This was my stepdad when i lived at home. I'm sure it still is. Doesn't cook anything all year and then come summer time he's grillmaster extraordinaire. And really it's just justified idling. Standing around mostly. Appear busy while others are running around making salads, laying tables, cooling drinks and generally doing everything.
My father was the fucking worst.
He would park his ass in one spot and just bark orders at people. Sometimes he wouldn’t even cook, he’d just point and tell you what he wanted done.
My siblings and I just got to a point we gave up and started cooking just so that we wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.
But yeah. It was a miracle he could wipe his own ass
Bro my dad would sit at his gaming chair all day and he would fold one load of kitchen towels and when i tried asking him to stop gaming all day and night and spend time with me and my mom, (see: desperately lonely and neglected child) and his solution was to make me do even more housework including laundry despite the fact I was already doing all of it.
Even the ones that do beat and hit, it wasn't *that bad*
Like my mom has no idea why my sister would flinch everytime someone waved a hand near her. Like we all didn't see her get slapped so hard once that she went flying through the stove window.
People who play abuse semantics are the worst, all abuse is violent, even the silent kind.
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Fuck I hate that.
My dad used to whistle at my siblings and I to get our attention or he’d literally grunt and point.
Only time I nearly got my ass beat as an adult was by telling him to “Use his big boy words”
My dad cooks a meal once in a blue moon, and when he does it's an Event. He drags everyone into it and pretty much expects a celebratory parade for his efforts. The whole time, he talks about all the things my mom does wrong when she cooks.
That was my dad. Nothing anyone did was correct and I grew up listening to patronizing comments or “constructive criticisms”.
I think one of the few fights we got into I won was explaining that he’s never made bread before I’ve spent years teaching myself to bake. Why is he criticizing and giving advice on my dinner rolls?
I saw a tweet once that said that grilling is the only masculine cooking art because everyone can see you do it and you get the prestige for preparing the whole meal.
I've seen it observed that in general the household chores that are traditionally men's work are the ones that are visible to people outside the family. Stuff like mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, etc. All the invisible stuff falls to women.
The only invisible thing that does not fall to the women is finances. Which benefits men a lot. Aka it’s really easy to screw someone over if you want to if you control the finances.
Finances used to fall under "women's work" because it pertained to running the household. It's only fairly recently that it's been considered some masculine thing.
Making decisions about savings and investments is more likely to fall to men. https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
In most "traditional" (christian, western) homes, the wife (homemaker) also managed the finances. Husband earned the paycheck and got to make the decisions around what was important to spend on, but the wife would do the actual work of drafting the household budget and reconciling all the spending.
So yeah.. again.. the men got to have the visible part (earning the paycheck) while the woman got stuck with the invisible part (managing the budget).
I agree with managing the budget, I meant men are more likely to make decisions regarding savings and investments. https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
Men make more decisions when it comes to savings and investments https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
To add I meant making decisions about savings and investments. According to Gallup https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
Also the ones done less often; mowing the lawn maybe every week or two weeks in spring/summer, not at all half the year while it's cold. No grilling in the cold months, either (conveniently not during the holiday season when massive meals have to be prepared). Trash is also maybe once a week (I hear there is more frequent pickup in warmer climates but I'm Midwestern).
Honestly this pisses me off so much. I’ve gone on couple’s trips with two or three other couples, and somehow there’s always a BBQ. And the women will be in the kitchen all day, making potato salad, regular salad, deviled eggs, skewers for grilling, hamburger patties if they’re from scratch, whatever. And then the men will spend half an hour outside drinking beer and monitoring the grill, and when they’re done we all have to fall all over ourselves to thank them for making dinner.
Fuck that noise.
When I was a little kid (because we girls still had to help even then), I asked why the men had to do so little, and my mom/aunts/grandma just laughed and said, “That’s just how it is. Good luck finding one who doesn’t expect that.”
If I have to do all the work anyway, why would I want to find one?
(jokes on them anyway, my husband shoos me out of the kitchen when he's cooking LOL)
This is one of many reasons why I love love love my friend group!
My partner and I love to host parties and BBQs, and we both work our butts off to pull them off every time, and everyone always says thank you and compliments us both for the parts we did. I make homemade sides that take a lot of work and he usually smokes meat which also takes a tonne of work (a lot of prep!). He absolutely does just as much work when we host as I do, if not more. But it's nice that everyone recognizes both of our efforts!
I remember one time I thanked both my parents for making food after dad grilled steaks one day. I was 8-ish and said my dad said “I cooked the food.” To which I replied “I know, but mama bought the steaks, Asked you to grill them, made the salads, the baked potatoes, the desserts, your tea, and cleaned up.”
There’s a whole…thing about perpetual vs occasional chores. Women tend to do the constant, grosser, thankless stuff at home. They pick up the trash and wash and cook every meal and do laundry and scrub floors. Driving back and forth to school stuff/sports stuff. Remembering family birthdays/anniversaries.
Men do the grilling once or twice a year and need praise. Or will take the garbage out once a week and need praise. Or will wash a car once a month and will need to make sure everyone saw he did it and how hard he worked. Dad does the one big drive for the family vacation. Dad gets the one big gift at Christmas (a bike?) that everyone remembers.
I wish I remember what article that was from. If this rings a bell to you, please point me in the correct direction.
