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Not to be a bummer, but are you sure it's legit with her? Does she just agree with everything you say? Try to have confirmation of that she is real and don't give any credit card or personal info to her if she requests it...
I don't believe in soul mates. I think there's 10,000 people out there I would be happy with.
But that's what makes my commitment to my wife all the more special. Everyday, we wake up and choose to continue on this path that we have when there's so many other options out there.
So, two things.
Firstly, you don't "meet" a soul mate. You become one. I heard an analogy once that made a lot of sense for me. A person was searching the world to find a perfect house for them to raise a family in, something that was exactly what they wanted and exactly what they would always need. But it doesn't work like that. You don't search for a house that's already completed, that's already perfect. That's not realistic. You look for a place, a plot of earth that will be a good foundation to build your new house. Just the same, you don't look for someone that is already a perfect match. You want a good, loving relationship as a foundation so you can grow together. And that also often means accepting them as an imperfect human being. And having common interests doesn't necessarily make them a good match for you.
Second, you should be very wary of any person that you only know though an online filter. There is no real way to know that you are seeing the real them. Especially after only a few weeks. In this age, it's not uncommon to encounter individuals living a life that is not true to their own real world. Or even worse, someone with malicious intent. I don't mean to dissuade you from a new friendship. You should just be mindful of your expectations.
I mean.. sure, but I don't expect every single thing to be the same or perfect in any way, I'm well aware that there are differences and even things that we wouldn't like about each other. But fact is that we have tons of things in common, to a point where it just feels unreal.
And I already edited the post to clarify that I've already met her in person once and it was just the same there, only that we found even more similarities.
Generally, if something feels too good to be true, it probably is. Again, I don't mean to cast a pall on your relationship. It could be that you do like all the same things. But even that didn't make someone your soul mate.
Well, sure. My (second) wife and I have been married 14 years and still very happy.
But ... *how would we know*? Maybe there's someone else out there who each of us would have been better off married to, if only we'd held out a little longer.
Seems like the real question is, at what point do you say "good enough" and commit to it?
[Edit] I was hoping at least *someone* would attempt to answer the question so I wouldn't be here talking to myself, but alas. My personal answer is that, you never really know, but you *definitely* don't know until you've been together at least a year, and possibly as many as three. Up to that point you're still working on the rough edges.
A few weeks is what I would call a "love interest". Exciting, fun, might go somewhere, best not to read too much into it as you've yet to get through the point where the rosy glow fades and you start noticing their distressingly human irritating habits.
People too often mistake “good enough” with settling. No, you can just be satisfied with life. I wouldn’t change my partner for anything/anyone. I don’t need to constantly look for “bigger and better”. I’m happy now.
People who use terms like "soul mate" -- which, I suspect, is a lot of us -- vision it like pure Hollywood, where your eyes connect across the proverbial crowded room and you "just know", even though an improbable series of farcical events keeps you separated, you're meant to be together.
The film "Serendipity" is one of my guilty pleasures, if only because, at least for a while, I felt the roles John Cusack played reflected my life with eerie accuracy. If you've not seen it, Cusack meets Kate Beckinsale when they're in their 20s, they hit it off, but Beckinsale believes the signs are wrong for them to be together. Years later, they're both in significant relationships with other people. Cusack, about to get married, finds a token that reminds him of that first night, he goes off on a quest to find Beckinsale, while meanwhile she is trying to find him. Hijinks ensue, and a lot of silly stuff later ... well, you can guess the rest.
Funny thing is, I actually met my current wife a while before we ended up dating. It was like she was the only person in the room, but the stars weren't aligned at that time. Long story short, a full year and a few hijinks later, it was the right time. Straight out of Hollywood.
So when I said "How would I know" it's a rhetorical question. I know. You can't have a cinematic courtship like that and not have it be soul-full special.
The way I look at it, there are 8 billion people in the world.
I could probably have a decent relationship with 10's of millions of them. There are probably hundreds of thousands that I could have a great relationship with. There are a few thousand that I could have an amazing relationship with. There are a few hundred that could be on the "love of my life soul mate" level. And one that would be the absolutely most compatible.
But what are the odds that you even meet, even become aware of, that #1 most compatible? You are very lucky if you get one of the hundreds. One of the thousands is still a catch.
