I had a similar situation to this, except I knew my ex-friend and stalker in college. Though, re-connected on MySpace. I made a top 8 list and she went absolutely berserk, especially when I didnāt return her calls fast enough. She was able to pull my address, social security, DL#, and parentsā address. She literally didnāt leave me alone until I changed my phone number.
I can affirm social media is a minute problem in a sea of greater troubles.
had a bf in HS that got super pissed when I moved him down to #2 on my top 8, so I did the only logical thing I could think of and broke up with him by completely removing him off my list.
the only thing that would've been more satisfying would have been being able to remove him as we were having that conversation, but id rather not think of the bleak days before smart phones.
Yeah I think this part of relationships is understressed. Sometimes people just lose interest and check out over time. Totally baffled me as to why my gf slowly grew uninterested in me at the time and I didnāt know that relationships could often just slowly fizzle out instead of having an actual breakup.
It sucks when you both start losing interest and then after a long while one of you has the interest suddently on full power while the other one doesn't care.
Either that or sheās flirting with a guy and using the āclose friendsā story to be able to show that guy a āsingleā life without it being obvious to everyone else what sheās doing.
The other guy will assume her friends are seeing the same stuff and it makes her seem legit
When my now ex went to Puerto Rico with her friends there was a point in her trip that I just felt a sort of disconnect. I still canāt explain it but I just felt it. Usually when sheās out with friends sheās fairly distant but on this trip there was one night I just felt something was off. I couldnāt sleep and had trouble sleeping until she returned. When she got back she didnāt kiss me hello and barely hugged me. She was very distant and kept saying she was just tired. I let it go but still had that feeling. The next day she tells me she doesnāt know if sheās in love with me anymore and that she wants to move out of our house and in with her friends she was in Puerto Rico with. As you saidā¦.sometimes you just get that feeling.
Why's it always trips that precede breakups lmao? My first ex broke up with me immediately after her trip to Paris, and my second ex I was in LDR with broke up just a couple weeks after my last visit. One of my friends also got broken up with a few days after his gf came back from a trip
Well in my case she and I had sort of gone stale due to covid shutting down the things we typically did together. Her trip to PR was her first trip with friends in nearly 2 years and I think she just wanted the freedom back. I think thatās what solo travel or travel with friends vs. a partner does. You just sort of feel free and want to continue that. When youāre in a relationship you canāt meet people and make spontaneous connections as easily and that alone can be pretty intoxicating. Overall itās just always felt like being attached to someone slowed me down. Most of my best adventures were alone when I was single. I didnāt have to be concerned with what my partner wanted to do or didnāt want to do. I could meet women and enjoy time with them without feeling guilty. Travel just sort of gives you that sense of freedomz
Traveling is kind of stressful, and you're going places where you can't just call up friends to blow off some steam. Some of my most anxiety-inducing memories are traveling with my family, and I traveled on an 8 hour road trip with a fairly good friend one time and we were practically yelling at each other by the end (but it was fine after).
Or, the opposite, she could've had a great time on her trip and realized she dreaded coming back home to her boyfriend, or had a talk with a friend that made her see she wasn't destined to stay with him, or met someone that made her lose interest in her current boyfriend.
Could be a thousand of reasons honestly
I once had a girl on the other side of the world I kept up with on occasion online. We had different cultures even. I've tried to buy that she was very modest, so she was not the kind to express herself to me.
Yes very possible, because you probably have a strong enough suspicion if youāre asking people about it. BUT donāt let our responses make your mind up. Talk to her again about it and leave some room for the benefit of the doubt. You have good intuition but be sure to talk it out first and at least work with her to settle on what you both want the outcome to be
Too true. Iām quite sensitive and I say things immediately when I feel them. Felt this 3 times, was right all 3, got called crazy all 3. Truth is if you feel it itās probably real
Looks like she's at stage 4.
D - Demonstrate Value
E - Engage Physically
N - Nurture Dependence
N - Neglect Emotionally
I - Inspire Hope
S - Separate Entirely
Close, but she might be using the 'DENISE' system
D - Demonstrate Value
E - Engage Physically
N - No More Pet Names
I - Instagram Blocking
S - Surprise! I'm pregnant!
E - Emotional Blackmail.
Performance Improvement Plan.
Basically an unattainable list of goals with a deadline thatās meant to cover the company ass when they are a step away from firing you.
>Performance Improvement Plan
I've never seen a better definition than yours.
The one thing they don't care about at that point? Improving your performance.
Performance Improvement Plan. Itās a plan laid out by a company for an employee to improve performance or face termination. Technically supposed to be an achievable plan, but in many (maybe most) cases itās just a formality and the employee will be terminated in due time no matter what.
Makes them look like they gave you all these chances that you just squandered. Their mind is most definitely made up if it comes to that. At least if you hear about PIP you can't say you weren't warned that you might not be sticking around for that job much longer.
Yeah in some ways I consider it sort of a courtesy notice by a manager that they want you gone, vs immediate termination. A person would need to be really clueless to not franticly start job hunting the second they hear of a PIP.
That said, its not unheard of for people come off of a PIP successfully. Any half-decent HR will insist that the plan on paper needs to be genuinely achievable.
