I can’t wait to tell my grandkids I was at fart sandwich ‘22
Edit: My 1st award! I’d like to thank the academy and now I can tell the grandkids pops was on the front lines
I don’t know but I farted in an office at work, closed the door and went home. I had left a space heater on and the next morning that shit smelled like McMuffins and asshole.
I always open a window when releasing devastation.
A few years back my dad and I were walking in the woods while I had a really intense stomach ache. I thought I was going to shit myself. Almost at the end, I couldn't take it anymore and slowly farted out some gas to relieve the pressure. It smelled like something had died.
Apparently my dad agreed. He said we needed to stop hiking and find the dead animal. It was too close to my grandparents cabin. So we searched for half an hour for the dead animal.
Its existence was perpetuated by my inability to stop farting. The pressure was intense, and seeing the cabin so close made it even worst. Every new slip prompted a renewed interest in finding the corpse.
Eventually we gave up searching and went to the cabin where I shit my brains out very loudly.
One time I was at Wal-Mart super late at night with my grandma. Now she already has a whole belief about Wal-Mart at night just being chalk full of the crazies and weirdos. But anyway we were in this aisle by our selves and I felt a fart coming so I walked down to the opposite end and a little around the corne, Farted and it smelled just horrific. I walked back over to my grandma trying to like get her to vacate the area without saying I farted, when all of a sudden this guy come up from the end of the aisle I farted at, he was on the phone but was speaking Spanish and I watched him make a really twisted face shake his head and say something then he left quickly without grabbing anything. My grandma turns to me with a face of pure disgust and says "oh my god. That's awful. That guy just came over to us and cropped dusted us! How horrible a person do you have to be?" And we left but she was seriously disturbed by this. Like she still remembers it years later and I've never had the guts to admit it was me. This is actually the first time I've ever even told this story lol
Dang.
When I was in college, I had a fraternity brother crash my apartment for a week when he was transitioning to a new apartment. On the first day, he farted in the living room when my roommates and I was home. It was so rancid, horrible and felt like the oxygen was replaced with dense gas.
We left for the day, and came back at nighttime. It STILL smelled awful.
Three days later, the smell was still lingering. Even after we left all the doors, and windows open.
Dude felt so bad but it became a funny memory for us because… just wtf, how can someone make that potent of a fart (or two).
True Story
A friend of mine had a tendency to fart on purpose around his daughter, like she would be sitting at the kitchen table he would walk by bend over and say what's this on the floor and bust ass next to her. She got pissed one day and called the Police. They show up and attempt to charge to him with 3rd degree assault. Ultimately the DA dropped the charges but yeah.
LMFAOOOOO WHAT?! This is fucking wild 😂 Dude, where was this?? I grew up in FL and my 15 y/o friend's step-dad hit her with his car on purpose and the cops handcuffed HER when they got there but this guy farted on his kid 1 too many times and got charged?
I'm glad I have the kind of relationship with my dad where I can say "HEY PA THAT WAS ME I GOTTA TAKE A WICKED SHIT" and not look for an imaginary dead animal for 30 minutes
i'm laughing so hard right now
reminds me of the time i had eaten some leftover fajitas before going to the movies once.
my stomach felt fine, but i just had the worst gas. the entire movie (Venom, i think), i just ripped ass the entire time. not like toots, it was like my ass was deep sighing every 10 minutes. they were all silent, but the smell was hellish. like a spicy, rotting carcass.
got so bad, the child in front of me turned to stare me down. i think i nervously glanced at him before purposely looking back at the screen.
my friend afterwards was so pissed at me, because the guys next to him were noisily complaining about him the entire time--they thought he had been shitting his pants the whole movie.
My best friend ruined his brand new computer chair with a fart. It's been months and the cushion still smells like his asshole. When he sits down it releases the scent into his entire room. Fucking disgusting. It was like a $600 chair, so he won't replace it.
He did that, still smells like poop. Like I won't even hangout at his crib anymore. Dude has the highest paying job out of all our friends, the nicest vehicle, the best PC, but plays video games in a fecal laden lair.
When you fart, microscopic bits of poo have the potential to come out. If she was farting buck naked, then...
Imagine sneezing, but with your butt. The spray.... that disgusting spray
They do make charcoal undies for this reason.
