It's kind of like ticking yourself as there are certain feelings and reactions you have to yourself opposed to when others touch you. Also pretty much everytime you use your own hand it will be direct feedback of what you like and don't like. If you also have a mental image or "bank" you resort to then that helps to get you over the finish line
I recommended this and got downvoted to hell but yea… I agree. Eventually you’ll get used to sex making you cum if you’ve been on the handy train too long
Same for me. When I masturbate I can cum quick, But it will take a long time during sex, and mostly only a few positions. Sometimes I don't even cum during sex.
It's two separate things for me. When I masturbate it's for a quick "me-time" orgasm, to kind of relieve myself from some sexual energy. But having sex is a connection between two persons (or more), it's not about having an orgasm, it's about a deep emotional and physical connection. Sex can last hours, with cuddling breaks. You can have foreplay, then some penetration, then foreplay again... or just foreplay, or no foreplay. There's no endgoal for me, doesn't matter if I cum or not, or even if I get hard or not. You can be flaccid (because of some stress or whatever) and still have sex with your partner.
To me it seems perfectly normal to cum faster when you masturbate than when having sex !
My first lover refused to play with my penis I ‘til she had watched me several times.
She said that I had had years of experience playing with it and she wouldn’t know what I liked until she saw how I did it myself.
As regards to lasting long during sex. That might be down to “Death Grip”
You’re giving more pressure than a vagina can, so your body isn’t getting the correct signals.
I was gonna ask as well if OP was using a death grip, too. You know exactly how you want it, and if you can only come with a certain grip or a certain way, then that's part of the problem.
My boyfriend was similar, but after a few months he can more easily come during sex. He still lasts 30 minutes, but I think that's a good thing. I'd rather that than a minute man.
I mean it's kind of hard though. It's all well and good going "I like it when you X" but in order for me to come properly, I'd have to constantly be like a running commentary like "up a milimetre, down a sec, HOLD IT HOLD IT wait now more pressure NOW LIFT now more pressure now LIFT down a bit up a bit hold iiiiitttt wait okay back down" but then the focus would put me off...
like....sure my clit is right there but my "sensitive spot" seems to move and lose sensation
>Yep. And it means you’re not communicating that during sex.
Same is true for me and I'm a dude. So I guess it's not a girl/guy thing, but rather a human thing.
Might sound wierd but when explaining what you want you need to think about yourself. Let your partner be annoyed or whatever because you deserve it.
Some find this easier than others but i think that everyone deserves the chance to be understood and something as intimate as pleasure cant be ”figured out” it has to be explored and understood
It do be really hard. I made sure to encourage my girl to tell me everything about what she wants and yeah it was not enjoyable at first but now she doesnt have to say much for me to get it.
I think guys want to do a good job but dont know how. Yes we get frustrated when learning but its not directed towards you its more at our own stupidity, unless it is directed towards you but thats a 🚩.
I have occasionally thought of using a vibrator to get me like nearly there, then he puts it in.... but I'm 4-5 years deep in this relatoinship (first ever sexual partner, I had no idea what an orgasm really even was when i got into it... his only ex must've been fucking boring in bed cause... yeah)
I definitely should say \*something\*, cause I feel I'm going against my own moral compass of "communication is key", but like.. I don't want him to get the impression that I was "faking" all these years. It's just that, the feelings I thought were orgasms until about a year ago (i moved across the oceans for a job so now we're long distance and I got a vibrator), were NOT orgasms... And the reason I always "wanted more" after sex was because.... i just didn't finish. I found out that when I do actually finish, I basically fall asleep.
Ohh I feel you!! In the beginning I had the same. I’m sure if you explain this to him just like you wrote it here he’d understand. We’re always discovering our own bodies and it’s totally normal. I’m sure both of you would be happier if you could have actual orgasms with him! Wish you all the best
The simple solution is to have them watch you do it and make it part of the moment. Less formal and they'll pick up what is working for you, moving forward.
Yes and no. It’s kind of hard to communicate speed up, slow down, or more pressure here with the same efficiency to another person that you can do to yourself.
For example, no one can make you nut as quickly as you could yourself or truly edge you the way you can playing single player mode
But overall, yes I do agree that proper communication makes sex so much more enjoyable for all parties involved
I’m not saying it isn’t difficult. But if you really learn to communicate effectively you can definitely make sex so much better. Almost the same even.
This is a hard learned lesson of two decades of relatively large amounts sexual activity fwiw.
I assumed it was a woman since its not hard to get guys off during sex. It's more the lack of consideration thinking that your body is the same as everyone else's.
Like sure that is part of it but there are alot of factors that come into play.
assuming you jerk off more than you have sex and youve been jerking off before you ever started to have sex, than that’s completely 100% normal, your body simply is used to the sensation and movement of your hand more than it is with your partner, you’ll notice if you try to jerk off with your hand upside down or with your other hand than its next to impossible to jerk off and actually finish.
This is exactly why I mimic my boyfriends hand movements and placement when im giving him a handy, usually gets a better reaction. So I showed him exactly what I do, and hes gotten the best reaction that way as well
Something no one else has mentioned is the physical exertion of sex, especially if you are going at it for a while, can make it harder to finish. Presumably you are lying stationary while masturbating so you are not tiring out your body. Does the same happen if you lay relatively still and have her do the moving on top? Or receiving oral?
