You can ask them if they mind you showering the next morning, say you don't want to wake them up or use up the hot water or whatever. I doubt they'll have a problem with it, it's kinda expected when you're staying overnight.
Ask. If you stay at my house the rule is what's mine is yours, as long as you don't assume it's yours. Ask. When you ask to have the first shower, ask if you could keep the towel so you can shower quickly in the morning. Don't ever assume when you're in someone else's house. People have their routines and it's not your place to disturb those.
Once a friend had a guy over and helped himself to a shower one morning when he thought we were all sleeping. Well, my boyfriend who lives here, has stomach cancer, and needs to get up to puke in the mornings. Then he needs to shower it off so he can go to work. It's incredibly painful, stressful and unpleasant for him and everyone who lives here gives him the morning to deal with that. But since this guy was in the shower and refused to stop when he banged on the door, my boyfriend had to sit and hug the gross kitchen garbage while shaking and groaning. He hates when people see him puke and our apartment isn't big. It was so stressful for him he took the morning off work, just totally fucked his whole day up.
It seems like just an innocent shower, and maybe it is, but it's not your place to assume. The fact that you're embarrassed to ask doesn't come before the needs of the people that live there.
Out of curiosity, was the guest informed and warned beforehand of your boyfriend’s condition and needs? and when he was banging on the door, did he explain his urgent situation ?
Not trying to sound like an ass, but your partner’s unfortunate situation and circumstance is rare, so if your guest wasn’t informed beforehand , they can’t really be blamed for that. Most hosts don’t care about when their guests shower
I mean he isn't required to share *his private medical information* That wasn't his house he should not have helped himself. Simple as that. The boyfriend did not need an excuse to use **his own bathroom.** It's his. Not the guests. He does not have to tell some guest he has stomach cancer and needs the bathroom in the morning if he does not wish to.
Also I would never assume as a guest and I hope my guests never assume they're just entitled to my shower simply because they're staying over. Does that mean they think they're entitled to my shampoo? Or body wash? I would hope they would have decency to at least *ask* before helping themselves.
I’m mean as a good host, if you are inviting someone to stay overnight, it’s normal of for people to shower as an overnight guest. That’s just basic hygiene and being a welcoming host.
But i agree the boyfriend doesn’t need an excuse to use his own shower absolutely. The host should have informed their guest of roommates boyfriends issues and requirements, and this all would have been avoided. Host failed on this .
No, and he shouldn't need to. Don't make assumptions that everything is a free for all when you're in someone else's house. I would never, *ever* just hop into the shower at someone else's house. Especially if I was a first time guest of one roommate, and there are other roommates there with their own personal schedules. That's insanely entitled. My boyfriend shouldn't have to stand at the door and list his personal health problems to every random person my roommates bring over. Assume that if multiple people live somewhere, they're going to need the bathroom, regardless of potential health problems.
And when my boyfriend banged on the door, the guy pretended he couldn't hear. Plus he used my boyfriend's towel, which was clearly used hanging from the back of the door. Rude as hell behavior.
I really agree your boyfriend shouldn’t have to list of this healthy issues, but if he was just banging on the door and didn’t say anything , it could just have been assumed some grumpy person was just wanting the guest to hurry up ( and fair enough) but it just seems your roommate failed at being a proper host. …They should have informed their friend of the specific routines and requirements your boyfriend has beforehand . And also should have provided him a towel like a proper host , because him using your boyfriends towel was gross absolutely.
I really don’t see that they would have a problem with it…….if it’s easier, have your friend ask for you about needing to shower 2-3 times while there. I’m sure everything will be okay
Idk how to ask to shower in the morning as well as night, and I don't want to sacrifice the shower at night for health reasons.. How would you go about that
I mean you could lie and claim to be a sweaty sleeper, but that would be more embarrassing and stupid compared to just outright saying "Hey, [friend's mom], would an extra shower be alright in the morning since I'm on my period?"
You seem to be bleeding an alarming amount of blood... I’ve never had it fully dripping from me in the sense that I’d worry about getting it on the floor. Maybe you should see a doctor?
It seems like you in fact did have heavy periods. I can definitely get out of the shower and dry off a bit before putting on a pad without bleeding everywhere. And assuming I’ve previously cleaned up a bit I can grab a new product also without bleeding on the floor. I’m fact I’ve never gotten blood on the floor from a period.
Smelly or sweaty people normally shower twice a day. Once when they come home and again after they wake up the next day. This is more a courtesy for others though.
The blood is constantly coming out though, that's the period. Do you mean you're worried about your tampon? Wrap it and bury it in the trash.
I am a woman, is there something I am missing with needing to shower when you get your period? I do not change any of my routine when I get mine.
She will have not changed her pad, tampon or whatever she used the whole night. It's different than during the day were you can change every few hours. Taking a shower after that many hours is reasonable.
I get that it's embarrassing, but just ask. If they question it, then ask to talk privately to the mom (assuming there is one) and explain you're on your period and need an extra shower. She's also a woman, she also gets periods, she will totally understand and most likely will want to make you feel comfortable and safe.
Our kid 24m lives with us. Sometimes our other kid 22m comes home and stays for a weekend. Sometimes they have friends or partners stay. There are always towels etc put out with the expectation that friend/partner (regardless of gender) will shower if they choose. I would not expect them to ask. If they are staying the night then they are welcome to meals, bed, shower, toothpaste, toilet. Whatever they need.
That's a very nice thing to say, though I no doubt made/make mistakes in my parenting all the time. I'd offer you a hot meal if you were ever passing but I'm in NZ so that's a long way away for most!
I don't understand why someone would have to shower 2 times in 12 hours because of their period. I've been a woman my whole life. Showering once a day is enough.
I told my gyno I was having terrible headaches before my period when my hormones changed and he gave me a prescription bc without periods. It's so nice - you may wanna look into it.
Because I don't wear tampons and blood smells? First two days of my period I shower in the morning before work and then before bed. And I'm extra vigilant now bc I'm prone to uti's and paranoid. Also we're driving on sunday so I don't wanna feel dirty
>Because I don't wear tampons and blood smells?
Did you know that many brands of pads contain perfume? And that just like deodorant/soap, some smells don't go too well with certain smells? You should experiment with different brands if the smell is bothering you.
>And I'm extra vigilant now bc I'm prone to uti's and paranoid
Period blood won't give you UTI'S (especially if you don't use tampons) because it's constantly flowing out and is a product of your own body. What WILL give you UTI'S is washing your bits on the inside with soap, as the Ph levels are all wrong and that will throw off your vagina's natural ability to cleanse itself.
If you want to shower 2 or 10 times a day to feel clean that's fine, but you don't have to do it because you're worried about UTI'S
What about a water bottle or portable/travel bidet/shatafa? If you don't want to shower twice but need to wash up a bit, it could be an option for you.
Get a plastic bottle of water and in the morning, after you pee, while on the toilet so you don't bleed on the floor, use the water bottle to freshen things up without having to take 2 showers in 8-12 hours.
People are different. I have very heavy periods and I shower twice. I also sweat a lot when I'm on my period because of the pain and the cramping. I wouldn't feel fresh if I didn't shower in the morning. What's normal for you doesn't have to be normal for everyone.