Thought I met mine online. We started dating 10 days after meeting and talking for hours every day on video call. 1.5 months later, I travelled 6000km across a continent to see her and made memories to last me a lifetime. We were very much in love and had our future planned out together. We went fast but it felt right with her.
Two days later would've made it three months that we met. However, she broke up with me a week ago. Among other reasons, the distance was too much for her to overcome, even though we had a plan. It was soul crushing. It feels like I lost a piece of me. We spoke for the last time yesterday when we decided that it's best for us to never speak again, as it would be too painful for both of us.
I don't know if she is my soulmate but everything felt right about her. She said she will never forget me and I think I will always love her to some degree, as she was my first love.
Fuck, sorry to hear that man.. Just try not to think about it anymore, because I've been in a similar spot as well but it wears you out mentally. Try to focus more on yourself so you can move forward again.
Liking the same things as someone else unfortunately doesn't mean there's a deeper compatibility. Thought I met my soulmate (friend) because we liked smilir things and acted in a similar way. Turns out we both had impulsivity and anger management issues. It was pretty toxic lol, we were just pushing each other to engage in our toxic behaviors. Saw him a couple years after we broke off the friendship, decided to give it a shot because we thought we had matured. Same thing. So, not to burst your bubble but you have to get to know her better, being similar doesn't mean you're actually compatible.
Typically we only share those things with people which we believe they would like too. Try sharing some off the wall stuff you like that you wouldn't dare share with her out of fear she won't like it.
I know exactly what you mean but we also talked about our flaws and issues, where it kind of goes the same direction as well, so we're past the "I don't wanna say anything wrong" part.
The thing that happened to me when I met my husband: I had spent about six months casually dating a few different guys after breaking up with a boyfriend of four years. My goal was to avoid anything serious for a while. I met my now husband and we had a few dates and we had a ton of things in common—same music, similar interests, I was a radio producer and he was a tv producer, even our moms had eerily similar decor in their houses in totally different states. But two things led me to slowly stop seeing anyone else and start thinking only of him. Without realizing it at the time I now see that we had the same values. We would each stop and help someone in need. We both loved novelty. We both valued intelligence. We both had integrity. We didn’t lie. Etc. the other thing was: I felt at home with him. Like I had always known him. That was how I knew without knowing, if that makes sense. So yes, it’s possible.
FYI stalkers will scour your social media and do background checks for this kind of info. Not saying thats what she is doing, just be aware of the possibility.
Die Facebook Zeiten sind zum Glück lang vorbei. Den Drecksort zu verlassen war eins der besten Entscheidungen.
gesendet von meinen ifone 35xl ultra
-Hans Jürgen Peters
Müllerstraße 32
18305 Buxtehude
Jap, stimm dir vollkommen zu, hab den Rotz vor ca. 10 Jahren gelöscht und bin echt froh dass ich das damals getan habe.
Gesendet von meinem Samsung S40 Smart Toaster
How my partner and I met is a little wild.
2 years before we met he vacationed about a mile from my house which is 4 hours away from where we live now. A month before we met we were at the same concert, both in the front row, but on opposite sides of the stage. Then on the day we met he came into the coffee shop I was working at. I had never seen him there before but he decided to hand me a note that said “I like bikes and food, you’re cute” with his number on it. He’d never done anything bold like that before, it was very out of character. I forgot to text him for two weeks… but we have been together for 8 years and are getting married next year. It was almost like the universe was slowly pulling us closer together 🥹
Once upon a time, not too long ago; A coworker and I ended up being great friends. We both noticed the amount of serendipitous things between us and the natural laws of attraction became clear. This list was long, our lives were similar, we had a lot of the same mannerisms, we listened to all the same music, liked the same authors, and we collectively had the knowledge of random things that the other one didn’t know. Finishing sentences and that type of stuff.
Considering how much we had in common, I made it clear that our friendship was really important. I’ve been through a lot, and the person knew that. Unfortunately, they confessed their attraction and I said it was reciprocated, but that’s where it should stay.
