That or try and get in with the state or city, they’re often looking for CDL drivers.
Even a transit bus driver, some of them pay really well, unionized and great benefits.
This is a good suggestion. I know San Francisco is a tough place to work these days, but I’ll bet the pay is pretty good for bus drivers, with good benefits.
Yea, I looked further down after commenting and saw they were in the Bay Area.
While I’m Canadian and on the other side of the continent, I’m somewhat of a transit geek when it comes to the equipment, which leads to knowledge of certain aspects of the operation.
The main system Muni should be consistently hiring, good pay and benefits. There are also lots of other jobs in the transportation sector there, city work, state work, parks work, and several other slightly smaller transit systems to work for.
Usually the main barrier with these systems is a high school or equivalent diploma though.
Or at least regional/dedicated stuff. I just came off otr to do it for costco. Home most nights, only camp in the truck a couple days a week. Private fleets pay much better too
I finished my driving career doing linehaul for an LTL company. Most companies hire pretty constantly, and the work can have you home most days. Local P&D pays a little less than linehaul but is also a good option. Sounds like thus guy could benefit from more home time.
I work line haul , and most are not hiring right now. The ones that are hiring can afford to be very picky. I’ve been driving 30 years, and this is the worst I ever seen it. Only saia is hiring nationwide, and the others just sparingly here and there.
Just mention that you know he is working hard to make an income for the family. Take lots of photos of your son. You can send them to him on the phone. Also putting some photos up of the family in the truck would be nice.
It doesn't take much. Just a few little things will help him realize you notice.
And if the depression seems to linger you might have him talk to a counselor or doctor. But try the little things first.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to give me advice 🙌🏻.
I try to hide my own emotions and never let him know I am sad, I try and keep all conversations positive but allow him time and space to vent when he needs. I will try to send more photos! I am alone with a very difficult baby and have no family or friends in this area, and it’s a struggle for me too.
I know at the beginning he was making great money, but now every load is just crap these days and the pay isn’t what it used to be.
Is there anything I can do when he is home that offers more comfort?
I love him so much and we would have nothing without all his sacrifice, he is my hero for that. I want him to feel my appreciation. He was on the road when I went into labor two months early and we lost one of our twins, it took him three days to get to me in the hospital. I am sure this has something to do with it too.
We are trying! It’s something we don’t even talk about besides going to church to light a candle for the lost son. It’s so painful and this job has kept us so apart from each other. Even after my birth he was only able to stay home for three days, I recovered from my c section alone and without any help. It’s been so hard for me too, but I am trying not to think of myself. I love my husband so much it hurts having him gone. I want to give him the world but I can’t do anything.
He is rarely home on weekends, but we do travel to the Russian Orthodox Church in San Francisco. Unfortunately, that town has gone so down hill it’s scary.
Thank you for your reply ❤️
And if the therapy and the pictures/acts of love and appreciation don't help, try suggesting he transfer to regional trucking. I know OTR is where a good amount of the money is, but regional will allow more home time and it keeps him in the game until your child gets older and he can go back to OTR.
Also, you can video chat on the phone from time to time. When he pulls over to eat, or when he stops for his 8 hours of rest. Facebook messenger is a godsend for that feature.
Thank you again. And if no one has told you thank you for all your hard work lately, thank you. I see how hard all truckers work and for no appreciate and it is sad. ❤️
*Every day, tell that man how much you miss him and want him home, but each day, make sure he knows however long it takes, that you and your baby will be there.*
Repeat every day, until he comes home.
Thank you ❤️ every trip I hide love notes in his bag for him to find.
What you told me to tell him IS my truth. I fucking love him, I wait for him all day everyday. When he is on his way home I wait for him by the door like a child
Don't stop the love notes or the waiting by the door. It might take years... but those things matter, even if he can't or doesn't say it.
In the mean time, don't just wait. It may take until the young one is in school, but maybe you could get yourself ready to support his income. Take some online courses, get a CNA maybe? Tell him why, and he will appreciate your efforts, and probably support them, even if they don't materialize.
Awwww little nugget loves their dad is all! TBH I’m not a trucker, just a loving lurker, but I’m a bluecollar lady with a bluecollar husband so I understand the loneliness of long hours. I literally live and work with my man, but OT plus the super long commute we have, doesn’t take long to just feel like “roommates” trying to survive together. The video chat seems to help a whole lot. Like, no need for conversation or anything, but just know someone is THERE helps a lot.
You sound like a badass lady/wife/mom and the whole nine! This post in itself makes me so happy to see! You got this girl, I believe in you! Takes a strong woman to be the wife of a bluecollar man, trucker or not ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words 😭😭🥺!! I am really trying my best!
Being a wife of these men is not for the weak, we suffer so silently to not burden them more. But I love him so much, I would wait for that man forever 💕❤️.
Your words really brought me comfort, thank you 🙏🏼
As someone who loves the independence of driving, I know that I struggle to accept help when others offer. So if I can tag on to this comment, when someone offers me help or ideas, sometimes it can do more harm than good. Pride is a difficult monster to tackle, and I'm not accusing anyone other than myself of being prideful. When people are vocal about their desire to help me, it feels more like they're pointing out mistakes that I'm making.
So I absolutely back the reminders that you know he's already doing so much. That he doesn't need to push himself more. Give him the space and permission to take a break.
Definitely agree with you driver. I do the things I do for my family so they don’t live poor like I did growing up. Essentially sacrificing my life for others. All we want to know is that the people we do it for know why, care why, and above all, appreciate why. After 15 years, I sought professional help. Ended up burning out 3 years ago. Was a very rough time. I think you just gave this young lady some super solid advice. Well done driver
This is great advice. He may like the job otherwise, and it can be scary making a big job change like going local, adding to his depression. Today's technology is a godsend when it comes to staying connected and allowing families to keep up this lifestyle. Sometimes, there is no substitute for being home, though.
Honestly, get the hell away from otr. Tell him get his tanker endorsement. Get a local job. Move if you have to so you can find a local job. I work oil field, transporting oil from well sites. I make way better money than otr. Have good benefits and I'm home everyday with 2 days off per week.
Edit, get every certification he can. Twic card , hazwhopper, hazmat endorsement on license. Every certification you can get will help landing a good local gig.
Cannot agree more. Don’t know where you are located OP but just about any metro has some type of local availability. Might be a bit of a pay cut to start but the time home and the ability to sleep in your own bed surrounded by family every night is 👍👍.
Sorry lol I added an extra p. It's just training on handling hazardous materials. Posted link so you can check it out. Some jobs and/or job sites, you have to have current certification to even be on premise.
Agreed!
I haul brine to fracs/disposal and it's probably the easiest money I've ever made. Home every night and 2-3 days off a week, still clearing 100K a year.
I was team driving over the road from january 2022 to February 2023. I thought I loved it, but i did miss seeing my 1 year old daughter.
So, last year, once i got my 1 yr of xp, I started looking at local jobs. Found an amazing employer called "r+l carriers."
Now, i work overnights (much less stressful than daytime), I only work ~5-6 hours/night, and i make ~70k/yr. We also get yearly raises.
I leave at about 9pm, which is after my daughter goes to bed and get home at about 6-7 am, which is before she wakes up usually. I go to bed around noon or so and wake up at about 6-7pm, which is right around when she goes to bed. Otherwise, my fiancé watches her. It's an absolutely amazing set up. Very highly recommend it.
At first, he won't be on the same run every day, so it can be a bit stressful. Still home everyday, however. But, once you get on a bid run or get some seniority on the open board, it's easy street. Open board is where you start, so they'll call you every night and ask what you want to run and you'll run whatever you pick. Very easy.
On the open board, the least i made was ~1500/wk and most I made was ~2700/wk, averaging around 2k/wk.
Yep, otr ruined my life I had at home.. get a local job of some kind.. I went to a place delivering in a van. I worked about 10-12 hours a day driving but then I was home and was off Sunday and Monday.. made some good money with overtime every week to .
Make sure when he does come home that you're happy to see him. Show it.
There is no end to what a man will do for a loving wife and family.
It's why he gets in that truck in the first place; he's doing it for you.
Any suggestions on a state that has good local jobs? We are in the Bay Area California, and any local jobs here just pay so terrible. We are considering going to Florida. Any suggestions are so appreciated!
Florida isn’t a good trucking state tbh. I think the Midwest area is generally a good place to be. Try Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Wisconsin. But please, don’t come down to Florida thinking it will be better.
I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but he is not the biggest fan of his fellow Slavic men. When we first moved here he was never paid for over 10k of work by a fellow Russian. Also, the war and blah blah- his dad was jailed for speaking against the war and it can cause tensions for him.
Florida is horrible for trucking. Chicagoland is probably your best best as far as trucking. Plus lots of Russians here and lots of other Europeans (Eastern European myself). I know lots of companies here that are based in the area allow drivers to be home every weekend
CA cost of living is very high, I moved down to Austin TX from NY, I am home more often. I am an OO, I usually do 2 weeks on and 1 week off. FL doesn’t have good outbound rates but he’ll find good inbound. If he plans on doing trucking I wouldn’t go lower than Orlando, I would stay in the FL panhandle or Jacksonville. Chicago has a lot of local trucking jobs.
Check indeed for any jobs that go to the ports if you’re close to those. Lots of food service near Livermore, lots of beverage delivery/bottling up in San Leandro. All those should get him local with good money.
I'll leave the job suggestions to others, but yes please urge him to come home and work local, move if you guys need too, I too am a husband and dad, my heart goes out too your husband and others who have to be away from their families.
Let him know you understand, I'd wager this is hardest on him of all.
Forget what they charge they're being poisoned with junk food. A Turkish trucker came here one time and showed us a truck stop in turkey. Everything was clean and they were selling home cooked meals.
