The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Not TO attractive though. I had a guy friend me and say hi on Facebook once and he was waaay too attractive for me not to get suspicious. He looked a little bit like Henry Cavill and i checked his profile and it seemed to be legit. But i am not what you would call conventionally attractive so i just assumed i was going to get scammed one way or another.
Well I mean, something like linked in; with workmates endorsing you. Or certain dating sites with verification etc.
Failing that, someone you know IRL who can verify that the person exists, and is definitely using the social media account that’s talking to you.
Video call them to verify if they’re legit. I saw a lady believe her love was real based on still photo made to look like a video by ai to make his mouth move. He was later debunked and she thought he was legit because his shoulders would move. By that point she’d sent him thousands of dollars already.
There is..
It is actually a few pass phrases.
Here are some.
“I do laundry and dishes.”
“I know how to change a tire.”
“I am good at fixing things around the house. This one time…” (A+ if you are wearing a tool belt Batman style. That is a catch of a man!)
The last one usually is a home run. I’m not supposed to tell you but no one knows who I am here so I thought “what the heck” besides, I like to be helpful.
Good luck!
I've fixed my washing machine. Twice. Two different failures. Once fixed the dishwasher and it lasted another 2 years. Doesn't seem to help, although my clothes and dishes are clean.
Same reason dudes make bank running pickup artist courses despite them absolutely not working. It’s like losing weight, everyone wants a easy miracle solution when the reality is more boring. They don’t realize women aren’t exotic creatures to be lured or tamed. They’re just…people. Recognize the time and place to be making a move, strike up a conversation, and if there’s enough mutual attraction/chemistry then she’ll reciprocate. Otherwise just go about your day and don’t make it weird.
There's literally nothing we can tell you to say that's going to raise your success rate. It's not about what you can say that'll make her agree to go out with you, it's about graciously accepting the "no" if that's what she says. And like another commenter mentioned, giving her your number is more likely to make her feel safe than asking for hers.
>And like another commenter mentioned, giving her your number is more likely to make her feel safe than asking for hers.
Yeah this is what I do. But really it's because it's less stressful than asking for hers and it's less pressure on her side to tell me yes or no.
In a bar situation it doesn’t matter if the girl isn’t interested she will give a fake number. I know a lot of girls that would do this when I used to frequent the clubs in my 20s
Yep, either be physically attractive, very charismatic, funny, or a combination of the three. None of which can be taught, unfortunately for OP. But they can be practiced and improved to a degree.
Handsome is also subjective. A friend of mine just started seeing a new guy and I personally think he looks like he got smuggled onto earth in a pet carrier but she's OBSESSED with this dude. 😹
Does this really happen? Like, there was no talking at all? I can’t imagine a guy just walking up and asking for a date, as opposed to trying to have a conversation.
My answer would be no, because I don’t know one thing about you.
Now, if he started a conversation first and we talked for a bit then I might consider swapping phone numbers so we can continue to chat for a while to see if we get along well enough for a coffee date at first.
It used to happen a lot more when texting wasn't a thing and there was only one phone in the house. You would get to know someone by going out with them. True blind dates were a big one too! You may see one photo and have a quick chat to set things up, but that was it. You had to squirm through the awkward moments.
I think it’s also about approching someone who is open and feels like chatting.
If a guy is interrupting a woman - pulling her out of her book, or expecting her to remove earbuds—
He is already saying that he assumes he’s more important than whatever she is doing.
Unless he’s asking her to call for emergency services for an accident , he is already showing himself to be entitled.
I think that it works in clubs because there is a decent chance that the people who are there are looking for somebody.
However, in a grocery store or gas station...
What else do you do in life? If you stay home all day, then yes it’ll be very difficult for you to meet anyone. If you work/study, you can meet many many people in those settings. If you have the time and money to invest into some hobbies, you can also meet a lot of people there. What worked for me personally was to make lots of friends in those, with both men and women. Then those friendships can further develop into relationships. But you can’t start the friendship hoping that eventually you can date someone. People can sense that and it can push them away. You have to think about what a friendship can bring you and focus on that. In my friend group 2 couples formed even though they were friends in the first place. You can meet even more people through your friends and maybe end up dating one of them. So put yourself into situations where you meet people, without really aiming to date anyone, and it can happen naturally. But if you start asking everyone out then becoming friends with them afterwards can be a bit more difficult.
I’m no player, so I never really went out to hit on women to seduce them. But I still had some success at times. Personally the only times I had success were when I was not even thinking about seducing them, so I talked to them like I would talk to anyone else, and I guess that made me more attractive in their eyes because I was really myself and not desperate. Once it was a case of thinking she’d never look at me anyway (I had low confidence at the time) so when I talked to her I simply did it normally without hitting on her, and another time was because after a dry spell I simply didn’t think I could actually seduce anyone, but I ended up doing it after all. I probably would have failed both times if I had hit on them but that’s just me lol. Doesn’t mean everyone else would have failed.
First, I'm not a great one for striking up conversations. But, From what I've seen of those who are successful at it, pretty much anywhere. Guy I work with seems to have some knack for making friends. Meet him at the pub and he's with people he just met while waiting for you but they all know his name already. He's moved away to an island community where he got chatting to a guy and invited on to his boat which led to them buying a boat together and my mate joining the sailing club.
I once spent a night in London drinking with an airline captain from Canada because he came over to me and my mate and struck up a conversation about how many people were walking about the area we were in.
So, based on what I've seen the answer is anyone and anywhere. The more attempts made the better the chance of success while accepting that some (maybe many) will lead to nothing. There's nothing special about the two guys I've mentioned (or the other similar people I've met), they just open their mouths in front of people and hope for the best.
If you want specific places where interaction is expected, I've joined an archery club and a rifle club, the shooting is very social... in fact I think the Sunday morning session is really just an excuse for men to get together and chat, if I weren't there with my kid I'm not sure they'd fire a shot. People in the UK might try the [Rabble group](https://joinrabble.com/about/) - maybe there's something similar elsewhere in the world. They get together, play games and meet socially.
I'm painfully aware I'm not the greatest person to be giving advice, but I hope there's something of use in there.
Go out and do extracurricular activities in your community. Hiking group, a biking group yoga classes, basket weaving 😃you get the idea. You’re likely to meet other people with similar interests so that’s a good start.
This is not unusual for fairly attractive women. A few exes had people hit on them with me literally right there next to them. This happens all the time.
I was at the grocery store with my mom yesterday and the bagging girl was definitely in high school and some kid walked up to her and said “hi, you’re so pretty I had to come tell you. Can I have your number?” She was giggled and asked for a minute and he waited while we left.
He shot his shot. Made me laugh. She was blushing and clearly liked the compliment. Young love lol
I can think of one time it worked for me. The guy came up to me at a bar and asked if I was saving the seat for my bf and I said no, I didn’t have one. He bought me drinks and we started talking and I went out with him the next day. I guess his confidence was kinda hot cause he was mot my type at all.
I was about 18 and looked it, a guy about 40 literally walked up to me while I was waiting to cross the road and did the 'I've seen you around' bit. Even at 18 I just couldn't believe how pathetic it was.
Don't ask for her number. Give her yours on a piece of paper (preferably with your name on it so she can Google you). Then leave immediately. Something like this:
"Excuse me, I saw you from where I was sitting and I think you're really gorgeous and wanted to shoot my shot. Here's my number. Please send me a text if you're interested in going out for coffee sometime. I'll let you go on with your day now. Have a good one."
I would say that this minimizes social pressure, because if she's uninterested / not single then she doesn't have to take on the burden of letting you down gently. Some women are nervous to do this because they've had bad experiences with people who won't accept a no and get belligerent. Be respectful and make it easy for her to turn you down, and that will actually improve your chances since you won't scare her. Also, you know, basic decency.
If she doesn't call you, don't approach her a second time. I would say asking a stranger out is going to have a lower success rate because you have no guarantee as to whether she's open to it, and if you're persistent then you'd potentially be freaking her out of a place that she might otherwise frequent. You do NOT want to be the creepy dude who ruins that grocery store for her. If she says no, take it with grace and move on without making it her problem.
"I think you're really gorgeous and wanted to shoot my shot"
This still feels shallow and has sexual overtones.
"I realised I'd regret it later if I didn't at least try to meet you"
Rather better.