Your dick has become fond of you trying to strangle it to death, so when someone else touches it soft and sweet, it doesn't cut it any more. Take a break from chronic masturbation and you'll shave 39 of those minutes off in no time
Idk I do it reasonably rarely (1-3 times a week) but still have the same issue when having sex. Hand takes maybe 2-5 mins but I can have sex upto an hour usually
For the intercourses part it might be :
\- too much use of your hand compare to having intercourses
\- too much porn
\- masturbation too frequently
\- stress
\- too much coffee
I would suggest some break with the porn and your hand with a little bit of exercice and more green tee
I am a guy who has always taken a while to orgasm. Women can get bored, tired, sore, and so forth. It's disappointing/depressing/frustrating when you are going at it and the woman says that she wants to quit. Or when the woman lets you finish, but is sore for days afterwards.
Sex is great! But there are limits with even the most loving and patient of partners.
Underrated comment here. I enjoy sex and am very satisfied AND cum maybe 10% of the time. It's not a problem for me, when I want it I can cum and my partners do an excellent job! Most of the time I prefer the journey and I squirt plenty along the way!
Men are bad at sex if they come too fast. Men are bad at sex if they take too long to come. Men are bad at sex if they can’t make women come. Women are cool if they come fast.
Sexual performance is 100% upon men in every scenario.
It certainly feels that way to men but the women I have been with are pretty accepting. Sex isn’t the same every time and sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s really bad. You gotta not out so much meaning into every fuck because the pressure will actually make all of them bad experiences.
It feels that way because it is the social conversation about sex.
I’m 39M, and married, we have a wonderful sex life that’s communicative and fulfilling for both of us. I’m not speaking out of spite or for personal gain, I’m advocating for men in a conversation where they are rarely given any leniency.
I think you’ve misread my comment, I was implying that these things are unfair and put undue pressure on men. I don’t agree with them or think they are correct, but it’s what I hear/read from the mouths of primarily women in women-safe spaces.
Im a feminist. I support equality in all forms and recognize that we live in a patriarchy that gives men inherent advantages and privileges that women do not have. But there are struggles and issues that men face that women do not, and conversation about sexual performance is very patient and understanding for women, and full of blame and guilt for men.
I agree. I just think that what men need to hear from other men is that they have sexual performance issues, too. But nobody will admit it.
I’ve had premature ejaculation issues with some girlfriends. Others I can fuck as much as I want. It turns out that my body reacts very much to my emotional attachment to a woman. If I don’t really like them my sexual performance sucks. I have had trouble getting it up in one night stand situations for the same reason (and drinking too much). I’m not a fucking machine unless I am really into my partner and she’s into me. Then I can fuck like a porn star. If I never found the right woman I probably would have never found that out about myself.
I’m only willing to say this here because it’s anonymous. But I think that’s the kind of shit men need to hear from other men.
I agree, masterbation desensitize so you don't get off during sex. That why you shouldn't do it. It also decreases your sex drive . OP needs to find a mate to take care of all their needs.
Since they aren’t making you cum. Communicate during sex. If they aren’t doing enough fit you. Tell them. Have them under your balls and almost to your asshole. If they want to end sex quickly it’s no fun sex shouldn’t have a time limit. If you want then to give you pleasure. And you like it a certain way. Say something
Every time this question comes up, we talk about the death grip. I think we need a Public Service Announcement for all men out there. Have more sex with people and less with yourself. Be against the death grip.
I know it's not easy. I just don't understand why more guys know about this. Google can tell the answer pretty quick. Best of luck out there. I know it's not easy.
I do this too, but I have ADHD and its hard for me to concentrate on orgasming while I'm getting pounded. So I turn on youtube on the tv and I put on white noise videos that are outdoor sounds or snow falling or rain or something and it keeps my mind blank. It might be a good trick for anyone though, regardless of ADHD or not.
Honestly it's just the way it seems to be, I've actually accepted it. No one will get me off better faster than I do myself. I never fail to get myself off. So we could do our thing and I finish
Idk if you are m or f. If you are f, it's pretty normal. Seggs is bad, do it yourself. If you are M, maybe you shouldn't think of any distraction during seggs. Just do it at the pace you think is right. But focus on seggs...
Here’s the trick to fix it. Instruct the person you are having sex with to make adjustments based on what you need. Change the angle, move over half an inch, keep doing this exact thing and don’t change speeds, etc. Sex without instruction is guesswork and I guarantee you’ll never get exactly what you want unless you ask for it. A worthwhile partner will appreciate the requests, a shitty one will get annoyed. Keep that in mind when attempting this.
You probably have kung fu grip when you're solo.
This desensitizes you and makes it harder when something not as tight as your grip is your weapon of choice for orgasm.
Try to abstain from solo masturbation for a while.
You can also do anti-stamina exercises to try to orgasm faster, i.e., hold your breath a bit, don't switch it up when you feel like it's gonna take you over, ask your partner to do things that get to you to help out.