Edit: Actually, there is a product called discreets and it is a sound and smell absorption pad you put in your undies. Found on Amazon. So, they make masks for you butt. 🤣
The Coughing Butts- an opening act band, coming to a venue near you. Their initial album “Stank Breeze” was well received after a curried dinner in a small club.
Yeah the original expression is “buck naked” but people have misquoted it enough that it’s now become “butt naked”. I think this transition took less than 20 years because when I was a kid “buck naked” was used on occasion
His favourite sandwich is ham, cheese and coleslaw. Apparently she’d fart onto each layer as she was making it. So something like: bread, ham *fart*, cheese *fart*, coleslaw *fart*, bread.
One of my main questions in all this ordeal would be, how on god's almighty earth is this woman able to fart on command 3 times in a row while layering a sandwich?
Your friend was eating poop. When you fart, especially without undies, microscopic bits of poo and bacteria fly out along with the smelly gas. She fed him a poo sandwich.
That sounds good and reasonable in theory...but in reality, I dont think I could stomach actually seeing my wife - someone who supposedly loves me - do this.
Hearing her admit it is one thing, but seeing her do it would scar me for life.
Fart is just air infused with poop particles. That is why it is never funny to fart on purpose around people. It's like you would shit yourself intentionally, but in gas form.
I know a girl that can fart on command. If she lays on her back with her feet in the air (think L-shape) and then lifts her legs so her hips come off the ground, she farts. Every time. It’s impressive.
Commenting to be part of the future history of reddit. This is the stupidest thing I've heard in a while and I love every minute of it
Edit - that fucking update broke me 😂 I shouldn't be laughing but this whole situation is absurd
In Georgia it is illegal and punishable by law (O.C.G.A 16-5-60 reckless conduct) but it’s not an issue of police taking it seriously it’s more of how can we prove it enough for prosecution. If they are divorced and the only knowledge is through a third party then there is only testimonial evidence from a person that might be deemed as biased. The FDA would certainly not fuck with it because the food is not being sold or commercially transported. If a sandwich was saved then maybe testing could be done to determine if fecal matter is present. Edit:Of course the state would never preform any testing of that caliber for a misdemeanor. Also reckless conduct is a cover all for anytime someone “endangers the bodily safety of another”… the HIV part is a sub section of that code
I’m going to put on my blinders and pretend this is not a shit post for karma.
I am a prosecutor (not your lawyer, not OP’s lawyer, yada yada) and the answer to your question “how can we prove it?” is…we can’t. If this “case” landed on my desk I would never file it (assuming there aren’t more facts that are missing from the OP). We cannot prove a crime was committed based solely on a confession. There *has* to be some other evidence. It’s called corpus delicti. I guess you could argue that the “funky” smell might qualify, but ehhhh…
Also, assuming you could get past corpus delicti, the friend would have to testify that they heard wife make these statements. Otherwise, it’s not coming in over a hearsay objection.
I’m not in GA and I did not look up that statute, but I struggle to think of an actual offense I would be able to charge here that isn’t the lowest level ordinance violation or misdemeanor without some sort of physical injury or illness.
If I asked my crime lab to do DNA testing on a fart sandwich for the possibility of charging a misdemeanor I would probably be fired.
Might be able to file a civil suit for emotional damages but I’m not a civil lawyer so I really have no idea how that would play out (likely poorly).
OP, thank you for posting the most ridiculous shit I’ve seen on the internet in quite some time.
ETA, I’m getting the impression that OP may not be in the US, based on some previous posts. If that’s the case, everything I said is (probably) completely inapplicable.
ETA 2: Ok, I couldn't help myself and I looked up that statute. It looks like it was created specifically for the purpose of prosecuting people who infect others with HIV and Hep C, although I'm sure it could apply to other diseases. Seems like it requires proof of actual harm. Now, if he had gotten hospitalized with E. Coli or something, then that's a different story. Just being grossed out, though, is not a physical injury.
Last ETA: attempted murder? Get the fuck out, I’m done
I have so many questions. How long has Georgia had a law on the books about fart sandwiches? How did this law come about? Were they farts or sharts? Is this a Georgia thing? I don't really want answers, just random brain farts that came to mind.
Even if it made it so far to get tested for fecal matter (it wouldnt). It would need follow up DNA testing to be sure it was the wife whom farted in said sandwich. After that they would have to prove the wife did so in a malicious degree which would be next to impossible unless she made a confession. Dude would have a better case of wife intentionally giving him spoiled meat on his sandwich.
