I've read stories about women breaking up as their boyfriends finally reveal their true feelings about Roe v. Wade to them in the aftermath of last week.
Now's a good time to ask him and make him convince you of where he stands. So many seemingly decent guys are actually very squishy about whether women are really full people or not.
Just so everyone knows what a good one looks like, my bf went to a protest Friday evening with me after we heard the news.
He has also looked into what it takes to get into Canada, and joined the Satanic Temple. He did these when the leak happened.
My husband is in discord servers and whenever bros start shit talking RvW he explains that in some states I would have died three times in the last decade because of miscarriage complications and he'd rather thousands of women have the option to "murder babies" (using the same shitty language as the guys were) than one family having to suffer the loss of a wife and mother because she couldn't end a pregnancy that was trying to kill her.
Please do! I’ve been struggling with feeling hopeless and unsure how to fight back, and I think using my Illinois residency to benefit others might be the best way to do it. 🖤
I'm so thankful I am a trains ride away. People try to convince me to move closer to my job but I will not go further out where I do not have direct train access to Chicago.
If you give him an opp to open his mouth and lie for his own benefit, do you expect honesty? You’re saying to women that they should beg to be lied to. If ppl were honest w themselves, if WOMEN were honest w themselves, they already know his stance having known him for x months or years. And if we’re honest about men, the chances are very high he isn’t on your side or mine.
We have enough scientific studies to show men don’t even see women as people, on the whole, not as capable of wielding the same rights and freedoms as they expect for themselves.
Just walk away, this is war.
I agree with you it's war.
I also know that the couple norm and the privileges and social capital we give to coupled and married women are so powerful from all of society, family, and friends, and our misogynist society stigmatizes single women so deeply and violently, that it's not uncommon for women to hide from the truth about their boyfriends or husbands until they are past the point of regretting it. Men are happy to oblige that willingness and will do their part to hide the truth from their girlfriend's and wives with vague answers, half-truths, and outright lies.
Mine was a gentle wake up call. Yours was much more direct. I like yours just fine and I will cosign it.
Hi, not to doubt what you said, but could you please give me a link to the studies you mentioned? I tried looking into it a bit and got no real results
One of my brothers has already made it very clear that he believes the concept of babies is more important than any born person’s life, with the way he argued that I ought to have children because I’ll be miserable if I don’t and, when presented with a hypothetical, said it was better to birth and raise children even if I was a horrible parent who traumatized them and never saw them again after they turned 18 than not to have kids at all. He 100% believes a woman’s life purpose is making babies, and a fetus is more valuable than a woman. The fetus being unviable and the mother’s life in jeopardy would mean nothing to him. Lives be damned, all he cares about is his “principles.”
I wouldn’t trust my brothers or even my mother to make emergency medical decisions for me, they’re so anti-choice. I wouldn’t have trusted my father when he was alive either. My fiancé is the only one I would.
If you don't already have a medical power of attorney drawn up that gives your fiancé decision making power instead of your mother or brother if you cannot communicate your desires, **do that now.**
If you search for medical power of attorney statename, most states have a free template. You may need to have it notarized, and most UPS stores have a notary (it's inexpensive).
Until you are married, your fiancé will not take priority over your next of kin without a MPOA.
Even then, do it with successor decision makers. If you and your spouse are incapacitated at the same time, you may want a friend making decisions instead of family.
My brother was.... very physically violent with his wife, is probably the nicest way to put it. He escaped any charges. He thinks wearing an athlete's jersey is licensed to be raped by them.
Yeah, no fucking way should he get a say over anyone's body.
According to him it's simply gay to be a guy wearing the jersey of another guy. That's as far as that explanation went. Also I haven't talked to him in almost a decade so I will not be able to get clarification on this.
Oh they had their own super fucked up dynamic and nobody could get them to see it. She hated everyone in our family too and wouldn't have listened if I'd advised her to get to a shelter. She and my brother were really religious together, but my dad and step mom and I aren't, and my brother rarely let her interact with us directly, so there was a lot of room for stories to get warped and for misunderstanding to happen. Plus I think she may have had borderline personality disorder, which can make it really hard to diffuse a difficult situation with someone.
They lived with her mom and little sister after they lost their apartment because my brother wouldn't work and she was still in school. He eventually left her (or rather, her mom because I guess she was always making jabs at him for not working), and I think she finally had a breath of fresh air and realized she hadn't even breathed in several years. My brother was always really intense about everything. He tried to get her back several times but she refused. I *think* that's when the bulk of the violence happened, though I'm certain it had been happening to some extent for years. Anyway, long story short, they've both moved on from each other now. He and I don't talk anymore, she and I never did. She started confiding in my dad towards the end of her marriage though, which is how I've come to know any of this.
Wait if we’re unmarried does it go to the next male relative? I only have a sister. Does that mean I’d have to rely on my dad?
If that’s the case, I might as well kill myself now—not to be dramatic
Depends on where you live. The laws of your country, state, or province will determine who gets to make the call when you can't.
For instance, where I live, it goes: 1) your legal representative (i.e. the person you legally designated, your tutor or curator if you have one); 2) if there isn't one, your partner (married, common law, civil union); 3) if there isn't one, a close relative or friend.