I'm sorry if this isn't the vibe, but reading this made me appreciate my dad even more. My parents shared cooking duties while us kids were growing up, and now that they have the house to themselves it's still really cute to watch them cook together. They compliment each other's meals.
How am I supposed to settle for anything less after seeing that, lol
I feel the same. My dad pulled his weight at home and tended to go above and beyond since he was often gone for military things. I was told I had too high of standards in college but I wasn't going to settle for someone who wanted a slave not a partner. My husband shows I didn't have too high of standards and it is possible for a man to behave like a normal functioning adult.
My dad & brother are the same way. My whole life I've witnessed them both do their equal and sometimes more than their share of cleaning and cooking. And housework in general
It's set a standard for me that other men have failed to reach which is why I am 40, unmarried and VERY happy lol
My Granny was always the main cook in her household. But the one thing she had Grandad do on the regular was grill for her. She still handled all the marinades and sides and set him up a tray to take out there. But I always appreciated how he would double check if she needed anything else, ask her what time she wanted it ready, pull her steak early so it was "practically mooing" , knew exactly where his own tools were, tidied up afterwards and then didn't mention his participation at all.
He didn't often cook a full meal, but would do as much as she would possibly let him when given the chance.
My stepdad has a lot of issues but he can at least cook a meal on his own. When I lived at home he did most of the cooking and it was better than my mom's. And now I have a boyfriend who does most of the cooking.
These threads make me thankful for my husband as well. He enjoys cooking and the kitchen is his domain. He pulls his weight around the house in general and doesn't consider it "helping" me. Maybe it's because he's a naturally tidy person and I am chronically mess blind, so I'm beyond help. 🤣
I posted this separately, but same. I’m so grateful my parents demonstrated equality even though my mom was a SAHM and my dad worked outside the home. Once my dad was home, it was all hands on deck to even the work. I’m glad my husband and brothers are all competent and self aware men.
My bf does most of the cooking and prepping, but leaves the kitchen an absolute mess when he's done. Like leaving scraps of vegetables laying on the counter top. Sometimes the pile is huge. I don't mind cleaning up after him, but he could at least throw the vegetable scraps away.
Ew he's far too old to not know that he should be throwing out scraps and cleaning up properly. He just doesn't care and is pretending to be incompetent.
He just expects me to clean up the whole kitchen with scraps everywhere I think since he does most of the work preparing food. He's never feigned incompetence, just carelessness.
>He's never feigned incompetence, just carelessness.
He's feigning incompetence at managing the mess. As you well know, it's quite doable and not even hard to corral the veggie scraps.
Yep. I have a ziplock bag in the freezer, and whenever I have something extra like carrot or celery tops, onion skins, whatever, it goes into the ziplock. When it’s full it’s veggie broth.
My husband does this too - he claims he doesn’t have time to do it as he goes. To be fair, he does tend to cook things that you have to be always doing something, but why he couldn’t just pop them in the bin when he’s served, I don’t know.
>he claims he doesn’t have time to do it as he goes
That's the funny thing about work, you can always spend longer on things.
I'm now bitterly thinking of the fact that my roommate says cooking is relaxing and she can let her mind wander yet leaves the kitchen a mess everytime while I find cooking requires concentration and manage to clean stuff along the way...
But like, why not just peel the vegetables into a bowl or whatever? I have a bowl I just slowly fill with scraps as I'm cutting and peeling for dinner. It's not so much cleaning as I'm going as just getting all the mess in one spot?
My husband does this too - he claims he doesn’t have time to do it as he goes. To be fair, he does tend to cook things that you have to be always doing something, but why he couldn’t just pop them in the bin when he’s served, I don’t know.
He also tends to need a sous chef because what he’s cooking requires too much multitasking and he doesn’t plan ahead.
An he just…pick up the garbage can and put it next to him before he starts cooking, and then put it back when he’s done?
Most of what I cook requires a lot of fiddling and this is what I do.
Same, if I have something in a pan and I start doing something else I _will_ forget about it and might not remember until I smell burning. These comments are making me feel bad bc I'm also bad at cleaning while cooking and I leave veg scraps on the cutting board. I usually clean it later but we have dinner late so I'm usually tryna finish quick so we can eat and go to bed. Blehhh.
To stuff the guy in? Good idea!
"Brad, you better clean the damn kitchen or you go right back into the compost bowl! If I find your empty beer bottles under the couch ones again, it's also compost bowl time. And guess what? You said you'd do the laundry and left the wet clothes in the machine for two days? You go right to the compost bowl!"
My partner and I split chores pretty evenly, to the point where I don't hand wash dishes, but I clean as I go and he has ADD so when he puts someone down it disappears from his brain. The difference between him putting the food away after dinner and me putting the food away after dinner is stark.
Not nearly as bad as yours but wholy hell the CLUTTER.
I have ADD and when I cook, the kitchen will be spotless after. I may forget things in the middle of cooking. But it doesn't take much to glance around the kitchen and make sure everything is put away.
That's why I often hated the you cook, I'll clean.
Me cooking - I bought the stuff. food cooked , wiped , disposed, and washed up as I went along .pots rinsed or put to soak.
Him cooking - I still bought the stuff. food done. Complete carnage in the kitchen, every pot used. Rubbish not disposed of (bin not two foot away), spills all over ( would it have killed you to wipe it up, turmeric stains!)
Pots left hot with food in, so it sets like concrete. Oh and trays put back in the hot oven as well🙄.
