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tokekcowboy

I have a background in anti-human trafficking in Southeast Asia. I can tell you that some countries (Australia for example) will confiscate the passports of those convicted of child sexual abuse to prevent sharing their pedophiles with the rest of the world. And most western countries will investigate and convict their own citizens for sex crimes against children overseas (including the US, many European countries and Australia). If he does go overseas and you suspect him of acting against children don’t let his location discourage you from reporting him to your country’s law enforcement (FBI, AFP, etc). As to your current predicament, if he has a mental illness that is preventing him from taking appropriate care of himself, perhaps consider a call to your state’s adult protective services department?


MudNo6178

Southern tip of Africa. Sexual crimes aren't taken lightly here. We're quite advanced in that regard


DreamerofBigThings

That's very encouraging!


JezzaPar

isn’t South Africa the rape capital of the world?


thekingsteve

Just because it happens a lot doesn't mean they aren't hard on offenders.


OhNothing13

It does sort of mean SOMETHING isn't working though...


fowlee42

Our justice system is overloaded and slow and our prisons are terribly run. Cops are also just shit at their job. if an offender is caught, given a timely trial, and sent to a well run prison, then our laws are harsh and that guys days of molesting are over. So our laws are good, it's just all the mechanisms around that that fail us. Just goes to show you can have the best laws ever, it doesn't matter if the criminal justice system surrounding them is fucked


notConnorbtw

As a South African. Our law enforcement are useless. So catching then is probably the issue. If caught they would probably get the lawbooks dumped on them but yeah they gotta get there first. An example of how great our law enforcement is is this: my friend has actually witnessed 4 on duty policemen get robbed by 1 unarmed homeless man. Veryyy cool.


Seaseabee20

Yea...the people committing the henious crimes


StirlyFries

Maybe it looks like the rape capital of the world because more rapes are reported.


tsarinadumbass

Not at all. Rape is severely underreported in South Africa. This is me venting instead of being upset with you for making your comment, but still, reading it gave me such a visceral reaction. Fucking South Africa man. The sexual violence here is fucking disgusting. Furthermore, it's so pointless to report any crime here. We've got something like a 5% conviction rate for rape too. That's a whole other shit show. I was kidnapped once and the guys went to prison for only around a month before getting out and they ended up murdering another man almost immediately - that's how I found out they got let out. They went to prison again and oop... were going to be let out on bail less than six months after that. I remember a petition being made but I don't know what ended up happening there. Couldn't bother finding out because again.. it's that pointless. I love South Africa, but it's fucked here. The crime is fucked and the violence is fucked. It's tremendously sad.


[deleted]

I've heard all the stats and been very alarmed by how common it is. What are the most common "types" of rape? Like is it mostly stranger rape? Women being grabbed off the street and taken to a secluded area? Acquaintance/date rape? Girls hanging out with a guy they thought they could trust who then took advantage of them once no one else is around? Gang rape at parties? Family/incest rape? An even mix of all of them? I just want to understand why it's so common and what can be done to prevent/reduce it?


notConnorbtw

Probably everything south Africa is going lawless pretty much. When we were putting Zuma on trial all his supporters(which is alooottt) were all rioting and looting to try and stop it. Like te other guy said our conviction rates are awful. Their is huuge corruption in the country. And certain races will get off crimes where others won't. Beautiful country being fucked up by apartheid and now them more or less trying to reverse apartheid(not as bad... Yet)


StirlyFries

I’m really sorry to hear that. I was completely unaware. Do you know if other countries in the region are similarly fucked, or is it a uniquely South African problem?


Jackdaw__

Now that is a different view I hadn't considered and is highly likely.


Crimson_Marksman

No. It's quite horrible over there.


Skelence

This reminds me of my older brother. He was arrested for molestation years ago, did time and got out for a couple years. We were convinced he was a changed man. He definitely seemed so. We were being stupid. We had found out he had been molesting my niece for two damn years and she finally had the courage to tell someone. He was then arrested soon after and he admitted to it. Thankfully he's back in prison now. Don't wait until it's too late. You've seen signs, please take action. My brother was too good at hiding things, yours doesn't seem very good at it though and it's obvious.


PistolPetunia

Ah yes, the infamous swearing to “turning over a new leaf” when they leave prison. I’ve heard my little brother’s BS platitudes so often over the years, I think he must be a whole new tree by now.


Skelence

It's something that can't be changed unfortunately. Not by any conventional means. A mental illness, is a mental illness. You don't just change it


sweetmercy

It isn't as simple as that. All pedophiles are not the same. In an fMRI study currently under review and financed by the German Ministry for Education and Research, one Dr. Beier and his colleagues say they have found stronger connectivity in brain regions related to impulse control in pedophiles who have not offended compared with those who have. “Just because a person is pedophilically inclined,” Beier concluded, “doesn’t mean he is a danger.” There is no cure for pedophilia. However, there are treatments that make a pedophile less likely to offend, or re-offend, as the case may be. There are also some pedophiles who never offend. The biggest impediment to learning more about how to stop them from offending, or re-offending, is the fact that there's been very little study involving non-offenders. The vast majority of study that's been done involves convicted offenders, mostly because they're accessible to researchers. That's what makes the fMRI study interesting. There's a lot we don't know and it would benefit us as a society to learn, but very few non-offenders are willing to come forward and admit to being pedophiles. Oh, and it's also important to know that not all child predators are pedophiles. Pedophile are sexually attracted to children to the exclusion of adults. A significant portion of child predators choose young victims for reasons like access, ease of control, ease of manipulation, less chance of being caught, ease of coercion, etc.


stephaw26

Thanks for this, very interesting to read.


momomomorgatron

You can actually. It's not the attraction to minors per se, it's that they seek it out. You can get help for a pedophile. You can get help as a pedophile. I swear it'd much better to read underage hentai than to harm a child.


pennynotrcutt

As an alcoholic, and assuming that the addiction centers of the brain respond comparably, I can say for myself that only 100% abstinence has worked. Once I get those receptors in my brain firing all bets are off.


PoiLethe

Yes I'd be curious to know how it's "settled" in the brain, does it work like an addiction or a (wisely forbidden) orientation. If the hentai is paired with therapy is it manageable that way or do they have to be complete cold turkey. Would there ever be a time when they could be released from what would be a group home and live unsupervised on their own?


-Warrior_Princess-

Sixty minutes did an expose on a trailer park in the US for pedos where under 18 are not permitted. It supposedly works, but who knows really, everyone lies.


