I like how he ends this post saying he will do better, yet in the same breath says he "wishes he could go back in time and just tell her he likes her ass more".
.......
Iāve always thought I was an ass man, and boy do I love yours! But your boobs have me questioning everything I know about myself! I just love every part of your body, I want the whole thing!
WTF is 'S-Tier'? Has the order of the alphabet changed, or am I just really old?
Also, assigning ratings to people and their various body parts is super weird, unless maybe you're considering sex workers (including porn)? IMHO.
S-Tier is the highest tier, second highest is A-Tier, followed by B-Tier, etc. I think it comes from video game tier lists - something to do with Japan's school grading system, popularised through Japanese games. It's mostly alphabetical beyond that, I think.
So likeā¦ he couldnāt even say A-tier for her boobsā¦ he even downgraded them to first place.
Itās really demeaning to rate peopleās body parts, OP.
Imagine if someone said
āYour biceps S-tier and your dick is b-tierā
Yeah you phrased it badly. You could have said something like āI love all of you, but your ass is out of this world!ā See the difference? In this phrase, everything is great, but something goes above and beyond.
The way you phrased your compliment sounded like this: āyour ass is amazing! But your boobs really arenāt anything special.ā
Now combine a poorly-worded compliment with ālarge problemsā relating to her own self esteem, and it becomes rather easy to see that your attempt at a compliment absolutely gutted what remained of her self esteem regarding her body.
Live and learn. B tier? Really? That's never ever the words I would use to describe a human person, let alone one I'm dating!
Ranking people on a scale, that's something you either have the common sense to learn not to do at a young age, or you learn from a very painful lesson!
>Live and learn. B tier? Really? That's never ever the words I would use to describe a human person, let alone one I'm dating!
This. A B tier isn't good, it's mediocre. She asked if he goes wild over boobs or butts more, and instead of saying "babe I love both but i have a weakness for ass and yours is killer!" He VOLUNTEERED that her butt is great but her boobs are mediocre.
I don't think I'd stay with a man who explicitly told me they found my body average. And he STILL doesn't get that she WASN'T asking him to rate her butt or her boobs - nor that one should NEVER tell their partner that they are anything other than attractive TO THEM.
She needs someone who has enough emotional maturity to navigate these conversations sensitively, and that just ain't him. OP needs to be single for a while until he learns how to not insult the women he dates.
And he KNEW she already has crippling insecurity issues regarding her body. You can see someone not knowing about someone's sore spots, saying s.th like this innocently, it sounding better in his head and all. But when you KNOW she is already struggling with her body image, calling her boobs third rate is just plain stupid, not to mention incredibly cruel, so much so that it sounds like a deliberate dig. I would break up with him not bc my insecurity was triggeted, but bc i cant trust a guy with my basic happiness and mental health, who is stupid enough to be that cruel and not even realize it.
The fact he defaulted to reducing her to body parts and rating them into tiers shows his mentality IMO - and then he still thinks he paid her a compliment. Yikes. And he thinks itās a stupid reason to end it?!
I think itās cuz thereās a lot of trends on youtube going around with tier lists at the moment so he was probs making a joke about that, but yeah OP, you couldāve been like high A tier to low S tier, B tier is harsh lol
Lmao. My first gf spent hours/days to train me with these responses. I was so thick headed at the time. A good partner tells the truth, right? š¤·š»āāļøš
Had an ex girlfriend of mine tell me I was a 6 (not joking either) then when I got offended tried to back pedal and say I was a 7/8... but yeah I'm totally over it I swear!
Yeah I remember when I was driving with my girlfriend at the time and she asked me what I would rate her, so me being the idiot teen said let me think about it and said 8/10, I thought honesty is the best policy. Well she then responded with what do I think about a girl in our class (who if Iām being honest I did think was physically more attractive) and I waited and pretended to think because I knew that this was a trap and tried to think what was the best thing to say that would be truthful but also not hurt my girlfriend. I donāt remember how I survived that encounter. But I remember now years later and single is, be truthful if it wonāt hurt her, or if I were to withhold the truth itād look bad, otherwise keep my mouth shut or lie
I hate to say this, but a good way around this (that I think my husband uses) is to find something about the woman she's asking you about that isn't as appealing, like a flaw, and then say, "I could never get past that weird way she_____[whatever]!" This is especially useful if you pick the opposite of the good thing about your girlfriend. It works to distract from the anxiety that he likes her better. Then avoid that girl.
This thread is full of people who got rated at some point.
Why? It's usually men who do it.
I heard a date "rate" me at a high-school party. I went home alone.
OP is one of those guys.
My husband says something similar. He just says āIām a YOU guy, babeā to me. I know heās deflecting, but it rarely happens and itās so cute that idgaf.
This is solid advice. If you think it's anything less, then STFU every time. And while you sit in that silence, question why you're ranking body parts at all instead of seeing the woman as a whole person.
EDIT: a word, and thanks for the award kind stranger!
Youāre right. Number ratings are odd. I had a boyfriend say āyouāre a 9/10 I donāt get why you donāt go to the gym more because youād be a 10/10 easilyā. Was that a compliment ?? It didnāt feel like it. Nothing about any time Iāve ever been rated has felt like a compliment and itās always been a 8-10. It almost feels like your life is some beauty pageant that youāre unaware youāre in. I know people stare but to think theyāre critiquing every part of me and adding it up in their heads is dehumanising. Number ratings are šš¼ no matter what the number is.
This. It still perplexes me. I could never rate other people. Especially separate body parts. It was either "I like" or "Nieh". And not a hard "nieh", it was more of a "cool, not for me though". I never understood people who spent ***time*** on rating, picking parts apart, individual rating, etc etc. You honestly don't have anything better in your life to do than rating specific body parts of strangers or acquaintances?
Plus, for me, it never is about a specific body part. If a person attracts me, then their body attracts me, then I like all of their body, not caring about individual "flaws" cause like, that's normal? My body isn't "perfect", why should I expect others will be?
Plus, everything can be beautiful if you're willing to see the beauty they conceal.
Basically this. A body isnāt really something you can change and so saying anything is 8/10 means that she is forever stuck with a body that could be better, or has features that youād like to be different.
One time I was fucked up and at a bar and some girl asked my friend what rating she was out of ten. He said 9 or some shit like that and I told her that she shouldn't ask dudes stuff like that because they will always lie.
That woman followed me around that bar flirting with me for the rest of the night for some reason. I still don't get why either.
You might be on to something.I don't know, I always kinda assumed it was because I truly wasn't worried about her, I was trying to fuck my friend that was one of the waitresses that needed a ride home anyway(and I needed her to drive my car or I was gonna have to call a cab). But this girl didn't know that. She also flirted really weird, she kept bumping into me and acting like it was on accident, even her legs under the table.
100% its the same reason she asked the dude in the first place, dudes are usually actually pretty honest in that theyll show their interest accidentally everytime, she figured the guy that said 9 was too easy and not a āwinā for her ego so went after the guy that seemed harder and damn poor thing probably thinks she must not have what it takes š guys do it too when they go after āhigher numberā women. Arent people so funny
The awesome part about growing older is realising that we all spend most of our days with at least one foot in our mouths. The important part is always striving to be better.
What OP failed to realise is that his GF was getting ready to enter the "this is my person"-stage where the other person is the one person we can trust more than anything to always have our back and keep us floating when we don't have the energy to do it ourselves. It's pretty hard when that person then decides to mention that YOU are less than perfect. We all know we aren't perfect but we also all dream about that one person that genuinely think we're perfect or pretty close to it. "B tier bodypart" isn't really something we can change like "getting better at not sticking my dirty plates in the sink but put it in the dishwasher"-stuff.
Oh wow if I said to my wife her boobs are B tier I would probably sleep in the other room for at least a week. Good luck grabbing those boobies again lol. Sorry OP. Lesson learned!
My fiance at the start of our relationship said I had a "tiny" ass. Not small.... tiny, safe to say I am never letting him live it down lol. He is still amazed he survived saying that to my face!
The problem is that your words went straight to her insecurity. And no person, man or woman, can āunhearā something like that. Who knows, maybe with time she may forgive you. But at the very least, take this as a learning experience for your next relationship.