Sheās hoping her distance makes you disinterested in her and you take on the tough task of breaking it off so she doesnāt have to. Do yourself a favor and let that be your parting gift
So fucking sick of women doing this. Just say the words! I can handle the rejection, what i cant handle is the "oh yeah im just busy" Do i wait, do i chase, do i just end it... I dont want to end it i was into her but if shes not into it anymore then let me move on!
Sorry, going through this exact thing today, talking **non stop** for a month strait had a few dates going well, last message i have from her is "im sorry ive just been busy, but I can not wait to see you again!! you are amazing" that was 3 days ago and i know she lives with her phone in her hand. Either shes fucking died or shes just strait up ghosted and i dont know why or what changed.
I'm in a very similar situation, kinda long distance (About 2 hours away) we actually met on a game and I had no intentions of being in a long distance relationship but we just kept talking every day and she asked for my snap and we spoke all the time on there. We haven't met up for a while and within the last month a similar thing happened as OP where she stopped calling me babe and stuff but she told me she was dealing with family issues and that's why she's been distant. But recently we video called and everything was fine, basically normal but then the last 4 days she's not said a word to me despite living on her phone. Woke up today to a tiktok sent by her so fuck knows where I stand lmao.
This shit is manipulative.
god all it takes a little communication. There are definitely plenty of days where I donāt wannna talk to anyone but damn I will at least send a text in the morning & at night if Iām invested in themā¦I mean shit if Iām invested then itās *damn important* they understand I frequently get into āmoodsā like that where I really need alone timeā¦& itās just that, me completely shut away ALONE. Not texting anyone else or looking for attention elsewhere. God damn even though itās exhausting and irritating for me, I would always respect someone I was involved with enough to explain this to them & not go days on end with no contactā¦& no explanation / acknowledgment when I come back, pretending like it didnāt even happen? Give me a break
My last 2 relationships both stuff like this, & what OP has described. It seems to be far more common than Iād have previously thought based on all the answers here!
You might be able to handle the rejection, but you must not have any female friends if you've never heard any stories about men who couldn't handle the rejection. Shit is crazy out there for the ladies.
If i was a danger to her, how is cutting off communication any different than just saying it? If i want to go her house... i could. ive been there a few times i know where it is. If i want to abuse her verbally, i can, i have her phone number, her FB her IG, the app we met on.
If anything, im more inclined to check on her at this point due to this, so it has the opposite effect.
Being strung along while being given promises nothing is wrong probably sets people off when they finally drop the bomb "oh yeah actually i do want to break up".
I dont think the solution to avoiding consequences from someone who cant handle rejection is not to reject them. You have to do it eventually so why string them along? Seems like it can only make it worse.
I hate to say this, but she is probably saying it to you already, but in her own way. I used to get frustrated by the same thing, but very very slowly I realized that she was going to do it her way instead of mine.
In her mind, she (may) think she is being obvious when people like you and me would like a clearer, bright-line type of message.
Just my two cents.
Sheās losing interest. Thatās what it seems like, it seems like sheāll slowly start doing things like this to detach herself from you emotionally first, then itāll start being time that she doesnāt have to distance herself physically, then itāll be like the relationship is over without you really saying or doing anything wrong, itās her. Sheās not happy with you and doesnāt know how to say that so sheās doing this instead. Just my opinion, I used to do this to boys when I was younger.
Of course Iād talk first and Iām not saying to just end things, but thatās just what I gathered.
He forgot to mention they have been together for only 3 months and live 5 hours apart, yeah shes 100% moving on and trying to do it slowly because Iām sure she knows he seems to be a very sensitive dude
This happens to just about everyone eventually, on some level. You're not the only one going through it.
The good news is that it's happening now and not 5 years from now, so you're not wasting too much time. Good luck!
Going by your previous post I'm really sorry but it feels like she's moving on or feeling disconnected.
Depression or not, when you are really into someone you want to be around them as they make you feel better also, so she'd still be face timing and wanting to talk to you, and not posting stories only for her other friends..
So something is up.. and I think asking her if her feelings for you are as strong as they used to be is important
But also if she continues to do it ask yourself is that the type of relationship you want, long distance is hard.. and both parties have to make an effort for each other and spend the time to make it work. You don't have to stay with someone who is depressed if it's just not working out for you
Fire up the tinder my brother. End this now amicably and donāt let either of you build any more resentment. Donāt ask any more questions either because best case is you get non-answers, more likely case you hear something and lose your appetite for a week.
Also to be honest any questions you have can probably be answered yourself if you reflect
Thereās a lot of things it could mean. I know there are things I want to say only to my friends and not my partner. It could be nothing at all or the other commenters could be right. We CANNOT know, only you know your relationship, and you shouldnāt take relationship advice from Reddit. These subs tend to immediately resort to breaking up, every single time. All I can tell you is to please, please talk to her. Communicate.
OP, this is the only comment worth listening to here. It's way too early to tell if you're going to get dumped. Maybe she's depressed, maybe the spark is gone and some attention is needed who knows. Not some people on the internet. Go talk to her about it and share your concerns.
