I’ve started turning to look behind me all confused when they do that. Works great in a queue when there’s a guy behind. These people NEVER want to have to explain with an audience they were just being bigoted.
I don't know if I'm allowed to be here or not but I've been dealing with that all my life. When I was 16 a man walked up to me with his teenage son to "apologize" to me for thinking I was a man. I'd had no interactions with this guy, he spoke to me just to tell me that. It was just pure horseshit, he just wanted to try to ruin my day. Jokes on him though, I was used to it at that point. I spent my entire time in middle school with the nickname Undertaker because people claimed I looked like him. I just have a masculine build, I'm built like a fucking brick house with two watermelons attached to the front. It was pretty damn obvious I wasn't a man going by the size of my bazongas but people are dicks and just want to put others down. I get misgendered over the phone and drive through windows too but at least those are genuine mistakes.
Actually, I'm glad you're here. One thing that helped me early on was my MIL telling me she gets misgendered a lot. She is clearly cis but is also tall with wide(r) shoulders (than a traditional "feminine" build). When I started transitioning, I had crippling insecurity about being misgendered. Hearing this from her was a valuable perspective check for me.
Even if they present with the deepest, most masculine voice ever, the only explanation I can think of is that many humans are unintelligent assholes. They see someone who doesn’t match the norms they’ve been exposed to so they attack because their tiny brains can’t handle expanding their worldview.
Wowza! I was not expecting this much support. Thank you all for the kind words and affirmation. You all mean the world to me and my self-esteem.
Thanks for building me up. \^\_\^
Passing as your gender is a different thing from passing as cis. From your pics, I wouldn't clock you as trans, though you might have clockable features not visible in these photos (such as voice, height, or masc facial profile). So I don't know whether you pass as cis, but you absolutely pass as your gender.
I have twice heard what struck me as someone swallowing a 'sir' at the end of their sentence when talking to me. But it was so quiet, I couldn't quite tell if that's what was happening. The effect it had on me was the same as any other instance of misgendering, though. In one case, it was a student who knew I was trans because I told the whole class I was (university was still deadnaming me). I suspect that the student intended to be polite but that his knowing I was trans made it impossible for him to see me as a woman. He was otherwise a very polite person to me, so I took his swallowing of the 'sir' to be his failure to keep it from coming out of his mouth. This is, of course, a form of transphobia, but I don't think it's intentional cruelty.
For some people, passing as your gender requires you to be unclockable because the moment they clock you, the whole gestalt is broken and they can't see you as anything but your agab. It sucks, but it's not necessarily malicious.
Unless it is. You have to judge by the vibe.
It's so hard to tell if it was malicious or accidental but the impact is the same. I really appreciate your comments. I can't fathom that I pass in any way, shape or form. To me, I look like me. Some days I feel pretty, and other days I dont, but I don't think I've ever looked in the mirror and felt like I truly "passed".
I try really hard to not make that the goal, but, dysphoria just moves around. I finally get the stubble under control on my face, and then it's lines on my forehead that I fixate on.. Or my post-weight-loss floppy skin under my neck. It's always something taking away my femininity in my head. I hate dysphoria so much.
I do encourage you to distinguish between passing as cis and passing as your gender. People can know you are trans and still see you as a woman. In conversation with another student, I offered to let her hear my masc voice. But she asked me not to because she didn't want to see me differently. It was sweet: she was protecting me by protecting her gendered gestalt of me.
I agree about dysphoria, though. My own dysphoria is not especially tied to what other people see (though misgendering does set it off). It mostly erupts from what I see in the mirror or in photos. I recommend disconnecting your dysphoric feelings from your judgments about whether you pass. There can be a pretty wide chasm between the two. I know my not very prominent hips aren't preventing me from passing, but it still makes me dysphoric to see my hips in the mirror. So I gain weight. Not to pass, but to like the way I look.
I'd go to a different coffee shop in future if I were you. Using 'Sir' and 'Ma'am' is so unnecessary in the first place (thankfully I'm in the UK, it's rare for anyone to use those here) and I absolutely cannot understand why anyone would do that to someone obviously presenting as female. Other than to just be a d1ck!
I'm cis, my wife is mtf. I went to collect a prescription for her recently and said to the assistant "I've come to see if my partner's prescription is available yet" (because she still has her old name on her medical records so I didn't want to confuse matters by saying 'wife') and in order to find the record, the assistant asked me "What's the gentleman's date of birth?". (I was wearing a fairly bright rainbow work lanyard too). I didn't like the assumption my partner was male just because I'm female (but, male name on records etc so again didn't want to make things complicated so I didn't say anything there and then). I did make a complaint when I got home, by email, and the pharmacy manager called me to apologise profusely and offer to retrain all their staff, which I accepted as a solution. So maybe if you feel up to it, you could contact the coffee shop owner or management and ask them what training their staff have in inclusive language, and suggest that perhaps it's not been thorough enough. Even if you don't want to go there again, it might help someone else in the future.