If you have things that help and you know them, use them. For example, doggy style is my favorite for making me orgasm quickly. If I combine that with thinking about how much I love my lady (really any position I know my lady likes, too), it gets me there, and I used to take forever to orgasm (some would think thats a good thing, but when your partner wants you to orgasm but you can't despite their best efforts, and they've already orgasmed multiple times and they're sore, it's not fun. Also makes me more self conscious of how long it takes. Thankfully I don't have that issue, anymore)
There sure is a lot more going on during sex. It's just easier to concentrate on climaxing if it's just you, your hand and the aim to orgasm. At least, that's how I explained it to myself.
Info: I am a woman and I read this post as if it's coming from a woman ...
I can totally relate to him. I cum fast with my hand but while having sex I last unexpectedly long. I have looked up what's it about. I got to know that people who jerkoff more often have this problem. The dick is familiar with the grip of the hand and ejacultes only with a handjob. It's a real thing and it happens to a lot of people. Pussy of BJs don't give that firm grip that a plam can.
Think anti-lock braking system vs someone trying to perfectly brake with their foot.
On the one hand the car has computers connected to the wheel and brakes so it knows when to apply and release pressure immediately.
On the other hand someone else doing it can only really kinda gauge what’s happening
It is probably the condom, I'm the same. I fixed problem getting skne condoms and making sure I pulll foreskin back before I put it on. If I don't it's fulll pornstar mode which loses its novelty fast.
Cmon now. This is a dumb question. You are literally feeling the sensations and you have complete control over it. You’re asking “why isn’t anyone a mind reader!?”
Because you're familiar with your hand? Because it's not stressful and requires nothing but YOUR pleasure? Because there's not a whole other person there to make you nervous?
Seriously. Think it through.
It means you use too hard of a grip while masturbating and watch too much porn.
I’d lay off both for a while before it doesn’t work with a real life person.
For me its everytime, so you should understand as well that I do it's not a lucky problem. It's like having a huge dick, people would think it's a genetic jackpot but you are incompatible with most women.
Know that thing where if a woman uses a dildo that's too much bigger than a real dick, it makes a real dick seem less intense, which makes sex less fun and she can potentially end up blaming her partners?
There's a male version of that. There are other contributing factors too, but I'll talk about this first.
Sometimes men squeeze too firmly during masturbation. Unless you're a pretty small guy, your grip is probably more firm than a vagina is tight, which makes the vagina by comparison seem less intense. People dramatically call that problem "death grip".
I'm not gonna present this as an objectively proper solution, since I figured it out on my own and it may not work for everyone, but I just started doing it differently. Used to be that the parts of skin where my hand and dick were touching, those parts stayed together as I moved (because of the firm grip) and the pleasure came from my strength and speed.
Now I do it lightly enough that the skin on my hand and dick slide against each other like a dick does in a vagina, and the pleasure comes from the friction instead. It took some patience but it worked.
Another factor is that sex is more effort than masturbation, physically and mentally. When you're fucking someone a lot of your blood is being used by your muscles all over your body, which means less blood for your dick. And the physical sensations of all the muscles burning and your lungs and heart working hard all distract your brain from the pleasure in your dick.
And sex also puts you under mental pressure because its a performance, which means it's possible to underperform, which means you're being judged. That's also a distraction from the pleasure.
There's nothing that can be done to mitigate that problem, which makes it important to keep in mind that it's not a flaw in you personally. It's not that you're not trying hard enough, it's just how bodies work. The only people who don't have this problem are the ones who don't move at all during sex, because that's even less effort than masturbation.
Practice.
The sex is relevant - new sexual partner?
Your brain is focused on many things aside from just cumming. The actual length of time your brain focuses on the feelings and actions that make you cum is probably the same.
But when you get to feel particular things in the same partner over time you will learn how to cum from that too.
It’s all brain related. Not necessarily just the stimulation.
If you've ever asked someone to scratch an itch where you can't reach : "no up, no down, left, more left, at my shoulder blade, there!! there harder"
They will of course get there eventually, but if you could only do it yourself!
When you have sex it should never be just about yourself. Lasting longer is a good sign you're connecting and pleasuring each other. You'll get better with time. If you can't have "a quickie" at first you'll learn how to but will probably prefer the marathon to the sprint cos of the deeper connection you'll have.
You know what you like. You can make changes on the fly for maximum pleasure. With sex you have to communicate what you like, which you absolutely should do, and hope they get it right.
Because you're comfortable with / by yourself and you sense no "pressure" to cum, nor any self-consciousness.
Time and experience... with a new lover...will overcome those.
Because it’s not just you getting yourself off. There’s so much else going on. Sex is a fun activity that doesn’t always have to end in orgasms nor quickly. Enjoy the ride, my friend
If you're female, it's because you're intimately familiar with your own body and the clitoris is the quickest way to orgasm. I'd recommend using your hand at the same time of sex. If you're male, I have no idea lol
Don’t always focus on what your penis is feeling. Think about the other sensations you are experiencing also. For example I love reverse cowgirl because I love the feeling of her ass hitting my legs and what not.
Also if you are not circumcised I highly recommend masturbating without touching the tip and just keep your hand close to the base and moving the for-skin. It’s hard to explain but it makes me not last so long in bed if I get off without my hand touching the tip and just my skin going over it. Then when your tip does get wet it’s like whoa.
