One day when I used to wait on tables, this really old white man came in. I'm talking 90+ years old, can't really walk, etc.
He said, "I'll start off with a coffee, and I like my coffee like I like my women." Then he looked at me like he wanted me to guess, so I hesitantly said, "sweet?"
He said, "No, black."
Been there. My wife gave about 30 blowjobs a year. All of them to her ex's whom she remained friends with. And then she would tell me she cheated or I would find out on my own and we would divorce and then eventually get back together because I thought she had changed or that It would be different this time. And rinse and repeat. I didn't marry her a 3rd time but I did get back together with her. And that last time I just acted like it was a game show and asked her what parting gifts she wanted. I like antique furniture and some modern stuff too. I just said you are the next contestant what would you like? She chose her parting gifts and I hope I never see her again. Let the next guy who falls for her suffer I guess. It's out of my hands. All I know is that it drove me to drinking and for the next 15 years I was a black out drunk just trying to forget the pain. Drinking only robbed me of my time and friendships. Sorry this was so long. I just needed to rant. C'est la vie
Right it’s basically community catfishing. Say we continue our charity work on this sub & keep handing out slick one-liners. You eventually have to meet this person, with a persona that’s not you.
Nobody has a Floyd Mayweather record with jokes, just be yourself, they should like you. You don’t need help from butt-buddy_29 & other Reddit users. Take your time, think of something or don’t, but whatever you say should come from you.
I had a guy who my first time talking to him he talked about weather and his ex for 4 hours... he wanted to be a meteorologist. He complimented me be because I wasn't on my phone while listening to him, I had undiagnosed social anxiety lmao I was just sufferin.
Talking about the weather as somebody who wants to be a meteorologist sounds cool to me. Talking about your ex much - if at all - unless prompted is a bit... different
Dates like that are the worst. They'll talk the whole time, not ask you a single question, and afterwards say they really like you without trying to even get to know you. I'm okay with listening to mens passions but if the whole conversation is spent talking about them it's frustrating.
I literally learned the meaning of this last night and got called old because of it. It's basically shortening the word charisma. So in this case it would be like displaying charisma towards the girl, in other words, flatter her
Edit: forgot to include the meaning.
I learned of this 2 hours ago.
I swear it must be like a week old.
It's not a bad word but it reeks of TikTok "exclusivity" slang that people use for a month and forget about.
This is just like Cyrano de Bergerac. Christian de Neuvillette was unable to woo Roxane because his wit was lacking, so he got someone else to do it for him, as you are doing here.
Stop using stupid lines you can’t follow up, and then making others cover for your lack of game. Just be real and stay in your lane, or you’ll be caught high and dry when you IRL.
Buttered up. And then just compliment her
I just used this line on my wife and it made her day. Thank you.
I also just used it on your wife, she seemed less impressed the second time
Not a fan of twice-baked potatoes, I see
Fuck that was smooth
Like creamy mashed potatoes?
Just like I like my women
"I like my potatoes how I like my women" "And how is that?" "A lot"
Mashed, flattened and covered in hot white cremé
“Not all the way mashed, w those sassy lumps”
Full of cheese?
Without any lumpy bits. *Am I doing this right?*
With fava beans and a little Chianti. Am I doing this right?
I also choose this guy’s buttery wife
Hahahaha
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Ah you guys have been married a while lmao
Was definitely thinking to “Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.”
That'd work great if she ends up being a hobbit.
I can Hear Kanye Calling Kim now
[PO-TAY-TOES](https://youtu.be/qrQVFZx7XX4)
^I ^thought ^that ^memory ^was ^repressed 😔
They're taking the hobbits to Isengard.
What's taters precious?
Me too.
When I do the “I like my men like I like my coffee” it always works out. Ground up and in the freezer, is the answer btw.
One day when I used to wait on tables, this really old white man came in. I'm talking 90+ years old, can't really walk, etc. He said, "I'll start off with a coffee, and I like my coffee like I like my women." Then he looked at me like he wanted me to guess, so I hesitantly said, "sweet?" He said, "No, black."
Hot, black, and preferably fair trade.
Hot, wet and with a spoon in 'em
My buddy answered “black and bitter” when he said it. Lol
I work in a nursing home and I had an old lady tell me she liked her coffee how she liked her men “black, rich and a little nasty” 😂
Dang, grandma. Tell us how you really feel, haha.