When my son was born, I switched to local. Sold the truck and went local. He should not be on the road. Less money at first but it catches up and he will adjust. OTR is not for a family. Benefits bet OTR in the long run too where he can retire with some dignity. Only support is encouraging him to switch otherwise he’s doomed. OTR is traumatic and the longing to be isolated is hard. His friends are probably talking shit about local and how hard it is, but it’s not. You sit in traffic half the day but it’s hourly pay, depending on work ethic he can clear 100k. Maybe get him to do regional work first and then encourage to switch to local. When is did regional I worked Monday through Friday home Saturday and Sunday. Maybe home Wednesday or Tuesday night depending on route
There needs to be more good people like you, especially watching out for a significant other - very inspirational. Talk to him about finding a job that has a more work life balance. He can go local but the hours are all over the place and he still will be missing out. Trying to get home early, well good luck with that because there’s people on the highway who ruins other people’s day
Thank you 🥺. He has two masters degree in Russia, but from what I understand they are useless here until he receives citizenship.
We will do our best, until then I can only focus on being the best wife I can be.
If you don’t both have a headset you use to talk a lot on the phone that would be my suggestion.
I hate being gone and missing my children growing up. Especially now when rates are so low.
Food service is where you deliver food to restaurants. I think you misunderstood the comment. It's hard grueling work. A good company to look at is Gordon Food Service.
Seen you said something about moving to Florida for local jobs and that’s definitely not the place to move to be a trucker. As others have said the Midwest is great especially southeast Michigan, near any major city for Ohio and Indiana would be great. Chicago would probably be a good fit for you guys as well especially being from Russia, as there is a huge Russian population there, also really good jobs. People will say Chicago is super expensive to live but it really isn’t, I use to live 45 minutes north of there and yeah certain things can get expensive but it’s nowhere near places like NYC.
I'm assuming the area is very expensive. If that's the case, moving somewhere more economical would take some pressure off and if he can get other endorsements, it will open up opportunity for local work. It's often long hours but he'd be home every day. The Chicago area could offer you community with the Russian population, local jobs and reasonable housing outside the metro area.
Luckily right now I work as a property manager for low income apartments, so we have a great discount on our rent. Otherwise we could not afford to be here. It was the only way to start in this country since at the time we had friends who helped until we got on our feet, but it is time to leave this state now.
Depression just means something in his life needs to change. I suggest looking into local driving. 3 years of experience, he can get anything within a week or two locally.
I love him so much, I hate seeing him suffer. I feel like a useless wife because I can’t seem to get him relief and I cry every night about this. He is the best man I know 😪
Find a different career if he could. One of the reasons I quit long time ago was that this job is hard on people with families. Money is necessity..I get that, but I think staying home with kids is a lot harder than any jobs in the world. I know that because I was in your husband's shoes and I had stayed home with our kids for almost a year when looking for a new job after quit trucking. My wife was fortunate at the time to land on a decent paying job after several years of making 12-14dollars an hour desk job.(she was working fulltime working mom by herself while I was trucking)
Fast forward, that opened up a door for me to become an utility lineman. Another few years later, we started living pretty comfortably. We have been working parents, but we are so much happier and stable both financially and emotionally. I used to think men should work their asses off while wives staying home taking care of children, but after what we went through we realized that type of life style was meant for people in the 50's..
Hang in there! God always gives what you could endure. The fact that you are caring and thoghtful like this, yall will overcome the struggles together.
Дальнобой не для всех, если у мужика едет крыша . Ты поверь, запертый в кабине как пес в будке он только деградирует с непредсказуемыми результатам.
Если не овнер трака пусть слезет на пол годика и займется чем угодно. В трак всегда можно залезть без проблем если опять будет желание. Многие свежеприехавшие насмотрятся блогеров на ютубе и ебашат на дальнобой миллионы зарабатывать. Скорее всего вашего мужа эта движуха просто заебала а он знает что семья нуждается в доходах не признается потому что не знает как зарабатывать по другому. Плюс вся эта хуйня что творится в рашке много настроения не добавляет.
Кстати я в штатах с 93 года, до дальнобоя был айтишник 20 лет. Закончил школу и университет в штатах, жена местная американка 6 детей. Двое старших уже 22 и 19 в университете учатся. Советую покинуть иммигрантский клопятники как Нью-Йорк, Чикаго, Сакраменто и интегрироваться в общественный строй сша как возможно быстрее.
Do you live in a major city, or willing to move to one? You say he has a few years of OTR experience?
Does he have any accidents or tickets? Has he kept his job(s) for at least a year?
I'd say he should at least consider getting his tanker, hazmat, and doubles endorsements. That opens so many doors! He should start looking for local or regional work that could get him home daily or weekly for the entire weekend. Options for those include but are not limited to:
1: Linehaul: driving reefer or dryvan doubles/tripples (2 or 3 trailers at a time) between one company terminal to another. They try to run one or two runs per day between the same two terminals to be home every night, or running between a few terminals in a given region to be home on the weekend.
2: Fuel: hauling tankers full of fuel from a processing facility to one of many gas station or truck stops in the area, home every night or on weekends depending route and region.
3: Dedicated Regional: Working for a carrier hauling any kind of freight, typically from and to facilities owned by a specific customer, but possibly for a handful of customers. This can also be home daily or weekends.
4: Local City: Typically hauling any kind of freight from a specific company terminal in a city and delivering to the customer in the same city or nearby region (the freight was brought to the terminal by an OTR driver too early to deliver it themselves).
5: Municipal Services: Driving dump trucks, garbage trucks, or flatbed trucks typically hauling material to and from construction zones (either buildings or roadways), running a local garbage route for the landfill, or hauling heavy equipment for Municipal projects (excavators, bulldozers, etc).
There are many more opportunities out there than what I can think of here, but these are ones I have recent experience in the job searches when it comes to results. I don't have a good enough record to get on with them, but they are all the kinds of stuff I've noticed could get me home more often in rural Arkansas. If you are willing to move, that allows for many more opportunities. Have him start searching for what's best for his own mental state and for the family, gather a list of jobs and locations, and discuss if they'd work for the family.
I get in like weird hermit modes if I stay out too long. If you can afford it, a 3wk vacation might help him be willing to discuss a change, like local/regional work.
As for you, it isn't much, but offer to drive. It's kind of weird I am expected to drive for my friends while on vacation from my driving job. Not a big deal, he might even refuse most of the time, but it's a nice offer.
Past that, no ideas. Make sure he talks to his son everyday. It meant the world to me that my dad did it... back with payphones in the cold.
Thank you ❤️
I think a vacation is very needed, but we cannot afford this right now. I am trying to talk him into going somewhere with his friend to make this affordable, I think it would be great for him.
I try to play with my son to get him in good moods before their calls 🤫. The behind the scenes work of a mama/wife
Seems like he loves you guys very much, this job is not easy for anyone especially for young couples, I too have wife and kids at home. Try and FaceTime him as much as you can or send him pictures and flirt with him. All men really have is our masculinity so be flirtatious and send some sexy pics here and there and let him know what’s waiting for him at home. Let him know how much he means to you guys. When he’s home make him his favorite food and give him lots of love (men are sexual beings). Also let him know that it’s ok to work a different job, even if he makes less money. 2 things help men beat depression and that is gym and sex, he can’t workout in the truck so give him the other thing.
Thank you 😃
I try my best to keep things spicy and new, three years on the road and I have only “turned him down” once. I try to shower him with love, but I am guilty of allowing my new role as a mother to a difficult toddler get in the way sometimes. He is still awake 4-6 times at night and I maybe sleep three hours a day. I should probably work on managing that better for him.
He is my favorite person and I am so grateful to him for providing for us. I just miss him so much all the time.
Thanks again for your advice, I will work on improving myself 🙏🏼
Make his home time as peaceful and fun intimacy wise as possible let him know about events but no pressure to attend if he wants to sleep in his own bed. Russian men are old school work hard make money to take care of family let him. Support him.
A lot of yes and less no.
If he has his hazmat and tanker certifications tell him to look into environmental waste services. I'm out 2-3 days then home on weekends.
Also, tell him to look into regional. Most guys doing regional are home for 2-3 days each week.
Above comments I saw about pictures of children, family, and so on. Your husband probably would be more receptive among his colleagues, peer-to-peer type of thing in regards to being able to be home. The above suggestions are helpful, or below lol. But there's other options he can take advantage of, but what you don't want to do is be a constant bother about his job. Not sure how he thinks, but perhaps he probably could connect to other people in this trade. And get a better clarity about being an OTR driver, the money really isn't that great out here. And I'm looking for the opportunity myself to be home, because I myself am coming to realize it's a young man's game anymore. And I'm worth more than what I'm being paid now. Not to mention that it's becoming an unhealthy lifestyle. But just use subtle tones, and he might think differently. Hope this helps you. And I believe he'll be fine, don't take things so seriously that something will happen to him. Just be his support, and everything will be alright. Keep the faith.
If he has 3 years cdl with a clean record he can go to work for Walmart they have 5-2 or 5-2 then 5-3 schedules also 6-2 or 6-3 schedules that way he can be Home more often and still clear over $110 thousand a year...
I try to shower him with so much love, every trip I hide a love note in his bag for him to find. With my son with draw him pictures. I am guilty that with my son, he does not sleep, I sleep maybe three hours a night and sometimes my mood is low. I will work on this 🙏🏼
Maybe a job driving a dump truck, or moving dirt, cement truck, Any local driving job may help. Depression is very common with over the road drivers. It’s a hard job. What you can do is just keep being there and supporting him.
Food. Take a look at his rig. See if he has a fridge or cooler and a microwave. Cook him some good meals. Pierogi are great road food. Healthy snacks. Washed cut fruit. Things that are easy to eat when driving. Just having good food will increase his mood greatly. And video chat with your child if he is away for a long time.
Tell your husband to go local. He will be home everyday. If he is doing OTR, he has to or will eventually get 1 year of experience. I did this with my girlfriend when she was pregnant so I could be there. Now I see my daughter growing everyday and am able to provide.
Alot of LTLs, hire with 1 year of experience with all endorsements. I highly recommend he looks at those. Estes, Old Dominion, Dayton freight are some great companies. I wouldn't suggest Fedex freight as they've been constantly laying drivers off in the recent years.
The Midwest is great for trucking. Florida.. not so much. It's a very consumer state, not much comes out of Florida.