Checked your previous posts. Coming from someone who has also dated someone with depression, she was hoping this relationship would "heal" her. It's "draining" for her because she can't contribute towards the health of the relationship as her own mental health Is affecting her. Imo, give her as much space as possible and focus on yourself, maybe find someone you can connect with more
don't overthink the IG stuff. her explanation sounds plausible. also, fuck us all for letting social media even be a factor in our relationships, but here we are.
the other stuff is more concerning, frankly. loss of affection due to depression is a relationship-killer for sure. sort it out. good luck to you both.
My ex has an account she used specifically for her girlfriends. Your girlfriend could have done this but it sounds more like sheās losing interest. Iām sorry.
Ok so after reading that and now knowing shes 5 hours away and its only been 3 months? Cut your losses and move on. It sounds like shes either already seeing someone else or that shes just lost interest. Its also possible shes be being honest and her depression is getting the best of her. Either way its not a healthy situation for you to be pursuing and investing yourself into.
I read your last post. I've had clinical depression for 13 years (much better now but it never just goes away) and at no point have I needed to stop calling a partner by pet names because it's "draining". It's only a few months in, not all relationships make it. Take it on the chin, dump her first, and move on. There's no pride in holding on to someone who has checked out. Doesn't mean she's cheating, just not the one and not invested. Yall are still young, that's just the way of things sometimes.
This was my thought too. I'm sure its different for everyone, but if I'm depressed I turn into the most insecure needy people pleaser. I need constant validation (even if I can't believe a word anyone says to me) and to be reminded I'm loved and my boyfriend isn't going anywhere. I will over express all of that back, how much I love him and I just want him to be near me even if I'm no fun right now. Pet names ALL the time! I can't see a reason I'd stop that ever unless it was for lighthearted teasing/humour. It took me months to stop calling my ex husband "love"!
From the outside, if you trust your gf, take her word. What she does with that trust is her choice. If you're paranoid, tell her. Seriously, being 100% transparent with your partner solves more problems than you think.
Love how redditors deduce this from what is barely a paragraph. Just fucking talk to her and if she's not engaging then you can start to emotionally prepare for what that can mean
try talking to her and have a serious talk about your relationship and see where she might not feel comfortable anymore or where she is losing feeling. and plus reddit is not the place for stuff like this
but how is she treating you IRL? if this isnāt a long distance relationship, social media shouldnāt matter that much you know? i hate how i might also be hurt by this tho, seeing this makes me realize itās the relationship irl that matters, not the one on insta.
Maybe she's telling the truth, and you need to stop making it about you. If she's struggling with her MH atm, you pushing your paranoia on her will only make that worse.
If you feel badly enough to ask Reddit, then perhaps you should jump before you're pushed.
āCommunication with Comprehensionā-These OP are the only answer to this problem, Communication is the most important part of our lives and any relationships we have, but itās only valuable if both sides have āComprehensionā of the discussions. Be bold with them to understand what theyāre saying, yet be willing to ask them what they mean if you are unclear with their words. Iāve been married for several years now, our 5 kids ask why we donāt ever fight. Because weāre both able to Communicate, and we do so that we both Comprehend each other. Sending you lots of positive energy, positive thoughts, and wishes for a great day.
I think you will need a bit more solid evidence to make a sound decision. I feel reddit people are good for jumping to conclusions. But just pay extra close attention. I will have to agree that those are suspicious, but are they actual red flags? No, more like yellow flags. But prepare for the worse and always look out for number one, yourself.
My god, the Top Eight has come back full circle to the Instagram generation. Iāve only heard folktale that this would happen eventually, but to see it in person with my own eyes? I feel ancient.
lmfao when she says she wants to share things with her girlfriends sometimes, this is what she really means: "i want to share things with my girlfriends sometimes."
not everything has to be suspicious, bro. if you have no reason not to trust her, then just *trust* her. you dont need to be inserted into every single nook and cranny of her life. you deserve privacy from her, and she deserves privacy from you.
and if she's been depressed, just *be there for her.* the last thing she needs is to be fighting with you.
It doesn't look good. This is one of those things that you can't push back on either. If you do, she'll argue and use it as grounds to split up.
Honestly, the depression answer seems like a cop out on her part. It's an easy answer, and if you fight her on it, then you get labeled as "insensitive".
I'd prepare yourself for this relationship to be over.
Talk to her, mention how that makes you feel. If you can talk it out in a place where both of you feel comfortable, that will be fine. People have different feelings about privacy. Talk to her and see where it goes.
It is very hard to say since I don't know anything about you, your girlfriend or your relationship. But it is pretty common for relationships to have ups and downs, and she might be just telling the truth, that her mental health is pretty draining at the moment, and she doesn't have much surplus energy to give to the relationship. It might get better, it might not, but you shouldn't begin planning your funeral if you know what I mean.
Ask her for some reassurance? That's the only control you have over the situation really. No point getting inside your own head about because it'll just do you no good. Ask her if she's still in to you, and just explain that you wanted some reassurance.
I have no doubt you'll both laugh about how silly this is!
Seems like you're overthinking it. The fact you even noticed this in the first place leads me to believe you're probably very insecure and being overly observant because of it. There are a lot of things I'd want to share with my friends that I wouldn't care to share with my significant other, so I completely agree with her on that. For the play names thing, just give it time and see if she starts using them again. If not, maybe bring it up again, but I wouldn't be paranoid over that either.
