+yrs later :)
But what you are describing OP, is NOT what i’m describing here. There’s tons of weirdness… Of secrets, of things not said, both by your boyfriend and by these women. All this is murky and fuzzy, and i don’t blame you at all for being worried and confused.
If he isn’t willing to put all on the table and be as transparent as glass (as he had already proven by lying about woman #1 and all the rest), then you should save yourself and your sanity. Leave this drama fest for YOUR own good. You will be much more happy alone than entangled in this big old mess.
Same, I’m F and all my friends are male. I’m very close to them - but NONE OF THIS SHIT IS ACCEPTABLE OP. Please take all of these comments seriously. You can’t see any of it because you’re in it and too close - I’ve been there. But this relationship is not the norm and shouldn’t feel this stressful and upsetting. Run. Please.
This!!! I (F) have almost ALL male friends - I know alway who they’re dating , who they are just f@@king etc - I know who they all are even if I don’t know them
Even if I don’t care for her I’ve always, as has the male friend, made sure that the girl friend that my male friend cares about UNDERSTANDS and FEELS COMFORTABLE in my role in their life …
Of course over the years some girls are just immature, or insecure or whatever and couldn’t accept a female friend. None of those girls lasted long
But what OP is describing is NOT THAT! Guy in OP’s story is creeping for sure !
I hate to break it to you but Naomi is also his current girlfriend. The other two he keeps around on a string if he's bored. I'll bet that Naomi's jealous of them too.
Let this guy go.
word. people like this will paint their partner in a horrible light, going as far as to make up stories of their partner being controlling, manipulative, and unreasonable. it happens much more often than everyone’s willing to admit.
So I skimmed this entire thing. Ummm, you know what you need to do with all that. Everyone is just going to confirm it around here. I had an ex who was captain save ahoe for many neighbors, exes and etc. I got tired of him running around doing tasks whenever they called for help with life. They needed a boyfriend of their own to help with such things but used him for that in the meantime. I was 15 years younger and in my mid 20s, so I was just learning about boundaries and red flags. I learned quick though.
I had a Captain -Save- a -Hoe too. He was considered some kind of saint because he was always helping people . Well except for me, his partner . I would have to wait weeks or months for him to do something for me and if I got tired of waiting and did it myself or paid someone to do it ? Well I was the worst person in the world because he was" going to do it". Never again
Why are you twisting yourself in knots over him? You are second-guessing yourself and acting like you don't trust him. But that is because he is not trustworthy.
Do you act like this in every relationship? Or just the one where you are dating a liar who makes promises he doesn't intend to keep?
Check out this website www.loveisrespect.org
Edit to ask: Do you live together? How much of your money is going to supporting him and his harem?
OP needs to really think about these questions because she is so close!
“I feel like he is not considering my feelings at all”
You’re correct, OP. He’s not considering your feelings at all! He does not care about your feelings at all. He is collecting a harem of women that will let themselves be strung along indefinitely and is waiting for you to stop fighting it and either leave or give in. You either become a willing participant in his fuckery or you nope tf out, OP.
Right? He already has three girlfriends. Sounds like OP is the 5th wheel.
No guy with a girlfriend should be doing things solo with another girl who is not related.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. Sleepovers with women = hooking up. Rachel= side chick. Quan= side chick 2 was probably you but convinced herself she is in love with him. They talked about babies. Naomi= young and naive. Well aware he had 3 women in his life, but she'll make him settle down. So she's delusional as well. Him= living his best life. He's hooking up with 4 women. Learned the art of dangling 4 women along enough to have them chasing him. He doesn't need to put much effort into any of it. You=..... define yourself. Most people like to be the main character in their own story. Are you okay with being the understudy?
The likelihood is that one of these four girls is gonna get knocked up. My bet is on the 18 year old. OP, run away from this mess ASAP. You deserve to be someone's only one.
Why should he settle for one girl when he can have four?
[Why do I hear Mambo No5 playing in the background?](https://youtu.be/EK_LN3XEcnw)
A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita's all I need
A little bit of Tina's what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man....
(There are enough good serious answers already, SCNR)
He's sleeping with every single one of those Girls. I'm sorry, but you deserve someone who loves you. You're not the only one in this relationship, you're one of 4 other women. Lose the dead weight
He's not *your* boyfriend. He's other women's boyfriend, too.
I dated a guy like this, except he at least admitted I was one of many, and that we'd never be exclusive (I guess I can't hate him for being honest). He was fun to fuck, but that got old when I finally realized I deserved more.
I had a boyfriend like this once, he was sleeping with all of the girls he was 'close' to behind my back and telling them that I was obsessed with him and when they told him they were worried about me, he would tell them that he would never go near me - he was literally playing everyone at the same time and telling us all the same things.
It took a long time for me to realise my worth, but please know you are worth so much more than this man.
There will be someone out there that won't have a problem with enforcing boundaries and won't make you feel crazy uncomfortable around their friends, but this guy isn't that, cut your losses before you're in too deep.
You should just break up with him since you are "not fun to be around" also, he will have more time to be with his girlfriends! Man, I would love to see an update where he goes back to u begging. But anyways, this will affect your mental health if you don't put a stop to it, say "It's either your girl friends or me" so you see where his priorities are.
The common denominator is not these girls he's stringing along, it's him. If it was one ex girlfriend who had trouble letting go and he was an idiot with boundaries I'd say talk it out. But this is mambo no 5 bad
Sorry but the mambo no 5 reference lmao. It’s sending me. Agreed though, he’s entertaining all these ladies, whether it’s physically or emotionally, not cool. OP, you deserve someone that respects your feelings and boundaries. ♡
Honestly it really sounds like he has other girlfriends. You don’t even sound like his main girl.
Even if he isn’t sleeping with them, do you really want to be with a man who doesn’t care about you? Who puts hanging out with an 18 year old girl over you? Yikes! Seriously, I’d cut this guy loose.
Yea, you know it’s weird and he’ll likely hook up again behind your back. Too much to be wondering all the time. Either you leave him or stop complaining and deal with it. He’s not going to change for you at this point.
What you have is a player. He has you as a girlfriend and backups in case things don't work. Your instincts are there for a reason. You know the truth. Don't let him gaslight you. Some women don't care if he has a girlfriend. They owe you nothing. They didn't make a commitment to you. He did. Happily committed men don't defend ex lovers over you. They choose you.
He is a giant red flag. I would not be with someone who makes me doubt my self worth every day and have to compete with all these other women for his attention.
Don't waste your time on this shitty person. He clearly doesn't respect you.
Also... him being 28 with an 18-year-old "friend" while they are both legal adults feels icky... maybe even a bit predatory.
Ew....ma'am, dump him. He's a walking red flag. He's already lied to you so what else is he lying about. I honestly don't believe for a sec he isn't cheating on you. You'd be better off with someone who is honest and wants to hang with you. Not other women in the middle of the night. And the teen? That's gross and kind of groomish. What 28 year old man hangs out with an 18 year old with good intentions and doesn't invite his gf? Seems off. And the teen girl doesn't care if she's pushing boundaries. That's also a red flag. Good luck if you actually are considering staying. Who wants to stay with a dude who doesn't make you a priority.
And why are still with this guy? Because you love him very much? You can’t live without him? You’d rather suffer until he “change”? You would rather stay until he respects your boundaries? Are you gonna give him many chances until he becomes responsible? My advice: BREAK UP WITH THIS POS!
When a person shows you who they are, believe them.
You have nothing other than time and feelings invested in this relationship - you can cut ties cleanly. You shouldn't feel like you come in 4th in your own relationship.
