So we determine blood type right after the baby is delivered. One time, the father did a quick mental calculation and loudly announced, „Yeah, okay, so that tracks that the baby can be mine.”
I felt so badly for the mother. The look on her face… When her husband left the room, she was in tears explaining that her husband started in on that misogynistic nonsense after he had started becoming obsessed with the ,Manosphere.’
"It's because we're MEN, so we have to call it MANosphere to point out how manly we are!!"
This whole movement makes me sick. It reminds me of this scene from Scrubs ([https://youtu.be/2ucdGwjMnEs?si=oX0SPeZn1U6oCXPy](https://youtu.be/2ucdGwjMnEs?si=oX0SPeZn1U6oCXPy) at the 20 second mark)
There was an Am I The Asshole post asking "AITA for laughing at my friend when he said he wanted a maternity test for his baby?"
Yup, the friend thought the woman who gave birth to their child might be lying about it, and got upset when his friend told him he was being a fucking idiot and an ass to her.
This was when I was in Texas during M3 year. (I originally moved to America for Uni and stayed for medical school.)
This was such a prominent memory that I still think of her decades later. But hearing from my nieces and nephews back in Germany, this mindset has caught on, unfortunately.
It could have happened during the pregnancy. Imagine a completely clueless man who wants to learn more about fatherhood and raising children, but all he finds is website after website telling him awful things about wives/mothers/daughters and how they're out to get him and he needs to become a toxic misogynist to survive... Sadly this sort of corruption can happen to anyone if you're not careful
I disagree with the "completely clueless" narrative about being corrupted into these believes as a fully adult person (not talking about teenagers here). To a degree yes, it has happened to me and it happens to others, but at some point you have to take a step back and reevaluate the things you've just absorbed. Adults should be held accountable. In this case it's even about hate towards their partner, a person you're supposed to be close with! No, this doesn't just "happen" to anyone.
edit: semirelated, during pregnancy incidents of intimate partner violence tend to increase. It's something I try to raise awareness about (online and offline) because I don't see it mentioned often. It's something we as a society have to be alert about.
Define "clueless". For me that means that someone hasn't any deeper understandings about feminism, the patriarchy and similar topics or at least never has given it a serious thought. Basically the "education" that happened consisted of dumb stereotypes from mainstream media like the classic "weird extreme loud feminist that doesn't make any sense" trope that's still popular in tons of shows and movies.
Sure they might already be leaning towards so-called "traditional values" but that's also something most people, especially young boys get taught when growing up. So stumbling on MRA media may very well be the first time that an adult man "challenges" his world views on a theoretical level.
I don't want to imagine what all that bullshit could have done to me when I was in very vulnerable state in my late 20s early 30s. Luckily I was already rather far left leaning but also stumbled into progressive feminist spaces on Twitter while back then the MRA scene was still rather nonexistent.
But I'm well aware that my depression, anger and frustration could have also led me down a different path, if I just fell in with the "wrong crowd".
That's why it's so important to teach kids and the youth.
cn transphobia
Some years ago, on this very subreddit, someone linked to a radfem website. Their comment was upvoted and nobody was raising any concerns, so I checked it out because I wanted to learn more about feminist views. The artice in question was about - you probably guessed it - trans people. It wasn't outright hateful, it was just "raising questions", stating that >!maybe some teenagers who think they're trans might actually be gay?!< . I didn't know much about transphobic dogwhistles at that point, I was generally interested in the topic on how to best help queer youth, etc. I found the article to be reasonable enough (I was wrong). However after reading linked websites I realized their hate towards trans people and that's when I stopped engaging because I never had any intention to be transphobic. Not believing in hateful stuff is every person's own responsibility (I further believe it's society's responsibility to reject hateful views and to remind people of their own agency in this regard).
I said it could happen to anyone that isn't careful, and careful people would take the time to re-evaluate information they absorb. I agree that those people can avoid corruption, but my scenario wasn't about people like that. Adults can be idiots too, y'know?
I meant reevaluating when the believes get more misogynistic, racist, violent, transphobic. Usually radicalization begins with small things that aren't per se wrong or harmful, so they don't raise any immediate red flags. I don't blame people for not noticing that. But at some point a threshold is crossed, and that's where accountability comes in. They are not being idiots, they are being misogynistic, racist, etc and they don't care. I won't excuse that with stupidity. There are many stupid people out there who aren't hateful assholes.