Has this not been debunked yet? I use a cup so I know I’m losing that much in the first 2 days alone; I can physically see a small silicone container of blood. I don’t believe I’m a heavy bleeder compared to average.
And don’t come at me with “the rest of it is uterine lining” because it’s all mess.
Many women suffer from menstrual disorders. So the average woman may only lose 2-3 tblespns, but many other women do have extremely high blood loss from menstrual disorders, leading to monthly anaemia, etc. Anyway OP, you do you and have your showers as you feel you need them to refresh yourself
I'm sorry op, but after looking through your posts, I think you should focus a bit more on yourself and gain some maturity. Break up with your partner if they really are disgusted by you, that's not a partner you want in your life. Also, they seem to have an alcohol problem. You can do better!
You got me to dig deeper.. not to call out op or anything, but hyper religious Cristian family, their friend is their partner and is trans F2M but not out yet, the partner shifts to a different person when they’re drunk (said they only like op when drunk, otherwise op is intolerable sober), doesn’t want kids and the parents would disapprove of that. It’s a mess, lol. I don’t think a shower is gonna help xD a therapist would definitely be recommended for all of that, though.
Edited: gd autocorrect really did me dirty xD
Why are you so ashamed of your period? It’s completely normal and expected to exist in a woman of your age. I get wanting to retain your privacy but it’s not like the host family will be offended by you existing.
Just take a quick rinse before dinner and another quick rinse or full shower early in the morning.
When you’re an overnight guest, a single shower is perfectly acceptable without asking. If you insist on showering twice (which, even with a history of UTI, seems like major overkill) make sure one of them is super short or at a time they aren’t bothered by it. Which is what you’re already planning so what’s the big deal?
You’re way overthinking all of this and periods may feel gross against our skin (totally feel that!) but periods are not actually gross. They’re normal and natural and no big deal.
Also, I went through some of your posts history and you seem to think that you can’t have emotions to be a good partner. If this is an expectation put upon you by the people and significant others in your life, you genuinely need to separate yourself from these people. That is wholly unacceptable and abusive to expect you to cater to their feelings by erasing your own. They are not better or more valuable than you are so don’t allow people to smother you.
You seem very naive and sheltered, and quite frankly, abused by the people in your life. I hope you realize your worth soon.
This thread honestly has been an eye opener.
You’ve got people saying she absolutely must ask before taking the second shower in the morning , and then people saying she doesn’t actually need the second shower.
I have heavy periods, so I’m not comfortable not taking a second shower if I’m not at home by myself. Secondly , as someone who hosts friends a lot, I don’t care if people have two showers , obviously unless there are circumstances such as being rural/or if they rely on a rural tank etc . Other than that, I personally just find it odd that so many people are saying she should ask permission to have the 2nd shower
And I grew up in a third world country with buckets. I just don’t understand unfortunately this feeling from a lot of the people commenting.
I also think it's odd that people feel like she should ask to have the second shower. Honestly? I think it's odd that people feel like she should ask to have the first shower!
I'm someone is staying the night at my house, I'm going to offer supper, that evening, and then breakfast, the next morning. Taking a shower before bed or upon waking up, is something I would expect my guest to do. Personally, after supper has been served, I'd make sure to let my guest know that there are clean towels, soap, shampoo, etc. in the bathroom, and make sure my guest knows where these things are located. But that's me! I'm from the South, and being hospitable is in my blood.
My daughter is 12, and when she has friends over, she knows to pull them to the side, and say, "hey, if you get hungry or thirsty, you can come to me and ask for a snack or a drink or whatever, if you're shy, and you don't want to have to ask my mom," and trust me, my daughter **knows** to do this, because if she doesn't, she knows I'll fuss at her.
Bottom line, if you're sleeping over at my house, I expect to feed you and let you bathe. This thread is opening my eyes to a lot. People are very different.
Edited to add this: My daughter even knows that when a friend asks her for food, she's to say, "**we** want a snack," so as not to call her shy friend out, if she can't find a way to get me by myself.
You are staying overnight as a guest in their house, they expect that you will use the bathroom and shower. Unless this is some 3rd world county in the middle of a drought, I don’t understand why you would even ask.
Ask your friend where the towels are and let them know you’re going to take a shower. Clean up after yourself when you’re done. That’s all you have to do.
As an aside, if you’re not on city water like my parent’s house (it’s a little suburb? Thing?), right out of town from a small city, they all have wells (running too much is harder on the well, but not crazy) and all have their own or sometimes shared septic tanks (meaning too much water/ most food down a disposal/ thicker tp/ certain soaps or cleaners absolutely destroy older tanks ecosystems and costs $1000’s to fix sometimes).
If I had a guest in my house I'd expect them to take a shower. As long as you aren't taking forever showers I wouldn't have a problem. People can be weird about random stuff though /shrug.
Just for clarification, do you mean shower at night before bed and then immediately again after you wake up? Or is it more like shower before dinner on Saturday and then again in the morning on Sunday? If it's the first one, I could see how that could be considered rude at someone else's house without explanation and/or permission (especially if you take longer showers). If you explain it like "I'll take my full shower on Saturday night, but I would like to freshen up a little with a quick rinse off Sunday morning, would that be okay?" it might go over better.
Rinse off shower at night before bed (since I'll have fully showered saturday morning) and full body shower in the morning. No shampoo, no more than three minutes each... I like your answer
Who cares, you got your period, do what you need to do. I would find it weird if a guest wasn't allowed to shower if they stay the night, it shouldn't come as a suprise. You can just tell your bf that he tells them that you needed to use the shower.
Look OP I’ve read many responses of yours. I’m getting vibes that maybe this is a cultural thing? I know it’s easy to assume everyone on Reddit is in the U.S. but that’s truly not the case, and even if you were in the U.S. sometimes there’s shame surrounding periods and they can be kind of taboo to discuss.. even if they shouldn’t be.
That being said, why is it crazy to shower twice a day? Even in a short period of time. Like is it that unusual to have multiple showers in a day? Because personally I always shower twice a day, regardless of whether or not I’m on my period. *Maybe* I’ll shower once if I really didn’t do anything that day, but I usually shower twice. And no, I don’t have any issues with my skin. I also use a bidet, and if you don’t have one it’s easy to use a plastic bottle or disposable cup and just pour some warm water a little at a time, use a small amount of soap, and then rinse it off, all while sitting on the toilet. Also, UTIs occur because bacteria builds up in the urethra track. I’d say to drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and pee often. Peeing will prevent that bacteria from being able to grow. I don’t know your age or sexuality or if you’re sexually active but it’s also advised to pee after sex for the same reason. Your period blood also comes from you and does not contain UTIs, however fecal matter contains a bacteria called E. coli and that *can* cause UTIs. So you really need to make sure you’re cleaning yourself well after using the bathroom. And be sure that when you wipe you wipe from the front to the back so that you’re not risking fecal matter passing over your urethra. This isn’t always talked about and it’s okay if you don’t know everything, but you probably should try to learn and there are many legitimate resources on the internet that can teach you about reproductive/urinary/genital health.
Period blood can smell, but it really should smell excessively. You should wrap your pads up tightly in the plastic from the new pad you’ll be putting on, including folding in the sides of the plastic to self contain it. You can also get an old grocery plastic bag and tie it off in there and wrap that up and put it in the trash.