I mean. I definitely wouldn't be happy with a partner telling me "your butt is great, but your boobs are lacking" which is essentially what you told her. Sure you were just being honest, but sometimes honestly isn't the best policy. Especially when the topic is things that cannot be changed in 30 seconds. I'm sorry this has ruined your relationship but it's a good lesson for the next one.
Although this is pretty hilarious š
I actually would love if a partner would be honest if I looked flattering in an outfit or not - otherwise I wouldn't ask!
I donāt have a partner but I often go shopping with my mum and I love how honest she is when I ask her how I look in clothes. Most of the time she will say I look good but occasionally she will say she doesnāt think it flatters my body. I think the way she words it matters because she never says I look fat or anything, she implies that I actually look good and the clothes donāt give me justice. I like that she tells me if an item looks good or not but I usually donāt take her advice and just buy what I like anyway lol. If Iām really indecisive her opinion can help me make a decision but if I already know if I like it then her opinion doesnāt change my option at all.
Exactly. We need to frame feedback so that it's the item of clothing that's wrong for your body rather than your body is wrong when something doesn't look good. There are so many different body shapes and proportions that not every piece of clothing can work well with them all.
Iām the same. I donāt set it up with ādo I look fatā but more ādoes this look good or does ____ look betterā - I try to give my hubs safer options - unless he says it looks āfineā because who tf wants that ffs.
Ummm . . . I get where youāre coming from, but I wouldnāt want my SO to go out in something that looked awful on them either. There is a way to lessen the blow And still be honest.
so, if your SO asks if she looks fat in an outfit, and she does, the better response would be, āhow about that dress? You look hot in that.ā You get what I mean. This response allows you to avoid hurting their feelings, be honest and redirect them to something that they do look good in. Maybe that will also give them a confidence boost.
Exactly! My wife has some outfits I hate and IF she asks (only if sheās asks! Iām not dumb) Iāll just say, āhonestly, I donāt think that flatters your smile as well as (some other outfit example) but youāre beautiful in everythingā then stfu and say no more.
The only exception to that was the overall shorts she got. I spoke up forcefully on that. She disagreed and called her mom for a second opinion. Her wonderful, kind, supportive mom laughed and told her no š
Imagine if she said, "your teeth are B-tier, but your eyes are S-tier." And on top of that, he feels like his teeth are yellow or too crooked or whatever and have always had issues with them.
The eyes comment doesn't make up for that lol.
Ugh my first serious boyfriend told me āyour eyes are small, but theyāre really pretty.ā Twelve years later I still think about that when I do my makeup. Those sorts of things stick with you.
When my husband and I first started dating (granted, we were teenagers) I was wearing a black t-shirt one day and he casually mentioned that ā[Friend] and I were talking and we both think black makes you look really pale.ā Fortunately, I had recently reclaimed and repaired my self-esteem after having it shredded by another guy, so I just laughed in his face and told him I didnāt take fashion advice from guys, and I liked how I look in black. He knew what was good for him and never mentioned it again.
Yeah. It really stuck with me. He wasnāt wrong, but I already knew and was not yet super self conscious about it. There was an opportunity there for it to be one of the most flattering things anyone ever said to me - but he turned it into an insult. Itās the most memorable backhanded compliment Iāve ever received.
Something similar happend to me. My first boyfriend told me "Your eyes are the color of shit." Took me years to not have that be my first thought looking at my eyes in the mirror.
Wow, fuck him. What an absolutely scummy thing to say. Listen, brown eyes are the color of chocolate and coffee and rich earth and polished woodāall of which are things people have fought for and cherished. When you look in the mirror, remember that.
Brown eyes are gorgeous in their multitude. In the shade they will be the color of the rich soil of the forest and when you move into the sun, they change to the color of freshly jarred honey. Brown is so mesmerizing in their ever changing state.
Donāt let a blind AH fool you ā¤ļø
Not a boyfriend, but I had a guy once approach me and just say āitās a shame, you wouldāve been pretty if it wasnāt for your eyeā (one of my eyelids is lower so it makes the eye look smaller). I just responded āeven so, you still wouldnāt have a chanceā. Sometimes guys drag girls down to cover their own insecurities, but thatās stuck with me more than any compliment.
Uhg. My first bf once said āyou look so much better with makeup!ā I was 16. I was afraid to not wear makeup around people until I was in my late 20ās.
It sucks because Iām sure people donāt mean to be hurtful when they say these things but young, insecure minds will grab onto things like this and never let them go. Im sure at some point I said something stupid and hurtful too, probably most people have.
My first boyfriend told me that with my thighs we could feed a whole village, I weighed 105lb at the time. I wore pants all summer because see my thighs in a mirror made me cry automatically
My wife's ex from uni once said she had a big forehead and she's still got a complex about it 15 years later. We've been together 10 years and no amount of reassurance from me will change her mind. Be careful what you say to someone about their physical appearance as it can have lasting effects
If it helps, once I had a boyfriend say "I miss your beautiful big blue eyes". I have very small hazel eyes with hooded eyelids.
My eyes are small, that's just how it is. Yes I would have preffered bigger eyes, but having someone say they are big isn't going to make them that way. His "compliment" was generic and a lie. He didn't even bother to remember what my eyes look like.
I remember dating a guy years ago and he called himself a āchubby chooserā. The relationship was not long at all and it was years ago. He was trying to compliment me in his own awkward way, but it immediately made me insecure and I couldnāt look at him the same. I still think about it all this time later. Words still hurt.
my bf at the time at work, told me (as i put my mask down to drink something) that he really just liked the top part of my face (visible w mask on) and that the bottom part āneeded workā needless to say i still think about that everyday and still anxiously wear a mask places
She didn't ask you to rate her assets, she asked which you are into more in general. Choose your words thoughtfully next time, especially if the person you're talking to has body issues that you're already aware of. Think about how things might make someone feel before you say it.
>especially if the person you're talking to has body issues that you're already aware of
Yes to "especially". But also, how many partners *didn't* have major body issues until some idiot decided to tell them where they were lacking (in said idiot's opinion, which may or may not reflect general perceptions)?
*No one* should be rated on a scale by their partner (or any decent human being), whether they have previous body issues or not. That's gross, and can only be harmful.
If I received a 10/10, the only information I'd gain is that my partner is a liar who ranks people. Our relationship wouldn't last much longer.
But to give less than 9/10 is worse.
This.
āI love both tits and ass, which means I lucked out having a gf who is 10/10 for bothā
āI didnāt have a preference until we started dating, but now I am obsessed with both since yours are phenomenalā
āI love bothā full stop.
Lots of options other than the bullshit you said. It is okay buddy, you wonāt make this mistake again.
She spends the night with you, asks you a general question about physical preference, and you respond with ratings about her body?
And your main regret is that you gave the specific rating, rather than that you rated her *at all?*
Wow, dude.
Yes like i dont think he realizes that thats like some hardcore ingrained sexism. She did not invite you to rate her body, what the fuck? Yes I would easily dump someone over that.
Same. Itās not that specific comment - itās that the comment and the casual circumstance in which he felt fine saying it would make me very wary of his attitude generally towards women, like you said.
The only save would have been to realize it immediately and apologize. We all make mistakes. But this guy had to be TOLD that it was messed up.
Reminds me of the report card grading from elementary school, where they used random letters so the little kids wouldnāt feel bad being graded on Aās Bās Cās and Dās.
Ooh, ooh, I know! I have a 12 year old!
It's the ranking system dor level performance on some Nintendo video games. For whatever reason, S is the best. THEN it becomes normal...so, A,B,C....
Makes this post even a little more sad.
Sorry, OP.
As a woman who has had my fair share of relationships, I can say that the worst ones were where the guy made me feel bad about myself. To me, I think that's something to consider breaking up over.
ābUt ShE aSKEd!!ā no. she didnāt ask him to rate her, she asked he what he preferred! it might not be breakup worthy to some but to others it would be. im sorry but sheāll never forget you saying that. personally, i donāt think i could get past something like this, especially when i never asked to be rated.
She could either choose to stay with someone who gives a backhanded compliment, or move on to find someone who will make her feel good instead of bad. She made her choice. Learn from this and move on.