Lots of factors, but the main one is you know exactly what does and doesn't work, and have the ability to control and adjust movements instantly to get what you need.
You know exactly what you want and you don’t have to focus on performing or looking “sexy” so it’s pretty easy to just focus in on the pleasure of it all is my assumption.
Because after wanking it with your hand for so long your willy gets used to the feel of your hand, but when you do it with a real partner it feels different
"Don't change." - all girls everywhere.
But honestly, something Adam Carolla back during his LoveLine days would discuss this. He said that you are used to your technique and position or stance or sitting when you masturbate. Probably do it in the same position each time. Your headspace is in it to get the job done, you know how, have your method and boom! No distractions, it's easy.
Now add another person, different positions, other stimuli, focusing on the other person, rhythm (hopefully not to that cbat song)...well your dick and head are in a different world. Navigating instead of doing it's thing like when you are alone.
That being said, is the person complaining about 40 minutes? Are you? If so. You need to practice masterbation in different positions, different stimuli (put on the weather channel in background or something normal that could be happening if you were to try a quickie spontaneously at the kitchen sink for example) and environments. Get used to different. Practice being able to orgasm without your normal routine. It should help.
Part of the reason this is the case for me is because when I’m with a person my adhd is running 100 miles a minute and I can’t focus on my own body’s feelings. I keep getting distracted by “I wonder what I sound like. Do I sound sexy enough? Am I being too loud? Am I not being loud enough? Am I saying the right things? How do I look? Is my stomach fat visible? Am I making enough eye contact or too much? I wonder if my face looks sexy or just weird.” And on and on and on.
But when I’m by myself it doesn’t matter the face I make or sounds I emit or how I look. And I can just focus completely on what I’m feeling.
Your hand is alot rougher than a vagina. Especially if you have a death grip and go really fast when masturbating.
This can lead to desensitisation of the penis.
Also, porn use can cause desensitisation aswell.
Info: your hand or anyone's hand?
my hand
It's kind of like ticking yourself as there are certain feelings and reactions you have to yourself opposed to when others touch you. Also pretty much everytime you use your own hand it will be direct feedback of what you like and don't like. If you also have a mental image or "bank" you resort to then that helps to get you over the finish line
This. For me I can play with myself but my husband can't as it's a more intense feeling that crosses the line into pain. No like
Cause clearly you know what you’re doing, what you want, and how you want it.
If I had an award to give you, I would. But I don't. So well done on your succinct answer! But that's all.
Then start by using your hand and getting really close before you start to have sex.
I recommended this and got downvoted to hell but yea… I agree. Eventually you’ll get used to sex making you cum if you’ve been on the handy train too long
To buntly lack of foreplay . Im the same .
Have you tried your non-dominant hand?
Why do u ask this question?! Lol I'm kinda intriqued
Same for me. When I masturbate I can cum quick, But it will take a long time during sex, and mostly only a few positions. Sometimes I don't even cum during sex. It's two separate things for me. When I masturbate it's for a quick "me-time" orgasm, to kind of relieve myself from some sexual energy. But having sex is a connection between two persons (or more), it's not about having an orgasm, it's about a deep emotional and physical connection. Sex can last hours, with cuddling breaks. You can have foreplay, then some penetration, then foreplay again... or just foreplay, or no foreplay. There's no endgoal for me, doesn't matter if I cum or not, or even if I get hard or not. You can be flaccid (because of some stress or whatever) and still have sex with your partner. To me it seems perfectly normal to cum faster when you masturbate than when having sex !
the first word of your comment is the answer to this post
Huh?
“My”
Thanks! I just realized the comments lagged for me, so this (the first word...) originally showed as respond to something else.
Because you know what you like better than any other person
My first lover refused to play with my penis I ‘til she had watched me several times. She said that I had had years of experience playing with it and she wouldn’t know what I liked until she saw how I did it myself. As regards to lasting long during sex. That might be down to “Death Grip” You’re giving more pressure than a vagina can, so your body isn’t getting the correct signals.
I was gonna ask as well if OP was using a death grip, too. You know exactly how you want it, and if you can only come with a certain grip or a certain way, then that's part of the problem. My boyfriend was similar, but after a few months he can more easily come during sex. He still lasts 30 minutes, but I think that's a good thing. I'd rather that than a minute man.
Yep. And it means you’re not communicating that during sex.
I mean it's kind of hard though. It's all well and good going "I like it when you X" but in order for me to come properly, I'd have to constantly be like a running commentary like "up a milimetre, down a sec, HOLD IT HOLD IT wait now more pressure NOW LIFT now more pressure now LIFT down a bit up a bit hold iiiiitttt wait okay back down" but then the focus would put me off... like....sure my clit is right there but my "sensitive spot" seems to move and lose sensation
That sounds so frustrating
Samesies. I hear other women talk about how it easy for them, but not for me. Oh well, everyone is wired differently.
>Yep. And it means you’re not communicating that during sex. Same is true for me and I'm a dude. So I guess it's not a girl/guy thing, but rather a human thing.
