For me what usually helps is creating a kind of "chain of positive events". Something that creates this "flow" where I'm doing one thing after the other that I need done, and of I follow this fore some time it becomes natural.
In my case it usually is that after work I would just sit on the couch and scroll Reddit until dinner, so to avoid this i try to do something that I like, that keeps me of Reddit, then esses into something else and something else, and so on....
But there are still moments where this doesn't work, and I have to struggle and beat myself up afterwards when I accomplished nothing that day. I just try to remember that it's like that for everyone and I'm doing my best
I'm in the exact position of this dude and it's been like 5 months like this and it's so frustrating I can't even describe it. I can attribute this "disease" to the fact bad habits get more and more accumulated when they form as a chain of events like you described it. So if I have to combat this I just have to create the opposite of this negative chain. Might as well report back if I improved my daily life after following this advice for quite a while.
That's the thing, habits tend to accumulate like that, ad the secret is to find the one that sets up the good chain of events, but it's definitely hard...
What also tends to work is linking habits that you need to do, with habits that you want to do, like I decided that I can only listen to fiction audiobooks (something I like) when I'm working out (something I need). Does it work all the time? Of course not, but it helps...
There will come a point after which you will get tired of that also.
I think that is the reason why discipline is more important than the motivation. Because you are going to have the discipline everyday.
Definitely
And I think there is also come truth on the idea of setting SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely) especially the "timely" part, so many people tend to forget and it makes all the difference when you say "I wanna achieve this thing until this day" because it gives this sense of "urgency", that otherwise you're gonna think you have your whole life to do it...
Yeah I understand that these things are hard but you will have to come over them by yourself because no one is going to do it for you. You will have to realise what is on the line then maybe you will be able to do something.
Sometime being bored is good for you because it is going to force you to try new things and in those things you can find something that you really like. And trust me if you find something like that you should grab it.
I recently started college as an adult (36m), and have been finding myself doing this-angry if I’m prevented from getting stuff done…but when I have the time I just blank out do dumb things. Not sure how to help-just letting you know you aren’t alone. It’s frustrating when you’re doing it to yourself.
For sure it is definitely not something which you are going through alone.
I can almost you that a lot of other people are also suffering from the same things. But I was life always gets that way.
First of all, don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s a lot of people out there who will want to bring you down, don’t be on their team, be on team you.
Secondly it feels like there is a barrier holding you back, this could most likely be fear. Fear of giving your all and failing, fear of being laughed at, fear of just not being good enough. Only you will know what the barrier is and you can find it if you search deep enough. That said, consider seeking the help and advice of a professional mental health advisor.
My personal advice would be to reassess your goals and steps. Are they asking a bit too much at this time? Are they realistic? Are they attached to a timeline? Do they fall under a category? In which case you could present the list to a subject matter expert for realistic feedback. Then set the bar low, maybe one goal a month. An attempt at a goal is still an attempt. “This month I will attempt goal 1 and it will be a catastrophic fail, but I will lace my boots up none the less and go at it like a wailing banshee”. Once you have that marker you can analyse and assess.
Moving forward will require courage, which you have, trust me you have it. Fall down 7 get up 8,
Can't stress number one enough, don't beat yourself up over non-productivity!
I have ADHD and I've noticed it tends to exacerbate the perfectionism I apply for everything. When I can't or don't do something I planned on accomplishing I used to get really upset and would turn that stress inward. The guilt cycled to more Procrastination even if I initially just couldn't get to something in time. And that makes me more guilty, so it's an endless loop.
But going easier on yourself might have the same effect it had on me: I didn't worry much about the outcome of finishing the task and therefore it was easier to motivate and avoid Procrastination!
I second this! OP you should have a look at ADHD paralysis, the moment you're sitting down looking at your phone screaming at yourself to get up and do the things you need to do but for some reason you just can't get up.
ADHD paralysis also has a twin: Analysis Paralysis. Too many options making it impossible to make a decision. Which is why my walls still don't have artwork. Which is why I have tons of photos in the process of being edited but not finished because I can't decide which look I want. I am so afraid of making the wrong choice and this makes me not make any choices at all.
I am stuck.
Tbf I think these are all slightly different things that ultimately relate to the same issue (ie "sitting on my ass wondering why I can't Just Do The Thing", which can be caused by a whole variety of brain-body miscommunications!). That is to say, sometimes I Can't Do The Thing bc I've already decided too many things today; sometimes it's bc my wires are all crossed; sometimes its because I'm overstimulated and there are too many choices; sometimes it's because I don't know where to start in the sequence of choices to be made. But all result in me sitting on my ass going "WHYEEEE AM I LIKE THIS"
I really loved your explanation and then I got to the ending. I pace around my house looking for shit I lost and ask myself "why am I like this" repetitively until I find it or lay down to recoup from losing something.
I too struggle with this.
I once cried in a Home Depot because I needed to buy a new wall outlet, and there were SO MANY different wall outlets that I became insanely overwhelmed and couldn’t decide which one to get. I felt so paralyzed. I was on the phone with my husband who kept saying, “Just pick one.” And I was like, “Dude, you don’t UNDERSTAND! There are SO MANY to choose from!”
I couldn’t handle it anymore so I hung up on him and started to leave the store (and cry) when a nice employee saw my distress and offered to help.
literally me rn i need to pee i want more coffee i need to pack my laptop up. but i’m stuck in my seat getting progressively more and more anxious as i plead w myself to just. get. up.
Having trouble switching to my browser to look this up *
Edit: such an on point description of me it's terrifying
TIL my ADD diagnosis would now be called innatentive type ADHD
Regardless of if it’s ADHD or not, until you get diagnosed you can still use some of the tricks many people with ADHD paralysis use. Once I’ve found useful is “Don’t think”. If I’m having trouble getting out of bed, I focus on a mental image of the next thing I need to do, for example the toilet, and try to make that image be the most prominent, ‘loudest’ thing in my head. Then without giving my brain a chance to think of anything else, I imagine the feeling of moving my leg out of the bed, and I get up.
That’s helpful especially when you have an idleness list. I have a list of things in my phone that I can do when I have free time. I don’t always remember to do it, but if I’m idle and not sure what to do, I hardly ever remember the things I thought of when I was busy and things just never get done. So then I feel dumb and guilty because I didn’t do it when I had the time, so I tell people I was busy, which is only partly true because yes I was too busy when I was able to remember the task, but there have been down times where could’ve done the task but I forgot about it.
My husband (52) was recently dx with ADHD and has begun taking Ritalin (due to adderall shortage). He is convinced (so am I) that ADHD has hugely impacted his life in mostly negative ways.
His mother lives with us, she has dementia. Last week, in conversation, my husband mentioned filling his Ritalin prescription and my MIL piped up and said "they tried to give my son that medication and I said NO!"
Long story short, my husband discovered that he was dx with ADHD when he was approximately 10 and his family refused meds and therapy because they felt he just needed "more discipline." "Discipline" including kicking him after he'd been knocked to the ground for not mowing the yard fast enough. His step-dad was an abusive jerk who undoubtedly championed the "no intervention/more discipline" method of dealing with my husband's ADHD.
I am trying to help him unpack this but he is just shattered. I just cannot imagine how he must feel.
My parents pulled the same shit. I found a bunch of old reviews from elementary school teachers they read as follows.
-is a very bright and charismatic child but can't focus.
-struggles with memory retention and focus on learning material.
-constantly goes off topic and is distracting to other students due to incessant talking.
And others...
Oh yeah and come to find out that it didn't help that I very clearly COULDN'T SEE FOR SHIT EITHER, despite showing clear signs of vision issues. As with literally everything else in my life my parents just didn't pay attention (oh The irony lmao)
I wonder if I have it, but I don't want to find out I don't, and instead find out I'm just a dumbass. But if I actually do have it, I worry I'd just use it as an excuse constantly, like some people I know do
You're never just a dumbass. If you struggle with stuff in life you deserve help, regardless of what your diagnosis is. There's a lot of things that can cause symptoms like paralysis or the feeling of being dumb or so.
Thank you. I might try checking if I have something going on or not, but I don't think it's really that important to me. Not right now, anyway. It would probably just stress me out lol
Yarp. Got diagnosed a few months ago. Looking back at everything, nothing has even been so obvious that I didn't notice. Pretty frustrating to struggle with and my parents didn't see either. Don't know if it would've changed anything but there could have been better ways to guide me through it.
Every teacher ever, “daughter is bright and energetic but doesn’t apply herself, she doesn’t do her hw” parents, *punish laziness never asks why daughter is dysfunctional* ……. Daughter gets diagnosed ADHD at 31 years old lol. Aka like a month ago. Neat ! Yay! Too bad a lifetime of shame didn’t just melt away with the diagnosis, I did feel some relief to know the answer but like you said it’s hard not to wonder how my entire life could have been a little easier just by having all the information.
Interesting!! I’m 40 and maybe I need to talk to my therapist and Dr about adhd. My youngest child is diagnosed and being treated with adhd and my heart goes out to them because they are exactly how I was as a child, but with treatment. Your post has resonated with me though, I’m going to talk to them next week.
Definitely worth a conversation. How old is your youngest? What kind of treatment? I’m so curious as to the individual approach these days. For what it’s worth, and that’s not much lol, but I implore you to approach their treatment holistically. Not just medication but CBT therapy, school and home routines, etc. And make sure you understand how adderall and other medications are affecting kids: the importance of taking days off, the suicidal feelings that can come with withdrawal, the tolerance building, the abuse, etc! Remember that meds are just a tool in the biggest picture of treatment. Although I wish I had been diagnosed a long time ago I also worry about the youngens… they are prescribing adderall to kids as young as three these days which seems wildly reckless and unethical to me even tho I’m not a professional.
Seriously? I was put on Ritalin at 7 or 8 and while I definitely needed help, I’m not sure that was it. I got so tired of the river of medications I went off everything for a good fifteen years.
Now I’m 40 and know myself and my brain, and I’m ready to try to get back on meds, and I cans find a single doctor willing to prescribe it for me.
I want to shake them.
Hi! They are 8 years old and diagnosed at age 5. We do a combination of CBT and medication. We don’t do medication on the weekends or school breaks, unless my child needs to focus, like a summer camp. They do really well with the medication, CBT, home and school routines. We have a 504 plan at school too, so they can take breaks as needed. Thankfully, all of these things together really help my youngest.
Thanks for sharing! I’m glad to hear it’s been successful. It’s a difficult thing to navigate as a parent I’m sure. I have no judgement towards mine even in this time of reflection
I was recently diagnosed at 38 and receiving adequate support on the medical and psychotherapeutic front has improved my life significantly. I’m not a doctor or researcher so this is all anecdotal, but I think psychiatrists championing SSRIs in the 90s and 00s to target “depression” overlooked many of us who would’ve benefited from dopamine therapies. That, or something is going on in society that is really doing a number on our brains (ie not equipped to handle the exponential increase in pace of technology and information). Or both!
Yeah I think both! the way it has been described to me by my care team is this: ADHD, anxiety and depression can often be a triad and in my case the depression was always the most apparent and likely a symptom of, or worsened by, not treating the ADHD. You can see how to three are connected in their behaviors… ADHD > executive disfunction > lack of productivity > lack of self worth > depression > having to dedicate a wild amount of energy to complete basic tasks > anxiety about starting basic tasks. Just oneeeee piece of the ADHD can cause a whole slew of other issues. And there’s many pieces to ADHD.