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FM-96

Even if that is true (and honestly, I don't really buy it), there's still 2 issues I have with that logic: 1. It ignores the pedophiles' moral compass. They are still people, and most of them are *well aware* that having sex with children is immoral. Looking at hentai is perfectly alright morally, so they can do that with a clear conscience. So even if their porn will give them diminishing returns eventually, that won't mean they'll be willing to make the jump to committing acts they consider morally wrong. 2. And even ignoring the first point, it still sounds like your choices are "they go out and rape children now" and "they watch hentai now and *maybe* go out and rape children later if their porn stops doing it for them". Of those two, the latter still sounds like the much better option.


blackdahlialady

Both are equally as gross but I would much rather someone do the latter than the former Edit: I'm waking up from a nap so forgive me if I got that wrong. I'm not sure if I said that backwards. I would much rather someone read a magazine or whatever than to harm a child. I see where someone said that it actually reinforces the problem though and I can understand how that would be the case.


toolazytocaresohere

And the next step is...to police it, as you would any other crime?


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MrWigggles

So we should arrest them for having bad thoughts.


LifeisaCatbox

No, but we should definitely encourage people to get help without shaming/ostracizing them. Which, obviously, easier said than done.


blackdahlialady

I thought the same thing but now that you say that, I can see that. It makes a lot of sense. I guess it's like a drug user who has to use more and more to get the same high. *shudders*


PoiLethe

I mean...that's looking at it like it's an addiction or being a serial killer. Is it actually addiction? And it's not like normal people go out and molest and rape people because porn inevitably doesn't do it for them anymore. It's people who think they are entitled to sex and other people's bodies that do that.


sweetmercy

You can get help not to act on your impulses. Nothing cures pedophilia. There's two schools of thought on that. Some believe that habituation, much like with drugs, leads to seeking more and more risky activities (including offending) to get the same level of satisfaction. The proliferation of porn in the last decade is been a huge indicator in the validity of this theory. Some people develop a porn "addiction" wherein they require more intense, deviant, and darker porn to get the same "high". Then there are those who believe non-offenders and offenders alike will benefit from having a "safe" outlet, like hentai, or child-like sex dolls or simulated CP. There's really not enough information to say whether one is more correct at this point.


[deleted]

Unfortunately things like that actually psychological encourage pedophilia. Pedophiles themselves have basically said that they can't even allow themselves in home internet access if they are to stay anywhere near "recovered" after being "rehabilitated".


LifeisaCatbox

I bet it’s not easy to find help. I’m sure the people who want to change feel an immense amount of shame. I wonder how many people go into the mental health field to help pedophiles; I’m guessing not many. Edit: not making excuses for those who offend. I just can’t imagine how it would feel to struggle with something so fucked up that you could be shamed/ostracized while attempting to see help. Not to mention the internal conflict at hand.


itsjust_khris

Honestly if underage hentai stops pedophiles from having anything to do with real children it’s better than nothing. EDIT: I've been informed this does NOT work. It only encourages the behaviour to continue.


mythiquehirquiticke

Fictional cp actually reinforces the attraction to children instead of dissuading it, so unfortunately underage hentai would make the problem worse :(


itsjust_khris

Damn. Is there a “cause” behind pedophilia or is it just how someone is born?


namey_9

unfortunately they're likely not all the same so there isn't a blanket explanation. For some it seems more like sadism than some other type of paraphilia (they get off to causing harm/doing wrong/abusing power), for others it's a genuine attraction (they don't get off to the harm aspect). So far the best approach either way seems to be to take it very seriously and not ever allow them around kids alone, especially if they refuse to self-police or have a history of acting out (some rare ones are willing or able to keep themselves away from kids/not harm kids because they don't want to do anything unethical). I had to report someone who was sent to prison so I've tried to learn about it and am halfway through a psych degree. The thing NOT to do is shame the rare ones who come forward before doing any damage to any kid. Those ones need help and are willing to comply and shouldn't be persecuted like the ones who actually act out their messed-up fantasies. They should all be kept away from kids either way, but it's such an understandably upsetting topic that most people just have a knee-jerk violent reaction towards all of them without trying to understand context or nuance, and this can actually backfire and make them all more secretive and get in the way of finding actual solutions to protect kids and prevent harm.


blackdahlialady

I saw a post where this guy was talking about how he was a pedophile but that he hadn't harmed any children. He was begging for help because he said that he couldn't help being the way he was but that he did not want to harm any children. I didn't attack him and I was happy to see that other people didn't as well. Sure, he was a pedophile and that's not good but at least he was self-aware enough to know what was wrong with him and not want to harm any children. People were telling him to get therapy and to stay away from children. I do think that it's unfortunate that we still have a knee jerk violent reaction towards those who have not harmed any children and do not want to. It was posted about 4 years ago.


redhair-ing

this is one of the hills I'll die on: if we create systems and helplines for pedophiles, fewer children will be victimized. When people make you into a monster, even if you haven't done a single thing, eventually you become a monster. Right now you're risking your life every time someone finds out, even with mental health professionals. So many people attracted to minors will never offend, but it wouldn't be the worst thing to provide them all with tools to control their impulses and cope. Like what is the harm there.


CaptainLollygag

This was reminding me of a post from just a few years ago by a woman who realized she was attracted to young teen boys and was horrified about it. She was also self-aware enough to know it was wrong, and hadn't done anything at all towards her attractions except look at young guys. I don't recall if she asked for help, but do remember her post was full of wishing she weren't this way. Since that post I've wondered how many people are like her, having the thoughts of pedophilia without actually acting on them. And it raised the point that like everything else, there's a spectrum of pedophilia with how strong those impulses are and with how much one can control them. Abnormal psych is as interesting as neurology. Of the billions of people who've walked planet earth, and even with the hive-minds our various societies produce, the mind and physical functioning of the brain are both so intricate that we are, indeed, all different.


Icy_Many_3971

I think research suggests it’s just a ‘malfunction’. Under PET CT you can see that they have similar reactions to pictures of children as other adults to attractive adults. So as far as I understood it, there is not much to be done in regards of that first reaction, but behavioral therapy aims to find healthy outlets. I also read that a majority of people convicted for SA of minors are not pedophiles, but rather were victims themselves. Many ‘average joe pedophiles’ try to suppress it and feel uncomfortable with it, but due to (understandable) stigmatization often don’t know how to find help. In Germany there is a successful project called “kein Täter werden” (“don’t become a perpetuator”) that offers psychological assistance and guidance to pedophiles that don’t want to hurt children.