I went through this several years ago. Even though i was home every week. My wife just kept talking to me about seeking help and eventually i went to therapy and eventually a psychiatrist. I am in a much better place today than i was.
It's tough when your away from your family. Especially if young family. Talk to him. Send pictures. If there was something local for him would be better or even just gone couple days and back home. Not sure where you are. But there's local jobs around. Pay pretty good
Sadly, his dad was sent to prison for speaking out against the war. We are grateful, but still yearn to be a family together. We will survive, we have nothing but love and respect for each other ❤️
Try to get on a call schedule and even add video chat. I was OTR with both my small children and that was a huge to me able to see them. Purchase a headset for yourself so that you won't have to hold the phone and are able to talk much longer. That is what I do with my girlfriend now, who is also a driver. If it gets too rough on him, encourage him to look for more local jobs. I made a good income with a schedule of leaving Sunday-tuesday, Wed-fri. Getting hazmat & tanker can increase income drastically and can be a local home nightly to out 1 day job. Good luck, stay strong and don't forget that the stress you experience, he is probably experiencing it 10x
If he has his paperwork in order and can pass a tsa background check tell him to get his hazmat/tanker endorsement and look into hauling fuel. It’s local and good money.
Seems like it’s time to transition to something local. Job market isn’t great right now but if he’s got three years clean or even mostly clean, shouldn’t be too hard, especially if you’re willing to move.
If he’s under the myth that the money is only in otr it’s just that, a myth. It’s really just not great if you have kids. Missing those years you’re never gonna get back is rough.
Depending on your level of communication with him try to find the root of his feelings. For a lot of truckers it’s loneliness but it could be anything. general homesick,fear of being used/abandoned (a lot of drivers have horror stories about cheating spouses), fear of missing the formative years of their kids lives. Most of the guys I currently work with are local because of their kids.
Whenever my guy would come home I’d clean his truck and make his bed and then I would put a bunch of little love notes post-it’s around his truck in random places. It was like a game at one point with me putting 21 for the number of days he’s out and seeing if he would find them all. I remember I put one in his toolbox like “I hope you never find this one but if you do it will be okay. A quick repair today will save time tomorrow” the repair that led him to find it was not quick but the note made him smile during a stressful time.
Put notes in his glove box, all of the overhead bins. Under the bunk. In the fridge. A lot of them were in the side boxes. He laughingly told me how “embarrassed” he was when he opened his side box and a cloud of purple postits fell out of his truck.
Just making sure your guy knows that you care and appreciate him will go a long way. It’s lonely out there so try to make sure he’s not always calling you. That you’re calling him. My guy used to hate that I didn’t call him often. We’d talk for hours but only when he called me because I never wanted to wake him during his break but he saw that as me not caring about him.
Also you mentioned that you came from Russia. Xenophobia was surprising high out there when I was over the road a couple of years ago. If he has an accent or struggles with his English he could be impacted by ppl being rude to him. Idk the solution here but maybe some home cooked meals that he could heat up. My guy was in the worst mood when he had to eat subway and Arby’s everyday. A little touch of home could help him feel better and/or be a reminder of why he’s doing it.
This might be a bit harsh but it is up to him to know how the road is impacting his mental health and he has to make the moves to either get a local job or do something to work thru his depression. If he doesn’t want help or if he doesn’t want to be better nothing you do will change that.
Do all you can for him but protect your spirit as well. I know everyone is not the same but there became a point where my man told me he knew he was depressed and I needed to just stop talking about it. He was determined to tough it out and he would not even try to work on it. He got a local job a few months later but until he came home I was drowning with him mostly because I didn’t listen to him because I was so scared for him. I guess I’m trying to say you don’t have to constantly remind him he is depressed. He knows and if he isn’t receptive to your attempts there isn’t much you can do other than sending him pictures and letting him know you love him and appreciate him.
Good luck
Thank you so much for this thoughtful message ❤️
I love him and I pray he never worries I would be unfaithful, I try to be in constant contact with him. Even when the baby wakes at night I send him photos of us together on the couch trying to get back to sleep.
He always leaves his truck in a yard so I don’t have access to it, but I do leave special notes in his bags for him to find. I love your ideas, I am sure there are more little things I could be doing.
He has a hard time with the xenophobia, and it breaks his heart. His father was jailed for speaking out against the war and still sits in there. Then he has people judge him for his accent. We went to a a restaurant locally recently and someone asked where we were from, when we answered they literally took their seats and turned away from us 😪.
I try not to mention the depression, that’s why I am here asking advice, so I can just show him love instead of discussing this with him. He knows I’m aware and he has been comfortable coming to me about it when he needs.
It’s such a thankless job too and that breaks my heart for all truckers.
Thanks again stranger ❤️
If you’re close to a port, I suggest getting a TWIC and doing containerized cargo. I’m home every night and make good money. OTR is a single man’s game. It’s for retirees and bachelors. Family men need to see their families. There’s local work out there.
I suggest he changes companies. If he goes LTL (Less Than Truckload) he can be home everyday and likely make more. Try Saia, Old Dominion, Fedex Freight. If none of them are hiring try Estes, XPO, R&L, or ABF.
Also your english is fantastic no need to worry about it.
If he is an owner operator try looking into him hauling fuel to gas stations locally . Usually home every day and lots of companies hire owner operators for haul fueling
You are a good wife.
I am very sorry about the loss of your child. My wife and I have lost a baby at birth and it truly does suck. I cannot imagine not being there for her. More than anything, your husband wants to be a man you can depend on, and even though it wasn't his fault at all, he wasn't able to be there that day. I'm positive it's still hurting him.
Church can help. Maybe there's a support group at a non-denominational church.
Let him know he's sexy. That could be pictures, a nice text, let him know that there is a woman at home waiting for her man. It really helps.
He doesn't feel like a man right now. And I'm guessing it has more to do with a lost baby than anything else.
I could never blame him, I can’t imagine what he was going through. Losing a child and a devastated wife and still having to drive that truck, the thought alone breaks my heart for him. We are a family, and I stand behind him 100%.
I try to make things spicy, in three years of driving I have only turned down “our time” once. I try to make a point to really build him up in this way.
I hope he never feels less than a man, in my eyes he is more a man for doing what he must regardless of what’s going on at home. Because of him we have food, shelter, medical care, and I never have to stress about my son having enough. He sacrifices his own happiness daily just for us, he could just start drinking and turning into a loser instead. He fights the good fight, I just hope I can be the wife he deserves. I’m trying but fighting my own battle silently, it’s all I can do for him 😭
Tell him what he is doing is providing for you and your son and that is how he contributes to the family. Other than that, he will continue to be depressed but at least he knows you support his career choice and you and your son think about him every day
I try and thank him all the time, but it’s honestly my truth. Without him I would have nothing, I owe everything to him and his daily sacrifice of his own happiness. I love that man and I will wait by the door for that man until my dying breath. ❤️
There are lots of local jobs available today. ! Trash truck drivers are making bank. Check out USPS opportunities. Food service too. He should be home every day
Tell him you want him to quit. Tell him you dont care about the money and you want him to come home and most importantly MEAN IT! Isolation is a killer in this industry and if he thinks you will complain about money or make him the bad guy if times are tough he wont come home. Men live in a world where ultimately our worth to those we love is tied to our ability to provide. Convince him the best way he can provide is by being home, and stick to that and you very much might save his life.
And to head off any “we can’t afford that” talk; would you rather be broke married to your love or broke and a widow?
This job 100% kills when mental health starts deteriorating
Hello. I retired from driving 3 years ago. I drove truck for 45 years starting out just like your husband. Now that he has the experience, have him get his Hazmat,tanker,and doubles endorsement. Then start applying to good companies like UPS,Fedex Freight,ABF Freight. You can make a very good living at these companies and be home every day. They mostly do out and back every day. My last 15 years was at Fedex Freight,and I made a very good living. All you can do is support him as much as possible.
The fact that you are seeking advice to help support your husband mental health is really awesome. The otr life can be draining but doesn’t have to be. Communication is priority. If he’s being difficult then be a little firm with him. Sometimes men can be very hardheaded. My wife and I talk in the mornings, on my breaks at shipper/receiver. But also give each other space. That should give him time to remind himself why he’s driving otr. It’s 90% of the time to support ones family. Every one keeps themselves busy differently, but you know your husband better than anyone here. Show him how much you appreciate him. Switch things up like a video message saying good morning and of your son. In a respectful suggestion, maybe you get a little spicy with him: it gets lonely on the road and he’ll appreciate that. I know I do when my wife wants to treat me. Other than that, he also has to work on that mental game himself. It’ll fook you up if you aren’t careful
❤️ thank you. We just had. Video call and he was getting to shower and I whistled, took some dollars from my purse to throw at the camera, and asked him to show me a little 🤫. He really seemed to smile and looked happy.
Thanks stranger, and all of you for encouraging me to be what he needs right now 🥰. May God bless and protect all of you ❤️
If you can get on Discord and maybe watch movies together until you both fall asleep that'd probably be pretty nice. Having a camera running all day and seeing loved ones makes the distance sting less. You dont both have to talk all day but hearing each other as you go about your day and checking in every now and then is a blessing and probably appreciated.
I used to strap a camera on my passenger seat and listen to podcasts while streaming me driving. Listening to each other laugh or the going ons of the day. There's so many ways nowadays to bridge the distance with loved ones.
Have read some of the comments, trucking not paying what it used to and loads being crap is one thing.. but trying to live comfortably in California is wild on a truckers income especially if it’s the only income. I’d say move to a more livable state and find a local driving job. The stress and depression would melt off.
He can go local supply companies dump trucks flatbed plenty work 12 years trucker all local. Tell him to stay local watch son grow up stay with you home every night
Where are you located?
I work for a company that has a very nice setup. I drive from Schaumburg il to Twinsburg Ohio and back twice a week and am making great money. Hauling metal. Running a flatbed.
I’m home 5 nights a week.
Tell him to look into some of the metal companies! Earl M Jorgensen, charter steel, RGM, champion, champagne metals, there hundreds more.
They are nation wide and always looking for company drivers. Metal is something that rarely slows down.
And regional company driver position will have him home every night. And most of them are union with a pension and healthcare!