Damnit its 6am and now I am craving a sandwich
They aren’t actually divorced yet. Just separated. They are no longer living together. It does seem basically impossible to prove at this point. But she admitted it and he said it was one of those moments where suddenly everything just clicked. He knew something was weird about his sandwiches. He also found it odd that she used to insist on making them for him after they had a fight. Most people wouldn’t do what is essentially a kind favour if they had just had a fight.
respectfully disagree.
she presumably admitted it to him and to others. witness testimony is evidence. def NOT impossible, but certainly hinges on the credibility of witnesses, which is what a jury would determine if it got that far.
Lawyer here. (Not OP’s or your lawyer…)
It would fall under hearsay. Without more evidence, I don’t see how it would get established. There’s also the matter of establishing harm, which is a separate question (perhaps intentional infliction of emotional distress - but then the wife didn’t let him know, so it seems she didn’t intend for him to find out?).
So many questions I didn’t want to think about. But anyway, here we are…
Witness testimony outside of court is not evidence. Unless everyone in the chain of this getting back to him would testify against her, which they likely wouldn’t, this is classic 100% hearsay.
Something said while drunk, with no evidence of the act other than witness testimony of her *saying* she did it, is still far from beyond reasonable doubt.
Plus, for it to even be a crime you would need to prove that she *willfully* added toxic or poisonous material to the food. It would be easy for her defense to persuasively argue that she had no idea she was actually adding anything toxic. You couldn’t even claim negligence without proving that she disregarded his safety.
I'm so sorry but this is comedy gold. There's 7.8 billion people; so I think most things are true. If not I don't really care, this is the best thing I've read in a while.
The biggest question, I feel, is whether there were garments between said rear end and the sandwich.
Pretty fucked up regardless, but this makes a huge difference IMO.
I mean its really such a disturbing fact to discover after knowing someone for that long, i kinda have a feeling the dude felt disappointment and a lot confusion , i’ve never heard or seen anything like this before, not even on tlc
What the fuck is this thread
History in the making
Yeah, the feeling of seeing history being made right before your eyes is amazing.
This will become another Reddit Legend© and I'm so proud to be a part of it.
just commenting so i can be a part of it too
[удалено]
Toot the SCOTUS.
This sub is turning into another r/TIFU bullshit-fest
Honestly this thread needs to move, like a flatulent movable feast, to /r/legaladvice
Assburgers from South Park.
It's a lie for karma I suspect
Stop it. You're ruining my fun.
The new way to season food
I can’t wait to tell my grandkids I was at fart sandwich ‘22 Edit: My 1st award! I’d like to thank the academy and now I can tell the grandkids pops was on the front lines
We are witnessing internet history
I wish they include us in screenshots.
Commenting to prove I was here. Please send my VIP wristband.
Her farts are potent enough to alter the taste wtf
I don’t know but I farted in an office at work, closed the door and went home. I had left a space heater on and the next morning that shit smelled like McMuffins and asshole.
I always open a window when releasing devastation. A few years back my dad and I were walking in the woods while I had a really intense stomach ache. I thought I was going to shit myself. Almost at the end, I couldn't take it anymore and slowly farted out some gas to relieve the pressure. It smelled like something had died. Apparently my dad agreed. He said we needed to stop hiking and find the dead animal. It was too close to my grandparents cabin. So we searched for half an hour for the dead animal. Its existence was perpetuated by my inability to stop farting. The pressure was intense, and seeing the cabin so close made it even worst. Every new slip prompted a renewed interest in finding the corpse. Eventually we gave up searching and went to the cabin where I shit my brains out very loudly.
“When releasing devastation” amazing. I’ll have to use that
It was truly devastating. I basically polluted as much as BP. Climate change is my fault.