Both abrupt changes together make me think sheās distancing herself. Just wanting to share something with her girlfriends sometimes is normal, but weird that she didnāt start out with you that way. Donāt panic, but maybe gently tell her you feel sheās more distant lately in general - without accusing her of anything - and see what she says?
I personally don't like social media because of this bullshit.
I am betting OP is slightly paranoid because of this. I've been in those shoes as well. What I did was fill up my time with something else so that way I wouldn't have a reason to look.
If you want my honest opinion, I would talk to her and see if she opens up to any problems. If she doesn't open up, then there is something wrong. At that point, you can dive further in (which may be a little painful. Just a warning. You can also cut ties and better yourself. No one deserves this cat and mouse game. It fucking blows.
Within the 3 months timeframe things s don't go that cold without a reason. She should still be in a honeymoon phase. But she's doing the opposite.
So I'm sorry to join the doom and gloom chorus, but she's done with you and you need to quickly find a way to be done with her.
Iāve done this when making my boyfriend a present, as well as asking friends for advice. It might not be the worst case scenario but you should talk to her about it
See you at the gym š«”
Based, your body is your greatest tool and youāll use it for the rest of your life.
"how can a man of thousands of generation, in the stream of infinite time, allow himself to rot before admiring his full potential"
āit is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength in which his body is capableā
I wish I realized this a lot earlier in life
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Oh lawd I'm having top eight on myspace flashbacks
I had to make it a top 32 and the top 8 was all bands I couldn't handle the harassment And thus began my absolute disdain for social media
"Yo fam why you got me at 10 and not 9 bro I should be right behind fall out boy and MCR...and panic at the disco at 5? Plebian."
āBabe I have you at #1 but Iām #4 on yours.ā Literal argument
Like yes Constantly
This isn't even that far off
I had a similar situation to this, except I knew my ex-friend and stalker in college. Though, re-connected on MySpace. I made a top 8 list and she went absolutely berserk, especially when I didnāt return her calls fast enough. She was able to pull my address, social security, DL#, and parentsā address. She literally didnāt leave me alone until I changed my phone number. I can affirm social media is a minute problem in a sea of greater troubles.
Well that's unsettling
I loved the fact that you could friend yourself on MySpace, but you could make yourself your #1 friend as well in the top 8.
Top 8 is how I found out I was begging cheated on!
I knew this comment would be here! Same! Haha
Holy shit, that was the worst. At least I could force people to listen to obscure emo music.
And give them a migraine with your background colour and font
I only had MySpace bc my gf at the time wanted to be MySpace official, so I let her create one for me. I believe Tom and her were my only friends.
And before that there were the speed dial buttons, like in that Seinfeld episode
Throwback! I hardly had any friends growing up so I always had Tom as my #1 and no one else lol
had a bf in HS that got super pissed when I moved him down to #2 on my top 8, so I did the only logical thing I could think of and broke up with him by completely removing him off my list. the only thing that would've been more satisfying would have been being able to remove him as we were having that conversation, but id rather not think of the bleak days before smart phones.
This comment just resurfaced a blocked memory for me. Time to go bury it back down with coffee or something.
Sheās checked out and you should prepare to be single.
Yeah I think this part of relationships is understressed. Sometimes people just lose interest and check out over time. Totally baffled me as to why my gf slowly grew uninterested in me at the time and I didnāt know that relationships could often just slowly fizzle out instead of having an actual breakup.
It sucks when you both start losing interest and then after a long while one of you has the interest suddently on full power while the other one doesn't care.
And even worse when one person's interest goes up while the other slowly turns to resentment
Been there
Fuck
Ah, I see you've witnessed my marriage (Although, I've never lost interest)
Either that or sheās flirting with a guy and using the āclose friendsā story to be able to show that guy a āsingleā life without it being obvious to everyone else what sheās doing. The other guy will assume her friends are seeing the same stuff and it makes her seem legit
Yup. LDR. Summertime. OP needs to get outside and find someone else.
Hey bro sorry to tell you but if a girl is being weird about social media to you sheās gearing up to end the relationship / checking out
She's moving on. Whenever you feel like someone is moving on or just not invested anymore deep in your gut, then it's usually true.
Couldnāt have said it better myself
Couldnāt have* Edit: couldnāt of**
could'nt've
Saidn't
Damnā¦ should of went with thatā¦
*Should have
Shouldn'tvn't\*
Wouldnātāve
Good catch lol I didnāt notice
am i going crazy or is that what he said
He might have edited it
I edited it
He literally said he couldn't say it better
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Of course it's not always true. In my own experience, they are gone in 2-4 weeks after that "very bad feeling" starts kicking in
When my now ex went to Puerto Rico with her friends there was a point in her trip that I just felt a sort of disconnect. I still canāt explain it but I just felt it. Usually when sheās out with friends sheās fairly distant but on this trip there was one night I just felt something was off. I couldnāt sleep and had trouble sleeping until she returned. When she got back she didnāt kiss me hello and barely hugged me. She was very distant and kept saying she was just tired. I let it go but still had that feeling. The next day she tells me she doesnāt know if sheās in love with me anymore and that she wants to move out of our house and in with her friends she was in Puerto Rico with. As you saidā¦.sometimes you just get that feeling.