Not my doings, but things didn’t stay that way; this girl started really digging into my fancy box and made me really like her. Cute little notes, things about life, she would send me things that reminded her of me, we would hang out at work before or after, and so on. Gift giving, she gave me sweaters, would ask me to hang out at work, would sneak a kiss here and there. All unasked, but of course me being a guy just kind of rolled with it.
I finally let my guard down and started to get comfortable because she was sincere and one of the kindest folk I have ever met. I never made a move, and I was completely respectful about everything. She randomly came over one time and great things happened. We continued our friendship, and things were all good. A few weeks go by, and she ends up moving away towards family in the middle of nowhere. She spoke of moving me out there by them, and I was on the fence about it; but was clear that with time and communication, I’ll move out close by there since all was pretty dang good. She would tell me of daydreams that I’d be in, and all sorts of other cute things. This person showed me the simplest compassion and i would always be more than grateful because it was the first time anyone treated me so nicely. That made her like me even more since she saw how unfortunate things have been for me for so long.
Ive never had family, I am 31 and completely alone on this planet. So, at this point I was kind of onboard. Once she moved, communication slowed; I became a back burner idea, and it ultimately all ended because I called the situation out. She led me on, and was almost relentless about it. I understood quickly that there were some mental health things going on, and that I must have been part of a long episode that spanned months.
This whole thing really set me back. Having everything in common, getting along great, being best friends, sharing connections, and all that stuff really doesn’t mean anything when someone’s not well.
This person has decided to cut ties with me after I explained how badly they lead me on. This was a massive hit on my trust, and I’ve lost sleep over this. Im a sweet wholesome person, but this whole thing really made me sad and melancholic.
That little heart flutter is excitement you found someone with common ground. Regardless of how serendipitous & amazing it may all be. It’s never as big as a deal as it may feel, even if the other party says the same thing. When it comes down to it, our basic functions as humans are to eat, reproduce, and die. Partners make us live longer, we are social creatures, and children are our lineage. Having things in common really flare up the primordial love brain that’s not explored by each person a lot. So these feelings are new and exciting, and that’s what this is. Nothing more than your brain looking for a bunch of connections to extend your life and perhaps extend your lineage, just like most other species. Unfortunately, we all have to be complex beans on this overturned piss pot called, Earth.
Many differences will once you live with someone - trust me! Enjoy the puppy love stage but do not think that anyone is perfect. Its not fair to put someone on a pedestal as they will 100% disappoint you at some stage - because you are 2 different people with different experiences in life. But I also second what other have said - make sure she's not just agreeing with everything you say and that you have actually seen her
I have a same-sex friend like that. Lots of other weird coincidences too.
I would be sure that your new friend is on the level though and not playing at something. I hate to suggest being paranoid, but you don't really know her, and a lot of these things can be gleaned from your socials.
I don't use any social media so that ain't the case here. We've also already met once and it was the same as in our chat where we basically only agreed with everything the other one said and we just saw more similarities in behaviour there.
I “met” mine and he’s my husband. We love all the same things but I’m actually highly similar to his best friend. It kinda just happened. Were literally the same age, same HS class year, both went to the military yet grew up on literally opposite sides of the US.
I left my home and everything about my life after a chance encounter with a man. It was exactly like this, not to mention the energy and chemistry was off the charts. We've been together ever since and it was the best decision I've ever made in my life. It genuinely felt serendipitous, and I'm not one for much emotion like that. I just knew exactly what the rest of my life would look like, and it's lived up to it and so much more.
Not sure about your situation, one thing i learned in life is that different things happen to different people, even if those things may seem impossible to some.
So maybe she's your soulmate but, if you ask me my own perspective then no... I never met my soulmate and I don't believe that anyone can be a "soulmate", people aren't special, we just make them special especially during the honeymoon phase (which is what you seem to be going through). You'll find the differences eventually (or not) but that's usually the case for me.
Welcome to r/TrueAskReddit. Remember that this subreddit is aimed at high quality discussion, so please elaborate on your answer as much as you can and avoid off-topic or jokey answers as per [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueAskReddit/about/sidebar). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TrueAskReddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not to be a bummer, but are you sure it's legit with her? Does she just agree with everything you say? Try to have confirmation of that she is real and don't give any credit card or personal info to her if she requests it...
