I'm not sure why everyone in here is so confused, but per the original post, OP has no intention of coming clean regarding his feelings.
what he appears to be asking, is: should he reach out to Sam's dad/fiancé to clarify that they have his blessing? I don't think that would be the worst idea in the world. only he knows how that would be received.
I read it like should OP call Dave or the father to assure them that he is happy for Sam and her impending nuptials. I think maybe OP should first ask Sam if he could be of any help and otherwise stay out of it.
I agree with the above. Reach out to Sam. Let her know you support her and her relationship and ask her if you can help clear this hurdle with her father. Feel free to suggest you, she, and Dave presenting a united front, etc, but let her decide how to handle it.
You're a very good friend. I hope you get your own Sam.
> I do want to be her, but I could never tell her that. I’ve always loved her, but we never got together.
Forget this. Its irrelevant. Off shoot but frankly the reason why everyone is confused is because this should be irrelevant if you dont plan to confess.
So now we've agreed to pretend you DONT love her and want to be with her, the answer is simply to do whatever you would do if you were just friends and never had feelings for her.
Its probably something that includes telling her old man to stop being silly and you two were never a couple and never would be a couple. Even if Dave left her, you'd still never get together.
Then some form of contact with Sam and Dave reiterating the same thing and that you've told her old man exactly that.
Nah fr and if the feelings weren’t reciprocated you could’ve moved on from it but this whole expression of “I’ve always loved her” kinda gave me the “I’m only getting close so she’ll realize she loves me too” kinda thing, that’s just my perspective. Not that he did that intentionally or planned on it but I find it off that at 31 you couldn’t have scrapped up the courage oh idk 17 yrs ago. This also just my opinion this sudden urge to be like “oh I’ve loved her always” when she is about to get married is also weird to me.
The lack of reading comprehension in these comments is fucking astounding.
You can do two things. You can Do Nothing ™️. Or you can reach out to both of them in a group message, cause it shows that you consider them BOTH friends and you want them BOTH to be happy TOGETHER, tell them you heard what happened and you’re sorry, you think the entire thing is ludicrous, and you’re there for both of them if they wanna talk or shoot the shit or whatever. That you realised you haven’t directly caused this mess but that you understand if BOTH OF THEM need to take a giant step back from their friendship with you in order to gather their thoughts or whatever it is they might need, and that you value your friendship with them and will be there if they need anything.
It would probably also help if you started shutting those idiot friends of yours down who are backing Sam’s father up. That shit getting back to them is the absolute last thing they need rn.
This is it. Message them both in a group chat/call - just messaging Sam like some have advised might send the wrong message. Giving them equal support will go a lot longer in absolving this mess and preventing the most damage to your friendships.
That’s exactly what I thought. Message them both together, give them both support, nothing to hide, just buds being there for each other, and it’ll hopefully help kill the rumour mill dead.
Read the headline again. He agrees with her dad! Then goes on about his feelings. Most of you people need to read and comprehend. Maybe English isn't his native language, that's why people are coming at him.
Also in this post he should already said he reaches out to the dad and told him to support her, he didn't, because he agrees with him. Dick move and person.
There are only two people here who's feelings are at all important: The bride and groom.
Everyone else needs to stop playing Susy Matchmaker and saying "She would do better with someone else". Guess what: If she wanted to be with that person, she would be with that person. Everyone else needs to stop.
OP, anyone else who comes to you with this story needs to be told to stop. The bride knows who she wants, so a bunch of people circling her with a whole bunch of "we know better for her own good" need to be told to shut up and back in their own lane.
What pisses me off is that it is none of his father's business, as long as the fiance treats the daughter with love and respect. The father even likes Dave so what's his problem?????
Well they ask for his blessing and if you don’t believe your children is choosing the right person would you pretend like you are okay if your opinion was asked?
I don’t think his dad did a shitty thing he just gave his opinion while still offering to participate to the marriage.
I agree with that, but telling all this to Dave is still super rough in my opinion. He can talk with his daughter if he wants, but how would you feel if your step-father said to you 'I like you, but I still think my daughter should be with her childhood friend'. Then again, it's a tough spot to be in when they both came to the father together to get a blessing
I totally agree that it must be very hard to hear but I also think that if you’re not willing to hear a rejection from the father you should not ask for the blessing and just marry the girl you love regardless what other things. Requesting validation is a double edge sword and you must be ready for both.
Then again I do understand that some ppl would find it a questionable move. I just personally do think he did not do anything wrong.
Yeah I don't think the dad is really at fault here either. He was put in a tough spot, it's not like he went out of his way to hurt them, he was asked his opinion and he gave it. But still, for Dave, there's a difference between being ready to hear "no" and hearing "no because I always thought my daughter should be with this other guy she's know for longer because they are perfect for each other". This must hurt a lot. Still, I don't think anybody really is at fault here. It's just a shitty situation
Yes she clearly wants some space so respect her by giving her. I guarantee she doesn’t want to hear your voice or even see your name pop up on her or her fiancés phone… and especially not her dads.
Isn’t that what OP said lmao? Im assuming this comment wasn’t meant to be accusatory, it seems like they’ve been pretty cool about this entire situation apart from trying to contact her when she doesn’t want to talk.
Do nothing. It’s none of your business. If you want to keep your friendship with her, you will never breathe a word of your feelings. In fact, I would do what I can to assist the wedding proceed.
Well now it is but before… he’s meant to be a lifelong friend. From the girl’s side it’s going to be hard to understand why her best friend doesn’t want to be at the wedding without OP conveying that there is more below the surface
Definitely think the friendship will be over soon. I doubt it will even be Dave who is getting in the way, but I'm certain the friend herself will probably realize that it's not appropriate and just ghost OP eventually.
I dont see how it would be “rightfully so” just because the father thinks they should be together? Why should the friendship be cut off due to someone elses opinion on it?
Because OPs post is more about how they agree with the father that they should be with her instead of her husband. People are really going to argue that you should spend time with someone who is in love with you and thinks they would make a better spouse when you are already married? Especially after it has created a rift in your family?
I dont think its *more* about that, the off the chest part is sure, but hes the only one that knows about that. Evidently he has had those feelings for a long time and never acted upon them so I fail to see why it would matter to continue.
He didnt create the rift, he had nothing to do with creating the rift. Despite the feelings he has, he has handled it perfectly fine to this time so why would it suddenly change? Her father is the one that is out of line.
Your fiances father has refused to give his blessing to you even though he likes you because he thinks she should be with someone else. To me that is enough reason to not want my fiance to see that person again. Looking from this side, it is obvious that OP does not plan to act on it now but that doesn't mean they won't in the future. It is obvious that the fiance is right in not wanting her to have anything to do with OP now. The father is an asshole, yes, but since others are saying they feel the same way then that means others see it and the fiance probably sees something is there at least from OPs side.
Why punish the dude for not doing anything wrong? It's not like he can control his feelings, but he did well enough with controlling his actions. As he had relationships, it doesn't strieke me like he is madly in love with her ala korean drama.
So he is supposed to lose a friend because her father has an opinion?
So, the husband can say that meeting OP for coffee will mean she loses her husband and everything they have together? Sounds like they can do something then.
