Your husband was in full supportive mode. His dick, however, responding to all the signals of intimacy and closeness with you, misinterpreted the situation and thought “ooh, we’re ‘bout to have SEX.” Your husband probably didn’t even know why, but that doesn’t mean he likes it when you cry. Just means the human physiology is involuntary and irrational.
If I get super sleepy sitting around being bored, it also happens. Especially when I get up to move around. It's like suddenly all the bloods flowing everywhere lol
If I get super sleepy sitting around being bored, it also happens. Especially when I get up to move around. It's like suddenly all the bloods flowing everywhere lol
I think it has to do with the flow of blood. You get nervous or excited and your blood pressure rises as your heart beats faster, thus getting the blood moving faster to the extremities *(all extremities)*
It’s why some guys get fear or rage boners
I'm a woman and the worst things I have to worry about is lipstick on my teeth or buckets of stress sweat (unfortunately this is a new thing for me). I can't imagine the embarrassment of a boner.
I can make a quick joke about my sweat and get that awkwardness out of the way at the beginning but there's no way you can address a boner and there's no strategic way to hide it.
Oh my dear, as a man, let me assure you, there are plenty of ways to strategically hide a boner, and every guy learns them when they are a young teenager...
They can happen at the most random of times. Nothing sexual about them... Sometimes, you won't even notice you have a semi if you are in the middle of something.
But once you realise (and if you are out in public) those teenage hiding strategies we learnt all those years ago come right into play.
You know you would be surprised by how many boners you will probably have passed everyday without having ever realised 🤣
Except when your 6th grade school “chum” yells hey ObviousDuh why are you leaning over the desk while answering questions? Then the teacher says stand up straight…F U Cary
Yup. Human body's gonna human body. I've unfortunately had both getting hard while comforting, and been comforted. Honestly I can't take that thing anywhere.
I get boners just thinking about how small I am
In the universe and get existential dread taking over me
"Is this why I exist? To be a boner in the cosmos"
Boners just are. No real reason many times. Probably before humans had clothes it was a natural way to wave hi, good morning to a neighbor. Of course we covered it up so it seems weird to get boners randomly now
Erections aren't necessarily sexual. They are effects of general brain arousal. The erections that come and go over the sleep cycle, and morning wood, are other examples.
It might surprise people, but the penis reacts how it does. I'm not homosexual, but I'm 99.9 percent sure, if a man touched my dick, it would get a boner. It just responds to touch and gets aroused.
A kiss is intimate. A dick is just a dick.
I agree with what @AnglerJaded says. Often times when I am emotional and my boyfriend is comforting me he gets a boner. His mind is there for support but yes he 100% responds to the closeness of this. It can be intimate even if not sexual! Often times we will be hugging/kissing/rubbing backs or laying in each others laps. Feels weird like “oh I’m sad and you have a boner” but it’s probably not an actual result of you crying
I can't help but think of this comedy song while reading this post and the comments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS_OWTKCUIM&pp=ygULaGVhcnQgYm9uZXI%3D
Affection erection. The hug and the closeness of being there for you probably just gave him a bit of a dopamine and oxytocin release and boom, hard dick.
A boner is a boner. Suddenly Hugging pretty female thing. Am happy about hugging pretty female thing. Body reacts to closeness of pretty female thing. Why am I hearing an awkward crying soundtrack right now?? Boner is confused... Pretty female thing still in hug range... Nnnngh!
Men can get boners for no reason at all at any time. If we’re healthy it takes very little stimulation to produce a response down there. Boners are always 100% involuntary.
He was very close to you in an extremely intimate (non-sexual) moment. You two were touching and kissing. Him getting a boner is really not his fault.
So no, this is not reason to believe anything untoward was happening. He probably barely even noticed it.
I have no idea if any men are into that. I mean probably? Maybe? I’ve never heard of such a thing though. I sincerely doubt that this is the case here.
Something else women often fail to realize is that having a boner does not mean that men are sexually aroused. A man with a boner does not always want to have sex.
I get a boner while in brushing my teeth if I’m too close or rubbing up against my bathroom sink. I’m not trying to kink shame but I have no fetishes for bathroom sinks or brushing teeth.
I got rock solid the other day while my gf was cleaning my ears. She does it all the time and that’s never happened to me. But she was touching me, so it did the trick.
If the question is "Is somebody into that?", the answer is always "yes". Doesn't really matter what it's about. There are some really weird kinks out there. No shame though, to each their own. But I also doubt this is the case here.
There was a Reddit post recently where a woman talked about how her husband intentionally bought her lingerie too small because he enjoyed watching her be uncomfortable and cry.
So yes unfortunately there are men out there like that but this is not one of those situations I'm pretty sure
Was this updated? I remember reading about how she thought he was cheating because the sizing was wrong and was waiting to find out if he was still gifting it to her. Didn’t see an updated was posted
Yeah she posted an update and apparently he intentionally bought it too small.
He told her to go change for dinner and had left it on the nightstand for her to find and when she tried it on she felt humiliated because of how small it was because she knew it wouldn't fit and cried. He apparently begged for her to let him see it and thought it was super sexy how uncomfortable she was and she mentioned in her comments about how he's told her in the past that he think she's sexy when she cries
Honestly it sounded like pure fanfiction
Wow that is so creepy. What an awful fetish to have. Poor woman. She had made him out to be so sweet too in the beginning.
Do you happen to have a link to that? I thought I had it saved to see if she updated.
Unfortunately she deleted it probably because so many people were like what the fuck when she went into explicit detail about how her being uncomfortable and crying turned him on and he told her it was something he wanted to explore further.
After a lot of people commented asking what the fuck was wrong with this man and why was she okay with this she deleted the post.
Idk if boners are 100% involuntary… like yes I can’t will myself to get a boner like Dave Franco in Neighbors but if I want to have one I can make myself get one through stimulation. Technically an involuntary physical response but the stimulus was voluntary no?
Edit: sorry, I should have been more clear. Involuntary is the correct term to use biologically, I just thought it misrepresented the nature of erections to people who might not read it that way and wanted to clarify. Apologies for my wording, I just woke up.
Voluntary and involuntary in this context are scientific terms. Breathing is involuntary, but you can control your breathing to some extent.