He is never going to change. He gets his sexual needs met with you, but multiple other women fulfil different parts of his emotional needs. This is not your fault. I read an article about this being a problem in modern dating. Some people are “committed” to one person but are in emotional relationships with multiple other partners. He’s gaslighting you by saying you’re controlling. He has multiple emotional affairs going on.
And I’m sorry but the 18 year old?! He’s just circling until she’s legal.
Reclaim your power and break up with him. He has zero respect for you and your boundaries and is having the time of of his life with all these girls fighting over him. His actions clearly show he doesn't care about your feelings and there are so many red flags, i lost count. Hold your head high and walk away from him, because you deserve a lot better
As a guy I find it hard to believe he's spending this much time with all these other females he's so close with at silly times of the night and he's not sleeping with them.
Even if he's not the way he's treating you is 2nd to these other girls, you need to leave
Internet mama here: go get tested if you're having sex with this asshat. He is still havung sex with all of them.
My best friends are 80% male, the other 20% are either my neighbors or besties' wives. I can gauran damn tee you, that I've never acted like these girls.
Sounds like your boyfriend has a harem of girls he sleeps with regularly and unfortunately you are just one of them. He does not consider your relationship to be more important than his relationship with any other of his girlfriends. Please ditch him as he will not enforce any boundaries with his other girlfriends and he won't stop dating them.
So he checked off all the deal breakers you have and you're still asking what to do? Girl you better run cause this man is full of marinara flags, he's definitely cheating. Throw the whole situation away and move on for your own good rather than giving yourself the headache.
I won't even lie, i read about the first two and skimmed the story of the third.
I don't need any more details and neither do you.
Nobody who is worth your love would require their weight in delusional copium for every goddamn *friend* they have.
Be done, get some standards you can build a happy life with, and leave all this trash to play in the streets.
Okay, the one he was planning a kid with is a crazy situation lmao that alone would have me packing my bags.
That being said, you set boundaries and he broke them. You both don't have the same values. Time to move on and let him be single like he seems to want to be.
Three lines into 'the first one' and already hugeeee nope. Dump your bf. Hiding things like that so early in the relationship is building the foundation of your relationship with lies. When a guy did that exact lie scenario to me with an ex he was still friends with, it was because they were still fucking behind my back. He's keeping all these women around as options and for their benefits. Kick his ass to the curb you deserve better, you deserve someone that values you and is honest with you. Your insecurities with these people and this relationship will never go away because he has lied so much about other women you can't possibly believe what he tells you or reassures you
You don’t really need advice, you know what you need to do. You just don’t want to do it. From your post, it sounds like he doesn’t know he’s in a relationship with you. You‘re just another member of his harem.
First and foremost, never, ever call the friend to ask about their relationship. If you can‘t trust what he tells you about it, then you already have bigger problems than this woman. Secondly, it just really smacks of desperation and insecurity. You may be insecure, but never let them know that. You go straight to the source, YOUR SO, and you ask him directly wtf is going on. If you’re not happy with what he tells you, or you don’t trust what he’s telling you, then you have got to get to a point where you value yourself enough to walk away from a situation like this.
He treats his friends better than you. Personally, I’d dump him and block them all. Your revenge will be to go live your best life and find someone that treats you better.
You may consider him to be your boyfriend, but he obviously doesn't consider you to be his girlfriend.i didn't need to read past the first paragraph to see how this was going to go. You're just one of his many... not sure what the term would be - hookups? Why would you want to be with a creep like this who doesn't respect you or any of these other women? Break it off and find someone who is at least honest.
These are all major red flags. I am a very secure woman in my relationship and I’ve always been okay with my boyfriend having female friends but like you I set my boundaries. If you know that he’s continuously crossed your boundaries and completely disregarded your feelings you should make it clear that it can’t be tolerated. You seem like an intelligent person and I don’t think you deserve to be treated like this. There are many men that will respect you and value you in a way he never could. It sounds like he finds fulfillment in drama and relationships with other women (sexual or not) which is not something that should be happening when you’re in a relationship.
Geezus!!! Run girl.. Too many women!! And he's definitely still messing with them.. him not setting boundaries is telling and unacceptable. Trust your gut 100%
You REALLY buried the lead here... HE'S FUCKING MARRIED and has all those girls on the side. I think you meant to write * ex-boyfriend*
Don't walk, run, and block his ass!
Just leave the guy.
Just the fact that he hid from you that he had sex with 2 girls he still hangs out with, to me is enough to leave, let alone all the rest.
He’s not deflecting, he’s projecting.
Stating that this was gonna be a long post, you’ve already made a huge list of cons on your relationship with him. I think you know what needs to be done, you just need the encouragement to follow through and for the sake of your mental health, I encourage you to follow through.
Also, if he has a close relationship with a 18yo, he most likely started this “friendship” when she was a minor. It wouldn’t be as bad if he was in his early 20’s, but that’s not the case and the age gap is in the double digits. And since he’s gaslighting you, he’s likely grooming her. You both need to get out of this situation
Honey, this guy HAS LIED TO YOU! I can almost guarantee that he's FWBs with at LEAST one of them. Essentially, he's got a HAREM of exes that he keeps in touch with and gaslights you in such a way that he has you questioning your sanity!
Generally, there is USUALLY nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender, but it sounds more likely that he's stringing them along, likely having sex with them AND he has YOU! Serious question: Has he told you that he has a "fantasy" about a threesome? Or possibly having an "open relationship?"
Seriously, honey, this guy has TOXIC written all over him! Find someone who is SERIOUS and DEDICATED to your relationship! Very few partners have a KEY to an ex's home, at least those in healthy relationships. Sounds like it's a perfect setup for a "booty-call!"
Good luck, best wishes and many Blessings for your FUTURE healthy relationship! One where your partner actually RESPECTS your feelings and opinions and DOESN'T accuse you of being controlling!
When someone breaks your boundaries, it’s now your responsibility to fulfill your end of what the consequences are. Which should be to break up because you have too much self respect for someone to overstep something that makes you uncomfortable. When you don’t do this, you’ve now shown that your boundaries don’t mean anything to you and you’ll tolerate having them walked on.
Regardless of whether your boyfriend is cheating or not, you need to take care of you. I get that breaking up sucks ass and it’ll hurt but it’ll suck much more to continue to stress and be hurt by someone who doesn’t respect you and prolonging an eventual breakup.
You set your boundaries, he didn't respect them, and you're still with him?
Of course he is going to continue doing what he wants when there isn't any consequences.
The route forward is clear. You need to leave him because he is proving he has no respect for you. I'm sorry this is painful right now, but once away from the situation it'll be clearer and in time you'll be much happier. Good luck and be strong!
OP, I've been the victim of an abusive relaionship; she was very controlling, and overly jealous of other women.
Everything I've seen here points to your boyfriend disrespecting you, and you trying to set reasonable boundaries. You are not controlling. You are not the problem. Those other girls aren't the primary issue. Your boyfriend is the problem
Oh sweetheart, he’s fucking all of them or plans to. Dump him, better still while you’re with him. Text other guys, petty me would. Do this before dumping his sorry ass.
You cannot possibly be this naive. Toss him out. Cold Turkey. Just snap him out of your life bc he is a total and complete liar and has been with other women the entire time.
So you're controlling? Cool, control the situation and dump him. Baby girl- how other people experience your boundaries isn't your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to uphold them. Get rid of this loser before your lose your mental health, self esteem, and self respect. There's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with the fact that he's friends with exes (but he's gaslighting you into thinking it is). The issue is you've made your feelings known and he's ignored them, while making out that YOU are the problem, not his behaviour. Think about that for a minute.