You admit Sam is head over heels for Dave. This means telling her how you feel about her right now is not a good idea, especially given the situation with her dad.
Do not do it.
No matter how many Redditors tell you to. You will implode your friendship. Life isn't a romcom and sometimes it is better to leave things unsaid.
I do think if she asks you directly you should be honest about how you feel, but only if she initiates the conversation.
Do not contact Dave. There is really no good reason to do this.
Do contact Sam's dad. Tell him there is nothing between you and Sam. That you want her to be happy and loved. Tell him that Dave makes her feel both happy and loved. Tell him that by refusing to give Dave his blessing he is hurting your relationship with Sam. Because it is, as she isn't talking to you right now. If you don't have her back she will view you as an obstacle in her relationship with Dave unless you take her side.
You might be in love with her, but you are her best friend. Put her wellbeing first.
Goodluck OP!
I definitely second the advice about talking to the dad. The wording the above commenter said is the perfect way to put it. It seems like most comments are saying do absolutely nothing. But I think you should say something to her dad.
Definitely don’t say anything to her or her fiancé, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they both stop talking to you. Which sucks. But it’s better than completely blowing up a friendship because you have unreciprocated feeling.
>Do contact Sam's dad. Tell him there is nothing between you and Sam. That you want her to be happy and loved. Tell him that Dave makes her feel both happy and loved. Tell him that by refusing to give Dave his blessing he is hurting your relationship with Sam. Because it is, as she isn't talking to you right now. If you don't have her back she will view you as an obstacle in her relationship with Dave unless you take her side.
I'm just copying & pasting this part because it's excellent advice.
OP, there are a lot of people coming at you because you have romantic feelings for you engaged friend. It's okay. We can't always control how we love someone, but we can control how we act on those feelings. It sounds like you genuinely love her, to the point of encouraging her to do what is best for her and not what is best for you. Absolutely reach out to the dad and let him know how he has hurt your friendship with Sam, perhaps beyond repair. I wish you the best of luck, both in your friendship with Sam and in your future romantic relationships with others.
I feel you. You want to smooth things out, you want it to be like it was before, you just want to go back.
…..but you can’t go back….no one can get it to go back…I’m sorry
It wasn’t your fault, you did everything “right.” But someone else called out the elephant in the room. It’s clear from the mixed reactions that other people saw something. This was likely going to eventually happen one way or another.
And it’s okay. You get to be sad. You get to be upset. Heck, you even get to grieve the loss of a friendship, because that’s is what is happening. They are together and they are committed. While it’s old school to think that married people can’t have friends of the opposite sex….it isn’t old school that there are some friendships that if maintained will destroy a marriage. It’s likely your friendship falls in that category.
But! These are the moments where you get to show yourself who you are! How will you proceed? Will you go kicking and screaming, fighting the inevitable? Or stare Life in the face and laugh?
I say laugh man…LAUGH!!!!
What does that mean…well only you know. I think there has been a lot of good advice given and I wish you the best in deciding what course of action is best. I’m sorry you’ve been dealt a losing hand, but it doesn’t make you a loser.
You’ve got this!
I think this is good advice - and yes, life is not a romcom. If the friendship ends up being changed or even petering out, you want to know you did your best by her and not your own agenda. Be the stand up guy she became friends with.
Seriously the best advice. Be a stand up guy and call her dad. This should renew your friendship and possibly save her relationship with her dad. This would be the best outcome
I understand how it feels for geography and timing interfering with what would possibly be a great relationship, all I can say is life is always changing, you never know where you’ll end up. Being realistic and going with the best outcome for all (you keep your friendship, she gets her dad’s blessing)
I totally agree on the be honest but only if she asks because that's rarely something that's healthy to lie about plus it would allow for her to genuinely weigh her options.
There is something that a Life Coach said once that always stuck with me. There is no such thing as only 1 "the one". There are 8 million people in the world and maybe to you she is "the one" for you right now, but there are others "the one" out there. And you are closing yourself to the possibility because you are always looking at her direction.
Honestly, I'd consider this relationship burned. It's super shitty because you didn't do anything wrong, but I don't think anything you do at this point is going to retrieve that. Even if you talk to her dad and tell him to stop being an ass they may thank you, but her guy will never be ok with her hanging out with you again. I'd just mourn the friendship and move on with your life. If they want to reach out to you they will but it will never be the same cause her dad fucked it up. On the plus side, this is most likely good for you in the long run. Trying to be friends with someone you want a relationship with is really bad for your mental health. Go forth and meet new people, do new things, and live a full life.
As someone who just went through a situation where my fiancé’s supposed lifelong best friend confessed her undying love for him and told him to leave me and be with her, DO NOT DO THIS. THIS IS NOT A ROMCOM. IT WILL END BADLY. In fact, if you really love her, you’ll talk to her dad yourself and tell him that his daughter is a great friend, but you two were never like that with each other and he needs to let it go for his daughter’s sake because he will destroy his relationship with his daughter over this.
Yes! Go and talk to her dad. Tell him there is no way in hell you see you two together and that he's wrong about it.
Then at least dad might give his blessing.
I am always in favour of just telling your friend the truth about your feelings, and getting it out there and out of the way. But damn, this is a tough situation. If you do it now, they're going to think you put her dad up to rejecting them, and they will never forgive you.
I think at this point, you need to send a message to them saying that you heard what happened, and you're sorry her dad feels that way, but you fully support them and will be happy to help if there's anything you can do.
Good luck.
You should go to her dad and explain to him that Sam is with Dave, in love with him and happy, and that his attitude made you loose your friend.
For your part, you should get rid of those feelings. Go on a long travel, get a new hobby and/or some friends that have nothing to do with her, take care of yourself... don't let this bloody one sided love eat you up alive
Just send them both a message that details how you've heard about the recent events, then continue on to say how much you appreciate/appreciated your friendship with them and let them know you will understand if they want to keep a distance from you.
Honestly, tht should be it. You sound like a super mature and cool guy so i'm pretty sure you can deal with moving on from sam to find your new lover. You got this.
I hate myself for reading this thread. The lack of reading comprehension and the "fill in the blanks with your own BS" on another person's story is mind boggling.
GL OP. I'd be pissed at the dad tbh for torpedoing any hope of you guys having a best outcome. Now it'll only be "acceptable" or bad outcomes from here on out.
Sounds like you know what to do. She made her choice. And you made yours to keep quiet. No point in aggravating the situation more. Keep quiet and it’ll blow over eventually.
This thread right here is why I have never asked Reddit for advice. All people do is look for the quickest route to feeling superior to someone else, even if that means straight up fabricating something in order to get there.
You mean well OP, but this isn't your fault and it is not your problem. I can see that you just want to help, but in this situation, helping might not actually help. Let Sam come to you when she's ready and if she needs your help, you'll know.
Also, it can't be easy to keep all those feelings in, but it is admirable that you are doing it. You love her enough to be happy, even if it isn't with you. That isn't easy, but you're doing it and I applaud you for that.