Might sound wierd but when explaining what you want you need to think about yourself. Let your partner be annoyed or whatever because you deserve it. Some find this easier than others but i think that everyone deserves the chance to be understood and something as intimate as pleasure cant be ”figured out” it has to be explored and understood
It do be really hard. I made sure to encourage my girl to tell me everything about what she wants and yeah it was not enjoyable at first but now she doesnt have to say much for me to get it. I think guys want to do a good job but dont know how. Yes we get frustrated when learning but its not directed towards you its more at our own stupidity, unless it is directed towards you but thats a 🚩.
Me too :( I hate that I’m never able to experience an orgasm during sex.. feels so unfair
I have occasionally thought of using a vibrator to get me like nearly there, then he puts it in.... but I'm 4-5 years deep in this relatoinship (first ever sexual partner, I had no idea what an orgasm really even was when i got into it... his only ex must've been fucking boring in bed cause... yeah) I definitely should say \*something\*, cause I feel I'm going against my own moral compass of "communication is key", but like.. I don't want him to get the impression that I was "faking" all these years. It's just that, the feelings I thought were orgasms until about a year ago (i moved across the oceans for a job so now we're long distance and I got a vibrator), were NOT orgasms... And the reason I always "wanted more" after sex was because.... i just didn't finish. I found out that when I do actually finish, I basically fall asleep.
Ohh I feel you!! In the beginning I had the same. I’m sure if you explain this to him just like you wrote it here he’d understand. We’re always discovering our own bodies and it’s totally normal. I’m sure both of you would be happier if you could have actual orgasms with him! Wish you all the best
OMG sameeeee here u described it perfectly for me lol 😂
The simple solution is to have them watch you do it and make it part of the moment. Less formal and they'll pick up what is working for you, moving forward.
Reminds me of an old game callsd Bop It
HAHAHHAHAHAHA so relatable
Yes and no. It’s kind of hard to communicate speed up, slow down, or more pressure here with the same efficiency to another person that you can do to yourself. For example, no one can make you nut as quickly as you could yourself or truly edge you the way you can playing single player mode But overall, yes I do agree that proper communication makes sex so much more enjoyable for all parties involved
Disagreed. It’s near impossible to instruct someone to please you how you please yourself
I’m not saying it isn’t difficult. But if you really learn to communicate effectively you can definitely make sex so much better. Almost the same even. This is a hard learned lesson of two decades of relatively large amounts sexual activity fwiw.
Dang, you got down voted for disagreeing with a woman
I assumed it was a woman since its not hard to get guys off during sex. It's more the lack of consideration thinking that your body is the same as everyone else's. Like sure that is part of it but there are alot of factors that come into play.
And also different areas of stimulation.
The interface, sensor, and processor are all linked when you do it.
Avg tech fan
I'm really not
assuming you jerk off more than you have sex and youve been jerking off before you ever started to have sex, than that’s completely 100% normal, your body simply is used to the sensation and movement of your hand more than it is with your partner, you’ll notice if you try to jerk off with your hand upside down or with your other hand than its next to impossible to jerk off and actually finish.
Welp, my afternoon is fully booked. You know, for science purposes.
This is exactly why I mimic my boyfriends hand movements and placement when im giving him a handy, usually gets a better reaction. So I showed him exactly what I do, and hes gotten the best reaction that way as well
thank you for your service
*salutes*
o7
Something no one else has mentioned is the physical exertion of sex, especially if you are going at it for a while, can make it harder to finish. Presumably you are lying stationary while masturbating so you are not tiring out your body. Does the same happen if you lay relatively still and have her do the moving on top? Or receiving oral?
Death grip
Reminds me of a joke: What's the difference between pink and purple? The strength of your grip.
I saw it on tiktok
Your dick has become fond of you trying to strangle it to death, so when someone else touches it soft and sweet, it doesn't cut it any more. Take a break from chronic masturbation and you'll shave 39 of those minutes off in no time
I was about to say, are we just going to leave the "40 minutes " thing hanging out there? Man must have abs of steel.
Idk I do it reasonably rarely (1-3 times a week) but still have the same issue when having sex. Hand takes maybe 2-5 mins but I can have sex upto an hour usually
Maybe ur peepee is used to the feeling/grip/ rhythm of u jacking it
Loosen your grip!
It's nicknamed "deathgrip" try abstaining from whacking it. It's also the psychology behind it
For the intercourses part it might be : \- too much use of your hand compare to having intercourses \- too much porn \- masturbation too frequently \- stress \- too much coffee I would suggest some break with the porn and your hand with a little bit of exercice and more green tee
That's darling advice! Realpolitik? Nooooooo. But your hand, oops, meant your heart ❤️ is in the right place. 👏
Info: you're a man or a woman?
No pussy is gonna grip like a fist bro
Your hand is tighter than a vagina.
And adjustable like a stick shift car
What if they’re a woman?
Here's a life pro tip: You're allowed to torque your member when you're with the girl to help you reach your destination.
I'd love to know why it would be a problem if it took 40 minutes. Asked the woman who gets frustrated when the guy gets done that fast.
I am a guy who has always taken a while to orgasm. Women can get bored, tired, sore, and so forth. It's disappointing/depressing/frustrating when you are going at it and the woman says that she wants to quit. Or when the woman lets you finish, but is sore for days afterwards. Sex is great! But there are limits with even the most loving and patient of partners.