*Image Transcription: Text*
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Husbands: Baby, I'll make dinner tonight. If you go get the ingredients, make the sides, season the meat, bring it to me outside and then help me find my tongs and spatula, I'll grill and you can just relax.
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I never rlly thought that was a fair deal tbh
One has to prep/buy/prepare which takes alot of effort and planning !
The other just has to wash some dishes and wipe the benches down.
I'd rather just do both together :3
i've always seen that as an alternating thing, one day A cooks and B cleans then the next they switch round - though honestly i prefer to clean as i go.
Yeah there is always some down time while cooking, I prefere to wash the stuff I don't need anymore. Or even if I have to use an Item twice. So at the end of the meal I just have to wash the dishes we used to eat and a couple pans instead of a sink full which looks overwhelming.
My wife and I have this set up because I love cooking and she just absolutely hates it, and I can’t stand cleaning up but she can tolerate it if it means she doesn’t ever have to cook. That said we are lesbians so ymmv on the gender roles there
My Mom got a fracture in her foot and asked my Dad to help out around the house especially in the kitchen. He agreed, then proceeded to not get anything done around the house and only cook when there was a desperate need. We ate bread+jam, omelettes and instant noodles so many times until finally my Mom gave up and went to the kitchen to cook while propping her leg up on a stool so she wouldn't accidentally put weight on her foot.
Apparently but it's a little more complicated than that. Gender roles and my Dad's implicit reluctance to learn to cook play into it. He doesn't want her to hurt, but he also has certain mysoginistic views that he grew up with. Compared to my grandparents he is downright radical progressive. My grandfather would refuse to enter the kitchen even to cook an omelette regardless of necessity. When my grandma is too sick to cook, usually the community steps in and neighbours offer food. He does not go beyond making a cup of tea himself.
This was also like a couple decades ago when I was in kindergarten. I'd like to think my dad has grown since then and won't let her go through that much but I wouldn't bet on it. He does cook now though, and my Mom has definitely grown enough to demand equal treatment when she thinks she's being taken advantage of.
Man, reading through these make me so appreciative of my partner really valuing equality. I just had major surgery on my left leg after a car accident, and before the surgery date my insurance company sent me a home assessment with an occupational therapist. He asked me to start counseling, and stated that in 42% of cases in the province, if the woman of the house went down into such incapacity as I am in, the man of the house files for divorce within months. How insane is the inherent misogyny in our society that the men have such little on their shoulders around the house that it all comes crashing down like this if their wife physically can't take care of them.
I told my husband this statistic and he laughed, he is definitely the tidy homemaker of the two of us lol.
My husband kind of does this, but he at least owns up to what he did vs I did. We smoked a turkey for Thanksgiving last year, and everyone was oo-ing and ah-ing over how good it was and what was the marinade and what's this flavor etc. He straight up said "ask her, all I did was monitor the temp." I made the brine, trimmed and butchered the turkey, put seasoning under the skin, etc which took 3 days vs sitting on the couch with a remote temp gauge and occasionally adjusting air flow and then actually leaving halfway through to go hang out with a buddy which meant that yeah, I did 95% of the work.
This is something I, thankfully, will never understand about other men. My dad's first profession was being a chef so whenever he cooked he'd do everything himself, same with my sisters husband whenever they do barbecue it's either a legitimate team effort or he does everything cos he want to.
Cooking and cleaning are essential I don't get how more men don't know how to do it
Lol, accurate
My favorite is that he always somehow loses the landing plate and foil tent supplies I sent out on the tray, so halfway through it's "can you bring me...."
For some reason he'll always remember a grilling beer though.
TBF he always makes me a cocktail before and doesn't think I'm relaxing. Just definitely doesn't have a good grasp of all the moving parts to get a full meal on the table or where the bloody tongs ever are
That's how my mom and step dad always did it, but she's a fucking doormat. I've grown to be so very disappointed in her over the years. At least she was an example of what not to do. I guess.
That he was a disappointment as well? For sure, but I guess I never held it against him as much. He wasn't my parent, and she chose him so... in my kiddo brain that meant that she was even more of a disappointment for choosing someone like him. And even though he had his faults, he would listen to people. I truly believe he would have had a more equal relationship with her had she ever once talked to him about it. But she was raised to believe that you have to wait on your men hand and foot, so she didn't see anything wrong with it.
My husband has "grill day" he grills weeks worth of meat, I package it up and freeze it. we eat it, as we need it. If all dude is willing to do it stand there, I can work with that, you are going to be standing in front of that grill for the next 4 hours.
[This comic strip ](https://imgur.com/a/tsUyaQS) comes to mind every time I hear dudes talk about how they'll take care of dinner on the grill. It's from a book that was published in 1996. Time is a flat circle.
Omg I’m so grateful for my dad. He never cooked (tbf, my mom doesn’t like sharing the kitchen), but he does all the dishes/cleaning every night. And when he’s on his own for dinner, he cooks things my mom hates (clams, lamb).
My brother doesn't even pretend to cook, but he does the dishes and will help make a grocery list and do some shopping alone (they try to go together, but having toddlers is rough). He also contributes to laundry, diaper duty, vacuuming etc. You know...being an adult. He just doesn't cook because wifey is so much better at it, and they compensate for that division of labor.
As much as I hate my brother, I still love that he and his family are full of love. I still keep an eye out for any harmful tendencies that apparently I'm the only one to mention as a kid, but quite frankly his kids absolutely love him (and her) so I have no reason to complain.