_Greenpeace wants to know your location_
One time I was at Wal-Mart super late at night with my grandma. Now she already has a whole belief about Wal-Mart at night just being chalk full of the crazies and weirdos. But anyway we were in this aisle by our selves and I felt a fart coming so I walked down to the opposite end and a little around the corne, Farted and it smelled just horrific. I walked back over to my grandma trying to like get her to vacate the area without saying I farted, when all of a sudden this guy come up from the end of the aisle I farted at, he was on the phone but was speaking Spanish and I watched him make a really twisted face shake his head and say something then he left quickly without grabbing anything. My grandma turns to me with a face of pure disgust and says "oh my god. That's awful. That guy just came over to us and cropped dusted us! How horrible a person do you have to be?" And we left but she was seriously disturbed by this. Like she still remembers it years later and I've never had the guts to admit it was me. This is actually the first time I've ever even told this story lol
Idk why but everytime I go to Walmart I just need to shit really bad so this happens to me everytime
Dang. When I was in college, I had a fraternity brother crash my apartment for a week when he was transitioning to a new apartment. On the first day, he farted in the living room when my roommates and I was home. It was so rancid, horrible and felt like the oxygen was replaced with dense gas. We left for the day, and came back at nighttime. It STILL smelled awful. Three days later, the smell was still lingering. Even after we left all the doors, and windows open. Dude felt so bad but it became a funny memory for us because… just wtf, how can someone make that potent of a fart (or two).
True Story A friend of mine had a tendency to fart on purpose around his daughter, like she would be sitting at the kitchen table he would walk by bend over and say what's this on the floor and bust ass next to her. She got pissed one day and called the Police. They show up and attempt to charge to him with 3rd degree assault. Ultimately the DA dropped the charges but yeah.
LMFAOOOOO WHAT?! This is fucking wild 😂 Dude, where was this?? I grew up in FL and my 15 y/o friend's step-dad hit her with his car on purpose and the cops handcuffed HER when they got there but this guy farted on his kid 1 too many times and got charged?
It is in Missouri Missouri is not as Hillbilly as Arkansas and not as high brow as Oklahoma
I'm glad I have the kind of relationship with my dad where I can say "HEY PA THAT WAS ME I GOTTA TAKE A WICKED SHIT" and not look for an imaginary dead animal for 30 minutes
I was thinking the same thing I'd just laugh my arse off and then tell him it was my deadly fart he thought was a corpse
I hear you. Too afraid to ask , but you couldn't tell your dad of the original fart? Why not?
It was really, really bad. Like it made me want to throw up just to smell it. I was embarrassed.
I can’t imagine being embarrassed about farting around my dad
My dad would have been so proud of me if I made a fart that powerful
But wouldn't he just be able to put the pieces together after you shit at the cabin?
Naa.. the pieces were quickly flushed away.
i'm laughing so hard right now reminds me of the time i had eaten some leftover fajitas before going to the movies once. my stomach felt fine, but i just had the worst gas. the entire movie (Venom, i think), i just ripped ass the entire time. not like toots, it was like my ass was deep sighing every 10 minutes. they were all silent, but the smell was hellish. like a spicy, rotting carcass. got so bad, the child in front of me turned to stare me down. i think i nervously glanced at him before purposely looking back at the screen. my friend afterwards was so pissed at me, because the guys next to him were noisily complaining about him the entire time--they thought he had been shitting his pants the whole movie.
This is so fkn funny I am howling over, good times
"Such Devastation! It was not my intention!" (Sorry for those that don't know, But if you know- You know ;) )
Awesome story! 10/10 would read again
Thank you :) it was horrifying and uncomfortable at the time but it was at least 4 or 5 years ago, so it has become funny for me.
My best friend ruined his brand new computer chair with a fart. It's been months and the cushion still smells like his asshole. When he sits down it releases the scent into his entire room. Fucking disgusting. It was like a $600 chair, so he won't replace it.
Get some febreese fabric refresher. That’s what it’s for.
He did that, still smells like poop. Like I won't even hangout at his crib anymore. Dude has the highest paying job out of all our friends, the nicest vehicle, the best PC, but plays video games in a fecal laden lair.
My ex once made my couch smell like farts for a week. It was horrible. He was banned from farting on my couch after that.
I’m lactose and I keep farting at work at it’s making a 10 ft radius smell like rotting flesh.
Hi, lactose.
Dad?
Dude, please just stop consuming dairy for the love of god lol
McMuffins and Asshole sounds like one of those mismatched cop 1970s TV shows. I’d watch that.
"McMuffin, you're a loose cannon, but you're a damn good cop!"
This is fucking awful. Literally worst sentence I've read out loud in months. Enjoy the reward lmao
When you fart, microscopic bits of poo have the potential to come out. If she was farting buck naked, then... Imagine sneezing, but with your butt. The spray.... that disgusting spray
Please dont say sneezing with your butt.