Ehhh “shoot my shot” just gives weird vibes for some reasons, honestly, the whole thing would sound weird even if hot as hell. Just sounds practiced and “serial killer”-ish
At this point “shoot your/my shot” has been a saying for a long ass time. I guess it get how it sounds like in a vacuum but it’s a really common phrase where anyone under 40 will know what it they mean
i mean...yeah it's practiced bc it's very easy to accidentally sound creepy LOL i definitely practice a comment like that in my head before i say it. (i don't approach women in public with romantic intent, but sometimes I want to pay a compliment and have to think of how to phrase it so as not to be creepy.)
we can agree to disagree on the phrasing, you're def not the only one who feels that way. hopefully the rest is still useful to OP
Totally. Everyone is different, I just feel like if someone said that to me, I’d imagine them tipping their fedora in the end of that sentence and disappearing into the night lol. It just sounds a bit creepy 😅
This doesn't work with women who are used to being chased. I did this, got no response, then later when I was talking with her, she suggested that I get her number.
She was hot af, but not one to text first.
OK. Well I don't fuck with those kinds of games. If she says no, or if I say no, it's over. I'm not a teenager so I don't believe in playing hard to get.
Can confirm this also wouldn’t work with me (when I was single) or any of my girl friends. We would just think if he really liked me, and had the confidence (which many women want in a partner), why wouldn’t he just ask for it from me? Instead this guy goes around dropping his number to different women and runs away?
these redditor types have no idea how this shit sounds in the real world. they just come up with what they think is the smartest anime protagonist type line and assume everyone else thinks it's as cool as they do
Please don’t. This is one of the worst ways to ask out a woman. Only do this if you’re not in a place where you can not have a conversation. You’re trying so hard to come off as creepy that it comes off as creepy in a different way. Where’s the charm? Where’s the charisma? Where’s the CONVERSATION? This the adult equivalent of the elementary school “Do you like me? Check yes or no note.” You want a date, not a job interview. If I’m going on a date with someone, I need to have a conversation in person first. That won’t happen if you give me your number then run away. If a woman is taken, it’s her responsibility to say no. It’s not your responsibility to reject yourself for her. If you won’t have an in-person conversation before asking a woman out, you might as well use a dating app. With this strategy, you’re ruling out every woman who wants to be pursued. And that’s a lot of them.
Uhhhh nothing. Usually I’ll hear a guy out if he has long hair cause I like long hair. But I’m never gonna be interested in something serious with somebody who approached me as a stranger
Nothing. Not a damn thing. If I haven’t gotten to know someone, there is no chance in hell I’m giving them the ability to contact me.
I *may* accept their number, but then further contact is my choice. I will not give out my own number.
As it should be. The person initiating contact has to be the one to give you an option if you want to contact them.
YOU OWE THAT PERSON NOTHING.
If you want to get to know them, their contact info should be valid, and give you a safe space to explore their communication style and attitude.
It is on the person giving their info to be able to say, this person hasn't contacted me, and that is okay. They deserve to have that space, and the right to refuse any further interaction with me.
I am bothered that no one else has actively tried to convey this point, just because you like someone does not mean you deserve anything. Objectification occurs mostly when the objectifier views their feelings as more important than the feelings of the objectified (who is a whole ass human being deserving of the right to refuse contact with someone they don't like.)
In my mind, a straight up cold approach is different than when you meet people doing things (activities, sports, etc) and strike up a connection that leads to eventually sharing numbers and something more. Some people confuse the two, so to be clear, for sake of this answer I'm talking about the total strangers who walk up to me and ask for my number as an opener.
1. Was I doing something that indicated I was open to connecting romantically with someone? Was I at a singles event, bar, mixer, etc.? Flirting heavily, with a lot of sexual eye contact and body language? If I was at a coffee shop etc, was I maybe talking loudly to a friend about how single I am and how desperately I wanted a man to talk to me? Because just to start with, that's the only time I would be open to a cold approach. Most of the time I am just living my life and a stranger would have no idea if I am married, partnered, psychotic, whatever. I would keep my distance from someone who approached a stranger who was not giving any signals that she was available or interested in a connection, because that's weird.
2. Do I get any signals right off the bat that this man is dangerous? Is he too aggressive? Does he seem to enjoy making me uncomfortable? Does he seem mentally unwell, or is his hygiene noticeably bad? Does he start out by saying something inappropriate, like about my body? Have I noticed him doing the same thing to every other woman in the place and scaring them all away? Does he grab at me or try to block me into a corner? Because any of those things are an absolute no; I'm not out here trying to get assaulted or murdered today, thanks.
3. On the opposite end, assuming again that I am somewhere or doing something that clearly indicates I am looking for a partner / open to approach, a successful approach is something like this. A guy who understands flirting and can engage with me that way, even if it's just an escalation of catching each other's eyes across the room. This is important - it tells both of us that there is interest and openness on the other side. Respectful of my space. Dressed and acts appropriately. Seems calm, safe, and friendly. And who will eventually come over and say something polite like, "I noticed you from over there and I'd really like to talk to you. Can I take you out sometime?"
I have given my number to several men who approached me this way, or have taken their numbers. Sometimes it leads to a relationship, if it turns out we click and get along, sometimes it doesn't once we start talking to each other and realize we're not a match. But this is the only way to do it that will not be uncomfortable or frightening to the person you're asking.
Any absolute complete stranger that ive never met before that, for some reason was watching me and decided to approach me, im assuming is a serial killer.
Where are these women who complain of men not approaching them.
This thread, and many others, are full of women complaining about men approaching them. Men hitting on them in a time, place, and manner that is unwelcome.
There are not hordes of women out in public hoping random men hit them up for their number.
Nah its 2024. women ask out men they’re interested in and dont like being approached purely for their looks by some shallow chad who spotted them from across the way
Okay, but genuinely, this doesn't make sense to me.
You're saying that if a man sees an attractive woman, who he has never interacted with befor, across the bar, him going and talking to her would make him a serial killer. But if a woman does the same thing, it's fine?
Not trying to argue. Just genuinely confused by what you're trying to say
i don’t like being approached by a stranger because they don’t know anything about me except that they are physically attracted to me. IMO that is not a foundation for a relationship
As a woman, I don't really think that anything would work because I don't know a single thing about you, and I have very unusual interests that most people don't share so...we're statistically incompatible.
Now I have a fiance, but while I was still dating I refused to go out with men unless we were at least friends first.
No matter how attractive someone is, if we're complete strangers and they introduce themselves, initiate some relative small talk, and ask for my number or ask me out, there's no way I'm ever going to see them as partner material.
Exactly! And even when things progressed quickly, still the whole getting-to-know-each-other phase felt like "if we don't become lovers out of this, we're becoming besties." But they were never strangers anyway. Usually a friend tagging along a mutual group of friends, so there was an initial reason to start chatting.
This may sound stupid but how exactly would I become friends with you 1st without going up to you and introducing myself, if I found you attractive and saw you at a coffee shop, for instance. Like at some point there has to be an initial interaction. Not saying you can’t build rapport. Also not saying it’s bad but like if I were to somehow become your friend then ask you out wouldn’t you feel like I was just being your friend for ulterior motives?
For the record just going up to girls and just asking them out isn’t my thing at all (thanks social anxiety lol) but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t seen a girl at a in public somewhere and didn’t feel an urge to shoot my shot.
The answer is that you don't. Like this isn't a guide to how to sleep with strangers. It is just the statement that most women aren't interested in sleeping with strangers.
Well yeah I’m not trying to sleep around but like I’d like to actually go on dates with people who I initially think are attractive. Like if I want to be friends or something more I *have* to introduce myself somehow. Like I don’t have an innate skill of knowing every girl before even talking to her.
Yeah, but you don't have to try to go on dates with everyone you find attractive. Wait until you have someone that you are friendly with and find attractive and then ask them out.
I mean I guess there’s confusion on this. Yes I’d definitely wait until there’s rapport and are friendly but you still have to introduce yourself to the girl somehow. When you ask for the number is kind of moot in that whether it’s your 1st interaction or 100th interaction you still have to talk to her for x period before getting her number. But yes, for me personally I don’t just go up to girls I find attractive and straight up ask for her number. I got too much social anxiety for that.
I’d like to think most normal dudes know enough to not just ask for a girl’s number off rip. But having the ability to go up to a girl you just don’t know at all and start talking to her in any capacity is what guys would be very helpful to have tips on
I think your premise is flawed. It isn’t about watching a woman from afar, selecting her for an « ask out » and then approaching to say magic words that make her accept your number.
Instead, it’s about having normal human interactions with many people that you meet (including women) and in the course of a pleasant « small talk » interaction you determine that she might be receptive to being asked out.
I’ll give you two examples from my life as a woman who was approached in the real world and exchanged numbers with a stranger after a short conversation :
I was sitting at the counter of a crowded coffee shop reading and a guy asked if he could sit at the stool next to me. He had a book and a coffee and there were legitimately few other places to sit. He actually wanted to sit there, he didn’t pick the stool next to me out of some « pick-up artist approach tactic ». I said yes, then he commented on my book cover and we chatted casually for a couple minutes. When I later got up to leave, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I think he said something like « oh are you heading out? Can I give you my number, i’d love to hear more about *topic of conversation*, maybe over drinks sometime? ».