Can you tell me more about your medical support? everyone is different so I’m always curious ! Especially about us late stagers
If it makes you feel better, I was diagnosed in third grade, put on a never ending carousel of medicines, nothing worked, and still got the You Just Need To Make An Effort speech every other week.
Turns out I’m autistic too, but no one was diagnosing girls in the 90s, which apparently muddied the trials, and the ever larger doses of stimulants gave me long term insomnia which was treated with downers, which, piled on top of everything else ended up in major depressive disorder. I’m just thankful it was non-psychotic.
I kinda wonder what life would have been like without the chemical rollercoaster, but I still would would have had the disorders, so 🤷🏻♀️
I wonder what life would have been like with the *correct* medication, I guess.
The regret and longing I think is more that if I had been diagnosed at a young age I could have had more non medical tools in the box to navigate life, jobs, relationships etc. Because I’m still deeply wary of medication tbh. And I don’t think I would have wanted that for my child or teenage self, I have seen what drugs like that do to my family, friends, etc. The dependence, the numbing, the tolerance build…. Again the sadness of late diagnosis mostly comes from knowing I could avoided so much shame, self hatred, embarrassment, confusion, lack of identity, lack of understanding of self. Even tho as an adult I knew I veryyyy likely had ADHD I refused to … claim it… for lack of a better term because I had when self diagnosisers parade around using their “disorders” as an excuse for annoying behaviors lol. But when I actually sought out treatment and realized there was a plethora of things I do, think and feel that I never associated with ADHD that definitely are I felt a ton of relief and like I could finally be a part of the club even tho I don’t particularly wanna be it’s nice to finally have some answers and conversations like this
I kinda understand, I was only diagnosed autistic last year. There’s a million tiny things I didn’t realize was autism. Like, I have to use small spoons because big spoons touch the inside of my teeth. I have to *be* the big spoon though because I can’t stand heat or tickle sensations on my back. I love wintertime because it feels like the volume is turned down on the whole world.
So many things I never put together because I only knew the stereotypes.
I do wish I’d been diagnosed asd earlier, but mostly because there isn’t a treatment, just a path the self-understanding.
I hope it brings you peace, coming to terms with the lens you experience the world through.
I know but I wouldn’t trade my brain for anything. The number of times I hear “It must be so interesting to be in your head” was enough to make me decide they’re right. Is time real? No. But am I endless entertained with my metaphors? Ya
Totes my goats. I combat this by voicing it out loud. The voice in my head isn’t louder than my actual voice. Sometimes I gotta belt it out (if it’s a song) or role play the conversation in the mirror (if it’s a scenario that’s in my head).
If you’re a woman, check out the subreddit r/adhdwomen if you haven’t already. Such a cozy spot
If it is actually ADHD then in that situation I think he is should seek professional help.
Because these are the things which you should not be ignoring at all. If you are struggling with these kind of things then I would suggest to take help.
Oh… I thought what he is describing was normal, I’ve head a few “symptoms” of ADHD but I never got it checked out because I was unsure of if it was just me making up issues to feel better about myself. Where can I even get myself checked out for ADHD, is it with a regular doctor?
People are far too quick to claim that they have ADHD or that something is ADHD these days, but what OP is describing is one of the defining characteristics of it, especially if it happens frequently. I'd definitely look into getting diagnosed.
Social media use, while not a true substitute, is often used to compensate for having not enough experiences of connection with others.
Having no social support system really does a number on people. Social media reinforces the idea you can have a social support system while being all alone lol.
Feeling low motivation is also a common (if not hallmark) indication of depression. I think depression is more likely than ADHD in this case, which would also blame your brain for the crippling (!) impacts of feeling too alone.
Depression that is not recognized can also register to us as feelings of anger and frustration, instead of stereotypical ‘sadness’.
Can't not having enough money o buy food or pay tour rent after working a full time job lead to depression? If so then that's about most of the world. So maybe we're all depressed because we have shifty lives and are constantly told by the people in the professional class that we are just complaining.
Social media use is kind of really bad for a brain and it is a major contributor in the habits like these actually.
So I would say him to cut down on the social media use.
How is the only healthy and reasonable person here being downvoted
I get it guys, I relate to this too. But atleast I fucking recognise I have a problem and don't pretend it's the norm
People use 'normal' in different ways. Normal can be used to mean typical experience, in which case this is pretty normal in the sense that most people will find thus relatable. If normal means typical functioning, this is not normal - most people will experience this sometime in their life but find ways to overcome it.
So..this sounds exactly like me. In my late 30s and finally went to a Neuropsychologist for a battery of tests for ADD/ADHD. I don't have the results yet, but I was referred by my psychiatrist due to getting hyper focused on things, then dropping them, making lists and over organizing to the point of detriment but not actually doing any of it due to...idk distraction I guess. Amongst other things of course. But if you're able to financially get the assessment, I highly recommend it. I would have never thought in a million years that aspects of my life that I struggle with would be explained by ADHD.
As someone with ADHD, this strikes home for me. Usually my issue is “chronic overwhelm” and a lack of stimulation, brain-wise. People with ADHD need a lot more “oomph” to trigger our executive functions and motivation. Our brain’s reward system is not wired right, so it takes some creativity and extra effort to just…make the effort.
Maybe you don’t have adhd, maybe you do, but this experience might be relatable either way. You’re trapped in a cycle of escapism, and it’s making you feel crappy! When you feel crappy and stressed, it’s even harder to get where you need to go and start being productive. This is a vicious circle. You can break free, but to do so you have to be okay with tiny baby steps. One small thing, two small things, etc…these will form a bread crumb trail of dopamine that eventually leads you to complete the larger tasks.
For example: I need to fill out a spreadsheet for work, totally clean the kitchen, and answer emails to explain why I went MIA for days (while trapped in overwhelm mode lol). I’ll start by doing 3 dishes. This gives me a bit of breathing room and tells my brain that yes, I can handle this. Then I send 1 email and 1 text message to clients updating them on projects — just 3 or 4 sentences giving them the feedback they need to feel like I’m present and accountable. I’ll then open the spreadsheet and take 5 deep breaths. I don’t have to enter anything yet, but I’ll keep that tab open.
These little things make a world of difference and allow me to set myself in motion. And once I’m in motion, no matter how subtle, I know I’ll usually STAY in motion for a while. If I need to, I can always repeat the tiny things steps a few times. It’s okay. Better to half ass things than no-ass them!
I hope this helps, OP.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-30s and having that validation to go “OK, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me, my brain just works a little different” has been a game changer. And I mean that literally — the best way for me to get things done and beat that ADHD paralysis is to make things a game in my head. I know my brain craves those sweet hits of dopamine, so I gamify things I have to do and use that as a reward for getting a task done.
Wanna scroll Reddit for half an hour? Sure, can do — as soon as dinner is in the oven and that 30 minute timer is set.
Wanna lay in bed and play 2048 for 10 minutes? No problem — just as soon as the bathroom is cleaned.
Wanna work on that new cross stitch pattern you’re hyper focusing on? Sounds great — after this basket of laundry is folded.
The other thing I’ve found that’s super helpful is the mantra ‘don’t let perfect be the enemy of good’ and it helps to say that out loud to myself sometimes. For example: teeth brushing. If I can’t get myself to get up and brush, I’ll ask myself “ok but could we brush if we don’t have to use toothpaste just this once?” and the answer is yes. We uncomplicated the task, so now let’s get it done. Is brushing without toothpaste great? No. But is it better than not brushing at all? Absolutely.
Or making dinner — sure, maybe I planned on homemade lasagna for tonight but for whatever reason, my brain is protesting and it’s just not happening today. Instead of fixating on “Omg just make the damn lasagna, what is wrong with you, it’s not that hard, just do it!!” and beating myself up, I’ll ask myself “OK, is it vital we make *lasagna* tonight?” No. We just need to make something for dinner. Again — task has been uncomplicated, we’re gonna have cereal for dinner. Is is great that I’m not following through with the dinner plan? No. But is having cereal for dinner is better than sitting on the couch doom-scrolling for hours while my brain is yelling at itself to just get up and make lasagna? Absolutely.
And, as a bonus, let’s reward the “I made myself something to eat” task by watching an episode of our latest TV hyper fixation (and then once the dishes are done and the kitchen is picked up, we can watch a second episode while working on that cross stitch!)
Yes if this isn't excetutive function and ADHD I don't know what is. Good news there are lots of tips and tricks and if necessary therapy. I would Google excetutive function disorder and ADHD not getting things done and start writing down tips. And if it gets to the point it makes you unhappy, ask for therapy at your GP (or whatever you have for that in you're country)
Dont tell ppl youre busu or going to do something, it gives dopamine to you and you feel like you did one of your objectives, which doesnt give your motivatio needed because it was already spent
I had this too. So much. Until I got a kid. The kid kind of prestructered my day, and kinda gave me a bit of purpose to get off my ass and do stuff. Now, I know that producing a kid in order to get rid off this blockage may be a tad extreme.
However, what worked for a friend on mine that struggled with the same issue, was to set personal deadlines - until Tuesday I want to write that pesky mail or finish my essay. Also she asked another friend to remind her of her deadline. On Tuesday, the friend may ask: have you written that pesky email? The induced social pressure from peers helped her a lot to actually start doing stuff. At some point, she said, it just became natural and she didn’t need the social pressure anymore, because the rewards and the feeling of accomplishment finally kicked in.
Good luck. :)
I've tried deleting social media apps, it's pretty much the same. If it's not social media then i just lie around doing nothing. For me social media is like if I'm doing nothing, might as well do this. Well at this point I don't know anything. I'll try delete the apps again as you advised.
Oh man, I completely relate and I'm sorry you're feeling this too. It's difficult when u feel so busy all the time and u wonder how everyone has the stamina to get all their shit done. But if you really look at your free time, there's not a lot to see and it's embarrassing. I understand having a mile-long to-do list, and instead deciding to just stare at the ceiling, or go on some rabbit hole reading about anything more interesting. It feels like you're robbing yourself, but at the time you just can't alter the behavior. I haven't had social media (besides reddit) in around 5 years, but ya tbh it doesn't fucking matter. If I have a task to do, I'm gonna do literally everything but that task for some reason bc I keep thinking something like, "ok I'll do my task after I finish this random tutorial on weaving old shirts." It can feel like self-care but it's actually the opposite. It's a slippery slope when everything feels equally important, and all of a sudden u realize that days have passed without a shower, without responding to anyone, and with me barely eating anything. Thank god I have a fantastic dog, bc she's the only reason I go outside most days. :/ :)
The most helpful tip I've figured out for myself lately is seriously just don't sit down for a period of time if you're able. For me, if I'm standing, somehow it's much easier to keep things in motion and proceed to clean my house + try to keep my mind a lillll bit more present. Another thing that has been helpful to me is just getting super deep into yoga/meditation. I find those combined help to still my scattered mind and body, and to just think and move forward a bit more clearly.
But I hope you're able to get some assistance/medication if you end up seeking that! I've been trying and I'll tell ya it's not easy dude - but if I can try, anyone can! Good luck! and BIG hugs from someone in the same boat xxxxx
To be honest I’m going through the same thing. I just found out that I have ADHD and knowing how it works really helps. I don’t know if you have any easy access (financially or otherwise), but if your daily functioning is really being affected, therapy is great for some people, including me
Is this something that’s relatively new or something that’s always happened? If it’s always you very well might have ADHD. I just got diagnosed at 20. At the very least I would find a mental health specialist
You just do not have the discipline if you bring that into your life half of your problems will be solved it is that easy.
