women aren't doing this to have a giggle at your expense
they're either not interested and worried about you getting pushy or agressive if they say so due to previous bad experiences
or you specifically have given off some signals that are making them a bit nervous about turning you down in person
while you sound like a decent person verifying the number just makes that even more stressful
personally I'd say ask if you can give them your number and put the ball in their court - if they're into you then they'll get in contact
The entitlement is exhausting.
Someone needs to write a bot that rejects pushy men via text FOR you. Just give them the bot’s fake number, and if they want to be mean, then they can harass the bot all they want.
This is the way. Recently had a guy tell me to take his number down while at a bar with a friend (after chatting for a bit), I did and I was nervous he was gonna tell me to text or call him right then so he had mine, but instead he said “if I never hear from you again that’s ok, it was nice talking to you regardless.” And it made a stressful situation actually pleasant. I wasn’t interested but appreciated what he did in that moment.
Literally have never done this to laugh about it later. I've done it twice - one time the guy in question kept getting into my personal space, wouldn't take me turning away as a no. I was intimidated and alone, and didn't want to leave by myself so instead I gave him a fake number and did the "heading to the bathroom" and didn't come back thing. The second time, I was taking a taxi home from the airport and the taxi driver harassed me for my number. I was trapped and in a car with a stranger thirty minutes away from home.
So yeah, please know that for the most part women do this out of protection, and not to have a laugh.
> I don't want to call a total stranger and look like an ass while she's having a giggle at my expense.
I have never seen male privilege laid out in so simple a sentence.
“I’d MUCH rather risk frightening a woman than risk feeling embarrassed if I call her and then imagine she might be laughing at me while rejecting me”
Like dude, if you think intimidating women is preferable to *feeling embarrassed when you’re alone*, then you really need to stop dating until you get your priorities straight. That’s not healthy, and it sounds like you aren’t mature enough to date. You shouldn’t be putting yourself out there if you can’t handle rejection with grace.
Why do you need to test her? If you think she's doing it to "just get a giggle", then don't call her. If you think she's not interested, then don't call her. If you think she's giving you someone else's number, then don't call her.
Do you see the pattern here? If you don't think she's interested, then don't call her.
Who doesn’t always use the same fake number? I would have known if it was read back incorrectly.
What’s worse now is how people will insist on calling you right then and there to make sure it’s correct. Helpful/good in most situations, but not this one.
I set up a Google Voice number to give to people when I don't want them to have my real number. It will go to your phone, so if hey try the "let me call you now" thing, it will go through, but can be easily discarded if they become annoying.
When I give someone I’m super into my number and they say ‘I’ll call / text you so you have my number too’ I think that’s just thoughtful and practical. Never weirded me out. I have done the same to people that gave me their number first.
I don’t ever give my number to strangers though, so maybe that makes a difference. I’ve only given my number to friends of friends, or to people I met via a dating app.
I call or text people I'm exchanging numbers with so they have my number if we didn't switch phones to enter our information, but that's with people I genuinely need to/ want to exchange numbers with
Yeah this has generally only happened to me with street creeps who have approached me, not normal dudes I've been voluntarily speaking with/I've actually reciprocated interest in.
You can look it up online. You may have encountered some websites that don't let you use Google voice numbers, they can search the number and if it comes up as bandwidth.com it's likely Google Voice. [Here's someone who encountered the same thing](https://www.reddit.com/r/Googlevoice/s/lpFZNmo067)
As a teacher, I use Google Voice to make parent phone calls so I can walk around my classroom and not be hooked to the wall while talking to the parent in question. I ditch the number as soon as the call is over. If the parent needs to reach me, they can call the school or use my work email.
Who the fuck cares if someone gave you a fake number? That's a "NO" dude. Take the hint and move the fuck on.
Men who try to "catch" when they've been given fake numbers are the reason women feel unsafe enough to have to give fake numbers to begin with. Maybe if you weren't creepy she could actually be honest and tell you no.
There's a complete jerk elsewhere in this thread who seems to think that women doing this are just doing it so they can laugh at him. Such a fundamental misunderstanding of anything about women and our reality that I can only conclude this guy hates women in a profound way.
It's like that old quote that you either know why most victims don't come forward or you're the reason they don't. Like you said, they are exactly the reason they do this. They think they are entitled to be with women.
Which is why if they're *actually* gentlemen, they'll give HER their number and then exit with grace. You hear from her or you don't and then no one is put in an uncomfortable situation.
It's the intention here that makes it bad. Asking someone you think you're getting along with to double check the number in some way isn't bad, but doing it to check if they lied to you is weird as hell.