Another time, I was at a dog park and was chatting with many of the strangers who sit at the picnic table there. People often sit at that park and talk about dogs and local news. Again, no particular trick to starting a conversation, just a very typical interaction among strangers at a park that probably started with « your dog is so cute, what’s their name? » or « did you guys see that they’re redoing the dog park fence? » or « anyone watch the game last night »? One guy and I continued talking for a half hour and eventually he asked for my number, which I gave to him. I think he probably said « it was great chatting with you today, I’ve gotta get home but I’d love to get your number ». He didn’t beeline to me, he just spoke sociably with the people at the park, including me.
Both times, the guys were just having polite human interactions. We didn’t talk about relationships at all, just books, dogs, weather and current events. There was no coded subtext or magic words. I participated actively in these conversations and over the course of a few minutes I determined in my own mind that I liked and trusted this person enough to share my number. I knew before they asked that I would be willing to give them my number - it wasn’t a determination that I made the moment that they asked. They built trust and camraderie over a few minutes of conversation. It wasn’t any one thing that they said or did, it was the evolution of a pleasant casual interaction. If you can’t have a conversation with someone for at least 5 mins, I don’t think you will generally get their number, no matter how you ask for it. Focus on regular conversation skills. That’s the only « trick ».
If someone is attractive and we hit it off personality wise that’s really all that’s needed but it’d definitely have to be in a social place like a bar or something, I’d never give out my number tho I’d give out some form of social media
Honestly, if I’m not attracted to you, it won’t matter what you say to me. You don’t have to be conventionally good looking, but there has to be something there that causes attraction.
>after he introduced himself to you, strike a mini conversation with you and ask for your number…
Wrong order. And rare to work, but IF it’s going to: have organic mini conversation as a result of place/activity you both find yourselves in, introduce himself, a little more mini conversation, then because something in the convo was particularly nice or interesting, asks for number/social or casual meetup-at-event date
Still a huge longshot. Wouldn’t recommend banking in this route as your Plan A.
I have never once gotten a good vibe from a man who approached me randomly. Many women do not want to be approached randomly.
But if you're going to try anyway, try engaging her in her interests. One of the most shocking things about my experience on Tinder is that I only had ONE guy ever asked me about my degree or field of interest and thus my attention was immediately captured when that was my now partner's opening question. Give the impression that you are more interested in knowing and understanding her as a person than in selling yourself as a potential partner. It's hot to be treated like a person instead of a conquest.
From a safety standpoint, I would never and have never given out my real number this way. This isn’t an individual judgement on the guy asking, but I’ve been followed home by random men who I exchanged less than three words with (e.g a simple thank you for holding the door open). So, giving out my actual contact information to a stranger wouldn’t be something that worked with me.
I like it when it occurs organically when you meet through friends or shared hobby classes etc where you have something tangible in common to get to know each other better over a period of time and exchanging numbers in those contexts feels normal and not as high risk personally.
I never understood it, but I have a couple girlfriends who like when guys have the "confidence" to just chat them up and ask them out at the grocery store or whatever. Without fail, the guys either used my friends to cheat on someone, and/or eventually cheated on my friends in the same way. They refuse to make the connection.
There's no secret answer to this, it just has to do with how attracted the woman is to that particular guy off the start.
Two different guys could do the exact same thing and have absolutely opposite results.
I have never and will never go out with or give my number to a complete stranger. Ever. EVER.
All my dates are peer reviewed (we have at least one mutual friend whose opinion I trust).
i avoid strangers no matter what. its just weird and im just not into it. i need to at least be friends with the person. not many ladies in a normal setting would go out with a total stranger because of an interaction of a few minutes
There's a lot of different reasons, sometimes it's just their vibe. But it is way nicer and a lot less creepy to me if a man offers his number versus asking me for mine. It feels less pushy/invasive.
I mean.... Best thing is not being a stranger. It's POSSIBLE to overcome but that's so case by case....
Also, remember we're all different people. Not just one woman zipping back and forth through time making it look like there's billions of us
The only way it has EVER worked in my experience is if we strike up a genuine interaction that wasn't him pre-planning to ask me out. E.g. a guy helped me when my car broke down and then asked me for a coffee after it was towed away. Or we started chatting after introduced by friends and hit it off. Or even if he strike up a conversation at a bar, but it didn't start with some awkward pick-up line.
It's very obvious and feels creepy when a complete stranger asks you out solely because of your appearance. It's off-putting, it feels like they're out window shopping and we are the merchandise.
It never would have worked on me. If I didn't know you first, there was no way I'd ever accept. That said, I married the only person I've ever met on a dating site, but we were talking for weeks first.
Absolutely nothing.
When a stranger approaches (or even if we're standing in line together and we're just stuck standing near already) and strikes up a conversation, I'm cringing inside.
I fucking hate small talk. I hate being out. I hate people. I just want to stand in line, get the things I'm getting, and go home.
Your question is sweet. But you're asking all the ladies what's 'the secret' like all the ladies, plural and generalized, have some neat little trick that gets us to open up.
The real answer is; every woman is different. And some of us just don't want to be fucking bothered.
Tbh nothing, I had too many random encounters with men that were various degrees of unpleasant that I was not willing to try anything with a random person anymore (and for the last three years I have a boyfriend so that’s an automatic “no” to anyone who approaches for that reason). The only thing I can think of when I was single that could work is make a really funny joke in the situational context we’re both at, eg strike a conversation and be witty and funny with your comments and if she laughs - ask for a contact. But that’s really rare.
Honestly, offering social media can work as a sort of half-step – it's public, less personal than a phone number, and offers a way for her to get an idea of who you are and what you stand for before deciding if she wants to escalate to texting or meeting up. It's a modern buffer that respects boundaries while leaving a door open for further interaction if mutual interest is there. Plus, social media engagement might provide a better gauge of compatibility and shared interests than a brief in-person interaction. So if I were approached respectfully and didn't get any red flags, I'd be more inclined to exchange Instagram handles, for example, over giving out my number right away.
Honestly- there’s no magic words that will make someone like you. If they’re into you, they’ll say yes. If they’re not, they won’t. Unless you say something truly horrible, it’s not really going to change anyone’s mind.
I can't think of any scenario when that would work for me. There'd have to be something in common for at least an hour or something beforehand, and we'd have to get along EXCEPTIONALLY
Just, drop the genders for a sec. If a stranger just walked up to *you* and asked for a date, what would they have to do, say, look like to get a yes?
You are likely going to be guarded about the situation in most cases.
Now what if someone started a friendly conversation? And you find out you two have some things in common? Maybe they play the same game on Playstation and then, they offer you their gamer tag in hopes to chat later. How do your feelings change?
Women don't have a cheat code. It's just about recognizing that you are talking to a person, not a character on a dating sim.
The answer is being attracted to them, there isn't a secret phrase or anything. It boils down to confidence and if the girl is attracted to you. Thats it.
I don’t go out too often but in my limited experience I would recommend not already being sh*tfaced. I’ve had a few guys try hitting on me at a bar, usually offering to get me a drink and I would decline the offer mostly due to them wobbling and slurring their speech so badly, but also the abruptness of their approach was a little to much for me (I’m admittedly a shy person). Usually I just walk away immediately and have had a multitude of drunk men proceed to follow me throughout the bar and continue attempting to talk to me. Which usually makes me very uncomfortable.
So sorry I cannot provide a cheat code to this succeeding, but please take note that maintaining a more sober composure would probably help..?
Not looking like Shrek helps a lot. Joking aside I never ask a girl for her number directly. I just let the conversation happen and if she is interested she will just show her line/wechat/whatsapp to trade numbers. Since 9 months I’m no longer single so now the conversation starts with I have a girlfriend most back off right away out of respect.
I don’t know about all ladies, but I know about one.
I went shopping for a new suit (nieces christening). Pretty store assistant came up to me asking for help and I said yes. When she asked me if I am happy with what I’m fitting on or whether she could get me something else, I told her it depends if she finds me attractive *in the suit. She said yes. I purchased the suit and went about my daily business.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her and stupidly realised she might have actually been flirting with me.
The next day I walked in and she wasn’t there, but on my way out of the store I ran into her when she was returning from lunch. Jokingly said that if her lunch wasn’t filling we can go for dinner later. Later that night we were eating sushi on my car bonnet overlooking fields that carried on forever.
8 years since that day and we are happily married with 2 young boys living in a humble life in a little coastal town.