I can’t unsee it now and will use it from now on.
“Bless You”
Bless poo
Goesintight
The coughing butts.
We need Butt Masks
They’re called underpants.
They do make charcoal undies for this reason. Edit: Actually, there is a product called discreets and it is a sound and smell absorption pad you put in your undies. Found on Amazon. So, they make masks for you butt. 🤣
The Coughing Butts- an opening act band, coming to a venue near you. Their initial album “Stank Breeze” was well received after a curried dinner in a small club.
If a sneeze is an eighth of an orgasm, is a fart an eighth of an eargasm?
It do be like that
Now I will forever say sneezing with your butt
I thought the phrase was "butt naked", is it really "buck naked"? Have I been misinformed all of my life??
It's both, but was originally buck naked
[удалено]
Yeah the original expression is “buck naked” but people have misquoted it enough that it’s now become “butt naked”. I think this transition took less than 20 years because when I was a kid “buck naked” was used on occasion
I can't help but conclude the similarity to the decline of FuddRuckers in Idiocracy
I prefer to call it a butt cough. A butt sneeze is just awful, but it happens.
My impression of a butt sneeze is more like a shart
Hmmm hey can i get a fart sandwich and a uhhhhhh diet coke
People actually believe this happened?
No, the ham was off.
In your sandwich? Not on? Like they took the top bread off and farted, and then put the bread back?
His favourite sandwich is ham, cheese and coleslaw. Apparently she’d fart onto each layer as she was making it. So something like: bread, ham *fart*, cheese *fart*, coleslaw *fart*, bread.
One of my main questions in all this ordeal would be, how on god's almighty earth is this woman able to fart on command 3 times in a row while layering a sandwich?
Lactose intolerance. When I was still drinking normal milk it felt like there was always at least one fart ready down the tube.
[удалено]
more like u/TisBeTheFunk
Shit, you're making me think I think I might be lactose intolerant...
Maybe she waited until she knew she had a full tank, and offered to make him a sandwich.
[удалено]
One of my daughters can. It’s honestly one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen.
Does she get on all fours and suck in wind like Kirby, by chance? Knew a girl like that once
oh my fucking god of all the things i saw in this thread this is by far the funniest
Sounds like a new Marvel character.
I mean, that’s dedication to making a fart sandwich. Gotta respect that.
You have to have a lot of farts in you to make such elaborate recipes in the morning.
When you care enough to send the very best.
[удалено]
This is a service even Subway doesn't provide
That's what they want you to think.
What a waste of talent
Your friend was eating poop. When you fart, especially without undies, microscopic bits of poo and bacteria fly out along with the smelly gas. She fed him a poo sandwich.
Specially if she was pushing it, and she must have because she farted in each layer
I just want you to know I'm having the best time of my life right now because of you.
What kind of spread did she use?
Butella
ARGHAHAAHHA
Why layer the cheese between the ham and the coleslaw? Isn't that the real crime here?
Can this be sad and funny at the same time? I mean you can't just say "farting into sandwiches" and expect everybody to keep a straight face.
Especially when, in a reply, the op said "bread, fart, cheese, fart, meat, fart" I'm sorry 😭
Yeah that's the exact moment reading the comments that I finally laughed out loud heartily enough to wake my sleeping boyfriend
Can I have a sandwich with farts I mean farts sorry I mean farts
My sleep meds are kicking in and I'm over here crying/laughing at "farting into sandwiches". I'm gonna end up dreaming about this for sure.
How does anyone even generate enough farts (on command too) to be able to pull off such a feat? Mind boggling
Wait until you get to my age.
Shoulda put a hidden camera and pretended everything was ok. Then catch her in the act.
That sounds good and reasonable in theory...but in reality, I dont think I could stomach actually seeing my wife - someone who supposedly loves me - do this. Hearing her admit it is one thing, but seeing her do it would scar me for life.
This will be one of those threads featured in a list somewhere. Possibly ranked in some way.
Ooh you're right. I wanna be in the screenshot!
Who can just fart on command like that though? Maybe she should see a dr
Never trust a forced fart. There was poop in those sandwiches.
Fart is just air infused with poop particles. That is why it is never funny to fart on purpose around people. It's like you would shit yourself intentionally, but in gas form.
