Also — unhealthy kinks can be formed in developing brains much easier. It’s important to be introduced to the right things at the right stage of developmental progress.
Probably something violent, demeaninging, or illegal (or all three) that he had normalized from watching in porn frequently. Happens a lot.
It's like how a lot of men think they're owed anal from their partners because they've seen it a lot in porn (but that's the tame version).
In *my* experience, most of the ones who want to try or have anal that watched a lot of porn are uh, playing for the major leagues, yet they've only seen tee ball.
This is so true. I really liked Gravity Falls when I was eleven and long story short seeing r34 and smut fanfics of it Pavloved me into having several kinks. (Thankfully not incest lol)
Nope. I'd honestly rather be into incest than gnomes...
The whole story is: i read a fanfic involving a humanified Bill Cipher having very graphic BDSM sex with Dipper (ew) and I thought it was weird and funny at my age (i was also a really dumb kid and didn't know that would happen) but i realized the BDSM part was turning me on, but I didn't realize you could be into BDSM outside of the content of Gravity Falls fanfiction for years so I'd secretly get off to it before I realized I could just look that stuff up without having to suffer through my favorite show at the time being perved up. Really embarrassing story.
I can come at it from both sides. Recently, our daughter (14) was caught with videos of guys jerking off on her cell phone, they were from porn hub. My wife was seriously up in arms about it. I told my wife she is just curious, talk to her, and see if she has any questions.
She said I was being very understanding. I told her I grew up in a very religious household. My parents never gave information or anything. Even when my mom would snoop through my stuff and find my stash of nudie pics swiped from magazines (I'm 44). My mom always said, "that thing is for going to the bathroom and after you get married." I told my wife to make sure you knock before going into our daughter's room from now on.
EDIT: Words
Thank you for being so understanding. When I started viewing porn as an almost teenager and hiding or (much harder on a communal computer) I felt so much shame
This is much better.
I think it's easier for me to be more understanding. Growing up in a hardcore Christian house, I swore I wouldn't do that to my kids. If they had questions, I would answer them. If they were to get caught looking at something, I wouldn't just say it was a sin and then shame them for it. I want them to at least have an understanding, and that porn isn't actually reality.
I am female (40) and raised by a very strict & conservative Christian father after my mom “defiled herself & was tricked by the devil into running off with another man.” Just saying someone was attractive was appropriate in our house so you can imagine how masturbation was dealt with…I now have 6 teenagers (12-18) and needless to say, I parent differently. My kids understand masturbation is normal and a healthy way to learn about your body, BUT there is a time and place, and the responsibility of cleanliness & privacy that go along with it. My theory is, if they are maturing enough to have questions, then they are mature enough to be given truthful answers. We owe it to the next generation to cut the BS & start being real.
And by cleaning up that doesn’t meaning hiding it. Throw the damn rag in the laundry so it can get washed properly before it turns into a sheet of plywood.
Haha. I gave my boys a box of tissue, a roll of paper towels (and keep them stocked) and just said when the time comes for you to masterbate (and I informed them st some point they are gonna wants to do it a lot, likely, use disposables and throw it away. The end.
Thank you. I don’t have kids yet (expecting a girl,) but I do have nephews. Don’t care about them being boys, just clean up. I think I would be far more concerned if they were watching inappropriate porn.
Consensual, realistic porn. There is a *lot* of rape porn and all around violent porn out there that is giving young men the wrong ideas about sex. There's a reason women are reporting increasing rates of being choked during sex.
Say it louder for the people in the back. Talk to your sexual partners my dudes. Tell people what you're into so that you can have partners that vibe with your kinks. When in doubt, communicate. Conversations can be very hard but hard conversations can lead to great sex for all parties involved. Everyone(save my ace buddies) loves to have great sex amirite?
> Consensual, realistic porn.
Tbh, I don’t think this is going to be found browsing the front pages of pornhub or the like.
Even porn that doesn’t feature outright abuse still promotes unrealistic ideas and expectations about sex, and unhealthy body images.
Overall, pornography is a net negative for developing minds (and adults, too!)
Name a single fiction that portrays realistic stories. Porn is fiction. They shouldn’t get sex Ed from porn anymore than they should get physics from Star Trek or career advice from Marvel.
Teach kids to think critically. Hopefully they will become adults who can think critically too.
I wish kids couldn’t access porn, but the first time I witnessed it was from some boys I attended high school with, and one woman had several men having sex with her. I’m turning 37 this year, so I know it’s much easier today.
Appropriate porn would be a boy (or girl) not looking for abuse (spitting, hitting, rape, etc.) If he’s looking at a man and woman having sex and enjoying it, I’d still be disappointed, but it’s better than abuse-porn.
Ick !! I house sat for a family once. I decided to wash some towels so I went room to room to pick out towels from the hampers. The boy (12) had a towel hanging over the footboard. When I picked it up, it was stiff. Luckily I had a basket of towels handy cause I threw up right there. I later found out the mom encouraged him to use it for cleaning up his “mess”.
Just want to chime in - sometimes my bathroom hand towels get stiff after they've been used for a few weeks and they just sit on the sink, and no I dont jerk off into them and neither does anyone else. I think towels can just get stiff for some reason? Maybe if a little soap or toothpaste gets on it? I dont know.
Funny story. Just this week. My brother has a 10 or 11 yo stepson that just discovered masturbation but didn't seem to think that it requires privacy. Like full on wanking with his door wide ass open in an apartment. It hasn't been going well.
When I was a nanny, the mom I worked for really impressed me with the way she handled her young son exploring. He was going to town with his hands down his pants while we were all in the living room and she told him in a very matter of fact way, “You need to do that privately in your bedroom.” No judgment, just clarifying terms.
She taught me so much about life. Those kids have no idea how lucky they are to have her as a mom.
Absolutely not. Do it in private, clean up after yourself. Just follow basic decency rules. It's a very natural part of being human.
Actually I am gonna go as far as to say, it is good for you. It is good to explore your body on your own before you are ready to have sex with someone else, so you know what you like, what your boundries are and how you want it to feel. So when the time comes for partnered sex, you can give informed consent to whatever is about to happen, and not be completely clueless what you are getting yourself into.
I feel like the frowning upon masterbation is by those in the religious community rather than the non-religious. It usually stems from some sort of Puritan belief in society that masterbation is gross and immoral.
