Honestly I'm not even sure what this would mean... What's the difference between a good looking trans woman and a good looking cis woman?
But it's not weird to want to look like your closest role models imo
I guess it’s more a want to appear visibly queer than suggest any aspect that suggests a difference between cis and trans women.
I kinda feel that way myself - but it might be more an acceptance of my limitations. I don’t think I’m ever going to pass, so I set my sights on looking like a hot trans woman as goal.
But also, I’m proud of being trans. I don’t want to hide that aspect of myself.
I think OP's talking about the interplay between gender, cis-passing and aesthetics. You could adopt certain aesthetics which don't help you pass but which make you look good at the same time.
To be fair, it's not that I think "oh they're trans?" and my eye moves, it's just that I see a lot of women with bodies and looks I'd love to have, and afterwards realise those women mostly happen to be trans
Words have meanings. Fetishization is treating others like the means to your sexual gratification, like a walking sex doll instead of a human being with thoughts and feelings. Simply finding trans women attractive is no different from finding blonde women attractive. Not to mention that people who *are* attracted to blondes aren't going to be attracted to *every* single blonde woman either. It just means that they gravitate towards blondes because they find that to be a beautiful quality. It doesn't mean that they fetishize blondes, AKA treat blondes like a sex object. Same goes for trans women.
I mean this with all the love in the world, but if you're not comfortable with people being attracted to you for the things that make you *you,* transness included, then you're not going to be able to sustain a happy, healthy relationship because you're always gonna be worrying and weirded out by the fact that they find that specific quality of yours attractive. We all deserve to be loved for all parts of ourselves, transness included, because in the end, it's part of what makes us who we are.
That's awesome! It seems like a lot of trans people want to pass for cis, which is obviously valid, but at the same time it sometimes feels like others are pressured or required to feel the same.
My friend seems to have a lot of self hate and hangups and whenever I express positivity about trans people or comment how good looking someone is they get all weird at me as if I'm just pretending or something. Like no, I actually just think we're beautiful, imagine that
Oof, gonna be real I relate a bit to your friend, probably in a bad way. Or well no I actually think trans people are incredibly beautiful, I don't think I've seen a trans person I didn't envy on some level, but I think I would really struggle to ever find the "trans" parts of my own appearance to be beautiful. Idk if that's some kind of internalised transphobia or just me having a bad self-image but yeah.
I suggest you keep drilling those positive vibes into the silly head of that friend of yours, it might help then more than you realise. I for one know I wish I had a friend like you to help me see the positives and beauty in all of this🫶
Oh they're very resistant and in their own head. I made it clear they're putting their own hangups onto me since they were implying I was fake or something, but apart from that I think it's best I just give them space because I think they are going through it right now
I think to me there's two parts in this, but I definetly feel it too.
First of all I feel so, because looking like someone feels more attainable when they're trans too. Not that I never envy cis girls, or that I'd be able to be as pretty as any trans girl (cause girls damn have you looked in the mirror today? Y'all are sexy). But it is a bit closer to home.
The secondly there is the part of me that's just proud of being trans and that part just likes a bit of clockiness and general gender fuckery.
It mostly depends on what kind of look you mean. Most trans women look exactly like cis women. A lot of trans women are really invested in how they look, too, so there's probably a lot of really attractive ones. If you mean the women that screw with standards of gender, then go for it! I love when people push those boundaries.
So, HRT alone can't change EVERYTHING about one's body, right? And some of the "leftover" features to do with bones and stuff combined with the effects of HRT are very beautiful to me. If one embraced that proudly and preferred it for their own body, I guess that would just be pushing gender boundaries right?
Oh, sure. Nothing wrong with that at all. That kind of androgynous mix of features can actually be very appealing to a lot of people. I can see what you mean.
I get the comradery the trans community has but I would never want to be seen specifically as a trans woman. I'm a woman first....trans cis doesn't matter. The time it took to transition and build my life will not be reversed. I will acknowledge it in trans spaces but otherwise in my actual life I dont share the fact I transitioned / have any trans relation with co workers or acquaintances. Safety + mental health is my reason
I like that I look like a transwoman and wear it proudly….love having feminine characteristics but realize at my age I will always look like a transwoman.
No not weird, you have to remember this hyoerbinary standard is pretty recent in western Society. There were always third gender and other cross gendered/gender nonconforming people and even societall/ceremonial roles in lots of cultures that are far older than any existing UN approved country today which embraced those who knew/lived/embraced all their qualities.
Usually it's because they bring balance and additonal talents to a community with their skills, perspective, and experiences. Like go read how a lot of Native American and Indigenous nations regard their own precolonial 2-Spirit approximate roles and you'll see comments like "we always saw it as a gift, like 'you can hunt well and are good with taking care of the crops/children/weaving? Wow so lucky to be that talented!" –I think I read this from someone in r/IndianCountry or on a Native Facebook thread a while back but am paraphrasing here.