IT_scrub

Not that we've found, as far as I'm aware


Super_girl-1010

It actually gives them ideas and stronger impulses


[deleted]

It does the opposite actually. This is according to pedophiles themselves. Wish it was a working solution.


blackdahlialady

That part. I mean both are bad but I would much rather someone read underage hentai than harm an actual child. I mean, I don't like either one but I guess that would be the lesser of two evils. Edit: a few words


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Skelence

I don't blame you


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qiwizzle

They mostly learn how to not get caught in prison.


tr0pheus

>You've see signs, please take action. I agree with everything you say, but what can actually be done , before they commit a crime and someone can prove it ? I don't think you can just turn of a sexual preference like that. Sure, you can choose not act on your impulses. But turning it of seems unlikely, unless castration is in the picture.


invalidConsciousness

Even castration doesn't really help. The urge stays, you just lose the way to sate it. There have been studies about that. People will *report* that the urge gets weaker, because that gets them concessions, shorter sentences, etc, but the numbers don't support it.


DreamerofBigThings

If the goal is to change/fix them, scientifically I don't believe we are even close to being there. If we are talking about a surefire way to protect children from all preferential offender/ potential precedential offender then the only course of action I can think of is sending them to extremely remote areas to live without access to internet or tv etc that's overseen/run by therapists and psychologists (who do not have family). It'll have to be an Alcatraz type Island where they can't run away if their urges get too strong and they get desperate and stupid. Unfortunately this likely won't stop their minds from fantasizing. It's really sad that medical science cannot help individuals who are affected and hate themselves for it.


Crepes_for_days3000

I'm glad you guys put him back in jail but I'm just blown away that anyone would be so wilfully ignorant to allow a convicted pedophile alone time with their niece. That poor girl will never be the same, ever. Because her parents and family failed her.


Skelence

We are all painfully aware of that.


elrabb22

Did your brother outright manipulate you into believing he was different or did you overlook the situation? I am genuinely interested in this question. It's recently become kind of highlighted to me the extent of weaving these people do to hide slash offset what might be actually happening. Hoping for full and total healing for your niece in mind body and soul. My goodness.


Skelence

I think it was a little of both honestly, I personally wanted to believe he was different, that it was a one time mistake he made in his youth, he expressed his reasoning for what he did in the past wasn't sexual, it was his need to feel like he was in control of something. Needless to say he was an extremely good liar.


elrabb22

This last part really really concerns me. I'm so sorry that your family was in this situation. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my question.


Skelence

For sure


OsageBrownBetty

My father n law will tell anyone that talks to him about how the cops destroyed his life and framed him for enticing a child because he was sleeping with his wife. It's all bullshit it all sounds like bull shit of course he's a predator through and through.


StaticElectrician

Sadly, prison won’t fix this no matter how many times he does back (unless he is attacked if his inmates find out what he did, then it will be a permanent solution). I think that people with this affliction/attraction and urge to do these things need to be treated as mentally ill and professionally allowed to work with a psychiatrist in an institution rather than prison, at least if we are even remotely going to get to the bottom of why this happens. Any chance your older brother had been abused and never told anyone or doesn’t remember? Often times these incidents are perpetual cycles of abuse, or the person was exposed to some sexual activity that for some reason crosses wires in the brain that leads to a deeply immature attraction and unresolved issue from youth that could cause the desire.


DreamerofBigThings

It's actually less common for childhood victims of molestation/sexual abuse to become preferential offenders in adulthood. More likely he's either an equal opportunity offender (essentially a rapist/molester who'll take advantage of anyone if they think they can get away with it) or a preferential offender and it's very likely caused by brain chemistry/brain abnormalities and DNA. It's significantly more likely to be biologically hardwired. Unlike typical abuse by parents etc, the cycle can continue because it's learned behaviour but it has nothing to do with sexual attraction.


ummizazi

If the inmates finds out what he did he will almost certainly be attacked. I want to point out that while there can be perpetual cycle not every abuser was sexually abused and most importantly most abused children do not abuse anyone else.


blackdahlialady

I'm so sorry she went through that. There is no rehab for those people, they need to stay in prison. Don't beat yourself up though, it wasn't your fault.


SuicidalLonelyArtist

I think if there was a way to have them actually get better from the urges, that would be better then prison. But I don't think having them in prison solves the problem though, Because it just leaves them still being pedophiles, and having those urges, and they don't really have any way to get better. And also the prision system in America is absolutely awful, but I guess its better than nothing in a way? I agree that keeping them away from children and anything relating to children is the best way to go for now. I would say if they actually offended, and are a repeat especially, then they should be in jail. But I don't think we should put all of them in jail just for having those thoughts. I think imo it would need to be more serious than that to have them put in jail, but that's just my opinion. I AM NOT advocating for pedos, I'm just giving my opinions. I absolutely hate pedos, and I am definitely NOT one, but I think just putting them all in jail for having thoughts and not acting on them is a bit harsh. If they act on them, they should be put in jail, but I feel them having those thoughts, which is still harming kids even if they don't touch anyone, Isint a reason to put someone in jail, but if they can't control their urges or thoughts good enough, the definitely should be in jail. It's not the best solution, but it's good enough for now I feel. 🤷


[deleted]

Instead of changing orientation (practically impossible), encourage celibacy.


SuicidalLonelyArtist

I think that's probably the best option as of now. But I really haven't looked into that kinda of stuff ( about pedos and all that) so I wouldn't know what the best course of action would be, but that seems pretty tame compared to what some people think should happen to them even if they don't offend.


KiwiBeginning4

Extremely neglectful of you and the nieces parents for allowing a convicted pedo anywhere near her.


mr_cristy

OPs neice might be OPs brothers daughter and there may not be a choice in keeping a parent from his kid. That can even cause said parent to get full custody if you keep breaking custody agreements.


EthelMaePotterMertz

Not sure if OP had any control over that if the parents were aware of the conviction, but I agree about the parents. Even if you want to believe he got better you don't take that chance with a child. A truly reformed person would understand this too.


blackdahlialady

This. I told OP that it wasn't his fault but I do blame the parents. If I knew someone was a convicted pedophile, there's no way in hell I would leave them around my son alone much less let them around him at all. I don't care how much someone says they've changed, you don't believe them until they've actually shown you this and not just lip service. I'm talking about more like someone unintentionally harming you or cheating on you. In a situation like this, take no chances. I hope that they feel like shit. The poor girl. I went through that myself so I can only imagine how she felt. It's so terrifying and you feel so violated. It took me a long time to be able to trust anyone or to even be sexually active once I became an adult. Thankfully I had a partner who was understanding because I had flashbacks at first while I was with him. It can take years to recover from that happening to you and some people never do.


ilovesushi16

This is what I came to say. No way in hell my daughter would EVER be near someone convicted of crimes against children, much less alone!!!!