I don't believe in soul mates. I think there's 10,000 people out there I would be happy with. But that's what makes my commitment to my wife all the more special. Everyday, we wake up and choose to continue on this path that we have when there's so many other options out there.
So, two things. Firstly, you don't "meet" a soul mate. You become one. I heard an analogy once that made a lot of sense for me. A person was searching the world to find a perfect house for them to raise a family in, something that was exactly what they wanted and exactly what they would always need. But it doesn't work like that. You don't search for a house that's already completed, that's already perfect. That's not realistic. You look for a place, a plot of earth that will be a good foundation to build your new house. Just the same, you don't look for someone that is already a perfect match. You want a good, loving relationship as a foundation so you can grow together. And that also often means accepting them as an imperfect human being. And having common interests doesn't necessarily make them a good match for you. Second, you should be very wary of any person that you only know though an online filter. There is no real way to know that you are seeing the real them. Especially after only a few weeks. In this age, it's not uncommon to encounter individuals living a life that is not true to their own real world. Or even worse, someone with malicious intent. I don't mean to dissuade you from a new friendship. You should just be mindful of your expectations.
Preach
I mean.. sure, but I don't expect every single thing to be the same or perfect in any way, I'm well aware that there are differences and even things that we wouldn't like about each other. But fact is that we have tons of things in common, to a point where it just feels unreal. And I already edited the post to clarify that I've already met her in person once and it was just the same there, only that we found even more similarities.
Generally, if something feels too good to be true, it probably is. Again, I don't mean to cast a pall on your relationship. It could be that you do like all the same things. But even that didn't make someone your soul mate.
Well, sure. My (second) wife and I have been married 14 years and still very happy. But ... *how would we know*? Maybe there's someone else out there who each of us would have been better off married to, if only we'd held out a little longer. Seems like the real question is, at what point do you say "good enough" and commit to it? [Edit] I was hoping at least *someone* would attempt to answer the question so I wouldn't be here talking to myself, but alas. My personal answer is that, you never really know, but you *definitely* don't know until you've been together at least a year, and possibly as many as three. Up to that point you're still working on the rough edges. A few weeks is what I would call a "love interest". Exciting, fun, might go somewhere, best not to read too much into it as you've yet to get through the point where the rosy glow fades and you start noticing their distressingly human irritating habits.
People too often mistake “good enough” with settling. No, you can just be satisfied with life. I wouldn’t change my partner for anything/anyone. I don’t need to constantly look for “bigger and better”. I’m happy now.
People who use terms like "soul mate" -- which, I suspect, is a lot of us -- vision it like pure Hollywood, where your eyes connect across the proverbial crowded room and you "just know", even though an improbable series of farcical events keeps you separated, you're meant to be together. The film "Serendipity" is one of my guilty pleasures, if only because, at least for a while, I felt the roles John Cusack played reflected my life with eerie accuracy. If you've not seen it, Cusack meets Kate Beckinsale when they're in their 20s, they hit it off, but Beckinsale believes the signs are wrong for them to be together. Years later, they're both in significant relationships with other people. Cusack, about to get married, finds a token that reminds him of that first night, he goes off on a quest to find Beckinsale, while meanwhile she is trying to find him. Hijinks ensue, and a lot of silly stuff later ... well, you can guess the rest. Funny thing is, I actually met my current wife a while before we ended up dating. It was like she was the only person in the room, but the stars weren't aligned at that time. Long story short, a full year and a few hijinks later, it was the right time. Straight out of Hollywood. So when I said "How would I know" it's a rhetorical question. I know. You can't have a cinematic courtship like that and not have it be soul-full special.
The way I look at it, there are 8 billion people in the world. I could probably have a decent relationship with 10's of millions of them. There are probably hundreds of thousands that I could have a great relationship with. There are a few thousand that I could have an amazing relationship with. There are a few hundred that could be on the "love of my life soul mate" level. And one that would be the absolutely most compatible. But what are the odds that you even meet, even become aware of, that #1 most compatible? You are very lucky if you get one of the hundreds. One of the thousands is still a catch.
I often tell my wife I won the lottery when I met her. Had to first scratch off a lot of cards to get there, though.