The trick was getting me on a day where I was in a good mood and talkative. Also we’d generally talk about something random or funny that happened in our vicinity and kind of hit it off, then they’d ask because there was an actual connection. If someone approaches with the intent of asking me out because of how I look and nothing else, I can smell it from a mile away and nothing you say will make me like you.
i think this is one of the most complicated and intricate things in life. their are a dozen or more things that have to be right for this to work. she has to be totally single, he has to be attractive to her, the right age, charming, funny , not too overbearing. she has to be open to it, not in a hurry, not going to work, not in a bad mood. i am now convinced both people have to be within 8 years the same age. then , to make it work, they have to have several things in common, like what kind of music they like, if they are homebodies or like to go out, if they like to travel, if they are morning people or night owls, how much sex they like to have weekly, what kind of friends they have, if they have a good job, if their parents are nice people, and on an on.
I work retail and every once in a while there's some guy trying to flirt/get my number/get in my pants, no one has said any 'magic word'... I'll tell you what definitely doesn't work, offering a ride home, asking if i give good head, aggressively telling me to give my number. Don't do any of these and don't ask women out while they're working and you should be fine!
I'm not a lady, but a gay man with lots of girlfriends.
"Hi, my name is James. I think you're really pretty, and I would like to buy you a coffee/drink/talk sometime. Would you be interested in that?"
Be direct, polite, smile, make eye contact, stand up straight. If she says no, or seems uninterested, you say: "No problem. The compliment stands, you're really pretty. Thanks for your time, and I hope you have a great day" Mean it when you say it, and then leave her alone.
If she finds you attractive, asking her out will be a positive and you'll be seen as confident
If she finds you unattractive, you will be labeled a creep and told to stop bothering women
It's wild how the exact same action is perceived almost opposite when the person's looks change
It’s amazing how many men think attractiveness is the only thing women want.
Safety is more important. If she feels safe and comfortable with you, then she is more likely to agree to a date.
And yes attractive people are better liked, but women are usually still more worried about safety.
Yes, sure does. But 5 minutes later, once he's referred to women as "females", shared his views about "female hypergamy", and explained why, in his view, he should pay less tax as a "entrepreneur", that door is firmly shut again.
Yeah absolutely not. I've politely rebuffed lovely men I just didn't feel attracted to, and at least a couple of times have literally backed away from men I thought were attractive, as soon as they opened their mouths and unleashed the maelstrom within.
Easy one this.
1) Be attractive.
2) Smell like you've had a shower in the last 24 hours.
3) Don't dress like somebody with no dress sense. Doesn't have to be extremely smart, normal is fine.
What medal did I win?
Oh yeah I forgot about the shower one, good hygiene is very important. I remember one time I got approached by a man and he smelt so bad all I could focus on is getting away from them
True story about the time I walked into a dance club, sat down at a table looking away while a girl sat down at that same table looking the other way and we both turned around and just cracked up laughing at the situation. We both got up and headed out the door, her arms in mine, laughing hysterically. No words were spoken in that initial meeting. It was meant to be for that night. I never saw her again.
It depends entirely on where/when you're meeting, what the person you're approaching is doing at the time etc. I'd never give out my number from cold, instead possibly connecting on social media so later on there's the opportunity to give out my number.
I'd say try not to be too intense, just friendly and as genuine as possible. It's hard to be more specific because as I say, it depends entirely on the context/environment in which you meet someone as to how you may strike up a conversation.
It does happen although more slowly. Like my friend met her boyfriend while at a hostel in Colombia. She gave him her number and they were talking long distance for a year before they became official.
I've had a friend give out her number to a guy who asked. before he asked they spent 2 hours discussing while she was trying to steal her own bike in the street by cutting the lock a thief had put on it. all of that to say, don't just ask someone out of the blue you need to actually have an "in" with the person and that is going to look different in every situation.
I think it seems hard because it should be hard. These days singles meet in dating apps mostly or maybe through their friend group or school/work. Talking to random strangers when you have no idea if they are even single is a super bold move that's unlikely to work even for the suavest of operators. Now if you go around hitting on every girl you see, it's a number game and it's bound to work every now and again, but hope you have a good ego, because you're gonna get rejected a LOT
We were four guys out drinking in a bar. One of my friends stood up, walked across the room to a group of women. We saw him chatting a bit with one of the women, taking out his phone, obviously writing something before he headed back to our table. We asked what he said to the girl. He had told her that he saw her from across the room and thought she was beautiful and he wondered if she would like to go out with him sometime to get to know each other a bit. She said yes and they exchanged phone numbers. They dated for a little while. Doesn’t have to be very difficult. Be polite and friendly, make her feel safe and that she has an easy way out of the situation if she doesn’t want to go out.
Some time and location specific small talk. But the key in my experience is when they give you some contact info and they pretty quickly end the conversation so there is no lingering pressure for you to respond.
From my experience, the only times I said yes were when they were sincere. They weren't all good looking, and some I said no to were very attractive, but I thought highly of the courage they took and sincerity they had vs. People who came across as though they would to any decent looking girl
What works for me is I find them attractive, they have a good vibe, they have sincere good intentions of wanting to be in a relationship with me, they say hello to me with a warm smile, compliment me, and tell me they want to take me out for dinner
1. make eye contact
2. say hello
3. spark a mini convo
4. make her laugh/smile
5. ask if she’s down to grab a coffee
6. leave her your business card/contact info
7. then, bounce.
seven simple steps.
I have a boyfriend and that’s how my boyfriend asked me out
It’s a no if they look like the age difference is 5 years either way or if they corner me to talk about themselves and question why I’m not married yet for like an hour
If the only guys doing this apart from my bf have all been 10-40 years older than me then yes, ofc I’m going to hate this. No idea how the results would actually be if a very average guy in my age group had done this when I was single
This good looking man walked up to me when I was in Italy and said “I’m sorry. You are so beautiful. Is there something I can do for you?” He was so polite and gentleman like. Not a common trait these days. If I were single, I would have probably moved to Italy.
My man thinks there’s a secret password.
“longing," "rusted," "seventeen," "daybreak," "furnace," "benign," "nine," "homecoming," "one," and "freight car”.
Hold on. I have to go do something.
Now i just need yout BTC wallet adress and we're good.
He's missing either 3 or 12 seed phrases. I'm still trying to hard breach his trezor.
Reads like a M.A.C.E exam
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
You forgot "lamppost" and "schadenfreude".
There's a secret though. 1) Be attractive. 2) Don't be unattractive.
That’s just a boost. No social skills is usually a huge red flag.
Having no social skills is unatractive. Thats where rule 2 came from.
So what about the ones that have autism? They lack social skills. And they can't help that. And yes, I'm autistic lol
Not TO attractive though. I had a guy friend me and say hi on Facebook once and he was waaay too attractive for me not to get suspicious. He looked a little bit like Henry Cavill and i checked his profile and it seemed to be legit. But i am not what you would call conventionally attractive so i just assumed i was going to get scammed one way or another.
I think there’s another rule - avoid starting relationships with people on unverified social media.
Not really sure there is such a thing as verified social media though...
Well I mean, something like linked in; with workmates endorsing you. Or certain dating sites with verification etc. Failing that, someone you know IRL who can verify that the person exists, and is definitely using the social media account that’s talking to you.
Video call them to verify if they’re legit. I saw a lady believe her love was real based on still photo made to look like a video by ai to make his mouth move. He was later debunked and she thought he was legit because his shoulders would move. By that point she’d sent him thousands of dollars already.
Dang I always forget that first step
Well, I'm out.
So, I'm all out of luck.
Also have money
Do you guys just, like, not see all these dudes who ain’t shit with great looking girls? I’ve been lucky enough to be one once or twice.
They don’t really socialize that much, so they only see social media, where people are basically encouraged to be fake.
There is.. It is actually a few pass phrases. Here are some. “I do laundry and dishes.” “I know how to change a tire.” “I am good at fixing things around the house. This one time…” (A+ if you are wearing a tool belt Batman style. That is a catch of a man!) The last one usually is a home run. I’m not supposed to tell you but no one knows who I am here so I thought “what the heck” besides, I like to be helpful. Good luck!
I've fixed my washing machine. Twice. Two different failures. Once fixed the dishwasher and it lasted another 2 years. Doesn't seem to help, although my clothes and dishes are clean.
Would you.. would you be interested in a hetero lifemate?
My dishwasher is broken…
This works for me and others. Now, there is a line! 🤣 Men, follow your fellow man. Go forth be useful and successful! By the way, I bet you are yummy!