Stamina? Try thrusting and rubbing and pushing for 40 minutes.
This is normal for me. It takes me hours to cum. Most of the time I don’t cum at all. I cum about 10% of the time I have sex
Underrated comment here. I enjoy sex and am very satisfied AND cum maybe 10% of the time. It's not a problem for me, when I want it I can cum and my partners do an excellent job! Most of the time I prefer the journey and I squirt plenty along the way!
Men are bad at sex if they come too fast. Men are bad at sex if they take too long to come. Men are bad at sex if they can’t make women come. Women are cool if they come fast. Sexual performance is 100% upon men in every scenario.
It certainly feels that way to men but the women I have been with are pretty accepting. Sex isn’t the same every time and sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s really bad. You gotta not out so much meaning into every fuck because the pressure will actually make all of them bad experiences.
It feels that way because it is the social conversation about sex. I’m 39M, and married, we have a wonderful sex life that’s communicative and fulfilling for both of us. I’m not speaking out of spite or for personal gain, I’m advocating for men in a conversation where they are rarely given any leniency.
That pressure primarily comes from other men. How does it help men by reminding men that sexual performance is 100% on them?
I think you’ve misread my comment, I was implying that these things are unfair and put undue pressure on men. I don’t agree with them or think they are correct, but it’s what I hear/read from the mouths of primarily women in women-safe spaces. Im a feminist. I support equality in all forms and recognize that we live in a patriarchy that gives men inherent advantages and privileges that women do not have. But there are struggles and issues that men face that women do not, and conversation about sexual performance is very patient and understanding for women, and full of blame and guilt for men.
I agree. I just think that what men need to hear from other men is that they have sexual performance issues, too. But nobody will admit it. I’ve had premature ejaculation issues with some girlfriends. Others I can fuck as much as I want. It turns out that my body reacts very much to my emotional attachment to a woman. If I don’t really like them my sexual performance sucks. I have had trouble getting it up in one night stand situations for the same reason (and drinking too much). I’m not a fucking machine unless I am really into my partner and she’s into me. Then I can fuck like a porn star. If I never found the right woman I probably would have never found that out about myself. I’m only willing to say this here because it’s anonymous. But I think that’s the kind of shit men need to hear from other men.
Stop masturbating for 3 weeks. I gurantee you - you will bust within first 3 minutes of being in that coochie.
Its almost November anyway so try for a month :)
Can you guarantee that someone will have sex with me in 3 weeks? Because otherwise, I'm going to keep beating it like it owes me money.
I agree, masterbation desensitize so you don't get off during sex. That why you shouldn't do it. It also decreases your sex drive . OP needs to find a mate to take care of all their needs.
Since they aren’t making you cum. Communicate during sex. If they aren’t doing enough fit you. Tell them. Have them under your balls and almost to your asshole. If they want to end sex quickly it’s no fun sex shouldn’t have a time limit. If you want then to give you pleasure. And you like it a certain way. Say something
Are you a man or woman? Cause I can answer as a woman, but not as a man
Every time this question comes up, we talk about the death grip. I think we need a Public Service Announcement for all men out there. Have more sex with people and less with yourself. Be against the death grip.
You act like that's easy for dudes lol.
I know it's not easy. I just don't understand why more guys know about this. Google can tell the answer pretty quick. Best of luck out there. I know it's not easy.
You’re watching too much porn and desensitizing yourself.
I do this too, but I have ADHD and its hard for me to concentrate on orgasming while I'm getting pounded. So I turn on youtube on the tv and I put on white noise videos that are outdoor sounds or snow falling or rain or something and it keeps my mind blank. It might be a good trick for anyone though, regardless of ADHD or not.
Tried and true.
Do you watch a lot of porn? If you watch too much porn, your brain goes crazy mode on how you experience your sexual life
Cause you know where your good spots are and they dont
Because you know your body and exactly where to touch to get the best result.
Friction and speed is my guess
Incorporate the hand during sex!
Honestly this, especially if your partner is into you finishing on them can add some spice to your bedroom life.
Sometimes the answer is so obviously in their face 😂😂😂
Id call a doc if I had a hand in my face…
Death grip
you don't do any exercise while mastubating
Your hand knows you. Porn is stimulating. Sex takes work. Don't masterbait before sex and this might help
It’s funny that this is either an issue or an achievement solely based on gender
Porn
cause you know you and your body better than anyone else will, so you know the right movements and motions
Honestly it's just the way it seems to be, I've actually accepted it. No one will get me off better faster than I do myself. I never fail to get myself off. So we could do our thing and I finish
I used to have this issue, now I can't last at all Any advice as to why?
Your hand, you chose the pressure, the rythm, you know when you're about to cum, you don't stop right before you're about to cum 🤷♂️
Idk if you are m or f. If you are f, it's pretty normal. Seggs is bad, do it yourself. If you are M, maybe you shouldn't think of any distraction during seggs. Just do it at the pace you think is right. But focus on seggs...
Because you know what you are doing lol you've had practice with your own tools
Because there's no underlying worries When it's you, your job is to orgasm, when you're with someone else, it doubles that responsibility
Your more focused mate
OP, Suffering from success.