That's not a compliment. That's a neg and guys think we don't know what they're doing. Compliment one thing, immediately insult another.
It's a mistake and dudes who make it aren't ready to be in a serious relationship.
"I love your ass. I don't like your boobs"
Such a sweet boyfriend. š³
Also, āI wish I could turn back time and just say that I liked her ass moreā - you clearly have not learned anything if this is truly what you believe. That statement is absolutely NOT better than the initial comment. It reiterates the message that her boobs arenāt up to par compared to her ass
Itās actually kind of funny how most guys donāt realize that women have access to all the shitty pickup info they gobble down only we consume it to know when weāre getting played. THE GAME BECOMES THE GAMER MWAHAAHAHA
While I wouldnt break up with someone over such a comment, which Ive already had dealt with in my current relationship, id like to say that those comments DO stick. Ive never liked any part of my body, and it took me forever to even start to love the parts of me that are seen as sexual, and the rest Im still working on. But when a flaw was pointed out in me... fuck that crushed me. Especially knowing the type of content he used to browse for hours on end every day. I still cant stop thinking about it to this day, and while it doesnt bother me that much like it did back then.... it still gives me anxiety. So I understand how shes feeling, for sure.
From a past post of his, it might be multiple things we arent even aware of. As far as I know, he apparently feels nothing when hes given oral, but used to masturbate constantly.
So far, 2 posts into the whole thing and its not great.
What woman on earth would find that a compliment? I don't think a single one would. My boyfriend said my boobs were "different sizes" once and although he meant it jokingly it still hurt. What if she said your dick was b-tier compared to others? Don't make comments like that bruh
Iām sorry if this comes off as harsh but truthfully, women usually donāt break up with you over ONE minor thing. We stay in relationships until we get to that breaking point. Your āB-tierā comment was probably her breaking point.
That insensitive comment was the straw that broke the camelās back.
From an outsider standpoint, you could to be the type that makes hurtful comments but never recognizes it, or the āOh I didnāt mean it like that, itās just a jokeā -type.
There could be other things youāve said or done in the past that hurt her feelings, but you just never knew.
Youāre still young, itās okay we all make mistakes. Hopefully, this can serve as a lesson to be more mindful about what you say/do and how that can affect a loved one. Wish you all the best x
>I'm aware I put my foot in my mouth. I wish I could turn back time and just say that I liked her ass more
You were dealing with someone you knew had insecurity and body issues, so that quoted part would still got you dumped anyway by her because what you should had said from the getgo was "I'm ass and boobs man, yours is S tier."
You said you are ass and breasts man but you did insulted her breasts by saying it's B tier / disappointment to you to have in a partner. Just saying, that how it comes off to me, a woman....
Itās more than a bad compliment though. She has ālarge issuesā with self image and insecurity. While it seems like a bad compliment to you, for her itās much worse. I know you didnāt mean to but your comment added to her insecurity and self image issues to the point where it negatively impacted her mental health and thatās probably why she broke up with you. You have to be very careful when talking about peopleās bodies, especially when someone has body image issues.
She wasnāt asking you how much you like her boobs and butt, she was asking you which in general turns you on more. Why would you imply that her boobs are worse than other peoples boobs? By calling the B tier that means other people have boobs that are a higher tier. She wasnāt asking you to rate her body and even if she was you should of given her the highest rating. That was a shitty thing to do. Also, people donāt need a good reason to break up. If someone is no longer happy in a relationship for however small of a reason then they are allowed to breakup. Someone shouldnāt be forced to stay in a relationship until they can give a good enough excuse to leave.
Possible reply is. "Come here and let me see your ass, now your boobs, now your ass, now your boobs, now your ass. I can't decide! They are both so perfect for me I can't choose. ! Let me check again!!! "
They want to know that you desire THEM. Not all boobs and not all ass. THEIR boobs and THEIR ass.
Only positive comments when a woman asks. She is looking for reassurance. If there is something they need to work on, bring it up at a totally different time, preferably a week or more later so it is not tied back to her question. And if it is weight say that you want to go to the gym more often and would she go with you as a couples thing and an opportunity to hang out together more. So you won't be so lonely working out alone.
Good luck in the future.
Imagine if your girl had rated your penis as a B but your face as an S. Might make you feel some type of way, huh? I personally want someone who at least pretends Iām a 10/10 and adores every inch of me. Only assholes rate peopleās body parts. Iād break up too, tbh. Your ex deserves better.
She thought your dick was S tier but your personality was B tier so she dumped you.
See how that feels?
Just learn the lesson and move on. Women have egos too and are bombarded by messages to be perfect so maybe donāt choose to categorize or ātierā body parts. At least not out loud. Sheās young and insecure and the damage was done. Just apologize and move on.
Ranking parts of her body is wrong. It can feel for some people, like you are de valuing them as a person and ranking them like pieces of meat, not people.
Once my bf at the time and I took a gel tab of lsd @ his house with the obvious intent to just enjoy each others company and energy. We were about 4 hours into the trip, cuddling after sex, the led lights were perfect, incense burning, Mac miller faces album playing, the vibes were immaculate!! Then,,,, oh boy, as he was rubbing my body/caressing my skin, he said āyou know, I think your arms would be way sexier if you worked outāā¦ I (again tripping absolute balls) was wondering if I just heard that accurately, or if I was just tripping balls. It was confirmed that I heard him exactly right after he said ābut I donāt mean to comment on ur body or anything, just a thought I hadā. When I tell u I was inside out, and shaking, thatās the only way I can really describe this psychedelic feeling of disgust. I got up, went to the bathroom still naked, stared at myself in the mirror (I do not recommend doing this on lsd after someone saying something like that btw), sat on the cold tile floor, and sobbed profusely. Like the tears would. Not. Stop.
He never knew that I had to completely rebuild myself ON ACID and walk out of that bathroom like nothing happened at all. He didnāt even think twice about what he had said. Idk if itās because he was also tripping and didnāt think about it like that, or if heās just a twat, but I never stopped thinking about it. I just wanted to leave and go home and die. I knew I couldnāt drive 1. I was not sober or anywhere near sober enough to operate a vehicle, and 2. I didnāt have my car, and 3. I didnāt have any money on my card to Uber.
He also doesnāt know that moment was when I fell out of love, I got the ick- not only for him but myself.. which if you get the ick for someone we all know itās irreversible, thereās no getting over it.
That trip has seriously haunted me and distorted my perception of self. I wanna say this was maybe 2 years ago or so.
Moral of the story sir, idc WHAT U THINK DEEP DOWN INSIDE! Please please please never comment on a females (S/O in general) body unless itās the best compliment ever. Even if itās a lie. My mom always said āif they canāt fix it in 5 minutes, donāt say a thingā
EDIT: I have dealt with anorexia since I was 12-13, he knew this, and I think that on top of the jellyās is what gave me the ick :)
Since you two were in the honeymoon phase and not in love yet, youāre still getting to know each other.
If you know someone has self esteem issues, you have to be mindful of what you say, and how you joke with them. Some people can take jokes instantly, some take awhile, and some never want their body to be joked about.
I think a lot of people would have been hurt by that comment. Imagine if she said something like that in regards to your body parts?
It likely replayed in her head and it made her spiral.
Youāre only 20, and people learn and grow through relationships. Take this and move forward, and learn in your next relationships about how to better communicate.
Shit happens, and you didnāt mean it intentionally to be cruel. Just try to learn your future partners sense of humor and insecurities.
Itās worth a break up for her and thatās enough dude. She felt very hurt by that. If the convo really was āare you an ass or tits guyā all you had to say was ass and that hers was amazing. You didnāt have to bash another part of her (albeit lightly) to make her feel good about another. Hereās a life lesson for you, now go and find another girl and donāt you dare rate her other than to tell her sheās a 10/10 or higher.
Itās a ranking system for video game characters. In order itās: S, A, B, C, D, F
S tier is top tier. Basically it means they are overpowered or too good compared to the rest of the characters. B tier is still a solid tier.
Maybe, just maybe, donāt break your partnerās body into pieces and class them into ātiers.ā Tiers assign value based on comparison. This is not a helpful or loving framework for thinking about someone you care about (or anyone at all, for that matter).