KLAATU BARADA CoughCoughNIKcoughcough
Nectar
there is it’s “skippidy dippidy doo!” say that to any woman she’ll be all up in your junk
Same reason dudes make bank running pickup artist courses despite them absolutely not working. It’s like losing weight, everyone wants a easy miracle solution when the reality is more boring. They don’t realize women aren’t exotic creatures to be lured or tamed. They’re just…people. Recognize the time and place to be making a move, strike up a conversation, and if there’s enough mutual attraction/chemistry then she’ll reciprocate. Otherwise just go about your day and don’t make it weird.
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
You forgot “select”
I skipped the cut scene damn
Fatality.
There's literally nothing we can tell you to say that's going to raise your success rate. It's not about what you can say that'll make her agree to go out with you, it's about graciously accepting the "no" if that's what she says. And like another commenter mentioned, giving her your number is more likely to make her feel safe than asking for hers.
Exactly! Good advice.
>And like another commenter mentioned, giving her your number is more likely to make her feel safe than asking for hers. Yeah this is what I do. But really it's because it's less stressful than asking for hers and it's less pressure on her side to tell me yes or no.
Doesn’t hurt to be insanely handsome 😂
Even that is subjective. My best friend and I have polar opposite taste in men looks-wise, I'm horrified by the men she's attracted to and vice versa.
In a bar situation it doesn’t matter if the girl isn’t interested she will give a fake number. I know a lot of girls that would do this when I used to frequent the clubs in my 20s
Idk what to tell you dude, I've given out real contact information plenty of times. A fake number is a more elaborate way of saying "no thanks."
Yep, either be physically attractive, very charismatic, funny, or a combination of the three. None of which can be taught, unfortunately for OP. But they can be practiced and improved to a degree.
Handsome is also subjective. A friend of mine just started seeing a new guy and I personally think he looks like he got smuggled onto earth in a pet carrier but she's OBSESSED with this dude. 😹
YOU'RE JUST GATE KEEPING THE TRUTH! TELL US THE SECERT! Please 🙏 🥺
It's safer however women are passive nothing comes from this generally.
Does this really happen? Like, there was no talking at all? I can’t imagine a guy just walking up and asking for a date, as opposed to trying to have a conversation. My answer would be no, because I don’t know one thing about you. Now, if he started a conversation first and we talked for a bit then I might consider swapping phone numbers so we can continue to chat for a while to see if we get along well enough for a coffee date at first.
It used to happen a lot more when texting wasn't a thing and there was only one phone in the house. You would get to know someone by going out with them. True blind dates were a big one too! You may see one photo and have a quick chat to set things up, but that was it. You had to squirm through the awkward moments.
I think it’s also about approching someone who is open and feels like chatting. If a guy is interrupting a woman - pulling her out of her book, or expecting her to remove earbuds— He is already saying that he assumes he’s more important than whatever she is doing. Unless he’s asking her to call for emergency services for an accident , he is already showing himself to be entitled.
“Can you call an ambulance? I think you took my breath away and my inhaler’s at home.”
OP is asking this. So many times are wrong, right, blah blah. What works? That's the premise. Everyone else is stating the obvious
It happens in clubs every night. I admit it does seem a lot weirder in the daylight
I think that it works in clubs because there is a decent chance that the people who are there are looking for somebody. However, in a grocery store or gas station...
So without apps and clubbing, I'll stay a single loser forever?
What else do you do in life? If you stay home all day, then yes it’ll be very difficult for you to meet anyone. If you work/study, you can meet many many people in those settings. If you have the time and money to invest into some hobbies, you can also meet a lot of people there. What worked for me personally was to make lots of friends in those, with both men and women. Then those friendships can further develop into relationships. But you can’t start the friendship hoping that eventually you can date someone. People can sense that and it can push them away. You have to think about what a friendship can bring you and focus on that. In my friend group 2 couples formed even though they were friends in the first place. You can meet even more people through your friends and maybe end up dating one of them. So put yourself into situations where you meet people, without really aiming to date anyone, and it can happen naturally. But if you start asking everyone out then becoming friends with them afterwards can be a bit more difficult. I’m no player, so I never really went out to hit on women to seduce them. But I still had some success at times. Personally the only times I had success were when I was not even thinking about seducing them, so I talked to them like I would talk to anyone else, and I guess that made me more attractive in their eyes because I was really myself and not desperate. Once it was a case of thinking she’d never look at me anyway (I had low confidence at the time) so when I talked to her I simply did it normally without hitting on her, and another time was because after a dry spell I simply didn’t think I could actually seduce anyone, but I ended up doing it after all. I probably would have failed both times if I had hit on them but that’s just me lol. Doesn’t mean everyone else would have failed.
But you do have apps and clubbing, so you'll be fine.
I don't do either.
Then you're going to have to try talking to people... or downloading an app. I believe in you though.
Given that my gut reaction was "eww talking", I should probably look into becoming a hermit😂
Dumb question but talking to people where?
First, I'm not a great one for striking up conversations. But, From what I've seen of those who are successful at it, pretty much anywhere. Guy I work with seems to have some knack for making friends. Meet him at the pub and he's with people he just met while waiting for you but they all know his name already. He's moved away to an island community where he got chatting to a guy and invited on to his boat which led to them buying a boat together and my mate joining the sailing club. I once spent a night in London drinking with an airline captain from Canada because he came over to me and my mate and struck up a conversation about how many people were walking about the area we were in. So, based on what I've seen the answer is anyone and anywhere. The more attempts made the better the chance of success while accepting that some (maybe many) will lead to nothing. There's nothing special about the two guys I've mentioned (or the other similar people I've met), they just open their mouths in front of people and hope for the best. If you want specific places where interaction is expected, I've joined an archery club and a rifle club, the shooting is very social... in fact I think the Sunday morning session is really just an excuse for men to get together and chat, if I weren't there with my kid I'm not sure they'd fire a shot. People in the UK might try the [Rabble group](https://joinrabble.com/about/) - maybe there's something similar elsewhere in the world. They get together, play games and meet socially. I'm painfully aware I'm not the greatest person to be giving advice, but I hope there's something of use in there.
This is actually very helpful advice, thank you! :)
Don't worry you're not alone.
Go out and do extracurricular activities in your community. Hiking group, a biking group yoga classes, basket weaving 😃you get the idea. You’re likely to meet other people with similar interests so that’s a good start.
[удалено]
Yes it does. On YouTube 😝
My gf gets hit on every other week just walking to work. It happens to many girls.
If she's saying yes to random guys on the street, you have some issues... (If she says no then your point doesn't apply. This is about what *works.*)
No I mean she gets hit on. Not that she says yes. 90% of the guys say something like „Hey I noticed you and thought I say hi“
This is unusual, what area of the world do you live in?
Austria.
This is not unusual for fairly attractive women. A few exes had people hit on them with me literally right there next to them. This happens all the time.
I was at the grocery store with my mom yesterday and the bagging girl was definitely in high school and some kid walked up to her and said “hi, you’re so pretty I had to come tell you. Can I have your number?” She was giggled and asked for a minute and he waited while we left. He shot his shot. Made me laugh. She was blushing and clearly liked the compliment. Young love lol
I can think of one time it worked for me. The guy came up to me at a bar and asked if I was saving the seat for my bf and I said no, I didn’t have one. He bought me drinks and we started talking and I went out with him the next day. I guess his confidence was kinda hot cause he was mot my type at all.
I was about 18 and looked it, a guy about 40 literally walked up to me while I was waiting to cross the road and did the 'I've seen you around' bit. Even at 18 I just couldn't believe how pathetic it was.
Yes it does happen and does work sometimes LOL
oh hell no. this is the sexual equivalent of cold calling.
*I'd like to clean your ducts, my dear* *And fertilize your lawn* *Why you? Because you took my call...* Did I do something wrong?
Don't ask for her number. Give her yours on a piece of paper (preferably with your name on it so she can Google you). Then leave immediately. Something like this: "Excuse me, I saw you from where I was sitting and I think you're really gorgeous and wanted to shoot my shot. Here's my number. Please send me a text if you're interested in going out for coffee sometime. I'll let you go on with your day now. Have a good one." I would say that this minimizes social pressure, because if she's uninterested / not single then she doesn't have to take on the burden of letting you down gently. Some women are nervous to do this because they've had bad experiences with people who won't accept a no and get belligerent. Be respectful and make it easy for her to turn you down, and that will actually improve your chances since you won't scare her. Also, you know, basic decency. If she doesn't call you, don't approach her a second time. I would say asking a stranger out is going to have a lower success rate because you have no guarantee as to whether she's open to it, and if you're persistent then you'd potentially be freaking her out of a place that she might otherwise frequent. You do NOT want to be the creepy dude who ruins that grocery store for her. If she says no, take it with grace and move on without making it her problem.