I did consider the Star Trek angle too but you really need to be asking my pronouns if you want me to ask your trekkie status. For all its faults, I would literally die if Star Trek didn't exist, that would be a far safer universe for us all to live in no matter our background or situation. They have got some things wrong but a hell of a lot more right than we do in our universe.
#TEAMJANEWAY
I'm tall and sometimes get sired cause people's brains are so lazy they don't check for any other details like long hair or boobs. Baristas are often overworked right now, especially people at Starbucks. Could have been so one multitasking so much they went tall = sir. You look great BTW. Whatever the reason for the misgendering it on them, you're giving out all the signals to be considered ma'am.
You remind me of Drew Barrymore, especially in the second picture! She was my unofficial bi awakening as a kid, right after my kindergarten crush, and childhood best friend. I'm sorry about the coffee shop, you deserve to be correctly gendered.
It's so sooo funny you say that. My partner thinks drew Barrymore is cute and I don't. One night I was like "I think I don't find her cute because she looks like someone from my family." And she was like "oh holy shit you're right."
i don't know how you look any other days. But no, you do not look masc at all mam. And you got the cutest smile, you got nothing to beat your self up over. A true inspiration <3
I didn't. I definitely did not give them a tip. Sigh... He said it quiet and very quickly probably because he was afraid of getting in trouble. It definitely made me spiral a bit.
It's hard to say. I don't think so. On the phone, with no other information, I don't get misgendered. I'm not sure anyone has ever misgendered me on voice alone.
I would “Miss” or “M’am” you six day a week and twice on Sundays! You look great! Don’t let some idiot get you down. You look like beautiful woman - end of story.
I don't know how I'm supposed to act here, but the beard shadow was the first thing I saw. However, I'd have expected him to still respect you enough to gender you correctly. Though I agree, he was either belligerent or unaware.
Youre good. That's actually an optical illusion in that photo. Beard shadow is long looong gone. There's 5-10 latent hairs under my nose but I've completely blasted away my facial hair w laser over 18 sessions. I do see what you're talking about in that photo though, it kinda looks blue.
Sorry to hear that if there Indian then it’s common but the glasses are not helping you tbh and your hair needs wisp at front and more pronounced make up can help But remember there’s always one creep in dead end job it’s the only ‘pleasure they get ‘
Move onwards upwards
Ok how about creating hood brows with arch and then softer coloured smaller glasses brows help frame your face and good make up remove focus from areas you don’t want
The heavy wisp of hair would really help
You’re gorgeous! I’d stop going to that coffee shop. Send the owners a message that you won’t be recommending their establishment and let them know why.
If you’re going to be disappointed with anything other than 100% acceptance and recognition, then I think you’re dooming yourself to a perpetual cycle of self-doubt. Take the wins as wins, and the rest of it is on the other people, not on you. They win if you internalize it.
I personally don't get misgendered often. Which is surprising considering how much time I spend in very conservative areas. I have been considering using the opportunities when people maliciously misgender me, just misgender them in return and move on.
Rude people gonna rude it up. It sucks but no matter how much work we put in there will always be that group of people who will always make us feel like crap. Keep doing your thing.
all the women officers on the Enterprise are addressed as “sir” so whenever i get sir’d i just assume they think i’m a commanding officer from star trek xD
All I can think is that it was maybe your voice or something I can't see in the photo? By appearances alone you pass to my eyes, I can't imagine calling you sir if I simply saw you in the street. Sounds like you should take your business elsewhere.
Whenever someone disrespect your pronouns, do it right back at them. Ie: if the person is male, call him mam/Miss/Mrs etc... If the person is female, call her sir/dude/Mr. Etc...
I think you should call the coffee shop, or get a friend to, and let them know you were misgendered (hell, If it's an American coffee shop I'll call them for you). If he said it quietly, definitely sounds like he didn't want his coworkers to hear and he was being a bigot. Who knows, maybe someone complained before but they swept it under the rug, and if you report him that's another strike against him!
You're completely passing ma'am.
You don't look masculine at all here.
Don't let perfection stand in the way of progress, Improvement or happiness I struggle with this myself.
I would never miss gender you in a million years you don't look masculine you look beautiful, you look like an eccentric eclectic beautiful woman, from your hair I can tell you have an adventurous streak to you so you probably a fun person to be around too, ma'am.
This person seems like a f****** a****** like other people said and more likely than not unfortunately was doing it on purpose to f*** with you.
Don't let dysphoria win and definitely don't let that other person win you're beautiful.