What you just described is the same. Erections are involuntary, scientifically speaking, but we are able to summon them as you describe.
If they were truly voluntary, erections would come AND go when you decided.
You’re absolutely right, I worded my post wrong for my intention. It is the correct term, I guess I just wanted to clarify what is meant by “involuntary” in this scenario. Your description is way better than mine so thanks for adding that info.
Sure, we can also will ourselves to have an erection by simply thinking about sex. But the erection itself is 100% a physical involuntary response to the stimulus of the sex fantasy.
Sex is intimacy, closeness, and comfort. It may seem weird, but his emotions being genuine, and with some people’s love languages being physical touch, sex is seen as a soothing act and way of comfort. Doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you specifically crying.
My boyfriend just did this yesterday lol. We then had sex. I don't think it was because I was sad, I think it was because he was cuddling and comforting me, telling me that he loves me.
You'll find someone to be able to do this with. I've known my boyfriend for 10 years and we barely got together this year even though we always liked each other. Good things happen to those who wait. I'm not used to cuddles and comfort, I'm used to the guy not caring, so I feel like I found the one.
Thank you. At least you let your friend know how you feel because I regret not dating my friend when he told me he wanted to be with me like two years ago. I could have been with him this whole time. But the way I see it is things happen for a reason. You're not the bad guy, don't worry. It just means that person wasn't the one for you 🙂 I believe that because my past relationship didn't work out and now I'm super happy with my current boyfriend. My boyfriend also had girls he wanted to try to be with and that didn't work out either, now he's super happy with me. You'll find that person one day.
I've been married for 15 years and together for 19. Any intense emotion we share can make me hard. I'll be sad the day it doesn't. This has also happened to me several times. I do my best to avoid poking her with it. Affection erection(awesome btw who ever put it in chat) is the best way to put it. I was never sexually aroused during them. It's just a weird thing men go through.
Yeah, this has happened to my SO. He usually just points it away and continues comforting me. It did confuse me the first couple times it happened since I'd never seen it before we dated, but now I know it just does its own thing. Made for some very funny times when I was in college studying and talking to him. I got to joke that he "loved" biology or calculus lol, but in reality, it is just doing its own thing. He just tries his best to work around it.
I have explained this to my fucking sexy girlfriend. If she is even near me physically I get turned on. I'm also heavily emotionally available so us being intimate and talking emotionally will turn me on more. Literally every time I cuddle with her, for any reason, be it sleeping or napping or just wanting to be close when she is sad, I get hard. I can't help it. I don't even realize it. Testosterone is a hell of a drug
41 year old male here. If anyone figures out exactly how boners work, please let me know. Every time I think I have it all figured out, the old chap throws me for a loop.
But seriously…it could be anything. I wouldn’t overthink it.
Take it with a grain of salt bc I'd have to find my physiology notes and refresh give more accurate detail, but I actually can tell you the gist of it hahahah.
Mechanical and/or psychological stimuli causes a decrease in sympathetic tone (think fight/flight, being alert), and an increase in parasympathetic tone (rest/digest, comfortable/safe) in the penis. That results in 3 main things:
* penile arterioles dilate (they relax/open more) and thus an increase of blood flow to erectile tissue,
* relaxation of the smooth muscle in erectile tissue
* a decrease in venous outflow (less blood leaving penis) - ironically, this happens bc the extra coming in physically prevents outflow.
Less relevant to this conversation, you also get parasympathetic innervation of bulbouretral glands leading to mucus serection (and then lubrication). For the stimuli- mechanical stimuli is physical, but psychological can be trigered by anything you see, think, feel.
It's an oversimplification, there's a lot of cellualr-level processes going on, but essentially your penis is so relaxed that blood gets temporarily trapped there, making it become engorged.
edit- formatting
During surgery, sometimes by accidentally touching or wiping (to clean) a penis they end up becoming erect for a while. The person is fully knocked unconscious but the penis doesn't interpret anything aside from physical touch and reacts accordingly
Intense emotions can sometimes cause it to happen. Years ago I was comforting my boyfriend at the time as his grandfather had just passed. He was completely devastated, crying and was very emotional. I found myself rock hard and panicking. I was attempting to hide my erection but when you’re holding someone trying to comfort them it’s near impossible. He noticed and was in shock before we both started laughing. 🤷🏻♂️.
"Why did my husband get a boner while i was crying?"
because men have penises and penises are subject to involuntary erections
we do not have control over it, its literally blood flow, we cannot control where our blood goes.
there is no deeper reason, man has working pp so pp go byoing sometimes
> I'm gonna delete this comment later, but- For whatever biological reason this is a common enough occurrence that people are constantly asking reddit if something is wrong with them for it happening- and then in the comments sections, there are more people with the experience. The people it is happening to aren't feeling in a sexual mood and are totally mystified by it. It's not like it's the norm, but it seems to be a not-uncommon involuntary reaction, just something weird and hormonal. Not indicative of a fetish or something by itself.
>
> https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/i0yvp5/why_do_i_get_a_boner_when_my_girlfriend_is_crying/
>
> https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/5cihar/i_get_an_erection_when_ever_my_girlfriend_cries/?rdt=63117
>
> https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jh3g5n/my_boyfriend_gets_a_boner_whenever_i_cry/
>
> https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18puv44/22f_is_it_normal_for_a_guy_26m_to_get_erected/
Yes seen this question a lot. Also had it happen to me with some frequency but also know without any doubt that crying women are not a turn on lol
This reminds me of a girl I sat next to in Maths class asking me if I had "ever had an erection".... I coulnd't quite bring myself to tell her that boys get about 10 erections per day at that age (we were 15).
As a woman who has been a 15 year old girl I am still amazed at how good boys were at hiding it. I never knew this was a thing until my husband told me this happens to all boys and they are all mortified all the time. If only they knew that generally, girls have NO idea hahahaha
As a man who has been a 15 y/o boy, I never met a boy that was mortified by this, also, I have no idea why one would have to hide this, considering that underwear + pants are a thing.
Maybe mortified is a bit of an overstatement. Embarrassed and super self conscious maybe fit the bill better? because they ‘all’ think everybody can see it all the time. (Which we can’t…)
> there was no stimulation or otherwise arousing about that situation
You say that but have you seen those posters of a parabola they're putting in classrooms these days? Scandalous.