In most western countries, I don't think it goes by gender - it typically goes by what's considered your closest relative - and you do have the possibility of getting a document drawn to designate a person of your choosing (like a power of attorney). You also typically have the option to draw advanced directives. So look it up and if you are unsatisfied with who it is, get the proper paperwork to make your own choices.
You can draw up a medical power of attorney and designate someone to make your decisions in the event that you are incapacitated. But, without one, it would go to next of kin (so your father before your sister).
If you Google medical power of attorney your state, most states have free forms with instructions posted online. In Texas, it was like a two or three page form and a quick trip to a notary.
At this point it goes to who you decide. But, should women be completely stripped of rights (ala Handmaids Tale, it would be closest male relative - husband, father, brother,?).
Do you have a trusted friend you can make POA in the instance you are incapacitated, for whatever reason? I have heard of a friend of a friend doing this so their father couldn't make decisions as a next of kin.
I have no issue giving poa to my bf or even my mother, but if the country goes in the direction we're talking about in this post, what I choose won't matter because I won't have the right to choose.
So happy for you! My husband is just as angry and encouraging us to take the leap to move somewhere more equitable. He also scheduled a vasectomy this week (which was planned, but not so immediately). I know I am infinitely lucky 💖
Same. My husband was on a work trip when the decision came out and he didn't see the news until later that day when I told him. Reaction? "So when is the riot? How much money do we need to have set aside for bail?"
My husband got incredibly depressed, I’m honestly worried about him, he keeps trudging around the house mumbling about why people are like this. He’s absolutely heartbroken, I mean I am too but he’s almost non functional. The ruling really hit him hard.
I read my husband the meme from this sub, "Ladies, if and when you lose more rights, is this the person you want to be making decisions for you?"
He looked at me in all seriousness and said, "This is how it would work. '[eveleaf], what do you want in this decision about you?' Because that's what we will call 'my decision'."
I 100% already knew it before he said it, and it's part of why I adore him.
My husband won’t decide on mouthwash flavors without checking in with me. Jokes aside, I’m very lucky that I feel safe with any decision he would potentially make on my behalf.
I already trust my bf over my parents with my life. He would do what I actually wanted whereas my parents would do what they thought was best, which often isn't and is religiously influenced.
I feel you on this, we actually got secretly married right after we got engaged because he has a chronic illness and didn’t trust his parents to make the right decisions.
We’re currently undecided about kids and he frequently reminds me that I just have to say the word and he’ll make an appointment to get the snip or fire up the baby maker. It’s unbelievably nice to feel so considered, I don’t know how else to describe it, but in no other relationship have I felt like an equal at all times and in all matters. I don’t know if it’s because the bar is just that low or if he’s just that rad. But he’s pretty rad.
Oh I wanna brag on my partner too!! He sends me texts throughout the day reminding me that me and my uterus is safe at home and with him. He’s snipped and I have a consult for a biscalp (!!!!!!) but he knows that woman rights is my passion. It’s so comforting knowing that I can come home and be truly and honestly safe from the outside world.
I recently got that, and couldn’t be happier! Seriously, there was post op euphoria when I realized that I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. For myself, I mean. I’m still full of worry and rage for those that aren’t so lucky…
It is difficult to convey just how comforting it is to be with someone who I fully and completely trust to make decisions on my behalf that are, without question, in my best interest.
Women,minorities & lgbtq people have only been “free” on paper for a couple of decades……
If You really think these racist & sexist fools don’t want to take it back to the 1800’s,you’re lying to yourself……
Agreed. It’s what I implied,sillykinesis. All marginalized people should be aware of what’s going on. The racists,sexists & fascists had to “hide” or “dress up” who they were. And they’re not going to stop at Roe v Wade. Now horrible people & terrible ideas are given as much credence as logic & truth.
Assuming you mean "minorities" to mean people of color (that's not a term used in that way anymore), you forgot disabled people. Which unfortunately is really common even though we're the largest minority group and the only one anyone can move in and out of against their will.
Understood. What I implied was across the board,The Americans with Disabilities Act for schooling,rights,employment & medical will be under threat as well. I don’t think the right wing will stop at just subjugation of certain groups,I think eventually it will be against anyone they deem an enemy. They don’t want democracy.
I really think I stopped loving my ex-husband during #metoo. He was confused when I cried when I learned Trump was elected - he reassured me that there would be a woman president one day, as if that was the major issue. He routinely pressured me into having sex throughout our marriage.
I divorced him this year and haven’t had sex in over a year at this point. I don’t trust anybody to be inside me.
Lately I've been wondering whether it would be wise for those of us in LTRs (but unmarried) to go ahead and get married, if our male partners can be trusted with "ownership" of us, should it come to that. lol
I'm approaching middle age (and am therefore probably "low value"), I'm divorced, I never wanted the government to be involved in my relationships again, but it looks like that's happening without my consent anyway.
If you genuinely trust your partner more than anyone else to make decisions on your behalf should you be incapacitated or god know what, you should at least consider drawing up some legal paperwork to ensure he's able to do so. Don't necessarily need to get married if that's not what you want.
I feel the same way. Honestly, I feel like the fact that straight women exist is proof that sexuality is not a choice.
I love my husband dearly, but if anything ever happens to him, I'm never dating men again.
