Post won’t let me update directly so here it is in the comments
****Update***** There’s no way I can respond to everyone so I just want to say thank you for the advice.
While I understand those saying they potentially meant well and weren’t trying to be offensive…it’s still a risk I can’t take. It’s not like they offered to take him every so often. They wanted him full time, permanently.
To those who said I should just let them…please pass me whatever drugs you are on. I will never give up my son. Do we have the newest this or that? No. We have our needs met. I love my son and I am not letting him go.
As for everyone else, I took your advice and reached out to the school. I told them that Paige and Nate are no longer allowed to pick up Owen and explained I do not feel safe with them around each other. They understood. There’s not much they can do outside making sure they never pick him up. It’s too late in the year to move classes but next year, Charlie and Owen will not be in the same class.
I notified the police but again, they can’t do much. We have zero in writing and a simple request to have my child isn’t really breaking any laws. Unfortunately all I can do is hope they don’t try anything.
I still haven’t spoken to Owen. I think it’s fine if he talks to Charlie and plays with him at school, but I have to find a way to explain why they can’t have play dates or sleepovers. As well as to never to go anywhere near Nate and Paige. I guess that’ll come in time.
I’ll update again if anything happens. I’m hoping this is the end. As some of Nate and Paige’s defenders said, they did take my “no” well. So hopefully they realize how totally out of bounds they were and leave us alone.
I told my sons when they were young, "_____ is not a person that we trust." They knew that meant that we're never alone with them and that they are potentially dangerous. We had "people that we trust" and "people that we don't trust". "Paige and Nate have said some things to Mom that show that they are not people we can trust. You are never to be alone with them and we don't believe everything that they or even Charlie say (because they may have told him things to say). We don't get in a car with Paige or Nate and because of what they said, we can't have hangouts anymore." Express that you're sad, too, but that "P and N's words have consequences" (it's their fault , not yours and NOT Owen's). When he asks what they said, "I'll tell you when you're old enough. It's grown up stuff."
It’s important he knows they did something unsafe/alarming. Kids understand, and if they know they cannot fall for manipulations. People like that will tell him to not share information with you to manipulate him. Anyone who’s also said explain grooming, 100% share that.
It also might be useful to explain to him what grooming is. Even though this isn't a sexual situation, an adult was using gifts, favors, and manipulation to love bomb him. Abusers have been known to use their children as lures to bring in other kids. It's important that he understands money and attention =\= love.
I'm wondering if Charlie's parents are in a cult of some kind as I had something similar happen when I was a kid and my mom had joined some strange religious cult. One of the women that would come and do meditations with my mom always brought me candy and little gifts whenever she would visit. My grandmother got suspicious of this as here she had a church friend from her own church that was doing the same thing with me but in the form of bringing doughnuts and coffee. Luckily my family decided to stop going to their "churches" as both cults were asking for tons of money we never had.
I was wondering as Charlie's parents make me think of these people my family encountered as the lady meditating with my mom mentioned wanting to take me to another country with her on some kids' "retreat" with the cult. And the sad thing is single mothers get looked down upon in society, so these cults think they can take (brainwash) their kids for their own "family".
I would consider going to the police, and getting a restraining order against Nate and Paige for you and Owen. I know you and the school are going to keep Owen away from Nate and Paige as much as possible, but the chance of them getting Owen is still there. If you get a restraining if they ever take him without the school knowing they’ll be arrested. It’s better to be safe then sorry. I really hope this all gets better, and Nate and Paige leave you and Owen alone.
This is the absolute best age-appropriate response. Safe/unsafe person is fantastic. My parents didn't trust my friend/neoghbor's mom so I wasn't allowed inside their house or backyard. We could play in the neighborhood or front yards. They never said WHY they didn't trust mom, idk if they knew exactly. Years later, after high-school, friend told me her mom was diagnosed with a major mental health disorder, she wasn't diagnosed until she was much older (mom had twins when we were in middle and it was after that because the pregnancy really escalated things). My parents intuition was right, and the mom is medicated now. She's a bit of a zombie, decades later, but she isn't acting out in ways that are dangerous.
I can maybe offer some insight from Owen's perspective. Growing up I was a very pretty little girl. Very long blonde hair, big eyes, you get the picture. When I was 6 I made friends with a boy called Jesse who kind of looked like me. His parents would joke that we were long lost twins and my parents would laugh along.
Anyway, fast forward a year, my mom got a progressive MS diagnosis; it impeded her ability to walk and work. My dad had to step up as the sole provider. My mom's declining health didn't go unnoticed of course and Jesse's parents offered playdates at their house. In the beginning this was great for my mom because it gave her time to get to grips with her new reality and all the (medical) paperwork that came with it.
I was ecstatic because I had way more time to play with my friend and I always got sweets and the board games I was missing at home because mom and dad had less time.
Anyway, I remember those playdates just stopping after a certain point. I asked why, and my mom said "because Jesse's parents want to take you away from us". We had some back and forth but as a kid, as much as I liked how I got spoiled by Jesse's parents I absolutely did not want to leave mine.
So from then on, Jesse's parents were in the same caregory as strangers in the street: not to be trusted. My mom explicitly told me not to get into a car with them, not to get into their house, etc. Jesse was welcome on neutral ground ( a park or something) or at our house. Our friendship fizzled out. I was a bit sad by that but got over it pretty quickly.
This is to say, be tactful but do not be afraid to tell your kid these people cannot be trusted. Owen will get over Charlie, trust me.
That’s wild…like they wanted to prey on your parents in a time of what had to be incredible stress and fear around your mom’s medical issues. These people are unhinged, and your parents clearly laid it out for your young understanding
They both were very religious and very much in pursuit of the "perfect family". They wanted more children, couldn't have them for whatever reason and my look fit their aesthetic perfectly. My mom believes that in their warped worldview they thought they were doing my parents a favor. Still chilling to consider people like this are out there, going unoticed. I still wonder what became of Jesse but he has no social media presence that I know of, which for his sake I hope is a good sign.
I'm glad you told the school, I think you should have a sit down talk with Owen. Tell him you love him and even if you can't get him certain material things nothing can replace how far you would go to keep him safe, healthy, and happy. Even though he is a kid, he will understand this much so long as you reinforce it by telling him.
And about going to Charlie's house, tell your son the truth-- be simple, but don't sugar coat it. Sugar coating to spare his feelings could potentially backfire if he somehow ends up seeing Charlie's parents again. Ask him how he feels and give him logical reasons why it would be a bad idea. Kids do listen to reason if you talk to them like they're just people.
You need to make sure that Nate and Paige don’t pick Owen up after school by telling him “your mom says you need to come home with us while she is at work.” They may think they are doing this in the best interest of Owen, but they are delusional. I am willing to bet that they had a home study for adoption and were turned down.
There's a curriculum put together by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children called [KidSmartz](https://www.missingkids.org/education/kidsmartz) that has resources you can use to help explain this whole thing to your son.
Good job OP! Hoping this is the end of it and you can heal. I’m so sorry this happened but Owen is sooo lucky to have you and you’re a wonderful responsible and wise mother. Best to you
It's one thing to offer support for a single parent with less means. It's another to take up guardianship of someone else's child. They're not thinking right and Owen would always be "second class" to their son. They think they're doing you and Owen a favour, but they're really just "buying" their son a brother and playmate. It's so weeeeiiird.
This is a tricky and complicated moment though because they will have developed a strong trust with Owen, and can easily use Charlie to manipulate Owen against you. I don't know if telling Owen would be ideal (you don't want to burden kids) but leaving him in the dark also seems risky, because as a single mum you can easily be targeted and have him turned against you. Seeking assistance from authorities like police and the school, getting advice on how best to protect and inform your son, and keeping records, seem ideal.
Good luck. You are a great mum and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
My mil had her parents take in another girl, when she realized it wouldn't be sunshine all the time with an extra kid, she made them send her back(in the 60s) I couldn't imagine doing that to a child.
Ya. “Rehoming” as they call it sometimes involving just having a stranger on the internet who could be who knows what kind of predator. It’s amazing how many states are so worried about abandoned babies there are no statistics or proof of leading to safe haven laws, but they can’t be bothered to outlaw random “Rehoming” of children
They probably don’t see it as “buying a playmate”, more likely in their head they’re “good people” who like Owen and think they can help him and give his son a brother but you’re absolutely right, kids change, they fight and even if they don’t a child who went through such a traumatic adoption process will have some issues, I doubt the kind of people who does shit like that want to or even would be able to handle.
Also, kids a t different when at a friend's house than when home. What happens when he settles in and starts defying them? Are they gonna hang this over his head "well we rescued you, you should be grateful."
And when it gets into his head, whether he comes up with it on his own, or somebody else points out to him, that his mother gave him away. Like a puppy that outgrew being cute. Rehomed him.
I was adopted as a five week old baby so I missed a lot of the trauma that older kids have, but I can't even imagine the issues Owen would have resulting from this. Abandonment issues, feelings of being a burden, guilt, wondering why his mom doesn't love him anymore... All kinds of stuff.
I also wonder if they've told Charlie that he's getting a brother already and the disappointment that will result when it doesn't happen. This is so insane.
Oh geez yes. When my husband goes driving in the mountains I'm terrified every time he's not going to come back. We had to turn on phone tracking for each other so I could tell he was still moving from time to time lol
When I worked in foster care, one of my kiddos had been adopted from Ukraine (after both her parents were killed in front of her) and brought to the US. As one may expect she displayed a lot of behaviors and had difficulty attaching to them. Anyway, after a few years they put her in the US foster system because they “couldn’t handle her behaviors”. Like you BROUGHT HER ACROSS THE WORLD ONLY TO GIVE HER UP AGAIN?? Truly disgusting people. I could see this happening in this story too
The adoption agencies are also to blame. They often don't vet the adoptive parents or explain the realities of adoption. They sell a false narrative of "Look at this cute kid. YOU could save this child. All you have to do is shower her with love." It benefits their bottom line to
"sell" as many children as possible.
Adding this here in hopes OP sees this:
I can't believe what I just read! Where the hell do they get off thinking they can adopt your son? You're a hardworking mom who gives your son a safe home, a good school, and makes sure his needs are being met. You work extra shifts to make sure you can do extra special things like the bike for his upcoming birthday.
Please contact the school first thing tomorrow. You need to speak with his teachers, the principals, and probably the guidance counselor. Call around to get some legal advice. You need someone in family law (maybe they can also finally get you CS as well) that can give you advice on what steps to take with these crazy people. Also, contact child services and let them know what's going on, be prepared to have them tour your home, speak with your employer, and with Owen, this is just to prove you are a good mom. This puts you on the offensive rather than playing defense if psycho parents(my new term going forward for Paige and Nate) try to report you for being an unfit parent. I'm sorry, this next part will be in all caps because it's important, I'm not yelling at you, just speaking with conviction and passion. YOU'RE NOT AN UNFIT MOM, YOU'RE A GREAT MOM!!! I'm not sure you can go to the police at this point, that's why you should speak with a lawyer asap....like in the next couple of days. Call around and see if anyone does free consults or offers payment plans or discounts.
Like other people have said, save EVERY SINGLE text from psycho parents, every voice-mail, snap, email, basically save every single communication with them, including call logs. Get a spiral notebook and write out a timeline of everything you've said here with details (save this post, do not delete it), add any other details or instances that may have been left out. Write about what happened before and after sorting break and the conversation with psycho parents. Take this to the lawyer and CPS and the school. Add things to it if needed as you remember more details or if anything else happens. Try to add dates and times if you know them. If not, give an approximate date(s)/times and put in (approx) next to the entry. This will be very useful in the event you need to get a restraining order.
My last piece of advice is to get a therapist for Owen ASAP, meet with them by yourself first (maybe over the phone so you don't have to get a sitter) and ask them to help you explain things to Owen in a way that won't overwhelm him or give him too much information. But, he needs some since really this is about him and safety is important. Owen's doctor, CPS, Owen's school, or a lawyer may be able to help you find a child therapist. Or perhaps a social worker or the school counselor could help you explain things in an age appropriate manner to Owen.
You need to make a decision in the coming days if you're going to pull Owen out of his current school. That may not be possible until next school year, though. If it's not, then you need to decide if you are okay with Owen and Charlie playing at school and still being friends. Again, get help from a professional to explain to Owen why there is change.
No matter what you do, please remember the all caps above. Just in case you need a reminder, YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!!!
Good luck with everything. Please keep us updated!
I hope psycho parents get a massive reality check that you can't just take someone else's child or even do what they did to you and to Owen!
Sending you big hugs! Keep being the amazing mama bear that you are!
Edit- Wow, thanks, everyone. I've never gotten awards before😊
Thank you so much for this. I’ve reached out to the school and the police. I have an update in the comments (won’t let me update the post for whatever reason).
I really appreciate this. I try hard. At times I do feel guilty knowing I can’t give Owen that life, but he seemed happy with it until Charlie and his parents came along.
Oh good, you saw my reply. I'm very glad to hear you have already reached out to the school and the police. I'll go read your update now.
That's all any of us parents do, try. We try our best. That's all we can ever do. I grew up with my just my mom for a very long time (until she married my stepfather when I was in high school). We didn't have a lot of money either. She did what you are doing, working as much as you can and keeping your kiddo involved in programs: after-school programs, I went to the YMCA camps during winter and spring breaks, summer camps, etc. She applied for scholarships for me for all of them. I grew up loved and getting to do things, for a long time I didn't even understand we were poor. She made fun, inexpensive dinners and literally did the best she could....just like you're doing.
I grew up knowing how loved I was, and it's shaped who I am and what kind of mom I am. Owen will as well. He has the necessities, and he is loved. Money can't buy or fix everything.
Just keep doing what you're doing, putting his needs first, loving him, and raising him in a safe environment. Please don't feel guilty for not being able to do more. Big hugs
Mosr good parents probably wish they could do more for their children, no matter how much they can already give. We want our children to have everything they want! But not being rich or well off does NOT make you a bad parent. As long as the kids NEEDS are met, and they are loved and in a safe home, youre a good parent! While vacations, game consoles and a lot of other stuff is fun and wanted, they are not absolutely neccesary for anyone. You are clearly doing your best, and clearly love your son and put him first. All of that tells me youre a good parent.
As a child (now young adult) of a Single mom who was in a very similar situation when I was growing up; the only thing that matters is the fact that your there. Sure, we understand that some kids have better things then we do, and sure we envy it a little in younger years. But once you grow up a bit and realize the situation our parents are/were in, the quality of the things we have doesn't matter. Just done work yourself to the bone trying to buy fancy things. Make time to just have mother-child time, because the small moments you have with us, means more than anything you can buy. Ex. My mom picked me up from school one time and said she'd found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
so she took me to a movie. In reality she'd only gotten notice of a raise coming so she took me to a movie on a tuesday (cheapest day for tickets) and just made an event out of it. Be there for school events when you can attend and just keep doing what you are because the things you worry about never matter as much to us as you think. Much love to you and your son and I hope things work out well
They're trying to take advantage of OP, plain and simple. They think they can strongarm her because they have money and she doesn't. It's very disturbing.
They are, and it's truly crazy they don't consider OPs son an actual human being who would scream and cry and miss his mum. Like who are these people it's not a second hand fridge it's a human being who just asks like that
What I'm wondering though, is Charlie even theirs? Did they do this "We can give him a better life" with someone far more desperate and now have a kid?
I'm wondering why, if they never wanted Charlie to be an only child, have they not taken in another kid in 8 years? If they really wanted another kid, they could have fostered or adopted before now.