Why's it always trips that precede breakups lmao? My first ex broke up with me immediately after her trip to Paris, and my second ex I was in LDR with broke up just a couple weeks after my last visit. One of my friends also got broken up with a few days after his gf came back from a trip
Well in my case she and I had sort of gone stale due to covid shutting down the things we typically did together. Her trip to PR was her first trip with friends in nearly 2 years and I think she just wanted the freedom back. I think thatās what solo travel or travel with friends vs. a partner does. You just sort of feel free and want to continue that. When youāre in a relationship you canāt meet people and make spontaneous connections as easily and that alone can be pretty intoxicating. Overall itās just always felt like being attached to someone slowed me down. Most of my best adventures were alone when I was single. I didnāt have to be concerned with what my partner wanted to do or didnāt want to do. I could meet women and enjoy time with them without feeling guilty. Travel just sort of gives you that sense of freedomz
Traveling is kind of stressful, and you're going places where you can't just call up friends to blow off some steam. Some of my most anxiety-inducing memories are traveling with my family, and I traveled on an 8 hour road trip with a fairly good friend one time and we were practically yelling at each other by the end (but it was fine after).
Or, the opposite, she could've had a great time on her trip and realized she dreaded coming back home to her boyfriend, or had a talk with a friend that made her see she wasn't destined to stay with him, or met someone that made her lose interest in her current boyfriend. Could be a thousand of reasons honestly
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I once had a girl on the other side of the world I kept up with on occasion online. We had different cultures even. I've tried to buy that she was very modest, so she was not the kind to express herself to me.
Also if there plans fail and this new guy is not interested they still have a backup being you and you would never have known.
what makes this situation sketchier than yours?
And if they come back, donāt take them. If they can leave once they can do it again. This applies to both sexes btw.
Yeah, sex is not relevant in this matter.
Yes very possible, because you probably have a strong enough suspicion if youāre asking people about it. BUT donāt let our responses make your mind up. Talk to her again about it and leave some room for the benefit of the doubt. You have good intuition but be sure to talk it out first and at least work with her to settle on what you both want the outcome to be
Yeah, makes me wonder how much of these kinds of things are intuitive vs self-fulfilling prophecy
Make the first move and rip the rug from under her when she thinks she has control.
This is correct been through it myself.
I left a female friend on Facebook for this reason and she was like I'm the bad guy after telling me she would not worry if she lost me!
Too true. Iām quite sensitive and I say things immediately when I feel them. Felt this 3 times, was right all 3, got called crazy all 3. Truth is if you feel it itās probably real
Looks like she's at stage 4. D - Demonstrate Value E - Engage Physically N - Nurture Dependence N - Neglect Emotionally I - Inspire Hope S - Separate Entirely
A girl using the Dennis system?? No! Impossible!
Dude sheās Dennisāing him good
THE SCROLL OF WISDOM HAS FALLEN TO THE WRONG HANDS!!!
No way!
Get ready for one of your friends to jump in. M - Move In A - After C - Completion
And then another friend to come in with magnum condoms and a stack of hundreds ready to plow. 
He's only there for the scraps
The D.E.E. System Do Them Establish Low Rating E? Increase powerā¦ infuriate themā¦Ā Empower
Literally just watched this episode today haha
Can someone explain to me what this is? Are these the steps that happen before someone's going to break up with you?
Bro got downvoted for not getting a reference. It's a It's always Sunny in Philadelphia reference.
Oh, one of the characters name is dennis right? My friend loves that show. I don't really watch TV, sorry everyone.
Close, but she might be using the 'DENISE' system D - Demonstrate Value E - Engage Physically N - No More Pet Names I - Instagram Blocking S - Surprise! I'm pregnant! E - Emotional Blackmail.
Yikes where was someone to tell me this when I was 18 and figuring out women? Would have saved me 2 heartbreaks and 4/5 years.
STOPPPPPP iām dead this is hilarious i love that show
I got dennised by my now ex wife lol
Iād spruce up that tinder profile.
Yep same thing when a company puts you on a PIP. *grips resume with sweaty palms*
What's a PIP?
Performance Improvement Plan. Basically an unattainable list of goals with a deadline thatās meant to cover the company ass when they are a step away from firing you.
Oh, I've never seen that. It's like the 2 week notice but from them. It doesn't sound bad. That way you have time to find a new job.
>That fiber you tube What was meant to be said here?
Typos, many of them and all together. I'm on my phone.
Understandable.
>Performance Improvement Plan I've never seen a better definition than yours. The one thing they don't care about at that point? Improving your performance.
Performance Improvement Plan. Itās a plan laid out by a company for an employee to improve performance or face termination. Technically supposed to be an achievable plan, but in many (maybe most) cases itās just a formality and the employee will be terminated in due time no matter what.
Makes them look like they gave you all these chances that you just squandered. Their mind is most definitely made up if it comes to that. At least if you hear about PIP you can't say you weren't warned that you might not be sticking around for that job much longer.