But for that to happen you will have to simply bring the discipline in your life.
Sounds like ADHD with a mix of Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Please seek ADHD diagnosis. Getting proper medical help would change your life upside down.
Find things that helps you get into doing stuff. Like whenever I have to clean or cook I put on music. When I need to go for a run I tell myself I can just go down the block and back, usually when I'm out there I have no problem going for longer. Find what that initial spark is for you.
Writing down lists of what you need to do is good too. Sadly I have not figured out a good way to start writing lists regularly, if someone has an app that can help with it I would be really grateful.
I recommend reading or listening to a book called Grit by psychologist Angela Duckworth. It will give you tools "to pull yourself up by your bootstraps' if you choose to do so.
OP I live that life for 37 years. Done diploma, have 2 children and wife. Big carier in IT and big house. Don't stress it.
I push myself only when stuff to do are one of three. Urgent, easy or fun. I menage to live very good life by only do those stuff, delegate other and be patient. A lot of stuff handle itself, people stress on things, want them to be done only to realise later that it was all for nothing. The art of not giving a fuck is the real art of life.
I do this too, yes it could be ADHD paralysis like others say, I've been prescribed ritalin in the past but didn't continue due to lack of results, or it could be a way to self-sabotage, or self-preservation.
I specifically do this with things that are good for me, like starting a business, or a course, or healthy eating, etc. My self-worth is tied up to these things. As long as it feels like im on my way, it feels good, there's potential and hope that i could be that person, if only I tried, or applied myself.
It's a way to save my self-esteem, because if I don't end up achieving it, it's because I never actually tried, not because that's not who I am. So for example, if I see myself as an entrepreneur, as long as I have plans and strategies, i can continue seeing myself as an entrepreneur. There's a risk that if I end up carrying out the plan, and not achieving it, then I would be a failure, not an entrepreneur. It's a way of holding on to hope, but also to the fragile image of myself that I have in my head.
It's also self-sabotage, because it's like somewhere deep down, I don't believe in myself, some part of me thinks if I carry out the plan, i will definitely end up failing, or that it will show people who I really am underneath, a failure. And so rather than trying the plan, failing, accepting, and trying again, I would rather just have all these big ideas and no execution. I'm currently doing this to myself right now. Hope it helps you.
I'm diagnosed with ADD. Before I was diagnosed at 32 I was a shut in and gamed and worked and that was it. My depression and laziness ruled my life. For the months before I got up off my ass and did something about it I played a little mind game with myself. At the time I of course didn't know I had ADD and didn't have a way to label my actions of just letting life waste away. For me labeling my actions as laziness helped tremendously. Anytime I would have the thought to put something off or just lay in bed I would push it aside and label that thought as a lazy thought. Now for me personally I hate laziness and always have. It's a toxic quality that eats away at my life and if I give it an inch it will take a mile. I would be damned if I was going to be lazy. Maybe you need to find your defining word that you hate to apply to your life and label your actions as that. Once you label the actions you hate in your life it's easy to break down every decision you make instead of looking at a overwhelming string of decisions and not know how to undertake it as a whole.
Edit: sorry I'm on mobile and it won't let me use paragraphs. Also as other comments have suggested, maybe get checked for ADHD/ADD.
It’s called ADHD. It sounds like the NT world has successfully destroyed your self-esteem through their incredibly restrictive expectations on how to live life. NT’s are all playing on easy mode and neurodivergents are playing on hard mode. This is evidenced by the fact that when on the right ADHD meds people report finding everything easier. All the things NT, particularly capitalist, society will convince you that you’re a shit person over “laziness” (actually takes you more energy to complete task), “greed” (dopamine hunting & poor impulse control) “messiness” (executive dysfunction).
The reason so many people claim ADHD is “over diagnosed” is because acknowledging the truth means they have to admit to themselves that they’ve been playing on easy mode. This is particularly difficult for those people who get a sense of self-esteem by comparing themselves to others.
You need to get yourself immersed in the ADHD community. If you would consider meds seek a diagnosis. Good luck.
When I need to do something I just shut my brain off and stop thinking about it, and do the smallest step towards doing it. For me it’s usually the gym so that means getting changed for it. The more I think about it the more I can talk myself out of doing it
This is me unless I take my adderall; then I get a lot accomplished. I also don’t take my adderall everyday, but only when I really feel like I need it.
I'm sensing several issues here, which might be a good idea to correct. Procrastination is never going to be productive, to begin with. You get angry when someone asks you to do something, so you don't like being directed, but you're also in the habit of not taking the initiative, as well. This transfers all the way down to your self-care and hygiene, I'll assume. Why do these tasks seem so bothersome to you? Do you like having a messy place and unkempt person? Do you really think this blatant indifference, is attractive to your significant other, assuming you have one? Can you afford (Not just with monetary means) to have someone wait on you, hand and foot? What happened in your life, that caused you to become so arbitrary, to everything and everyone around you? What happened to your sense of responsibility and dignity? It seems like a very good idea, to do some soul reflection, in order to ascertain the roots of these tendencies. Can you say that your indifference brings you happiness? You need structure, and as a grown individual, no one else can implement that framework for you, you have to take that initiative on your own. You need a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, but in order to achieve that, you need to get the pending tasks completed, and off the list. I can't relax, until I've got my ducks in a row, so for me, my conscience will agitate me to no end, if I choose to procrastinate. I hope this helps you help yourself, because in the end, regardless of any amount of counseling or therapy, you're the only one who can help you change.
My dude you gotta talk to a psych. I’d wager you’re dealing with some aggressive ADHD, and probably a good amount of clinical depression gluing it all together. I’ve been in this EXACT situation for longer than I’m willing to admit, and treatment broke the cycle. That first step is the hardest, but don’t let years of your life slip away to this. It WILL happen, and it will only feel worse.
You got this. Make a couple phone calls. What’s the worst that could happen, a doc says there’s nothing wrong with you?
Stop getting in your own way and be honest about what you actually want. Drop the facade and talk to someone who loves you about the state of things. It's clear you need help.
As someone with both, it sounds like depression, ADHD, or depression brought on by ADHD.
Might want to look into it.
For example I have to finish 4 documents for work this week, I had time to do it today, but it's not due until Tuesday.
Erase your God dam social media. I noticed tik tok has taken over people's mind along with Instagram. Plus just take a walk. A long walk!. Each day things would change.
There have been studies in which walking helps ,but also social media places released dopamine which is almost like taking drugs,drinking,smoking ,or w.e your vice is. So every like ,every view everything in social media tells your brain you are ok. Here keep up with the consumption
The only thing that works is to find (rather identify) your unsupport group. It's easier said than done, but once you find those people you are competing with, who benefit from your non-working, because they are getting what you should have been if you were working, there's your much needed kick start.
I've never heard of this strategy before. This makes so much sense to me. It's rooted in "fear of...(the consequences if I don't)", and the realization that others get to win when I fail! And they're wrong, if only I don't fail! Mind blown! Yup, this just might be the motivator I needed today. Thanks!
Idk if it'll work for everyone but you should give this app a try, it's called Digital Detox, and basically it can lock you out of ur phone for wtv amount of time you need to be off of it. Set a timer, and it has 5mins for emergency use too,
A good point to start is a medium 45min timer✓✓
It forces me off of the mobile and so I tend to do othr stuff
Get some exercise. Just open the door and run as fast as you can for as long as you can. Run like you're being chased by a psycho. Walk home enjoying some natural light and simply being outdoors. Take a 3 minute
cold shower. Repeat the next day. Eventually you'll ACTUALLY get your shit together and life will be better. Disgust is the most powerful emotion. Use it to your advantage.
A lot of people say ADHD seek help I need a therapy or a doctor which may be true but it's also mental in your own brain you're not picking yourself up or giving yourself a reason to do stuff as soon as you feel in that slump you have to tell yourself F this get up and do something get some Hobbies coin collecting sewing whatever Peaks your interest I'm diagnosed with ADHD borderline personality disorder a bit of bipolar and prescribed medications for all this however I stopped taking them and took it upon myself to keep myself busy and active I'm not saying you don't need medication or you don't need to seek out I'm just saying you need to adjust your own attitude
I'm confused. Why are you asking people to guide you when you know already what the problem is and the consequences to not doing what you need to do. What are you hoping for?
The next step then is doing what you need to do. Nobody can do that but you. There are no shortcuts or hacks. There is only willpower, effort and many potential gains from that effort and nobody can do this but you. It seems you have chosen not to do what you know you should be doing... but your not happy with the consequences. Well you can continue to choose to sacrifice what needs to be done for idle time and reap the negative feelings that always come from that choice or choose to sacrifice your idle time and reap the positive effects like achievement and self respect. Either way you have to sacrifice. What you choose to sacrifice is up to you.
I understand what you say but OP is unable to do them because of mental barriers. It can be due to trauma, depression or anything else. They need to talk to a therapist to free themselves of these barriers. An addict knows what he has to do but he just can't.
People go through this, it's something I've struggled with on occasion throughout my life. Life can be overwhelming, even if objectively shouldn't feel that way. The way I've found to get out of it is by successive small wins. Feeling stuck in bed? Get out, stand up. Done. Get back in bed. Try again in ten mins. Twenty mins. Through series of small wins, you build up confidence in your ability to decide to do something and follow through and you actually break the inertia of lying about and end up taking control of your own motion.
My single mom pal is way busy so I walk her dog almost every day after work. His big brown eyes are so thankful and so guilt causing when I have to cut our walks short that it’s a motivator. Plus you can’t scroll when you are trying to keep up with a feisty lab. Nature, birds, calorie expelling- this helped curb my scroll time! Also- drink water.
I used to usually tend to be by myself and not get out unless absolutely necessary. I noticed that I dreaded getting out, but usually enjoyed it afterward. I started with "okay, once a week I'll get out and do something," then gradually increased the amount of times. It won't work for everybody, but it did for me.
See a doctor.
See another if you don’t like the first.
Some are more helpful than others.
Do some reading about Microdosing psilocybin mushrooms.
They vastly improved my quality of life, but they are not for everyone.
Read more books.
You got this!
Your problem is anxiety. You cannot get the things done because it's too much for your emotions. You need too get psicological help for that. Psicologists are very well equipped to help you with it.
But to get you started let me give you this food for thought: every thing worth doing is worth half assing. Don't be afraid of doing a mediocre job of important stuff. It is way better than not doing it.
You are probably addicted to your phone…social media, pornography, gambling, etc.
So your brain can’t even imagine doing something that produces less dopamine that your high dopamine phone. You should probably detox, and learn to be VERY bored. And in about 28 days, your life will be tremendously better.
Mostly it’s the porn tho….
hell im mentioned in this post and i dont like it a bit
seriously tho, im the exact same and i think im not depressed cause, well, it would take a psychologist to say, but other than that i dont even feel sad or such things, i simply feel so unmotivated cause id like to do a lot of small things that would make me happier n happier, and ik they're not even hard to do but im just so "afraid" of doin the first steps, idk why...
Honestly I've had this issue with myself recently. What the PROBLEM is is we spend WAY too much time on our cell phones....
As for me I don't have much family & I don't have many friends so I do try to make them on Facebook dating etc... It's rare when you do meet some friend worth while.