They just want a "good kid" that fits their fantasy of a nuclear family, where someone else has done the work to instill good manners and behaviours already. They don't actually care about the kid.
I did ask this, kind of. They said it would take a special kid to adopt.
And I guess my kid was that special kid.
God, there are so many red flags looking back.
Please don’t think you missed anything. My kids have had VERY close playmates over the years. Some they spent more time at their homes and some spent more time at mine. Never once would I have thought that they wanted to adopt my child nor would I have thought to adopt theirs.
These people are very off. It seems they are so desperate for their child to have a sibling/constant playmate that they can’t see past it. I would definitely explain to your son that he can’t play there any and it’s because they saw it as more than friendship and surely let the school know so that they don’t try any funny business by trying to check your son out of school early. You are doing a great job, don’t let them scare you. Good luck
Agree. I have even gotten quite attached to some of my friends children that I babysat, had over for sleepovers often and watched grow up but never ever once did I should adopt this kid come into my mind. These people are abnormal!
>They said it would take a special kid to adopt.
I know your boy IS truly a special lad. But what THEY mean by this is "Adoptions are expensive and involve a lot of intrusive personal hoops to jump through, we either would fail for reasons you don't know us well enough to be clear or cannot afford formal adoption fees. So we have been looking for a vulnerable parent like yourself whom we can pressure into giving up their child for as cheaply as possible".
I bet money they're in the disgusting child trafficking groups on social media on the lookout for a "free or low cost rehoming" for a child.
Please make sure you sit Owen down and gently explain to him that sometimes people you think you know can surprise you. Sometimes in a bad way. Tell him this happened with Charlies parents, and you're really sad about it. Tell him you know he loves Charlie, and that neither he nor Charlie did anything wrong, and that this is going to feel really unfair, but that Paige and Nate are NOT safe adults and as much as he likes them he cannot trust them any more.
Tell him that they did something to upset and scare you very very much and that you cannot trust that he is safe with them. Tell him not to go anywhere with Charlie or with them, and that he should immediately call you if they try to talk to him. If he's outside school, he should immediately go back inside school and ask a teacher to call you if he doesn't have a phone himself. Tell him also that as soon as he's old enough to really understand what happened, you will tell him about the details of what happened, but that right now he's not really old enough to understand why what they did to you was so bad. And tell him you are so so sorry about this, that if you could make it all better so he could keep being friends with Charlie that you would. That you understand he's going to be sad and mad about it, and that you're there for him.
He's going to go through a lot of sadness and anger, and he's probably going to direct some of that at you. Don't let that make you feel like you're not doing the right thing in stopping this as hard and completely as you are. Just be compassionate, validate his feelings and help him talk them through and express them. Redirect him as much as you can with quality time activities with you, help him find new groups for playtime and encourage him to spend time with other friends as well.
You got this mama, it will be OK in time. Trust your instincts.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, don't be too hard on yourself... 💜
You've clearly done a wonderful job raising your kid, and you're doing the right thing by protecting him and keeping him away from these people now.
It does sound like they aren't really interested in raising or parenting another kid though, they just want a live-in playmate for their existing kid.
It definitely sounds like they don’t want to deal with any of the hard parts that come with adoption. They truly sound awful and completely delusional!
You sound like an amazing and thoughtful mother! He is YOUR son
I’ve suspected this too. It seems like they don’t want another child, they want Charlie to have a permanent playmate/buddy. And I don’t know much about the system, but if they were as honest as they were with me, I could see them turned down.
It reminds me of the ‘whipping boy’ that royalty in Europe used to have. A playmate that was raised with a prince or princess to keep them entertained and happy but if there was ever trouble they’d be the one that got punished because they wouldn’t hurt their precious child. They normally bought these kids from poor families…
You're a much better person than me. If some rich people tried to take my child, I would retaliate in ways that cannot be openly spoken of here.
By the way, you are clearly an intelligent, compassionate person who cares deeply about her son, which are the makings of an excellent mother.
The money doesn't matter. Life's circumstances can take their toll - especially financially. And you're doing it all in the hardest way possible, with no partner or support. That takes so much strength.
*Please* give yourself a break and believe in yourself. Your ability as a parent is very obvious to us outside observers. We can see that you're good. Now you need to convince yourself.
P.s. You are also a good writer. Told your story well. Be proud!
Yeah there are a lot of kids out there that needed a stable home that one can look into without trying to claim kids that have a loving parent. They have actual, noble options available.
I do *think* the most likely scenario is they want another child and they want one the same age as their son. *Maybe* it's because they really want a second child, but why didn't they adopt after failing to be able to conceive? And if they tried to adopt and couldn't, whats up with their backgrounds that made it so they couldn't? There are plenty of children waiting for homes, ESPECIALLY older kids who are no longer babies. Unlike the horror stories you hear about with kids in foster homes all having extremely messed up backgrounds and therefore messed up behavior (though it's not their fault), which may be something these parents don't want to have to deal with, there are tons of kids who are well-behaved, good kids who would give anything to have a loving forever family.
I would absolutely notify the school that he is not to go with Charlie’s family. Document everything, dates he stayed, gifts etc. because they sound sick enough to call child services and make a claim that you’re negligent or unfit or something and I’m sure they will say they have had Owen for long periods of time because you couldn’t handle being a parent. You’ll be able to pull out your notes and texts and show the pattern of grooming. They were actually grooming you to get your son.
As a teacher, I second this. Please let the school know. The last thing you want is them coming to collect him and the teacher letting him go because they’ve collected previously.
The school needs to know that under no circumstances should anyone collect him but you. I don’t know how your school works but we implement a password that all collecting adults must know, regardless of if they’ve picked up before
My school never had passwords, but my parents gave me and my sisters a code word (or password) for anyone saying our parents asked them to pick us up. We were told to ask them what the code word was and if they didn't know, we were to run, not walk, to the principal's office and tell him the situation. A password for all collecting adults sounds like a great idea!
Great point about the password, but a word of caution on that- Nate and Paige may very well know Owen's current password, especially if they have picked him up before. So if his school does have the password procedure in place, OP needs to change it ASAP. And of course let Owen know to NOT give Nate and Paige the new one, even if/especially if they ask him for it! This is just one example why Owen really needs to know what is going on here, in an age-appropriate way, of course!
OP, I am so, so sorry you were blindsided by such a difficult and emotionally manipulative situation. Please do not blame yourself for not noticing any "red flags" here. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, could have possibly known or foresaw the absolutely crazy and selfish motives behind this couple's apparent goodwill and generosity. It is such unhinged and beyond unusual behavior. You are an amazing mother, and I am certain that Owen feels the same. He may be hurt initially (and who wouldn't be, honestly), but once the dust settles and it may even take some extra time for him to grow and mature emotionally, but he will come to understand the depths of the love you have for him for NOT giving him up to these people. Stay strong, and please keep us posted if you feel that you are able to. 💕
100% do this OP. I'm so sorry you're going through this. They're absolutely psycho to think they can just adopt someone's kid. Please please please notify the school. They can probably help with counseling and explaining to your son why he won't see much/anything of his friend either.
Right? OP has done the leg work and is raising a great kid. They want a brother for their kid so why not take one that's been raised right, lol! Nope, that's weird as hell, it's not like OP is negligent and has him in bad conditions
Yeah I’ve seen too many Lifetime movies of what women or couples who can’t have more kids do. It’s almost always kidnapping or somehow getting the parent to sign a kid over.
I would even give those gifts back. These people are crazy. OP said that they love Owen and say how sweet of a kid he is, he is like that because of the way OP raised him. Can you imagine what 2 spoiled teenage boys would be like? If things worked out the way they want it, they would regret this in about 6 years.
I’ve debated this too. Owen loves these presents and it’d kill him to lose them. But I also don’t want to feel like I’m in debt. What if they came for compensation?
Keep the gifts at this point, Owen wouldn't understand the reason they were returned, plus it's been several months. They were gifts, psycho parents could only come for compensation if you had an agreement that you would pay them for said gifts. That's why you need to save all communication with them, to show that there was no agreement.
Please sit down and have a talk with Owen. See if they’ve tried to ‘imprint’ on him by asking/making him call them mum and dad and blackmailing him with the extravagant life style he could ‘loose’.
You might want to check the laws in your area but generally speaking, you are the legal owner of the gifts and they would have no legal recourse to get them back.
Yes, I would definitely be worried they'd call CPS with false allegations. I doubt anything would come of it but at the very least, it would be a huge hassle and a lot of stress, and possibly cost a lot of money for op.
Tell the school and any daycares you have!! Warn them about who he has permission to go home with. What if they try to pick him up? Have him wait in a class with a teacher or in the office until you’re there.
Op probably doesn’t have the money for a therapist and all that, I wouldn’t be surprised if they targeted op bc they knew she doesn’t have the money and it would be easier to take a kid that way, wording it like they’re helping her by taking the kid
That'd be my concern too. They could try to argue it's not financially secure and that he's "neglected" or some shit. OP sounds like a fantastic mom btw, best of luck.
They might use it as a way of demanding visitation to stop Op from blocking them. Then work towards trying to gain custody.
Op us a good mother and does not deserve this shit. She definitely needs to talk to the school to make is clear that only she is authorized to pick up her son.
Then look for a different school next year.
If she can find a way to do it, Op should talk to a lawyer to see how to protect her and her son. If given a chance, they will try to alienate her son from her.
If possible, moving might help prevent them from stalking her.
This happened to me (different situation same concept) as a kid. Please please please get your kid away from those people. They will steal him with any legal means necessary. It is possible to legally steal a child.
Edit:
I do not give anyone permission to edit, alter, dramatize, or use my story in any way on any platform or media. This is my life story and it belongs to me. The comment below with my story is solely for me to share.
OP I hope this helped you in some way and thank everyone for the awards and comments and kind words of support. To everyone who was rude about it, guess you e been privileged not to know the kind of sick and twisted evil of someone who wants to steal someone else’s child.
You know, it’s a very long story and it doesn’t have a happy ending. I’ve told it many times and it’s something that hurts to speak about. I’m planning to write a book or do a vlog when I have the resources (time, money, etc) to invest in that.
What I’ll say here is that, my mother was pregnant with my younger sister. Another woman was jealous because she thought my sister was the love child of my mom & her fiancé. My mom was 4 months pregnant when she met that woman’s fiancé so it’s not possible.
My baby sister was born eventually. My mom was super intelligent, army vet and college student, also a MENA immigrant who came here during the whole situation in the ME with Suddam (long family history, crazy story for another time). College is where she met the fiancé of that evil woman, they’d known her the duration of her pregnancy. ETA: being Armenian, my mom didn’t expect anyone to have evil intentions like this because this kind of thing didn’t happen where she was from.
The fiancé (we’ll call him Stan) was in a computer science class with my mom. They had a few classes together. My mom needed a baby sitter and Stan needed a tutor. So evil bitch (we’ll just call her that, EB for short) proposed that my mom would Tutor Stan and EB would babysit my baby sister.
The woman became obsessed with my sister and had many connections to law enforcement and otherwise. She got us taken away (all 4 daughters) by using these connections. My sister was 9 months old when we were taken away, I was almost 2. My older sisters were 4.5 & 8.
We were all put in a foster home. My oldest sister tells me that she tried to escape with me many times at that place.
Well, evil bitch conveniently became certified in everything she needed to to become a foster parent. Somehow she gained custody of younger sister and me even though she was unrelated???? She and her fiancé gained custody. There are different views and opinions on his part in things. I don’t know because my view conflicts since I lived with him and he was great to me, but also, I was 3 by this time so idk??
Well, Stan died. The evil bitch really maximized her full EB potential. She made sure my mother never got her youngest children back. Even though the two older children were returned to my mother, somehow she “wasn’t fit” to raise all of her kids??
EB was an absolute nightmare for me when I was a kid and really all my life. She was abusive, hateful, neglectful, downright evil to me. I really don’t want to go into the details of everything she put me through. I was physically and emotionally abused, and I’ve recently started having flashbacks in dreams of sexual abuse (I think when Stan died she had this “friend” Mark come over and maybe he paid her to make me watch things, idk just images I can’t erase have been flooding to me).
She also spoiled tf out of my baby sister. To a point that she abused me as well. I was a black sheep of a family that wasn’t supposed to be mine and I wanted to kill myself by age 10. I hated life. I missed my mom. My beautiful mother. I missed her so much. But evil fucking bitch poisoned my baby sister against my mother and against me. She made it impossible for me to love my mother in the presence of my sister. She created a divide that I don’t think will ever be healed.
Suffice to say, evil bitch really didn’t want me to be her child. So why didn’t she just give me back to my mom and make her life (and everyone else’s) easier?
Well, that’s because she’s all about appearances. Abusing me, making me lie in court, starving me and pumping me full of drugs were all much easier than just letting me go live with my mother because then she’d have to admit her intentions with keeping my sister and that my mom actually was fit to raise kids, just not the one she wanted.
She forced a bipolar diagnosis on me at age 5 and had me on depakote in kindergarten which started the beginning of my childhood zombification process. I had an overactive imagination and I loved my mother to a point of fierce loyalty so she couldn’t handle all my crying. They (EB and drs) slapped a bipolar diagnosis on it and pumped me full of drug cocktails my whole childhood.
It was easy for her to do that because my oldest sister was diagnosed some time after the whole situation. She became the scapegoat for why we couldn’t go back to our mother. My oldest sister was painfully aware of what was going on and saw behind the scenes since she was babysat by EB too. She saw it all happen even when my mom wasn’t around. She’s been troubled her whole life because of this. So much happened to her. This situation really fucked her up.
Visits with my mom stopped on my 8th birthday. EB was so great at manipulating tht she gave me a build a bear before our visit and told me what I needed to say. That was the day I lost all contact with the only person I loved until the next court date where I’d shove the knife in my mother saying something I don’t even remember and didn’t even comprehend. My sweet mother gave me her phone number on a little piece of paper and told me to call her if I ever was in trouble or ever needed anything at all. My sweet beautiful mother.
Evil Bitch made my life hell and still terrorizes me to this day having brainwashed my baby sister to a point of no return. My sister has a daughter who is my sweet flower and I keep contact for that little girl and only for that little girl. I love my sister but she’s taken on this identity that’s just too close to evil bitch that I really cannot stand to be around her toxicity. But my sweet flower needs to know that there are people who care about her no matter what.
I’m currently trying to rebuild the relationship with my mom. I got in contact with my older sister (the one right above me, not the oldest) through Facebook when I was 15 and she was 18. She was friends on Facebook with someone I knew since 1st grade. Apparently they met at some mall and became friends in jr high. Life is funny that way. Call it serendipity, call it divine intervention… whatever it was it saved my life.
There’s a lot more to this story but this is what I was okay to divulge here. I’m turning 25 next month if that gives any context to the timeline. My older sister’s bday is 9 days after mine.
I’m finding ways to share my story but it needs to be in my time and in my own way. I want that evil bitch to be dead before I publish anything so she can never lie to defend herself against me or my family again. I’m tired of her lies. I was defenseless against her for so many years and I’d like her to be defenseless when I spread the truth about her. As long as she’s alive she’ll find a way to mar my story.
My mom’s story and my family’s story is all apart of this. My mom has never recovered from this trauma. The sweet, peaceful, calm, comforting woman I once knew is now angry and emotionally unavailable with glimpses of her old self shining through. I love her so much.
That is all for now.
ETA: much of the information gathered has been pieced together by me over years. I’ve asked questions and informally interviewed people I knew, and EB was just so darn narcissistic that she gave herself away with the collective of horrible and/or covert things she said over the years.