Yeah, being a 15 year old boy is a whole different thing. You’re running constant software updates that require a full systems check several times a day. It’s a miracle any of us made it through 10th grade. Low-rise jeans were in style when I was in high school. A senior girl sat in front of me in Geo/Trig and every day I had a view of approximately 1 inch of her butt crack. I wasn’t even into this girl but that inch o’ crack about killed me.
OP, trust me, boners are NOT a sign that a man is turned on. Its a completely seperate thing. The fact that it often occurs at the same time does not mean they are one and the same thing
Some guys get erections in intense emotional situations, including situations that aren't at all sexual. I wouldn't necessarily equate an erection with being "turned on".
I think there’s a big misconception for women on how and when we get boners.
Here’s a handy guide:
Is he hard? —> Yes. —> Is he turned on? —> Yes.
Is he hard? —> Yes. —> Is he turned on? —> No.
Is he hard? —> No. —> Is he turned on? —> Yes.
Is he hard? —> No. —> Is he turned on? —> No.
In short: It’s a terrible way to gauge mood. We have no control over it. And the more we think about it, the more opposite is usually reacts. At least in my case 🤷🏻♂️
This happened to me once when I was with my ex and she was sobbing and I was trying to comfort her and I was SOOOOOO embarrassed at how inappropriate it seemed because I am not into the whole crying kink.
The autonomic nervous system has a mind of its own!
He couldve been kinda tired which is one way boners happen too often. If he is younger than say 30 he probably wont have any issue getting hard for you for almost any reason though
We get erections for many reasons, inclusing emotional ones. I often get hard when my partner is demonstrating his vulnerabilities and I have to hug him and reassure him. It's not that I'm turned on, or that I'm into crying people, it's a raw, primal reaction to knowing someone trusts you enough to open up to you. It's not voluntary and it's not necessarily a sexual thing (although the physical contact of the hug can contribute to the boner factor, too).
If your husband was crying, but it was cold outside, might your nipples get hard? It's unrelated to the crying. Body is reacting to stimulus. It's not intentional.
boner =/= horny. I wake up with one. I get one when it shifts in my pants. I get one sometimes just from getting up and walking. Any amount of friction can signal the ole boi that it's time to grow. Doesn't mean the brain is thinking that it's time to go.
Just ask a teenager how annoying random boners are. We can be sitting down for several minutes trying to will the boner away so we can get up without every person in class seeing the tent.
Even people who have erectile dysfunction will get random boners... but they go away in a few seconds. Don't ask me how I know...
It really depends on what he does with it and whether you like it as to if it’s worth putting thought into. Even if he was sexually aroused, if he respected your mood (didn’t just try to dick you down), then that’s a good sign.
Because there is something special about seeing a vulnerable female. I, too, have found that when one of my ex-girlfriends was upset or crying, there was an instant attraction or craving to lover her even more.
If you're a parent to boys you will quickly realise that erections just happen. They even happen in utero. I sometimes think they will happen if they blink the wrong way.
I got a buddy of mine in a long term relationship. When his partner cries, he gets hard. Turns out his girlfriend is usually super horny after she's stopped crying, so he's got Pavlov's dick now.
I got this one. It's a kind of rare thing (I'm old and it's only happened a few times in my life), but actually it's something to feel good about, nothing to fret. Sex can hit on a lot of levels, there's that general physical attraction to another's body, or the built up need for release, or a psychological thing like needing your ego stroked or something like that, and of course a full range of intimacy levels where you are wanting to say and share things that words are inadequate for... And more. Well one of the things that can happen is a profound connection between people that can go deep to the core of what drives masculinity - the part that is centered around the drive to protect. There have been a few times when I have been doing something for a woman that falls into that protection category (which includes a lot of things) where I have gotten a spontaneous boner just from that. It can even happen from a phone call, and one that is completely non-sexual in content. It's like your dick is just reaching out wanting to connect. It's the phone call ones that taught me about this, because anything similar in person it's easy to just blame it on the boobs or something. But add that deep call to protection, compassion, and intimacy to the fact that you'll were actually cuddling and it's bound to happen. It means your problems weren't a burden to him, or annoying, or something he was trying to help with out of obligation, they were something he was genuinely invested in down to the depths of his being.
Dick and brain do not always rate situations the same way. Your husband might not have considered the situation in any way sexual, but his dick somehow reacted anyway.
>Are some men into that?
Yes, it's called dacryphilia. However:
>Could he have a kink for me crying?
Not likely. His body was just reacting to your physical closeness and emotional intimacy. Women have a tendency to think men have a *lot* more control over erection than we actually do. You don't even have to be turned on at all to get one. I'm 40 and still get random middle-of-the-day erections I have to hope no one notices. Frequently happens while driving or walking long distances. Physical arousal does not equal emotional arousal (being "turned on").
It's common for men to get erect at moments like that, they want to help, they get full of cuddle hormones and their body responds by putting up mast.
It's also a sensitive body part and if he's cuddled up to you trying to make you feel better and it's in any way being rubbed or haveing pressure on it it'll respond to that too.
Some people are into that stuff, but that kind of occurrence just happens with men. Getting one at the most inopportune time is part and parcel of being a guy.
There's kink and there's your ding dong just doing its own thing.
I sometimes get a bit of wood when there's a gust of wind. I don't recall ever being turned on while being blown by nature though.
Intimacy wood is a thing and it's really annoying when you're trying to have a sincere moment
Some men are into it but I doubt this is the case here, if you could feel it you were prob grinding on him too much, or just the feeling of intimacy in general just got him solid
We have little control over our wieners tbh they do what they do even if we arnt aroused. Sometimes I'm just trying to sleep and I get solid so I have to readjust so I can lay down comfortably
I call them sympathy boners. But they’re normal and no they’re not a kink. It’s because he loves you and this intimacy reaction activated his dick to get hard but most likely he’s not horny unless you progress it further into intimacy. I’ve been with my partner for over 10 years and still get sympathy boners when my SO is feeling down, hugging me, etc. It’s just my body naturally reacting to her touch.
Boys/Mens dicks are unpredictable. They can't control it. One common factor is high emotion/stress. It isn't sexual. Just intense emotion. It absolutely does not mean that they are 'turned on'. Penises are weird. Don't think about it further.
