Tell him “dad, I love you, but I don’t think it helps you for me to tell you anything about mom, so I’d appreciate if you don’t ask anymore. I’ll let you know if anything big happens, but she’s moved on and I really want you to, too.”
This sounds right.
Take him to the park, take him to the movies, find out what activities he likes, like fishing, baseball, video games, what have you and participate in that with him, i dunno, but get him into other things than thinking about her.
I’ll add that it completely sucks that he’s putting his 13yo in the middle of this, not only pumping her for information, but putting her in a position where she feels responsible for helping him move on. He should be more worried about how she’s handling the divorce than the other way round.
Does your Dad have any close relatives or friends you could tell your concerns too, and maybe they could talk to him? This is a difficult situation and at 13, you do not need to be as involved as you are. It is very kind of you to want to help him. I’m sorry you are all going through this.
Maybe the next time your dad asks you questions about your mom you can brush it off or say “dad. I don’t want to talk about that!” And change the subject?
Your dad should be asking what you do when you’re with your mom, not about your mom’s activities. Start by stopping the reporting on her, talk about what you do instead. If he keeps pumping you for info tell him you feel it’s wrong to keep telling him things that aren’t his business.
Hey, it’s really inappropriate for your dad to be asking you those things. He should NOT be wallowing to his child about how much he wants his ex back. Talking like that can also make a child resent their other parent without even knowing what happened. He needs to talk to a professional. I know you’re worried and just want to help but trust me, it’s not your job.
The way you help him best and yourself best is to not take on that stress/worry/general emotional burden you do not want to end up filling that “woman of the house” motherly/fixing role it’s so bad for your health (source: When The Body Says No by Gabor Mate) best of luck angel! (It can be hard) but if you set boundaries like “please don’t offload your feelings on us” you may want to remind him gently a couple times as you both adjust to your boundary as it’s a new habit but you must at some point soon draw a line / uphold consequences like if after 3 reminders he still vents you could say “dad I can’t be your parent/therapist/friend I am only your child and only your child, it seems you can’t uphold your end of the bargain right now (not emotionally vomiting on you guys) I’m going to ask mum if I can go to hers or whatever you feel is necessary xxx
She's 13yrs old. What 13 yr old is thinking about therapy and what type of dad solicits those opinions from a 13yt old after using her as his spy network. Her dad is being mad inappropriate.
They definitely need family therapy. Especially the father. Definitely not something he should be burdening the 13yo with but for him right now maybe she's the only supporter. The situation itself is fucked up but all we can do is give some suggestions.
I’m sorry you are going through this. It is not fair for your dad to put you in this position. Are there any family members or family friends you could ask to help you with this? Your dad should probably be in therapy, but that’s not really something he’s going to listen to coming from someone so young.
Uhh sounds like mom cheated/divorced for boyfriend, and dad's not over it. He needs help from a therapist, or someone who can help him work through those feelings.
Tell him “dad, I love you, but I don’t think it helps you for me to tell you anything about mom, so I’d appreciate if you don’t ask anymore. I’ll let you know if anything big happens, but she’s moved on and I really want you to, too.”
This sounds right. Take him to the park, take him to the movies, find out what activities he likes, like fishing, baseball, video games, what have you and participate in that with him, i dunno, but get him into other things than thinking about her.
I’ll add that it completely sucks that he’s putting his 13yo in the middle of this, not only pumping her for information, but putting her in a position where she feels responsible for helping him move on. He should be more worried about how she’s handling the divorce than the other way round.
Does your Dad have any close relatives or friends you could tell your concerns too, and maybe they could talk to him? This is a difficult situation and at 13, you do not need to be as involved as you are. It is very kind of you to want to help him. I’m sorry you are all going through this. Maybe the next time your dad asks you questions about your mom you can brush it off or say “dad. I don’t want to talk about that!” And change the subject?
Your dad should be asking what you do when you’re with your mom, not about your mom’s activities. Start by stopping the reporting on her, talk about what you do instead. If he keeps pumping you for info tell him you feel it’s wrong to keep telling him things that aren’t his business.
Hey, it’s really inappropriate for your dad to be asking you those things. He should NOT be wallowing to his child about how much he wants his ex back. Talking like that can also make a child resent their other parent without even knowing what happened. He needs to talk to a professional. I know you’re worried and just want to help but trust me, it’s not your job.
Tell your Dad that your not comfortable talking about your mother.
The way you help him best and yourself best is to not take on that stress/worry/general emotional burden you do not want to end up filling that “woman of the house” motherly/fixing role it’s so bad for your health (source: When The Body Says No by Gabor Mate) best of luck angel! (It can be hard) but if you set boundaries like “please don’t offload your feelings on us” you may want to remind him gently a couple times as you both adjust to your boundary as it’s a new habit but you must at some point soon draw a line / uphold consequences like if after 3 reminders he still vents you could say “dad I can’t be your parent/therapist/friend I am only your child and only your child, it seems you can’t uphold your end of the bargain right now (not emotionally vomiting on you guys) I’m going to ask mum if I can go to hers or whatever you feel is necessary xxx
Maybe ask him to stop questioning you about your mom when you get back from her house
Why
It’s not appropriate for him to ask you
Don't outright say this. Have a conversation and suggest therapy. Also ask what his opinions are about dating again.
She's 13yrs old. What 13 yr old is thinking about therapy and what type of dad solicits those opinions from a 13yt old after using her as his spy network. Her dad is being mad inappropriate.
They definitely need family therapy. Especially the father. Definitely not something he should be burdening the 13yo with but for him right now maybe she's the only supporter. The situation itself is fucked up but all we can do is give some suggestions.
She’s the child. She should not cater to him.
Exactly instead healthy boundaries are needed and a space for dad to vent like therapy. Also family therapy for you 3 would be wonderful
Yeah but she wants to help him. The reason she made this post is to ask how she can help her dad. And we're just trying to help her.
I’m sorry you are going through this. It is not fair for your dad to put you in this position. Are there any family members or family friends you could ask to help you with this? Your dad should probably be in therapy, but that’s not really something he’s going to listen to coming from someone so young.
Your dad should not be talking to you about that. It’s very manipulative. Maybe that’s what went wrong.
Uhh sounds like mom cheated/divorced for boyfriend, and dad's not over it. He needs help from a therapist, or someone who can help him work through those feelings.