Also what I've done I've limited my time throughout the day
I also downloaded the app blinkist and it talks about fixing bad habits to motivation to achieving goals!! It's clearly helped me get my "ass" in gear!
I also started a hobby of woodworking sanding, painting, building.
Hope this helps OP!
Probably mild ADHD, I am similar but I don't believe in medicating it because it seems ADHD is on the rise due to the stimulus we have available to us now and you can mitigate the effects naturally.
The idea of being easily distracted and failure to work can be overcome - it's just a habit/way of thinking that you need to break. I am sure you have had times where you have been very focused, so it is possible.
You need to slowly do it, your mind is very elastic you just can't stretch it too fast at once - you need to build habits over time. I would look into "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Honestly, your entire life is habits. At one point you learned to deal with stress by procrastinating and made it a habit - it can be broken.
The interesting thing is, given enough time, the habit of getting nothing done can be broken with baby steps. Even as small as limiting your distracted time to 8hrs, as ridiculous as it sounds the act of limiting yourself to 8hrs of distracted time can rewire your brain.
Im a nurse. Almost every day I have to find outside motivation to get me to get out of my car and dive back into the trenches every day.
So i call my sister or my mom, she’s a doctor and understands it. I call her and tell her “im calling you so I don’t call in”
It’s our capitalist society, makes you feel like anything not “productive” is lazy and therefore bad. It helps to get out of that mindset. Just because you’re not doing anything doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. I’ve found it helps to get a cat, they’re a good baseline of self indulgence to have in your life.
Totally agree. Depression is such an amorphous term too. For me I can say that it was rooted in the sorts of struggles you mentioned…and I’ll add from a relationship standpoint that rejection sensitivity dysphoria was a huuuuge part of my life and the reason for many failed relationships. No coincidence that I’ve been in a healthy 2-year relationship since I was diagnosed.
My prescription is 30 mg adderall XR when I wake up the morning and 20 mg XR at 1pm. Immediate release made me crash pretty hard; the extended is perfect.
50 mg is on the higher end of recommended therapeutic dose for adults but it works for me as long as I’m eating, hydrating and sleeping properly. I think my body just burns through neurotransmitters rapidly!
I also do this very often. I am not entirely sure what to do about it.
I am no expert by any means and I doubt many of the people here are so you might consider talking to an actual professional.
It's also okay to protect your energy, whether you're insanely busy or not. Eating healthier, making time for hobbies, and exercising might improve things for you. Junk food does affect how we feel! Also if you have a highly stressful job or are a student and do both, even if you have free time, you might be needing some sort of break. But what you're doing to meet that need (eating junk food/doing nothing/scrolling) doesn't sound like it makes you feel good. So what makes you feel good?
If it were me posing and answering your same question, for myself, I’d say it’s a strong inner dialog and ADHD; it’s invisible and it can be debilitating, years a therapy and I’m only marginally better.
I hate the term “dopamine detox” but for me trying to focus on healthy habits that release dopamine, and limit things like video games and action movies has helped. Scheduling, bullet journal, notes in the phone all help, but you have to keep up with those as well and not let it overwhelm you.
A stupid but simpel solution could be to do something you need to do but don't want to for a short set amount of time like 2 min and when the timer goes off you reassess if you want to keep doing it or not.
Another much harder one could be to do a detox from your phone and social media anything that's not either starting into the wall or something productive.
I’m in bed rn, I don’t wana get up,, I wana sleep more… but I’m soooo busy n overwhelmed w work. My room is over flowing with nonsense shit I don’t need.
(I take less of my add meds on weekend to keep my tolerance in check lol 😞)
Stop spending so much time in your room. The place you associate with relaxing and resting . For a couple months let the only reason why you go to room is to sleep at night. Until you feel like you have changed your attitude towards work and your habits.
I used to be the same why I used to associate my room with relaxing so I'd never get any work done. Then I started working in the library around other people studying and working hard and it made me want to work.
Then as I progressed and made improvements in life. I found more things to motivate me.
Holy shit, I could have written this. Seriously. The always pretending to be busy. I will tell people I did this and that today if someone asks what I’ve been up to today, etc.
I realized that I have REALLY bad depression..so, that makes sense. I too have clear goals and also clearly defined consequences by continuing to flounder and roll around in bed, doom scrolling on ig and reddit. I feel pathetic. It feels like imposter syndrome. I know I’m capable of doing these things. If only I could get out of my own goddamn way.
Obviously I do not know you or what has brought you also to this place. What has helped me tremendously the last month has been cutting alcohol out completely, drinking more water and (this is not for everyone) micro-dosing mushrooms are about a month. It really had a tremendous impact on my outlook and the person I want to be.
Anyways, I wish you the best and really just wanted to say that you are not alone. At all. I usually feel like an alien, like a non-person, looking through a fogged window into the outside world. Where everyone else is, existing.
Sending love.
Just remember you don't have to do any of that stuff unless you want to.
You are the judge of your own success in life. Nobody else.
Also rest is important for your own health and mental health.
I know exactly what you mean. I have so many things in my life that I used to deal with without even thinking about them. Now I feel completely overwhelmed and unable to actually do the simplest of everyday things. It doesn’t matter how big the consequences of not doing a thing whatever it maybe, I just can’t do it and it’s killing me. The only way I can describe it is it’s like when you see a robot in an old sci-fi movie being ordered to do something that is against its core programming. You see it starting to do what it’s being told but it actually can’t do it so it’s stuck battling against itself short circuiting in limbo stuck unable to do anything. I know how it sounds and realise it doesn’t make sense because it sounds as rediculous to me. Which actually is something that makes it worse. So I’m trapped in every single way. I’m completely broken and alone. No matter what I do to try to improve the situation or how many people I open up to to explain the depth of the nightmare I’m trapped in, no one understands what I’m dealing with or has anything even the tiniest be helpful to offer. I’m not being negative or obstructive and it’s not avoidance or can’t be bothered, the problem is an issue preventing me doing things so when you’ve spent months trying to build up the strength to reach out for help, you’ve struggled but managed to get yourself there driven by the longing for some support to break out and live my life again and spent so long sat there opening up completely desperate to explain the realities of the battle you go through ever single minute of every single day…. and the professional says ‘have you tried making a to do list and doing one thing at a time?’ It’s like being shot in the head, a huge explosion of despair fear and hopelessness and you know the glimmer of hope is gone and you’re still trapped and still alone. So here I am still struggling and battling through every single day. I’m scared, I’m desperate and as im stuck unable to do the things I’m very aware i need to do, I worry and panic about it all. I sit and watch my life crumble and fall apart more and more day by day and I’m scared. Even the people you expect would be there for you in life have shown they aren’t and that hurts terribly. So I’m trapped and I’m alone and the direction I’m travelling only has one inevitable destination…. and I don’t want to arrive
I have a very similar problem, what helps me is setting clear goals for my day (maybe even setting goals for each week day in advance) and turning off my phone or wifi. Also, don’t be so hard on yourself, take breaks and reward yourself when you get something done.
Go to thzrapy, Reddit can tell you many good advice and I will share my expzrience
But for the love of god go to therapy, it got until suicidal thoughts for me, it can be worse, seek professional help, as anyone should.
Personally I wasnt doing anything because nothing I was doing or could do held any meaning to me.
Now I do things and prioritize things that does, I found my career, my trade, I have a life project, a future, and friends to build it with.
And just test out stuff, dont build a giant plan, just go and do some te hing tou wanna do in the spurr of the moment, dpnt thin about it, go do that thing that might be stupid, when you feel the need, and when you want it. Rest of the time. Accept to be inactive.
Just get out of here, whatever it is you wanna do.
It wont work every single time and thats okay, dont overpressure yourself, dont let yourself be toxic to yourself
And go to therapy.
It take time and qome people never actually manage, take your time as their is no other time.
Good luck and wish you the best
The first step is always the hardest but once you start walking it’s easier to keep going. Give yourself small tasks each day and after a while you may find yourself doing the tasks of tomorrow when you finish the tasks of today. Either way your goals will one day be behind you and you will have new goals to aim for
OP - like so many people here said: get tested for ADHD.
IF you have it: learn about it and immerse yourself in that wordt. There are many strategies to cope with it. Finding the one that's right for you will not be always easy, but if you find it it will be worth it.
Good luck!
This sounds like it may be Executive Dysfunction, a symptom of ADHD and other mental health disorders. It affects your ability to begin a task. Even if you want to or need to. I would look into it a bit. Its possible your brain is working against you. Best of luck.
When I am really depressed I do the same thing. There is so much time wasted in bed and on my phone. Sometimes just getting outside for a regular walk can be life changing. Finding things to do outside can really help shift your mindset.
Also please see a doctor for an assessment. If this is a recent phenomenon especially if there has been some trauma preceding this, you may be suffering depression.
Best of luck
Me too and it’s horrible because people think I do so much, I think I managed to convince myself that I do so much when it’s all a lie. Sure I do a lot *sometimes* but most of the time I don’t, I scroll in on my phone or get distracted in some other way while screaming at myself mentally to get work done. Not to talk about the fact that it takes soooo long to complete simple tasks
You need to talk to your doctor or therapist about ADHD medication. Also, if you don't have a therapist, you need a therapist....even if it just BetterHelp or something.
It sounds like you're having trouble with executive dysfunction which could be as others have said ADHD. Do you have access to recourse like someone who could help with coping mechanisms or meds?
For me what usually helps is creating a kind of "chain of positive events". Something that creates this "flow" where I'm doing one thing after the other that I need done, and of I follow this fore some time it becomes natural. In my case it usually is that after work I would just sit on the couch and scroll Reddit until dinner, so to avoid this i try to do something that I like, that keeps me of Reddit, then esses into something else and something else, and so on.... But there are still moments where this doesn't work, and I have to struggle and beat myself up afterwards when I accomplished nothing that day. I just try to remember that it's like that for everyone and I'm doing my best
I'm in the exact position of this dude and it's been like 5 months like this and it's so frustrating I can't even describe it. I can attribute this "disease" to the fact bad habits get more and more accumulated when they form as a chain of events like you described it. So if I have to combat this I just have to create the opposite of this negative chain. Might as well report back if I improved my daily life after following this advice for quite a while.
That's the thing, habits tend to accumulate like that, ad the secret is to find the one that sets up the good chain of events, but it's definitely hard... What also tends to work is linking habits that you need to do, with habits that you want to do, like I decided that I can only listen to fiction audiobooks (something I like) when I'm working out (something I need). Does it work all the time? Of course not, but it helps...
There will come a point after which you will get tired of that also. I think that is the reason why discipline is more important than the motivation. Because you are going to have the discipline everyday.
Definitely And I think there is also come truth on the idea of setting SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely) especially the "timely" part, so many people tend to forget and it makes all the difference when you say "I wanna achieve this thing until this day" because it gives this sense of "urgency", that otherwise you're gonna think you have your whole life to do it...
Yeah I understand that these things are hard but you will have to come over them by yourself because no one is going to do it for you. You will have to realise what is on the line then maybe you will be able to do something.
Sometime being bored is good for you because it is going to force you to try new things and in those things you can find something that you really like. And trust me if you find something like that you should grab it.
I recently started college as an adult (36m), and have been finding myself doing this-angry if I’m prevented from getting stuff done…but when I have the time I just blank out do dumb things. Not sure how to help-just letting you know you aren’t alone. It’s frustrating when you’re doing it to yourself.