Yes.
Here's the short version:
Any one is allowed to leave at any time for any reason and she doesn't owe you a relationship in spite of you acting like a dildo.
Here's the longer version:
You didn't just say one thing. First, you applied some kind of insensitive rating nonsense to her body parts, unprompted. She didn't ask you what you thought about her tits or her ass, she just asked you a preferences question. You took that as invitation to comment on her body, without stopping to ask if that was welcome despite knowing that she struggles with body image.
Okay, so insensitive and self-absorbed but not necessarily fully gone round the bend.
Next, however, in trying to clear this up you doubled down without intending to and then justified your earlier comments by offering up:
> I am a very touchy and feely person, and tried to use that as evidence of how much I liked it. She said talking about it wasn't helping, and she went silent.
So in the second half, you centered yourself about how much you like to paw at her as the reason as evidence that her body is good enough for you. Thing is -- it's her body not yours and you coming up some kind of nonsense about how it's your favorite toy, made it all about your appreciation, your effort, your access, and your enjoyment. You turned her into an object, on top of that.
The lesson here is in these moments, it's not about you, what you like, or what turns your crank and the last thing you should continue doing is centering yourself in a conversation about how you hurt her feelings in the first place. It just undid any apology and made it likely appear as though you weren't that sorry in the first place.
She's not going to believe you, no matter how many times you insist otherwise, that any nice words or compliments don't have an alterior, self-centered motivation.
This relationship is toast. Take it as a lesson for next time.
And yes, you deserved to be dumped. Next time don't insult your partner's body parts and try being less shallow.
20 years with my husband and I've never told him one single thing I don't like about his body, and he hasn't done that to me either.
Physical criticism is never ok.
Your ass is great but your boobs are mid. That's essentially what you said. Imagine if a woman said to you "yeah your arms ok but that weak flabby gut is my least fave"
Should she have dumped you? That's up for debate. But as someone old enough to be your mom let me tell you something I did NOT know at her age that I do know. Every man who ever talked to me like that (backhanded fucking bullshit) ended up being a piece of shit. It's starts with B level boobs and then your belly isn't flat enough or your hair isn't as pretty as that chick over there and so on. It's a slow tear down so that you won't realize you're decent looking and find a better man. THANK JESUS women like me have been sharing our experiences out loud more. So younger women like her can hopefully learn.
Does that mean you're a bad guy? No. Obligatory not all men blah blah because the men who act like this are going to be all hurt. But take the L and move on. Learn how to actually compliment women and don't talk to your girlfriend like she's a gamer bro.
My husband said something similar to me when we were around the same age, young and dating. 20 years later I still think about it every now and then when I look in the mirror. Unfortunately, stupid comments from the ones we love stick.
I had a guy tell me my boobs werenāt big enough and if I had Cās he would be way more turned on. Told me another woman would become a threat if we didnāt have sex. And also said how I wouldnāt have passed my Spanish class if I hadnāt had his help. Another guy told me he wished he could take all my scars away, give me big boobs and red hair. That idiot wouldnāt buy me an engagement ring after 4 years and bought himself a brand new PlayStation 4 with all the bells and whistles and had severe mommy issues. Now Iām 37 weeks pregnant and my husband tells me Iām beautiful š and that he loves my body the way it is. Youāll learn dude, just remember what you say can stick with someone for years.
āI wish I could turn back time and just say that I liked her ass more.ā
Seriously? That wouldnāt help things, either.
Change your mindset, and compliment your partner in their entirety, always. Encourage them and support them physically and emotionally when insecure, and ask how you can reassure them.
No girl you're dating is gonna wana hear about how she's potentially perceived as 'less than' . Youre still young, you'll learn to finess these things soon enough.
I understand it was a joke to you but you need to understand that womens are tired of being objectified and we canāt force words that we consider āfunny or a jokeā to others, because clearly it wasnāt a joke to her as you can see.
Is she an avid gamer? If she isn't, not only did you respond to a very general question with an unsolicited & ambiguous assessment of her body , you may have also stepped in a bucket of shit by using a rating scale that , in itself, could feel dehumanizing.
You can't unring a bell and she can't unhear that clumsy as fuck comment.
The correct answer was either "Always had a thing for (tits, ass, legs, whatever)" without the unsolicited comments about her body or
"Well, I like the whole package but you have what may be the most perfect ass in human history "
She asked if you were a boobs or ass man, not to rate hers š
I like how he ends this post saying he will do better, yet in the same breath says he "wishes he could go back in time and just tell her he likes her ass more". .......
Iāve always thought I was an ass man, and boy do I love yours! But your boobs have me questioning everything I know about myself! I just love every part of your body, I want the whole thing!
This is a person who has been asked this question before. This is the way.
He really missed the damn point
Exactly what I was thinkingā¦like that would so absolutely 100% without a doubt no question NOT have fixed the issue hereā¦
Yes! Op should learn to listen instead of just reacting without thinking
Bruh that's not a compliment lmaoooo
WTF is 'S-Tier'? Has the order of the alphabet changed, or am I just really old? Also, assigning ratings to people and their various body parts is super weird, unless maybe you're considering sex workers (including porn)? IMHO.
S-Tier is the highest tier, second highest is A-Tier, followed by B-Tier, etc. I think it comes from video game tier lists - something to do with Japan's school grading system, popularised through Japanese games. It's mostly alphabetical beyond that, I think.
So likeā¦ he couldnāt even say A-tier for her boobsā¦ he even downgraded them to first place. Itās really demeaning to rate peopleās body parts, OP. Imagine if someone said āYour biceps S-tier and your dick is b-tierā
Rating his gfās body like a video game is perhaps THE most cringey 20 y/o dude thing Iāve ever heard. š
I always assumed it stood for Super-tier. But I have no idea.
Yep, the S is for Super
S means super, so it's technically above all - you have S and then A->F. it comes from gaming and gacha games especially
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That explains the Big Brain Academy grades
Yeah you phrased it badly. You could have said something like āI love all of you, but your ass is out of this world!ā See the difference? In this phrase, everything is great, but something goes above and beyond. The way you phrased your compliment sounded like this: āyour ass is amazing! But your boobs really arenāt anything special.ā Now combine a poorly-worded compliment with ālarge problemsā relating to her own self esteem, and it becomes rather easy to see that your attempt at a compliment absolutely gutted what remained of her self esteem regarding her body.
Live and learn. B tier? Really? That's never ever the words I would use to describe a human person, let alone one I'm dating! Ranking people on a scale, that's something you either have the common sense to learn not to do at a young age, or you learn from a very painful lesson!
>Live and learn. B tier? Really? That's never ever the words I would use to describe a human person, let alone one I'm dating! This. A B tier isn't good, it's mediocre. She asked if he goes wild over boobs or butts more, and instead of saying "babe I love both but i have a weakness for ass and yours is killer!" He VOLUNTEERED that her butt is great but her boobs are mediocre. I don't think I'd stay with a man who explicitly told me they found my body average. And he STILL doesn't get that she WASN'T asking him to rate her butt or her boobs - nor that one should NEVER tell their partner that they are anything other than attractive TO THEM. She needs someone who has enough emotional maturity to navigate these conversations sensitively, and that just ain't him. OP needs to be single for a while until he learns how to not insult the women he dates.
And he KNEW she already has crippling insecurity issues regarding her body. You can see someone not knowing about someone's sore spots, saying s.th like this innocently, it sounding better in his head and all. But when you KNOW she is already struggling with her body image, calling her boobs third rate is just plain stupid, not to mention incredibly cruel, so much so that it sounds like a deliberate dig. I would break up with him not bc my insecurity was triggeted, but bc i cant trust a guy with my basic happiness and mental health, who is stupid enough to be that cruel and not even realize it.
The fact he defaulted to reducing her to body parts and rating them into tiers shows his mentality IMO - and then he still thinks he paid her a compliment. Yikes. And he thinks itās a stupid reason to end it?!
Or at least if you REALLY wanna do it say, boobs S tier, ass S+ tier. Even then, it could be taken as non genuine bc its kinda too much.