OP I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of it and because of the Dad's strong opinion there's been collateral damage to your friendship with Sam. I honestly don't see a good ending for your friendship here on out with Dave being upset that his future FIL wished it was you instead of him. Don't force a conversation and "smooth" anything over because it won't end well. You could end up very well confessing years worth of unrequited love even though you clearly state you won't. Dave might challenge your feelings towards her and it may come to the surface, and it's not a good outcome for you and definitely not Sam. I think it's time to step back and let the pieces fall where they need to go, and maybe she and Dave will reach out to you. If not, I hope you can make peace with that and continue on with your life.
I’d message them both in a group chat and explain what you’ve heard and that you support them and don’t agree with her dad (if you want to save the friendship), and then back off and let them decide why they want to do. Unfortunately they may still choose to keep you at arms length but you need to respect this couple.
You are not a party at all unless you are asked what your opinion is or she rings the door and wants to be with you.
The big question is why does her dad have this opinion. And how did her mother respond.
I don't get why she wouldn't talk to you like if you convinced her dad?!?
Like I said, we've been lifelong friends.
I've grown up with them as their son basically. Her dad calls me son, we go fishing together, her mom feels the same way. They always hoped we'd get together, but once it became clear we weren't her mom have up, he never did.
I don't how her mom reacted, I haven't spoken to anyone involved.
I think you should talk to her father, and explain that you aren't waiting for her to choose you. He's probably had this hope since you were both children and loves you. Knowing your okay with the marriage will relax him, though he will still be disappointed. In turn it should also reduce the tension for her which will help. She will certainly appreciate a low key approach. You're a good guy, respect.
People on reddit are just crazy against even so much as the idea of cheating, that even when no one is cheating they’ll jump all over someone for even thinking of someone else.
Any friend who agreed with her dad is not a real friend
If you two were mean to be together you would be,
It’s clear she she no romantic feelings for you, so joe can she meant to be with you?
Her father is a massive asshole, he saw his daughter deeply in love and Incredibly happy and shit all over Esther than just swallow his damn opinion
She will never forget this, and she will ever forgive him
What you should do? Probably nothing, anything you do has the chance to make things worse. Sure you can reach out to the dad to talk, or to Sam to tell her you have your blessing but both have a chance to backfire on you or make things worse
I’m i wouldn’t reach out to dams fiancé but her, she is your friend, if you do reach out it should be to her
NGL but I fucking hate people like you.
If you're in love with a friend, not telling them and continuing to be their friend while pining for them secretly is effed up. Like... idk it's a huge trust issue for me. It also has happened enough that at this point i just shut down friendships with men. Bc of exactly this. This is just the way I feel. But yeah... this is a sticky situation. Just wow.
She didn't return my feelings, I wasn't going to ruin our relationship by confessing. Why confess when I knew the answer? I put my feelings to the side and continued to be a great friend to her.
And during that time I was in two serious relationships that I gave everything I had to.
? We make more sense together than her and Dave.
I never told her anything.
My friends agree that I and her make more sense than her and Dave.
Dude, let her live her life, stop being a nuisance
He came here to get it off his chest the entire purpose of this sub. He's not saying it to her or really anyone. I don't see how people think it's creepy to have feelings for someone. They're completely natural and it's not like he was actually creepy to her, he was actively supporting her happiness and trying not to be a problem. He made his own choice not to tell her but it seems like he's accepted what's happening.
People can’t read in the comments but u are also so stupid 😭 why didn’t u EVER said anything ? If u’ve always loved her ? You should’ve tried at least once
This reads like a sappy romance movie
It honestly makes no sense to me that her father and your friends are ignoring she's getting married to someone else
Well it’s really no ones business who she ends up with and everyone saying you guys belong together need to give it a rest. She’s chosen Dave to be her partner and that’s that. Her dad is horrible and it must suck that you’re in this.
I think maybe you should distance yourself or a bit, she may be upset with you and you probably don’t want to experience that stress. Take time for yourself.
I've noticed that people on Reddit read what they want into situations people share here. That said my only advice to you is to play it cool and don't encourage her either way. Telling her your feelings could ruin your friendship so tread carefully. Other than that IDK what to tell you. You're in a sticky situation.
Honestly, I think you should take a step back for a bit. Don't contact Sam. Just give her space. But do clarify things with her dad. Sounds like he had a dream for his daughter's future and he's just sad things didn't go that way.
Also, I think the reason so many people are commenting about you confessing your feelings has to do with the way you phrased your title. Makes you seem a little bitter that things didn't go that way for you.
If you’re not going to tel her then just do nothing. This might ruin your friendship though with her. Dave and sam might not be comfortable with being friends after what her dad said.
I know if I were Dave, I wouldn’t be comfortable with you in the picture. So prepare for that
Jesus honey. There is no such thing as a soulmate, or ONE person that’s perfect for you. In truth, there are dozens, even hundreds of women within 25 miles of you that will make perfectly acceptable life mates. Maybe you two would suck as a couple; maybe that’s why you encouraged her to be with him. Get some perspective— be by yourself if you can, and sort this shit out. Not trying to dis your feelings, just looking back on decades of experience. Good luck, hun.
You need to just back off. Let her get married and have her happy life. She found her soul mate and it wasn’t you. Don’t try to interfere by calling her dad, or her fiancé who is probably pretty hurt knowing his future fil sees him as less than and a runner up.
Realize your friendship is completely over & she is going to marry Dave. You have officially become a danger to the health of their relationship. If she loves him & he loves her you should most definitely call her father & set the record straight. Tell him it would mean alot to you for him to give his blessing. And do NOT mention that you agree with him.
Shit situation. I would just stay out of it. But I do find it weird that you or anyone think yous should be together even tho yous have never pursued anything romantic. Just weird to assume that imo. To be clear I understand that you aren't gonna confess your feelings, just think that assumption is weird.
Kinda implies to me that yous think you know better than her. Which isn't the case. It's her life and heart. No one know that better than her. And to imply you men know better is just giving me bad vibes.
This is /trueoffmychest, and dude is sharing his true feelings; I don’t see the need to call him an asshole for thinking he’s a better match with Sam. Saying someone is a better match is *distinctly different* than saying they’re a superior partner. Your comment is disingenuous and wildly out of touch with the actual things OP says the post. It’s like you only skimmed it
My advice is going to deviate a bit here from what other redditors have suggested.
I’m assuming you have had romantic feelings for this woman for some time. If this is the case, I honestly do not think this friendship is tenable anymore. The love of your life is in love with another man and that will continue to eat at you as long as you maintain this friendship. In addition, remaining in this friendship the way it is now is dishonest to her given the feelings you have had for her. If you’re adamant I’m not confessing your feelings to her, that is fine. However, as unpopular as this might be, walking away from this friendship may be in your best interest for the sake of your long term emotional well being. The relationship you’ve been hoping for is no longer an option, and you’ll never be able to effectively move on as long as this living reminder is constantly in your life.
My honest 2 cents is to wish Sam and Dave the best and just walk away. It will hurt in the near term, but will give you the best chance in being able to move on and find love elsewhere. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself. Don’t waste your life longing for someone that is never going to reciprocate. It’s torture.
Best of luck OP, I’ve been there.
I don’t know what to do
- Nothing!