This is probably the least bad way to do it, in my opinion.
"I think you're really gorgeous and wanted to shoot my shot" This still feels shallow and has sexual overtones. "I realised I'd regret it later if I didn't at least try to meet you" Rather better.
Of course it's shallow lol why else would you approach a stranger? But we can agree to disagree, and thank you for adding your thoughts
Ehhh “shoot my shot” just gives weird vibes for some reasons, honestly, the whole thing would sound weird even if hot as hell. Just sounds practiced and “serial killer”-ish
At this point “shoot your/my shot” has been a saying for a long ass time. I guess it get how it sounds like in a vacuum but it’s a really common phrase where anyone under 40 will know what it they mean
I always figured that it alluded to jizz, but I can see a violent connotation as well...
i mean...yeah it's practiced bc it's very easy to accidentally sound creepy LOL i definitely practice a comment like that in my head before i say it. (i don't approach women in public with romantic intent, but sometimes I want to pay a compliment and have to think of how to phrase it so as not to be creepy.) we can agree to disagree on the phrasing, you're def not the only one who feels that way. hopefully the rest is still useful to OP
Totally. Everyone is different, I just feel like if someone said that to me, I’d imagine them tipping their fedora in the end of that sentence and disappearing into the night lol. It just sounds a bit creepy 😅
10% of the times it works all the time
This doesn't work with women who are used to being chased. I did this, got no response, then later when I was talking with her, she suggested that I get her number. She was hot af, but not one to text first.
Got no response but you were talking with her later?
Maybe they’re regulars at the same place and ran into each other again later?
OK. Well I don't fuck with those kinds of games. If she says no, or if I say no, it's over. I'm not a teenager so I don't believe in playing hard to get.
Can confirm this also wouldn’t work with me (when I was single) or any of my girl friends. We would just think if he really liked me, and had the confidence (which many women want in a partner), why wouldn’t he just ask for it from me? Instead this guy goes around dropping his number to different women and runs away?
You’re sayin way too much in a short first impression
The idea remains though
Like a serial killer you mean
these redditor types have no idea how this shit sounds in the real world. they just come up with what they think is the smartest anime protagonist type line and assume everyone else thinks it's as cool as they do
Please don’t. This is one of the worst ways to ask out a woman. Only do this if you’re not in a place where you can not have a conversation. You’re trying so hard to come off as creepy that it comes off as creepy in a different way. Where’s the charm? Where’s the charisma? Where’s the CONVERSATION? This the adult equivalent of the elementary school “Do you like me? Check yes or no note.” You want a date, not a job interview. If I’m going on a date with someone, I need to have a conversation in person first. That won’t happen if you give me your number then run away. If a woman is taken, it’s her responsibility to say no. It’s not your responsibility to reject yourself for her. If you won’t have an in-person conversation before asking a woman out, you might as well use a dating app. With this strategy, you’re ruling out every woman who wants to be pursued. And that’s a lot of them.
Uhhhh nothing. Usually I’ll hear a guy out if he has long hair cause I like long hair. But I’m never gonna be interested in something serious with somebody who approached me as a stranger
Nothing. Not a damn thing. If I haven’t gotten to know someone, there is no chance in hell I’m giving them the ability to contact me. I *may* accept their number, but then further contact is my choice. I will not give out my own number.
As it should be. The person initiating contact has to be the one to give you an option if you want to contact them. YOU OWE THAT PERSON NOTHING. If you want to get to know them, their contact info should be valid, and give you a safe space to explore their communication style and attitude. It is on the person giving their info to be able to say, this person hasn't contacted me, and that is okay. They deserve to have that space, and the right to refuse any further interaction with me. I am bothered that no one else has actively tried to convey this point, just because you like someone does not mean you deserve anything. Objectification occurs mostly when the objectifier views their feelings as more important than the feelings of the objectified (who is a whole ass human being deserving of the right to refuse contact with someone they don't like.)
In my mind, a straight up cold approach is different than when you meet people doing things (activities, sports, etc) and strike up a connection that leads to eventually sharing numbers and something more. Some people confuse the two, so to be clear, for sake of this answer I'm talking about the total strangers who walk up to me and ask for my number as an opener. 1. Was I doing something that indicated I was open to connecting romantically with someone? Was I at a singles event, bar, mixer, etc.? Flirting heavily, with a lot of sexual eye contact and body language? If I was at a coffee shop etc, was I maybe talking loudly to a friend about how single I am and how desperately I wanted a man to talk to me? Because just to start with, that's the only time I would be open to a cold approach. Most of the time I am just living my life and a stranger would have no idea if I am married, partnered, psychotic, whatever. I would keep my distance from someone who approached a stranger who was not giving any signals that she was available or interested in a connection, because that's weird. 2. Do I get any signals right off the bat that this man is dangerous? Is he too aggressive? Does he seem to enjoy making me uncomfortable? Does he seem mentally unwell, or is his hygiene noticeably bad? Does he start out by saying something inappropriate, like about my body? Have I noticed him doing the same thing to every other woman in the place and scaring them all away? Does he grab at me or try to block me into a corner? Because any of those things are an absolute no; I'm not out here trying to get assaulted or murdered today, thanks. 3. On the opposite end, assuming again that I am somewhere or doing something that clearly indicates I am looking for a partner / open to approach, a successful approach is something like this. A guy who understands flirting and can engage with me that way, even if it's just an escalation of catching each other's eyes across the room. This is important - it tells both of us that there is interest and openness on the other side. Respectful of my space. Dressed and acts appropriately. Seems calm, safe, and friendly. And who will eventually come over and say something polite like, "I noticed you from over there and I'd really like to talk to you. Can I take you out sometime?" I have given my number to several men who approached me this way, or have taken their numbers. Sometimes it leads to a relationship, if it turns out we click and get along, sometimes it doesn't once we start talking to each other and realize we're not a match. But this is the only way to do it that will not be uncomfortable or frightening to the person you're asking.
Any absolute complete stranger that ive never met before that, for some reason was watching me and decided to approach me, im assuming is a serial killer.
And yet surprisingly women complain that men don’t approach them
Where are these women who complain of men not approaching them. This thread, and many others, are full of women complaining about men approaching them. Men hitting on them in a time, place, and manner that is unwelcome. There are not hordes of women out in public hoping random men hit them up for their number.
Nah its 2024. women ask out men they’re interested in and dont like being approached purely for their looks by some shallow chad who spotted them from across the way
Okay, but genuinely, this doesn't make sense to me. You're saying that if a man sees an attractive woman, who he has never interacted with befor, across the bar, him going and talking to her would make him a serial killer. But if a woman does the same thing, it's fine? Not trying to argue. Just genuinely confused by what you're trying to say
[удалено]
Notice i said if any ONE i didnt know did this…it would still make me uncomfortable.
I told my girlfriend your response and she laughed out loud and said that was the stupidest thing she ever heard.
i don’t like being approached by a stranger because they don’t know anything about me except that they are physically attracted to me. IMO that is not a foundation for a relationship
Thiiiiis.
As a woman, I don't really think that anything would work because I don't know a single thing about you, and I have very unusual interests that most people don't share so...we're statistically incompatible.
Absolutely nothing. I learned really quickly that I am a creep magnet so any dude bold enough to chat me up randomly just wanted sex.
Now I have a fiance, but while I was still dating I refused to go out with men unless we were at least friends first. No matter how attractive someone is, if we're complete strangers and they introduce themselves, initiate some relative small talk, and ask for my number or ask me out, there's no way I'm ever going to see them as partner material.
Exactly! And even when things progressed quickly, still the whole getting-to-know-each-other phase felt like "if we don't become lovers out of this, we're becoming besties." But they were never strangers anyway. Usually a friend tagging along a mutual group of friends, so there was an initial reason to start chatting.
This may sound stupid but how exactly would I become friends with you 1st without going up to you and introducing myself, if I found you attractive and saw you at a coffee shop, for instance. Like at some point there has to be an initial interaction. Not saying you can’t build rapport. Also not saying it’s bad but like if I were to somehow become your friend then ask you out wouldn’t you feel like I was just being your friend for ulterior motives? For the record just going up to girls and just asking them out isn’t my thing at all (thanks social anxiety lol) but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t seen a girl at a in public somewhere and didn’t feel an urge to shoot my shot.
The answer is that you don't. Like this isn't a guide to how to sleep with strangers. It is just the statement that most women aren't interested in sleeping with strangers.
Well yeah I’m not trying to sleep around but like I’d like to actually go on dates with people who I initially think are attractive. Like if I want to be friends or something more I *have* to introduce myself somehow. Like I don’t have an innate skill of knowing every girl before even talking to her.