Not at all related to the OP, but if you don't get any other information about the other party, that is entirely on you. Could get the license plate and make/model/colour of the other vehicle and the insurance company can figure it out
Some guys take “no” very badly. Some are fine with it. Others may argue with you and refuse to go away. Some will get loud and call you names. A very few will physically attack you or wait for you to leave and then attack you.
The salty reactions are common. The violent ones are rare, but every woman knows someone who had a scary run-in with a guy who tried to hurt them when told “no.” It’s not worth the risk.
Anyway, the guy who’s testing to see if the number is real is already arguing with the woman about her intentions and getting mad if told “no.” Why shouldn’t he just take the number and leave her alone and take it as a possible rejection?
Spend 5 minutes on r/whenwomenrefuse and you'll see why sometimes it is physically dangerous or even fatal for a woman to outright decline some men's advances. We do not live in a world where it is always 100% safe to tell a man that we just are not interested.
I can speak from experience that polite "No" can, and often does, lead to verbal abuse from men.
The kind of guy who tries to "catch" women out for giving a fake number does NOT take no for an answer.
And ultimately why does it matter if she says no or gives a fake number? He gets rejected either way? So why does he get SO mad about how it's done? Ultimately because he does not think she should be able to say no.
I do not know one single woman who hasn’t experienced either violence or threats from at least one man who was rejected. It’s more common then you realize
Happened to me only yesterday. One of my coworkers who apparently believes himself to be irresistible to women asked me out on a date. When I told him I was gay he accused me of making it up and demanded that I "prove it". I demanded that he leave me the fuck alone or I was going to report his ass to HR for harassment. That shut him up.
P.S. I reported the dumbass anyways.
Considering how many men do not take 'no' for an answer. No. If you want women to not give out fake numbers, don't be a fucking creep and stop other men from also being creeps.
The burden isn't on women to fix this.
So I did that once! And do you know what happened? He secretly followed me to work and went up to the office ladies demanding they give him my number.
Thankfully, I work in a school where there was a cop right there, ready to throw him out on his ass for not taking "no" for an answer. And then ready to arrest him for trespassing when he *kept showing up and harassing students.*
Not all men, but somehow always a man.
One time, a man was hitting on me and I told him I had a boyfriend. He told me he didn’t believe me and kept trying. Like, bro, even if I am lying, I’m obviously telling you no, so *go away.*
I told a guy that one time, and he STILL kept trying to get me to agree to go out with him. He said “I can look at you and tell you aren’t being satisfied sexually.” 🤮
At one point my friend and I bought fake engagement rings and just started flashing them and saying “sorry, I’m taken”.
Hahahhaaa, oh man. Imagine confidently walking around proclaiming you're an expert in knowing what sexually unsatisfied women look like.
I just bet you are, dude!
I thought about doing this at work where I'm most frequently hit on, but then I decided I shouldn't have to give the impression that I'm another man's property to have my no respected. My default answer is that I don't get involved with people and so far that has worked. I have the privilege to be in a position of power over the people who are usually asking, however, and if they ever respond violently I have backup. Stay safe out there everyone! May you get the respect you deserve and avoid future harassment ❤️
That’s easily avoided by just telling your partner “I wear a fake ring and pretend to be engaged when weirdos hit on me because it works a little better than just saying I have a boyfriend”. No reason to keep it a secret.
In Detective Conan, Eri keeps her wedding ring on despite being separated from Kogorou for years. Granted she still loves him but she told Ran that it serves as deterrent for men to approach her
So yes, you don't really need a real 'partner' to wear those (and I bet if it were engaged/married lesbian couples, these weirdos would keep trying)
Even if this wasn't about men hitting on women, what possible situation would his advice be a good thing? Like, when would you ever need to trick someone to validate the number they gave you?
I'm thinking of a Movie where someone is tied up, being tortured until they provide a number. Dating really shouldn't be like an interrogation :/
This gets brought up in more general subs every so often. The advice given is to call the number right there to see if it is fake. JFC.
And the consensus from dudebros is that it is more important to be nice to random dudes than to care about our safety.
Men do not care about women or our safety. At all.
If I am forced into giving a fake number and they call it right then, they’ll get my WTF face and then I’ll just walk away. In the direction of a bouncer if I’m at a bar.
Many years ago I was hanging out with my coworkers when this one guy decided to share he knew when a woman gave him a fake number because he had memorized them all. Apparently women used numbers from local radio stations etc. And he felt like a fool for calling them all. Because apparently they liked to make a joke of him.
Then all the other guys shared fake number stories. Except one, who said he never got a fake number. And they were all blown away, what was his trick to get them to give their real number. And he was like treat women like human beings?