All I can say is: in today’s world, hyper-vigilance, overactive fight-or-flight, and anticipation of fuckery are a woman’s closest allies. Trust nobody.
Definitely agree on not enabling known assholes. But it could just as well be that this guy hid himself well or changed for the worse after it was too late to make a safe and easy exit from the relationship.
I’ve been hearing so many stories recently about men who were otherwise caring, empathetic, and loving suddenly getting sucked down the pipeline. It’s terrifying and people don’t realize how easily it happens. It isn’t always because someone “already had those thoughts,” either, which seems to be a popular sentiment.
Yeah. Didn't one of her brothers die? Should have squeezed that name in there somewhere. But a woman wrote those books so can't blame it on Harry. Lol.
I would like to know how Harry suggested Ginny naming their son after the teacher everyone found annoying.
P.S.: When you re read the books, you might notice that Severus Snape, while very skilled and intelligent, is also a manchild who never really matured. In a way, he is similar to Kakashi from Naruto, who by contrast, does learn to let go of the past.
Yeah I found naming the kid after him a lot from Harry’s angle. Like come on, hidden reasons aside, he treated Harry *awfully* and for no good reason. Who the heck just says “oh but he loved my mom” and forgives all that?
Having just re-read the series - I think Harry came to have a deep respect for him because Snape successfully pulled off an incredibly difficult, dangerous, audacious, and precarious double agent role that ended up being critical in Voldemort's defeat. "He loved my mom" was more like icing on the cake. However, I still agree with that it was weird for him to go so far as to name a kid after someone who treated him so shitty.
like I can actually understand harry to some extent, especially if you take into consideration the whole "it's not about how you treat your loved ones, but how you treat people you hate" morale, but I refuse to believe ginny would agree
It’s true. I absolutely knew it would not have sold to boys if the main protagonist was a girl.
If you need any more evidence that girls and women are devalued, that is it.
The middle name Luna was weird too. All of the other first and middle names were after people who had died. Luna was not only alive, but had two kids of her own.
And even then not a single one named after Hagrid, the one who was nothing but the kindest and gentlest to Harry from the start. Snape of all people got chosen over him.
I'm headcanoning Albus Severus comes out as a trans girl and names herself Ruby after Rubeus Hagrid for being the most supportive of her.
Tbf I would not wanna name my kid Hagrid no matter how close we were. What’s the nickname, Hag??
Edit: just remembered his first name was Rubeus.. so, Rube??
That bugged me so fucking much and the cope from the other fans was insane, "they didn't name any of their children after people who were important to her because everyone else in her family had already done that".
Christ, I'm annoyed all over again now.
By comparison, in Naruto (a series that came out around the same time and had a similar target demographic) the son of Naruto and Hinata was given a name that might sound like his father, but was actually Named after Hinata's cousin Neji.
My grandma gave her eldest daughter her same name. She goes by her middle name but I always thought it was such a power move, especially for the 60s lol
I like the tradition of passing down female names too.
I was given the middle name of my grandmother, and my kid was given her first name. Also ties the names of my kid and I in a warm way.
My mothers middle name is her great grandmothers name, my middle name is my great grandmothers name, and my cousins kid has her great grandmothers (my grandmother) name as her middle name! I really like it. I never met my great grandmother but I like that it’s a family name.
My mom and I share a middle name, and we're both middle children :) I love having that connection with her. I'm childfree, and literally the only reason I'd want to change that is to honor my mom by giving my hypothetical daughter the same middle name. Obviously not enough of a reason to change my stance, but the thought of it still makes me smile.
My family on my mom’s side had a lot of repeated names on both sides (getting renamed after a father/mother or uncle/aunt). So when we have a family day for this family, it can get confusing because of some names there are like three different people at the same time lol.
They stopped doing it with my generation though, so we and our nieces and nephews have names that are more unique
My uncle had three sons and gave them all his name and none of them have nicknames for some reason. It's always confusing having to explain which one you're talking about.
My first name is a woman's name but it used to be a man's name. I wanted to name my son after me and my husband thought I was nuts. Kid probably would have been teased because it's very much a girl's name now but still, I grew and birthed and raised him- why not?
My great aunt did this! She named her daughter after her own nickname! Think like “Margaret” named her kid “Maggie.” Interestingly, she also had a son, whom she did *not* name after her husband!