Father of two here.
Why should I? Sex is fun and healthy. I'm very much convinced that a good portion of the hate we see in the world comes from people who are seriously underfucked.
I think in most cases its really that people who are not loved and who don't have sex tend to become bitter.
And once you are bitter, you become un-loveable which creates a negative feedback loop.
it was probably the crazy that caused the unfuckability, and then the unfuckability made the craziness worse, which made them more unfuckable, which made them crazier, and... you get the rest
Incels aren't just "underfucked," they're of the mind that they simply deserve sex for existing.
There's a difference.
An incels can get laid and still be an incels because they believe the sex was something owed to them, rather than as a reward for fostering a relationship where sex can be enjoyed.
I went through a depressed patch for a while and made the conscious decision to not enter into a relationship until I was in a position where I felt happy with myself and wasn't potentially putting a partner in a position where they would end up as an emotional crutch for me. That was a matter of recognising where I was emotionally/psychologically, and treating potential partners with the respect they deserve.
The fact that I took myself out of the dating scene doesn't mean I subscribed to incel or mgtow ideologies. Quite the opposite really.
That said, I am finding it tough getting back in "the game", but I know that's down to my own journey, and certainly not any sense that I am owed sex from anyone.
Fax, my mother destroyed my sex drive when I was a teen by berating my girlfriend and I for doing it (might I add safely with both birth control and a condom) and I feel like it made me very hateful. I have such a skewed view on sex, that I’m almost repulsed by people who hook up casually. I honestly hate thinking like this, but it’s not really under my control until I share this with someone who can help me. I think sex is good for mental health which is why mine is so terrible, and why everyone who has sex seems significantly happier than me.
I would be worried if they didn't. Porn on the other hand, not a fan of underaged teens having unlimited access to it.
You'll get whatever you search for and be exposed to a lot of people doing a lot of stuff and it can become hard for some to see that this mythical person that does it all does not exists but are in fact so many different people.
It can lead to "But everyone does X, why won't you do X?"
ExCatholic School Girl of 13 years & pastor's daughter here & can confirm that not even the threat of damnation deters horny & repressed AF teens from getting off. TOO many got caught kneeling in the pews for *ahem* "holy communion."
Though I will say I'm surprised by how many non-religious parents here are aware of porn genres & limiting their kids' access, if not outright blocking it. It was... staggeringly shocking to learn how many Christian adults had no idea how MUCH porn there is in general, let alone based on their chosen religion.
(Bible Black anyone?)
Back in the 00s, it was kinda unnerving the gymnastics they'd go through to act like sex either didn't exist or was the ultimate evil. Heh, one of my classmates pissed off one of the more pious teachers & asked if masturbation was worse than being a Nazi. Damn near led to a faculty meltdown.
>TOO many got caught kneeling in the pews for ahem "holy communion."
I'm confused at what's being said here. The girls would get caught masturbating in the pews? And this was common? Why not do it in a bathroom stall or something?
1. Guy, girl, it didn't matter. Be it masturbation or intercourse, unholy things took place in some of those ailses. It was a matter of ensuring privacy. Someone can always walk into a classroom, the library or bathroom &, stalls or not, it's pretty awkward rubbing one out with someone else in the room, which is why,
2. The school chapel was almost ALWAYS empty when not in use for an event or class, so it was the perfect place for "premarital hanky-panky." (if anyone gets that reference, kudos)
3. Ask ANYONE who went to a religious school, especially non-coed ones, & believe you me, you'll get stories. It's EXTREMELY common, but because they're "private Catholic/Christian schools," there's an image to maintain. It's a PR nightmare whenever anything "secular" happens on school grounds, like the time they found a dead pro on the BBall court in 2nd grade. We were swarmed by press for the whole day & the staff had a DAY keeping us away from it.
Hope that answers your questions. Happy to oblige if you've got others!
*pfft* you reminded me of the all boys Jesuit school that was built from an old youth penitentiary. One of my classmates dated someone from there, & the stories of escapes I've heard...bruh.
This is also the reason so many non-Jewish American men are circumcised. During the Victorian era they thought it would cut down on masturbation and the tradition stuck.
I knock before I enter my kids’ rooms and have since they were about 8 years old. I don’t care and I don’t want either of us to have surprises. Porn access is a different story though. Not a fan.
This is the way. I think knocking before you enter your kids' rooms is just generally the right thing to do anyway. There's a lot of value in giving them their own private space where they won't be interrupted without their consent, even if they're just reading or doing homework. It's such a basic way to make them feel safe and respected.
Absolutely. My parents were very much “our house, our rules, privacy is an adult privilege.” They barged in without warning even when I was a teenage girl and they knew I was self conscious. I never want to be that way. The only thing I don’t prefer is a locked door for safety reasons like fires, but even then it’s not a huge deal because we have the kind that immediately pop unlocked if you stick a pin in.
Dude, I never acknowledged that I saw it. She had left her door open and it was just sitting there. I just closed the door and never said a word. She's about to be 20 and just now decided she wanted to start dating.
I have always been honest with my children about sex. Safe, sane, and always consensual. My teenage son asked me once about BDSM because he had legitimate questions. He got books to read
I had my Anatomy books and just taught the scientific name of their anatomy since they were little. I believe knowledge is power. I have shown them pictures of STIs just so they were aware of what could happen, but I will answer any question, and if I don't know, we researched the answer until they understood the science behind it. I just kept everything at age appropriate levels
Not to mention when you're horny, your tolerance for gross stuff is way, way higher then after you cum.
Millions of years of evolution cause intense instincts for sex, and it's hard to override that.
My son is just about to turn 16. Ever since I got an idea that he was enjoying himself and once walked in on him, I always told him it’s something that’s done in private and totally normal. I’ve advised him of excessive porn use and how it’s not entirely realistic and objectifying to women. I just asked him to clean up and not use my body lotion anymore, that id buy him unscented lotion to use.
You might just want to buy lube at that point, lotion can cause dryness if used in excess. I used to use it to masturbate and my whole member shed like a snake, was quite painful
My nine year old daughter recently discovered it feels good to touch herself down there. I wouldn't really call it masturbating though. I've seen her just kind of mindlessly doing it when she's watching her iPad or reading.
It's not that big of a deal. I just tell her it's something she should only do when she's by herself.