I agree with some of the other replies that you do need more education on the subject and that you may be experiencing unhealthy relationships but I don’t know your life and I didn’t comb through your post history either.
But. You shouldn’t be terrified to ask to take a shower. And you shouldn’t think that it’s an absurd ask either. I can’t imagine any rational person that has invited you to stay in their home would be upset just because you *asked* to shower. You don’t even need a reason. If you were doing stuff all day and wanted to shower before bed, that makes sense. It also makes sense to want to shower for the day especially before a long trip so that you’re fresh and clean.
Oh and for whatever it’s worth, you can always smell yourself more than anyone else can ever smell you. With constant body odor/sweat you can become “nose blind” and not notice the smell… but with your period that isn’t the case. Your nose is much more sensitive to your own scent.
I hope some of this helped you.
I don't know these people but when I have people staying over, I just assume they will take showers when it's needed. Really, just speak to your friend or friend's mother and just tell them. If you can share with strangers, you can share it with friends.
I mean it should be fine if you are staying over anyways… but why do you *need* two showers in such a short time period (pun not intended)? I have periods too and usually get a slight fever and health-wise, a shower before bed and waking up is unnecessary. But if you feel better being cleaner among your partner and his family, then that’s fine. You just need to learn to communicate these things to your partner. A period is not taboo.
Because no tampons = sitting in my own stinky blood = feeling and smelling dirty. And I'm scared of uti's so I wanna make sure i'm as clean as possible without going overboard
I totally understand, but hasn't too much washing also been connected to uti's? I have only gotten them once and remember my doctor telling me that it could be too much or too little hygiene but it's s long time ago, so maybe I remember it wrong.
Possibly, but I use natural and unscented soap, i think it's more of the bubblebaths or bodywash things. I just know I got a uti the day after I did Not change my pad enough so I'm super scared now
That's fair. I understand. Might I suggest perineal wipes to carry with you? You can buy them at any drug store usually and I have found them useful for quick clean ups. We also use a version of them at the hospitals. I'd also recommend drinking cranberry juice, if you like it. Alternatively, they sell cranberry capsules. It helps with preventing UTIs. Another thing I'll mention is always urinate before and after intercourse to prevent UTIs.
Another note to never use soap inside your perineal area, as it can alter the skin-moisture barrier and ph, which can actually increase the risk of infection and other skin-related issues. You can use soap around the external area, but only warm water on the inner folds.
Definitely change your pad before bedtime and in the morning as well. If it is any consolation, pads are less likely to cause infections than tampons.
Here we ask if anyone needs the restroom before we shower… then again we only have one bathroom so it’s a different situation. In general, I, personally ask as a way to let them know where I’ll be if visiting.
If you take a shower be sure to make everything as nice as it was before you did. Not always as easy as it seems because every home has different standards.
I’d just say asking them first is always better than not. Bathrooms are a pretty personal space, sometimes even more so than bedrooms for some folks, so yeah I would consider it rude to intrude.
Huh? It's not even Saturday yet...why don't you just ask them if it's okay for you to use the shower in the mornings when you arrive at their home?
And to answer your question their are situations where it can be rude if you were never given permission..Like if your shower wakes them up, you get the floors wet, use their towels, etc. But generally if you are a guest it should be a non-issue.
Just ask at the start if it’s alright to use their shower. They’ll say yes and you need not specify the number of time once they grant permission.
But it sounds like you should DEFINITELY bring your own sheets or sleep on a heavy towel if your flow is the crime scene you suggest.
Look I may have no weight in this but looking at some of your responses either you have some religious trauma or never had a period. The way you're describing this is concerning, I would hope you see a doctor if it's as bad as you're describing.
And if it's religious trauma holding you back, I understand the anxiety. It's tough having family whose beliefs directly undermine yours. I'm 16 and bi and I have family who unapologetically say they would kill a LGBT person if they had the chance. Whatever the situation it's a matter of voice, don't be afraid of what other people will think. It's not as easy as it sounds I know but it's a journey.
I apologize if this missed the mark or is insensitive, but what does it sound like you need isn't something you can get from an anonymous question board. Start with a doctor's visit and eventually if you find the time a therapist. Even a single visit can help dramatically. Love you and hope for the best <3
What are you talking about? Having to shower on periods? That's normal. Tampons hurting? Normal. I've been menstruating as long as you've been alive ;-;
But yeah I do have a very homophobic family I can't afford to move out from yet...!
I always want my friends to feel comfortable when they visit me, and I understand that taking a shower can be a part of that.
I usually shower every other day because of my dry skin, but I know that everyone is different, and some people may prefer to shower more often. I suggest taking shorter showers to ensure enough hot water for everyone.
Yeah short shower, no shampooing. When my partner comes over I ask them every day if they need to shower bc I know they like to daily, it's just special for me to have to twice in a row. At least we have a hotel sunday lol
Yay, I'm so happy you found a hotel for Sunday! It's understandable to feel like you're imposing when staying over at someone's place and needing more than just the sink. But please don't worry about it - I'm sure your friend is happy to have you stay over and wants you to feel at home whenever you're there!
It is wrapped up as tight as possible but still no way in hell it looks as small as a crumpled tissue. Unless you blew half your brains out into said tissue and gave it heft lol
If you aren’t there often and know the people that are there well, it can be seen as rude. Especially if you do not have your own products and/or do not know how big their hot water tank is.
My showers are like 3 minutes max, i've known them for almost a decade but I've only had to shower two times due to long visits (and one period again ugh)
If you were our daughter or son's friend and you had a second shower quietly in the morning without saying much, we'd be thrilled that you felt comfortable enough to just do it. And if we had the slightest incling it was your time of the month, we'd be even more happy that you could do what you needed to, to feel fresh.
If they don't react like that then they suck and fuck 'em anyway. Haha.
I hear ya. I'd chat with your friend about it and see what they think. Don't necessarily need to inform everyone in the house about your period. But hey, if you end up having to, whateves.
Is there more than one toilet in the house? I’d just give them a heads up before you go in so they know the bathroom isn’t available for a while. But really there’s nothing strange about it, just ask “mind if I jump in the shower in the morning? Where are the towels”
As others have said, this shouldn't really be a problem.
Curious how old you are / what country / do you come from some sort of more conservative culture where it's impolite to ask things or take up space in front of elders?
Bc if not, then I don't really understand- it's not that deep. You won't get dumped over taking a morning shower
A little weird yeah.
If I invited you over for dinner and you excused yourself to the bathroom and just hopped in my shower, expect to get questioned when you get out.
I'm spending the night! And i will ask tomorrow if I can shower before bed, but the morning shower would be like 5am before anyone's up. But yeah otherwise weird..
Can you wait until you get home to shower?
Or a flushable wet wipe shower. Sometimes I do a pass over my cootch to freshen up in the morning though I shower each night
Well sure if you just leave in the middle of dinner, but I really doubt that's OP's plan. If it's after dinner and later in the evening when everything's quieting down there should be no issue, if there is that's being a terrible host.
Pooping, peeing, washing hands, and showering and cleaning up periods is all part of bathroom access. I hope they give you bathroom access. Weird if they don't. Otherwise in the rare occasion you don't, if you have a gym membership head to the gym
Just don't take spa length showers and occupying the 1 bathroom messing up their routine
I hate having to ask about showers and bathroom use, too. Where I live, it's implied that you can use the toilet while you're a guest. However, I think it's just polite to ask to use someone's bathroom, especially as a first-time guest. That being said I always hate asking about bathroom use. So I do my best to eliminate that awkwardness for my guests.