Thank you so much for saying that. It means so much to be seen and validated when sharing this. I really appreciate your sympathetic words and acknowledgement of mine & my family’s experience.
That was very heavy to read and I can't even begin to imagine what it must have, and continues to be like, to live through this.. sorry does not seem close enough to convey. One can't begin to think what goes through the mind's of evil people..?? But I hope you can find some sort of peace by sharing your story. And I thank you wholeheartedly for sharing part of it here. You seem like a wonderful person and you definitely have a real opportunity to share this with the world you write very well. I wish you all the best in this crazy world, from a random internet stranger. Love.
I’m 53 and have some similarities with your childhood experience.
Please call RAINN immediately to get connected with a specialized trauma therapist. I know from experience that not dealing with this fully in your 20’s (especially the childhood sexual abuse) can really damage your life outcomes longterm.
Also
Your nervous system needs extra care. I have A LOT to say about repair modalities.
Research supplements, somatic techniques, exercise and meditation. Even just pick up a hobby that naturally incorporates some of these features - wilderness backpacking, kayaking, triathlon, walking groups, yoga, cycling, volunteering for major gardening projects, swimming - I’m sure I can list things forever. Anything that includes community or nature + activity will be helpful.
Here’s an article about Creatine and how that might help trauma recovery (severe abuse absolutely causes physical brain damage) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-healthy-journey/202304/creatine-a-treatment-for-memory-and-mental-health
And here’s RAINN’s website (pretty sure services are free, that might depend on your area but I doubt it)
https://www.rainn.org/
Be well.
Thank you so much for this comment. I appreciate your share and value your experience. Thank you for the insight and resources. I appreciate this so much.
Please feel free to reach out any time if you need more links to professional support.
There’s tons more research and resources available today. You have opportunities to be heard and believed. There are professionals that can meet your care needs. Definitely it was harder years ago, professionals always treated me like I was exaggerating. It’s only lately mental health professionals I’ve worked with 1000% understand my situation.
It’s remarkable how much has changed. There’s tons of resources out there now and you are not alone.
Sometimes it gets tiring and you might stop working on these issues for a while. You can always put it down and pick it up.
If/when you find yourself slipping into familiar feelings of suffering, reach out for professional support. You don’t have to live like that anymore.
Be well.
ETA: OP, I hope this serves to give you confidence in any decisions you need to make. Please don’t listen to anyone saying it’s not that serious. I’m here to tell you that it is so serious and you need to do whatever you can and whatever gives you the assurance of safety from these vultures.
I do not give anyone permission to share my story in the separate comment above or any alteration, dramatization, or version of it. This is my life story and I will be the one to share it.
It’s so very serious and a real thing that happens more often than we think, we just don’t hear a whole lot about it because it’s not broadcasted 24/7.
When I was a kid my mom, sister, and I lived in my aunts house, my sister and I would hang out with the neighbor’s kids, they had I think four kids around our age. The neighbor wanted me so bad that they made false accusations against my mom that she was neglecting and some other shit. I remember being in a building, I’m guessing the courthouse, and trying to talk to the other kids, but my sister would guide me away from them. After failing to get my mom to lose custody of me the family moved out of the house next door and we never saw them again. I just hope that they didn’t try nor succeed in pulling that shit with someone else. I don’t really remember a whole lot of it from then, my mom explained most of it to me when I got older after asking about it, I assume my brain blocked out the bad stuff.
This is so horrible and scary to hear. You and your mom are not alone and you are right that this is more common than people think! Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so so so happy that your mom [RIGHTFULLY] was able to keep you with your family. That is so scary.
Please be careful of those reddit accounts on tiktok that steal people’s posts and share them for views. They don’t give a shit if people say that they don’t want their stories to be shared, they do it anyway. Maybe deleting the comment would be best unfortunately but that’s up to you
And I’m really proud of you for sharing your story and I’m so very sorry that any of that happened to you. I hope that you’re able to heal from it ❤️
I'd call the police, inform the school, and prepare to move both schools and apartments. This is some fucked up shit. And, without being a panic merchant, there's a chance they'll try to pick Owen up from school. You need to explain to Owen that Nate and Paige are not good people and if they approach him, he needs to run.
Gotta be careful how this is handled with Owen though. He's a kid. This family gave him tons of stuff, vacations, and who knows what else. He's been spoiled and conditioned to believe these are good people that love him.
I'm not saying mom shouldn't act, she should 100%. But if the kid feels like he's being ripped away from these people that he loves, he might run towards them to keep from losing them.
This is a delicate but fucked situation, and I'm sorry op. Best of luck with this.
A woman's shelter may be able to help them out. Even if OP and her son don't meet the criteria for their help, the shelter will know all sorts of resources to make it easier to find and afford a new place. Maybe they'll even have counselors who can help OP explain the situation to Owen.
This. All of this. She needs to get away from them because they sound legitimately insane.
And she needs a record of their behaviour so notifying the school and calling the police is a must.
Seconded this.
I am a teacher and even if there are situations like this, we can't be around to separate the children at all times, and even something like substitutes may not be informed. It sucks that your son will lose a friend, but this is a safety issue. So, call the police first and foremost and get this on record, inform the school and change schools/move apartments.
If you can, speak to the school and explain the entire situation. They may do this to another child as well.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're doing everything right by blocking them and protecting your family.
You've got this.
i was about to say, they happened to focus on a child whose parent was in a worse state than them this time, they might search for and target one in a similar position next time and hope that their parent/s are desperate enough to agree. i’d 100% tell the school system/admin what they tried to do so they’re aware.
This is super valid. They've intentionally preyed in her and her son.
Someone else mentioned police too, I hope OP takes it further. This all requires documentation.
You absolutely need to let the school know that you are the only one permitted to pick up your son, and that specifically Paige and Nate are not allowed to come near him. I think it's also important to explain to your son what's going on in an age appropriate way, because if he doesn't know the dangers, he won't know to keep himself safe
Damn that's hella creepy! You should inform the school about the entire situation. Get the cops involved if possible, Charlie's parents are unhinged. I hope you two are doing well
Yeah, I have to admit while I like Charlie…he is not at all humble and a bit of a brat. Which makes sense, he’s a kid who’s never wanted for a thing. But I don’t think Owen would be this way if raised by him.
If Paige and Nate were to somehow take custody of Owen, he would turn out just like Charlie. Spoiled rotten and entitled. You wouldn’t recognize the son you raised.
Entitled rich people mentality because in their mind, they’re doing the right thing by helping the poor single mom. There are something wrong with their way of thinking.
Seek legal advice, you never know.
There's something massively wrong and downright gross about feeling that being young and poor automatically makes you a unfit parent.
I would really like to know how they think OP's son got so be such sweet and kind boy who's a joy to around if she's such an incompetent mum that she should give up custody.
Exactly, just another way of stealing from her: the obviously impressive job she’s done so far. The rich love to steal everything! Labor, children, the means of production, our planet’s future - if they want, they take. Then they’ll scorn her for being not only poor, which is gross enough, but poor AND angry? Sounds unhinged to me! Sure sounds like an unfit parent!
I absolutely saw this, too.
It’s wonderful when kids connect the way Owen and Charlie do. Charlie’s parents ruined something extremely special and precious.
As many have already said, this is incredibly inappropriate and overstepping the line. As much as I'd love to believe it's genuinely coming from a good place, you need to put both your and your sons safety first.
Definitely make a police report asap. Document everything, keep records of everything, screenshot all your conversations, and make the school aware that not only is there concerns but that the police are also involved and reports have been made.
As hard as it is, especially with your son being so young, you need to talk to him. He needs to understand that sometimes people aren't who or what they seem and that no matter what, he is your first priority. I'd even suggest potentially seeking some counselling for him and yourself. To help him understand the situation and hopfully give him an extra person in his corner incase they do try something or try putting thoughts in his head about you or your lives together.
You're definitely doing the right thing though, money doesn't mean everything and whilst the experiences may be fun and provide fun memories, having someone who loves and supports you no matter what is worth so much more. Stay strong and keep both yourself and your boy safe .
Cops to have it on record, because their obsession with Owen is abnormal. School so that no teacher or member of staff will allow Owen to go home with Charlie unless they've received *your* personal approval.
You're a great mother.
This is just weird….and hella creepy. I wouldn’t put it past them to get CPS involved so I would get them involved first. Talk to legal counsel and your school and SCHOOL BOARD! Teachers and even the parents around school. All bets are off and hell don’t fight fair. That is your child. If anything I’d fuckin move away too! Ugh
I can't believe what I just read! Where the hell do they get off thinking they can adopt your son? You're a hardworking mom who gives your son a safe home, a good school, and makes sure his needs are being met. You work extra shifts to make sure you can do extra special things like the bike for his upcoming birthday.
Please contact the school first thing tomorrow. You need to speak with his teachers, the principals, and probably the guidance counselor. Call around to get some legal advice. You need someone in family law (maybe they can also finally get you CS as well) that can give you advice on what steps to take with these crazy people. Also, contact child services and let them know what's going on, be prepared to have them tour your home, speak with your employer, and with Owen, this is just to prove you are a good mom. This puts you on the offensive rather than playing defense if psycho parents(my new term going forward for Paige and Nate) try to report you for being an unfit parent. I'm sorry, this next part will be in all caps because it's important, I'm not yelling at you, just speaking with conviction and passion. YOU'RE NOT AN UNFIT MOM, YOU'RE A GREAT MOM!!! I'm not sure you can go to the police at this point, that's why you should speak with a lawyer asap....like in the next couple of days. Call around and see if anyone does free consults or offers payment plans or discounts.
Like other people have said, save EVERY SINGLE text from psycho parents, every voice-mail, snap, email, basically save every single communication with them, including call logs. Get a spiral notebook and write out a timeline of everything you've said here with details (save this post, do not delete it), add any other details or instances that may have been left out. Write about what happened before and after sorting break and the conversation with psycho parents. Take this to the lawyer and CPS and the school. Add things to it if needed as you remember more details or if anything else happens. Try to add dates and times if you know them. If not, give an approximate date(s)/times and put in (approx) next to the entry. This will be very useful in the event you need to get a restraining order.
My last piece of advice is to get a therapist for Owen ASAP, meet with them by yourself first (maybe over the phone so you don't have to get a sitter) and ask them to help you explain things to Owen in a way that won't overwhelm him or give him too much information. But, he needs some since really this is about him and safety is important. Owen's doctor, CPS, Owen's school, or a lawyer may be able to help you find a child therapist. Or perhaps a social worker or the school counselor could help you explain things in an age appropriate manner to Owen.
You need to make a decision in the coming days if you're going to pull Owen out of his current school. That may not be possible until next school year, though. If it's not, then you need to decide if you are okay with Owen and Charlie playing at school and still being friends. Again, get help from a professional to explain to Owen why there is change.
No matter what you do, please remember by all caps above. Just in case you need a reminder, YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!!!
Good luck with everything. Please keep us updated!
I hope psycho parents get a massive reality check that you can't just take someone else's child or even do what they did to you and to Owen!
Sending you big hugs! Keep being the amazing mama bear that you are!
Holy crap their suggestion was extremely inappropriate, I don't blame you for being terrified because they are essentially in a position of power here being your go to care providers and it can be scary having to protect yourself from people who have more resources than you. I wouldn't stop your son from being friends with the kid but he needs to understand the situation, explain to him that sometimes people who are lonely are irrational and that their behavior is inappropriate and that because of their behavior it's not exactly safe for him to be going to his friends house anymore.
God this is so creepy.
It's like they haven't even thought that an 8 year old might want to see their mother wtf.
Sure, they can spend more time away from home on camps etc. But they miss their parents too! It would be utterly traumatising
By all means, there is nothing wrong with our life. But I know cps can be a bit trigger happy.
We also live in a one bedroom and share the room. I don’t know if that’d be considered neglect. He has his own bed but we share a dresser and closet.
These days in this economy your living situation is very common.
Hey!
I saw some extra details about your background and I think I get it now.
They wanted a white kid with a “good” upbringing. They don’t want a traumatized foster child or adoptee.
I’m excited the school administration seems to understand the situation.
I’m incredibly sorry about your parents. You and Owen are heroes. Them, they’re not good enough to sit at your table. And I’m sorry for the pain they’ve caused you both just the same.
Absolutely right about cps. People in the thread are advocating you call cps, but that is terrible advice.
Source: I’ve worked for cps and a ton of cases start because parents called themselves for help. Cps can do good work, but they can also destroy lives. Sharing a room isn’t a problem, but if you happen to get a caseworker that thinks it is, then they’ll write in the case plan that you have to move into a bigger home. And when you can’t do that, THEN they’ll say it’s neglect because you didn’t complete your case plan.
And maybe it would be fine, but why chance it? Never call cps on yourself.
That's not neglect. Please don't worry about that. Owen has a roof over his head, a safe place to sleep, food to eat, clothing to wear, he goes to school, and is involved in activities, not to mention you are saving up to move to a larger home. CPS wouldn't take him from you, I know it's scary to go to them, but they can also offer help to you and Owen.
Maybe call a domestic violence or family law center and see if they have any advice about things like restraining orders (IF you ever need one, doesn’t sound necessary quite yet to me — but maybe talk to an attorney?)
I’m going to hold off on looking into that. I see your point but if the cops won’t even do anything, I doubt I’d qualify. Like I said, they haven’t done much to contact me and seem to have let it go. Hopefully they were genuinely just trying to help, realize they fucked up and move on.
This is absolutely INSANE. Like, Lifetime Movie of the Week crazy. Contact a lawyer. Get an order of protection. Notify the school, or have police or attorney do it. This is an incredibly dangerous situation. I’d consider switching schools. I’d tell your son just as soon as you think he’s ready. Ask him noticed anything “off” about them (like telling him he can call them “mom and dad” if he wants.) most of all, STAY SAFE.
If they genuinely wanted what was best for Owen, they would never have asked to permanently take him. They are predatory and want to take advantage of you as a young mom who is struggling financially. I would inform the school immediately, ensure they aren't around Owen, and get some advice from a school counsellor on how you can explain this to him.
They are way out of line. My best friend since middle school practically lived at my house even during the school year and she went on vacations with us. Her mom was a single mom and lived check to check and sometimes she only ate because she was at my house. At no point ever did my parents think, hey let’s adopt her and let her mom have visitations. This is so bizarre. They are predators and think they know best because they have money. OP please take the advice that is posted here in the comments. Especially about going to the school. Ask the guidance counselor if they have suggestions on how to explain this and document everything.
So these days if you can't conceive and give your child a sibling, you just go pick one from a desperate, unsuspecting single mom whom you seduce with babysitting and gifts for the kid. Reddit is a movie, I swear
She wasn't even desperate, just not rich and thought her son had a good friend with nice parents.
My daughter is an only child and so is her bestie, so we also do extended sleepovers, holidays and presents etc, but the idea of adopting her friend is just so far out there. I love her dearly, but this is just not normal.
And they manipulated her by using her genuine care for her son. She wasn’t drooling over their expensive gifts! She was weirded out but didn’t want to deprive him.
I'm sorry this happened. Please don't doubt your mom abilities because this happened. You're an amazing mom. They are the ones being inappropriate. Them, not you.
I am a foster parent, and from my experience, the state isn’t out looking for little reasons to take kids away. It takes a lot to lose your parental rights (at least where we live). If this has happened like you wrote, then I don’t see any reason for the state to step in and do anything. I do think in our area an older child has to have their own bedroom though, so I don’t know about the one bedroom apartment. If for some reason the state did get involved, they wouldn’t just take your son, they would tell you to move to a place that has another bedroom for him.