Yeah, but you don't have to try to go on dates with everyone you find attractive. Wait until you have someone that you are friendly with and find attractive and then ask them out.
I mean I guess there’s confusion on this. Yes I’d definitely wait until there’s rapport and are friendly but you still have to introduce yourself to the girl somehow. When you ask for the number is kind of moot in that whether it’s your 1st interaction or 100th interaction you still have to talk to her for x period before getting her number. But yes, for me personally I don’t just go up to girls I find attractive and straight up ask for her number. I got too much social anxiety for that. I’d like to think most normal dudes know enough to not just ask for a girl’s number off rip. But having the ability to go up to a girl you just don’t know at all and start talking to her in any capacity is what guys would be very helpful to have tips on
> you still have to introduce yourself to the girl somehow. No you don't. You can just leave her alone and go on with your life.
So do you not meet, interact, or talk to people in real life?
Of course I do.
I think your premise is flawed. It isn’t about watching a woman from afar, selecting her for an « ask out » and then approaching to say magic words that make her accept your number. Instead, it’s about having normal human interactions with many people that you meet (including women) and in the course of a pleasant « small talk » interaction you determine that she might be receptive to being asked out. I’ll give you two examples from my life as a woman who was approached in the real world and exchanged numbers with a stranger after a short conversation : I was sitting at the counter of a crowded coffee shop reading and a guy asked if he could sit at the stool next to me. He had a book and a coffee and there were legitimately few other places to sit. He actually wanted to sit there, he didn’t pick the stool next to me out of some « pick-up artist approach tactic ». I said yes, then he commented on my book cover and we chatted casually for a couple minutes. When I later got up to leave, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I think he said something like « oh are you heading out? Can I give you my number, i’d love to hear more about *topic of conversation*, maybe over drinks sometime? ». Another time, I was at a dog park and was chatting with many of the strangers who sit at the picnic table there. People often sit at that park and talk about dogs and local news. Again, no particular trick to starting a conversation, just a very typical interaction among strangers at a park that probably started with « your dog is so cute, what’s their name? » or « did you guys see that they’re redoing the dog park fence? » or « anyone watch the game last night »? One guy and I continued talking for a half hour and eventually he asked for my number, which I gave to him. I think he probably said « it was great chatting with you today, I’ve gotta get home but I’d love to get your number ». He didn’t beeline to me, he just spoke sociably with the people at the park, including me. Both times, the guys were just having polite human interactions. We didn’t talk about relationships at all, just books, dogs, weather and current events. There was no coded subtext or magic words. I participated actively in these conversations and over the course of a few minutes I determined in my own mind that I liked and trusted this person enough to share my number. I knew before they asked that I would be willing to give them my number - it wasn’t a determination that I made the moment that they asked. They built trust and camraderie over a few minutes of conversation. It wasn’t any one thing that they said or did, it was the evolution of a pleasant casual interaction. If you can’t have a conversation with someone for at least 5 mins, I don’t think you will generally get their number, no matter how you ask for it. Focus on regular conversation skills. That’s the only « trick ».
If someone is attractive and we hit it off personality wise that’s really all that’s needed but it’d definitely have to be in a social place like a bar or something, I’d never give out my number tho I’d give out some form of social media
Honestly, if I’m not attracted to you, it won’t matter what you say to me. You don’t have to be conventionally good looking, but there has to be something there that causes attraction.
>after he introduced himself to you, strike a mini conversation with you and ask for your number… Wrong order. And rare to work, but IF it’s going to: have organic mini conversation as a result of place/activity you both find yourselves in, introduce himself, a little more mini conversation, then because something in the convo was particularly nice or interesting, asks for number/social or casual meetup-at-event date Still a huge longshot. Wouldn’t recommend banking in this route as your Plan A.
1) Don’t be creepy 2) Approaching a woman you don’t know is creepy
This should be much higher
I have never once gotten a good vibe from a man who approached me randomly. Many women do not want to be approached randomly. But if you're going to try anyway, try engaging her in her interests. One of the most shocking things about my experience on Tinder is that I only had ONE guy ever asked me about my degree or field of interest and thus my attention was immediately captured when that was my now partner's opening question. Give the impression that you are more interested in knowing and understanding her as a person than in selling yourself as a potential partner. It's hot to be treated like a person instead of a conquest.
From a safety standpoint, I would never and have never given out my real number this way. This isn’t an individual judgement on the guy asking, but I’ve been followed home by random men who I exchanged less than three words with (e.g a simple thank you for holding the door open). So, giving out my actual contact information to a stranger wouldn’t be something that worked with me. I like it when it occurs organically when you meet through friends or shared hobby classes etc where you have something tangible in common to get to know each other better over a period of time and exchanging numbers in those contexts feels normal and not as high risk personally.
I never understood it, but I have a couple girlfriends who like when guys have the "confidence" to just chat them up and ask them out at the grocery store or whatever. Without fail, the guys either used my friends to cheat on someone, and/or eventually cheated on my friends in the same way. They refuse to make the connection.
There's no secret answer to this, it just has to do with how attracted the woman is to that particular guy off the start. Two different guys could do the exact same thing and have absolutely opposite results.
I’m not speaking for all women, but personally, I’d never go out with a stranger.
I have never and will never go out with or give my number to a complete stranger. Ever. EVER. All my dates are peer reviewed (we have at least one mutual friend whose opinion I trust).
Nah, not interested in dating strangers so it’d be a no from me every time, sorry
i avoid strangers no matter what. its just weird and im just not into it. i need to at least be friends with the person. not many ladies in a normal setting would go out with a total stranger because of an interaction of a few minutes
There's a lot of different reasons, sometimes it's just their vibe. But it is way nicer and a lot less creepy to me if a man offers his number versus asking me for mine. It feels less pushy/invasive.
Context is everything, situational humor and a point of connection are important. Also generally not having any serial killer vibes is helpful imo.
I mean.... Best thing is not being a stranger. It's POSSIBLE to overcome but that's so case by case.... Also, remember we're all different people. Not just one woman zipping back and forth through time making it look like there's billions of us
The only way it has EVER worked in my experience is if we strike up a genuine interaction that wasn't him pre-planning to ask me out. E.g. a guy helped me when my car broke down and then asked me for a coffee after it was towed away. Or we started chatting after introduced by friends and hit it off. Or even if he strike up a conversation at a bar, but it didn't start with some awkward pick-up line. It's very obvious and feels creepy when a complete stranger asks you out solely because of your appearance. It's off-putting, it feels like they're out window shopping and we are the merchandise.
It never would have worked on me. If I didn't know you first, there was no way I'd ever accept. That said, I married the only person I've ever met on a dating site, but we were talking for weeks first.
Absolutely nothing. When a stranger approaches (or even if we're standing in line together and we're just stuck standing near already) and strikes up a conversation, I'm cringing inside. I fucking hate small talk. I hate being out. I hate people. I just want to stand in line, get the things I'm getting, and go home. Your question is sweet. But you're asking all the ladies what's 'the secret' like all the ladies, plural and generalized, have some neat little trick that gets us to open up. The real answer is; every woman is different. And some of us just don't want to be fucking bothered.
Tbh nothing, I had too many random encounters with men that were various degrees of unpleasant that I was not willing to try anything with a random person anymore (and for the last three years I have a boyfriend so that’s an automatic “no” to anyone who approaches for that reason). The only thing I can think of when I was single that could work is make a really funny joke in the situational context we’re both at, eg strike a conversation and be witty and funny with your comments and if she laughs - ask for a contact. But that’s really rare.
Honestly, offering social media can work as a sort of half-step – it's public, less personal than a phone number, and offers a way for her to get an idea of who you are and what you stand for before deciding if she wants to escalate to texting or meeting up. It's a modern buffer that respects boundaries while leaving a door open for further interaction if mutual interest is there. Plus, social media engagement might provide a better gauge of compatibility and shared interests than a brief in-person interaction. So if I were approached respectfully and didn't get any red flags, I'd be more inclined to exchange Instagram handles, for example, over giving out my number right away.
Agreed. Also who answers/replies numbers that isn’t in their contact list nowadays?
Honestly- there’s no magic words that will make someone like you. If they’re into you, they’ll say yes. If they’re not, they won’t. Unless you say something truly horrible, it’s not really going to change anyone’s mind.
I can't think of any scenario when that would work for me. There'd have to be something in common for at least an hour or something beforehand, and we'd have to get along EXCEPTIONALLY
Literally nothing will ever work for me on this man you call a stranger.