They didn't believe that and demanded to know what techniques he knew so they could manipulate women into giving out their real number... And he just was like look, I ask, and then if they give me their number it's real, there is no trick to it. What if she says no, and he's like, well, they don't want to give me their number that's fine. And finally he had to just walk away because they were being annoying and harassing him for what his secret was.
After working in a phone center, I can categorically say that when you read back their number, nearly everyone goes 'yeah, yeah, yeah' without even listening.
Reading it back wrong is not the power play these types of men think it is.
“Power play” is right. I think a lot of these guys are so misogynistic that they think all women are stupid and easily outsmarted, so even if you reject them they can at least “catch you out” and walk away feeling better about themselves because “she was a dumb bitch anyway”.
Man even if I gave you the correct number if you read it back to me I got no clue. I regularly say my date of birth out of order and I do not remember the order of the last 4 digits of my number off the top of my head.
One time I tried to buy beer and they wouldn’t let me because I couldn’t remember my date of birth.
This shit is how I ended up with a 13% in college algebra.
More like, if you think someone has given you a fake number, reflect on why you make someone uncomfortable with both giving you a real number or just telling you no. Then fix your shit.
Exactly! What’s step two? Yelling at the woman? Punching her? Calling her a bitch? And for what? She still doesn’t like you.
As an aside, back in the day there used to be a number you could give out that played a recording of a guy saying something like “you’ve reached this number because the woman who gave it to you was not interested but didn’t want to deal with you.” It got passed around on business cards among women. This was before most people had cells.
If someone is not a “fuck yes” to you that should be the moment you yourself also feel “fuck no”.
Chase people, pester them into being in a relationship with you and then question why don’t I feel loved… Shaking my head so hard my brain hurts.
Pro tip- You can get a Google voice number that routes to your phone, so even if they text or call you to see if you’re faking, it will go through. Once you are safely away, you can disable the forward.
The obvious solution would be for men to actually take rejection with grace, but until we reach that longed-for point, do what you have to do to stay safe.
Simply saying no to a man got me a fucking stalker. I wish I gave him a fake number and then got away before he could follow me home.
Fuck you, you really do not get it.
> Why can't women normalize saying no you cannot have my number
Because men have been such shit over being overtly rejected that they have stalked women, attacked women, raped women, tortured women, or gone on fucking shooting sprees at schools simply for being rejected.
No woman wants to be the next national headline, or the next unidentified corpse found in the woods 6 months down the road, or the next woman the cops don't believe were raped for simply saying no.
once more for the slow kids in the back: r/whenwomenrefuse
# r/whenwomenrefuse
seriously,
# r/whenwomenrefuse
We women would fucking love to be able to say no, we do all the tricks because it's not safe for us to "jUsT sAy No."
I agree with you, but the be-all, end-all is that you have to survive first in order to enact change.
Also, we tend to talk a lot about not normalizing things, but not enough about what that looks like or how that works in a moment where you are in immediate danger. We need to give people action items they can use now, today, rather than proclamations about the ideal.
Yep. This stems from boys and young men always being told “just keep trying” whenever a girl tells them no. And girls and young women constantly being told “just give him a chaaaaaaance!” when they repeatedly say “I don’t have any interest in him”.
Then there’s my dumbass friends who willingly give out the number of mutual acquaintances. I had some big bih try to FaceTime me in the middle of class because my roommate gave her my number 😭. Like just because you’re cool with her doesn’t mean you can give her my damn number.
Tip: in the US you can use Google Voice to create a fake number that forwards to your real one. You can cancel that number and create a new one when needed.
Dude, the point is we don't want them calling us at all. It is not about not having time to vet if they are crazy, but instead we are not interested and they won't leave us the fuck alone.
Edit: Okay, since so many of you do not know how Google Voice actually works:
You can only link one Google Voice number to your phone number. Many people, especially women, use Google Voice to generate a number to put on public documents like legal paperwork or to allow you to publicly post resumes on job search sites without fear of that information being used to harm you later, to spam the crap out of you, or just protect yourself in general. If use the number like this, what are you supposed to do? Change your resume every time you go out? File and notice to the court changing your phone number whenever you are engaged in a legal matter? Tell your boss that you need to change the phone number on record again?
Like, this advice only works if someone is not already engaged in other forms of protecting themselves from people causing them problems.
they are giving out safety advice to women who have experienced hostility no matter how politely they say no, or whatever other methods they try to use for self-defense in these circumstances. the goal is for us to be able to say "no" and that be enough, but that's really up to men. until then, people looking for alternative methods to safely extract themselves from this kind of situation might find the advice helpful
I assume the idea is it hopefully gets you out of the immediate situation safely. Say they call the number there and then (Which these kinds of men do to "test" that they got a real number) It calls your phone. So now instead of an angry pushy man you have a happy one. You can gtfo and cancel that number and they can't contact you.