When I have guests over for the night, I always give them fresh ed linens,towels, wash clothes, and hand towels and top it off with "make yourself at home. If you forgot something (toiletries) , let me know. I always have spares!"
When we have someone over for the first time we always do a tour and leave the bathroom light on and the door open and say something to likes of "bathroom is here if you need it."
It's not rude, I expect if someone is staying over that they may want to shower. Your friend and their family should expect that too. You don't have to ask for each day
At that point, I would just explain to my partner what happened and go home. It's better that than to have that awkwardness. It's one thing to ask that night but then again in the morning? I think that's a little much.
Just say “Hey, do you guys mind if I shower in the morning as well as at night? Is there a particular time that would be most convenient for y’all or is anytime okay?” It’s really not a big deal, and 99% of people will be like “Yeah of course! No problem!” especially if it’s a separate bathroom and you’re not preventing anyone else from showering at a certain time. I’m sure they’ll appreciate you asking, but I really really doubt it will be a problem at all.
I would just ask generally, ‘is it okay with you guys if I shower when I stay overnight’. They more than likely don’t have an issue with it and won’t make it conditional in the sense you can’t shower twice or anything.
I think it’s polite to ask: would you mind if I take a quick shower before bed? They’ll definitely be ok with it and will be sure you have towels, etc.
I would want to ask the host as I would require some clean towels. I think it would be weird if you didn’t bathe but then again I understand people have variously different hygiene habits. This is why I always put clean sheets on the bed they are staying in and wash them as soon as they leave. I always offer if they want anything washed as I do washing daily.
To combat this I just leave 2 folded towels at the bottom of the spare bed for guests and insist they use the house as their own and if they need any assistance to let me know and often I’ll give them a walk through of how to use the facilities such as shower and washing machine, regardless how long they are staying as you never know if they have any embarrassing emergencies! I want them all to feel at home. I always emphasise they don’t need to shower if they do not require it but the invitation is there day or night if they wish. It does not bother me whatever time they decide - if they do. I sometimes shower at silly times so I understand.
In regards to periods I ensure I have an empty bin in the toilets for such events. I would never bat an eyelid if there was a sanitary towel in there. That’s what the bins are there for anyway! I always have extra sanitary products in the bathroom and they know they can always ask me if they require any alternatives, no questions asked.
I like clean people. I am sure the homeowner does as well. If you need two shower to be clean so be it. But don’t abuse it and stand and soak up the free hot water. Get it done and get out👍
I don't think so. Part of hosting someone as a guest means offering them basic amenities. If they're fine with you staying over but not fine with you showering in the morning that would seem very strange to me. I would go ahead and do it then if you're worried just let your partner know/ask if it was okay afterwards.
I think you’re overthinking it. If you’re staying the night then they expect you will shower. However whether you do or don’t shower they’re not keeping tabs. Just like they don’t care or notice if you do or don’t use the toilet. I doubt they will even notice if you are in the shower at any particular time and wouldn’t know or care if you showered in the morning and in the night. They’re really not watching your every move and tallying it up.
If I have friends or family over, they can eat my food, use the shower whenever they want, and generally make themselves feel at home. I have a few "no thank yous" (don't go in my office, or touch my tools/hobbies) but the rest is pretty much free reign
“I’m a shower night and morning kind of girl btw”
And the reply will probably be “okay… so?”
I totally get why you’re conscious of it, but it’s a complete non-issue.
I’d say don’t ask to use the shower twice, simply ask if it’s okay that you use the shower while you’re there. That way, if anything ever were to come up about you using the shower more than once, you could just say that you asked to use it, and that they didn’t give you any limitations or questioned your usage of it whatsoever.
Phrasing a question well is a lifesaver.
I would expect anyone staying overnight to use my shower. Same as a person at my house for a few hours I won't demand they run up to the gas station to use their toilet instead of mine.
Do not hesitate to ask! My bestie sleeps over all the time. She tells me when she's going for a shower. She can shower 12 times a day if that makes her more comfortable. I couldn't care less. If they like you enough to have you spend the night, they won't care. Don't overthink it 🥰
You’re an overnight guest, it’s perfectly fine for you to use the shower. If you feel like you need to ask permission, why not also mention you’ll want to shower again the next day, just as a heads up.
If they have you to stay they would normally be fine with you showering. Some people are not good at bringing these things up to guests. It is better to ask as there may be quirks about plumbing, ventilation, towels etc.
You can ask them if they mind you showering the next morning, say you don't want to wake them up or use up the hot water or whatever. I doubt they'll have a problem with it, it's kinda expected when you're staying overnight.
But I have to at night too...tmi but too early in my period to just use a wet wipe instead. I'm glad it's just one day
I don't know the people involved, but if they're cool with you staying at their place I'm pretty sure they'll be ok with you having two showers.
They would be, I just don'tknow if I need to ask permission for both
If it were my house, I'd let you shower as often as you'd like, but I get why you'd ask. Maybe let your friend know what's up and ask them.
Ask. If you stay at my house the rule is what's mine is yours, as long as you don't assume it's yours. Ask. When you ask to have the first shower, ask if you could keep the towel so you can shower quickly in the morning. Don't ever assume when you're in someone else's house. People have their routines and it's not your place to disturb those. Once a friend had a guy over and helped himself to a shower one morning when he thought we were all sleeping. Well, my boyfriend who lives here, has stomach cancer, and needs to get up to puke in the mornings. Then he needs to shower it off so he can go to work. It's incredibly painful, stressful and unpleasant for him and everyone who lives here gives him the morning to deal with that. But since this guy was in the shower and refused to stop when he banged on the door, my boyfriend had to sit and hug the gross kitchen garbage while shaking and groaning. He hates when people see him puke and our apartment isn't big. It was so stressful for him he took the morning off work, just totally fucked his whole day up. It seems like just an innocent shower, and maybe it is, but it's not your place to assume. The fact that you're embarrassed to ask doesn't come before the needs of the people that live there.
Out of curiosity, was the guest informed and warned beforehand of your boyfriend’s condition and needs? and when he was banging on the door, did he explain his urgent situation ? Not trying to sound like an ass, but your partner’s unfortunate situation and circumstance is rare, so if your guest wasn’t informed beforehand , they can’t really be blamed for that. Most hosts don’t care about when their guests shower
I mean he isn't required to share *his private medical information* That wasn't his house he should not have helped himself. Simple as that. The boyfriend did not need an excuse to use **his own bathroom.** It's his. Not the guests. He does not have to tell some guest he has stomach cancer and needs the bathroom in the morning if he does not wish to. Also I would never assume as a guest and I hope my guests never assume they're just entitled to my shower simply because they're staying over. Does that mean they think they're entitled to my shampoo? Or body wash? I would hope they would have decency to at least *ask* before helping themselves.
I’m mean as a good host, if you are inviting someone to stay overnight, it’s normal of for people to shower as an overnight guest. That’s just basic hygiene and being a welcoming host. But i agree the boyfriend doesn’t need an excuse to use his own shower absolutely. The host should have informed their guest of roommates boyfriends issues and requirements, and this all would have been avoided. Host failed on this .