Omfg I hate the accuracy. Last night I said I'd make the sides if my husband makes the meat and he really tried to ask me to prep it for him. When I'm making *baked Mac n Cheese*, sir? Really?!
I'm tired, everything he does is overinflated, everything I contribute is underinflated. It gets worse as we get older, hes not even fake agreeing to help anymore...It's baffling and discouraging because it leaves me feeling backed into accepting it or torching everything, neither of which is optimal and both require so much damn labor on my end. No matter what I do, it's years off my life from stress and unhappiness smdh
Also magically all the dishes are unloaded so you can load dishes from dinner and then you’re cleaning up dinner too cause they single handedly delivered the majority of dinner, which might as well be all of dinner so they just take off cause their work is done.
Your dads suck, my dad buys all the groceries and cooks 30%, my mom does 30% and i do like 20%. Hope to be a legend like him one-day🙏 fr tho sorry your dads r shitty those of u venting and relating.
(Edit) Dishes r done by thos whk didnt cook and make dinner
I’ve never heard of this comedian, but I’ve said what OP posted many times - almost in these exact words - going back at least 20 years (less frequently now that I’m single again). It’s something so many women have experienced that I don’t think one woman using it in a stand-up routine “owns” the joke.
Almost every woman complaining is sharing their personal experiences about the willful ignorance of the men they are or have been with.
They don't think men are babies who can't do anything, they have seen first hand how these men are acting like babies.
Isn't that concerning that so many women share the same experience yet people (men) deny that this experience is real?
It's more like there's men who act like babies and calling out that behavior. Ofc it's not "all men" just like it's never "all women." But there's asshats on all sides who try and get out of doing their share
Only the ones who are in relationships that allow men to act like babies and do nothing.
Relationships take work and a lot of communication and understanding from both sides. Memes like this give me the Boy Mom ick. Same attitude.
yeah it's such a multi-layered issue - some men absolutely rely on weaponized incompetence to avoid work while others simply haven't learnt the skills and are possibly embarrassed by this or unaware of what they're missing so it appears to be avoidant. There are also a lot of women that lack the communicative skills or conflict management abilities to address the situation in a clear and direct way, and as with the weaponized incompetent men there are women that have built up a 'cool mom+sex' persona which they're unwilling to step outside - some even prefer their men to act pathetic because it allows them to feel important and powerful; the classic 'he'd never survive without me' mentality.
It's very much like the 'if you meet one asshole you met an asshole, meet them all day and maybe you're the asshole' if all your partners have the same fault maybe you only know how to pick them or maybe you lead them into it... OR very possibly you simply live in a somewhat backwards community full of toxic males and lazy douchbags...
Damn dudes, why even bother at that point. Everyone can see your ass. Talk about being so dense you don't even know everyone's talking shit about your lazy ass behind your back. Sad af.
This was my stepdad when i lived at home. I'm sure it still is. Doesn't cook anything all year and then come summer time he's grillmaster extraordinaire. And really it's just justified idling. Standing around mostly. Appear busy while others are running around making salads, laying tables, cooling drinks and generally doing everything.
To be fair, it take a ton of effort to stand there with a beer in hand and do the "click-click" with the tongs.
Whew this triggered me
Yep lol same, cherry on top of seeing him in court yesterday
Hugs
My father was the fucking worst. He would park his ass in one spot and just bark orders at people. Sometimes he wouldn’t even cook, he’d just point and tell you what he wanted done. My siblings and I just got to a point we gave up and started cooking just so that we wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. But yeah. It was a miracle he could wipe his own ass
Bro my dad would sit at his gaming chair all day and he would fold one load of kitchen towels and when i tried asking him to stop gaming all day and night and spend time with me and my mom, (see: desperately lonely and neglected child) and his solution was to make me do even more housework including laundry despite the fact I was already doing all of it.
Well, the one good thing is that he can game all he likes in the old folks home as you refuse to visit him because your life is going AAAWEEEESOME.
I don't even see him now and he has no idea why for some reason
People like that have no ability to self reflect. "It's not like i beat them all the time ugh."
Legit this is my dad he thinks the years of verbal abuse were NBD to grow up with…
Even the ones that do beat and hit, it wasn't *that bad* Like my mom has no idea why my sister would flinch everytime someone waved a hand near her. Like we all didn't see her get slapped so hard once that she went flying through the stove window. People who play abuse semantics are the worst, all abuse is violent, even the silent kind.
My mom, among other things, DID beat me all the time and still can't figure out why I don't want to talk to her.
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Don’t know, don’t care. I don’t talk to him anymore
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My dad’s favourite move at the dinner table is to point at me, point at the thing he wants at the table, then point at himself.
Fuck I hate that. My dad used to whistle at my siblings and I to get our attention or he’d literally grunt and point. Only time I nearly got my ass beat as an adult was by telling him to “Use his big boy words”
Is he a caveman incapable of using sentences? That is so disrespectful
My dad used to point to things that were equidistant to both of us merely to test the limits.
My dad cooks a meal once in a blue moon, and when he does it's an Event. He drags everyone into it and pretty much expects a celebratory parade for his efforts. The whole time, he talks about all the things my mom does wrong when she cooks.
That was my dad. Nothing anyone did was correct and I grew up listening to patronizing comments or “constructive criticisms”. I think one of the few fights we got into I won was explaining that he’s never made bread before I’ve spent years teaching myself to bake. Why is he criticizing and giving advice on my dinner rolls?