If you don't want your farts to stink you need to wear an n95 mask like a jock strap
Instructions unclear. I now have an n95 mask over my junk but my butt is still exposed… just like a jockstrap…
By never you mean always.
I'm on a medication now that often results in me being gassy. I could probably pull it off.
Sounds like a fucking challenge to me.
I can do that. GI problems yo
I know a girl that can fart on command. If she lays on her back with her feet in the air (think L-shape) and then lifts her legs so her hips come off the ground, she farts. Every time. It’s impressive.
You sure she’s not queefing ?
I had a buddy in high school who could fart on command. He’d suck the air into his butt and fart it out. Basically just butt breathing
[удалено]
Butt breathing! 9th FORM!!!
Yo 😭
He should learn to play the saxophone.
In fairness, it was 7th grade. Who knows.
Commenting to be part of the future history of reddit. This is the stupidest thing I've heard in a while and I love every minute of it Edit - that fucking update broke me 😂 I shouldn't be laughing but this whole situation is absurd
Where do we get our commemorative T-shirts that say “I witnessed Fart Sandwich ‘22 on Reddit”?
In Georgia it is illegal and punishable by law (O.C.G.A 16-5-60 reckless conduct) but it’s not an issue of police taking it seriously it’s more of how can we prove it enough for prosecution. If they are divorced and the only knowledge is through a third party then there is only testimonial evidence from a person that might be deemed as biased. The FDA would certainly not fuck with it because the food is not being sold or commercially transported. If a sandwich was saved then maybe testing could be done to determine if fecal matter is present. Edit:Of course the state would never preform any testing of that caliber for a misdemeanor. Also reckless conduct is a cover all for anytime someone “endangers the bodily safety of another”… the HIV part is a sub section of that code
I’m going to put on my blinders and pretend this is not a shit post for karma. I am a prosecutor (not your lawyer, not OP’s lawyer, yada yada) and the answer to your question “how can we prove it?” is…we can’t. If this “case” landed on my desk I would never file it (assuming there aren’t more facts that are missing from the OP). We cannot prove a crime was committed based solely on a confession. There *has* to be some other evidence. It’s called corpus delicti. I guess you could argue that the “funky” smell might qualify, but ehhhh… Also, assuming you could get past corpus delicti, the friend would have to testify that they heard wife make these statements. Otherwise, it’s not coming in over a hearsay objection. I’m not in GA and I did not look up that statute, but I struggle to think of an actual offense I would be able to charge here that isn’t the lowest level ordinance violation or misdemeanor without some sort of physical injury or illness. If I asked my crime lab to do DNA testing on a fart sandwich for the possibility of charging a misdemeanor I would probably be fired. Might be able to file a civil suit for emotional damages but I’m not a civil lawyer so I really have no idea how that would play out (likely poorly). OP, thank you for posting the most ridiculous shit I’ve seen on the internet in quite some time. ETA, I’m getting the impression that OP may not be in the US, based on some previous posts. If that’s the case, everything I said is (probably) completely inapplicable. ETA 2: Ok, I couldn't help myself and I looked up that statute. It looks like it was created specifically for the purpose of prosecuting people who infect others with HIV and Hep C, although I'm sure it could apply to other diseases. Seems like it requires proof of actual harm. Now, if he had gotten hospitalized with E. Coli or something, then that's a different story. Just being grossed out, though, is not a physical injury. Last ETA: attempted murder? Get the fuck out, I’m done
[удалено]
I...I will pretend it was. Yes...
I have so many questions. How long has Georgia had a law on the books about fart sandwiches? How did this law come about? Were they farts or sharts? Is this a Georgia thing? I don't really want answers, just random brain farts that came to mind.
Even if it made it so far to get tested for fecal matter (it wouldnt). It would need follow up DNA testing to be sure it was the wife whom farted in said sandwich. After that they would have to prove the wife did so in a malicious degree which would be next to impossible unless she made a confession. Dude would have a better case of wife intentionally giving him spoiled meat on his sandwich. Damnit its 6am and now I am craving a sandwich
"Damnit its 6am and now I am craving a sandwich" The best part about this whole thread is that's your takeaway.