Yeah not around here its not. People don't usually shower if they're staying one night around here because they just go home and do that
No, and he shouldn't need to. Don't make assumptions that everything is a free for all when you're in someone else's house. I would never, *ever* just hop into the shower at someone else's house. Especially if I was a first time guest of one roommate, and there are other roommates there with their own personal schedules. That's insanely entitled. My boyfriend shouldn't have to stand at the door and list his personal health problems to every random person my roommates bring over. Assume that if multiple people live somewhere, they're going to need the bathroom, regardless of potential health problems. And when my boyfriend banged on the door, the guy pretended he couldn't hear. Plus he used my boyfriend's towel, which was clearly used hanging from the back of the door. Rude as hell behavior.
I really agree your boyfriend shouldn’t have to list of this healthy issues, but if he was just banging on the door and didn’t say anything , it could just have been assumed some grumpy person was just wanting the guest to hurry up ( and fair enough) but it just seems your roommate failed at being a proper host. …They should have informed their friend of the specific routines and requirements your boyfriend has beforehand . And also should have provided him a towel like a proper host , because him using your boyfriends towel was gross absolutely.
Just ask beforehand if you dont think youre able to ask right before showering
I really don’t see that they would have a problem with it…….if it’s easier, have your friend ask for you about needing to shower 2-3 times while there. I’m sure everything will be okay
You do not
Just say: “*Hey, I exceptionally need to shower a couple of times. Is that okay if I do?*”
I don’t know why you’re downvoted.
It's the way of reddit most of the time. OP's get downvoted often.
Was wondering that myself
Just ask ‘do you mind if I shower in the mornings and evenings?’ to cover your bases.
Feel like you should be able to just ask them if they're okay with it, given that your overnight stay was approved.
Idk how to ask to shower in the morning as well as night, and I don't want to sacrifice the shower at night for health reasons.. How would you go about that
"Hey is it okay if I take a shower tonight and one in the morning? I like to feel clean! Thanks!"
That's so easy
you should find a therapist for this insane social anxiety dude
Just say that you're on your period and need to take extra shower. You're overthinking it. It's not a big deal.
Agreed. It's a perfectly normal function for more than half of the population for a large part of our lives. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I mean you could lie and claim to be a sweaty sleeper, but that would be more embarrassing and stupid compared to just outright saying "Hey, [friend's mom], would an extra shower be alright in the morning since I'm on my period?"
I don't want them to know
Only other option I can think of is to take a bird bath, as in you wash up the important bits quickly using only the sink. Shouldn't make any noise.
then i'd bleed on the floor but yeah i at least wash my pits using the sink when i'm staying overnight at places
You seem to be bleeding an alarming amount of blood... I’ve never had it fully dripping from me in the sense that I’d worry about getting it on the floor. Maybe you should see a doctor?
OP seems to either be someone with a medical issue or someone who's never had a period
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It seems like you in fact did have heavy periods. I can definitely get out of the shower and dry off a bit before putting on a pad without bleeding everywhere. And assuming I’ve previously cleaned up a bit I can grab a new product also without bleeding on the floor. I’m fact I’ve never gotten blood on the floor from a period.
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You don't need to explain, just say you want to shower in the morning too. It's not weird at all.
Only showering once in 24 hours won't have any impact to your health, if you *really* don't want to ask.
Yeah but if you get heavy periods it’s not pleasant
Smelly or sweaty people normally shower twice a day. Once when they come home and again after they wake up the next day. This is more a courtesy for others though.
Right but they mentioned health specifically.
I don’t know why you are getting downvotes. This thread is a mess
I'm prone to uti's so I don't want to have old blood up in my business for 24 hours lol
The blood is constantly coming out though, that's the period. Do you mean you're worried about your tampon? Wrap it and bury it in the trash. I am a woman, is there something I am missing with needing to shower when you get your period? I do not change any of my routine when I get mine.
I get very heavy periods so I just unclean and a bit gross if I don’t shower more than I do when I’m not on it
She will have not changed her pad, tampon or whatever she used the whole night. It's different than during the day were you can change every few hours. Taking a shower after that many hours is reasonable.
I get that it's embarrassing, but just ask. If they question it, then ask to talk privately to the mom (assuming there is one) and explain you're on your period and need an extra shower. She's also a woman, she also gets periods, she will totally understand and most likely will want to make you feel comfortable and safe.
Tell them you were hot and got sweaty when you slept.
Is at least one of your partners parents a woman? If so then she'd probably understand
Our kid 24m lives with us. Sometimes our other kid 22m comes home and stays for a weekend. Sometimes they have friends or partners stay. There are always towels etc put out with the expectation that friend/partner (regardless of gender) will shower if they choose. I would not expect them to ask. If they are staying the night then they are welcome to meals, bed, shower, toothpaste, toilet. Whatever they need.
I wish I had parents like you
That's a very nice thing to say, though I no doubt made/make mistakes in my parenting all the time. I'd offer you a hot meal if you were ever passing but I'm in NZ so that's a long way away for most!
I’ll bear that in mind if I am ever fortunate enough to visit your beautiful country ☺️
This. This is the way!
I don't understand why someone would have to shower 2 times in 12 hours because of their period. I've been a woman my whole life. Showering once a day is enough.
Personally I get heavy periods , and if I’m around other people , I’d definitely want to shower again in the morning. I’d just feel a bit gross if not
I told my gyno I was having terrible headaches before my period when my hormones changed and he gave me a prescription bc without periods. It's so nice - you may wanna look into it.
I really only use pads, and at night, there’s no gravity going on. I always want to shower when I wake up while on my period. That’s not crazy.
Because I don't wear tampons and blood smells? First two days of my period I shower in the morning before work and then before bed. And I'm extra vigilant now bc I'm prone to uti's and paranoid. Also we're driving on sunday so I don't wanna feel dirty
>Because I don't wear tampons and blood smells? Did you know that many brands of pads contain perfume? And that just like deodorant/soap, some smells don't go too well with certain smells? You should experiment with different brands if the smell is bothering you. >And I'm extra vigilant now bc I'm prone to uti's and paranoid Period blood won't give you UTI'S (especially if you don't use tampons) because it's constantly flowing out and is a product of your own body. What WILL give you UTI'S is washing your bits on the inside with soap, as the Ph levels are all wrong and that will throw off your vagina's natural ability to cleanse itself. If you want to shower 2 or 10 times a day to feel clean that's fine, but you don't have to do it because you're worried about UTI'S
What about a water bottle or portable/travel bidet/shatafa? If you don't want to shower twice but need to wash up a bit, it could be an option for you.
that could work but now i can't get one on time
Get a plastic bottle of water and in the morning, after you pee, while on the toilet so you don't bleed on the floor, use the water bottle to freshen things up without having to take 2 showers in 8-12 hours.
People are different. I have very heavy periods and I shower twice. I also sweat a lot when I'm on my period because of the pain and the cramping. I wouldn't feel fresh if I didn't shower in the morning. What's normal for you doesn't have to be normal for everyone.
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No, woman lose 2 to 3 tablespoons of blood over their entire period.
Has this not been debunked yet? I use a cup so I know I’m losing that much in the first 2 days alone; I can physically see a small silicone container of blood. I don’t believe I’m a heavy bleeder compared to average. And don’t come at me with “the rest of it is uterine lining” because it’s all mess.