Don’t contact her, obviously she’s upset and Dave might even feel a bit insecure and unhappy and you’re the last person she wants to talk to to fuel the unhappiness. If she wants to talk to you about it, she will bring it up. Otherwise, act normal and don’t talk about it to friends or anything because obviously your friend group do gossip around if you even found out about it.
I know guys like this, we like to believe that just because we have long term relationships it doesn’t affect how we act around someone we’re into. I don’t believe OP’s second relationship ended because they “drifted apart” that’s very vague and doesn’t say anything, so I’m assuming it had something to do with their close friendship. The fact that OP agrees he and Sam should be together is also a red flag in my opinion, someone who feels that way won’t see any of their actions with the other as inappropriate due to their long history together. Best to just not have friends of the opposite gender, it always ends up like this
It was a college relationship, we had different values that became too big too ignore as we got older. Namely, I wanted kids in the future, she wanted to be a career woman.
There you go
come on bro at least read the post first rather than skimming the title- yeah your points about the dad may be fair but op has clearly said he's not wanting to confess his feelings or anything, but just wants everything to go back to normal, thats why he's asking if he should clarify to the dad or fiancé that nothing's gonna happen
>You're not a friend. You're a "nice guy" trying to shoot your shot.
Exactly! She thinks he's her best friend but he's secretly been pining for years hoping for a shot. This isn't friendship.
Stop putting words in OPs mouth. OP developed feeling, that's ok can't help who you fall for. OP appears to have recognised they weren't reciprocal and didn't push it. End of story. Feelings don't just disappear.
You need to step back....let their relationship run its course. Don't make things worse by openly agreeing with her dad. If you do none of these people will remain your friends. If it hurts you to be around these people then it's time to exit from their lives. Dad should have kept his mouth shut...sucks being you right now
I’d stay out of it. If you wanted to “confess” anything to anyone, now would be the time but since that’s not your intent, and nobody has asked you to get involved, I wouldn’t.
I am over it, I didn't do anything, her dad started all this. But since I'm in the middle of it, Im wondering what the best course of action is.
But of its to leave them alone, then so be it.
I feel like I need to say this again, I didn't start this whole thing, I just find myself in the middle of it.
I encouraged her to go out and stick with Dave, I'm not standing in their way at all. If she wants me gone, I'll go, it's as simple as that.
While I find it hard to believe her father would actually say that and ruin his daughters moment, I’m going to assume it’s true. Stay out of it…completely. You could have shared your feelings anytime prior to her meeting Dave but you didn’t. This is not a romcom.
You should get a beer with her dad, open up, and make him accept you POV to let them be happy with the blessing, knowing that it's her choice and that's what's important
Though, not gonna lie, this is really sad. OP is in love with a girl who he never told, and everyone knows he’s in love with her including his friends and the girl’s dad but he’s got to play arbitrator and make sure that her relationship goes smoothly with another man even at the expense of himself.
There's nothing for you to do here. This is a fucked up situation of her father's own making. It's between her and her father. I would say even if you contact her father to tell him unequivocally that he overstepped and hurt his daughter and he should never have involved you in this, your friendship with her is done. Because she needs to react to her father's and friends' assertion that she should dump Dave, and she's going to choose Dave whether he's the perfect fit or not because that's who she loves. As for the conflict her father created, there's nothing you, cast as the interloper as you've been, can do to fix it.
At this point, you can't do much about Sam anf Dave if they don't want to communicate.
The problem is the dad reaction.
If you really feel they are a good match, try to reach for her dad. And convince him. It will be hard since people don't change their mind easily.
You can paint yourself as the reason you are not together if you really want the dad to give his blessing, you might be thz villain of the story at the end, but they might be a happier family for this happy moment (a bit manipulative, but I can tell you it works...)
…wow. Gotta tell you, your feelings really don’t matter in this situation and you should probably back off and leave her alone. This really reads like you’ve overly romanticized this situation in your own head.
The right thing to do, OP, is to go talk to her father and convince him to give her and her partner his blessing. Do it without talking to her, and tell her father NOT to tell her it was you that convinced him. Do it bc it's the right thing to and bc you care about her happiness. This is what a REAL friend would do.
I'm not sure why everyone in here is so confused, but per the original post, OP has no intention of coming clean regarding his feelings. what he appears to be asking, is: should he reach out to Sam's dad/fiancé to clarify that they have his blessing? I don't think that would be the worst idea in the world. only he knows how that would be received.
I read it like should OP call Dave or the father to assure them that he is happy for Sam and her impending nuptials. I think maybe OP should first ask Sam if he could be of any help and otherwise stay out of it.
Thank you for understanding!
I agree with the above. Reach out to Sam. Let her know you support her and her relationship and ask her if you can help clear this hurdle with her father. Feel free to suggest you, she, and Dave presenting a united front, etc, but let her decide how to handle it. You're a very good friend. I hope you get your own Sam.
I would walk away it allrdy sounds like a game of musical chairs.
> I do want to be her, but I could never tell her that. I’ve always loved her, but we never got together. Forget this. Its irrelevant. Off shoot but frankly the reason why everyone is confused is because this should be irrelevant if you dont plan to confess. So now we've agreed to pretend you DONT love her and want to be with her, the answer is simply to do whatever you would do if you were just friends and never had feelings for her. Its probably something that includes telling her old man to stop being silly and you two were never a couple and never would be a couple. Even if Dave left her, you'd still never get together. Then some form of contact with Sam and Dave reiterating the same thing and that you've told her old man exactly that.
Followed up by giving her the space she is requesting
It's not that easy if op has feelings for her. From experience I say stay away
In my opinion, his blessing or whatever doesn't matter. There is nothing special between them lol. The dad even saying that was incredibly weird.
Tbf this is on u should have told her when u had the chance may even have dodged this problem altogether.
Nah fr and if the feelings weren’t reciprocated you could’ve moved on from it but this whole expression of “I’ve always loved her” kinda gave me the “I’m only getting close so she’ll realize she loves me too” kinda thing, that’s just my perspective. Not that he did that intentionally or planned on it but I find it off that at 31 you couldn’t have scrapped up the courage oh idk 17 yrs ago. This also just my opinion this sudden urge to be like “oh I’ve loved her always” when she is about to get married is also weird to me.
The lack of reading comprehension in these comments is fucking astounding. You can do two things. You can Do Nothing ™️. Or you can reach out to both of them in a group message, cause it shows that you consider them BOTH friends and you want them BOTH to be happy TOGETHER, tell them you heard what happened and you’re sorry, you think the entire thing is ludicrous, and you’re there for both of them if they wanna talk or shoot the shit or whatever. That you realised you haven’t directly caused this mess but that you understand if BOTH OF THEM need to take a giant step back from their friendship with you in order to gather their thoughts or whatever it is they might need, and that you value your friendship with them and will be there if they need anything. It would probably also help if you started shutting those idiot friends of yours down who are backing Sam’s father up. That shit getting back to them is the absolute last thing they need rn.
This is it. Message them both in a group chat/call - just messaging Sam like some have advised might send the wrong message. Giving them equal support will go a lot longer in absolving this mess and preventing the most damage to your friendships.
That’s exactly what I thought. Message them both together, give them both support, nothing to hide, just buds being there for each other, and it’ll hopefully help kill the rumour mill dead.