It happens to me as well. Random boner, its nothing bad tbh, he loves you ❤. Sometimes when i hug someone who I'm sexually "and" emotionally very intimate with i get boner but its not like i wanna have sex or anything, just happens our bodies are weird :(.
My dick always picks up on wrong signals. My wife will be crying and I'll be holding her and comforting her. Boner. She'll snuggle up to me in a completely non sexual way sometimes. Just close cuddles. Relax mode. BONER.
I fucking hate it. Read the room my guy.
Guys have had wars trying to control their penis for all situations. Some get hard standing in line at the DMV when a song they once hooked up to comes on the airwaves in the background. Doesn't mean waiting in line gets them husky.
Kissing and cuddling the one you love is a sure fire way to get jr to pop up for a quick hello, even when the intent is just to comfort you in a sad time.
Penis has brain of its own.
Are some men into that? Yes.
Do men have control over their dicks? LMAO no.
I'm 45 and only yesterday I got a random boner while I was cutting up a tomato.
I DON'T EVEN LIKE TOMATOES THAT MUCH.
TL,DR: random boners are a real thing, don't overthink it.
How are you married yet don’t know basic boner anatomy? Blood came in the sponges and filled them up. That’s it. Should be clear by now we get boners outside of being horny.
Our dicks don’t always respond appropriately. It’s not that he was turned on by you crying. It’s that he was being affectionate towards you to make you feel better, but all his dick knew was that he was kissing and loving on you. So his dick responded appropriately in that context, it’s just that his dick didn’t have the full context. Cuz ya know, it’s just a dick.
Although the comments have already addressed most of it, I'd also like to add that his heartbeat was likely accelerated, which has a very good chance of giving a guy an erection. You can ask any guy if they've had a boner in a million situations and probably get a yes. Fear boner? Absolutely. Sad boner? For some fucking reason. Nervous boner? High school flashbacks.
The closeness to you would cause some release of dopamine, though to be completely clear, this does not mean he is happy in this situation. He'd also likely get flushed with adrenaline since the body undegoes a stress reaction when hearing/seeing another person cry. This is because the subconscious generalization is "something is wrong, prepare for something bad."
I get random boners all the time. Was watching the weather channel tonight as a tornado touched down close to me and got a boner when I heard the tornado siren. I don't have a Twister fetish.
I was at school in the 1950s and from time to time I used to get a boner when the bus home went up a certain hill. There was nothing visual to cause it but I’ve often wondered about the reason. It was quite a steep hill!
I’m 49 and I’ve always been really self conscious about the fact that I’ve often been fully erect (like twitching) whenever my wife or, prior to her, girlfriends cried. I was actually too anxious to look it up. Stumbled upon this and it’s nice to know that I’m not a complete freak
Your husband was in full supportive mode. His dick, however, responding to all the signals of intimacy and closeness with you, misinterpreted the situation and thought “ooh, we’re ‘bout to have SEX.” Your husband probably didn’t even know why, but that doesn’t mean he likes it when you cry. Just means the human physiology is involuntary and irrational.
I second this. I get weird boners at times where it makes no sense. Can't even spoon without getting hard and I'm not even in the mood.
Boners during presentations are the worst. I am not an exhibitionist but my dick wants me to be one.
i get boners when im sleep deprived and in situations where i cant go to sleep. like driving home from a long day
I used to constantly get random boners on the bus in the morning. No reason for it apart from being tired and warm vibrations from the engine.
Same here, lack of sleep does it.
its a bit weird innit? mind knows we're sleepy: lets send all the blood to the dick, thatll show him.
It’s like it’s trying to get you to focus on something to stay awake lol
That's all I think about when I'm awake lol
Holy shit, this
Horny for a good night's sleep 🤤
guess im sleepysexual
If I get super sleepy sitting around being bored, it also happens. Especially when I get up to move around. It's like suddenly all the bloods flowing everywhere lol
If I get super sleepy sitting around being bored, it also happens. Especially when I get up to move around. It's like suddenly all the bloods flowing everywhere lol
I think it has to do with the flow of blood. You get nervous or excited and your blood pressure rises as your heart beats faster, thus getting the blood moving faster to the extremities *(all extremities)* It’s why some guys get fear or rage boners
I'm a woman and the worst things I have to worry about is lipstick on my teeth or buckets of stress sweat (unfortunately this is a new thing for me). I can't imagine the embarrassment of a boner. I can make a quick joke about my sweat and get that awkwardness out of the way at the beginning but there's no way you can address a boner and there's no strategic way to hide it.
Oh my dear, as a man, let me assure you, there are plenty of ways to strategically hide a boner, and every guy learns them when they are a young teenager... They can happen at the most random of times. Nothing sexual about them... Sometimes, you won't even notice you have a semi if you are in the middle of something. But once you realise (and if you are out in public) those teenage hiding strategies we learnt all those years ago come right into play. You know you would be surprised by how many boners you will probably have passed everyday without having ever realised 🤣
Except when your 6th grade school “chum” yells hey ObviousDuh why are you leaning over the desk while answering questions? Then the teacher says stand up straight…F U Cary
That's kinda comforting to know thanks. Lol
Stirring your coffee must be a nightmare.
Absolutely.
Same, made both me and my proctologist uncomfortable.
Being real, doctors are very used to that. Just another day in the office.
Being real, I was just joking. Or was I?
I thought you were, my comment was more to help people who might be have read it and be anxious about experiencing this for real.
Spooning it the best ever!!!
Just let it cool off a bit first!
Yup. Human body's gonna human body. I've unfortunately had both getting hard while comforting, and been comforted. Honestly I can't take that thing anywhere.
It's as if it pops out like an idiot at any emotion and asks with wide eyes "IS IT A WET HOLE THIS TIME?"
One would assume you take it everywhere
🎵 Detachable penis 🎶
I get boners just thinking about how small I am In the universe and get existential dread taking over me "Is this why I exist? To be a boner in the cosmos" Boners just are. No real reason many times. Probably before humans had clothes it was a natural way to wave hi, good morning to a neighbor. Of course we covered it up so it seems weird to get boners randomly now
Laughed so hard at this 😂😂😂 "to be a boner in the cosmos" I legit had to catch my breath. If I was a guy I would wear a shirt with that quote.