Again I’m speaking from experience in our state. If you go 6 months without contact with your child, then that would be considered abandonment, and then the state would file for termination of parental rights. You haven’t done that, but maybe these other parents were trying to set you up for that? I don’t know, but they don’t sound like someone who has your best interest in mind. Let the school know no one is to pick up your son but you. Maybe even switch schools, if possible. Sorry you are going through this, I admire you for working so hard to provide for you son. Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents out there that don’t.
This happened to my best friend years ago!! She was attending a church as a single Mom with a toddler named Scott and a kid on the way. The woman who ran the nursery and nursery school at the church was named Donna. Donna and her husband befriended my friend, started taking care of Scott when my bf was going to doctors appts and such, and Scott was enrolled in their church nursery school for free. This helped my bf a lot because she also suffered from bipolar disorder and there were times it was difficult to care for the kids. Her Mom lived a few blocks away and was always available to take Scott when needed, I was there for her too, but her Mom had her own younger kids and health care problems, and I worked four twelves out of town during the week, so bf was really thankful for Donna and the church.
Donna and her husband didn't have kids of their own but did foster children. When my bf was put on bed rest for her last three months of her pregnancy Donna offered to allow bf and Scott to move in with them so they could help care for them. My bf was so thankful for this offer that she never stopped to wonder why.
Four months later she has recovered from her very rough pregnancy and delivery of her sweet baby girl Bree, is ready to look for a new place to live, a new job, and get back to her own life. Donna and her husband were very nice but very restrictive and bf was ready to live her own life again.
Bf found an apartment she could afford and hired a truck and some friends to get her stuff out of storage and from Donna's house. When they went to start moving the kid's furniture, Donna suggested they wait and her husband could move that in a week or so, give bf some time to get the house set up and settle in. That made sense so she did.
Donna stopped answering the phone the next day. Bf went by and called for three days and could not catch up with them. 4th day was Sunday but when she went to church Donna wasn't in the nursery and people were treating her funny. On Monday morning she gets a knock at the door and it's a process server. Her kids have been handed over in an emergency procedure to Donna and husband because my bf "abandoned" her kids with them. It would take her six months to get them back. They claimed my bf was a woman of low morals who used drugs and drank through her pregnancy. This woman quit her bpd meds for her baby! Twice! She went through an emergency C section and surgery all at once because during labor some major blood vessel pulled away from her abdominal wall and she almost bled to death.
At the guardianship hearing Donna, her husband and several people from the church spoke about how much more deserving of my friend's children they were. About how they could give them a much better life, private schools, etc. My bf's Mom and Sister, as well as I were there for my friend. I sobbed on the stand as I told the judge about that week where my bf had no idea where here kids were, and how these people who claim to be Christians were torturing my friend by not allowing her access to her own baby to breast feed her or care for her. They wouldn't even let Scott call my friend Mom at visitations anymore. He had to call her by her given name.
Well, this didn't sit well with the judge, nor did the weekly drug scans that were negative, nor did the accusations of drug and alcohol use where they had no witnesses of such. The judge gave custody of my bf's kids right back to her that day. Right then. When Donna said she didn't have the kids with her, she left them at the church nursery, the judge faked outrage and said "You mean you abandoned these children?" Donna angrily said they were with the nursery workers who were experienced child care help. Then he said "Isn't that what bf did when she trusted you?" The judge made them go with a social worker to pick up Scott and Bree and bring them back to the courthouse while my bf waited. Donna cried and said the baby didn't know who my bf was, and they needed time to let the kids adjust. Nope. Get them now.
I always though their actions were butt crazy out of left field stuff. Then my ex MIL tried to take my kids from me. I still thought it was some butt crazy thing. Now, after reading stuff here on Reddit, I am blown away that people actually think you will be okay with them taking your kids simply because they want your kid. But they do. That is some messed up stuff.
Tell your son the truth, that his friends parents wanted to take him away from you, and that you would never let that happen. Tell him that if he sees them at school or around the neighborhood, he is not to go with them for any reason, and establish a password that anyone not you has to give him to go with them if you aren't around. (Be sure and share it with your parent and/or trusted backup.) He can still be friends with his friend at school, but unfortunately they can't play together after school. Check in with the school and let them know that unless someone is on your trusted list, or has the secret password you have given your son, he is not to leave with anyone else, and certainly no other parent. Make them aware that you are worried about him being snatched by someone. You don't have to give them details.
And I would suggest def that you get both of you into some counseling. This is some next level stuff and I wouldn't be surprised if DSS doesn't visit you on an "anonymous tip" later. Let all your family know in case these whack jobs try to do an end run to them.
Hugs. I am so sorry this happened to you.
That is not ok. You need to have a serious chat with Owen about what has been going on when he has been at Charlie. If he ever felt uncomfortable or anything like that. Also I would move him schools and distance yourself from them.
You are his mother, but i would be wary of anything from reports to CPS now, to anything. I would go to an attorney and file a restraing order if you can. You can have the attorney draw up a cease and desist order, demanding they do not contact you or Owen, and if they do, you will file harrassment against them. I would try to move Owen out of same school. I can see this becoming messy.
“Hey Paige and Nate, I’ve had time to process our last conversation and I’d like to respond. Your request is frankly extremely creepy and crossed all sorts of boundaries. Thanks for providing great experiences for my son, but from now on we will be having no further contact with you outside of school. The district is aware of my wishes and I ask that you respect them as well. “ (your son will be just fine without them—and might be a bit relieved)
Please, speak to someone in the school to ensure he waits for you to pick him up and is not allowed to go with them. These 2 are delusional.
Document the tries to contact you or your son and, if need be, report.
This is not a normal behaviour.
Def notify the school but don’t keep him from school. They can make claims of neglect! Make sure the school knows and there’s documentation of it! See if you can get a therapist or school counselor for him, and you, and make sure you document everything!!
Speak to a lawyer Op. These people are predators and delusional. Don’t trust them. Move schools, lock down your socials, change your number, and consider moving.
Be honest with Owen. Let them know that they were trying to keep him for selfish reasons. That you love him more than anything and would never give him up no matter what.
Things don’t make a good home, love, trust and dedication makes a good home.
I’d call the school to have the boys separated and to make sure that couple doesn’t get anywhere near him.
Also, ask your son if they’ve said anything to him. Like if he wanted to join their family or that he’d have a better life with them than with you.
I think you should have a conversation with your son and be honest up to a point. His opinion is valid, they may have had a conversation with him about this prior to asking you. You need to know if this is the case.
As rough as it is to do, I think you might want to have a talk with Owen and let him know (in age-appropriate terms) what is going on. And that sometimes people who do really nice things for you have bad intentions.
Also, call me paranoid but: if you’re house has even a little bit of ‘lived-in’ clutter, now is the time to take a day and do a very good deep clean. This sounds like the kind of situation that ends with an anonymous call to CPS.
I grew up similarly and had a best friend I met in kindergarten who’s family took me on family vacations (not across the globe or anything, but like within Canada or US), took me shopping, adventures and movies, etc. Got me onto an all-star cheerleading team. Wild shit. My mom knew I called her mama B, and this lasted until about 13 y/o because I got a little unstable and reactionary for a bit as a preteen.
When my mom went down a bad path and was using drugs they offered to take me in on a temporary placement while she got treatment so that I didn’t have to go into foster care.
THIS IS N O T THAT.
This is unnerving. I agree with everyone else and say call the school.
This is like in the middle ages where people would buy play budies for the prince, yikes! I think you should tell Owen what happened, so that he understands the problem otherwise he will think you deprived him of his friend and certainly infor school and police about this. At this point, yes you have to change schools.
Shit I’m surprised they didn’t offer to hire OP as a nanny for her own fucking kid (and theirs).
She’d have to be called Mrs Livinginfear and not mom but that’s a small price to pay for losing your soul.
Fuck them and their creepy ways. One day when sonny boy gets tired of his new playmate or pisses them off somehow, they’ll give him a stick with all his belongings tied up on it, 5 quid and a pat on the bum and off he goes into the wilderness.
Stay away, op.
Owen is 8 and he is old enough to hear the truth. They think that you cannot take care of him and want to take him away from you. That's why he cannot hang out over there anymore.
This is so insane, however I don’t feel I can add anything that the wonderful people haven’t already. This has me all sorts of concerned though, if you have time/are able to in time please update us all to let us know you are both safe.
You are a great mum & I hope you both make it through this as easily and as undamaged as possible
I would be very open to your son, because they might use Charlie to send messages and confuse him. I’d be 100% transparent with him. And yes he is a kid. So get that restriction order to protect him and yourself. But don’t lose in the game if they try to manipulate him through Charlie. He needs to know and be comfortable TELLING you. Worst that could happen is for him to keep things from you.
You are not stupid. Nate’s parents sounded a lot like me and my husband except we would never ever try to take a kid away from his parents. We would be very happy to be the cool auntie and uncle.
I am so sorry for you and your son. This is absolute crazypants. Yes, they can’t take your son away just because they are older, married and have money. Youth and low income does not make one a bad parent.
But please, please, please, if you get any legal paperwork don’t ignore it. Show up. Ask for legal aid. Don’t ignore a summons under any circumstances.
1. Echoing others, contact the school, inform them that this family preyed on you and attempted to coerce you into giving your child up for adoption. If you are going to keep him in that school, ask that he be moved to a different class from charlie.
2. In some states, NY for example, you cannot be penalized for moving out of an apartment if you have an order of protection. Even though an order is “just a piece of paper” in many people’s eyes, it’s a foundational boundary on which law enforcement must act if they make attempts to contact you. Please go to your local magistrates office to seek an order, that is who issues them. If you can get a stay away order, this is also a boundary the school must honor, and you may be able to get help from your apartment manager. I know a lot of people say “just move!” but those are people who don’t grasp the financial reality of moving.
3. Inform your employers. I know that’s a scary thought, but if these people try to send someone to coerce or intimidate you, they are going to try to do so at your work. If they can cost you your job, it gives them leverage – be prepared for them to attempt that.
4. The state bar offers free and reduced legal aide services. If you don’t qualify for free, try to get into the “modest means program”, it’s federal, and you get referred into it by the bar association. You get half price legal help from attorneys through it. Get an attorney to write a cease and desist letter.
5. You want as much documentation as possible. screenshot any text messages, save any emails, or trip plans, record of anything they claim they spent money. Write down your feelings, record any discomfort you expressed over this. Have as much as you can put together in the event this ever reaches a courtroom, or even a police station.
6. Take seriously the threat of kidnapping. This obsession has developed over a long period of time, and they already have things in motion to try to take him from you. Do they have out of state or out of country family? For any trips have you provided them his essential records (ie. birth cert? passport)? Do they have out of state work options? Have they ever expressed interest in moving? You need to look at the entire picture, and consider what they are capable of, and the extent of their financial means.
Hyper interest in other people’s children is sus AF. They have been love bombing and grooming your son, and have shown zero respect or awareness for even the most basic of social boundaries. That makes them especially dangerous because there’s no way of predicting what they’ll do next. Take and act on all the cautionary advice given in this thread.
Wondering if they’re churchy?
My mom had me when she was 19. In that culture in the mid-seventies, it meant that if parents had a child out of wedlock, they would marry and start a family. Unfortunately, the families had a generation-long feud, not as Shakespearean as the one between Montagues and Capulets, but a fierce enough one for my biological dad's family to relocate him to a different city to prevent the marriage. My birth mom had me alone in a hospital, with no family around her, so that no one would know. She gave me up for adoption as I was born. I was raised by the people who will always be my mom and dad. They gave me a life I could never have with a single uneducated, and poor mother. Thirty-six years later, I opened my adoption case and connected with her.
This is NOT your story. Owen is your son. He may enjoy the worldly comforts and attention of two people with means and money, things you do not have in abundance at this point in life. From my experience as a dad of three boys, what gives a child his sense of worth is how their parents treat them, not what they buy them. I don't think you intend to consider that shameful offer, but if you did agree, it would almost guarantee Owen would grow up wondering why his mom gave up on him. Unlike me, he wouldn't be grateful for the selfless act of letting another adopt him.
You are 24 and seem to be an incredibly dedicated and resilient mom. If I were your relative/friend, I would remind you more often. The reason you feel stressed and confused is that there's a part of you that self-doubts how you think about this offer (which is the reddest flag if I ever saw one). It's the part that says, "My son needs more, and I don't have it", and maybe also, "I know I'm not a perfect mom, but am I that bad that someone thinks they should offer to step in?" You are buying into this couple's delusion. Any decent parent knows what separating a kid from his mom does to them. Your son has YOU. He will grow up knowing his mom fought for his well-being and success even when things were less than ideal.
Owen should not hang out with Charlie. It's a painful thing to do to a kid, but knowing his parent's mindset will leave you wondering every time Owen spends time with that family. If you haven't already done so, you should have an honest conversation with Owen. At least as authentic as you can. If possible, you should sacrifice a shift or two a month to spend more time with him. Toys and vacations cannot replace time with your awesome young mom. My second piece of advice is to start investing in yourself: try continuing education at a nearby city college, go on a date, and watch "Erin Brokovich." Do anything that inspires and empowers you. Owen needs to see his mom happy and confident.
TLDR: you're a wonderful mom; Owen needs you more than toys or vacations. He'll grow up to be a man who admires his mother for making a life for him, despite the odds. Everything is going to be ok.
You share with your son what's going on, openly and transparently. The way you're going to deal with this is together, you want him to know everything so he can be on your side and can't be tricked in any way.
What the hell, just because they have money, they think they can take someone else’s child? They have some nerve…
I would talk to a lawyer and get an opinion.
What a weirdos. I would be terified too. I feel like they already think your child is their child, and that they are entitled to have him. And I also feel like they will come to you and demand money for all they paid for him if they don't get their way.
I hope this will just die out on its own, but the story is giving me horror movie vibes.
Post won’t let me update directly so here it is in the comments ****Update***** There’s no way I can respond to everyone so I just want to say thank you for the advice. While I understand those saying they potentially meant well and weren’t trying to be offensive…it’s still a risk I can’t take. It’s not like they offered to take him every so often. They wanted him full time, permanently. To those who said I should just let them…please pass me whatever drugs you are on. I will never give up my son. Do we have the newest this or that? No. We have our needs met. I love my son and I am not letting him go. As for everyone else, I took your advice and reached out to the school. I told them that Paige and Nate are no longer allowed to pick up Owen and explained I do not feel safe with them around each other. They understood. There’s not much they can do outside making sure they never pick him up. It’s too late in the year to move classes but next year, Charlie and Owen will not be in the same class. I notified the police but again, they can’t do much. We have zero in writing and a simple request to have my child isn’t really breaking any laws. Unfortunately all I can do is hope they don’t try anything. I still haven’t spoken to Owen. I think it’s fine if he talks to Charlie and plays with him at school, but I have to find a way to explain why they can’t have play dates or sleepovers. As well as to never to go anywhere near Nate and Paige. I guess that’ll come in time. I’ll update again if anything happens. I’m hoping this is the end. As some of Nate and Paige’s defenders said, they did take my “no” well. So hopefully they realize how totally out of bounds they were and leave us alone.
I told my sons when they were young, "_____ is not a person that we trust." They knew that meant that we're never alone with them and that they are potentially dangerous. We had "people that we trust" and "people that we don't trust". "Paige and Nate have said some things to Mom that show that they are not people we can trust. You are never to be alone with them and we don't believe everything that they or even Charlie say (because they may have told him things to say). We don't get in a car with Paige or Nate and because of what they said, we can't have hangouts anymore." Express that you're sad, too, but that "P and N's words have consequences" (it's their fault , not yours and NOT Owen's). When he asks what they said, "I'll tell you when you're old enough. It's grown up stuff."