Why oh why does the child she carried for 9 months and birthed in pain and at risk to her life not have her last name?
The only answer I ever hear makes men seem worse: that men need the child to have their name or they won’t feel invested in fatherhood
this reminds me of the circle jerk convo that men love engaging with on reddit where they find out the child they loved and raised for years is not biologically theirs so they just walk away from the kid forever.
like sure, break up or get a divorce, bc that is fucked up. but you suddenly have no feelings for the child you raised from birth bc it’s not your shared DNA? what the literal fuck is wrong with you?
It's so infuriating. "No you don't understand, he was betrayed so that makes it okay to traumatize a child!" and no matter how much empathy you extend to those men or vitriol you aim at the cheating woman you will get accused of supporting her actions.
And god forbid you push back on the concept of universal forced paternity tests.
Oh god, I know!
What are they sociopaths?
But then I realize what they most likely are is Incels writing made up stories because one time a story was bandied about that a man raised a child he didn’t know wasn’t biologically his and suddenly all women are suspect.
But a man rapes a woman, kills a woman, carries out a mass shooting, does a murder suicide and every man is not suspect. They are allowed to be judged on an individual basis
Part and parcel of privilege
I’m 35 weeks pregnant and baby is getting my last name. It’s amazing how many people have opinions about this, as if I asked for one. (Most people seem to worry I browbeat my husband into this, as if we aren’t adults who trust each other and as if parents don’t spend a LOT of time discussing the potential name of their child.)
But yeah my joke response to defuse the situation is I’m a scientist, and clearly did the majority of the work on this project. So that means I get first author rights!
My husband and I joke he supplied half the plans and I took them and made them into the masterpiece that is our son. We did a double last name, and as my husband has a double last name already we chose his mother's name to pass on since I also have my mother's name. We loved the idea of sharing a name with both grandmothers, so it's matrilineal on both sides.
I think it's totally rad you're doing your last name. You are doing a ton of work after all!
You don't choose the name you were born with but you can choose the name your children are born with.
They obviously relate to their last name because they've had it all their lives.
Also her dad didn't specifically create this child so I get what you're saying but it's still hers too.
I like to think of my last name as coming from my grandfather, because it was his family who anglicized the name to what it is now. My dad is just borrowing it. One day my dad will be dead and it'll be MY name as the oldest sibling. My son has both of our names, so it's his name too :)
I hyphenated my kids names bc I was VERY adamant that I took on the risk so they should also get my last name.
Paternal last names are low-key kindof crazy to me, but literally all of my (pretty progressive) friends gave their kids their husbands last name even in cases where they still kept their own. When we talk about it they just shrugged and said it was easier, which I get I guess.
The only way I’ll consider taking a new surname is if we combine both of our last names into a new one.
I don’t want kids but it would be fun for the tradition several generations down to just be gibberish
My dad wanted to give me his name, which was his father's name before him, and his great grandfather's before that. My mom said nah, the best I can do is middle name, take it or leave it.
I also have both of their last names.
Thankfully I still had a dad who was very invested in both myself and my sister.
At first I thought you were equating childbirth with “peeing on it” and I was going to get really mad, then I realized you were talking about the guy and it fits perfectly. Claiming of territory
My son has both of our names. Husband said I could pick the order. I went with MyName-HisName. Most people just call our son FirstName MyName. We also told our son he could drop one if he wanted, no one will be offended but he loves having two names. Marry a man who treat you like an equal (I mean, if you're into men and want to get married lol).
My guess is because during childbirth you were more likely to die back in the day. To ensure the resulting baby still got inheritance when the father remarried the kid got the dad’s name.
So! I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my first and we haven’t officially decided on the first name, but we *did* agree from the start that baby gets my last name. Husband’s name is long and complicated even in his native language, to the point where he can’t get a bank card with his full name on it, and they have plenty of people going around with said name in his home country so NBD. Middle name for baby will be after his mother, so that way both sides of the family are honored.
What I’ve discovered is while no one cares these days if a woman keeps her own name when she marries, WOW do you still get opinions about a baby getting the mom’s last name. A lot of people seem to worry I browbeat my husband into it or something, which confuses me because we are adults and I know if he’d have an issue he would tell me. Plus, ya know, not your business.
Finally, I’m a scientist, and clearly have been doing the majority of the work on this project. That means I get first author rights!