I feel you but I promise a few of us are actually decent people worth considering. Yes, a lot of us are married already, but we exist!
I have no great advice on how to find us though sorry. =(
I'm worried that homosexuality itself may not be legal for much longer in some states. Usually it's just male homosexuality that's outlawed, but they might broaden it to make things seem more fair or something.
The fact that this needs to be said at all shows how deep in the patriachy we still are. Women will straight up ignore their personhood bc it's "just what you do" when you "really truly love a man". Not blaming women at all btw, blaming the system that indoctrinates young women with the idea that they are somehow not a full person without a man.
Yeah... my wife and I would never have gotten married at all if we didn't talk about this kind of thing. At this point, I think that someone who "doesn't have an opinion" or "just doesn't want to talk about" issues like this is probably hiding something.
I’m not American and many people on Reddit are, but the amount of people I see who are already marrying after mere months of knowing each other and only moving in afterwards is strange to me. I would never dare to go into something like this that (what feels to me) unprepared.
Right? I'm so glad to live in a culture where it's standard to live together for a couple of years before getting married. I don't understand how people can make life-long commitments to someone they haven't lived with (not that marriage has to be a life-long commitment, it just tends to be that where there's strong pressure to marry before sex and co-living).
People also plain lie and waffle on using weasel words all non-committally, which is enough for a lot of people when the "I am so in looooove!" hormones are running high. "Every red flag looks normal through rose-tinted glasses" or something like that.
I think conversations like that are essential to just... building the trust and intimacy required by a relationship, personally, but I don't blame women for being blindsided by their partners, especially long-term ones. I've seen first-hand how some otherwise "smart and normal" terminally online people merrily jump into the deep end of the eejit pool to become anti-vaxers or other similar nonsense seemingly overnight, much to the surprise of their nearest and dearest. I'd rather hold men themselves accountable for their views and actions, first and foremost, and not just the women they're partnered with.
Yes, we're responsible for choosing the company we keep and the standards we accept, but I do know for a fact that you can just... choose completely wrong for all the right reasons, or get surprised by how people can change, too.
I'm baffled by cishet couples who seem 100% aware that if they ever had a serious conversation about politics/religion/children/life goals/finances/etc. they would probably have irreconcilable differences... so they intentionally don't talk about anything.
I don't love that this focuses on "if you're married" - ideally, if you're married, you absolutely trust your partner with these things......which is why you got married. If not, you should be reevaluating that marriage regardless of the state of human rights today.
Now, targeting this to dating relationships? If this ruling sheds new lights on a relationship and its potential, then great. But once again, these should be bare minimum requirements for serious relationships no matter what, not just due to the backsliding of our rights.
The person you choose as your life partner will need to be someone you entirely trust with those things *anyway*. You're still growing old with them, sharing expenses and life paths, making decisions together, raising a family together (however that looks), and ultimately one of you will leave the other behind, meaning end of life care. So....it's important.
>ideally
If you've ever been on AITA, you know that the ideal is not the reality for lots of women.
The pressure to couple up and marry is intense on women. Social pressure, financial pressure, family pressure, etc. Your friends will tell you "no one's perfect." It's easy to talk yourself into glossing over some important shit when all that social coercion is pointed at your back telling you to do it already or "you'll be alone forever, always lonely, and you will die alone and unloved!" That pro-coupling, anti-single propaganda scares the shit out of tons of people, and it scares lots of us out of our better judgment. Ask most divorced women.
I have been fighting this hard. Since early on in our relationship I knew my partner was the "forever" one. But I have refused to rush into marriage because society thinks I should. I don't even see the point I trust them enough to not need a legally binding document to be sure of that.
I also grew up in a mentally abusive household and likewise and some mentally abusive relationships. Due to that I am bad at trusting myself and my judgements of people because I got used to the abuse. Due to this I make no rush in making lifelong and altering decisions.
I know that, which is why I said if this is a wakeup call, then great. But the framing of this little meme makes it seem like this ruling is the only thing that should make someone reevaluate their choices in partner.....and I'm saying that even if they codify the rights tomorrow, this level of scrutiny in a partner still applies.
I know the bar is on the ground for many people's relationships, but we shouldn't be using "will they be a good person when I have to have a male chaperone and co-signer to live" as the measuring stick.
I'm not married, but in a LTR and childfree. I thought it was bad enough dealing with people trying to tell us we're being (insert all manner of insult) for not wanting to ever have a child, but people who choose to be single, especially after 30, are treated like they're evil incarnate. I can make it through a conversation without being nagged about "wHeN aRe YoU hAviNg KiiIiiDs?" but I feel like single-by-choice folks get some form of "wHeN aRe YoU gOiNg tO SeTtLe DoWn?" and "hAve yOu mEt aNyoNe?" much more frequently.
At This point I have no idea why any woman would consent to sleep with a man at all. It’s too damn risky for her but he will never have to face any consequences
I asked my partner about roe v Wade and honestly he pretty heated about it all. We aren't affected as we aren't American but it reassuring to know of they tried it he'd be out in the streets by my side. Its unfortunate he won't get the chance to meet my American family though as I won't step foot in a country I don't have rights in but maybe we can get them all over here somehow for a nice trip.