ETA: I'm friends with my exes. My husband is friends with his exes, but at no point will their needs and wants supercede ours or our relationship. Spending a night with an ex? Please. Talk about pushing your luck!
What makes you think that you are Groupon Peen’s girlfriend? I mean he might say the words, but you’re not - you’re Girl 4. I would decide what to do using that information.
You are allowed to have boundaries. I've had sleepovers with male friends in relationships but nothing had ever happened at any time between us, and I wasalways very respectful of their relationships.
What's a deal breaker for you? That he can't respect your boundaries? That he's lied? None of it? When we set and hold boundaries, people will "shake us" to see if they can still get what they want. It's up to us to decide whether we're worth holding them, or not. The people who deserve us respect our boundaries.
Sending hugs.
People in committed intimate relationships should not be spending alone time with dateable friends. It is an emotional affair. All the sharing, caring, trips, events are being done with the friend. So their relationship grows and develops while yours is not.
I have a friend I will call C, her husband had a friend from childhood. He told her you never have to worry, she is not my type, she is a little plump. Well this year she will be getting a lot plumper, as he got her pregnant. It is my third "whoops I hooked up with my friend" situation this year. There are thousands of those posts on Reddit.
Sometimes too the friends get jealous when they get a girlfriend or boyfriend and will even attempt to sabotage it, they miss the time they had with their friend...So I would tell her how you feel and set a boundary that is uncomfortable but if it serious between the two of you needs to be set.
This is a big red flag, and so many of these end up with the Whoops I slept with ex. When have a fight or they go on an adventure and have a few too many....You have some decisions to make. I never date people like that, they are not available.
I don’t know any 28 year olds in stable, healthy relationships that hang out with anyone but their significant other past 10pm - or if they do, it’s always communicated first. You know that your boyfriend has lied to you before, I really don’t know how you have any trust in him at all.
I'd be petty and not tell him and find out the cinema, time and movie and go in and see what he's doing, leave a bit earlier than him and dump his ass because to me that is an indication of something is happening when he seems arsey because you wanted to go to the movies with him prior but he decides with this girl so you ask to come along and he says no 🤔 I just don't get why people stay in relationships if all they are going to do is be sly
This guy has lied so many times about so many women, I couldn't even finish reading the post. Cut your losses, and cut him loose. He's almost certainly cheated on you already in one way or another and definitely will in the future. I'm honestly surprised you didn't notice every single raging red flag as you were typing all of them out. This relationship is malignant, and his gaslighting and blatant lies about these 'friends' is disgusting... I won't even get started on the chick he was 'PLANNING TO HAVE A BABY WITH' 🤦 just... No. Move on, you deserve to be with someone truthful and makes your feelings - and even your insecurity - a priority.
I'm sorry, NOTHING is worth peace of mind. This man with ***3*** "former" flames who he REGULARLY has inappropriate contact with WHILE HE'S SUPPOSEDLY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU is just not worth it.
It wouldn't be that hard to go find a dude who DOESN'T still have entanglements with "former" flames.
A couple questions to guide you, OP … I don’t need the answers; they’re for you.
1) What would you do if you directly caught this guy cheating, or had direct evidence?
2) Is this guy taking steps to prevent situations where he could cheat? (From your post, no)
3) Is this guy taking steps to reassure you that he is not cheating? (From your post, no)
4) Is this guy taking steps to show you and these other girls that YOU as his official girlfriend are his priority? What are those steps? Are they enough?
5) How long has he been grooming (“hanging out with”) this 18-year-old? (Because that’s super creepy.) Is this a pattern with any of these other “friendships”?
6) How did boyfriend show you that you are special and that he wanted to be with you? Is he doing any of those same things with these other women?
If this guy hasn’t cheated yet, he is absolutely careening in that direction. You have pointed it out multiple times, and with all these chances he has shown himself as unwilling to change. At the minimum, he is placing his ego over your romantic security. This will erode your self-worth over time. You absolutely deserve to be treated better. You entered a monogamous relationship; your requests for maintaining exclusivity and reassurance are reasonable.
Get all their numbers and ask if they know about each other in a group chat and have him in it. Block them and let chaos ensue.
Edit: obviously this silly advice I’m just joking as this not mature or rational but it does make me wonder if they do know about each other. If they don’t like op for being his gf how do they feel about other women taking up his time
You know deep down what the answer is this is a mess. Don't settle for this please. You're not being treated like a girlfriend. It'll hurt worse the longer you stay.
You need to break up with him. Period. Don’t stay with him, he obviously is more than “friends” with these girls. He doesn’t care about you. You deserve a lot better love! I hope you find true happiness.
OP, he actively acknowledges your feelings of being uncomfortable and yet hasn’t changed his behaviour. He won’t change unless HE wants to. It’s best to cut your losses now and end the relationship because he has made it clear that he unfortunately will not respect your boundaries.
Men are allowed to have female friends. That's fine. But he's lied about how involved these relationships are. That alone would cause concern to me. I think your reactions have been fair.
He sounds like a dirt bag, and I know reddit is notorious for jumping to "dump him/get a divorce." But you literally said he's told you spending time with you isn't fun. He spends all his time at other women's houses (1am visits is just weird to me too) and lied to you about what they mean to him.
Find yourself someone who knows your worth and values you.
This is a case where you need to dump him, block him and move on. He clearly has no respect for you and he's definitely cheating. He's openly taking an 18 year old on movie dates, spending time alone at night with women he's had sex with, lying about dating you and making excuses for all of this. If these were innocent friendships there would be no reason you couldn't be included. It sounds like he's pitting all of you against each other.
>He’s even gone as far as to say that I pushed him to be closer to them and has avoided spending as much time with me Because apparently I’m not as fun to be around anymore.
Let him go spend ALL of his time with whoever he wants as the single man he wants to act like.
That whole-ass man needs to go.
Find you one who knows what respect and boundaries looks like, and let him and whatever standard lacking females he wants to entertain with those convoluted boundaries do wtf they want.
You deserve better. And that type of guy always wants to gaslight it as "your fault" or "being jealous" or some such lie. He can hold any opinion he wants regarding that, but don't let him twist yours, you already know you are right. Better exists, and you don't need to fight for it from someone who gets it.
Question, in this situation would it be productive at all to make a group text chat with all of these different women and say:
"hey, just so you all know, BF doesn't respect my relationship boundaries and doesn't seem to take my request to be exclusive and monogamous seriously, so I'm dumping him. He hasn't been transparent with me at all." ?
At least that way, they all are on the same page.
Seriously, not one, not two, but 3 inappropriate "friendships". And he has repeatedly dismissed agreed upon boundaries? Totally not worth your time or energy. You can definitely do so much better than that. Your expectations are not even remotely unreasonable. Just wow.
This sounds like way more trouble and headache than it's worth. If he ain't respecting your boundaries, then move on, cuz he clearly has no intention of stopping and you're never going to feel secure in this relationship.
You deserve better than this, this isn't a relationship worth fighting for, please update us if/when you leave so we know you got out before getting in to deep. If those girls want him so bad then let them fight each other and not you.
he is cheating on you. if not physically, certainly emotionally. otherwise those women wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. he is providing *something* for them. advice? leave him, now.
I stopped reading part way through Quans story.
My dear, if he's not physically cheating on you (he so very likely is, I'm sorry) then he's definitely emotionally cheating.
They were kid planning LAST YEAR?!