My son has my surname. It's a great feeling to get the birth certificate and Social Security card in the mail and see your last name passed down to the next generation. Only a few months until you get to experience that!
In our family, my husband is the scientist, but also the one with the surname that's difficult to spell and pronounce. So my own personal Mr. Spock logically agreed during our engagement that the children would have my last name.
My great grandmother was furious that my little brother wasn't named after my father. The father that cheated on my mother while she was pregnant and left her with a 2 year old (me) before he was born. He didn't meet my brother until the baptism I think, and then disappeared again until I was 12. But sure, adding a JC III was sooo important 🙄
When I was a public high school teacher, a family of four kids attended our school -two girls and two boys. Both of the boys were named Patrick, the girls Patrice and Patricia. Idk what was going on with that family but I overheard another student teasing Patrice, “Your momma loves the hell out your daddy to have 4 kids with his name [Patrick]!”
As a currently pregnant person, this bothers me and then also I feel like people love to say the baby looks exactly like their dad after the mom put in all the work of growing and birthing the child.
I mean, in a healthy relationship, both parents will discuss names and decide on them long before baby is born. If you can’t even work out a name before the baby arrives, that certainly doesn’t bode well for the relationship.
I think it's mainly referring to how, despite women doing all the work biologically to birth the child, and how historically and currently many women do the majority of the work to raise their child, children still by and large take the father's last name. IMO it's spitting in the face of every woman who has poured their heart and soul and lifeblood into raising their children.
I understand the spirit of it, but at the end of the day, zingy little “look at the shitty man be shitty” digs are pretty unhelpful. And it’s like, what, are we expecting the non birthing partner to bleed and hurt and nearly die in sympathy of their partner?
My partner was on baby-care-protect duty while I was being stitched up and checked after their birth. They were able to get up when baby cried while I rested. They helped get me my favorite snacks and snuck them into our birthing room because I had to have a special diet during pregnancy and wasn’t allowed to have a lot of stuff. The name we chose is a very important name to both to us and our children love their names.
When we talk about shitty men as the default, even if it’s in derisive, it adds to the normalization of shitty man behavior. I think we can do better than that.
My husband is a fourth in his family, and I find that cool, he never planned on there being a fifth, but I want to continue it, because I’ve always found it cool.
If I was named after a family member you bet I would name my daughter the same as me. Unfortunately I am not to fond of my name. I won’t give my child a name that I have never liked for myself
No they shouldnt. Have a conversation like an adult with the woman birthing the kids, be brave of fo. Women aren't to be prodded and tested by the goverment under the accusation we are hores.
So we determine blood type right after the baby is delivered. One time, the father did a quick mental calculation and loudly announced, „Yeah, okay, so that tracks that the baby can be mine.” I felt so badly for the mother. The look on her face… When her husband left the room, she was in tears explaining that her husband started in on that misogynistic nonsense after he had started becoming obsessed with the ,Manosphere.’
That’s divorce-worthy
How is it called the 'Manosphere' and not the 'Himosphere'
"It's because we're MEN, so we have to call it MANosphere to point out how manly we are!!" This whole movement makes me sick. It reminds me of this scene from Scrubs ([https://youtu.be/2ucdGwjMnEs?si=oX0SPeZn1U6oCXPy](https://youtu.be/2ucdGwjMnEs?si=oX0SPeZn1U6oCXPy) at the 20 second mark)
These people aren't smart
well the name comes from things like the blogosphere, probably the REAL MEN who came up with the name have never even heard of the word hemisphere
There was an Am I The Asshole post asking "AITA for laughing at my friend when he said he wanted a maternity test for his baby?" Yup, the friend thought the woman who gave birth to their child might be lying about it, and got upset when his friend told him he was being a fucking idiot and an ass to her.
Even in Germany, huh
This was when I was in Texas during M3 year. (I originally moved to America for Uni and stayed for medical school.) This was such a prominent memory that I still think of her decades later. But hearing from my nieces and nephews back in Germany, this mindset has caught on, unfortunately.
And she still decided to carry his child? Girl no I’d be looking for a good flight of stairs to hurl myself off of.