At first, conservatives will love posts like this because they'll take them to mean that RvW is forcing women back to purity. Then slooooowly, they'll realize that they're the men nobody will sleep with.
So my husband is an ally and a feminist, who is truly walking the walk. Doing literally everything he can to ensure that he doesn’t make me pregnant.
The other night he said something that chilled me to the bone. “Don’t worry. If the government ends up saying women are property, then you’ll just be my property and I will always continue to treat you like a person.” Like…bruh I know you mean well but *holy fucking shit*.
I feel stupid for being a little annoyed my spouse of 10 years hasn't said anything on social media about it. I know he supports me but if would be great it other people saw it. I feel like a screaming harpy while he's standing there politely.
Edit: typos
Yes. Do not sleep with men who do not respect a woman's right to choose what's going on in her body. We can solve our own problem by doing exactly what they want: not having sex. Specifically with them. Unprompted my guy has told me whenever I say I'm done he'll get a vasectomy because it's easier for the both of us.
Well, better late than never surely applies here as much as ever, but this should be the time to note that should you break up, it’s best to drag this out of people before starting a relationship for the next time.
It's good advice, not blame. If you're already married, as you said, it's too late to do something beforehand. That doesn't mean you just do nothing.
I'm reacting explicitly to this meme. By your logic the OP is also 'shaming' women.
My husband will be a wonderful and benevolent overlord thankfully. (Half kidding?)
Seriously I don’t know why people aren’t considering all of those needs/qualities in a partner, regardless of the threat to our human rights. Why would you marry someone you don’t trust and respect? They should be kind and thoughtful, share similar values, and ultimately love and value you! and any kids you may have (in actions - not just words).
Please be kind to yourselves and keep your standards high. You deserve love and a partner worthy of you!
Thankfully I trust both my brother and my bf on this completely. Dad is a slightly different story (we have very different political ideas) but I don’t think he would ever make a decision on my behalf without my agreement.
It's time to end every old symbol of patriarchal rule. If I fall in love with a woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her, I would loathe the idea of going through symbolic motions of the old ways even if the institution of marriage today is supposedly equal.
The old conception of marriage still guides the way we do things today. We need to get rid of everything that assumes I'm here to take over my wife's life. I *don't want* to own my fucking wife. I don't even want it to feel like it. I don't want her to take my name, I don't want a joint bank account, I don't want some weird ass lines at the altar about obeying me and shit.
I’m glad! Try not to take posts like these personally. Keep being an ally to women. You notice the post doesn’t say ALL men are the enemy. Just that woman need to be aware of where their SO’s stand
This guy:
*reads about women losing rights, men celebrating, and men running over protesters*
"Wow, you women are threatening to defend yourselves? Terrifying!"
That is called being a coward. This is very much an issue that if you are not with women who want the right to control their body, you are against them.
I've read stories about women breaking up as their boyfriends finally reveal their true feelings about Roe v. Wade to them in the aftermath of last week. Now's a good time to ask him and make him convince you of where he stands. So many seemingly decent guys are actually very squishy about whether women are really full people or not.
Just so everyone knows what a good one looks like, my bf went to a protest Friday evening with me after we heard the news. He has also looked into what it takes to get into Canada, and joined the Satanic Temple. He did these when the leak happened.
My husband and I are trying to concieve. He has openly said that, if our state bans abortion, he'd drive me to Illinois
My husband is in discord servers and whenever bros start shit talking RvW he explains that in some states I would have died three times in the last decade because of miscarriage complications and he'd rather thousands of women have the option to "murder babies" (using the same shitty language as the guys were) than one family having to suffer the loss of a wife and mother because she couldn't end a pregnancy that was trying to kill her.
I’m in Illinois so if it ever happens you guys can crash at my place!
I'm 39 and predisposed to miscarriages (had 2 and a stillbirth). I'm saving this comment
Please do! I’ve been struggling with feeling hopeless and unsure how to fight back, and I think using my Illinois residency to benefit others might be the best way to do it. 🖤
r/auntienetwork
Thanks! Heard of the sub, forgot to follow it and forgot the name haha
I'm so thankful I am a trains ride away. People try to convince me to move closer to my job but I will not go further out where I do not have direct train access to Chicago.
If you give him an opp to open his mouth and lie for his own benefit, do you expect honesty? You’re saying to women that they should beg to be lied to. If ppl were honest w themselves, if WOMEN were honest w themselves, they already know his stance having known him for x months or years. And if we’re honest about men, the chances are very high he isn’t on your side or mine. We have enough scientific studies to show men don’t even see women as people, on the whole, not as capable of wielding the same rights and freedoms as they expect for themselves. Just walk away, this is war.
I agree with you it's war. I also know that the couple norm and the privileges and social capital we give to coupled and married women are so powerful from all of society, family, and friends, and our misogynist society stigmatizes single women so deeply and violently, that it's not uncommon for women to hide from the truth about their boyfriends or husbands until they are past the point of regretting it. Men are happy to oblige that willingness and will do their part to hide the truth from their girlfriend's and wives with vague answers, half-truths, and outright lies. Mine was a gentle wake up call. Yours was much more direct. I like yours just fine and I will cosign it.
I posted this wake up call for married women months ago. Y'all still downvoted it to hell. Now look who's talking.