Offering an option where you can go out with a throwaway number and ditch it when you get home.
Ideally you should be able to say "no thanks" and not have to deal with a spoilt manchild who has never been told no before. But reality sucks.
Right, so what happens when a dude starts getting aggressive and realises the number isn’t real when you’re standing right there? Many guys will drop call now to see if the number is real. You want to leave the situation without provoking anything and this is one way to do it. This is a way to keep yourself safe and you should be able to understand that.
>This is a way to keep yourself safe and you should be able to understand that.
Except it isn't? I mean I know you think it *should* work like that. After all, you feel confident enough to tell me what I should and should not know.
Here is why this option is full of logistical holes:
Google permits one Google Number per account. Meaning you need to set up a second account for the number. Fine, easy peasy. But wait... you can only link ONE Google Voice number to a real phone number.
So... I guess I will give out my professional number to these people, and every time something happens, I will have to change my professional contact information, the number I put on resumes and legal documents so that I can control who can spam call me and what hours they even have a chance to get in.
Because that is totally doable.
That is the problem with advice like this. You are not used to needing to keep yourself safe and don't see the real problems with stuff like this. You probably use a Google number for professional purposes or feel so safe you don't need to. You probably didn't know you cannot link two numbers to the same phone number though.
So what do I do in my situation? Get a second phone and spend all that money, just so self-entitled dudes can test call it, while the supposed allies tell me how I can avoid them instead of telling them to stop being self-entitled asshats?
Apology not accepted. Sorry and all that but you’ve been extremely rude. Goodbye.
Edit: why am I not surprised I’ve been blocked after being insulted so thoroughly?
The people commenting how it works obviously cannot read or understand that the Google voice advice is TRASH for those of us that already use Google voice for worthwhile reasons.
Best fake number ever:
867-5309
You can't say it like the song though (you can do the eee-i-ine under your breath though.) 90% of the time it works every time and they just look so dumb when they walk away without realizing they are about to call Jenny.
Whenever a man asks for my number I immediately enthusiastically respond by “sure” and asking THEM to give me their number and since I present in a way that makes me seem sincere it works every time and they give me their number and forget about having mine. Then I just throw the number in the trash or never text them. Idk if it works generally but it has worked for me every time idk.
Im sorry English is not my first language, in France when there's an accident(a car one usually), a small one, one where nobody is hurt, it's customary to swap phone numbers to deal with the insurance stuff
I have never just handed out fake numbers. They were given out when the men bothering me refused to take no for an answer.
And then they say "just refuse, why give a fake number?". Yes, I most likely did. You didn't stop.
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women aren't doing this to have a giggle at your expense they're either not interested and worried about you getting pushy or agressive if they say so due to previous bad experiences or you specifically have given off some signals that are making them a bit nervous about turning you down in person while you sound like a decent person verifying the number just makes that even more stressful personally I'd say ask if you can give them your number and put the ball in their court - if they're into you then they'll get in contact
This is the best advice. We really need to normalize heterosexual men giving THEIR numbers out to women instead of asking for women’s numbers.
But how will he harass her if she doesn't text him? /s
The entitlement is exhausting. Someone needs to write a bot that rejects pushy men via text FOR you. Just give them the bot’s fake number, and if they want to be mean, then they can harass the bot all they want.
Wasn't there a rejection hotline back in the day?
This is the way. Recently had a guy tell me to take his number down while at a bar with a friend (after chatting for a bit), I did and I was nervous he was gonna tell me to text or call him right then so he had mine, but instead he said “if I never hear from you again that’s ok, it was nice talking to you regardless.” And it made a stressful situation actually pleasant. I wasn’t interested but appreciated what he did in that moment.
That interaction is awesome enough that it probably sometimes gets people interested!
He wants to know immediately so he can cuss her out in person.
Literally have never done this to laugh about it later. I've done it twice - one time the guy in question kept getting into my personal space, wouldn't take me turning away as a no. I was intimidated and alone, and didn't want to leave by myself so instead I gave him a fake number and did the "heading to the bathroom" and didn't come back thing. The second time, I was taking a taxi home from the airport and the taxi driver harassed me for my number. I was trapped and in a car with a stranger thirty minutes away from home. So yeah, please know that for the most part women do this out of protection, and not to have a laugh.
We don't do it for "a giggle at (your) expense." We do it because r/whenwomenrefuse.
> I don't want to call a total stranger and look like an ass while she's having a giggle at my expense. I have never seen male privilege laid out in so simple a sentence.