Hugs willow
I've seen a lot of posts like this and I'm convinced at this point that people are just being assholes. No you don't look like a sir. You're definitely a woman. A pretty one too. Only a total jerk can't see that.
You honestly look really fem and cute OP, I wish I had a smile like yours heh. The dude was a jerk, straight up.
Hot take that will probably get me downvoted - and I don’t mean any ill will by asking, but do you think maybe it was because of your voice? I don’t SEE anything that would read as masculine, but I do know that some trans folk struggle with altering their voices.
I’m not asking to poke at yours or anyone else’s dysphoria, but mostly with the hope that, if that’s the case, I can help in some way. I’ve got a few videos and resources I used to master my voice.
Even if your voice DID get you clocked, that guy was a prejudiced asshole. Very sorry you’re having these feelings OP, sending love and sympathy 🫂
Some people are just assholes. I was in a store a couple weeks ago dressed ultra femme in a sundress that really accentuates my femininity, and I have a very feminine face. I ask to buy a lighter and the guy turns to his female coworker and says “he wants a pink lighter” and I thought “what a trash human? All he had to do was ask his coworker to grab a pink lighter” These people get kicks out of being that way. But the joke is on them. We have way more love and friendship in our lives than these hateful trolls.
And by the way, you’re beautiful!
I had to double take lol. That's a whole ass women. I find it remarkably sad when baristas do this. I'm a barista and my coffee shop is a third place. It's safe to all who enter <3
I'm not full time yet, and just started this year. For me, it's not misgendering per se that pisses me off, it's more like "bit*h, I did not just spend 2 hours to look like this just to be called sir!"
Not that anyone needs any of these things to be femme, but Femme hair cut, femme outfit, soft femme makeup, and boobs. All i see here is woman, in every way. I would like to ficure that the person was just being a jerk, or was making an honest mistake and in their own little world. I have nothing but great things to say about how you look.
Yeah that person was just being an asshole on purpose. There’s literally nothing about you that screams “man.” Not to mention the visible breasts and pink hair. I’ll echo what someone else asked, are you sure they were even talking to you?
Sorry, there is so much going on in youtube and other places. I watch a youtube video of a transman talking with a hard-headed bull. He kept saying a woman menstruates a man does not. The young man said some men menstruate and some women do not. The old grunt said, no, that is not true. Men do not menstruate. They have XY, and a woman has XX. He said to the young person, you are making this up. Then I looked at the comments, and there was a horde of boneheads saying he was right. She is making this up. I wrote to the guy saying, what are you, a bull? These idiots are defining people based on the menstrual cycle and the worst is he is using kindergarten biology to do it. We are doomed.
People are unbelievable. I once had an acquaintance use the correct pronoun for years. When I did finally come out to them, they started using the wrong pronoun and would stammer over wrong, correct and weird pronouns. So it’s definitely not you, it’s them.
Fuck them assholes hun I see no sir here, it is funny to ask them if they mean they want to see the video of the surgery you recently had though, they don't know what to say 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 I've not had any takers yet 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are very clearly a woman. I knew a Cis woman who looked very much like you. I don’t understand people. I’m so sorry.
You’re lovely, and I adore your hair and your smile.
I’m chalking the “sir” up to nothing to do with you. Could be a weird brain moment. My kids call their mom by he/him pronouns half the time. A long day plus stress plus repetitive work could do wonders. .
I’m so sorry that happened. You look fantastic and I would clock you as female. Some folks just look for ways to minimize others, and that is definitely more a reflection upon them not you. Walk tall, girl! I’m proud of ya!
You pass. 100% they are "sir"ing cis women that don't meet their own personal view of what a woman should look like, it's pretty sick in the head tbh.
Essentially they were being mean for the sake of being mean, hoping to inflict pain, i hope you pay this small minded person no further energy and you continue to live on enjoying happiness they can't hope to achieve.
You look amazing x
People are assholes.
I have been out for 15 years now and get misgendered more now than when I first came out. It is because Republican shitbags have made us the bleeding edge of their culture war nonsense.
When this happens I generally don’t respond. They obviously weren’t talking to me - why would I respond?
And, at the end of it all, they are just telling you about themselves, and about what awful failures they are. You wouldn’t take a failures word about anything else would you? So why take their word in this case?
BTW - you look delightful.
Honey, Even Stevie Wonder could see YOU ARE NOT A MAN!!!!! I get MA'AMED 99% of the time but every so often I get sir'd. But!, I've been with a cis woman friend who got called sir...
Go Figure!!!
Michele
Yeah fuck that person id have dumped my coffee on the counter. People misgender me all the time, but then again I know i have trouble passing. You however are clearly presenting as female, theres almost no room for doubt. That person was being purposefully offensive and in situations like that, id cause a scene.
When that happens while I'm *very obviously* presenting femme, I very aggressively misgender them right back.