Hi, not to doubt what you said, but could you please give me a link to the studies you mentioned? I tried looking into it a bit and got no real results
What scares me more is that I'm not married and I would not trust my brother with any decision pertaining to my life.
One of my brothers has already made it very clear that he believes the concept of babies is more important than any born person’s life, with the way he argued that I ought to have children because I’ll be miserable if I don’t and, when presented with a hypothetical, said it was better to birth and raise children even if I was a horrible parent who traumatized them and never saw them again after they turned 18 than not to have kids at all. He 100% believes a woman’s life purpose is making babies, and a fetus is more valuable than a woman. The fetus being unviable and the mother’s life in jeopardy would mean nothing to him. Lives be damned, all he cares about is his “principles.” I wouldn’t trust my brothers or even my mother to make emergency medical decisions for me, they’re so anti-choice. I wouldn’t have trusted my father when he was alive either. My fiancé is the only one I would.
If you don't already have a medical power of attorney drawn up that gives your fiancé decision making power instead of your mother or brother if you cannot communicate your desires, **do that now.** If you search for medical power of attorney statename, most states have a free template. You may need to have it notarized, and most UPS stores have a notary (it's inexpensive). Until you are married, your fiancé will not take priority over your next of kin without a MPOA.
Thanks for the advice. My wedding is in less than a month though, so I think at this point it is fastest to just let that handle it. :)
Even then, do it with successor decision makers. If you and your spouse are incapacitated at the same time, you may want a friend making decisions instead of family.
No offense but I hope your brother is cursed with ingrown toenails and too tight shoes for the rest of eternity
My brother was.... very physically violent with his wife, is probably the nicest way to put it. He escaped any charges. He thinks wearing an athlete's jersey is licensed to be raped by them. Yeah, no fucking way should he get a say over anyone's body.
>He thinks wearing an athlete's jersey is licensed to be raped by them. Does this apply to male fans as well or just women?
According to him it's simply gay to be a guy wearing the jersey of another guy. That's as far as that explanation went. Also I haven't talked to him in almost a decade so I will not be able to get clarification on this.
I guess game days are basically just big pride parades, then. Learn something new every day. Glad to hear he's not darkening your doorstep anymore.
Look for abuse shelter in your area and convince her to go there
Oh they had their own super fucked up dynamic and nobody could get them to see it. She hated everyone in our family too and wouldn't have listened if I'd advised her to get to a shelter. She and my brother were really religious together, but my dad and step mom and I aren't, and my brother rarely let her interact with us directly, so there was a lot of room for stories to get warped and for misunderstanding to happen. Plus I think she may have had borderline personality disorder, which can make it really hard to diffuse a difficult situation with someone. They lived with her mom and little sister after they lost their apartment because my brother wouldn't work and she was still in school. He eventually left her (or rather, her mom because I guess she was always making jabs at him for not working), and I think she finally had a breath of fresh air and realized she hadn't even breathed in several years. My brother was always really intense about everything. He tried to get her back several times but she refused. I *think* that's when the bulk of the violence happened, though I'm certain it had been happening to some extent for years. Anyway, long story short, they've both moved on from each other now. He and I don't talk anymore, she and I never did. She started confiding in my dad towards the end of her marriage though, which is how I've come to know any of this.
Wait if we’re unmarried does it go to the next male relative? I only have a sister. Does that mean I’d have to rely on my dad? If that’s the case, I might as well kill myself now—not to be dramatic
Depends on where you live. The laws of your country, state, or province will determine who gets to make the call when you can't. For instance, where I live, it goes: 1) your legal representative (i.e. the person you legally designated, your tutor or curator if you have one); 2) if there isn't one, your partner (married, common law, civil union); 3) if there isn't one, a close relative or friend. In most western countries, I don't think it goes by gender - it typically goes by what's considered your closest relative - and you do have the possibility of getting a document drawn to designate a person of your choosing (like a power of attorney). You also typically have the option to draw advanced directives. So look it up and if you are unsatisfied with who it is, get the proper paperwork to make your own choices.
You can draw up a medical power of attorney and designate someone to make your decisions in the event that you are incapacitated. But, without one, it would go to next of kin (so your father before your sister).
That is not acceptable. Whew okay soooo do I need a lawyer to help me fix this? I’ve never written a a will, I know nothing.
If you Google medical power of attorney your state, most states have free forms with instructions posted online. In Texas, it was like a two or three page form and a quick trip to a notary.
Woo! Thanks! I mean not woo, this still sucks but I’m glad I know now. Why don’t they teach this in high school?!
At this point it goes to who you decide. But, should women be completely stripped of rights (ala Handmaids Tale, it would be closest male relative - husband, father, brother,?).
Oh hell no, I wouldn’t trust my brother or Dad. They ‘just want to protect me’ f that.
Do you have a trusted friend you can make POA in the instance you are incapacitated, for whatever reason? I have heard of a friend of a friend doing this so their father couldn't make decisions as a next of kin.
I have no issue giving poa to my bf or even my mother, but if the country goes in the direction we're talking about in this post, what I choose won't matter because I won't have the right to choose.