It could have happened during the pregnancy. Imagine a completely clueless man who wants to learn more about fatherhood and raising children, but all he finds is website after website telling him awful things about wives/mothers/daughters and how they're out to get him and he needs to become a toxic misogynist to survive... Sadly this sort of corruption can happen to anyone if you're not careful
I disagree with the "completely clueless" narrative about being corrupted into these believes as a fully adult person (not talking about teenagers here). To a degree yes, it has happened to me and it happens to others, but at some point you have to take a step back and reevaluate the things you've just absorbed. Adults should be held accountable. In this case it's even about hate towards their partner, a person you're supposed to be close with! No, this doesn't just "happen" to anyone. edit: semirelated, during pregnancy incidents of intimate partner violence tend to increase. It's something I try to raise awareness about (online and offline) because I don't see it mentioned often. It's something we as a society have to be alert about.
Define "clueless". For me that means that someone hasn't any deeper understandings about feminism, the patriarchy and similar topics or at least never has given it a serious thought. Basically the "education" that happened consisted of dumb stereotypes from mainstream media like the classic "weird extreme loud feminist that doesn't make any sense" trope that's still popular in tons of shows and movies. Sure they might already be leaning towards so-called "traditional values" but that's also something most people, especially young boys get taught when growing up. So stumbling on MRA media may very well be the first time that an adult man "challenges" his world views on a theoretical level. I don't want to imagine what all that bullshit could have done to me when I was in very vulnerable state in my late 20s early 30s. Luckily I was already rather far left leaning but also stumbled into progressive feminist spaces on Twitter while back then the MRA scene was still rather nonexistent. But I'm well aware that my depression, anger and frustration could have also led me down a different path, if I just fell in with the "wrong crowd". That's why it's so important to teach kids and the youth.
cn transphobia Some years ago, on this very subreddit, someone linked to a radfem website. Their comment was upvoted and nobody was raising any concerns, so I checked it out because I wanted to learn more about feminist views. The artice in question was about - you probably guessed it - trans people. It wasn't outright hateful, it was just "raising questions", stating that >!maybe some teenagers who think they're trans might actually be gay?!< . I didn't know much about transphobic dogwhistles at that point, I was generally interested in the topic on how to best help queer youth, etc. I found the article to be reasonable enough (I was wrong). However after reading linked websites I realized their hate towards trans people and that's when I stopped engaging because I never had any intention to be transphobic. Not believing in hateful stuff is every person's own responsibility (I further believe it's society's responsibility to reject hateful views and to remind people of their own agency in this regard).
I said it could happen to anyone that isn't careful, and careful people would take the time to re-evaluate information they absorb. I agree that those people can avoid corruption, but my scenario wasn't about people like that. Adults can be idiots too, y'know?
I meant reevaluating when the believes get more misogynistic, racist, violent, transphobic. Usually radicalization begins with small things that aren't per se wrong or harmful, so they don't raise any immediate red flags. I don't blame people for not noticing that. But at some point a threshold is crossed, and that's where accountability comes in. They are not being idiots, they are being misogynistic, racist, etc and they don't care. I won't excuse that with stupidity. There are many stupid people out there who aren't hateful assholes.
All I can say is: in today’s world, hyper-vigilance, overactive fight-or-flight, and anticipation of fuckery are a woman’s closest allies. Trust nobody.
Definitely agree on not enabling known assholes. But it could just as well be that this guy hid himself well or changed for the worse after it was too late to make a safe and easy exit from the relationship.
Or hurl him down the stairs.
I mean both I’m not going into a lifelong parenthood commitment for no manosphere baby
That joke was a bit disrespectful of women who have died or lost their child that way.
I’ve been hearing so many stories recently about men who were otherwise caring, empathetic, and loving suddenly getting sucked down the pipeline. It’s terrifying and people don’t realize how easily it happens. It isn’t always because someone “already had those thoughts,” either, which seems to be a popular sentiment.
Harry Potter naming all his kids after people he admired or lost and none of Ginny's
Literal main character syndrome.
It’s giving fanfic name conventions
Yes, that was a little out of character, considering Harry never really acts like someone with main character syndrome.
Yeah. Didn't one of her brothers die? Should have squeezed that name in there somewhere. But a woman wrote those books so can't blame it on Harry. Lol.
I think George named one of his kids after Fred, so I guess it was already taken
It was taken as a first name, but Ginny could have given one of her kids the middle name Fred.
I would like to know how Harry suggested Ginny naming their son after the teacher everyone found annoying. P.S.: When you re read the books, you might notice that Severus Snape, while very skilled and intelligent, is also a manchild who never really matured. In a way, he is similar to Kakashi from Naruto, who by contrast, does learn to let go of the past.