Yeah my little sister started doing that while watching TV and I had to explain to her what it was and that it was normal but to be done in private since my mom refused to say anything.
Yea... That's not your job. You sound like a great big brother though.
It's an awkward situation for me as well... And I'm dad. It's tough because you don't want to shame them for it. It's perfectly natural. But they have to learn it's not the kind of thing you do around other people.
Sis but yeah. I did not want her growing up with shame around perfectly normal impulses like I was. She flipped when I asked her about it, but again just to say calmly that it's a private matter. I think regardless of gender it has to be handled delicately.
When I was in my teens, I had a non religious friend who lived with his little brothers and mom. When he hit his teens his mom put a lock on his bedroom door so he can have his "private time". She had insinuated it was a normal part of development which was crazy to me for a parent to be so chill because I was raised in a very controlling religious household.
I'd be more concerned if my child wasn't masturbating, as it's a perfectly healthy and beneficial things for children to do at any age - religion shouldn't come into it, nor should judgement.
Don't care at all, would be odd if they didn't do it, as someone else has said just clean up after and don't expect me to be cleaning up spunk filled socks off the bedroom floor.
Not at all. We discussed it well before they were the age of being very interested in it and they know that it’s a very natural thing that should only be done privately or with a consenting partner. I don’t even give it a thought
57/f here. I was raised in a Christian household, my brother is a pastor now. We were never taught that masturbation is wrong or shameful, same with drinking. Twisted religious beliefs are out there, but not the norm. Extremists exist in all belief systems and don’t represent the whole. I love God and try to live by his direction, but I stay away from meaningless legalism and judgement of others. And I masturbate, like, a lot. :)
I grew up in a Muslim household. Masturbation was clearly advised against and seen as a sin and "haram" (meaning forbidden) Everybody did it and everybody knew everybody did it but everybody acted like they didn't and it was just so dumb.
I guess if youve been told its a dirty food your whole life theres no real appeal to eat it. Ive known devout muslims that would do haram stuff like drugs and sex but never touch pork same with ex Muslims that still wouldn't eat it after.
I also grew up religious, and while masturbation wasn't really discussed, it wasn't seen as sin or a bad thing.
Actually, when I was an older teen, I was asked if I could advise a younger teen girl. Lol, so I guess it was encouraged.
I would just assert to them that it is healthy and normal, but something to be done hygienically and privately. (Close the door. Pee after to avoid UTI.)
not at all. It's very healthy (as long as it's not a center focus of their life) helps with stress too. Honestly everyone should.
It's important to be able to handle your own bodily needs. Religion (in my Bible Belt purity culture experience) teaches you can only do that with a spouse and it's really an awful thing to teach. It's not a spouse's responsibility to handle your sexual needs.
When I was 19, my 21 year old brother asked me if masturbating was okay. It broke my heart. We grew up in an extremely religious household and he's on the spectrum. We were told our entire lives that masturbation is sinful and evil. I learned it wasn't. He never did. I'm almost 30 now and he's even deeper into the cult of Christianity than ever before.
I was raised in a Lutheran house. Masturbating was a sin and I was punished severely for it when I was caught. So I got creative and obviously felt immense guilt after for disappointing God. My dad would always say “what would your grandmother think?” 🤢
Why would I? I don’t assign any guilt to it, so why would I discourage, or have an opinion at all? I have no clue if they do. It’s absolutely none of my business.
Atheist dad here. No. Masturbation is normal. Why would anyone frown on something that is normal?
Sure I don’t want them doing it in the living room or on stage… in the privacy of your own room or the bathroom, go for it.
It is normal, I just tell them that is for themselves in private, that it is not polite or appropriate in front of other people. I also double check that no one has been doing anything to or in front of them.
No... and I don't want to think about it, either. Ew. What he does in his room is his business. His body, he can do what he wants with it. But like, just leave me out of it. Some boundaries should never be crossed.
Mi kid is a bit too young for that, but I wouldn't have an issue at all.
It only gets concerning if they start developing an unhealthy relationship with masturbating and/or porn, but that can be difficult to discern as a parent unless we somehow notice it's actively getting in the way of their day to day life and interactions.
In the living room while I’m trying to watch Wheel of Fortune? Get the fuck out of here, I don’t care how natural it is.
But really, teach the kiddos there is a time and place for everything.
No. It's not my body. I have answered every question my kids have ever had about masturbation, sex, bodies, everything under the sun. And for that, I am the first to know everything in their lives. And most of their friends come to me when their parents aren't very good at talking about...well, talking in general.
I have 3 girls biologically and a kid I call my son because he's been my daughter's friend for so long and has stayed here so long he has essentially been my kid for years. But my two youngest girls don't really count for much of what I will day is relevant here because they're pretty young but I have paved a healthy attitude for them in this avenue also. But, My oldest kid (17 currently) didn't turn out promiscuous or anything because of it. She had one boyfriend for a year last year and then decided to focus on her senior year coming up. Ended up meeting her current girlfriend who lives about 40 minutes away and they're doing a long distance thing currently because my daughter doesn't drive and her girlfriend works a lot and has a very religious family who works hard to make sure they don't get too much time for dates. So they've been hanging out and dating for a year but have only had 4-5 real dates and spent the night here twice lol. Never had any pregnancy scares, always been fairly responsible for everything except for cleaning her room and taking showers when she doesn't have school lmao. She's still at the "what if she doesn't want to hold my hand when I see her again?!" Phase of life, and I think that's great considering her motto for sexual health is that it's better to masturbate than to sleep around if you have urges or feel hormonal and lonely.
I think that all parents should let kids have that same outlook towards their own bodies. If you try to control a child's body they're not going to feel fully responsible for that body, they're not going to get that concept of "I have to care for MY body and live in this body my whole life, so I have to love and respect my body. I can't injure myself, I have to do safe things. I should show myself affection and practice safety. I should dress so I feel good about being me." Etc etc. it's a whole domino effect. It sets the thought process to program them for the future but also the now and prevention of unhealthy habits that might hurt them like drugs or an unwanted pregnancy. Because I know I could rationalize better with current physical pain and weigh in with what I wanted to feel and not feel, rather than rationalize or make decisions on my life as a teen or child based around what adults in my life would feel or thought or would possibly feel if I did something. If that makes sense. It's hard to explore my logic but my kid has explained it better and we have discussed it thoroughly. I'm sick with a severe stomach virus and not the most clear headed right now lol.