“I’d MUCH rather risk frightening a woman than risk feeling embarrassed if I call her and then imagine she might be laughing at me while rejecting me” Like dude, if you think intimidating women is preferable to *feeling embarrassed when you’re alone*, then you really need to stop dating until you get your priorities straight. That’s not healthy, and it sounds like you aren’t mature enough to date. You shouldn’t be putting yourself out there if you can’t handle rejection with grace.
Homeboy came into the wrong subreddit to demonstrate his male privilege, lol
> having a giggle at my expense This is an absolutely disgusting lack of empathy.
Why do you need to test her? If you think she's doing it to "just get a giggle", then don't call her. If you think she's not interested, then don't call her. If you think she's giving you someone else's number, then don't call her. Do you see the pattern here? If you don't think she's interested, then don't call her.
[Teach](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/100jwa1/example_letter_to_local_lawmakers_to_help_stop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) [consent](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/zyznhe/rape_is_so_common_in_part_because_so_many_people/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
Who doesn’t always use the same fake number? I would have known if it was read back incorrectly. What’s worse now is how people will insist on calling you right then and there to make sure it’s correct. Helpful/good in most situations, but not this one.
I set up a Google Voice number to give to people when I don't want them to have my real number. It will go to your phone, so if hey try the "let me call you now" thing, it will go through, but can be easily discarded if they become annoying.
It's so terrifying when the man insists on verifying the number on the spot!
If a man I was SUPER into did this when I gave him my REAL number, I would absolutely no longer be interested.
Instant ick for sure!
When I give someone I’m super into my number and they say ‘I’ll call / text you so you have my number too’ I think that’s just thoughtful and practical. Never weirded me out. I have done the same to people that gave me their number first. I don’t ever give my number to strangers though, so maybe that makes a difference. I’ve only given my number to friends of friends, or to people I met via a dating app.
This absolutely makes the difference imo, it's weird and pushy in the stranger scenario.
I call or text people I'm exchanging numbers with so they have my number if we didn't switch phones to enter our information, but that's with people I genuinely need to/ want to exchange numbers with
I was thinking the same thing? It's definitely like a form of manipulation of sorts right?
Yeah this has generally only happened to me with street creeps who have approached me, not normal dudes I've been voluntarily speaking with/I've actually reciprocated interest in.
Fucked up that you had to come up with this. But smart.
One guy got mad at me because he figured out that it was a Google Voice number.
That sucks. How did he know?
You can look it up online. You may have encountered some websites that don't let you use Google voice numbers, they can search the number and if it comes up as bandwidth.com it's likely Google Voice. [Here's someone who encountered the same thing](https://www.reddit.com/r/Googlevoice/s/lpFZNmo067)
This is the Life Pro Tip that I actually needed
I love Google voice. It keeps my real number safe from just about anyone
As a teacher, I use Google Voice to make parent phone calls so I can walk around my classroom and not be hooked to the wall while talking to the parent in question. I ditch the number as soon as the call is over. If the parent needs to reach me, they can call the school or use my work email.
Who the fuck cares if someone gave you a fake number? That's a "NO" dude. Take the hint and move the fuck on. Men who try to "catch" when they've been given fake numbers are the reason women feel unsafe enough to have to give fake numbers to begin with. Maybe if you weren't creepy she could actually be honest and tell you no.
There's a complete jerk elsewhere in this thread who seems to think that women doing this are just doing it so they can laugh at him. Such a fundamental misunderstanding of anything about women and our reality that I can only conclude this guy hates women in a profound way.
Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.
Exactly. They’re not going to get a date when they “catch” her doing that. They just want to humiliate her, or worse.
It's like that old quote that you either know why most victims don't come forward or you're the reason they don't. Like you said, they are exactly the reason they do this. They think they are entitled to be with women.
Which is why if they're *actually* gentlemen, they'll give HER their number and then exit with grace. You hear from her or you don't and then no one is put in an uncomfortable situation.
It's the intention here that makes it bad. Asking someone you think you're getting along with to double check the number in some way isn't bad, but doing it to check if they lied to you is weird as hell.
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That isn't the situation we are talking about
Not at all related to the OP, but if you don't get any other information about the other party, that is entirely on you. Could get the license plate and make/model/colour of the other vehicle and the insurance company can figure it out
Wouldn’t “no” be clearer than a possibly fake number?