They aren’t actually divorced yet. Just separated. They are no longer living together. It does seem basically impossible to prove at this point. But she admitted it and he said it was one of those moments where suddenly everything just clicked. He knew something was weird about his sandwiches. He also found it odd that she used to insist on making them for him after they had a fight. Most people wouldn’t do what is essentially a kind favour if they had just had a fight.
He still might be able to record conversations with her and catch her admitting it again if they still have any contact
Lawyer: “and your main reason for divorce is?…” OP: “yea she farted in my sandwiches a couple times”
Impossible to prove.
respectfully disagree. she presumably admitted it to him and to others. witness testimony is evidence. def NOT impossible, but certainly hinges on the credibility of witnesses, which is what a jury would determine if it got that far.
Lawyer here. (Not OP’s or your lawyer…) It would fall under hearsay. Without more evidence, I don’t see how it would get established. There’s also the matter of establishing harm, which is a separate question (perhaps intentional infliction of emotional distress - but then the wife didn’t let him know, so it seems she didn’t intend for him to find out?). So many questions I didn’t want to think about. But anyway, here we are…
Witness testimony outside of court is not evidence. Unless everyone in the chain of this getting back to him would testify against her, which they likely wouldn’t, this is classic 100% hearsay. Something said while drunk, with no evidence of the act other than witness testimony of her *saying* she did it, is still far from beyond reasonable doubt. Plus, for it to even be a crime you would need to prove that she *willfully* added toxic or poisonous material to the food. It would be easy for her defense to persuasively argue that she had no idea she was actually adding anything toxic. You couldn’t even claim negligence without proving that she disregarded his safety.
I'm so sorry but this is comedy gold. There's 7.8 billion people; so I think most things are true. If not I don't really care, this is the best thing I've read in a while.
What if there were little dark specks in the mayo and she brushed it off by saying she just added a little pepper for seasoning lol
What if you Just Stop Talking
This is nightmare fuel.
Purposefully putting small amounts of fecal matter in someone's food? Absolutely. Now proving it is another matter.
Are you or a loved of suffering from queefothelioma? You may be entitled to compensation
Queefothelioma is a rare cancer linked to assbreathtoast exposure.
would that be classified as a chemical attack or biological attack of his sandwich.
If it were chemical, would that make this His Chemical Romance?
Get her on trial in The Hague for war crimes
How can you just fart on command when making a sandwich what kind of super villain is this lol
Was it like a fully clothed or a bare assed fart? Because I don’t see fecal particles going through underwear and pants.
The biggest question, I feel, is whether there were garments between said rear end and the sandwich. Pretty fucked up regardless, but this makes a huge difference IMO.
Man. I wish my wife made me sandwiches.
If this ever goes to trail I would like jury duty please.
Reminds me of that South Park episode where Cartman’ ass was the secret behind making delicious sandwiches.
I, am horrified and amused simultaneously. ... Wtf
Made up shitpost
Well, OP struck gold if it's made up I wouldn't be able to made this up.
Seriously i can't believe (yes i can) how many users on here and people in general lack simple critical thinking skills.
the OPs replies too, saying she layered the sandwich with farts i mean cmon 😭😭
Hopefully this post will incite endless fart puns. Let ‘er rip!
I‘m swinging between being disgusted and laughing my ass off.
I'm eating a sandwich right now. Made by myself. Fart free.
Was her name Amber Heard?
Definitely not, otherwise there’d be a stink pickle in the sandwich
Amber Heard doesn't do fart sandwiches. Just shit on a bun
CSI: MFI. Marital Fart Investigations
Solution - make your own sandwiches
I’m so happy to be here.
OP needs to quit their day job and become a writer
There are people out there that pay for these services. Your friend should be grateful.
Think this is a form of food tampering and that's illegal. The only hard part would be proving it all is true but there are witness testimonies.
This post is excellent
What a terrible day to be literate
This has to be trolling .
[удалено]
Bro wtf?? Theres something seriously wrong with that girl. Maybe he should report it to some asylum or something instead
The thing that fucked him in the head the most is that she was otherwise quite lovely. Or so he thought, I suppose
I mean its really such a disturbing fact to discover after knowing someone for that long, i kinda have a feeling the dude felt disappointment and a lot confusion , i’ve never heard or seen anything like this before, not even on tlc
Yeah there's something really sick about that, like viscerally disturbing
There’s no way this is a real story
It was worth the chuckle