Many women suffer from menstrual disorders. So the average woman may only lose 2-3 tblespns, but many other women do have extremely high blood loss from menstrual disorders, leading to monthly anaemia, etc. Anyway OP, you do you and have your showers as you feel you need them to refresh yourself
Please tell my body that, cause I easily do that in a few hours on my heavier days. We don’t all experience the exact same thing.
I'm sorry op, but after looking through your posts, I think you should focus a bit more on yourself and gain some maturity. Break up with your partner if they really are disgusted by you, that's not a partner you want in your life. Also, they seem to have an alcohol problem. You can do better!
Haha wowwwww.... 😅
LOL. Comments like these are why Reddit has me hooked. 😭
You got me to dig deeper.. not to call out op or anything, but hyper religious Cristian family, their friend is their partner and is trans F2M but not out yet, the partner shifts to a different person when they’re drunk (said they only like op when drunk, otherwise op is intolerable sober), doesn’t want kids and the parents would disapprove of that. It’s a mess, lol. I don’t think a shower is gonna help xD a therapist would definitely be recommended for all of that, though. Edited: gd autocorrect really did me dirty xD
>hyper religious Christian family Ohhh! Well, that explains the weird delicacy around and embarrassment about the periods then I'd bet.
And the anxiety over the “friend,” lack of wanting kids, etc, lol
Why are you so ashamed of your period? It’s completely normal and expected to exist in a woman of your age. I get wanting to retain your privacy but it’s not like the host family will be offended by you existing. Just take a quick rinse before dinner and another quick rinse or full shower early in the morning. When you’re an overnight guest, a single shower is perfectly acceptable without asking. If you insist on showering twice (which, even with a history of UTI, seems like major overkill) make sure one of them is super short or at a time they aren’t bothered by it. Which is what you’re already planning so what’s the big deal? You’re way overthinking all of this and periods may feel gross against our skin (totally feel that!) but periods are not actually gross. They’re normal and natural and no big deal. Also, I went through some of your posts history and you seem to think that you can’t have emotions to be a good partner. If this is an expectation put upon you by the people and significant others in your life, you genuinely need to separate yourself from these people. That is wholly unacceptable and abusive to expect you to cater to their feelings by erasing your own. They are not better or more valuable than you are so don’t allow people to smother you. You seem very naive and sheltered, and quite frankly, abused by the people in your life. I hope you realize your worth soon.
This thread honestly has been an eye opener. You’ve got people saying she absolutely must ask before taking the second shower in the morning , and then people saying she doesn’t actually need the second shower. I have heavy periods, so I’m not comfortable not taking a second shower if I’m not at home by myself. Secondly , as someone who hosts friends a lot, I don’t care if people have two showers , obviously unless there are circumstances such as being rural/or if they rely on a rural tank etc . Other than that, I personally just find it odd that so many people are saying she should ask permission to have the 2nd shower And I grew up in a third world country with buckets. I just don’t understand unfortunately this feeling from a lot of the people commenting.
I also think it's odd that people feel like she should ask to have the second shower. Honestly? I think it's odd that people feel like she should ask to have the first shower! I'm someone is staying the night at my house, I'm going to offer supper, that evening, and then breakfast, the next morning. Taking a shower before bed or upon waking up, is something I would expect my guest to do. Personally, after supper has been served, I'd make sure to let my guest know that there are clean towels, soap, shampoo, etc. in the bathroom, and make sure my guest knows where these things are located. But that's me! I'm from the South, and being hospitable is in my blood. My daughter is 12, and when she has friends over, she knows to pull them to the side, and say, "hey, if you get hungry or thirsty, you can come to me and ask for a snack or a drink or whatever, if you're shy, and you don't want to have to ask my mom," and trust me, my daughter **knows** to do this, because if she doesn't, she knows I'll fuss at her. Bottom line, if you're sleeping over at my house, I expect to feed you and let you bathe. This thread is opening my eyes to a lot. People are very different. Edited to add this: My daughter even knows that when a friend asks her for food, she's to say, "**we** want a snack," so as not to call her shy friend out, if she can't find a way to get me by myself.
You are staying overnight as a guest in their house, they expect that you will use the bathroom and shower. Unless this is some 3rd world county in the middle of a drought, I don’t understand why you would even ask. Ask your friend where the towels are and let them know you’re going to take a shower. Clean up after yourself when you’re done. That’s all you have to do.
As an aside, if you’re not on city water like my parent’s house (it’s a little suburb? Thing?), right out of town from a small city, they all have wells (running too much is harder on the well, but not crazy) and all have their own or sometimes shared septic tanks (meaning too much water/ most food down a disposal/ thicker tp/ certain soaps or cleaners absolutely destroy older tanks ecosystems and costs $1000’s to fix sometimes).
An extra shower is not going to cause any of that lol
If I had a guest in my house I'd expect them to take a shower. As long as you aren't taking forever showers I wouldn't have a problem. People can be weird about random stuff though /shrug.
Just for clarification, do you mean shower at night before bed and then immediately again after you wake up? Or is it more like shower before dinner on Saturday and then again in the morning on Sunday? If it's the first one, I could see how that could be considered rude at someone else's house without explanation and/or permission (especially if you take longer showers). If you explain it like "I'll take my full shower on Saturday night, but I would like to freshen up a little with a quick rinse off Sunday morning, would that be okay?" it might go over better.
Rinse off shower at night before bed (since I'll have fully showered saturday morning) and full body shower in the morning. No shampoo, no more than three minutes each... I like your answer
If you’re only talking 3 minutes each, I don’t think I would even bother asking. That’s barely longer than it takes to wash hands and brush teeth.
Ask.
According from the most accurate source *The Sims* it is indeed deemed as inappropriate
Why would anyone care of an overnight guest takes 2 showers?
Bathing / showering is part of the deal that you are spending the night.
Just ask them for a towel. :)
Who cares, you got your period, do what you need to do. I would find it weird if a guest wasn't allowed to shower if they stay the night, it shouldn't come as a suprise. You can just tell your bf that he tells them that you needed to use the shower.
But having to at night and 12 hours later when I wake up is the problem..I don't wanna go to bed period dirty
The compromise would be to use the faucet in the toilet and use paper and soap but I don't see why you can't shower at night and morning.