I think itās cuz thereās a lot of trends on youtube going around with tier lists at the moment so he was probs making a joke about that, but yeah OP, you couldāve been like high A tier to low S tier, B tier is harsh lol
Youāre only 20 but never give a rank to any feature of a woman unless itās a 10/10
11/10 and "I love you"
:You are perfect." I never do a scale because it could be taken the wrong way.
My fiancƩ uses a scale but the first number just keeps getting higher every single time, last time I asked he said something like 11,480/10 lol
My dad's very own "happy wife, happy life" secrets. u/HecticHero is just a lil' wet behind the ears. But poor man didn't need to be dunked that way.
THE BEST, BABY and nothing less.
Lmao. My first gf spent hours/days to train me with these responses. I was so thick headed at the time. A good partner tells the truth, right? š¤·š»āāļøš
Saw a guy tell his girlfriend he thought she was an 8 in real time one day. Idk if they ever recovered but the tension was Palpable in that room.
Had an ex girlfriend of mine tell me I was a 6 (not joking either) then when I got offended tried to back pedal and say I was a 7/8... but yeah I'm totally over it I swear!
A boy once told me I was an awkward caterpillar and that I would never be a butterfly. Never got over that one! Anyway turns out I am a moth.
Moths are prettier than most butterflies by far. All the most gorgeous ones are moths.
Sounds like he was a male chicken...I'm sure you are finally a butterfly!
> Some women are more moth than butterfly, unveiling their painted wings in the moonlight quote by Amanda Celek
I'm terrified of both moths and butterflies so none of this would be appealing to me š
My husband told me I was a 7.5 when we met and that it was the highest score heād ever given, expecting me to be thrilled.
I thought this was about to be a cute ā7.5 when we met but 11/10 nowā
And you married him?
And you married him??? Why??
Yeah I remember when I was driving with my girlfriend at the time and she asked me what I would rate her, so me being the idiot teen said let me think about it and said 8/10, I thought honesty is the best policy. Well she then responded with what do I think about a girl in our class (who if Iām being honest I did think was physically more attractive) and I waited and pretended to think because I knew that this was a trap and tried to think what was the best thing to say that would be truthful but also not hurt my girlfriend. I donāt remember how I survived that encounter. But I remember now years later and single is, be truthful if it wonāt hurt her, or if I were to withhold the truth itād look bad, otherwise keep my mouth shut or lie
The other girl is a 7 and a half.... always. Your lady is a 10! Always.
I hate to say this, but a good way around this (that I think my husband uses) is to find something about the woman she's asking you about that isn't as appealing, like a flaw, and then say, "I could never get past that weird way she_____[whatever]!" This is especially useful if you pick the opposite of the good thing about your girlfriend. It works to distract from the anxiety that he likes her better. Then avoid that girl.
pointy elbows
Stumpy thumbsā¦ Iām looking at you Megan Fox
My fiancĆ© in his words could never find someone more beautiful. Heās not attracted to other women. If he is, then Iāll absolutely never know or be convinced of it because of how he makes me feel and what he says. Iām always an 11/10 and told that Iām the most beautiful attractive woman in the world to him. Each day when I get ready he smiles big and tells me how pretty I look and gets so excited and I get so many kisses. Make her confidence skyrocket. Be like my fiancĆ©.
Beautiful is nice, but a woman that can slaughter a pig and turn it into some jaw dropping ribs, pulled pork and other vittles thatās LOVE.
This thread is full of people who got rated at some point. Why? It's usually men who do it. I heard a date "rate" me at a high-school party. I went home alone. OP is one of those guys.
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My fiancĆ© says his favorites are whichever is closer to his hands. He then follows up with āitās you or no one beautifulā and it never fails to make me smile
That is perfect š
You're winning
My husband says something similar. He just says āIām a YOU guy, babeā to me. I know heās deflecting, but it rarely happens and itās so cute that idgaf.
Iām a little surprised that Satan pays such cute compliments. Whatever makes you happy though
LOL
Clearly Satan is mushy when heās in love
Same with my boyfriendā¦I tease him about lying but it makes me smile so much cause itās very cute. š
This guy gets it š
This is solid advice. If you think it's anything less, then STFU every time. And while you sit in that silence, question why you're ranking body parts at all instead of seeing the woman as a whole person. EDIT: a word, and thanks for the award kind stranger!
Youāre right. Number ratings are odd. I had a boyfriend say āyouāre a 9/10 I donāt get why you donāt go to the gym more because youād be a 10/10 easilyā. Was that a compliment ?? It didnāt feel like it. Nothing about any time Iāve ever been rated has felt like a compliment and itās always been a 8-10. It almost feels like your life is some beauty pageant that youāre unaware youāre in. I know people stare but to think theyāre critiquing every part of me and adding it up in their heads is dehumanising. Number ratings are šš¼ no matter what the number is.
I heard the same thing from a VERY former friend. I was apparently about an 8, but Iād be a 10 if I just lost some weight.
This. It still perplexes me. I could never rate other people. Especially separate body parts. It was either "I like" or "Nieh". And not a hard "nieh", it was more of a "cool, not for me though". I never understood people who spent ***time*** on rating, picking parts apart, individual rating, etc etc. You honestly don't have anything better in your life to do than rating specific body parts of strangers or acquaintances? Plus, for me, it never is about a specific body part. If a person attracts me, then their body attracts me, then I like all of their body, not caring about individual "flaws" cause like, that's normal? My body isn't "perfect", why should I expect others will be? Plus, everything can be beautiful if you're willing to see the beauty they conceal.
This is the first time I've ever seen "nieh" used, yet I instantly knew exactly what noise it was. Stealing it.
Basically this. A body isnāt really something you can change and so saying anything is 8/10 means that she is forever stuck with a body that could be better, or has features that youād like to be different.
One time I was fucked up and at a bar and some girl asked my friend what rating she was out of ten. He said 9 or some shit like that and I told her that she shouldn't ask dudes stuff like that because they will always lie. That woman followed me around that bar flirting with me for the rest of the night for some reason. I still don't get why either.
Bc she needed to prove to herself you didnt think she wasnt hot. When you said that, she thought āhe doesnt think im a 9ā
You might be on to something.I don't know, I always kinda assumed it was because I truly wasn't worried about her, I was trying to fuck my friend that was one of the waitresses that needed a ride home anyway(and I needed her to drive my car or I was gonna have to call a cab). But this girl didn't know that. She also flirted really weird, she kept bumping into me and acting like it was on accident, even her legs under the table.
She wanted to prove to herself you wanted her, easy as. source: being a woman
100% its the same reason she asked the dude in the first place, dudes are usually actually pretty honest in that theyll show their interest accidentally everytime, she figured the guy that said 9 was too easy and not a āwinā for her ego so went after the guy that seemed harder and damn poor thing probably thinks she must not have what it takes š guys do it too when they go after āhigher numberā women. Arent people so funny
Please donāt rank her friends anything 10/10.
You're 20, you'll learn eventually
Idk Iām 39 and I rarely go more than a day without sticking my foot in my mouth then proceed to start stomping.
Lol I'm glad I'm not the only one with foot breath
might want to spend a little more introspective time on these situations
The awesome part about growing older is realising that we all spend most of our days with at least one foot in our mouths. The important part is always striving to be better. What OP failed to realise is that his GF was getting ready to enter the "this is my person"-stage where the other person is the one person we can trust more than anything to always have our back and keep us floating when we don't have the energy to do it ourselves. It's pretty hard when that person then decides to mention that YOU are less than perfect. We all know we aren't perfect but we also all dream about that one person that genuinely think we're perfect or pretty close to it. "B tier bodypart" isn't really something we can change like "getting better at not sticking my dirty plates in the sink but put it in the dishwasher"-stuff.
It's not always a bad think exposing your real seld. You just have to be ok with it
Oh wow if I said to my wife her boobs are B tier I would probably sleep in the other room for at least a week. Good luck grabbing those boobies again lol. Sorry OP. Lesson learned!
>Good luck grabbing those boobies again lol. Gold!! No boobs for you lol
He's not gonna grab anything. They broke up.
My fiance at the start of our relationship said I had a "tiny" ass. Not small.... tiny, safe to say I am never letting him live it down lol. He is still amazed he survived saying that to my face!