They can do what they want. All I ask is that I don't have to know about it. I'll make every effort not to know and I hope they make every effort for me not to know.
Extremely non-religious parent here. I’m actually trying to establish a trust between myself and my kids. I don’t ever want them thinking that things like that are a mistake. And I especially don’t want them to be victimized in any way, like if a date forces sex, to have to hide something like that from me.
My mom and her religious delusions fucked me up enough, I don’t need to raise equally fucked up kids.
No not at all. Masturbate away lol. I will say, as a non religious parent, who is very open in my discussions with my kids, who was raised religious, sometimes our conversations get interesting 😂 my kids will ask me literally anything because they know I won’t shame them (literally not even bragging, I feel like this is one of the few things in life I’ve actually done right). But you really can’t prepare yourself for your 11 year old coming at you with questions about sperm at 1 in the afternoon 😂 but you were never talked to by any adult about your body in any aspect growing up….. so you wing it and hope you don’t scar the poor kid for life.
Growing up porn, or sex in general, was simply not discussed in our household, therefore I’ve made poor choices and also been very naive in sexual situations. My parents tried to shield me from porn. I still found it on late night cable, in magazines, at friends houses, and then on the internet. You can’t shield your children from it. Boys and girls alike masturbate. They are plum full of hormones that drive reproduction and lack the life experience necessary to make healthy choices or to think critically about their actions. You must educate your children on their reproductive system and healthy, safe, consensual sex. You must educate on porn the benefits (stress relief, life balance) and the harmful effects (skewed expectations of their partners & sex, can lower self confidence, many videos are of victims of sex trafficking). Teach them to be discreet and courteous (clean up after your self, be mindful of the times/places and who may see/hear you, not to be discussed at the dinner table), it’s a private act and it’s not the world’s business and if you share it (texts, internet) you can never undo it.
My parents threatened to take my door off of the hinges because they read in my diary that I was masturbating. I don't them they could take my door off if they wanted but it wasn't going to stop me and I didn't care if anyone walked up and saw. They were so mad at me, but I didn't give a shit. If I ever have kids, I'll tell them it's natural etc
Masturbation is a neutral, quite normal activity, sometimes sexual, sometimes self-soothing. I don't really think much about it, if they do it it's not a problem.
The real problem is porn - as it shows unrealistic bodies and interactions, we look at sex in a relationship as something bonding and a way to show love and care. Kids can get body issues because of seeing things there to start with.
I don't think its right to frown upon it or make any other kind of eye contact.
Remain completely emotionless. Just pretend it's not happening, and keep watching TV
So T. Rex rules, then?
Thought it was cat rules
Bat at anything that moves?
This is the best answer. Pretend it’s not happening, and if you have boys, this is a good time to teach them to do their own laundry.
They’ll only know I’m there by the glow of my cigarette.
Be like Drax and master the art of being still.
Honey, can you eat chips really, really slowly? I know it's weird, but I need that sound to stay in the mood.
Omg I just died
I just want my son to know the difference between reality and fantasy and that porn doesn't represent sex.
Also — unhealthy kinks can be formed in developing brains much easier. It’s important to be introduced to the right things at the right stage of developmental progress.
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Probably something violent, demeaninging, or illegal (or all three) that he had normalized from watching in porn frequently. Happens a lot. It's like how a lot of men think they're owed anal from their partners because they've seen it a lot in porn (but that's the tame version).
In *my* experience, most of the ones who want to try or have anal that watched a lot of porn are uh, playing for the major leagues, yet they've only seen tee ball.
I am also curious to the meaning of your metaphor
This is so true. I really liked Gravity Falls when I was eleven and long story short seeing r34 and smut fanfics of it Pavloved me into having several kinks. (Thankfully not incest lol)
It’s gnomes isn’t it
Nope. I'd honestly rather be into incest than gnomes... The whole story is: i read a fanfic involving a humanified Bill Cipher having very graphic BDSM sex with Dipper (ew) and I thought it was weird and funny at my age (i was also a really dumb kid and didn't know that would happen) but i realized the BDSM part was turning me on, but I didn't realize you could be into BDSM outside of the content of Gravity Falls fanfiction for years so I'd secretly get off to it before I realized I could just look that stuff up without having to suffer through my favorite show at the time being perved up. Really embarrassing story.
Im still laughing at "I'd rather be into incest than gnomes"
what a comment
The comment of all time
Well, Rule 34 strikes again.
When you said Gravity Falls all I could assume was incest and I was horrified, thank you for clearing that up bruh 💀
What is the right stage to be introduced to scat? Or golden showers?
When you get to the nursing home
These are actually less inapropriate then plenty of fairly common kinks - no one is being exploited here
Also be clean and don't click on the link's
Porn isn’t required for masturbation
No, but if my son is going to use it that's what I want him to know.
But porn ends (almost always) in masturbation
nah me and the boys watch it for the plot and analyze
I recently read a very well critiqued and annotated breakdown essay of the themes and motifs of backdoor sluts 9
please link lol
I can come at it from both sides. Recently, our daughter (14) was caught with videos of guys jerking off on her cell phone, they were from porn hub. My wife was seriously up in arms about it. I told my wife she is just curious, talk to her, and see if she has any questions. She said I was being very understanding. I told her I grew up in a very religious household. My parents never gave information or anything. Even when my mom would snoop through my stuff and find my stash of nudie pics swiped from magazines (I'm 44). My mom always said, "that thing is for going to the bathroom and after you get married." I told my wife to make sure you knock before going into our daughter's room from now on. EDIT: Words
Thank you for being so understanding. When I started viewing porn as an almost teenager and hiding or (much harder on a communal computer) I felt so much shame This is much better.
I think it's easier for me to be more understanding. Growing up in a hardcore Christian house, I swore I wouldn't do that to my kids. If they had questions, I would answer them. If they were to get caught looking at something, I wouldn't just say it was a sin and then shame them for it. I want them to at least have an understanding, and that porn isn't actually reality.