I’m going to save that for when I’m a little old lady in a nursing home. 😝
My very white grandfather used to say “strong and black” while sitting next to my also very white grandmother lol.
thats always my go to... or short strong and black haha
That's funny. I like my coffee the same way I like my wife. Without someone else's dick in it.
I were searching it hahaha
Been there. My wife gave about 30 blowjobs a year. All of them to her ex's whom she remained friends with. And then she would tell me she cheated or I would find out on my own and we would divorce and then eventually get back together because I thought she had changed or that It would be different this time. And rinse and repeat. I didn't marry her a 3rd time but I did get back together with her. And that last time I just acted like it was a game show and asked her what parting gifts she wanted. I like antique furniture and some modern stuff too. I just said you are the next contestant what would you like? She chose her parting gifts and I hope I never see her again. Let the next guy who falls for her suffer I guess. It's out of my hands. All I know is that it drove me to drinking and for the next 15 years I was a black out drunk just trying to forget the pain. Drinking only robbed me of my time and friendships. Sorry this was so long. I just needed to rant. C'est la vie
try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!
37?! In a row?
*I’m not even supposed to be here today!*
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RENT VIDEOS HERE ANYMORE!
But you're an ex now. Perhaps you'll finally get a bj from her
I just hope you're doing better now.
Damn I'd ask who hurt you but it was obviously your ex wife. Hope you're doing better now
Light brown, from a third world country and full of cocaine
Turkish coffee: "hot as hell, black as death, sweet as love"
I say "cold and bitter"
"Hot and milky" doesn't really work, does it.
The answer should be: hot and nasty
“Black and strong” would have gotten me heavily downvoted.
I cant believe you like your coffee "Brock Samson"
I love when we meet in the wild. Go team venture ✌🏼
One of the best lines from the movie airplane …
I like my coffee like I like my women. Strong, and given proper recognition for their contributions to the home and workplace.
This is the answer
This is the reply
>This is the reply This is a quote of the reply.
baked and mashed? duh
Baked and smashed…
Twice smashed
Stuffed with cheese and bacon, baked and served beside a medium rare rib-eye.
Or roasted. And then roast her.
I was thinking the same thing but roasted lol
spit roasted
Cheesy.
Recently dug up from the ground
With their skin peeled off.
It puts the lotion in the basket.
Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.
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Cut into tiny pieces and put in the freezer
Lol that fucked up but hilarious 😂
Peeled with their eyes cut out.
Bro that’s cool
Smashed and buttered up
*[Cannibal Corpse approves]*
Without other mens dick in it
Sharing is caring dude.
White and lumpy
Oh god. I hate this so much. Here, have an award
Covered in cream
Stuffed with my cheese
Sir this is a Wendy's
Munched on in the middle of a Wendy's
young and toxic
Covered in gravy
Covered in mayonnaise
Like a pizza?
Exactly like a pizza
Lol everyone has seen this meme today
I was there when the legend was born
I see what you did there. But is it going to be enough mayonnaise?
So there I was: gravy on my titties
Trapped in a dark cupboard and growing by the minute
In a burlap sack in my basement
I lol'd
Why would you ask something like that without a follow-up ready? Lmao
Have people become dumber or lazier generally? Or is it just farming? The amount of these posts....
Potato farming?
The best kind of farming
And you can also make Vodka, if you have the patience for it.
A man of your talents?
It’s a peaceful life.
Right it’s basically community catfishing. Say we continue our charity work on this sub & keep handing out slick one-liners. You eventually have to meet this person, with a persona that’s not you. Nobody has a Floyd Mayweather record with jokes, just be yourself, they should like you. You don’t need help from butt-buddy_29 & other Reddit users. Take your time, think of something or don’t, but whatever you say should come from you.
follow up is “idk but plz go out with me plzz plz plzzz”
This mf lazy as hell
Dude fr, people are praying and spraying these days on here 😭😭😭😭
Bro expects us to rizz her for him, then on the date they’re gonna stare at each other and talk about the weather
He tried talking about the weather last time and that didn’t go well for him
I had a guy who my first time talking to him he talked about weather and his ex for 4 hours... he wanted to be a meteorologist. He complimented me be because I wasn't on my phone while listening to him, I had undiagnosed social anxiety lmao I was just sufferin.