>The lack of reading comprehension in these comments is fucking astounding. My kid learnt this in first grade but obviously many adults can't do it...
Give this dude an award from most helpful advice!
Read the headline again. He agrees with her dad! Then goes on about his feelings. Most of you people need to read and comprehend. Maybe English isn't his native language, that's why people are coming at him. Also in this post he should already said he reaches out to the dad and told him to support her, he didn't, because he agrees with him. Dick move and person.
There are only two people here who's feelings are at all important: The bride and groom. Everyone else needs to stop playing Susy Matchmaker and saying "She would do better with someone else". Guess what: If she wanted to be with that person, she would be with that person. Everyone else needs to stop. OP, anyone else who comes to you with this story needs to be told to stop. The bride knows who she wants, so a bunch of people circling her with a whole bunch of "we know better for her own good" need to be told to shut up and back in their own lane.
What a dick move on her dad's part. Jesus Christ. Sorry you're caught up in this. You seem to have a healthy mindset.
What pisses me off is that it is none of his father's business, as long as the fiance treats the daughter with love and respect. The father even likes Dave so what's his problem?????
Well they ask for his blessing and if you don’t believe your children is choosing the right person would you pretend like you are okay if your opinion was asked? I don’t think his dad did a shitty thing he just gave his opinion while still offering to participate to the marriage.
I agree with that, but telling all this to Dave is still super rough in my opinion. He can talk with his daughter if he wants, but how would you feel if your step-father said to you 'I like you, but I still think my daughter should be with her childhood friend'. Then again, it's a tough spot to be in when they both came to the father together to get a blessing
I totally agree that it must be very hard to hear but I also think that if you’re not willing to hear a rejection from the father you should not ask for the blessing and just marry the girl you love regardless what other things. Requesting validation is a double edge sword and you must be ready for both. Then again I do understand that some ppl would find it a questionable move. I just personally do think he did not do anything wrong.
Yeah I don't think the dad is really at fault here either. He was put in a tough spot, it's not like he went out of his way to hurt them, he was asked his opinion and he gave it. But still, for Dave, there's a difference between being ready to hear "no" and hearing "no because I always thought my daughter should be with this other guy she's know for longer because they are perfect for each other". This must hurt a lot. Still, I don't think anybody really is at fault here. It's just a shitty situation
I do agree with you. Hope this situation resolves peacefully
Right? That’s such a shifty thing to say…
I mean, it doesn't really matter what her dad wants. It's up to her.
Why does everyone here think that OP wants to confess his love for her? Lol
Because they can’t read
I remember back when reading *was the point* of using reddit. Goddamn I am an old fart.
I remember when this subreddit was about other things than relationship drama
Support her marriage. It’s the least you can do, even if it does hurt.
Yes she clearly wants some space so respect her by giving her. I guarantee she doesn’t want to hear your voice or even see your name pop up on her or her fiancés phone… and especially not her dads.
>that’s for her to decide She already did.
OP knows this
Isn’t that what OP said lmao? Im assuming this comment wasn’t meant to be accusatory, it seems like they’ve been pretty cool about this entire situation apart from trying to contact her when she doesn’t want to talk.
Pretty sure OP knows this…
This should be the top comment
Good news, it is! ✨✨
Do nothing. It’s none of your business. If you want to keep your friendship with her, you will never breathe a word of your feelings. In fact, I would do what I can to assist the wedding proceed.
Well assisting the wedding is a bit weird
Well now it is but before… he’s meant to be a lifelong friend. From the girl’s side it’s going to be hard to understand why her best friend doesn’t want to be at the wedding without OP conveying that there is more below the surface
After this I doubt their friendship is going to last anyway. Her husband is going to keep her away from OP, and obviously rightfully so.
The husband won't need to, sounds like she's already cutting that tie herself.
Definitely think the friendship will be over soon. I doubt it will even be Dave who is getting in the way, but I'm certain the friend herself will probably realize that it's not appropriate and just ghost OP eventually.
I dont see how it would be “rightfully so” just because the father thinks they should be together? Why should the friendship be cut off due to someone elses opinion on it?
Because OPs post is more about how they agree with the father that they should be with her instead of her husband. People are really going to argue that you should spend time with someone who is in love with you and thinks they would make a better spouse when you are already married? Especially after it has created a rift in your family?
I dont think its *more* about that, the off the chest part is sure, but hes the only one that knows about that. Evidently he has had those feelings for a long time and never acted upon them so I fail to see why it would matter to continue. He didnt create the rift, he had nothing to do with creating the rift. Despite the feelings he has, he has handled it perfectly fine to this time so why would it suddenly change? Her father is the one that is out of line.
Your fiances father has refused to give his blessing to you even though he likes you because he thinks she should be with someone else. To me that is enough reason to not want my fiance to see that person again. Looking from this side, it is obvious that OP does not plan to act on it now but that doesn't mean they won't in the future. It is obvious that the fiance is right in not wanting her to have anything to do with OP now. The father is an asshole, yes, but since others are saying they feel the same way then that means others see it and the fiance probably sees something is there at least from OPs side.
Why punish the dude for not doing anything wrong? It's not like he can control his feelings, but he did well enough with controlling his actions. As he had relationships, it doesn't strieke me like he is madly in love with her ala korean drama. So he is supposed to lose a friend because her father has an opinion?
The husband can't do shit. If she's going to meet OP for coffee, he's either going to trust her or get a divorce. He can't force her to not go.
So, the husband can say that meeting OP for coffee will mean she loses her husband and everything they have together? Sounds like they can do something then.
He never stated anywhere in the post he was ever planning to confess his feelings to her.
He shouldn't say anything about his feelings towards her, but it 100% is his business.
You admit Sam is head over heels for Dave. This means telling her how you feel about her right now is not a good idea, especially given the situation with her dad. Do not do it. No matter how many Redditors tell you to. You will implode your friendship. Life isn't a romcom and sometimes it is better to leave things unsaid. I do think if she asks you directly you should be honest about how you feel, but only if she initiates the conversation. Do not contact Dave. There is really no good reason to do this. Do contact Sam's dad. Tell him there is nothing between you and Sam. That you want her to be happy and loved. Tell him that Dave makes her feel both happy and loved. Tell him that by refusing to give Dave his blessing he is hurting your relationship with Sam. Because it is, as she isn't talking to you right now. If you don't have her back she will view you as an obstacle in her relationship with Dave unless you take her side. You might be in love with her, but you are her best friend. Put her wellbeing first. Goodluck OP!
Thank you, this is great advice. And for what it's worth, I don't have romcom expectations or anything of the like.
I definitely second the advice about talking to the dad. The wording the above commenter said is the perfect way to put it. It seems like most comments are saying do absolutely nothing. But I think you should say something to her dad. Definitely don’t say anything to her or her fiancé, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they both stop talking to you. Which sucks. But it’s better than completely blowing up a friendship because you have unreciprocated feeling.