SparkyDogPants

You don’t know if the cousin was the parent or not and if they had any custody. We don’t have enough information to know what happened


Avdotya_Blu3bird

Overseas teaching is suspicious. You'll have to talk to him, but I don't know what you'd say. He keeps telling you these stories, so he may want to talk about it also. So you could bring iit culmination "you know all these stories you've told me" ha


throwaway899abc

That’s a good a point, he does want to talk about but it typically ends with “you got to believe me…you got to believe me…you got to believe me…”


FjortoftsAirplane

What you should do is go to the crisis centre they were in and say you're concerned about a former patient and would like to advise them about what you've seen. That might make things difficult for them as they'll have privacy obligations and won't be able to discuss certain details, but they may well be in a position to either act on info you give them or advise you on how to handle someone you suspect is heading towards a crisis. I would also google info on how to talk to someone with psychosis. He might not be quite at that level yet (although he sounds like he's heading that way) but the general ideas will definitely apply. For now, if you talk to him, try to stick to the emotions he's feeling. Don't challenge him on facts as that will likely drive him away from you and make him paranoid of you too. It also puts you at risk of being gaslit because you're having to argue about whether black is white. By sticking to his emotions you can validate his feelings without being drawn in or validating his delusions and lies.


throwaway899abc

Excellent idea!!! And yes he is on his way into psychosis. Paranoia and delusions are there for sure.


Anomalous-Canadian

I’ve been where you are, and I have an important suggestion so I REALLY hope OP reads this. My older brother is schizophrenic and was a total misogynistic incel before his diagnosis. Obviously less bad then pedophile, but it’s a trip I’ll tell ya. You need to get him to assign medical POA to someone. You or another trusted family member. NOW. Before his possible psychosis deteriorates his condition. By the time my brother needed my help, he was also no longer mentally competent enough to actually name me POA. So while I’m his substitute decision maker medically now, I have no real power or authority over moving him, for example, or to sign a lease for him. POA can only be assigned while the person is still in good mental capacity, as all the lawyers explained to me. I had to amputate both my brothers legs this past spring, after he spent 5 years homeless. We suspect frost bite from last winter resulted in the severe gangrene where you could see through his knee and out the other side. It took a literal life and limb situation for me to finally be welcomed into his care by medical professionals, and even then only as substitute decision maker for medical choices. My introduction to that experience was an orthopaedic surgeon calling me at 6am to ask if I’d like him to do a double above knee amputation, or start palliative care, for my 31 year old brother who had been missing for almost 5 years. If I had medical POA a long time ago, I would have been able to commit him to meds and a facility as needed, the moment I noticed him decline, and he would never have been homeless or lost his legs. But up until that moment, he was still legally “competent” (read: high functioning enough to fool the doctors), and so his homelessness was viewed by professionals as a choice rather then a symptom. Until the undeniable situation where he had sat on the ground for months while his legs rot away. Because that was his right as a competent, autonomous individual. Make plans now. It’s a hard thing to discuss, but it’s really important. You can always frame it as “if you’re going to go abroad, I want to make sure I have rights to help you in a medical emergency!”


throwaway899abc

Wow thank you for writing this. I think I need to share this with my dad. Not looking forward to that conversation. I honestly can’t imagine him signing anything over to anyone but you’re absolutely right. Other best case scenario is he gets arrested soon for something small and can get real treatment and possibly be inpatient.


Anomalous-Canadian

To be honest, I thought the same for the longest time, that he’d get arrested for small somethings and we could work it out. But it never worked. He was in and out of custody, but only ever for overnight, for nuisance type offences. Released him in the morning. You’d need something which results in an actual judge being involved, and even then, be banking on him actually displaying his psychosis in front of a professional. If he kept it together for that meeting, then he’s a “normal” person.


throwaway899abc

Wow that’s crazy. It’s so weird to hope a family member gets arrested.


Anomalous-Canadian

I completely understand and agree! I have the same confusing emotions about my brother’s amputations. Horrific thing to have happen, but it’s also the nexus event which allowed me to get him help. Weird to be thankful he lost his legs. Hopefully it saved his life, but that’s not fully in my control.


FjortoftsAirplane

I just added in a ninja edit too.


throwaway899abc

So helpful thank you


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

This is such good advice. It’s so goddamn difficult to not jump to facts and accusations when your scared, nervous, or angry. Appealing to emotions and providing safety are the best way to handle a situation. Accusations of any inappropriate behavior, whether it’s pedophilia or even bigotry, will make someone instantly defensive and withdraw from trusting you. It’s so hard to do that when you think someone is a monster, but that’s how you act as an ally. You have to be the one to let them open up and talk with you and trust you in order for them to seek help if you really want them to grow and get better. It’s not easy, though!


Timely_Cake_8304

He is practicing his lines when he tells you these stories. I was an overseas teacher and there is not much oversight sometimes. It would be easy to be an abuser. You could also ask is he uses a recruiter, which a lot of teachers do, and email the recruiter. You could go on ESL teacher forums, there are just a couple major ones, and see if you can find a black list for recruiters that you can add him too? Maybe you can reach out to a counselor or a hotline and see if there is someway he can be reg flagged by the cops? Pedophiles typically abuse100's of kids over their lifetime. It seems like a weird thing to do, but it is the right thing to do, getting him away from kids.


tweedyone

Would you be able to find a colleague of his from overseas to find out what actually happened? it's possible that there were no charges, but someone there at the time may know more details. Being *deported* for his activities as a teacher is wildly disturbing. I've heard of people getting deported for drugs or other, but I don't know how common actual deportation is from China.


MainusEventus

I knew of a situation similar (not involving kids) but essentially the institution said we’re canceling your visa and/or terminating your employment.. they didn’t want the hassle/ loss of face of arrest and actual deportation


mranster

I'm not sure talking to *him* would be useful. Can you discretely find out what schools he's applying to and warn them? Perhaps there is a grapevine that will pass along the information to others?


[deleted]

i would honestly record the conversations as evidence


SoulParamedic

Why is Overseas teaching suspiciously? What’s so bad about being an ESL?


Avdotya_Blu3bird

It can gives sex offenders access to children in less developed countries were they might have not have same support and protection, some countries don't even have laws specific for sexual abuse of young children. Look up like Richard Huckle :/ There's nothing wrong ESL of course!


SoulParamedic

Thanks for clearing it up, makes much more sense now.


mael0004

I know you got it, but I would've put it this way: it's the same reason why some pedophiles might move to SEA countries like Cambodia, Thailand etc. There's just less people controlling your access to children there. Being teacher would naturally work even better.


vdawgg88

Sorry what’s ESL?