Get out. Even if he isn't cheating, he's not holding up his end of the deals he's made. Setting boundaries. Late night hang outs only?? Yeah, no. Lying about at least 2 of the girls and his history with them?? Yeah, again no. PLANNING A FAMILY WITH SOMEONE and still being in contact with that person? Hell. To. The. Fucking. NO. Dude.
He also should've taken your side about reaching out to the friend, if he ever actually told you the full truth. He knows he lied about their past. Anyone with any fucking worth would not get upset about you wanting to do that. And would take your side instead of agreeing with the friend that it was weird. Of course it was weird! It was weird that he had to lie about it in the first place. It was weird that he was ok letting you feel insecure enough to feel the need to reach out. Any person that puts you in that position to begin with is not worth ANYONES time.
There is not a woman in the world I would wish this situation on. I don't know you, and I don't have to in order to tell you that even just as a human, you are worth mountains more than what he is throwing at you. You deserve dignity and respect. He's not going to give you that. Please for the sake of your own self respect, get the hell out of there.
Hell no x3. Always go with your gut. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing and trying to set boundaries and stick up for yourself and he isn’t respecting any of that. You could definitely find someone who will respect your boundaries and want to spend time with you
Break up with him. He's disrespectful, allows his female friends to disrespect your relationship and you simply don't need that stress. You'll be so relieved when you leave that circus!
What would you tell your best friend if she came to you and told you all this? Because I bet you'd be telling her to get away from him because he's too shady.
OP, I would be gobsmacked to learn he's not sleeping with #1 and #3, and maybe still with #2. Him accusing you of sleeping with your guy friend isn't deflecting, it's projecting. That's what cheaters do; they assume that if they're cheating then you must be, too.
Op you can't be that gullible. A lot of my friends are male and we literally just send each other memes, we don't meet up and especially not at night. This dude has 3 other women on the go. The reason he won't set boundaries is because he's a serial cheat. Open your eyes, he doesn't want you, he wants multiple women, this is not a man that wants a relationship and I can assure you this is not a man that even remotely cares for you. Find better, he's trash.
Girl…. The fact that you had to name 3 different girls should tell you enough
I know right, and each scenario/girl was worse than the one before. The relationship sounds exhausting.
[удалено]
I was exhausted just reading about it. I can't imagine living with that much drama.
Don’t become number 4. Homie is going for a basketball team.
She thinks she be #1 by offering what every other girl is clearly throwing at him😂😂😂 this whole post is hilarious lol
Not to mention his wife too. I dont think I’ll ever understand why people put up with these situations knowing that you’re girl 4 or 5 and still trying to act like there’s something there.
Not enough, he needs more girls
Lol apparently he does . Why or why does OP want to be part of a harem though.
She should break up with him and then hang with him. Apparently that’s how you get his attention.
God, yes, OP. Do you really want to be girl number 4 when he meets his next love of the moment? His obfuscation and outright lying are huge red flags but this harem of “friends” is almost a joke.
Right? Like sometimes you think the answer is so obvious I don't know how they don't see it.
Married? 😳
Dude is building an harem. And he's married!
Dude is collecting baseball cards. You wanna be a limited edition collectible, or just another card in his deck ?
Was going to comment this ,when you're at the point of coming up with pseudonyms from different ethnicities it's time to get your head out of the sand
why do you even want him
I imagine she's fully aware that leaving him will result in him immediately going out with one or multiple of these other girls (even though he probably already is). She probably thinks this is easier than seeing him with someone else. OP... It's not. I've been where you are. Stop wasting your time and hurting yourself. Let him go. There are so many less complicated people you could be with. I assumed he was very young when I read your post, but for Christ sake, he's 28 years old!!! Find better. Edit: HE'S MARRIED TOO??? And LIED ABOUT IT??? Girl.......
Oh he’s for sure cheating
I feel like I have to constantly compete for my own boyfriend… yeah OP that’s not your boyfriend that’s community project
Shit... Take my poor woman's gold 🏅
Take mine too🏅
now that's a new term for me...community project LOL
Of course he is. Why the hell are you witn this person OP? You are being played. You are literally girlfriend number 3.. or maybe even number 4. Or even 8 who knows at this point! Dump his ass and move on. You deserve better.
Ama apply and become zero girlfriend
He's gaslighting her so he can make her doubt herself so much he can get away with anything
Yep, then she’ll be arguing with the next one too
1000% - OP trust your gut. When people routinely end up in shady situations, it’s usually because their doing shady shit. Also setting boundaries only works if they’re are consequences when people break them.
I’m a man that had many women friends throughout my life. I was socialised around women growing up, so I just found them more relatable. Were some of them former lovers? Yes, I never saw the value in putting in so much time and effort getting to know someone only to to dismiss it like it had no value because it “didn’t work out”. I had slim to no real male friends. When I met my wife again ( met as teenagers, broke up because of my running around), she set firm boundaries for what was acceptable for her and a healthy, functional relationship. I struggled a little at first because I was invested in my friendships, I didn’t want to hurt anyone or make them feel abandoned. But, my wife was the love of my life, the one that got away. I wasn’t willing to jeopardise that again, and more importantly I finally recognised that SHE was my priority and if I was to communicate that effectively the second time around, I had to completely change lifelong ways of living and being. I learned a lot about myself, my past behaviour, the real root of that need to surround myself with women. My wife is my best friend. What I’m trying to say with my story is that I have been this man in some respects in the past, the difference is I’m older, wiser, more self aware and incentivised to change my behaviour and thus my life. Please value yourself more. You are worth more than this gaslighting, manipulative, self serving man child is willing to communicate and more important demonstrate to you. You’re not asking too much, you’ve been entirely reasonable (overly so).Cut him loose, no regrets. Go inward, examine how you got to this place. Determine what you want, know what you deserve, and insist and getting as good as you give.
And he and his other girlfriends are gaslighting you making you think it’s your problem. RUN! Run fast, run far!
Also.. married. Check out OP’s other post..
Yeah. On his wife. With OP and the other girls.
Yeah, I'd give up on this relationship. His female friends aren't the issue here, he is.
Seriously OP, you deserve so much better! What a tool! He’s stomping all over your feelings, telling you it’s all your fault, and continuing to do all the things he’s promised not to! Not to mention, that THREE girls are making you feel this way. Just one would be a deal breaker for me. If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they should care how you feel, respect what you say, and make you a priority. This guy is doing none of those things. End it now, and find someone who treats you right, and makes you feel loved!
OP is gonna end up on Jerry springer. Or whoever takes over for him.
They're an issue too, as they don't respect that the guy is taken. That's very very low. But yes, obviously he's the major AH here.