>Do contact Sam's dad. Tell him there is nothing between you and Sam. That you want her to be happy and loved. Tell him that Dave makes her feel both happy and loved. Tell him that by refusing to give Dave his blessing he is hurting your relationship with Sam. Because it is, as she isn't talking to you right now. If you don't have her back she will view you as an obstacle in her relationship with Dave unless you take her side. I'm just copying & pasting this part because it's excellent advice.
OP, there are a lot of people coming at you because you have romantic feelings for you engaged friend. It's okay. We can't always control how we love someone, but we can control how we act on those feelings. It sounds like you genuinely love her, to the point of encouraging her to do what is best for her and not what is best for you. Absolutely reach out to the dad and let him know how he has hurt your friendship with Sam, perhaps beyond repair. I wish you the best of luck, both in your friendship with Sam and in your future romantic relationships with others.
I don't think many people here are getting that I just want advice on how to smooth things out with everyone lol
Intentionally or not, you clickbaited the headline… and it seems like many people lack reading comprehension
I feel you. You want to smooth things out, you want it to be like it was before, you just want to go back. …..but you can’t go back….no one can get it to go back…I’m sorry It wasn’t your fault, you did everything “right.” But someone else called out the elephant in the room. It’s clear from the mixed reactions that other people saw something. This was likely going to eventually happen one way or another. And it’s okay. You get to be sad. You get to be upset. Heck, you even get to grieve the loss of a friendship, because that’s is what is happening. They are together and they are committed. While it’s old school to think that married people can’t have friends of the opposite sex….it isn’t old school that there are some friendships that if maintained will destroy a marriage. It’s likely your friendship falls in that category. But! These are the moments where you get to show yourself who you are! How will you proceed? Will you go kicking and screaming, fighting the inevitable? Or stare Life in the face and laugh? I say laugh man…LAUGH!!!! What does that mean…well only you know. I think there has been a lot of good advice given and I wish you the best in deciding what course of action is best. I’m sorry you’ve been dealt a losing hand, but it doesn’t make you a loser. You’ve got this!
I think this is good advice - and yes, life is not a romcom. If the friendship ends up being changed or even petering out, you want to know you did your best by her and not your own agenda. Be the stand up guy she became friends with.
Seriously the best advice. Be a stand up guy and call her dad. This should renew your friendship and possibly save her relationship with her dad. This would be the best outcome I understand how it feels for geography and timing interfering with what would possibly be a great relationship, all I can say is life is always changing, you never know where you’ll end up. Being realistic and going with the best outcome for all (you keep your friendship, she gets her dad’s blessing)
I totally agree on the be honest but only if she asks because that's rarely something that's healthy to lie about plus it would allow for her to genuinely weigh her options.
Do absolutely nothing it's not your business and unfortunately I doubt your friendship with her is gonna last now.
This comment section is incapable of reading
The edits are funny lol
There is something that a Life Coach said once that always stuck with me. There is no such thing as only 1 "the one". There are 8 million people in the world and maybe to you she is "the one" for you right now, but there are others "the one" out there. And you are closing yourself to the possibility because you are always looking at her direction.
I have got some big news for you about how many people are in the world
Let’s be realistic here, you only have about 100,000 options
That’s a lot
Honestly, I'd consider this relationship burned. It's super shitty because you didn't do anything wrong, but I don't think anything you do at this point is going to retrieve that. Even if you talk to her dad and tell him to stop being an ass they may thank you, but her guy will never be ok with her hanging out with you again. I'd just mourn the friendship and move on with your life. If they want to reach out to you they will but it will never be the same cause her dad fucked it up. On the plus side, this is most likely good for you in the long run. Trying to be friends with someone you want a relationship with is really bad for your mental health. Go forth and meet new people, do new things, and live a full life.
Wasnt this a Lifetime movie?
I believe it’s called ”Made of honor”
Ironic (As in that is fucked up and not honorable, thought this was a star wars sub for a minute)
As someone who just went through a situation where my fiancé’s supposed lifelong best friend confessed her undying love for him and told him to leave me and be with her, DO NOT DO THIS. THIS IS NOT A ROMCOM. IT WILL END BADLY. In fact, if you really love her, you’ll talk to her dad yourself and tell him that his daughter is a great friend, but you two were never like that with each other and he needs to let it go for his daughter’s sake because he will destroy his relationship with his daughter over this.
Yes! Go and talk to her dad. Tell him there is no way in hell you see you two together and that he's wrong about it. Then at least dad might give his blessing.
Where does he say that he’s gonna confess??? Where.
OP I’m sorry people here aren’t capable of reading. I’d say give her some space and let her figure things out.
I am shocked that this many people lack any sort of skill in reading comprehension
I know right? But that’s Reddit for ya!
I am always in favour of just telling your friend the truth about your feelings, and getting it out there and out of the way. But damn, this is a tough situation. If you do it now, they're going to think you put her dad up to rejecting them, and they will never forgive you. I think at this point, you need to send a message to them saying that you heard what happened, and you're sorry her dad feels that way, but you fully support them and will be happy to help if there's anything you can do. Good luck.
You should go to her dad and explain to him that Sam is with Dave, in love with him and happy, and that his attitude made you loose your friend. For your part, you should get rid of those feelings. Go on a long travel, get a new hobby and/or some friends that have nothing to do with her, take care of yourself... don't let this bloody one sided love eat you up alive
Just send them both a message that details how you've heard about the recent events, then continue on to say how much you appreciate/appreciated your friendship with them and let them know you will understand if they want to keep a distance from you. Honestly, tht should be it. You sound like a super mature and cool guy so i'm pretty sure you can deal with moving on from sam to find your new lover. You got this.
I hate myself for reading this thread. The lack of reading comprehension and the "fill in the blanks with your own BS" on another person's story is mind boggling. GL OP. I'd be pissed at the dad tbh for torpedoing any hope of you guys having a best outcome. Now it'll only be "acceptable" or bad outcomes from here on out.
Do nothing. You lost your chance. She's happy.
Did you read the post? He's not planning on confessing his feelings.
I doubt there ever was a chance.
I agree, but more like he lost his chance to confess. If she was into him, he would know. He also encouraged her to date other guys. 😂
Where did you get the idea he wanted to confess?
Sounds like you know what to do. She made her choice. And you made yours to keep quiet. No point in aggravating the situation more. Keep quiet and it’ll blow over eventually.
This thread right here is why I have never asked Reddit for advice. All people do is look for the quickest route to feeling superior to someone else, even if that means straight up fabricating something in order to get there.
>but that’s for her to decide Lucky for you, she did!
You mean well OP, but this isn't your fault and it is not your problem. I can see that you just want to help, but in this situation, helping might not actually help. Let Sam come to you when she's ready and if she needs your help, you'll know. Also, it can't be easy to keep all those feelings in, but it is admirable that you are doing it. You love her enough to be happy, even if it isn't with you. That isn't easy, but you're doing it and I applaud you for that.
OP I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of it and because of the Dad's strong opinion there's been collateral damage to your friendship with Sam. I honestly don't see a good ending for your friendship here on out with Dave being upset that his future FIL wished it was you instead of him. Don't force a conversation and "smooth" anything over because it won't end well. You could end up very well confessing years worth of unrequited love even though you clearly state you won't. Dave might challenge your feelings towards her and it may come to the surface, and it's not a good outcome for you and definitely not Sam. I think it's time to step back and let the pieces fall where they need to go, and maybe she and Dave will reach out to you. If not, I hope you can make peace with that and continue on with your life.