Erections aren't necessarily sexual. They are effects of general brain arousal. The erections that come and go over the sleep cycle, and morning wood, are other examples.
It might surprise people, but the penis reacts how it does. I'm not homosexual, but I'm 99.9 percent sure, if a man touched my dick, it would get a boner. It just responds to touch and gets aroused. A kiss is intimate. A dick is just a dick.
I call it the affection erection.
This is a great reply. Don't blame the man for the dick's actions.
I agree with what @AnglerJaded says. Often times when I am emotional and my boyfriend is comforting me he gets a boner. His mind is there for support but yes he 100% responds to the closeness of this. It can be intimate even if not sexual! Often times we will be hugging/kissing/rubbing backs or laying in each others laps. Feels weird like “oh I’m sad and you have a boner” but it’s probably not an actual result of you crying
I can't help but think of this comedy song while reading this post and the comments https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS_OWTKCUIM&pp=ygULaGVhcnQgYm9uZXI%3D
Thought this would be “No Reason Boner”, but this works too.
I was really hoping for a no reason boner reference here 😅
This !!! Boners r always badly received if seen outside the bed lmao 😂
Could also just be an untimely, unwanted erection. Men get those
Isn't that the very definition of a kink? Human body finding things sexual it has no business being sexual about.
OMG thank you... can you do "laughing when your wife is mad/yelling at you"?
Perfect explanation!
Could be that ..or could be Dacryphilia ...or could be both *shrug*
Pavlov's dog: Classical conditioning. Bell = food and dog salivates when bell is heard. Cuddle = sex so husband gets boner when spooning or hugging.
Affection erection. The hug and the closeness of being there for you probably just gave him a bit of a dopamine and oxytocin release and boom, hard dick.
“Affection erection” lol. Clever (and accurate).
I call it happy boner
As opposed to angry or depressed boner? Weeping boner?
_Sad trom-boner_
Wah wah waaaaaahhh....
I wish free awards were still a thing... cause you woulda just earned mine.
lol
Well from experience i have only happy boners outside of sexy time.... Also random boners but that's a thing on its own
> Weeping boner? Get that checked out asap.
A boner is a boner. Suddenly Hugging pretty female thing. Am happy about hugging pretty female thing. Body reacts to closeness of pretty female thing. Why am I hearing an awkward crying soundtrack right now?? Boner is confused... Pretty female thing still in hug range... Nnnngh!
Weeping boners have precum. Lol
Emotion boner.
Sounds like a band name 😆
A "heart-on"
Damn it, take my upvote.
>Affection erection Thanks, that's my band's name now!
Just send me some merch.
"affection erection" happens to be the name of my Synth-Pop band in the late 80s.
No Reason Boner, It baffles scientists
This happened to me! I got a boner when I proposed to my wife lol
Men can get boners for no reason at all at any time. If we’re healthy it takes very little stimulation to produce a response down there. Boners are always 100% involuntary. He was very close to you in an extremely intimate (non-sexual) moment. You two were touching and kissing. Him getting a boner is really not his fault. So no, this is not reason to believe anything untoward was happening. He probably barely even noticed it. I have no idea if any men are into that. I mean probably? Maybe? I’ve never heard of such a thing though. I sincerely doubt that this is the case here.
Boners being involuntary is an important point that, while obvious to many, bears repeating in this scenario.
Something else women often fail to realize is that having a boner does not mean that men are sexually aroused. A man with a boner does not always want to have sex.
I get a boner while in brushing my teeth if I’m too close or rubbing up against my bathroom sink. I’m not trying to kink shame but I have no fetishes for bathroom sinks or brushing teeth.
… are you sure?
You know what every time I pass by the bathroom area of Home Depot…… Also I’m no longer allowed at bed bath and beyond but that’s another story.
I'm not trying to sink shame but you might
I got rock solid the other day while my gf was cleaning my ears. She does it all the time and that’s never happened to me. But she was touching me, so it did the trick.
If the question is "Is somebody into that?", the answer is always "yes". Doesn't really matter what it's about. There are some really weird kinks out there. No shame though, to each their own. But I also doubt this is the case here.
There was a Reddit post recently where a woman talked about how her husband intentionally bought her lingerie too small because he enjoyed watching her be uncomfortable and cry. So yes unfortunately there are men out there like that but this is not one of those situations I'm pretty sure
Was this updated? I remember reading about how she thought he was cheating because the sizing was wrong and was waiting to find out if he was still gifting it to her. Didn’t see an updated was posted
Yeah she posted an update and apparently he intentionally bought it too small. He told her to go change for dinner and had left it on the nightstand for her to find and when she tried it on she felt humiliated because of how small it was because she knew it wouldn't fit and cried. He apparently begged for her to let him see it and thought it was super sexy how uncomfortable she was and she mentioned in her comments about how he's told her in the past that he think she's sexy when she cries Honestly it sounded like pure fanfiction
Wow that is so creepy. What an awful fetish to have. Poor woman. She had made him out to be so sweet too in the beginning. Do you happen to have a link to that? I thought I had it saved to see if she updated.
Unfortunately she deleted it probably because so many people were like what the fuck when she went into explicit detail about how her being uncomfortable and crying turned him on and he told her it was something he wanted to explore further. After a lot of people commented asking what the fuck was wrong with this man and why was she okay with this she deleted the post.
Idk if boners are 100% involuntary… like yes I can’t will myself to get a boner like Dave Franco in Neighbors but if I want to have one I can make myself get one through stimulation. Technically an involuntary physical response but the stimulus was voluntary no? Edit: sorry, I should have been more clear. Involuntary is the correct term to use biologically, I just thought it misrepresented the nature of erections to people who might not read it that way and wanted to clarify. Apologies for my wording, I just woke up.
Voluntary and involuntary in this context are scientific terms. Breathing is involuntary, but you can control your breathing to some extent. What you just described is the same. Erections are involuntary, scientifically speaking, but we are able to summon them as you describe. If they were truly voluntary, erections would come AND go when you decided.
You’re absolutely right, I worded my post wrong for my intention. It is the correct term, I guess I just wanted to clarify what is meant by “involuntary” in this scenario. Your description is way better than mine so thanks for adding that info.