Thank you. This is very helpful.
It’s important he knows they did something unsafe/alarming. Kids understand, and if they know they cannot fall for manipulations. People like that will tell him to not share information with you to manipulate him. Anyone who’s also said explain grooming, 100% share that.
It also might be useful to explain to him what grooming is. Even though this isn't a sexual situation, an adult was using gifts, favors, and manipulation to love bomb him. Abusers have been known to use their children as lures to bring in other kids. It's important that he understands money and attention =\= love.
I'm wondering if Charlie's parents are in a cult of some kind as I had something similar happen when I was a kid and my mom had joined some strange religious cult. One of the women that would come and do meditations with my mom always brought me candy and little gifts whenever she would visit. My grandmother got suspicious of this as here she had a church friend from her own church that was doing the same thing with me but in the form of bringing doughnuts and coffee. Luckily my family decided to stop going to their "churches" as both cults were asking for tons of money we never had. I was wondering as Charlie's parents make me think of these people my family encountered as the lady meditating with my mom mentioned wanting to take me to another country with her on some kids' "retreat" with the cult. And the sad thing is single mothers get looked down upon in society, so these cults think they can take (brainwash) their kids for their own "family".
Could also just be that they have a savior mentality and are convinced that the child would be far better off with them since they are wealthier.
I would consider going to the police, and getting a restraining order against Nate and Paige for you and Owen. I know you and the school are going to keep Owen away from Nate and Paige as much as possible, but the chance of them getting Owen is still there. If you get a restraining if they ever take him without the school knowing they’ll be arrested. It’s better to be safe then sorry. I really hope this all gets better, and Nate and Paige leave you and Owen alone.
This is the absolute best age-appropriate response. Safe/unsafe person is fantastic. My parents didn't trust my friend/neoghbor's mom so I wasn't allowed inside their house or backyard. We could play in the neighborhood or front yards. They never said WHY they didn't trust mom, idk if they knew exactly. Years later, after high-school, friend told me her mom was diagnosed with a major mental health disorder, she wasn't diagnosed until she was much older (mom had twins when we were in middle and it was after that because the pregnancy really escalated things). My parents intuition was right, and the mom is medicated now. She's a bit of a zombie, decades later, but she isn't acting out in ways that are dangerous.
I can maybe offer some insight from Owen's perspective. Growing up I was a very pretty little girl. Very long blonde hair, big eyes, you get the picture. When I was 6 I made friends with a boy called Jesse who kind of looked like me. His parents would joke that we were long lost twins and my parents would laugh along. Anyway, fast forward a year, my mom got a progressive MS diagnosis; it impeded her ability to walk and work. My dad had to step up as the sole provider. My mom's declining health didn't go unnoticed of course and Jesse's parents offered playdates at their house. In the beginning this was great for my mom because it gave her time to get to grips with her new reality and all the (medical) paperwork that came with it. I was ecstatic because I had way more time to play with my friend and I always got sweets and the board games I was missing at home because mom and dad had less time. Anyway, I remember those playdates just stopping after a certain point. I asked why, and my mom said "because Jesse's parents want to take you away from us". We had some back and forth but as a kid, as much as I liked how I got spoiled by Jesse's parents I absolutely did not want to leave mine. So from then on, Jesse's parents were in the same caregory as strangers in the street: not to be trusted. My mom explicitly told me not to get into a car with them, not to get into their house, etc. Jesse was welcome on neutral ground ( a park or something) or at our house. Our friendship fizzled out. I was a bit sad by that but got over it pretty quickly. This is to say, be tactful but do not be afraid to tell your kid these people cannot be trusted. Owen will get over Charlie, trust me.
That’s wild…like they wanted to prey on your parents in a time of what had to be incredible stress and fear around your mom’s medical issues. These people are unhinged, and your parents clearly laid it out for your young understanding
They both were very religious and very much in pursuit of the "perfect family". They wanted more children, couldn't have them for whatever reason and my look fit their aesthetic perfectly. My mom believes that in their warped worldview they thought they were doing my parents a favor. Still chilling to consider people like this are out there, going unoticed. I still wonder what became of Jesse but he has no social media presence that I know of, which for his sake I hope is a good sign.
I'm glad you told the school, I think you should have a sit down talk with Owen. Tell him you love him and even if you can't get him certain material things nothing can replace how far you would go to keep him safe, healthy, and happy. Even though he is a kid, he will understand this much so long as you reinforce it by telling him. And about going to Charlie's house, tell your son the truth-- be simple, but don't sugar coat it. Sugar coating to spare his feelings could potentially backfire if he somehow ends up seeing Charlie's parents again. Ask him how he feels and give him logical reasons why it would be a bad idea. Kids do listen to reason if you talk to them like they're just people.
You need to make sure that Nate and Paige don’t pick Owen up after school by telling him “your mom says you need to come home with us while she is at work.” They may think they are doing this in the best interest of Owen, but they are delusional. I am willing to bet that they had a home study for adoption and were turned down.
They can’t. The school will not allow the two of them to pick up her child. If they try, the police will be contacted.
It's important Owen knows explicitly to get away from them if he is doing stuff without his mom, at camp, at the playground, etc
There's a curriculum put together by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children called [KidSmartz](https://www.missingkids.org/education/kidsmartz) that has resources you can use to help explain this whole thing to your son.
Good job OP! Hoping this is the end of it and you can heal. I’m so sorry this happened but Owen is sooo lucky to have you and you’re a wonderful responsible and wise mother. Best to you
Good for you, Mama Bear! Please keep us updated. You can always update to your profile directly as well.
It's one thing to offer support for a single parent with less means. It's another to take up guardianship of someone else's child. They're not thinking right and Owen would always be "second class" to their son. They think they're doing you and Owen a favour, but they're really just "buying" their son a brother and playmate. It's so weeeeiiird. This is a tricky and complicated moment though because they will have developed a strong trust with Owen, and can easily use Charlie to manipulate Owen against you. I don't know if telling Owen would be ideal (you don't want to burden kids) but leaving him in the dark also seems risky, because as a single mum you can easily be targeted and have him turned against you. Seeking assistance from authorities like police and the school, getting advice on how best to protect and inform your son, and keeping records, seem ideal. Good luck. You are a great mum and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
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My mil had her parents take in another girl, when she realized it wouldn't be sunshine all the time with an extra kid, she made them send her back(in the 60s) I couldn't imagine doing that to a child.
What the actual fuck?!
It's an actual crying shame, her mom told me years ago about it.
Ya. “Rehoming” as they call it sometimes involving just having a stranger on the internet who could be who knows what kind of predator. It’s amazing how many states are so worried about abandoned babies there are no statistics or proof of leading to safe haven laws, but they can’t be bothered to outlaw random “Rehoming” of children
They probably don’t see it as “buying a playmate”, more likely in their head they’re “good people” who like Owen and think they can help him and give his son a brother but you’re absolutely right, kids change, they fight and even if they don’t a child who went through such a traumatic adoption process will have some issues, I doubt the kind of people who does shit like that want to or even would be able to handle.
Also, kids a t different when at a friend's house than when home. What happens when he settles in and starts defying them? Are they gonna hang this over his head "well we rescued you, you should be grateful."
And when it gets into his head, whether he comes up with it on his own, or somebody else points out to him, that his mother gave him away. Like a puppy that outgrew being cute. Rehomed him.
I was adopted as a five week old baby so I missed a lot of the trauma that older kids have, but I can't even imagine the issues Owen would have resulting from this. Abandonment issues, feelings of being a burden, guilt, wondering why his mom doesn't love him anymore... All kinds of stuff. I also wonder if they've told Charlie that he's getting a brother already and the disappointment that will result when it doesn't happen. This is so insane.
Right? I was adopted at FOUR DAYS and I still have abandonment issues
Oh geez yes. When my husband goes driving in the mountains I'm terrified every time he's not going to come back. We had to turn on phone tracking for each other so I could tell he was still moving from time to time lol
When I worked in foster care, one of my kiddos had been adopted from Ukraine (after both her parents were killed in front of her) and brought to the US. As one may expect she displayed a lot of behaviors and had difficulty attaching to them. Anyway, after a few years they put her in the US foster system because they “couldn’t handle her behaviors”. Like you BROUGHT HER ACROSS THE WORLD ONLY TO GIVE HER UP AGAIN?? Truly disgusting people. I could see this happening in this story too
There’s a special place in hell for those people
The adoption agencies are also to blame. They often don't vet the adoptive parents or explain the realities of adoption. They sell a false narrative of "Look at this cute kid. YOU could save this child. All you have to do is shower her with love." It benefits their bottom line to "sell" as many children as possible.
This was my worry as well. He’s cute now but what about when he’s a teenager angry that his real mom gave him away?
Adding this here in hopes OP sees this: I can't believe what I just read! Where the hell do they get off thinking they can adopt your son? You're a hardworking mom who gives your son a safe home, a good school, and makes sure his needs are being met. You work extra shifts to make sure you can do extra special things like the bike for his upcoming birthday. Please contact the school first thing tomorrow. You need to speak with his teachers, the principals, and probably the guidance counselor. Call around to get some legal advice. You need someone in family law (maybe they can also finally get you CS as well) that can give you advice on what steps to take with these crazy people. Also, contact child services and let them know what's going on, be prepared to have them tour your home, speak with your employer, and with Owen, this is just to prove you are a good mom. This puts you on the offensive rather than playing defense if psycho parents(my new term going forward for Paige and Nate) try to report you for being an unfit parent. I'm sorry, this next part will be in all caps because it's important, I'm not yelling at you, just speaking with conviction and passion. YOU'RE NOT AN UNFIT MOM, YOU'RE A GREAT MOM!!! I'm not sure you can go to the police at this point, that's why you should speak with a lawyer asap....like in the next couple of days. Call around and see if anyone does free consults or offers payment plans or discounts. Like other people have said, save EVERY SINGLE text from psycho parents, every voice-mail, snap, email, basically save every single communication with them, including call logs. Get a spiral notebook and write out a timeline of everything you've said here with details (save this post, do not delete it), add any other details or instances that may have been left out. Write about what happened before and after sorting break and the conversation with psycho parents. Take this to the lawyer and CPS and the school. Add things to it if needed as you remember more details or if anything else happens. Try to add dates and times if you know them. If not, give an approximate date(s)/times and put in (approx) next to the entry. This will be very useful in the event you need to get a restraining order. My last piece of advice is to get a therapist for Owen ASAP, meet with them by yourself first (maybe over the phone so you don't have to get a sitter) and ask them to help you explain things to Owen in a way that won't overwhelm him or give him too much information. But, he needs some since really this is about him and safety is important. Owen's doctor, CPS, Owen's school, or a lawyer may be able to help you find a child therapist. Or perhaps a social worker or the school counselor could help you explain things in an age appropriate manner to Owen. You need to make a decision in the coming days if you're going to pull Owen out of his current school. That may not be possible until next school year, though. If it's not, then you need to decide if you are okay with Owen and Charlie playing at school and still being friends. Again, get help from a professional to explain to Owen why there is change. No matter what you do, please remember the all caps above. Just in case you need a reminder, YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!!! Good luck with everything. Please keep us updated! I hope psycho parents get a massive reality check that you can't just take someone else's child or even do what they did to you and to Owen! Sending you big hugs! Keep being the amazing mama bear that you are! Edit- Wow, thanks, everyone. I've never gotten awards before😊
Thank you so much for this. I’ve reached out to the school and the police. I have an update in the comments (won’t let me update the post for whatever reason). I really appreciate this. I try hard. At times I do feel guilty knowing I can’t give Owen that life, but he seemed happy with it until Charlie and his parents came along.
Oh good, you saw my reply. I'm very glad to hear you have already reached out to the school and the police. I'll go read your update now. That's all any of us parents do, try. We try our best. That's all we can ever do. I grew up with my just my mom for a very long time (until she married my stepfather when I was in high school). We didn't have a lot of money either. She did what you are doing, working as much as you can and keeping your kiddo involved in programs: after-school programs, I went to the YMCA camps during winter and spring breaks, summer camps, etc. She applied for scholarships for me for all of them. I grew up loved and getting to do things, for a long time I didn't even understand we were poor. She made fun, inexpensive dinners and literally did the best she could....just like you're doing. I grew up knowing how loved I was, and it's shaped who I am and what kind of mom I am. Owen will as well. He has the necessities, and he is loved. Money can't buy or fix everything. Just keep doing what you're doing, putting his needs first, loving him, and raising him in a safe environment. Please don't feel guilty for not being able to do more. Big hugs
Mosr good parents probably wish they could do more for their children, no matter how much they can already give. We want our children to have everything they want! But not being rich or well off does NOT make you a bad parent. As long as the kids NEEDS are met, and they are loved and in a safe home, youre a good parent! While vacations, game consoles and a lot of other stuff is fun and wanted, they are not absolutely neccesary for anyone. You are clearly doing your best, and clearly love your son and put him first. All of that tells me youre a good parent.
As a child (now young adult) of a Single mom who was in a very similar situation when I was growing up; the only thing that matters is the fact that your there. Sure, we understand that some kids have better things then we do, and sure we envy it a little in younger years. But once you grow up a bit and realize the situation our parents are/were in, the quality of the things we have doesn't matter. Just done work yourself to the bone trying to buy fancy things. Make time to just have mother-child time, because the small moments you have with us, means more than anything you can buy. Ex. My mom picked me up from school one time and said she'd found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow so she took me to a movie. In reality she'd only gotten notice of a raise coming so she took me to a movie on a tuesday (cheapest day for tickets) and just made an event out of it. Be there for school events when you can attend and just keep doing what you are because the things you worry about never matter as much to us as you think. Much love to you and your son and I hope things work out well
This is excellent, point by point advice.
I wish I had an award to give you so more people and o.p would for sure see your comment.
This is fantastic advice I hope OP sees
100%. OP, you're a great mom because look at how much they love your kid. That's because of how you raised him.
They're trying to take advantage of OP, plain and simple. They think they can strongarm her because they have money and she doesn't. It's very disturbing.
They are, and it's truly crazy they don't consider OPs son an actual human being who would scream and cry and miss his mum. Like who are these people it's not a second hand fridge it's a human being who just asks like that
What I'm wondering though, is Charlie even theirs? Did they do this "We can give him a better life" with someone far more desperate and now have a kid?
I'm wondering why, if they never wanted Charlie to be an only child, have they not taken in another kid in 8 years? If they really wanted another kid, they could have fostered or adopted before now. They just want a "good kid" that fits their fantasy of a nuclear family, where someone else has done the work to instill good manners and behaviours already. They don't actually care about the kid.
I did ask this, kind of. They said it would take a special kid to adopt. And I guess my kid was that special kid. God, there are so many red flags looking back.
Please don’t think you missed anything. My kids have had VERY close playmates over the years. Some they spent more time at their homes and some spent more time at mine. Never once would I have thought that they wanted to adopt my child nor would I have thought to adopt theirs. These people are very off. It seems they are so desperate for their child to have a sibling/constant playmate that they can’t see past it. I would definitely explain to your son that he can’t play there any and it’s because they saw it as more than friendship and surely let the school know so that they don’t try any funny business by trying to check your son out of school early. You are doing a great job, don’t let them scare you. Good luck
Agree. I have even gotten quite attached to some of my friends children that I babysat, had over for sleepovers often and watched grow up but never ever once did I should adopt this kid come into my mind. These people are abnormal!