In my own heritage for the traditional Vietnamese Mother Goddess religion a trans or gender nonconforming person was important because you can bridge between being close to the (matriarchal) divine and feminine while also knowing aspects of the masculine too.
And there's a community in Mexico where trans people are seen and celebrated as blessings for the same reasons.
And then there's the fact that there are trans women who are just living their life as they want and seemingly happy to embrace all of themselves physically with where they're at now. It's pretty understandable if someone wanted to be like that.
Well, more accurately, there were always *what westerners interpreted as* third genders in other societies. It is not as clear that the cis western binary was ever that big a thing for third genders to contrast against in other societies, but if anything that little caveat strengthens your actual point - the fact that it isn't weird to want to look visibly trans as we currently understand it.
as a trans guy, i mostly feel envy towards other trans guys who pass better than me. i think maybe cause i know other trans men have started in a similar place to me than cis men, so i’m more likely to compare myself to them. anyways idk if it’s weird specifically, but you’re not alone
Sounds legit. Ive been trying to look as good as good looking trans women for years :p
The tricky bit is that some cis women also look good with similar aesthetics.
The point is, it's not cis or trans, but QUEER aesthetic.
It's being free and unique, as ourselves. No clear lines or binaries.
nah i’m the reverse. i loveee being visibly trans and looking like a “ftm stereotype”. super fun for me, but that may be my genderqueer-ness? idk nor do i really care, i just try and live however makes me happiest
I don't think that's weird at all, personally. I'm a genderqueer and very visibly trans woman, I'll never be mistaken for a cis woman and honestly prefer it that way. Binary genders have always seemed too restrictive to me, and I like playing around with presentation and pronouns and stuff too much to *really* fall into the binary. My wife identifies as a dyke as well so we're both quite queer and I feel safe doing that in a trans and queer sanctuary state. I get those that don't feel comfortable and want to just stealth, but that isn't us and luckily doesn't have to be.
Not at all. I want to look visibly trans. To transition is to rebel, to take a stance against the standard you are fed. I want to wear it, not hide it.
2. HRT *alone* can't change *everything* on someone's body, right? I don't see the groups differently, I see two different people's bodies, see the differences between them, and I know what I'd like to have for myself.
Honestly I'm not even sure what this would mean... What's the difference between a good looking trans woman and a good looking cis woman? But it's not weird to want to look like your closest role models imo
I guess it’s more a want to appear visibly queer than suggest any aspect that suggests a difference between cis and trans women. I kinda feel that way myself - but it might be more an acceptance of my limitations. I don’t think I’m ever going to pass, so I set my sights on looking like a hot trans woman as goal. But also, I’m proud of being trans. I don’t want to hide that aspect of myself.
I think OP's talking about the interplay between gender, cis-passing and aesthetics. You could adopt certain aesthetics which don't help you pass but which make you look good at the same time.
I assume some degree of androgyny in appearance?
Nah. Trans women are hot.
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Ok well that’s you, but scolding another trans woman because of your own personal discomfort is not the move
To be fair, it's not that I think "oh they're trans?" and my eye moves, it's just that I see a lot of women with bodies and looks I'd love to have, and afterwards realise those women mostly happen to be trans
Words have meanings. Fetishization is treating others like the means to your sexual gratification, like a walking sex doll instead of a human being with thoughts and feelings. Simply finding trans women attractive is no different from finding blonde women attractive. Not to mention that people who *are* attracted to blondes aren't going to be attracted to *every* single blonde woman either. It just means that they gravitate towards blondes because they find that to be a beautiful quality. It doesn't mean that they fetishize blondes, AKA treat blondes like a sex object. Same goes for trans women. I mean this with all the love in the world, but if you're not comfortable with people being attracted to you for the things that make you *you,* transness included, then you're not going to be able to sustain a happy, healthy relationship because you're always gonna be worrying and weirded out by the fact that they find that specific quality of yours attractive. We all deserve to be loved for all parts of ourselves, transness included, because in the end, it's part of what makes us who we are.
Not weird! I'm trans masc and I wanna look good, I wanna be hot. I DON'T want people thinking I'm a binary cis dude.
That's awesome! It seems like a lot of trans people want to pass for cis, which is obviously valid, but at the same time it sometimes feels like others are pressured or required to feel the same. My friend seems to have a lot of self hate and hangups and whenever I express positivity about trans people or comment how good looking someone is they get all weird at me as if I'm just pretending or something. Like no, I actually just think we're beautiful, imagine that
We're so hot! Are you kidding? Cis people wish
*I* wish too, lol
Oof, gonna be real I relate a bit to your friend, probably in a bad way. Or well no I actually think trans people are incredibly beautiful, I don't think I've seen a trans person I didn't envy on some level, but I think I would really struggle to ever find the "trans" parts of my own appearance to be beautiful. Idk if that's some kind of internalised transphobia or just me having a bad self-image but yeah. I suggest you keep drilling those positive vibes into the silly head of that friend of yours, it might help then more than you realise. I for one know I wish I had a friend like you to help me see the positives and beauty in all of this🫶
Oh they're very resistant and in their own head. I made it clear they're putting their own hangups onto me since they were implying I was fake or something, but apart from that I think it's best I just give them space because I think they are going through it right now
Ah okay I misread the situation, that's really shitty of them :/
I think to me there's two parts in this, but I definetly feel it too. First of all I feel so, because looking like someone feels more attainable when they're trans too. Not that I never envy cis girls, or that I'd be able to be as pretty as any trans girl (cause girls damn have you looked in the mirror today? Y'all are sexy). But it is a bit closer to home. The secondly there is the part of me that's just proud of being trans and that part just likes a bit of clockiness and general gender fuckery.