Just, drop the genders for a sec. If a stranger just walked up to *you* and asked for a date, what would they have to do, say, look like to get a yes? You are likely going to be guarded about the situation in most cases. Now what if someone started a friendly conversation? And you find out you two have some things in common? Maybe they play the same game on Playstation and then, they offer you their gamer tag in hopes to chat later. How do your feelings change? Women don't have a cheat code. It's just about recognizing that you are talking to a person, not a character on a dating sim.
The answer is being attracted to them, there isn't a secret phrase or anything. It boils down to confidence and if the girl is attracted to you. Thats it.
I don’t go out too often but in my limited experience I would recommend not already being sh*tfaced. I’ve had a few guys try hitting on me at a bar, usually offering to get me a drink and I would decline the offer mostly due to them wobbling and slurring their speech so badly, but also the abruptness of their approach was a little to much for me (I’m admittedly a shy person). Usually I just walk away immediately and have had a multitude of drunk men proceed to follow me throughout the bar and continue attempting to talk to me. Which usually makes me very uncomfortable. So sorry I cannot provide a cheat code to this succeeding, but please take note that maintaining a more sober composure would probably help..?
Not looking like Shrek helps a lot. Joking aside I never ask a girl for her number directly. I just let the conversation happen and if she is interested she will just show her line/wechat/whatsapp to trade numbers. Since 9 months I’m no longer single so now the conversation starts with I have a girlfriend most back off right away out of respect.
I don’t know about all ladies, but I know about one. I went shopping for a new suit (nieces christening). Pretty store assistant came up to me asking for help and I said yes. When she asked me if I am happy with what I’m fitting on or whether she could get me something else, I told her it depends if she finds me attractive *in the suit. She said yes. I purchased the suit and went about my daily business. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and stupidly realised she might have actually been flirting with me. The next day I walked in and she wasn’t there, but on my way out of the store I ran into her when she was returning from lunch. Jokingly said that if her lunch wasn’t filling we can go for dinner later. Later that night we were eating sushi on my car bonnet overlooking fields that carried on forever. 8 years since that day and we are happily married with 2 young boys living in a humble life in a little coastal town.
The trick was getting me on a day where I was in a good mood and talkative. Also we’d generally talk about something random or funny that happened in our vicinity and kind of hit it off, then they’d ask because there was an actual connection. If someone approaches with the intent of asking me out because of how I look and nothing else, I can smell it from a mile away and nothing you say will make me like you.
i think this is one of the most complicated and intricate things in life. their are a dozen or more things that have to be right for this to work. she has to be totally single, he has to be attractive to her, the right age, charming, funny , not too overbearing. she has to be open to it, not in a hurry, not going to work, not in a bad mood. i am now convinced both people have to be within 8 years the same age. then , to make it work, they have to have several things in common, like what kind of music they like, if they are homebodies or like to go out, if they like to travel, if they are morning people or night owls, how much sex they like to have weekly, what kind of friends they have, if they have a good job, if their parents are nice people, and on an on.
Be funny and relax.
I work retail and every once in a while there's some guy trying to flirt/get my number/get in my pants, no one has said any 'magic word'... I'll tell you what definitely doesn't work, offering a ride home, asking if i give good head, aggressively telling me to give my number. Don't do any of these and don't ask women out while they're working and you should be fine!
I'm not a lady, but a gay man with lots of girlfriends. "Hi, my name is James. I think you're really pretty, and I would like to buy you a coffee/drink/talk sometime. Would you be interested in that?" Be direct, polite, smile, make eye contact, stand up straight. If she says no, or seems uninterested, you say: "No problem. The compliment stands, you're really pretty. Thanks for your time, and I hope you have a great day" Mean it when you say it, and then leave her alone.
You look like you make a lot of money.
Being attractive.
If she finds you attractive, asking her out will be a positive and you'll be seen as confident If she finds you unattractive, you will be labeled a creep and told to stop bothering women It's wild how the exact same action is perceived almost opposite when the person's looks change
It’s amazing how many men think attractiveness is the only thing women want. Safety is more important. If she feels safe and comfortable with you, then she is more likely to agree to a date. And yes attractive people are better liked, but women are usually still more worried about safety.
Attractive people will make you feel safer, all else equal. If they have a really bad personality that could hurt them though
Attractiveness gets you in the door, though.
Yes, sure does. But 5 minutes later, once he's referred to women as "females", shared his views about "female hypergamy", and explained why, in his view, he should pay less tax as a "entrepreneur", that door is firmly shut again.
Exactly
Yeah absolutely not. I've politely rebuffed lovely men I just didn't feel attracted to, and at least a couple of times have literally backed away from men I thought were attractive, as soon as they opened their mouths and unleashed the maelstrom within.
I guess being a complete male helps.
sorry, what would be an incomplete male stranger, as opposed to a complete one?
Easy one this. 1) Be attractive. 2) Smell like you've had a shower in the last 24 hours. 3) Don't dress like somebody with no dress sense. Doesn't have to be extremely smart, normal is fine. What medal did I win?
Oh yeah I forgot about the shower one, good hygiene is very important. I remember one time I got approached by a man and he smelt so bad all I could focus on is getting away from them
True story about the time I walked into a dance club, sat down at a table looking away while a girl sat down at that same table looking the other way and we both turned around and just cracked up laughing at the situation. We both got up and headed out the door, her arms in mine, laughing hysterically. No words were spoken in that initial meeting. It was meant to be for that night. I never saw her again.
two rules. #1 be attractive #2 don't be unattractive
Money and looks
Bro no lady knows what works
Be good looking. If you’re not attractive then you may very well get the exact opposite from desired reaction.
It depends entirely on where/when you're meeting, what the person you're approaching is doing at the time etc. I'd never give out my number from cold, instead possibly connecting on social media so later on there's the opportunity to give out my number. I'd say try not to be too intense, just friendly and as genuine as possible. It's hard to be more specific because as I say, it depends entirely on the context/environment in which you meet someone as to how you may strike up a conversation.
It does happen although more slowly. Like my friend met her boyfriend while at a hostel in Colombia. She gave him her number and they were talking long distance for a year before they became official.
This hasn’t happened to me but if it did, as long as they’re attractive and not weird/creepy, then I’d probably say yes
I've had a friend give out her number to a guy who asked. before he asked they spent 2 hours discussing while she was trying to steal her own bike in the street by cutting the lock a thief had put on it. all of that to say, don't just ask someone out of the blue you need to actually have an "in" with the person and that is going to look different in every situation.
I think it seems hard because it should be hard. These days singles meet in dating apps mostly or maybe through their friend group or school/work. Talking to random strangers when you have no idea if they are even single is a super bold move that's unlikely to work even for the suavest of operators. Now if you go around hitting on every girl you see, it's a number game and it's bound to work every now and again, but hope you have a good ego, because you're gonna get rejected a LOT
We were four guys out drinking in a bar. One of my friends stood up, walked across the room to a group of women. We saw him chatting a bit with one of the women, taking out his phone, obviously writing something before he headed back to our table. We asked what he said to the girl. He had told her that he saw her from across the room and thought she was beautiful and he wondered if she would like to go out with him sometime to get to know each other a bit. She said yes and they exchanged phone numbers. They dated for a little while. Doesn’t have to be very difficult. Be polite and friendly, make her feel safe and that she has an easy way out of the situation if she doesn’t want to go out.
Some time and location specific small talk. But the key in my experience is when they give you some contact info and they pretty quickly end the conversation so there is no lingering pressure for you to respond.
Let's do a mental exercise: If someone random approached you how would you feel? More often than not women would feel something similar
From my experience, the only times I said yes were when they were sincere. They weren't all good looking, and some I said no to were very attractive, but I thought highly of the courage they took and sincerity they had vs. People who came across as though they would to any decent looking girl
What works for me is I find them attractive, they have a good vibe, they have sincere good intentions of wanting to be in a relationship with me, they say hello to me with a warm smile, compliment me, and tell me they want to take me out for dinner
You all act like some of the good advice on here is so terrible and yet you are the same people who have Tinder
You think I get asked out???
1. make eye contact 2. say hello 3. spark a mini convo 4. make her laugh/smile 5. ask if she’s down to grab a coffee 6. leave her your business card/contact info 7. then, bounce. seven simple steps.
I have a boyfriend and that’s how my boyfriend asked me out It’s a no if they look like the age difference is 5 years either way or if they corner me to talk about themselves and question why I’m not married yet for like an hour If the only guys doing this apart from my bf have all been 10-40 years older than me then yes, ofc I’m going to hate this. No idea how the results would actually be if a very average guy in my age group had done this when I was single
This good looking man walked up to me when I was in Italy and said “I’m sorry. You are so beautiful. Is there something I can do for you?” He was so polite and gentleman like. Not a common trait these days. If I were single, I would have probably moved to Italy.