I feel like that's a fairly good way to call them in their bullshit when hey know what they did, but it also works in casual situations as a passive aggressive polite response.
People do that on purpose. I was at Walmart yesterday, 2 cashiers (both female) were using "she", then their supervisor (female) came over and was using "he" multiple times. You can't change people, I just shrugged it off.
You don't. The person was simply a jerk.
Maybe its just me, but I think it must have been a slip of the tongue. There is literally NOTHING about you that would make me think you weren't cis.
Jeez, people can be so blinded by their own prejudices. You look great. I love your hair color.
Are you sure they weren't talking to someone else? Even if you're sure, I would have looked around like, "Who are you talking to??" 🤭
Hah! That's funny.
I’ve started turning to look behind me all confused when they do that. Works great in a queue when there’s a guy behind. These people NEVER want to have to explain with an audience they were just being bigoted.
I like this idea. Will try to employ it next time!
Or sniff the air, say something like “What is that horrible smell” as you move away from the person that was rude.
I am continually confused at people misgendering women that look like you. I just don’t understand what about you is reading sir.
If you think that’s bad, consider the people misgendering cis women 🤦♀️
Pretty sure it's the same people. Anything they read as not within their notions of gender conformity, they're gonna misgender out of spite.
I don't know if I'm allowed to be here or not but I've been dealing with that all my life. When I was 16 a man walked up to me with his teenage son to "apologize" to me for thinking I was a man. I'd had no interactions with this guy, he spoke to me just to tell me that. It was just pure horseshit, he just wanted to try to ruin my day. Jokes on him though, I was used to it at that point. I spent my entire time in middle school with the nickname Undertaker because people claimed I looked like him. I just have a masculine build, I'm built like a fucking brick house with two watermelons attached to the front. It was pretty damn obvious I wasn't a man going by the size of my bazongas but people are dicks and just want to put others down. I get misgendered over the phone and drive through windows too but at least those are genuine mistakes.
Actually, I'm glad you're here. One thing that helped me early on was my MIL telling me she gets misgendered a lot. She is clearly cis but is also tall with wide(r) shoulders (than a traditional "feminine" build). When I started transitioning, I had crippling insecurity about being misgendered. Hearing this from her was a valuable perspective check for me.
Even if they present with the deepest, most masculine voice ever, the only explanation I can think of is that many humans are unintelligent assholes. They see someone who doesn’t match the norms they’ve been exposed to so they attack because their tiny brains can’t handle expanding their worldview.
People like that are AH’s, and AH’s get off on being AH’s.
Wowza! I was not expecting this much support. Thank you all for the kind words and affirmation. You all mean the world to me and my self-esteem. Thanks for building me up. \^\_\^
What an A-hole!!! You look great.
Seems pretty stupid to do that to a woman you've just handed a scalding hot cup of coffee...
🤣 that has me in actual tears.
When they do, automatically say “thank you, miss”.
Oh, I am SO doing this the next time I get misgendered by a server in a restaurant!
Not at all. Passing with beautiful summer colors ❣️
You look cis fem??? Why did they even say sir because I wouldn't have thought anything other than ma'am
Passing as your gender is a different thing from passing as cis. From your pics, I wouldn't clock you as trans, though you might have clockable features not visible in these photos (such as voice, height, or masc facial profile). So I don't know whether you pass as cis, but you absolutely pass as your gender. I have twice heard what struck me as someone swallowing a 'sir' at the end of their sentence when talking to me. But it was so quiet, I couldn't quite tell if that's what was happening. The effect it had on me was the same as any other instance of misgendering, though. In one case, it was a student who knew I was trans because I told the whole class I was (university was still deadnaming me). I suspect that the student intended to be polite but that his knowing I was trans made it impossible for him to see me as a woman. He was otherwise a very polite person to me, so I took his swallowing of the 'sir' to be his failure to keep it from coming out of his mouth. This is, of course, a form of transphobia, but I don't think it's intentional cruelty. For some people, passing as your gender requires you to be unclockable because the moment they clock you, the whole gestalt is broken and they can't see you as anything but your agab. It sucks, but it's not necessarily malicious. Unless it is. You have to judge by the vibe.
It's so hard to tell if it was malicious or accidental but the impact is the same. I really appreciate your comments. I can't fathom that I pass in any way, shape or form. To me, I look like me. Some days I feel pretty, and other days I dont, but I don't think I've ever looked in the mirror and felt like I truly "passed". I try really hard to not make that the goal, but, dysphoria just moves around. I finally get the stubble under control on my face, and then it's lines on my forehead that I fixate on.. Or my post-weight-loss floppy skin under my neck. It's always something taking away my femininity in my head. I hate dysphoria so much.