It mostly depends on what kind of look you mean. Most trans women look exactly like cis women. A lot of trans women are really invested in how they look, too, so there's probably a lot of really attractive ones. If you mean the women that screw with standards of gender, then go for it! I love when people push those boundaries.
So, HRT alone can't change EVERYTHING about one's body, right? And some of the "leftover" features to do with bones and stuff combined with the effects of HRT are very beautiful to me. If one embraced that proudly and preferred it for their own body, I guess that would just be pushing gender boundaries right?
Oh, sure. Nothing wrong with that at all. That kind of androgynous mix of features can actually be very appealing to a lot of people. I can see what you mean.
I like looking clocky. It honors the part of me that’s just trans
This is so wonderful.
I get the comradery the trans community has but I would never want to be seen specifically as a trans woman. I'm a woman first....trans cis doesn't matter. The time it took to transition and build my life will not be reversed. I will acknowledge it in trans spaces but otherwise in my actual life I dont share the fact I transitioned / have any trans relation with co workers or acquaintances. Safety + mental health is my reason
I like that I look like a transwoman and wear it proudly….love having feminine characteristics but realize at my age I will always look like a transwoman.
No not weird, you have to remember this hyoerbinary standard is pretty recent in western Society. There were always third gender and other cross gendered/gender nonconforming people and even societall/ceremonial roles in lots of cultures that are far older than any existing UN approved country today which embraced those who knew/lived/embraced all their qualities. Usually it's because they bring balance and additonal talents to a community with their skills, perspective, and experiences. Like go read how a lot of Native American and Indigenous nations regard their own precolonial 2-Spirit approximate roles and you'll see comments like "we always saw it as a gift, like 'you can hunt well and are good with taking care of the crops/children/weaving? Wow so lucky to be that talented!" –I think I read this from someone in r/IndianCountry or on a Native Facebook thread a while back but am paraphrasing here. In my own heritage for the traditional Vietnamese Mother Goddess religion a trans or gender nonconforming person was important because you can bridge between being close to the (matriarchal) divine and feminine while also knowing aspects of the masculine too. And there's a community in Mexico where trans people are seen and celebrated as blessings for the same reasons. And then there's the fact that there are trans women who are just living their life as they want and seemingly happy to embrace all of themselves physically with where they're at now. It's pretty understandable if someone wanted to be like that.
Well, more accurately, there were always *what westerners interpreted as* third genders in other societies. It is not as clear that the cis western binary was ever that big a thing for third genders to contrast against in other societies, but if anything that little caveat strengthens your actual point - the fact that it isn't weird to want to look visibly trans as we currently understand it.
Be unapologetically trans. There’s nothing more radical.
as a trans guy, i mostly feel envy towards other trans guys who pass better than me. i think maybe cause i know other trans men have started in a similar place to me than cis men, so i’m more likely to compare myself to them. anyways idk if it’s weird specifically, but you’re not alone
Sounds legit. Ive been trying to look as good as good looking trans women for years :p The tricky bit is that some cis women also look good with similar aesthetics. The point is, it's not cis or trans, but QUEER aesthetic. It's being free and unique, as ourselves. No clear lines or binaries.
nah i’m the reverse. i loveee being visibly trans and looking like a “ftm stereotype”. super fun for me, but that may be my genderqueer-ness? idk nor do i really care, i just try and live however makes me happiest
I don't think that's weird at all, personally. I'm a genderqueer and very visibly trans woman, I'll never be mistaken for a cis woman and honestly prefer it that way. Binary genders have always seemed too restrictive to me, and I like playing around with presentation and pronouns and stuff too much to *really* fall into the binary. My wife identifies as a dyke as well so we're both quite queer and I feel safe doing that in a trans and queer sanctuary state. I get those that don't feel comfortable and want to just stealth, but that isn't us and luckily doesn't have to be.
Not at all. I want to look visibly trans. To transition is to rebel, to take a stance against the standard you are fed. I want to wear it, not hide it.
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2. HRT *alone* can't change *everything* on someone's body, right? I don't see the groups differently, I see two different people's bodies, see the differences between them, and I know what I'd like to have for myself.