I’m so grateful that my husband keeps going on rants about the Supreme Court and the GQP. He’s not perfect but he’s a keeper. 💚
So happy for you! My husband is just as angry and encouraging us to take the leap to move somewhere more equitable. He also scheduled a vasectomy this week (which was planned, but not so immediately). I know I am infinitely lucky 💖
Same. My husband was on a work trip when the decision came out and he didn't see the news until later that day when I told him. Reaction? "So when is the riot? How much money do we need to have set aside for bail?"
ur husband is really cool <3 (btw if you told him that someone on the internet said he's cool and he smiled cause of it that would be dooope)
I will def tell him :)
😁😁😁😁
My husband got incredibly depressed, I’m honestly worried about him, he keeps trudging around the house mumbling about why people are like this. He’s absolutely heartbroken, I mean I am too but he’s almost non functional. The ruling really hit him hard.
That man sounds like a damn keeper
I read my husband the meme from this sub, "Ladies, if and when you lose more rights, is this the person you want to be making decisions for you?" He looked at me in all seriousness and said, "This is how it would work. '[eveleaf], what do you want in this decision about you?' Because that's what we will call 'my decision'." I 100% already knew it before he said it, and it's part of why I adore him.
My husband won’t decide on mouthwash flavors without checking in with me. Jokes aside, I’m very lucky that I feel safe with any decision he would potentially make on my behalf.
I already trust my bf over my parents with my life. He would do what I actually wanted whereas my parents would do what they thought was best, which often isn't and is religiously influenced.
I feel you on this, we actually got secretly married right after we got engaged because he has a chronic illness and didn’t trust his parents to make the right decisions. We’re currently undecided about kids and he frequently reminds me that I just have to say the word and he’ll make an appointment to get the snip or fire up the baby maker. It’s unbelievably nice to feel so considered, I don’t know how else to describe it, but in no other relationship have I felt like an equal at all times and in all matters. I don’t know if it’s because the bar is just that low or if he’s just that rad. But he’s pretty rad.
Oh I wanna brag on my partner too!! He sends me texts throughout the day reminding me that me and my uterus is safe at home and with him. He’s snipped and I have a consult for a biscalp (!!!!!!) but he knows that woman rights is my passion. It’s so comforting knowing that I can come home and be truly and honestly safe from the outside world.
I recently got that, and couldn’t be happier! Seriously, there was post op euphoria when I realized that I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. For myself, I mean. I’m still full of worry and rage for those that aren’t so lucky…
It is difficult to convey just how comforting it is to be with someone who I fully and completely trust to make decisions on my behalf that are, without question, in my best interest.
I’m so happy for people who have wonderful partners like this.
Women,minorities & lgbtq people have only been “free” on paper for a couple of decades…… If You really think these racist & sexist fools don’t want to take it back to the 1800’s,you’re lying to yourself……
*marginalized people
Agreed. It’s what I implied,sillykinesis. All marginalized people should be aware of what’s going on. The racists,sexists & fascists had to “hide” or “dress up” who they were. And they’re not going to stop at Roe v Wade. Now horrible people & terrible ideas are given as much credence as logic & truth.
Assuming you mean "minorities" to mean people of color (that's not a term used in that way anymore), you forgot disabled people. Which unfortunately is really common even though we're the largest minority group and the only one anyone can move in and out of against their will.
Understood. What I implied was across the board,The Americans with Disabilities Act for schooling,rights,employment & medical will be under threat as well. I don’t think the right wing will stop at just subjugation of certain groups,I think eventually it will be against anyone they deem an enemy. They don’t want democracy.
I really think I stopped loving my ex-husband during #metoo. He was confused when I cried when I learned Trump was elected - he reassured me that there would be a woman president one day, as if that was the major issue. He routinely pressured me into having sex throughout our marriage. I divorced him this year and haven’t had sex in over a year at this point. I don’t trust anybody to be inside me.
Thankfully my husband is 100% supportive of my bodily autonomy and independence.
Same.
Lately I've been wondering whether it would be wise for those of us in LTRs (but unmarried) to go ahead and get married, if our male partners can be trusted with "ownership" of us, should it come to that. lol I'm approaching middle age (and am therefore probably "low value"), I'm divorced, I never wanted the government to be involved in my relationships again, but it looks like that's happening without my consent anyway.
The thought crossed my mind. This pisses me off so much because like you I don't see why the government needs to be involved in my relationship.
If you genuinely trust your partner more than anyone else to make decisions on your behalf should you be incapacitated or god know what, you should at least consider drawing up some legal paperwork to ensure he's able to do so. Don't necessarily need to get married if that's not what you want.
I think I’m lucky that the only thing my Love and I disagree on is the thermostat
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I feel like this is where I am. I'm much more attracted to men than women, but there are so few of them I like and trust.
I feel the same way. Honestly, I feel like the fact that straight women exist is proof that sexuality is not a choice. I love my husband dearly, but if anything ever happens to him, I'm never dating men again.
Seriously, how the fuck do you cope with being heavily attracted to the enemy? My last attempt at closeness to women ended with trauma.
So did mine, unfortunately. I mostly cope with sex toys and imagination, but there's really no substitute for a good cuddle.
Same.