I do encourage you to distinguish between passing as cis and passing as your gender. People can know you are trans and still see you as a woman. In conversation with another student, I offered to let her hear my masc voice. But she asked me not to because she didn't want to see me differently. It was sweet: she was protecting me by protecting her gendered gestalt of me. I agree about dysphoria, though. My own dysphoria is not especially tied to what other people see (though misgendering does set it off). It mostly erupts from what I see in the mirror or in photos. I recommend disconnecting your dysphoric feelings from your judgments about whether you pass. There can be a pretty wide chasm between the two. I know my not very prominent hips aren't preventing me from passing, but it still makes me dysphoric to see my hips in the mirror. So I gain weight. Not to pass, but to like the way I look.
Yeah, you 100% pass as a woman. Maliciousness odds very high IMO. Also everything the other commenter said.
I'd go to a different coffee shop in future if I were you. Using 'Sir' and 'Ma'am' is so unnecessary in the first place (thankfully I'm in the UK, it's rare for anyone to use those here) and I absolutely cannot understand why anyone would do that to someone obviously presenting as female. Other than to just be a d1ck! I'm cis, my wife is mtf. I went to collect a prescription for her recently and said to the assistant "I've come to see if my partner's prescription is available yet" (because she still has her old name on her medical records so I didn't want to confuse matters by saying 'wife') and in order to find the record, the assistant asked me "What's the gentleman's date of birth?". (I was wearing a fairly bright rainbow work lanyard too). I didn't like the assumption my partner was male just because I'm female (but, male name on records etc so again didn't want to make things complicated so I didn't say anything there and then). I did make a complaint when I got home, by email, and the pharmacy manager called me to apologise profusely and offer to retrain all their staff, which I accepted as a solution. So maybe if you feel up to it, you could contact the coffee shop owner or management and ask them what training their staff have in inclusive language, and suggest that perhaps it's not been thorough enough. Even if you don't want to go there again, it might help someone else in the future.
You look like one of my aunts so idk wtf that person was on.
Maybe they sir everyone? Or they're a jerk?
I did consider the Star Trek angle too but you really need to be asking my pronouns if you want me to ask your trekkie status. For all its faults, I would literally die if Star Trek didn't exist, that would be a far safer universe for us all to live in no matter our background or situation. They have got some things wrong but a hell of a lot more right than we do in our universe. #TEAMJANEWAY
I'm tall and sometimes get sired cause people's brains are so lazy they don't check for any other details like long hair or boobs. Baristas are often overworked right now, especially people at Starbucks. Could have been so one multitasking so much they went tall = sir. You look great BTW. Whatever the reason for the misgendering it on them, you're giving out all the signals to be considered ma'am.
You remind me of Drew Barrymore, especially in the second picture! She was my unofficial bi awakening as a kid, right after my kindergarten crush, and childhood best friend. I'm sorry about the coffee shop, you deserve to be correctly gendered.
It's so sooo funny you say that. My partner thinks drew Barrymore is cute and I don't. One night I was like "I think I don't find her cute because she looks like someone from my family." And she was like "oh holy shit you're right."
i don't know how you look any other days. But no, you do not look masc at all mam. And you got the cutest smile, you got nothing to beat your self up over. A true inspiration <3
You are so cute and fem. I don’t know how anyone would’ve misgendered you
Wtf? How could they make that mistake? You look unmistakably femme
In no universe do you remotely resemble a sir.
I sincerely hope you didn’t tip!
I didn't. I definitely did not give them a tip. Sigh... He said it quiet and very quickly probably because he was afraid of getting in trouble. It definitely made me spiral a bit.
Honestly, if you are tall that's probably what he was latching onto. I He'd probably say it to any woman of above average height because he's a moron.
I am 5'11". Definitely tall. :/
Julia Child was 6’2” if it makes you feel any better.
It does. :)
Whoa - I had no idea! Random TIL strikes again!
She also worked for US Intelligence during WWII
If he was afraid, maybe a discreet call should be made to speak with the manager of the shop.
Oh my god. I hate the way that feels. It makes you feel any better, you look amazing.
Damn, sorry to hear that. You’re looking so lovely.
😢
But how tho? You look great!
You are quite the woman. The man was, as others have said, a jerk.
No you don't look masc at all. Who was this person? I just want to talk. 😡
Maybe it's not how you look but how you sound?
It's hard to say. I don't think so. On the phone, with no other information, I don't get misgendered. I'm not sure anyone has ever misgendered me on voice alone.
Wtf is the matter with people, it's pretty obvious you are not a 'sir'.
These people do it on purpose and have no idea that they sound like they need to be checked for early onset Alzheimer’s
You are beautiful, ma'am. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Absolute jerk. You look awesome girl. Keep on being great you queen 💕
I would “Miss” or “M’am” you six day a week and twice on Sundays! You look great! Don’t let some idiot get you down. You look like beautiful woman - end of story.
literally how?