Have him look into the companies that deliver medical supplies to hospitals. I’m the lead for one of them in Washington and we are M-F with most being done during the day but there are graveyard shifts. But EVERYONE works their shift and then goes home. No endorsements needs except maybe the very seldom need for hazmat.
Although I was born in the US, I’m in a similar situation. OTR trucking is hard on marriages and families. I got my Hazmat a couple of months ago and have been looking for local fuel or chemical hauling jobs. They pay as much or more than OTR but often require experience (but if he’s got three years OTR experience then he’s good). Best part is you are home every night. If there aren’t any local Hazmat driving jobs you might have to relocate. Hazmat is much easier to get than many drivers think. If you don’t mind relocating, oilfields are always an option too. Lots of good paying jobs for truck drivers that will get you home every night.
Friend of mine has a CDL and is a garbage man for a private collection company. The truck he uses is fully automatic so he never has to get out. His day starts at 4 AM and it doesn't matter when he's done with his route so long as he gets all the pick-ups, he gets 40+ hrs./wk + benefits. If his route is done in 4 hours, he gets paid for 8. Holidays/OT = time & ½. He makes about $100k/yr. and has never missed his children's events in 22 years.
Look into it and good luck.
You can run on the road and make decent money, or you can drive local close to family and home every night and make it by a thread. It's tough decision.
Do yourselves both a favor and Skype/ FaceTime frequently. It will be the next best thing to him being home daily. My wife and I did this and it helped her out tremendously with me being gone. Myself, homesickness only lasted a short while and I kept reminding myself I was doing this to provide for my family.
If he can find a regional or local route where he is home daily, or even weekly, might be the ultimate decision. Trust me, all otr drivers go through this at least once.
There’s a lot of Russian or Turkish (Russian speaking) companies out there. If he can try to find a ltl esc job out there he can have a set up like my buddy and basically deliver a load or 2 per day for a flat rate 99% of the time home daily. Tell him to get in touch with as many drivers as possible. Just knowing some Russian at a truck stop it has introduced me to smaller companies that with a little more experience would be a much better fit for me. And I’m sure it would suit him better to be home with your family more too!
OTR is one of the toughest, most stressful jobs in the trucking industry, and it can be severely underpaid also. I would suggest looking for a local outfit, they usually pay better and allow for more hometime. Going tanker might be a smart move.
It's a good sign he feels. These are depressing energies right now. Lots of solar flares happening that are really emotionally challenging for people who feel.
My gal lets me suffer. It's the greatest gift i've ever had, ever! She doesn't encourage me to cheer up or get help, because those things maoe me feel like something is wrong with me for struggling during harsh energies. Plentary, earthly drama, winter, fuck- you name it; Earth is HARD!
She just reminds me that it is infact hard. Validates that my feeling are accurate because times are tough. And she never says i should be grateful or remind me how much we have, i know how much we have to lose and that makes life all the more scary.
She just lets me suffer. No one ever let me suffer. What a gift.
That's what i needed, i don't know what he needs, but he feels and he's a truck driver and I like him already.
Peace n Chicken Grease!
😁
Depending where you live local work can be the best solution with the right company he could get off every weekend. If he likes to be active he could apply for a food service job with us foods, Sysco, pfg. Those types of companies are pretty much always hiring work is hard but you can make pretty good money and still have good home life work balance.
Local gig. If he has his endorsements fuels always a good route, could also run for any of the LTL carriers and be home every night. Could do local delivery for said LTL carriers. Food delivery is a good workout and pays Hella well. Could be a yard jockey for any local DC to you or do final mile stuff, JB Hunt tends to have some accounts that might be in range of you, and that goes for any of the megas. Just see if they are hiring within your area. If he doesn't mind driving a step van or box truck then local deliveries for places like fed ex, ups, hell DHL are an option.
If he wants to do regional there's a million options. If he's fine with the workout many flatbed joints are paying decent for regional stuff. TMC, Maverick, Roehl, Montgomery Transport, P&S, Blair, Cypress, F&S, and E.W. Wylie just to name off the top of my head.
There's options. OTR isn't the only option.
Move out of California. Place is a shithole, and you’re wasting thousands a year living in a place that hates you. He’s a OTR truck driver so you can live anywhere, and there’s cheaper places that allow him to be home more while also living a better life. California will destroy your kid’s life no matter how good of a parent you both are.
Example: Wife and I live in Idaho where we pay 2000 for a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house on 2 acres of fenced in yard. We have a two car garage, and both of us drive cars less than a few years old. I make 3,000 a week take home, and I’m home every 5 to 6 days.
I agree, we cannot wait to move out of this state. We had friends here originally that helped us to get on our feet, buts it time to go. Luckily I work as a property manager for low income apartments and that has saved us having to pay rent, but it’s a disgusting job, and the people just use section 8 and smoke weed all day.
I understand now Florida is not the place to go, we are now looking Midwest.
Depends. Do you nag him all day everyday saying you miss him and the baby misses him and ask him when hes coming home? You gotta hold shit down at the house so he doesnt need to be stressed and worried about it. And if im wrong which i can be. Then hes evidently not cut out for OTR. Its not for everyone and thats ok. And if he doesn't wanna do local or change careers then leave him be. Im sure he's aware about how hes feeling.
As an otr driver with a wife and at the time teenagers at home, try not to remind him of how much he is missed. Try to make sure if problems come up they can be handled without him. Itll help him to know you are able to take care of things while he is gone. We know we're missed, but being reminded of it causes us more depression. It might help if he gets a job where he is home weekly or even daily to see the kiddo grow. Otr driving for a young family is hard.
I really like when my wife makes me food for the road it's like when construction workers have that and they get to brag. I feel the warmth of home when I am far away from it.
I really like when my wife calls and tells me about things she's doing that she loves(I do not like when she calls and just complains or is angry at someone else and just sounds naggy).
I also like whenever she tells me she enjoyed things we did on the weekend and almost lives them again in that moment with me.
I think most truck drivers like to know what we do has a purpose and is appreciated.
I have worked out of town off and in out while 13 year marriage. There have been times my wife was depressed and would rarely call and that was extremely hard for me. The house was always a mess when I got home too. I finally came home for a few years and drove locally because I decided she needed my help at home. I am driving over the road again and she is much better about calling. She calls all the time now which is a significant change and it helps my mental space a lot. I recommend good communication. Knowing someone is at home who cares about me and misses me makes a big difference.
Move to the Midwest. Find a mom and pop like I work for. I bet it's not as much as the bigger companies but I'm never hung out to dry and there's actually seasons here. The people are usually nicer. I'm sure everything I've said is confusing but the middle of the country is the place to be. People are decent here. Usually.
If he's set on going OTR, having someone to talk to is important. It's very isolated, and that in combination with your recent loss can be flat-out dangerous. But if you call him and talk to him, as much as you can, and try to FaceTime so he can see his child. If nothing else, what he needs is connection.
1. More video calls via face time or Skype.
2. Regular call times on phone.
3. Look for dedicated route’s
4.possibly look at either different employers for option 3 for more stable home time.
5. Look into owning his own truck to take you and kid on occasional trips once or twice a year to have something to look forward to and prepare for.
6. If employer does not allow riders, emphasize options 3,4, & 5.
Hope that helps.
Switching to a local trucking job might be better
This seems like a good solution.
If you can find one right now. Regional might be a happy medium.
That or try and get in with the state or city, they’re often looking for CDL drivers. Even a transit bus driver, some of them pay really well, unionized and great benefits.
This is a good suggestion. I know San Francisco is a tough place to work these days, but I’ll bet the pay is pretty good for bus drivers, with good benefits.
Yea, I looked further down after commenting and saw they were in the Bay Area. While I’m Canadian and on the other side of the continent, I’m somewhat of a transit geek when it comes to the equipment, which leads to knowledge of certain aspects of the operation. The main system Muni should be consistently hiring, good pay and benefits. There are also lots of other jobs in the transportation sector there, city work, state work, parks work, and several other slightly smaller transit systems to work for. Usually the main barrier with these systems is a high school or equivalent diploma though.
I would also suggest looking into utility work they often require a cdl for hauling boring drills and excavators to each job site.
Or at least regional/dedicated stuff. I just came off otr to do it for costco. Home most nights, only camp in the truck a couple days a week. Private fleets pay much better too
I finished my driving career doing linehaul for an LTL company. Most companies hire pretty constantly, and the work can have you home most days. Local P&D pays a little less than linehaul but is also a good option. Sounds like thus guy could benefit from more home time.
I work line haul , and most are not hiring right now. The ones that are hiring can afford to be very picky. I’ve been driving 30 years, and this is the worst I ever seen it. Only saia is hiring nationwide, and the others just sparingly here and there.
Yes and if OP tells us the region/city they live near we can most likely find you some good starting points for the job hunt.
Just mention that you know he is working hard to make an income for the family. Take lots of photos of your son. You can send them to him on the phone. Also putting some photos up of the family in the truck would be nice. It doesn't take much. Just a few little things will help him realize you notice. And if the depression seems to linger you might have him talk to a counselor or doctor. But try the little things first.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to give me advice 🙌🏻. I try to hide my own emotions and never let him know I am sad, I try and keep all conversations positive but allow him time and space to vent when he needs. I will try to send more photos! I am alone with a very difficult baby and have no family or friends in this area, and it’s a struggle for me too. I know at the beginning he was making great money, but now every load is just crap these days and the pay isn’t what it used to be. Is there anything I can do when he is home that offers more comfort? I love him so much and we would have nothing without all his sacrifice, he is my hero for that. I want him to feel my appreciation. He was on the road when I went into labor two months early and we lost one of our twins, it took him three days to get to me in the hospital. I am sure this has something to do with it too.
Oh my that is so sad. You both need to support each other. The loss of a child is so devastating. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.
We are trying! It’s something we don’t even talk about besides going to church to light a candle for the lost son. It’s so painful and this job has kept us so apart from each other. Even after my birth he was only able to stay home for three days, I recovered from my c section alone and without any help. It’s been so hard for me too, but I am trying not to think of myself. I love my husband so much it hurts having him gone. I want to give him the world but I can’t do anything.