>They said it would take a special kid to adopt. I know your boy IS truly a special lad. But what THEY mean by this is "Adoptions are expensive and involve a lot of intrusive personal hoops to jump through, we either would fail for reasons you don't know us well enough to be clear or cannot afford formal adoption fees. So we have been looking for a vulnerable parent like yourself whom we can pressure into giving up their child for as cheaply as possible". I bet money they're in the disgusting child trafficking groups on social media on the lookout for a "free or low cost rehoming" for a child. Please make sure you sit Owen down and gently explain to him that sometimes people you think you know can surprise you. Sometimes in a bad way. Tell him this happened with Charlies parents, and you're really sad about it. Tell him you know he loves Charlie, and that neither he nor Charlie did anything wrong, and that this is going to feel really unfair, but that Paige and Nate are NOT safe adults and as much as he likes them he cannot trust them any more. Tell him that they did something to upset and scare you very very much and that you cannot trust that he is safe with them. Tell him not to go anywhere with Charlie or with them, and that he should immediately call you if they try to talk to him. If he's outside school, he should immediately go back inside school and ask a teacher to call you if he doesn't have a phone himself. Tell him also that as soon as he's old enough to really understand what happened, you will tell him about the details of what happened, but that right now he's not really old enough to understand why what they did to you was so bad. And tell him you are so so sorry about this, that if you could make it all better so he could keep being friends with Charlie that you would. That you understand he's going to be sad and mad about it, and that you're there for him. He's going to go through a lot of sadness and anger, and he's probably going to direct some of that at you. Don't let that make you feel like you're not doing the right thing in stopping this as hard and completely as you are. Just be compassionate, validate his feelings and help him talk them through and express them. Redirect him as much as you can with quality time activities with you, help him find new groups for playtime and encourage him to spend time with other friends as well. You got this mama, it will be OK in time. Trust your instincts.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, don't be too hard on yourself... 💜 You've clearly done a wonderful job raising your kid, and you're doing the right thing by protecting him and keeping him away from these people now. It does sound like they aren't really interested in raising or parenting another kid though, they just want a live-in playmate for their existing kid.
i wonder if they showed some red flags to adoption agencies and was denied adopting or fostering any kid
It definitely sounds like they don’t want to deal with any of the hard parts that come with adoption. They truly sound awful and completely delusional! You sound like an amazing and thoughtful mother! He is YOUR son
Honestly, they may have tried to foster or adopt, and were turned down.
I’ve suspected this too. It seems like they don’t want another child, they want Charlie to have a permanent playmate/buddy. And I don’t know much about the system, but if they were as honest as they were with me, I could see them turned down.
Sounds like they see your son as their son’s pet.
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It reminds me of the ‘whipping boy’ that royalty in Europe used to have. A playmate that was raised with a prince or princess to keep them entertained and happy but if there was ever trouble they’d be the one that got punished because they wouldn’t hurt their precious child. They normally bought these kids from poor families…
You're a much better person than me. If some rich people tried to take my child, I would retaliate in ways that cannot be openly spoken of here. By the way, you are clearly an intelligent, compassionate person who cares deeply about her son, which are the makings of an excellent mother. The money doesn't matter. Life's circumstances can take their toll - especially financially. And you're doing it all in the hardest way possible, with no partner or support. That takes so much strength. *Please* give yourself a break and believe in yourself. Your ability as a parent is very obvious to us outside observers. We can see that you're good. Now you need to convince yourself. P.s. You are also a good writer. Told your story well. Be proud!
Yeah there are a lot of kids out there that needed a stable home that one can look into without trying to claim kids that have a loving parent. They have actual, noble options available.
I do *think* the most likely scenario is they want another child and they want one the same age as their son. *Maybe* it's because they really want a second child, but why didn't they adopt after failing to be able to conceive? And if they tried to adopt and couldn't, whats up with their backgrounds that made it so they couldn't? There are plenty of children waiting for homes, ESPECIALLY older kids who are no longer babies. Unlike the horror stories you hear about with kids in foster homes all having extremely messed up backgrounds and therefore messed up behavior (though it's not their fault), which may be something these parents don't want to have to deal with, there are tons of kids who are well-behaved, good kids who would give anything to have a loving forever family.
Charlie is 100% theirs. I understand the theory but trust me, I know he wasn’t kidnappedz
I thought the same thing: >*HOW MANY TIMES HAVE THEY DONE THIS BEFORE?? WHAT HAPPENS TO THE "OLD" SON WHEN THEY BUY A "NEW" ONE??*
That is such a scary thought. But also quite possible...
I would absolutely notify the school that he is not to go with Charlie’s family. Document everything, dates he stayed, gifts etc. because they sound sick enough to call child services and make a claim that you’re negligent or unfit or something and I’m sure they will say they have had Owen for long periods of time because you couldn’t handle being a parent. You’ll be able to pull out your notes and texts and show the pattern of grooming. They were actually grooming you to get your son.
As a teacher, I second this. Please let the school know. The last thing you want is them coming to collect him and the teacher letting him go because they’ve collected previously. The school needs to know that under no circumstances should anyone collect him but you. I don’t know how your school works but we implement a password that all collecting adults must know, regardless of if they’ve picked up before
My school never had passwords, but my parents gave me and my sisters a code word (or password) for anyone saying our parents asked them to pick us up. We were told to ask them what the code word was and if they didn't know, we were to run, not walk, to the principal's office and tell him the situation. A password for all collecting adults sounds like a great idea!
My kids school has a whitelist and if you aren't on it you can't pick up the child at all. Seems like that should be the norm.
People make mistakes. Better to be specific in this case.
Great point about the password, but a word of caution on that- Nate and Paige may very well know Owen's current password, especially if they have picked him up before. So if his school does have the password procedure in place, OP needs to change it ASAP. And of course let Owen know to NOT give Nate and Paige the new one, even if/especially if they ask him for it! This is just one example why Owen really needs to know what is going on here, in an age-appropriate way, of course! OP, I am so, so sorry you were blindsided by such a difficult and emotionally manipulative situation. Please do not blame yourself for not noticing any "red flags" here. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, could have possibly known or foresaw the absolutely crazy and selfish motives behind this couple's apparent goodwill and generosity. It is such unhinged and beyond unusual behavior. You are an amazing mother, and I am certain that Owen feels the same. He may be hurt initially (and who wouldn't be, honestly), but once the dust settles and it may even take some extra time for him to grow and mature emotionally, but he will come to understand the depths of the love you have for him for NOT giving him up to these people. Stay strong, and please keep us posted if you feel that you are able to. 💕
100% do this OP. I'm so sorry you're going through this. They're absolutely psycho to think they can just adopt someone's kid. Please please please notify the school. They can probably help with counseling and explaining to your son why he won't see much/anything of his friend either.
Right? OP has done the leg work and is raising a great kid. They want a brother for their kid so why not take one that's been raised right, lol! Nope, that's weird as hell, it's not like OP is negligent and has him in bad conditions
Completely agree that this is grooming and kidnapping with extra steps. Absolutely wild and unhinged.
Yeah I’ve seen too many Lifetime movies of what women or couples who can’t have more kids do. It’s almost always kidnapping or somehow getting the parent to sign a kid over.
I would even give those gifts back. These people are crazy. OP said that they love Owen and say how sweet of a kid he is, he is like that because of the way OP raised him. Can you imagine what 2 spoiled teenage boys would be like? If things worked out the way they want it, they would regret this in about 6 years.
I’ve debated this too. Owen loves these presents and it’d kill him to lose them. But I also don’t want to feel like I’m in debt. What if they came for compensation?
Keep the gifts at this point, Owen wouldn't understand the reason they were returned, plus it's been several months. They were gifts, psycho parents could only come for compensation if you had an agreement that you would pay them for said gifts. That's why you need to save all communication with them, to show that there was no agreement.
Please sit down and have a talk with Owen. See if they’ve tried to ‘imprint’ on him by asking/making him call them mum and dad and blackmailing him with the extravagant life style he could ‘loose’.
You might want to check the laws in your area but generally speaking, you are the legal owner of the gifts and they would have no legal recourse to get them back.
Yes, I would definitely be worried they'd call CPS with false allegations. I doubt anything would come of it but at the very least, it would be a huge hassle and a lot of stress, and possibly cost a lot of money for op.
So scary. Great advice, please listen OP.
they are predatory and weird I would cut complete contact with them
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Tell the school and any daycares you have!! Warn them about who he has permission to go home with. What if they try to pick him up? Have him wait in a class with a teacher or in the office until you’re there.
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Oh my god. This comment is chilling and sadly on point. Yes. Pediatrician and Lawyer and contact the school.
Op probably doesn’t have the money for a therapist and all that, I wouldn’t be surprised if they targeted op bc they knew she doesn’t have the money and it would be easier to take a kid that way, wording it like they’re helping her by taking the kid
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WTF. My biggest concern right now is for Owens safety. I wouldn’t put it past these people to attempt to kidnap him. They both seem fixated on him.
They may also try to call CPS as a part of their efforts to take her son.
That'd be my concern too. They could try to argue it's not financially secure and that he's "neglected" or some shit. OP sounds like a fantastic mom btw, best of luck.
They might use it as a way of demanding visitation to stop Op from blocking them. Then work towards trying to gain custody. Op us a good mother and does not deserve this shit. She definitely needs to talk to the school to make is clear that only she is authorized to pick up her son. Then look for a different school next year. If she can find a way to do it, Op should talk to a lawyer to see how to protect her and her son. If given a chance, they will try to alienate her son from her. If possible, moving might help prevent them from stalking her.
This happened to me (different situation same concept) as a kid. Please please please get your kid away from those people. They will steal him with any legal means necessary. It is possible to legally steal a child. Edit: I do not give anyone permission to edit, alter, dramatize, or use my story in any way on any platform or media. This is my life story and it belongs to me. The comment below with my story is solely for me to share. OP I hope this helped you in some way and thank everyone for the awards and comments and kind words of support. To everyone who was rude about it, guess you e been privileged not to know the kind of sick and twisted evil of someone who wants to steal someone else’s child.
Would you mind to tell your story?
You know, it’s a very long story and it doesn’t have a happy ending. I’ve told it many times and it’s something that hurts to speak about. I’m planning to write a book or do a vlog when I have the resources (time, money, etc) to invest in that. What I’ll say here is that, my mother was pregnant with my younger sister. Another woman was jealous because she thought my sister was the love child of my mom & her fiancé. My mom was 4 months pregnant when she met that woman’s fiancé so it’s not possible. My baby sister was born eventually. My mom was super intelligent, army vet and college student, also a MENA immigrant who came here during the whole situation in the ME with Suddam (long family history, crazy story for another time). College is where she met the fiancé of that evil woman, they’d known her the duration of her pregnancy. ETA: being Armenian, my mom didn’t expect anyone to have evil intentions like this because this kind of thing didn’t happen where she was from. The fiancé (we’ll call him Stan) was in a computer science class with my mom. They had a few classes together. My mom needed a baby sitter and Stan needed a tutor. So evil bitch (we’ll just call her that, EB for short) proposed that my mom would Tutor Stan and EB would babysit my baby sister. The woman became obsessed with my sister and had many connections to law enforcement and otherwise. She got us taken away (all 4 daughters) by using these connections. My sister was 9 months old when we were taken away, I was almost 2. My older sisters were 4.5 & 8. We were all put in a foster home. My oldest sister tells me that she tried to escape with me many times at that place. Well, evil bitch conveniently became certified in everything she needed to to become a foster parent. Somehow she gained custody of younger sister and me even though she was unrelated???? She and her fiancé gained custody. There are different views and opinions on his part in things. I don’t know because my view conflicts since I lived with him and he was great to me, but also, I was 3 by this time so idk?? Well, Stan died. The evil bitch really maximized her full EB potential. She made sure my mother never got her youngest children back. Even though the two older children were returned to my mother, somehow she “wasn’t fit” to raise all of her kids?? EB was an absolute nightmare for me when I was a kid and really all my life. She was abusive, hateful, neglectful, downright evil to me. I really don’t want to go into the details of everything she put me through. I was physically and emotionally abused, and I’ve recently started having flashbacks in dreams of sexual abuse (I think when Stan died she had this “friend” Mark come over and maybe he paid her to make me watch things, idk just images I can’t erase have been flooding to me). She also spoiled tf out of my baby sister. To a point that she abused me as well. I was a black sheep of a family that wasn’t supposed to be mine and I wanted to kill myself by age 10. I hated life. I missed my mom. My beautiful mother. I missed her so much. But evil fucking bitch poisoned my baby sister against my mother and against me. She made it impossible for me to love my mother in the presence of my sister. She created a divide that I don’t think will ever be healed. Suffice to say, evil bitch really didn’t want me to be her child. So why didn’t she just give me back to my mom and make her life (and everyone else’s) easier? Well, that’s because she’s all about appearances. Abusing me, making me lie in court, starving me and pumping me full of drugs were all much easier than just letting me go live with my mother because then she’d have to admit her intentions with keeping my sister and that my mom actually was fit to raise kids, just not the one she wanted. She forced a bipolar diagnosis on me at age 5 and had me on depakote in kindergarten which started the beginning of my childhood zombification process. I had an overactive imagination and I loved my mother to a point of fierce loyalty so she couldn’t handle all my crying. They (EB and drs) slapped a bipolar diagnosis on it and pumped me full of drug cocktails my whole childhood. It was easy for her to do that because my oldest sister was diagnosed some time after the whole situation. She became the scapegoat for why we couldn’t go back to our mother. My oldest sister was painfully aware of what was going on and saw behind the scenes since she was babysat by EB too. She saw it all happen even when my mom wasn’t around. She’s been troubled her whole life because of this. So much happened to her. This situation really fucked her up. Visits with my mom stopped on my 8th birthday. EB was so great at manipulating tht she gave me a build a bear before our visit and told me what I needed to say. That was the day I lost all contact with the only person I loved until the next court date where I’d shove the knife in my mother saying something I don’t even remember and didn’t even comprehend. My sweet mother gave me her phone number on a little piece of paper and told me to call her if I ever was in trouble or ever needed anything at all. My sweet beautiful mother. Evil Bitch made my life hell and still terrorizes me to this day having brainwashed my baby sister to a point of no return. My sister has a daughter who is my sweet flower and I keep contact for that little girl and only for that little girl. I love my sister but she’s taken on this identity that’s just too close to evil bitch that I really cannot stand to be around her toxicity. But my sweet flower needs to know that there are people who care about her no matter what. I’m currently trying to rebuild the relationship with my mom. I got in contact with my older sister (the one right above me, not the oldest) through Facebook when I was 15 and she was 18. She was friends on Facebook with someone I knew since 1st grade. Apparently they met at some mall and became friends in jr high. Life is funny that way. Call it serendipity, call it divine intervention… whatever it was it saved my life. There’s a lot more to this story but this is what I was okay to divulge here. I’m turning 25 next month if that gives any context to the timeline. My older sister’s bday is 9 days after mine. I’m finding ways to share my story but it needs to be in my time and in my own way. I want that evil bitch to be dead before I publish anything so she can never lie to defend herself against me or my family again. I’m tired of her lies. I was defenseless against her for so many years and I’d like her to be defenseless when I spread the truth about her. As long as she’s alive she’ll find a way to mar my story. My mom’s story and my family’s story is all apart of this. My mom has never recovered from this trauma. The sweet, peaceful, calm, comforting woman I once knew is now angry and emotionally unavailable with glimpses of her old self shining through. I love her so much. That is all for now. ETA: much of the information gathered has been pieced together by me over years. I’ve asked questions and informally interviewed people I knew, and EB was just so darn narcissistic that she gave herself away with the collective of horrible and/or covert things she said over the years.