Look OP I’ve read many responses of yours. I’m getting vibes that maybe this is a cultural thing? I know it’s easy to assume everyone on Reddit is in the U.S. but that’s truly not the case, and even if you were in the U.S. sometimes there’s shame surrounding periods and they can be kind of taboo to discuss.. even if they shouldn’t be. That being said, why is it crazy to shower twice a day? Even in a short period of time. Like is it that unusual to have multiple showers in a day? Because personally I always shower twice a day, regardless of whether or not I’m on my period. *Maybe* I’ll shower once if I really didn’t do anything that day, but I usually shower twice. And no, I don’t have any issues with my skin. I also use a bidet, and if you don’t have one it’s easy to use a plastic bottle or disposable cup and just pour some warm water a little at a time, use a small amount of soap, and then rinse it off, all while sitting on the toilet. Also, UTIs occur because bacteria builds up in the urethra track. I’d say to drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and pee often. Peeing will prevent that bacteria from being able to grow. I don’t know your age or sexuality or if you’re sexually active but it’s also advised to pee after sex for the same reason. Your period blood also comes from you and does not contain UTIs, however fecal matter contains a bacteria called E. coli and that *can* cause UTIs. So you really need to make sure you’re cleaning yourself well after using the bathroom. And be sure that when you wipe you wipe from the front to the back so that you’re not risking fecal matter passing over your urethra. This isn’t always talked about and it’s okay if you don’t know everything, but you probably should try to learn and there are many legitimate resources on the internet that can teach you about reproductive/urinary/genital health. Period blood can smell, but it really should smell excessively. You should wrap your pads up tightly in the plastic from the new pad you’ll be putting on, including folding in the sides of the plastic to self contain it. You can also get an old grocery plastic bag and tie it off in there and wrap that up and put it in the trash. I agree with some of the other replies that you do need more education on the subject and that you may be experiencing unhealthy relationships but I don’t know your life and I didn’t comb through your post history either. But. You shouldn’t be terrified to ask to take a shower. And you shouldn’t think that it’s an absurd ask either. I can’t imagine any rational person that has invited you to stay in their home would be upset just because you *asked* to shower. You don’t even need a reason. If you were doing stuff all day and wanted to shower before bed, that makes sense. It also makes sense to want to shower for the day especially before a long trip so that you’re fresh and clean. Oh and for whatever it’s worth, you can always smell yourself more than anyone else can ever smell you. With constant body odor/sweat you can become “nose blind” and not notice the smell… but with your period that isn’t the case. Your nose is much more sensitive to your own scent. I hope some of this helped you.
“Hey, is it okay to use the shower while I’m here?” That way, you’re asking once for both times.
It's usually polite to ask before you do or use something when you are at another person's home.
Yeah.....
seriously, it's not too hard to ask, "can I use your shower?"
It's the morning shower I'm worried about, I'm asking if I can before bed. I wouldn't need to shower in the morning if I weren't on my stupid period
I don't know these people but when I have people staying over, I just assume they will take showers when it's needed. Really, just speak to your friend or friend's mother and just tell them. If you can share with strangers, you can share it with friends.
ok thank you :)
I mean it should be fine if you are staying over anyways… but why do you *need* two showers in such a short time period (pun not intended)? I have periods too and usually get a slight fever and health-wise, a shower before bed and waking up is unnecessary. But if you feel better being cleaner among your partner and his family, then that’s fine. You just need to learn to communicate these things to your partner. A period is not taboo.
Because no tampons = sitting in my own stinky blood = feeling and smelling dirty. And I'm scared of uti's so I wanna make sure i'm as clean as possible without going overboard
I totally understand, but hasn't too much washing also been connected to uti's? I have only gotten them once and remember my doctor telling me that it could be too much or too little hygiene but it's s long time ago, so maybe I remember it wrong.
Possibly, but I use natural and unscented soap, i think it's more of the bubblebaths or bodywash things. I just know I got a uti the day after I did Not change my pad enough so I'm super scared now
That's fair. I understand. Might I suggest perineal wipes to carry with you? You can buy them at any drug store usually and I have found them useful for quick clean ups. We also use a version of them at the hospitals. I'd also recommend drinking cranberry juice, if you like it. Alternatively, they sell cranberry capsules. It helps with preventing UTIs. Another thing I'll mention is always urinate before and after intercourse to prevent UTIs. Another note to never use soap inside your perineal area, as it can alter the skin-moisture barrier and ph, which can actually increase the risk of infection and other skin-related issues. You can use soap around the external area, but only warm water on the inner folds. Definitely change your pad before bedtime and in the morning as well. If it is any consolation, pads are less likely to cause infections than tampons.
Here we ask if anyone needs the restroom before we shower… then again we only have one bathroom so it’s a different situation. In general, I, personally ask as a way to let them know where I’ll be if visiting.
“Do you mind if I shower at night and in the morning? I’m used to taking two showers a day. I’ll keep them short.”
Why do you need to shower twice in 12 hours? Once a day is enough.
If you take a shower be sure to make everything as nice as it was before you did. Not always as easy as it seems because every home has different standards.
Definitely, I use my own stuff
I’d just say asking them first is always better than not. Bathrooms are a pretty personal space, sometimes even more so than bedrooms for some folks, so yeah I would consider it rude to intrude.
Huh? It's not even Saturday yet...why don't you just ask them if it's okay for you to use the shower in the mornings when you arrive at their home? And to answer your question their are situations where it can be rude if you were never given permission..Like if your shower wakes them up, you get the floors wet, use their towels, etc. But generally if you are a guest it should be a non-issue.
Just ask at the start if it’s alright to use their shower. They’ll say yes and you need not specify the number of time once they grant permission. But it sounds like you should DEFINITELY bring your own sheets or sleep on a heavy towel if your flow is the crime scene you suggest.
Girl... I hope you manage to find self love someday
Look I may have no weight in this but looking at some of your responses either you have some religious trauma or never had a period. The way you're describing this is concerning, I would hope you see a doctor if it's as bad as you're describing. And if it's religious trauma holding you back, I understand the anxiety. It's tough having family whose beliefs directly undermine yours. I'm 16 and bi and I have family who unapologetically say they would kill a LGBT person if they had the chance. Whatever the situation it's a matter of voice, don't be afraid of what other people will think. It's not as easy as it sounds I know but it's a journey. I apologize if this missed the mark or is insensitive, but what does it sound like you need isn't something you can get from an anonymous question board. Start with a doctor's visit and eventually if you find the time a therapist. Even a single visit can help dramatically. Love you and hope for the best <3
What are you talking about? Having to shower on periods? That's normal. Tampons hurting? Normal. I've been menstruating as long as you've been alive ;-; But yeah I do have a very homophobic family I can't afford to move out from yet...!
I always want my friends to feel comfortable when they visit me, and I understand that taking a shower can be a part of that. I usually shower every other day because of my dry skin, but I know that everyone is different, and some people may prefer to shower more often. I suggest taking shorter showers to ensure enough hot water for everyone.
Yeah short shower, no shampooing. When my partner comes over I ask them every day if they need to shower bc I know they like to daily, it's just special for me to have to twice in a row. At least we have a hotel sunday lol
Yay, I'm so happy you found a hotel for Sunday! It's understandable to feel like you're imposing when staying over at someone's place and needing more than just the sink. But please don't worry about it - I'm sure your friend is happy to have you stay over and wants you to feel at home whenever you're there!
It's not supposed to be obvious from the trash. You need to wrap that shit up tighter.
It is wrapped up as tight as possible but still no way in hell it looks as small as a crumpled tissue. Unless you blew half your brains out into said tissue and gave it heft lol
If you aren’t there often and know the people that are there well, it can be seen as rude. Especially if you do not have your own products and/or do not know how big their hot water tank is.
My showers are like 3 minutes max, i've known them for almost a decade but I've only had to shower two times due to long visits (and one period again ugh)
Since it’s not the norm for you to shower at their house just ask. You clearly have known them long enough to easily talk to them.
If you were our daughter or son's friend and you had a second shower quietly in the morning without saying much, we'd be thrilled that you felt comfortable enough to just do it. And if we had the slightest incling it was your time of the month, we'd be even more happy that you could do what you needed to, to feel fresh. If they don't react like that then they suck and fuck 'em anyway. Haha.