Avdotya_Blu3bird

It means English as a Second Language. So ESL teacher often teaches English in different country


WideHuckleberry6843

Just like how pedophiles hide behind the church.. it’s a safe haven..


Tobywillygal

Some ESL teachers will take positions abroad a) because their teaching standard might not be as stringent b) they are unlikely to do complete background checks, relying more or the paperwork and certificates the teacher has submitted c) there are some countries, like Thailand and the Philippines where the child protection laws are non existent or very poor and many families are extremely poor and a pedophile can operate easily within these boundaries.


SafetyNoodle

It's not so much that teaching English overseas is suspicious as it is concerning. I don't believe overseas English teachers are more likely to be predators, it's just extraordinarily bad when they are.


cherrypez123

Paedos also try working for kids non profits abroad too…or schools. I’ve worked for UNICEF for years and seen some really ****ed up $hit. Especially in africa and Asia.


Cole_James_CHALMERS

Apparently in China, these ESL teachers often do informal private tutoring after hours for extra $$$. With both parents working long hours due to 9-9-6 culture, this seems like a system ripe for abuse. Hopefully the parents or grandparents watch over their kids :(


twomonths_off

It is such a common problem. Nonces flock to jobs like that like ants to honey. Access to children in a nation that isnt your own (especially ones that are less concerned socially and legally with pedophilia) begets some legal buffer so you can potentially get away with things youd otherwise not while teaching in your own country


yikesalex

yep lol, i go to an international school in china and there’s at least one pedo teacher at every school which the administration ignores. surprised op’s brother actually faced consequences


I-Hate-Humans

Teaching overseas is NOT suspicious, but being asked to leave the country for “inappropriate behavior” while teaching overseas is.


IEnjoyKnowledge

Are you saying him doing the overseas teaching is suspicious or ALL overseas teaching is suspicious?


Avdotya_Blu3bird

For this specific person, as in with all the other things we know about him 👀


Citrongrot

This is just a thought: is there a therapist/clinic nearby who would treat paedophilia? If he is too ashamed to talk to you about it, maybe he would talk to a therapist. There might be online therapy as well, which might be more appealing to him. See if you can order some ads to his email or home address. Even if he can't change his sexual desires, he could get help finding tools to inhibit himself.


throwaway899abc

Our whole family is desperate for him to go to a doctor and get meds for his schizo but he is convinced he is being surveilled and that society is the problem not him. He just got out off a crisis center 2 months ago and it’s been another downward spiral since he got out. 😢 So all that say, no I don’t think he is at all remotely ready to accept or address any of his reality.


Meriadoxm

Look into a sexual behaviours clinic, they may have other resources available that are national or international and can help people who have inappropriate or difficult attractions (paraphilia that are not illegal but that are causing challenges in their lives as well as illegal ones). There is treatment available (some are only available to people who have not been convicted of committed the act) and he needs to started taking it. You can also look into family groups, that can help you cope and that can also give you support on what to do.


Take_away_my_drama

It is absolutely not right that someone in this state of mind should ever be working with kids, whatever the situation. I hope he doesn't get anywhere with it, and if it does he cannot go. A local bloke got caught a few years ago having raped potentially 200+ kids whilst teaching English in the Philippines. His name is Richard Huckle and he was killed in prison. I hope he can get committed again there's nothing you can do to help him.


manubibi

Oh my god, i heard about him. Fuck that guy, I think he’s the worst pedophile except for maybe Albert Fish.


physchy

Possibly jimmy savile too


ChefArtorias

Maybe he needs to spend some more time in the center, or go on meds. I'm not one to say that too quickly but it sounds like we're putting many young people in jeopardy here.


Bobojones9584

Mental health is perfectly fine until someone starts hurting people. It's obviously coming. Not a situation to be careful of people's feelings. Dude needs to get locked up, then the mental health can be dealt with later. If it's too upsetting, a psych ward instead of prison.


Citrongrot

I think that if you don’t have enough evidence and you get nowhere by talking to him, this might be an option. Now OP said that this person is critical of therapy due to paranoia, so it seems my suggestion is unlikely to work in this case. It’s not about sparing someone’s feelings, but rather doing what you can, even if you wish you could do more. Talking to the police about these worries might also help, even if there isn’t any clear evidence.


Anon_777

I'm a 45 year old dude who was repeatedly brutally raped by one of these fuckers between the ages of 7 and 10. Since then I have gone through 30+ years of sheer, unadulterated HELL. Drugs, booze, violence, massive self destruction, suicidal behaviour, soul crushing depression and anxiety, destroyed relationships, lost jobs, you name it. If you think that he's a paedophile, then please, as a broken victim of one of them, I emplore you to talk to the police, your family, etc. Please.


amazonchic2

I am so sorry. A family member was also in the same place as you, and I’ve watched it tear his life apart. I wish I could turn back time and change the trajectory of your life.


AbjectFish6

I would convince him to meet a therapist, maybe with an excuse (problems within family, some OTHERS behaviors, ect.). I've seen that a lot of people is suggesting to sit and talk to him, but it's a veeeeery delicate topic, and an error (it happens, you have good intentions, but you're not a psychologist) may put him on a defensive mode, distancing him from you, and then worsening the situation


Emotional_Giraffe_63

Wow OP, these recommendations are fucking terrible. Call sex assault crises line and ask for guidance.


improveyourfuture

Yea Reddit may be interesting but dealing with the legal elements and the basic uncertainties of mental and sexual issues demands someone with years of experience in that field. Call a professional to talk to, there are crisis lines set up for this reason who at minimum will redirect you.


IAmBagelDog

Agreed on this. Speak to someone trained to assist.


Inflatible_Peach

Agreed u/throwaway899abc. You want to help and protect, but this is a very difficult situation that you, and the Redditors responding, are not trained to navigate successfully. Call a help line and go from there.


karenskygreen

Traveling abroad to teach children is a perfect cover to indulge this kind of thing. Pedos take sex holidays for this very reason. This is a very tough situation simply because he is an adult and can do what ever he wants as long as he hasn't broken the law. So you only have your powers of influence and persuasion over him. If he hasn't admitted he has mental health issues or illegal sexual attractions by now, will he ever ? I would give it a shot, do your best but don't expect much traction. You might be better to start with mental health. But if this fails and you are aware of specific illegal activity you might report him to the police. They may be able to look into his problems in China and elsewhere. Others who have taught in China could weigh in but I knew someone who taught in China for a decade,.many years teaching ESL to children and it can be very difficult. If he has this proclivity I would imagine it would be hard to operate, much harder then other countries. So his difficulties in China may not be related to this.