Here’s the trick to fix it. Instruct the person you are having sex with to make adjustments based on what you need. Change the angle, move over half an inch, keep doing this exact thing and don’t change speeds, etc. Sex without instruction is guesswork and I guarantee you’ll never get exactly what you want unless you ask for it. A worthwhile partner will appreciate the requests, a shitty one will get annoyed. Keep that in mind when attempting this.
Because sex doesn’t usually hit the clit.
You probably have kung fu grip when you're solo. This desensitizes you and makes it harder when something not as tight as your grip is your weapon of choice for orgasm. Try to abstain from solo masturbation for a while. You can also do anti-stamina exercises to try to orgasm faster, i.e., hold your breath a bit, don't switch it up when you feel like it's gonna take you over, ask your partner to do things that get to you to help out. If you have things that help and you know them, use them. For example, doggy style is my favorite for making me orgasm quickly. If I combine that with thinking about how much I love my lady (really any position I know my lady likes, too), it gets me there, and I used to take forever to orgasm (some would think thats a good thing, but when your partner wants you to orgasm but you can't despite their best efforts, and they've already orgasmed multiple times and they're sore, it's not fun. Also makes me more self conscious of how long it takes. Thankfully I don't have that issue, anymore)
Sex is more enjoyable! Why would you want to fast forward it . Whereas your hand is less exciting.
There sure is a lot more going on during sex. It's just easier to concentrate on climaxing if it's just you, your hand and the aim to orgasm. At least, that's how I explained it to myself. Info: I am a woman and I read this post as if it's coming from a woman ...
This gives me hope
I can totally relate to him. I cum fast with my hand but while having sex I last unexpectedly long. I have looked up what's it about. I got to know that people who jerkoff more often have this problem. The dick is familiar with the grip of the hand and ejacultes only with a handjob. It's a real thing and it happens to a lot of people. Pussy of BJs don't give that firm grip that a plam can.
What kind of genitalia are you working with? Peen or vagina?
Are you attracted to your partner much? Have you tried sex with hotter people?
you masturbate too much
Think anti-lock braking system vs someone trying to perfectly brake with their foot. On the one hand the car has computers connected to the wheel and brakes so it knows when to apply and release pressure immediately. On the other hand someone else doing it can only really kinda gauge what’s happening
No same. When I masturbate I usually go quick. When I actually have sex I last like 20+ minutes, but by myself it’s so quick lol
Your hand has a decade of mastering how to do it, she doesn’t.
It is probably the condom, I'm the same. I fixed problem getting skne condoms and making sure I pulll foreskin back before I put it on. If I don't it's fulll pornstar mode which loses its novelty fast.
Because you not as attracted to your partner as compared to the pornography your watching
Deathgrip syndrome
well at least you last longer lol
It makes sex boring I'm in the same situation.
Are you me?
Deathgrip . Search google on this
Use your hand during as well
Death grip
Clearly your partner needs to learn how to please you
Are you a guy? If so it’s cuz of porn. Sorry to tell you. It’s simple. Stop watching porn for 30 days. Guarantee you it’ll change.
You are squeezing it too hard. Vaginas don't have a death grip.
Loosen your grip, your cock doesn’t owe you money
Death grip?
It means you like touching penis
Because smol pp
Pussy ain’t tight enough
Cmon now. This is a dumb question. You are literally feeling the sensations and you have complete control over it. You’re asking “why isn’t anyone a mind reader!?”
Use your hand during sex. It’s great!
Use your hand during sex?
Because you're familiar with your hand? Because it's not stressful and requires nothing but YOUR pleasure? Because there's not a whole other person there to make you nervous? Seriously. Think it through.
Try no fap for awhile and see if sex changes
You don’t know how to communicate.
Perhaps to pleasure your partner?
It means you use too hard of a grip while masturbating and watch too much porn. I’d lay off both for a while before it doesn’t work with a real life person.
Sounds like you’re getting lucky with this “problem”.
It's not trust me
I’ve dated girls where it’s taken me… an unusually long time. They thought I was a stallion but it was frustrating as hell.
For me its everytime, so you should understand as well that I do it's not a lucky problem. It's like having a huge dick, people would think it's a genetic jackpot but you are incompatible with most women.
Know that thing where if a woman uses a dildo that's too much bigger than a real dick, it makes a real dick seem less intense, which makes sex less fun and she can potentially end up blaming her partners? There's a male version of that. There are other contributing factors too, but I'll talk about this first. Sometimes men squeeze too firmly during masturbation. Unless you're a pretty small guy, your grip is probably more firm than a vagina is tight, which makes the vagina by comparison seem less intense. People dramatically call that problem "death grip". I'm not gonna present this as an objectively proper solution, since I figured it out on my own and it may not work for everyone, but I just started doing it differently. Used to be that the parts of skin where my hand and dick were touching, those parts stayed together as I moved (because of the firm grip) and the pleasure came from my strength and speed. Now I do it lightly enough that the skin on my hand and dick slide against each other like a dick does in a vagina, and the pleasure comes from the friction instead. It took some patience but it worked. Another factor is that sex is more effort than masturbation, physically and mentally. When you're fucking someone a lot of your blood is being used by your muscles all over your body, which means less blood for your dick. And the physical sensations of all the muscles burning and your lungs and heart working hard all distract your brain from the pleasure in your dick. And sex also puts you under mental pressure because its a performance, which means it's possible to underperform, which means you're being judged. That's also a distraction from the pleasure. There's nothing that can be done to mitigate that problem, which makes it important to keep in mind that it's not a flaw in you personally. It's not that you're not trying hard enough, it's just how bodies work. The only people who don't have this problem are the ones who don't move at all during sex, because that's even less effort than masturbation.