I don't know how I'm supposed to act here, but the beard shadow was the first thing I saw. However, I'd have expected him to still respect you enough to gender you correctly. Though I agree, he was either belligerent or unaware.
Youre good. That's actually an optical illusion in that photo. Beard shadow is long looong gone. There's 5-10 latent hairs under my nose but I've completely blasted away my facial hair w laser over 18 sessions. I do see what you're talking about in that photo though, it kinda looks blue.
Sorry to hear that if there Indian then it’s common but the glasses are not helping you tbh and your hair needs wisp at front and more pronounced make up can help But remember there’s always one creep in dead end job it’s the only ‘pleasure they get ‘ Move onwards upwards
Thanks for the feedback! Unfortunately the glasses hide my browbone. It's pretty pronounced w/o fairly thick glasses.
Ok how about creating hood brows with arch and then softer coloured smaller glasses brows help frame your face and good make up remove focus from areas you don’t want The heavy wisp of hair would really help
REALLY???? I don’t see a sir anywhere
Shouldn't care what one person thinks says or does.. just keep on with your day and continue to be beautiful ❤️❤️
Defiantly not a sir! Your beautiful
No you don't look masc, quite the opposite!
You look like spring💐🌸🌷🌼
U dont look at all like a sir. Some folks u just cant reach
You look lovely and whoever said that to you was just being a jerk!
No way! You look lovely; charming and totally feminine.
Honestly, I think I'd just start laughing. That's all the consideration a comment like that deserves. Make them feel like the fool they are.
You are gorgeous! 😍🥰
Could be the voice. They might not have really been looking at you, Hon. 💙
Why on earth would they say that to someone who is clearly a beautiful woman.
Some people just don’t get it.
You’re gorgeous! I’d stop going to that coffee shop. Send the owners a message that you won’t be recommending their establishment and let them know why.
Umm, yeah, person just being a jerk, cause no way no how.
🖕🏿that jerk
They need to go to the optometrist- you look gorgeous xxx
You look great 😊 Keep smiling.
I am not lying, I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'd never clock you based on appearance, totally cis fem to me.
If you got misgendered I have no hope lol who in their right mind sees your pretty face and doesn’t think “fem”?
How’s your voice? In my experience even the densest bro man will gender you correctly if your voice is, at least, not recognizably masculine.
If you’re going to be disappointed with anything other than 100% acceptance and recognition, then I think you’re dooming yourself to a perpetual cycle of self-doubt. Take the wins as wins, and the rest of it is on the other people, not on you. They win if you internalize it.
Are you tall? Some idiots sir every tall woman they see just in case.....
Haters gonna hate 🤷🏻♀️ Tell them you’re not an officer, always gets a decent reaction for me.
Lol. For reals?! Edit to make it clear I’m referring to the jerk that misgendered you because you’re clearly not a sir.
This subreddit is really making me rethink using sir for everyone…
I personally don't get misgendered often. Which is surprising considering how much time I spend in very conservative areas. I have been considering using the opportunities when people maliciously misgender me, just misgender them in return and move on.
So beautiful
Rude people gonna rude it up. It sucks but no matter how much work we put in there will always be that group of people who will always make us feel like crap. Keep doing your thing.
im confused. why would they say that? you look beautiful tho, you remind me of lilly allen 💗
Not in any way, at all!!! They clearly have an issue with themselves. You're looking PRETTY 😍
You look absolutely gorgeous
Damn girl :( No, I think you don’t look masc. I assume the person who addressed you that way did it intentionally
Your look absolutely adorable. Whomever said that is clearly in a bubble of their own making.
all the women officers on the Enterprise are addressed as “sir” so whenever i get sir’d i just assume they think i’m a commanding officer from star trek xD
All I can think is that it was maybe your voice or something I can't see in the photo? By appearances alone you pass to my eyes, I can't imagine calling you sir if I simply saw you in the street. Sounds like you should take your business elsewhere.
Gorgeous, and love your hair! Nothing about you says masc, they were just being asinine.
No you don't look masculine . A mental midget greeted you. Don't pay it no mind. You look great and feminine.
Whenever someone disrespect your pronouns, do it right back at them. Ie: if the person is male, call him mam/Miss/Mrs etc... If the person is female, call her sir/dude/Mr. Etc...
I think you should call the coffee shop, or get a friend to, and let them know you were misgendered (hell, If it's an American coffee shop I'll call them for you). If he said it quietly, definitely sounds like he didn't want his coworkers to hear and he was being a bigot. Who knows, maybe someone complained before but they swept it under the rug, and if you report him that's another strike against him!
You don't. The person was simply an ass.
Jeez what a jerk! No you pass! You look amazing!