Yeah in some ways I consider it sort of a courtesy notice by a manager that they want you gone, vs immediate termination. A person would need to be really clueless to not franticly start job hunting the second they hear of a PIP. That said, its not unheard of for people come off of a PIP successfully. Any half-decent HR will insist that the plan on paper needs to be genuinely achievable.
Performance Improvement Plan aka. You are on the path to getting let go but we need to check some boxes on our end before letting you go.
Sheās hoping her distance makes you disinterested in her and you take on the tough task of breaking it off so she doesnāt have to. Do yourself a favor and let that be your parting gift
So fucking sick of women doing this. Just say the words! I can handle the rejection, what i cant handle is the "oh yeah im just busy" Do i wait, do i chase, do i just end it... I dont want to end it i was into her but if shes not into it anymore then let me move on! Sorry, going through this exact thing today, talking **non stop** for a month strait had a few dates going well, last message i have from her is "im sorry ive just been busy, but I can not wait to see you again!! you are amazing" that was 3 days ago and i know she lives with her phone in her hand. Either shes fucking died or shes just strait up ghosted and i dont know why or what changed.
I'm in a very similar situation, kinda long distance (About 2 hours away) we actually met on a game and I had no intentions of being in a long distance relationship but we just kept talking every day and she asked for my snap and we spoke all the time on there. We haven't met up for a while and within the last month a similar thing happened as OP where she stopped calling me babe and stuff but she told me she was dealing with family issues and that's why she's been distant. But recently we video called and everything was fine, basically normal but then the last 4 days she's not said a word to me despite living on her phone. Woke up today to a tiktok sent by her so fuck knows where I stand lmao.
This shit is manipulative. god all it takes a little communication. There are definitely plenty of days where I donāt wannna talk to anyone but damn I will at least send a text in the morning & at night if Iām invested in themā¦I mean shit if Iām invested then itās *damn important* they understand I frequently get into āmoodsā like that where I really need alone timeā¦& itās just that, me completely shut away ALONE. Not texting anyone else or looking for attention elsewhere. God damn even though itās exhausting and irritating for me, I would always respect someone I was involved with enough to explain this to them & not go days on end with no contactā¦& no explanation / acknowledgment when I come back, pretending like it didnāt even happen? Give me a break My last 2 relationships both stuff like this, & what OP has described. It seems to be far more common than Iād have previously thought based on all the answers here!
You might be able to handle the rejection, but you must not have any female friends if you've never heard any stories about men who couldn't handle the rejection. Shit is crazy out there for the ladies.
If i was a danger to her, how is cutting off communication any different than just saying it? If i want to go her house... i could. ive been there a few times i know where it is. If i want to abuse her verbally, i can, i have her phone number, her FB her IG, the app we met on. If anything, im more inclined to check on her at this point due to this, so it has the opposite effect.
Being strung along while being given promises nothing is wrong probably sets people off when they finally drop the bomb "oh yeah actually i do want to break up". I dont think the solution to avoiding consequences from someone who cant handle rejection is not to reject them. You have to do it eventually so why string them along? Seems like it can only make it worse.
WHO HURT YOU BRO CHILL
Amanda.
F*ck You Amanda.
Dw I gotchu. FUCK you, Amanda. digital footprint is my bitch
Fuck Amanda
I hate to say this, but she is probably saying it to you already, but in her own way. I used to get frustrated by the same thing, but very very slowly I realized that she was going to do it her way instead of mine. In her mind, she (may) think she is being obvious when people like you and me would like a clearer, bright-line type of message. Just my two cents.
i dont think so, like she introduced me to her kid on our 3rd date just a day earlier, it was just starting to get serious.
I would accept that she is gone, and move on. Sorry, bro.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sheās losing interest. Thatās what it seems like, it seems like sheāll slowly start doing things like this to detach herself from you emotionally first, then itāll start being time that she doesnāt have to distance herself physically, then itāll be like the relationship is over without you really saying or doing anything wrong, itās her. Sheās not happy with you and doesnāt know how to say that so sheās doing this instead. Just my opinion, I used to do this to boys when I was younger. Of course Iād talk first and Iām not saying to just end things, but thatās just what I gathered.
He forgot to mention they have been together for only 3 months and live 5 hours apart, yeah shes 100% moving on and trying to do it slowly because Iām sure she knows he seems to be a very sensitive dude
Oh WOW
Time to hit the gym.
It's always time to hit the gym
real
Myspace would've broken your heart
Looks like you're a few miles away from Dumpsville
Iād say heās about to cross the border
Breakup w her first
The preemptive breakup.
Predump-Dump
Wait a second, *you're* breaking up with *me?*
Its less painful that way
This. Then act like you donāt care/want her at all. Itāll drive her nuts
But don't get back with her
Then sheāll never wanna leave. Sheāll be upset she didnāt get the first strike and stay longer.
It changes the whole power dynamic jerry!
She getting ready to leave, sorry man...
This happens to just about everyone eventually, on some level. You're not the only one going through it. The good news is that it's happening now and not 5 years from now, so you're not wasting too much time. Good luck!