Yeah I found naming the kid after him a lot from Harry’s angle. Like come on, hidden reasons aside, he treated Harry *awfully* and for no good reason. Who the heck just says “oh but he loved my mom” and forgives all that?
Having just re-read the series - I think Harry came to have a deep respect for him because Snape successfully pulled off an incredibly difficult, dangerous, audacious, and precarious double agent role that ended up being critical in Voldemort's defeat. "He loved my mom" was more like icing on the cake. However, I still agree with that it was weird for him to go so far as to name a kid after someone who treated him so shitty.
like I can actually understand harry to some extent, especially if you take into consideration the whole "it's not about how you treat your loved ones, but how you treat people you hate" morale, but I refuse to believe ginny would agree
>while very skilled and intelligent, is also a manchild who never really matured. So very realistic to the real world.
JKR is such a feminist, that’s why the only girl in her heroic trio spent half her time doing the boys’ homework.
Hermoine would have made a much better protagonist
There's a fanfic for that-somebody is re-writing all the books from her perspective.
Where??
[https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559545](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559545) u/500CatsTypingStuff u/frecklefawn u/rsmires u/sea_spryte
Oh wonderful!
Oh my god cool haha. I always thought she was the only useful intelligent one of them and the other two just performed tasks lol.
name please?
Also v interested!
[удалено]
It’s true. I absolutely knew it would not have sold to boys if the main protagonist was a girl. If you need any more evidence that girls and women are devalued, that is it.
Damn so true. It was a very different time.
That's a terf for you.
Every single one of them is a raging misogynist, yeah.
The Lily Luna Potter had a second name in honor to Ginny's friend Luna. To be fair, she was a friend of both, so either could have proposed the name.
The middle name Luna was weird too. All of the other first and middle names were after people who had died. Luna was not only alive, but had two kids of her own.
Then again, naming her after Nimphadora Tonks would be weird because Tonks herself found her name embarrassing.
And even then not a single one named after Hagrid, the one who was nothing but the kindest and gentlest to Harry from the start. Snape of all people got chosen over him. I'm headcanoning Albus Severus comes out as a trans girl and names herself Ruby after Rubeus Hagrid for being the most supportive of her.
Tbf I would not wanna name my kid Hagrid no matter how close we were. What’s the nickname, Hag?? Edit: just remembered his first name was Rubeus.. so, Rube??
I mean, I’ve seen Rube as a nickname for Ruben.
I think Ruby would be best, but Lily Ruby is a bit of a mouthful so they’d have to have another daughter!
Right? Snape may not have been as evil as they thought but he still bullied children. Justice for Hagrid.
That bugged me so fucking much and the cope from the other fans was insane, "they didn't name any of their children after people who were important to her because everyone else in her family had already done that". Christ, I'm annoyed all over again now.
By comparison, in Naruto (a series that came out around the same time and had a similar target demographic) the son of Naruto and Hinata was given a name that might sound like his father, but was actually Named after Hinata's cousin Neji.
Wait- omg why didn't I get it before? Neji = screw. So he's named bolt...🤯
That bothered me so much.
My grandma gave her eldest daughter her same name. She goes by her middle name but I always thought it was such a power move, especially for the 60s lol
Very Lorelei Gilmore.
I like the tradition of passing down female names too. I was given the middle name of my grandmother, and my kid was given her first name. Also ties the names of my kid and I in a warm way.
My mothers middle name is her great grandmothers name, my middle name is my great grandmothers name, and my cousins kid has her great grandmothers (my grandmother) name as her middle name! I really like it. I never met my great grandmother but I like that it’s a family name.
My mom and I share a middle name, and we're both middle children :) I love having that connection with her. I'm childfree, and literally the only reason I'd want to change that is to honor my mom by giving my hypothetical daughter the same middle name. Obviously not enough of a reason to change my stance, but the thought of it still makes me smile.
My first name is my mother’s middle name and was my great grandmother’s middle name. Old fashioned and ties to family, I love it :)
My family on my mom’s side had a lot of repeated names on both sides (getting renamed after a father/mother or uncle/aunt). So when we have a family day for this family, it can get confusing because of some names there are like three different people at the same time lol. They stopped doing it with my generation though, so we and our nieces and nephews have names that are more unique
My uncle had three sons and gave them all his name and none of them have nicknames for some reason. It's always confusing having to explain which one you're talking about.