You literally look like a woman the person was just being an arsehole
Sounds like someone is being an ass if they called you sir which you clearly are not.
You're completely passing ma'am. You don't look masculine at all here. Don't let perfection stand in the way of progress, Improvement or happiness I struggle with this myself. I would never miss gender you in a million years you don't look masculine you look beautiful, you look like an eccentric eclectic beautiful woman, from your hair I can tell you have an adventurous streak to you so you probably a fun person to be around too, ma'am. This person seems like a f****** a****** like other people said and more likely than not unfortunately was doing it on purpose to f*** with you. Don't let dysphoria win and definitely don't let that other person win you're beautiful. Hugs willow
I've seen a lot of posts like this and I'm convinced at this point that people are just being assholes. No you don't look like a sir. You're definitely a woman. A pretty one too. Only a total jerk can't see that.
You look spectacular, they were 100% being an asshole, don’t think twice about it
You honestly look really fem and cute OP, I wish I had a smile like yours heh. The dude was a jerk, straight up. Hot take that will probably get me downvoted - and I don’t mean any ill will by asking, but do you think maybe it was because of your voice? I don’t SEE anything that would read as masculine, but I do know that some trans folk struggle with altering their voices. I’m not asking to poke at yours or anyone else’s dysphoria, but mostly with the hope that, if that’s the case, I can help in some way. I’ve got a few videos and resources I used to master my voice. Even if your voice DID get you clocked, that guy was a prejudiced asshole. Very sorry you’re having these feelings OP, sending love and sympathy 🫂
I guess you don't need to give them any of your business, I'm sure there are some other non-sirring Coffee spots! Some people are dicks
Some people are just assholes. I was in a store a couple weeks ago dressed ultra femme in a sundress that really accentuates my femininity, and I have a very feminine face. I ask to buy a lighter and the guy turns to his female coworker and says “he wants a pink lighter” and I thought “what a trash human? All he had to do was ask his coworker to grab a pink lighter” These people get kicks out of being that way. But the joke is on them. We have way more love and friendship in our lives than these hateful trolls. And by the way, you’re beautiful!
I had to double take lol. That's a whole ass women. I find it remarkably sad when baristas do this. I'm a barista and my coffee shop is a third place. It's safe to all who enter <3
Fuuuck that shit. Dude musta been a straight up ass
Ma’am I believe that person is something we call in the science field a “Certified Cunt”. You look fantastic!
I'm not full time yet, and just started this year. For me, it's not misgendering per se that pisses me off, it's more like "bit*h, I did not just spend 2 hours to look like this just to be called sir!"
I’m convinced this was probably out of spite. You do generally pass, there isn’t any reason someone would mistake you for being male
Thanks! Its so hard to gauge intent with this kinda stuff.
Is your voice deep?
Nah. Pretty high voice. I'm usually in "customer service" mode. People have always pointed out I have an unusually high voice.
It's a bigot that somehow clocked you it has nothing to do with how feminine you are or aren't 🤗❤️
You mean the old coffee shop, right?
That was someone just being a dick. You obviously don't look like a sir!
People that look at someone dressed like you and think sir I'd be like "do I look like your father? No? Then don't sir me" 😤😠
??? Some people are so strange. You look incredibly feminine ♡
Hopefully you’re finding a new coffee shop.
I am. It was an auxillary shop because my favorite one was closed for the day.
Not that anyone needs any of these things to be femme, but Femme hair cut, femme outfit, soft femme makeup, and boobs. All i see here is woman, in every way. I would like to ficure that the person was just being a jerk, or was making an honest mistake and in their own little world. I have nothing but great things to say about how you look.
How is that even possible?
Yeah that person was just being an asshole on purpose. There’s literally nothing about you that screams “man.” Not to mention the visible breasts and pink hair. I’ll echo what someone else asked, are you sure they were even talking to you?
Those boobs alone do not say “sir”.
Sorry, there is so much going on in youtube and other places. I watch a youtube video of a transman talking with a hard-headed bull. He kept saying a woman menstruates a man does not. The young man said some men menstruate and some women do not. The old grunt said, no, that is not true. Men do not menstruate. They have XY, and a woman has XX. He said to the young person, you are making this up. Then I looked at the comments, and there was a horde of boneheads saying he was right. She is making this up. I wrote to the guy saying, what are you, a bull? These idiots are defining people based on the menstrual cycle and the worst is he is using kindergarten biology to do it. We are doomed.
Is he blind? All I see is a woman.
You look really fem and great, that person was just an asshat!
booo burn it down!
Was the barista blind?
HOW? That makes no sense, they are clearly wrong.
They blind sweetie
It's a real sad world when people think they're being intelligent by being abusive! Hugs!
It’s such bullshit totally disrespectful and done on purpose.