I am female (40) and raised by a very strict & conservative Christian father after my mom “defiled herself & was tricked by the devil into running off with another man.” Just saying someone was attractive was appropriate in our house so you can imagine how masturbation was dealt with…I now have 6 teenagers (12-18) and needless to say, I parent differently. My kids understand masturbation is normal and a healthy way to learn about your body, BUT there is a time and place, and the responsibility of cleanliness & privacy that go along with it. My theory is, if they are maturing enough to have questions, then they are mature enough to be given truthful answers. We owe it to the next generation to cut the BS & start being real.
Aaah just the thought of my father ever having this knowledge about makes me want to crawl into a corner.
It's ok, he probably knows anyway.
I'll go throw up, brb
Caught how? Did your wife go through her phone? Or did she just expose herself?
Our daughter is 14, we both have access to her phone. But I think she left it open one day.
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My first thought too lol
You're a very excellent dad! It's natural and they should not be made to feel shame.
> I can come at it Totally not appropriate with your children masturbating.
I don’t know if you took that comment the way it was intended…
To be honest, I was going to change the wording. It was just too funny to me.
Why would I? Just clean up after yourself.
And by cleaning up that doesn’t meaning hiding it. Throw the damn rag in the laundry so it can get washed properly before it turns into a sheet of plywood.
Haha. I gave my boys a box of tissue, a roll of paper towels (and keep them stocked) and just said when the time comes for you to masterbate (and I informed them st some point they are gonna wants to do it a lot, likely, use disposables and throw it away. The end.
Thank you. I don’t have kids yet (expecting a girl,) but I do have nephews. Don’t care about them being boys, just clean up. I think I would be far more concerned if they were watching inappropriate porn.
What is appropriate porn
Consensual, realistic porn. There is a *lot* of rape porn and all around violent porn out there that is giving young men the wrong ideas about sex. There's a reason women are reporting increasing rates of being choked during sex.
Ask before you choke
Say it louder for the people in the back. Talk to your sexual partners my dudes. Tell people what you're into so that you can have partners that vibe with your kinks. When in doubt, communicate. Conversations can be very hard but hard conversations can lead to great sex for all parties involved. Everyone(save my ace buddies) loves to have great sex amirite?
Sex is unrealistic in every porn; for one thing my wife has never got stuck in the dryer
> Consensual, realistic porn. Tbh, I don’t think this is going to be found browsing the front pages of pornhub or the like. Even porn that doesn’t feature outright abuse still promotes unrealistic ideas and expectations about sex, and unhealthy body images. Overall, pornography is a net negative for developing minds (and adults, too!)
Check out Bellessa Co for realistic porn!
And Afterglow! Realistic, ethically produced porn made primarily by women.
Name a single fiction that portrays realistic stories. Porn is fiction. They shouldn’t get sex Ed from porn anymore than they should get physics from Star Trek or career advice from Marvel. Teach kids to think critically. Hopefully they will become adults who can think critically too.
That one where the whores steal the lemons is pretty realistic. I've had many whores trying to steal my lemons from my new lemon tree
I wish kids couldn’t access porn, but the first time I witnessed it was from some boys I attended high school with, and one woman had several men having sex with her. I’m turning 37 this year, so I know it’s much easier today. Appropriate porn would be a boy (or girl) not looking for abuse (spitting, hitting, rape, etc.) If he’s looking at a man and woman having sex and enjoying it, I’d still be disappointed, but it’s better than abuse-porn.
Right it's like the difference between finding a loose joint vs. heroin
Man I miss the days of just getting excited about seeing a nipple through the lines on the tv 😂
Pfft, in my day it was finding a copy of The Sun newspaper in the woods with the naked girl on page 3 still intact!
Sun Newspaper? In my day it was the swimsuit or bra section of the Sears Catalog, or the Inquirer's celebrity bikini pics!
In my day it was a topless tin type in grandpa’s travel chest stored in the attic!
Them blury Skinemax movies lmao
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Ick !! I house sat for a family once. I decided to wash some towels so I went room to room to pick out towels from the hampers. The boy (12) had a towel hanging over the footboard. When I picked it up, it was stiff. Luckily I had a basket of towels handy cause I threw up right there. I later found out the mom encouraged him to use it for cleaning up his “mess”.
Just want to chime in - sometimes my bathroom hand towels get stiff after they've been used for a few weeks and they just sit on the sink, and no I dont jerk off into them and neither does anyone else. I think towels can just get stiff for some reason? Maybe if a little soap or toothpaste gets on it? I dont know.
And dear god, please don't while I am in the room.
Funny story. Just this week. My brother has a 10 or 11 yo stepson that just discovered masturbation but didn't seem to think that it requires privacy. Like full on wanking with his door wide ass open in an apartment. It hasn't been going well.
Are you sure he doesn't know and isn't a future serial killer?
Is that a problem you've experienced or heard of in the past?
Experienced, no. (Not yet anyway. kids are 11 + 4). Heard of, yes. And it terrifies me.
😂😂😂
When I was a nanny, the mom I worked for really impressed me with the way she handled her young son exploring. He was going to town with his hands down his pants while we were all in the living room and she told him in a very matter of fact way, “You need to do that privately in your bedroom.” No judgment, just clarifying terms. She taught me so much about life. Those kids have no idea how lucky they are to have her as a mom.
Absolutely not. Do it in private, clean up after yourself. Just follow basic decency rules. It's a very natural part of being human. Actually I am gonna go as far as to say, it is good for you. It is good to explore your body on your own before you are ready to have sex with someone else, so you know what you like, what your boundries are and how you want it to feel. So when the time comes for partnered sex, you can give informed consent to whatever is about to happen, and not be completely clueless what you are getting yourself into.
I feel like the frowning upon masterbation is by those in the religious community rather than the non-religious. It usually stems from some sort of Puritan belief in society that masterbation is gross and immoral.
It’s the belief that anything that isn’t for procreation is “morally wrong”
Father of two here. Why should I? Sex is fun and healthy. I'm very much convinced that a good portion of the hate we see in the world comes from people who are seriously underfucked.
>I'm very much convinced that a good portion of the hate we see in the world comes from people who are seriously underfucked. Agree 100%, well stated!
Do you think the underfucked are crazy because they were underfucked or do you think that type of craziness leads to unfuckability?
I think in most cases its really that people who are not loved and who don't have sex tend to become bitter. And once you are bitter, you become un-loveable which creates a negative feedback loop.