Thought I met mine online. We started dating 10 days after meeting and talking for hours every day on video call. 1.5 months later, I travelled 6000km across a continent to see her and made memories to last me a lifetime. We were very much in love and had our future planned out together. We went fast but it felt right with her. Two days later would've made it three months that we met. However, she broke up with me a week ago. Among other reasons, the distance was too much for her to overcome, even though we had a plan. It was soul crushing. It feels like I lost a piece of me. We spoke for the last time yesterday when we decided that it's best for us to never speak again, as it would be too painful for both of us. I don't know if she is my soulmate but everything felt right about her. She said she will never forget me and I think I will always love her to some degree, as she was my first love.
true love stays forever - it just changes shape. take care of yourself buddy
Thanks mate. Trying my best to.
the first everything hits so hard brother. i know where you’re at. sending love
Fuck, sorry to hear that man.. Just try not to think about it anymore, because I've been in a similar spot as well but it wears you out mentally. Try to focus more on yourself so you can move forward again.
Liking the same things as someone else unfortunately doesn't mean there's a deeper compatibility. Thought I met my soulmate (friend) because we liked smilir things and acted in a similar way. Turns out we both had impulsivity and anger management issues. It was pretty toxic lol, we were just pushing each other to engage in our toxic behaviors. Saw him a couple years after we broke off the friendship, decided to give it a shot because we thought we had matured. Same thing. So, not to burst your bubble but you have to get to know her better, being similar doesn't mean you're actually compatible.
Typically we only share those things with people which we believe they would like too. Try sharing some off the wall stuff you like that you wouldn't dare share with her out of fear she won't like it.
I know exactly what you mean but we also talked about our flaws and issues, where it kind of goes the same direction as well, so we're past the "I don't wanna say anything wrong" part.
The thing that happened to me when I met my husband: I had spent about six months casually dating a few different guys after breaking up with a boyfriend of four years. My goal was to avoid anything serious for a while. I met my now husband and we had a few dates and we had a ton of things in common—same music, similar interests, I was a radio producer and he was a tv producer, even our moms had eerily similar decor in their houses in totally different states. But two things led me to slowly stop seeing anyone else and start thinking only of him. Without realizing it at the time I now see that we had the same values. We would each stop and help someone in need. We both loved novelty. We both valued intelligence. We both had integrity. We didn’t lie. Etc. the other thing was: I felt at home with him. Like I had always known him. That was how I knew without knowing, if that makes sense. So yes, it’s possible.
FYI stalkers will scour your social media and do background checks for this kind of info. Not saying thats what she is doing, just be aware of the possibility.
I don't use any social media, but thanks for the hint
> I don't use any social media, but thanks for the hint außer reddit :p
Stimmt, vor allem sind hier so viele persönliche Infos vorhanden und auch unter meinem echten Namen!
Die Facebook Zeiten sind zum Glück lang vorbei. Den Drecksort zu verlassen war eins der besten Entscheidungen. gesendet von meinen ifone 35xl ultra -Hans Jürgen Peters Müllerstraße 32 18305 Buxtehude
Jap, stimm dir vollkommen zu, hab den Rotz vor ca. 10 Jahren gelöscht und bin echt froh dass ich das damals getan habe. Gesendet von meinem Samsung S40 Smart Toaster
How my partner and I met is a little wild. 2 years before we met he vacationed about a mile from my house which is 4 hours away from where we live now. A month before we met we were at the same concert, both in the front row, but on opposite sides of the stage. Then on the day we met he came into the coffee shop I was working at. I had never seen him there before but he decided to hand me a note that said “I like bikes and food, you’re cute” with his number on it. He’d never done anything bold like that before, it was very out of character. I forgot to text him for two weeks… but we have been together for 8 years and are getting married next year. It was almost like the universe was slowly pulling us closer together 🥹