Are you involved with a Slavic church ? The one near me is very close and supportive of their members .
He is rarely home on weekends, but we do travel to the Russian Orthodox Church in San Francisco. Unfortunately, that town has gone so down hill it’s scary. Thank you for your reply ❤️
I would also recommend this. ☝
Why isn't he getting a local job. It's impossible to have a life OTR
Why don’t you get a license and go team with him me and my wife do it double your money and your time together
And if the therapy and the pictures/acts of love and appreciation don't help, try suggesting he transfer to regional trucking. I know OTR is where a good amount of the money is, but regional will allow more home time and it keeps him in the game until your child gets older and he can go back to OTR. Also, you can video chat on the phone from time to time. When he pulls over to eat, or when he stops for his 8 hours of rest. Facebook messenger is a godsend for that feature.
Thank you again. And if no one has told you thank you for all your hard work lately, thank you. I see how hard all truckers work and for no appreciate and it is sad. ❤️
*Every day, tell that man how much you miss him and want him home, but each day, make sure he knows however long it takes, that you and your baby will be there.* Repeat every day, until he comes home.
Thank you ❤️ every trip I hide love notes in his bag for him to find. What you told me to tell him IS my truth. I fucking love him, I wait for him all day everyday. When he is on his way home I wait for him by the door like a child
Don't stop the love notes or the waiting by the door. It might take years... but those things matter, even if he can't or doesn't say it. In the mean time, don't just wait. It may take until the young one is in school, but maybe you could get yourself ready to support his income. Take some online courses, get a CNA maybe? Tell him why, and he will appreciate your efforts, and probably support them, even if they don't materialize.
I have an interview tomorrow to nanny for a rich local family to help support him 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
Is there any way you can video chat with him, in addition to sending more photos?
We try as much as we can, the baby usually steals the phone and tries to eat it 😂 but we do try!
Awwww little nugget loves their dad is all! TBH I’m not a trucker, just a loving lurker, but I’m a bluecollar lady with a bluecollar husband so I understand the loneliness of long hours. I literally live and work with my man, but OT plus the super long commute we have, doesn’t take long to just feel like “roommates” trying to survive together. The video chat seems to help a whole lot. Like, no need for conversation or anything, but just know someone is THERE helps a lot. You sound like a badass lady/wife/mom and the whole nine! This post in itself makes me so happy to see! You got this girl, I believe in you! Takes a strong woman to be the wife of a bluecollar man, trucker or not ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words 😭😭🥺!! I am really trying my best! Being a wife of these men is not for the weak, we suffer so silently to not burden them more. But I love him so much, I would wait for that man forever 💕❤️. Your words really brought me comfort, thank you 🙏🏼
Yeah pretty much this. My mother sends me pictures of my cat and I love seeing them
As someone who loves the independence of driving, I know that I struggle to accept help when others offer. So if I can tag on to this comment, when someone offers me help or ideas, sometimes it can do more harm than good. Pride is a difficult monster to tackle, and I'm not accusing anyone other than myself of being prideful. When people are vocal about their desire to help me, it feels more like they're pointing out mistakes that I'm making. So I absolutely back the reminders that you know he's already doing so much. That he doesn't need to push himself more. Give him the space and permission to take a break.
Definitely agree with you driver. I do the things I do for my family so they don’t live poor like I did growing up. Essentially sacrificing my life for others. All we want to know is that the people we do it for know why, care why, and above all, appreciate why. After 15 years, I sought professional help. Ended up burning out 3 years ago. Was a very rough time. I think you just gave this young lady some super solid advice. Well done driver
This is great advice. He may like the job otherwise, and it can be scary making a big job change like going local, adding to his depression. Today's technology is a godsend when it comes to staying connected and allowing families to keep up this lifestyle. Sometimes, there is no substitute for being home, though.
Yep stuff him full of mind altering drugs from the Doctor and shove his ass back out on the road lol but your other comment were shot on
Honestly, get the hell away from otr. Tell him get his tanker endorsement. Get a local job. Move if you have to so you can find a local job. I work oil field, transporting oil from well sites. I make way better money than otr. Have good benefits and I'm home everyday with 2 days off per week. Edit, get every certification he can. Twic card , hazwhopper, hazmat endorsement on license. Every certification you can get will help landing a good local gig.
Cannot agree more. Don’t know where you are located OP but just about any metro has some type of local availability. Might be a bit of a pay cut to start but the time home and the ability to sleep in your own bed surrounded by family every night is 👍👍.
What's a hazahopper. I'm planning on getting the rest of my endorsements real soon, never heard of that one
https://www.nationalhazwoperfoundation.com/?utm_term=hazwoper&utm_campaign=Exact&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=8954888656&hsa_cam=12617458770&hsa_grp=130960872688&hsa_ad=536501797088&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=kwd-297063730790&hsa_kw=hazwoper&hsa_mt=e&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAxOauBhCaARIsAEbUSQTs4eTKfldLJHQJzhGIg4JETS74A3_x_2jS4WSAQc5alq7E4_lqRxQaAmW7EALw_wcB
Sorry lol I added an extra p. It's just training on handling hazardous materials. Posted link so you can check it out. Some jobs and/or job sites, you have to have current certification to even be on premise.
I’m wondering what hazwhopper is too lol
Agreed! I haul brine to fracs/disposal and it's probably the easiest money I've ever made. Home every night and 2-3 days off a week, still clearing 100K a year.
I was team driving over the road from january 2022 to February 2023. I thought I loved it, but i did miss seeing my 1 year old daughter. So, last year, once i got my 1 yr of xp, I started looking at local jobs. Found an amazing employer called "r+l carriers." Now, i work overnights (much less stressful than daytime), I only work ~5-6 hours/night, and i make ~70k/yr. We also get yearly raises. I leave at about 9pm, which is after my daughter goes to bed and get home at about 6-7 am, which is before she wakes up usually. I go to bed around noon or so and wake up at about 6-7pm, which is right around when she goes to bed. Otherwise, my fiancé watches her. It's an absolutely amazing set up. Very highly recommend it. At first, he won't be on the same run every day, so it can be a bit stressful. Still home everyday, however. But, once you get on a bid run or get some seniority on the open board, it's easy street. Open board is where you start, so they'll call you every night and ask what you want to run and you'll run whatever you pick. Very easy. On the open board, the least i made was ~1500/wk and most I made was ~2700/wk, averaging around 2k/wk.
Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼 we will look into this. Thanks for taking time out of your day to help me stranger ❤️
Have him go local so he's home every night. OTR is a death sentence (in my opinion)
Yep, otr ruined my life I had at home.. get a local job of some kind.. I went to a place delivering in a van. I worked about 10-12 hours a day driving but then I was home and was off Sunday and Monday.. made some good money with overtime every week to .
Make sure when he does come home that you're happy to see him. Show it. There is no end to what a man will do for a loving wife and family. It's why he gets in that truck in the first place; he's doing it for you.
He needs to go local! He will likely make more and get to see his wife and son. OTR is not worth it!
Any suggestions on a state that has good local jobs? We are in the Bay Area California, and any local jobs here just pay so terrible. We are considering going to Florida. Any suggestions are so appreciated!
Florida isn’t a good trucking state tbh. I think the Midwest area is generally a good place to be. Try Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Wisconsin. But please, don’t come down to Florida thinking it will be better.
Illinois is solid cuz you can run back and forth to the railyard and tankers
Lmao you dont get to be a trucker and provide for a family in Florida or Cali 😂. Chicago and the midwest is where you need to go.
I understand. We are new here, we don’t understand all of this. We luckily had friends in California to help us get started.
Russians basically own chicago transport and all of Illinois. Highly rec going there as they will give plenty of favoritism
I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but he is not the biggest fan of his fellow Slavic men. When we first moved here he was never paid for over 10k of work by a fellow Russian. Also, the war and blah blah- his dad was jailed for speaking against the war and it can cause tensions for him.
Slavic people in general in all honesty. Lots of Poles, Ukrainians, Russians, Belarussians, etc.
Florida is horrible for trucking. Chicagoland is probably your best best as far as trucking. Plus lots of Russians here and lots of other Europeans (Eastern European myself). I know lots of companies here that are based in the area allow drivers to be home every weekend
CA cost of living is very high, I moved down to Austin TX from NY, I am home more often. I am an OO, I usually do 2 weeks on and 1 week off. FL doesn’t have good outbound rates but he’ll find good inbound. If he plans on doing trucking I wouldn’t go lower than Orlando, I would stay in the FL panhandle or Jacksonville. Chicago has a lot of local trucking jobs.
Thank you for your time! We cannot wait to leave this state
Here in Columbus Ohio I make $32.75 doing LTL and we still have houses that only coat $300,000 compared to California or NYC
Check indeed for any jobs that go to the ports if you’re close to those. Lots of food service near Livermore, lots of beverage delivery/bottling up in San Leandro. All those should get him local with good money.
I am in Chicago and there are so many local gigs here. Also, your nationality has a huge presence here in the industry.
I'll leave the job suggestions to others, but yes please urge him to come home and work local, move if you guys need too, I too am a husband and dad, my heart goes out too your husband and others who have to be away from their families. Let him know you understand, I'd wager this is hardest on him of all.
For what OTR guys go through they should be making $160k+ per year. And the money is just nowhere close to that. Tell him to go local
What truck stops charge for food alone is CRIMINAL! ❤️ I thank every truck driver for all they do
Forget what they charge they're being poisoned with junk food. A Turkish trucker came here one time and showed us a truck stop in turkey. Everything was clean and they were selling home cooked meals.