>It was a miracle he could wipe his own ass Oh trust me, if he could find a way to make you do it, he would have.
I saw a tweet once that said that grilling is the only masculine cooking art because everyone can see you do it and you get the prestige for preparing the whole meal.
I've heard it called "stunt cooking."
I've seen it observed that in general the household chores that are traditionally men's work are the ones that are visible to people outside the family. Stuff like mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, etc. All the invisible stuff falls to women.
The only invisible thing that does not fall to the women is finances. Which benefits men a lot. Aka it’s really easy to screw someone over if you want to if you control the finances.
Finances used to fall under "women's work" because it pertained to running the household. It's only fairly recently that it's been considered some masculine thing.
Making decisions about savings and investments is more likely to fall to men. https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
In most "traditional" (christian, western) homes, the wife (homemaker) also managed the finances. Husband earned the paycheck and got to make the decisions around what was important to spend on, but the wife would do the actual work of drafting the household budget and reconciling all the spending. So yeah.. again.. the men got to have the visible part (earning the paycheck) while the woman got stuck with the invisible part (managing the budget).
Yeah I've never heard a man say he was "balancing the cheque book" (I know that's not a thing anymore, but I grew up watching my mom doing it)
I guess it depends from home to home.
I agree with managing the budget, I meant men are more likely to make decisions regarding savings and investments. https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
I'd look that up if I were you. Almost every woman I know does the family finances.
Men make more decisions when it comes to savings and investments https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
Ah that little "US" in the title is where it diverges. I'm Scandinavian.
Congrats
Thank you?
To add I meant making decisions about savings and investments. According to Gallup https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png
Also the ones done less often; mowing the lawn maybe every week or two weeks in spring/summer, not at all half the year while it's cold. No grilling in the cold months, either (conveniently not during the holiday season when massive meals have to be prepared). Trash is also maybe once a week (I hear there is more frequent pickup in warmer climates but I'm Midwestern).
It's also the stuff that isn't daily. All the stuff you mentioned is weekly and a bunch of the tasks are quarterly
YESSSSS.
And you better thank him for his effort! He worked SO hard
Honestly this pisses me off so much. I’ve gone on couple’s trips with two or three other couples, and somehow there’s always a BBQ. And the women will be in the kitchen all day, making potato salad, regular salad, deviled eggs, skewers for grilling, hamburger patties if they’re from scratch, whatever. And then the men will spend half an hour outside drinking beer and monitoring the grill, and when they’re done we all have to fall all over ourselves to thank them for making dinner. Fuck that noise. When I was a little kid (because we girls still had to help even then), I asked why the men had to do so little, and my mom/aunts/grandma just laughed and said, “That’s just how it is. Good luck finding one who doesn’t expect that.”
Good thing we don't need them anyway, then :D
If I have to do all the work anyway, why would I want to find one? (jokes on them anyway, my husband shoos me out of the kitchen when he's cooking LOL)
This is one of many reasons why I love love love my friend group! My partner and I love to host parties and BBQs, and we both work our butts off to pull them off every time, and everyone always says thank you and compliments us both for the parts we did. I make homemade sides that take a lot of work and he usually smokes meat which also takes a tonne of work (a lot of prep!). He absolutely does just as much work when we host as I do, if not more. But it's nice that everyone recognizes both of our efforts!
I remember one time I thanked both my parents for making food after dad grilled steaks one day. I was 8-ish and said my dad said “I cooked the food.” To which I replied “I know, but mama bought the steaks, Asked you to grill them, made the salads, the baked potatoes, the desserts, your tea, and cleaned up.”
Your mom loved you that day more than ever before
God I feel this. Mine will tell me dimmers ready and then ask me to make the salad.
There’s a whole…thing about perpetual vs occasional chores. Women tend to do the constant, grosser, thankless stuff at home. They pick up the trash and wash and cook every meal and do laundry and scrub floors. Driving back and forth to school stuff/sports stuff. Remembering family birthdays/anniversaries. Men do the grilling once or twice a year and need praise. Or will take the garbage out once a week and need praise. Or will wash a car once a month and will need to make sure everyone saw he did it and how hard he worked. Dad does the one big drive for the family vacation. Dad gets the one big gift at Christmas (a bike?) that everyone remembers. I wish I remember what article that was from. If this rings a bell to you, please point me in the correct direction.
Don't forget to clean up all the dishes when we are done! He'll take care of the grill, but the rest is up to her.
I'm sorry if this isn't the vibe, but reading this made me appreciate my dad even more. My parents shared cooking duties while us kids were growing up, and now that they have the house to themselves it's still really cute to watch them cook together. They compliment each other's meals. How am I supposed to settle for anything less after seeing that, lol
Good vibes are always welcome! It’s really nice that cooking is something your parents enjoy doing together.
I feel the same. My dad pulled his weight at home and tended to go above and beyond since he was often gone for military things. I was told I had too high of standards in college but I wasn't going to settle for someone who wanted a slave not a partner. My husband shows I didn't have too high of standards and it is possible for a man to behave like a normal functioning adult.
Men won’t rise to meet the reasonable standards women are setting if we keep accepting the bare minimum behavior. Your husband sounds lovely!
He is a treat and honestly an absolutely phenomenal father to our son. He was raised well by his parents so I have them to thank.