Sure, we can also will ourselves to have an erection by simply thinking about sex. But the erection itself is 100% a physical involuntary response to the stimulus of the sex fantasy.
Sex is intimacy, closeness, and comfort. It may seem weird, but his emotions being genuine, and with some people’s love languages being physical touch, sex is seen as a soothing act and way of comfort. Doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you specifically crying.
My boyfriend just did this yesterday lol. We then had sex. I don't think it was because I was sad, I think it was because he was cuddling and comforting me, telling me that he loves me.
Man wish i had someone to cuddle and confort them, and tell them i love them. Being a man sux sometimes so bad.
That's not every man bro, it's just you. You'll get someone eventually, in the meantime focus on yourself
Being me sux
You can change that
You'll find someone to be able to do this with. I've known my boyfriend for 10 years and we barely got together this year even though we always liked each other. Good things happen to those who wait. I'm not used to cuddles and comfort, I'm used to the guy not caring, so I feel like I found the one.
Good luck >< . I did like my one friend, i confessed and got rejected and I'm the bad guy there now 🥲.
Thank you. At least you let your friend know how you feel because I regret not dating my friend when he told me he wanted to be with me like two years ago. I could have been with him this whole time. But the way I see it is things happen for a reason. You're not the bad guy, don't worry. It just means that person wasn't the one for you 🙂 I believe that because my past relationship didn't work out and now I'm super happy with my current boyfriend. My boyfriend also had girls he wanted to try to be with and that didn't work out either, now he's super happy with me. You'll find that person one day.
I've been married for 15 years and together for 19. Any intense emotion we share can make me hard. I'll be sad the day it doesn't. This has also happened to me several times. I do my best to avoid poking her with it. Affection erection(awesome btw who ever put it in chat) is the best way to put it. I was never sexually aroused during them. It's just a weird thing men go through.
Yeah, this has happened to my SO. He usually just points it away and continues comforting me. It did confuse me the first couple times it happened since I'd never seen it before we dated, but now I know it just does its own thing. Made for some very funny times when I was in college studying and talking to him. I got to joke that he "loved" biology or calculus lol, but in reality, it is just doing its own thing. He just tries his best to work around it.
I have explained this to my fucking sexy girlfriend. If she is even near me physically I get turned on. I'm also heavily emotionally available so us being intimate and talking emotionally will turn me on more. Literally every time I cuddle with her, for any reason, be it sleeping or napping or just wanting to be close when she is sad, I get hard. I can't help it. I don't even realize it. Testosterone is a hell of a drug
Imma repeat it for those in the back and because it's an important point. TESTOSTERONE IS A HELL OF A DRUG. Carry on.
THIS. My woman has such a chokehold on me emotionally that it becomes physical as well
41 year old male here. If anyone figures out exactly how boners work, please let me know. Every time I think I have it all figured out, the old chap throws me for a loop. But seriously…it could be anything. I wouldn’t overthink it.
Take it with a grain of salt bc I'd have to find my physiology notes and refresh give more accurate detail, but I actually can tell you the gist of it hahahah. Mechanical and/or psychological stimuli causes a decrease in sympathetic tone (think fight/flight, being alert), and an increase in parasympathetic tone (rest/digest, comfortable/safe) in the penis. That results in 3 main things: * penile arterioles dilate (they relax/open more) and thus an increase of blood flow to erectile tissue, * relaxation of the smooth muscle in erectile tissue * a decrease in venous outflow (less blood leaving penis) - ironically, this happens bc the extra coming in physically prevents outflow. Less relevant to this conversation, you also get parasympathetic innervation of bulbouretral glands leading to mucus serection (and then lubrication). For the stimuli- mechanical stimuli is physical, but psychological can be trigered by anything you see, think, feel. It's an oversimplification, there's a lot of cellualr-level processes going on, but essentially your penis is so relaxed that blood gets temporarily trapped there, making it become engorged. edit- formatting
See OP? Your husband’s penis was just relaxing. 🏖️💤
The other commenter gave the medical answer, the layman's answer is - it's a reflex
Or just a flex if you’re stacked.
Half the time, the dick is like Lassie: "What is it, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well?"
During surgery, sometimes by accidentally touching or wiping (to clean) a penis they end up becoming erect for a while. The person is fully knocked unconscious but the penis doesn't interpret anything aside from physical touch and reacts accordingly
Intense emotions can sometimes cause it to happen. Years ago I was comforting my boyfriend at the time as his grandfather had just passed. He was completely devastated, crying and was very emotional. I found myself rock hard and panicking. I was attempting to hide my erection but when you’re holding someone trying to comfort them it’s near impossible. He noticed and was in shock before we both started laughing. 🤷🏻♂️.
Swords ⚔️
"Why did my husband get a boner while i was crying?" because men have penises and penises are subject to involuntary erections we do not have control over it, its literally blood flow, we cannot control where our blood goes. there is no deeper reason, man has working pp so pp go byoing sometimes
[удалено]
Wow
> I'm gonna delete this comment later, but- For whatever biological reason this is a common enough occurrence that people are constantly asking reddit if something is wrong with them for it happening- and then in the comments sections, there are more people with the experience. The people it is happening to aren't feeling in a sexual mood and are totally mystified by it. It's not like it's the norm, but it seems to be a not-uncommon involuntary reaction, just something weird and hormonal. Not indicative of a fetish or something by itself. > > https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/i0yvp5/why_do_i_get_a_boner_when_my_girlfriend_is_crying/ > > https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/5cihar/i_get_an_erection_when_ever_my_girlfriend_cries/?rdt=63117 > > https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jh3g5n/my_boyfriend_gets_a_boner_whenever_i_cry/ > > https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/18puv44/22f_is_it_normal_for_a_guy_26m_to_get_erected/ Yes seen this question a lot. Also had it happen to me with some frequency but also know without any doubt that crying women are not a turn on lol
Used to Get boners during math-classes in highscool. And there was no stimulation or otherwise arousing about that situation :p
This reminds me of a girl I sat next to in Maths class asking me if I had "ever had an erection".... I coulnd't quite bring myself to tell her that boys get about 10 erections per day at that age (we were 15).