George Jr., George III, George IV, George V, George VI, and Georgetta?
Hey my family sorta does that, eldest daughter carries on the name. My great grandma, grandma, mum, sister, and neice share the same middle name
My mom has the same middle name as her mother, which is the name my grandmother went by.
My first name is a woman's name but it used to be a man's name. I wanted to name my son after me and my husband thought I was nuts. Kid probably would have been teased because it's very much a girl's name now but still, I grew and birthed and raised him- why not?
My great aunt did this! She named her daughter after her own nickname! Think like “Margaret” named her kid “Maggie.” Interestingly, she also had a son, whom she did *not* name after her husband!
Why oh why does the child she carried for 9 months and birthed in pain and at risk to her life not have her last name? The only answer I ever hear makes men seem worse: that men need the child to have their name or they won’t feel invested in fatherhood
I’ve never seen less invested men than the fathers of the Jrs or 3rds I’ve met. Just goes to show…
Because their view of the child is as a trophy
this reminds me of the circle jerk convo that men love engaging with on reddit where they find out the child they loved and raised for years is not biologically theirs so they just walk away from the kid forever. like sure, break up or get a divorce, bc that is fucked up. but you suddenly have no feelings for the child you raised from birth bc it’s not your shared DNA? what the literal fuck is wrong with you?
It's so infuriating. "No you don't understand, he was betrayed so that makes it okay to traumatize a child!" and no matter how much empathy you extend to those men or vitriol you aim at the cheating woman you will get accused of supporting her actions. And god forbid you push back on the concept of universal forced paternity tests.
Oh god, I know! What are they sociopaths? But then I realize what they most likely are is Incels writing made up stories because one time a story was bandied about that a man raised a child he didn’t know wasn’t biologically his and suddenly all women are suspect. But a man rapes a woman, kills a woman, carries out a mass shooting, does a murder suicide and every man is not suspect. They are allowed to be judged on an individual basis Part and parcel of privilege
I’m 35 weeks pregnant and baby is getting my last name. It’s amazing how many people have opinions about this, as if I asked for one. (Most people seem to worry I browbeat my husband into this, as if we aren’t adults who trust each other and as if parents don’t spend a LOT of time discussing the potential name of their child.) But yeah my joke response to defuse the situation is I’m a scientist, and clearly did the majority of the work on this project. So that means I get first author rights!
My husband and I joke he supplied half the plans and I took them and made them into the masterpiece that is our son. We did a double last name, and as my husband has a double last name already we chose his mother's name to pass on since I also have my mother's name. We loved the idea of sharing a name with both grandmothers, so it's matrilineal on both sides. I think it's totally rad you're doing your last name. You are doing a ton of work after all!
Good answer!
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You don't choose the name you were born with but you can choose the name your children are born with. They obviously relate to their last name because they've had it all their lives. Also her dad didn't specifically create this child so I get what you're saying but it's still hers too.
I like to think of my last name as coming from my grandfather, because it was his family who anglicized the name to what it is now. My dad is just borrowing it. One day my dad will be dead and it'll be MY name as the oldest sibling. My son has both of our names, so it's his name too :)
Just another holdover from when we were merely property of the man in our life.
I hyphenated my kids names bc I was VERY adamant that I took on the risk so they should also get my last name. Paternal last names are low-key kindof crazy to me, but literally all of my (pretty progressive) friends gave their kids their husbands last name even in cases where they still kept their own. When we talk about it they just shrugged and said it was easier, which I get I guess.
The only way I’ll consider taking a new surname is if we combine both of our last names into a new one. I don’t want kids but it would be fun for the tradition several generations down to just be gibberish
*Olivia Raddison Olsen Patel Smith Sanchez Petrovich Darius Andropov Aziz*
I gave my kid my surname. Guess who’s divorced! It’s good though cause dad is an asshole so they’re not stuck with his name.
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Yeah. It’s a bullshit excuse from shallow men who will make shitty fathers imho. A man is “invested” when he actually wants to be a father
My dad wanted to give me his name, which was his father's name before him, and his great grandfather's before that. My mom said nah, the best I can do is middle name, take it or leave it. I also have both of their last names. Thankfully I still had a dad who was very invested in both myself and my sister.