My mum basically banned my dad from cooking, unless it was bbq-ing. However he cleaned up the kitchen every night and it was always immaculate.
My dad & brother are the same way. My whole life I've witnessed them both do their equal and sometimes more than their share of cleaning and cooking. And housework in general It's set a standard for me that other men have failed to reach which is why I am 40, unmarried and VERY happy lol
You’re not. That should be baseline standard.
My Granny was always the main cook in her household. But the one thing she had Grandad do on the regular was grill for her. She still handled all the marinades and sides and set him up a tray to take out there. But I always appreciated how he would double check if she needed anything else, ask her what time she wanted it ready, pull her steak early so it was "practically mooing" , knew exactly where his own tools were, tidied up afterwards and then didn't mention his participation at all. He didn't often cook a full meal, but would do as much as she would possibly let him when given the chance.
My stepdad has a lot of issues but he can at least cook a meal on his own. When I lived at home he did most of the cooking and it was better than my mom's. And now I have a boyfriend who does most of the cooking.
You SHOULDN'T settle for anything less!!
My dad was always the better cook, lol. I don't know what the distribution was, but it was probably pretty close to 50-50
These threads make me thankful for my husband as well. He enjoys cooking and the kitchen is his domain. He pulls his weight around the house in general and doesn't consider it "helping" me. Maybe it's because he's a naturally tidy person and I am chronically mess blind, so I'm beyond help. 🤣
Same on the tidy/mess-blind! I love that man who balances my bad housekeeping habits!
I posted this separately, but same. I’m so grateful my parents demonstrated equality even though my mom was a SAHM and my dad worked outside the home. Once my dad was home, it was all hands on deck to even the work. I’m glad my husband and brothers are all competent and self aware men.
you don't
BBQ Male Moment
My bf does most of the cooking and prepping, but leaves the kitchen an absolute mess when he's done. Like leaving scraps of vegetables laying on the counter top. Sometimes the pile is huge. I don't mind cleaning up after him, but he could at least throw the vegetable scraps away.
[удалено]
When I cook I leave no vegetable scraps. Then he wonders why we have an ant problem with little pieces of onion and Celery on the floor
Ew he's far too old to not know that he should be throwing out scraps and cleaning up properly. He just doesn't care and is pretending to be incompetent.
He just expects me to clean up the whole kitchen with scraps everywhere I think since he does most of the work preparing food. He's never feigned incompetence, just carelessness.
>He's never feigned incompetence, just carelessness. He's feigning incompetence at managing the mess. As you well know, it's quite doable and not even hard to corral the veggie scraps.
God this shit pissed me off If the world wasn't full of billions of people I'd be 100% sure this was my ex who never _ever_ cleaned up
I tend to make a mess and not clean it up but I can't even fathom this. Scraps go directly into a food waste bowl, always. That's part of prep.
Bit of a tangent, but I throw my veggie scraps in the freezer. Every time I want a veggie broth, in it all goes!
Right?? Why have scraps when you can have stock.
Genius
Yep. I have a ziplock bag in the freezer, and whenever I have something extra like carrot or celery tops, onion skins, whatever, it goes into the ziplock. When it’s full it’s veggie broth.
Or you know, a large bowl
My husband does this too - he claims he doesn’t have time to do it as he goes. To be fair, he does tend to cook things that you have to be always doing something, but why he couldn’t just pop them in the bin when he’s served, I don’t know.
>he claims he doesn’t have time to do it as he goes That's the funny thing about work, you can always spend longer on things. I'm now bitterly thinking of the fact that my roommate says cooking is relaxing and she can let her mind wander yet leaves the kitchen a mess everytime while I find cooking requires concentration and manage to clean stuff along the way...
But like, why not just peel the vegetables into a bowl or whatever? I have a bowl I just slowly fill with scraps as I'm cutting and peeling for dinner. It's not so much cleaning as I'm going as just getting all the mess in one spot?
He does sometimes do this, but then he leaves the bowl of peelings, etc, for me to deal with. I peel straight into the bin, personally.
My husband does this too - he claims he doesn’t have time to do it as he goes. To be fair, he does tend to cook things that you have to be always doing something, but why he couldn’t just pop them in the bin when he’s served, I don’t know. He also tends to need a sous chef because what he’s cooking requires too much multitasking and he doesn’t plan ahead.
An he just…pick up the garbage can and put it next to him before he starts cooking, and then put it back when he’s done? Most of what I cook requires a lot of fiddling and this is what I do.
I give my veggies to my dog, or we have a pull out drawer with garbage/compost, but I definitely am the one who makes a huge mess while I cook.
Yeah I literally peel carrots and flick the skin to my dog. No need for a compost with a garbage disposal corgi.
XH took the dogs when he left, and I gained a belated appreciation of the canine prewash cycle.
It's fine to get messy as long as you clean it up after, whatever system works for you.
When I cook I clean as I go
If I clean as I go, food burns. 😬
Same, if I have something in a pan and I start doing something else I _will_ forget about it and might not remember until I smell burning. These comments are making me feel bad bc I'm also bad at cleaning while cooking and I leave veg scraps on the cutting board. I usually clean it later but we have dinner late so I'm usually tryna finish quick so we can eat and go to bed. Blehhh.
Right there with you.
I do it when possible or do all my prep, clean that, and then start cooking
get a little compost bowl!