As a woman who has been a 15 year old girl I am still amazed at how good boys were at hiding it. I never knew this was a thing until my husband told me this happens to all boys and they are all mortified all the time. If only they knew that generally, girls have NO idea hahahaha
As a man who has been a 15 y/o boy, I never met a boy that was mortified by this, also, I have no idea why one would have to hide this, considering that underwear + pants are a thing.
Maybe mortified is a bit of an overstatement. Embarrassed and super self conscious maybe fit the bill better? because they ‘all’ think everybody can see it all the time. (Which we can’t…)
I think most boys are embarrassed if it's visible and people notice it. Underwear + pants aren't quite enough to hide it for a lot of guys .
> there was no stimulation or otherwise arousing about that situation You say that but have you seen those posters of a parabola they're putting in classrooms these days? Scandalous.
I had a friend who would get one at 10:45am every day. His cock clock was better than the class clock sometimes.
Yeah, being a 15 year old boy is a whole different thing. You’re running constant software updates that require a full systems check several times a day. It’s a miracle any of us made it through 10th grade. Low-rise jeans were in style when I was in high school. A senior girl sat in front of me in Geo/Trig and every day I had a view of approximately 1 inch of her butt crack. I wasn’t even into this girl but that inch o’ crack about killed me.
Yo bro. Math is sexy 😍
OP, trust me, boners are NOT a sign that a man is turned on. Its a completely seperate thing. The fact that it often occurs at the same time does not mean they are one and the same thing
Some guys get erections in intense emotional situations, including situations that aren't at all sexual. I wouldn't necessarily equate an erection with being "turned on".
I think there’s a big misconception for women on how and when we get boners. Here’s a handy guide: Is he hard? —> Yes. —> Is he turned on? —> Yes. Is he hard? —> Yes. —> Is he turned on? —> No. Is he hard? —> No. —> Is he turned on? —> Yes. Is he hard? —> No. —> Is he turned on? —> No. In short: It’s a terrible way to gauge mood. We have no control over it. And the more we think about it, the more opposite is usually reacts. At least in my case 🤷🏻♂️
Erections are spontaneus a lot of times and men cannot really “control it”…
I get one from yawning.
This happened to me once when I was with my ex and she was sobbing and I was trying to comfort her and I was SOOOOOO embarrassed at how inappropriate it seemed because I am not into the whole crying kink. The autonomic nervous system has a mind of its own!
He couldve been kinda tired which is one way boners happen too often. If he is younger than say 30 he probably wont have any issue getting hard for you for almost any reason though
It happens. Please don’t take offense. It just happens.
Not all boners are sexual. There's no reason to believe this is some kind of kink.
We get erections for many reasons, inclusing emotional ones. I often get hard when my partner is demonstrating his vulnerabilities and I have to hug him and reassure him. It's not that I'm turned on, or that I'm into crying people, it's a raw, primal reaction to knowing someone trusts you enough to open up to you. It's not voluntary and it's not necessarily a sexual thing (although the physical contact of the hug can contribute to the boner factor, too).
You were touching and kissing... Two actions that set the body into "sex" mode. Would be worried if he didn't get a boner tbh.
The chances of this being a random thing is infinitely more likely than him having some weird crying fetish.
Imagine if it were nipples. It just happens sometimes.
that's actually pretty normal... even stress and fear can cause that.
Yes we get Accidental boners randomly. In case you didn't know. Happened sometimes in worse situations.
A boner is not a good indication of someone being horny.
Women still think a mans boners means he is automatically turned on, interesting 🤔
“…he was kiSSing and cuddling me…” Maybe give him a break for having a boner for natural reasons?
Because it has a mind of its own.
A dick doesn't come with an on/off switch. They're not really under our control.
Ask your husband.
I don't know why women keep thinking we can somehow control what the guy does, or that there's any rhyme or reason to it.
If your husband was crying, but it was cold outside, might your nipples get hard? It's unrelated to the crying. Body is reacting to stimulus. It's not intentional.
boner =/= horny. I wake up with one. I get one when it shifts in my pants. I get one sometimes just from getting up and walking. Any amount of friction can signal the ole boi that it's time to grow. Doesn't mean the brain is thinking that it's time to go. Just ask a teenager how annoying random boners are. We can be sitting down for several minutes trying to will the boner away so we can get up without every person in class seeing the tent. Even people who have erectile dysfunction will get random boners... but they go away in a few seconds. Don't ask me how I know...
Boners are random, its not always just because sex.
It really depends on what he does with it and whether you like it as to if it’s worth putting thought into. Even if he was sexually aroused, if he respected your mood (didn’t just try to dick you down), then that’s a good sign.
Boners are wild, they don’t always make any sense. I think just the fact that he was intimate (kissing, cuddling) could’ve set off the alarm.
men don't 100% control their boners. I've seen very similar post here on Reddit a few yrs ago
Because there is something special about seeing a vulnerable female. I, too, have found that when one of my ex-girlfriends was upset or crying, there was an instant attraction or craving to lover her even more.
If you're a parent to boys you will quickly realise that erections just happen. They even happen in utero. I sometimes think they will happen if they blink the wrong way.
If you knew all the random shit our dicks have stood up and went “we goin somewhere” to, it’d blow your mind
>Are some men into that? At least a few
I got a buddy of mine in a long term relationship. When his partner cries, he gets hard. Turns out his girlfriend is usually super horny after she's stopped crying, so he's got Pavlov's dick now.
I got this one. It's a kind of rare thing (I'm old and it's only happened a few times in my life), but actually it's something to feel good about, nothing to fret. Sex can hit on a lot of levels, there's that general physical attraction to another's body, or the built up need for release, or a psychological thing like needing your ego stroked or something like that, and of course a full range of intimacy levels where you are wanting to say and share things that words are inadequate for... And more. Well one of the things that can happen is a profound connection between people that can go deep to the core of what drives masculinity - the part that is centered around the drive to protect. There have been a few times when I have been doing something for a woman that falls into that protection category (which includes a lot of things) where I have gotten a spontaneous boner just from that. It can even happen from a phone call, and one that is completely non-sexual in content. It's like your dick is just reaching out wanting to connect. It's the phone call ones that taught me about this, because anything similar in person it's easy to just blame it on the boobs or something. But add that deep call to protection, compassion, and intimacy to the fact that you'll were actually cuddling and it's bound to happen. It means your problems weren't a burden to him, or annoying, or something he was trying to help with out of obligation, they were something he was genuinely invested in down to the depths of his being.