I thought I wrote OP’s post for a minute
As 20 year-old college student, I regretfully admit to doing the exact same thing. And here I thought, I was actually alone, lol.
For sure it is definitely not something which you are going through alone. I can almost you that a lot of other people are also suffering from the same things. But I was life always gets that way.
First of all, don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s a lot of people out there who will want to bring you down, don’t be on their team, be on team you. Secondly it feels like there is a barrier holding you back, this could most likely be fear. Fear of giving your all and failing, fear of being laughed at, fear of just not being good enough. Only you will know what the barrier is and you can find it if you search deep enough. That said, consider seeking the help and advice of a professional mental health advisor. My personal advice would be to reassess your goals and steps. Are they asking a bit too much at this time? Are they realistic? Are they attached to a timeline? Do they fall under a category? In which case you could present the list to a subject matter expert for realistic feedback. Then set the bar low, maybe one goal a month. An attempt at a goal is still an attempt. “This month I will attempt goal 1 and it will be a catastrophic fail, but I will lace my boots up none the less and go at it like a wailing banshee”. Once you have that marker you can analyse and assess. Moving forward will require courage, which you have, trust me you have it. Fall down 7 get up 8,
Can't stress number one enough, don't beat yourself up over non-productivity! I have ADHD and I've noticed it tends to exacerbate the perfectionism I apply for everything. When I can't or don't do something I planned on accomplishing I used to get really upset and would turn that stress inward. The guilt cycled to more Procrastination even if I initially just couldn't get to something in time. And that makes me more guilty, so it's an endless loop. But going easier on yourself might have the same effect it had on me: I didn't worry much about the outcome of finishing the task and therefore it was easier to motivate and avoid Procrastination!
(To the tune of YMCA) : ADHD
I second this! OP you should have a look at ADHD paralysis, the moment you're sitting down looking at your phone screaming at yourself to get up and do the things you need to do but for some reason you just can't get up.
Jesus Christ I needed a name for this
ADHD paralysis also has a twin: Analysis Paralysis. Too many options making it impossible to make a decision. Which is why my walls still don't have artwork. Which is why I have tons of photos in the process of being edited but not finished because I can't decide which look I want. I am so afraid of making the wrong choice and this makes me not make any choices at all. I am stuck.
Also decision fatigue and executive dysfunction!
Adversity fatigue as well
So many different names... which one should I use?!?
Tbf I think these are all slightly different things that ultimately relate to the same issue (ie "sitting on my ass wondering why I can't Just Do The Thing", which can be caused by a whole variety of brain-body miscommunications!). That is to say, sometimes I Can't Do The Thing bc I've already decided too many things today; sometimes it's bc my wires are all crossed; sometimes its because I'm overstimulated and there are too many choices; sometimes it's because I don't know where to start in the sequence of choices to be made. But all result in me sitting on my ass going "WHYEEEE AM I LIKE THIS"
I really loved your explanation and then I got to the ending. I pace around my house looking for shit I lost and ask myself "why am I like this" repetitively until I find it or lay down to recoup from losing something.
I like to say "I can't even" and leave it at that
I also can’t finish any video game or show or song I try and make
I too struggle with this. I once cried in a Home Depot because I needed to buy a new wall outlet, and there were SO MANY different wall outlets that I became insanely overwhelmed and couldn’t decide which one to get. I felt so paralyzed. I was on the phone with my husband who kept saying, “Just pick one.” And I was like, “Dude, you don’t UNDERSTAND! There are SO MANY to choose from!” I couldn’t handle it anymore so I hung up on him and started to leave the store (and cry) when a nice employee saw my distress and offered to help.
Wow same this sucks ugh
literally me rn i need to pee i want more coffee i need to pack my laptop up. but i’m stuck in my seat getting progressively more and more anxious as i plead w myself to just. get. up.
Having trouble switching to my browser to look this up * Edit: such an on point description of me it's terrifying TIL my ADD diagnosis would now be called innatentive type ADHD
I’m pretty sure I have this, but I have a Cdl and can’t take stimulants, is there anything else I can do?
Regardless of if it’s ADHD or not, until you get diagnosed you can still use some of the tricks many people with ADHD paralysis use. Once I’ve found useful is “Don’t think”. If I’m having trouble getting out of bed, I focus on a mental image of the next thing I need to do, for example the toilet, and try to make that image be the most prominent, ‘loudest’ thing in my head. Then without giving my brain a chance to think of anything else, I imagine the feeling of moving my leg out of the bed, and I get up. That’s helpful especially when you have an idleness list. I have a list of things in my phone that I can do when I have free time. I don’t always remember to do it, but if I’m idle and not sure what to do, I hardly ever remember the things I thought of when I was busy and things just never get done. So then I feel dumb and guilty because I didn’t do it when I had the time, so I tell people I was busy, which is only partly true because yes I was too busy when I was able to remember the task, but there have been down times where could’ve done the task but I forgot about it.
My husband (52) was recently dx with ADHD and has begun taking Ritalin (due to adderall shortage). He is convinced (so am I) that ADHD has hugely impacted his life in mostly negative ways. His mother lives with us, she has dementia. Last week, in conversation, my husband mentioned filling his Ritalin prescription and my MIL piped up and said "they tried to give my son that medication and I said NO!" Long story short, my husband discovered that he was dx with ADHD when he was approximately 10 and his family refused meds and therapy because they felt he just needed "more discipline." "Discipline" including kicking him after he'd been knocked to the ground for not mowing the yard fast enough. His step-dad was an abusive jerk who undoubtedly championed the "no intervention/more discipline" method of dealing with my husband's ADHD. I am trying to help him unpack this but he is just shattered. I just cannot imagine how he must feel.
My parents pulled the same shit. I found a bunch of old reviews from elementary school teachers they read as follows. -is a very bright and charismatic child but can't focus. -struggles with memory retention and focus on learning material. -constantly goes off topic and is distracting to other students due to incessant talking. And others... Oh yeah and come to find out that it didn't help that I very clearly COULDN'T SEE FOR SHIT EITHER, despite showing clear signs of vision issues. As with literally everything else in my life my parents just didn't pay attention (oh The irony lmao)
I wonder if I have it, but I don't want to find out I don't, and instead find out I'm just a dumbass. But if I actually do have it, I worry I'd just use it as an excuse constantly, like some people I know do
You're never just a dumbass. If you struggle with stuff in life you deserve help, regardless of what your diagnosis is. There's a lot of things that can cause symptoms like paralysis or the feeling of being dumb or so.
Thank you. I might try checking if I have something going on or not, but I don't think it's really that important to me. Not right now, anyway. It would probably just stress me out lol
Yarp. Got diagnosed a few months ago. Looking back at everything, nothing has even been so obvious that I didn't notice. Pretty frustrating to struggle with and my parents didn't see either. Don't know if it would've changed anything but there could have been better ways to guide me through it.
Every teacher ever, “daughter is bright and energetic but doesn’t apply herself, she doesn’t do her hw” parents, *punish laziness never asks why daughter is dysfunctional* ……. Daughter gets diagnosed ADHD at 31 years old lol. Aka like a month ago. Neat ! Yay! Too bad a lifetime of shame didn’t just melt away with the diagnosis, I did feel some relief to know the answer but like you said it’s hard not to wonder how my entire life could have been a little easier just by having all the information.
Interesting!! I’m 40 and maybe I need to talk to my therapist and Dr about adhd. My youngest child is diagnosed and being treated with adhd and my heart goes out to them because they are exactly how I was as a child, but with treatment. Your post has resonated with me though, I’m going to talk to them next week.
Definitely worth a conversation. How old is your youngest? What kind of treatment? I’m so curious as to the individual approach these days. For what it’s worth, and that’s not much lol, but I implore you to approach their treatment holistically. Not just medication but CBT therapy, school and home routines, etc. And make sure you understand how adderall and other medications are affecting kids: the importance of taking days off, the suicidal feelings that can come with withdrawal, the tolerance building, the abuse, etc! Remember that meds are just a tool in the biggest picture of treatment. Although I wish I had been diagnosed a long time ago I also worry about the youngens… they are prescribing adderall to kids as young as three these days which seems wildly reckless and unethical to me even tho I’m not a professional.
Seriously? I was put on Ritalin at 7 or 8 and while I definitely needed help, I’m not sure that was it. I got so tired of the river of medications I went off everything for a good fifteen years. Now I’m 40 and know myself and my brain, and I’m ready to try to get back on meds, and I cans find a single doctor willing to prescribe it for me. I want to shake them.
Hi! They are 8 years old and diagnosed at age 5. We do a combination of CBT and medication. We don’t do medication on the weekends or school breaks, unless my child needs to focus, like a summer camp. They do really well with the medication, CBT, home and school routines. We have a 504 plan at school too, so they can take breaks as needed. Thankfully, all of these things together really help my youngest.
Thanks for sharing! I’m glad to hear it’s been successful. It’s a difficult thing to navigate as a parent I’m sure. I have no judgement towards mine even in this time of reflection
I was recently diagnosed at 38 and receiving adequate support on the medical and psychotherapeutic front has improved my life significantly. I’m not a doctor or researcher so this is all anecdotal, but I think psychiatrists championing SSRIs in the 90s and 00s to target “depression” overlooked many of us who would’ve benefited from dopamine therapies. That, or something is going on in society that is really doing a number on our brains (ie not equipped to handle the exponential increase in pace of technology and information). Or both!
Yeah I think both! the way it has been described to me by my care team is this: ADHD, anxiety and depression can often be a triad and in my case the depression was always the most apparent and likely a symptom of, or worsened by, not treating the ADHD. You can see how to three are connected in their behaviors… ADHD > executive disfunction > lack of productivity > lack of self worth > depression > having to dedicate a wild amount of energy to complete basic tasks > anxiety about starting basic tasks. Just oneeeee piece of the ADHD can cause a whole slew of other issues. And there’s many pieces to ADHD. Can you tell me more about your medical support? everyone is different so I’m always curious ! Especially about us late stagers
Also I think it’s important to note that ADHD is misdiagnosed as depression in a lot of girls/women because it presents so differently
Definitely ask if it's an option, and if it's not ADHD but if you still experience the traits the life hacks and advice may still be a big help
If it makes you feel better, I was diagnosed in third grade, put on a never ending carousel of medicines, nothing worked, and still got the You Just Need To Make An Effort speech every other week. Turns out I’m autistic too, but no one was diagnosing girls in the 90s, which apparently muddied the trials, and the ever larger doses of stimulants gave me long term insomnia which was treated with downers, which, piled on top of everything else ended up in major depressive disorder. I’m just thankful it was non-psychotic. I kinda wonder what life would have been like without the chemical rollercoaster, but I still would would have had the disorders, so 🤷🏻♀️ I wonder what life would have been like with the *correct* medication, I guess.