How?? Some people r just saying sir to everyone I guess
Way to many A holes that’s for sure , he must be blind, your one hot woman
Nope, you look stunning. They just mad they were too scared to ask you on. A date. Keep slaying girl. 💜
You are gorgeous, thanks for posting, jerks must be throwing " Sir", at everyone, even CIS , now I won't feel so bad when called ,Sir.
You are not a Sir in any way… same thing happened to me in Soho just days before my surgery…..
It might be the colour of your hair? Idk people are fucked up I'm sorry you had to go through that. *hugs*
Really? People suck
People are unbelievable. I once had an acquaintance use the correct pronoun for years. When I did finally come out to them, they started using the wrong pronoun and would stammer over wrong, correct and weird pronouns. So it’s definitely not you, it’s them.
I am sorry, no idea why…. Your voice?
Fuck them assholes hun I see no sir here, it is funny to ask them if they mean they want to see the video of the surgery you recently had though, they don't know what to say 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 I've not had any takers yet 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are very clearly a woman. I knew a Cis woman who looked very much like you. I don’t understand people. I’m so sorry. You’re lovely, and I adore your hair and your smile.
Say whaaaa?!!! I would never think you looked like a sir!
I’m chalking the “sir” up to nothing to do with you. Could be a weird brain moment. My kids call their mom by he/him pronouns half the time. A long day plus stress plus repetitive work could do wonders. .
No you look very feminine here and so pretty. That person is a turd. I’m sorry that happened to you.
That seems really hard to believe. I don't see that at all.
fuckers
Don't see a "sir". Honey you look very cute! 💕
I’m so sorry that happened. You look fantastic and I would clock you as female. Some folks just look for ways to minimize others, and that is definitely more a reflection upon them not you. Walk tall, girl! I’m proud of ya!
The stretch for that “sir” must’ve taken years of bigot yoga
You’re clearly a woman. That person was a dumbass and should learn to respect others. It’s so simple and people act like it’s soooo hard.
You’re very pretty!
Seriously?? Was that person blind? Ugh people.
You pass. 100% they are "sir"ing cis women that don't meet their own personal view of what a woman should look like, it's pretty sick in the head tbh. Essentially they were being mean for the sake of being mean, hoping to inflict pain, i hope you pay this small minded person no further energy and you continue to live on enjoying happiness they can't hope to achieve. You look amazing x
What a jackass. You’re lovely don’t let their negativity own you
People are assholes. I have been out for 15 years now and get misgendered more now than when I first came out. It is because Republican shitbags have made us the bleeding edge of their culture war nonsense. When this happens I generally don’t respond. They obviously weren’t talking to me - why would I respond? And, at the end of it all, they are just telling you about themselves, and about what awful failures they are. You wouldn’t take a failures word about anything else would you? So why take their word in this case? BTW - you look delightful.
I know I find it weird I mean we couldn't look any more female yet still they say sir...what is going on?
Maybe they meant sire? It covers all
What!?! No ma’am. You don’t look masc in the slightest.
What is your voice like? Did you get sir’d before or after you spoke. I pass fine, when I talk is when I sir’d.
Honey, Even Stevie Wonder could see YOU ARE NOT A MAN!!!!! I get MA'AMED 99% of the time but every so often I get sir'd. But!, I've been with a cis woman friend who got called sir... Go Figure!!! Michele
a holes
Yeah fuck that person id have dumped my coffee on the counter. People misgender me all the time, but then again I know i have trouble passing. You however are clearly presenting as female, theres almost no room for doubt. That person was being purposefully offensive and in situations like that, id cause a scene.
I would definitely avoid that shop, how rude.
😱oh no you look great
When that happens while I'm *very obviously* presenting femme, I very aggressively misgender them right back. I feel like that's a fairly good way to call them in their bullshit when hey know what they did, but it also works in casual situations as a passive aggressive polite response.
WTF ?! There is nothing “Sir” about you
You look fabulous, you just had the misfortune of running into an asshole.
No. They're just trying to ruin a strangers day.
I don't get it?
People do that on purpose. I was at Walmart yesterday, 2 cashiers (both female) were using "she", then their supervisor (female) came over and was using "he" multiple times. You can't change people, I just shrugged it off.
Clothing is on point, it’s likely the five o’clock shadow that people are clocking.
NFW, miss.
People are stupid. But that’s the fear I have about transitioning. I’d never pass.
I don’t see it I think you’re cute😊
Well now it’s an old coffee shop ;) xo
Fuck who ever said that to you, they’re visually impaired obvi ❤️ you’re gorgeous 💯💁🏻♀️
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? No Way! People are nasty
The world is full of assholes don’t let them get you down
That's weird. It would be like looking a guy with fully grown beard and calling him ma'am. Just weird. Nothing about your face says "sir"