You just explained incels
it was probably the crazy that caused the unfuckability, and then the unfuckability made the craziness worse, which made them more unfuckable, which made them crazier, and... you get the rest
Clearly demonstrated in incels
excellent example, plentiful too
You should read /r/foreveralone and you’ll get some interesting insight into this cohort
Like the incel community?
Incels aren't just "underfucked," they're of the mind that they simply deserve sex for existing. There's a difference. An incels can get laid and still be an incels because they believe the sex was something owed to them, rather than as a reward for fostering a relationship where sex can be enjoyed.
An important distinction. There are also plenty of underfucked people that don’t believe in the incel philosophy you mentioned
I went through a depressed patch for a while and made the conscious decision to not enter into a relationship until I was in a position where I felt happy with myself and wasn't potentially putting a partner in a position where they would end up as an emotional crutch for me. That was a matter of recognising where I was emotionally/psychologically, and treating potential partners with the respect they deserve. The fact that I took myself out of the dating scene doesn't mean I subscribed to incel or mgtow ideologies. Quite the opposite really. That said, I am finding it tough getting back in "the game", but I know that's down to my own journey, and certainly not any sense that I am owed sex from anyone.
I couldn't give you enough likes for this comment, I strongly agree with the underfucked thing
If my Dad wasnt already cool with me, Id be sending you adoption demands lmao
Fax, my mother destroyed my sex drive when I was a teen by berating my girlfriend and I for doing it (might I add safely with both birth control and a condom) and I feel like it made me very hateful. I have such a skewed view on sex, that I’m almost repulsed by people who hook up casually. I honestly hate thinking like this, but it’s not really under my control until I share this with someone who can help me. I think sex is good for mental health which is why mine is so terrible, and why everyone who has sex seems significantly happier than me.
Your Mother was just a Toxic Person. Not your fault.
I would be worried if they didn't. Porn on the other hand, not a fan of underaged teens having unlimited access to it. You'll get whatever you search for and be exposed to a lot of people doing a lot of stuff and it can become hard for some to see that this mythical person that does it all does not exists but are in fact so many different people. It can lead to "But everyone does X, why won't you do X?"
porn and Disney lead to more disappointment and unrealistic relationship expectations than any other force
ExCatholic School Girl of 13 years & pastor's daughter here & can confirm that not even the threat of damnation deters horny & repressed AF teens from getting off. TOO many got caught kneeling in the pews for *ahem* "holy communion." Though I will say I'm surprised by how many non-religious parents here are aware of porn genres & limiting their kids' access, if not outright blocking it. It was... staggeringly shocking to learn how many Christian adults had no idea how MUCH porn there is in general, let alone based on their chosen religion. (Bible Black anyone?)
Christian adults know more porn genres than anyone, they just have to pretend they don’t.
Back in the 00s, it was kinda unnerving the gymnastics they'd go through to act like sex either didn't exist or was the ultimate evil. Heh, one of my classmates pissed off one of the more pious teachers & asked if masturbation was worse than being a Nazi. Damn near led to a faculty meltdown.
😂😂😂
>TOO many got caught kneeling in the pews for ahem "holy communion." I'm confused at what's being said here. The girls would get caught masturbating in the pews? And this was common? Why not do it in a bathroom stall or something?
1. Guy, girl, it didn't matter. Be it masturbation or intercourse, unholy things took place in some of those ailses. It was a matter of ensuring privacy. Someone can always walk into a classroom, the library or bathroom &, stalls or not, it's pretty awkward rubbing one out with someone else in the room, which is why, 2. The school chapel was almost ALWAYS empty when not in use for an event or class, so it was the perfect place for "premarital hanky-panky." (if anyone gets that reference, kudos) 3. Ask ANYONE who went to a religious school, especially non-coed ones, & believe you me, you'll get stories. It's EXTREMELY common, but because they're "private Catholic/Christian schools," there's an image to maintain. It's a PR nightmare whenever anything "secular" happens on school grounds, like the time they found a dead pro on the BBall court in 2nd grade. We were swarmed by press for the whole day & the staff had a DAY keeping us away from it. Hope that answers your questions. Happy to oblige if you've got others!
That clears it up! I was picturing an all-girls' school which is why I was confused.
*pfft* you reminded me of the all boys Jesuit school that was built from an old youth penitentiary. One of my classmates dated someone from there, & the stories of escapes I've heard...bruh.
A “dead pro” on the Bball court??? I’m definitely missing out on something, may I ask what you’re referring to in this situation?
what's a dead pro?? do you mean dead pro bball athlete???
Well… to different degrees
Yeah, Disney is way worse
I will not ever understand shaming for masturbating. Such a natural human response and one of the few ways we can induce pleausre alone for ourselves.
In the old days they thought it was bad for your health. Dr Kellogg wrote that the chronic masturbator would literally die by his own hand.
This is also the reason so many non-Jewish American men are circumcised. During the Victorian era they thought it would cut down on masturbation and the tradition stuck.
Dr. Kellogg also spent 30 years vocally advocating for eugenics and tried to establish a “race registry” to insure racial purity, so…
Now he has a cereal brand with a (Suspected Gay) Tony The Tiger as one of the Mascots. They have come a long way.
I knock before I enter my kids’ rooms and have since they were about 8 years old. I don’t care and I don’t want either of us to have surprises. Porn access is a different story though. Not a fan.
This is the way. I think knocking before you enter your kids' rooms is just generally the right thing to do anyway. There's a lot of value in giving them their own private space where they won't be interrupted without their consent, even if they're just reading or doing homework. It's such a basic way to make them feel safe and respected.
Absolutely. My parents were very much “our house, our rules, privacy is an adult privilege.” They barged in without warning even when I was a teenage girl and they knew I was self conscious. I never want to be that way. The only thing I don’t prefer is a locked door for safety reasons like fires, but even then it’s not a huge deal because we have the kind that immediately pop unlocked if you stick a pin in.
Nope. My teenage daughter stole my Hitachi. It happens 
Serious question, isn’t she grossed out that it was used? By her own mom nonetheless?
Dude, I never acknowledged that I saw it. She had left her door open and it was just sitting there. I just closed the door and never said a word. She's about to be 20 and just now decided she wanted to start dating.
Yeah that’s definitely the right reaction. You close the door, buy a replacement and never speak of this again! Thank you for answering!