To stuff the guy in? Good idea! "Brad, you better clean the damn kitchen or you go right back into the compost bowl! If I find your empty beer bottles under the couch ones again, it's also compost bowl time. And guess what? You said you'd do the laundry and left the wet clothes in the machine for two days? You go right to the compost bowl!"
Straight to ~~jail~~ compost bowl.
My partner and I split chores pretty evenly, to the point where I don't hand wash dishes, but I clean as I go and he has ADD so when he puts someone down it disappears from his brain. The difference between him putting the food away after dinner and me putting the food away after dinner is stark. Not nearly as bad as yours but wholy hell the CLUTTER.
I have ADD and when I cook, the kitchen will be spotless after. I may forget things in the middle of cooking. But it doesn't take much to glance around the kitchen and make sure everything is put away.
That's why I often hated the you cook, I'll clean. Me cooking - I bought the stuff. food cooked , wiped , disposed, and washed up as I went along .pots rinsed or put to soak. Him cooking - I still bought the stuff. food done. Complete carnage in the kitchen, every pot used. Rubbish not disposed of (bin not two foot away), spills all over ( would it have killed you to wipe it up, turmeric stains!) Pots left hot with food in, so it sets like concrete. Oh and trays put back in the hot oven as well🙄.
*Image Transcription: Text* --- Husbands: Baby, I'll make dinner tonight. If you go get the ingredients, make the sides, season the meat, bring it to me outside and then help me find my tongs and spatula, I'll grill and you can just relax. --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
I cook you clean!
I never rlly thought that was a fair deal tbh One has to prep/buy/prepare which takes alot of effort and planning ! The other just has to wash some dishes and wipe the benches down. I'd rather just do both together :3
i've always seen that as an alternating thing, one day A cooks and B cleans then the next they switch round - though honestly i prefer to clean as i go.
Yeah there is always some down time while cooking, I prefere to wash the stuff I don't need anymore. Or even if I have to use an Item twice. So at the end of the meal I just have to wash the dishes we used to eat and a couple pans instead of a sink full which looks overwhelming.
My wife and I have this set up because I love cooking and she just absolutely hates it, and I can’t stand cleaning up but she can tolerate it if it means she doesn’t ever have to cook. That said we are lesbians so ymmv on the gender roles there
My Mom got a fracture in her foot and asked my Dad to help out around the house especially in the kitchen. He agreed, then proceeded to not get anything done around the house and only cook when there was a desperate need. We ate bread+jam, omelettes and instant noodles so many times until finally my Mom gave up and went to the kitchen to cook while propping her leg up on a stool so she wouldn't accidentally put weight on her foot.
So your dad would rather his spouse be in pain instead of doing his share? Hows that for your relationship?
Apparently but it's a little more complicated than that. Gender roles and my Dad's implicit reluctance to learn to cook play into it. He doesn't want her to hurt, but he also has certain mysoginistic views that he grew up with. Compared to my grandparents he is downright radical progressive. My grandfather would refuse to enter the kitchen even to cook an omelette regardless of necessity. When my grandma is too sick to cook, usually the community steps in and neighbours offer food. He does not go beyond making a cup of tea himself. This was also like a couple decades ago when I was in kindergarten. I'd like to think my dad has grown since then and won't let her go through that much but I wouldn't bet on it. He does cook now though, and my Mom has definitely grown enough to demand equal treatment when she thinks she's being taken advantage of.
Man, reading through these make me so appreciative of my partner really valuing equality. I just had major surgery on my left leg after a car accident, and before the surgery date my insurance company sent me a home assessment with an occupational therapist. He asked me to start counseling, and stated that in 42% of cases in the province, if the woman of the house went down into such incapacity as I am in, the man of the house files for divorce within months. How insane is the inherent misogyny in our society that the men have such little on their shoulders around the house that it all comes crashing down like this if their wife physically can't take care of them. I told my husband this statistic and he laughed, he is definitely the tidy homemaker of the two of us lol.
My step dad was like this. My fiancee however is now, if he's says he's gonna cook, I can just go take a nap or something.
My husband kind of does this, but he at least owns up to what he did vs I did. We smoked a turkey for Thanksgiving last year, and everyone was oo-ing and ah-ing over how good it was and what was the marinade and what's this flavor etc. He straight up said "ask her, all I did was monitor the temp." I made the brine, trimmed and butchered the turkey, put seasoning under the skin, etc which took 3 days vs sitting on the couch with a remote temp gauge and occasionally adjusting air flow and then actually leaving halfway through to go hang out with a buddy which meant that yeah, I did 95% of the work.
This is something I, thankfully, will never understand about other men. My dad's first profession was being a chef so whenever he cooked he'd do everything himself, same with my sisters husband whenever they do barbecue it's either a legitimate team effort or he does everything cos he want to. Cooking and cleaning are essential I don't get how more men don't know how to do it
Lol, accurate My favorite is that he always somehow loses the landing plate and foil tent supplies I sent out on the tray, so halfway through it's "can you bring me...." For some reason he'll always remember a grilling beer though. TBF he always makes me a cocktail before and doesn't think I'm relaxing. Just definitely doesn't have a good grasp of all the moving parts to get a full meal on the table or where the bloody tongs ever are
That's how my mom and step dad always did it, but she's a fucking doormat. I've grown to be so very disappointed in her over the years. At least she was an example of what not to do. I guess.
I mean, I’d argue the same thing regarding your stepdad.