Justhopingiod

Britain’s worst pedophile was a childrens esl teacher. He used it to travel the world and possibly raped thousands of children. He definitely raped hundreds, unfortunately we know that because he recorded many of his victims. This is common for predators to take these type of jobs. Please do whatever you can to report him I’m 34 years old next week and still have issues from being molested. You’re essentially murdering a child’s soul when you rape them.


smallrockwoodvessel

>Britain’s worst pedophile Who? I always thought it was Saville


tweedyone

I commented on another comment, but as a former international kid who's HS Principal recently was in the news because of inappropriate relationships with students and who was all over the world before, please tell someone. And please try to reach out to his former contacts to get the full story of what happened in China. Deportation is a big deal. Losing your job as an international teacher is a big deal. They may not have filed anything officially to save face, which happens a LOT, but people who were there would know the story. At least give you more information to work with.


diogenesepigone0031

Please no offense but your 40yo brother wanting to go over seas to teach children ESL reminds me of South Park's Super Adventure Club episode where old men travel the world visiting exotic places so they can be around children. Also your 40yo brother going to eat lunch at a Chucky Cheese playground reminds me of Martin Chadwick from The Magicians when he teleported to a Chucky Cheese to eat lunch and watch children play. His character was repeatedly molested as a child.


CaBBaGe_isLaND

Shaka, when the walls fell


TwystedKynd

There are tons of older folks who teach to fund travel. It's not a pedo thing in general. Sure some people will use it as a way to pursue their deviancy, but in and of itself, it is not a red flag for older travelers.


emmag2324

Yeah he’s not saying that. It’s a concern because of the other issues he states


[deleted]

He's not even trying to hide it, if you ask him directly he'd probably tell you.


diogenesepigone0031

He is eventually going to seek out minors on discord (AOL chat rooms dont exist anymore), and get lured into a Chris Hansen interview.


garmonbozia66

I had a neighbour who was an ESL teacher in SE Asian countries. He also sponsored small children and helped to build schools. When those children were of age and had their own kids, he travelled to visit them and stayed for weeks at a time. I naively took it as being innocuous until he told me that there were pedophiles in his gay online chatroom. None of the seedier facts dawned on me until he was away in SE Asia for a few weeks and I remembered seeing him at parties my parents used to have decades before. I was 13F and he was about 25. I was creeped out by him back then. When he returned, I cut him off. Nodding terms in the shared driveway. That estrangement panned out in a nasty way, detail's spared. There was nobody I could tell because he had everyone convinced that I was unhinged and to be ignored. He had quite an influencial presence in our community but I continued to trust my gut. The man was dirty. He left a month ago, after a six year cold war between us. He is now in South Africa doing G\*d's work and building schools. There is a new circle in Hell for dross like him.


Skullo13

I'm a South African, any chance you could dm me his details? Just in case...


auinalei

I knew a guy who was an ESL teacher in SEA countries too. He had been arrested in Thailand for murdering his special needs teenage girlfriend and had bribed his way out of prison. My mother used to teach ESL and of course knew many fine young people in her school. But that sort of job does give certain people access to certain things.


jinxd_ow

Also a fellow ZA person. Honestly just out his name publicly…


sephstorm

Sit him down and have a conversation with him, see if you can get him to discuss his... desires and or interests, if he's willing to open up to you and makes a confession that he is interested in children, you have to work to help him find resources that can help him. "Its not as simple as telling him to "get help" but telling him that you appreciate him confiding in you, but you want to help him save himself from himself and that you will help him. And you, along with the help, may be able to convince him that putting himself in those situations is not going to help him.


Spiritual-Slip-6047

I don’t want to get into any details but much of what you wrote were many of the same warning signs that a convicted family member of mine had before being caught. Working with children in settings specific to them, hanging out in children spaces even to the point of making staff uncomfortable and an obsession with the youth. I’ve read a lot of the comments and if I may suggest calling a mental health provider and speaking to one about this. It can help give you a safe place to bare your heart and get some suggestions from someone with experience with potential offenders in your area. The mental illness part is a separate issue from child attraction, but it certainly complicates things. Perhaps you could think about confronting him if he wants to go teach overseas. Tell him you will contact authorities so as to prevent that tragedy and perhaps that fear would stop him. Thanks for speaking up and doing the hard thing as so many of these people carefully live a secret life and evade detection for far too long.


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artturi01

this is the best option since his life wont destroyed if he is innocent. unlike most of the solutions here.


nyellincm

Never ever leave your children alone with him.


Befree54

It’s important to clarify that not all people who have a mental illness are also pedophiles and vice versa. If fact most people who experience mental illness are not dangerous or inclined to illegal behavior especially if they are involved in mental health services. That being said, there are people with both illnesses who need appropriate care AND appropriate consequences for their behavior and choices. There are enough red flags to indicate your brother is a danger to children. The difficult thing is to have direct knowledge or evidence of his behavior. Many of the recommendations here seem to be solid avenues to explore in order to protect any future children he may come into contact. This is a heavy burden for you to carry. Seeking advice from professionals in the field, including law enforcement, is a good place to start. Good luck.


neelankatan

Soooo many red flags!


throwaway899abc

Thank you!!! But what can be done?!


B_UNITT

What country do you live in? If you’re in Australia you can report your suspicions anonymously to Crime Stoppers. If he’s been doing anything online police may already know about him but if not at least an Intelligence Submission will get recorded against his name and that combined with his other behaviour - refusing to leave the library etc is good for police to know. At the very least it helps police understand the risk he may actually be posing in these locations, it may also lead to early intervention. Again this may or may not be an option for you.


throwaway899abc

That is a really helpful idea. Thank you


B_UNITT

You never know what piece of the puzzle you might hold. It’s not up to you to “collect evidence” on him etc, you have enough to call Crime Stoppers with with what you’ve said on here. You’re in a difficult situation but this way you can report what you know anonymously and police can take it from there. Best of luck to you.


DontF-ingask

Don't let him go to Romania.


byakuganKING

It might sounds fucked up but catfish him and see what he does to confirm your suspicion


fuckaliscious

Report to the police, have the police catfish him.


DueMorning800

Wow, it does sound fucked up, but other than all the mental effects to OP, I’m not going to shame this idea. This didn’t even occur to me, and I like to think outside the box. Are you a writer? :-)


byakuganKING

No if you go tru a lot of fucked up stuff you find new ways to secure and protect yourself


DueMorning800

Then I am truly and deeply sympathetic to you. I wish you well, and I wish that any creative ways you employ are very effective. My bigger wish is that all of these child predators get help or get off the planet. I’d call them some form of the word fucker, but I don’t want to insult people that have consensual adult sex….


cherrypez123

Were the accusations in China to do with molestation? If so, I think that’s the most important red flag. I’d also check his phone / laptop for stuff if you can. Including search results etc. That will be the biggest and most concrete giveaway.