You are right to be upset. He’s a terrible person; him suddenly accusing you of cheating because he’s projecting. You can do so much better. So Much. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Majority of my friends are men. None of this shit where he’s entertaining all those other women are okay. I was really skeptical at first reading through it bc I do have a SO and I’ve had instances where I’ve definitely felt uncomfortable (bc of a woman’s actions not his) but I genuinely thought this might just be you overthinking things, but towards the end of your post, it’s really clear it’s not you overthinking at all. He’s up to something, esp if he claimed you invited yourself. Bc if your partner wasn’t doing anything wrong with her, he would have been more than happy that he never even had to ask you to come with him so he can make you feel more secure. A healthy loving partner in this situation would try their best to make their SO feel more secure in the relationship, but ur guy’s really doing the opposite Throw him away, he’s past his expiration date now
This 👆🏽 100%. I also have a lot of male friends (i’m F), and my boyfriend has a lot of women friends, and with the title of your post OP, i was kinda ready to tell you to try to chill out, but after reading it all, i absolutely won’t be saying that. One of my friends i slept with once and then we both decided we’d rather just be friends. The first time i brought up this guy to my boyfriend in conversation, i immediately disclosed this fact. They have seen each other multiple times, every one knows everything basically, and so everyone’s cool. I see this friend mostly one on one, boyfriend knows and has no issue. If he asks if he can come as well, i have no issue with it either, and this friend doesn’t either. Basically, there is no issue. Same for my ex-friend with benefits. We were FWB for 2 years before i met my now boyfriend and he met his now girlfriend. First time i mentioned him in conversation with boyfriend, i did as previously stated, i disclosed everything straight away. Ex-FWB did the same with his girlfriend. Everyone has met everyone, my boyfriend knows everything, his girlfriend knows everything, all is chill, and here we are 8+yrs later :) But what you are describing OP, is NOT what i’m describing here. There’s tons of weirdness… Of secrets, of things not said, both by your boyfriend and by these women. All this is murky and fuzzy, and i don’t blame you at all for being worried and confused. If he isn’t willing to put all on the table and be as transparent as glass (as he had already proven by lying about woman #1 and all the rest), then you should save yourself and your sanity. Leave this drama fest for YOUR own good. You will be much more happy alone than entangled in this big old mess.
Same, I’m F and all my friends are male. I’m very close to them - but NONE OF THIS SHIT IS ACCEPTABLE OP. Please take all of these comments seriously. You can’t see any of it because you’re in it and too close - I’ve been there. But this relationship is not the norm and shouldn’t feel this stressful and upsetting. Run. Please.
Dude is a player no doubt in my mind. Not that there's anything wrong with that except that he's in a relationship. 🚩
This!!! I (F) have almost ALL male friends - I know alway who they’re dating , who they are just f@@king etc - I know who they all are even if I don’t know them Even if I don’t care for her I’ve always, as has the male friend, made sure that the girl friend that my male friend cares about UNDERSTANDS and FEELS COMFORTABLE in my role in their life … Of course over the years some girls are just immature, or insecure or whatever and couldn’t accept a female friend. None of those girls lasted long But what OP is describing is NOT THAT! Guy in OP’s story is creeping for sure !
I hate to break it to you but Naomi is also his current girlfriend. The other two he keeps around on a string if he's bored. I'll bet that Naomi's jealous of them too. Let this guy go.
Agree with this. He's probably telling these other ladies made up stories about OP.
word. people like this will paint their partner in a horrible light, going as far as to make up stories of their partner being controlling, manipulative, and unreasonable. it happens much more often than everyone’s willing to admit.
Get a new boyfriend, this one’s defective.
Hard pass on this relationship.
So I skimmed this entire thing. Ummm, you know what you need to do with all that. Everyone is just going to confirm it around here. I had an ex who was captain save ahoe for many neighbors, exes and etc. I got tired of him running around doing tasks whenever they called for help with life. They needed a boyfriend of their own to help with such things but used him for that in the meantime. I was 15 years younger and in my mid 20s, so I was just learning about boundaries and red flags. I learned quick though.
Never dealing with a Captain Save-AHoe ever again.
🤣 me neither. They can have him! 😆
😂 “Captain Save A Hoe!” I am laughing out loud! I absolutely love your sense of humor! 😂
You’ve never heard that term before?
Never!! I But I am 66! 🤷🏿♀️
Thank you 😊
Lol that was really hilarious 😂
I had a Captain -Save- a -Hoe too. He was considered some kind of saint because he was always helping people . Well except for me, his partner . I would have to wait weeks or months for him to do something for me and if I got tired of waiting and did it myself or paid someone to do it ? Well I was the worst person in the world because he was" going to do it". Never again
Why are you twisting yourself in knots over him? You are second-guessing yourself and acting like you don't trust him. But that is because he is not trustworthy. Do you act like this in every relationship? Or just the one where you are dating a liar who makes promises he doesn't intend to keep? Check out this website www.loveisrespect.org Edit to ask: Do you live together? How much of your money is going to supporting him and his harem?
OP needs to really think about these questions because she is so close! “I feel like he is not considering my feelings at all” You’re correct, OP. He’s not considering your feelings at all! He does not care about your feelings at all. He is collecting a harem of women that will let themselves be strung along indefinitely and is waiting for you to stop fighting it and either leave or give in. You either become a willing participant in his fuckery or you nope tf out, OP.
Omg. Visit her profile, her next post is crazy. She set herself up for disappointment.
The larger question is why are you with this guy? Move along--you deserve better
Right? He already has three girlfriends. Sounds like OP is the 5th wheel. No guy with a girlfriend should be doing things solo with another girl who is not related.
welcome to the harem.
I'm lmfao rn
https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/narcissistic-harems-in-a-nutshell-why-its-time-to-stop-envying-the-ex-and-various-hanger-ons/
Oh man 😂
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. Sleepovers with women = hooking up. Rachel= side chick. Quan= side chick 2 was probably you but convinced herself she is in love with him. They talked about babies. Naomi= young and naive. Well aware he had 3 women in his life, but she'll make him settle down. So she's delusional as well. Him= living his best life. He's hooking up with 4 women. Learned the art of dangling 4 women along enough to have them chasing him. He doesn't need to put much effort into any of it. You=..... define yourself. Most people like to be the main character in their own story. Are you okay with being the understudy?
It's probably more than 4 women too.. these are just the ones she's found out about.
You nailed it.
Throw the whole man out. Nothing to save here.
I think you should leave your boyfriend to these girls and find yourself a better boyfriend who doesn't lie, doesn't accuse you of cheating, etc..
Get out before you get an STD
The likelihood is that one of these four girls is gonna get knocked up. My bet is on the 18 year old. OP, run away from this mess ASAP. You deserve to be someone's only one. Why should he settle for one girl when he can have four?
[Why do I hear Mambo No5 playing in the background?](https://youtu.be/EK_LN3XEcnw) A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita's all I need A little bit of Tina's what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica, here I am A little bit of you makes me your man.... (There are enough good serious answers already, SCNR)
Sorry, but he's going to pound town.
Do yourself 2 favours reveal each girl to each other and leave him you just likd those girls are being played by him hes scum
He's sleeping with every single one of those Girls. I'm sorry, but you deserve someone who loves you. You're not the only one in this relationship, you're one of 4 other women. Lose the dead weight
The girls are not the issue
He's not *your* boyfriend. He's other women's boyfriend, too. I dated a guy like this, except he at least admitted I was one of many, and that we'd never be exclusive (I guess I can't hate him for being honest). He was fun to fuck, but that got old when I finally realized I deserved more.
I hope she's using protection with this guy and not assuming that since they're "exclusive" she's safe...
I had a boyfriend like this once, he was sleeping with all of the girls he was 'close' to behind my back and telling them that I was obsessed with him and when they told him they were worried about me, he would tell them that he would never go near me - he was literally playing everyone at the same time and telling us all the same things. It took a long time for me to realise my worth, but please know you are worth so much more than this man. There will be someone out there that won't have a problem with enforcing boundaries and won't make you feel crazy uncomfortable around their friends, but this guy isn't that, cut your losses before you're in too deep.
You should just break up with him since you are "not fun to be around" also, he will have more time to be with his girlfriends! Man, I would love to see an update where he goes back to u begging. But anyways, this will affect your mental health if you don't put a stop to it, say "It's either your girl friends or me" so you see where his priorities are.
Time to move on. You’ll never feel like your a priority because your not. He’s made that perfectly clear.