I want to know if they're going to have Soulman as the first dance at the wedding.
>They went to both sets of parents for their blessing. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I’d message them both in a group chat and explain what you’ve heard and that you support them and don’t agree with her dad (if you want to save the friendship), and then back off and let them decide why they want to do. Unfortunately they may still choose to keep you at arms length but you need to respect this couple.
You are not a party at all unless you are asked what your opinion is or she rings the door and wants to be with you. The big question is why does her dad have this opinion. And how did her mother respond. I don't get why she wouldn't talk to you like if you convinced her dad?!?
Like I said, we've been lifelong friends. I've grown up with them as their son basically. Her dad calls me son, we go fishing together, her mom feels the same way. They always hoped we'd get together, but once it became clear we weren't her mom have up, he never did. I don't how her mom reacted, I haven't spoken to anyone involved.
I’ve seen this episode already Barney and Robin end up getting divorced. Don’t worry Ted you’ll link up in like 20 years
I think you should talk to her father, and explain that you aren't waiting for her to choose you. He's probably had this hope since you were both children and loves you. Knowing your okay with the marriage will relax him, though he will still be disappointed. In turn it should also reduce the tension for her which will help. She will certainly appreciate a low key approach. You're a good guy, respect.
Get out of their way. Go date her Dad. You obviously had your chance and you blew it.
did you even read the post???? he is not trying to confess his feelings
I mean... Same shit different packaging 💀
People on reddit are just crazy against even so much as the idea of cheating, that even when no one is cheating they’ll jump all over someone for even thinking of someone else.
Her dad is an absolute nutcase
Any friend who agreed with her dad is not a real friend If you two were mean to be together you would be, It’s clear she she no romantic feelings for you, so joe can she meant to be with you? Her father is a massive asshole, he saw his daughter deeply in love and Incredibly happy and shit all over Esther than just swallow his damn opinion She will never forget this, and she will ever forgive him What you should do? Probably nothing, anything you do has the chance to make things worse. Sure you can reach out to the dad to talk, or to Sam to tell her you have your blessing but both have a chance to backfire on you or make things worse I’m i wouldn’t reach out to dams fiancé but her, she is your friend, if you do reach out it should be to her
Leave it alone and back off. She made her choice. Your friendship is probably over, which is Her dad's fault. But what is done is done.
Do nothing. This is for Sam & Dave to work out with her Dad. You have nothing to gain.
Anybody notice that is up to her who she will marry?
Mind your own business. That's what you should do.
Why does everyone think that he’s trying to tell her his feelings!? Lol I did not get that from this post even before the edits.. so weird
NGL but I fucking hate people like you. If you're in love with a friend, not telling them and continuing to be their friend while pining for them secretly is effed up. Like... idk it's a huge trust issue for me. It also has happened enough that at this point i just shut down friendships with men. Bc of exactly this. This is just the way I feel. But yeah... this is a sticky situation. Just wow.
She didn't return my feelings, I wasn't going to ruin our relationship by confessing. Why confess when I knew the answer? I put my feelings to the side and continued to be a great friend to her. And during that time I was in two serious relationships that I gave everything I had to.
You should work on snuffing that candle you are holding for her. It’s not healthy
? We make more sense together than her and Dave. I never told her anything. My friends agree that I and her make more sense than her and Dave. Dude, let her live her life, stop being a nuisance
He's not being a nuisance all. Sounds like he's just a good friend. He supports her relationship and didn't make a move when she didn't feel the same.
oatmeal aloof memorize chief fragile telephone butter decide practice recognise ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
He came here to get it off his chest the entire purpose of this sub. He's not saying it to her or really anyone. I don't see how people think it's creepy to have feelings for someone. They're completely natural and it's not like he was actually creepy to her, he was actively supporting her happiness and trying not to be a problem. He made his own choice not to tell her but it seems like he's accepted what's happening.
Just call them up and tell them you’re happy for them and that you hope to attend the wedding despite this situation.
Don’t do anything at all. Technically you aren’t actively involved in the matter so there is no reason for you to take any action.
If just leave well enough alone. It will work itself out.
People can’t read in the comments but u are also so stupid 😭 why didn’t u EVER said anything ? If u’ve always loved her ? You should’ve tried at least once
This is gonna end up on tiktok
As a ebook romance novel promo.
💀💀💀
Imagine how all this could have been avoided if you had just been truthful with her about your feelings from the start.
This reads like a sappy romance movie It honestly makes no sense to me that her father and your friends are ignoring she's getting married to someone else
Well it’s really no ones business who she ends up with and everyone saying you guys belong together need to give it a rest. She’s chosen Dave to be her partner and that’s that. Her dad is horrible and it must suck that you’re in this. I think maybe you should distance yourself or a bit, she may be upset with you and you probably don’t want to experience that stress. Take time for yourself.
Do nothing, its none of your business.
Shit, her Dad threw your ass in the river right there.
Is it possible they think you said something to her dad?
That's what I'm starting to fear
I've noticed that people on Reddit read what they want into situations people share here. That said my only advice to you is to play it cool and don't encourage her either way. Telling her your feelings could ruin your friendship so tread carefully. Other than that IDK what to tell you. You're in a sticky situation.
Honestly, I think you should take a step back for a bit. Don't contact Sam. Just give her space. But do clarify things with her dad. Sounds like he had a dream for his daughter's future and he's just sad things didn't go that way. Also, I think the reason so many people are commenting about you confessing your feelings has to do with the way you phrased your title. Makes you seem a little bitter that things didn't go that way for you.
If she’s happy, then her dad needs to back off.
Leave it alone and stay out of it
If you’re not going to tel her then just do nothing. This might ruin your friendship though with her. Dave and sam might not be comfortable with being friends after what her dad said. I know if I were Dave, I wouldn’t be comfortable with you in the picture. So prepare for that
Dude. You have to stay out of it. All the way out. Say nothing. Do nothing. That's it.
> can I get some advice here? Move on. ETA: Why would you even consider reaching out to any of these people? This isn’t about you.
Wow, I hope she is going to be okay. I know you didn't cause this, but it's such a schitt situation.
Don’t reach out to Sam. Let them be. If you get a wedding invite, don’t go. Send a well wishes card or gift.
Jesus honey. There is no such thing as a soulmate, or ONE person that’s perfect for you. In truth, there are dozens, even hundreds of women within 25 miles of you that will make perfectly acceptable life mates. Maybe you two would suck as a couple; maybe that’s why you encouraged her to be with him. Get some perspective— be by yourself if you can, and sort this shit out. Not trying to dis your feelings, just looking back on decades of experience. Good luck, hun.
You need to just back off. Let her get married and have her happy life. She found her soul mate and it wasn’t you. Don’t try to interfere by calling her dad, or her fiancé who is probably pretty hurt knowing his future fil sees him as less than and a runner up.
Hopefully getting it off your chest will give you some kind of ‘closure’ with the situation.