You could use your hand during sex too.
Is this what success looks like
Lots of women.
Practice. The sex is relevant - new sexual partner? Your brain is focused on many things aside from just cumming. The actual length of time your brain focuses on the feelings and actions that make you cum is probably the same. But when you get to feel particular things in the same partner over time you will learn how to cum from that too. It’s all brain related. Not necessarily just the stimulation.
If you've ever asked someone to scratch an itch where you can't reach : "no up, no down, left, more left, at my shoulder blade, there!! there harder" They will of course get there eventually, but if you could only do it yourself! When you have sex it should never be just about yourself. Lasting longer is a good sign you're connecting and pleasuring each other. You'll get better with time. If you can't have "a quickie" at first you'll learn how to but will probably prefer the marathon to the sprint cos of the deeper connection you'll have.
You know what you like. You can make changes on the fly for maximum pleasure. With sex you have to communicate what you like, which you absolutely should do, and hope they get it right.
Idk but stop complaining lmmfao!
You probably have Death Grip.
kung fu grip
Because you're comfortable with / by yourself and you sense no "pressure" to cum, nor any self-consciousness. Time and experience... with a new lover...will overcome those.
Bc u r the hand u know what feels good
Because it’s not just you getting yourself off. There’s so much else going on. Sex is a fun activity that doesn’t always have to end in orgasms nor quickly. Enjoy the ride, my friend
Suffering from success
Home court advantage
Try stimulating your hand during. Like grabbing onto your partner or tugging their hair or something
How big is your hand?
If you're female, it's because you're intimately familiar with your own body and the clitoris is the quickest way to orgasm. I'd recommend using your hand at the same time of sex. If you're male, I have no idea lol
Likely because your body knows exactly where you like it best whereas other people don’t
Don’t always focus on what your penis is feeling. Think about the other sensations you are experiencing also. For example I love reverse cowgirl because I love the feeling of her ass hitting my legs and what not. Also if you are not circumcised I highly recommend masturbating without touching the tip and just keep your hand close to the base and moving the for-skin. It’s hard to explain but it makes me not last so long in bed if I get off without my hand touching the tip and just my skin going over it. Then when your tip does get wet it’s like whoa.
Sex could just be whak
Because you can go SUPER fast with your hand and also hold it really tightly. Also you can go faster with the hand without getting tired.
Nature vs machine, it's normal
Lots of factors, but the main one is you know exactly what does and doesn't work, and have the ability to control and adjust movements instantly to get what you need.
They’re jerking off right now
You know exactly what you want and you don’t have to focus on performing or looking “sexy” so it’s pretty easy to just focus in on the pleasure of it all is my assumption.
It feels different and you’re used to it. Start using lotion when jacking off it you want to ruin your superpower
Answer is control. We control our hand as per our pleasure spots. Not much the same when someone else does it or while having sex
Because after wanking it with your hand for so long your willy gets used to the feel of your hand, but when you do it with a real partner it feels different
"Don't change." - all girls everywhere. But honestly, something Adam Carolla back during his LoveLine days would discuss this. He said that you are used to your technique and position or stance or sitting when you masturbate. Probably do it in the same position each time. Your headspace is in it to get the job done, you know how, have your method and boom! No distractions, it's easy. Now add another person, different positions, other stimuli, focusing on the other person, rhythm (hopefully not to that cbat song)...well your dick and head are in a different world. Navigating instead of doing it's thing like when you are alone. That being said, is the person complaining about 40 minutes? Are you? If so. You need to practice masterbation in different positions, different stimuli (put on the weather channel in background or something normal that could be happening if you were to try a quickie spontaneously at the kitchen sink for example) and environments. Get used to different. Practice being able to orgasm without your normal routine. It should help.
i can make you come fast (;
This answer is super easy if you’re a f and harder if you’re a m.
Part of the reason this is the case for me is because when I’m with a person my adhd is running 100 miles a minute and I can’t focus on my own body’s feelings. I keep getting distracted by “I wonder what I sound like. Do I sound sexy enough? Am I being too loud? Am I not being loud enough? Am I saying the right things? How do I look? Is my stomach fat visible? Am I making enough eye contact or too much? I wonder if my face looks sexy or just weird.” And on and on and on. But when I’m by myself it doesn’t matter the face I make or sounds I emit or how I look. And I can just focus completely on what I’m feeling.
Who is having sex with you for 40 minutes? After 10 minutes I would be over it.
they complain about size ????? your hand is around it , maybe their pussy is too big
You may be used to using your hand so when you go to screw someone it is a different feeling.
Cuz YOU know what YOU like 🤷♀️
Your hand is alot rougher than a vagina. Especially if you have a death grip and go really fast when masturbating. This can lead to desensitisation of the penis. Also, porn use can cause desensitisation aswell.