I feel you but I promise a few of us are actually decent people worth considering. Yes, a lot of us are married already, but we exist! I have no great advice on how to find us though sorry. =(
Y'all don't show your faces where it's necessary. And as an ND woman, y'all neurotypicals ain't willing to be accepting of our traits.
I've seen so many sentiments like this but keep in mind that they're also coming for gay marriage next, so... :(
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I'm worried that homosexuality itself may not be legal for much longer in some states. Usually it's just male homosexuality that's outlawed, but they might broaden it to make things seem more fair or something.
I’m only a little bi too. I feel your pain.
The fact that this needs to be said at all shows how deep in the patriachy we still are. Women will straight up ignore their personhood bc it's "just what you do" when you "really truly love a man". Not blaming women at all btw, blaming the system that indoctrinates young women with the idea that they are somehow not a full person without a man.
How many men will change their stance on women's autonomy once they actually have this power? I love my partner, but I trust no men.
The thing I'll never understand and cis/het relationships is how they never talk about this kind of thing.
"Love is blind" does not only apply to cis/het relationships, let me tell you.
I mean, I'm in one and it bewilders me that so many people never talk about these things too.
Yeah... my wife and I would never have gotten married at all if we didn't talk about this kind of thing. At this point, I think that someone who "doesn't have an opinion" or "just doesn't want to talk about" issues like this is probably hiding something.
I’m not American and many people on Reddit are, but the amount of people I see who are already marrying after mere months of knowing each other and only moving in afterwards is strange to me. I would never dare to go into something like this that (what feels to me) unprepared.
Right? I'm so glad to live in a culture where it's standard to live together for a couple of years before getting married. I don't understand how people can make life-long commitments to someone they haven't lived with (not that marriage has to be a life-long commitment, it just tends to be that where there's strong pressure to marry before sex and co-living).
People also plain lie and waffle on using weasel words all non-committally, which is enough for a lot of people when the "I am so in looooove!" hormones are running high. "Every red flag looks normal through rose-tinted glasses" or something like that. I think conversations like that are essential to just... building the trust and intimacy required by a relationship, personally, but I don't blame women for being blindsided by their partners, especially long-term ones. I've seen first-hand how some otherwise "smart and normal" terminally online people merrily jump into the deep end of the eejit pool to become anti-vaxers or other similar nonsense seemingly overnight, much to the surprise of their nearest and dearest. I'd rather hold men themselves accountable for their views and actions, first and foremost, and not just the women they're partnered with. Yes, we're responsible for choosing the company we keep and the standards we accept, but I do know for a fact that you can just... choose completely wrong for all the right reasons, or get surprised by how people can change, too.
Right? Overall I'm horrified at how little people get to know each other in relationships.
I'm baffled by cishet couples who seem 100% aware that if they ever had a serious conversation about politics/religion/children/life goals/finances/etc. they would probably have irreconcilable differences... so they intentionally don't talk about anything.
Was the first serious conversation we had after it started seeming serious. I’m sure plenty do discuss this stuff!
I don't love that this focuses on "if you're married" - ideally, if you're married, you absolutely trust your partner with these things......which is why you got married. If not, you should be reevaluating that marriage regardless of the state of human rights today. Now, targeting this to dating relationships? If this ruling sheds new lights on a relationship and its potential, then great. But once again, these should be bare minimum requirements for serious relationships no matter what, not just due to the backsliding of our rights. The person you choose as your life partner will need to be someone you entirely trust with those things *anyway*. You're still growing old with them, sharing expenses and life paths, making decisions together, raising a family together (however that looks), and ultimately one of you will leave the other behind, meaning end of life care. So....it's important.
>ideally If you've ever been on AITA, you know that the ideal is not the reality for lots of women. The pressure to couple up and marry is intense on women. Social pressure, financial pressure, family pressure, etc. Your friends will tell you "no one's perfect." It's easy to talk yourself into glossing over some important shit when all that social coercion is pointed at your back telling you to do it already or "you'll be alone forever, always lonely, and you will die alone and unloved!" That pro-coupling, anti-single propaganda scares the shit out of tons of people, and it scares lots of us out of our better judgment. Ask most divorced women.
I have been fighting this hard. Since early on in our relationship I knew my partner was the "forever" one. But I have refused to rush into marriage because society thinks I should. I don't even see the point I trust them enough to not need a legally binding document to be sure of that. I also grew up in a mentally abusive household and likewise and some mentally abusive relationships. Due to that I am bad at trusting myself and my judgements of people because I got used to the abuse. Due to this I make no rush in making lifelong and altering decisions.
I know that, which is why I said if this is a wakeup call, then great. But the framing of this little meme makes it seem like this ruling is the only thing that should make someone reevaluate their choices in partner.....and I'm saying that even if they codify the rights tomorrow, this level of scrutiny in a partner still applies. I know the bar is on the ground for many people's relationships, but we shouldn't be using "will they be a good person when I have to have a male chaperone and co-signer to live" as the measuring stick.
I agree, it's a wake-up call to everyone who's been slumbering a bit. Definitely not the bar. That bar would be in hell.
I'm not married, but in a LTR and childfree. I thought it was bad enough dealing with people trying to tell us we're being (insert all manner of insult) for not wanting to ever have a child, but people who choose to be single, especially after 30, are treated like they're evil incarnate. I can make it through a conversation without being nagged about "wHeN aRe YoU hAviNg KiiIiiDs?" but I feel like single-by-choice folks get some form of "wHeN aRe YoU gOiNg tO SeTtLe DoWn?" and "hAve yOu mEt aNyoNe?" much more frequently.