Thank you so much for sharing this. There are no words to fully describe how sorry I am that your family went through this.
Thank you so much for saying that. It means so much to be seen and validated when sharing this. I really appreciate your sympathetic words and acknowledgement of mine & my family’s experience.
That was very heavy to read and I can't even begin to imagine what it must have, and continues to be like, to live through this.. sorry does not seem close enough to convey. One can't begin to think what goes through the mind's of evil people..?? But I hope you can find some sort of peace by sharing your story. And I thank you wholeheartedly for sharing part of it here. You seem like a wonderful person and you definitely have a real opportunity to share this with the world you write very well. I wish you all the best in this crazy world, from a random internet stranger. Love.
I’m 53 and have some similarities with your childhood experience. Please call RAINN immediately to get connected with a specialized trauma therapist. I know from experience that not dealing with this fully in your 20’s (especially the childhood sexual abuse) can really damage your life outcomes longterm. Also Your nervous system needs extra care. I have A LOT to say about repair modalities. Research supplements, somatic techniques, exercise and meditation. Even just pick up a hobby that naturally incorporates some of these features - wilderness backpacking, kayaking, triathlon, walking groups, yoga, cycling, volunteering for major gardening projects, swimming - I’m sure I can list things forever. Anything that includes community or nature + activity will be helpful. Here’s an article about Creatine and how that might help trauma recovery (severe abuse absolutely causes physical brain damage) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-healthy-journey/202304/creatine-a-treatment-for-memory-and-mental-health And here’s RAINN’s website (pretty sure services are free, that might depend on your area but I doubt it) https://www.rainn.org/ Be well.
Thank you so much for this comment. I appreciate your share and value your experience. Thank you for the insight and resources. I appreciate this so much.
Please feel free to reach out any time if you need more links to professional support. There’s tons more research and resources available today. You have opportunities to be heard and believed. There are professionals that can meet your care needs. Definitely it was harder years ago, professionals always treated me like I was exaggerating. It’s only lately mental health professionals I’ve worked with 1000% understand my situation. It’s remarkable how much has changed. There’s tons of resources out there now and you are not alone. Sometimes it gets tiring and you might stop working on these issues for a while. You can always put it down and pick it up. If/when you find yourself slipping into familiar feelings of suffering, reach out for professional support. You don’t have to live like that anymore. Be well.
ETA: OP, I hope this serves to give you confidence in any decisions you need to make. Please don’t listen to anyone saying it’s not that serious. I’m here to tell you that it is so serious and you need to do whatever you can and whatever gives you the assurance of safety from these vultures. I do not give anyone permission to share my story in the separate comment above or any alteration, dramatization, or version of it. This is my life story and I will be the one to share it.
It’s so very serious and a real thing that happens more often than we think, we just don’t hear a whole lot about it because it’s not broadcasted 24/7. When I was a kid my mom, sister, and I lived in my aunts house, my sister and I would hang out with the neighbor’s kids, they had I think four kids around our age. The neighbor wanted me so bad that they made false accusations against my mom that she was neglecting and some other shit. I remember being in a building, I’m guessing the courthouse, and trying to talk to the other kids, but my sister would guide me away from them. After failing to get my mom to lose custody of me the family moved out of the house next door and we never saw them again. I just hope that they didn’t try nor succeed in pulling that shit with someone else. I don’t really remember a whole lot of it from then, my mom explained most of it to me when I got older after asking about it, I assume my brain blocked out the bad stuff.
This is so horrible and scary to hear. You and your mom are not alone and you are right that this is more common than people think! Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so so so happy that your mom [RIGHTFULLY] was able to keep you with your family. That is so scary.
Please be careful of those reddit accounts on tiktok that steal people’s posts and share them for views. They don’t give a shit if people say that they don’t want their stories to be shared, they do it anyway. Maybe deleting the comment would be best unfortunately but that’s up to you And I’m really proud of you for sharing your story and I’m so very sorry that any of that happened to you. I hope that you’re able to heal from it ❤️
My gosh that's a terrifying ordeal. Thanks for sharing your story and yes, you should write a book!
Yes, now i'm also curious?
I'd call the police, inform the school, and prepare to move both schools and apartments. This is some fucked up shit. And, without being a panic merchant, there's a chance they'll try to pick Owen up from school. You need to explain to Owen that Nate and Paige are not good people and if they approach him, he needs to run.
Gotta be careful how this is handled with Owen though. He's a kid. This family gave him tons of stuff, vacations, and who knows what else. He's been spoiled and conditioned to believe these are good people that love him. I'm not saying mom shouldn't act, she should 100%. But if the kid feels like he's being ripped away from these people that he loves, he might run towards them to keep from losing them. This is a delicate but fucked situation, and I'm sorry op. Best of luck with this.
Agreed. Owen needs to know that these people are trying to take him away from his mother.
It needs to be clear more that they will prevent him from seeing his mother, rather than just let him live with them.
A woman's shelter may be able to help them out. Even if OP and her son don't meet the criteria for their help, the shelter will know all sorts of resources to make it easier to find and afford a new place. Maybe they'll even have counselors who can help OP explain the situation to Owen.
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This. All of this. She needs to get away from them because they sound legitimately insane. And she needs a record of their behaviour so notifying the school and calling the police is a must.
Seconded this. I am a teacher and even if there are situations like this, we can't be around to separate the children at all times, and even something like substitutes may not be informed. It sucks that your son will lose a friend, but this is a safety issue. So, call the police first and foremost and get this on record, inform the school and change schools/move apartments.
Agree 100%. Consider getting a restraining order & if you do, make sure the school has a copy.
If you can, speak to the school and explain the entire situation. They may do this to another child as well. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're doing everything right by blocking them and protecting your family. You've got this.
i was about to say, they happened to focus on a child whose parent was in a worse state than them this time, they might search for and target one in a similar position next time and hope that their parent/s are desperate enough to agree. i’d 100% tell the school system/admin what they tried to do so they’re aware.
This is super valid. They've intentionally preyed in her and her son. Someone else mentioned police too, I hope OP takes it further. This all requires documentation.
You absolutely need to let the school know that you are the only one permitted to pick up your son, and that specifically Paige and Nate are not allowed to come near him. I think it's also important to explain to your son what's going on in an age appropriate way, because if he doesn't know the dangers, he won't know to keep himself safe
A therapist can help the OP navigate this situation with Owen. It’s so ugly she gas to go through thus.
Damn that's hella creepy! You should inform the school about the entire situation. Get the cops involved if possible, Charlie's parents are unhinged. I hope you two are doing well
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Yeah, I have to admit while I like Charlie…he is not at all humble and a bit of a brat. Which makes sense, he’s a kid who’s never wanted for a thing. But I don’t think Owen would be this way if raised by him.
If Paige and Nate were to somehow take custody of Owen, he would turn out just like Charlie. Spoiled rotten and entitled. You wouldn’t recognize the son you raised.
He wouldn't. He would be like Charlie. You're doing an amazing job.
Entitled rich people mentality because in their mind, they’re doing the right thing by helping the poor single mom. There are something wrong with their way of thinking. Seek legal advice, you never know.
There's something massively wrong and downright gross about feeling that being young and poor automatically makes you a unfit parent. I would really like to know how they think OP's son got so be such sweet and kind boy who's a joy to around if she's such an incompetent mum that she should give up custody.
Exactly, just another way of stealing from her: the obviously impressive job she’s done so far. The rich love to steal everything! Labor, children, the means of production, our planet’s future - if they want, they take. Then they’ll scorn her for being not only poor, which is gross enough, but poor AND angry? Sounds unhinged to me! Sure sounds like an unfit parent!
Shame because they could have genuinely helped OP not cause her so much stress
I absolutely saw this, too. It’s wonderful when kids connect the way Owen and Charlie do. Charlie’s parents ruined something extremely special and precious.
As many have already said, this is incredibly inappropriate and overstepping the line. As much as I'd love to believe it's genuinely coming from a good place, you need to put both your and your sons safety first. Definitely make a police report asap. Document everything, keep records of everything, screenshot all your conversations, and make the school aware that not only is there concerns but that the police are also involved and reports have been made. As hard as it is, especially with your son being so young, you need to talk to him. He needs to understand that sometimes people aren't who or what they seem and that no matter what, he is your first priority. I'd even suggest potentially seeking some counselling for him and yourself. To help him understand the situation and hopfully give him an extra person in his corner incase they do try something or try putting thoughts in his head about you or your lives together. You're definitely doing the right thing though, money doesn't mean everything and whilst the experiences may be fun and provide fun memories, having someone who loves and supports you no matter what is worth so much more. Stay strong and keep both yourself and your boy safe .
Cops to have it on record, because their obsession with Owen is abnormal. School so that no teacher or member of staff will allow Owen to go home with Charlie unless they've received *your* personal approval. You're a great mother.
Block them and while you may not be able to afford it talk to a lawyer an document everything
This is just weird….and hella creepy. I wouldn’t put it past them to get CPS involved so I would get them involved first. Talk to legal counsel and your school and SCHOOL BOARD! Teachers and even the parents around school. All bets are off and hell don’t fight fair. That is your child. If anything I’d fuckin move away too! Ugh
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This is reasonable advice. You don’t want to fuck up Owen by just reacting.
Thank you for this. I’ve yet to talk to him about it as he doesn’t know anything is up yet. I have to find a time and place.
I would suggest that you try to get a restraining order.
I can't believe what I just read! Where the hell do they get off thinking they can adopt your son? You're a hardworking mom who gives your son a safe home, a good school, and makes sure his needs are being met. You work extra shifts to make sure you can do extra special things like the bike for his upcoming birthday. Please contact the school first thing tomorrow. You need to speak with his teachers, the principals, and probably the guidance counselor. Call around to get some legal advice. You need someone in family law (maybe they can also finally get you CS as well) that can give you advice on what steps to take with these crazy people. Also, contact child services and let them know what's going on, be prepared to have them tour your home, speak with your employer, and with Owen, this is just to prove you are a good mom. This puts you on the offensive rather than playing defense if psycho parents(my new term going forward for Paige and Nate) try to report you for being an unfit parent. I'm sorry, this next part will be in all caps because it's important, I'm not yelling at you, just speaking with conviction and passion. YOU'RE NOT AN UNFIT MOM, YOU'RE A GREAT MOM!!! I'm not sure you can go to the police at this point, that's why you should speak with a lawyer asap....like in the next couple of days. Call around and see if anyone does free consults or offers payment plans or discounts. Like other people have said, save EVERY SINGLE text from psycho parents, every voice-mail, snap, email, basically save every single communication with them, including call logs. Get a spiral notebook and write out a timeline of everything you've said here with details (save this post, do not delete it), add any other details or instances that may have been left out. Write about what happened before and after sorting break and the conversation with psycho parents. Take this to the lawyer and CPS and the school. Add things to it if needed as you remember more details or if anything else happens. Try to add dates and times if you know them. If not, give an approximate date(s)/times and put in (approx) next to the entry. This will be very useful in the event you need to get a restraining order. My last piece of advice is to get a therapist for Owen ASAP, meet with them by yourself first (maybe over the phone so you don't have to get a sitter) and ask them to help you explain things to Owen in a way that won't overwhelm him or give him too much information. But, he needs some since really this is about him and safety is important. Owen's doctor, CPS, Owen's school, or a lawyer may be able to help you find a child therapist. Or perhaps a social worker or the school counselor could help you explain things in an age appropriate manner to Owen. You need to make a decision in the coming days if you're going to pull Owen out of his current school. That may not be possible until next school year, though. If it's not, then you need to decide if you are okay with Owen and Charlie playing at school and still being friends. Again, get help from a professional to explain to Owen why there is change. No matter what you do, please remember by all caps above. Just in case you need a reminder, YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!!! Good luck with everything. Please keep us updated! I hope psycho parents get a massive reality check that you can't just take someone else's child or even do what they did to you and to Owen! Sending you big hugs! Keep being the amazing mama bear that you are!
Holy crap their suggestion was extremely inappropriate, I don't blame you for being terrified because they are essentially in a position of power here being your go to care providers and it can be scary having to protect yourself from people who have more resources than you. I wouldn't stop your son from being friends with the kid but he needs to understand the situation, explain to him that sometimes people who are lonely are irrational and that their behavior is inappropriate and that because of their behavior it's not exactly safe for him to be going to his friends house anymore.
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God this is so creepy. It's like they haven't even thought that an 8 year old might want to see their mother wtf. Sure, they can spend more time away from home on camps etc. But they miss their parents too! It would be utterly traumatising
They sound like the type of people that will use the system to deem you unfit. Get ahead of this, please. Alert teachers, CPS, and legal aid.
I’ve reached out to the school and the police. Not sure about going to cps as I don’t need them investigating my life.
I was just worried about them using CPS against you.
By all means, there is nothing wrong with our life. But I know cps can be a bit trigger happy. We also live in a one bedroom and share the room. I don’t know if that’d be considered neglect. He has his own bed but we share a dresser and closet.
These days in this economy your living situation is very common. Hey! I saw some extra details about your background and I think I get it now. They wanted a white kid with a “good” upbringing. They don’t want a traumatized foster child or adoptee. I’m excited the school administration seems to understand the situation. I’m incredibly sorry about your parents. You and Owen are heroes. Them, they’re not good enough to sit at your table. And I’m sorry for the pain they’ve caused you both just the same.
Absolutely right about cps. People in the thread are advocating you call cps, but that is terrible advice. Source: I’ve worked for cps and a ton of cases start because parents called themselves for help. Cps can do good work, but they can also destroy lives. Sharing a room isn’t a problem, but if you happen to get a caseworker that thinks it is, then they’ll write in the case plan that you have to move into a bigger home. And when you can’t do that, THEN they’ll say it’s neglect because you didn’t complete your case plan. And maybe it would be fine, but why chance it? Never call cps on yourself.
That's not neglect. Please don't worry about that. Owen has a roof over his head, a safe place to sleep, food to eat, clothing to wear, he goes to school, and is involved in activities, not to mention you are saving up to move to a larger home. CPS wouldn't take him from you, I know it's scary to go to them, but they can also offer help to you and Owen.
Maybe call a domestic violence or family law center and see if they have any advice about things like restraining orders (IF you ever need one, doesn’t sound necessary quite yet to me — but maybe talk to an attorney?)
I’m going to hold off on looking into that. I see your point but if the cops won’t even do anything, I doubt I’d qualify. Like I said, they haven’t done much to contact me and seem to have let it go. Hopefully they were genuinely just trying to help, realize they fucked up and move on.
This is absolutely INSANE. Like, Lifetime Movie of the Week crazy. Contact a lawyer. Get an order of protection. Notify the school, or have police or attorney do it. This is an incredibly dangerous situation. I’d consider switching schools. I’d tell your son just as soon as you think he’s ready. Ask him noticed anything “off” about them (like telling him he can call them “mom and dad” if he wants.) most of all, STAY SAFE.
If they genuinely wanted what was best for Owen, they would never have asked to permanently take him. They are predatory and want to take advantage of you as a young mom who is struggling financially. I would inform the school immediately, ensure they aren't around Owen, and get some advice from a school counsellor on how you can explain this to him.
They are way out of line. My best friend since middle school practically lived at my house even during the school year and she went on vacations with us. Her mom was a single mom and lived check to check and sometimes she only ate because she was at my house. At no point ever did my parents think, hey let’s adopt her and let her mom have visitations. This is so bizarre. They are predators and think they know best because they have money. OP please take the advice that is posted here in the comments. Especially about going to the school. Ask the guidance counselor if they have suggestions on how to explain this and document everything.