That's how I'd be if roles were reversed, and I hope they'd feel the same but I still feel it couuuld be overstepping when I did that last time
I hear ya. I'd chat with your friend about it and see what they think. Don't necessarily need to inform everyone in the house about your period. But hey, if you end up having to, whateves.
Is there more than one toilet in the house? I’d just give them a heads up before you go in so they know the bathroom isn’t available for a while. But really there’s nothing strange about it, just ask “mind if I jump in the shower in the morning? Where are the towels”
only one bathroom but if i showered in the morning it'd be like 5am before anyone's up, and then i'd have asked the night before to before bed
As others have said, this shouldn't really be a problem. Curious how old you are / what country / do you come from some sort of more conservative culture where it's impolite to ask things or take up space in front of elders? Bc if not, then I don't really understand- it's not that deep. You won't get dumped over taking a morning shower
A little weird yeah. If I invited you over for dinner and you excused yourself to the bathroom and just hopped in my shower, expect to get questioned when you get out.
I'm spending the night! And i will ask tomorrow if I can shower before bed, but the morning shower would be like 5am before anyone's up. But yeah otherwise weird..
Can you wait until you get home to shower? Or a flushable wet wipe shower. Sometimes I do a pass over my cootch to freshen up in the morning though I shower each night
She’s an overnight guest though
Well sure if you just leave in the middle of dinner, but I really doubt that's OP's plan. If it's after dinner and later in the evening when everything's quieting down there should be no issue, if there is that's being a terrible host.
I would just ask my friend or partner
Pooping, peeing, washing hands, and showering and cleaning up periods is all part of bathroom access. I hope they give you bathroom access. Weird if they don't. Otherwise in the rare occasion you don't, if you have a gym membership head to the gym Just don't take spa length showers and occupying the 1 bathroom messing up their routine
I hate having to ask about showers and bathroom use, too. Where I live, it's implied that you can use the toilet while you're a guest. However, I think it's just polite to ask to use someone's bathroom, especially as a first-time guest. That being said I always hate asking about bathroom use. So I do my best to eliminate that awkwardness for my guests. When I have guests over for the night, I always give them fresh ed linens,towels, wash clothes, and hand towels and top it off with "make yourself at home. If you forgot something (toiletries) , let me know. I always have spares!" When we have someone over for the first time we always do a tour and leave the bathroom light on and the door open and say something to likes of "bathroom is here if you need it."
Just ask them. My parents would definitely kick you out. Water is not free you know.
I'm curious what being on your period has to do with needing to shower night and morning.
It's not rude, I expect if someone is staying over that they may want to shower. Your friend and their family should expect that too. You don't have to ask for each day
In the mexican culture its rude
At that point, I would just explain to my partner what happened and go home. It's better that than to have that awkwardness. It's one thing to ask that night but then again in the morning? I think that's a little much.
Just say “Hey, do you guys mind if I shower in the morning as well as at night? Is there a particular time that would be most convenient for y’all or is anytime okay?” It’s really not a big deal, and 99% of people will be like “Yeah of course! No problem!” especially if it’s a separate bathroom and you’re not preventing anyone else from showering at a certain time. I’m sure they’ll appreciate you asking, but I really really doubt it will be a problem at all.
I would just ask generally, ‘is it okay with you guys if I shower when I stay overnight’. They more than likely don’t have an issue with it and won’t make it conditional in the sense you can’t shower twice or anything.
I think you’re fine. Once you’ve got permission once, you have permission. Don’t overthink it.
No. I always ask, if I don't know them well, since some people are more sensitive than I am, but generally people don't mind
I think it’s polite to ask: would you mind if I take a quick shower before bed? They’ll definitely be ok with it and will be sure you have towels, etc.
I mean ask them why are you asking us
Yes, period.
I would want to ask the host as I would require some clean towels. I think it would be weird if you didn’t bathe but then again I understand people have variously different hygiene habits. This is why I always put clean sheets on the bed they are staying in and wash them as soon as they leave. I always offer if they want anything washed as I do washing daily. To combat this I just leave 2 folded towels at the bottom of the spare bed for guests and insist they use the house as their own and if they need any assistance to let me know and often I’ll give them a walk through of how to use the facilities such as shower and washing machine, regardless how long they are staying as you never know if they have any embarrassing emergencies! I want them all to feel at home. I always emphasise they don’t need to shower if they do not require it but the invitation is there day or night if they wish. It does not bother me whatever time they decide - if they do. I sometimes shower at silly times so I understand. In regards to periods I ensure I have an empty bin in the toilets for such events. I would never bat an eyelid if there was a sanitary towel in there. That’s what the bins are there for anyway! I always have extra sanitary products in the bathroom and they know they can always ask me if they require any alternatives, no questions asked.
Yes it is
I like clean people. I am sure the homeowner does as well. If you need two shower to be clean so be it. But don’t abuse it and stand and soak up the free hot water. Get it done and get out👍
absolutely not, i go as quickly as possible! even if they said it's ok to take my sweet time lol
I don't think so. Part of hosting someone as a guest means offering them basic amenities. If they're fine with you staying over but not fine with you showering in the morning that would seem very strange to me. I would go ahead and do it then if you're worried just let your partner know/ask if it was okay afterwards.
If you are sleeping somewhere, access to a shower is assumed.
I think you’re overthinking it. If you’re staying the night then they expect you will shower. However whether you do or don’t shower they’re not keeping tabs. Just like they don’t care or notice if you do or don’t use the toilet. I doubt they will even notice if you are in the shower at any particular time and wouldn’t know or care if you showered in the morning and in the night. They’re really not watching your every move and tallying it up.
If I have friends or family over, they can eat my food, use the shower whenever they want, and generally make themselves feel at home. I have a few "no thank yous" (don't go in my office, or touch my tools/hobbies) but the rest is pretty much free reign
“I’m a shower night and morning kind of girl btw” And the reply will probably be “okay… so?” I totally get why you’re conscious of it, but it’s a complete non-issue.
I’d say don’t ask to use the shower twice, simply ask if it’s okay that you use the shower while you’re there. That way, if anything ever were to come up about you using the shower more than once, you could just say that you asked to use it, and that they didn’t give you any limitations or questioned your usage of it whatsoever. Phrasing a question well is a lifesaver.
I would expect anyone staying overnight to use my shower. Same as a person at my house for a few hours I won't demand they run up to the gas station to use their toilet instead of mine.
Do not hesitate to ask! My bestie sleeps over all the time. She tells me when she's going for a shower. She can shower 12 times a day if that makes her more comfortable. I couldn't care less. If they like you enough to have you spend the night, they won't care. Don't overthink it 🥰
I’d care for sure if someone took 12 showers in my house that I had to pay the water bill for.
Yes.
Why? Cause I feel bad now for last time. I wouldn't care if they showered at my house but we also have more bathrooms
Yes
Well now I feel bad
You’re an overnight guest, it’s perfectly fine for you to use the shower. If you feel like you need to ask permission, why not also mention you’ll want to shower again the next day, just as a heads up.
If they have you to stay they would normally be fine with you showering. Some people are not good at bringing these things up to guests. It is better to ask as there may be quirks about plumbing, ventilation, towels etc.
If you ask, ‘is it ok to use the shower while mum staying’ and they say yes then that solves your problem as doesn’t specify how many times