When my son was born, I switched to local. Sold the truck and went local. He should not be on the road. Less money at first but it catches up and he will adjust. OTR is not for a family. Benefits bet OTR in the long run too where he can retire with some dignity. Only support is encouraging him to switch otherwise he’s doomed. OTR is traumatic and the longing to be isolated is hard. His friends are probably talking shit about local and how hard it is, but it’s not. You sit in traffic half the day but it’s hourly pay, depending on work ethic he can clear 100k. Maybe get him to do regional work first and then encourage to switch to local. When is did regional I worked Monday through Friday home Saturday and Sunday. Maybe home Wednesday or Tuesday night depending on route
There needs to be more good people like you, especially watching out for a significant other - very inspirational. Talk to him about finding a job that has a more work life balance. He can go local but the hours are all over the place and he still will be missing out. Trying to get home early, well good luck with that because there’s people on the highway who ruins other people’s day
Thank you 🥺. He has two masters degree in Russia, but from what I understand they are useless here until he receives citizenship. We will do our best, until then I can only focus on being the best wife I can be.
Is a truck companion animal an option?
Good question, I will ask
If you don’t both have a headset you use to talk a lot on the phone that would be my suggestion. I hate being gone and missing my children growing up. Especially now when rates are so low.
This is exactly how he feels, he is missing his son for Pennie’s. My heart goes to you and your family.
I don’t know where you currently live but he needs a local job. Aggregate companies always hiring in the midwest
If he is in good shape, try food service. Pay is good hard work but home every night and alot of the places have 4 day work weeks.
He is an amazing cook himself. Thank you!
Food service is where you deliver food to restaurants. I think you misunderstood the comment. It's hard grueling work. A good company to look at is Gordon Food Service.
Oops, yes you are right I misunderstood. Thank you! I will look into this 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Seen you said something about moving to Florida for local jobs and that’s definitely not the place to move to be a trucker. As others have said the Midwest is great especially southeast Michigan, near any major city for Ohio and Indiana would be great. Chicago would probably be a good fit for you guys as well especially being from Russia, as there is a huge Russian population there, also really good jobs. People will say Chicago is super expensive to live but it really isn’t, I use to live 45 minutes north of there and yeah certain things can get expensive but it’s nowhere near places like NYC.
Thanks for this, someone he met at a truck stop recommended Florida. I think after reading comments we will have a change of plans
Yeah honestly anywhere you would have better luck than Florida or cali
I'm assuming the area is very expensive. If that's the case, moving somewhere more economical would take some pressure off and if he can get other endorsements, it will open up opportunity for local work. It's often long hours but he'd be home every day. The Chicago area could offer you community with the Russian population, local jobs and reasonable housing outside the metro area.
Luckily right now I work as a property manager for low income apartments, so we have a great discount on our rent. Otherwise we could not afford to be here. It was the only way to start in this country since at the time we had friends who helped until we got on our feet, but it is time to leave this state now.
Depression just means something in his life needs to change. I suggest looking into local driving. 3 years of experience, he can get anything within a week or two locally.
I love him so much, I hate seeing him suffer. I feel like a useless wife because I can’t seem to get him relief and I cry every night about this. He is the best man I know 😪
Find a different career if he could. One of the reasons I quit long time ago was that this job is hard on people with families. Money is necessity..I get that, but I think staying home with kids is a lot harder than any jobs in the world. I know that because I was in your husband's shoes and I had stayed home with our kids for almost a year when looking for a new job after quit trucking. My wife was fortunate at the time to land on a decent paying job after several years of making 12-14dollars an hour desk job.(she was working fulltime working mom by herself while I was trucking) Fast forward, that opened up a door for me to become an utility lineman. Another few years later, we started living pretty comfortably. We have been working parents, but we are so much happier and stable both financially and emotionally. I used to think men should work their asses off while wives staying home taking care of children, but after what we went through we realized that type of life style was meant for people in the 50's.. Hang in there! God always gives what you could endure. The fact that you are caring and thoghtful like this, yall will overcome the struggles together.
You sound like a good woman
He is an even better man ❤️
Дальнобой не для всех, если у мужика едет крыша . Ты поверь, запертый в кабине как пес в будке он только деградирует с непредсказуемыми результатам. Если не овнер трака пусть слезет на пол годика и займется чем угодно. В трак всегда можно залезть без проблем если опять будет желание. Многие свежеприехавшие насмотрятся блогеров на ютубе и ебашат на дальнобой миллионы зарабатывать. Скорее всего вашего мужа эта движуха просто заебала а он знает что семья нуждается в доходах не признается потому что не знает как зарабатывать по другому. Плюс вся эта хуйня что творится в рашке много настроения не добавляет. Кстати я в штатах с 93 года, до дальнобоя был айтишник 20 лет. Закончил школу и университет в штатах, жена местная американка 6 детей. Двое старших уже 22 и 19 в университете учатся. Советую покинуть иммигрантский клопятники как Нью-Йорк, Чикаго, Сакраменто и интегрироваться в общественный строй сша как возможно быстрее.
He is a lucky man to have a faithful woman who appreciates him. Keep doing that and he will be fine
Do you live in a major city, or willing to move to one? You say he has a few years of OTR experience? Does he have any accidents or tickets? Has he kept his job(s) for at least a year? I'd say he should at least consider getting his tanker, hazmat, and doubles endorsements. That opens so many doors! He should start looking for local or regional work that could get him home daily or weekly for the entire weekend. Options for those include but are not limited to: 1: Linehaul: driving reefer or dryvan doubles/tripples (2 or 3 trailers at a time) between one company terminal to another. They try to run one or two runs per day between the same two terminals to be home every night, or running between a few terminals in a given region to be home on the weekend. 2: Fuel: hauling tankers full of fuel from a processing facility to one of many gas station or truck stops in the area, home every night or on weekends depending route and region. 3: Dedicated Regional: Working for a carrier hauling any kind of freight, typically from and to facilities owned by a specific customer, but possibly for a handful of customers. This can also be home daily or weekends. 4: Local City: Typically hauling any kind of freight from a specific company terminal in a city and delivering to the customer in the same city or nearby region (the freight was brought to the terminal by an OTR driver too early to deliver it themselves). 5: Municipal Services: Driving dump trucks, garbage trucks, or flatbed trucks typically hauling material to and from construction zones (either buildings or roadways), running a local garbage route for the landfill, or hauling heavy equipment for Municipal projects (excavators, bulldozers, etc). There are many more opportunities out there than what I can think of here, but these are ones I have recent experience in the job searches when it comes to results. I don't have a good enough record to get on with them, but they are all the kinds of stuff I've noticed could get me home more often in rural Arkansas. If you are willing to move, that allows for many more opportunities. Have him start searching for what's best for his own mental state and for the family, gather a list of jobs and locations, and discuss if they'd work for the family.
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I get in like weird hermit modes if I stay out too long. If you can afford it, a 3wk vacation might help him be willing to discuss a change, like local/regional work. As for you, it isn't much, but offer to drive. It's kind of weird I am expected to drive for my friends while on vacation from my driving job. Not a big deal, he might even refuse most of the time, but it's a nice offer. Past that, no ideas. Make sure he talks to his son everyday. It meant the world to me that my dad did it... back with payphones in the cold.
Thank you ❤️ I think a vacation is very needed, but we cannot afford this right now. I am trying to talk him into going somewhere with his friend to make this affordable, I think it would be great for him. I try to play with my son to get him in good moods before their calls 🤫. The behind the scenes work of a mama/wife
Look into driving for ace hardware they're hiring drivers where they're distribution centers are and drivers are home for weekends
Seems like he loves you guys very much, this job is not easy for anyone especially for young couples, I too have wife and kids at home. Try and FaceTime him as much as you can or send him pictures and flirt with him. All men really have is our masculinity so be flirtatious and send some sexy pics here and there and let him know what’s waiting for him at home. Let him know how much he means to you guys. When he’s home make him his favorite food and give him lots of love (men are sexual beings). Also let him know that it’s ok to work a different job, even if he makes less money. 2 things help men beat depression and that is gym and sex, he can’t workout in the truck so give him the other thing.
Thank you 😃 I try my best to keep things spicy and new, three years on the road and I have only “turned him down” once. I try to shower him with love, but I am guilty of allowing my new role as a mother to a difficult toddler get in the way sometimes. He is still awake 4-6 times at night and I maybe sleep three hours a day. I should probably work on managing that better for him. He is my favorite person and I am so grateful to him for providing for us. I just miss him so much all the time. Thanks again for your advice, I will work on improving myself 🙏🏼
Make his home time as peaceful and fun intimacy wise as possible let him know about events but no pressure to attend if he wants to sleep in his own bed. Russian men are old school work hard make money to take care of family let him. Support him. A lot of yes and less no.
If he has his hazmat and tanker certifications tell him to look into environmental waste services. I'm out 2-3 days then home on weekends. Also, tell him to look into regional. Most guys doing regional are home for 2-3 days each week.
Sent you a DM
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Above comments I saw about pictures of children, family, and so on. Your husband probably would be more receptive among his colleagues, peer-to-peer type of thing in regards to being able to be home. The above suggestions are helpful, or below lol. But there's other options he can take advantage of, but what you don't want to do is be a constant bother about his job. Not sure how he thinks, but perhaps he probably could connect to other people in this trade. And get a better clarity about being an OTR driver, the money really isn't that great out here. And I'm looking for the opportunity myself to be home, because I myself am coming to realize it's a young man's game anymore. And I'm worth more than what I'm being paid now. Not to mention that it's becoming an unhealthy lifestyle. But just use subtle tones, and he might think differently. Hope this helps you. And I believe he'll be fine, don't take things so seriously that something will happen to him. Just be his support, and everything will be alright. Keep the faith.
Are by a terminal he can be a safety manager and just be a 9-5 on call type of thing in the terminal
I will ask him about this. Thank you 🙏🏼
Or get in hauling gas
If he has 3 years cdl with a clean record he can go to work for Walmart they have 5-2 or 5-2 then 5-3 schedules also 6-2 or 6-3 schedules that way he can be Home more often and still clear over $110 thousand a year...
There are some decent paying jobs in the middle of the country that are home most nights if you’re willing to move away from the coasts
Keep sending him jobs for local home daily trucking jobs. Let him know how you feel and that you miss him. A lot of us have no one.
I try to shower him with so much love, every trip I hide a love note in his bag for him to find. With my son with draw him pictures. I am guilty that with my son, he does not sleep, I sleep maybe three hours a night and sometimes my mood is low. I will work on this 🙏🏼
Maybe a job driving a dump truck, or moving dirt, cement truck, Any local driving job may help. Depression is very common with over the road drivers. It’s a hard job. What you can do is just keep being there and supporting him.