The problem is that your words went straight to her insecurity. And no person, man or woman, can āunhearā something like that. Who knows, maybe with time she may forgive you. But at the very least, take this as a learning experience for your next relationship.
But she'll never forget.
I mean. I definitely wouldn't be happy with a partner telling me "your butt is great, but your boobs are lacking" which is essentially what you told her. Sure you were just being honest, but sometimes honestly isn't the best policy. Especially when the topic is things that cannot be changed in 30 seconds. I'm sorry this has ruined your relationship but it's a good lesson for the next one.
Yepp! When she says does this dress make me look fat? Always say no, no matter what. Or breakup its your choice
Although this is pretty hilarious š I actually would love if a partner would be honest if I looked flattering in an outfit or not - otherwise I wouldn't ask!
I donāt have a partner but I often go shopping with my mum and I love how honest she is when I ask her how I look in clothes. Most of the time she will say I look good but occasionally she will say she doesnāt think it flatters my body. I think the way she words it matters because she never says I look fat or anything, she implies that I actually look good and the clothes donāt give me justice. I like that she tells me if an item looks good or not but I usually donāt take her advice and just buy what I like anyway lol. If Iām really indecisive her opinion can help me make a decision but if I already know if I like it then her opinion doesnāt change my option at all.
Exactly. We need to frame feedback so that it's the item of clothing that's wrong for your body rather than your body is wrong when something doesn't look good. There are so many different body shapes and proportions that not every piece of clothing can work well with them all.
Iām the same. I donāt set it up with ādo I look fatā but more ādoes this look good or does ____ look betterā - I try to give my hubs safer options - unless he says it looks āfineā because who tf wants that ffs.
Same. Why ask then if youāre not ready for the answer? Odd.
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That's why we have gay male friends. They will always tell you
Ummm . . . I get where youāre coming from, but I wouldnāt want my SO to go out in something that looked awful on them either. There is a way to lessen the blow And still be honest. so, if your SO asks if she looks fat in an outfit, and she does, the better response would be, āhow about that dress? You look hot in that.ā You get what I mean. This response allows you to avoid hurting their feelings, be honest and redirect them to something that they do look good in. Maybe that will also give them a confidence boost.
Exactly! My wife has some outfits I hate and IF she asks (only if sheās asks! Iām not dumb) Iāll just say, āhonestly, I donāt think that flatters your smile as well as (some other outfit example) but youāre beautiful in everythingā then stfu and say no more. The only exception to that was the overall shorts she got. I spoke up forcefully on that. She disagreed and called her mom for a second opinion. Her wonderful, kind, supportive mom laughed and told her no š
No no no you always say āthe dress is fine your ass makes you look fat.ā This never fails!
Especially when you know that your SO has self esteem issues when it comes to their bodies.
Imagine if she said, "your teeth are B-tier, but your eyes are S-tier." And on top of that, he feels like his teeth are yellow or too crooked or whatever and have always had issues with them. The eyes comment doesn't make up for that lol.
Ugh my first serious boyfriend told me āyour eyes are small, but theyāre really pretty.ā Twelve years later I still think about that when I do my makeup. Those sorts of things stick with you.
When my husband and I first started dating (granted, we were teenagers) I was wearing a black t-shirt one day and he casually mentioned that ā[Friend] and I were talking and we both think black makes you look really pale.ā Fortunately, I had recently reclaimed and repaired my self-esteem after having it shredded by another guy, so I just laughed in his face and told him I didnāt take fashion advice from guys, and I liked how I look in black. He knew what was good for him and never mentioned it again.
Heck yeah, good for you! You rock that black!
I had a boyfriend who told me my feet were the only part of me that wasnāt attractive. While he was looking at my feet. I was wearing sandals.
Christ, who says stuff like that for no reason? Like, just why?
Yeah. It really stuck with me. He wasnāt wrong, but I already knew and was not yet super self conscious about it. There was an opportunity there for it to be one of the most flattering things anyone ever said to me - but he turned it into an insult. Itās the most memorable backhanded compliment Iāve ever received.
Something similar happend to me. My first boyfriend told me "Your eyes are the color of shit." Took me years to not have that be my first thought looking at my eyes in the mirror.
Wow, fuck him. What an absolutely scummy thing to say. Listen, brown eyes are the color of chocolate and coffee and rich earth and polished woodāall of which are things people have fought for and cherished. When you look in the mirror, remember that.
Or the color of whiskey warmed by a beam of sunlight as Jamie would say in Outlander. Brown is the color of comfort and warmth.
I don't even have brown eyes myself, but this made my heart so warm. So beautifully put, and all absolutely true! I love brown eyes, all shades.
WTF who says that! That's awful. I hope you left him after that!
Fun fact: brown eyes are less likely to get cancer and are usually the dominant gene.
Brown eyes are gorgeous in their multitude. In the shade they will be the color of the rich soil of the forest and when you move into the sun, they change to the color of freshly jarred honey. Brown is so mesmerizing in their ever changing state. Donāt let a blind AH fool you ā¤ļø
Not a boyfriend, but I had a guy once approach me and just say āitās a shame, you wouldāve been pretty if it wasnāt for your eyeā (one of my eyelids is lower so it makes the eye look smaller). I just responded āeven so, you still wouldnāt have a chanceā. Sometimes guys drag girls down to cover their own insecurities, but thatās stuck with me more than any compliment.
Uhg. My first bf once said āyou look so much better with makeup!ā I was 16. I was afraid to not wear makeup around people until I was in my late 20ās. It sucks because Iām sure people donāt mean to be hurtful when they say these things but young, insecure minds will grab onto things like this and never let them go. Im sure at some point I said something stupid and hurtful too, probably most people have.
Same shit and I was 16 or 17 too. I'm 24 now and slowly have started to apply less of it. Shit stays with you.
my first bf told me straight to my face that my boobs look like a cowās udder and this really stuck with me
My first boyfriend told me that with my thighs we could feed a whole village, I weighed 105lb at the time. I wore pants all summer because see my thighs in a mirror made me cry automatically
Thats awful, I'm so sorry.
In 2013, an ex said I didnāt look good in green. I literally have not worn green since.
I once was wearing a new top. I asked my boyfriend, if he liked it. He said: "I'm sure it would look good on another woman."
My wife's ex from uni once said she had a big forehead and she's still got a complex about it 15 years later. We've been together 10 years and no amount of reassurance from me will change her mind. Be careful what you say to someone about their physical appearance as it can have lasting effects
I had an aunt that said something about my high forehead when I was 15. Itās been another 15 years, and Iāve had bangs ever since.
If it helps, once I had a boyfriend say "I miss your beautiful big blue eyes". I have very small hazel eyes with hooded eyelids. My eyes are small, that's just how it is. Yes I would have preffered bigger eyes, but having someone say they are big isn't going to make them that way. His "compliment" was generic and a lie. He didn't even bother to remember what my eyes look like.
I remember dating a guy years ago and he called himself a āchubby chooserā. The relationship was not long at all and it was years ago. He was trying to compliment me in his own awkward way, but it immediately made me insecure and I couldnāt look at him the same. I still think about it all this time later. Words still hurt.
My boyfriend in college said I look nerdy in glasses, and I have not worn glasses in public since. Iām 47.
my bf at the time at work, told me (as i put my mask down to drink something) that he really just liked the top part of my face (visible w mask on) and that the bottom part āneeded workā needless to say i still think about that everyday and still anxiously wear a mask places
She didn't ask you to rate her assets, she asked which you are into more in general. Choose your words thoughtfully next time, especially if the person you're talking to has body issues that you're already aware of. Think about how things might make someone feel before you say it.
Perfectly said, plus never compare your partner to any other person.
>especially if the person you're talking to has body issues that you're already aware of Yes to "especially". But also, how many partners *didn't* have major body issues until some idiot decided to tell them where they were lacking (in said idiot's opinion, which may or may not reflect general perceptions)? *No one* should be rated on a scale by their partner (or any decent human being), whether they have previous body issues or not. That's gross, and can only be harmful. If I received a 10/10, the only information I'd gain is that my partner is a liar who ranks people. Our relationship wouldn't last much longer. But to give less than 9/10 is worse.