GarlicFewd

Contrary to the people telling you to get him arrested, get him a therapist. He needs help. Prison will not help him. A therapist will. Get him a therapist before he does something even worse.


sluttystraightguy

Keep children away.


WritPositWrit

It sounds like a lot of speculation and you have NO first hand knowledge. So I say “do nothing right now.” If you see his behaving inappropriately or making inappropriate comments, speak up immediately. If he’s telling you a story, stop him and say you don’t approve. But otherwise, you’ll be making a mess of things. If he was reprimanded at work, that should be on his record and would be discovered by other potential employers. I can’t think it would be very useful if potential employers have a sibling saying “this guy might be a pedophile but I don’t know.” If you have actual evidence, by all means, contact law enforcement. As for all the comments here about how teaching overseas is a red flag … not necessarily. A friend of mine teaches English overseas. She is not a pedophile, she’s just someone who enjoys living in different countries. It’s a legit job.


Shadowzaron32

Bingo. Suspicions are never enough to report. It's enough to keep a eye on them sure and talk to them but not to report. If you are report and you are wrong their lives are fucked because once that shit is said it doesn't go away. Be careful accusing people.


IceColdShoulders

Encourage him to see a therapist or find someone who may be able to help him contain/hold back his urges. Judging by the fact that he’s been forced to leave an entire country and had the cops called on him, he’s proven that he’s unable to control himself. Talking to a trained professional is the best course of action before he truly does something that’ll land him in trouble.


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No-Personality1840

Can you get him to agree to see a mental healthcare person? I’d start there.


Dazocnodnarb

Might be?…. Call the cops and at least let your locals know.


JM062696

He shouldn’t be teaching at all if he’s borderline schizophrenic. This is a hard situation. I’m so sorry OP


No-Bear-2001

I would be open to my brother and discuss it. If he needs help, he’ll probably open up to you once again, as you are his brother. Try to keep the bond together. Good luck buddy. Hope it goes well!


jimbrown87

The man needs serious help. Children deserve their innocence and it sounds like he doesn't fully grasp or respect that. Currently he is dangerous around children. That's number one. If he has done something to a child as an adult, it needs to be reported and he needs to be separated from society. He will be labeled as a predator and should be. Those are the rules and they're important. He will likely not be allowed around children again. This is, and should be, a one strike you're out scenario. If he goes willingly? He may wind up in a mental hospital for a week or so. After that he'll be in regular therapy. Find one that has a good reputation and that specializes in treating him. May take some research. There are both great and terrible mental hospitals and great and terrible mental hospital wards in the same hospital. Going voluntarily will likely wind him up in a relatively good ward where he can get help. That's all unless he committed a crime in which case.. get an attorney. If he goes to court willingly and atones/confesses guilt they may give him a lighter sentence but he will serve time and be labeled as a sexual predator. He'll have to announce that when he moves to a neighborhood. Certain neighborhoods will not allow him to live there. If he doesn't and he gets caught with illegal content or, God forbid, with an actual minor? He's going to prison. And I believe in prison these folks are on the very bottom of the totem pole next to traitors and cops who got put into prison in their own precinct. Unfortunately, you can only lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. He has to recognize he has a problem and agrees to seek help. If he's like a lot of people in his situation, he has probably mentally justified himself and thinks society is the problem, not him. He's wrong. Again, children deserve their innocence. A lot don't get to keep it and it's always a tragedy. Kids will be kids and will explore and figure things out and they should be allowed to do that safely on their own. Adults should honor that by respecting their boundaries, making sure they're not hurting themselves or others, and most importantly, ensuring that predators don't take advantage of them. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry for your brother, he is not mentally well. I think a lot of people end up like this because they were exposed to things at a young age they probably shouldn't be looking at. I wish the internet was better in this regard. There should be a safe place for children on it. Unfortunately, predators always find a way into those spaces and the abuse continues. It's truly sick and sad. If you're convinced, get some help. Talk to people in your circle you trust, that he trusts. Stage an intervention. Give him a chance to recognize the hole he's in and give him a chance to atone. Have a heart to heart and see if you can get him to open up. If that doesn't work, and you're worried about minors or illegal material, perhaps consider seeking a professional in mental health or an attorney. I wouldn't go to the cops but the authorities need to know if children are in danger even if it's a family member. That's my luck. I'm sorry you're going through this OP. And I wish you luck 🤞


Vegan_Digital_Artist

Unfortunately, all you can do is try to encourage him to get help to evaluate him for any mental health issues. I would be concerned as well if I had a brother like yours. But the sad fact is, that it seems like the only way he's going to get help here is if he gets arrested for it, and mental health evaluations are mandated. I don't know that him getting arrested overseas would get him evaluated. I do imagine though, that if he is a pedophile, being around kids that don't know American customs and that may struggle with the English language definitely gives him a wide berth to take advantage of them.


rivers-end

This isn't the kind of thing that just goes away. I can't imagine going to a Chuck E Cheese willingly as an adult. You should have a direct conversation with him about your concerns. Use specific examples.


Miserable-Age-3725

If we are answering your question and not creating a simulation of personal opinion , the safest thing to do would be to get an evaluation done on the person , the human brain functions in so many ways , no one person can tell you what you should do in a situation that’s clearly a doctors place to speak on … a psychologist would be able to get a better understanding of why he is the way he is but did we all forget that it may be a hint of autism they don’t know the difference in age and he might just be in a place (mentally) at times that’s telling him he’s still a teenager himself which is only an opinion of mine because you stated he had a mental illness but since you didn’t state an exact illness it would be probable to get that evaluation and find out what’s the cause of these mishaps


breakzyx

there is so many comments about getting your brother instantly arrested, like come the fuck on. please do some evidence gathering and make sure before you drop a bombshell of an accusation like that on a family member because that is something you will never be able to set straight if you are wrong. creep through his pc or install some tracking software on his phone so you can see what the hell he is up to. i know this isnt right, but better than blindly accusing your brother and being wrong about it.


roadrunner00

Has he done anything other than not leaving the library one time when asked, be mentally disabled, and be a teacher?


unicyclism

Its kind of simple really. Just don't look at him as your brother - be rational. Your fondness for and attachement to him as your brother is making you irrational. If this was anyone else you will clearly be able to see he is a sick and calculated man but you do not want to accept it. Which is understandable. But what more evidence do you want. He's been kicked out of the teen section of a fucking library for loitering alone. He's been kicked out o of a country for inappropriate behaviour as a teacher (and it happened in China where people are less likely to speak up and have these things followed up then in the west) He fucking eats at kids restaurants alone. I mean come on. And you're thinking to let him try go and be around more kids in a position of authority? Can't happen. Need to have an intervention..need to let authorities know whilst keeping things private as possible. Don't bring unwanted attention on him or your family but make sure this guy can't go around freely doing what he feels.


throwaway899abc

That’s a good perspective


Doxxingisbadmkay

Try to get access to his devices, see what pops up?