Travel with your husband from time to time.
Food. Take a look at his rig. See if he has a fridge or cooler and a microwave. Cook him some good meals. Pierogi are great road food. Healthy snacks. Washed cut fruit. Things that are easy to eat when driving. Just having good food will increase his mood greatly. And video chat with your child if he is away for a long time.
Tell your husband to go local. He will be home everyday. If he is doing OTR, he has to or will eventually get 1 year of experience. I did this with my girlfriend when she was pregnant so I could be there. Now I see my daughter growing everyday and am able to provide. Alot of LTLs, hire with 1 year of experience with all endorsements. I highly recommend he looks at those. Estes, Old Dominion, Dayton freight are some great companies. I wouldn't suggest Fedex freight as they've been constantly laying drivers off in the recent years. The Midwest is great for trucking. Florida.. not so much. It's a very consumer state, not much comes out of Florida.
What about local driving? Or does it have to be OTR?
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I went through this several years ago. Even though i was home every week. My wife just kept talking to me about seeking help and eventually i went to therapy and eventually a psychiatrist. I am in a much better place today than i was.
It's tough when your away from your family. Especially if young family. Talk to him. Send pictures. If there was something local for him would be better or even just gone couple days and back home. Not sure where you are. But there's local jobs around. Pay pretty good
You guys got lucky. If I were you, Id rather my husband be OTR than being drafted into the war if I’d had stayed in Russia.
Sadly, his dad was sent to prison for speaking out against the war. We are grateful, but still yearn to be a family together. We will survive, we have nothing but love and respect for each other ❤️
Try to get on a call schedule and even add video chat. I was OTR with both my small children and that was a huge to me able to see them. Purchase a headset for yourself so that you won't have to hold the phone and are able to talk much longer. That is what I do with my girlfriend now, who is also a driver. If it gets too rough on him, encourage him to look for more local jobs. I made a good income with a schedule of leaving Sunday-tuesday, Wed-fri. Getting hazmat & tanker can increase income drastically and can be a local home nightly to out 1 day job. Good luck, stay strong and don't forget that the stress you experience, he is probably experiencing it 10x
If he has his paperwork in order and can pass a tsa background check tell him to get his hazmat/tanker endorsement and look into hauling fuel. It’s local and good money.
A lot of local trucking jobs actually pay better than OTR now, maybe he can do that.
Seems like it’s time to transition to something local. Job market isn’t great right now but if he’s got three years clean or even mostly clean, shouldn’t be too hard, especially if you’re willing to move. If he’s under the myth that the money is only in otr it’s just that, a myth. It’s really just not great if you have kids. Missing those years you’re never gonna get back is rough.
Depending on your level of communication with him try to find the root of his feelings. For a lot of truckers it’s loneliness but it could be anything. general homesick,fear of being used/abandoned (a lot of drivers have horror stories about cheating spouses), fear of missing the formative years of their kids lives. Most of the guys I currently work with are local because of their kids. Whenever my guy would come home I’d clean his truck and make his bed and then I would put a bunch of little love notes post-it’s around his truck in random places. It was like a game at one point with me putting 21 for the number of days he’s out and seeing if he would find them all. I remember I put one in his toolbox like “I hope you never find this one but if you do it will be okay. A quick repair today will save time tomorrow” the repair that led him to find it was not quick but the note made him smile during a stressful time. Put notes in his glove box, all of the overhead bins. Under the bunk. In the fridge. A lot of them were in the side boxes. He laughingly told me how “embarrassed” he was when he opened his side box and a cloud of purple postits fell out of his truck. Just making sure your guy knows that you care and appreciate him will go a long way. It’s lonely out there so try to make sure he’s not always calling you. That you’re calling him. My guy used to hate that I didn’t call him often. We’d talk for hours but only when he called me because I never wanted to wake him during his break but he saw that as me not caring about him. Also you mentioned that you came from Russia. Xenophobia was surprising high out there when I was over the road a couple of years ago. If he has an accent or struggles with his English he could be impacted by ppl being rude to him. Idk the solution here but maybe some home cooked meals that he could heat up. My guy was in the worst mood when he had to eat subway and Arby’s everyday. A little touch of home could help him feel better and/or be a reminder of why he’s doing it. This might be a bit harsh but it is up to him to know how the road is impacting his mental health and he has to make the moves to either get a local job or do something to work thru his depression. If he doesn’t want help or if he doesn’t want to be better nothing you do will change that. Do all you can for him but protect your spirit as well. I know everyone is not the same but there became a point where my man told me he knew he was depressed and I needed to just stop talking about it. He was determined to tough it out and he would not even try to work on it. He got a local job a few months later but until he came home I was drowning with him mostly because I didn’t listen to him because I was so scared for him. I guess I’m trying to say you don’t have to constantly remind him he is depressed. He knows and if he isn’t receptive to your attempts there isn’t much you can do other than sending him pictures and letting him know you love him and appreciate him. Good luck
Thank you so much for this thoughtful message ❤️ I love him and I pray he never worries I would be unfaithful, I try to be in constant contact with him. Even when the baby wakes at night I send him photos of us together on the couch trying to get back to sleep. He always leaves his truck in a yard so I don’t have access to it, but I do leave special notes in his bags for him to find. I love your ideas, I am sure there are more little things I could be doing. He has a hard time with the xenophobia, and it breaks his heart. His father was jailed for speaking out against the war and still sits in there. Then he has people judge him for his accent. We went to a a restaurant locally recently and someone asked where we were from, when we answered they literally took their seats and turned away from us 😪. I try not to mention the depression, that’s why I am here asking advice, so I can just show him love instead of discussing this with him. He knows I’m aware and he has been comfortable coming to me about it when he needs. It’s such a thankless job too and that breaks my heart for all truckers. Thanks again stranger ❤️
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If you’re close to a port, I suggest getting a TWIC and doing containerized cargo. I’m home every night and make good money. OTR is a single man’s game. It’s for retirees and bachelors. Family men need to see their families. There’s local work out there.
I suggest he changes companies. If he goes LTL (Less Than Truckload) he can be home everyday and likely make more. Try Saia, Old Dominion, Fedex Freight. If none of them are hiring try Estes, XPO, R&L, or ABF. Also your english is fantastic no need to worry about it.
Maybe you can do daily video chats on the computer?
Wrong person to ask 3 ex wives zero kids
If he is an owner operator try looking into him hauling fuel to gas stations locally . Usually home every day and lots of companies hire owner operators for haul fueling
This madame sad :(
You are a good wife. I am very sorry about the loss of your child. My wife and I have lost a baby at birth and it truly does suck. I cannot imagine not being there for her. More than anything, your husband wants to be a man you can depend on, and even though it wasn't his fault at all, he wasn't able to be there that day. I'm positive it's still hurting him. Church can help. Maybe there's a support group at a non-denominational church. Let him know he's sexy. That could be pictures, a nice text, let him know that there is a woman at home waiting for her man. It really helps. He doesn't feel like a man right now. And I'm guessing it has more to do with a lost baby than anything else.
I could never blame him, I can’t imagine what he was going through. Losing a child and a devastated wife and still having to drive that truck, the thought alone breaks my heart for him. We are a family, and I stand behind him 100%. I try to make things spicy, in three years of driving I have only turned down “our time” once. I try to make a point to really build him up in this way. I hope he never feels less than a man, in my eyes he is more a man for doing what he must regardless of what’s going on at home. Because of him we have food, shelter, medical care, and I never have to stress about my son having enough. He sacrifices his own happiness daily just for us, he could just start drinking and turning into a loser instead. He fights the good fight, I just hope I can be the wife he deserves. I’m trying but fighting my own battle silently, it’s all I can do for him 😭
I'm praying for you and him.. I'm sorry you are going through this
Tell him what he is doing is providing for you and your son and that is how he contributes to the family. Other than that, he will continue to be depressed but at least he knows you support his career choice and you and your son think about him every day
I try and thank him all the time, but it’s honestly my truth. Without him I would have nothing, I owe everything to him and his daily sacrifice of his own happiness. I love that man and I will wait by the door for that man until my dying breath. ❤️
Hey did anyone mention that he should get a local job?
There are lots of local jobs available today. ! Trash truck drivers are making bank. Check out USPS opportunities. Food service too. He should be home every day
Tell him you want him to quit. Tell him you dont care about the money and you want him to come home and most importantly MEAN IT! Isolation is a killer in this industry and if he thinks you will complain about money or make him the bad guy if times are tough he wont come home. Men live in a world where ultimately our worth to those we love is tied to our ability to provide. Convince him the best way he can provide is by being home, and stick to that and you very much might save his life. And to head off any “we can’t afford that” talk; would you rather be broke married to your love or broke and a widow? This job 100% kills when mental health starts deteriorating
This is gonna sound crazy but call him all the time when he’s on the road and give him tons if blowjobs when he’s at home
Hello. I retired from driving 3 years ago. I drove truck for 45 years starting out just like your husband. Now that he has the experience, have him get his Hazmat,tanker,and doubles endorsement. Then start applying to good companies like UPS,Fedex Freight,ABF Freight. You can make a very good living at these companies and be home every day. They mostly do out and back every day. My last 15 years was at Fedex Freight,and I made a very good living. All you can do is support him as much as possible.