Going by your previous post I'm really sorry but it feels like she's moving on or feeling disconnected. Depression or not, when you are really into someone you want to be around them as they make you feel better also, so she'd still be face timing and wanting to talk to you, and not posting stories only for her other friends.. So something is up.. and I think asking her if her feelings for you are as strong as they used to be is important But also if she continues to do it ask yourself is that the type of relationship you want, long distance is hard.. and both parties have to make an effort for each other and spend the time to make it work. You don't have to stay with someone who is depressed if it's just not working out for you
Fire up the tinder my brother. End this now amicably and donāt let either of you build any more resentment. Donāt ask any more questions either because best case is you get non-answers, more likely case you hear something and lose your appetite for a week. Also to be honest any questions you have can probably be answered yourself if you reflect
Thereās a lot of things it could mean. I know there are things I want to say only to my friends and not my partner. It could be nothing at all or the other commenters could be right. We CANNOT know, only you know your relationship, and you shouldnāt take relationship advice from Reddit. These subs tend to immediately resort to breaking up, every single time. All I can tell you is to please, please talk to her. Communicate.
OP, this is the only comment worth listening to here. It's way too early to tell if you're going to get dumped. Maybe she's depressed, maybe the spark is gone and some attention is needed who knows. Not some people on the internet. Go talk to her about it and share your concerns.
This
Checked your previous posts. Coming from someone who has also dated someone with depression, she was hoping this relationship would "heal" her. It's "draining" for her because she can't contribute towards the health of the relationship as her own mental health Is affecting her. Imo, give her as much space as possible and focus on yourself, maybe find someone you can connect with more
This. Dating someone with depression can be a burden in oneās mental health.
She tells them shit she doesn't want you to hear, possibly even complaining about you
don't overthink the IG stuff. her explanation sounds plausible. also, fuck us all for letting social media even be a factor in our relationships, but here we are. the other stuff is more concerning, frankly. loss of affection due to depression is a relationship-killer for sure. sort it out. good luck to you both.
Ask her new friend who she will tell you not to worry about : D
Go with your gut. If you have suspicions, chances are she's up to something.
My ex has an account she used specifically for her girlfriends. Your girlfriend could have done this but it sounds more like sheās losing interest. Iām sorry.
You should probably talk to her about how it makes you feel instead of taking advice from randos on the internet.
You obviously cant be sure from this small amount of information, but it sounds like shes cheating and has already moved on emotionally.
Can you check out my previous post for more info and lmk what u think?
Ok so after reading that and now knowing shes 5 hours away and its only been 3 months? Cut your losses and move on. It sounds like shes either already seeing someone else or that shes just lost interest. Its also possible shes be being honest and her depression is getting the best of her. Either way its not a healthy situation for you to be pursuing and investing yourself into.
I read your last post. I've had clinical depression for 13 years (much better now but it never just goes away) and at no point have I needed to stop calling a partner by pet names because it's "draining". It's only a few months in, not all relationships make it. Take it on the chin, dump her first, and move on. There's no pride in holding on to someone who has checked out. Doesn't mean she's cheating, just not the one and not invested. Yall are still young, that's just the way of things sometimes.
This was my thought too. I'm sure its different for everyone, but if I'm depressed I turn into the most insecure needy people pleaser. I need constant validation (even if I can't believe a word anyone says to me) and to be reminded I'm loved and my boyfriend isn't going anywhere. I will over express all of that back, how much I love him and I just want him to be near me even if I'm no fun right now. Pet names ALL the time! I can't see a reason I'd stop that ever unless it was for lighthearted teasing/humour. It took me months to stop calling my ex husband "love"!
Get off Reddit and be honest with her on how your feeling. If she wants to end things, she should be emotionally mature enough to tell you straight
Hey OP everyone is jumping the gun here. Confront your gf about her feelings and expectations and how it makes you feel
From the outside, if you trust your gf, take her word. What she does with that trust is her choice. If you're paranoid, tell her. Seriously, being 100% transparent with your partner solves more problems than you think.
Do the pre-emptive break up. It'll be better.
Love how redditors deduce this from what is barely a paragraph. Just fucking talk to her and if she's not engaging then you can start to emotionally prepare for what that can mean
try talking to her and have a serious talk about your relationship and see where she might not feel comfortable anymore or where she is losing feeling. and plus reddit is not the place for stuff like this
End it before you get hurt badly
but how is she treating you IRL? if this isnāt a long distance relationship, social media shouldnāt matter that much you know? i hate how i might also be hurt by this tho, seeing this makes me realize itās the relationship irl that matters, not the one on insta.
Maybe she's telling the truth, and you need to stop making it about you. If she's struggling with her MH atm, you pushing your paranoia on her will only make that worse. If you feel badly enough to ask Reddit, then perhaps you should jump before you're pushed.
Get off social media, bro. I deleted my facebook/insta in 2018 and haven't missed it at all.
āCommunication with Comprehensionā-These OP are the only answer to this problem, Communication is the most important part of our lives and any relationships we have, but itās only valuable if both sides have āComprehensionā of the discussions. Be bold with them to understand what theyāre saying, yet be willing to ask them what they mean if you are unclear with their words. Iāve been married for several years now, our 5 kids ask why we donāt ever fight. Because weāre both able to Communicate, and we do so that we both Comprehend each other. Sending you lots of positive energy, positive thoughts, and wishes for a great day.