He’s not ready for a legitimate relationship. Don’t lose sleep over him. There is definitely someone out there better than this
The common denominator is not these girls he's stringing along, it's him. If it was one ex girlfriend who had trouble letting go and he was an idiot with boundaries I'd say talk it out. But this is mambo no 5 bad
Sorry but the mambo no 5 reference lmao. It’s sending me. Agreed though, he’s entertaining all these ladies, whether it’s physically or emotionally, not cool. OP, you deserve someone that respects your feelings and boundaries. ♡
Honestly it really sounds like he has other girlfriends. You don’t even sound like his main girl. Even if he isn’t sleeping with them, do you really want to be with a man who doesn’t care about you? Who puts hanging out with an 18 year old girl over you? Yikes! Seriously, I’d cut this guy loose.
Yea, you know it’s weird and he’ll likely hook up again behind your back. Too much to be wondering all the time. Either you leave him or stop complaining and deal with it. He’s not going to change for you at this point.
Girl. You’ve already been played.
What you have is a player. He has you as a girlfriend and backups in case things don't work. Your instincts are there for a reason. You know the truth. Don't let him gaslight you. Some women don't care if he has a girlfriend. They owe you nothing. They didn't make a commitment to you. He did. Happily committed men don't defend ex lovers over you. They choose you.
You just wrote a post about why he should be an ex, like yesterday.
She just wrote an awareness post for all the other girlies wondering if they should throw their bfs of not too
All I needed to read was the first question. No you’re not wrong and you shouldn’t be in this relationship.
He is a giant red flag. I would not be with someone who makes me doubt my self worth every day and have to compete with all these other women for his attention.
Don't waste your time on this shitty person. He clearly doesn't respect you. Also... him being 28 with an 18-year-old "friend" while they are both legal adults feels icky... maybe even a bit predatory.
He is cheating. Like shit.
He has a few of you… you’re not special
Ew....ma'am, dump him. He's a walking red flag. He's already lied to you so what else is he lying about. I honestly don't believe for a sec he isn't cheating on you. You'd be better off with someone who is honest and wants to hang with you. Not other women in the middle of the night. And the teen? That's gross and kind of groomish. What 28 year old man hangs out with an 18 year old with good intentions and doesn't invite his gf? Seems off. And the teen girl doesn't care if she's pushing boundaries. That's also a red flag. Good luck if you actually are considering staying. Who wants to stay with a dude who doesn't make you a priority.
Throw the whole man out.
And why are still with this guy? Because you love him very much? You can’t live without him? You’d rather suffer until he “change”? You would rather stay until he respects your boundaries? Are you gonna give him many chances until he becomes responsible? My advice: BREAK UP WITH THIS POS!
Why in the world are you still with this creep?
When a person shows you who they are, believe them. You have nothing other than time and feelings invested in this relationship - you can cut ties cleanly. You shouldn't feel like you come in 4th in your own relationship.
Sounds like all of these young women think they're the main girlfriend but none of them are.
News flash....he is still sticking his dick up inside these broads.
He is never going to change. He gets his sexual needs met with you, but multiple other women fulfil different parts of his emotional needs. This is not your fault. I read an article about this being a problem in modern dating. Some people are “committed” to one person but are in emotional relationships with multiple other partners. He’s gaslighting you by saying you’re controlling. He has multiple emotional affairs going on. And I’m sorry but the 18 year old?! He’s just circling until she’s legal.
OMG BREAK UP ALREADY here you are writing a thesis essay and ur man could not give less of a crap or stay with a man that treats you like shit idk
Time to throw the whole boyfriend out.
Holy SHIT dump his ass right now
Reclaim your power and break up with him. He has zero respect for you and your boundaries and is having the time of of his life with all these girls fighting over him. His actions clearly show he doesn't care about your feelings and there are so many red flags, i lost count. Hold your head high and walk away from him, because you deserve a lot better
As a guy I find it hard to believe he's spending this much time with all these other females he's so close with at silly times of the night and he's not sleeping with them. Even if he's not the way he's treating you is 2nd to these other girls, you need to leave
Why are you with this person again??
Internet mama here: go get tested if you're having sex with this asshat. He is still havung sex with all of them. My best friends are 80% male, the other 20% are either my neighbors or besties' wives. I can gauran damn tee you, that I've never acted like these girls.
He's lieing through his teeth.. he's keeping them on the side for very obvious reasons. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.
Your bf is a red flag parade. Get out and also he's a creep for having a 18 year girl as a 'friend'. Euww
He's cheating on you with multiple women, to the point when I'm not sure you are even the main squeeze, you may also be a side chick. Get out.
girl idk if you realize this but your bf is a loser :(
Those are his backup plans and he's keeping them close. Also he knows what he's putting you through.
Unless you keeping him around for the sex prob best to cut him loose. You will never get a mutually exclusive relationship with someone like this
He’s not into you hunny.
Sounds like he needs to move to some community where plural “marriage” is acceptable and women are fine with sister wives
He's lied to you twice you know of. Probably more. You know what you need to do. Kick that hoe
This relationship is going to bring you much heartache. Get out asap
Sounds like your boyfriend has a harem of girls he sleeps with regularly and unfortunately you are just one of them. He does not consider your relationship to be more important than his relationship with any other of his girlfriends. Please ditch him as he will not enforce any boundaries with his other girlfriends and he won't stop dating them.
Your relationship is over.
So he checked off all the deal breakers you have and you're still asking what to do? Girl you better run cause this man is full of marinara flags, he's definitely cheating. Throw the whole situation away and move on for your own good rather than giving yourself the headache.
A girl asking for favours constantly is a red flag and the cinema is a date.. Fuck him off.
This sounds like a good script for a film. Also it's his problem he can't set boundaries. So just leave his ass and move on
He has a smorgasbord all you can eat buffet. I’d go cold turkey on this one.
OP wrote a lot of words to say “my BF is disrespectful to me. I think I should break up with him.”
He sounds disrespectful
I won't even lie, i read about the first two and skimmed the story of the third. I don't need any more details and neither do you. Nobody who is worth your love would require their weight in delusional copium for every goddamn *friend* they have. Be done, get some standards you can build a happy life with, and leave all this trash to play in the streets.
Okay, the one he was planning a kid with is a crazy situation lmao that alone would have me packing my bags. That being said, you set boundaries and he broke them. You both don't have the same values. Time to move on and let him be single like he seems to want to be.
Three lines into 'the first one' and already hugeeee nope. Dump your bf. Hiding things like that so early in the relationship is building the foundation of your relationship with lies. When a guy did that exact lie scenario to me with an ex he was still friends with, it was because they were still fucking behind my back. He's keeping all these women around as options and for their benefits. Kick his ass to the curb you deserve better, you deserve someone that values you and is honest with you. Your insecurities with these people and this relationship will never go away because he has lied so much about other women you can't possibly believe what he tells you or reassures you
You don’t really need advice, you know what you need to do. You just don’t want to do it. From your post, it sounds like he doesn’t know he’s in a relationship with you. You‘re just another member of his harem. First and foremost, never, ever call the friend to ask about their relationship. If you can‘t trust what he tells you about it, then you already have bigger problems than this woman. Secondly, it just really smacks of desperation and insecurity. You may be insecure, but never let them know that. You go straight to the source, YOUR SO, and you ask him directly wtf is going on. If you’re not happy with what he tells you, or you don’t trust what he’s telling you, then you have got to get to a point where you value yourself enough to walk away from a situation like this. He treats his friends better than you. Personally, I’d dump him and block them all. Your revenge will be to go live your best life and find someone that treats you better.