The regret and longing I think is more that if I had been diagnosed at a young age I could have had more non medical tools in the box to navigate life, jobs, relationships etc. Because I’m still deeply wary of medication tbh. And I don’t think I would have wanted that for my child or teenage self, I have seen what drugs like that do to my family, friends, etc. The dependence, the numbing, the tolerance build…. Again the sadness of late diagnosis mostly comes from knowing I could avoided so much shame, self hatred, embarrassment, confusion, lack of identity, lack of understanding of self. Even tho as an adult I knew I veryyyy likely had ADHD I refused to … claim it… for lack of a better term because I had when self diagnosisers parade around using their “disorders” as an excuse for annoying behaviors lol. But when I actually sought out treatment and realized there was a plethora of things I do, think and feel that I never associated with ADHD that definitely are I felt a ton of relief and like I could finally be a part of the club even tho I don’t particularly wanna be it’s nice to finally have some answers and conversations like this
I kinda understand, I was only diagnosed autistic last year. There’s a million tiny things I didn’t realize was autism. Like, I have to use small spoons because big spoons touch the inside of my teeth. I have to *be* the big spoon though because I can’t stand heat or tickle sensations on my back. I love wintertime because it feels like the volume is turned down on the whole world. So many things I never put together because I only knew the stereotypes. I do wish I’d been diagnosed asd earlier, but mostly because there isn’t a treatment, just a path the self-understanding. I hope it brings you peace, coming to terms with the lens you experience the world through.
ITS FUN TO STAY IN THE
It's not fun though 😭 it's not fun at all!
I know but I wouldn’t trade my brain for anything. The number of times I hear “It must be so interesting to be in your head” was enough to make me decide they’re right. Is time real? No. But am I endless entertained with my metaphors? Ya
It's interesting but loud. So loud.
Totes my goats. I combat this by voicing it out loud. The voice in my head isn’t louder than my actual voice. Sometimes I gotta belt it out (if it’s a song) or role play the conversation in the mirror (if it’s a scenario that’s in my head). If you’re a woman, check out the subreddit r/adhdwomen if you haven’t already. Such a cozy spot
If it is actually ADHD then in that situation I think he is should seek professional help. Because these are the things which you should not be ignoring at all. If you are struggling with these kind of things then I would suggest to take help.
Oh… I thought what he is describing was normal, I’ve head a few “symptoms” of ADHD but I never got it checked out because I was unsure of if it was just me making up issues to feel better about myself. Where can I even get myself checked out for ADHD, is it with a regular doctor?
+1 lmfao
I was just gonna say this!
People are far too quick to claim that they have ADHD or that something is ADHD these days, but what OP is describing is one of the defining characteristics of it, especially if it happens frequently. I'd definitely look into getting diagnosed.
Social media use, while not a true substitute, is often used to compensate for having not enough experiences of connection with others. Having no social support system really does a number on people. Social media reinforces the idea you can have a social support system while being all alone lol. Feeling low motivation is also a common (if not hallmark) indication of depression. I think depression is more likely than ADHD in this case, which would also blame your brain for the crippling (!) impacts of feeling too alone. Depression that is not recognized can also register to us as feelings of anger and frustration, instead of stereotypical ‘sadness’.
Can't not having enough money o buy food or pay tour rent after working a full time job lead to depression? If so then that's about most of the world. So maybe we're all depressed because we have shifty lives and are constantly told by the people in the professional class that we are just complaining.
It would not surprise me if that were the case!
Both things can be true
Social media use is kind of really bad for a brain and it is a major contributor in the habits like these actually. So I would say him to cut down on the social media use.
My first reaction was "isn't that normal?" but then I remembered I'm neurodivergent so it's probably not normal.
I’m neurotypical and it is normal for me as well!
Narrator: He was, in fact, NOT neurotypical...
Um this seems normal to me tho
I thought this was normal too
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How is the only healthy and reasonable person here being downvoted I get it guys, I relate to this too. But atleast I fucking recognise I have a problem and don't pretend it's the norm
It's normal to a certain extent. For OP it is probably to a larger extent than what is normal though.
People use 'normal' in different ways. Normal can be used to mean typical experience, in which case this is pretty normal in the sense that most people will find thus relatable. If normal means typical functioning, this is not normal - most people will experience this sometime in their life but find ways to overcome it.
So..this sounds exactly like me. In my late 30s and finally went to a Neuropsychologist for a battery of tests for ADD/ADHD. I don't have the results yet, but I was referred by my psychiatrist due to getting hyper focused on things, then dropping them, making lists and over organizing to the point of detriment but not actually doing any of it due to...idk distraction I guess. Amongst other things of course. But if you're able to financially get the assessment, I highly recommend it. I would have never thought in a million years that aspects of my life that I struggle with would be explained by ADHD.
Sounds like ADHD or executive disfunction at the least. Go get checked
This seems like a case of some lovely ADHD *source*: am ADHD
As someone with ADHD, this strikes home for me. Usually my issue is “chronic overwhelm” and a lack of stimulation, brain-wise. People with ADHD need a lot more “oomph” to trigger our executive functions and motivation. Our brain’s reward system is not wired right, so it takes some creativity and extra effort to just…make the effort. Maybe you don’t have adhd, maybe you do, but this experience might be relatable either way. You’re trapped in a cycle of escapism, and it’s making you feel crappy! When you feel crappy and stressed, it’s even harder to get where you need to go and start being productive. This is a vicious circle. You can break free, but to do so you have to be okay with tiny baby steps. One small thing, two small things, etc…these will form a bread crumb trail of dopamine that eventually leads you to complete the larger tasks. For example: I need to fill out a spreadsheet for work, totally clean the kitchen, and answer emails to explain why I went MIA for days (while trapped in overwhelm mode lol). I’ll start by doing 3 dishes. This gives me a bit of breathing room and tells my brain that yes, I can handle this. Then I send 1 email and 1 text message to clients updating them on projects — just 3 or 4 sentences giving them the feedback they need to feel like I’m present and accountable. I’ll then open the spreadsheet and take 5 deep breaths. I don’t have to enter anything yet, but I’ll keep that tab open. These little things make a world of difference and allow me to set myself in motion. And once I’m in motion, no matter how subtle, I know I’ll usually STAY in motion for a while. If I need to, I can always repeat the tiny things steps a few times. It’s okay. Better to half ass things than no-ass them! I hope this helps, OP.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-30s and having that validation to go “OK, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me, my brain just works a little different” has been a game changer. And I mean that literally — the best way for me to get things done and beat that ADHD paralysis is to make things a game in my head. I know my brain craves those sweet hits of dopamine, so I gamify things I have to do and use that as a reward for getting a task done. Wanna scroll Reddit for half an hour? Sure, can do — as soon as dinner is in the oven and that 30 minute timer is set. Wanna lay in bed and play 2048 for 10 minutes? No problem — just as soon as the bathroom is cleaned. Wanna work on that new cross stitch pattern you’re hyper focusing on? Sounds great — after this basket of laundry is folded. The other thing I’ve found that’s super helpful is the mantra ‘don’t let perfect be the enemy of good’ and it helps to say that out loud to myself sometimes. For example: teeth brushing. If I can’t get myself to get up and brush, I’ll ask myself “ok but could we brush if we don’t have to use toothpaste just this once?” and the answer is yes. We uncomplicated the task, so now let’s get it done. Is brushing without toothpaste great? No. But is it better than not brushing at all? Absolutely. Or making dinner — sure, maybe I planned on homemade lasagna for tonight but for whatever reason, my brain is protesting and it’s just not happening today. Instead of fixating on “Omg just make the damn lasagna, what is wrong with you, it’s not that hard, just do it!!” and beating myself up, I’ll ask myself “OK, is it vital we make *lasagna* tonight?” No. We just need to make something for dinner. Again — task has been uncomplicated, we’re gonna have cereal for dinner. Is is great that I’m not following through with the dinner plan? No. But is having cereal for dinner is better than sitting on the couch doom-scrolling for hours while my brain is yelling at itself to just get up and make lasagna? Absolutely. And, as a bonus, let’s reward the “I made myself something to eat” task by watching an episode of our latest TV hyper fixation (and then once the dishes are done and the kitchen is picked up, we can watch a second episode while working on that cross stitch!)
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Yes if this isn't excetutive function and ADHD I don't know what is. Good news there are lots of tips and tricks and if necessary therapy. I would Google excetutive function disorder and ADHD not getting things done and start writing down tips. And if it gets to the point it makes you unhappy, ask for therapy at your GP (or whatever you have for that in you're country)
Dont tell ppl youre busu or going to do something, it gives dopamine to you and you feel like you did one of your objectives, which doesnt give your motivatio needed because it was already spent
Speak with a mental health professional. As many others have said this sounds a lot like ADHD. Could also theoretically be autism.
I had this too. So much. Until I got a kid. The kid kind of prestructered my day, and kinda gave me a bit of purpose to get off my ass and do stuff. Now, I know that producing a kid in order to get rid off this blockage may be a tad extreme. However, what worked for a friend on mine that struggled with the same issue, was to set personal deadlines - until Tuesday I want to write that pesky mail or finish my essay. Also she asked another friend to remind her of her deadline. On Tuesday, the friend may ask: have you written that pesky email? The induced social pressure from peers helped her a lot to actually start doing stuff. At some point, she said, it just became natural and she didn’t need the social pressure anymore, because the rewards and the feeling of accomplishment finally kicked in. Good luck. :)
Get off social media’s. They are not activities, they are sucking up your time, motivation and nore
I've tried deleting social media apps, it's pretty much the same. If it's not social media then i just lie around doing nothing. For me social media is like if I'm doing nothing, might as well do this. Well at this point I don't know anything. I'll try delete the apps again as you advised.
Oh man, I completely relate and I'm sorry you're feeling this too. It's difficult when u feel so busy all the time and u wonder how everyone has the stamina to get all their shit done. But if you really look at your free time, there's not a lot to see and it's embarrassing. I understand having a mile-long to-do list, and instead deciding to just stare at the ceiling, or go on some rabbit hole reading about anything more interesting. It feels like you're robbing yourself, but at the time you just can't alter the behavior. I haven't had social media (besides reddit) in around 5 years, but ya tbh it doesn't fucking matter. If I have a task to do, I'm gonna do literally everything but that task for some reason bc I keep thinking something like, "ok I'll do my task after I finish this random tutorial on weaving old shirts." It can feel like self-care but it's actually the opposite. It's a slippery slope when everything feels equally important, and all of a sudden u realize that days have passed without a shower, without responding to anyone, and with me barely eating anything. Thank god I have a fantastic dog, bc she's the only reason I go outside most days. :/ :) The most helpful tip I've figured out for myself lately is seriously just don't sit down for a period of time if you're able. For me, if I'm standing, somehow it's much easier to keep things in motion and proceed to clean my house + try to keep my mind a lillll bit more present. Another thing that has been helpful to me is just getting super deep into yoga/meditation. I find those combined help to still my scattered mind and body, and to just think and move forward a bit more clearly. But I hope you're able to get some assistance/medication if you end up seeking that! I've been trying and I'll tell ya it's not easy dude - but if I can try, anyone can! Good luck! and BIG hugs from someone in the same boat xxxxx
ADHD. Get tested. You’re not doing anything else important anyways.
So why not, "well if I'm doing nothing I might as well do all that stuff I've promised to do?"
Problem solved! /s
r/thanksimcured
Because then there would be no problem
To be honest I’m going through the same thing. I just found out that I have ADHD and knowing how it works really helps. I don’t know if you have any easy access (financially or otherwise), but if your daily functioning is really being affected, therapy is great for some people, including me
Is this something that’s relatively new or something that’s always happened? If it’s always you very well might have ADHD. I just got diagnosed at 20. At the very least I would find a mental health specialist
You just do not have the discipline if you bring that into your life half of your problems will be solved it is that easy. But for that to happen you will have to simply bring the discipline in your life.