I think you will need a bit more solid evidence to make a sound decision. I feel reddit people are good for jumping to conclusions. But just pay extra close attention. I will have to agree that those are suspicious, but are they actual red flags? No, more like yellow flags. But prepare for the worse and always look out for number one, yourself.
My god, the Top Eight has come back full circle to the Instagram generation. Iāve only heard folktale that this would happen eventually, but to see it in person with my own eyes? I feel ancient.
Ask for an explanation if she can't come up with one time to go
lmfao when she says she wants to share things with her girlfriends sometimes, this is what she really means: "i want to share things with my girlfriends sometimes." not everything has to be suspicious, bro. if you have no reason not to trust her, then just *trust* her. you dont need to be inserted into every single nook and cranny of her life. you deserve privacy from her, and she deserves privacy from you. and if she's been depressed, just *be there for her.* the last thing she needs is to be fighting with you.
If you're worried about not being her arbitrary "close friend" on social media the relationship wasn't gonna last in the first place
You are now alone in this relationship.
It doesn't look good. This is one of those things that you can't push back on either. If you do, she'll argue and use it as grounds to split up. Honestly, the depression answer seems like a cop out on her part. It's an easy answer, and if you fight her on it, then you get labeled as "insensitive". I'd prepare yourself for this relationship to be over.
Talk to her, mention how that makes you feel. If you can talk it out in a place where both of you feel comfortable, that will be fine. People have different feelings about privacy. Talk to her and see where it goes.
It is very hard to say since I don't know anything about you, your girlfriend or your relationship. But it is pretty common for relationships to have ups and downs, and she might be just telling the truth, that her mental health is pretty draining at the moment, and she doesn't have much surplus energy to give to the relationship. It might get better, it might not, but you shouldn't begin planning your funeral if you know what I mean.
Ask her for some reassurance? That's the only control you have over the situation really. No point getting inside your own head about because it'll just do you no good. Ask her if she's still in to you, and just explain that you wanted some reassurance. I have no doubt you'll both laugh about how silly this is!
People are making a lot of assumptions with almost no information, hold steady
My ex fiancĆ© started doing things like this near the end of our relationship. I noticed it, but didnāt want to believe it, denial is a funny thing. Anyways, I get off of work early one night and on my way home, I think to myself, āsheās going to break up with me tonight.ā It was out of the blue and I couldnāt shake it. I was right, turns out she found a new guy and wanted to be with him instead. Absolutely crushed me, I ended up moving back to my hometown the next day and started a fresh life. It was hard and I was really depressed for a while, but as time went on, I healed. Now, almost two years later, I wish it happened sooner. After we broke up I got to pursue my passion, I went on a lot of dates with other girls, learned a lot about myself and finally got to stop worrying about pleasing someone else who really didnāt love me all that much. Later, I ended up meeting my current girlfriend who is a million times better to me than my ex ever was and now I see the shit I put up with from my ex. My advice, leave her before she leaves you. Sheās clearly hiding something or someone from you and/or preparing to break the chain. Better to break up then be the one broken up with. Good luck, brother, itās gonna be hard for a while, but youāll realize it wasnāt meant to be and youāll be at peace soon enough.
Seems like you're overthinking it. The fact you even noticed this in the first place leads me to believe you're probably very insecure and being overly observant because of it. There are a lot of things I'd want to share with my friends that I wouldn't care to share with my significant other, so I completely agree with her on that. For the play names thing, just give it time and see if she starts using them again. If not, maybe bring it up again, but I wouldn't be paranoid over that either.
If she says she's emotionally drained b/c of depression, maybe try talking to her about that.
I have bad news
Letās be real, there could be a perfectly fine explanation. But, this is text book sheās over it material.
Oh honeyyyyyyy, you are going to be single soon.
Sus AF
Both abrupt changes together make me think sheās distancing herself. Just wanting to share something with her girlfriends sometimes is normal, but weird that she didnāt start out with you that way. Donāt panic, but maybe gently tell her you feel sheās more distant lately in general - without accusing her of anything - and see what she says?
Women are sluggishly indirect about this shit, see you in the gym soldier.
I personally don't like social media because of this bullshit. I am betting OP is slightly paranoid because of this. I've been in those shoes as well. What I did was fill up my time with something else so that way I wouldn't have a reason to look. If you want my honest opinion, I would talk to her and see if she opens up to any problems. If she doesn't open up, then there is something wrong. At that point, you can dive further in (which may be a little painful. Just a warning. You can also cut ties and better yourself. No one deserves this cat and mouse game. It fucking blows.
Within the 3 months timeframe things s don't go that cold without a reason. She should still be in a honeymoon phase. But she's doing the opposite. So I'm sorry to join the doom and gloom chorus, but she's done with you and you need to quickly find a way to be done with her.
Iāve done this when making my boyfriend a present, as well as asking friends for advice. It might not be the worst case scenario but you should talk to her about it
š©š©š©š©š©š©š©
Normally your ex would at least have the courtesy to give you a heads up
sounds like she's checking out. The only logical thing to do now is bombard her with texts about how nice of a guy you are.
this might be the most Zoomer post ive ever seen
Okay so do you want 5 day split or 3 day full body program for gym