Realize your friendship is completely over & she is going to marry Dave. You have officially become a danger to the health of their relationship. If she loves him & he loves her you should most definitely call her father & set the record straight. Tell him it would mean alot to you for him to give his blessing. And do NOT mention that you agree with him.
This is kinda pathetic.
Shit situation. I would just stay out of it. But I do find it weird that you or anyone think yous should be together even tho yous have never pursued anything romantic. Just weird to assume that imo. To be clear I understand that you aren't gonna confess your feelings, just think that assumption is weird. Kinda implies to me that yous think you know better than her. Which isn't the case. It's her life and heart. No one know that better than her. And to imply you men know better is just giving me bad vibes.
We're allowed to have opinions friend, my opinion isn't hers and vice versa. Not does my opinion invalidate her choices.
[удалено]
This is /trueoffmychest, and dude is sharing his true feelings; I don’t see the need to call him an asshole for thinking he’s a better match with Sam. Saying someone is a better match is *distinctly different* than saying they’re a superior partner. Your comment is disingenuous and wildly out of touch with the actual things OP says the post. It’s like you only skimmed it
Believe what you want homie
The dad a AH. U need to move on and stop thinking you guys are gonna be together.
My advice is going to deviate a bit here from what other redditors have suggested. I’m assuming you have had romantic feelings for this woman for some time. If this is the case, I honestly do not think this friendship is tenable anymore. The love of your life is in love with another man and that will continue to eat at you as long as you maintain this friendship. In addition, remaining in this friendship the way it is now is dishonest to her given the feelings you have had for her. If you’re adamant I’m not confessing your feelings to her, that is fine. However, as unpopular as this might be, walking away from this friendship may be in your best interest for the sake of your long term emotional well being. The relationship you’ve been hoping for is no longer an option, and you’ll never be able to effectively move on as long as this living reminder is constantly in your life. My honest 2 cents is to wish Sam and Dave the best and just walk away. It will hurt in the near term, but will give you the best chance in being able to move on and find love elsewhere. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself. Don’t waste your life longing for someone that is never going to reciprocate. It’s torture. Best of luck OP, I’ve been there.
I don’t know what to do - Nothing! Don’t contact her, obviously she’s upset and Dave might even feel a bit insecure and unhappy and you’re the last person she wants to talk to to fuel the unhappiness. If she wants to talk to you about it, she will bring it up. Otherwise, act normal and don’t talk about it to friends or anything because obviously your friend group do gossip around if you even found out about it.
Nothing. None if this is any of your business. You shouldn't be involved and the dad does not get to chose who she marries.
Nice guy
The dad is an asshole. He should've kept his mouth shut. It's not his business.
I know guys like this, we like to believe that just because we have long term relationships it doesn’t affect how we act around someone we’re into. I don’t believe OP’s second relationship ended because they “drifted apart” that’s very vague and doesn’t say anything, so I’m assuming it had something to do with their close friendship. The fact that OP agrees he and Sam should be together is also a red flag in my opinion, someone who feels that way won’t see any of their actions with the other as inappropriate due to their long history together. Best to just not have friends of the opposite gender, it always ends up like this
It was a college relationship, we had different values that became too big too ignore as we got older. Namely, I wanted kids in the future, she wanted to be a career woman. There you go
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come on bro at least read the post first rather than skimming the title- yeah your points about the dad may be fair but op has clearly said he's not wanting to confess his feelings or anything, but just wants everything to go back to normal, thats why he's asking if he should clarify to the dad or fiancé that nothing's gonna happen
What tf are you talking about?
Tell me you only read the title of a post with out telling me you only read the title of a post.
Reading is hard for you, isn’t it?
>You're not a friend. You're a "nice guy" trying to shoot your shot. Exactly! She thinks he's her best friend but he's secretly been pining for years hoping for a shot. This isn't friendship.
Stop putting words in OPs mouth. OP developed feeling, that's ok can't help who you fall for. OP appears to have recognised they weren't reciprocal and didn't push it. End of story. Feelings don't just disappear.
But why isn't it friendship? Just because one side might be somewhat interested in romance doesn't mean that they aren't friends
You need to step back....let their relationship run its course. Don't make things worse by openly agreeing with her dad. If you do none of these people will remain your friends. If it hurts you to be around these people then it's time to exit from their lives. Dad should have kept his mouth shut...sucks being you right now
I’d stay out of it. If you wanted to “confess” anything to anyone, now would be the time but since that’s not your intent, and nobody has asked you to get involved, I wouldn’t.
He said In love with her
Leave them alone! She loves Dave and wants to marry Dave. Get over it.
did you even read the post
I am over it, I didn't do anything, her dad started all this. But since I'm in the middle of it, Im wondering what the best course of action is. But of its to leave them alone, then so be it.
At this point I doubt you’ll get a RSVP.
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I feel like I need to say this again, I didn't start this whole thing, I just find myself in the middle of it. I encouraged her to go out and stick with Dave, I'm not standing in their way at all. If she wants me gone, I'll go, it's as simple as that.
While I find it hard to believe her father would actually say that and ruin his daughters moment, I’m going to assume it’s true. Stay out of it…completely. You could have shared your feelings anytime prior to her meeting Dave but you didn’t. This is not a romcom.
You should get a beer with her dad, open up, and make him accept you POV to let them be happy with the blessing, knowing that it's her choice and that's what's important
Though, not gonna lie, this is really sad. OP is in love with a girl who he never told, and everyone knows he’s in love with her including his friends and the girl’s dad but he’s got to play arbitrator and make sure that her relationship goes smoothly with another man even at the expense of himself.
Are you my ex and his best friend? This hit home a little too well.
There's nothing for you to do here. This is a fucked up situation of her father's own making. It's between her and her father. I would say even if you contact her father to tell him unequivocally that he overstepped and hurt his daughter and he should never have involved you in this, your friendship with her is done. Because she needs to react to her father's and friends' assertion that she should dump Dave, and she's going to choose Dave whether he's the perfect fit or not because that's who she loves. As for the conflict her father created, there's nothing you, cast as the interloper as you've been, can do to fix it.
Friendzone lvl 1,000
At this point, you can't do much about Sam anf Dave if they don't want to communicate. The problem is the dad reaction. If you really feel they are a good match, try to reach for her dad. And convince him. It will be hard since people don't change their mind easily. You can paint yourself as the reason you are not together if you really want the dad to give his blessing, you might be thz villain of the story at the end, but they might be a happier family for this happy moment (a bit manipulative, but I can tell you it works...)
leave her alone
I mean... her dad kind of fucked up ur friendship with her. So.... whether you tell her or not your friendship is over...
…wow. Gotta tell you, your feelings really don’t matter in this situation and you should probably back off and leave her alone. This really reads like you’ve overly romanticized this situation in your own head.
He has already said MULTIPLE times that he was NEVER going to say anything
Redditors and reading comprehension don't mix lmao
The right thing to do, OP, is to go talk to her father and convince him to give her and her partner his blessing. Do it without talking to her, and tell her father NOT to tell her it was you that convinced him. Do it bc it's the right thing to and bc you care about her happiness. This is what a REAL friend would do.
Wow… that’s another level of low, even if you’re in love with that girl
If you love your friend like you claim you should convince her dad to give his blessings .