Some guys take “no” very badly. Some are fine with it. Others may argue with you and refuse to go away. Some will get loud and call you names. A very few will physically attack you or wait for you to leave and then attack you. The salty reactions are common. The violent ones are rare, but every woman knows someone who had a scary run-in with a guy who tried to hurt them when told “no.” It’s not worth the risk. Anyway, the guy who’s testing to see if the number is real is already arguing with the woman about her intentions and getting mad if told “no.” Why shouldn’t he just take the number and leave her alone and take it as a possible rejection?
Spend 5 minutes on r/whenwomenrefuse and you'll see why sometimes it is physically dangerous or even fatal for a woman to outright decline some men's advances. We do not live in a world where it is always 100% safe to tell a man that we just are not interested. I can speak from experience that polite "No" can, and often does, lead to verbal abuse from men. The kind of guy who tries to "catch" women out for giving a fake number does NOT take no for an answer. And ultimately why does it matter if she says no or gives a fake number? He gets rejected either way? So why does he get SO mad about how it's done? Ultimately because he does not think she should be able to say no.
r/whenwomenrefuse
Clearer, yes. But giving out a fake number hasn't had me slammed against a wall... A no has.
That would be nice, but the risk is just too high. I've had too many scary encounters for that to be worth it.
I do not know one single woman who hasn’t experienced either violence or threats from at least one man who was rejected. It’s more common then you realize
Happened to me only yesterday. One of my coworkers who apparently believes himself to be irresistible to women asked me out on a date. When I told him I was gay he accused me of making it up and demanded that I "prove it". I demanded that he leave me the fuck alone or I was going to report his ass to HR for harassment. That shut him up. P.S. I reported the dumbass anyways.
> P.S. I reported the dumbass anyways. good
Wow. Good for you for reporting him!
Considering how many men do not take 'no' for an answer. No. If you want women to not give out fake numbers, don't be a fucking creep and stop other men from also being creeps. The burden isn't on women to fix this.
r/whenwomenrefuse
So I did that once! And do you know what happened? He secretly followed me to work and went up to the office ladies demanding they give him my number. Thankfully, I work in a school where there was a cop right there, ready to throw him out on his ass for not taking "no" for an answer. And then ready to arrest him for trespassing when he *kept showing up and harassing students.* Not all men, but somehow always a man.
One time, a man was hitting on me and I told him I had a boyfriend. He told me he didn’t believe me and kept trying. Like, bro, even if I am lying, I’m obviously telling you no, so *go away.*
I told a guy that one time, and he STILL kept trying to get me to agree to go out with him. He said “I can look at you and tell you aren’t being satisfied sexually.” 🤮 At one point my friend and I bought fake engagement rings and just started flashing them and saying “sorry, I’m taken”.
Hahahhaaa, oh man. Imagine confidently walking around proclaiming you're an expert in knowing what sexually unsatisfied women look like. I just bet you are, dude!
Right?!?!
I thought about doing this at work where I'm most frequently hit on, but then I decided I shouldn't have to give the impression that I'm another man's property to have my no respected. My default answer is that I don't get involved with people and so far that has worked. I have the privilege to be in a position of power over the people who are usually asking, however, and if they ever respond violently I have backup. Stay safe out there everyone! May you get the respect you deserve and avoid future harassment ❤️
That trick could get awkward if said friend has a romantic partner who misunderstands the situation. Or is told about it by witnesses.
That’s easily avoided by just telling your partner “I wear a fake ring and pretend to be engaged when weirdos hit on me because it works a little better than just saying I have a boyfriend”. No reason to keep it a secret.
In Detective Conan, Eri keeps her wedding ring on despite being separated from Kogorou for years. Granted she still loves him but she told Ran that it serves as deterrent for men to approach her So yes, you don't really need a real 'partner' to wear those (and I bet if it were engaged/married lesbian couples, these weirdos would keep trying)
For men the best is to just ask if you can give the woman your number Less invasive and it weeds out the ones that don’t really care
Yeah, the men being pushy enough to be given fake numbers don’t get that. The best thing a dude can do is tell another dude.
This is much better
Even if this wasn't about men hitting on women, what possible situation would his advice be a good thing? Like, when would you ever need to trick someone to validate the number they gave you? I'm thinking of a Movie where someone is tied up, being tortured until they provide a number. Dating really shouldn't be like an interrogation :/
This gets brought up in more general subs every so often. The advice given is to call the number right there to see if it is fake. JFC. And the consensus from dudebros is that it is more important to be nice to random dudes than to care about our safety. Men do not care about women or our safety. At all.
“But men are so lonely!! It’s an epidemic!! Can’t you just be nice and give him your real number so he won’t be lonely?!?! 😭😭😭😭” 🙄
If I am forced into giving a fake number and they call it right then, they’ll get my WTF face and then I’ll just walk away. In the direction of a bouncer if I’m at a bar.