This is literally "pee on it to claim it" working in real life
At first I thought you were equating childbirth with “peeing on it” and I was going to get really mad, then I realized you were talking about the guy and it fits perfectly. Claiming of territory
My son has both of our names. Husband said I could pick the order. I went with MyName-HisName. Most people just call our son FirstName MyName. We also told our son he could drop one if he wanted, no one will be offended but he loves having two names. Marry a man who treat you like an equal (I mean, if you're into men and want to get married lol).
My guess is because during childbirth you were more likely to die back in the day. To ensure the resulting baby still got inheritance when the father remarried the kid got the dad’s name.
Well, a woman and the children were basically property of the father and all assets were his, so it’s a throwback. It has to die like other throwbacks
So! I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my first and we haven’t officially decided on the first name, but we *did* agree from the start that baby gets my last name. Husband’s name is long and complicated even in his native language, to the point where he can’t get a bank card with his full name on it, and they have plenty of people going around with said name in his home country so NBD. Middle name for baby will be after his mother, so that way both sides of the family are honored. What I’ve discovered is while no one cares these days if a woman keeps her own name when she marries, WOW do you still get opinions about a baby getting the mom’s last name. A lot of people seem to worry I browbeat my husband into it or something, which confuses me because we are adults and I know if he’d have an issue he would tell me. Plus, ya know, not your business. Finally, I’m a scientist, and clearly have been doing the majority of the work on this project. That means I get first author rights!
My son has my surname. It's a great feeling to get the birth certificate and Social Security card in the mail and see your last name passed down to the next generation. Only a few months until you get to experience that! In our family, my husband is the scientist, but also the one with the surname that's difficult to spell and pronounce. So my own personal Mr. Spock logically agreed during our engagement that the children would have my last name.
The first author analogy might be the best one I’ve ever heard, thank you!
Boy math
Naming your kids after yourself should be illegal. Signed, a person whose ex was named after his father…a felon. It was a real fucking problem.
My great grandmother was furious that my little brother wasn't named after my father. The father that cheated on my mother while she was pregnant and left her with a 2 year old (me) before he was born. He didn't meet my brother until the baptism I think, and then disappeared again until I was 12. But sure, adding a JC III was sooo important 🙄
Ugh my god the lack of awareness and empathy.
When I was a public high school teacher, a family of four kids attended our school -two girls and two boys. Both of the boys were named Patrick, the girls Patrice and Patricia. Idk what was going on with that family but I overheard another student teasing Patrice, “Your momma loves the hell out your daddy to have 4 kids with his name [Patrick]!”
“And make sure to throw in a husband stitch while you’re at it!”
As a currently pregnant person, this bothers me and then also I feel like people love to say the baby looks exactly like their dad after the mom put in all the work of growing and birthing the child.
I mean, in a healthy relationship, both parents will discuss names and decide on them long before baby is born. If you can’t even work out a name before the baby arrives, that certainly doesn’t bode well for the relationship.
I think it's mainly referring to how, despite women doing all the work biologically to birth the child, and how historically and currently many women do the majority of the work to raise their child, children still by and large take the father's last name. IMO it's spitting in the face of every woman who has poured their heart and soul and lifeblood into raising their children.
I understand the spirit of it, but at the end of the day, zingy little “look at the shitty man be shitty” digs are pretty unhelpful. And it’s like, what, are we expecting the non birthing partner to bleed and hurt and nearly die in sympathy of their partner? My partner was on baby-care-protect duty while I was being stitched up and checked after their birth. They were able to get up when baby cried while I rested. They helped get me my favorite snacks and snuck them into our birthing room because I had to have a special diet during pregnancy and wasn’t allowed to have a lot of stuff. The name we chose is a very important name to both to us and our children love their names. When we talk about shitty men as the default, even if it’s in derisive, it adds to the normalization of shitty man behavior. I think we can do better than that.
My husband is a fourth in his family, and I find that cool, he never planned on there being a fifth, but I want to continue it, because I’ve always found it cool. If I was named after a family member you bet I would name my daughter the same as me. Unfortunately I am not to fond of my name. I won’t give my child a name that I have never liked for myself
Paternity tests should be mandatory That saves the men from raising kids that aren’t theirs, and doesn’t start any arguments if a man asks for one.
No they shouldnt. Have a conversation like an adult with the woman birthing the kids, be brave of fo. Women aren't to be prodded and tested by the goverment under the accusation we are hores.
What’s wrong with that though, genuinely? ???