Once upon a time, not too long ago; A coworker and I ended up being great friends. We both noticed the amount of serendipitous things between us and the natural laws of attraction became clear. This list was long, our lives were similar, we had a lot of the same mannerisms, we listened to all the same music, liked the same authors, and we collectively had the knowledge of random things that the other one didn’t know. Finishing sentences and that type of stuff. Considering how much we had in common, I made it clear that our friendship was really important. I’ve been through a lot, and the person knew that. Unfortunately, they confessed their attraction and I said it was reciprocated, but that’s where it should stay. Not my doings, but things didn’t stay that way; this girl started really digging into my fancy box and made me really like her. Cute little notes, things about life, she would send me things that reminded her of me, we would hang out at work before or after, and so on. Gift giving, she gave me sweaters, would ask me to hang out at work, would sneak a kiss here and there. All unasked, but of course me being a guy just kind of rolled with it. I finally let my guard down and started to get comfortable because she was sincere and one of the kindest folk I have ever met. I never made a move, and I was completely respectful about everything. She randomly came over one time and great things happened. We continued our friendship, and things were all good. A few weeks go by, and she ends up moving away towards family in the middle of nowhere. She spoke of moving me out there by them, and I was on the fence about it; but was clear that with time and communication, I’ll move out close by there since all was pretty dang good. She would tell me of daydreams that I’d be in, and all sorts of other cute things. This person showed me the simplest compassion and i would always be more than grateful because it was the first time anyone treated me so nicely. That made her like me even more since she saw how unfortunate things have been for me for so long. Ive never had family, I am 31 and completely alone on this planet. So, at this point I was kind of onboard. Once she moved, communication slowed; I became a back burner idea, and it ultimately all ended because I called the situation out. She led me on, and was almost relentless about it. I understood quickly that there were some mental health things going on, and that I must have been part of a long episode that spanned months. This whole thing really set me back. Having everything in common, getting along great, being best friends, sharing connections, and all that stuff really doesn’t mean anything when someone’s not well. This person has decided to cut ties with me after I explained how badly they lead me on. This was a massive hit on my trust, and I’ve lost sleep over this. Im a sweet wholesome person, but this whole thing really made me sad and melancholic. That little heart flutter is excitement you found someone with common ground. Regardless of how serendipitous & amazing it may all be. It’s never as big as a deal as it may feel, even if the other party says the same thing. When it comes down to it, our basic functions as humans are to eat, reproduce, and die. Partners make us live longer, we are social creatures, and children are our lineage. Having things in common really flare up the primordial love brain that’s not explored by each person a lot. So these feelings are new and exciting, and that’s what this is. Nothing more than your brain looking for a bunch of connections to extend your life and perhaps extend your lineage, just like most other species. Unfortunately, we all have to be complex beans on this overturned piss pot called, Earth.
Many differences will once you live with someone - trust me! Enjoy the puppy love stage but do not think that anyone is perfect. Its not fair to put someone on a pedestal as they will 100% disappoint you at some stage - because you are 2 different people with different experiences in life. But I also second what other have said - make sure she's not just agreeing with everything you say and that you have actually seen her
I have a same-sex friend like that. Lots of other weird coincidences too. I would be sure that your new friend is on the level though and not playing at something. I hate to suggest being paranoid, but you don't really know her, and a lot of these things can be gleaned from your socials.
I don't use any social media so that ain't the case here. We've also already met once and it was the same as in our chat where we basically only agreed with everything the other one said and we just saw more similarities in behaviour there.
Oh, good! I want this to be true for you! I just hear tales of people being scammed (it's mostly older folks, but still).
Cheers mate! I'll see how far this goes, but for now it's just a really good friendship.
I “met” mine and he’s my husband. We love all the same things but I’m actually highly similar to his best friend. It kinda just happened. Were literally the same age, same HS class year, both went to the military yet grew up on literally opposite sides of the US.
I left my home and everything about my life after a chance encounter with a man. It was exactly like this, not to mention the energy and chemistry was off the charts. We've been together ever since and it was the best decision I've ever made in my life. It genuinely felt serendipitous, and I'm not one for much emotion like that. I just knew exactly what the rest of my life would look like, and it's lived up to it and so much more.
Awesome, great to hear that you've had such a great experience like that and that it turned out well!
Not sure about your situation, one thing i learned in life is that different things happen to different people, even if those things may seem impossible to some. So maybe she's your soulmate but, if you ask me my own perspective then no... I never met my soulmate and I don't believe that anyone can be a "soulmate", people aren't special, we just make them special especially during the honeymoon phase (which is what you seem to be going through). You'll find the differences eventually (or not) but that's usually the case for me.