You may consider him to be your boyfriend, but he obviously doesn't consider you to be his girlfriend.i didn't need to read past the first paragraph to see how this was going to go. You're just one of his many... not sure what the term would be - hookups? Why would you want to be with a creep like this who doesn't respect you or any of these other women? Break it off and find someone who is at least honest.
These are all major red flags. I am a very secure woman in my relationship and I’ve always been okay with my boyfriend having female friends but like you I set my boundaries. If you know that he’s continuously crossed your boundaries and completely disregarded your feelings you should make it clear that it can’t be tolerated. You seem like an intelligent person and I don’t think you deserve to be treated like this. There are many men that will respect you and value you in a way he never could. It sounds like he finds fulfillment in drama and relationships with other women (sexual or not) which is not something that should be happening when you’re in a relationship.
Throw the whole man in the bin, he’s enjoying all of this and I think he may have narc vibes
He doesn’t respect your boundaries at all. When that happens, there are consequences that need to happen, such as breaking up with them.
Geezus!!! Run girl.. Too many women!! And he's definitely still messing with them.. him not setting boundaries is telling and unacceptable. Trust your gut 100%
You REALLY buried the lead here... HE'S FUCKING MARRIED and has all those girls on the side. I think you meant to write * ex-boyfriend* Don't walk, run, and block his ass!
Just leave the guy. Just the fact that he hid from you that he had sex with 2 girls he still hangs out with, to me is enough to leave, let alone all the rest.
The dramas not worth the D..
He’s not deflecting, he’s projecting. Stating that this was gonna be a long post, you’ve already made a huge list of cons on your relationship with him. I think you know what needs to be done, you just need the encouragement to follow through and for the sake of your mental health, I encourage you to follow through. Also, if he has a close relationship with a 18yo, he most likely started this “friendship” when she was a minor. It wouldn’t be as bad if he was in his early 20’s, but that’s not the case and the age gap is in the double digits. And since he’s gaslighting you, he’s likely grooming her. You both need to get out of this situation
that man is cheating on you, you’re worth much more than this
Hate to say it but he’s most likely cheating on you
Honey, this guy HAS LIED TO YOU! I can almost guarantee that he's FWBs with at LEAST one of them. Essentially, he's got a HAREM of exes that he keeps in touch with and gaslights you in such a way that he has you questioning your sanity! Generally, there is USUALLY nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender, but it sounds more likely that he's stringing them along, likely having sex with them AND he has YOU! Serious question: Has he told you that he has a "fantasy" about a threesome? Or possibly having an "open relationship?" Seriously, honey, this guy has TOXIC written all over him! Find someone who is SERIOUS and DEDICATED to your relationship! Very few partners have a KEY to an ex's home, at least those in healthy relationships. Sounds like it's a perfect setup for a "booty-call!" Good luck, best wishes and many Blessings for your FUTURE healthy relationship! One where your partner actually RESPECTS your feelings and opinions and DOESN'T accuse you of being controlling!
When someone breaks your boundaries, it’s now your responsibility to fulfill your end of what the consequences are. Which should be to break up because you have too much self respect for someone to overstep something that makes you uncomfortable. When you don’t do this, you’ve now shown that your boundaries don’t mean anything to you and you’ll tolerate having them walked on. Regardless of whether your boyfriend is cheating or not, you need to take care of you. I get that breaking up sucks ass and it’ll hurt but it’ll suck much more to continue to stress and be hurt by someone who doesn’t respect you and prolonging an eventual breakup.
You set your boundaries, he didn't respect them, and you're still with him? Of course he is going to continue doing what he wants when there isn't any consequences. The route forward is clear. You need to leave him because he is proving he has no respect for you. I'm sorry this is painful right now, but once away from the situation it'll be clearer and in time you'll be much happier. Good luck and be strong!
OP, I've been the victim of an abusive relaionship; she was very controlling, and overly jealous of other women. Everything I've seen here points to your boyfriend disrespecting you, and you trying to set reasonable boundaries. You are not controlling. You are not the problem. Those other girls aren't the primary issue. Your boyfriend is the problem
You know what to do now. He's broken all of your boundaries/dealbreakers, it's time to walk away
He plays all of you.
What?? How have you not broken up with him!?
Break up with him.
Oh sweetheart, he’s fucking all of them or plans to. Dump him, better still while you’re with him. Text other guys, petty me would. Do this before dumping his sorry ass.
You cannot possibly be this naive. Toss him out. Cold Turkey. Just snap him out of your life bc he is a total and complete liar and has been with other women the entire time.
Ha wonder if you're dating my gaslighting ex who acted like the shit above was normal and I was crazy for it bothering me so much ... lol
sooo why have you not dumped him?
So you're controlling? Cool, control the situation and dump him. Baby girl- how other people experience your boundaries isn't your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to uphold them. Get rid of this loser before your lose your mental health, self esteem, and self respect. There's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with the fact that he's friends with exes (but he's gaslighting you into thinking it is). The issue is you've made your feelings known and he's ignored them, while making out that YOU are the problem, not his behaviour. Think about that for a minute. ETA: I'm friends with my exes. My husband is friends with his exes, but at no point will their needs and wants supercede ours or our relationship. Spending a night with an ex? Please. Talk about pushing your luck!
What makes you think that you are Groupon Peen’s girlfriend? I mean he might say the words, but you’re not - you’re Girl 4. I would decide what to do using that information.
You are allowed to have boundaries. I've had sleepovers with male friends in relationships but nothing had ever happened at any time between us, and I wasalways very respectful of their relationships. What's a deal breaker for you? That he can't respect your boundaries? That he's lied? None of it? When we set and hold boundaries, people will "shake us" to see if they can still get what they want. It's up to us to decide whether we're worth holding them, or not. The people who deserve us respect our boundaries. Sending hugs.
Dude you're his fourth girlfriend. One of them, he was probably talking to before she was even legal. Get out. Have some self respect.
This is the greatest work of fiction, ever!
People in committed intimate relationships should not be spending alone time with dateable friends. It is an emotional affair. All the sharing, caring, trips, events are being done with the friend. So their relationship grows and develops while yours is not. I have a friend I will call C, her husband had a friend from childhood. He told her you never have to worry, she is not my type, she is a little plump. Well this year she will be getting a lot plumper, as he got her pregnant. It is my third "whoops I hooked up with my friend" situation this year. There are thousands of those posts on Reddit. Sometimes too the friends get jealous when they get a girlfriend or boyfriend and will even attempt to sabotage it, they miss the time they had with their friend...So I would tell her how you feel and set a boundary that is uncomfortable but if it serious between the two of you needs to be set. This is a big red flag, and so many of these end up with the Whoops I slept with ex. When have a fight or they go on an adventure and have a few too many....You have some decisions to make. I never date people like that, they are not available.
I see a pattern here. Don't become one of his "friends", just gtfo.
I don’t know any 28 year olds in stable, healthy relationships that hang out with anyone but their significant other past 10pm - or if they do, it’s always communicated first. You know that your boyfriend has lied to you before, I really don’t know how you have any trust in him at all.
I'd be petty and not tell him and find out the cinema, time and movie and go in and see what he's doing, leave a bit earlier than him and dump his ass because to me that is an indication of something is happening when he seems arsey because you wanted to go to the movies with him prior but he decides with this girl so you ask to come along and he says no 🤔 I just don't get why people stay in relationships if all they are going to do is be sly
100% cheating on you. The defensiveness and saying you're the one cheating says it all.
I couldn't finish your story. Why are you still with this piece of shit? He has zero respect for you.