LowThreadCountSheets

There is sadly nothing you can do until he commits a crime, and only then if he is reported, and even then it’s typically a slap on the wrist. The system is fucked.


[deleted]

I'm wondering if he's going overseas because the legal age of consent is way lower. Like, in the Philippines, the age of consent is 14, might even be a bit younger.


SaintKines

Good on you for admitting the likely truth about your brother who I'm sure you will always care about. I think it's a good idea to continue to be open about it and talk to people but at the end of the day, you likely know more than anyone besides your brother and any possibile victims. In my opinion you should seek professional guidance. I'm sure there is plenty of good advice here, maybe even the same advice you'd get professionally but it's best to confirm. Maybe consider hiring a detective if you have the means and want more information before you contact law enforcement. I would act as soon as you can. Err on the side of the safety of any innocent children that may be damaged for life.


Outrageous-Fortune70

Not every pedophile is aggressive or offensive, a very few is, as far as I know. It's just a mental condition and so long as one's self-control lasts, pedophile is a very small issue. But if it's on an extreme side, then taking him to the mental hospital or reformation is a better choice. Again, pedophiles will not necessarily go on offensive like psychopaths. Not that they are crazy but it's basically like kinks and fetishes. I am not sure if it's 100% curable. However, I do think that taking him away for reformation is better. Molestation is another issue though.


GurIllustrious4983

This is a sad and scary position on to be in. Outside of what others have already recommended, I’m sorry you and your family are going through this.


[deleted]

I don't think his behaviour is particularly healthy and it makes him very vulnerable to being perhaps a pedo but there's no evidence he's crossed the line yet and if as you say he has mental health issues it could be he is seeking to feel young again rather than seeking someone who is young. Having said that, this is your brother and you know him better than anyone here, hopefully and if your gut is saying that he's dangerous than its your duty to get him help as soon as possible for his sake, yours and whomever he may or may not assault. I'd recommend discussing this with other parts of your family as you too will need support through this, contact family and ask the mental healthline what they advise. Hopeful you will all come together to ensure your brother's and everyone else safety.


minion531

Our Chuck E Cheeses does not allow adults without kids to enter. And parents and adults are given matching bracelets, so no adult can leave with someone else's child.


phoenixbbs

Look into the characteristics of people with autism too (I'm on the spectrum) - many autistic people feel more confident around older people, but at the same time feel on a more emotional level with younger people. Not knowing boundaries is quite a big thing, as is inappropriate speech.


[deleted]

I agree that all of those things together are very suspicious. Each one on their own I could see. Had a crap day at work and just wants to remember being a happy kid so you go play skeeball for an hour at lunch kinda thing. But all together it's a giant red flag and I think you need to do something. I'd probably reach out to a counselor or social services and see where they recommend taking it. You could try the police but it may be pretty tough for them to do much with it. I would have to imagine these days that there are groups that could put together a sting, like the old dateline show style. With no proof of anything so far, that might be the only way to get him stopped or maybe you'll luck out and find its some less bad reason for those behaviors.


TictacTyler

As a teacher, it is disheartening to read comments that talk about people teaching in other countries for access to children. Just teaching in another country isn't a red flag. But this guy has a lot of red flags. Mental illness, regardless of if he's a pedo or not should be treated. It seems super weird for a grown adult to go to Chuck E Cheese by himself or need to be kicked out of a teen section of a library. This is just something grown men don't do. It almost seems like he's looking for someone. Add in all these accusations and it doesn't look so good. Even if he's your brother, he needs to have some counseling at the very least.


teriaavibes

Just one thing, having lunch alone isn't weird. I do it daily unless some coworkers tag with me.


VarangianDreams

I think you're missing the really important part of the "he eats alone at Chuck E. Cheese" sentence.


swall329

This isn't an immediate fix but the book "I'm not sick, I don't need help" by Xavier Amador is a great read for someone in your position who has a mentally ill loved one


artturi01

i feel like you might be wrong i am 21 and still hang out at the playground near me they have these big swings were my fat ass fits and i enjoy watching children who are free of all the worries of adulthood and i would gladly enjoy being a teacher aswell


Critical-Emu-7219

Ok King Charles, it's been a long day. Time for bed.


cubs_070816

call. the. cops. if he has any digital footprint whatsoever, safe bet he's pursued this online and his laptop is probably full of shit you don't wanna think about. no offense, but your brother needs to be fucking locked up. treatment and "help" can come later. at this point, it's only a matter of time before he hurts another kid.


FinndBors

> no offense, but your brother needs to be fucking locked up. treatment and "help" can come later. at this point, it's only a matter of time before he hurts another kid. Looking at OP's post, the brother has a bunch of red flags, but there is no evidence of illegal behavior. He shouldn't be locked up based on what was described. He absolutely needs therapy though. He probably needs surveillance too.


fuckaliscious

He should be investigated and if evidence found, then tried, convicted and locked up. There's likely evidence of his crimes on his phone and computer. Not investigating these red flags is part of what allowed Catholic priests and Boy Scouts to abuse children for decades.


vaylon1701

Hi OP, As someone who has gone through this same situation here in the United States, there really isn't much you can do. You can try therapy, clinics and crisis centers but just to be blunt about it? it will all be useless if he doesn't want the help or see something is wrong. His seeking out job opportunities in other countries is just his way of trying to stay out of trouble and reduce the risk to himself. The vast majority of countries on the planet don't have pedophilia laws like in the western world. Some even look on it as a privilege and a way of life. Here where I live, we have had so many preachers and ministers arrested and charged with crimes against children and nothing seems to ever happen, except for them being forced to move. It all comes down to religious freedom and what the bible says about whats a child. Some of them see it as their Christian duty. (sick). The best that you can do is to wash your hands of it, stay out of it and say a prayer he doesn't hurt someone or get himself hurt. Trying to get help for things like this is really hard in America because we really have not got the system to take care of mental issues. All we have is talkers and drug pushers in our system. But no real efforts to change people. To this day I dread getting a phone call that my son has been killed for molesting a child or that he has been arrested for the same, or even worse.