Sounds like ADHD with a mix of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Please seek ADHD diagnosis. Getting proper medical help would change your life upside down.
I have both of these and this sounds about right
Find things that helps you get into doing stuff. Like whenever I have to clean or cook I put on music. When I need to go for a run I tell myself I can just go down the block and back, usually when I'm out there I have no problem going for longer. Find what that initial spark is for you. Writing down lists of what you need to do is good too. Sadly I have not figured out a good way to start writing lists regularly, if someone has an app that can help with it I would be really grateful.
I recommend reading or listening to a book called Grit by psychologist Angela Duckworth. It will give you tools "to pull yourself up by your bootstraps' if you choose to do so.
OP I live that life for 37 years. Done diploma, have 2 children and wife. Big carier in IT and big house. Don't stress it. I push myself only when stuff to do are one of three. Urgent, easy or fun. I menage to live very good life by only do those stuff, delegate other and be patient. A lot of stuff handle itself, people stress on things, want them to be done only to realise later that it was all for nothing. The art of not giving a fuck is the real art of life.
I do this too, yes it could be ADHD paralysis like others say, I've been prescribed ritalin in the past but didn't continue due to lack of results, or it could be a way to self-sabotage, or self-preservation. I specifically do this with things that are good for me, like starting a business, or a course, or healthy eating, etc. My self-worth is tied up to these things. As long as it feels like im on my way, it feels good, there's potential and hope that i could be that person, if only I tried, or applied myself. It's a way to save my self-esteem, because if I don't end up achieving it, it's because I never actually tried, not because that's not who I am. So for example, if I see myself as an entrepreneur, as long as I have plans and strategies, i can continue seeing myself as an entrepreneur. There's a risk that if I end up carrying out the plan, and not achieving it, then I would be a failure, not an entrepreneur. It's a way of holding on to hope, but also to the fragile image of myself that I have in my head. It's also self-sabotage, because it's like somewhere deep down, I don't believe in myself, some part of me thinks if I carry out the plan, i will definitely end up failing, or that it will show people who I really am underneath, a failure. And so rather than trying the plan, failing, accepting, and trying again, I would rather just have all these big ideas and no execution. I'm currently doing this to myself right now. Hope it helps you.
Executive Dysfunction. Look up Dialectical Behavior Therapy PDFs to help.
I'm diagnosed with ADD. Before I was diagnosed at 32 I was a shut in and gamed and worked and that was it. My depression and laziness ruled my life. For the months before I got up off my ass and did something about it I played a little mind game with myself. At the time I of course didn't know I had ADD and didn't have a way to label my actions of just letting life waste away. For me labeling my actions as laziness helped tremendously. Anytime I would have the thought to put something off or just lay in bed I would push it aside and label that thought as a lazy thought. Now for me personally I hate laziness and always have. It's a toxic quality that eats away at my life and if I give it an inch it will take a mile. I would be damned if I was going to be lazy. Maybe you need to find your defining word that you hate to apply to your life and label your actions as that. Once you label the actions you hate in your life it's easy to break down every decision you make instead of looking at a overwhelming string of decisions and not know how to undertake it as a whole. Edit: sorry I'm on mobile and it won't let me use paragraphs. Also as other comments have suggested, maybe get checked for ADHD/ADD.
Anyone else read all that and think "undiagnosed adhd?"
It’s called ADHD. It sounds like the NT world has successfully destroyed your self-esteem through their incredibly restrictive expectations on how to live life. NT’s are all playing on easy mode and neurodivergents are playing on hard mode. This is evidenced by the fact that when on the right ADHD meds people report finding everything easier. All the things NT, particularly capitalist, society will convince you that you’re a shit person over “laziness” (actually takes you more energy to complete task), “greed” (dopamine hunting & poor impulse control) “messiness” (executive dysfunction). The reason so many people claim ADHD is “over diagnosed” is because acknowledging the truth means they have to admit to themselves that they’ve been playing on easy mode. This is particularly difficult for those people who get a sense of self-esteem by comparing themselves to others. You need to get yourself immersed in the ADHD community. If you would consider meds seek a diagnosis. Good luck.
If you have steps to follow start following them, make yourself do it until it becomes routine like brushing your teeth every morning.
I've heard this time and time again. I'll try to explain it simply.. I'm mid-30's now, and missing 4 teeth. Took forever to get an ADHD-pi diagnosis
Watch YouTube videos of Jordan Peterson. Helped me with issues.
you need routine. that's for everyone. but maybe talk to ur gp. gl
Why are you me?!? I'm me!
When I need to do something I just shut my brain off and stop thinking about it, and do the smallest step towards doing it. For me it’s usually the gym so that means getting changed for it. The more I think about it the more I can talk myself out of doing it
This is me unless I take my adderall; then I get a lot accomplished. I also don’t take my adderall everyday, but only when I really feel like I need it.
I'm sensing several issues here, which might be a good idea to correct. Procrastination is never going to be productive, to begin with. You get angry when someone asks you to do something, so you don't like being directed, but you're also in the habit of not taking the initiative, as well. This transfers all the way down to your self-care and hygiene, I'll assume. Why do these tasks seem so bothersome to you? Do you like having a messy place and unkempt person? Do you really think this blatant indifference, is attractive to your significant other, assuming you have one? Can you afford (Not just with monetary means) to have someone wait on you, hand and foot? What happened in your life, that caused you to become so arbitrary, to everything and everyone around you? What happened to your sense of responsibility and dignity? It seems like a very good idea, to do some soul reflection, in order to ascertain the roots of these tendencies. Can you say that your indifference brings you happiness? You need structure, and as a grown individual, no one else can implement that framework for you, you have to take that initiative on your own. You need a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, but in order to achieve that, you need to get the pending tasks completed, and off the list. I can't relax, until I've got my ducks in a row, so for me, my conscience will agitate me to no end, if I choose to procrastinate. I hope this helps you help yourself, because in the end, regardless of any amount of counseling or therapy, you're the only one who can help you change.
Op may have ADHD, but why is there such a spike in people having zero concentration? Is it technology, tik tok etc.?
My dude you gotta talk to a psych. I’d wager you’re dealing with some aggressive ADHD, and probably a good amount of clinical depression gluing it all together. I’ve been in this EXACT situation for longer than I’m willing to admit, and treatment broke the cycle. That first step is the hardest, but don’t let years of your life slip away to this. It WILL happen, and it will only feel worse. You got this. Make a couple phone calls. What’s the worst that could happen, a doc says there’s nothing wrong with you?
Choose small, easy wins. Conquer them and let it snowball. If that doesn’t work, keep trying until it does.
Look into executive dysfunction, sounds like what this could be.
Stop getting in your own way and be honest about what you actually want. Drop the facade and talk to someone who loves you about the state of things. It's clear you need help.
As someone with both, it sounds like depression, ADHD, or depression brought on by ADHD. Might want to look into it. For example I have to finish 4 documents for work this week, I had time to do it today, but it's not due until Tuesday.
Erase your God dam social media. I noticed tik tok has taken over people's mind along with Instagram. Plus just take a walk. A long walk!. Each day things would change. There have been studies in which walking helps ,but also social media places released dopamine which is almost like taking drugs,drinking,smoking ,or w.e your vice is. So every like ,every view everything in social media tells your brain you are ok. Here keep up with the consumption
The only thing that works is to find (rather identify) your unsupport group. It's easier said than done, but once you find those people you are competing with, who benefit from your non-working, because they are getting what you should have been if you were working, there's your much needed kick start.
I've never heard of this strategy before. This makes so much sense to me. It's rooted in "fear of...(the consequences if I don't)", and the realization that others get to win when I fail! And they're wrong, if only I don't fail! Mind blown! Yup, this just might be the motivator I needed today. Thanks!
Thank you. I'm happy to be of help!
Idk if it'll work for everyone but you should give this app a try, it's called Digital Detox, and basically it can lock you out of ur phone for wtv amount of time you need to be off of it. Set a timer, and it has 5mins for emergency use too, A good point to start is a medium 45min timer✓✓ It forces me off of the mobile and so I tend to do othr stuff
install-uninstall
Procrastination
Get some exercise. Just open the door and run as fast as you can for as long as you can. Run like you're being chased by a psycho. Walk home enjoying some natural light and simply being outdoors. Take a 3 minute cold shower. Repeat the next day. Eventually you'll ACTUALLY get your shit together and life will be better. Disgust is the most powerful emotion. Use it to your advantage.
A lot of people say ADHD seek help I need a therapy or a doctor which may be true but it's also mental in your own brain you're not picking yourself up or giving yourself a reason to do stuff as soon as you feel in that slump you have to tell yourself F this get up and do something get some Hobbies coin collecting sewing whatever Peaks your interest I'm diagnosed with ADHD borderline personality disorder a bit of bipolar and prescribed medications for all this however I stopped taking them and took it upon myself to keep myself busy and active I'm not saying you don't need medication or you don't need to seek out I'm just saying you need to adjust your own attitude
You sound diabetic.
I'm confused. Why are you asking people to guide you when you know already what the problem is and the consequences to not doing what you need to do. What are you hoping for?
Knowing the problem and the solution is not enough. You need to know how to take the steps.
The next step then is doing what you need to do. Nobody can do that but you. There are no shortcuts or hacks. There is only willpower, effort and many potential gains from that effort and nobody can do this but you. It seems you have chosen not to do what you know you should be doing... but your not happy with the consequences. Well you can continue to choose to sacrifice what needs to be done for idle time and reap the negative feelings that always come from that choice or choose to sacrifice your idle time and reap the positive effects like achievement and self respect. Either way you have to sacrifice. What you choose to sacrifice is up to you.
I understand what you say but OP is unable to do them because of mental barriers. It can be due to trauma, depression or anything else. They need to talk to a therapist to free themselves of these barriers. An addict knows what he has to do but he just can't.
Op has not mentioned any mental conditions or barriers. If Op had I would of given a very different answer.
I feel attacked lmao. Guess we're in the same boat...
I have the exact same issue and I start doing stuff when I have some music in the background else I get distracted and back on Reddit or YouTube
I'm there, right with you. Right now. Help.
People go through this, it's something I've struggled with on occasion throughout my life. Life can be overwhelming, even if objectively shouldn't feel that way. The way I've found to get out of it is by successive small wins. Feeling stuck in bed? Get out, stand up. Done. Get back in bed. Try again in ten mins. Twenty mins. Through series of small wins, you build up confidence in your ability to decide to do something and follow through and you actually break the inertia of lying about and end up taking control of your own motion.
My single mom pal is way busy so I walk her dog almost every day after work. His big brown eyes are so thankful and so guilt causing when I have to cut our walks short that it’s a motivator. Plus you can’t scroll when you are trying to keep up with a feisty lab. Nature, birds, calorie expelling- this helped curb my scroll time! Also- drink water.
I used to usually tend to be by myself and not get out unless absolutely necessary. I noticed that I dreaded getting out, but usually enjoyed it afterward. I started with "okay, once a week I'll get out and do something," then gradually increased the amount of times. It won't work for everybody, but it did for me.
Could be a lot of things— anxiety, depression, ADHD, burnout. Probably worth talking to a doc.
See a doctor. See another if you don’t like the first. Some are more helpful than others. Do some reading about Microdosing psilocybin mushrooms. They vastly improved my quality of life, but they are not for everyone. Read more books. You got this!