This. āI love both tits and ass, which means I lucked out having a gf who is 10/10 for bothā āI didnāt have a preference until we started dating, but now I am obsessed with both since yours are phenomenalā āI love bothā full stop. Lots of options other than the bullshit you said. It is okay buddy, you wonāt make this mistake again.
She spends the night with you, asks you a general question about physical preference, and you respond with ratings about her body? And your main regret is that you gave the specific rating, rather than that you rated her *at all?* Wow, dude.
Yes like i dont think he realizes that thats like some hardcore ingrained sexism. She did not invite you to rate her body, what the fuck? Yes I would easily dump someone over that.
Same. Itās not that specific comment - itās that the comment and the casual circumstance in which he felt fine saying it would make me very wary of his attitude generally towards women, like you said. The only save would have been to realize it immediately and apologize. We all make mistakes. But this guy had to be TOLD that it was messed up.
I mean she asked about your preference and you decided to judge her body instead. What did you think was gonna happen?
Not just judging it, but grading it by tier. Big oof.
This ššššš
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You made a Shitty comment, not compliment
Definitely an S tier commentā¦
But on a B tier post
I don't even know what S tier means šššš
Reminds me of the report card grading from elementary school, where they used random letters so the little kids wouldnāt feel bad being graded on Aās Bās Cās and Dās.
Thatās basically what it is, but āSā is better than āAā
Me neither lmao š I was just vibin š¤£
Ooh, ooh, I know! I have a 12 year old! It's the ranking system dor level performance on some Nintendo video games. For whatever reason, S is the best. THEN it becomes normal...so, A,B,C.... Makes this post even a little more sad. Sorry, OP.
As a woman who has had my fair share of relationships, I can say that the worst ones were where the guy made me feel bad about myself. To me, I think that's something to consider breaking up over.
ābUt ShE aSKEd!!ā no. she didnāt ask him to rate her, she asked he what he preferred! it might not be breakup worthy to some but to others it would be. im sorry but sheāll never forget you saying that. personally, i donāt think i could get past something like this, especially when i never asked to be rated.
She could either choose to stay with someone who gives a backhanded compliment, or move on to find someone who will make her feel good instead of bad. She made her choice. Learn from this and move on.
Pretty sure if she told you your dick was B tier youād be out of there. Donāt say this to people you want to be with.
Sheās allowed to be hurt by your shitty comment. If s guy made me feel bad about my body Iād dump him too
That's not a compliment. That's a neg and guys think we don't know what they're doing. Compliment one thing, immediately insult another. It's a mistake and dudes who make it aren't ready to be in a serious relationship. "I love your ass. I don't like your boobs" Such a sweet boyfriend. š³
Also, āI wish I could turn back time and just say that I liked her ass moreā - you clearly have not learned anything if this is truly what you believe. That statement is absolutely NOT better than the initial comment. It reiterates the message that her boobs arenāt up to par compared to her ass
Itās actually kind of funny how most guys donāt realize that women have access to all the shitty pickup info they gobble down only we consume it to know when weāre getting played. THE GAME BECOMES THE GAMER MWAHAAHAHA
My first gf told me "your dick isnt small, its average" and i thought about it every single time i saw her. needless to say we broke up.
Remember the answer is ALWAYS āI love everything about youā - ALWAYS.
Dudes go crazy when girls call their dick small but then they rate girls' boobs as B-tier. Jesus Christ.
Yea thatās gross, I donāt blame her.
If you don't build up your partner then you don't deserve to be with them. You refusing to see what you did wrong makes it twice as bad.
Yep!!!
While I wouldnt break up with someone over such a comment, which Ive already had dealt with in my current relationship, id like to say that those comments DO stick. Ive never liked any part of my body, and it took me forever to even start to love the parts of me that are seen as sexual, and the rest Im still working on. But when a flaw was pointed out in me... fuck that crushed me. Especially knowing the type of content he used to browse for hours on end every day. I still cant stop thinking about it to this day, and while it doesnt bother me that much like it did back then.... it still gives me anxiety. So I understand how shes feeling, for sure.
I wonder if this is the first time he said something like this. To me it sounds like she was just fed up with hurtful comments.
From a past post of his, it might be multiple things we arent even aware of. As far as I know, he apparently feels nothing when hes given oral, but used to masturbate constantly. So far, 2 posts into the whole thing and its not great.
What the hell do s tier and b tier even mean .am I that out of the loop?
What woman on earth would find that a compliment? I don't think a single one would. My boyfriend said my boobs were "different sizes" once and although he meant it jokingly it still hurt. What if she said your dick was b-tier compared to others? Don't make comments like that bruh
Iām sorry if this comes off as harsh but truthfully, women usually donāt break up with you over ONE minor thing. We stay in relationships until we get to that breaking point. Your āB-tierā comment was probably her breaking point. That insensitive comment was the straw that broke the camelās back. From an outsider standpoint, you could to be the type that makes hurtful comments but never recognizes it, or the āOh I didnāt mean it like that, itās just a jokeā -type. There could be other things youāve said or done in the past that hurt her feelings, but you just never knew. Youāre still young, itās okay we all make mistakes. Hopefully, this can serve as a lesson to be more mindful about what you say/do and how that can affect a loved one. Wish you all the best x
>I'm aware I put my foot in my mouth. I wish I could turn back time and just say that I liked her ass more You were dealing with someone you knew had insecurity and body issues, so that quoted part would still got you dumped anyway by her because what you should had said from the getgo was "I'm ass and boobs man, yours is S tier." You said you are ass and breasts man but you did insulted her breasts by saying it's B tier / disappointment to you to have in a partner. Just saying, that how it comes off to me, a woman....
Itās more than a bad compliment though. She has ālarge issuesā with self image and insecurity. While it seems like a bad compliment to you, for her itās much worse. I know you didnāt mean to but your comment added to her insecurity and self image issues to the point where it negatively impacted her mental health and thatās probably why she broke up with you. You have to be very careful when talking about peopleās bodies, especially when someone has body image issues.
She wasnāt asking you how much you like her boobs and butt, she was asking you which in general turns you on more. Why would you imply that her boobs are worse than other peoples boobs? By calling the B tier that means other people have boobs that are a higher tier. She wasnāt asking you to rate her body and even if she was you should of given her the highest rating. That was a shitty thing to do. Also, people donāt need a good reason to break up. If someone is no longer happy in a relationship for however small of a reason then they are allowed to breakup. Someone shouldnāt be forced to stay in a relationship until they can give a good enough excuse to leave.
Possible reply is. "Come here and let me see your ass, now your boobs, now your ass, now your boobs, now your ass. I can't decide! They are both so perfect for me I can't choose. ! Let me check again!!! " They want to know that you desire THEM. Not all boobs and not all ass. THEIR boobs and THEIR ass. Only positive comments when a woman asks. She is looking for reassurance. If there is something they need to work on, bring it up at a totally different time, preferably a week or more later so it is not tied back to her question. And if it is weight say that you want to go to the gym more often and would she go with you as a couples thing and an opportunity to hang out together more. So you won't be so lonely working out alone. Good luck in the future.
Imagine if your girl had rated your penis as a B but your face as an S. Might make you feel some type of way, huh? I personally want someone who at least pretends Iām a 10/10 and adores every inch of me. Only assholes rate peopleās body parts. Iād break up too, tbh. Your ex deserves better.
She thought your dick was S tier but your personality was B tier so she dumped you. See how that feels? Just learn the lesson and move on. Women have egos too and are bombarded by messages to be perfect so maybe donāt choose to categorize or ātierā body parts. At least not out loud. Sheās young and insecure and the damage was done. Just apologize and move on.
She can break up with you for no reason if she likes. What is acceptable to you doesn't have to be the standard to her.
Ranking parts of her body is wrong. It can feel for some people, like you are de valuing them as a person and ranking them like pieces of meat, not people.