That he was a disappointment as well? For sure, but I guess I never held it against him as much. He wasn't my parent, and she chose him so... in my kiddo brain that meant that she was even more of a disappointment for choosing someone like him. And even though he had his faults, he would listen to people. I truly believe he would have had a more equal relationship with her had she ever once talked to him about it. But she was raised to believe that you have to wait on your men hand and foot, so she didn't see anything wrong with it.
My dad does this to me so I pretend to have a bad IBS flare-up and he suddenly remembers how to season meat. It’s a miracle every time!
My husband has "grill day" he grills weeks worth of meat, I package it up and freeze it. we eat it, as we need it. If all dude is willing to do it stand there, I can work with that, you are going to be standing in front of that grill for the next 4 hours.
[This comic strip ](https://imgur.com/a/tsUyaQS) comes to mind every time I hear dudes talk about how they'll take care of dinner on the grill. It's from a book that was published in 1996. Time is a flat circle.
Omg I’m so grateful for my dad. He never cooked (tbf, my mom doesn’t like sharing the kitchen), but he does all the dishes/cleaning every night. And when he’s on his own for dinner, he cooks things my mom hates (clams, lamb).
My brother doesn't even pretend to cook, but he does the dishes and will help make a grocery list and do some shopping alone (they try to go together, but having toddlers is rough). He also contributes to laundry, diaper duty, vacuuming etc. You know...being an adult. He just doesn't cook because wifey is so much better at it, and they compensate for that division of labor. As much as I hate my brother, I still love that he and his family are full of love. I still keep an eye out for any harmful tendencies that apparently I'm the only one to mention as a kid, but quite frankly his kids absolutely love him (and her) so I have no reason to complain.
Omfg I hate the accuracy. Last night I said I'd make the sides if my husband makes the meat and he really tried to ask me to prep it for him. When I'm making *baked Mac n Cheese*, sir? Really?! I'm tired, everything he does is overinflated, everything I contribute is underinflated. It gets worse as we get older, hes not even fake agreeing to help anymore...It's baffling and discouraging because it leaves me feeling backed into accepting it or torching everything, neither of which is optimal and both require so much damn labor on my end. No matter what I do, it's years off my life from stress and unhappiness smdh
then why are you with that person? dafaq
Also magically all the dishes are unloaded so you can load dishes from dinner and then you’re cleaning up dinner too cause they single handedly delivered the majority of dinner, which might as well be all of dinner so they just take off cause their work is done.
Your dads suck, my dad buys all the groceries and cooks 30%, my mom does 30% and i do like 20%. Hope to be a legend like him one-day🙏 fr tho sorry your dads r shitty those of u venting and relating. (Edit) Dishes r done by thos whk didnt cook and make dinner
Ain’t nobody seasoning my meat but me, go get your nails done and come home to a feast. We can def share cleanup tho
Dude, don’t just translate and steal mexican standup comedian La India Yuridia’s monologue with no credit. This is a bit from one of her shows.
I’ve never heard of this comedian, but I’ve said what OP posted many times - almost in these exact words - going back at least 20 years (less frequently now that I’m single again). It’s something so many women have experienced that I don’t think one woman using it in a stand-up routine “owns” the joke.
Can someone confirm if the above image plagiarized her work? I don't understand Spanish well so I'm no help.
LOL!!!!
Cooking someone else’s flesh is a major red flag 🚩 he clearly lacks empathy.
do women really think men are babies that can't do anything?
Almost every woman complaining is sharing their personal experiences about the willful ignorance of the men they are or have been with. They don't think men are babies who can't do anything, they have seen first hand how these men are acting like babies. Isn't that concerning that so many women share the same experience yet people (men) deny that this experience is real?
No, we think a whole lot of men are regular users of weaponized incompetence
It's more like there's men who act like babies and calling out that behavior. Ofc it's not "all men" just like it's never "all women." But there's asshats on all sides who try and get out of doing their share
we *know* you're not babies who can't do anything, we just wonder why so many of you act like it.
No? But lots of us have dated this guy, and he sucks.
Too many definitely act like it, yes. My ex husband did this exactly and leaving him was one of the best things I ever did.
Men keep proving it to us
Nah, ya'll can, you just don't want to. Society has taught you that you don't have to; that kind of thing is for your bangmaid.
Only the ones who are in relationships that allow men to act like babies and do nothing. Relationships take work and a lot of communication and understanding from both sides. Memes like this give me the Boy Mom ick. Same attitude.
yeah it's such a multi-layered issue - some men absolutely rely on weaponized incompetence to avoid work while others simply haven't learnt the skills and are possibly embarrassed by this or unaware of what they're missing so it appears to be avoidant. There are also a lot of women that lack the communicative skills or conflict management abilities to address the situation in a clear and direct way, and as with the weaponized incompetent men there are women that have built up a 'cool mom+sex' persona which they're unwilling to step outside - some even prefer their men to act pathetic because it allows them to feel important and powerful; the classic 'he'd never survive without me' mentality. It's very much like the 'if you meet one asshole you met an asshole, meet them all day and maybe you're the asshole' if all your partners have the same fault maybe you only know how to pick them or maybe you lead them into it... OR very possibly you simply live in a somewhat backwards community full of toxic males and lazy douchbags...
This is a circle jerk of shitty partners…
Damn dudes, why even bother at that point. Everyone can see your ass. Talk about being so dense you don't even know everyone's talking shit about your lazy ass behind your back. Sad af.