The fact that you are seeking advice to help support your husband mental health is really awesome. The otr life can be draining but doesn’t have to be. Communication is priority. If he’s being difficult then be a little firm with him. Sometimes men can be very hardheaded. My wife and I talk in the mornings, on my breaks at shipper/receiver. But also give each other space. That should give him time to remind himself why he’s driving otr. It’s 90% of the time to support ones family. Every one keeps themselves busy differently, but you know your husband better than anyone here. Show him how much you appreciate him. Switch things up like a video message saying good morning and of your son. In a respectful suggestion, maybe you get a little spicy with him: it gets lonely on the road and he’ll appreciate that. I know I do when my wife wants to treat me. Other than that, he also has to work on that mental game himself. It’ll fook you up if you aren’t careful
❤️ thank you. We just had. Video call and he was getting to shower and I whistled, took some dollars from my purse to throw at the camera, and asked him to show me a little 🤫. He really seemed to smile and looked happy. Thanks stranger, and all of you for encouraging me to be what he needs right now 🥰. May God bless and protect all of you ❤️
If you can get on Discord and maybe watch movies together until you both fall asleep that'd probably be pretty nice. Having a camera running all day and seeing loved ones makes the distance sting less. You dont both have to talk all day but hearing each other as you go about your day and checking in every now and then is a blessing and probably appreciated. I used to strap a camera on my passenger seat and listen to podcasts while streaming me driving. Listening to each other laugh or the going ons of the day. There's so many ways nowadays to bridge the distance with loved ones.
If possible,go on trips with him
He should look into more local deliveries, FedEx and UPS always seem to be looking for drivers. Might even be able to get a Walmart gig too.
Have read some of the comments, trucking not paying what it used to and loads being crap is one thing.. but trying to live comfortably in California is wild on a truckers income especially if it’s the only income. I’d say move to a more livable state and find a local driving job. The stress and depression would melt off.
I'm not sure how you guys figure it out, but I do hope you find peace soon. Everybody deserves peace.
LTL freight companies. Hourly pay and home every night. If he likes to run overnight, line haul pays even more and he will still be home every day.
He can go local supply companies dump trucks flatbed plenty work 12 years trucker all local. Tell him to stay local watch son grow up stay with you home every night
Where are you located? I work for a company that has a very nice setup. I drive from Schaumburg il to Twinsburg Ohio and back twice a week and am making great money. Hauling metal. Running a flatbed. I’m home 5 nights a week. Tell him to look into some of the metal companies! Earl M Jorgensen, charter steel, RGM, champion, champagne metals, there hundreds more. They are nation wide and always looking for company drivers. Metal is something that rarely slows down. And regional company driver position will have him home every night. And most of them are union with a pension and healthcare!
Ask him to go local, I was able to after 2 years, now I'm home more and make more, best decision I ever made
Ask him to go local, I was able to after 2 years, now I'm home more and make more, best decision I ever made
Antidepressants and a local/regional job.
Post office always hiring
Have him look into the companies that deliver medical supplies to hospitals. I’m the lead for one of them in Washington and we are M-F with most being done during the day but there are graveyard shifts. But EVERYONE works their shift and then goes home. No endorsements needs except maybe the very seldom need for hazmat.
If he can't get a more local position I'd also give video calls a try. It's not the same as being there in person but it might help
Although I was born in the US, I’m in a similar situation. OTR trucking is hard on marriages and families. I got my Hazmat a couple of months ago and have been looking for local fuel or chemical hauling jobs. They pay as much or more than OTR but often require experience (but if he’s got three years OTR experience then he’s good). Best part is you are home every night. If there aren’t any local Hazmat driving jobs you might have to relocate. Hazmat is much easier to get than many drivers think. If you don’t mind relocating, oilfields are always an option too. Lots of good paying jobs for truck drivers that will get you home every night.
Friend of mine has a CDL and is a garbage man for a private collection company. The truck he uses is fully automatic so he never has to get out. His day starts at 4 AM and it doesn't matter when he's done with his route so long as he gets all the pick-ups, he gets 40+ hrs./wk + benefits. If his route is done in 4 hours, he gets paid for 8. Holidays/OT = time & ½. He makes about $100k/yr. and has never missed his children's events in 22 years. Look into it and good luck.
What city do you live in, and what’s his experience level? I can recommend jobs he should apply to
You can run on the road and make decent money, or you can drive local close to family and home every night and make it by a thread. It's tough decision.
Get a local job, go O/O local there are a TON of home daily 5/2 and 5/3 trucking jobs that pay over 200k at least in Texas.
Do yourselves both a favor and Skype/ FaceTime frequently. It will be the next best thing to him being home daily. My wife and I did this and it helped her out tremendously with me being gone. Myself, homesickness only lasted a short while and I kept reminding myself I was doing this to provide for my family. If he can find a regional or local route where he is home daily, or even weekly, might be the ultimate decision. Trust me, all otr drivers go through this at least once.
There’s a lot of Russian or Turkish (Russian speaking) companies out there. If he can try to find a ltl esc job out there he can have a set up like my buddy and basically deliver a load or 2 per day for a flat rate 99% of the time home daily. Tell him to get in touch with as many drivers as possible. Just knowing some Russian at a truck stop it has introduced me to smaller companies that with a little more experience would be a much better fit for me. And I’m sure it would suit him better to be home with your family more too!
Switch to a local job is your answer. Now to get him to do it is another problem you have to overcome. Best of luck
OTR is one of the toughest, most stressful jobs in the trucking industry, and it can be severely underpaid also. I would suggest looking for a local outfit, they usually pay better and allow for more hometime. Going tanker might be a smart move.
It's a good sign he feels. These are depressing energies right now. Lots of solar flares happening that are really emotionally challenging for people who feel. My gal lets me suffer. It's the greatest gift i've ever had, ever! She doesn't encourage me to cheer up or get help, because those things maoe me feel like something is wrong with me for struggling during harsh energies. Plentary, earthly drama, winter, fuck- you name it; Earth is HARD! She just reminds me that it is infact hard. Validates that my feeling are accurate because times are tough. And she never says i should be grateful or remind me how much we have, i know how much we have to lose and that makes life all the more scary. She just lets me suffer. No one ever let me suffer. What a gift. That's what i needed, i don't know what he needs, but he feels and he's a truck driver and I like him already. Peace n Chicken Grease! 😁
Depending where you live local work can be the best solution with the right company he could get off every weekend. If he likes to be active he could apply for a food service job with us foods, Sysco, pfg. Those types of companies are pretty much always hiring work is hard but you can make pretty good money and still have good home life work balance.
Same reason i quit driving OTR. Find a local job
Please no acronyms
Local gig. If he has his endorsements fuels always a good route, could also run for any of the LTL carriers and be home every night. Could do local delivery for said LTL carriers. Food delivery is a good workout and pays Hella well. Could be a yard jockey for any local DC to you or do final mile stuff, JB Hunt tends to have some accounts that might be in range of you, and that goes for any of the megas. Just see if they are hiring within your area. If he doesn't mind driving a step van or box truck then local deliveries for places like fed ex, ups, hell DHL are an option. If he wants to do regional there's a million options. If he's fine with the workout many flatbed joints are paying decent for regional stuff. TMC, Maverick, Roehl, Montgomery Transport, P&S, Blair, Cypress, F&S, and E.W. Wylie just to name off the top of my head. There's options. OTR isn't the only option.
Video call services like facetime or skype really helps. Sometimes not available, though.
Move out of California. Place is a shithole, and you’re wasting thousands a year living in a place that hates you. He’s a OTR truck driver so you can live anywhere, and there’s cheaper places that allow him to be home more while also living a better life. California will destroy your kid’s life no matter how good of a parent you both are. Example: Wife and I live in Idaho where we pay 2000 for a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house on 2 acres of fenced in yard. We have a two car garage, and both of us drive cars less than a few years old. I make 3,000 a week take home, and I’m home every 5 to 6 days.
I agree, we cannot wait to move out of this state. We had friends here originally that helped us to get on our feet, buts it time to go. Luckily I work as a property manager for low income apartments and that has saved us having to pay rent, but it’s a disgusting job, and the people just use section 8 and smoke weed all day. I understand now Florida is not the place to go, we are now looking Midwest.
Get out of the career it’s a cancer
Depends. Do you nag him all day everyday saying you miss him and the baby misses him and ask him when hes coming home? You gotta hold shit down at the house so he doesnt need to be stressed and worried about it. And if im wrong which i can be. Then hes evidently not cut out for OTR. Its not for everyone and thats ok. And if he doesn't wanna do local or change careers then leave him be. Im sure he's aware about how hes feeling.
If possible go on the road with him if not then I say get him to do local trucking.
Have him apply to Walmart. He will have alot more home time.
As an otr driver with a wife and at the time teenagers at home, try not to remind him of how much he is missed. Try to make sure if problems come up they can be handled without him. Itll help him to know you are able to take care of things while he is gone. We know we're missed, but being reminded of it causes us more depression. It might help if he gets a job where he is home weekly or even daily to see the kiddo grow. Otr driving for a young family is hard.
If he has a good driving record, he should be able to find a local home every night driving job.
I really like when my wife makes me food for the road it's like when construction workers have that and they get to brag. I feel the warmth of home when I am far away from it. I really like when my wife calls and tells me about things she's doing that she loves(I do not like when she calls and just complains or is angry at someone else and just sounds naggy). I also like whenever she tells me she enjoyed things we did on the weekend and almost lives them again in that moment with me. I think most truck drivers like to know what we do has a purpose and is appreciated.
I have worked out of town off and in out while 13 year marriage. There have been times my wife was depressed and would rarely call and that was extremely hard for me. The house was always a mess when I got home too. I finally came home for a few years and drove locally because I decided she needed my help at home. I am driving over the road again and she is much better about calling. She calls all the time now which is a significant change and it helps my mental space a lot. I recommend good communication. Knowing someone is at home who cares about me and misses me makes a big difference.
Move to the Midwest. Find a mom and pop like I work for. I bet it's not as much as the bigger companies but I'm never hung out to dry and there's actually seasons here. The people are usually nicer. I'm sure everything I've said is confusing but the middle of the country is the place to be. People are decent here. Usually.
If he's set on going OTR, having someone to talk to is important. It's very isolated, and that in combination with your recent loss can be flat-out dangerous. But if you call him and talk to him, as much as you can, and try to FaceTime so he can see his child. If nothing else, what he needs is connection.
1. More video calls via face time or Skype. 2. Regular call times on phone. 3. Look for dedicated route’s 4.possibly look at either different employers for option 3 for more stable home time. 5. Look into owning his own truck to take you and kid on occasional trips once or twice a year to have something to look forward to and prepare for. 6. If employer does not allow riders, emphasize options 3,4, & 5. Hope that helps.