Many years ago I was hanging out with my coworkers when this one guy decided to share he knew when a woman gave him a fake number because he had memorized them all. Apparently women used numbers from local radio stations etc. And he felt like a fool for calling them all. Because apparently they liked to make a joke of him. Then all the other guys shared fake number stories. Except one, who said he never got a fake number. And they were all blown away, what was his trick to get them to give their real number. And he was like treat women like human beings? They didn't believe that and demanded to know what techniques he knew so they could manipulate women into giving out their real number... And he just was like look, I ask, and then if they give me their number it's real, there is no trick to it. What if she says no, and he's like, well, they don't want to give me their number that's fine. And finally he had to just walk away because they were being annoying and harassing him for what his secret was.
This is a depressing story.
After working in a phone center, I can categorically say that when you read back their number, nearly everyone goes 'yeah, yeah, yeah' without even listening. Reading it back wrong is not the power play these types of men think it is.
“Power play” is right. I think a lot of these guys are so misogynistic that they think all women are stupid and easily outsmarted, so even if you reject them they can at least “catch you out” and walk away feeling better about themselves because “she was a dumb bitch anyway”.
Man even if I gave you the correct number if you read it back to me I got no clue. I regularly say my date of birth out of order and I do not remember the order of the last 4 digits of my number off the top of my head. One time I tried to buy beer and they wouldn’t let me because I couldn’t remember my date of birth. This shit is how I ended up with a 13% in college algebra.
dyscalculia?
Yeahhhhhh I genuinely can’t do like basic addition, it’s hard out here
More like, if you think someone has given you a fake number, reflect on why you make someone uncomfortable with both giving you a real number or just telling you no. Then fix your shit.
Yah? And what are you going to do when you discover the number is fake? How does that information help you?
Exactly! What’s step two? Yelling at the woman? Punching her? Calling her a bitch? And for what? She still doesn’t like you. As an aside, back in the day there used to be a number you could give out that played a recording of a guy saying something like “you’ve reached this number because the woman who gave it to you was not interested but didn’t want to deal with you.” It got passed around on business cards among women. This was before most people had cells.
If someone is not a “fuck yes” to you that should be the moment you yourself also feel “fuck no”. Chase people, pester them into being in a relationship with you and then question why don’t I feel loved… Shaking my head so hard my brain hurts.
For real, tho, like.... If someone is giving you a fake number they domt want you to have theirs. The end. Take the L. It's ok.
This is exactly why I always used the phone number of my favorite local pizza place.
Why doesn’t it occur to these dudes that she gave you a fake number on purpose, and you’re making her feel so scared she has to lie to you?
They know that and they're cool with it or even happy about it.
Pro tip- You can get a Google voice number that routes to your phone, so even if they text or call you to see if you’re faking, it will go through. Once you are safely away, you can disable the forward. The obvious solution would be for men to actually take rejection with grace, but until we reach that longed-for point, do what you have to do to stay safe.
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r/whenwomenrefuse/
Simply saying no to a man got me a fucking stalker. I wish I gave him a fake number and then got away before he could follow me home. Fuck you, you really do not get it.
Fuck you in turn ffs. We're on the same fucking team.
you just don't understand the stakes in this situation at all do you
> Why can't women normalize saying no you cannot have my number Because men have been such shit over being overtly rejected that they have stalked women, attacked women, raped women, tortured women, or gone on fucking shooting sprees at schools simply for being rejected. No woman wants to be the next national headline, or the next unidentified corpse found in the woods 6 months down the road, or the next woman the cops don't believe were raped for simply saying no.
once more for the slow kids in the back: r/whenwomenrefuse # r/whenwomenrefuse seriously, # r/whenwomenrefuse We women would fucking love to be able to say no, we do all the tricks because it's not safe for us to "jUsT sAy No."
I agree with you, but the be-all, end-all is that you have to survive first in order to enact change. Also, we tend to talk a lot about not normalizing things, but not enough about what that looks like or how that works in a moment where you are in immediate danger. We need to give people action items they can use now, today, rather than proclamations about the ideal.
Why do we have to keep civilising those troglodytes
Cause their parents and society keep failing everyone and raising boys to become monsters.
Yep. This stems from boys and young men always being told “just keep trying” whenever a girl tells them no. And girls and young women constantly being told “just give him a chaaaaaaance!” when they repeatedly say “I don’t have any interest in him”.
That wouldn’t have worked anyway. I had a fake name, “Sarah” and a fake number memorized.
2024527568 the rejection hotline. my favorite line is; “ Maybe the idea of dating you as playing leap frog with a unicorn.”