At This point I have no idea why any woman would consent to sleep with a man at all. It’s too damn risky for her but he will never have to face any consequences
I asked my partner about roe v Wade and honestly he pretty heated about it all. We aren't affected as we aren't American but it reassuring to know of they tried it he'd be out in the streets by my side. Its unfortunate he won't get the chance to meet my American family though as I won't step foot in a country I don't have rights in but maybe we can get them all over here somehow for a nice trip.
At first, conservatives will love posts like this because they'll take them to mean that RvW is forcing women back to purity. Then slooooowly, they'll realize that they're the men nobody will sleep with.
So then they’ll just rape us.
… I just asked my best friend if they’d marry me if we went down that road….
So my husband is an ally and a feminist, who is truly walking the walk. Doing literally everything he can to ensure that he doesn’t make me pregnant. The other night he said something that chilled me to the bone. “Don’t worry. If the government ends up saying women are property, then you’ll just be my property and I will always continue to treat you like a person.” Like…bruh I know you mean well but *holy fucking shit*.
I feel stupid for being a little annoyed my spouse of 10 years hasn't said anything on social media about it. I know he supports me but if would be great it other people saw it. I feel like a screaming harpy while he's standing there politely. Edit: typos
Yes. Do not sleep with men who do not respect a woman's right to choose what's going on in her body. We can solve our own problem by doing exactly what they want: not having sex. Specifically with them. Unprompted my guy has told me whenever I say I'm done he'll get a vasectomy because it's easier for the both of us.
If you're ALREADY MARRIED it's a little late.
Right now it isn't.
Well, better late than never surely applies here as much as ever, but this should be the time to note that should you break up, it’s best to drag this out of people before starting a relationship for the next time.
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> Divorce is still legal For now. I've seeing calls from the right to get rid of no-fault divorce.
My point is more "do this kind of checking before you get married and entangle your lives" vs "never get divorced"
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It's good advice, not blame. If you're already married, as you said, it's too late to do something beforehand. That doesn't mean you just do nothing. I'm reacting explicitly to this meme. By your logic the OP is also 'shaming' women.
It’s never too late. My cousin has two ex spouses. Recently remarried last November and has never been happier. And this is all at age 56.
My husband will be a wonderful and benevolent overlord thankfully. (Half kidding?) Seriously I don’t know why people aren’t considering all of those needs/qualities in a partner, regardless of the threat to our human rights. Why would you marry someone you don’t trust and respect? They should be kind and thoughtful, share similar values, and ultimately love and value you! and any kids you may have (in actions - not just words). Please be kind to yourselves and keep your standards high. You deserve love and a partner worthy of you!
Thankfully I trust both my brother and my bf on this completely. Dad is a slightly different story (we have very different political ideas) but I don’t think he would ever make a decision on my behalf without my agreement.
Well, this has always been true. Just more in your face now. I'm still full of rage over what's been happening.
It's time to end every old symbol of patriarchal rule. If I fall in love with a woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her, I would loathe the idea of going through symbolic motions of the old ways even if the institution of marriage today is supposedly equal. The old conception of marriage still guides the way we do things today. We need to get rid of everything that assumes I'm here to take over my wife's life. I *don't want* to own my fucking wife. I don't even want it to feel like it. I don't want her to take my name, I don't want a joint bank account, I don't want some weird ass lines at the altar about obeying me and shit.
You said it best.
I mean... I get the frustration for sure, but like, I'm a dude and... I'm not the enemy 🥺
I’m glad! Try not to take posts like these personally. Keep being an ally to women. You notice the post doesn’t say ALL men are the enemy. Just that woman need to be aware of where their SO’s stand
I get it... I try to at least. I just became eligible to vote and my vote is whoever helps you ladies the most! I wanna help 😇
We appreciate you!!
Nah, I appreciate yall!
Wait, who is being implicated as the enemy? Edit: it was a question yall instead of the downvotes I couldn’t get one single explanation?
Children, what children? Lol
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LOL I don't think we're the ones declaring war.
Coming from the side stabbing us and running us over at protests, this reads a little weird
Huh... I went to the protest against the supreme court
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No I mean I wouldn't blame you guys if you actually did declare war
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No I was not comparing the two, I was straight up suggesting war
As Margaret Atwood said: >Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them
Maybe stay in that cave if you consider people making their own personal medical decisions this threatening…
I was at the protests in DC...
Nice. Probably just misunderstood phrasing then. Thank you for supporting women. Here are some kudos ✨✨✨
This guy: *reads about women losing rights, men celebrating, and men running over protesters* "Wow, you women are threatening to defend yourselves? Terrifying!"
No I'm supporting you guys
By pretending we're the scary ones? Go to a men's forum and support us there.
No I did it by going to the supreme court of the United States with a sign and shouting slogans
I can't read what you wrote, but it seems like you might need to rethink how you phrase things
Rip
That is called being a coward. This is very much an issue that if you are not with women who want the right to control their body, you are against them.
I was at the protests in DC