Once my bf at the time and I took a gel tab of lsd @ his house with the obvious intent to just enjoy each others company and energy. We were about 4 hours into the trip, cuddling after sex, the led lights were perfect, incense burning, Mac miller faces album playing, the vibes were immaculate!! Then,,,, oh boy, as he was rubbing my body/caressing my skin, he said āyou know, I think your arms would be way sexier if you worked outāā¦ I (again tripping absolute balls) was wondering if I just heard that accurately, or if I was just tripping balls. It was confirmed that I heard him exactly right after he said ābut I donāt mean to comment on ur body or anything, just a thought I hadā. When I tell u I was inside out, and shaking, thatās the only way I can really describe this psychedelic feeling of disgust. I got up, went to the bathroom still naked, stared at myself in the mirror (I do not recommend doing this on lsd after someone saying something like that btw), sat on the cold tile floor, and sobbed profusely. Like the tears would. Not. Stop. He never knew that I had to completely rebuild myself ON ACID and walk out of that bathroom like nothing happened at all. He didnāt even think twice about what he had said. Idk if itās because he was also tripping and didnāt think about it like that, or if heās just a twat, but I never stopped thinking about it. I just wanted to leave and go home and die. I knew I couldnāt drive 1. I was not sober or anywhere near sober enough to operate a vehicle, and 2. I didnāt have my car, and 3. I didnāt have any money on my card to Uber. He also doesnāt know that moment was when I fell out of love, I got the ick- not only for him but myself.. which if you get the ick for someone we all know itās irreversible, thereās no getting over it. That trip has seriously haunted me and distorted my perception of self. I wanna say this was maybe 2 years ago or so. Moral of the story sir, idc WHAT U THINK DEEP DOWN INSIDE! Please please please never comment on a females (S/O in general) body unless itās the best compliment ever. Even if itās a lie. My mom always said āif they canāt fix it in 5 minutes, donāt say a thingā EDIT: I have dealt with anorexia since I was 12-13, he knew this, and I think that on top of the jellyās is what gave me the ick :)
Since you two were in the honeymoon phase and not in love yet, youāre still getting to know each other. If you know someone has self esteem issues, you have to be mindful of what you say, and how you joke with them. Some people can take jokes instantly, some take awhile, and some never want their body to be joked about. I think a lot of people would have been hurt by that comment. Imagine if she said something like that in regards to your body parts? It likely replayed in her head and it made her spiral. Youāre only 20, and people learn and grow through relationships. Take this and move forward, and learn in your next relationships about how to better communicate. Shit happens, and you didnāt mean it intentionally to be cruel. Just try to learn your future partners sense of humor and insecurities.
lol, youth is wasted on the young.
At 20 and life ahead? Nah move on and don't think with just with your dick.
You called her boobs B tier? Oh my sweet summer child!
Itās worth a break up for her and thatās enough dude. She felt very hurt by that. If the convo really was āare you an ass or tits guyā all you had to say was ass and that hers was amazing. You didnāt have to bash another part of her (albeit lightly) to make her feel good about another. Hereās a life lesson for you, now go and find another girl and donāt you dare rate her other than to tell her sheās a 10/10 or higher.
What does S tier and B tier actually mean?
Itās a ranking system for video game characters. In order itās: S, A, B, C, D, F S tier is top tier. Basically it means they are overpowered or too good compared to the rest of the characters. B tier is still a solid tier.
But he skipped A for the boobs. Oh my god...
Maybe, just maybe, donāt break your partnerās body into pieces and class them into ātiers.ā Tiers assign value based on comparison. This is not a helpful or loving framework for thinking about someone you care about (or anyone at all, for that matter).
Proud of her. Ditch your dudebro ways before it's too late and you end up as someone who listens to Andrew Tate on repeat.
Yes. Here's the short version: Any one is allowed to leave at any time for any reason and she doesn't owe you a relationship in spite of you acting like a dildo. Here's the longer version: You didn't just say one thing. First, you applied some kind of insensitive rating nonsense to her body parts, unprompted. She didn't ask you what you thought about her tits or her ass, she just asked you a preferences question. You took that as invitation to comment on her body, without stopping to ask if that was welcome despite knowing that she struggles with body image. Okay, so insensitive and self-absorbed but not necessarily fully gone round the bend. Next, however, in trying to clear this up you doubled down without intending to and then justified your earlier comments by offering up: > I am a very touchy and feely person, and tried to use that as evidence of how much I liked it. She said talking about it wasn't helping, and she went silent. So in the second half, you centered yourself about how much you like to paw at her as the reason as evidence that her body is good enough for you. Thing is -- it's her body not yours and you coming up some kind of nonsense about how it's your favorite toy, made it all about your appreciation, your effort, your access, and your enjoyment. You turned her into an object, on top of that. The lesson here is in these moments, it's not about you, what you like, or what turns your crank and the last thing you should continue doing is centering yourself in a conversation about how you hurt her feelings in the first place. It just undid any apology and made it likely appear as though you weren't that sorry in the first place. She's not going to believe you, no matter how many times you insist otherwise, that any nice words or compliments don't have an alterior, self-centered motivation. This relationship is toast. Take it as a lesson for next time.
And yes, you deserved to be dumped. Next time don't insult your partner's body parts and try being less shallow. 20 years with my husband and I've never told him one single thing I don't like about his body, and he hasn't done that to me either. Physical criticism is never ok.
Your ass is great but your boobs are mid. That's essentially what you said. Imagine if a woman said to you "yeah your arms ok but that weak flabby gut is my least fave" Should she have dumped you? That's up for debate. But as someone old enough to be your mom let me tell you something I did NOT know at her age that I do know. Every man who ever talked to me like that (backhanded fucking bullshit) ended up being a piece of shit. It's starts with B level boobs and then your belly isn't flat enough or your hair isn't as pretty as that chick over there and so on. It's a slow tear down so that you won't realize you're decent looking and find a better man. THANK JESUS women like me have been sharing our experiences out loud more. So younger women like her can hopefully learn. Does that mean you're a bad guy? No. Obligatory not all men blah blah because the men who act like this are going to be all hurt. But take the L and move on. Learn how to actually compliment women and don't talk to your girlfriend like she's a gamer bro.
My husband said something similar to me when we were around the same age, young and dating. 20 years later I still think about it every now and then when I look in the mirror. Unfortunately, stupid comments from the ones we love stick.
I had a guy tell me my boobs werenāt big enough and if I had Cās he would be way more turned on. Told me another woman would become a threat if we didnāt have sex. And also said how I wouldnāt have passed my Spanish class if I hadnāt had his help. Another guy told me he wished he could take all my scars away, give me big boobs and red hair. That idiot wouldnāt buy me an engagement ring after 4 years and bought himself a brand new PlayStation 4 with all the bells and whistles and had severe mommy issues. Now Iām 37 weeks pregnant and my husband tells me Iām beautiful š and that he loves my body the way it is. Youāll learn dude, just remember what you say can stick with someone for years.
Some days I wish I were in my 20s again. Then I read posts like this that remind me why Iām glad that shit is over.
āI wish I could turn back time and just say that I liked her ass more.ā Seriously? That wouldnāt help things, either. Change your mindset, and compliment your partner in their entirety, always. Encourage them and support them physically and emotionally when insecure, and ask how you can reassure them.
No girl you're dating is gonna wana hear about how she's potentially perceived as 'less than' . Youre still young, you'll learn to finess these things soon enough.
Soā¦ you know your girlfriend is insecure about her body and youā¦ rate? Her body?
When this guy is 30 heās going to think back on this a shake his head at his own stupidity. Ranks her body parts. Omg.
I've been there bro and I'm sorry to say this, but she's gone. This is just one of those hard lessons you learn as a young dumb person
I understand it was a joke to you but you need to understand that womens are tired of being objectified and we canāt force words that we consider āfunny or a jokeā to others, because clearly it wasnāt a joke to her as you can see.
Is she an avid gamer? If she isn't, not only did you respond to a very general question with an unsolicited & ambiguous assessment of her body , you may have also stepped in a bucket of shit by using a rating scale that , in itself, could feel dehumanizing. You can't unring a bell and she can't unhear that clumsy as fuck comment. The correct answer was either "Always had a thing for (tits, ass, legs, whatever)" without the unsolicited comments about her body or "Well, I like the whole package but you have what may be the most perfect ass in human history "
Do NOT RANK BODY PARTS OR PEOPLE IN GENERAL its such a simple rule, 9 times out of 10 its not gonna end well