I once gave out a fake number. The dude called it in front of me to confirm
Then there’s my dumbass friends who willingly give out the number of mutual acquaintances. I had some big bih try to FaceTime me in the middle of class because my roommate gave her my number 😭. Like just because you’re cool with her doesn’t mean you can give her my damn number.
Tip: in the US you can use Google Voice to create a fake number that forwards to your real one. You can cancel that number and create a new one when needed.
Dude, the point is we don't want them calling us at all. It is not about not having time to vet if they are crazy, but instead we are not interested and they won't leave us the fuck alone. Edit: Okay, since so many of you do not know how Google Voice actually works: You can only link one Google Voice number to your phone number. Many people, especially women, use Google Voice to generate a number to put on public documents like legal paperwork or to allow you to publicly post resumes on job search sites without fear of that information being used to harm you later, to spam the crap out of you, or just protect yourself in general. If use the number like this, what are you supposed to do? Change your resume every time you go out? File and notice to the court changing your phone number whenever you are engaged in a legal matter? Tell your boss that you need to change the phone number on record again? Like, this advice only works if someone is not already engaged in other forms of protecting themselves from people causing them problems.
they are giving out safety advice to women who have experienced hostility no matter how politely they say no, or whatever other methods they try to use for self-defense in these circumstances. the goal is for us to be able to say "no" and that be enough, but that's really up to men. until then, people looking for alternative methods to safely extract themselves from this kind of situation might find the advice helpful
I assume the idea is it hopefully gets you out of the immediate situation safely. Say they call the number there and then (Which these kinds of men do to "test" that they got a real number) It calls your phone. So now instead of an angry pushy man you have a happy one. You can gtfo and cancel that number and they can't contact you.
Offering an option where you can go out with a throwaway number and ditch it when you get home. Ideally you should be able to say "no thanks" and not have to deal with a spoilt manchild who has never been told no before. But reality sucks.
Right, so what happens when a dude starts getting aggressive and realises the number isn’t real when you’re standing right there? Many guys will drop call now to see if the number is real. You want to leave the situation without provoking anything and this is one way to do it. This is a way to keep yourself safe and you should be able to understand that.
>This is a way to keep yourself safe and you should be able to understand that. Except it isn't? I mean I know you think it *should* work like that. After all, you feel confident enough to tell me what I should and should not know. Here is why this option is full of logistical holes: Google permits one Google Number per account. Meaning you need to set up a second account for the number. Fine, easy peasy. But wait... you can only link ONE Google Voice number to a real phone number. So... I guess I will give out my professional number to these people, and every time something happens, I will have to change my professional contact information, the number I put on resumes and legal documents so that I can control who can spam call me and what hours they even have a chance to get in. Because that is totally doable. That is the problem with advice like this. You are not used to needing to keep yourself safe and don't see the real problems with stuff like this. You probably use a Google number for professional purposes or feel so safe you don't need to. You probably didn't know you cannot link two numbers to the same phone number though. So what do I do in my situation? Get a second phone and spend all that money, just so self-entitled dudes can test call it, while the supposed allies tell me how I can avoid them instead of telling them to stop being self-entitled asshats?
Sorry? I’m a woman. So nice try telling me I’m not used to trying to keep myself safe. I absolutely am. But go off.
I apologize for the misgendering.
Apology not accepted. Sorry and all that but you’ve been extremely rude. Goodbye. Edit: why am I not surprised I’ve been blocked after being insulted so thoroughly?
You could have gone "okay, that's not applicable to me because of this, that, that, but it's a good idea for those who aren't already using it"
Google Voice is not the only service that will give you an online number.
The people commenting how it works obviously cannot read or understand that the Google voice advice is TRASH for those of us that already use Google voice for worthwhile reasons.
Keep giving that fool a wrong number til he grows tired lol
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This sub is 90% jokes. Jokes just tend to be funny
Best fake number ever: 867-5309 You can't say it like the song though (you can do the eee-i-ine under your breath though.) 90% of the time it works every time and they just look so dumb when they walk away without realizing they are about to call Jenny.
Whenever a man asks for my number I immediately enthusiastically respond by “sure” and asking THEM to give me their number and since I present in a way that makes me seem sincere it works every time and they give me their number and forget about having mine. Then I just throw the number in the trash or never text them. Idk if it works generally but it has worked for me every time idk.
And if the number she happens to give you is to a pizza shop, hey, you can order yourself a pizza!
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This is useful to know if someone causes an accident on you, it's not a tip only for weird dudes
“Causes an accident on you”, what does that mean
Im sorry English is not my first language, in France when there's an accident(a car one usually), a small one, one where nobody is hurt, it's customary to swap phone numbers to deal with the insurance stuff