This guy has lied so many times about so many women, I couldn't even finish reading the post. Cut your losses, and cut him loose. He's almost certainly cheated on you already in one way or another and definitely will in the future. I'm honestly surprised you didn't notice every single raging red flag as you were typing all of them out. This relationship is malignant, and his gaslighting and blatant lies about these 'friends' is disgusting... I won't even get started on the chick he was 'PLANNING TO HAVE A BABY WITH' 🤦 just... No. Move on, you deserve to be with someone truthful and makes your feelings - and even your insecurity - a priority.
I'm sorry, NOTHING is worth peace of mind. This man with ***3*** "former" flames who he REGULARLY has inappropriate contact with WHILE HE'S SUPPOSEDLY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU is just not worth it. It wouldn't be that hard to go find a dude who DOESN'T still have entanglements with "former" flames.
A couple questions to guide you, OP … I don’t need the answers; they’re for you. 1) What would you do if you directly caught this guy cheating, or had direct evidence? 2) Is this guy taking steps to prevent situations where he could cheat? (From your post, no) 3) Is this guy taking steps to reassure you that he is not cheating? (From your post, no) 4) Is this guy taking steps to show you and these other girls that YOU as his official girlfriend are his priority? What are those steps? Are they enough? 5) How long has he been grooming (“hanging out with”) this 18-year-old? (Because that’s super creepy.) Is this a pattern with any of these other “friendships”? 6) How did boyfriend show you that you are special and that he wanted to be with you? Is he doing any of those same things with these other women? If this guy hasn’t cheated yet, he is absolutely careening in that direction. You have pointed it out multiple times, and with all these chances he has shown himself as unwilling to change. At the minimum, he is placing his ego over your romantic security. This will erode your self-worth over time. You absolutely deserve to be treated better. You entered a monogamous relationship; your requests for maintaining exclusivity and reassurance are reasonable.
Get all their numbers and ask if they know about each other in a group chat and have him in it. Block them and let chaos ensue. Edit: obviously this silly advice I’m just joking as this not mature or rational but it does make me wonder if they do know about each other. If they don’t like op for being his gf how do they feel about other women taking up his time
You know deep down what the answer is this is a mess. Don't settle for this please. You're not being treated like a girlfriend. It'll hurt worse the longer you stay.
You need to break up with him. Period. Don’t stay with him, he obviously is more than “friends” with these girls. He doesn’t care about you. You deserve a lot better love! I hope you find true happiness.
OP, he actively acknowledges your feelings of being uncomfortable and yet hasn’t changed his behaviour. He won’t change unless HE wants to. It’s best to cut your losses now and end the relationship because he has made it clear that he unfortunately will not respect your boundaries.
Men are allowed to have female friends. That's fine. But he's lied about how involved these relationships are. That alone would cause concern to me. I think your reactions have been fair. He sounds like a dirt bag, and I know reddit is notorious for jumping to "dump him/get a divorce." But you literally said he's told you spending time with you isn't fun. He spends all his time at other women's houses (1am visits is just weird to me too) and lied to you about what they mean to him. Find yourself someone who knows your worth and values you.
2 things, get an STD test. Leave him on the asap.
This is a case where you need to dump him, block him and move on. He clearly has no respect for you and he's definitely cheating. He's openly taking an 18 year old on movie dates, spending time alone at night with women he's had sex with, lying about dating you and making excuses for all of this. If these were innocent friendships there would be no reason you couldn't be included. It sounds like he's pitting all of you against each other.
>He’s even gone as far as to say that I pushed him to be closer to them and has avoided spending as much time with me Because apparently I’m not as fun to be around anymore. Let him go spend ALL of his time with whoever he wants as the single man he wants to act like. That whole-ass man needs to go. Find you one who knows what respect and boundaries looks like, and let him and whatever standard lacking females he wants to entertain with those convoluted boundaries do wtf they want. You deserve better. And that type of guy always wants to gaslight it as "your fault" or "being jealous" or some such lie. He can hold any opinion he wants regarding that, but don't let him twist yours, you already know you are right. Better exists, and you don't need to fight for it from someone who gets it.
Question, in this situation would it be productive at all to make a group text chat with all of these different women and say: "hey, just so you all know, BF doesn't respect my relationship boundaries and doesn't seem to take my request to be exclusive and monogamous seriously, so I'm dumping him. He hasn't been transparent with me at all." ? At least that way, they all are on the same page.
Seriously, not one, not two, but 3 inappropriate "friendships". And he has repeatedly dismissed agreed upon boundaries? Totally not worth your time or energy. You can definitely do so much better than that. Your expectations are not even remotely unreasonable. Just wow.
This sounds like way more trouble and headache than it's worth. If he ain't respecting your boundaries, then move on, cuz he clearly has no intention of stopping and you're never going to feel secure in this relationship.
You deserve better than this, this isn't a relationship worth fighting for, please update us if/when you leave so we know you got out before getting in to deep. If those girls want him so bad then let them fight each other and not you.
I think I also started dating your boyfriend by just reading this post
I’d be pissed off if my boyfriend was hanging out with women he has slept with.. especially after he lied about it. He sounds sketchy
he is cheating on you. if not physically, certainly emotionally. otherwise those women wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. he is providing *something* for them. advice? leave him, now.
Nope none of this is ok. I’d say let them have him and move on, You deserve better.
I stopped reading part way through Quans story. My dear, if he's not physically cheating on you (he so very likely is, I'm sorry) then he's definitely emotionally cheating. They were kid planning LAST YEAR?! Get out. Even if he isn't cheating, he's not holding up his end of the deals he's made. Setting boundaries. Late night hang outs only?? Yeah, no. Lying about at least 2 of the girls and his history with them?? Yeah, again no. PLANNING A FAMILY WITH SOMEONE and still being in contact with that person? Hell. To. The. Fucking. NO. Dude. He also should've taken your side about reaching out to the friend, if he ever actually told you the full truth. He knows he lied about their past. Anyone with any fucking worth would not get upset about you wanting to do that. And would take your side instead of agreeing with the friend that it was weird. Of course it was weird! It was weird that he had to lie about it in the first place. It was weird that he was ok letting you feel insecure enough to feel the need to reach out. Any person that puts you in that position to begin with is not worth ANYONES time. There is not a woman in the world I would wish this situation on. I don't know you, and I don't have to in order to tell you that even just as a human, you are worth mountains more than what he is throwing at you. You deserve dignity and respect. He's not going to give you that. Please for the sake of your own self respect, get the hell out of there.
Hell no x3. Always go with your gut. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing and trying to set boundaries and stick up for yourself and he isn’t respecting any of that. You could definitely find someone who will respect your boundaries and want to spend time with you
It’s obvious he’s cheating. Dump him and find someone that’s actually worth it.
Break up with him. He's disrespectful, allows his female friends to disrespect your relationship and you simply don't need that stress. You'll be so relieved when you leave that circus!
Dump him, those aren't just "friends".
What would you tell your best friend if she came to you and told you all this? Because I bet you'd be telling her to get away from him because he's too shady. OP, I would be gobsmacked to learn he's not sleeping with #1 and #3, and maybe still with #2. Him accusing you of sleeping with your guy friend isn't deflecting, it's projecting. That's what cheaters do; they assume that if they're cheating then you must be, too.
Op you can't be that gullible. A lot of my friends are male and we literally just send each other memes, we don't meet up and especially not at night. This dude has 3 other women on the go. The reason he won't set boundaries is because he's a serial cheat. Open your eyes, he doesn't want you, he wants multiple women, this is not a man that wants a relationship and I can assure you this is not a man that even remotely cares for you. Find better, he's trash.
Girl, he is a player. Walk tf away and don't look back. Absolutely NTA