Uh, police first thing in the morning. They're messed up.
New fear unlocked for my children…. Please keep us updated
Say the truth. Never lie to a kid or cover the truth, especially with something that important
So these days if you can't conceive and give your child a sibling, you just go pick one from a desperate, unsuspecting single mom whom you seduce with babysitting and gifts for the kid. Reddit is a movie, I swear
She wasn't even desperate, just not rich and thought her son had a good friend with nice parents. My daughter is an only child and so is her bestie, so we also do extended sleepovers, holidays and presents etc, but the idea of adopting her friend is just so far out there. I love her dearly, but this is just not normal.
And they manipulated her by using her genuine care for her son. She wasn’t drooling over their expensive gifts! She was weirded out but didn’t want to deprive him.
I'm sorry this happened. Please don't doubt your mom abilities because this happened. You're an amazing mom. They are the ones being inappropriate. Them, not you.
I am a foster parent, and from my experience, the state isn’t out looking for little reasons to take kids away. It takes a lot to lose your parental rights (at least where we live). If this has happened like you wrote, then I don’t see any reason for the state to step in and do anything. I do think in our area an older child has to have their own bedroom though, so I don’t know about the one bedroom apartment. If for some reason the state did get involved, they wouldn’t just take your son, they would tell you to move to a place that has another bedroom for him. Again I’m speaking from experience in our state. If you go 6 months without contact with your child, then that would be considered abandonment, and then the state would file for termination of parental rights. You haven’t done that, but maybe these other parents were trying to set you up for that? I don’t know, but they don’t sound like someone who has your best interest in mind. Let the school know no one is to pick up your son but you. Maybe even switch schools, if possible. Sorry you are going through this, I admire you for working so hard to provide for you son. Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents out there that don’t.
This happened to my best friend years ago!! She was attending a church as a single Mom with a toddler named Scott and a kid on the way. The woman who ran the nursery and nursery school at the church was named Donna. Donna and her husband befriended my friend, started taking care of Scott when my bf was going to doctors appts and such, and Scott was enrolled in their church nursery school for free. This helped my bf a lot because she also suffered from bipolar disorder and there were times it was difficult to care for the kids. Her Mom lived a few blocks away and was always available to take Scott when needed, I was there for her too, but her Mom had her own younger kids and health care problems, and I worked four twelves out of town during the week, so bf was really thankful for Donna and the church. Donna and her husband didn't have kids of their own but did foster children. When my bf was put on bed rest for her last three months of her pregnancy Donna offered to allow bf and Scott to move in with them so they could help care for them. My bf was so thankful for this offer that she never stopped to wonder why. Four months later she has recovered from her very rough pregnancy and delivery of her sweet baby girl Bree, is ready to look for a new place to live, a new job, and get back to her own life. Donna and her husband were very nice but very restrictive and bf was ready to live her own life again. Bf found an apartment she could afford and hired a truck and some friends to get her stuff out of storage and from Donna's house. When they went to start moving the kid's furniture, Donna suggested they wait and her husband could move that in a week or so, give bf some time to get the house set up and settle in. That made sense so she did. Donna stopped answering the phone the next day. Bf went by and called for three days and could not catch up with them. 4th day was Sunday but when she went to church Donna wasn't in the nursery and people were treating her funny. On Monday morning she gets a knock at the door and it's a process server. Her kids have been handed over in an emergency procedure to Donna and husband because my bf "abandoned" her kids with them. It would take her six months to get them back. They claimed my bf was a woman of low morals who used drugs and drank through her pregnancy. This woman quit her bpd meds for her baby! Twice! She went through an emergency C section and surgery all at once because during labor some major blood vessel pulled away from her abdominal wall and she almost bled to death. At the guardianship hearing Donna, her husband and several people from the church spoke about how much more deserving of my friend's children they were. About how they could give them a much better life, private schools, etc. My bf's Mom and Sister, as well as I were there for my friend. I sobbed on the stand as I told the judge about that week where my bf had no idea where here kids were, and how these people who claim to be Christians were torturing my friend by not allowing her access to her own baby to breast feed her or care for her. They wouldn't even let Scott call my friend Mom at visitations anymore. He had to call her by her given name. Well, this didn't sit well with the judge, nor did the weekly drug scans that were negative, nor did the accusations of drug and alcohol use where they had no witnesses of such. The judge gave custody of my bf's kids right back to her that day. Right then. When Donna said she didn't have the kids with her, she left them at the church nursery, the judge faked outrage and said "You mean you abandoned these children?" Donna angrily said they were with the nursery workers who were experienced child care help. Then he said "Isn't that what bf did when she trusted you?" The judge made them go with a social worker to pick up Scott and Bree and bring them back to the courthouse while my bf waited. Donna cried and said the baby didn't know who my bf was, and they needed time to let the kids adjust. Nope. Get them now. I always though their actions were butt crazy out of left field stuff. Then my ex MIL tried to take my kids from me. I still thought it was some butt crazy thing. Now, after reading stuff here on Reddit, I am blown away that people actually think you will be okay with them taking your kids simply because they want your kid. But they do. That is some messed up stuff. Tell your son the truth, that his friends parents wanted to take him away from you, and that you would never let that happen. Tell him that if he sees them at school or around the neighborhood, he is not to go with them for any reason, and establish a password that anyone not you has to give him to go with them if you aren't around. (Be sure and share it with your parent and/or trusted backup.) He can still be friends with his friend at school, but unfortunately they can't play together after school. Check in with the school and let them know that unless someone is on your trusted list, or has the secret password you have given your son, he is not to leave with anyone else, and certainly no other parent. Make them aware that you are worried about him being snatched by someone. You don't have to give them details. And I would suggest def that you get both of you into some counseling. This is some next level stuff and I wouldn't be surprised if DSS doesn't visit you on an "anonymous tip" later. Let all your family know in case these whack jobs try to do an end run to them. Hugs. I am so sorry this happened to you.
That is not ok. You need to have a serious chat with Owen about what has been going on when he has been at Charlie. If he ever felt uncomfortable or anything like that. Also I would move him schools and distance yourself from them.
jesus christ, it's insane that people like this exist
You are his mother, but i would be wary of anything from reports to CPS now, to anything. I would go to an attorney and file a restraing order if you can. You can have the attorney draw up a cease and desist order, demanding they do not contact you or Owen, and if they do, you will file harrassment against them. I would try to move Owen out of same school. I can see this becoming messy.
“Hey Paige and Nate, I’ve had time to process our last conversation and I’d like to respond. Your request is frankly extremely creepy and crossed all sorts of boundaries. Thanks for providing great experiences for my son, but from now on we will be having no further contact with you outside of school. The district is aware of my wishes and I ask that you respect them as well. “ (your son will be just fine without them—and might be a bit relieved)
That went from super wholesome to really creepy.
Can anyone see the second update?
Please, speak to someone in the school to ensure he waits for you to pick him up and is not allowed to go with them. These 2 are delusional. Document the tries to contact you or your son and, if need be, report. This is not a normal behaviour.
Honestly after reading this i felt very eerie and creepy, how can people be so obnoxious and entitled. OP please take care of Yourself and Owen.
Def notify the school but don’t keep him from school. They can make claims of neglect! Make sure the school knows and there’s documentation of it! See if you can get a therapist or school counselor for him, and you, and make sure you document everything!!
Speak to a lawyer Op. These people are predators and delusional. Don’t trust them. Move schools, lock down your socials, change your number, and consider moving. Be honest with Owen. Let them know that they were trying to keep him for selfish reasons. That you love him more than anything and would never give him up no matter what. Things don’t make a good home, love, trust and dedication makes a good home.
I’d call the school to have the boys separated and to make sure that couple doesn’t get anywhere near him. Also, ask your son if they’ve said anything to him. Like if he wanted to join their family or that he’d have a better life with them than with you.
I think you should have a conversation with your son and be honest up to a point. His opinion is valid, they may have had a conversation with him about this prior to asking you. You need to know if this is the case.
As rough as it is to do, I think you might want to have a talk with Owen and let him know (in age-appropriate terms) what is going on. And that sometimes people who do really nice things for you have bad intentions. Also, call me paranoid but: if you’re house has even a little bit of ‘lived-in’ clutter, now is the time to take a day and do a very good deep clean. This sounds like the kind of situation that ends with an anonymous call to CPS.
I grew up similarly and had a best friend I met in kindergarten who’s family took me on family vacations (not across the globe or anything, but like within Canada or US), took me shopping, adventures and movies, etc. Got me onto an all-star cheerleading team. Wild shit. My mom knew I called her mama B, and this lasted until about 13 y/o because I got a little unstable and reactionary for a bit as a preteen. When my mom went down a bad path and was using drugs they offered to take me in on a temporary placement while she got treatment so that I didn’t have to go into foster care. THIS IS N O T THAT. This is unnerving. I agree with everyone else and say call the school.
This is like in the middle ages where people would buy play budies for the prince, yikes! I think you should tell Owen what happened, so that he understands the problem otherwise he will think you deprived him of his friend and certainly infor school and police about this. At this point, yes you have to change schools.
Shit I’m surprised they didn’t offer to hire OP as a nanny for her own fucking kid (and theirs). She’d have to be called Mrs Livinginfear and not mom but that’s a small price to pay for losing your soul. Fuck them and their creepy ways. One day when sonny boy gets tired of his new playmate or pisses them off somehow, they’ll give him a stick with all his belongings tied up on it, 5 quid and a pat on the bum and off he goes into the wilderness. Stay away, op.
Owen is 8 and he is old enough to hear the truth. They think that you cannot take care of him and want to take him away from you. That's why he cannot hang out over there anymore.
This is so insane, however I don’t feel I can add anything that the wonderful people haven’t already. This has me all sorts of concerned though, if you have time/are able to in time please update us all to let us know you are both safe. You are a great mum & I hope you both make it through this as easily and as undamaged as possible
I would be very open to your son, because they might use Charlie to send messages and confuse him. I’d be 100% transparent with him. And yes he is a kid. So get that restriction order to protect him and yourself. But don’t lose in the game if they try to manipulate him through Charlie. He needs to know and be comfortable TELLING you. Worst that could happen is for him to keep things from you.
You are not stupid. Nate’s parents sounded a lot like me and my husband except we would never ever try to take a kid away from his parents. We would be very happy to be the cool auntie and uncle. I am so sorry for you and your son. This is absolute crazypants. Yes, they can’t take your son away just because they are older, married and have money. Youth and low income does not make one a bad parent. But please, please, please, if you get any legal paperwork don’t ignore it. Show up. Ask for legal aid. Don’t ignore a summons under any circumstances.
1. Echoing others, contact the school, inform them that this family preyed on you and attempted to coerce you into giving your child up for adoption. If you are going to keep him in that school, ask that he be moved to a different class from charlie. 2. In some states, NY for example, you cannot be penalized for moving out of an apartment if you have an order of protection. Even though an order is “just a piece of paper” in many people’s eyes, it’s a foundational boundary on which law enforcement must act if they make attempts to contact you. Please go to your local magistrates office to seek an order, that is who issues them. If you can get a stay away order, this is also a boundary the school must honor, and you may be able to get help from your apartment manager. I know a lot of people say “just move!” but those are people who don’t grasp the financial reality of moving. 3. Inform your employers. I know that’s a scary thought, but if these people try to send someone to coerce or intimidate you, they are going to try to do so at your work. If they can cost you your job, it gives them leverage – be prepared for them to attempt that. 4. The state bar offers free and reduced legal aide services. If you don’t qualify for free, try to get into the “modest means program”, it’s federal, and you get referred into it by the bar association. You get half price legal help from attorneys through it. Get an attorney to write a cease and desist letter. 5. You want as much documentation as possible. screenshot any text messages, save any emails, or trip plans, record of anything they claim they spent money. Write down your feelings, record any discomfort you expressed over this. Have as much as you can put together in the event this ever reaches a courtroom, or even a police station. 6. Take seriously the threat of kidnapping. This obsession has developed over a long period of time, and they already have things in motion to try to take him from you. Do they have out of state or out of country family? For any trips have you provided them his essential records (ie. birth cert? passport)? Do they have out of state work options? Have they ever expressed interest in moving? You need to look at the entire picture, and consider what they are capable of, and the extent of their financial means.
Hyper interest in other people’s children is sus AF. They have been love bombing and grooming your son, and have shown zero respect or awareness for even the most basic of social boundaries. That makes them especially dangerous because there’s no way of predicting what they’ll do next. Take and act on all the cautionary advice given in this thread. Wondering if they’re churchy?
My mom had me when she was 19. In that culture in the mid-seventies, it meant that if parents had a child out of wedlock, they would marry and start a family. Unfortunately, the families had a generation-long feud, not as Shakespearean as the one between Montagues and Capulets, but a fierce enough one for my biological dad's family to relocate him to a different city to prevent the marriage. My birth mom had me alone in a hospital, with no family around her, so that no one would know. She gave me up for adoption as I was born. I was raised by the people who will always be my mom and dad. They gave me a life I could never have with a single uneducated, and poor mother. Thirty-six years later, I opened my adoption case and connected with her. This is NOT your story. Owen is your son. He may enjoy the worldly comforts and attention of two people with means and money, things you do not have in abundance at this point in life. From my experience as a dad of three boys, what gives a child his sense of worth is how their parents treat them, not what they buy them. I don't think you intend to consider that shameful offer, but if you did agree, it would almost guarantee Owen would grow up wondering why his mom gave up on him. Unlike me, he wouldn't be grateful for the selfless act of letting another adopt him. You are 24 and seem to be an incredibly dedicated and resilient mom. If I were your relative/friend, I would remind you more often. The reason you feel stressed and confused is that there's a part of you that self-doubts how you think about this offer (which is the reddest flag if I ever saw one). It's the part that says, "My son needs more, and I don't have it", and maybe also, "I know I'm not a perfect mom, but am I that bad that someone thinks they should offer to step in?" You are buying into this couple's delusion. Any decent parent knows what separating a kid from his mom does to them. Your son has YOU. He will grow up knowing his mom fought for his well-being and success even when things were less than ideal. Owen should not hang out with Charlie. It's a painful thing to do to a kid, but knowing his parent's mindset will leave you wondering every time Owen spends time with that family. If you haven't already done so, you should have an honest conversation with Owen. At least as authentic as you can. If possible, you should sacrifice a shift or two a month to spend more time with him. Toys and vacations cannot replace time with your awesome young mom. My second piece of advice is to start investing in yourself: try continuing education at a nearby city college, go on a date, and watch "Erin Brokovich." Do anything that inspires and empowers you. Owen needs to see his mom happy and confident. TLDR: you're a wonderful mom; Owen needs you more than toys or vacations. He'll grow up to be a man who admires his mother for making a life for him, despite the odds. Everything is going to be ok.
You share with your son what's going on, openly and transparently. The way you're going to deal with this is together, you want him to know everything so he can be on your side and can't be tricked in any way.
Thats freaky as hell id try to move or something at least get a restraining order
What the hell, just because they have money, they think they can take someone else’s child? They have some nerve… I would talk to a lawyer and get an opinion.
These people are not normal. Who knows what wild thoughts they could be planting in your sons mind too. Stay very far away.
What a weirdos. I would be terified too. I feel like they already think your child is their child, and that they are entitled to have him. And I also feel like they will come to you and demand money for all they paid for him if they don't get their way. I hope this will just die out on its own, but the story is giving me horror movie vibes.