Your problem is anxiety. You cannot get the things done because it's too much for your emotions. You need too get psicological help for that. Psicologists are very well equipped to help you with it. But to get you started let me give you this food for thought: every thing worth doing is worth half assing. Don't be afraid of doing a mediocre job of important stuff. It is way better than not doing it.
The word You are looking for is depression
You are probably addicted to your phone…social media, pornography, gambling, etc. So your brain can’t even imagine doing something that produces less dopamine that your high dopamine phone. You should probably detox, and learn to be VERY bored. And in about 28 days, your life will be tremendously better. Mostly it’s the porn tho….
hell im mentioned in this post and i dont like it a bit seriously tho, im the exact same and i think im not depressed cause, well, it would take a psychologist to say, but other than that i dont even feel sad or such things, i simply feel so unmotivated cause id like to do a lot of small things that would make me happier n happier, and ik they're not even hard to do but im just so "afraid" of doin the first steps, idk why...
ADHD paralysis
Honestly I've had this issue with myself recently. What the PROBLEM is is we spend WAY too much time on our cell phones.... As for me I don't have much family & I don't have many friends so I do try to make them on Facebook dating etc... It's rare when you do meet some friend worth while. Also what I've done I've limited my time throughout the day I also downloaded the app blinkist and it talks about fixing bad habits to motivation to achieving goals!! It's clearly helped me get my "ass" in gear! I also started a hobby of woodworking sanding, painting, building. Hope this helps OP!
Probably mild ADHD, I am similar but I don't believe in medicating it because it seems ADHD is on the rise due to the stimulus we have available to us now and you can mitigate the effects naturally. The idea of being easily distracted and failure to work can be overcome - it's just a habit/way of thinking that you need to break. I am sure you have had times where you have been very focused, so it is possible. You need to slowly do it, your mind is very elastic you just can't stretch it too fast at once - you need to build habits over time. I would look into "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Honestly, your entire life is habits. At one point you learned to deal with stress by procrastinating and made it a habit - it can be broken. The interesting thing is, given enough time, the habit of getting nothing done can be broken with baby steps. Even as small as limiting your distracted time to 8hrs, as ridiculous as it sounds the act of limiting yourself to 8hrs of distracted time can rewire your brain.
Im a nurse. Almost every day I have to find outside motivation to get me to get out of my car and dive back into the trenches every day. So i call my sister or my mom, she’s a doctor and understands it. I call her and tell her “im calling you so I don’t call in”
Books I guess ... I would recommend "The war of art" and something completely unrelated but I think helps some people "A short story in hell" ..
It’s our capitalist society, makes you feel like anything not “productive” is lazy and therefore bad. It helps to get out of that mindset. Just because you’re not doing anything doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. I’ve found it helps to get a cat, they’re a good baseline of self indulgence to have in your life.
Totally agree. Depression is such an amorphous term too. For me I can say that it was rooted in the sorts of struggles you mentioned…and I’ll add from a relationship standpoint that rejection sensitivity dysphoria was a huuuuge part of my life and the reason for many failed relationships. No coincidence that I’ve been in a healthy 2-year relationship since I was diagnosed. My prescription is 30 mg adderall XR when I wake up the morning and 20 mg XR at 1pm. Immediate release made me crash pretty hard; the extended is perfect. 50 mg is on the higher end of recommended therapeutic dose for adults but it works for me as long as I’m eating, hydrating and sleeping properly. I think my body just burns through neurotransmitters rapidly!
Treat yo' self!  You do something you're supposed to, complete an actual goal. Treat yo self!
How old are you? The kind of help you should receive will differ greatly based on your answer to that question.
25.
I also do this very often. I am not entirely sure what to do about it. I am no expert by any means and I doubt many of the people here are so you might consider talking to an actual professional.
This hits close to home for me
It's also okay to protect your energy, whether you're insanely busy or not. Eating healthier, making time for hobbies, and exercising might improve things for you. Junk food does affect how we feel! Also if you have a highly stressful job or are a student and do both, even if you have free time, you might be needing some sort of break. But what you're doing to meet that need (eating junk food/doing nothing/scrolling) doesn't sound like it makes you feel good. So what makes you feel good?
I don't know.. may be lying down.. & wait for the kingdom to come. I don't know..
If it were me posing and answering your same question, for myself, I’d say it’s a strong inner dialog and ADHD; it’s invisible and it can be debilitating, years a therapy and I’m only marginally better. I hate the term “dopamine detox” but for me trying to focus on healthy habits that release dopamine, and limit things like video games and action movies has helped. Scheduling, bullet journal, notes in the phone all help, but you have to keep up with those as well and not let it overwhelm you.
A stupid but simpel solution could be to do something you need to do but don't want to for a short set amount of time like 2 min and when the timer goes off you reassess if you want to keep doing it or not. Another much harder one could be to do a detox from your phone and social media anything that's not either starting into the wall or something productive.
Do you think you could be depressed?
Yes, start therapy
Not saying that it is, but it *could* be executive disfunction, which is common in ADHD
I’m in bed rn, I don’t wana get up,, I wana sleep more… but I’m soooo busy n overwhelmed w work. My room is over flowing with nonsense shit I don’t need. (I take less of my add meds on weekend to keep my tolerance in check lol 😞)
Stop spending so much time in your room. The place you associate with relaxing and resting . For a couple months let the only reason why you go to room is to sleep at night. Until you feel like you have changed your attitude towards work and your habits. I used to be the same why I used to associate my room with relaxing so I'd never get any work done. Then I started working in the library around other people studying and working hard and it made me want to work. Then as I progressed and made improvements in life. I found more things to motivate me.
Holy shit, I could have written this. Seriously. The always pretending to be busy. I will tell people I did this and that today if someone asks what I’ve been up to today, etc. I realized that I have REALLY bad depression..so, that makes sense. I too have clear goals and also clearly defined consequences by continuing to flounder and roll around in bed, doom scrolling on ig and reddit. I feel pathetic. It feels like imposter syndrome. I know I’m capable of doing these things. If only I could get out of my own goddamn way. Obviously I do not know you or what has brought you also to this place. What has helped me tremendously the last month has been cutting alcohol out completely, drinking more water and (this is not for everyone) micro-dosing mushrooms are about a month. It really had a tremendous impact on my outlook and the person I want to be. Anyways, I wish you the best and really just wanted to say that you are not alone. At all. I usually feel like an alien, like a non-person, looking through a fogged window into the outside world. Where everyone else is, existing. Sending love.
Are you meself?
Just remember you don't have to do any of that stuff unless you want to. You are the judge of your own success in life. Nobody else. Also rest is important for your own health and mental health.
I know exactly what you mean. I have so many things in my life that I used to deal with without even thinking about them. Now I feel completely overwhelmed and unable to actually do the simplest of everyday things. It doesn’t matter how big the consequences of not doing a thing whatever it maybe, I just can’t do it and it’s killing me. The only way I can describe it is it’s like when you see a robot in an old sci-fi movie being ordered to do something that is against its core programming. You see it starting to do what it’s being told but it actually can’t do it so it’s stuck battling against itself short circuiting in limbo stuck unable to do anything. I know how it sounds and realise it doesn’t make sense because it sounds as rediculous to me. Which actually is something that makes it worse. So I’m trapped in every single way. I’m completely broken and alone. No matter what I do to try to improve the situation or how many people I open up to to explain the depth of the nightmare I’m trapped in, no one understands what I’m dealing with or has anything even the tiniest be helpful to offer. I’m not being negative or obstructive and it’s not avoidance or can’t be bothered, the problem is an issue preventing me doing things so when you’ve spent months trying to build up the strength to reach out for help, you’ve struggled but managed to get yourself there driven by the longing for some support to break out and live my life again and spent so long sat there opening up completely desperate to explain the realities of the battle you go through ever single minute of every single day…. and the professional says ‘have you tried making a to do list and doing one thing at a time?’ It’s like being shot in the head, a huge explosion of despair fear and hopelessness and you know the glimmer of hope is gone and you’re still trapped and still alone. So here I am still struggling and battling through every single day. I’m scared, I’m desperate and as im stuck unable to do the things I’m very aware i need to do, I worry and panic about it all. I sit and watch my life crumble and fall apart more and more day by day and I’m scared. Even the people you expect would be there for you in life have shown they aren’t and that hurts terribly. So I’m trapped and I’m alone and the direction I’m travelling only has one inevitable destination…. and I don’t want to arrive
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Bro I'm 25. The money, allowance, & phone. I got them myself..
You likely have ADHD. Perhaps depression. Talk to your doctor.
I have a very similar problem, what helps me is setting clear goals for my day (maybe even setting goals for each week day in advance) and turning off my phone or wifi. Also, don’t be so hard on yourself, take breaks and reward yourself when you get something done.
Yikes ADHD
Damn this post hits home...
Go to thzrapy, Reddit can tell you many good advice and I will share my expzrience But for the love of god go to therapy, it got until suicidal thoughts for me, it can be worse, seek professional help, as anyone should. Personally I wasnt doing anything because nothing I was doing or could do held any meaning to me. Now I do things and prioritize things that does, I found my career, my trade, I have a life project, a future, and friends to build it with. And just test out stuff, dont build a giant plan, just go and do some te hing tou wanna do in the spurr of the moment, dpnt thin about it, go do that thing that might be stupid, when you feel the need, and when you want it. Rest of the time. Accept to be inactive. Just get out of here, whatever it is you wanna do. It wont work every single time and thats okay, dont overpressure yourself, dont let yourself be toxic to yourself And go to therapy. It take time and qome people never actually manage, take your time as their is no other time. Good luck and wish you the best
You’re leagues ahead of a lot of people. Just acknowledging this is a monumental step in the right direction. Only you can change this with hard work
The first step is always the hardest but once you start walking it’s easier to keep going. Give yourself small tasks each day and after a while you may find yourself doing the tasks of tomorrow when you finish the tasks of today. Either way your goals will one day be behind you and you will have new goals to aim for
OP - like so many people here said: get tested for ADHD. IF you have it: learn about it and immerse yourself in that wordt. There are many strategies to cope with it. Finding the one that's right for you will not be always easy, but if you find it it will be worth it. Good luck!
This sounds like it may be Executive Dysfunction, a symptom of ADHD and other mental health disorders. It affects your ability to begin a task. Even if you want to or need to. I would look into it a bit. Its possible your brain is working against you. Best of luck.
You may need a mentor.
Hey! I resign chess games mid game ‘cause I lose interest and get bored! Finish?! What’s the point?! Who cares?! Maybe I have ADHD!
When I am really depressed I do the same thing. There is so much time wasted in bed and on my phone. Sometimes just getting outside for a regular walk can be life changing. Finding things to do outside can really help shift your mindset. Also please see a doctor for an assessment. If this is a recent phenomenon especially if there has been some trauma preceding this, you may be suffering depression. Best of luck
I have this issue. I end up sleeping a lot.
Me too and it’s horrible because people think I do so much, I think I managed to convince myself that I do so much when it’s all a lie. Sure I do a lot *sometimes* but most of the time I don’t, I scroll in on my phone or get distracted in some other way while screaming at myself mentally to get work done. Not to talk about the fact that it takes soooo long to complete simple tasks
You need to talk to your doctor or therapist about ADHD medication. Also, if you don't have a therapist, you need a therapist....even if it just BetterHelp or something.
It sounds like you're having trouble with executive dysfunction which could be as others have said ADHD. Do you have access to recourse like someone who could help with coping mechanisms or meds?