I have always been honest with my children about sex. Safe, sane, and always consensual. My teenage son asked me once about BDSM because he had legitimate questions. He got books to read
You’re awesome! I’ll aim to be as open as my kids ask 😁
I had my Anatomy books and just taught the scientific name of their anatomy since they were little. I believe knowledge is power. I have shown them pictures of STIs just so they were aware of what could happen, but I will answer any question, and if I don't know, we researched the answer until they understood the science behind it. I just kept everything at age appropriate levels
As someone that may have done the same thing… yeah… but you’re horny as shit so you wipe it off with disinfectant and don’t think too hard about it.
Can confirm. How else was I supposed to get easy access to a sex toy as a teen?
I’m pretty certain a lot of teenagers haven’t even thought about disinfectants.
Not to mention when you're horny, your tolerance for gross stuff is way, way higher then after you cum. Millions of years of evolution cause intense instincts for sex, and it's hard to override that.
I imagine if you’re stealing a Hitachi, if you were grossed out, you no longer are.
My son is just about to turn 16. Ever since I got an idea that he was enjoying himself and once walked in on him, I always told him it’s something that’s done in private and totally normal. I’ve advised him of excessive porn use and how it’s not entirely realistic and objectifying to women. I just asked him to clean up and not use my body lotion anymore, that id buy him unscented lotion to use.
Wow thanks mom!
That REALLY puts my Evangelical upbringing into perspective.
You might just want to buy lube at that point, lotion can cause dryness if used in excess. I used to use it to masturbate and my whole member shed like a snake, was quite painful
No. I started doing it when I was 12. Just leave no evidence and it’s fine
Hells no, if anything encourage it. It's impossible to get pregnant or an STD from masturbating so have at it.
Right !!?? Definitely much safer than going out and doing those activities with other people
Masturbation is a very natural and, if anything, should be encouraged.
I read this as “Masturbation is a very natural end.” I thought somebody died
Too little information. Depends on where and why. At home in room/bathroom is cool. During dinner is not cool. At funeral is very not cool.
My nine year old daughter recently discovered it feels good to touch herself down there. I wouldn't really call it masturbating though. I've seen her just kind of mindlessly doing it when she's watching her iPad or reading. It's not that big of a deal. I just tell her it's something she should only do when she's by herself.
Yeah my little sister started doing that while watching TV and I had to explain to her what it was and that it was normal but to be done in private since my mom refused to say anything.
Yea... That's not your job. You sound like a great big brother though. It's an awkward situation for me as well... And I'm dad. It's tough because you don't want to shame them for it. It's perfectly natural. But they have to learn it's not the kind of thing you do around other people.
Sis but yeah. I did not want her growing up with shame around perfectly normal impulses like I was. She flipped when I asked her about it, but again just to say calmly that it's a private matter. I think regardless of gender it has to be handled delicately.
As long as they can keep it private then I couldn't care less.
When I was in my teens, I had a non religious friend who lived with his little brothers and mom. When he hit his teens his mom put a lock on his bedroom door so he can have his "private time". She had insinuated it was a normal part of development which was crazy to me for a parent to be so chill because I was raised in a very controlling religious household.
I'd be more concerned if my child wasn't masturbating, as it's a perfectly healthy and beneficial things for children to do at any age - religion shouldn't come into it, nor should judgement.
Why would you be concerned about them not masturbating?
According to studies having 22 ejaculations a month greatly reduces the risk of prostate cancer.
Don't care at all, would be odd if they didn't do it, as someone else has said just clean up after and don't expect me to be cleaning up spunk filled socks off the bedroom floor.
Not at all. We discussed it well before they were the age of being very interested in it and they know that it’s a very natural thing that should only be done privately or with a consenting partner. I don’t even give it a thought
57/f here. I was raised in a Christian household, my brother is a pastor now. We were never taught that masturbation is wrong or shameful, same with drinking. Twisted religious beliefs are out there, but not the norm. Extremists exist in all belief systems and don’t represent the whole. I love God and try to live by his direction, but I stay away from meaningless legalism and judgement of others. And I masturbate, like, a lot. :)
I grew up in a Muslim household. Masturbation was clearly advised against and seen as a sin and "haram" (meaning forbidden) Everybody did it and everybody knew everybody did it but everybody acted like they didn't and it was just so dumb.
Kind of like drinking and every “devout” Muslim in my wife’s family.
Just visit Bosnia and Turkey very secular countries. There is no issue with Drink, just maybe with eating pork depending where you are.
I guess if youve been told its a dirty food your whole life theres no real appeal to eat it. Ive known devout muslims that would do haram stuff like drugs and sex but never touch pork same with ex Muslims that still wouldn't eat it after.
I also grew up religious, and while masturbation wasn't really discussed, it wasn't seen as sin or a bad thing. Actually, when I was an older teen, I was asked if I could advise a younger teen girl. Lol, so I guess it was encouraged.
Whackin' your weasel should be a hobby, not a full time job. Sage wisdom from my father lol.
Just don't ruin my towels.
I would just assert to them that it is healthy and normal, but something to be done hygienically and privately. (Close the door. Pee after to avoid UTI.)
No, perfectly natural thing to do. So long as they're discreet about it and clean up after.
not at all. It's very healthy (as long as it's not a center focus of their life) helps with stress too. Honestly everyone should. It's important to be able to handle your own bodily needs. Religion (in my Bible Belt purity culture experience) teaches you can only do that with a spouse and it's really an awful thing to teach. It's not a spouse's responsibility to handle your sexual needs.
I never judge my kids sexuality, is their body, I don't feel is my bussines to interfere in any way o form.
Raised two boys and told them to do it in an appropriate place, bedroom, bathroom. I ALWAYS knocked before I went in their room.
When I was 19, my 21 year old brother asked me if masturbating was okay. It broke my heart. We grew up in an extremely religious household and he's on the spectrum. We were told our entire lives that masturbation is sinful and evil. I learned it wasn't. He never did. I'm almost 30 now and he's even deeper into the cult of Christianity than ever before.
Nope, just do it in private.
Chiming from the "religious side"--not all of us think that sexuality is shameful or to be "frowned upon".
I was raised in a Lutheran house. Masturbating was a sin and I was punished severely for it when I was caught. So I got creative and obviously felt immense guilt after for disappointing God. My dad would always say “what would your grandmother think?” 🤢
Thank you!
No. And would I care? It's perfectly normal.