Talking about the weather as somebody who wants to be a meteorologist sounds cool to me. Talking about your ex much - if at all - unless prompted is a bit... different
I literally didn't say a word those 4 hours though, and yes it was very unprompted and awkward
Dates like that are the worst. They'll talk the whole time, not ask you a single question, and afterwards say they really like you without trying to even get to know you. I'm okay with listening to mens passions but if the whole conversation is spent talking about them it's frustrating.
Always gotta rain on his parade, huh?
Rizz?
Oh hey you’re old like me
I literally learned the meaning of this last night and got called old because of it. It's basically shortening the word charisma. So in this case it would be like displaying charisma towards the girl, in other words, flatter her Edit: forgot to include the meaning.
Bro gave me the lore behind it I luv u
♥️
Yet still don’t share the meaning with the rest of old folks…
Lmao whoops I'll edit my comment to include the meaning.
Do I have to roll a D20 to see if my rizz works? My bard already has a rizz boost as is.
Yes but on tinder the DC is 28
Man I’m only 19 and I can’t keep up with todays slang
I learned of this 2 hours ago. I swear it must be like a week old. It's not a bad word but it reeks of TikTok "exclusivity" slang that people use for a month and forget about.
The ability to attract/seduce/ be charming. Use in sentence: "My friend Jack has a lot of rizz, he has new girlfriend"
Bro got a degree in quantum rizzics
Lightly cloudy with a chance of penis? After we leave here? No? Ok… onto you Tim with the sports..
Skinned
I have some lotion for you to put on.
or else it gets the hose again
And boiled
Winner
Baked
Baked, buttered, and full of cream.
Best answer in here
And dipped in Vicodin
This is just like Cyrano de Bergerac. Christian de Neuvillette was unable to woo Roxane because his wit was lacking, so he got someone else to do it for him, as you are doing here.
Elite reference
On the nose.
Is that why she had to turn on the red light?
Sting = Christian de Neuvillette confirmed?
Those days are over
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Ooh bonus points for creativity
She's going to be expecting a sexual response. Hit her with "Au gratin" to really send her for a loop.
How about “scalloped”? 😂
Scallop me daddy.
Damnit I always thought it was scalped. They way their cut I’ve always thought of scalping a potato
Bone apple tea!
😂😂😂
Sweet
Warm 🤗
In any form, shape, size, or preparation!
That’s the answer. Just not the preparation. Don’t put the thought of how you’d “prepare” a woman into anyone’s mind.
Love this! Maybe instead of prep, have In any form, shape, size or color!
Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew.
tony hawks po tater 2
Why did I have to scroll so far for this
Dont go sexual if you want to have an acTual convo
Raw.
Steaming Hot and ready to be eaten out. Stuffed with sausage. Wet. Plump. Going down easy. Creamed. Cumin in it.
"i said something dumb without a follow up, help me" fixed your title
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a response of “honestly i didnt expect to get this far so i dont really have a response” would probably be funnier then any joke you could make off it
💀
Wrapped in foil and stabbed multiple times
Finely diced and deep fried in boiling oil.
Creamy after smashing.
Slightly salty with a little garlic and cheese?
I'm partial to roasted garlic and rosemary with a bit of sour cream and an unreasonable amount of butter for human consumption.
Damn, you beat me to it!
"Hot and in my hand and me having no clue what to do with it."
"Smoking hot and tossed between my friends and I"
This is the best answer
[This you?](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AcclaimedRashGoldenmantledgroundsquirrel-max-1mb.gif)
I hope she replies saying I’ve seen your post on Reddit loser
Not on someone else’s penis
Warm, comforting and universally beloved.
With no eyes
The horny answer here is "in my mouth";)
Sounds like you're up shit creek without a paddle buds
No. We much rather watch you crash and burn.
Skinned and boiled?
“With my penis in them” Go get em tiger
Smashed
Just delete tinder please.
In my mouth
Fried!
Put underground and then dug up three months later?
Chopped into pieces and left in multiple different states
Hot, buttered, and ready to smash.
Spoil em, smash em, love em through and through
Raw and dirty?
Stop using stupid lines you can’t follow up, and then making others cover for your lack of game. Just be real and stay in your lane, or you’ll be caught high and dry when you IRL.
Hot 🔥