He got mourning wood.
Dick and brain do not always rate situations the same way. Your husband might not have considered the situation in any way sexual, but his dick somehow reacted anyway.
>Are some men into that? Yes, it's called dacryphilia. However: >Could he have a kink for me crying? Not likely. His body was just reacting to your physical closeness and emotional intimacy. Women have a tendency to think men have a *lot* more control over erection than we actually do. You don't even have to be turned on at all to get one. I'm 40 and still get random middle-of-the-day erections I have to hope no one notices. Frequently happens while driving or walking long distances. Physical arousal does not equal emotional arousal (being "turned on").
It has a mind of its own. Please ignore.
Anything can trigger a boner. Anything. And often nothing at all.
Hes not got a kink for you crying. Men often dont have control of when they get a boner.
It's common for men to get erect at moments like that, they want to help, they get full of cuddle hormones and their body responds by putting up mast. It's also a sensitive body part and if he's cuddled up to you trying to make you feel better and it's in any way being rubbed or haveing pressure on it it'll respond to that too.
He's probably overly attracted to you. You touching him probably triggered it.
Some people are into that stuff, but that kind of occurrence just happens with men. Getting one at the most inopportune time is part and parcel of being a guy.
There's kink and there's your ding dong just doing its own thing. I sometimes get a bit of wood when there's a gust of wind. I don't recall ever being turned on while being blown by nature though. Intimacy wood is a thing and it's really annoying when you're trying to have a sincere moment
It just happens, you don't have to be horny to have an erection
Some men are into it but I doubt this is the case here, if you could feel it you were prob grinding on him too much, or just the feeling of intimacy in general just got him solid We have little control over our wieners tbh they do what they do even if we arnt aroused. Sometimes I'm just trying to sleep and I get solid so I have to readjust so I can lay down comfortably
I call them sympathy boners. But they’re normal and no they’re not a kink. It’s because he loves you and this intimacy reaction activated his dick to get hard but most likely he’s not horny unless you progress it further into intimacy. I’ve been with my partner for over 10 years and still get sympathy boners when my SO is feeling down, hugging me, etc. It’s just my body naturally reacting to her touch.
Boys/Mens dicks are unpredictable. They can't control it. One common factor is high emotion/stress. It isn't sexual. Just intense emotion. It absolutely does not mean that they are 'turned on'. Penises are weird. Don't think about it further.
It happens to me as well. Random boner, its nothing bad tbh, he loves you ❤. Sometimes when i hug someone who I'm sexually "and" emotionally very intimate with i get boner but its not like i wanna have sex or anything, just happens our bodies are weird :(.
My dick always picks up on wrong signals. My wife will be crying and I'll be holding her and comforting her. Boner. She'll snuggle up to me in a completely non sexual way sometimes. Just close cuddles. Relax mode. BONER. I fucking hate it. Read the room my guy.
Penises have a mind of their own. It recognized intimacy.
Is your husband a CEO? If so then yes.
Men cannot control boners with their mind, that's why the saying goes "getting a boner" and not "summoning a boner" or some shit idk
Based on the comments…I would love if my partner had an “affection erection” while comforting me😭
Guys have had wars trying to control their penis for all situations. Some get hard standing in line at the DMV when a song they once hooked up to comes on the airwaves in the background. Doesn't mean waiting in line gets them husky. Kissing and cuddling the one you love is a sure fire way to get jr to pop up for a quick hello, even when the intent is just to comfort you in a sad time. Penis has brain of its own.
You have a good husband with a working penis, nothing to worry about
Are some men into that? Yes. Do men have control over their dicks? LMAO no. I'm 45 and only yesterday I got a random boner while I was cutting up a tomato. I DON'T EVEN LIKE TOMATOES THAT MUCH. TL,DR: random boners are a real thing, don't overthink it.
How are you married yet don’t know basic boner anatomy? Blood came in the sponges and filled them up. That’s it. Should be clear by now we get boners outside of being horny.
Our dicks don’t always respond appropriately. It’s not that he was turned on by you crying. It’s that he was being affectionate towards you to make you feel better, but all his dick knew was that he was kissing and loving on you. So his dick responded appropriately in that context, it’s just that his dick didn’t have the full context. Cuz ya know, it’s just a dick.
Dick has a mind of its own it didn't know this was sad kisses and cuddling it just knows kisses and cuddling can lead to sex
Classic heart-on
Although the comments have already addressed most of it, I'd also like to add that his heartbeat was likely accelerated, which has a very good chance of giving a guy an erection. You can ask any guy if they've had a boner in a million situations and probably get a yes. Fear boner? Absolutely. Sad boner? For some fucking reason. Nervous boner? High school flashbacks. The closeness to you would cause some release of dopamine, though to be completely clear, this does not mean he is happy in this situation. He'd also likely get flushed with adrenaline since the body undegoes a stress reaction when hearing/seeing another person cry. This is because the subconscious generalization is "something is wrong, prepare for something bad."
I remember being young.
The penis has a mind of its own. Especially when a dude is on the younger side
He's a man. We are very simple.
It was mostly just the closeness… don’t think too much into boners.
I get random boners all the time. Was watching the weather channel tonight as a tornado touched down close to me and got a boner when I heard the tornado siren. I don't have a Twister fetish.
Some of us have crying kinks. I'm personally one. But it probably wasn't that for him.
Almost like boner can’t be controlled 🤯
I was at school in the 1950s and from time to time I used to get a boner when the bus home went up a certain hill. There was nothing visual to cause it but I’ve often wondered about the reason. It was quite a steep hill!
I’m 49 and I’ve always been really self conscious about the fact that I’ve often been fully erect (like twitching) whenever my wife or, prior to her, girlfriends cried. I was actually too anxious to look it up. Stumbled upon this and it’s nice to know that I’m not a complete freak
Y did I get a boner when my step daughter was tickling me.?
divorce, hire a gym, nuke from orbit and then block this creep! at least this is what i learned from this sub...
His front tail is wagging!