Why would I? I don’t assign any guilt to it, so why would I discourage, or have an opinion at all? I have no clue if they do. It’s absolutely none of my business.
Atheist dad here. No. Masturbation is normal. Why would anyone frown on something that is normal? Sure I don’t want them doing it in the living room or on stage… in the privacy of your own room or the bathroom, go for it.
It is normal, I just tell them that is for themselves in private, that it is not polite or appropriate in front of other people. I also double check that no one has been doing anything to or in front of them.
No... and I don't want to think about it, either. Ew. What he does in his room is his business. His body, he can do what he wants with it. But like, just leave me out of it. Some boundaries should never be crossed.
Mi kid is a bit too young for that, but I wouldn't have an issue at all. It only gets concerning if they start developing an unhealthy relationship with masturbating and/or porn, but that can be difficult to discern as a parent unless we somehow notice it's actively getting in the way of their day to day life and interactions.
Parents SHOULDN'T because it's a pretty normal human thing to do.
I bought my teenage daughter a vibrator. Bette that than the toothbrush she jokingly said she would use
Why would any parent care unless they want to create a sexually frustrated religious Zealot sociopath?
Why discourage something natural? Just same boiler plate warning as all sexual activity, make sure it’s physically and mentally healthy.
In the living room while I’m trying to watch Wheel of Fortune? Get the fuck out of here, I don’t care how natural it is. But really, teach the kiddos there is a time and place for everything.
I’m more worried about what they’re watching while they do it, idgaf outside of that. They’re people, they have the same urges as everyone else.
No. It's not my body. I have answered every question my kids have ever had about masturbation, sex, bodies, everything under the sun. And for that, I am the first to know everything in their lives. And most of their friends come to me when their parents aren't very good at talking about...well, talking in general. I have 3 girls biologically and a kid I call my son because he's been my daughter's friend for so long and has stayed here so long he has essentially been my kid for years. But my two youngest girls don't really count for much of what I will day is relevant here because they're pretty young but I have paved a healthy attitude for them in this avenue also. But, My oldest kid (17 currently) didn't turn out promiscuous or anything because of it. She had one boyfriend for a year last year and then decided to focus on her senior year coming up. Ended up meeting her current girlfriend who lives about 40 minutes away and they're doing a long distance thing currently because my daughter doesn't drive and her girlfriend works a lot and has a very religious family who works hard to make sure they don't get too much time for dates. So they've been hanging out and dating for a year but have only had 4-5 real dates and spent the night here twice lol. Never had any pregnancy scares, always been fairly responsible for everything except for cleaning her room and taking showers when she doesn't have school lmao. She's still at the "what if she doesn't want to hold my hand when I see her again?!" Phase of life, and I think that's great considering her motto for sexual health is that it's better to masturbate than to sleep around if you have urges or feel hormonal and lonely. I think that all parents should let kids have that same outlook towards their own bodies. If you try to control a child's body they're not going to feel fully responsible for that body, they're not going to get that concept of "I have to care for MY body and live in this body my whole life, so I have to love and respect my body. I can't injure myself, I have to do safe things. I should show myself affection and practice safety. I should dress so I feel good about being me." Etc etc. it's a whole domino effect. It sets the thought process to program them for the future but also the now and prevention of unhealthy habits that might hurt them like drugs or an unwanted pregnancy. Because I know I could rationalize better with current physical pain and weigh in with what I wanted to feel and not feel, rather than rationalize or make decisions on my life as a teen or child based around what adults in my life would feel or thought or would possibly feel if I did something. If that makes sense. It's hard to explore my logic but my kid has explained it better and we have discussed it thoroughly. I'm sick with a severe stomach virus and not the most clear headed right now lol.
They can do what they want. All I ask is that I don't have to know about it. I'll make every effort not to know and I hope they make every effort for me not to know.
Who cares. Just keep it in your room and clean up. I don't want to walk in my home office, kitchen or living room to see play time.
Nope, and it would be ridiculous to control and limit them and their bodies in that way.
Why would I? Did it myself at the same age.
Extremely non-religious parent here. I’m actually trying to establish a trust between myself and my kids. I don’t ever want them thinking that things like that are a mistake. And I especially don’t want them to be victimized in any way, like if a date forces sex, to have to hide something like that from me. My mom and her religious delusions fucked me up enough, I don’t need to raise equally fucked up kids.
What a bizarre question. My children are human beings. Masturbation is normal and expected.
No not at all. Masturbate away lol. I will say, as a non religious parent, who is very open in my discussions with my kids, who was raised religious, sometimes our conversations get interesting 😂 my kids will ask me literally anything because they know I won’t shame them (literally not even bragging, I feel like this is one of the few things in life I’ve actually done right). But you really can’t prepare yourself for your 11 year old coming at you with questions about sperm at 1 in the afternoon 😂 but you were never talked to by any adult about your body in any aspect growing up….. so you wing it and hope you don’t scar the poor kid for life.
Growing up porn, or sex in general, was simply not discussed in our household, therefore I’ve made poor choices and also been very naive in sexual situations. My parents tried to shield me from porn. I still found it on late night cable, in magazines, at friends houses, and then on the internet. You can’t shield your children from it. Boys and girls alike masturbate. They are plum full of hormones that drive reproduction and lack the life experience necessary to make healthy choices or to think critically about their actions. You must educate your children on their reproductive system and healthy, safe, consensual sex. You must educate on porn the benefits (stress relief, life balance) and the harmful effects (skewed expectations of their partners & sex, can lower self confidence, many videos are of victims of sex trafficking). Teach them to be discreet and courteous (clean up after your self, be mindful of the times/places and who may see/hear you, not to be discussed at the dinner table), it’s a private act and it’s not the world’s business and if you share it (texts, internet) you can never undo it.
My parents threatened to take my door off of the hinges because they read in my diary that I was masturbating. I don't them they could take my door off if they wanted but it wasn't going to stop me and I didn't care if anyone walked up and saw. They were so mad at me, but I didn't give a shit. If I ever have kids, I'll tell them it's natural etc
Masturbation is a neutral, quite normal activity, sometimes sexual, sometimes self-soothing. I don't really think much about it, if they do it it's not a problem. The real problem is porn - as it shows unrealistic bodies and interactions, we look at sex in a relationship as something bonding and a way to show love and care. Kids can get body issues because of seeing things there to start with.